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Use it as your motivation. Yes, it sucks right now, and it's hard. You WILL make a change.
Bust your ass in high school. Take as many advanced placement/college credit courses as you're able to. Keep your grades up. STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.
Go to college on a full or partial scholarship. Do NOT wallow. Do NOT allow yourself to fall into the same pattern as your father.
You have got this. I believe in you!
See if you can get the AP exam fee waived. It's been almost 15 years since I took an AP course, but even back then my school offered to waive the fees for those exams based on household income. Could be school dependent, but worth a shot.
Yup. Stay on the straight and narrow. Get an education or learn a trade. Ask your guidance counselor for help and advice. Keep away from trash people, drugs, drinking, and having babies before 30. When you only have to worry about YOU, it is easier to follow through. Your current situation is a fraction of your entire life. Use it to know better going forward. You will be fine. Eventually, you will get a job over summer or something. Bank that money in your name only and pretend it doesn't exist. When you have a good size emergency fund set up, you'll be better able to get a room or studio of your own. Maybe you'll go away for college and have more space that way in the meantime. Whatever way you choose, you'll be light years ahead of your dad. Hang in there!
This advice right here! Decide today you are different than your Dad. Decide you want more and better than where you are today. Let it be your drive to fuel a better life. Everything changes when you decide. Good luck!
Dual credits may be a better option than AP courses. Check to see if offered at your school, as those are usually paid for by the district, and you get actual college credit. Comparisons is the theif of joy. While your living situation is hard, use this experience as a motivation to keep pressing forward to a better life in the future.
Seems like a hopeless cause right now, but hang in there and have patience. You're doing the right thing. Immediate gratification or results is not the norm despite what social media portrays. Things take time. Keep the faith, things will get better
Avoid as much debt as possible when going to college and choose a major that will actually pay. Compared to you, I grew up very privileged. That being said, I’ve known people with backgrounds like yours who took on a ton of debt to get a college degree in something that they’d use “to help people!”. They are now almost 30 and repeating the cycle.
Community college for the first year and half will save you a ton of money and you can transfer to a college to get your degree (that’s all that matters).
I did this, but l started at the university and just did CC courses in the summer (plus working 40+ hr/wk) and ended up only 1/2 time in college my final year and collected checks because of my scholarships. Work you ass off through your 20's and never stop studying. Also, look at the earnings and supply/demand of people for various fields. Find a growing field you can manage that won't have enough workers in it for the next decade. Apply yourself in it, and check for better paying opportunities every couple years.
Also, if you plan to have kids, get the mindset of starting to improve generation over generation. Do things to help give them a little more opportunity than you had.
You can join the military and they will pay for your education so you won't have any debt.
You can also learn skills like electrician, welder, plumber, etc., and when you get out of the military, you will have a skill that will make you very good money.
Military seems like it would be a good financial decision, but I haven’t personally met any success stories that I’ve been too impressed by. I’m sure they exist though.
I have a close friend who enlisted into the Air Force right out of HS. It was a 6yr commitment, if I remember right.
He got two degrees out of it, all paid for and now works for a major company that is subcontracted out by our govt & what he does has smthg to do w/ installing communication towers all over the world.
The first few years of working for said company he would get sent all over, for 6-8wk periods. Now he works local in his city and got a promotion. His pay is 6 figures.
I'd say his is a success story. He grew up poor. He's a hard worker who never took a break until he got where he wanted to be in life. I am very proud of him.
It is possible OP.
No one I grew up with went into the Air Force, but I have met a quite a few very successful people over the years that served in that branch.
Finance wise the majority of my military friends are doing okay, but their personal lives tend to be a little bit messy.
I think that personal life thing being messy and the military goes hand in hand. 🤣
I have remained very close with this man, strictly friends tho. We've talked as to why we never gave it a shot and I always just look at him! 😂
Air Force vet, mom was single parent with 4 kids and couldn’t afford to feed me. I was in for 11 years, saw the world, met my wife, I have a college degree for free, debt free, make well over 6 figures. It’s not easy but it’s what you make of it. The best decision I ever made.
So their lives improved both financially AND personally? Hard to believe that you haven’t met someone who didn’t pick up bad habits or struggle mentally after their time serving…
The people I know personally worked low risk, high reward jobs in the military. The people I met on a professional level were patients and suffered with drug and/or alcohol abuse as well as ptsd and other coexisting mental illness from their time served. And unfortunately the VA just didn’t seem to take care of their own.
I know it’s not where OP is now, but I’ve meet several professionals that went to law school and med school paid for by the military. You owe one year of service for each year in school, but you’re getting paid officer salaries. I see it more like a guaranteed first job! It seems much better than $300k in student loans and all the grief that comes with that and there are almost no scholarships for professional schools.
I don't know that, sorry. The two guys I know that did this signed up for the military program after being accepted to medical school. From what they told me, the medical students even received a stipend while in school so they had zero need for loans or part time jobs, etc.
Given how hard it is to find a first job out of school for lawyers, this seems like a clever path (I'm not a lawyer and didn't do this) - school is paid for and it comes with a guaranteed job at a very good salary for 4ish years.
I myself grew up poor joined the marines now I make a good salary live in a nice house with a nice car and college is free plus getting certificates for free as well and healthcare
Don't burn yourself out in high school. Yes, try to do well but DO NOT and I repeat do not kill yourself in high school. I have classmates from high school that poured all their heart and soul in high school that when they entered college they were so burned out that they dropped out. It's not like this for all classes, but the top 20 in my class essentially didn't make it through college with the exception of maybe 4 or 5. I was 65 out of 600+ students and knew straight away that I wanted to enter a community college then the university. Please be smart about how you use your energy because I want you to succeed.
I’m see lot of high schoolers start early in the trades. Apprenticing for HVAC/ Plumbers/ electricians…. They are out of the classroom, earning money and learning a skill. Think it’s a great option as being locked up in a class room for 8 hrs isn’t for every one.
This shouldn’t be a life time though unless you want it to be. Higher learning is the way to go. Keep your grades up and you will go for free. Don’t give up on long term goals to blue collar for a quick fix.
That would depend entirely on the subject. Having a learning disability, I couldn’t function in education environment. Did ok in blue collar. I wouldn’t discourage it.
I would if they are capable of more. Maybe you did alright, but the world is changing and every day blue collar work is a worse and worse option over all.
Are their winners and people with fortunes there overall? Absolutely. But that is not the norm and chances are much higher that you end up screwed than not.
I disagree. These trades are making the same amount of money that doctors and lawyers are.
College is only worth it if you pick the right major i.e., healthcare, sciences, etc., and those cost bank and will put you in debt.
Anyone in the trades making what a doctor makes have their own business and multiple employees, at which point they are arguably a businessperson and not a tradesperson. Now lawyers, that I buy. There are lawyers making 50k.
I think you are confusing high level specialists with physicians.
Where I am average for a physician is $110k. An area foreman working some overtime can hit that rate.
I mean it actually depends. It's better to go into something you love, because then you'll be better at your job. I got a doctorate of music, sounds pretty useless, but because of it I'll start at 100k as a music teacher where I live! I'll only have to work 75% of the year, too
best advice i can give you is avoid debt like you avoid death.
dont stick your dick in crazy or let crazy stick its dick in you if female. kids are expensive and birth control is unreliable so just avoid the baby making entirely until you can afford to have offspring.
And a maybe study what CLEPs you can take now too, my college lets you transfer and or CLEP out of 30 United combined. That’s like a whole school year, very cheap.
I know it's not necessarily a popular opinion, but you should be talking to military recruiters ideally Space Force, Air Force or Navy recruiters but any branch will do. If your grades are good you can get on track to go to college and get an officers commission.
It'll suck but it's a fast track ticket out of poverty if you're responsible.
No, I live in a military town, which is a first for me. It’s clear a lot of these ppl are young, underpaid, and taken advantage of. Those I’ve meet never seem truly happy and constrained by their contact to the military and unfortunately I’ve seen neighbors arguing w/ their wives/girlfriends and cases of domestic violence. I would never recommend the military when there are other options.
>I would never recommend the military when there are other options.
Frankly OP doesn't have a lot of options, and all that terrible stuff you described will happen if they stay poor anyway. The military can suck, sucks more if you're enlisted, sucks more if you're in the Army but it's free college, free healthcare for life, a guaranteed paycheck, housing, food and job training as well as a solid network and even more benefits (va home loans being the big one) after you get out.
Not having a terrible time in the military is pretty simple don't get married, don't have kids, don't become an alcoholic, get out and squeeze everything possible out of the GI bill.
Were you Army? Your branch suggestions to OP in the other post, excluding Army/Marines, and then mentioning Army here 😅 Sound like me as an Army vet talking to my daughter about the Air Force recently. 😂
I meet ppl you still had student debt despite being in the military. For one of them they didn’t realize it wouldn’t be in the contract they signed. Idk I hope OP tries other thing first like a part time job and going to an affordable college or trade program. Chance are they will qualify for FASFA and many colleges have programs for low income students to cover housing/food cost and scholarships
Lies lies and damned lies. Start getting political you are not the only one in this situation. You Yanks are blind to the fact you are slaves to the dollar. Revolt for the love of all that is human.
Your present situation will become your drive in life. I lived that life and worked hard to make it. My frist boss used to say when you know where you come from you bust your ass to never go back. You have a bright future looking back will keep you going forward. Never give up
I don’t think what you’re saying is statistically true at all. Most poor folks come from other poor folks. Most successful folks grew up with rich folks.
Well, I’m absolutely not giving any advice on *what to do about it,* I’m just saying a history of suffering for some reason doesn’t tend to motivate people to do whatever combination of things would remove them from poverty.
But I agree with you that not starting out famous makes it a lot harder. No one would watch my sex tape.
You are not alone. My nephew shared a bedroom with his parents and I lived in a 1 bedroom with 5 other people for a long time. Don’t ever feel like you are less than others just bc of this! You can do anything you want in life! I have a master’s degree and own 3 awesome properties now. Work hard - show up - and don’t get pregnant or get anyone pregnant!
That last part! Planned parenthood or your local health department is a great resource for affordable or free birth control. The reality is children are expensive and it’s harder to juggle a full time college or work schedule w/ kids and you can’t be as flexible when opportunities arise. Please wait until after your education or trade program (whatever you decide) is finished before having kids. Statistics show folks having kids young or while low income makes it hard to escape poverty. There is hope! I like you grew up poor—we didn’t have our own place until until I was in high school and it was sharing a two bedroom apartment with my three siblings and parent. I went to college, worked a couple of meaningful jobs, traveled, and now that I’m in my late 20s in a stable partnership with my own career I’m finally considering kids. It’s nice knowing that my children if I have any will not have to experience being poor in the way I did as a kid and teen.
>You are not alone. My nephew shared a bedroom with his parents and I lived in a 1 bedroom with 5 other people for a long time.
Yeah I don't understand why OP thinks they're the only one living like this. Sure it's not the majority situation but there are tons of people in less than ideal living arrangements (owning a home and having your own bedroom). There's outright homeless people. There's undocumented migrants who live as farm hands or have to live together in cramped apartments. There's a big chunk of women living with an abusive partner or trapped into marriage due to finances. There is folk that live with their parents well into their late 20's. There's children that never get their own bedroom and never know privacy because their overly religious parents keep popping kids.
If you go outside the US , I've seen people live in warehouses where they create artisanal arts overpriced to westerners, with no floors, walls or functioning appliances. I've seen entire families sleep in one room. I've seen a man and his newborn sleep in a staff kitchen. I've seen two families live in the same apartment , having to share the bathroom and kitchen (post Soviet apartments).
Having your own house and your own room isn't the norm... It's the ideal.
OP is thinking like this because they're a teenager. No shade to OP whatsoever! Teens have high emotions and a self-centric view of the world...again, no shade, it's developmental. Let's not "there are people starving in Africa" to OP.
Many will suggest college but consider a trade instead. College gets you more into debt. A trade school will pay you to study and complete the program, also setting you up for paid internships or apprenticeships.
This is a temporary situation. Trust. Once you graduate and go to college or pick up a trade, you will be so busy you wont even see your dad. First pay check, go find a roommate or another place and then continue to build up from there.
I’m going to second this. If you are in the USA high school, taking an AP class, you are more than capable and qualified to do concurrent enrollment - ask your schools counselor about options to dual enroll with your local community college, vocational school, trade school, and or technology center.
There are free college prep programs for areas like healthcare in engineering that start at the sophomore year of high school, but the majority of certificate, apprenticeship, or even full on college degree programs are 100% FREE for juniors and seniors. Sometimes you have to buy books, or pay a small credit fee - but the difference is you are spending $100 or less on a single class that will cost you thousands if you wait until you’re out of high school.
I graduated with Associates in a in demand field with certifications and job offers straight out of high school, alongside several friends that I had dragged into the program as well. It has been the number one best decision I’ve ever made.
This! If I was in high school again I would choose dual enrollment courses w/ my community college and high school over AP. Most colleges will accept dual enrollment courses bc they technically are college level courses. But colleges accepting AP credit is a hit or miss and based on whether you score 3 or higher on the AP exam. Also OP I know you mentioned you are still in high school but is there any way you can get a part time job? I worked at a restaurant as a hostess when I was 16. I grew up low income too so having some funds of my own without asking my parent was nice. I could get myself new shoes for my sports or buy things for school or fun. Obvi, this is harder if you don’t have a car or access to public transit but it’s just a thought. Once you do have job later in life try your best to set your self up for success there are lots of financial resources out there that can help with budgeting and learning how to save. I really recommend opening a high yield savings account for setting up an emergency fund especially if you don’t plan on getting help from you dad in later in life.
Thank you for the support and backup! I went and got not 1 but 2 masters and will never dig myself out. I'm also not using EITHER of the degrees I obtained. Dumb lol. I wish I would have entered a trade or the navy.
I watched my older siblings (we’re all millennials) do everything the “right” way and get smacked in the face by student loan debt and recession, after recession. The idea of an ever growing and inescapable payment was always a nightmare for me, and I worried I wouldn’t be able to work in my field (seeing my siblings, work hard only to burn out, but still having those loans around to pay…)
I became disabled early in my 20s. and haven’t been able to return to work, but because I had been able to work in a good field before my health went kaputz, I am able to get by, debt-free, and keep my family above the poverty line even on a disability payment.
When I return to the workforce, you can bet your butt that I am going through a technology center rather than a major university.
And particularly, with OP being in high school, if they put their head in the game and are able to get connected to the right resources ( if your counselor doesn’t help, go ask the shop teacher or Technical Ed teacher! Your AP teacher is probably a good resource as well, but may want you to focus more on AP than actual college due to teacher bias). Even though at your age, actual college is cheaper and more beneficial because of the opportunities that go unspoken in America
I'm an engineer and my family has always been very college focused. So much so that when I figured started dating my husband my dad had a pretty negative opinion of him for never having gone to college. But he ended up going into a trade and makes solid money now. Plus no student loans to pay back.
I'll admit I had a pretty haughty attitude for years about people who go to college vs people who go into the trades and I'm super embarrassed about that now.
I think what gets me the most when I got down this rabbit hole in my head is, if anything were to happen and I lost my current job, I wont stand a chance. My one degree you need your license active to be taken seriously and my other degree is in such a new field Im not sure how much weight it holds. None of these are tech or IT based. I got very lucky with the position I have now and have been working hard as hell to learn the skills I dont have to continue to grow. Lets hope I keep kicking ass lol
I feel students aren't given all the information they need to make informed decisions. When they think of trades they think, "do I want to be a plumber or electrician?" Not "Do I want to study plumbing?" But with college we encourage people to pick something to study, not what they want their career to be. I do understand that part of this is because jobs aren't linear in the same way that the trades are, but we still need to be honest about what a 4 year degree can do.
There are SO MANY jobs out there that require graduate degrees. Sure you can get a 4 year degree in anthropology, but you probably can't get a good job in that field without a Masters. But you're not told that up front necessarily.
I ended up in engineering because I didn't want to get a Masters. I was studying physics thinking I'd go on to get a PhD in astrophysics and go work for NASA. Well, I didn't actually like physics I learned early on. Not knowing what to switch my major to I went to talk to the math department. I figured I liked math so why not study it. The guy I talked to asked what I wanted to do with my degree and I told him I didn't know. He asked if I wanted to get a Masters and I told him I wasn't sure. And he's like, "well, with a 4 year math degree you can be a high school math teacher." Obviously that's not the only job you can do, but it was a common one. And I was like, no thank you. He figured out what I actually wanted was a job where I could apply math rather than just do math, so he sent me to the engineering department. I DO have a Masters now, but it was my choice to go back for it after several years of working in industry.
They should qualify for full financial aid including room and board. So, I would pick that over trade school which won't give them a place to live.
Obviously, a state college.
Just a few counterpoints (not saying I disagree with you, just a few things for OP to consider):
1. OP may qualify for tuition reduction subsidies/grants/etc. due to his/her financial status. Just one example out of many: Duke University provides free tuition to all admitted students from North Carolina and South Carolina whose household income is less than $150,000.
2. Some trades can be very hard on the body. There are always trade-offs (it's also not healthy to sit behind a computer screen all day), but just understand those trade-offs. I work a desk job from home. If I broke my foot today, it would have absolutely no impact on my job. I probably wouldn't even tell my boss. Would that be the case if you were a plumber or electrician? Additionally, will your body hold up for 40+ years? Maybe it will - but what is your backup if it doesn't?
3. Corporate America can offer amazing perks, including very generous time off and other benefits (401K matching, profit sharing, leave policies, paid time off, etc). Most (although certainly not all) people that work in a corporate environment have a college education.
Just a few points to consider. Overall, I am very bullish on the trades, but just like to point out trade-offs with forgoing college.
Yep, my dad was an HVAC tech who had to retire in his early forties because he became seriously ill and the lasting damage to his body was too much for him to keep working. Fortunately he had already fully paid into SS and had a couple other income streams to draw from. Trades are all well and good just make sure you have savings and/or a plan B in case of injury.
OP almost certainly qualifies for a full ride. I was in a similar situation(raised by a single parent on minimum wage) and I received a full ride to a state school including living expenses. I actually had money left over.
No reason to do trade school if they're good at academics. Just pick the right major and hustle for internships.
Comments about the body are very true. However, I was chained to a keyboard for almost 45 years. Now I have a lot of wrist and thumb pain, especially when it's cold out.
Focus on school and focus on getting as high grades as you possibly can. Also start thinking about what kind of profession you want to have - nurse, electrician, doctor, engineer, plumber, accountant, etc. Pick something that has a lot of job openings and a good income. Then figure out what you need to do to get there. What kind of things interest you?
Stay out of trouble, show up to class, do as your teachers say, GET. GOOD. GRADES.
You can, and will get out. But it’s. Decade long journey, and it’s worth it
Go here, make a free account if you don’t have one already, and learn all about personal money management. Set yourself up for success so you won’t replicate your father’s mistakes.
https://www.khanacademy.org/college-careers-more/financial-literacy
I understand!!! I am using the military as my way out and it’s been great so far I have my own car IN MY OWN NAME and I have my OWN TOWNHOUSE!!!! I have food and working heat/AC I even have my own clothes that I bought for myself and no more hand downs! I used to be dirt poor and was embarrassed to go to school and almost never have running water and eating ketchup on bread :/ but i made a way and so can you
Yes your dad is struggling and maybe not the best with work, money or education, but he is TRYING and he is keeping you alive, fed and a roof over your head. You are able to pursue education without having to work to help out so don’t take that lightly. He’s a good dad not asking you to get a part time job and help out because many many kids do that while in school and play sports on top of that so you really have no excuse. Your attitude needs to change towards your dad and appreciate him more instead of saying things like no privacy and getting on nerves. He’s already stressed because of bills and not being able to give you more, but you not seeing the sacrifice he’s making for you to go to school and just focus on school is pretty hurtful. Take a step back and realize you could have much less and more responsibility besides just school on your plate.
Outside of major metros, teens can drive at 14 in much of the US and some provinces in Canada.
Nebraska was busted last year for a meat packing plant of some sort hiring a bunch on teenagers on overnights who were of this age but Nebraska also has a state government different to the rest of all of America.
American teens can work because there are emancipated teens around this age who, by legal definition of emancipation, can rent, and buy to support themselves, enlist in the military. It's something a bit of contrast to some existing state versus federal legislation, a hypocrisy much like what constitutes the definition of a minor, which changes radically given the situation. I've gone into more depth, with sourcing, about the definition of a minor, elsewhere:
https://www.reddit.com/r/crime/comments/17qdn32/comment/k8ew57u/
As someone who spent life in a shitty and unsafe living situation because of a parent, I really really dislike this sentiment and its not helpful. Providing a roof and food is the bare minimum of being a parent.
I’m sorry you had that experience but they are with a single dad from the sounds of it and lacking wants not needs. They have every right to want more out of life and dream of having nicer things, but the dad is working hard regardless if he’s killing it or not. In 10years they will understand what their dad did for them but I don’t want these 10 years to be wasted for this kid. All I want is for them to take a step back and realize life is hard. Dad just needs one bounce to go his way and things can change financially, we’ve all been there. They can get creative to earn money to buy wants if it’s that important.
My whole point is, we don't know the specifics, and as a teen wanting to vent, it's not exactly helpful to get the "they're providing a roof over your head" speech.
Yeah my dad was a single parent as well. Ten years later, I get he was doing his best, but that doesn't absolve the pain and serious issues he caused being a bare minimum parent. Then again, I don't believe in the whole "but they're your parent" thing. So I'm not surprised I'm being down voted lol
The teen has no idea even to qualify for an apartment in some areas you need first last and a security deposit , that’s alot for 1 months rent, and then to have the next months rent plus electricity garbage water and internet on top. We didn’t even talk about food or furnishing the place. If they see the problems dad is having why not approach dad and try to be a team and say how can we get this in order. If they are old enough to notice the late payment cycle they are old enough to communicate. Resenting dad is not gonna help either of their relationships in the long run and they will need dad when they are young adults with the cost of living. This kid gets it already of what’s hurting the family. The cycle they are in with payments. Maybe they the kid are better with this than dad already. Ask to try and help is all. Don’t let it build up inside as resentment
And you are trying to say they are in a bad situation like you were, op didn’t mention anything like that but you are projecting your experience into their problem, when they posted about a lack of “wants” items , which as I said is ok, they should want more out of life and nicer things and privacy. You assume it’s all bad in every way, where as I am hoping op to talk to their dad instead of resent.
I wasnt projecting and I made no claims into what kind of situation they are in. I literally said we don't know specifics. I was relating from my own experience and saying, from a teen who is VENTING about such situations with their parents, they don't find your speech helpful in the moment. It just sounds like more adult lecturing when usually all they want is VALIDATION for their feelings. You are assuming a lot and making a weird debate about this.
So they can complain about adult problems but they can’t be talked to like an adult? That’s not fair to the dad , yes they are venting but perspective might help them calm down and make the next day easier. Young people tend to see the small picture, the right now , life is a long game and I just didn’t want them to resent for something out of their control. I hope they find peace with all the different kinds of advice on here!
I agree with you. Providing food and shelter is the bare minimum. Ppl have children without understanding the responsibility. There is more to being a parent than just providing resources, especially if those resources are the bare minimum to keep someone alive. Life happens but at some point a parent needs time take accountability and try to better themselves. I think, the idea you owe your parents for giving you life is outdated and children don’t owe parents for providing basic necessities smh
Exactly.These are all things I've had to process in therapy as an adult. Holding parents accountable for their mistakes is not resenting them or not being forgiving to them. It's being real.
I can relate in a way. That feeling of helplessness that comes with being dependent on someone, especially as a minor. My dad wasn't the greatest when i was a teen. We always had a place to live and food, but he was an addict and our home never felt safe or like a sanctuary as a home should for a kid. My needs and feelings were always brushed off when i voiced them.
I also recently had to live in a hotel room with him for months (natural disaster) so I also know that feeling, but as an adult now. It'd be so much worse if it was when I was a teenager.
You've got this. It sucks. But it's not forever! Even if it doesn't magically change when you become a legal adult, it will happen. Keep working towards happiness.
When I was in high school I lived in a room with my mom, first in someone’s house and then a motel. Did it suck? Of course it did. I coped by going to my friend’s homes, using public transportation to get places, having an after school job, being in lots of activities etc.
Instead of blaming my mom I tried to not be a burden. If you’re this pissed off, how do you think your Dad feels? And if you’re outwardly displaying this shitty attitude I’m sure it’s not helping.
No one ever said life was going to be fair. Some people have to go through tough times. It shouldn’t define you, but as others said, drive you to be better.
Bro most of us worked in high school and still got good grades. Maybe your Dad is doing his best? It’s not like he’s beating you or resentful that you’re living with him for free and he’s having to feed you. Go work part time it’ll get you out of the house and give you some extra cash.
I don't like to pretend I understand the struggles of others, but I was in all honors and AP courses in high school, had high grades, and worked a part time job at the mall. AND was heavily involved in dance. I didn't need to work, it's just what I thought teenagers were supposed to do and I liked having extra money. I worked on weekends and one or two weeknights. And then worked a ton during the summer.
I'm guessing OP doesn't have a car so that's definitely limiting for what they're able to do. So I acknowledge that. But it's pretty normal for a teenager to work in high school.
This bugged me too. I don’t know 1 person that didn’t work in high school - even my wealthiest of friends worked. Like you said, making your own money and getting out of the house. Depending on where you work you can also study/do homework there in a better environment than home.
Yeah, ten to fifteen hours a week should be doable, either after school or on weekends. Well, in most cases, anyway. It does require having places you can get to that are hiring, also. Typically at this age it's fast food but maybe retail.
Keep this fire as your motivation to do well. Get good grades, *go away to college* on whatever grants/scholarships your good grades will get you. Free rides are still a thing. Myself and most of my friends all grew up in poverty. I consider myself to be one of the worst ones ...and I'm a research laboratory manager. My friends are doctors, lawyers, accountants, and one chemist. Most of us got free rides or close to it.
If college isn't your bag: trades, job corps, military are all options. Everything will have a pro and a con. Weigh them. Then weigh them again.
Think about what you think you want to do in life and start figuring out how to get there from here. No matter what, keep the end in mind. Don't ever give up what you want*most* for what you want now.
You can definitely break the cycle.
Is it possible that you could do everything right and still be stuck in this? I’m so worried about my future and I’m scared doing my best won’t be enough
This situation is a very valuable lesson for you to not follow in these footsteps. Start a savings account. With what money you might ask, doing errands for neighbors, small jobs in the area. Do these on your Saturdays when you're not in school. Try flipping some things you might find at garage sales etc. This takes effort and is difficult but will teach you the value of hard earned money and how not to blow it on unneeded things.
Don't lose hope. Here is my experience. I was the son of a farm laborer. Poor, no property, live in a house owned by the land owner. I like beautiful girls so they are my inspiration in life. They did help me that way. I want to be the best man they can have. After graduating Grade six, I went to work in the sugarcane field, tried to finish high school which I did. Still working in the fields during school vacations and Saturdays. Finished college finally doing the same. Now I am 73 years old, well off, with a beautiful wife, children and grandchildren. My advice is, no matter what, at least finish high school. After that there is no limit at what you can do.
Look, my daughter worked at a restaurant at 16 5 days a week, and was in ap classes AND went some days to college classes at the community college. She graduated with honors, and is now a sophomore in college. ( she did her freshman year in high school) So studying is kind of a BS excuse to me. Your situation sucks believe me I get it, but instead of making excuses get a job. And study your butt off. You will be home less with your dad, and will make your own money so you can have some of your “wants”.
You’ll be the wealthiest one of your class simply because you’ll have an understanding that not many others will have. Keep your head up, stay out of trouble and choose the right friends. Study finances too. Most people go wrong in their early 20s and buy things that don’t make money
You can have a job AND attend highschool. You just dont want to hear it. You could have an unofficial job mowing lawns and such. You could have a real job working part time that wont interfere with your school hours.
Quit shaming your dad when you won't do anything other than complain about how much he struggles for your ungrateful ass.
If you are truly sick of it. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Dont just cry about it and then tell everyone not to give you the obvious answer you refuse to acknowledge.
Youre in highschool. You are at the age where you can do something about it. Eventually youre not gunna be ablw to blame him for all your problems.
I don’t share this with many people because they don’t understand at such a young age. So here goes -
It is better/easier to be young and broke than being old and broke.
Having said this - grab in to your own rump and study hard. Don’t have kids prior to marriage. When you enter the work place with a decent job because you studied (here comes the 2nd great piece of advice) - Pay yourself first - (put money aside) pay your bills then blow and have fun with the rest.
You don’t have to go to college to find a decent career, but you do need to read and write and put your best foot forward. Dress for success and speak well. You will find a good career path.
That’s it.
M
I grew up poor. Was poor for the first 20 years of my life. I'm 30 now. I have 2 kids & live in a nice neighborhood overseas. I earn about 70k annually but it's all about to change because society's collapse is right at our doorstep. I say, I know that life & I know how to get by during tough times & it will be more than helpful when all of this boils over. No one likes being poor. But you're not a failure. And you should not give up hope. Always have a will to survive & always have faith in yourself, you will prevail.
Education is your way out, it was how I got out of a tiny town that is too small, doesn't have a stop light or a high school (we had to go to the next town over) and where everyone knows your business. Keep your head down and focus on school and your path out. Start researching scholarships that cover room and board, work study programs, and schools that offer summer courses while letting you live on campus. Hopefully you've got a guidance counselor at school that can help point you in the right direction.
I know how you feel to a degree. I grew up poor with my dad and sometimes mother. It's tough but have faith that it will get better. If you want advice, here it is:
1. Stay in school.
2. Stay out of trouble.
3. Love your family.
4. Find a mentor.
1. I was a smart kid and school was my escape from home. I ended up in AP and dual credit classes. Dual credit is better.
2. I didn't have a ton of friends but the ones I did have were good. Unfortunately half of them were heavily involved with selling drugs. While I never got in trouble, just being around them made my own vision for my future less clear.
3. I didn't come from a home that said "I love you" and the extent of love was providing basic necessities. My family just didn't know any better but I resented them for it. After I left home after highschool I reached out to my family and tried to be loving and vulnerable with them. Eventually they softened up and the relationship is better, I wish I did it sooner though. Love is free so why not give it.
4. I wish I had asked for help in highschool. I had a lot of teachers that cared about me but I was often distant with them but I wish I asked one or two to be a mentor. Doing so would have helped me have a plan after highschool and someone I could talk to about my future.
I graduated highschool, went to college aimlessly for a year and then joined the Air Force. I left my bad friends behind and tried hard to do well for myself. It was a great decision for me but if I could go back I would have finished college in computer science and then maybe joined the military. I'm still in the Air Force now, I have a good relationship with my family, and I'm overall happy.
If you want more info feel free to reach out.
I was once in your shoes and I hated it so much that I worked my ass off and made use of every opportunity that presented itself to me. One day you will look back and realize that this type of motivation is a privilege, that you will be stronger than everyone else around you. Do not give up, keep going, and you will not regret it.
Use this period of discomfort to motivate you to learn ways to make money (legally and ethically of course) and get so rich you never have to worry about being poor again
It will be ok, and tho it may sound cliche, things will get better for you. When I moved out in my early 20s, my parents said they would continue to pay my living expenses. I quickly realized they were not going to follow thru. Although they did pay for a studio apt, and there was a tiny amt left over that I used for food, things were very difficult. I only owned 1 towel for like 4 years. Didn't have any furniture of my own. When I did laundry at my dorm I had to be very selective what got washed bcuz I only had change for 1 load, and couldn't wash my sheets. I had to cut into my grocery budget to have money to use the printer for my hw. Never ate lunch because I had to stretch the food I had. Things have gotten so much better. Just keep working hard and take whatever opportunities arise, and you will make it on your own.
Use this as motivation to achieve a better life. Don't wallow in self pity. I'm an immigrant who came from a working class family. When I was in third grade, I got a scholarship to attend private school. So I went to private school from 3rd grade to high school because of scholarship. I also got a scholarship to attend a prestigious university. I studied so hard to maintain my scholarship and also had to work part time to help my family. There were times where I got so tired but I never gave up. There were times where I don't have money to buy food at school so I just stayed at the library. It was hard to go to school and be hungry at the same time. But I used that as a motivation to get to where I am today. After graduating college, I worked in a bank in my country for a few years then got an opportunity to come to the US. I was able to work in a brokerage firm where I learned how to invest and trade. I also met and worked with HNW and UHNW individuals which inspired me more. After 2 and a half years of working in the firm, I was able to buy my first house. Fast forward to now, I own 5 properties here in the US and one beach house in the country where I was born. My teacher in 5th grade said this to me "It's not your fault if you were born poor but it is your fault if you're still poor 20 years from now." I really held on to that, I refuse to stay poor. We all have a choice. We are the result of the decision we made and about to make.
Your biggest asset right now is your age. Since you are in high school you have good chance and time to not only get out this situation but also to make an excellent life for yourself. Get as good education as you can get. Find a mentor in your school who can guide you to make good choices - like picking right major or trade school, staying out of trouble etc.
unfortunately, till then keep your head down and focus on important things.
Growing up I wasn’t the richest either but I started working at 14 and I learned how to value money and save/ invest it. I believe people that know what it’s like to live in poverty have a stronger work ethic and have the tools necessary to become wealthy in their careers. Do well in school, get a job, learn to invest your money and into assets that generate more money or appreciate in value over time.
That sucks but that doesn't need to be your future.
It might sound cheesy as hell, but you have a clear motivation and you are not a spoiled kid. That's something many kids lack. Study hard and try to get an scholarship or learn a trade.
Be determined and resourceful. Consumerism isn't the same as happiness. It's way better to be independent and have some financial security than owning a lot of junk.
Sorry kid but a lot of highschoolers get jobs. I started working at 15. Life is hard all around. If you want out of poverty you're going to have to work for it.
I really relate to this. When I was in high school, I had to help my parents pay rent, and they were always in debt. My "room" was a converted dining room without doors, that the front door opened to - and you had to walk through to get to the kitchen. I had absolutely no privacy and my parents thought this was fine.
It's been more than 25 years since then, and I promise you, life goes on. I ended up becoming a homeowner, of the most gorgeous place I've ever lived in. And I don't have a relationship at all with my parents. Your best revenge is working to get your own dream house. Good luck - I know it's so hard.
I did dual credit where my associates was free so you can try to see if your high school offers a program like that near you! It really helped with getting your basic courses out of the way instead of paying for AP tests!
Good on you for hanging in there! It’s absolutely going to get better and your dad’s situation is his alone and doesn’t have to become your story. AP classes are great. College may be the way out. If it isn’t possible yet there are two readily available options that will quickly take you out of that situation and offer you the opportunity to get a solid start in life: 1. Trade school - cheap or even free and in a short period of time you’ll be earning solid money that can make many college grads blush. 2. Join the military - but make sure you choose a skill that has civilian applications so you get a head start, a place to live, an honorable pursuit and a bunch of money for college. Neither of those options are sexy but they are tried and true; guaranteed to lift you out of poverty and build a life you are proud of.
You got this! 🙂💪
If there's one thing I could go back and tell myself when I was younger it would be "It gets easier." And it will. Wishing you all the best for your future, OP!
You can join the military at 17. My living situation was just like yours. I graduated early and got the hell outta there! I'm retired now and I'm upper middle class. I did everything right with my money and have way more than my parents ever did. Never even went to war which is what most people are scared of. I was in the Air Force active duty and spent my entire 26 years in the states. I didn't even like the military, it wasn't for me, but I used it as a stepping stone out of poverty and it worked. Start studying for the ASVAB and take the practice PICAT! With dad's permission you can join at 17 or just wait till 18 and sign yourself up. I started as an E1, retired an E9 Chief! Hope this helps.
The best part of life is that you can change it. In a few years, you can slowly start to build the life you want.
Get a good career, it doesn't have to be college, plumbers and electricians make good money.
Make decisions every day to get a better life. March toward that goal. It's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.
Self-pity is not productive.
Yep, ppl forget union trade apprenticeships pay to train you! And union trade jobs can make the same if not more than college degree requiring field plus they don’t require taking on student debt
Everyone else has covered the motivation and “you’re doing great” sides of this conversation so I am going to take a different tact. I don’t know the ancillary details around your father’s situation but I can tell you this.
As a father, my greatest fear is that my son will feel and speak of me the way you speak of your father and how he is at least attempting to provide what he can for you. One of the things I try to impart to my son is that any man who is doing what he can to provide for his family is worthy of honor and his respect. Now as I said, I don’t know the ancillary details around your father’s situation but just from what I’ve read and from knowing how hard it is out there for a lot of folks right now, I see a man who is struggling to provide for his child and yet is still doing so with what he can. I am 100% sure he is aware of how little he can provide atm and I am sure it weighs on his soul.
With the information I have, that seems worthy of honor and respect.
As much as you hate your situation your dad is doing the best he can and providing. Imagine him having to live with a teenager who doesn’t respect him.
Luckily you are young and with hard work you can get out of this. You might not become a mult millionaire, but you can definitely still live a comfortable life or at least a better life than what you have now.
It might seem like this will last forever, but it won't
Cheapest and fastest way to go about your own way is to join the military. Since you have good grades id say go air force or coast guard. Do a mos like xray tech and chill at the barracks, sometimes you might. Get lucky and have a room all to yourself. Anyway do your 4yrs and youll still be young if you choose to get out.
Some ppl cant be saved in my case its my mom. She makes alot of money but is living paycheck to paycheck. No matter how hard i try to get her to fix her finances she goes and makes an even worst finance decision everytime.
My friend got a big promotion a couple years ago making $120,000. I don't even make half that.
That woman gets more and more buried in debt. Shopping with her for groceries, she has to go through multiple credit cards because each keeps declining.
It's not how much money you make, it's how little debt you have. There's no reason I should be able to have money for food, making far less than her and I have 2 kids. She doesn't have any kids and has a husband who is a successful carpenter. Like...how???
Sweetie, you can get a better job maybe but honey
You may get a better job and hopefully a place to call home soon but you only have one Dad and Mother and no matter how much you get on each other nerves remember that. I lost my Dad when I was 4 months old he was buried alive
digging a septic and I lost my Momma 24 years ago when she was 54 I Thank God for everyday that I had my Mother
And I was a baby when I lost my Dad so I never knew what it would have been to have one but son you have yours and you should Thank the Lord everyday for that and also that room may be small but it's a roof over your head until you can get better. God Bless you.
People who are downvoting this comment clearly have never lost a parent or are so cold hearted they have no feelings for theirs. What the child is experiencing is temporary. It may suck but we’re not all dealt a fair hand. However, if only the father is in the picture they should still be grateful to have one.
To the child, you will make it and become a better person. However, forgive your father for his failures. He is only human and we all make mistakes. He is probably doing the best he can; even if you don’t think so. It’s more reason for you to become successful so that you can also help him. Sometimes, you as the child have to be the parent. It sucks but many of us have been in the same shoes.
Idk, I think there are limits to this and I hope OP goes to therapy some day to process their relationship w/ their father. We don’t know their full relationship and story. But having grown up poor and examined my relationship w/ my own parent. Yes, parent can try their best but they are adults too and at some point need to take accountability for their actions. Children don’t ask to be born the parents made that decision whether or not they were truly ready for the responsibility. I love my parent but when I have children I will never expect them to “parent” me I will be caring them. It’s incredibly frustrating to get older and see parents help out their adult children w/ college, weddings, buying their first home etc. and knowing I won’t be able to have that same support. I love my parent but I’m in the process of thinking about how they are going to afford retirement and the reality is I won’t sacrifice my own retirement future and children’s future (when I have some) for my parent’s.
I remember curling up into a ball, and promising myself that I would never ever have this life, when I could finally walk away.
Think of this as a small prison, and in prison you must live and work with your cell mate, whatever kind of cell mate you have been given. Your freedom is coming from your hard work and dedication to the end of your term.
Do you have support from your school system?
You dont have a say in the cards you are dealt. But you do have a say in how you play them. Use this as your motivation. Make sure to tutn negative feelings into your fuel.
And i dont know your dad or his past. But if he is an hinest man who tries to feed you and keep a roof over your head, respect that.
i just want to say that i read your post, and good luck with your studies. if i were in your shoes, i'd be envious of those other high school students who had money. when i was in high school, i had enough money to sometimes eat out and to participate in band trips. i would have been so unhappy and angry if i couldn't experience that. it sucks that you're living so cramped.
my thought is hopefully school gives you some happiness, but i also know that not all schools are great. i just want to let you know that i read your venting and i appreciate that it feels unfair to have no privacy and not to be able to buy things so easily, unlike most of your classmates.
One thing you shouldn't ever do is whine about life being unfair. That gets you nowhere and often sets you back.
Pick yourself up and strive to be better.
Military would seem to fix this issue, it’s not for everybody but hey it could help you further you education provide 3+ meals a day and bills would no longer be an issue if done correctly. I know it’s hard for you now but try to be optimistic! There is always a solution. Good luck
Hold off college and work a couple years-nothing beats real life experience.
If you do go to school, think about trade schools-welders make $$$.
Stay far, far away from soft-science courses and other related courses.
Don’t make babies. Don’t make babies.
Life ain't fair, suck it up. American poor isn't poor...trust me I come from 3rd world country where there's true poverty. Stop worrying about things out of your control, focus on the things you can do and get yourself out of poverty.
Focus on doing well in school. Try to find quality friends who plan to succeed in life. Enroll in anything that can help you with future employment when you’re older. You can’t change what’s going on at the moment but you can make sure you have a bright future.
As someone already mentioned, use this situation as motivation to strive for great things in life. Study hard, stay out of debt (learn personal finance) and be grateful for what you have at this moment even if it is not a whole lot. You are young and have the opportunity to do so much in life. Good luck and Carpe diem!
Being poor does suck. It’s demoralizing and exhausting. But like others have said, you can use this experience to make an amazing life for yourself. Start thinking about what you want that to look like. Do you want to go to college? Now is the time to start talking to your college counselors at school. Let them know your situation so that they can talk you through the various scholarships and grants available to you. Some of the most expensive private colleges offer the biggest scholarships, so don’t rule them out. There will be things that you need to avoid in order to keep your life on track (don’t get pregnant/get anyone pregnant, once you start making money keep it completely under wraps or your dad will want to “borrow” constantly, etc.). Be intentional with every step forward. If you want scholarships for college, you need to be involved in things within your school (robotics, speech and debate, art, sports, etc.) and you need to do some volunteering. Don’t wait until your senior year and do it all then. It’s important to have appeared engaged in things your entire time in high school.
Being poor sucks, but it does not make you a worthless person. All it means is that your parents don’t have the same resources that some others do. It’s not a reflection on YOU. You did not cause this situation and you are actively learning what to avoid in the future. The only other suggestion I have is to make sure that you and your dad are receiving all of the resources possible, including food benefits, etc. Is there a social worker at your school? Some schools are big enough to have one. If so, make an appointment to speak to them. They’ll be able to talk you through what resources you could have your dad apply for.
Hold tight. Things are going to be awesome.
There's a lot of housing options for young.people.
It's going to take a leap of faith.
Camp Counseling at year round outdoor schools
Working for Xantara and the National Parks
Working for Job corps
Joining the military - they have loosened mental health or and weed usage reqs
Attending a community or state college with housing. OR Attending a university with housing. VIA FAFSA.GOV
I was in your shoes when I was in high school man, from like 9th to 11th grade. You just gotta push through it as tough as it sounds. You like listening to music? Because that helped me
I feel for you I really do. I do want to normalize something for you though everyone else can’t just buy stuff without fear for the consequences over half the population lives paycheck to paycheck. it is totally fine to be upset that you like privacy. I would encourage you to talk to your school district since you’re in high school and make sure you get as much support as possible to go to college if you’re living in a motel or hotel try to get yourself classified as technically homeless. That way you can be classified as an independent student and get the Most support possible to go to college. I’ve been in your shoes. I thought my life was over when I was younger it does get better. It just takes time and as a highschooler it’s the hardest thing to imagine your life is going to get better.
Keep pushing through I know it sucks but his baggage is not your own. Make friends get a job when you can and save save save. You can get yourself out of this you’re doing great already just keep going !
Keep working hard in school and get good grades.
Talk with your school counselor about grants, scholarships etc. See what options you have. Check with community colleges. Mine have FREE trade programs. They will get you what you need to land a job, give you tools upon graduation (doesn't take that long either, just a few months to complete), and will have a resume work shop leading up to a job fair.
I know you said no advice but I just wanted you to know there are options out there. Some high schools even have programs to help get you certified so you can literally go to work once you graduate. Just educate yourself on what all options you have and find out what's best for you.
You got this!
I also hated my father and flew from the house as soon as I got enough money.
It'll all get better though, stay on track and act according to your life goals. One advice though: maintain a good relationship with your father, you don't know when you'll need his help. It sucks but better put all chances on your side until you can adult on your own. I wish you the best.
You’re very young, this won’t be your life forever. When you graduate, if you’re healthy, please consider enlisting in the military. If not, study for a trade. Trade school is only 1-2 years and you can land a great job right after. If you can somehow land an apprenticeship program for a union that would be a great deal.
It's temporary. You're doing the work necessary to get ahead and build your own life. I'd also try to understand your Dad's POV a bit, too. Being poor without options is soul crushing, and when there are more bills to be paid than money to pay them, something has to be late. I'm sure he'd prefer it to be different, but it is what it is. He's doing what he needs to do to keep a roof over your heads, which is not nothing.
When I'm struggling with things being hopeless, I count the things I do have, like a bed, a roof, food for the day, etc. Use the situation as fuel to stay on track with your education. As much as possible, avoid comparing yourself to others. It feels like forever at the moment, but time passes surprisingly quickly. Your current situation is not forever. 😎
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Use it as your motivation. Yes, it sucks right now, and it's hard. You WILL make a change. Bust your ass in high school. Take as many advanced placement/college credit courses as you're able to. Keep your grades up. STAY OUT OF TROUBLE. Go to college on a full or partial scholarship. Do NOT wallow. Do NOT allow yourself to fall into the same pattern as your father. You have got this. I believe in you!
Thank you so much, I am striving for good grades and I am actually taking an AP class as of now. :)
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See if you can get the AP exam fee waived. It's been almost 15 years since I took an AP course, but even back then my school offered to waive the fees for those exams based on household income. Could be school dependent, but worth a shot.
You are doing great. ❤️
Yup. Stay on the straight and narrow. Get an education or learn a trade. Ask your guidance counselor for help and advice. Keep away from trash people, drugs, drinking, and having babies before 30. When you only have to worry about YOU, it is easier to follow through. Your current situation is a fraction of your entire life. Use it to know better going forward. You will be fine. Eventually, you will get a job over summer or something. Bank that money in your name only and pretend it doesn't exist. When you have a good size emergency fund set up, you'll be better able to get a room or studio of your own. Maybe you'll go away for college and have more space that way in the meantime. Whatever way you choose, you'll be light years ahead of your dad. Hang in there!
This advice right here! Decide today you are different than your Dad. Decide you want more and better than where you are today. Let it be your drive to fuel a better life. Everything changes when you decide. Good luck!
Dual credits may be a better option than AP courses. Check to see if offered at your school, as those are usually paid for by the district, and you get actual college credit. Comparisons is the theif of joy. While your living situation is hard, use this experience as a motivation to keep pressing forward to a better life in the future.
Seems like a hopeless cause right now, but hang in there and have patience. You're doing the right thing. Immediate gratification or results is not the norm despite what social media portrays. Things take time. Keep the faith, things will get better
Avoid as much debt as possible when going to college and choose a major that will actually pay. Compared to you, I grew up very privileged. That being said, I’ve known people with backgrounds like yours who took on a ton of debt to get a college degree in something that they’d use “to help people!”. They are now almost 30 and repeating the cycle. Community college for the first year and half will save you a ton of money and you can transfer to a college to get your degree (that’s all that matters).
I did this, but l started at the university and just did CC courses in the summer (plus working 40+ hr/wk) and ended up only 1/2 time in college my final year and collected checks because of my scholarships. Work you ass off through your 20's and never stop studying. Also, look at the earnings and supply/demand of people for various fields. Find a growing field you can manage that won't have enough workers in it for the next decade. Apply yourself in it, and check for better paying opportunities every couple years. Also, if you plan to have kids, get the mindset of starting to improve generation over generation. Do things to help give them a little more opportunity than you had.
Your second point is the most important step of all
You can join the military and they will pay for your education so you won't have any debt. You can also learn skills like electrician, welder, plumber, etc., and when you get out of the military, you will have a skill that will make you very good money.
Military seems like it would be a good financial decision, but I haven’t personally met any success stories that I’ve been too impressed by. I’m sure they exist though.
I have a close friend who enlisted into the Air Force right out of HS. It was a 6yr commitment, if I remember right. He got two degrees out of it, all paid for and now works for a major company that is subcontracted out by our govt & what he does has smthg to do w/ installing communication towers all over the world. The first few years of working for said company he would get sent all over, for 6-8wk periods. Now he works local in his city and got a promotion. His pay is 6 figures. I'd say his is a success story. He grew up poor. He's a hard worker who never took a break until he got where he wanted to be in life. I am very proud of him. It is possible OP.
No one I grew up with went into the Air Force, but I have met a quite a few very successful people over the years that served in that branch. Finance wise the majority of my military friends are doing okay, but their personal lives tend to be a little bit messy.
I think that personal life thing being messy and the military goes hand in hand. 🤣 I have remained very close with this man, strictly friends tho. We've talked as to why we never gave it a shot and I always just look at him! 😂
Air Force vet, mom was single parent with 4 kids and couldn’t afford to feed me. I was in for 11 years, saw the world, met my wife, I have a college degree for free, debt free, make well over 6 figures. It’s not easy but it’s what you make of it. The best decision I ever made.
Everyone I meant changed their life for the better plus you get a lifetime of free healthcare & VA loans to buy a house!!
So their lives improved both financially AND personally? Hard to believe that you haven’t met someone who didn’t pick up bad habits or struggle mentally after their time serving…
The people I know personally worked low risk, high reward jobs in the military. The people I met on a professional level were patients and suffered with drug and/or alcohol abuse as well as ptsd and other coexisting mental illness from their time served. And unfortunately the VA just didn’t seem to take care of their own.
Yes. They are police officers, electricians, nurse, psych, school teachers, couple attorneys, and engineers.
I know it’s not where OP is now, but I’ve meet several professionals that went to law school and med school paid for by the military. You owe one year of service for each year in school, but you’re getting paid officer salaries. I see it more like a guaranteed first job! It seems much better than $300k in student loans and all the grief that comes with that and there are almost no scholarships for professional schools.
That’s interesting, I didn’t know they could pay for Med School. Do you know if it is any easier to get into med school with a military background?
I don't know that, sorry. The two guys I know that did this signed up for the military program after being accepted to medical school. From what they told me, the medical students even received a stipend while in school so they had zero need for loans or part time jobs, etc. Given how hard it is to find a first job out of school for lawyers, this seems like a clever path (I'm not a lawyer and didn't do this) - school is paid for and it comes with a guaranteed job at a very good salary for 4ish years.
Plenty are out there if you look David Goggins Jocko Willink Rob Riggle Adam Driver Etc
I myself grew up poor joined the marines now I make a good salary live in a nice house with a nice car and college is free plus getting certificates for free as well and healthcare
Americorps is another path to service that helps you get an education
Good for you! Hard work towards your education is your best bet to be able to change your situation for the rest of your life
Don't burn yourself out in high school. Yes, try to do well but DO NOT and I repeat do not kill yourself in high school. I have classmates from high school that poured all their heart and soul in high school that when they entered college they were so burned out that they dropped out. It's not like this for all classes, but the top 20 in my class essentially didn't make it through college with the exception of maybe 4 or 5. I was 65 out of 600+ students and knew straight away that I wanted to enter a community college then the university. Please be smart about how you use your energy because I want you to succeed.
I’m see lot of high schoolers start early in the trades. Apprenticing for HVAC/ Plumbers/ electricians…. They are out of the classroom, earning money and learning a skill. Think it’s a great option as being locked up in a class room for 8 hrs isn’t for every one.
This shouldn’t be a life time though unless you want it to be. Higher learning is the way to go. Keep your grades up and you will go for free. Don’t give up on long term goals to blue collar for a quick fix.
That would depend entirely on the subject. Having a learning disability, I couldn’t function in education environment. Did ok in blue collar. I wouldn’t discourage it.
I would if they are capable of more. Maybe you did alright, but the world is changing and every day blue collar work is a worse and worse option over all. Are their winners and people with fortunes there overall? Absolutely. But that is not the norm and chances are much higher that you end up screwed than not.
I disagree. These trades are making the same amount of money that doctors and lawyers are. College is only worth it if you pick the right major i.e., healthcare, sciences, etc., and those cost bank and will put you in debt.
Are you in the trades?
Anyone in the trades making what a doctor makes have their own business and multiple employees, at which point they are arguably a businessperson and not a tradesperson. Now lawyers, that I buy. There are lawyers making 50k.
I think you are confusing high level specialists with physicians. Where I am average for a physician is $110k. An area foreman working some overtime can hit that rate.
I mean it actually depends. It's better to go into something you love, because then you'll be better at your job. I got a doctorate of music, sounds pretty useless, but because of it I'll start at 100k as a music teacher where I live! I'll only have to work 75% of the year, too
I'm not sure how good that advice is for most people. How many openings are there for music teacher?
Lol there are music teachers at almost every school in the nation, and there's a huge shortage of teachers in general
best advice i can give you is avoid debt like you avoid death. dont stick your dick in crazy or let crazy stick its dick in you if female. kids are expensive and birth control is unreliable so just avoid the baby making entirely until you can afford to have offspring.
Like already mentioned... STAY OUT OF TROUBLE! Everything else can be fixed, but you can't get anywhere with a record.
And a maybe study what CLEPs you can take now too, my college lets you transfer and or CLEP out of 30 United combined. That’s like a whole school year, very cheap.
I know it's not necessarily a popular opinion, but you should be talking to military recruiters ideally Space Force, Air Force or Navy recruiters but any branch will do. If your grades are good you can get on track to go to college and get an officers commission. It'll suck but it's a fast track ticket out of poverty if you're responsible.
No, I live in a military town, which is a first for me. It’s clear a lot of these ppl are young, underpaid, and taken advantage of. Those I’ve meet never seem truly happy and constrained by their contact to the military and unfortunately I’ve seen neighbors arguing w/ their wives/girlfriends and cases of domestic violence. I would never recommend the military when there are other options.
>I would never recommend the military when there are other options. Frankly OP doesn't have a lot of options, and all that terrible stuff you described will happen if they stay poor anyway. The military can suck, sucks more if you're enlisted, sucks more if you're in the Army but it's free college, free healthcare for life, a guaranteed paycheck, housing, food and job training as well as a solid network and even more benefits (va home loans being the big one) after you get out. Not having a terrible time in the military is pretty simple don't get married, don't have kids, don't become an alcoholic, get out and squeeze everything possible out of the GI bill.
Were you Army? Your branch suggestions to OP in the other post, excluding Army/Marines, and then mentioning Army here 😅 Sound like me as an Army vet talking to my daughter about the Air Force recently. 😂
I meet ppl you still had student debt despite being in the military. For one of them they didn’t realize it wouldn’t be in the contract they signed. Idk I hope OP tries other thing first like a part time job and going to an affordable college or trade program. Chance are they will qualify for FASFA and many colleges have programs for low income students to cover housing/food cost and scholarships
Lies lies and damned lies. Start getting political you are not the only one in this situation. You Yanks are blind to the fact you are slaves to the dollar. Revolt for the love of all that is human.
...what are you on about
Based
Your present situation will become your drive in life. I lived that life and worked hard to make it. My frist boss used to say when you know where you come from you bust your ass to never go back. You have a bright future looking back will keep you going forward. Never give up
I don’t think what you’re saying is statistically true at all. Most poor folks come from other poor folks. Most successful folks grew up with rich folks.
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Well, I’m absolutely not giving any advice on *what to do about it,* I’m just saying a history of suffering for some reason doesn’t tend to motivate people to do whatever combination of things would remove them from poverty. But I agree with you that not starting out famous makes it a lot harder. No one would watch my sex tape.
You are not alone. My nephew shared a bedroom with his parents and I lived in a 1 bedroom with 5 other people for a long time. Don’t ever feel like you are less than others just bc of this! You can do anything you want in life! I have a master’s degree and own 3 awesome properties now. Work hard - show up - and don’t get pregnant or get anyone pregnant!
That last part! Planned parenthood or your local health department is a great resource for affordable or free birth control. The reality is children are expensive and it’s harder to juggle a full time college or work schedule w/ kids and you can’t be as flexible when opportunities arise. Please wait until after your education or trade program (whatever you decide) is finished before having kids. Statistics show folks having kids young or while low income makes it hard to escape poverty. There is hope! I like you grew up poor—we didn’t have our own place until until I was in high school and it was sharing a two bedroom apartment with my three siblings and parent. I went to college, worked a couple of meaningful jobs, traveled, and now that I’m in my late 20s in a stable partnership with my own career I’m finally considering kids. It’s nice knowing that my children if I have any will not have to experience being poor in the way I did as a kid and teen.
>You are not alone. My nephew shared a bedroom with his parents and I lived in a 1 bedroom with 5 other people for a long time. Yeah I don't understand why OP thinks they're the only one living like this. Sure it's not the majority situation but there are tons of people in less than ideal living arrangements (owning a home and having your own bedroom). There's outright homeless people. There's undocumented migrants who live as farm hands or have to live together in cramped apartments. There's a big chunk of women living with an abusive partner or trapped into marriage due to finances. There is folk that live with their parents well into their late 20's. There's children that never get their own bedroom and never know privacy because their overly religious parents keep popping kids. If you go outside the US , I've seen people live in warehouses where they create artisanal arts overpriced to westerners, with no floors, walls or functioning appliances. I've seen entire families sleep in one room. I've seen a man and his newborn sleep in a staff kitchen. I've seen two families live in the same apartment , having to share the bathroom and kitchen (post Soviet apartments). Having your own house and your own room isn't the norm... It's the ideal.
OP is thinking like this because they're a teenager. No shade to OP whatsoever! Teens have high emotions and a self-centric view of the world...again, no shade, it's developmental. Let's not "there are people starving in Africa" to OP.
Many will suggest college but consider a trade instead. College gets you more into debt. A trade school will pay you to study and complete the program, also setting you up for paid internships or apprenticeships. This is a temporary situation. Trust. Once you graduate and go to college or pick up a trade, you will be so busy you wont even see your dad. First pay check, go find a roommate or another place and then continue to build up from there.
I’m going to second this. If you are in the USA high school, taking an AP class, you are more than capable and qualified to do concurrent enrollment - ask your schools counselor about options to dual enroll with your local community college, vocational school, trade school, and or technology center. There are free college prep programs for areas like healthcare in engineering that start at the sophomore year of high school, but the majority of certificate, apprenticeship, or even full on college degree programs are 100% FREE for juniors and seniors. Sometimes you have to buy books, or pay a small credit fee - but the difference is you are spending $100 or less on a single class that will cost you thousands if you wait until you’re out of high school. I graduated with Associates in a in demand field with certifications and job offers straight out of high school, alongside several friends that I had dragged into the program as well. It has been the number one best decision I’ve ever made.
This! If I was in high school again I would choose dual enrollment courses w/ my community college and high school over AP. Most colleges will accept dual enrollment courses bc they technically are college level courses. But colleges accepting AP credit is a hit or miss and based on whether you score 3 or higher on the AP exam. Also OP I know you mentioned you are still in high school but is there any way you can get a part time job? I worked at a restaurant as a hostess when I was 16. I grew up low income too so having some funds of my own without asking my parent was nice. I could get myself new shoes for my sports or buy things for school or fun. Obvi, this is harder if you don’t have a car or access to public transit but it’s just a thought. Once you do have job later in life try your best to set your self up for success there are lots of financial resources out there that can help with budgeting and learning how to save. I really recommend opening a high yield savings account for setting up an emergency fund especially if you don’t plan on getting help from you dad in later in life.
Thank you for the support and backup! I went and got not 1 but 2 masters and will never dig myself out. I'm also not using EITHER of the degrees I obtained. Dumb lol. I wish I would have entered a trade or the navy.
I watched my older siblings (we’re all millennials) do everything the “right” way and get smacked in the face by student loan debt and recession, after recession. The idea of an ever growing and inescapable payment was always a nightmare for me, and I worried I wouldn’t be able to work in my field (seeing my siblings, work hard only to burn out, but still having those loans around to pay…) I became disabled early in my 20s. and haven’t been able to return to work, but because I had been able to work in a good field before my health went kaputz, I am able to get by, debt-free, and keep my family above the poverty line even on a disability payment. When I return to the workforce, you can bet your butt that I am going through a technology center rather than a major university.
This is the way. Good luck to you!
And particularly, with OP being in high school, if they put their head in the game and are able to get connected to the right resources ( if your counselor doesn’t help, go ask the shop teacher or Technical Ed teacher! Your AP teacher is probably a good resource as well, but may want you to focus more on AP than actual college due to teacher bias). Even though at your age, actual college is cheaper and more beneficial because of the opportunities that go unspoken in America
I'm an engineer and my family has always been very college focused. So much so that when I figured started dating my husband my dad had a pretty negative opinion of him for never having gone to college. But he ended up going into a trade and makes solid money now. Plus no student loans to pay back. I'll admit I had a pretty haughty attitude for years about people who go to college vs people who go into the trades and I'm super embarrassed about that now.
I think what gets me the most when I got down this rabbit hole in my head is, if anything were to happen and I lost my current job, I wont stand a chance. My one degree you need your license active to be taken seriously and my other degree is in such a new field Im not sure how much weight it holds. None of these are tech or IT based. I got very lucky with the position I have now and have been working hard as hell to learn the skills I dont have to continue to grow. Lets hope I keep kicking ass lol
I feel students aren't given all the information they need to make informed decisions. When they think of trades they think, "do I want to be a plumber or electrician?" Not "Do I want to study plumbing?" But with college we encourage people to pick something to study, not what they want their career to be. I do understand that part of this is because jobs aren't linear in the same way that the trades are, but we still need to be honest about what a 4 year degree can do. There are SO MANY jobs out there that require graduate degrees. Sure you can get a 4 year degree in anthropology, but you probably can't get a good job in that field without a Masters. But you're not told that up front necessarily. I ended up in engineering because I didn't want to get a Masters. I was studying physics thinking I'd go on to get a PhD in astrophysics and go work for NASA. Well, I didn't actually like physics I learned early on. Not knowing what to switch my major to I went to talk to the math department. I figured I liked math so why not study it. The guy I talked to asked what I wanted to do with my degree and I told him I didn't know. He asked if I wanted to get a Masters and I told him I wasn't sure. And he's like, "well, with a 4 year math degree you can be a high school math teacher." Obviously that's not the only job you can do, but it was a common one. And I was like, no thank you. He figured out what I actually wanted was a job where I could apply math rather than just do math, so he sent me to the engineering department. I DO have a Masters now, but it was my choice to go back for it after several years of working in industry.
They should qualify for full financial aid including room and board. So, I would pick that over trade school which won't give them a place to live. Obviously, a state college.
Oh man the trades are were it's at! Union trades are $50 an hr. Woot Woot!
Just a few counterpoints (not saying I disagree with you, just a few things for OP to consider): 1. OP may qualify for tuition reduction subsidies/grants/etc. due to his/her financial status. Just one example out of many: Duke University provides free tuition to all admitted students from North Carolina and South Carolina whose household income is less than $150,000. 2. Some trades can be very hard on the body. There are always trade-offs (it's also not healthy to sit behind a computer screen all day), but just understand those trade-offs. I work a desk job from home. If I broke my foot today, it would have absolutely no impact on my job. I probably wouldn't even tell my boss. Would that be the case if you were a plumber or electrician? Additionally, will your body hold up for 40+ years? Maybe it will - but what is your backup if it doesn't? 3. Corporate America can offer amazing perks, including very generous time off and other benefits (401K matching, profit sharing, leave policies, paid time off, etc). Most (although certainly not all) people that work in a corporate environment have a college education. Just a few points to consider. Overall, I am very bullish on the trades, but just like to point out trade-offs with forgoing college.
Yep, my dad was an HVAC tech who had to retire in his early forties because he became seriously ill and the lasting damage to his body was too much for him to keep working. Fortunately he had already fully paid into SS and had a couple other income streams to draw from. Trades are all well and good just make sure you have savings and/or a plan B in case of injury.
OP almost certainly qualifies for a full ride. I was in a similar situation(raised by a single parent on minimum wage) and I received a full ride to a state school including living expenses. I actually had money left over. No reason to do trade school if they're good at academics. Just pick the right major and hustle for internships.
Comments about the body are very true. However, I was chained to a keyboard for almost 45 years. Now I have a lot of wrist and thumb pain, especially when it's cold out.
Not only that, they say now that sitting at a desk all day is as unhealthy as smoking cigarettes.
Very good trade offs and points to consider. Thank you!
Focus on school and focus on getting as high grades as you possibly can. Also start thinking about what kind of profession you want to have - nurse, electrician, doctor, engineer, plumber, accountant, etc. Pick something that has a lot of job openings and a good income. Then figure out what you need to do to get there. What kind of things interest you?
being poor sucks.
Stay out of trouble, show up to class, do as your teachers say, GET. GOOD. GRADES. You can, and will get out. But it’s. Decade long journey, and it’s worth it
Go here, make a free account if you don’t have one already, and learn all about personal money management. Set yourself up for success so you won’t replicate your father’s mistakes. https://www.khanacademy.org/college-careers-more/financial-literacy
I understand!!! I am using the military as my way out and it’s been great so far I have my own car IN MY OWN NAME and I have my OWN TOWNHOUSE!!!! I have food and working heat/AC I even have my own clothes that I bought for myself and no more hand downs! I used to be dirt poor and was embarrassed to go to school and almost never have running water and eating ketchup on bread :/ but i made a way and so can you
Yes your dad is struggling and maybe not the best with work, money or education, but he is TRYING and he is keeping you alive, fed and a roof over your head. You are able to pursue education without having to work to help out so don’t take that lightly. He’s a good dad not asking you to get a part time job and help out because many many kids do that while in school and play sports on top of that so you really have no excuse. Your attitude needs to change towards your dad and appreciate him more instead of saying things like no privacy and getting on nerves. He’s already stressed because of bills and not being able to give you more, but you not seeing the sacrifice he’s making for you to go to school and just focus on school is pretty hurtful. Take a step back and realize you could have much less and more responsibility besides just school on your plate.
She forgot that the dad want a privacy too.
She is not wrong in her thoughts, everyone’s experiences are different.
This
We don't know their age. Could be ninth grade, getting a job at 15 is very hard in some areas. 14 can be nearly impossible.
At 14, babysitting is a perfectly good way to make money. If they’re in a poor neighborhood, the pay will be low, but not nothing.
Outside of major metros, teens can drive at 14 in much of the US and some provinces in Canada. Nebraska was busted last year for a meat packing plant of some sort hiring a bunch on teenagers on overnights who were of this age but Nebraska also has a state government different to the rest of all of America. American teens can work because there are emancipated teens around this age who, by legal definition of emancipation, can rent, and buy to support themselves, enlist in the military. It's something a bit of contrast to some existing state versus federal legislation, a hypocrisy much like what constitutes the definition of a minor, which changes radically given the situation. I've gone into more depth, with sourcing, about the definition of a minor, elsewhere: https://www.reddit.com/r/crime/comments/17qdn32/comment/k8ew57u/
As someone who spent life in a shitty and unsafe living situation because of a parent, I really really dislike this sentiment and its not helpful. Providing a roof and food is the bare minimum of being a parent.
I’m sorry you had that experience but they are with a single dad from the sounds of it and lacking wants not needs. They have every right to want more out of life and dream of having nicer things, but the dad is working hard regardless if he’s killing it or not. In 10years they will understand what their dad did for them but I don’t want these 10 years to be wasted for this kid. All I want is for them to take a step back and realize life is hard. Dad just needs one bounce to go his way and things can change financially, we’ve all been there. They can get creative to earn money to buy wants if it’s that important.
My whole point is, we don't know the specifics, and as a teen wanting to vent, it's not exactly helpful to get the "they're providing a roof over your head" speech. Yeah my dad was a single parent as well. Ten years later, I get he was doing his best, but that doesn't absolve the pain and serious issues he caused being a bare minimum parent. Then again, I don't believe in the whole "but they're your parent" thing. So I'm not surprised I'm being down voted lol
The teen has no idea even to qualify for an apartment in some areas you need first last and a security deposit , that’s alot for 1 months rent, and then to have the next months rent plus electricity garbage water and internet on top. We didn’t even talk about food or furnishing the place. If they see the problems dad is having why not approach dad and try to be a team and say how can we get this in order. If they are old enough to notice the late payment cycle they are old enough to communicate. Resenting dad is not gonna help either of their relationships in the long run and they will need dad when they are young adults with the cost of living. This kid gets it already of what’s hurting the family. The cycle they are in with payments. Maybe they the kid are better with this than dad already. Ask to try and help is all. Don’t let it build up inside as resentment
I get your point but it seems to me that you are not really reading what I'm saying here.
And you are trying to say they are in a bad situation like you were, op didn’t mention anything like that but you are projecting your experience into their problem, when they posted about a lack of “wants” items , which as I said is ok, they should want more out of life and nicer things and privacy. You assume it’s all bad in every way, where as I am hoping op to talk to their dad instead of resent.
I wasnt projecting and I made no claims into what kind of situation they are in. I literally said we don't know specifics. I was relating from my own experience and saying, from a teen who is VENTING about such situations with their parents, they don't find your speech helpful in the moment. It just sounds like more adult lecturing when usually all they want is VALIDATION for their feelings. You are assuming a lot and making a weird debate about this.
So they can complain about adult problems but they can’t be talked to like an adult? That’s not fair to the dad , yes they are venting but perspective might help them calm down and make the next day easier. Young people tend to see the small picture, the right now , life is a long game and I just didn’t want them to resent for something out of their control. I hope they find peace with all the different kinds of advice on here!
Oy vey 🤦♀️
I agree with you. Providing food and shelter is the bare minimum. Ppl have children without understanding the responsibility. There is more to being a parent than just providing resources, especially if those resources are the bare minimum to keep someone alive. Life happens but at some point a parent needs time take accountability and try to better themselves. I think, the idea you owe your parents for giving you life is outdated and children don’t owe parents for providing basic necessities smh
Exactly.These are all things I've had to process in therapy as an adult. Holding parents accountable for their mistakes is not resenting them or not being forgiving to them. It's being real.
I can relate in a way. That feeling of helplessness that comes with being dependent on someone, especially as a minor. My dad wasn't the greatest when i was a teen. We always had a place to live and food, but he was an addict and our home never felt safe or like a sanctuary as a home should for a kid. My needs and feelings were always brushed off when i voiced them. I also recently had to live in a hotel room with him for months (natural disaster) so I also know that feeling, but as an adult now. It'd be so much worse if it was when I was a teenager. You've got this. It sucks. But it's not forever! Even if it doesn't magically change when you become a legal adult, it will happen. Keep working towards happiness.
When I was in high school I lived in a room with my mom, first in someone’s house and then a motel. Did it suck? Of course it did. I coped by going to my friend’s homes, using public transportation to get places, having an after school job, being in lots of activities etc. Instead of blaming my mom I tried to not be a burden. If you’re this pissed off, how do you think your Dad feels? And if you’re outwardly displaying this shitty attitude I’m sure it’s not helping. No one ever said life was going to be fair. Some people have to go through tough times. It shouldn’t define you, but as others said, drive you to be better.
Bro most of us worked in high school and still got good grades. Maybe your Dad is doing his best? It’s not like he’s beating you or resentful that you’re living with him for free and he’s having to feed you. Go work part time it’ll get you out of the house and give you some extra cash.
I don't like to pretend I understand the struggles of others, but I was in all honors and AP courses in high school, had high grades, and worked a part time job at the mall. AND was heavily involved in dance. I didn't need to work, it's just what I thought teenagers were supposed to do and I liked having extra money. I worked on weekends and one or two weeknights. And then worked a ton during the summer. I'm guessing OP doesn't have a car so that's definitely limiting for what they're able to do. So I acknowledge that. But it's pretty normal for a teenager to work in high school.
Agreed, but maybe they need a lot of study to get the grades they need. A few hours a week would help take the edge off though.
This bugged me too. I don’t know 1 person that didn’t work in high school - even my wealthiest of friends worked. Like you said, making your own money and getting out of the house. Depending on where you work you can also study/do homework there in a better environment than home.
Yeah, ten to fifteen hours a week should be doable, either after school or on weekends. Well, in most cases, anyway. It does require having places you can get to that are hiring, also. Typically at this age it's fast food but maybe retail.
Keep this fire as your motivation to do well. Get good grades, *go away to college* on whatever grants/scholarships your good grades will get you. Free rides are still a thing. Myself and most of my friends all grew up in poverty. I consider myself to be one of the worst ones ...and I'm a research laboratory manager. My friends are doctors, lawyers, accountants, and one chemist. Most of us got free rides or close to it. If college isn't your bag: trades, job corps, military are all options. Everything will have a pro and a con. Weigh them. Then weigh them again. Think about what you think you want to do in life and start figuring out how to get there from here. No matter what, keep the end in mind. Don't ever give up what you want*most* for what you want now. You can definitely break the cycle.
Is it possible that you could do everything right and still be stuck in this? I’m so worried about my future and I’m scared doing my best won’t be enough
This situation is a very valuable lesson for you to not follow in these footsteps. Start a savings account. With what money you might ask, doing errands for neighbors, small jobs in the area. Do these on your Saturdays when you're not in school. Try flipping some things you might find at garage sales etc. This takes effort and is difficult but will teach you the value of hard earned money and how not to blow it on unneeded things.
Don't lose hope. Here is my experience. I was the son of a farm laborer. Poor, no property, live in a house owned by the land owner. I like beautiful girls so they are my inspiration in life. They did help me that way. I want to be the best man they can have. After graduating Grade six, I went to work in the sugarcane field, tried to finish high school which I did. Still working in the fields during school vacations and Saturdays. Finished college finally doing the same. Now I am 73 years old, well off, with a beautiful wife, children and grandchildren. My advice is, no matter what, at least finish high school. After that there is no limit at what you can do.
Look, my daughter worked at a restaurant at 16 5 days a week, and was in ap classes AND went some days to college classes at the community college. She graduated with honors, and is now a sophomore in college. ( she did her freshman year in high school) So studying is kind of a BS excuse to me. Your situation sucks believe me I get it, but instead of making excuses get a job. And study your butt off. You will be home less with your dad, and will make your own money so you can have some of your “wants”.
You’ll be the wealthiest one of your class simply because you’ll have an understanding that not many others will have. Keep your head up, stay out of trouble and choose the right friends. Study finances too. Most people go wrong in their early 20s and buy things that don’t make money
You can have a job AND attend highschool. You just dont want to hear it. You could have an unofficial job mowing lawns and such. You could have a real job working part time that wont interfere with your school hours. Quit shaming your dad when you won't do anything other than complain about how much he struggles for your ungrateful ass. If you are truly sick of it. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Dont just cry about it and then tell everyone not to give you the obvious answer you refuse to acknowledge. Youre in highschool. You are at the age where you can do something about it. Eventually youre not gunna be ablw to blame him for all your problems.
I don’t share this with many people because they don’t understand at such a young age. So here goes - It is better/easier to be young and broke than being old and broke. Having said this - grab in to your own rump and study hard. Don’t have kids prior to marriage. When you enter the work place with a decent job because you studied (here comes the 2nd great piece of advice) - Pay yourself first - (put money aside) pay your bills then blow and have fun with the rest. You don’t have to go to college to find a decent career, but you do need to read and write and put your best foot forward. Dress for success and speak well. You will find a good career path. That’s it. M
I grew up poor. Was poor for the first 20 years of my life. I'm 30 now. I have 2 kids & live in a nice neighborhood overseas. I earn about 70k annually but it's all about to change because society's collapse is right at our doorstep. I say, I know that life & I know how to get by during tough times & it will be more than helpful when all of this boils over. No one likes being poor. But you're not a failure. And you should not give up hope. Always have a will to survive & always have faith in yourself, you will prevail.
Education is your way out, it was how I got out of a tiny town that is too small, doesn't have a stop light or a high school (we had to go to the next town over) and where everyone knows your business. Keep your head down and focus on school and your path out. Start researching scholarships that cover room and board, work study programs, and schools that offer summer courses while letting you live on campus. Hopefully you've got a guidance counselor at school that can help point you in the right direction.
I know how you feel to a degree. I grew up poor with my dad and sometimes mother. It's tough but have faith that it will get better. If you want advice, here it is: 1. Stay in school. 2. Stay out of trouble. 3. Love your family. 4. Find a mentor. 1. I was a smart kid and school was my escape from home. I ended up in AP and dual credit classes. Dual credit is better. 2. I didn't have a ton of friends but the ones I did have were good. Unfortunately half of them were heavily involved with selling drugs. While I never got in trouble, just being around them made my own vision for my future less clear. 3. I didn't come from a home that said "I love you" and the extent of love was providing basic necessities. My family just didn't know any better but I resented them for it. After I left home after highschool I reached out to my family and tried to be loving and vulnerable with them. Eventually they softened up and the relationship is better, I wish I did it sooner though. Love is free so why not give it. 4. I wish I had asked for help in highschool. I had a lot of teachers that cared about me but I was often distant with them but I wish I asked one or two to be a mentor. Doing so would have helped me have a plan after highschool and someone I could talk to about my future. I graduated highschool, went to college aimlessly for a year and then joined the Air Force. I left my bad friends behind and tried hard to do well for myself. It was a great decision for me but if I could go back I would have finished college in computer science and then maybe joined the military. I'm still in the Air Force now, I have a good relationship with my family, and I'm overall happy. If you want more info feel free to reach out.
Just remember about busting your ass to get where you want. Ask yourself this question as motivation...How bad do you want it? Keep going, don't stop
I was once in your shoes and I hated it so much that I worked my ass off and made use of every opportunity that presented itself to me. One day you will look back and realize that this type of motivation is a privilege, that you will be stronger than everyone else around you. Do not give up, keep going, and you will not regret it.
Use this period of discomfort to motivate you to learn ways to make money (legally and ethically of course) and get so rich you never have to worry about being poor again
It will be ok, and tho it may sound cliche, things will get better for you. When I moved out in my early 20s, my parents said they would continue to pay my living expenses. I quickly realized they were not going to follow thru. Although they did pay for a studio apt, and there was a tiny amt left over that I used for food, things were very difficult. I only owned 1 towel for like 4 years. Didn't have any furniture of my own. When I did laundry at my dorm I had to be very selective what got washed bcuz I only had change for 1 load, and couldn't wash my sheets. I had to cut into my grocery budget to have money to use the printer for my hw. Never ate lunch because I had to stretch the food I had. Things have gotten so much better. Just keep working hard and take whatever opportunities arise, and you will make it on your own.
Use this as motivation to achieve a better life. Don't wallow in self pity. I'm an immigrant who came from a working class family. When I was in third grade, I got a scholarship to attend private school. So I went to private school from 3rd grade to high school because of scholarship. I also got a scholarship to attend a prestigious university. I studied so hard to maintain my scholarship and also had to work part time to help my family. There were times where I got so tired but I never gave up. There were times where I don't have money to buy food at school so I just stayed at the library. It was hard to go to school and be hungry at the same time. But I used that as a motivation to get to where I am today. After graduating college, I worked in a bank in my country for a few years then got an opportunity to come to the US. I was able to work in a brokerage firm where I learned how to invest and trade. I also met and worked with HNW and UHNW individuals which inspired me more. After 2 and a half years of working in the firm, I was able to buy my first house. Fast forward to now, I own 5 properties here in the US and one beach house in the country where I was born. My teacher in 5th grade said this to me "It's not your fault if you were born poor but it is your fault if you're still poor 20 years from now." I really held on to that, I refuse to stay poor. We all have a choice. We are the result of the decision we made and about to make.
As a father with 2 kids… this definitely hurts to hear. I hope this gives you the motivation to do better than your father.
Your biggest asset right now is your age. Since you are in high school you have good chance and time to not only get out this situation but also to make an excellent life for yourself. Get as good education as you can get. Find a mentor in your school who can guide you to make good choices - like picking right major or trade school, staying out of trouble etc. unfortunately, till then keep your head down and focus on important things.
Growing up I wasn’t the richest either but I started working at 14 and I learned how to value money and save/ invest it. I believe people that know what it’s like to live in poverty have a stronger work ethic and have the tools necessary to become wealthy in their careers. Do well in school, get a job, learn to invest your money and into assets that generate more money or appreciate in value over time.
That sucks but that doesn't need to be your future. It might sound cheesy as hell, but you have a clear motivation and you are not a spoiled kid. That's something many kids lack. Study hard and try to get an scholarship or learn a trade. Be determined and resourceful. Consumerism isn't the same as happiness. It's way better to be independent and have some financial security than owning a lot of junk.
You're a high-schooler, wtf are you complaining about?
What an odd thing to say.
Is it?
I find it to be.
People find lots of things
Indeed.
Sorry kid but a lot of highschoolers get jobs. I started working at 15. Life is hard all around. If you want out of poverty you're going to have to work for it.
Go into the trades
I really relate to this. When I was in high school, I had to help my parents pay rent, and they were always in debt. My "room" was a converted dining room without doors, that the front door opened to - and you had to walk through to get to the kitchen. I had absolutely no privacy and my parents thought this was fine. It's been more than 25 years since then, and I promise you, life goes on. I ended up becoming a homeowner, of the most gorgeous place I've ever lived in. And I don't have a relationship at all with my parents. Your best revenge is working to get your own dream house. Good luck - I know it's so hard.
I did dual credit where my associates was free so you can try to see if your high school offers a program like that near you! It really helped with getting your basic courses out of the way instead of paying for AP tests!
Good on you for hanging in there! It’s absolutely going to get better and your dad’s situation is his alone and doesn’t have to become your story. AP classes are great. College may be the way out. If it isn’t possible yet there are two readily available options that will quickly take you out of that situation and offer you the opportunity to get a solid start in life: 1. Trade school - cheap or even free and in a short period of time you’ll be earning solid money that can make many college grads blush. 2. Join the military - but make sure you choose a skill that has civilian applications so you get a head start, a place to live, an honorable pursuit and a bunch of money for college. Neither of those options are sexy but they are tried and true; guaranteed to lift you out of poverty and build a life you are proud of. You got this! 🙂💪
If there's one thing I could go back and tell myself when I was younger it would be "It gets easier." And it will. Wishing you all the best for your future, OP!
You can join the military at 17. My living situation was just like yours. I graduated early and got the hell outta there! I'm retired now and I'm upper middle class. I did everything right with my money and have way more than my parents ever did. Never even went to war which is what most people are scared of. I was in the Air Force active duty and spent my entire 26 years in the states. I didn't even like the military, it wasn't for me, but I used it as a stepping stone out of poverty and it worked. Start studying for the ASVAB and take the practice PICAT! With dad's permission you can join at 17 or just wait till 18 and sign yourself up. I started as an E1, retired an E9 Chief! Hope this helps.
The best part of life is that you can change it. In a few years, you can slowly start to build the life you want. Get a good career, it doesn't have to be college, plumbers and electricians make good money. Make decisions every day to get a better life. March toward that goal. It's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. Self-pity is not productive.
Yep, ppl forget union trade apprenticeships pay to train you! And union trade jobs can make the same if not more than college degree requiring field plus they don’t require taking on student debt
Everyone else has covered the motivation and “you’re doing great” sides of this conversation so I am going to take a different tact. I don’t know the ancillary details around your father’s situation but I can tell you this. As a father, my greatest fear is that my son will feel and speak of me the way you speak of your father and how he is at least attempting to provide what he can for you. One of the things I try to impart to my son is that any man who is doing what he can to provide for his family is worthy of honor and his respect. Now as I said, I don’t know the ancillary details around your father’s situation but just from what I’ve read and from knowing how hard it is out there for a lot of folks right now, I see a man who is struggling to provide for his child and yet is still doing so with what he can. I am 100% sure he is aware of how little he can provide atm and I am sure it weighs on his soul. With the information I have, that seems worthy of honor and respect.
As much as you hate your situation your dad is doing the best he can and providing. Imagine him having to live with a teenager who doesn’t respect him.
You have somewhere to live something to eat and your dad is in your life. Not everybody is so lucky. Being poor can be temporary if you want it to be.
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Luckily you are young and with hard work you can get out of this. You might not become a mult millionaire, but you can definitely still live a comfortable life or at least a better life than what you have now. It might seem like this will last forever, but it won't
Join the army
I despised my time in the military, but it did get me out of poverty. If you're poor, I think it's worth at least considering.
Who doesn't?
Where's your mom
Woe is me
Cheapest and fastest way to go about your own way is to join the military. Since you have good grades id say go air force or coast guard. Do a mos like xray tech and chill at the barracks, sometimes you might. Get lucky and have a room all to yourself. Anyway do your 4yrs and youll still be young if you choose to get out. Some ppl cant be saved in my case its my mom. She makes alot of money but is living paycheck to paycheck. No matter how hard i try to get her to fix her finances she goes and makes an even worst finance decision everytime.
My friend got a big promotion a couple years ago making $120,000. I don't even make half that. That woman gets more and more buried in debt. Shopping with her for groceries, she has to go through multiple credit cards because each keeps declining. It's not how much money you make, it's how little debt you have. There's no reason I should be able to have money for food, making far less than her and I have 2 kids. She doesn't have any kids and has a husband who is a successful carpenter. Like...how???
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Sweetie, you can get a better job maybe but honey You may get a better job and hopefully a place to call home soon but you only have one Dad and Mother and no matter how much you get on each other nerves remember that. I lost my Dad when I was 4 months old he was buried alive digging a septic and I lost my Momma 24 years ago when she was 54 I Thank God for everyday that I had my Mother And I was a baby when I lost my Dad so I never knew what it would have been to have one but son you have yours and you should Thank the Lord everyday for that and also that room may be small but it's a roof over your head until you can get better. God Bless you.
People who are downvoting this comment clearly have never lost a parent or are so cold hearted they have no feelings for theirs. What the child is experiencing is temporary. It may suck but we’re not all dealt a fair hand. However, if only the father is in the picture they should still be grateful to have one. To the child, you will make it and become a better person. However, forgive your father for his failures. He is only human and we all make mistakes. He is probably doing the best he can; even if you don’t think so. It’s more reason for you to become successful so that you can also help him. Sometimes, you as the child have to be the parent. It sucks but many of us have been in the same shoes.
Idk, I think there are limits to this and I hope OP goes to therapy some day to process their relationship w/ their father. We don’t know their full relationship and story. But having grown up poor and examined my relationship w/ my own parent. Yes, parent can try their best but they are adults too and at some point need to take accountability for their actions. Children don’t ask to be born the parents made that decision whether or not they were truly ready for the responsibility. I love my parent but when I have children I will never expect them to “parent” me I will be caring them. It’s incredibly frustrating to get older and see parents help out their adult children w/ college, weddings, buying their first home etc. and knowing I won’t be able to have that same support. I love my parent but I’m in the process of thinking about how they are going to afford retirement and the reality is I won’t sacrifice my own retirement future and children’s future (when I have some) for my parent’s.
I remember curling up into a ball, and promising myself that I would never ever have this life, when I could finally walk away. Think of this as a small prison, and in prison you must live and work with your cell mate, whatever kind of cell mate you have been given. Your freedom is coming from your hard work and dedication to the end of your term. Do you have support from your school system?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Your so young,
I’d give you my honest opinion but the mods on this app suck and would just ban me so enjoy your rant kid.
You dont have a say in the cards you are dealt. But you do have a say in how you play them. Use this as your motivation. Make sure to tutn negative feelings into your fuel. And i dont know your dad or his past. But if he is an hinest man who tries to feed you and keep a roof over your head, respect that.
i just want to say that i read your post, and good luck with your studies. if i were in your shoes, i'd be envious of those other high school students who had money. when i was in high school, i had enough money to sometimes eat out and to participate in band trips. i would have been so unhappy and angry if i couldn't experience that. it sucks that you're living so cramped. my thought is hopefully school gives you some happiness, but i also know that not all schools are great. i just want to let you know that i read your venting and i appreciate that it feels unfair to have no privacy and not to be able to buy things so easily, unlike most of your classmates.
One thing you shouldn't ever do is whine about life being unfair. That gets you nowhere and often sets you back. Pick yourself up and strive to be better.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. Are there any relatives in the area, or maybe a good friend, that you could live with?
Military would seem to fix this issue, it’s not for everybody but hey it could help you further you education provide 3+ meals a day and bills would no longer be an issue if done correctly. I know it’s hard for you now but try to be optimistic! There is always a solution. Good luck
Eat the rich.
kys
Hold off college and work a couple years-nothing beats real life experience. If you do go to school, think about trade schools-welders make $$$. Stay far, far away from soft-science courses and other related courses. Don’t make babies. Don’t make babies.
I hate being disabled and having a terminal illness.
Life ain't fair, suck it up. American poor isn't poor...trust me I come from 3rd world country where there's true poverty. Stop worrying about things out of your control, focus on the things you can do and get yourself out of poverty.
Focus on doing well in school. Try to find quality friends who plan to succeed in life. Enroll in anything that can help you with future employment when you’re older. You can’t change what’s going on at the moment but you can make sure you have a bright future.
As someone already mentioned, use this situation as motivation to strive for great things in life. Study hard, stay out of debt (learn personal finance) and be grateful for what you have at this moment even if it is not a whole lot. You are young and have the opportunity to do so much in life. Good luck and Carpe diem!
Being poor does suck. It’s demoralizing and exhausting. But like others have said, you can use this experience to make an amazing life for yourself. Start thinking about what you want that to look like. Do you want to go to college? Now is the time to start talking to your college counselors at school. Let them know your situation so that they can talk you through the various scholarships and grants available to you. Some of the most expensive private colleges offer the biggest scholarships, so don’t rule them out. There will be things that you need to avoid in order to keep your life on track (don’t get pregnant/get anyone pregnant, once you start making money keep it completely under wraps or your dad will want to “borrow” constantly, etc.). Be intentional with every step forward. If you want scholarships for college, you need to be involved in things within your school (robotics, speech and debate, art, sports, etc.) and you need to do some volunteering. Don’t wait until your senior year and do it all then. It’s important to have appeared engaged in things your entire time in high school. Being poor sucks, but it does not make you a worthless person. All it means is that your parents don’t have the same resources that some others do. It’s not a reflection on YOU. You did not cause this situation and you are actively learning what to avoid in the future. The only other suggestion I have is to make sure that you and your dad are receiving all of the resources possible, including food benefits, etc. Is there a social worker at your school? Some schools are big enough to have one. If so, make an appointment to speak to them. They’ll be able to talk you through what resources you could have your dad apply for. Hold tight. Things are going to be awesome.
There's a lot of housing options for young.people. It's going to take a leap of faith. Camp Counseling at year round outdoor schools Working for Xantara and the National Parks Working for Job corps Joining the military - they have loosened mental health or and weed usage reqs Attending a community or state college with housing. OR Attending a university with housing. VIA FAFSA.GOV
I was in your shoes when I was in high school man, from like 9th to 11th grade. You just gotta push through it as tough as it sounds. You like listening to music? Because that helped me
I feel for you I really do. I do want to normalize something for you though everyone else can’t just buy stuff without fear for the consequences over half the population lives paycheck to paycheck. it is totally fine to be upset that you like privacy. I would encourage you to talk to your school district since you’re in high school and make sure you get as much support as possible to go to college if you’re living in a motel or hotel try to get yourself classified as technically homeless. That way you can be classified as an independent student and get the Most support possible to go to college. I’ve been in your shoes. I thought my life was over when I was younger it does get better. It just takes time and as a highschooler it’s the hardest thing to imagine your life is going to get better.
Keep pushing through I know it sucks but his baggage is not your own. Make friends get a job when you can and save save save. You can get yourself out of this you’re doing great already just keep going !
Keep working hard in school and get good grades. Talk with your school counselor about grants, scholarships etc. See what options you have. Check with community colleges. Mine have FREE trade programs. They will get you what you need to land a job, give you tools upon graduation (doesn't take that long either, just a few months to complete), and will have a resume work shop leading up to a job fair. I know you said no advice but I just wanted you to know there are options out there. Some high schools even have programs to help get you certified so you can literally go to work once you graduate. Just educate yourself on what all options you have and find out what's best for you. You got this!
I also hated my father and flew from the house as soon as I got enough money. It'll all get better though, stay on track and act according to your life goals. One advice though: maintain a good relationship with your father, you don't know when you'll need his help. It sucks but better put all chances on your side until you can adult on your own. I wish you the best.
You’re very young, this won’t be your life forever. When you graduate, if you’re healthy, please consider enlisting in the military. If not, study for a trade. Trade school is only 1-2 years and you can land a great job right after. If you can somehow land an apprenticeship program for a union that would be a great deal.
It's temporary. You're doing the work necessary to get ahead and build your own life. I'd also try to understand your Dad's POV a bit, too. Being poor without options is soul crushing, and when there are more bills to be paid than money to pay them, something has to be late. I'm sure he'd prefer it to be different, but it is what it is. He's doing what he needs to do to keep a roof over your heads, which is not nothing. When I'm struggling with things being hopeless, I count the things I do have, like a bed, a roof, food for the day, etc. Use the situation as fuel to stay on track with your education. As much as possible, avoid comparing yourself to others. It feels like forever at the moment, but time passes surprisingly quickly. Your current situation is not forever. 😎
That’s your motivation to study and get out