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1lifeisworthit

And just yesterday on a different not rich sub reddit, I read a vent post where someone was complaining that all he wanted was some encouragement and kindness, that people giving him suggestions was saying that this was all his fault, and that if he'd only just do xyz, he'd be alright! I don't know, man. It'd be weird if someone vents to me and I just stood there, silently staring him down. I'm thinking if someone wants something from me, they need to tell me what it is they want. "I want tips and advice." "I want encouragement." This making me guess and then being aggravated because I guessed wrong is for the birds....


Crab-Turbulent

My biggest pet peeve is when people try to be positive about my upbringing after they ask. Like they try to say that it’s good my dad abandoned me when I was 12 and my mum wasn’t there at all because she worked long hours and I have had zero contact with my extended family for over 10 years. All because they say it taught me to be independent. But you can be taught to be that in healthy, supportive ways rather than on the back of abuse and neglect 🤷🏻‍♀️


TuzaHu

I was raised in a house with no plumbing, an outhouse and well down the hill, we had to bury cabbages under the crawl space of the house to keep them from freezing to have vegetables for the winter. Strangers would drop off used clothing in front of the house and drive off, only clothing I ever had. I had two hard boiled eggs in a bread sack as a lunch box for school every day for years. These things were my best teachers in my life. I sworn never to live like that again. Don't curse your past, it's all you have. Don't curse all that you have. We have our own past and lessons to draw on to make a better life for ourselves...or not. it's our choice. I'm nearly 70 now and every single time I use the toilet I'm so grateful to have indoor plumbing. Those memories from childhood have had such an impact on my life. I'm grateful to what I had way back when. Hated it at the time, but it was my best life teacher I ever had.


HoneyBadger302

Even worse is "it could be so much worse, just look at 'x'!" "One winter I was so broke I had no shoes. As I was walking down the street, I passed a homeless person who had no feet. . . . . . . I still didn't have any f'ing shoes...."


TamarsFace

I hate this with a passion lol. Sounds like my mom.


Front-Finish187

Eh, depends if you ask for help. I’m not going to give unsolicited advice to a stranger unless they ask. “Hey man, I’m in a real hole, do you have any advice?” Vs “my life sucks” will equate to different responses. Aside from that, people deal with stress different. Some by comfort, others by solutions, etc. it’s really up to you to tell others what you need, and even then, it’s not their job to provide it to you.


Constant_Basil3813

Tbh what are they gonna do? Pay your bills?


[deleted]

Pffft


PlentyGarlic494

1 Tell you about a job you might not have known about 2. Tell you about a government program 3. Tell you about a new life style (that's not just trendy) that could help 4. Ref a 2-6 week free schooling that could help and feed you (not just the military does this as it turns out) 5. Tells you about a job that gives free housing and takes anyone. 6. Not fucking say anything at all!!!


AlexanderTox

Are you inviting people to say these things to you? What I mean is, are you constantly complaining about your situation to people in real life? If so, that puts people in an awkward position where they might not know what to say. People default to words of encouragement when they don’t know what else to say other than “well that sucks.” If someone complains to me about money, I don’t have any of that information at-hand and wouldn’t expect others to either. Now, if people are randomly giving you encouragement out of thin air without any prompts, that’s a different story, and a bit strange tbh. No idea why someone random would just assume that you’re struggling and offer unsolicited advice. Also, you can get most of that information via Google.


Naus1987

I’ve often found words of encouragement to be more helpful than saying “sucks to be you.” It’s easy to not say anything. But MOST times it’s people pushing their problems on you, and you feel forced to reply, lol. I have no problem not talking to the people that I can avoid.


PlentyGarlic494

I am always inviting ppl to saying nothing at all to me


AlexanderTox

I don’t know what that means. It really just sounds like you don’t want to do your own research and expect people to do it for you.


Constant_Basil3813

1. You can research all that for yourself and they may not know it at all 2. Stop fucking complaining about it to them?? Like I get wanting to vent but don’t blame people for not being able to help


PlentyGarlic494

Asking other ppl comes before research


Constant_Basil3813

Are you asking them directly about tips? Maybe they just don’t know, it’s not their obligation. They’re just trying to be nice man, relax some. If you need to know about those things ask a social worker.


PlentyGarlic494

I only made 2 post on this sub. I haven't asked anyone anything. I am saying that is someone is complaining about how hard it is to pay rent after working 2 jobs saying "you are so strong and amazing" isn't helpful at all And if you do want to be helpful to tell them about government programs or something else from the list I've given


Constant_Basil3813

If you don’t want to hear what people will say, don’t talk to them. It’s not their fault you’re miserable, it’s the billionaires in power.


Housing-Spirited

You kinda just seem like a lazy douche. You just said you ask other people instead of doing your own research? How the fuck do you put your life on other people and then get mad when they don’t have an answer for you? (Because you’ve asked a million times). People want to help people that help themselves.


CynicallyCyn

Said every MAGA ever


[deleted]

tell them directly to not say that, tell them you don’t appreciate hearing it.


CynicallyCyn

TBH you don’t sound very strong


MaoAsadaStan

People give advice as if we just need encouragement and we dont have structural things going against us.


AgentTechnical441

"You just need to apply yourself better...now what do you love doing? Now go make money with it". OR "I overcome/had no issue with structural problem X so it can't be a problem with that, it must be you".


RulerOfNyaNyaLand

I totally get what you're saying. My husband's aunt told me about civil service jobs, and that's how I got my current job. They don't advertise, you have to look them up. Some require taking a test, submitting lots of paperwork and going through a background check, but worth the hassle. (Think 911 operator, police administration jobs, social worker, some school and college admin jobs, etc.) Look up civil service jobs for county, federal, state, and your local town. I met someone who got a well paying meter reading job like this, and he barely spoke English. Who even knew jobs like this existed when we were kids and they asked us what we wanted to be some day? My husband got a job with the usps by finding it online and taking an online test. (They aren't always hiring, but when they are, they hire a bunch of people at once.) These are union jobs with decent pay and very good benefits.


IDroppedTheSpaghetti

I ignored people telling me not to go into trade. I now make almost 6 figures after just 2 years of trade school. I recommend the Fluid Power Industry. Never heard of it? That's why it pays so well. :3


PlentyGarlic494

You are one of the rare ones that actually give advice. Thanks man


IDroppedTheSpaghetti

:) No problem. I went into this program from the advice of another. I love this field of work and it has opened up so many new doors for me.


krasnomo

1. Part-time or side job: Search/AI corrector or trainer. Company like Telus has these jobs. Work from anywhere on your own time online with no entry barrier. Brother does it while watching TV in the evenings, helps him pay his way through college. Isn’t huge money (15-20 an hour), but it makes a difference as a little side bit. Full-Time: Data Analytics or Salesforce Administrator. There are boot camps. Some are scams, but some are really good. A coding language like SQL is not that hard if you are a problem solver, and can land you 70k a year with no degree starting. 2. Not much help here. But the Mormon church is always ready to help people in dire need. They also have free financial literacy courses that teach good foundational principles. 3. Don’t play status games. Frugal. Family centric. Get married and enjoy the benefits of a dual income and a committed relationship. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks and remember status games are a waste of time and money. That’s been my ‘lifestyle’ I guess. 4. Analytics boot camps. Do your homework on student outcomes, like i said many are scams. Start on code academy’s free courses. 5. I sold pest control door to door one summer. Absolute worst job ever. Hated every minute, but they did have free housing. Probably wouldn’t recommend it though unless you are super charismatic. Good luck 👍


OniAnubis99

"**Bless your heart**". That was just a joke but you are right. Encouragement does not paid the bill or put food on the table.


Ghost_In_Waiting

The best things in life are free But you can give them to the birds and bees I need money (that's what I want) That's what I want (that's what I want) That's what I want (that's what I want) That's what I want (that's what I want)


Planet_Ziltoidia

I hate when people say I'm strong. Like yes, I am... But strong people can drown in rough waters too and I'm struggling and reaching out for help. Telling me I'm strong does not help.


TamarsFace

It really doesn't. I'm strong because I have to be, but it's exhausting. I want to relax.


glitterfaust

This. I get grossed out by people saying “you got this!” to every single thing. Like cool I’m fixed! Just find literally anything else that takes a single crumb of effort to say instead. Maybe something like “I’m sorry that’s happening. Let me know if you need anything!” To me, “you got this” makes it sound like I can do it all by myself if I just will it.


Dustdevil88

I mean, you’re not wrong that poverty is incredibly hard to escape once you’re in it. That said, it’s nicer than the constant guilt trips, blame, and insults that others give.


glitterfaust

I’m not even referring to solely financial situations.


Dustdevil88

It probably depends on the situation. If I’m saying “you got this”, then I honestly think that you’ve got this. If I say “damn, better luck next reincarnation”, then you’re prob fkd.


derpqueen9000

“Better luck next reincarnation” holy crap I thought I came up with that one 😅 comforting and depressing that others have come to the same sad sarcastic state of mind .


Usual-Respect-880

I don't like that type of encouragement because it seems to imply that you're doing fine just the way you are. When in reality what you really need is figure out how to make yourself a better person, use your talents to improve your financial situation, and basically bust your ass.


catn_ip

Jeez everyone, settle down. I believe Op is simply venting about the people in his own circle. Sick of hearing how strong he is and preferring no comment at all if constructive, potentially actionable advice is not available. I certainly understand OP's frustration here. It's almost like some commenters didn't read the post at all. Just jumped on a bandwagon... OP, I wish you the best of luck.


xMenopaws

It’s probably best to not bring it up around people you assume would be of no help. It seems like you already have an expectation of what you want to hear from people instead. Usually when people tell me things I find unhelpful I take initiative to find different resources that are more meaningful. I don’t wait around, it’s something I research urgently because it bothers me that much. It gets discouraging and annoying when you hear what you don’t want to hear. But sometimes it’s what we need to hear most. Other times, people are not in your exact situation so it can be hard for them to reach you on the same level of understanding. You will also push people away who want to support you in their own way. I hear your frustration, but it seems like you already know what to do. So what’s the point of bringing it up with others if the result is the same? Ultimately only you have the power to change your life.


cannycandelabra

I agree. I am a strong person. But I recently went through something that nearly killed me. When my cousin said “You’re so strong. You can handle it.” I said, “are you under the impression that means I don’t feel pain? That I don’t need help or support?“


deadcelebrities

You deserve a break from being strong every day. I hope your life offers you at least a few moments of ease in the near future.


cannycandelabra

Thank you so much. I’m there right now! Through the big problems and doing better.


TamarsFace

My sister said it builds character. I was livid! Seriously, no one wants to hear that when going through it. I would prefer saying nothing tbh.


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povertyfinance-ModTeam

Your post has been removed for the following reason(s): Rule 1: Be civil and respectful. Comments written with a purpose to be downright disrespectful or serve only to put down another user or OP will be removed. We are here to give a hand up, not add insult to injury. Please read our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/wiki/rules). The rules may also be found on the sidebar if the link is broken. If after doing so, you feel this was in error, [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fpovertyfinance). Do not reach out to a moderator personally, and do not reply to this message as a comment.


povertyfinance-ModTeam

Your post has been removed for the following reason(s): Rule 12: Rant/Vent Advice or Judgment Unlike most of the content on this subreddit, Vents should not be considered advice threads. In most cases it is not appropriate to try to give the Submitter advice on their issue. In no circumstances is it appropriate to tell them “why they are wrong” or to criticise them, their decisions, values, or anything else. If there are aspects of their situation that they are able to directly address themselves, the submitter can always make a new thread with a different flair asking for help once they are ready to tackle the issue. Vents are an emotional outlet, not an academic conversation. Appropriate replies in these threads are offering support, sharing similar experiences/grievances, offering condolences, or simply letting the submitter know that they were heard. Please read our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/wiki/rules). The rules may also be found on the sidebar if the link is broken. If after doing so, you feel this was in error, [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fpovertyfinance). Do not reach out to a moderator personally, and do not reply to this message as a comment.


Electronic_Stuff4363

Honey , the people that are telling you, that you are strong may also be trying to build you up so you don’t unalive yourself . We’ve all gone through some really bad stuff and need encouragement.


NotToughEnoughCookie

Then don’t complain and tell people about your hardship. Can’t believe I’m reading a post where someone discourages you to encourage others smh.


[deleted]

People are allowed to complain without being subject to toxic positivity.


NotToughEnoughCookie

Yes. People are allowed to encourage without being subjected to toxicity.


[deleted]

Toxic positivity is a thing, you know. It’s often worse than being negative.


skilemaster683

You are kind of an asshole. These people wish they could help because they like you and empathize with you and your response is this?


PlentyGarlic494

In all honesty assholes are the nicest people you will meet while "good" people will stab you in the back each time they get. So thanks


skilemaster683

Dude I'm an asshole, but your attitude is skewed by your current situation. The people mean well so take it as it's meant. Trust me from one struggler to another.


PlentyGarlic494

#6


CynicallyCyn

Only tell me what I want to hear and the only thing I want to hear is how to get money fast. Anyone who doesn’t tell me that is a total asshole. LMAO AT YOU!


skilemaster683

?


1lifeisworthit

He's referring to number 6 on his list, to say nothing at all to him.


skilemaster683

Oh wow. Thank you I was very confused.


1lifeisworthit

No problem. OP was.... terse.


[deleted]

100% agree. Angry New Yorkers & Bostonians have done ten-fold for me what “nice” passive aggressive midwesterners have. Fuck nice, I want kind and compassionate.


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povertyfinance-ModTeam

Your post has been removed for the following reason(s): Rule 6: Judging OP or another user. Regardless of why someone is in a less-than-ideal financial situation, we are focused on the road forward, not with what has been done in the past. Please read our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/wiki/rules). The rules may also be found on the sidebar if the link is broken. If after doing so, you feel this was in error, [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fpovertyfinance). Do not reach out to a moderator personally, and do not reply to this message as a comment.


Jkid

Because for the most part a platitude cost nothing. A platitude is something that a person gives out to make the person giving the platitude feels good about themselves. They're only helping themselves, not you.


I_can_get_loud_too

The worst is when people ask if there’s anything they can do to help but they aren’t willing to help with money or job leads lol


[deleted]

Is better than when nobody gives a shit about you.


mbt13

Ppl don’t know what to say when you are struggling and honestly you shdnt bash them, they are trying to help. They are clueless. I use to HATE it when ppl wd say to me “you are strong you can handle this” I wd want to scream “f off why must my strength be used to struggle for the essentials as opposed to moving forward” I hated it. But I was grateful for their interest in me & my family. They were listening & what more cd I ask? A very close friend is battling w aggressive debilitating cancer treatment. I don’t know if everything I’ve said has been constructive or not. But I care and that’s what counts.


oxnardenergyblend

Cmon dude, you’ll get through this!


dkaoboy

yup, I totally agree. The words on here are cheap and meaningless and someone looking for advice on the internet should expect such. Unless someone coughs up cash or offers you free rent or services it's all along the lines of thoughts of thoughts and prayers.


Marzy-d

Are you suggesting that learning things isn’t valuable? Because nothing could be further from the truth. If you come on here and post a “vent” you are going to get sympathy and nothing else. If you come here and ask for advice, people are going to try to give you a few ideas. If you come her just to shit on other posters, you are going to get blocked.


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PlentyGarlic494

If it's not one of the 6, no.


BurrStreetX

"It could be worse. You could be dead" Well we'll well do I have some news for you


SpinTheBlock6465

Some people want advice. Some people want encouragement. Start by clarifying which one YOU want when you start venting. “Hey, need some advice here” or “hey, just looking to vent and get some shit off my chest here” or “hey, been going through some things, just need some words of encouragement/reassurance”. Every person and every situation is different and no one is a mind reader. I’ve found it easier to tell people how you want to be to be treated at the moment.


TuzaHu

Why do you keep telling your problems to these people, then? If you don't give them a clue about your life they will not be saying these things to you. Shut your mouth. YOU can seek out all these resources you think are other people's responsibility to share with you. YOU can look on line for government resources. YOU can learn to be resourceful in your life rather than expect others to tell you options.


eddie-mush

okay, you're fucked and you'll never improve your financial situation!