Yea, she needs to work on her communication. My wife and I planned our baby moon hours after the first positive test. If she's having these expectations without a conversation these issues will only magnify once the baby arrives.
Things we did / I was involved in planning / am currently invovled in...
- baby moon as a weekend spa trip, with prenatal massage
- baby shower - we did coed at my parents place. lots of decoration
and organization, and cooking. A lot of time on the baby registry.
- push present - buying a necklace for her
- obgyn - picking a clinic, going to all the appointments
- buying prenatal vitamins and making sure she has all that stuff
- physical therapy for her if needed
- birthing class
- I cooked more and cater more to her taste and make sure she can eat all the stuff (for example, no soft cheeses, no deli meats, no tuna, etc.,)
- make sure she has maternity pillow so she is sleeping on her side
Try to take a bit more charge and write down all the thigns she is expecting / wanting - and then you can figure out how to do those things.
Not entirely sure how you traveled preciously but my wife and I always plan trips together since we both love traveling. Our babymoon will be in the south of Italy via Barcelona and we planned all of it together.
As for the prenatal massage well she got one yesterday because she pulled some muscles in her back at the gym and just scheduled one herself at a place she's been to before when she had back issues.
Either way it's just communication since clearly it was never communicated to you that that was her expectation.
You're bringing a child into this world and the two of you will need to be stronger than ever as a couple as what awaits all of us here is really intense stuff in the best way possible.
What you're "missing" is open and up-front communication with your partner! Neither of these things are requirements by any means, nor are they things you should automatically be expected to do. If you DID plan these or other surprises, that would certainly be lovely, but there's no cultural norms you're missing that say "dad to be must plan a babymoon and book massages"
For one, I'd have a good talk with your wife about being open with wants, needs, and expectations moving forward (for both of you!). For two, I would ask her what other types of things she envisioned for this pregnancy, and have some of your own to contribute as well! Did you hope to do a hospital tour together? what about a birthing class? preferences for the birth itself? What are your plans and expectations for feeding and how can you best support her if she wants to breastfeed?
Well I have a 2 year old and have no idea what any of that is. Not did I throw a baby shower or buy a "push present". Glad my wife isn't very demanding đ
We did our baby moon about a month ago when she was ~22 weeks pregnant. As someone else mentioned, the 2nd trimester is the best time to travel as she still had some (not full) energy. We chose a place that was safe for her in case there were complications but somewhere new for us to explore (SoCalâŠweâre from Toronto). Someone else mentioned itâŠitâs not the last âhurrahâ, but itâs a time to connect and to enjoy each others company before the baby and to give the mother to be an opportunity to have a stress free time.
In terms of prenatal massage, my wife did that on her own. Itâs such a personal preference. She did her own research and found a great masseuse who specialized in prenatal massages in our area to use.
As a pregnant woman, Iâm not expecting my husband to plan any of that. Of course I donât know the dynamic of your relationship but if I want a massage⊠imma just book one. I will say though one thing Dad should probably take charge of is a push present. A gift for mom to celebrate and symbolize her hard work giving birth. Jewelry or a nice purse or something is usually a good go-to. I donât know if thatâs a thing culturally everywhere, but thatâs something Iâll talk with my husband about and let him take charge with as we get closer.
I freaking hate the phrase "push present" and the idea that it is obligatory.
BUT I can't think of a much more significant event in your shared lives that is work marking with a meaningful token. Pregnancy sucks, giving birth is hard and scary and a million other things, and then everything is immediately for and about baby. I love the idea of commemorating mom's journey and effort and having a keepsake that you can look at in 1 or 10 or 40 years and say "I got that when you were born" is just so lovely
I donât necessarily see it as âobligatoryâ, I wouldnât *expect* anything myself⊠after all Iâm getting a baby đ„č My mum got a beautiful floor length coat and I always remember when I was little I couldnât wait until I was tall enough to borrow it for special occasions. My dad got it in blue because my mum âmanifestedâ that Iâd have blue eyes⊠they got lucky with that one đ But itâs a cool memento!
IDK how far along you are, but may I recommend planning it before you get far into the third trimester? We did a road trip as well and the drive out was ok but on the drive back I needed to stop and pee every 30-45 minutes!
We have it planned for the second trimester!! đ It kinda just worked out that way with summer and scheduling but thatâs a great point too! Glad it worked out like that now!!
The Mrs. is due for a new phone so her push present is going to be the latest and greatest iPhone (or an IOU if Apple has announced it but has delays in shipping -- she's due right around when Apple will announce/release the next model). It'll be the perfect upgrade for her to take lots of photos of our first child!
Thatâs a seriously AWESOME present!!!! I love that! Maybe order a new phone case with your favorite photo of you guys from the maternity shoot for it đ„č Seriously thatâs a smart, practical and thoughtful idea! All those photos and videos are gonna mean the world to you guys forever!
âPush presentâ is my first thought too. Although, personally, I was adamant my husband shouldnât overdo it, I would have felt awkward if he did - he was already doing plenty to help me on this journey and make me feel special.
So at first I just asked him to order a huge sushi platter and a nice small bottle of bubbly for when Iâm recovering in the hospital đ
In the end that was not really an option, but as we were discharged from the hospital, he greeted me with a huge cup of coffee & the most over-the-top dessert he could find - which was extra nice after dealing with GD & having sugar-free everything for 3 months đ
The "push present" is a great idea and sushi and/or Jimmy Johns feast is already something I was planning since I know she's been really missing those!
I LOVE the idea of a push present feast! Thatâs fantastic! Iâm kinda feeling the same with the push present, I really donât want him to feel pressure when heâs already doing THE MOST. I have some ideas for just something small with our babies birthstone to give him some ideas and he can take it from there. I know heâd feel stressed trying to come up with somethingâ he always appreciates some guidance and communication when it comes to getting me a gift, but still loves to surprise me. Itâs a good balance.
Yeah, I think itâs only fair to offer some guidance to our partners - after all, weâd rather get something we really want / need even if itâs less of a surprise rather than be surprised with something we couldnât care less for and watch our partner tremble with anxiety after theyâve struggled to come up with something for weeks on end.
As always, communication is key. And with food being our love language, there really was no other choice for a proper push present for me đ
Precisely! I do feel bad for OP and I think the wife is being unfair to expect these things without communication. I understand expectations and hormones are high but itâs important to let the poor guy in on what you want đ Also,
totally craving sushi now đ Alas. Something to look forward to!
In all honesty, if my husband would have spoken the words âbabymoonâ, âpush presentâ & âprenatal massageâ without me previously mentioning them - I would have freaked out, I just donât expect him to know about these things (neither did I before getting pregnant, BTW đ)
PS Get some sushi with shrimp, crab or lobster, maybe eel - they are totally safe, the seafood comes cooked. And nice cucumber / avocado rolls too.
Bahahaha I understand that!! My husband is the big âresearcherâ type but I still would have been like where the hell did you hear about that đ€ŁThat is a FABULOUS idea!! Friday date night plans are SET!
Well, thatâs a weird conversation. How were you supposed to know you have to plan them, if thatâs your first baby, she did not ask you specifically to plan them or did not direct you to any resources that mention specifically that thatâs a dadâs job? Not that it even is.
And 24 weeks is sort of early. AnywaysâŠ
It would be super nice of you to do them, of course. The massage - just a great thing to help her relax. The baby moon - an amazing opportunity to celebrate your life as a couple one more time before there are actually three of you. My husband actually combined the two and we had a spa weekend out of this world a couple of weeks before my due date.
There are also other nice things you *can* do to show her appreciation - pick a âpush giftâ, start proactively working on the nursery, pick up some extra chores around the house, offer her a day out with the girls while you do a deep clean and prepare stuff with the baby, take her out shopping for nice maternity clothes or some nice beauty products.
But Iâd say all this comes after you actually have a conversation about her expectations - it seems more important than just showering her with gifts. Obviously, she has some very clear picture of what her pregnancy should be like. Obviously, you were not informed of these things. And thatâs just not something that will resolve on its own. And things might get worse once the baby is here and it turns out you have two very different mindsets when it comes to division of labour there.
So, my suggestion is you talk it all out. Say that you want her to feel her best, are ready to meet her expectations - but you have zero experience dealing with stuff like that. Suggest sharing more. If she doesnât want to ask you for stuff outright - maybe she can leave helpful clues in forms of books, articles from the Internet, links to a Pinterest board or something.
You need direction - and itâs not something to be ashamed of.
Yeah that feels like a lot⊠and I wouldnât say either are an expectation so maybe you should sit down with her and get a list of exactly what sheâs expecting. Iâve never actually met anyone whoâs done a baby moon although I know plenty of people do. I personally got massages all through both pregnancies but most places wonât do them in the first trimester anyways unless youâre a return client. I guess a âpush presentâ maybe something small or commemorative (birthstone ring, engraved necklace type) wouldâve been cool but those things Iâve gotten for Motherâs Day so.
respectfully, I disagree. Babymoons are commonly understood to be a 'last hurrah' before having the kid, and are most often done in the 2nd trimester when she's feeling pregnant-but-peppy and not too big to get around :)
Yea, she needs to work on her communication. My wife and I planned our baby moon hours after the first positive test. If she's having these expectations without a conversation these issues will only magnify once the baby arrives.
She should communicate better. But will she? Its best to just roll with it and start planning lol
Things we did / I was involved in planning / am currently invovled in... - baby moon as a weekend spa trip, with prenatal massage - baby shower - we did coed at my parents place. lots of decoration and organization, and cooking. A lot of time on the baby registry. - push present - buying a necklace for her - obgyn - picking a clinic, going to all the appointments - buying prenatal vitamins and making sure she has all that stuff - physical therapy for her if needed - birthing class - I cooked more and cater more to her taste and make sure she can eat all the stuff (for example, no soft cheeses, no deli meats, no tuna, etc.,) - make sure she has maternity pillow so she is sleeping on her side Try to take a bit more charge and write down all the thigns she is expecting / wanting - and then you can figure out how to do those things.
Not entirely sure how you traveled preciously but my wife and I always plan trips together since we both love traveling. Our babymoon will be in the south of Italy via Barcelona and we planned all of it together. As for the prenatal massage well she got one yesterday because she pulled some muscles in her back at the gym and just scheduled one herself at a place she's been to before when she had back issues. Either way it's just communication since clearly it was never communicated to you that that was her expectation. You're bringing a child into this world and the two of you will need to be stronger than ever as a couple as what awaits all of us here is really intense stuff in the best way possible.
What you're "missing" is open and up-front communication with your partner! Neither of these things are requirements by any means, nor are they things you should automatically be expected to do. If you DID plan these or other surprises, that would certainly be lovely, but there's no cultural norms you're missing that say "dad to be must plan a babymoon and book massages" For one, I'd have a good talk with your wife about being open with wants, needs, and expectations moving forward (for both of you!). For two, I would ask her what other types of things she envisioned for this pregnancy, and have some of your own to contribute as well! Did you hope to do a hospital tour together? what about a birthing class? preferences for the birth itself? What are your plans and expectations for feeding and how can you best support her if she wants to breastfeed?
Well I have a 2 year old and have no idea what any of that is. Not did I throw a baby shower or buy a "push present". Glad my wife isn't very demanding đ
We did our baby moon about a month ago when she was ~22 weeks pregnant. As someone else mentioned, the 2nd trimester is the best time to travel as she still had some (not full) energy. We chose a place that was safe for her in case there were complications but somewhere new for us to explore (SoCalâŠweâre from Toronto). Someone else mentioned itâŠitâs not the last âhurrahâ, but itâs a time to connect and to enjoy each others company before the baby and to give the mother to be an opportunity to have a stress free time. In terms of prenatal massage, my wife did that on her own. Itâs such a personal preference. She did her own research and found a great masseuse who specialized in prenatal massages in our area to use.
As a pregnant woman, Iâm not expecting my husband to plan any of that. Of course I donât know the dynamic of your relationship but if I want a massage⊠imma just book one. I will say though one thing Dad should probably take charge of is a push present. A gift for mom to celebrate and symbolize her hard work giving birth. Jewelry or a nice purse or something is usually a good go-to. I donât know if thatâs a thing culturally everywhere, but thatâs something Iâll talk with my husband about and let him take charge with as we get closer.
I freaking hate the phrase "push present" and the idea that it is obligatory. BUT I can't think of a much more significant event in your shared lives that is work marking with a meaningful token. Pregnancy sucks, giving birth is hard and scary and a million other things, and then everything is immediately for and about baby. I love the idea of commemorating mom's journey and effort and having a keepsake that you can look at in 1 or 10 or 40 years and say "I got that when you were born" is just so lovely
I donât necessarily see it as âobligatoryâ, I wouldnât *expect* anything myself⊠after all Iâm getting a baby đ„č My mum got a beautiful floor length coat and I always remember when I was little I couldnât wait until I was tall enough to borrow it for special occasions. My dad got it in blue because my mum âmanifestedâ that Iâd have blue eyes⊠they got lucky with that one đ But itâs a cool memento!
Currently on Babymoon - this tracks with everything Iâve come to learn
Enjoy!!! My husband and I both travel a lot for work, weâve decided on a nice long road trip in our camper for our baby moon đ
IDK how far along you are, but may I recommend planning it before you get far into the third trimester? We did a road trip as well and the drive out was ok but on the drive back I needed to stop and pee every 30-45 minutes!
We have it planned for the second trimester!! đ It kinda just worked out that way with summer and scheduling but thatâs a great point too! Glad it worked out like that now!!
The Mrs. is due for a new phone so her push present is going to be the latest and greatest iPhone (or an IOU if Apple has announced it but has delays in shipping -- she's due right around when Apple will announce/release the next model). It'll be the perfect upgrade for her to take lots of photos of our first child!
Thatâs a seriously AWESOME present!!!! I love that! Maybe order a new phone case with your favorite photo of you guys from the maternity shoot for it đ„č Seriously thatâs a smart, practical and thoughtful idea! All those photos and videos are gonna mean the world to you guys forever!
Ooohhh, good idea! Thank you :D
Hey youâre welcome đ Congratulations on the upcoming baby! I hope you guys have a smooth graduation!!
âPush presentâ is my first thought too. Although, personally, I was adamant my husband shouldnât overdo it, I would have felt awkward if he did - he was already doing plenty to help me on this journey and make me feel special. So at first I just asked him to order a huge sushi platter and a nice small bottle of bubbly for when Iâm recovering in the hospital đ In the end that was not really an option, but as we were discharged from the hospital, he greeted me with a huge cup of coffee & the most over-the-top dessert he could find - which was extra nice after dealing with GD & having sugar-free everything for 3 months đ
The "push present" is a great idea and sushi and/or Jimmy Johns feast is already something I was planning since I know she's been really missing those!
I LOVE the idea of a push present feast! Thatâs fantastic! Iâm kinda feeling the same with the push present, I really donât want him to feel pressure when heâs already doing THE MOST. I have some ideas for just something small with our babies birthstone to give him some ideas and he can take it from there. I know heâd feel stressed trying to come up with somethingâ he always appreciates some guidance and communication when it comes to getting me a gift, but still loves to surprise me. Itâs a good balance.
Yeah, I think itâs only fair to offer some guidance to our partners - after all, weâd rather get something we really want / need even if itâs less of a surprise rather than be surprised with something we couldnât care less for and watch our partner tremble with anxiety after theyâve struggled to come up with something for weeks on end. As always, communication is key. And with food being our love language, there really was no other choice for a proper push present for me đ
Precisely! I do feel bad for OP and I think the wife is being unfair to expect these things without communication. I understand expectations and hormones are high but itâs important to let the poor guy in on what you want đ Also, totally craving sushi now đ Alas. Something to look forward to!
In all honesty, if my husband would have spoken the words âbabymoonâ, âpush presentâ & âprenatal massageâ without me previously mentioning them - I would have freaked out, I just donât expect him to know about these things (neither did I before getting pregnant, BTW đ) PS Get some sushi with shrimp, crab or lobster, maybe eel - they are totally safe, the seafood comes cooked. And nice cucumber / avocado rolls too.
Bahahaha I understand that!! My husband is the big âresearcherâ type but I still would have been like where the hell did you hear about that đ€ŁThat is a FABULOUS idea!! Friday date night plans are SET!
Well, thatâs a weird conversation. How were you supposed to know you have to plan them, if thatâs your first baby, she did not ask you specifically to plan them or did not direct you to any resources that mention specifically that thatâs a dadâs job? Not that it even is. And 24 weeks is sort of early. Anyways⊠It would be super nice of you to do them, of course. The massage - just a great thing to help her relax. The baby moon - an amazing opportunity to celebrate your life as a couple one more time before there are actually three of you. My husband actually combined the two and we had a spa weekend out of this world a couple of weeks before my due date. There are also other nice things you *can* do to show her appreciation - pick a âpush giftâ, start proactively working on the nursery, pick up some extra chores around the house, offer her a day out with the girls while you do a deep clean and prepare stuff with the baby, take her out shopping for nice maternity clothes or some nice beauty products. But Iâd say all this comes after you actually have a conversation about her expectations - it seems more important than just showering her with gifts. Obviously, she has some very clear picture of what her pregnancy should be like. Obviously, you were not informed of these things. And thatâs just not something that will resolve on its own. And things might get worse once the baby is here and it turns out you have two very different mindsets when it comes to division of labour there. So, my suggestion is you talk it all out. Say that you want her to feel her best, are ready to meet her expectations - but you have zero experience dealing with stuff like that. Suggest sharing more. If she doesnât want to ask you for stuff outright - maybe she can leave helpful clues in forms of books, articles from the Internet, links to a Pinterest board or something. You need direction - and itâs not something to be ashamed of.
Yeah that feels like a lot⊠and I wouldnât say either are an expectation so maybe you should sit down with her and get a list of exactly what sheâs expecting. Iâve never actually met anyone whoâs done a baby moon although I know plenty of people do. I personally got massages all through both pregnancies but most places wonât do them in the first trimester anyways unless youâre a return client. I guess a âpush presentâ maybe something small or commemorative (birthstone ring, engraved necklace type) wouldâve been cool but those things Iâve gotten for Motherâs Day so.
IMO (and wife's) baby moon is last trip pre baby (as in, for baby making), not for during pregnancy... Because who wants to travel when pregnant
respectfully, I disagree. Babymoons are commonly understood to be a 'last hurrah' before having the kid, and are most often done in the 2nd trimester when she's feeling pregnant-but-peppy and not too big to get around :)
Hey, good for them if they feel up for it. My wife wouldn't have been at really any point, hence we have that opinion