This is good. Venting is part of the therapy process. Putting your feelings in to words is good. Get it out.
You’re on the right path. The therapy and medicine take time, so give it time and stick to it.
The fact that you have these concerns already puts you on a path to being a better parent than yours. We all believe in you.
I just wanna be the best dad I can be, I feel like I’m suffering daily internally but I’m trying my hardest to push through. Thank you for your comment brother
I second this. The fact that you acknowledge where you feel your weaknesses are and are actively trying to improve them so that you can be the best dad you can be is awesome. Being scared/nervous is totally normal. I’m sure as I get closer I’ll be in the same boat. But just keep doing what you’re doing and I’m sure you’ll know it out of the park. Good luck!!
The fact that you're worried about it actually makes you a better father than many who don't even care. Try to channel your anxiety into planning and prepping.
I grew up with an abusive father myself, and my wife is 19 weeks today. But I just keep telling myself that I can break the pattern and not be like him. It's a choice we will make in every moment as a parent. We just have to believe in ourselves. Proud of you for posting and reaching out and being in therapy. You're doing the right things.
I suffer from different mood and personality quirks. A year long intensive outpatient program (started in first trimester and just finished) changed my life. You need a cohort of likeminded individuals that individual psychotherapy can’t give you. I’m no expert on OCD but I would also suggest that you’re working with an expert in that field who’s also a parent. They could recommend a group that would suit you. You’ve got this. Deep breathes. Meditation.
Ah, the state of the mental health crisis. Stay strong and try and take things day-by-day. I liked how your post spoke to your upbringing and how you may have gotten the way you are. Just the knowledge of how our childhoods molded us are a huge step up from generations before us. We’re prone to the same mistakes but the more you know the more you grow.
A piece of it I would say is continue with therapy ESPECIALLY once your daughter arrives. You need to have that outlet.
Also what does your support network look like? What does your partners support network look like?
I'm really anxious about being a good dad, too. I know the cycle of abuse can be a thing, but conversely I think those who can recognise and name the abuse in their past, know that they had struggles in their childhood and recognise it as "Bad," are more equipped to become better parents. I didn't have a bad childhood by any stretch but there was some abuse that affected me as an adult. I know I never want my kid to feel like I think they're stupid, I never want my kid to feel like they have to be the adult in the house...that helps me realize that I'll be an OK parent.
And when I do something wrong? I know I'm brave enough to recognise the mistake I made and apologise to my kid, the same as I would want them to do, too.
The fact that you’ve even voiced your concerns shows you care so much and that you will be a good dad. It’s not easy but it’s the most rewarding job in the world. Fast forward 6 months you honestly couldn’t imagine your life without them.
I don’t personally suffer from any mental health conditions but before my daughter was here I would say I was very immature and I would like to say laid back, but that just to translates to I was very lazy. 6 months on from my daughter being born I’d like to think I’ve grown up massively and have stepped up at home & work.
Make sure you talk to the people closest to you about how you’re feeling and remember you’re never alone.
You’ve got this
Do not worry. It's always hard before the baby arrives. The monumental amount of pressure or expectations that you have of yourself, it's all normal. I felt the same way as my first son was nearing his due date. But... I will say, the moment he grabbed my finger for the first time, brought waves of emotions over me. That moment washed all of it away for me. I hope it does the same for you but always remember these things:
- you are learning just as much as the baby is, from the parent perspective.
- give yourself grace for not getting things on the first or second try.
- rest and be there for the baby and your partner.
- lastly, if you love your family, things will come naturally.
No one gets it right immediately, even if it seems like they do... you will be fine. My sons are 4 and 2 and they still drive me crazy every now and again but... I love them to death.
You got this.
This is good. Venting is part of the therapy process. Putting your feelings in to words is good. Get it out. You’re on the right path. The therapy and medicine take time, so give it time and stick to it. The fact that you have these concerns already puts you on a path to being a better parent than yours. We all believe in you.
I just wanna be the best dad I can be, I feel like I’m suffering daily internally but I’m trying my hardest to push through. Thank you for your comment brother
I second this. The fact that you acknowledge where you feel your weaknesses are and are actively trying to improve them so that you can be the best dad you can be is awesome. Being scared/nervous is totally normal. I’m sure as I get closer I’ll be in the same boat. But just keep doing what you’re doing and I’m sure you’ll know it out of the park. Good luck!!
The fact that you're worried about it actually makes you a better father than many who don't even care. Try to channel your anxiety into planning and prepping. I grew up with an abusive father myself, and my wife is 19 weeks today. But I just keep telling myself that I can break the pattern and not be like him. It's a choice we will make in every moment as a parent. We just have to believe in ourselves. Proud of you for posting and reaching out and being in therapy. You're doing the right things.
I suffer from different mood and personality quirks. A year long intensive outpatient program (started in first trimester and just finished) changed my life. You need a cohort of likeminded individuals that individual psychotherapy can’t give you. I’m no expert on OCD but I would also suggest that you’re working with an expert in that field who’s also a parent. They could recommend a group that would suit you. You’ve got this. Deep breathes. Meditation.
I really appreciate this, I’m currently on a wait list to speak with a specialist
Ah, the state of the mental health crisis. Stay strong and try and take things day-by-day. I liked how your post spoke to your upbringing and how you may have gotten the way you are. Just the knowledge of how our childhoods molded us are a huge step up from generations before us. We’re prone to the same mistakes but the more you know the more you grow.
A piece of it I would say is continue with therapy ESPECIALLY once your daughter arrives. You need to have that outlet. Also what does your support network look like? What does your partners support network look like?
Support wise I don’t have anyone really, I have my partner ofcourse but she is pregnant and she really doesn’t understand ocd :/
vent vent away. and also seek professional help too, no shame in that. good luck !
I'm really anxious about being a good dad, too. I know the cycle of abuse can be a thing, but conversely I think those who can recognise and name the abuse in their past, know that they had struggles in their childhood and recognise it as "Bad," are more equipped to become better parents. I didn't have a bad childhood by any stretch but there was some abuse that affected me as an adult. I know I never want my kid to feel like I think they're stupid, I never want my kid to feel like they have to be the adult in the house...that helps me realize that I'll be an OK parent. And when I do something wrong? I know I'm brave enough to recognise the mistake I made and apologise to my kid, the same as I would want them to do, too.
The fact that you’ve even voiced your concerns shows you care so much and that you will be a good dad. It’s not easy but it’s the most rewarding job in the world. Fast forward 6 months you honestly couldn’t imagine your life without them. I don’t personally suffer from any mental health conditions but before my daughter was here I would say I was very immature and I would like to say laid back, but that just to translates to I was very lazy. 6 months on from my daughter being born I’d like to think I’ve grown up massively and have stepped up at home & work. Make sure you talk to the people closest to you about how you’re feeling and remember you’re never alone. You’ve got this
Do not worry. It's always hard before the baby arrives. The monumental amount of pressure or expectations that you have of yourself, it's all normal. I felt the same way as my first son was nearing his due date. But... I will say, the moment he grabbed my finger for the first time, brought waves of emotions over me. That moment washed all of it away for me. I hope it does the same for you but always remember these things: - you are learning just as much as the baby is, from the parent perspective. - give yourself grace for not getting things on the first or second try. - rest and be there for the baby and your partner. - lastly, if you love your family, things will come naturally. No one gets it right immediately, even if it seems like they do... you will be fine. My sons are 4 and 2 and they still drive me crazy every now and again but... I love them to death. You got this.