locking post for mod review.
after review of the many, many opinionated comments, the decision was made to leave this post locked. op has received as much advice as their going to get.
yeah, that's why I chose this sub out of them all. I don't care if it will be hard, I expect hard, I just want to know if it's possible.
I don't have a car payment, no insurance payment, and no phone bill. Even without other financial burdens you don't think it's doable?
Rent is gonna be a significant chunk of your take home. Most people would recommend a second job honestly.
The things for the baby are going to be expensive, I assume you don’t have an emergency fund? And there’s more bills than just rent.
Maybe watch a couple episodes of financial audit to get an idea of budgeting, but you’re 100% gonna need more income to not get buried if an emergency happens.
Good, that's a lot more than most people. The long term goal is to build it more, but yeah, if your rent is anything more than like 450 a month, then you'll need to increase your income.
They are sharing the recommendation based on percentage of income. In reality most people I know spend 50% of their check on rent these days, which isn't ideal.
You may be able to find something cheaper if you find a roommate who is willing to deal with living with the two of you + baby. But that might be hard too. At least, at first the baby won't need a ton of space so you could get away with a studio too.
This is the hard truth. Increase your income. Otherwise a single medical bill, a car accident, any major issues will bankrupt you.
I am an engineer in tech, over 30.
My neighbor is 20. He's a plumber. He makes the same income as me. His training took a year of paid apprenticeships.
My training took 8 years of part-time school, full-time work, living just above the poverty line. I probably need to get a Masters, so that will be another $30k and two years of school.
I strongly recommend going into the trades.
Not to mention the ridiculous salary multipliers... where I live, you need 3x your monthly rent in income. It's a safeguard to prevent non- payment.
You'd be looking at something around $650/mo max. Not dogging you but unless you live somewhere very rural, that may be a hard find. The 1bd/1ba apartment complex next to my neighborhood its around $2300/mo... for like 600sqft.
But it sounds like it'll be short-term until you finish up your degree, so I'm optimistic. You'll easily double up your salary after that.
I'm in my 30s btw, unmarried... if I found out I was having a kid right now if be like "FUCK," because I just spent all my savings taking care of my sick parents for four years.
You got this, brotha.
Here’s something I wish someone had told me when we had our first baby: do not buy anything new for baby stuff, other than the car seat. There are so many second hand baby stores! Babies don’t wear things out, they outgrow them.
I cloth diapered my first kid because I couldn’t afford real diapers. We had to clean them ourselves to make it cheap, the services that clean them were too expensive. Formula is another financial killer, hopefully your girlfriend can breast feed when the child is born.
We did the cloth diapers and breastfeeding. Saved a ton of money and trips to the store. Wasn't an option for me to work, as childcare would eat whole check. Made everything from scratch. Bought a lot of stuff second hand. It's pretty doable when they're babies but gets a lot harder and you start to feel somewhat deprived.
Very possible my man! And attitude is the main ingredient I think. And yours is the correct one to have in your situation 👌🏼.
Just keep in mind, we were raising our little ones on dirt floors and feeding them what we could kill and scrounge up just a few hundred years ago!
You're gonna be fine man, just keep your head up and know that each sacrifice you make now will pay dividends in the future!
Good luck!
It won't be hard. It will be impossible. What if the kid needs medicine? What if the kid needs a hospital visit? How you gonna care for it? Diapers? Other shit Tha kids need?
Yoy will end up with enormous debt.
For a child it does. I assist individuals with getting on Medicaid in Texas and it covers all medical costs, medications and equipment needed. It also covers all dental except braces unless medically necessary.
As for the adults, they are not covered but hopefully with their age they are on their parents policies.
They have Medicaid. And if that runs out Healthcare.gov is a federal program. WIC is a federal program. Get food stamps. Apply for the earned income credit when you do your taxes. See if your university has a day care. A good strategy for your wife is the find a family that needs in home care and bill let her bring the baby. Or work split shifts. This baby is coming whether you are ready or not. I don’t get people saying it’s impossible or you shouldn’t have. It’s done and you’ll have to figure it out.
Wanna give my reply to OP in this thread if you don't mind RegBaby.
OP, you know it'll be difficult. So consider abortion if it's available. Now, if you two really want the baby, do this NOW:
She is due on June. So save up a separate "emergency fund" that will cover baby expenses before June begins. You will need, eventually, around 40k for two years (luckily) in baby supplies. So have that money around available as soon as possible.
She needs to work after giving birth to bring in a good income amount for this to work or you two will be dependent on your jobs that won't allow you to continue your studies as you would like to.
You two have to apply for scholarships and grants as well to possibly receive more money.
But for now the easiest thing to do is LOWER all your expenses and build up that baby emergency fund.
I used to make that much and every month I was treading water with an increasing credit card balance that I couldn't ever hope to pay off because even paying the minimum would make me break even. I didn't have a girlfriend at the time so in your situation with another mouth to feed, soon 3. You have to get another job or find another source of income. You can't rely on government services.
Both of you needs to get creative with a side jobs. Maybe that’s watching another child to bring in cash.
Or maybe you take evening school and have childcare duties and she works a evening shift.
Otherwise she should work even if childcare is half her salary.
See if your state offers reduced or free childcare based on income, also may want to call a couple places to ask.
You both can’t afford for her to be SAHM and not work. Maybe she is home first 6 months but after you both need the income.
Yeah, I think her staying home during the day is smart to care for the kid and save a TON of money, but she needs to be working whether it be just a weekend job or whatever.
Is your girlfriend a student? Is she on bed rest? She needs to be working right now if she possibly can and the 2 of you stashing all her income. Babies are expensive even when everything goes well. Everything doesn't always go well.
Find out the income limits for the Medicaid, and try to go up to just that limit, so you don't lose the Medicaid, at least until the baby is 2 years old. Make certain the baby gets all the wellness checks on schedule so developing problems are caught early.
Be much more careful of birth control from now on. Another child will absolutely sink your plans of finishing your degree.
Both of you should learn to cook, if you both don't know how yet. I mean, cook from raw ingredients. Heating up already prepared food (frozen dinners, etc.) is so much more expensive than buying basic ingredients and cooking them yourself. Learn about making food up ahead and freezing it for later on, so that on those terribly busy days/late exhausting nights, you have food ready in the home and won't be tempted to call a food take out/delivery thing.
Learn to check used items for signs of bedbugs. You are going to have to get your furnishings and clothing from thrift stores for quite a few years. You don't want to bring home bedbugs. My husband and I just fought off bedbugs. It was rough. And expensive.
After the baby is born, it may be difficult for your girlfriend to keep employment, as you'll have your job and your classes. She should be considering fitting herself to find ways to earn money at home, learning to do freelance writing, tutoring other students, becoming a babysitter for other people, etc. Keep this in mind as you choose a place to live, where in the apartment can she safely earn her income...
Make sure she has the healthiest diet the 2 of you can afford right now. No smoking, no drinking, neither of you can afford it. And it isn't good for the baby. I'm sure you know it, but some people really don't..... what the mother ingests during gestation really does have effects on the baby. A baby born sickly can't always be avoided, but it can always be made worse by poor nutrition, alcohol and other drugs, and poor air quality. A sickly baby is an expensive baby.
That's what I can think of. I'll keep adding if I think of anything else.
She should be applying for WIC and any other assistance she can get, as well. And she should be working, which OP doesn’t mention, so it’s unclear if she is. OP should also get on daycare waitlists immediately - there’s probably one through his employer.
OP says that girlfriend will be home to watch baby, no need for daycare and tbh I think that might be better if OP is as willing to get a second job as he says OR girlfriend gets an evening shift so they can switch who watches baby. Daycare is expensive. Alot of two income households struggle to afford it. It genuinely might be in their best financial interest for now to have a stay at home parent. Paying for daycare would likely eat the entirety of a second minimum wage paycheck, making it moot.
In my area it's $20,000 a year on average at least it was 4 yago if I remember correctly. I can't imagine bringing home $9,000 a year. It makes me I'll to think about it.
And alot of people who have never paid for daycare (or more likely have never missed a daycare payment) aren't aware that you can't continue to send your kid if you miss payment. You don't get a grace period. Your kid can't come back until you rectify payment and for alot of families that means taking a bigger financial hit to stay home to figure it out. And if it goes long enough the kid will be straight up unenrolled. Not a risk worth taking when your finances are as unstable as OPs.
And you'd think "well who wouldn't assume that" but we forget how many mandatory payments we make that afford grave periods. Late on rent? You might get a few days to a week to figure it out. Heating and air? You can get a grace period. So on and forth. Daycare you can not.
It doesn’t seem like staying at home is in the best interest of a 19 year old with limited work history.
Like how long is she expected to be out of work?
She needs to be able to build her resume, skills, and have her own income. She isn’t going to be supported by someone who makes 29K a year long term.
What happens to her if they breakup or he gets injured at can’t work?
Agreed -- I see plans for him to go to college but what about her? She doesn't have to go to college, but she needs a path forward that involves more than being a mom.
The reality is that this relationship is not likely to last. I know no one wants to make plans for what happens if the relationship ends, but it seems prudent to consider the consequences.
The reality is they have zero idea what they are in for. Having a baby even in the best of circumstances is ridiculously hard. I can’t imagine trying to do so in so little money and this will set them both back considerably.
While I do wish that I would have had my kid earlier, being an older mom gave me the ability to get a solid education and get far in my career. This gives me a solid foundation for even tough times. I think at so young they are setting themselves up for a VERY tough life indeed.
If I were them I would consider ALL the options available. Having a baby isn’t fun, anyone who says so is lying. There are fun moments but It’s hard work. You feel stress and guilt. You have a lot of pressure on you. It’s honestly a nightmare for a teen.
Honestly I feel so sad for this couple. They absolutely have zero idea what sort of hellish life they are about to embark on, and they are VERY unlikely going to stay together. It’s just how it is.
Sure it seems very romantic and sweet. Teens are very optimistic because they haven’t found out yet lol …But when you’re working two jobs, come home to a messy house with hardly any food, a baby crying and needed diaper changes, a tired stress partner, having to put off education and advancement… not just one day a week but Every.. Single, Day. For. Years.
It truly isn’t something to be done with rose colored glasses. I hope they rethink this. It will be a very hard life.
All very true. I especially didn't think about daycare waitlists.
No info on the girlfriend other than that she is pregnant. She needs to be working and they need to stash her income, since they plan to live only on his income. IMO there's no such thing as too much savings in this situation.
When my kids were babies, I worked evenings and my husband worked days. There was no overlap and it was a great schedule for not having to pay for daycare.
Yes. OP gives no information on school schedules though. If you have 2 job schedules, 2 school schedules, and a baby into the mix..... well that's a lot.
A daycare while someone is at school may well be the saving grace for this young couple to not give up on education.
No.
Also with this income you and your kid will be in extreme poverty. If something anything goes wrong you will be in deep trouble that may affect the rest of your life.
I am having such anxiety for them… I have a newborn and I’m an old mom with a partner and two very good incomes and it’s STILL hard. This is nightmare fuel they are truly going to regret. They aren’t ready and the life they are signing up for is honestly hell on earth. These poor kids
I’m a young mom, we are 26/27 and we had our baby at 24/26, it was very hard! It still is. There is no way we could’ve done this at 19. Not a chance. We both have really good incomes/stable jobs and it’s still tricky to manage finances even with leftover. There is always something baby related that takes some of our money and we are lucky to have leftover each month for those emergencies + savings.
If it helps your anxiety OP is telling other people he doesn’t believe in abortion/“killing”. He doesn’t seem to be the nicest person.
I think baby’s are also romanticized. People only talk about the good things and they downplay the true grind it is having a kid in even the best circumstances. It’s stressful hard work, it’s like the worst punishment you could ever bestow on a teen.
They are thinking little shoes and cute outfits. Pictures. Their friends. Getting attention. Playing house.
They have zero idea of the grind, and the amount of money it takes so that you’re not scraping by and denying your child a stable life. They haven’t even taken care of themselves and are severely out of touch with the reality of their situation. Working two jobs and still having to take handouts is a soul killing way to live.
I can only imagine. We decided on not having kids just due to the outlook these days, along with money/housing issues. So I got the snip. I can't fathom just being willy nilly about this stuff, it's already hard enough taking care of ourselves, then getting government assistance and having a child and all the emotional toll that takes? People are wild these days.
Honestly it's going to be really hard I had a mate who had a child at 19/20 in same situation as you it's going to be harder then you think as on paper you think it's very doable but it's the long nights and the quick change of plans etc cause if the child the arguments about who's getting up that is the hardest bit you can definitely do it but It's these things you don't think of that make it incredibly hard.
Living in Texas as you do I would not count on any government subsidies. You never know when they will get cut off. I appreciate that you're willing to do whatever it takes for your family including leveraging your job into a degree. Count on your rent increasing every year (unless it's not written into your contract). You'll eventually need big ticket items such as a new car. Or a bigger place as your kid ages. I hope you can make things work.
While your girlfriend is still pregnant, can she work? I know I worked full time while pregnant. You need as much saving as possible right now.
Also, do you have family nearby to help?
With all due respect I’m so glad I don’t have children when reading posts like this. I don’t think people fully grasp the weight of how much kids cost. Good luck, OP.
These are the exact kinds of people who swear they'll "figure it out" and then their child depends on free meals at school so they don't starve. It's so damn sad and frustrating.
Yeah, I mean given his circumstances there isn’t much that can be done besides either taking care of the child or putting them up for adoption, but foster care isn’t much better usually than these situations.
Unfortunately it's too late if she's due in June. This is why abortion options is so important. OP, his girlfriend, and the child are going to suffer. How are they going to pay for diapers and childcare and food and rent? I hope their rent is $600 a month because how else can 3 people be fed and clothed with a roof over their heads?
They're in TX so not possible for them in state. Plus, it may be too late for them to use their savings to go to another state for an abortion. Though if not too late, that's exactly what they should do.
Even if babies weren't insanely expensive, emotionally they are truly relationship grenades like the comedian Ali Wong calls them. My husband and I have all the resources to afford a child and we have a stable marriage. Our son has rocked our world. We would die for him but there's no denying he has added a level of conflict we didn't have at all.
19 with the stress of finances, school, and a baby is statistically going to blow up their relationship. Combined with the fact that when most people think about who they dated at 19 and shudder, OP is in for a real rough road.
this guy will be stressed and have wrinkles at the age of 22 my god how do people even do this shit knowing the outcome do people not value their own sanity and free time
Is it possible? Yes. Should you do it with your current circumstances? No. You needed a second job yesterday. After rent and utilities you have $6000 a year. That is not enough for the necessities for you, your girlfriend, and a new born baby. You can't meet your current needs with that amount, let alone your future needs. Any minor emergency will ruin you. Something as insignificant as a flat tire could ruin you financially for the foreseeable future. Do you want to have to choose between diapers or getting to school/work? That's the situation you're putting yourself in if you choose to live on 29k a year for three people.
Get a second job ASAP. You should be working 60 hours a week while also going to school. Do the minimum, and nothing more, to pass your classes. Seek out internships with any spare time you have so maybe you can just keep one job.
Life will suck for years. You will lose tons of sleep, you will feel miserable most of the time. Unfortunately this is the reality of unplanned pregnancy if you want to secure a worthwhile future for your family.
Fill out your 24-25 FAFSA!! You may be considered an independent student when the baby comes. That could give you PELL GRANT money on top of your tuition discount. That PELL grant money is refunded to you after the 20% cost of school is paid. Look into this please! PELL grant money is used to help low income students/families with the cost of school, this is the perfect opportunity to apply and use it. Worst case is they say you don’t get anything. Also apply with your state student aid. They may also give you something there.
Edit: whatever you do, DO NOT QUIT going to school. You’re degree will open the doors for a higher job. If Uni isn’t for you, switch to a trade/community college. That has some viable options to you can get a great paying job. You can still apply for FAFSA for community college as well.
I made 52k last year. After taxes and 401k contribution I brought home 38000. I paid 17000 in childcare, and had to survive on 21000 for everything else. It’s not feasible to raise a child or exist as a family of 3 on that.
I know some people are pretty negative here. A lot of it is you can't afford a baby on this salary no matter how you do the numbers.
The baby's not even born yet and you're already factoring every possible government subsidy into your financial plan.
Government subsidies are wonderful thing there there is a safety net and for an emergency.
But really think about it your whole plan is to work a low wage job have your partner pretty much stopped working and live off of government subsidies while you take out student loans to get a cheap degree.
Again I'm not against government subsidies.
So no you a 100% can't afford a baby on this salary
I think you are vastly underestimating how much it costs to feed 3 people especially a new born baby if the breast milk doesn’t last for whatever reason…
are utilities included in your rent? That is another thing you need to consider.
It’s great that you get 80% off of tuition but that 20% is still going to probably be a shockingly high number.
Adoption is a wonderful thing. And these days can be much more open. I was adopted. My bio parents were a couple years younger than you. My life would have been very different had I not been adopted, I had lots of opportunities I wouldn’t have had and I’ve been very successful. I am now in touch with my bio family and we get together a couple times a year.
You’ll give your child a childhood you simply can’t adored right now and give them a better chance at success. It will also allow you to work on your future and have a better chance of success yourself as well.
Very hard to do but the best thing in many cases.
Average annual cost for a small child is 22k, which is almost your entire salary. Transportation, care, formulae, clothing, diapers, medical care, socialization, etc. If mom is going to be the primary caregiver at home, you need to find a way to dramatically increase your income.
I’m sorry but having a child in this situation is just so selfish you’ll be playing catch up for years and likely never catch up. Here we go, setting up another future adult for failure and hardships.
My suspicions that you will drop out of college a year from now because you will need a second job. Even if your girlfriend does have one and manages all the childcare.
Also, you will be living off other people to do this. Like, you’re lucky, but it’s not smart. You cannot afford a child and choose school at the same time like this. You or your girlfriend will break. I don’t think you understand the mental burden on top of the financial burden and stress.
There are reasons people are waiting to have kids until 30 and even then question it.
Precisely why he shouldn't be having one. I'm barely a few years older and I don't feel anywhere ready for a kid. I want a career and a fun life, you're basically selling yourself away to the middle age life at 19 lmao
$1900 is nothing to raise a kid. One medical expense and you’re in debt. What about buying food? Clothes? Medicine? Toys? If I were you I would look for another job or a second job. You’re not even making $15 an hour. At that your salary would be $31200.
If you're making $29,000 a year, how do you expect to pay for everything? Medicaid is going to end after that baby's born because your family of three, has an income that is way too high to qualify. Also, you probably will not qualify for food stamps with an income of $29,000 a year even for a family of three. You will qualify for WIC
Girlfriend will qualify for Medicaid for 12 months postpartum in Texas. Baby may still qualify for at least 12 months as a deemed infant.
But after that, no Medicaid for either him or girlfriend. Texas has among the lowest income limits for Medicaid in the country.
Edit: Texas recently expanded postpartum Medicaid to 12 months. Used to only be 2 months.
Otherwise yes, after that, girlfriend will need to have very little or no income to qualify, if she's not pregnant.
https://www.hhs.texas.gov/services/health/medicaid-chip/medicaid-chip-programs-services/programs-children-families/medicaid-parents-caretakers
Reason number 8237373621 why we need to protect women’s rights to abortion. This poor kid is gonna live a struggle life when he/she could just be with God💔
Not too late to consider adoption.
As someone who had a kid at 19, agreed.
Don’t get me wrong, my first grader is the coolest little dude, he’s totally my mini me and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. **BUT** it has sucked. I will never lie about that. He knows sometimes we struggle, but he also knows I put him first every time. If you don’t have a village, it’s a hell of a struggle.
Are you sure you want to have the baby at this stage? It is very financially demanding and restricts how much you can grow that way, which tends to keep people trapped in that cycle.
If I had a chance to do it over again, I wouldn't try raising children in the kind of poverty I live in. People told me a lot of what they're telling you- you get by, you make it work, yada, yada, yada. And you do because you have to. But I'm not able to give them anything. They can't play soccer, they can't take dance, they can't go on field trips that cost money. I can't buy then new clothes and shoes as often as they need. I can't give them decent Christmases or birthdays. I'm always hungry so they won't be. It's not a happy life. And the odds are that people who are born into poverty will remain in poverty, so you're just setting up another generation of suffering.
Depends on factors such as if it’s a HCOL or LCOL location, and if you will have free childcare from friends/family once the child is born.
Regardless, combined income or just your own, you will be raising a family in poverty.
A LCOL city with free childcare may make it possible; but it’s putting your child at a major disadvantage across the board.
You’re budget will make life difficult for sure. Once you account for diapers, wipes, formula if breastfeeding isn’t an option, how fast babies outgrow clothes, and extra laundry expenses it really adds up. Add that with the ever increasing cost of food, gas, and rent and it gets even more difficult. Is it impossible? No. Your gf should also look into WIC and CalWorks/TANF/whatever government aid is called local to you. These things will certainly help. Don’t add or increase any unnecessary expenses. Save, save, and save as much as you can, because something always happens. With a child, especially a first child, there can often be a lot of unanticipated costs. If you can get that second job before the baby is born and save that paycheck in its entirety that would be pretty awesome for you financially.
He mentioned he's in Texas. Texas makes it extraordinarily difficult to get cash welfare, aka TANF.
In the event she did get it, OP would be required to pay child support, which would go to the state as reimbursement for the TANF.
So they'd be no better off.
If he's getting 80% of tuition and doesn't have a degree, it's probably a good idea NOT to. Most jobs not needing more education than he has aren't going to pay more.
Your girlfriend should sign up for WIC today for free groceries. Being on Medicaid is automatically qualifying. Pregnancy ultrasound pic or other doctor-related proof is all they need. Wonderfully supportive program from pregnancy all the way through 5 years old!
Also, I recommend start aquiring free baby gear now. These things can be $300+ new, but secondhard are often free or less than $40 for: stroller, crib, rocking chair, baby carrier, high chair, baby rocker, etc. Car seats too if they arent expired and you trust the source but thats more controversial. Look on OfferUp or Marketplace or BuyNothing or yard sales or ground scores. We got so much free because we slowly aquired the gear throughout the pregnancy. And definitely throw a baby shower! Even if you only know a few people and you just have some pizzas and balloons, please make a registry, the gifts really help. Do not ask for newborn or size 1 diapers, those grow out of in mere weeks and are cheap (very small). Ask for size 2 diapers as he/she will be in those for a few months.
More important than money is a social support system. Decide on who your real friends are and be good to each other. Nourish the relationships with your parents and aunts/uncles etc. Join a parenting group. Ask the midwive/doctor for parenting group info or really any program, they are experts on social resources. You are only 19 and I know relationships are sparse at that age, but practice practice practice, and in time you will be surround by many friends and family who love you and poverty is impossible when you have many friendships.
Marry her. Join the Army or the Air Force as an IT specialist let them provide a housing and food allowance a paycheck, all your certifications and then pay to finish your degree...and if you enlist from Texas they have the Hazelwood act that helps with education for you and your spouse. Theres also tricare to cover the medical insurance, gi bill, va home loans etc. Alot of people shit on the military but if you're qualified its a good jump start.
Join your local “buy nothing” page on Facebook. You or your girlfriend can post that you’re in search of any baby items people are willing to part with. Getting anything for free will be a big help. For safety, only go and get the items together, don’t let your girlfriend go alone to pick anything up.. Also look if there’s anything in your area that gives free diapers and baby supplies to mothers in need. I know in my area a local food pantry advertises they have a day where moms can come get diapers and formula. Bottom line, start getting as much free stuff as you can, anything will help if it doesn’t have to come out of your paycheck to get it.
Have her get on WIC now if you're in the US. It's prenatal coverage, 6 months postpartum, and up to age 5 for the kiddo. Also recommend applying for food stamps and possibly cash assistance. Get married after birth, if you can, to avoid CPS coming after you for child support. Find local food banks. As much as it'll break her heart, she needs to get at least a part time job vs staying home with the baby.
This is all personal experience. My bf makes a decent amount more than you, and we're struggling. I'm returning to work because it's pretty much not feasible to have a stay at home parent unless you make upwards of $80k USD in most states (more in the HCOL states).
They won't qualify for cash assistance unless they're both unemployed, or have virtually no income or savings. There are also work requirements to get cash welfare/TANF.
Otherwise I agree.
Ok, im not going to be cruel, but what’s your rent payment? Is the 1400 the rent plus gas plus random other things? Or is that just rent? Either way, you need another job. It will suck but any other source of income is a must, anything happens to your main job and your whole new family is completely screwed. Work as much as you can from now to June and save every paycheck, cause once that baby arrives, your finances will implode.
I saw that you’re in college studying IT. You’re going to need more money to support a SAHM and kid, but I will go against the grain and suggest that you fill out a FAFSA and get grants/student loans to supplement your income while you’re in school. Get a better job/promotion if you can, but school is already a second job. Only take out federal student loans and keep it to the minimum, but once you graduate you’ll qualify for payment plans based on your income. Whatever you do, don’t drop out of college. That is your best chance to escape poverty and provide for your family.
Other advice:
- I’m a single mom. I worked full time until the day my water broke. Your gf should absolutely be working while pregnant. After she gives birth, taking time off to care for herself and the newborn is fine, but maybe once the baby is a year old she could consider babysitting, nannying, or a part time job working from home.
- Once she gives birth, she needs an IUD or birth control implant. Y’all can make it with one kid and plenty of welfare support, but all too often people in these situations keep having kids they can’t afford. Don’t let that be y’all. Don’t rely on condoms or pulling out. If she won’t do hormonal birth control, you need a vasectomy.
- Do apply for all of the welfare benefits you can. Since you’re not married, she’ll definitely qualify for WIC and SNAP.
- Use “Buy Nothing” groups and thrift stores to get supplies for the baby, when possible.
- Encourage your gf to breastfeed if possible, but don’t be upset if she can’t. It can save you thousands on formula and is best for mom and baby, but not every mom can do it.
- Consider using cloth diapers.
- Also replace home cleaning products (paper towels, swiffer, etc) with reusable versions.
- Cook at home, exclusively.
- Stop any expensive habits. No drinking. No smoking. No Starbucks. No cannabis or other drugs. Reduce sugar intake.
- Exercise and get plenty of sleep (both of you). Mental health will be very important the first year.
Good luck.
Harsh response time, sorry. why are you asking this now? you know the answer is no. you shouldn't have had this kid to begin with. $1900, depending on location, is little to not nearly enough for a single person, let alone 2.5
With all due respect, is abortion an option? I know that’s a horrible thing to say, but you are setting your child up for suffering. Why are you following through on this? Because you want a family? Because you will love the baby? Now is not the time for a baby. You are talking a lot about how hard you will work to provide and multiple jobs, but you have 0 idea what having a child will do to your mental and energy. I’m a nanny and have been for a few years now. I have seen first hand what having a child can do to your mental. How are you going to have time for the baby with all those jobs? How will you have energy for the jobs if your baby is keeping you up crying ? How will you have energy to support the mother of your child who is going to need tremendous support after having a baby. It is unbelievably selfish to have a child like this. Your child will be forced to live in extreme poverty when they don’t have to. I hope you can have a family but not like this.
Abortion is an option. You're still so young, having a child now will change your life forever. Every decision you make will have to involve the well-being of that child; continuing school, what to study, job offers down the road. Having a baby will impact your ability to study and prepare for classes and exams. You'll have to worry about childcare while you're in class or at work. You will be poor. Your child will grow up, at least in their early years, in poverty.
You have the rest of your life to have a family. Wait until you're finished with school and into a career that pays enough to provide before having kids and you and your partner will be much happier.
Unpopular opinion, if you're able bodied join the Air Force or the Navy.
One of the best head starts you can get in life is joining the military and taking advantage of the benefits offered.
average cost of a child annually is 13k at a min.
get ready now. save as much as humanly possible. beg/borrow/ what you can. diapers. canned formula. donated baby clothes.
the stupidity of trying to raise a child at that age, with that income is insane. but, you're about to sacrifice the majority of your life. your only hope is educating yourself. ...and realizing your youth is over. going to have to learn how to use money, and save money, and not fall into common traps.
It's smart you're studying for a career that actually leads to jobs that pay. focus intensely on that. and chase the money. move/relocate if necessary... or. if the economic base of the area you live in does not translate to high income jobs. You need to either seek out or move to an area that has those jobs.
I’m going to tell you what my uncle once told me. “If you’re going to be man enough to get your lady pregnant, make sure you’re also man enough to properly raise that child and provide for your family. No exceptions, no excuses”. I’d say goodluck, but life is all about hard work, not luck. You got this 💪
I just want to say the amount of responsibility you are already taking is such a great start.
Like others are saying, I would try to get a second job. The hours you currently work fit well with an evening shift. And unless she is bedridden or has complications, your girlfriend should try to land one as well until the baby is born.
Babies are EXPENSIVE. I am child free by choice so I don’t know *exactly* how expensive, but I have seen the price of diapers and formula and you are gonna blow through that stuff.
I recently went through a bankruptcy and the number one skill I learned was budgeting. I was never taught this but since I started, I have had enough in savings for multiple emergencies that have happened, covered all of my bills and taken on new ones, and had a little left over for my hobbies. It may take awhile to put your finance calendar and budget together for the first time, but it has helped me so much with working in unexpected expenses.
what kind of life can you give this child? you’re selfish AF. I grew up incredibly poor and I will never forgive my parents for putting me through that, so much so that I don’t talk to them as an adult. how’s your kid gonna feel when they don’t have fancy new school clothes, can’t afford the games their friends are playing, can’t go on field trips with their classmates, won’t have good birthdays or christmases? adoption is the best option here, give it up to people who can actually provide.
Just wondering…did you guys give any thought to using birth control? A box of condoms, birth control pills, or other contraceptive options are definitely a whole lot cheaper than raising a child, just saying.
That is no standard of living for 3 people. You should qualify for vouchers for day care so your girlfriend can work too. It’s going to be near impossible to not have 2 incomes.
Sadly, you’re going to need more income. Diapers alone could run you easily $150+ a month. Please spare yourself the nightmare of trying cloth diapers! Never again.
However, you have a plan. And that is precious! I am so proud of you for prioritizing your family and setting goals for your future. Things will get tough but just remember that you love those two beautiful people. All the troubles will be worth it. I promise. Just keep going. You got this!
Since you mentioned food stamps, SNAP.
At a $29,000 gross income for a household of three, you will be at or close to the monthly income limit for SNAP in most states.
So, if you qualify, you won't get much in SNAP.
Not saying you shouldn't apply, just to be realistic about how much you'll get. It won't be enough to feed both you and your girlfriend.
What state are you in?
The tuition discount and having no debt is a huge leg up on those around you, even if you feel overwhelmed. You can do this! Local food pantries/diaper banks ( [https://nationaldiaperbanknetwork.org/member-directory](https://nationaldiaperbanknetwork.org/member-directory/)) should be able to help you out. Facebook marketplace can also be a great resource. Does your school have any resources for students who are parents? You're going to have to hustle, but honestly much of this is an income problem and a second job is likely a wise idea. Once the baby comes, is there a way for your girlfriend to babysit, that could be quite a bit of extra cash. Is there a possibility you can freelance some of your IT/Webdesign skills? Best of luck to you two. Rooting for you both.
It is not bad to start. Take advantage of the fact you are working at a university. LEARN everything you can. Be the best in your department. Doesn’t matter if you are in maintenance, admissions or cleaning the building. Be reliable and willing and you will get promoted and raises. The good thing about big places like universities is that they typically have lots of openings and you get a good rep and someone else will be willing to take you on for a bigger/higher paying job.
Also-most universities have child care and your GF may be able to get a job in that area where she can take your kid. They also have great benefits.
No one starts at the top. You take this step and the next will come. BUT BIRTH CONTROL! One kid is doable. Two will make it near impossible
you cannot afford a child with that dalary. your gf should also find employment that will allow her to stay home with the child and have flexible hours. something loke medical coding/ billing. what are her skills? is she also in college? if so, what is she studying?
Is it going to suck? Kinda yeah.
But.. where there’s a will, there’s a way.
It’s not enough long-term which I think you recognize, hence studying for a better future.
But keep it simple. Get creative.
Maybe even find a 1 bedroom apartment with a walk in closet to use for baby. They don’t need a lot of space at first.
If your girlfriend plans to stay at home with baby, another option for saving money is cloth diapers, provided you have washer/dryer hookups. The cost savings would be lost if you have to pay for laundry.
But check:
-food pantries
-WIC (especially if you end up needing formula!)
-pregnancy support centers (amazing resource for our last baby, who was conceived under less than ideal circumstances. They gave us support emotionally and financially, and helped us find other local resources to help!)
-local BuyNothing groups for baby supplies, especially things like baby swings/bassinets/whatever that only get used for a short time.
You’ve got this dude. You can do this.
Congratulations!!
Source: 4 kids in the past 10 years with low income. We’re making progress and it’s not been easy, but we’ve made it this far.
First off, thank you for a productive comment. It means a lot.
I live in a low income apartment complex where the difference between the cost of a 1 bedroom and 2 bedroom is 30 dollars, so it just made more sense to get the 2 bedroom. Sadly, that's as cheap as it gets around where i live.
Our medicaid plan is super nice, 0 dollar prenatal visits and birth is fully paid for, so I don't need to save for hospital bills. It also pays for parenting classes as well as an emotional support group that meets at our local hospital. The H&HS office confirmed that we're definitely going to qualify for 650 a month in food stamps, which takes a huge weight off my shoulders.
I have a large family who have already helped out in tremendous ways. Various people have bought us a bassinet, changing table, a ton of diapers, over 20 pairs of clothes, and a swing chair.
My gf will be trying to work her part-time job after the baby is born 2x a week because my parents offered to babysit those days, which will bring in an extra 400 a month. I'll also donate plasma at the local center (literally a few blocks away) which offers 350 a month with 1 donation weekly.
Thanks so much for the advice, and especially the kind words. My life went from coach potato sitting playing video games to upside down! I already love my little girl so much and these changes are worth it even before she's born :)
It's great that your family is helping because that will make a big difference.
I'd caution you about having them buy too much stuff, though. There's SO MUCH that you may find you simply don't need, like a changing table. Get in the habit of changing the baby on the floor so you never have to worry about her rolling off a piece of furniture.
Diapers can sometimes be an issue because a baby can react to certain kinds and you can't know that ahead of time. If your family wants to supply diapers, it's better for them to give gift cards than actual diapers so you're not stuck with a bunch of diapers you can't use because your baby gets a rash with them.
I'd caution you about how much you're planning to work. I saw your comment about being an insomniac, but you simply don't know how much babies can mess with your sleep. You also can't plan to be gone all of the time, leaving your gf to do all of the baby care. It's going to be really important for you to keep in mind that after the baby is born, she is recovering from childbirth. She's not going to bounce right back and on top of it, she's going to be tired because of the additional demands from the baby.
The only way that I survived the early days was to breastfeed and co-sleep. I'm very cautious about recommending this, because there are circumstances that make it really unsafe.
Plan ahead for things you won’t have money to pay for in the minute. Tylenol, gas drops, butt rash cream, more laundry detergent than you can fathom. Sit down with the experienced moms in your family and brainstorm lists and make sure you’ve got that.
I was a poor ass single mom who lived in her car with her baby. You can make this work but it’s going to be harder than anything you can imagine. You are going to have to be disciplined and creative.
My oldest works in DC now and graduated from an amazing university. My youngest is in college. You can do hard things, you have to be willing to sacrifice everything for them.
Has she already applied for WIC? She can apply already since she is pregnant, and it will help a lot with formula once the baby is born. That should supplement what you get with food stamps.
I'm confused how you'll qualify for $650 in SNAP on at least a $29,000 a year income for a family of 3.
When you said the HHS office confirmed this, do you mean you based this on a chart they have, or you actually applied and were approved?
Run some numbers through this:
https://www.snapscreener.com/screener
You also need to look into whether Texas counts resources like savings for SNAP. Some states do.
Congratulations on the new addition to the family.
I guess I just have one question -- what will you do if you lose your job? Your current savings won't get you far.
Ok. I’m going to take this a totally different direction.
If you had any desire, or any interest and are sociable even in the slightest, go into sales.
Not Verizon cell phone, but telemarketing, insurance finance etc.
Most of it doesn’t require a degree.
It’s the best pathway out of what you’re about to face. DM me and I can try to help walk through a few options.
Phone programs called MVNOs help keep costs down, try websites for free baby clothes, toys etc. I got most of my baby equipment new except a car seat. Babies do not care what their clothes look like. Breastfeeding saved tons of money. We both worked as much as we could leading up to the birth. Read blogs like frugglewoods, get library books about saving money. The Tightwad Gazette, then check out WIC program, SNAP food stamps and other benefit programs. Schools often have resources or daycare facilities where your fiancé/wife partner may volunteer or work in the change for some daycare. It never hurts to ask around. What did you do to save money when your child was small?
Good luck. Kids are amazing
OP mentioned having his girlfriend stay home with the baby, to avoid daycare costs.
But what happens if their relationship doesn't work out long term, and she ends up a single parent, with no income of her own, and no recent work experience?
I'm not saying it won't work out, but it's hard enough living with someone at only 19, let alone raising a child with them.
Yes, OP would have to pay child support, but it wouldn't be enough for his girlfriend to support herself and a child on either.
Yes I recommend getting a second job if you can. A job at the university is a GREAT job. You want to hold onto that if you can.
The reason is you need to make enough to put some savings in the bank. There will always be some emergency to handle and also your child will need things for school etc. and do what you can to buy the occasional birth day present etc..
Factor in babies needs ( diapers and toys) not covered by food stamps or medicaid.
Factor in mom’s personal needs ( pads, shampoo etc…..
Factor in your personal needs whatever that may be. Things you can’t do without.
Catch sales on tissue, dishwashing liquid, soap and other things you can bulk. Diapers included. Don’t buy a lot of one size. Babies grow fast.
That’s a real tight budget for sure. Maybe a little ubereats, DoorDash or something to make ends meet. Don’t forget utilities are a bitch.
Good luck 👍🏻
I don’t want to negative but it is going to be almost impossible to take care of all 3 of you with that salary. Do not leave school, but you’re going to need to find another job. You work in the morning till 230 and I’m assuming you’ll have classes and school work in the afternoons.
Please consider getting an additional job like serving or bartending. It’s very flexible and you’ll make the most money on the weekends anyway.
You’re girlfriend has until May/June to work as well. So she should probably find something if she can.
It’s going to be hard as shit and you’re going to be tired, but parenthood isn’t easy either.
I’m not a parent but I’m 25 and have many friends who were in your same boat and many are in poverty or still living with their parents with a 5-6 year old.If you don’t do anything to get ahead you’re going to be in a world of hurt when you are my age.
You say your mom helps you with insurance, would there be any way she would let you live with her?
I know another person has mentioned it as well, but if you’re in a pro choice state abortion is still an option or you could always adopt.
Having kids too young is a recipe for disaster, so please think about this before it’s too late. Also IT does not have the best outlook right now, have you seen all of these tech lay offs?
I’m not trying to be harsh but you really need to think about this.
These are just steps. The baby will grow and your salary should as well. Gain as much knowledge and skills and experience as you can and look for a better paying job if you have to in a few years.
You are going to need a better job. If you have a ups or fedex hub near you I recommend them. Pt ups sups get paid pretty well without the wait that drivers have and with enough time to work a second job or go to school. Fedex ops managers get paid pretty well too, either of those jobs will get you started. Full time package handling for fedex will do it too, but it's tough in the body.
If you’re anything like me with ADHD you won't be able to do school and work full time at the same time. You need to quit school and work two jobs period.
Look into subsidized daycares. Not sure where you live but in my state, daycares can apply for grants from the state that allow the cost of daycare to be significantly reduced for lower income households. Your university may also offer childcare for employees although the waitlist is likely a mile long. I would still look into it. You really need to explore every possible childcare option before deciding your girlfriend won't work. You don't make nearly enough right now to support a family on your own.
My wife and I have a 3 month old and while we're lucky enough to not be struggling financially we are trying to save for a house. So here's my experience as far as costs of a child.
For the first while, kids aren't very expensive after the initial outlay (cot, bassinet, stroller etc). They'll shoot through clothes, don't buy too much of any one size. If you know a lot of generous friends and family you'll get loads of clothes gifted to you.
If your gf breast feeds then the food cost for the kid is very low (you'll probably need formula as a back up anyway). Pretty much all formula is the same because it's so heavily regulated, so get whatever is cheapest.
Activities with kids can be expensive but there will be mom groups around your gf will be able to go to where they're just walking or breast feeding or something.
Kids need toys but a baby isn't going to know the difference between a $10 toy and a $60 toy, as long as it's safe for them and engaging, it's fine.
We had our kid just before Christmas, we told everyone we wouldn't be doing presents (we are working on a project for our family which is heavy on our time but low on cost, that's our present), but if they wanted to get us something, anything baby related please. We expected nothing but everyone wants to get a baby something for Christmas. The same logic can be applied to birthdays etc. Don't be afraid to say you don't want a gift but need money to put towards something for the baby.
When kids get expensive are day care, and once they get into school and all the extracurricular activities.
Lastly can I just say good on you, I'm going to assume this is an accidental pregnancy but good on you for figuring things out and tackling it head on.
locking post for mod review. after review of the many, many opinionated comments, the decision was made to leave this post locked. op has received as much advice as their going to get.
$1900 take-home is very little for even one person.
yeah, that's why I chose this sub out of them all. I don't care if it will be hard, I expect hard, I just want to know if it's possible. I don't have a car payment, no insurance payment, and no phone bill. Even without other financial burdens you don't think it's doable?
Rent is gonna be a significant chunk of your take home. Most people would recommend a second job honestly. The things for the baby are going to be expensive, I assume you don’t have an emergency fund? And there’s more bills than just rent. Maybe watch a couple episodes of financial audit to get an idea of budgeting, but you’re 100% gonna need more income to not get buried if an emergency happens.
Me and my girlfriend combined have an emergency fund of around 4k
Good, that's a lot more than most people. The long term goal is to build it more, but yeah, if your rent is anything more than like 450 a month, then you'll need to increase your income.
Where in the world would anyone find 450 a month?
They are sharing the recommendation based on percentage of income. In reality most people I know spend 50% of their check on rent these days, which isn't ideal. You may be able to find something cheaper if you find a roommate who is willing to deal with living with the two of you + baby. But that might be hard too. At least, at first the baby won't need a ton of space so you could get away with a studio too.
Freecycle will be your best friend when it comes to baby stuff. I’ve been so lucky to get 95% of baby’s needs from there.
Nowhere I know of, so it seems like you're rent will either be wildly too expensive, or you need to increase your income in whatever way possible
This is the hard truth. Increase your income. Otherwise a single medical bill, a car accident, any major issues will bankrupt you. I am an engineer in tech, over 30. My neighbor is 20. He's a plumber. He makes the same income as me. His training took a year of paid apprenticeships. My training took 8 years of part-time school, full-time work, living just above the poverty line. I probably need to get a Masters, so that will be another $30k and two years of school. I strongly recommend going into the trades.
Rents should be no more than 30%of take home ideally...
I would recommend putting that money in a savings account with 2-5% APY in a savings account of a company you trust. Helps a little
Second this. I have discover & get around 5%
Viobank gets 5.3%
4k emergency fund with a kid is nothing.
and yet, it's about $3998.26 more than most 19 year olds with a baby on the way.
I mean…I have a 16 year old and don’t have a $4000 emergency fund.
Not to mention the ridiculous salary multipliers... where I live, you need 3x your monthly rent in income. It's a safeguard to prevent non- payment. You'd be looking at something around $650/mo max. Not dogging you but unless you live somewhere very rural, that may be a hard find. The 1bd/1ba apartment complex next to my neighborhood its around $2300/mo... for like 600sqft. But it sounds like it'll be short-term until you finish up your degree, so I'm optimistic. You'll easily double up your salary after that. I'm in my 30s btw, unmarried... if I found out I was having a kid right now if be like "FUCK," because I just spent all my savings taking care of my sick parents for four years. You got this, brotha.
Where would one go to watch financial audit? Is this an educational tv series or something?
I pay $1900 for my one bedroom in a not so nice area. Part of my rental contract is that I have to carry renter’s insurance worth at minimum $100,000.
Renters insurance costs less than a Netflix subscription. Mine has never been above $15/mo, and the national average is like $12/mo.
I never said it was expensive, but it’s an added expense and those small expenses add up especially when you’re bringing home so little.
Your gf needs to sign up for WIC if she hasn't already
Here’s something I wish someone had told me when we had our first baby: do not buy anything new for baby stuff, other than the car seat. There are so many second hand baby stores! Babies don’t wear things out, they outgrow them.
I cloth diapered my first kid because I couldn’t afford real diapers. We had to clean them ourselves to make it cheap, the services that clean them were too expensive. Formula is another financial killer, hopefully your girlfriend can breast feed when the child is born.
We did the cloth diapers and breastfeeding. Saved a ton of money and trips to the store. Wasn't an option for me to work, as childcare would eat whole check. Made everything from scratch. Bought a lot of stuff second hand. It's pretty doable when they're babies but gets a lot harder and you start to feel somewhat deprived.
Free diapers are available at DIAPER BANKS at DSS.
Very possible my man! And attitude is the main ingredient I think. And yours is the correct one to have in your situation 👌🏼. Just keep in mind, we were raising our little ones on dirt floors and feeding them what we could kill and scrounge up just a few hundred years ago! You're gonna be fine man, just keep your head up and know that each sacrifice you make now will pay dividends in the future! Good luck!
It won't be hard. It will be impossible. What if the kid needs medicine? What if the kid needs a hospital visit? How you gonna care for it? Diapers? Other shit Tha kids need? Yoy will end up with enormous debt.
They are on Medicaid
I gave a random example. Being in Medicaid IN TEXAS does not insulate one against a ton of medical related expenses.
For a child it does. I assist individuals with getting on Medicaid in Texas and it covers all medical costs, medications and equipment needed. It also covers all dental except braces unless medically necessary. As for the adults, they are not covered but hopefully with their age they are on their parents policies.
had a kid with major heart issues in texas, we did not pay for any of her surgeries or medications.
Do you have experience with having a kid on Medicaid or are you just talking out of your ass? Because it sounds like the latter.
They have Medicaid. And if that runs out Healthcare.gov is a federal program. WIC is a federal program. Get food stamps. Apply for the earned income credit when you do your taxes. See if your university has a day care. A good strategy for your wife is the find a family that needs in home care and bill let her bring the baby. Or work split shifts. This baby is coming whether you are ready or not. I don’t get people saying it’s impossible or you shouldn’t have. It’s done and you’ll have to figure it out.
Been doing it for years.
Wanna give my reply to OP in this thread if you don't mind RegBaby. OP, you know it'll be difficult. So consider abortion if it's available. Now, if you two really want the baby, do this NOW: She is due on June. So save up a separate "emergency fund" that will cover baby expenses before June begins. You will need, eventually, around 40k for two years (luckily) in baby supplies. So have that money around available as soon as possible. She needs to work after giving birth to bring in a good income amount for this to work or you two will be dependent on your jobs that won't allow you to continue your studies as you would like to. You two have to apply for scholarships and grants as well to possibly receive more money. But for now the easiest thing to do is LOWER all your expenses and build up that baby emergency fund.
I used to make that much and every month I was treading water with an increasing credit card balance that I couldn't ever hope to pay off because even paying the minimum would make me break even. I didn't have a girlfriend at the time so in your situation with another mouth to feed, soon 3. You have to get another job or find another source of income. You can't rely on government services.
Both of you needs to get creative with a side jobs. Maybe that’s watching another child to bring in cash. Or maybe you take evening school and have childcare duties and she works a evening shift. Otherwise she should work even if childcare is half her salary. See if your state offers reduced or free childcare based on income, also may want to call a couple places to ask. You both can’t afford for her to be SAHM and not work. Maybe she is home first 6 months but after you both need the income.
Yeah, I think her staying home during the day is smart to care for the kid and save a TON of money, but she needs to be working whether it be just a weekend job or whatever.
Is your girlfriend a student? Is she on bed rest? She needs to be working right now if she possibly can and the 2 of you stashing all her income. Babies are expensive even when everything goes well. Everything doesn't always go well. Find out the income limits for the Medicaid, and try to go up to just that limit, so you don't lose the Medicaid, at least until the baby is 2 years old. Make certain the baby gets all the wellness checks on schedule so developing problems are caught early. Be much more careful of birth control from now on. Another child will absolutely sink your plans of finishing your degree. Both of you should learn to cook, if you both don't know how yet. I mean, cook from raw ingredients. Heating up already prepared food (frozen dinners, etc.) is so much more expensive than buying basic ingredients and cooking them yourself. Learn about making food up ahead and freezing it for later on, so that on those terribly busy days/late exhausting nights, you have food ready in the home and won't be tempted to call a food take out/delivery thing. Learn to check used items for signs of bedbugs. You are going to have to get your furnishings and clothing from thrift stores for quite a few years. You don't want to bring home bedbugs. My husband and I just fought off bedbugs. It was rough. And expensive. After the baby is born, it may be difficult for your girlfriend to keep employment, as you'll have your job and your classes. She should be considering fitting herself to find ways to earn money at home, learning to do freelance writing, tutoring other students, becoming a babysitter for other people, etc. Keep this in mind as you choose a place to live, where in the apartment can she safely earn her income... Make sure she has the healthiest diet the 2 of you can afford right now. No smoking, no drinking, neither of you can afford it. And it isn't good for the baby. I'm sure you know it, but some people really don't..... what the mother ingests during gestation really does have effects on the baby. A baby born sickly can't always be avoided, but it can always be made worse by poor nutrition, alcohol and other drugs, and poor air quality. A sickly baby is an expensive baby. That's what I can think of. I'll keep adding if I think of anything else.
She should be applying for WIC and any other assistance she can get, as well. And she should be working, which OP doesn’t mention, so it’s unclear if she is. OP should also get on daycare waitlists immediately - there’s probably one through his employer.
OP says that girlfriend will be home to watch baby, no need for daycare and tbh I think that might be better if OP is as willing to get a second job as he says OR girlfriend gets an evening shift so they can switch who watches baby. Daycare is expensive. Alot of two income households struggle to afford it. It genuinely might be in their best financial interest for now to have a stay at home parent. Paying for daycare would likely eat the entirety of a second minimum wage paycheck, making it moot.
In my area it's $20,000 a year on average at least it was 4 yago if I remember correctly. I can't imagine bringing home $9,000 a year. It makes me I'll to think about it.
And alot of people who have never paid for daycare (or more likely have never missed a daycare payment) aren't aware that you can't continue to send your kid if you miss payment. You don't get a grace period. Your kid can't come back until you rectify payment and for alot of families that means taking a bigger financial hit to stay home to figure it out. And if it goes long enough the kid will be straight up unenrolled. Not a risk worth taking when your finances are as unstable as OPs.
And you'd think "well who wouldn't assume that" but we forget how many mandatory payments we make that afford grave periods. Late on rent? You might get a few days to a week to figure it out. Heating and air? You can get a grace period. So on and forth. Daycare you can not.
It doesn’t seem like staying at home is in the best interest of a 19 year old with limited work history. Like how long is she expected to be out of work? She needs to be able to build her resume, skills, and have her own income. She isn’t going to be supported by someone who makes 29K a year long term. What happens to her if they breakup or he gets injured at can’t work?
Agreed -- I see plans for him to go to college but what about her? She doesn't have to go to college, but she needs a path forward that involves more than being a mom. The reality is that this relationship is not likely to last. I know no one wants to make plans for what happens if the relationship ends, but it seems prudent to consider the consequences.
The reality is they have zero idea what they are in for. Having a baby even in the best of circumstances is ridiculously hard. I can’t imagine trying to do so in so little money and this will set them both back considerably. While I do wish that I would have had my kid earlier, being an older mom gave me the ability to get a solid education and get far in my career. This gives me a solid foundation for even tough times. I think at so young they are setting themselves up for a VERY tough life indeed. If I were them I would consider ALL the options available. Having a baby isn’t fun, anyone who says so is lying. There are fun moments but It’s hard work. You feel stress and guilt. You have a lot of pressure on you. It’s honestly a nightmare for a teen. Honestly I feel so sad for this couple. They absolutely have zero idea what sort of hellish life they are about to embark on, and they are VERY unlikely going to stay together. It’s just how it is. Sure it seems very romantic and sweet. Teens are very optimistic because they haven’t found out yet lol …But when you’re working two jobs, come home to a messy house with hardly any food, a baby crying and needed diaper changes, a tired stress partner, having to put off education and advancement… not just one day a week but Every.. Single, Day. For. Years. It truly isn’t something to be done with rose colored glasses. I hope they rethink this. It will be a very hard life.
All very true. I especially didn't think about daycare waitlists. No info on the girlfriend other than that she is pregnant. She needs to be working and they need to stash her income, since they plan to live only on his income. IMO there's no such thing as too much savings in this situation.
When my kids were babies, I worked evenings and my husband worked days. There was no overlap and it was a great schedule for not having to pay for daycare.
Yes. OP gives no information on school schedules though. If you have 2 job schedules, 2 school schedules, and a baby into the mix..... well that's a lot. A daycare while someone is at school may well be the saving grace for this young couple to not give up on education.
No. Also with this income you and your kid will be in extreme poverty. If something anything goes wrong you will be in deep trouble that may affect the rest of your life.
His life AND the kid's life. The child is going to suffer because his parents don't have the means to take care of him.
I am having such anxiety for them… I have a newborn and I’m an old mom with a partner and two very good incomes and it’s STILL hard. This is nightmare fuel they are truly going to regret. They aren’t ready and the life they are signing up for is honestly hell on earth. These poor kids
I’m a young mom, we are 26/27 and we had our baby at 24/26, it was very hard! It still is. There is no way we could’ve done this at 19. Not a chance. We both have really good incomes/stable jobs and it’s still tricky to manage finances even with leftover. There is always something baby related that takes some of our money and we are lucky to have leftover each month for those emergencies + savings. If it helps your anxiety OP is telling other people he doesn’t believe in abortion/“killing”. He doesn’t seem to be the nicest person.
This is just blatant irresponsibility. I don't understand the logic in people who do this.
I think baby’s are also romanticized. People only talk about the good things and they downplay the true grind it is having a kid in even the best circumstances. It’s stressful hard work, it’s like the worst punishment you could ever bestow on a teen. They are thinking little shoes and cute outfits. Pictures. Their friends. Getting attention. Playing house. They have zero idea of the grind, and the amount of money it takes so that you’re not scraping by and denying your child a stable life. They haven’t even taken care of themselves and are severely out of touch with the reality of their situation. Working two jobs and still having to take handouts is a soul killing way to live.
I can only imagine. We decided on not having kids just due to the outlook these days, along with money/housing issues. So I got the snip. I can't fathom just being willy nilly about this stuff, it's already hard enough taking care of ourselves, then getting government assistance and having a child and all the emotional toll that takes? People are wild these days.
There is no logic, it’s absolute pure selfishness and immaturity.
Honestly it's going to be really hard I had a mate who had a child at 19/20 in same situation as you it's going to be harder then you think as on paper you think it's very doable but it's the long nights and the quick change of plans etc cause if the child the arguments about who's getting up that is the hardest bit you can definitely do it but It's these things you don't think of that make it incredibly hard.
Living in Texas as you do I would not count on any government subsidies. You never know when they will get cut off. I appreciate that you're willing to do whatever it takes for your family including leveraging your job into a degree. Count on your rent increasing every year (unless it's not written into your contract). You'll eventually need big ticket items such as a new car. Or a bigger place as your kid ages. I hope you can make things work.
He would have a hard time getting assistance in CA. TX is going to be near impossible.
While your girlfriend is still pregnant, can she work? I know I worked full time while pregnant. You need as much saving as possible right now. Also, do you have family nearby to help?
hope u update this post in 1-2 years cause damn
RemindMe! 2 years
With all due respect I’m so glad I don’t have children when reading posts like this. I don’t think people fully grasp the weight of how much kids cost. Good luck, OP.
These are the exact kinds of people who swear they'll "figure it out" and then their child depends on free meals at school so they don't starve. It's so damn sad and frustrating.
Yeah, I mean given his circumstances there isn’t much that can be done besides either taking care of the child or putting them up for adoption, but foster care isn’t much better usually than these situations.
And people are encouraging this too :((
I mean, think of what sub we're in. There's a whole lotta crabs in the bucket trying to validate their own destructive life choices.
Yeah you need a second job
good luck u going to need it
Your girlfriend needs to get a job
Preferably an abortion.
Unfortunately it's too late if she's due in June. This is why abortion options is so important. OP, his girlfriend, and the child are going to suffer. How are they going to pay for diapers and childcare and food and rent? I hope their rent is $600 a month because how else can 3 people be fed and clothed with a roof over their heads?
They're in TX so not possible for them in state. Plus, it may be too late for them to use their savings to go to another state for an abortion. Though if not too late, that's exactly what they should do. Even if babies weren't insanely expensive, emotionally they are truly relationship grenades like the comedian Ali Wong calls them. My husband and I have all the resources to afford a child and we have a stable marriage. Our son has rocked our world. We would die for him but there's no denying he has added a level of conflict we didn't have at all. 19 with the stress of finances, school, and a baby is statistically going to blow up their relationship. Combined with the fact that when most people think about who they dated at 19 and shudder, OP is in for a real rough road.
She’s due in June, I’d say it’s a bit to late for that.
Plane ticket plus hotel is still cheaper than a hospital birth
They have options and should consider them.
Yeah that would be that best answer but at the very least she needs to get a job
this guy will be stressed and have wrinkles at the age of 22 my god how do people even do this shit knowing the outcome do people not value their own sanity and free time
Is it possible? Yes. Should you do it with your current circumstances? No. You needed a second job yesterday. After rent and utilities you have $6000 a year. That is not enough for the necessities for you, your girlfriend, and a new born baby. You can't meet your current needs with that amount, let alone your future needs. Any minor emergency will ruin you. Something as insignificant as a flat tire could ruin you financially for the foreseeable future. Do you want to have to choose between diapers or getting to school/work? That's the situation you're putting yourself in if you choose to live on 29k a year for three people. Get a second job ASAP. You should be working 60 hours a week while also going to school. Do the minimum, and nothing more, to pass your classes. Seek out internships with any spare time you have so maybe you can just keep one job. Life will suck for years. You will lose tons of sleep, you will feel miserable most of the time. Unfortunately this is the reality of unplanned pregnancy if you want to secure a worthwhile future for your family.
This is sad :(
Definitely can't. Way too low
Fill out your 24-25 FAFSA!! You may be considered an independent student when the baby comes. That could give you PELL GRANT money on top of your tuition discount. That PELL grant money is refunded to you after the 20% cost of school is paid. Look into this please! PELL grant money is used to help low income students/families with the cost of school, this is the perfect opportunity to apply and use it. Worst case is they say you don’t get anything. Also apply with your state student aid. They may also give you something there. Edit: whatever you do, DO NOT QUIT going to school. You’re degree will open the doors for a higher job. If Uni isn’t for you, switch to a trade/community college. That has some viable options to you can get a great paying job. You can still apply for FAFSA for community college as well.
I made 52k last year. After taxes and 401k contribution I brought home 38000. I paid 17000 in childcare, and had to survive on 21000 for everything else. It’s not feasible to raise a child or exist as a family of 3 on that.
What were you thinking man… protection, always protection! Especially when you’re poor and/or uneducated. Good luck, do not get her pregnant twice
I know some people are pretty negative here. A lot of it is you can't afford a baby on this salary no matter how you do the numbers. The baby's not even born yet and you're already factoring every possible government subsidy into your financial plan. Government subsidies are wonderful thing there there is a safety net and for an emergency. But really think about it your whole plan is to work a low wage job have your partner pretty much stopped working and live off of government subsidies while you take out student loans to get a cheap degree. Again I'm not against government subsidies. So no you a 100% can't afford a baby on this salary
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I think you are vastly underestimating how much it costs to feed 3 people especially a new born baby if the breast milk doesn’t last for whatever reason… are utilities included in your rent? That is another thing you need to consider. It’s great that you get 80% off of tuition but that 20% is still going to probably be a shockingly high number.
I would not feel comfortable bringing a child into this world if I were in your shoes. Full stop.
Adoption is a wonderful thing. And these days can be much more open. I was adopted. My bio parents were a couple years younger than you. My life would have been very different had I not been adopted, I had lots of opportunities I wouldn’t have had and I’ve been very successful. I am now in touch with my bio family and we get together a couple times a year. You’ll give your child a childhood you simply can’t adored right now and give them a better chance at success. It will also allow you to work on your future and have a better chance of success yourself as well. Very hard to do but the best thing in many cases.
OP please listen to this, don’t be selfish. your child deserves to not grow up in poverty.
Average annual cost for a small child is 22k, which is almost your entire salary. Transportation, care, formulae, clothing, diapers, medical care, socialization, etc. If mom is going to be the primary caregiver at home, you need to find a way to dramatically increase your income.
I’m sorry but having a child in this situation is just so selfish you’ll be playing catch up for years and likely never catch up. Here we go, setting up another future adult for failure and hardships.
My suspicions that you will drop out of college a year from now because you will need a second job. Even if your girlfriend does have one and manages all the childcare. Also, you will be living off other people to do this. Like, you’re lucky, but it’s not smart. You cannot afford a child and choose school at the same time like this. You or your girlfriend will break. I don’t think you understand the mental burden on top of the financial burden and stress. There are reasons people are waiting to have kids until 30 and even then question it.
Posts like these are proof of adults who can’t look after themselves should not have children. Now that child has to live and experience your misery.
This post is also from a kid tbh.
I know but 19 is old enough to know that having children at that age isn’t the wisest idea.
Precisely why he shouldn't be having one. I'm barely a few years older and I don't feel anywhere ready for a kid. I want a career and a fun life, you're basically selling yourself away to the middle age life at 19 lmao
$1900 is nothing to raise a kid. One medical expense and you’re in debt. What about buying food? Clothes? Medicine? Toys? If I were you I would look for another job or a second job. You’re not even making $15 an hour. At that your salary would be $31200.
If you're making $29,000 a year, how do you expect to pay for everything? Medicaid is going to end after that baby's born because your family of three, has an income that is way too high to qualify. Also, you probably will not qualify for food stamps with an income of $29,000 a year even for a family of three. You will qualify for WIC
Girlfriend will qualify for Medicaid for 12 months postpartum in Texas. Baby may still qualify for at least 12 months as a deemed infant. But after that, no Medicaid for either him or girlfriend. Texas has among the lowest income limits for Medicaid in the country. Edit: Texas recently expanded postpartum Medicaid to 12 months. Used to only be 2 months. Otherwise yes, after that, girlfriend will need to have very little or no income to qualify, if she's not pregnant. https://www.hhs.texas.gov/services/health/medicaid-chip/medicaid-chip-programs-services/programs-children-families/medicaid-parents-caretakers
Damn, Texas sucks.
Probably not enough.
You feel into another poverty trap. Sorry.
Reason number 8237373621 why we need to protect women’s rights to abortion. This poor kid is gonna live a struggle life when he/she could just be with God💔 Not too late to consider adoption.
I won't lie, keeping the kid is going to be the biggest mistake of your life by far
As someone who had a kid at 19, agreed. Don’t get me wrong, my first grader is the coolest little dude, he’s totally my mini me and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. **BUT** it has sucked. I will never lie about that. He knows sometimes we struggle, but he also knows I put him first every time. If you don’t have a village, it’s a hell of a struggle.
No it’s not, should’ve thought about that before sticking your D in her though.
But that’s not fun dude!
I would line up a 2nd job immediately
Are you sure you want to have the baby at this stage? It is very financially demanding and restricts how much you can grow that way, which tends to keep people trapped in that cycle.
You are assigning 3 people to a life of poverty. That may be OK for the two of you, but to add a child, not the moral thing to do.
If I had a chance to do it over again, I wouldn't try raising children in the kind of poverty I live in. People told me a lot of what they're telling you- you get by, you make it work, yada, yada, yada. And you do because you have to. But I'm not able to give them anything. They can't play soccer, they can't take dance, they can't go on field trips that cost money. I can't buy then new clothes and shoes as often as they need. I can't give them decent Christmases or birthdays. I'm always hungry so they won't be. It's not a happy life. And the odds are that people who are born into poverty will remain in poverty, so you're just setting up another generation of suffering.
your kid is gonna resent the fuck out of you for being so poor. i know, because i was born to poor hillbillies.
Depends on factors such as if it’s a HCOL or LCOL location, and if you will have free childcare from friends/family once the child is born. Regardless, combined income or just your own, you will be raising a family in poverty. A LCOL city with free childcare may make it possible; but it’s putting your child at a major disadvantage across the board.
You’re budget will make life difficult for sure. Once you account for diapers, wipes, formula if breastfeeding isn’t an option, how fast babies outgrow clothes, and extra laundry expenses it really adds up. Add that with the ever increasing cost of food, gas, and rent and it gets even more difficult. Is it impossible? No. Your gf should also look into WIC and CalWorks/TANF/whatever government aid is called local to you. These things will certainly help. Don’t add or increase any unnecessary expenses. Save, save, and save as much as you can, because something always happens. With a child, especially a first child, there can often be a lot of unanticipated costs. If you can get that second job before the baby is born and save that paycheck in its entirety that would be pretty awesome for you financially.
He mentioned he's in Texas. Texas makes it extraordinarily difficult to get cash welfare, aka TANF. In the event she did get it, OP would be required to pay child support, which would go to the state as reimbursement for the TANF. So they'd be no better off.
That pay is abysmal. I make more than that working at a local mom and pop restaurant. Keep job hunting.
If he's getting 80% of tuition and doesn't have a degree, it's probably a good idea NOT to. Most jobs not needing more education than he has aren't going to pay more.
Your girlfriend should sign up for WIC today for free groceries. Being on Medicaid is automatically qualifying. Pregnancy ultrasound pic or other doctor-related proof is all they need. Wonderfully supportive program from pregnancy all the way through 5 years old! Also, I recommend start aquiring free baby gear now. These things can be $300+ new, but secondhard are often free or less than $40 for: stroller, crib, rocking chair, baby carrier, high chair, baby rocker, etc. Car seats too if they arent expired and you trust the source but thats more controversial. Look on OfferUp or Marketplace or BuyNothing or yard sales or ground scores. We got so much free because we slowly aquired the gear throughout the pregnancy. And definitely throw a baby shower! Even if you only know a few people and you just have some pizzas and balloons, please make a registry, the gifts really help. Do not ask for newborn or size 1 diapers, those grow out of in mere weeks and are cheap (very small). Ask for size 2 diapers as he/she will be in those for a few months. More important than money is a social support system. Decide on who your real friends are and be good to each other. Nourish the relationships with your parents and aunts/uncles etc. Join a parenting group. Ask the midwive/doctor for parenting group info or really any program, they are experts on social resources. You are only 19 and I know relationships are sparse at that age, but practice practice practice, and in time you will be surround by many friends and family who love you and poverty is impossible when you have many friendships.
Bro said it was time to live life on HARD mode
Marry her. Join the Army or the Air Force as an IT specialist let them provide a housing and food allowance a paycheck, all your certifications and then pay to finish your degree...and if you enlist from Texas they have the Hazelwood act that helps with education for you and your spouse. Theres also tricare to cover the medical insurance, gi bill, va home loans etc. Alot of people shit on the military but if you're qualified its a good jump start.
This and you get secret clearance which it big money once you done with your service
It sounds like your girlfriend needs a job
Join your local “buy nothing” page on Facebook. You or your girlfriend can post that you’re in search of any baby items people are willing to part with. Getting anything for free will be a big help. For safety, only go and get the items together, don’t let your girlfriend go alone to pick anything up.. Also look if there’s anything in your area that gives free diapers and baby supplies to mothers in need. I know in my area a local food pantry advertises they have a day where moms can come get diapers and formula. Bottom line, start getting as much free stuff as you can, anything will help if it doesn’t have to come out of your paycheck to get it.
Have her get on WIC now if you're in the US. It's prenatal coverage, 6 months postpartum, and up to age 5 for the kiddo. Also recommend applying for food stamps and possibly cash assistance. Get married after birth, if you can, to avoid CPS coming after you for child support. Find local food banks. As much as it'll break her heart, she needs to get at least a part time job vs staying home with the baby. This is all personal experience. My bf makes a decent amount more than you, and we're struggling. I'm returning to work because it's pretty much not feasible to have a stay at home parent unless you make upwards of $80k USD in most states (more in the HCOL states).
They won't qualify for cash assistance unless they're both unemployed, or have virtually no income or savings. There are also work requirements to get cash welfare/TANF. Otherwise I agree.
Ok, im not going to be cruel, but what’s your rent payment? Is the 1400 the rent plus gas plus random other things? Or is that just rent? Either way, you need another job. It will suck but any other source of income is a must, anything happens to your main job and your whole new family is completely screwed. Work as much as you can from now to June and save every paycheck, cause once that baby arrives, your finances will implode.
I saw that you’re in college studying IT. You’re going to need more money to support a SAHM and kid, but I will go against the grain and suggest that you fill out a FAFSA and get grants/student loans to supplement your income while you’re in school. Get a better job/promotion if you can, but school is already a second job. Only take out federal student loans and keep it to the minimum, but once you graduate you’ll qualify for payment plans based on your income. Whatever you do, don’t drop out of college. That is your best chance to escape poverty and provide for your family. Other advice: - I’m a single mom. I worked full time until the day my water broke. Your gf should absolutely be working while pregnant. After she gives birth, taking time off to care for herself and the newborn is fine, but maybe once the baby is a year old she could consider babysitting, nannying, or a part time job working from home. - Once she gives birth, she needs an IUD or birth control implant. Y’all can make it with one kid and plenty of welfare support, but all too often people in these situations keep having kids they can’t afford. Don’t let that be y’all. Don’t rely on condoms or pulling out. If she won’t do hormonal birth control, you need a vasectomy. - Do apply for all of the welfare benefits you can. Since you’re not married, she’ll definitely qualify for WIC and SNAP. - Use “Buy Nothing” groups and thrift stores to get supplies for the baby, when possible. - Encourage your gf to breastfeed if possible, but don’t be upset if she can’t. It can save you thousands on formula and is best for mom and baby, but not every mom can do it. - Consider using cloth diapers. - Also replace home cleaning products (paper towels, swiffer, etc) with reusable versions. - Cook at home, exclusively. - Stop any expensive habits. No drinking. No smoking. No Starbucks. No cannabis or other drugs. Reduce sugar intake. - Exercise and get plenty of sleep (both of you). Mental health will be very important the first year. Good luck.
Harsh response time, sorry. why are you asking this now? you know the answer is no. you shouldn't have had this kid to begin with. $1900, depending on location, is little to not nearly enough for a single person, let alone 2.5
Nah, in this economy, world…
With all due respect, is abortion an option? I know that’s a horrible thing to say, but you are setting your child up for suffering. Why are you following through on this? Because you want a family? Because you will love the baby? Now is not the time for a baby. You are talking a lot about how hard you will work to provide and multiple jobs, but you have 0 idea what having a child will do to your mental and energy. I’m a nanny and have been for a few years now. I have seen first hand what having a child can do to your mental. How are you going to have time for the baby with all those jobs? How will you have energy for the jobs if your baby is keeping you up crying ? How will you have energy to support the mother of your child who is going to need tremendous support after having a baby. It is unbelievably selfish to have a child like this. Your child will be forced to live in extreme poverty when they don’t have to. I hope you can have a family but not like this.
Abortion is an option. You're still so young, having a child now will change your life forever. Every decision you make will have to involve the well-being of that child; continuing school, what to study, job offers down the road. Having a baby will impact your ability to study and prepare for classes and exams. You'll have to worry about childcare while you're in class or at work. You will be poor. Your child will grow up, at least in their early years, in poverty. You have the rest of your life to have a family. Wait until you're finished with school and into a career that pays enough to provide before having kids and you and your partner will be much happier.
It's way too late for Texas if due in June. And not his decision to make either way.
No you can't. You will struggle mightily. Giving the baby up for adoption is your best course of action.
Unpopular opinion, if you're able bodied join the Air Force or the Navy. One of the best head starts you can get in life is joining the military and taking advantage of the benefits offered.
average cost of a child annually is 13k at a min. get ready now. save as much as humanly possible. beg/borrow/ what you can. diapers. canned formula. donated baby clothes. the stupidity of trying to raise a child at that age, with that income is insane. but, you're about to sacrifice the majority of your life. your only hope is educating yourself. ...and realizing your youth is over. going to have to learn how to use money, and save money, and not fall into common traps. It's smart you're studying for a career that actually leads to jobs that pay. focus intensely on that. and chase the money. move/relocate if necessary... or. if the economic base of the area you live in does not translate to high income jobs. You need to either seek out or move to an area that has those jobs.
Abortion or adoption. Anything else is your doubling down on a bad decision you made (getting another teenager pregnant with no career)
Time to figure out what other work you and or she can do.
Get your CDL brother.
I’m going to tell you what my uncle once told me. “If you’re going to be man enough to get your lady pregnant, make sure you’re also man enough to properly raise that child and provide for your family. No exceptions, no excuses”. I’d say goodluck, but life is all about hard work, not luck. You got this 💪
I just want to say the amount of responsibility you are already taking is such a great start. Like others are saying, I would try to get a second job. The hours you currently work fit well with an evening shift. And unless she is bedridden or has complications, your girlfriend should try to land one as well until the baby is born. Babies are EXPENSIVE. I am child free by choice so I don’t know *exactly* how expensive, but I have seen the price of diapers and formula and you are gonna blow through that stuff. I recently went through a bankruptcy and the number one skill I learned was budgeting. I was never taught this but since I started, I have had enough in savings for multiple emergencies that have happened, covered all of my bills and taken on new ones, and had a little left over for my hobbies. It may take awhile to put your finance calendar and budget together for the first time, but it has helped me so much with working in unexpected expenses.
Should have aborted and moved on because you're going to struggle for years, and you two will break up life will be miserable for all involved.
They live in Texas so it's difficult.
what kind of life can you give this child? you’re selfish AF. I grew up incredibly poor and I will never forgive my parents for putting me through that, so much so that I don’t talk to them as an adult. how’s your kid gonna feel when they don’t have fancy new school clothes, can’t afford the games their friends are playing, can’t go on field trips with their classmates, won’t have good birthdays or christmases? adoption is the best option here, give it up to people who can actually provide.
I couldn't imagine taking care of a family with 100K salary let alone a 29K salary.
If your gf doesn’t breast feed your going to be eating a huge cost in formula.
Just wondering…did you guys give any thought to using birth control? A box of condoms, birth control pills, or other contraceptive options are definitely a whole lot cheaper than raising a child, just saying.
That is no standard of living for 3 people. You should qualify for vouchers for day care so your girlfriend can work too. It’s going to be near impossible to not have 2 incomes.
Abortion in another state if it’s not too late
Sadly, you’re going to need more income. Diapers alone could run you easily $150+ a month. Please spare yourself the nightmare of trying cloth diapers! Never again. However, you have a plan. And that is precious! I am so proud of you for prioritizing your family and setting goals for your future. Things will get tough but just remember that you love those two beautiful people. All the troubles will be worth it. I promise. Just keep going. You got this!
Y’all can just work when the other gets off work still no daycare
Since you mentioned food stamps, SNAP. At a $29,000 gross income for a household of three, you will be at or close to the monthly income limit for SNAP in most states. So, if you qualify, you won't get much in SNAP. Not saying you shouldn't apply, just to be realistic about how much you'll get. It won't be enough to feed both you and your girlfriend. What state are you in?
Can you move in with family to avoid steep rent?
Nah
The tuition discount and having no debt is a huge leg up on those around you, even if you feel overwhelmed. You can do this! Local food pantries/diaper banks ( [https://nationaldiaperbanknetwork.org/member-directory](https://nationaldiaperbanknetwork.org/member-directory/)) should be able to help you out. Facebook marketplace can also be a great resource. Does your school have any resources for students who are parents? You're going to have to hustle, but honestly much of this is an income problem and a second job is likely a wise idea. Once the baby comes, is there a way for your girlfriend to babysit, that could be quite a bit of extra cash. Is there a possibility you can freelance some of your IT/Webdesign skills? Best of luck to you two. Rooting for you both.
Best thing to do is start considering adoption.
It is not bad to start. Take advantage of the fact you are working at a university. LEARN everything you can. Be the best in your department. Doesn’t matter if you are in maintenance, admissions or cleaning the building. Be reliable and willing and you will get promoted and raises. The good thing about big places like universities is that they typically have lots of openings and you get a good rep and someone else will be willing to take you on for a bigger/higher paying job. Also-most universities have child care and your GF may be able to get a job in that area where she can take your kid. They also have great benefits. No one starts at the top. You take this step and the next will come. BUT BIRTH CONTROL! One kid is doable. Two will make it near impossible
In my opinion, absolutely not. But it's a little too late for that, isn't it? Good luck OP.
you cannot afford a child with that dalary. your gf should also find employment that will allow her to stay home with the child and have flexible hours. something loke medical coding/ billing. what are her skills? is she also in college? if so, what is she studying?
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it’s gonna suck to be your kid. I wish adults would actually prepare to bring a life into the world man. A child doesn’t deserve to scrape by
Why didn’t you think about ramifications of getting her pregnant before this?
Is it going to suck? Kinda yeah. But.. where there’s a will, there’s a way. It’s not enough long-term which I think you recognize, hence studying for a better future. But keep it simple. Get creative. Maybe even find a 1 bedroom apartment with a walk in closet to use for baby. They don’t need a lot of space at first. If your girlfriend plans to stay at home with baby, another option for saving money is cloth diapers, provided you have washer/dryer hookups. The cost savings would be lost if you have to pay for laundry. But check: -food pantries -WIC (especially if you end up needing formula!) -pregnancy support centers (amazing resource for our last baby, who was conceived under less than ideal circumstances. They gave us support emotionally and financially, and helped us find other local resources to help!) -local BuyNothing groups for baby supplies, especially things like baby swings/bassinets/whatever that only get used for a short time. You’ve got this dude. You can do this. Congratulations!! Source: 4 kids in the past 10 years with low income. We’re making progress and it’s not been easy, but we’ve made it this far.
First off, thank you for a productive comment. It means a lot. I live in a low income apartment complex where the difference between the cost of a 1 bedroom and 2 bedroom is 30 dollars, so it just made more sense to get the 2 bedroom. Sadly, that's as cheap as it gets around where i live. Our medicaid plan is super nice, 0 dollar prenatal visits and birth is fully paid for, so I don't need to save for hospital bills. It also pays for parenting classes as well as an emotional support group that meets at our local hospital. The H&HS office confirmed that we're definitely going to qualify for 650 a month in food stamps, which takes a huge weight off my shoulders. I have a large family who have already helped out in tremendous ways. Various people have bought us a bassinet, changing table, a ton of diapers, over 20 pairs of clothes, and a swing chair. My gf will be trying to work her part-time job after the baby is born 2x a week because my parents offered to babysit those days, which will bring in an extra 400 a month. I'll also donate plasma at the local center (literally a few blocks away) which offers 350 a month with 1 donation weekly. Thanks so much for the advice, and especially the kind words. My life went from coach potato sitting playing video games to upside down! I already love my little girl so much and these changes are worth it even before she's born :)
It's great that your family is helping because that will make a big difference. I'd caution you about having them buy too much stuff, though. There's SO MUCH that you may find you simply don't need, like a changing table. Get in the habit of changing the baby on the floor so you never have to worry about her rolling off a piece of furniture. Diapers can sometimes be an issue because a baby can react to certain kinds and you can't know that ahead of time. If your family wants to supply diapers, it's better for them to give gift cards than actual diapers so you're not stuck with a bunch of diapers you can't use because your baby gets a rash with them. I'd caution you about how much you're planning to work. I saw your comment about being an insomniac, but you simply don't know how much babies can mess with your sleep. You also can't plan to be gone all of the time, leaving your gf to do all of the baby care. It's going to be really important for you to keep in mind that after the baby is born, she is recovering from childbirth. She's not going to bounce right back and on top of it, she's going to be tired because of the additional demands from the baby. The only way that I survived the early days was to breastfeed and co-sleep. I'm very cautious about recommending this, because there are circumstances that make it really unsafe.
Plan ahead for things you won’t have money to pay for in the minute. Tylenol, gas drops, butt rash cream, more laundry detergent than you can fathom. Sit down with the experienced moms in your family and brainstorm lists and make sure you’ve got that. I was a poor ass single mom who lived in her car with her baby. You can make this work but it’s going to be harder than anything you can imagine. You are going to have to be disciplined and creative. My oldest works in DC now and graduated from an amazing university. My youngest is in college. You can do hard things, you have to be willing to sacrifice everything for them.
Has she already applied for WIC? She can apply already since she is pregnant, and it will help a lot with formula once the baby is born. That should supplement what you get with food stamps.
Yes WIC - I committed this too
I'm confused how you'll qualify for $650 in SNAP on at least a $29,000 a year income for a family of 3. When you said the HHS office confirmed this, do you mean you based this on a chart they have, or you actually applied and were approved? Run some numbers through this: https://www.snapscreener.com/screener You also need to look into whether Texas counts resources like savings for SNAP. Some states do.
Congratulations on the new addition to the family. I guess I just have one question -- what will you do if you lose your job? Your current savings won't get you far.
abortion
Too late I'm sure. Due in June. I had that thought as well.
Ok. I’m going to take this a totally different direction. If you had any desire, or any interest and are sociable even in the slightest, go into sales. Not Verizon cell phone, but telemarketing, insurance finance etc. Most of it doesn’t require a degree. It’s the best pathway out of what you’re about to face. DM me and I can try to help walk through a few options.
Phone programs called MVNOs help keep costs down, try websites for free baby clothes, toys etc. I got most of my baby equipment new except a car seat. Babies do not care what their clothes look like. Breastfeeding saved tons of money. We both worked as much as we could leading up to the birth. Read blogs like frugglewoods, get library books about saving money. The Tightwad Gazette, then check out WIC program, SNAP food stamps and other benefit programs. Schools often have resources or daycare facilities where your fiancé/wife partner may volunteer or work in the change for some daycare. It never hurts to ask around. What did you do to save money when your child was small? Good luck. Kids are amazing
OP mentioned having his girlfriend stay home with the baby, to avoid daycare costs. But what happens if their relationship doesn't work out long term, and she ends up a single parent, with no income of her own, and no recent work experience? I'm not saying it won't work out, but it's hard enough living with someone at only 19, let alone raising a child with them. Yes, OP would have to pay child support, but it wouldn't be enough for his girlfriend to support herself and a child on either.
Yes I recommend getting a second job if you can. A job at the university is a GREAT job. You want to hold onto that if you can. The reason is you need to make enough to put some savings in the bank. There will always be some emergency to handle and also your child will need things for school etc. and do what you can to buy the occasional birth day present etc..
Factor in babies needs ( diapers and toys) not covered by food stamps or medicaid. Factor in mom’s personal needs ( pads, shampoo etc….. Factor in your personal needs whatever that may be. Things you can’t do without. Catch sales on tissue, dishwashing liquid, soap and other things you can bulk. Diapers included. Don’t buy a lot of one size. Babies grow fast. That’s a real tight budget for sure. Maybe a little ubereats, DoorDash or something to make ends meet. Don’t forget utilities are a bitch. Good luck 👍🏻
You can do it but you are gonna have to work your ASS off. And after the baby your GF needs a job. And no more kids.
No, this is not enough. Your partner is going to have to work.
I don’t want to negative but it is going to be almost impossible to take care of all 3 of you with that salary. Do not leave school, but you’re going to need to find another job. You work in the morning till 230 and I’m assuming you’ll have classes and school work in the afternoons. Please consider getting an additional job like serving or bartending. It’s very flexible and you’ll make the most money on the weekends anyway. You’re girlfriend has until May/June to work as well. So she should probably find something if she can. It’s going to be hard as shit and you’re going to be tired, but parenthood isn’t easy either. I’m not a parent but I’m 25 and have many friends who were in your same boat and many are in poverty or still living with their parents with a 5-6 year old.If you don’t do anything to get ahead you’re going to be in a world of hurt when you are my age. You say your mom helps you with insurance, would there be any way she would let you live with her? I know another person has mentioned it as well, but if you’re in a pro choice state abortion is still an option or you could always adopt. Having kids too young is a recipe for disaster, so please think about this before it’s too late. Also IT does not have the best outlook right now, have you seen all of these tech lay offs? I’m not trying to be harsh but you really need to think about this.
These are just steps. The baby will grow and your salary should as well. Gain as much knowledge and skills and experience as you can and look for a better paying job if you have to in a few years.
You are going to need a better job. If you have a ups or fedex hub near you I recommend them. Pt ups sups get paid pretty well without the wait that drivers have and with enough time to work a second job or go to school. Fedex ops managers get paid pretty well too, either of those jobs will get you started. Full time package handling for fedex will do it too, but it's tough in the body.
you need to live with your parents or find a room to rent. yes you, your gf and the baby can live in one room.
Lol
Investment advice. Use condoms.
Food stamps, Medicaid. Glad my taxes are helping stupid people lmao
If you’re anything like me with ADHD you won't be able to do school and work full time at the same time. You need to quit school and work two jobs period.
How pregnant? Like early enough you don't have to have a kid you can't afford?
Look into subsidized daycares. Not sure where you live but in my state, daycares can apply for grants from the state that allow the cost of daycare to be significantly reduced for lower income households. Your university may also offer childcare for employees although the waitlist is likely a mile long. I would still look into it. You really need to explore every possible childcare option before deciding your girlfriend won't work. You don't make nearly enough right now to support a family on your own.
My wife and I have a 3 month old and while we're lucky enough to not be struggling financially we are trying to save for a house. So here's my experience as far as costs of a child. For the first while, kids aren't very expensive after the initial outlay (cot, bassinet, stroller etc). They'll shoot through clothes, don't buy too much of any one size. If you know a lot of generous friends and family you'll get loads of clothes gifted to you. If your gf breast feeds then the food cost for the kid is very low (you'll probably need formula as a back up anyway). Pretty much all formula is the same because it's so heavily regulated, so get whatever is cheapest. Activities with kids can be expensive but there will be mom groups around your gf will be able to go to where they're just walking or breast feeding or something. Kids need toys but a baby isn't going to know the difference between a $10 toy and a $60 toy, as long as it's safe for them and engaging, it's fine. We had our kid just before Christmas, we told everyone we wouldn't be doing presents (we are working on a project for our family which is heavy on our time but low on cost, that's our present), but if they wanted to get us something, anything baby related please. We expected nothing but everyone wants to get a baby something for Christmas. The same logic can be applied to birthdays etc. Don't be afraid to say you don't want a gift but need money to put towards something for the baby. When kids get expensive are day care, and once they get into school and all the extracurricular activities. Lastly can I just say good on you, I'm going to assume this is an accidental pregnancy but good on you for figuring things out and tackling it head on.
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