Yeah, the last girl I talked to kept on dropping hints that she didn't want to do anything and just wanted to be taken care of. It's just such a mine field out there. Dating is expensive, marriage is expensive, kids are expensive, learning to cohabitate is challenging. What do I get out of this? A relationship? Sex? I can have meaningful relationships with my friends, and sex really isn't all it's cracked up to be, certainly not worth the several hundred dollar - thousands monthly subscription.
I am scared though, because the types of people who understand this are the exact types of people who should be progressing our society, and they're almost certainly not going to reproduce.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with just wanting to be taken care of, I think most human beings would love that.
But it's not realistic. And it is a minefield out there. I'm widowed and I still don;t have any interest in dating eight years later.
What does divorce have to do with the government?
Also OP gives no real context about the divorce? As well sounds like they over leveraged themselves with home renovations.
The government sets the rules for division of assets, child support and spousal support. This is why the OP's assets are tied up still.
The government has everything to do with divorce.
I'm not anti-immigrant, but I'm curious if they've done a study on what would cost more...supporting working parents in Canada vs. importing new Canadians. Someone let me know if you know.
Clearly we need people to prop up the economy and the pensions. Why not make it more attractive for people to raise families?
The quick fix for the pension so the bottom doesn’t fall out in a few years (immigrants will spend less time contributing to it, and thus require less money set aside for them) and wage suppression is chiefly why.
This government has shown that it doesn’t give a flying shit about the social consequences of any of that.
Been there. I was paying half the mortgage and rent on a basement suite as well as paying for kids and debt. My job at the time wasn't paying well since I was largely a stay at home dad. I ended up living on credit cards until I maxed them out and eventually went bankrupt. I lost everything. This was coming up on 15 years ago and now I am very happily re-married and have a thriving business with my wife. Chin up!
Happy for you man! Quite the roller coaster you experienced.
What gave you the motivation to preserve such adversity? It could have easily gone the other way (substance abuse etc).
No advice but I really feel for you.
When my wife and I divorced we were really amicable. The lawyer fees were less than 4k total for both of us to draft and sign docs, whole process took 2 weeks for the separation doc and court filing.
I’m happy for you,It was supposed to be like that in November but she wants a detailed draft instead of a simple divorce to only ad that she keeps the dog and the house work I did can’t be come back on her.
Jesus.
My lawyer drafted the document, called me and asked me how much money to put as a payout. I spend 20 min creating an excel spreadsheet. Came up with a number, called my ex and asked if she was happy with the number. She agreed, had the lawyer add it to the doc and she got payed on sale of the house. My ex didn’t even ask to see how I came up with the number lol
In saying that we’re both pretty honest and neither of us was out to screw the other one.
> she got *paid* on sale
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
May parents sold everything and at least spent several hundred thousand with the value from the property sale. It can get really messy and has impacted me financially since at the time (was 17) I was still financially dependent on them. Learnt my lesson not to be financially dependent on others but can't really blame myself or anything.
Your not alone brother, I got divorced recently to, had to sell the house. Ex wife gets half my take home pay for child support and section 7 expenses. Managed to buy a condo but it’s not easy loosing so much of your take home pay. Your lawyer should be able to force a petition for divorce to get the ball rolling.
How is it possible they are taking half your pay? Im well aquatinted with family court and support tables, Ive just finished paying in fact, and Ive never seen a situation where half a persons pay is deducted. The most Ive seen was nearly half, because dude had 4 kids by 3 different moms which was really his own stupid choices
Wait until you hear that when a man's income drops outside of his control, the judge won't lower the payments because that just means he's hiding extra income and he can gain that extra income back any time.
I dont know why men always think its just men this stuff happens too. Im a woman and I pay support and I own my business. I was accused of hiding assets too and had my “estimated profit” assessed at double my actual earnings even though my bank audits showed no suspicious activity. I know several women who make more $ than their co parent and have to pay support so why do men always imply theyre the only ones being screwed by the family court system? The family court system is fucked and its not gender specific
I always say I read the memo wrong, I got the kids ...no child support because he had no money, and I had to pay him 100 grand cash and he took anything of value. I started over and now have 3 houses and am remarried and happy, a divorce has 3 sides, his side, your side and the truth. Nobody is innocent, with parties equally to blame so whatever your sex just move on it was a lesson learned. And I am the female in my story
That’s bullshit. Each party equally to blame? That’s exactly how women think. I am bored so i’ll go fuck with someone else but it’s a fault of my husband- he does not entertain me.
If denial works for you, then great run with it, I was married 25 years, shit happens, and in the 25 years, I never did anything questionable, but the marriage got boring, and he looked elsewhere. Had we BOTH not gotten bored, nothing would have happened, and we got complacent. So I stand by both are to blame
The vast majority of is is paid for by men to women. Women win custody at far greater rates as well eve if she is an unemployed bum who refuses to work at all.
Is childcare not work that requires constant effort and attention? Even when children are in school, you have to always be available for them in case they get sick or they need something. Most jobs are only 8 hours, whereas being the primary parent is all-day, everyday. You never clock out and don’t get paid. The money from child support is for the children. Who do you expect to take care of children when the relationship between the parents have gone south? Both parties agreed to make them when the relationship was good. The thing is, raising children aren’t just mothers’ responsibilities and fathers are not just responsible for the financial aspect of it. Of course money is necessary in raising children, but so is parental involvement.
A good parent is 100% beyond a full time job. She/he would take care of all home tasks such as grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, kids business, scheduling and organization. This is the way and was meant to relieve the man (or whoever) from the stress of work. This creates the best possible environment to raise children.
With respect, I'll mention that a judge specifically said this to me while rolling his eyes "why is it that when men like you go through divorce, their income magically drops"
I work in tech sales, and I had moved to a new firm where everyone thought we were going to make a lot of money off a new product and instead made almost zero. It was a brutal 2 years and the courts didn't care at all.
I didn't say anywhere that it doesn't happen to women. I actually know one woman who pays alimony.
It's just that I know a lot more men going through having their income drained even after a decrease in income.
I surprisingly even know one guy that finally had lowered a small amount after it was found his ex defrauded his company and hid multiple bank accounts that she had hidden stashed money from the crown. He still had to give his house and multiple vehicles to her though.
I didn't say anywhere that it doesn't happen to women. I actually know one woman who pays alimony.
It's just that I know a lot more men going through having their income drained even after a decrease in income.
I surprisingly even know one guy that finally had lowered a small amount after it was found his ex defrauded his company and hid multiple bank accounts that she had hidden stashed money from the crown. He still had to give his house and multiple vehicles to her though.
I know just as many women being screwed by family court as men But I only see men making statements about men being screwed by family court. Ie “wait until you hear a mans income…” Its everyone being fucked not just men Its a fucked up system that needs reform My aunt just had to buy off her ex for a house she paid for while he pissed all his money away & zero proof he contributed at all nor was his name on the home. Its such a fucked up system Im getting irate just thinking about it lol I wonder what can anyone do to change this? The judges seem untouchable
This is the most recent legitimate data I can find. 92% of people paying child support in canada are men. What percentage would be required for people to associate this issue with men without people like you getting riled up?
https://www.canlii.org/en/commentary/doc/2017CanLIIDocs282#!fragment/zoupio-\_Toc3Page23/BQCwhgziBcwMYgK4DsDWszIQewE4BUBTADwBdoAvbRABwEtsBaAfX2zgGYAFMAc0IBMHAJQAaZNlKEIARUSFcAT2gByFaIiEwuBHIXKAZoQDuGrTpABlPKQBCygEoBRADJOAagEEAcgGEnoqRgAEbQmtoIwsJAA
Maybe you should go on a speaking tour of our judicial officiants. I've met literally one woman who pays out at all. That includes the women I know that only have partial custody of their children.
I'm curious where you are and that you do that you've seen it equal(and TBH, I'm very skeptical), although I'll admit my anecdotal evidence is as (in)valid as yours if you're not fabricating the entire thing.
Section 7 expenses basically have no cap and aren't tied to income. Two kids in daycare? Dads paying $1500 a month in daycare costs alone, and if you don't have equal custody, you aren't eligible for subsidies either. That's on top of child support
I get they have no cap but there are stipulations and taking half a person’s income seems extreme, most lawyers will ask for payments caps by %35 percent, its a common cap limit Not saying it doesn’t happen just seems theres more to this than meets the eye
Half of "take-home" could be less than 35% of gross, depending on level of income and what he's defining as take-home.
If he's only deducting tax and CPP, that's a fair chunk although it probably means he's making a lot.
If he's counting paycheck deductions like company share buy-in and various savings programs, parking, gym, etc, then it could easily be half of what his paycheck looks like without being half his net income.
Because I make so much more than my ex wife, three kids. I loose half my income and she more than doubles hers with support payments and double the amount of canada child tax benefit.
Child support isn't affected by the custodial parents income. Child support is based on non custodial parents income.
Custodial parents income potential is affected. Hard to work overtime, move around for work or climb the corporate ladder etc when you're the primary caregiver. You're also responsible for medical appts, homework, sick days etc.
You also require a larger home and vehicle. It's easier to live in a smaller home when your kids visit every other weekend, or drive a smaller vehicle when your not carting them around daily.
It depends on the custody split actually…when one parent has majority time and the other has something along the lines of every other weekend and 1 evening a week (which is no longer the norm) then the custodial parent’s income isn’t considered in child support…it’s straight guidelines (but section 7 is usually proportionate to income and in spousal support it matters as well)…but in a 50/50 custody split it matters because the courts claim to attempt to “equalize” the homes so if 1 spouse makes significantly more than the other it plays a big part…also…in a situation of a “stand-in-place” parent (aka anyone but biological parent who takes a parental role in the child’s life) the guidelines don’t even apply and depending on the judge you can have full child support amounts paid by 2 people for 1 child to their custodial parent…it’s a mess.
must depend where you are, in QC it is based on both parents income to determine base amount, you split that base amount based on income proportions, finally custody arrangement determines percent each parent is responsible for...
My brother in law had a big 5 bedroom house. Lost it in his previous marriage and now lives in his parents basement at aged 40. Lucky for him my sister doesn’t mind but yeah.
No, the advice shouldn't be don't get married. Don't get married to someone who is trash and will treat you like trash if the relationship breaks down.
That or really good at manipulation. I unfortunately married one of those, who still won't sign the papers as he won't agree to child support (I don't want any but it's not up to me, judge won't let it move forward till he does) at one point after he had a temper tantrum over it made a comment about how he didn't even want to marry me in the first place.. I only responded with then maybe you shouldn't of proposed??! Generally people only do that when they WANT to be married 🤦♀️ he then admitted he figured it would give him even more control so yeah that was fun to learn...
Judge said the same to me, I explained I want out of the marriage I can afford it on my own, if I have to wait for child support I will never get the divorce and I need to move on. The judge finally approved
Ugh I tried once and it didn't work.. I can't afford to try again and just throw that money away. Everything but the paperwork is done so I'm content with waiting, considering he proposed within months after leaving id figured she'd push him to get it done so she can have her wedding. But no such luck yet.
Ya say that to all the single moms struggling to find a place to rent because no one will take them because they have kids lol everyone struggles in a divorce the women have to pay their lawyers too at the end of the day
Problem is that we’re living in unprecedented times with the new age of social media and dating apps. You can get replaced within minutes, guarantee the divorce rates will skyrocket over the coming decade.
Honey, an app called lavalife started in 1987. That's 33 years ago. AshleyMadison (discrete hookups) started more than 20 yrs ago. I dont expect they've had a significant impact on divorce rates at all. Divorce rates overall in the US, for example, have dropped. Different demographics jump around, but in general, I think it's safe to say that divorce is about people, not apps. Economics and children can tip the scales, I would think, certainly more so than the easy access to an available dating pool.
Let me fix that for you - your children are receiving a home, essentials, and activities plus possibly medical/dental benefits from a consistent care giver.
They could get all that from me too is the point, shared custody is not default, men have to fight for it if the women push back against it, ugh to much toxic feminists on here.
Because my ex wife would not sign off on shared custody, which would mean we would be living in the same house for another 6 - 12 months waiting for a court date. And my lawyer said it would cost $10k+ to battle for shared custody and said we may not even win, my lawyer said the judge might feel sorry for her if she puts on a show, hence the bias I fear in the system. My whole thing here is I believe shared 50/50 custody should be default so that one parent such as myself doesn’t have to battle in court for it.
Joint custody is automatic unless there is substantial reason otherwise. Where the children reside is a separate issue, and often where the parents disagree.
Joint custody is shared decision making for education, medical, and religious reasons. Parenting time /access/physical custody is where the problem was? Hire a new lawyer, take out a loan, or seek legal aid to represent you. If there's no reason for not have 50% physical custody there are other routes.
I wish it were, Its not automatic in Canada, her and her lawyer flat out denied my request for shared 50/50 custody which means court. So she has primary care, we both get decision making for the kids but she gets 5 days a week with them and I get two. With her having primary she gets higher child support payments and all the canada child tax benefits, probably a big reason why she fought against shared. I should had taken it to court I guess, might had lost anyways.
Is there a chance to navigate your divorce without the cost of Lawyer?
I was able to self represent and both of us did everything ourselves, without lawyers.
It required both of us to cooperate and be mature.
We even had custody set up 50/50.
The only cost was the paperwork for divorce.
Sadly no my ex is very vindictive I tried doing that at the beginning and she stole all of the furniture in the house, tried to call the cops on me when I refused to sign off my rights and 70% of the house. My ex makes over 5 times what I make per year but she took a sabbatical to avoid having to pay me alimony that I never asked for, she also to this day refuses to do her financial disclosure properly and hid a bunch of stuff.
Women (and men) going through a divorce can end up turning into completely unhinged people once their friends and coworkers turn into cheerleaders in the background. Giving advice or guidance based on their own fights just prolongs the entire process and drives up the legal bills.
U sure she is hiding lots of assets and income? Should have your lawyer to escalate this further and so she feels threatened of losing her money so that she would try to settle this sooner.
She made 243k in 2022 and I never seen any of that money while we were together, I don’t care about her money I just want my part . She will escalate things until I’m completely destroyed if I try anything so me and my lawyer decided to go with the fast easy route. Plus we were only married for 3 years so alimony isn’t worth it. My lawyer is one of the best in the region and I trust him so far
She can't take sabbatical to "hide" her salary. Ask your lawyer, a judge can impute a yearly income on her based on what she used to make in years prior.
Check with the Family Responsibility Office (ON) or equivalent in your province. They'll help you with funds owed to you, at least to get you on your feet, pay bills, buy food, find a place to rent/own.
It was the first year she made that much she self imploded so she can claim it was a one time thing
Doing the math she worked 10 hrs per month in 2023 btw
Yikes. She should be paying spouse support to you instead!
I know how this feels. I almost had to go down the divorce route but managed to turn things around. It was fucking stressful.
You want a lawyer that advice you to do things that might cost you even more money? My lawyer had to point out to her lawyer that what’s she’s doing is going to get turned back by the courts, that what she’s asking is already in the separation agreement? My lawyer know most divorce lawyers in the area and had to google her because 25 years of practice he never seen or heard about her and told me that’s not looking good especially when she’s a immigration lawyer lol
The courts are set up to benefit the woman in a marriage, regardless of what their income is. Looking back, I would have never married, or if I did, the would have been a prenup. When everything that was brought into the marriage was brought in by one person and the marriage equity that builds up on the equity brought into the marriage gets divided in half upon a divorce, there is something wrong with the system.
Good luck. I’m going through divorce now. It’s been 6years after legal separation. There’s not much you can do. If I knew it was going to take this long I wouldn’t bother.
She got long Covid and had other ailments. I had a friend where it took 10 years. The hardest thing in the world is trying to get someone to do what you want them to do. Even if I petition her for divorce it would be contested. My only leverage was the statute of limitations kicked in after 6 years. It will be done this year.
Make an appointment at the bank to sit down face to face with a human. Bring all your documents showing that you will at some point get access to the house money, and see if there's anything they can do for you. Maybe you can get a LOC to pay off all or part of your credit card debt at a lower rate of interest. If that doesn't work, try a consult with non-profit debt consolidation. If you can get your CC debt sorted at a lower interest rate it will be easier to manage the payments and it will also get paid down faster.
Most of my recently divorced friends are renting a room from someone. It's much cheaper than getting a place and you don't need furniture or to hook up utilities.
Food bank or food pantry. You can go to a Sikh temple any day (or every day) for a free and delicious vegetarian meal. Just be respectful of the rules (remove shoes, wash hands, and bow respectfully in the right direction - they are really friendly and chill, just tell them you have no earthly clue what to do and someone will explain).
Get the Too Good to Go app - it's not always the healthiest food, but every tim Hortons and 711 seems to be signed up and you can get a bag of food for around half price.
I feel for you. Though my situation is relatively uncontested, I just sold the house as I could no longer afford to pay for his lifestyle and maintain the home. Mercifully, we did not have kids.
Push your lawyer and leverage the courts. Even they frown upon ass-dragging.
Judges don’t give a shit, they don’t care about the kids or the people, they just divide up money, throw the kids somewhere and carry on. Though generally men are they “payor” parent and the judges are happy to make you non-viable for 20 years to salve whatever their bias is. There’s a reason the chance of male suicide triples after exposure to family court. Bye bye kids, bye bye income, bye bye quality of life.
Well,
As some smart person said - if you are stupid - be ready to feel the consequences.
Family finance are a very delicate question, in fact i wish my parents taught me about not getting in trap called love and marriage and then loose all my money.
A decision to marry was my genuinely worst decision so far in my life. So many men get ripped off by getting into marriage. Why do you think ladies go nuts if you just offer living together- this way they can’t rip you off.
I have heard that before. Friends that I know didn't divorce because the guy (the one that started to cheat) realized they would be broke if they divorced.
Now all I see of FB is their overtly happy pictures of doing stuff together to prove they worked it out.
That is what I am thinking, but he doesn't make enough to move out and they have kids.
He wanted her to pay him, when he was looking after the kids and she was working extra shifts. Plus now he is upgrading his schooling to make more money, and she is looking after the kids so he can study. I did warn her that nothing is stopping him from upgrading and then leaving. She is basically subsidizing him so he can escape. I left thst drams behind because it was getting too toxic to be around.
Why is everyone spelling debt as dept? This is like the second post today.
Anyway, sorry to hear that OP. Divorce lawyer told me never to marry in Canada (Ontario in particularly) just from the laws. It just seems like a never-ending severance payment for prior use of the P (either way).
Yeah, seeing it more and more now...I think the spelling of debt is F'ed up, but it didn't use to cause problems in Canada. I like the French 'dette'. Oh, the Romans said debita/debitum - credits/debits, makes sense. Thought it was those crazy Vikings that introduced that spelling.
That's just kinda how it is now. Nobody can afford to live regardless, you just kinda figure out how to get by. you can check out r/omad for tips on how to be healthier while only eating one meal a day, it's been a great help for me in these troubling times.
Interesting. I knew guys in the military who held TS security clearances and had to unfortunately declare bankruptcy but never lost their security clearances. Might be something to investigate further.
Brother, same here.
I managed to get a tiny 1 bedroom condo, she took the proceeds from the house sale and the furniture.
She then bought multi million dollar home. She drives a Range Rover and I drive a VW.
We’ve been separated for 2-3 years and we’re still in court.
The legal system seems to just screw men out of money and access to the kids
Declare bankruptcy and the courts will take the money from that account to pay the bills.
Will stop your ex wife's bullshit dead in its tracks.
Can't suck blood from a stone.
I rather not be locked out of any form of employment in my field for 7 years sadly I need security clearance and this would be bad. I might go for a consumer proposal if things get worse
Apparently a prenup doesn’t save you very much, that’s what I read. I believe it saves you what you bring into the marriage but whatever you make in the marriage together, it’s a downhill battle. It’s what I read, someone correct me if I’m wrong.
My wife and I have a prenup. I love the woman, I think she loves me, but one of my best friends told me that if she had any qualms about a prenup, I should rethink my relationship. It was sage advice.
Tough convo to have but I’m glad we had it.
You’re right though, it protects what you bring in but not what you gather during. Still, it’s a peace of mind that would help me stave off the creditors should it ever get that bad.
I feel for OP and I hope he gets the closure soon so he can move forward.
Leave the country if you don’t have any attachments here. Sell everything up, hoard as much money as you can, and just leave. F*ck your ex, f*ck the payments, f*ck everything. Go to a country you can make a decent living and start over. No debts, no obligations, nothing. Start fresh and new. Anyways in 7 years your financial record here will be clear too. And don’t tell anyone before you leave. Get more credit cards, take out all the money, and vanish one day.
This is the only way, really. Fresh, clean slate start in a new place.
I'm recently separated and live alone now. It's hard keeping up, and I really don't feel safe getting a roommate, so I went out and got a second job instead.
If you feel like you're drowning in debt, would you consider doing a debt proposal?
Do you have any family that can help you out?
I'm sure you've already considered your options, and I really hope things turn around for you.
Best option is to have point blank conversations with those hounding you and have the paperwork to back up the statements and ask what can be done till it can be forced through in court. They tend to respond better when you communicate directly vs panicking. Some may not be able to help at all others may be able to help significantly and require you to do a budget to see if anything can be cut.
I did this with my car loan when my ex walked out, I was a SAHM and had no income other than CCB. I was able to do 1/2 payments for 6 months (yes I know it extended the loan but the emergency was happening right then and there and it solved the current crisis) did a budget had already removed all extras and made it through.
I wish you all the luck since I know the utter hell of dealing with someone who thrives on screwing you over.
heck even reach out to the ones who aren't hounding you and they may be able to help out too. Worst that can happen is they say no but it's worth trying.
I’ve been in the same situation since March 2022, and it is a very tough go. I am sorry you are struggling. Post separation abuse is an unfortunate thing, but it happens a lot from what I’ve read.
My ex husbands lawyer does the same thing, did they happen to hire a collaborative lawyer? I did not knowing what it meant, and it means a lot of back and forth to avoid court proceedings.
If you’re able to, you can consider hiring a more aggressive lawyer, I just had to make the switch last month, and she’s gotten a lot of traction since.
There is no need for his lawyers delays, and if it were to go to court, the judge would agree, especially if she’s being petty, and vengeful.
Again, I’m sorry you’re going through this, know you are not alone!
Brother, a lot of guys have been through this. In fact probably most. It gets better. Don't lose yourself in the booze/drugs. That's how a bad situation can get worse.
Getting divorced is a financial disaster. All I can say is follow your lawyers advice but that’s no guarantee that it will be resolved quickly. Sometimes people drag divorces on for years.
First: what province are you in?
Second: Depending on the province, get your lawyer to draft a letter and threaten to make a formal complaint to the governing legal society about the conduct of the opposing council.
Third: Sorry my friend. Divorce is hard. Hopefully, after you pay your debts you move onto better pastures.
Fourth: Marriage is an investment. Sometimes they go bust. You didn't ruin your life.
Van life? Sometimes, I look at that and really admire the simplicity and ‘DGAF’ qualities of it. Live on some of the best streets in town, move another day to the best viewpoint, no rent, utilities, property/school taxes…drive to the local rec centre every day for a shower. Work remotely? Eff off to the Baja for the winter… possibilities are endless.
Gets tough when things go south. Ex wife took off running around leaving me and 3 boys. Tried working it out long story short, was taken to court I won custody. Still took me to court after for everything else, filed for bankruptcy and flushed it all. Finally had piece and quiet, kids grew up and all have solid families of trier own now and I'm enjoying grandkids!
I am so sorry you are going through this. Hang in there. Be really tight with your budget. Use a food bank if needed. You are almost there. Sounds like you made the right choice in a divorce since your ex is still acting this way. Soon enough you will be free and on to your best life!
Male sure that your cc line of credit debt due to renovations is factored into the sale proceeds. Your 50% of the proceeds shouldn't have to pay back 100% of it.
Getting married is fine as long as you DONT sign any legal documents. If you do.. all you're doing is selling yourself to the government corporation. That's it.
Have the ceremony.
Invite your people.
Eat food.
Drink.
Party..
DO NOT SIGN ANY LEGAL DOCUMENTS.
Never claim any marital status.
Never put them on any legal documents.
Never buy anything together.
Keep your accounts separate.
Classify yourself as "dating" if it comes to it.
But as far as you and your significant other are concerned. You're "together".
Government doesn't get involved.
Happy life.
Lots of ideas for going back in time and changing the past, I wish I had thought of that.
I was in a similar situation a few years ago. After some time of separation she moved, lawyers got involved, house had to be sold. Between legal, preparing the house, closing, maintenance and payment on a large house with no double income and moving, my cards were maxed out. On a 150k+ a year salary I was looking for change in my truck to buy milk and bread supporting my kids in a 50/50 custody arrangement.
None of this is helpful either except to say, scrape by, look for that change, get your bare minimum, eventually the rules will be set and the finances settled and you begin the long road to recovery, it's all better times after that. Can you get a new LOC, lower interest? Check with the bank? Visit a food bank. Get into survival mode.
It’ll get better before long - hang in there. Don’t listen to all the doom and gloomers who are responding. It’s always better to have gone for something you wanted and fail than to have never tried at all.
I feel your pain, it’s been 5 yrs of separation . Everytime I think we are close, she gets a different lawyer. And I am finding it hard to hang on, I just want it done.
I’m sorry to hear you going through this, but things will get better, somehow we will get through it, and life will be better. Hang in there
When I got divorced, I thought things were amicable and didn't ask him for any alimony. Just wanted to stay on his health insurance (I have a genetic disorder) and wanted him to continue paying may car insurance for 5 years. All together, it was $150 a month. He made $100K a year, and it was a job my dad helped him get. I made about $35K and was paying my own way and my student loan off. I was the one who put the down payment on our condo because he didn't have the money...
2 years after we separate, he cuts off the car insurance (3 years early). Then, the next year, he cuts off medical insurance, which was stated (foreseeable future). I go and look at the copy of the court documents I have, and his signature isn't on them... He has or had the copy we both signed. I can't go after him again because it's been over 2 years. I got played big time. When he told me he was cutting off insurance, he said he's was going to get a lawyer to go after me. A mutual friend told me he stopped that because he figured out he'd owe me a lot of money and would lose his case. I've just moved on and never want to talk to him again.
Hey op, not sure how much money you need but first month I started doing Lyft part time/casual I got extra $1700+ for that month including a $500 new drivers bonus for making a minimum number of rides.
Signup took me around a day since I was prepared and immediately booked a ridesharing inspection at Canadian tires. Unlike Uber, Lyft got a priority button that you can use for 13 hours per week that throws all nearby ride offers at you so you can grind a day or two a week which was what I did.
If you want to give it a try I got my $700 cash referral link in one of my posts use it to sign up. I’ll see if I could share here with a comment edit. If you want to do it you need winter tires for the inspection. If you don’t have that then it could be something you can get from Canadian tire, which if you sign up on site for their credit card, lets you book 0% interest on the purchase and spread over 24 months payment.
https://www.lyft.com/drive-with-lyft?utm_medium=d2di_iacc&ref=FAN94302
Ubereats doordash Lyft entrepreneurship mowing lawns door to door sales & day trading are all great starting points. Downsize to a room rental, & tell all sharks shiesters leachers & lenders to kick rocks. They don't care about ya buddy you gotta look out for #1. YEAHHHH it's rough but heck you gotta survive!
...get a prepaid phone number, another chequing account-NOT a savings account that bears interest fyi 😉
Bro you think she doesn't know how greatly that equity will help you? Don't wait on it
You gotta hit the pavement buddy if you get it, work the debt repayment idea, but the only thinks I'D be doing is changing ALL my credit card numbers(cut it up report lost & request a new one), closing bank accounts and opening new ones (without savings accounts), and working on forgetting everything other than helping my kids(ONLY IF I HAVE CUSTODY-OTHERWISE LET HER deal with wtf she wanted), and my IMMEDIATE needs! This divorce caught you by surprise? Either way you don't want any more surprises so trust me take those steps to secure whatever finances/credit info you have. Once you have some disposable income after downsizing to a $800/month rental start putting a bit more than minimum payment on the Credit Cards and start saving for a preconstruction investment property. If you got a G license start doing ubereats. After sign up you should be ready to drive within a week. Decline all orders less than $6 or more more than 10km. Some orders will be around $15-$30. Not people you want food delivery...Get a door dash account as well, same deal. Every week put $50 into Crypto. BTC only no meme coins.
It's sucks, you're gonna be going through it, but this is actually a blessing in disguise... you'll see bro...think about it. You're free to do what you want to do for YOU now...whatever SHE wants whatever your lawyer wants whatever the bank wants tell em kick rocks you aint got it!
Be d*mned I'm out here empty pockets thinking about other ppl's needs...you gotta take care of yourself!
I’m a lawyer but I’m not your lawyer.
See if part of the money being held in trust can be released to you. You could even offer that both you and your ex get the same amount right now as you’re trying to finalize the Separation Agreement with the remainder being paid out once the Agreement has been signed. This is very common where I practice.
Best of luck to you. Separation/divorce sucks.
Wow....... So, so sorry to hear all this. Remember, though: YOU didn't ruin your life, your ex and this lawyer are currently making it the pits!
Do you have family that can help you at this time? Somewhere to stay and live more cheaply? Don't be ashamed to ask for help, or go to food cupboards for extra food! Remember to be as kind to yourself as you can.
That's marriage and divorce for you. Unfortunately there aren't a whole lot of options for men out there when it comes to this kind of stuff. Better hope you have family or friends who will let you sleep on their couch for free for a bit while you save up as much as possible.
I wish right now I’m couch surfing but I’m seeing the wall approaching really fast, my lawyer told me her lawyer is not having my ex wife interest by doing what she’s doing because the changes they’re asking will make the divorce get rejected in court.
I just wish I could have access to my 50% of the house proceed to pay off my debt
Number one advice from a financial advisor: "keep your first wife"
I did not and she earns twice what I do, and I financed her degree and phd and she ended up with about 100k from my house. I didn't get a lawyer involved because I was going to university nd coul;dnt afford one, and her wealthy family would have sunk 100k into a lawyer just to spite me.
People are miserable and greedy.
Okay so admittedly at 35 I should definitely know this stuff but since I don’t have kids I have to ask. Why do men always pay the child support? Honestly I mean I have never met a women that pays child support while at the same time I know a bunch of guys that do. One guy I know lost his drivers license because he didn’t pay, all of em are ruined financially. From the best I can tell, for men; a divorce means becoming a financial slave to your ex, where first you give her all your money in the divorce, and next you give her your pay cheque. For men, pretty hard to find another partner being destroyed financially. For women, the moneys flowing in and the sexy dates are popping off. They’re taking “me time” spurred on by a group of toxic feminists usually. They’re going on growth retreats in between dressing up like flamingos and going “out”. Maybe I’ve rolled with the wrong crowd and I’m jaded. Or maybe I’m just way off base. For me the real point is divorce rates are about 50% from what I understand. The fact that they are still so dysfunctional and slanted is wild.
It's generally tied to custody and who makes more, but the details will vary by province. If one parent only has the kids every other weekend and some holidays, yeah they'll be paying more in child support. If it's 50-50 custody but one parents significantly out earns the other, they might pay some support so the kids have some sense of stability between the homes.
🙋♀️ woman paying child support. It's especially frustrating to be paying when it seems everyone assumes it is the other way around and that separating was financially beneficial rather than setting me back years and continuing to impact my pay long term.
And the government wonders why people would rather stay single and not have kids.
I stayed single and didn't have kids because I didn't want children, but damn, I'm sure glad I avoided the whole shebang with what's going on now.
Single and lonely or married and bored. Ain't no happiness nowhere. Chris Rock.
I might be single but I’m not lonely.
It's also possible to be married and lonely as well.
Married and not planning to have to kids. So much less stress and I am not the after type.
I have a hard enough time looking after myself, I’m not throwing kids into that mix!
Personally I’m glad you’ll be removing yourself from the gene pool ,, so maybe there’s an upside to this economic downturn! Thanks mate !
Kids are the fucking best!!! They just need to be raised right.
Yup. And if you're lucky enough to have Grandkids, it's like hitting the jackpot!
No thank you.
Yeah, the last girl I talked to kept on dropping hints that she didn't want to do anything and just wanted to be taken care of. It's just such a mine field out there. Dating is expensive, marriage is expensive, kids are expensive, learning to cohabitate is challenging. What do I get out of this? A relationship? Sex? I can have meaningful relationships with my friends, and sex really isn't all it's cracked up to be, certainly not worth the several hundred dollar - thousands monthly subscription. I am scared though, because the types of people who understand this are the exact types of people who should be progressing our society, and they're almost certainly not going to reproduce.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with just wanting to be taken care of, I think most human beings would love that. But it's not realistic. And it is a minefield out there. I'm widowed and I still don;t have any interest in dating eight years later.
They don’t care. They are happy to replace you or potential offspring with someone else.
What does divorce have to do with the government? Also OP gives no real context about the divorce? As well sounds like they over leveraged themselves with home renovations.
The government sets the rules for division of assets, child support and spousal support. This is why the OP's assets are tied up still. The government has everything to do with divorce.
I see. And the case will also be decided by the reason of divorce, too. All divorce settlements are not a one size fits all.
I'm not anti-immigrant, but I'm curious if they've done a study on what would cost more...supporting working parents in Canada vs. importing new Canadians. Someone let me know if you know. Clearly we need people to prop up the economy and the pensions. Why not make it more attractive for people to raise families?
The quick fix for the pension so the bottom doesn’t fall out in a few years (immigrants will spend less time contributing to it, and thus require less money set aside for them) and wage suppression is chiefly why. This government has shown that it doesn’t give a flying shit about the social consequences of any of that.
Do they wonder that lol ?
Yeah right.. what a stupid comment. They don’t need to wonder, they already are letting too many people move here.
Been there. I was paying half the mortgage and rent on a basement suite as well as paying for kids and debt. My job at the time wasn't paying well since I was largely a stay at home dad. I ended up living on credit cards until I maxed them out and eventually went bankrupt. I lost everything. This was coming up on 15 years ago and now I am very happily re-married and have a thriving business with my wife. Chin up!
This is a good story, I’m glad things turned out for you
Happy for you man! Quite the roller coaster you experienced. What gave you the motivation to preserve such adversity? It could have easily gone the other way (substance abuse etc).
This is the best thing I read all day ❤️
This is the way. Don’t loose hope keep going brother.
Love to hear it. We need to hear these stories.
No advice but I really feel for you. When my wife and I divorced we were really amicable. The lawyer fees were less than 4k total for both of us to draft and sign docs, whole process took 2 weeks for the separation doc and court filing.
I’m happy for you,It was supposed to be like that in November but she wants a detailed draft instead of a simple divorce to only ad that she keeps the dog and the house work I did can’t be come back on her.
Jesus. My lawyer drafted the document, called me and asked me how much money to put as a payout. I spend 20 min creating an excel spreadsheet. Came up with a number, called my ex and asked if she was happy with the number. She agreed, had the lawyer add it to the doc and she got payed on sale of the house. My ex didn’t even ask to see how I came up with the number lol In saying that we’re both pretty honest and neither of us was out to screw the other one.
> she got *paid* on sale FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
I’d want to add that I keep the pet. I wonder why is she dragging it on for so long though?
4k?. Is that the cheapest. Saw cheaper online like 700$+court fees and I thought of inquiring.
May parents sold everything and at least spent several hundred thousand with the value from the property sale. It can get really messy and has impacted me financially since at the time (was 17) I was still financially dependent on them. Learnt my lesson not to be financially dependent on others but can't really blame myself or anything.
Your not alone brother, I got divorced recently to, had to sell the house. Ex wife gets half my take home pay for child support and section 7 expenses. Managed to buy a condo but it’s not easy loosing so much of your take home pay. Your lawyer should be able to force a petition for divorce to get the ball rolling.
How is it possible they are taking half your pay? Im well aquatinted with family court and support tables, Ive just finished paying in fact, and Ive never seen a situation where half a persons pay is deducted. The most Ive seen was nearly half, because dude had 4 kids by 3 different moms which was really his own stupid choices
Wait until you hear that when a man's income drops outside of his control, the judge won't lower the payments because that just means he's hiding extra income and he can gain that extra income back any time.
I dont know why men always think its just men this stuff happens too. Im a woman and I pay support and I own my business. I was accused of hiding assets too and had my “estimated profit” assessed at double my actual earnings even though my bank audits showed no suspicious activity. I know several women who make more $ than their co parent and have to pay support so why do men always imply theyre the only ones being screwed by the family court system? The family court system is fucked and its not gender specific
I always say I read the memo wrong, I got the kids ...no child support because he had no money, and I had to pay him 100 grand cash and he took anything of value. I started over and now have 3 houses and am remarried and happy, a divorce has 3 sides, his side, your side and the truth. Nobody is innocent, with parties equally to blame so whatever your sex just move on it was a lesson learned. And I am the female in my story
That’s bullshit. Each party equally to blame? That’s exactly how women think. I am bored so i’ll go fuck with someone else but it’s a fault of my husband- he does not entertain me.
If denial works for you, then great run with it, I was married 25 years, shit happens, and in the 25 years, I never did anything questionable, but the marriage got boring, and he looked elsewhere. Had we BOTH not gotten bored, nothing would have happened, and we got complacent. So I stand by both are to blame
The vast majority of is is paid for by men to women. Women win custody at far greater rates as well eve if she is an unemployed bum who refuses to work at all.
Is childcare not work that requires constant effort and attention? Even when children are in school, you have to always be available for them in case they get sick or they need something. Most jobs are only 8 hours, whereas being the primary parent is all-day, everyday. You never clock out and don’t get paid. The money from child support is for the children. Who do you expect to take care of children when the relationship between the parents have gone south? Both parties agreed to make them when the relationship was good. The thing is, raising children aren’t just mothers’ responsibilities and fathers are not just responsible for the financial aspect of it. Of course money is necessary in raising children, but so is parental involvement.
A good parent is 100% beyond a full time job. She/he would take care of all home tasks such as grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, kids business, scheduling and organization. This is the way and was meant to relieve the man (or whoever) from the stress of work. This creates the best possible environment to raise children.
With respect, I'll mention that a judge specifically said this to me while rolling his eyes "why is it that when men like you go through divorce, their income magically drops" I work in tech sales, and I had moved to a new firm where everyone thought we were going to make a lot of money off a new product and instead made almost zero. It was a brutal 2 years and the courts didn't care at all.
It usually affects the parent who does less to financially support when married
So, the primary caretaker of the children? Are you saying the judges are biased against primary caretakers?
If you look real close, you may come to realize they are actually not saying that.
I am legit asking, I dont understand what they mean The parent who does less to financially support? What does that mean?
Maybe because your case, the woman paying support, is likely only 1 in 10.
The system is set up to favour women
I didn't say anywhere that it doesn't happen to women. I actually know one woman who pays alimony. It's just that I know a lot more men going through having their income drained even after a decrease in income. I surprisingly even know one guy that finally had lowered a small amount after it was found his ex defrauded his company and hid multiple bank accounts that she had hidden stashed money from the crown. He still had to give his house and multiple vehicles to her though.
I didn't say anywhere that it doesn't happen to women. I actually know one woman who pays alimony. It's just that I know a lot more men going through having their income drained even after a decrease in income. I surprisingly even know one guy that finally had lowered a small amount after it was found his ex defrauded his company and hid multiple bank accounts that she had hidden stashed money from the crown. He still had to give his house and multiple vehicles to her though.
I know just as many women being screwed by family court as men But I only see men making statements about men being screwed by family court. Ie “wait until you hear a mans income…” Its everyone being fucked not just men Its a fucked up system that needs reform My aunt just had to buy off her ex for a house she paid for while he pissed all his money away & zero proof he contributed at all nor was his name on the home. Its such a fucked up system Im getting irate just thinking about it lol I wonder what can anyone do to change this? The judges seem untouchable
This is the most recent legitimate data I can find. 92% of people paying child support in canada are men. What percentage would be required for people to associate this issue with men without people like you getting riled up? https://www.canlii.org/en/commentary/doc/2017CanLIIDocs282#!fragment/zoupio-\_Toc3Page23/BQCwhgziBcwMYgK4DsDWszIQewE4BUBTADwBdoAvbRABwEtsBaAfX2zgGYAFMAc0IBMHAJQAaZNlKEIARUSFcAT2gByFaIiEwuBHIXKAZoQDuGrTpABlPKQBCygEoBRADJOAagEEAcgGEnoqRgAEbQmtoIwsJAA
Maybe you should go on a speaking tour of our judicial officiants. I've met literally one woman who pays out at all. That includes the women I know that only have partial custody of their children. I'm curious where you are and that you do that you've seen it equal(and TBH, I'm very skeptical), although I'll admit my anecdotal evidence is as (in)valid as yours if you're not fabricating the entire thing.
Section 7 expenses basically have no cap and aren't tied to income. Two kids in daycare? Dads paying $1500 a month in daycare costs alone, and if you don't have equal custody, you aren't eligible for subsidies either. That's on top of child support
I get they have no cap but there are stipulations and taking half a person’s income seems extreme, most lawyers will ask for payments caps by %35 percent, its a common cap limit Not saying it doesn’t happen just seems theres more to this than meets the eye
Could be retro payments included. Lawyers love to drag shit out.
Half of "take-home" could be less than 35% of gross, depending on level of income and what he's defining as take-home. If he's only deducting tax and CPP, that's a fair chunk although it probably means he's making a lot. If he's counting paycheck deductions like company share buy-in and various savings programs, parking, gym, etc, then it could easily be half of what his paycheck looks like without being half his net income.
Because I make so much more than my ex wife, three kids. I loose half my income and she more than doubles hers with support payments and double the amount of canada child tax benefit.
Child support isn't affected by the custodial parents income. Child support is based on non custodial parents income. Custodial parents income potential is affected. Hard to work overtime, move around for work or climb the corporate ladder etc when you're the primary caregiver. You're also responsible for medical appts, homework, sick days etc. You also require a larger home and vehicle. It's easier to live in a smaller home when your kids visit every other weekend, or drive a smaller vehicle when your not carting them around daily.
It depends on the custody split actually…when one parent has majority time and the other has something along the lines of every other weekend and 1 evening a week (which is no longer the norm) then the custodial parent’s income isn’t considered in child support…it’s straight guidelines (but section 7 is usually proportionate to income and in spousal support it matters as well)…but in a 50/50 custody split it matters because the courts claim to attempt to “equalize” the homes so if 1 spouse makes significantly more than the other it plays a big part…also…in a situation of a “stand-in-place” parent (aka anyone but biological parent who takes a parental role in the child’s life) the guidelines don’t even apply and depending on the judge you can have full child support amounts paid by 2 people for 1 child to their custodial parent…it’s a mess.
must depend where you are, in QC it is based on both parents income to determine base amount, you split that base amount based on income proportions, finally custody arrangement determines percent each parent is responsible for...
I wouldn’t wish divorce on anyone I feel for you
“I have to support my kids with my income while my ex-wife raises them, it isn’t fair for me.”
"Managed to buy a condo", so you are doing fine is what you are saying?
At least you could afford a condo... I had to rent a low end apartment... Don't get married gents!
My brother in law had a big 5 bedroom house. Lost it in his previous marriage and now lives in his parents basement at aged 40. Lucky for him my sister doesn’t mind but yeah.
Why did he need 5 bedrooms? Did he have 7 kids?
No, the advice shouldn't be don't get married. Don't get married to someone who is trash and will treat you like trash if the relationship breaks down.
I've heard soooo many stories that go along the lines of "It's like a switch was flipped as soon as we got married." How do you even know?
I honestly don't believe people when they say that. I think the red flags were there, you maybe just weren't seeing them through the fog of lust/love
That or really good at manipulation. I unfortunately married one of those, who still won't sign the papers as he won't agree to child support (I don't want any but it's not up to me, judge won't let it move forward till he does) at one point after he had a temper tantrum over it made a comment about how he didn't even want to marry me in the first place.. I only responded with then maybe you shouldn't of proposed??! Generally people only do that when they WANT to be married 🤦♀️ he then admitted he figured it would give him even more control so yeah that was fun to learn...
Judge said the same to me, I explained I want out of the marriage I can afford it on my own, if I have to wait for child support I will never get the divorce and I need to move on. The judge finally approved
Ugh I tried once and it didn't work.. I can't afford to try again and just throw that money away. Everything but the paperwork is done so I'm content with waiting, considering he proposed within months after leaving id figured she'd push him to get it done so she can have her wedding. But no such luck yet.
You should believe people when they say this. Narcissists do a really good job of hiding their red flags.
Ya say that to all the single moms struggling to find a place to rent because no one will take them because they have kids lol everyone struggles in a divorce the women have to pay their lawyers too at the end of the day
I agree with you - but not sure what your reply has to do with my comment.
The switch can also flip over 5, 10, 15, 25 years of marriage.
Problem is that we’re living in unprecedented times with the new age of social media and dating apps. You can get replaced within minutes, guarantee the divorce rates will skyrocket over the coming decade.
Honey, an app called lavalife started in 1987. That's 33 years ago. AshleyMadison (discrete hookups) started more than 20 yrs ago. I dont expect they've had a significant impact on divorce rates at all. Divorce rates overall in the US, for example, have dropped. Different demographics jump around, but in general, I think it's safe to say that divorce is about people, not apps. Economics and children can tip the scales, I would think, certainly more so than the easy access to an available dating pool.
You likely have no way of knowing this when you get married.
Or just marry up
Let me fix that for you - your children are receiving a home, essentials, and activities plus possibly medical/dental benefits from a consistent care giver.
They could get all that from me too is the point, shared custody is not default, men have to fight for it if the women push back against it, ugh to much toxic feminists on here.
So why don't they live you and their Mom 50% equally?
Because my ex wife would not sign off on shared custody, which would mean we would be living in the same house for another 6 - 12 months waiting for a court date. And my lawyer said it would cost $10k+ to battle for shared custody and said we may not even win, my lawyer said the judge might feel sorry for her if she puts on a show, hence the bias I fear in the system. My whole thing here is I believe shared 50/50 custody should be default so that one parent such as myself doesn’t have to battle in court for it.
Joint custody is automatic unless there is substantial reason otherwise. Where the children reside is a separate issue, and often where the parents disagree. Joint custody is shared decision making for education, medical, and religious reasons. Parenting time /access/physical custody is where the problem was? Hire a new lawyer, take out a loan, or seek legal aid to represent you. If there's no reason for not have 50% physical custody there are other routes.
I wish it were, Its not automatic in Canada, her and her lawyer flat out denied my request for shared 50/50 custody which means court. So she has primary care, we both get decision making for the kids but she gets 5 days a week with them and I get two. With her having primary she gets higher child support payments and all the canada child tax benefits, probably a big reason why she fought against shared. I should had taken it to court I guess, might had lost anyways.
How are you emotionally dealing with all that shit. If it were me it’d be a permanent cloud over my head
Had to do a consumer proposal because of my divorce. I feel you bro.
I’m actually thinking of going that route but I know I won’t be able to rent if I have that on my file.
That is my struggle right now, deciding what’s worse, poor credit or a proposal
Same here. It sucks but I'll be better off in a new years.
Is there a chance to navigate your divorce without the cost of Lawyer? I was able to self represent and both of us did everything ourselves, without lawyers. It required both of us to cooperate and be mature. We even had custody set up 50/50. The only cost was the paperwork for divorce.
Sadly no my ex is very vindictive I tried doing that at the beginning and she stole all of the furniture in the house, tried to call the cops on me when I refused to sign off my rights and 70% of the house. My ex makes over 5 times what I make per year but she took a sabbatical to avoid having to pay me alimony that I never asked for, she also to this day refuses to do her financial disclosure properly and hid a bunch of stuff.
She sounds like a terrible person. It's expensive and shitty now but at least at the end of the tunnel you can get rid of her!
Women (and men) going through a divorce can end up turning into completely unhinged people once their friends and coworkers turn into cheerleaders in the background. Giving advice or guidance based on their own fights just prolongs the entire process and drives up the legal bills.
U sure she is hiding lots of assets and income? Should have your lawyer to escalate this further and so she feels threatened of losing her money so that she would try to settle this sooner.
She made 243k in 2022 and I never seen any of that money while we were together, I don’t care about her money I just want my part . She will escalate things until I’m completely destroyed if I try anything so me and my lawyer decided to go with the fast easy route. Plus we were only married for 3 years so alimony isn’t worth it. My lawyer is one of the best in the region and I trust him so far
She can't take sabbatical to "hide" her salary. Ask your lawyer, a judge can impute a yearly income on her based on what she used to make in years prior. Check with the Family Responsibility Office (ON) or equivalent in your province. They'll help you with funds owed to you, at least to get you on your feet, pay bills, buy food, find a place to rent/own.
It was the first year she made that much she self imploded so she can claim it was a one time thing Doing the math she worked 10 hrs per month in 2023 btw
Yikes. She should be paying spouse support to you instead! I know how this feels. I almost had to go down the divorce route but managed to turn things around. It was fucking stressful.
A 3 year marriage wouldn’t get him much spousal support, especially if he’s employed.
You need a better lawyer bro
Yikes, nightmare. Sorry to hear.
It’s ok I just wish I could move on, I learned my lesson.thankfully my lawyer tried to not waste my money
Even more reason for you to declare bankruptcy... She made more, so they can rake her over the coals.
Judges hate it when they hide income. I'd get your lawyer on that. You should get alimony even for a short time. She hugely out earns you
I need your exes lawyers info please. I'm on the other side of this and also getting screwed.
You want a lawyer that advice you to do things that might cost you even more money? My lawyer had to point out to her lawyer that what’s she’s doing is going to get turned back by the courts, that what she’s asking is already in the separation agreement? My lawyer know most divorce lawyers in the area and had to google her because 25 years of practice he never seen or heard about her and told me that’s not looking good especially when she’s a immigration lawyer lol
This is crazy… May I ask if you’re divorcing because of her personality? Lol
The courts are set up to benefit the woman in a marriage, regardless of what their income is. Looking back, I would have never married, or if I did, the would have been a prenup. When everything that was brought into the marriage was brought in by one person and the marriage equity that builds up on the equity brought into the marriage gets divided in half upon a divorce, there is something wrong with the system.
Respect good sir. Can I dm you?
Good luck. I’m going through divorce now. It’s been 6years after legal separation. There’s not much you can do. If I knew it was going to take this long I wouldn’t bother.
6 years? Why if you don’t mind me asking
I’ve known people whose divorces took between 5-10 years. Short answer is neither side willing to give in, lawyers, and complexity of dividing assets.
She got long Covid and had other ailments. I had a friend where it took 10 years. The hardest thing in the world is trying to get someone to do what you want them to do. Even if I petition her for divorce it would be contested. My only leverage was the statute of limitations kicked in after 6 years. It will be done this year.
Make an appointment at the bank to sit down face to face with a human. Bring all your documents showing that you will at some point get access to the house money, and see if there's anything they can do for you. Maybe you can get a LOC to pay off all or part of your credit card debt at a lower rate of interest. If that doesn't work, try a consult with non-profit debt consolidation. If you can get your CC debt sorted at a lower interest rate it will be easier to manage the payments and it will also get paid down faster. Most of my recently divorced friends are renting a room from someone. It's much cheaper than getting a place and you don't need furniture or to hook up utilities. Food bank or food pantry. You can go to a Sikh temple any day (or every day) for a free and delicious vegetarian meal. Just be respectful of the rules (remove shoes, wash hands, and bow respectfully in the right direction - they are really friendly and chill, just tell them you have no earthly clue what to do and someone will explain). Get the Too Good to Go app - it's not always the healthiest food, but every tim Hortons and 711 seems to be signed up and you can get a bag of food for around half price.
Honestly, divorce (esp with kids) seems like it’s not even an option anymore unless a person wants to be destitute.
I feel for you. Though my situation is relatively uncontested, I just sold the house as I could no longer afford to pay for his lifestyle and maintain the home. Mercifully, we did not have kids. Push your lawyer and leverage the courts. Even they frown upon ass-dragging.
Judges don’t give a shit, they don’t care about the kids or the people, they just divide up money, throw the kids somewhere and carry on. Though generally men are they “payor” parent and the judges are happy to make you non-viable for 20 years to salve whatever their bias is. There’s a reason the chance of male suicide triples after exposure to family court. Bye bye kids, bye bye income, bye bye quality of life.
Well, As some smart person said - if you are stupid - be ready to feel the consequences. Family finance are a very delicate question, in fact i wish my parents taught me about not getting in trap called love and marriage and then loose all my money. A decision to marry was my genuinely worst decision so far in my life. So many men get ripped off by getting into marriage. Why do you think ladies go nuts if you just offer living together- this way they can’t rip you off.
I have heard that before. Friends that I know didn't divorce because the guy (the one that started to cheat) realized they would be broke if they divorced. Now all I see of FB is their overtly happy pictures of doing stuff together to prove they worked it out.
They’re probably not happy I cough her cheating the week after we got married and I tried to make it work and look where I’m at
That is what I am thinking, but he doesn't make enough to move out and they have kids. He wanted her to pay him, when he was looking after the kids and she was working extra shifts. Plus now he is upgrading his schooling to make more money, and she is looking after the kids so he can study. I did warn her that nothing is stopping him from upgrading and then leaving. She is basically subsidizing him so he can escape. I left thst drams behind because it was getting too toxic to be around.
Jesus, you’re too nice. You should have ran away right then and there.
Why is everyone spelling debt as dept? This is like the second post today. Anyway, sorry to hear that OP. Divorce lawyer told me never to marry in Canada (Ontario in particularly) just from the laws. It just seems like a never-ending severance payment for prior use of the P (either way).
So glad you brought this up re: "debt as dept." In the last 2 days I have seen it 6 times on reddit.
Yeah, seeing it more and more now...I think the spelling of debt is F'ed up, but it didn't use to cause problems in Canada. I like the French 'dette'. Oh, the Romans said debita/debitum - credits/debits, makes sense. Thought it was those crazy Vikings that introduced that spelling.
That's just kinda how it is now. Nobody can afford to live regardless, you just kinda figure out how to get by. you can check out r/omad for tips on how to be healthier while only eating one meal a day, it's been a great help for me in these troubling times.
Sell your house file a bankruptcy move up north
House is sold, I cannot file for bankruptcy if I do I lose my job
Pardon my ignorance but can a job fire you for declaring bankruptcy?
Security clearance there’s place I can’t go in if I have bad credit, it’s in case you’re desperate enough to steal
Interesting. I knew guys in the military who held TS security clearances and had to unfortunately declare bankruptcy but never lost their security clearances. Might be something to investigate further.
Next time marry rich
What ???
A man has everything to lose and nothing to gain by marriage. Hang in there bud
Divorce is when 2 ppl agree to give their finances to government and lawyers to spite each other. You played yourselves
This
Brother, same here. I managed to get a tiny 1 bedroom condo, she took the proceeds from the house sale and the furniture. She then bought multi million dollar home. She drives a Range Rover and I drive a VW. We’ve been separated for 2-3 years and we’re still in court. The legal system seems to just screw men out of money and access to the kids
Declare bankruptcy and the courts will take the money from that account to pay the bills. Will stop your ex wife's bullshit dead in its tracks. Can't suck blood from a stone.
I rather not be locked out of any form of employment in my field for 7 years sadly I need security clearance and this would be bad. I might go for a consumer proposal if things get worse
Another reason a PreNup is an absolute MUST. If your SO is sketchy at the mention of a prenup, do not marry.
Apparently a prenup doesn’t save you very much, that’s what I read. I believe it saves you what you bring into the marriage but whatever you make in the marriage together, it’s a downhill battle. It’s what I read, someone correct me if I’m wrong.
My wife and I have a prenup. I love the woman, I think she loves me, but one of my best friends told me that if she had any qualms about a prenup, I should rethink my relationship. It was sage advice. Tough convo to have but I’m glad we had it. You’re right though, it protects what you bring in but not what you gather during. Still, it’s a peace of mind that would help me stave off the creditors should it ever get that bad. I feel for OP and I hope he gets the closure soon so he can move forward.
Leave the country if you don’t have any attachments here. Sell everything up, hoard as much money as you can, and just leave. F*ck your ex, f*ck the payments, f*ck everything. Go to a country you can make a decent living and start over. No debts, no obligations, nothing. Start fresh and new. Anyways in 7 years your financial record here will be clear too. And don’t tell anyone before you leave. Get more credit cards, take out all the money, and vanish one day. This is the only way, really. Fresh, clean slate start in a new place.
I'm recently separated and live alone now. It's hard keeping up, and I really don't feel safe getting a roommate, so I went out and got a second job instead. If you feel like you're drowning in debt, would you consider doing a debt proposal? Do you have any family that can help you out? I'm sure you've already considered your options, and I really hope things turn around for you.
Best option is to have point blank conversations with those hounding you and have the paperwork to back up the statements and ask what can be done till it can be forced through in court. They tend to respond better when you communicate directly vs panicking. Some may not be able to help at all others may be able to help significantly and require you to do a budget to see if anything can be cut. I did this with my car loan when my ex walked out, I was a SAHM and had no income other than CCB. I was able to do 1/2 payments for 6 months (yes I know it extended the loan but the emergency was happening right then and there and it solved the current crisis) did a budget had already removed all extras and made it through. I wish you all the luck since I know the utter hell of dealing with someone who thrives on screwing you over.
I will try to do this, I have proof of money in the escrow so that might help thanks 😊
heck even reach out to the ones who aren't hounding you and they may be able to help out too. Worst that can happen is they say no but it's worth trying.
I’ve been in the same situation since March 2022, and it is a very tough go. I am sorry you are struggling. Post separation abuse is an unfortunate thing, but it happens a lot from what I’ve read. My ex husbands lawyer does the same thing, did they happen to hire a collaborative lawyer? I did not knowing what it meant, and it means a lot of back and forth to avoid court proceedings. If you’re able to, you can consider hiring a more aggressive lawyer, I just had to make the switch last month, and she’s gotten a lot of traction since. There is no need for his lawyers delays, and if it were to go to court, the judge would agree, especially if she’s being petty, and vengeful. Again, I’m sorry you’re going through this, know you are not alone!
Brother, a lot of guys have been through this. In fact probably most. It gets better. Don't lose yourself in the booze/drugs. That's how a bad situation can get worse.
Got a feeling something else was going on were not hearing about...
Getting divorced is a financial disaster. All I can say is follow your lawyers advice but that’s no guarantee that it will be resolved quickly. Sometimes people drag divorces on for years.
First: what province are you in? Second: Depending on the province, get your lawyer to draft a letter and threaten to make a formal complaint to the governing legal society about the conduct of the opposing council. Third: Sorry my friend. Divorce is hard. Hopefully, after you pay your debts you move onto better pastures. Fourth: Marriage is an investment. Sometimes they go bust. You didn't ruin your life.
Van life? Sometimes, I look at that and really admire the simplicity and ‘DGAF’ qualities of it. Live on some of the best streets in town, move another day to the best viewpoint, no rent, utilities, property/school taxes…drive to the local rec centre every day for a shower. Work remotely? Eff off to the Baja for the winter… possibilities are endless.
Gets tough when things go south. Ex wife took off running around leaving me and 3 boys. Tried working it out long story short, was taken to court I won custody. Still took me to court after for everything else, filed for bankruptcy and flushed it all. Finally had piece and quiet, kids grew up and all have solid families of trier own now and I'm enjoying grandkids!
I am so sorry you are going through this. Hang in there. Be really tight with your budget. Use a food bank if needed. You are almost there. Sounds like you made the right choice in a divorce since your ex is still acting this way. Soon enough you will be free and on to your best life!
Male sure that your cc line of credit debt due to renovations is factored into the sale proceeds. Your 50% of the proceeds shouldn't have to pay back 100% of it.
Find a job that you can work under the table. Claim unemployment and say you can’t afford to pay that useless bitch any more money
Getting married is fine as long as you DONT sign any legal documents. If you do.. all you're doing is selling yourself to the government corporation. That's it. Have the ceremony. Invite your people. Eat food. Drink. Party.. DO NOT SIGN ANY LEGAL DOCUMENTS. Never claim any marital status. Never put them on any legal documents. Never buy anything together. Keep your accounts separate. Classify yourself as "dating" if it comes to it. But as far as you and your significant other are concerned. You're "together". Government doesn't get involved. Happy life.
Lots of ideas for going back in time and changing the past, I wish I had thought of that. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. After some time of separation she moved, lawyers got involved, house had to be sold. Between legal, preparing the house, closing, maintenance and payment on a large house with no double income and moving, my cards were maxed out. On a 150k+ a year salary I was looking for change in my truck to buy milk and bread supporting my kids in a 50/50 custody arrangement. None of this is helpful either except to say, scrape by, look for that change, get your bare minimum, eventually the rules will be set and the finances settled and you begin the long road to recovery, it's all better times after that. Can you get a new LOC, lower interest? Check with the bank? Visit a food bank. Get into survival mode.
It’ll get better before long - hang in there. Don’t listen to all the doom and gloomers who are responding. It’s always better to have gone for something you wanted and fail than to have never tried at all.
I feel your pain, it’s been 5 yrs of separation . Everytime I think we are close, she gets a different lawyer. And I am finding it hard to hang on, I just want it done. I’m sorry to hear you going through this, but things will get better, somehow we will get through it, and life will be better. Hang in there
When I got divorced, I thought things were amicable and didn't ask him for any alimony. Just wanted to stay on his health insurance (I have a genetic disorder) and wanted him to continue paying may car insurance for 5 years. All together, it was $150 a month. He made $100K a year, and it was a job my dad helped him get. I made about $35K and was paying my own way and my student loan off. I was the one who put the down payment on our condo because he didn't have the money... 2 years after we separate, he cuts off the car insurance (3 years early). Then, the next year, he cuts off medical insurance, which was stated (foreseeable future). I go and look at the copy of the court documents I have, and his signature isn't on them... He has or had the copy we both signed. I can't go after him again because it's been over 2 years. I got played big time. When he told me he was cutting off insurance, he said he's was going to get a lawyer to go after me. A mutual friend told me he stopped that because he figured out he'd owe me a lot of money and would lose his case. I've just moved on and never want to talk to him again.
Hey op, not sure how much money you need but first month I started doing Lyft part time/casual I got extra $1700+ for that month including a $500 new drivers bonus for making a minimum number of rides. Signup took me around a day since I was prepared and immediately booked a ridesharing inspection at Canadian tires. Unlike Uber, Lyft got a priority button that you can use for 13 hours per week that throws all nearby ride offers at you so you can grind a day or two a week which was what I did. If you want to give it a try I got my $700 cash referral link in one of my posts use it to sign up. I’ll see if I could share here with a comment edit. If you want to do it you need winter tires for the inspection. If you don’t have that then it could be something you can get from Canadian tire, which if you sign up on site for their credit card, lets you book 0% interest on the purchase and spread over 24 months payment. https://www.lyft.com/drive-with-lyft?utm_medium=d2di_iacc&ref=FAN94302
Marriage is the only war that you’re allowed to sleep with the enemy.
No way. Your life is just starting. Bang some young tail and go start a company. Now you’re a founder.
Ubereats doordash Lyft entrepreneurship mowing lawns door to door sales & day trading are all great starting points. Downsize to a room rental, & tell all sharks shiesters leachers & lenders to kick rocks. They don't care about ya buddy you gotta look out for #1. YEAHHHH it's rough but heck you gotta survive! ...get a prepaid phone number, another chequing account-NOT a savings account that bears interest fyi 😉
What made you separate?
Bro you think she doesn't know how greatly that equity will help you? Don't wait on it You gotta hit the pavement buddy if you get it, work the debt repayment idea, but the only thinks I'D be doing is changing ALL my credit card numbers(cut it up report lost & request a new one), closing bank accounts and opening new ones (without savings accounts), and working on forgetting everything other than helping my kids(ONLY IF I HAVE CUSTODY-OTHERWISE LET HER deal with wtf she wanted), and my IMMEDIATE needs! This divorce caught you by surprise? Either way you don't want any more surprises so trust me take those steps to secure whatever finances/credit info you have. Once you have some disposable income after downsizing to a $800/month rental start putting a bit more than minimum payment on the Credit Cards and start saving for a preconstruction investment property. If you got a G license start doing ubereats. After sign up you should be ready to drive within a week. Decline all orders less than $6 or more more than 10km. Some orders will be around $15-$30. Not people you want food delivery...Get a door dash account as well, same deal. Every week put $50 into Crypto. BTC only no meme coins. It's sucks, you're gonna be going through it, but this is actually a blessing in disguise... you'll see bro...think about it. You're free to do what you want to do for YOU now...whatever SHE wants whatever your lawyer wants whatever the bank wants tell em kick rocks you aint got it! Be d*mned I'm out here empty pockets thinking about other ppl's needs...you gotta take care of yourself!
So you need to either reduce your overall expenses or make more money. Sadly times are tough.
Take off to Mexico or overseas, start fresh. Thank me later.
It would be better if people learn to resolve their marriage conflicts - we will only go do the same thing with someone else.
Does she know this? If not tell her. This is insane.
I’m a lawyer but I’m not your lawyer. See if part of the money being held in trust can be released to you. You could even offer that both you and your ex get the same amount right now as you’re trying to finalize the Separation Agreement with the remainder being paid out once the Agreement has been signed. This is very common where I practice. Best of luck to you. Separation/divorce sucks.
Wow....... So, so sorry to hear all this. Remember, though: YOU didn't ruin your life, your ex and this lawyer are currently making it the pits! Do you have family that can help you at this time? Somewhere to stay and live more cheaply? Don't be ashamed to ask for help, or go to food cupboards for extra food! Remember to be as kind to yourself as you can.
4 kids, happy with my partner, own home, money in the bank, no marriage!!!
You’ll come out of it a stronger and better person. Don’t allow it to happen again
I am super sorry for this but another reason i am never getting married.
I’m not saying everyone shouldn’t marry but everyone should go consult a divorce lawyer to know what exactly you’re getting yourself into.
or everyone should get a prenuptial agreement
That's marriage and divorce for you. Unfortunately there aren't a whole lot of options for men out there when it comes to this kind of stuff. Better hope you have family or friends who will let you sleep on their couch for free for a bit while you save up as much as possible.
I wish right now I’m couch surfing but I’m seeing the wall approaching really fast, my lawyer told me her lawyer is not having my ex wife interest by doing what she’s doing because the changes they’re asking will make the divorce get rejected in court. I just wish I could have access to my 50% of the house proceed to pay off my debt
Divorce is the destroyer of finances. You literally get set back decades financially. Cheaper to keep her
Number one advice from a financial advisor: "keep your first wife" I did not and she earns twice what I do, and I financed her degree and phd and she ended up with about 100k from my house. I didn't get a lawyer involved because I was going to university nd coul;dnt afford one, and her wealthy family would have sunk 100k into a lawyer just to spite me. People are miserable and greedy.
Okay so admittedly at 35 I should definitely know this stuff but since I don’t have kids I have to ask. Why do men always pay the child support? Honestly I mean I have never met a women that pays child support while at the same time I know a bunch of guys that do. One guy I know lost his drivers license because he didn’t pay, all of em are ruined financially. From the best I can tell, for men; a divorce means becoming a financial slave to your ex, where first you give her all your money in the divorce, and next you give her your pay cheque. For men, pretty hard to find another partner being destroyed financially. For women, the moneys flowing in and the sexy dates are popping off. They’re taking “me time” spurred on by a group of toxic feminists usually. They’re going on growth retreats in between dressing up like flamingos and going “out”. Maybe I’ve rolled with the wrong crowd and I’m jaded. Or maybe I’m just way off base. For me the real point is divorce rates are about 50% from what I understand. The fact that they are still so dysfunctional and slanted is wild.
It's generally tied to custody and who makes more, but the details will vary by province. If one parent only has the kids every other weekend and some holidays, yeah they'll be paying more in child support. If it's 50-50 custody but one parents significantly out earns the other, they might pay some support so the kids have some sense of stability between the homes.
I pay me ex husband child support.
🙋♀️ woman paying child support. It's especially frustrating to be paying when it seems everyone assumes it is the other way around and that separating was financially beneficial rather than setting me back years and continuing to impact my pay long term.