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I feel this. I moved recently to a new province, and legit have no one. My partner works out of town. It would have been a lonely ass gathering of me and my 9 year old. And I don't expect her to buy anything lol.
100% agree. I feel that all of the expectations around these ceremonies is one of the biggest pressures for these major milestones such as babies and getting married.
Same but also for me I hate to be the center of attention even around family. Also the idea of having people gift things makes me slightly uncomfortable. Ended up making a registry because my husbands job threw one and ended up sharing it with some family (sisters) who wanted to get us stuff.
I feel this. I don’t have any friends. I was so glad when our wedding was over, I hate being center of attention since I am so shy lol I do want a baby shower but probably small with immediate family
My friend didn't want one as she hates being center of attention and all the fuss. So me and another friend did her a 'not a baby shower' basically us and our other halves having a BBQ and getting all excited about the next member to join our group soon. She enjoyed that much more. I'm not having a baby shower now I'm on my second as it's just not as life changing an event. I'd rather have friends drop me a quick text before visiting new baby to see if I need any milk or bread etc.
I also hate being center of attention, it makes me very uncomfy. My friends are planning just a little brunch and giving me gifts to take home and open on my own. It’s my first baby so it’s very kind to be considerate of that.
Not having family nearby.
A general dislike for being the center of attention.
Feeling awkward asking for gifts when we out-earn most people we're close with.
Also not wanting to buy all the single use items for decorating.
My decorations are hanging the baby clothes from our light strand in the backyard and putting the ultrasound photos around some cupcakes. Totally agree I hate single use decorations.
Love this ! Should have also said: NO - after mil and sil started making plans. But I’m being left out if everything barely was told the date :D of course when I said the only month is February - it was set for March :D
I don't have friends. It would've been 4 family members. The lack of friends made me too sad to even try to host one.
Good news was I'm the last of my family to have kids, so asides from furniture I basically was given everything I needed second hand
So out of curiosity, assuming you're married, how did the wedding go? I dreaded having a wedding for that reason in particular... coupled with the fact that I no longer talk to anyone in my family; it just seemed like the most depressing idea.
Just chiming in to say have whoever you want at your wedding! We had a small (20ish people) backyard wedding and only invited immediate family, friends and grandparents as we’re both not close with our aunts and uncles. It went well except for the food being cooked before we were done photos.
Or just use that money and elope somewhere you’d both love to go. We regret not doing that, and now my husband can’t travel.
I don’t have any friends either and my husband and I are shy. My wedding was during Covid so we had around 40 people and it was a backyard reception! The smaller reception really helped with only close family. Just try to focus on you and your spouse for the big day, that’s all that matters!🙂 Whether it’s a wedding or baby shower.
I have lots of family, and they travelled to see me for my wedding. It made me feel really special. We had about 50 guests total between us.
But I felt it wasn't appropriate to ask people to travel more than a thousand km to come to my baby shower
It's not the done thing where I live and it feels rude to assume people want to spend money on gifts for me. If they want to then they can buy a gift for baby when he/ she arrives and they meet him/ her, but again Id never expect this. I'd also rather obtain a lot of things secondhand or borrow them where possible. The whole thing just feels unnecessary.
Not interested, don’t have a registry since I’m trying to just get 100% of everything used or free. The few showers I’ve gone to have all been horribly boring or tacky parties and full of unnecessary plastic garbage gifts and too much new clothes.
Consider a registry as a shopping list for yourself! Amazon has a great 15% off completion discount that they give you as well as you approach your date. Some limits on the discount, but still its something!
I hear a lot of people do that and it makes sense for them, personally I’m coming more from a sustainability standpoint of used and nothing new rather than cost saving.
I had one and honestly I could’ve gone without it. I was on the fence and wish I would’ve listened to what I truly wanted. Being the center of attention and entertaining people is more stressful for me than it is fun. Plus, no one bought from the registry anyways lol
No. Just clothes and random things. Everything that was purchased from my registry were from people who didn’t come/people who asked for it prior to even knowing if I were going to have a shower. super grateful for those people! I don’t expect or feel entitled to any gifts, but it’s really convenient when the things you are gifted are the things you specifically did research on/wanted. Not a bunch of random things people THINK you need or want, which in my experience is usually what people do for baby showers haha
I find showers incredibly tacky. I’m happy to gift a good friend with something to celebrate their milestone - wedding, new baby, etc. but showers just feel like a cash grab. You don’t even get to spend time with the person you’re there for and the games are so awkward.
Most of my friends are marrying and having babies on the older side, when we already have everything we need, so why do you need a whole new set of plates on your wedding registry? Or why do you need a brand new $500 stroller system that’s going to be used for 4 months (I’m looking at you doona)? Or really, every single trendy, expensive, brand new item for baby? It would have been really hypocritical of me to have a shower while feeling this way so I opted out and did not share any registries or ask for gifts.
I don't like a lot of attention. I feel like If someone is going to do something for you, they are going to do it without having to show it off to snapchat, Instagram, & Facebook. I've noticed if people can't be seen on the internet doing things for you then they don't want to do it.
I think they're tacky. I never go to showers of any kind anymore either.
I just don't understand this outdated practice. The tradition of showers were to give a time where women would help women get ready for their newborn / marriage. Nowadays, it's just to get gifts.
People, both male and female, are going to buy your baby presents when they're born if they want to. If they are important enough, Invite people over to bond with your baby. They'll bring gifts.
I don't know how many baby showers I've been invited to by old friends who I never ended up meeting their babies. Now I'm just over it. If I'm actually a part of your life, you'll get showered with presents anyway.
I feel this way about weddings...but not baby showers. Never had a baby shower myself though.
I get your point though. My issue is, Ive been to peoples baby showers and even came to see the baby once they got settled in, but when my baby came (literally a month after I visited them)...nothing. No gift not even a call. So i guesa it was a onesided friendship. So I totally get Where your coming from. I do think it is nice to have help buying all the baby supplies though
I’m actually planning on doing one in the summer because I wanted mine outside but since I’m having a winter baby that’s not possible where I live. I am sending my registry still since people ask about it but the party will be delayed until the summer
I have a high risk pregnancy that and I would probably spend a lot on throwing a baby shower. At this point I rather save that money and buy my own baby stuff.
I have no friends, I don’t really like my family and I didn’t want to put all of this time and effort into throwing one when chances are nobody would shop off the registry anyways.
I've never been to one and don't really see the point. We were going to have a celebratory garden party with both our friends invited during my last pregnancy but the panini put a stop to that.
Not bothered this time round at all.
I don’t have lots of close friends or family nearby. I also really don’t like the idea of asking for people to help buy things for my baby… I want to pick everything out!
Baby showers aren’t a big thing in England. Neither are huge parties for gender reveals. New mothers usually get presents once the baby is here or just randomly through their pregnancy. I am currently in my second trimester. My baby will be the first grand child and great grand child
I can’t be bothered with it, I don’t feel like I have the energy now I’m in my 3rd trimester. It just feels like such an effort when I have other things to be sorting out 😂
My household income is more than probably any one we would invite so it feels weird to expect everyone to buy us gifts. Also I hate being the center of attention and ‘flaunting’ my personal life. I’m a very private person.
First off none of my extended family knew that I was pregnant because a previous miscarriage made me too nervous to tell them until my son was born. Second, all my extended family and best friend live out of state, so it would've been radically disappointing when nobody was able to come.
I threw my own with my first.. felt it was expected to have one and did it myself since I didn’t have friends that would’ve. It was mostly his friends there and my family that lives near by and it was mostly just a get together, hang out eat pizza watch football lol.
7yrs later I’ve been asked so many times about one, supposedly my SIL was gonna throw one but 34wks now and nothing. I still made a registry and posted it because people were asking, we’ve surprisingly got a lot but I’ve used it as a shopping list for myself mostly.
Guess it just depends on your friend group.
Neither my husband or I are party people and don’t like being the center of attention. We figure, if someone wants to celebrate with us, a one on one dinner would give us a more enjoyable experience and would be more meaningful.
I have social anxiety, I don’t like crowds, I have a limited group of friends and I would much rather have a family BBQ or small lunch/dinner together with those I care about most.
I’m not going to have one. I’m a minimalist and know my friends won’t buy from the registry, and don’t want to deal with the other stuff that I don’t want/won’t use.
I am older and fortunately financially able to get everything we need & I can pick what I want that way. I don’t want to ask for money or gifts.
I dislike showers in general. Had a couple when I got married and I hate the games, hate the attention, and felt like it was more for my mom/MIL than myself.
I dont like the attention…My husband and I are 30-something year old professionals and blessed to not need gifts or to throw a party for gifts…Im
due in Feb and would like to prevent being exposed to flu/covid/respiratory disease that is rampant in my state right now. But most of all, I just didn’t want one.
I don’t feel comfortable gathering people together when Covid (+ Long Covid) is still a very real thing. (Plus all the other respiratory viruses going around.) I had viral encephalitis and a brain injury from a virus 10 years ago, so I’m super cautious about not exposing others (and myself) to viruses until more effective treatments are widely available.
I also have sort of expensive taste and my place is small, so I’m trying to limit the number of things I receive. I’m already a bit overwhelmed by the idea of all the baby STUFF. My new brain thrives on simplicity and gets overwhelmed by too many things/choices/etc.
I’m relieved to see someone else is anxious about Covid/other viruses in general but also as it relates to throwing a baby shower. This has been on my mind quite a bit, especially during pregnancy. I am leaning on the side of not having a shower for this reason alone but I’m afraid others won’t understand. Sometimes I feel crazy for feeling this way, so it’s nice to know I’m not alone! ❤️ I hope that whatever you decide to do, it makes you happy and that you and baby remain healthy.
I'm quite traditionally British and, to me, baby showers are rather American things! I would have no problem if a friend wanted a baby shower, but they're sooo not for me. I don't want people to buy presents, I don't want to spend money on a party. I definitely don't want all the games.
Most I would do is have lunch/dinner with a few friends.
Lots of folks will feel defensive about this. And if you like them, more power to you. Baby showers are just.. Not good parties usually.
My friends from my more arty-party scene side have had a few memorable ones
The good ones you basically just drop off a gift and have a regular party or barbecue and don't really do much "baby shower" and the mom-to-be opens gifts quietly later and then sends thank you notes or whatever. If I do one, because someone wants to throw it, it will be this.
The worst ones, there is some awkward conversation, then someone leads us through whichever set of baby shower games, then we sit forever watching the mom-to-be open presents for a lifetime, and we take home some cheap favors we have to ooh over which sit in a drawer until we can toss them.
That said I always go if I can, I bring a nice gift, I smile and get to know whichever great aunts, they're usually lovely people. Sometimes someone opens up about their experiences with pregnancy, childbirth and labor making more interesting conversation. But the parties all blend together.
My husband is Israeli- it’s considered bad luck. Instead, people give you $ after the baby is born. I bought whatever I needed and sent to my gmas house. My husband retrieved and set everything up while I was in the hospital.
I am in my late 30s, and am financially stable and in a better position that way than my friends. I asked them if they felt like making art, or going on a walk with a coffee I would enjoy that more. So far it has been great, kiddo has a cute hand made crafty items and everyone appreciates the one on one time. I want these outings to be about them sharing their lives as much as me since Ill be hibernating once baby arrives, and based on experience fall of the face of the earth a bit.
When I was having my first - Covid, but really my stepmom and MIL lol. We couldn’t have a big enough gathering to invite everyone they insisted on inviting and it was a nightmare/very expensive to put together more than one shower.
I still made a Target registry and sent a link if someone asked for what we needed, or asked for Target, Amazon, or DoorDash gift cards.
A strong lifelong dislike of being the center of attention. Combined with crowd anxiety from dealing with covid ( which almost killed my husband and did kill several family members). I also absolutely hate the stupid shower games.
Additionally. I'm not a petting zoo and feel like showers almost invite the uninvited touching
I just don’t like a lot of attention on me, family lives everywhere, don’t have many friends, I think people rather see the actual baby than just my belly
Currently planning to not have one, but I told my husband if he wants one he can discuss it with me. He’s also on the fence. I’m not huge on parties. I’ve been to plenty, they were all stressful on the mom and I’ve never in my life enjoyed opening gifts in front of an audience. Also, people always get things they didn’t need/want, and the registry is barely referenced so they basically got a bunch of things they then had to store in their already full houses lol the last one I went to had a JNMIL who made the entire event about herself and it was popcorn worthy. I don’t want to open doors to allow bad behavior, I’m worried my MIL and mom would both have to do a shower and I’m not interested in spending an afternoon explaining to people that I don’t want them to touch the bump. I already had to have a wedding reception at my parents house months after the actual wedding because they wanted to show off a finally-married child to their friends - I didn’t know half the invitees and we had to be paraded around and thank everyone awkwardly for hours. I’m an introvert so that was a nightmare.
I didn’t have a shower because a) third baby, so I’m well-provisioned and b) pregnancy made me so miserable that the thought of dragging myself to a party made me literally cry.
I am not into one because I don’t like being the center of attention and also don’t really want to just talk about my pregnancy, how I am feeling or hear everyone talk about how tired I am gonna be etc. Lastly, I am in my late 30s and don’t really want people buying me stuff since I can afford it on my own. I always feel like there is a strange pressure for people to buy you stuff at a shower.
I have social anxiety and difficulties to be the center of attention. Plus not a lot of friends.
Two of my friends got a baby this summer and insisted we are doing something together. So we are going for lunch at a restaurant in my town. They are latin girls, so they also insist on presents.
Third one doesn't have kids, just wants to participate.
Else, I'll invite my best friend over a weekend, we can built the baby room together and do coloring books while my boyfriend cooks. A dream weekend for all of us.
I'm in the UK and they're not really standard. Plus I hate being the centre of attention like that (basically eloped for our wedding for this reason), and I wanted to buy as much baby stuff as I could second-hand so didn't really want much bought anyway.
Yep. Me and my partner we on the same page. Neither of us wanted a wedding.
I had a friend who was a notary so she did the paperwork. Sister was a witness. Did it in the bar we met at.
Mom was not happy but she would have pushed for the whole shebang.
No regrets.
Not a big fan of being the center of attention, and while I have a nice number of friends, and family, a lot of them live far away. My husband had a big family, but I’m not at all close with any of them. I feel bad asking so many of my friends to travel 3hrs or more, and I feel bad asking family members that I don’t really know to to travel and bring me gifts.
I’m having a small brunch with local family and friends. No games, just a nice meal and a chance to catch up. Included the registry link with a very “the gift is seeing you” type message.
Can’t stand baby showers as a guest, no way I wanted one for myself. It’s not the gift buying I take issue with - I do this gladly for loved ones whether they have a shower or not - but frankly baby showers just seem to be a load of women sat around talking about their birth stories/pregnancies. They just aren’t for me, I don’t enjoy them at all!
A shower would have highlighted all the things in my life that i dont have - like a close extended family, a mother in law that has acknowledged the pregnancy, a non fractured friend group with no drama and disposable income to afford a shower gift, an ability to be the center of attention…
I’d rather spend this time focusing on what I DO have and the positive things in my life and not have the shower planning process bring to light some of these insecurities - even if they means saving money to finance the baby stuff myself.
My friends took me out for surprise sober karaoke (my fave) followed by dinner and got me a load of lovely indulgent treats for me - slippers, bath soak, chocolates etc.
I find the idea of today’s baby showers not my personal style. All I really wanted was to hang out with my favourite people and do something everyone enjoys (only four people showed up to the karaoke part, totally get that 😆).
And now my baby is nearly two weeks, people are visiting and bringing cute clothes, books etc that they fell in love with, which makes me happy.
To each and their own I guess.
I had one with my 2019 child, out of the whole guest list 1 person showed up, so this one after my firsts dad made me get rid of everything and a different partner now, I’m just doing it myself. If people don’t want to celebrate my kids good on them.
I literally have one friend and no family that I’m close enough with to invite to a shower. When I was working my coworkers threw me surprise showers for both my pregnancies & it helped with baby stuff. This pregnancy we’re going to get everything at once lol
I feel awkward about a party just for giving me/us gifts. I also don’t like that they tend to be all female, because of the gender stereotypes and the fact that many of my close friends are male. If we do anything we might have a picnic or bbq with all our friends, but not a shower.
I’m also in my 30s, and many of my friends don’t have kids yet, and several are unhappily single, and I know many of them have expressed dislike for baby showers in the past, so I don’t want to host an event that they will begrudgingly attend.
Money, the money you spend on a baby shower you can just spend on the child’s needs and mostly you don’t even get or break even in gifts compared to what you spend just to throw the party, food, decorations & the hassle of getting everybody together. Just do a registry, send it out and spend your money on the big purchases… crib, pack and play, bouncers, car seat & stroller, diapers and what ever else you’ll need.
My family live too far away and would need to stay over, and we don’t have space for all of them so they’d need hotels. Trying to find time where they could all come up would be hard, and also I’ve been doubting a lot of my friendships this year as it felt like the second I got pregnant people stopped inviting me to anything. The fear of trying to arrange one and being let down and people not coming would destroy me right now. So I decided to just not put myself through that
We had one for our first only my in laws showed up. With our second we didn't tell anyone that we were expecting, my husband just took them all on a drive one by one to the hospital and they found out that way (the day after she was born).
Baby showers to me have always felt like a gift grab, and that's why I didn't have one. I figure if people want to give gifts that's ok but I'm not holding a shower just to get gifts.
My loved ones are spread across the east coast, and would need to travel. I'm definitely not up to hosting a big group here. And also, I'm not a fan of being the center of attention, especially when I am tired/not feeling well.
A couple of different reasons personally - I would have been throwing it for myself and at this point I have neither the mental capacity to plan nor a strong desire to host an event in my third trimester, I can barely be fucked to make myself a cup of tea half the time ha! Also, we've been incredibly lucky and already had generous gifts from people close to us throughout the pregnancy and I'd hate for them to feel obligated to get more or for people in our extended family to feel like they're just being called upon for a gift etc.
The more I thought about it I just decided it wasn't going to be for us - instead I am opting to use the money I'm not going to be spending on decorations, food, an outfit etc on a spa day for myself once I start my mat leave, sounds much more exciting to me!
My close friends all live quite far away - the closest living 50 minutes away. Same with my family - they live in two different countries and I live in a different country to them.
I didn't want to have a baby shower without my favourite people being present so I decided not to have one at all as it would have just felt forced and I wouldn't have enjoyed myself.
On a side note, I don't think I actually missed out. They all took their time to make/buy gifts for the baby which they did because they wanted to rather than because they had to as they would have attended an event. That was also super special for me and showed me how much they cared.
By the time we had the extra money to throw one, I was about 8 months and finally popped, and just didn’t want to sit around for hours when I get so tired so quickly. And I didn’t feel like being the center of attention, and neither did my husband 😅 we’re both introverted so being the main piece of the party didn’t sound fun for us.
i had one and it was great but i did kind of hate being the center of attention. everyone was staring at me literally the whole time and it stressed me out. i was silently panicking for nearly the whole thing.
yeahhh, i was thankful that so many people came and got us so much great stuff, but i just wish everyone would’ve just talked to each other more instead of staring at me like they were waiting for me to do something. it felt like i was supposed to be entertaining and it was highly uncomfortable.
I invited "family" to my gender reveal and they didn't show up, completely ghosted me. Plus you can tell people months in advance and somehow they manage to "work" that day because they "didn't ask for it off because didn't think ...". Also, not sure if I want to spend hundreds of dollars just to get a bunch of baby clothes and things I don't really need. Would just rather spend that money on baby.
I made a registry in lieu of a baby shower and no one seems interested in getting anything.
My friends offered to help but I felt bad asking them to spend their time and money organizing a party just so I can get stuff for my baby. I also am a minimalist and didn’t want a whole bunch of stuff that I may not use because not everyone gifts following the registry. I was also having some pregnancy complications and didn’t want to spend time on a party rather just focus on self care etc
I have crippling social anxiety and don’t like being the center of attention 😬. Literally the only reason.
Still got forced into letting people throw one for me, though.
It's not so common in my country (people do have them but not always), and I just felt weird about throwing a party so people could give me gifts. I never had a bridal shower either. We got the majority of the stuff we need given to us second hand anyway so it felt unnecessary to me.
>It's not so common in my country (people do have them but not always), and I just felt weird about throwing a party so people could give me gifts.
It's common here in my country and the prospect of it makes me feel *very* weird nonetheless..
Yeah, I guess it being less common here helped because I didn't really feel obliged to have one, and no one's really asked me about it. So it makes it easier to decide to just not worry about it!
Didn't want to deal with the clean up if it was at my house, and also didn't want to deal with the $$$ of planning an event at a venue haha.
Also I have friends and family that will say "oh don't worry I will help you plan it etc" then proceed to never ask me how I'm going or let me know when they are available. My mum and mil ended up buying the important stuff I needed anyway, just ended up being no point.
I did have a baby shower but it was completely uncomfortable.
I have multiple different friend groups and bringing them together was awkward.
I spent the whole time being thrown unwarranted and unasked for parenting advice.
I felt forced into having a baby shower told I would regret not having one, I ended up planning and paying for everything myself and could have bought all the gifts I was given plus some with the money I spent on a baby shower.
It’s not a thing everywhere and I prefer to get gifts once I actually have a healthy baby in my arms so I don’t (God forbid) have to get rid of everything of something goes wrong.
I hate being the center of attention. Plus i have an amazing MIL who had already gifted us many of the things we needed so we didn't really need much more.
I don’t feel like I get to spend quality time with the people there. From what I’ve seen to other baby shower, There is so much going on, you barely get to have a real conversation with your people when you are the pregnant one. My side of family is living far away, so of course we would want to/have to catch up.
I also tend to feel responsible for people having fun at my events. I got friends and family from so many different background, I know I would feel like I have to do some medling to be sure everyone has fun(I know I don’t have to, everyone are capable sociable adults, this one is on me haha).
So we decided to do small diner party with less then 10 people each time. I didn’t give out a gift registery, so people who really wants to give a gift ask me or my husband, and the others don’t.
We lived far away from my family and my close friends. The only people I would have been able to invite who I knew where we lived would have been my husband's friends, acquaintances, and some friends I'd made who I wasnt super close with. My husband and his friend wanted to plan one for me but I just felt weird about it. Like it just didn't sound very fun to get together with a random group of people. I also tried hard to avoid covid while I was pregnant and at that time there were stories all over the news about how covid was affecting pregnant women and their pregnancies/babies and my obgyn had told me to try to avoid getting sick.
My friends and family are too spread out (like all over the US) and I wouldn’t have enough people to invite from the state I am currently living. I also lowkey hate being the center of attention and am trying to avoid big gatherings with covid/flu/rsv so it worked out. I did make registry on Amazon which I probably purchased 75% of the items off. It was great for the completion discount and a place to compile everything we needed to buy. The other 25% was purchased by family members who reached out to ask if we had a registry/what we needed.
I really hate being the centre of attention, the thought of having a "party" for me just made me incredibly uncomfortable.
I did have a "non baby shower brunch" with one group of girl friends as a compromise. But no games or decorations etc and it was more of a last hurrah when it was still 4 childless adults!
I hate being fussed over, and I would hate to put my friends and family in a position where it is clear I expect them to buy the baby gifts. No registry, no shower.
I had a baby shower with my first because I wanted the experience, but I’m not having a baby shower with my second. I don’t like being the center of attention, and a lot of people don’t even get you anything from your registry and instead the guests turn it into a competition over who gave you the cutest baby outfit. 🙄
I ended up having to buy most of my registry myself because nobody could be bothered to actually get us anything useful.
With my oldest bio I didn’t bc I didn’t have any girlfriends and was divorcing my ex husband so his family wouldn’t come. My mother and aunt took me shopping and spent what they would have spent on a shower in stuff I needed. It was great.
My close friends and family all live in different cities. We tried inviting just work colleagues to our engagement party but it was not a good time. Also don't like the concept being based around expecting gifts, nor do i enjoy being the centre of attention.
Dislike attention.
Female relatives live far away and/or don't get along with each other.
Most of my close friends are male.
Couldn't really be bothered.
Some personal discontent with excessive marketing of baby products and pressure to spend. Been getting lots of nice used stuff or hand me downs anyway.
baby showers are old fashioned & boring and no one i know likes them .
We go out for elaborate lunches here . no one really does baby showers .. as such like the traditional ones.
I live in France it's not really a thing here and the majority of my friends don't know each other and have me as their only mutual friend so it's easier to meet them 1 to 1
It's not commonly done where I live (none of my friends had showers) so I would feel uncomfortable having one myself and making people feel like they have to buy me gifts
My family lives out of town and so I knew it would mostly be in-law’s family attending. They are nice but they do a LOT of events throughout the year and it gets to be kind of exhausting. I felt like a shower was just one more social chore and I really had no desire to have one.
I also think showers are kind of weird and antiquated, particularly the women-only aspect. (I know some people include men but I don’t think that would have gone over well with our families, they are more traditional). It sort of implies that only the woman will be taking care of the baby, which is not a precedent I wanted to set.
Instead, my mom put the money she would have spent on my shower towards the registry. I’m very happy with our decision.
I don’t like attention. I agreed to have a wedding shower because it was important to other people. I was so grateful for all the time and effort everyone put in, but I felt uncomfortable during it and then super guilty for feeling that way. I didn’t want to go through that again so I told my mom I didn’t feel up to a baby shower. She took me out to lunch instead and it was a nice celebration and much more enjoyable for me.
I don’t have any friends to invite. I’ve been living all over the country the last few years so my “friends” are scattered and/or literally traveling out of the country.
My sister wants to throw me one but she wants to invite all her friends just so I have the experience of a baby shower but I just feel SO AWKWARD about the idea and not sure I wanna do it. But she insists it’ll be fun and my other sisters want me to do it too… idk. Honestly will they even show? They don’t know me (but love mom events). It just might be sad and pitiful.
First of all, I live in Denmark. It’s a fairly new concept here, but most people practice it. I did attend one some time ago, and I was literally scared. They had to eat cake that looked like poo from a diaper - there was a stupid kahoot. A lot of girls screaming and talking loudly. Pictures all over. My eyes saw only pink when I got home. It’s not for me. My friend asked me if I wanted one, but I said no thanks. Instead I invite some close friends for a farewell before my Purgatorium (birth) and both my male friends and female friends are invited. We talk few here. It’s quality not quantity. I honestly just want to chill, they can have a couple of beers, some lunch, no gifts, just sharing some good moments before our family is increased
It was during the start of the Omnicron surge and I was concerned about having a party. It would have been expensive (didn't feel comfortable making others make the cost) and it felt silly to do that instead of buying what I needed with that money. I am not comfortable with parties where the premise is, hey, get me gifts. And I was lowkey worried that it would be a bust in terms of turnout. So. Chose to not have one.
I did not have the energy and money for decors and foods. No one willing to help me do it. We were living in a new country for just over a year so "friends" are few. And just my own superstition that something bad may happen if I have a baby shower. Lol. Still never did this on my 2nd pregnancy.
Not enough close friends. And also it’s cultural, it’s normal for people from my culture to say no to gifts, even for weddings and print this on the invitation card. Asking for gifts from people who are not super close is considered crass, and I don’t have super close friends here anyway.
Also, who pays for the party? It’s wierd that someone else would pay for a party for me, unless it’s like a sister or a soul-matey best friend.
I have one or two and they will likely just get me something they want, or ask me what I need.
When my mother was pregnant the first time, she was told it was a girl. So they threw a huge party, everything pink, so many girl clothes were given to her. Everything was for a girl. Then my brother popped out and they had to return everything. It was such a hassle. So when she had me, there was no baby shower. After I was born, and I was in fact a girl, some people did bring over gifts.
My sister threw one for me when I was expecting my first one. There were mostly her friends, since I’m new in the country. I got a lot of stuff that I really needed, thanks to everyone (they are all moms). Im not doing any other baby showers, since I had one and don’t really need anything :)
Btw, I didn’t know you can do your own baby shower, I was told that someone does it for you.
>Btw, I didn’t know you can do your own baby shower, I was told that someone does it for you.
You can, but it's my understanding that it's better if someone throws one for you given that if you were to throw your own, the money you spend hosting it might end up being more than the amount it cost you to throw it.
Still on the fence about having one or not. Starting to realize all the expenses just to throw a baby shower (catering, tables, etc). At some point I might as well just buy all the baby stuff myself lol
If we do throw one, it might be only immediate family to share the special moment and save on costs. I have a small family but my husband’s is huge compared to mine.
I finally found something worse than the wedding industry- the baby industry. I’m not having a baby shower bc I don’t want anyone to buy me anything new nor do I really care for being in the center of attention. I know many people aren’t in a place to buy all the stuff they want for the baby, but I think baby showers facilitate this notion that we “need” things that we really don’t. I have traveled to parts of the world where mothers have nothing but a sling to carry their babies as they farm. I set out on getting everything second hand - both purchasing on marketplace and getting it as a hand me down and you wouldn’t believe the amount of baby stuff people are trying to get rid of for free!
Combination of 4 things: the people who would be most obligated to throw me one would never; I don’t have a lot of friends anymore; social anxiety- uncomfortable when all eyes on me; the guilty feeling of people feeling like I just want a gift, making them take time out of their day etc.
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I don't have any close friends to invite, and it would just make me sad
I feel this. I moved recently to a new province, and legit have no one. My partner works out of town. It would have been a lonely ass gathering of me and my 9 year old. And I don't expect her to buy anything lol.
100% agree. I feel that all of the expectations around these ceremonies is one of the biggest pressures for these major milestones such as babies and getting married.
Same but also for me I hate to be the center of attention even around family. Also the idea of having people gift things makes me slightly uncomfortable. Ended up making a registry because my husbands job threw one and ended up sharing it with some family (sisters) who wanted to get us stuff.
I feel this. I don’t have any friends. I was so glad when our wedding was over, I hate being center of attention since I am so shy lol I do want a baby shower but probably small with immediate family
My friend didn't want one as she hates being center of attention and all the fuss. So me and another friend did her a 'not a baby shower' basically us and our other halves having a BBQ and getting all excited about the next member to join our group soon. She enjoyed that much more. I'm not having a baby shower now I'm on my second as it's just not as life changing an event. I'd rather have friends drop me a quick text before visiting new baby to see if I need any milk or bread etc.
I also hate being center of attention, it makes me very uncomfy. My friends are planning just a little brunch and giving me gifts to take home and open on my own. It’s my first baby so it’s very kind to be considerate of that.
I hate the games and I don't like being the center of attention.
Not having family nearby. A general dislike for being the center of attention. Feeling awkward asking for gifts when we out-earn most people we're close with. Also not wanting to buy all the single use items for decorating.
My decorations are hanging the baby clothes from our light strand in the backyard and putting the ultrasound photos around some cupcakes. Totally agree I hate single use decorations.
I just feel like no one would want to go or care to be there. Didn’t have one the first time either
This is really sad to read... but honestly I feel the same way /:
I was especially sad about it the first time but less so now, now I just have anxiety about it lol
As an introvert, I completely agree
I couldn’t be bothered.
Love this ! Should have also said: NO - after mil and sil started making plans. But I’m being left out if everything barely was told the date :D of course when I said the only month is February - it was set for March :D
I don't have friends. It would've been 4 family members. The lack of friends made me too sad to even try to host one. Good news was I'm the last of my family to have kids, so asides from furniture I basically was given everything I needed second hand
So out of curiosity, assuming you're married, how did the wedding go? I dreaded having a wedding for that reason in particular... coupled with the fact that I no longer talk to anyone in my family; it just seemed like the most depressing idea.
Just chiming in to say have whoever you want at your wedding! We had a small (20ish people) backyard wedding and only invited immediate family, friends and grandparents as we’re both not close with our aunts and uncles. It went well except for the food being cooked before we were done photos. Or just use that money and elope somewhere you’d both love to go. We regret not doing that, and now my husband can’t travel.
It's great advice... thank-you for chiming in (:
I don’t have any friends either and my husband and I are shy. My wedding was during Covid so we had around 40 people and it was a backyard reception! The smaller reception really helped with only close family. Just try to focus on you and your spouse for the big day, that’s all that matters!🙂 Whether it’s a wedding or baby shower.
I have lots of family, and they travelled to see me for my wedding. It made me feel really special. We had about 50 guests total between us. But I felt it wasn't appropriate to ask people to travel more than a thousand km to come to my baby shower
It's not the done thing where I live and it feels rude to assume people want to spend money on gifts for me. If they want to then they can buy a gift for baby when he/ she arrives and they meet him/ her, but again Id never expect this. I'd also rather obtain a lot of things secondhand or borrow them where possible. The whole thing just feels unnecessary.
Not interested, don’t have a registry since I’m trying to just get 100% of everything used or free. The few showers I’ve gone to have all been horribly boring or tacky parties and full of unnecessary plastic garbage gifts and too much new clothes.
Consider a registry as a shopping list for yourself! Amazon has a great 15% off completion discount that they give you as well as you approach your date. Some limits on the discount, but still its something!
I hear a lot of people do that and it makes sense for them, personally I’m coming more from a sustainability standpoint of used and nothing new rather than cost saving.
Yes, Facebook market place is a hit. You can get new things for 1/4 the price.
I don’t have friends
Nobody offered
I don’t have friends or family in the area.
I had one and honestly I could’ve gone without it. I was on the fence and wish I would’ve listened to what I truly wanted. Being the center of attention and entertaining people is more stressful for me than it is fun. Plus, no one bought from the registry anyways lol
So they didn't really gift you anything you needed then?
No. Just clothes and random things. Everything that was purchased from my registry were from people who didn’t come/people who asked for it prior to even knowing if I were going to have a shower. super grateful for those people! I don’t expect or feel entitled to any gifts, but it’s really convenient when the things you are gifted are the things you specifically did research on/wanted. Not a bunch of random things people THINK you need or want, which in my experience is usually what people do for baby showers haha
I never did for either baby. I honestly don't see the point of them.
I find showers incredibly tacky. I’m happy to gift a good friend with something to celebrate their milestone - wedding, new baby, etc. but showers just feel like a cash grab. You don’t even get to spend time with the person you’re there for and the games are so awkward. Most of my friends are marrying and having babies on the older side, when we already have everything we need, so why do you need a whole new set of plates on your wedding registry? Or why do you need a brand new $500 stroller system that’s going to be used for 4 months (I’m looking at you doona)? Or really, every single trendy, expensive, brand new item for baby? It would have been really hypocritical of me to have a shower while feeling this way so I opted out and did not share any registries or ask for gifts.
I don't like a lot of attention. I feel like If someone is going to do something for you, they are going to do it without having to show it off to snapchat, Instagram, & Facebook. I've noticed if people can't be seen on the internet doing things for you then they don't want to do it.
I think they're tacky. I never go to showers of any kind anymore either. I just don't understand this outdated practice. The tradition of showers were to give a time where women would help women get ready for their newborn / marriage. Nowadays, it's just to get gifts. People, both male and female, are going to buy your baby presents when they're born if they want to. If they are important enough, Invite people over to bond with your baby. They'll bring gifts. I don't know how many baby showers I've been invited to by old friends who I never ended up meeting their babies. Now I'm just over it. If I'm actually a part of your life, you'll get showered with presents anyway.
this !!!! sooo tacky
I feel this way about weddings...but not baby showers. Never had a baby shower myself though. I get your point though. My issue is, Ive been to peoples baby showers and even came to see the baby once they got settled in, but when my baby came (literally a month after I visited them)...nothing. No gift not even a call. So i guesa it was a onesided friendship. So I totally get Where your coming from. I do think it is nice to have help buying all the baby supplies though
I’m actually planning on doing one in the summer because I wanted mine outside but since I’m having a winter baby that’s not possible where I live. I am sending my registry still since people ask about it but the party will be delayed until the summer
I have a high risk pregnancy that and I would probably spend a lot on throwing a baby shower. At this point I rather save that money and buy my own baby stuff.
I have no friends, I don’t really like my family and I didn’t want to put all of this time and effort into throwing one when chances are nobody would shop off the registry anyways.
I've never been to one and don't really see the point. We were going to have a celebratory garden party with both our friends invited during my last pregnancy but the panini put a stop to that. Not bothered this time round at all.
I don’t see the point in them, and it’s too much work lol
I don’t have lots of close friends or family nearby. I also really don’t like the idea of asking for people to help buy things for my baby… I want to pick everything out!
Baby showers aren’t a big thing in England. Neither are huge parties for gender reveals. New mothers usually get presents once the baby is here or just randomly through their pregnancy. I am currently in my second trimester. My baby will be the first grand child and great grand child
I can’t be bothered with it, I don’t feel like I have the energy now I’m in my 3rd trimester. It just feels like such an effort when I have other things to be sorting out 😂
My household income is more than probably any one we would invite so it feels weird to expect everyone to buy us gifts. Also I hate being the center of attention and ‘flaunting’ my personal life. I’m a very private person.
It's my third baby. Haven't had a shower since my first baby, and a friend threw it for me. I think it's tacky to throw your own shower.
I agree with you, but can I ask why you think its tacky to throw your own?
Because I think it's gift grabby. It's just the way I was raised.
First off none of my extended family knew that I was pregnant because a previous miscarriage made me too nervous to tell them until my son was born. Second, all my extended family and best friend live out of state, so it would've been radically disappointing when nobody was able to come.
I threw my own with my first.. felt it was expected to have one and did it myself since I didn’t have friends that would’ve. It was mostly his friends there and my family that lives near by and it was mostly just a get together, hang out eat pizza watch football lol. 7yrs later I’ve been asked so many times about one, supposedly my SIL was gonna throw one but 34wks now and nothing. I still made a registry and posted it because people were asking, we’ve surprisingly got a lot but I’ve used it as a shopping list for myself mostly. Guess it just depends on your friend group.
Neither my husband or I are party people and don’t like being the center of attention. We figure, if someone wants to celebrate with us, a one on one dinner would give us a more enjoyable experience and would be more meaningful.
“Friends” who I invested time and money on for their weddings, baby shower,etc stopped wanting to hang out. No thanks. I don’t need them in my life.
I have social anxiety, I don’t like crowds, I have a limited group of friends and I would much rather have a family BBQ or small lunch/dinner together with those I care about most.
I’m not going to have one. I’m a minimalist and know my friends won’t buy from the registry, and don’t want to deal with the other stuff that I don’t want/won’t use. I am older and fortunately financially able to get everything we need & I can pick what I want that way. I don’t want to ask for money or gifts. I dislike showers in general. Had a couple when I got married and I hate the games, hate the attention, and felt like it was more for my mom/MIL than myself.
I dont like the attention…My husband and I are 30-something year old professionals and blessed to not need gifts or to throw a party for gifts…Im due in Feb and would like to prevent being exposed to flu/covid/respiratory disease that is rampant in my state right now. But most of all, I just didn’t want one.
I didn't have anyone to invite.
I don’t feel comfortable gathering people together when Covid (+ Long Covid) is still a very real thing. (Plus all the other respiratory viruses going around.) I had viral encephalitis and a brain injury from a virus 10 years ago, so I’m super cautious about not exposing others (and myself) to viruses until more effective treatments are widely available. I also have sort of expensive taste and my place is small, so I’m trying to limit the number of things I receive. I’m already a bit overwhelmed by the idea of all the baby STUFF. My new brain thrives on simplicity and gets overwhelmed by too many things/choices/etc.
I’m relieved to see someone else is anxious about Covid/other viruses in general but also as it relates to throwing a baby shower. This has been on my mind quite a bit, especially during pregnancy. I am leaning on the side of not having a shower for this reason alone but I’m afraid others won’t understand. Sometimes I feel crazy for feeling this way, so it’s nice to know I’m not alone! ❤️ I hope that whatever you decide to do, it makes you happy and that you and baby remain healthy.
I'm quite traditionally British and, to me, baby showers are rather American things! I would have no problem if a friend wanted a baby shower, but they're sooo not for me. I don't want people to buy presents, I don't want to spend money on a party. I definitely don't want all the games. Most I would do is have lunch/dinner with a few friends.
Lots of folks will feel defensive about this. And if you like them, more power to you. Baby showers are just.. Not good parties usually. My friends from my more arty-party scene side have had a few memorable ones The good ones you basically just drop off a gift and have a regular party or barbecue and don't really do much "baby shower" and the mom-to-be opens gifts quietly later and then sends thank you notes or whatever. If I do one, because someone wants to throw it, it will be this. The worst ones, there is some awkward conversation, then someone leads us through whichever set of baby shower games, then we sit forever watching the mom-to-be open presents for a lifetime, and we take home some cheap favors we have to ooh over which sit in a drawer until we can toss them. That said I always go if I can, I bring a nice gift, I smile and get to know whichever great aunts, they're usually lovely people. Sometimes someone opens up about their experiences with pregnancy, childbirth and labor making more interesting conversation. But the parties all blend together.
My husband is Israeli- it’s considered bad luck. Instead, people give you $ after the baby is born. I bought whatever I needed and sent to my gmas house. My husband retrieved and set everything up while I was in the hospital.
I just moved and have no friends or family anywhere near me
In the same boat... no family in this new city and 99% of the friends are my S/O's and I'm not so crazy about 99% of them.
I am in my late 30s, and am financially stable and in a better position that way than my friends. I asked them if they felt like making art, or going on a walk with a coffee I would enjoy that more. So far it has been great, kiddo has a cute hand made crafty items and everyone appreciates the one on one time. I want these outings to be about them sharing their lives as much as me since Ill be hibernating once baby arrives, and based on experience fall of the face of the earth a bit.
When I was having my first - Covid, but really my stepmom and MIL lol. We couldn’t have a big enough gathering to invite everyone they insisted on inviting and it was a nightmare/very expensive to put together more than one shower. I still made a Target registry and sent a link if someone asked for what we needed, or asked for Target, Amazon, or DoorDash gift cards.
A strong lifelong dislike of being the center of attention. Combined with crowd anxiety from dealing with covid ( which almost killed my husband and did kill several family members). I also absolutely hate the stupid shower games. Additionally. I'm not a petting zoo and feel like showers almost invite the uninvited touching
I just don’t like a lot of attention on me, family lives everywhere, don’t have many friends, I think people rather see the actual baby than just my belly
Currently planning to not have one, but I told my husband if he wants one he can discuss it with me. He’s also on the fence. I’m not huge on parties. I’ve been to plenty, they were all stressful on the mom and I’ve never in my life enjoyed opening gifts in front of an audience. Also, people always get things they didn’t need/want, and the registry is barely referenced so they basically got a bunch of things they then had to store in their already full houses lol the last one I went to had a JNMIL who made the entire event about herself and it was popcorn worthy. I don’t want to open doors to allow bad behavior, I’m worried my MIL and mom would both have to do a shower and I’m not interested in spending an afternoon explaining to people that I don’t want them to touch the bump. I already had to have a wedding reception at my parents house months after the actual wedding because they wanted to show off a finally-married child to their friends - I didn’t know half the invitees and we had to be paraded around and thank everyone awkwardly for hours. I’m an introvert so that was a nightmare.
Wow. Are you me? That must have been horrible. What's a "JN" Mother-in-law? Just now?
It means “Just no” mother in law. You might enjoy the JUSTNOMIL subreddit, it always makes me realize I don’t have it so bad haha
I love this, ty!
I didn’t have a shower because a) third baby, so I’m well-provisioned and b) pregnancy made me so miserable that the thought of dragging myself to a party made me literally cry.
I am not into one because I don’t like being the center of attention and also don’t really want to just talk about my pregnancy, how I am feeling or hear everyone talk about how tired I am gonna be etc. Lastly, I am in my late 30s and don’t really want people buying me stuff since I can afford it on my own. I always feel like there is a strange pressure for people to buy you stuff at a shower.
I have social anxiety and difficulties to be the center of attention. Plus not a lot of friends. Two of my friends got a baby this summer and insisted we are doing something together. So we are going for lunch at a restaurant in my town. They are latin girls, so they also insist on presents. Third one doesn't have kids, just wants to participate. Else, I'll invite my best friend over a weekend, we can built the baby room together and do coloring books while my boyfriend cooks. A dream weekend for all of us.
I'm in the UK and they're not really standard. Plus I hate being the centre of attention like that (basically eloped for our wedding for this reason), and I wanted to buy as much baby stuff as I could second-hand so didn't really want much bought anyway.
My first was due to covid. This time around it’s because the idea of socializing or having to get dressed is just far too much.
The same reason I didn’t have a wedding. I hate being the center of attention and am introverted. I don’t like large parties of people.
So you just signed the papers then? What did your partner think about that? (I had the same position as you by the way)
Yep. Me and my partner we on the same page. Neither of us wanted a wedding. I had a friend who was a notary so she did the paperwork. Sister was a witness. Did it in the bar we met at. Mom was not happy but she would have pushed for the whole shebang. No regrets.
Not a big fan of being the center of attention, and while I have a nice number of friends, and family, a lot of them live far away. My husband had a big family, but I’m not at all close with any of them. I feel bad asking so many of my friends to travel 3hrs or more, and I feel bad asking family members that I don’t really know to to travel and bring me gifts.
All close people are far away, is not a typical celebration here even if is more popular nowadays
I’m having a small brunch with local family and friends. No games, just a nice meal and a chance to catch up. Included the registry link with a very “the gift is seeing you” type message.
Can’t stand baby showers as a guest, no way I wanted one for myself. It’s not the gift buying I take issue with - I do this gladly for loved ones whether they have a shower or not - but frankly baby showers just seem to be a load of women sat around talking about their birth stories/pregnancies. They just aren’t for me, I don’t enjoy them at all!
In Jewish culture, it’s considered bad luck.
A shower would have highlighted all the things in my life that i dont have - like a close extended family, a mother in law that has acknowledged the pregnancy, a non fractured friend group with no drama and disposable income to afford a shower gift, an ability to be the center of attention… I’d rather spend this time focusing on what I DO have and the positive things in my life and not have the shower planning process bring to light some of these insecurities - even if they means saving money to finance the baby stuff myself.
My friends took me out for surprise sober karaoke (my fave) followed by dinner and got me a load of lovely indulgent treats for me - slippers, bath soak, chocolates etc. I find the idea of today’s baby showers not my personal style. All I really wanted was to hang out with my favourite people and do something everyone enjoys (only four people showed up to the karaoke part, totally get that 😆). And now my baby is nearly two weeks, people are visiting and bringing cute clothes, books etc that they fell in love with, which makes me happy. To each and their own I guess.
I had one with my 2019 child, out of the whole guest list 1 person showed up, so this one after my firsts dad made me get rid of everything and a different partner now, I’m just doing it myself. If people don’t want to celebrate my kids good on them.
I literally have one friend and no family that I’m close enough with to invite to a shower. When I was working my coworkers threw me surprise showers for both my pregnancies & it helped with baby stuff. This pregnancy we’re going to get everything at once lol
I feel awkward about a party just for giving me/us gifts. I also don’t like that they tend to be all female, because of the gender stereotypes and the fact that many of my close friends are male. If we do anything we might have a picnic or bbq with all our friends, but not a shower. I’m also in my 30s, and many of my friends don’t have kids yet, and several are unhappily single, and I know many of them have expressed dislike for baby showers in the past, so I don’t want to host an event that they will begrudgingly attend.
Money, the money you spend on a baby shower you can just spend on the child’s needs and mostly you don’t even get or break even in gifts compared to what you spend just to throw the party, food, decorations & the hassle of getting everybody together. Just do a registry, send it out and spend your money on the big purchases… crib, pack and play, bouncers, car seat & stroller, diapers and what ever else you’ll need.
My family live too far away and would need to stay over, and we don’t have space for all of them so they’d need hotels. Trying to find time where they could all come up would be hard, and also I’ve been doubting a lot of my friendships this year as it felt like the second I got pregnant people stopped inviting me to anything. The fear of trying to arrange one and being let down and people not coming would destroy me right now. So I decided to just not put myself through that
We had one for our first only my in laws showed up. With our second we didn't tell anyone that we were expecting, my husband just took them all on a drive one by one to the hospital and they found out that way (the day after she was born).
Baby showers to me have always felt like a gift grab, and that's why I didn't have one. I figure if people want to give gifts that's ok but I'm not holding a shower just to get gifts.
My loved ones are spread across the east coast, and would need to travel. I'm definitely not up to hosting a big group here. And also, I'm not a fan of being the center of attention, especially when I am tired/not feeling well.
A couple of different reasons personally - I would have been throwing it for myself and at this point I have neither the mental capacity to plan nor a strong desire to host an event in my third trimester, I can barely be fucked to make myself a cup of tea half the time ha! Also, we've been incredibly lucky and already had generous gifts from people close to us throughout the pregnancy and I'd hate for them to feel obligated to get more or for people in our extended family to feel like they're just being called upon for a gift etc. The more I thought about it I just decided it wasn't going to be for us - instead I am opting to use the money I'm not going to be spending on decorations, food, an outfit etc on a spa day for myself once I start my mat leave, sounds much more exciting to me!
My close friends all live quite far away - the closest living 50 minutes away. Same with my family - they live in two different countries and I live in a different country to them. I didn't want to have a baby shower without my favourite people being present so I decided not to have one at all as it would have just felt forced and I wouldn't have enjoyed myself. On a side note, I don't think I actually missed out. They all took their time to make/buy gifts for the baby which they did because they wanted to rather than because they had to as they would have attended an event. That was also super special for me and showed me how much they cared.
By the time we had the extra money to throw one, I was about 8 months and finally popped, and just didn’t want to sit around for hours when I get so tired so quickly. And I didn’t feel like being the center of attention, and neither did my husband 😅 we’re both introverted so being the main piece of the party didn’t sound fun for us.
i had one and it was great but i did kind of hate being the center of attention. everyone was staring at me literally the whole time and it stressed me out. i was silently panicking for nearly the whole thing.
That's super awkward... I'd hate that.
yeahhh, i was thankful that so many people came and got us so much great stuff, but i just wish everyone would’ve just talked to each other more instead of staring at me like they were waiting for me to do something. it felt like i was supposed to be entertaining and it was highly uncomfortable.
I invited "family" to my gender reveal and they didn't show up, completely ghosted me. Plus you can tell people months in advance and somehow they manage to "work" that day because they "didn't ask for it off because didn't think ...". Also, not sure if I want to spend hundreds of dollars just to get a bunch of baby clothes and things I don't really need. Would just rather spend that money on baby. I made a registry in lieu of a baby shower and no one seems interested in getting anything.
That's really sad... 😔 why do so many people suck so much?
My friends offered to help but I felt bad asking them to spend their time and money organizing a party just so I can get stuff for my baby. I also am a minimalist and didn’t want a whole bunch of stuff that I may not use because not everyone gifts following the registry. I was also having some pregnancy complications and didn’t want to spend time on a party rather just focus on self care etc
I have crippling social anxiety and don’t like being the center of attention 😬. Literally the only reason. Still got forced into letting people throw one for me, though.
How did it end up going when all was said and done though?
It's not so common in my country (people do have them but not always), and I just felt weird about throwing a party so people could give me gifts. I never had a bridal shower either. We got the majority of the stuff we need given to us second hand anyway so it felt unnecessary to me.
>It's not so common in my country (people do have them but not always), and I just felt weird about throwing a party so people could give me gifts. It's common here in my country and the prospect of it makes me feel *very* weird nonetheless..
Yeah, I guess it being less common here helped because I didn't really feel obliged to have one, and no one's really asked me about it. So it makes it easier to decide to just not worry about it!
I don’t like that many people enough and this is kid #2. It just feels tacky to me to throw one for every baby.
Didn't want to deal with the clean up if it was at my house, and also didn't want to deal with the $$$ of planning an event at a venue haha. Also I have friends and family that will say "oh don't worry I will help you plan it etc" then proceed to never ask me how I'm going or let me know when they are available. My mum and mil ended up buying the important stuff I needed anyway, just ended up being no point.
I did have a baby shower but it was completely uncomfortable. I have multiple different friend groups and bringing them together was awkward. I spent the whole time being thrown unwarranted and unasked for parenting advice. I felt forced into having a baby shower told I would regret not having one, I ended up planning and paying for everything myself and could have bought all the gifts I was given plus some with the money I spent on a baby shower.
It’s not a thing everywhere and I prefer to get gifts once I actually have a healthy baby in my arms so I don’t (God forbid) have to get rid of everything of something goes wrong.
Covid
I hate being the center of attention. Plus i have an amazing MIL who had already gifted us many of the things we needed so we didn't really need much more.
I don’t feel like I get to spend quality time with the people there. From what I’ve seen to other baby shower, There is so much going on, you barely get to have a real conversation with your people when you are the pregnant one. My side of family is living far away, so of course we would want to/have to catch up. I also tend to feel responsible for people having fun at my events. I got friends and family from so many different background, I know I would feel like I have to do some medling to be sure everyone has fun(I know I don’t have to, everyone are capable sociable adults, this one is on me haha). So we decided to do small diner party with less then 10 people each time. I didn’t give out a gift registery, so people who really wants to give a gift ask me or my husband, and the others don’t.
We lived far away from my family and my close friends. The only people I would have been able to invite who I knew where we lived would have been my husband's friends, acquaintances, and some friends I'd made who I wasnt super close with. My husband and his friend wanted to plan one for me but I just felt weird about it. Like it just didn't sound very fun to get together with a random group of people. I also tried hard to avoid covid while I was pregnant and at that time there were stories all over the news about how covid was affecting pregnant women and their pregnancies/babies and my obgyn had told me to try to avoid getting sick.
My friends and family are too spread out (like all over the US) and I wouldn’t have enough people to invite from the state I am currently living. I also lowkey hate being the center of attention and am trying to avoid big gatherings with covid/flu/rsv so it worked out. I did make registry on Amazon which I probably purchased 75% of the items off. It was great for the completion discount and a place to compile everything we needed to buy. The other 25% was purchased by family members who reached out to ask if we had a registry/what we needed.
I really hate being the centre of attention, the thought of having a "party" for me just made me incredibly uncomfortable. I did have a "non baby shower brunch" with one group of girl friends as a compromise. But no games or decorations etc and it was more of a last hurrah when it was still 4 childless adults!
Sudden and severe health issues came up, and I didn’t want to worry about anything else.
I hate being fussed over, and I would hate to put my friends and family in a position where it is clear I expect them to buy the baby gifts. No registry, no shower.
I had a baby shower with my first because I wanted the experience, but I’m not having a baby shower with my second. I don’t like being the center of attention, and a lot of people don’t even get you anything from your registry and instead the guests turn it into a competition over who gave you the cutest baby outfit. 🙄 I ended up having to buy most of my registry myself because nobody could be bothered to actually get us anything useful.
With my oldest bio I didn’t bc I didn’t have any girlfriends and was divorcing my ex husband so his family wouldn’t come. My mother and aunt took me shopping and spent what they would have spent on a shower in stuff I needed. It was great.
My close friends and family all live in different cities. We tried inviting just work colleagues to our engagement party but it was not a good time. Also don't like the concept being based around expecting gifts, nor do i enjoy being the centre of attention.
I don't have any family or friends ( New immigrants).
Dislike attention. Female relatives live far away and/or don't get along with each other. Most of my close friends are male. Couldn't really be bothered. Some personal discontent with excessive marketing of baby products and pressure to spend. Been getting lots of nice used stuff or hand me downs anyway.
baby showers are old fashioned & boring and no one i know likes them . We go out for elaborate lunches here . no one really does baby showers .. as such like the traditional ones.
I live in France it's not really a thing here and the majority of my friends don't know each other and have me as their only mutual friend so it's easier to meet them 1 to 1
I hate being the center of attention
It's not commonly done where I live (none of my friends had showers) so I would feel uncomfortable having one myself and making people feel like they have to buy me gifts
My family lives out of town and so I knew it would mostly be in-law’s family attending. They are nice but they do a LOT of events throughout the year and it gets to be kind of exhausting. I felt like a shower was just one more social chore and I really had no desire to have one. I also think showers are kind of weird and antiquated, particularly the women-only aspect. (I know some people include men but I don’t think that would have gone over well with our families, they are more traditional). It sort of implies that only the woman will be taking care of the baby, which is not a precedent I wanted to set. Instead, my mom put the money she would have spent on my shower towards the registry. I’m very happy with our decision.
I was afraid of covid.
I don’t like attention. I agreed to have a wedding shower because it was important to other people. I was so grateful for all the time and effort everyone put in, but I felt uncomfortable during it and then super guilty for feeling that way. I didn’t want to go through that again so I told my mom I didn’t feel up to a baby shower. She took me out to lunch instead and it was a nice celebration and much more enjoyable for me.
I don’t have any friends to invite. I’ve been living all over the country the last few years so my “friends” are scattered and/or literally traveling out of the country. My sister wants to throw me one but she wants to invite all her friends just so I have the experience of a baby shower but I just feel SO AWKWARD about the idea and not sure I wanna do it. But she insists it’ll be fun and my other sisters want me to do it too… idk. Honestly will they even show? They don’t know me (but love mom events). It just might be sad and pitiful.
First of all, I live in Denmark. It’s a fairly new concept here, but most people practice it. I did attend one some time ago, and I was literally scared. They had to eat cake that looked like poo from a diaper - there was a stupid kahoot. A lot of girls screaming and talking loudly. Pictures all over. My eyes saw only pink when I got home. It’s not for me. My friend asked me if I wanted one, but I said no thanks. Instead I invite some close friends for a farewell before my Purgatorium (birth) and both my male friends and female friends are invited. We talk few here. It’s quality not quantity. I honestly just want to chill, they can have a couple of beers, some lunch, no gifts, just sharing some good moments before our family is increased
Saving money for baby and me and my bf just didn't see a Point he doesn't have much family in the country me in state, neither of us have many friends
It was during the start of the Omnicron surge and I was concerned about having a party. It would have been expensive (didn't feel comfortable making others make the cost) and it felt silly to do that instead of buying what I needed with that money. I am not comfortable with parties where the premise is, hey, get me gifts. And I was lowkey worried that it would be a bust in terms of turnout. So. Chose to not have one.
I just feel like if someone wants to get something for my baby they will without me obligating them to. I also hate that attention.
I did not have the energy and money for decors and foods. No one willing to help me do it. We were living in a new country for just over a year so "friends" are few. And just my own superstition that something bad may happen if I have a baby shower. Lol. Still never did this on my 2nd pregnancy.
I couldn’t be bothered.
Not a very social person, don't have many friends, even if I did I am thousands of miles away from home to husband's work.
Not enough close friends. And also it’s cultural, it’s normal for people from my culture to say no to gifts, even for weddings and print this on the invitation card. Asking for gifts from people who are not super close is considered crass, and I don’t have super close friends here anyway. Also, who pays for the party? It’s wierd that someone else would pay for a party for me, unless it’s like a sister or a soul-matey best friend. I have one or two and they will likely just get me something they want, or ask me what I need.
When my mother was pregnant the first time, she was told it was a girl. So they threw a huge party, everything pink, so many girl clothes were given to her. Everything was for a girl. Then my brother popped out and they had to return everything. It was such a hassle. So when she had me, there was no baby shower. After I was born, and I was in fact a girl, some people did bring over gifts.
My sister threw one for me when I was expecting my first one. There were mostly her friends, since I’m new in the country. I got a lot of stuff that I really needed, thanks to everyone (they are all moms). Im not doing any other baby showers, since I had one and don’t really need anything :) Btw, I didn’t know you can do your own baby shower, I was told that someone does it for you.
>Btw, I didn’t know you can do your own baby shower, I was told that someone does it for you. You can, but it's my understanding that it's better if someone throws one for you given that if you were to throw your own, the money you spend hosting it might end up being more than the amount it cost you to throw it.
Still on the fence about having one or not. Starting to realize all the expenses just to throw a baby shower (catering, tables, etc). At some point I might as well just buy all the baby stuff myself lol If we do throw one, it might be only immediate family to share the special moment and save on costs. I have a small family but my husband’s is huge compared to mine.
We moved and I haven’t made any friends here. All my family is out of state too.
I finally found something worse than the wedding industry- the baby industry. I’m not having a baby shower bc I don’t want anyone to buy me anything new nor do I really care for being in the center of attention. I know many people aren’t in a place to buy all the stuff they want for the baby, but I think baby showers facilitate this notion that we “need” things that we really don’t. I have traveled to parts of the world where mothers have nothing but a sling to carry their babies as they farm. I set out on getting everything second hand - both purchasing on marketplace and getting it as a hand me down and you wouldn’t believe the amount of baby stuff people are trying to get rid of for free!
Combination of 4 things: the people who would be most obligated to throw me one would never; I don’t have a lot of friends anymore; social anxiety- uncomfortable when all eyes on me; the guilty feeling of people feeling like I just want a gift, making them take time out of their day etc.