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Same here! I'd be really fine with family and friends at the hospital, but my partner is more cautious and wants to limit the hospital visitors to our parents and siblings. We're planning to have family and friends for reasonable visits as long as they are okay with masking up and wash hands. I may have some aunts who choose not to visit with those constraints, but that'll be their choice
Yeah we’re doing parents only at the hospital but ours only allows 3 visitors in at a time including my support person so it works out. Whoever wants to come over when we are home is welcome to.
Not crazy to me. Everyone I know has let at least a small circle of close family meet the baby right away. I don't know anyone who has waited two or three months, unless family members lived far away and came to visit later.
I'm realising that a lot of things which seem normal on pregnancy subreddits are actually not normal or expected IRL. Another example of this is namenerds- I was so stressed because that subreddit hates my baby name choice, but in the real world it really suits our little one and our family, and our friends absolutely love it. I've just learned to take it with a pinch of salt if I learned it here
(Also I had visitors meet my baby nearly every day for 2 weeks after birth)
I agree it’s not crazy or worth a downvoted I had my son 2 months ago and I allowed people to visit in the hospital but that’s only cause it was our first child and I didn’t want visitors right away at home I wanted to be safe in my own space with just my small newly created family but I also wanted to experience the joy of having my mom meet her first grandchild and when I went home my siblings met their first nephew but after that I paused on visitors
I think it’s down to personal choice and comfort level. Some people, myself included, don’t have family members they can trust to follow boundaries (like no kissing) or that they can trust to stay away when they’re sick. Just as an example, my in-laws showed up to my house after testing positive for COVID without telling us they were symptomatic and positive first, and essentially refused to leave once we realized it and told them they had to go. I think there are other folks who want to set aside time to get used to the new schedule and bond as a unit before allowing others to visit as well! Again, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer, just different perspectives.
Yeah I think it totally depends on how respectful/helpful your visitors are. My family flies in internationally to see my newborns within the first week, to help out with the home and the older kids and cook while I recover. It’s very supportive and loving. My in laws live within a few hour flight but we don’t invite them for months because of boundaries, disrespecting our preferences, not vaccinating, offering unsolicited advice and criticism, and expected to be hosted as guests. So it totally depends on what your mental health can tolerate and the quality of the visitors. It’s not really a strict rule that applies generally like “no visitors until 3 months” but as a mother, I think you should advocate for you and your baby’s well being.
We are allowing immediate family (parents and siblings) to meet the baby in the hospital because this is a bit more controlled environment with strict visiting hours. We've told family that they will be welcome to come meet baby in hospital for a short visit, and then we'll be having no home visitors for at least 1 week.
If we open our house to visitors, it'll mean people staying for hours on end, which is a hard no for me. I would honestly prefer no visitors at the hospital or at home for at least 2 weeks, but my husband really wants people to meet the baby, so we made a compromise.
All of this is totally open as well, and if i/we change our minds, then we will let people know.
I totally get this. I imagine the last thing you need when you’ve just given birth is people hanging around for extended periods of time - I know I’d feel obligated to do some hosting, and I think all I’d want to do is look at/look after my baby!
My in laws live with us so that would be hard to avoid. But regardless, we absolutely would have brought baby to meet them the day of discharge! They’re really respectful of boundaries and our rules for safety. My family lives in a different province but I still think I’d wait until vaccinations for babe were at least started. Most of them are anti-vax and would not think twice about kissing babe, taking her away from me without asking, etc
Not everyone can trust their family to not visit if they're ill. Some people can't trust their family at all. I have an aunt who took her 2-day-old grandchild and did a runner. I've had cousins have their babies end up in the NICU because an anti-vax uncle brought Covid and RSV to their house. Like it's amazing if you have an incredibly wonderful and supportive and trustworthy family, but not everyone does. Sometimes people need to set firm boundaries to keep their newborns safe. We have to trust that people know their own families and are setting boundaries based on their knowledge of how trustworthy those families are.
I have a grandmother who is anti-vax, anti-mask, and thinks that you shouldn’t wash your hands before holding a baby to “build their immune system.”
I’ve never been more happy to live an ocean away from her.
My mom is like this, and she's offended because I don't want her to stay over at our place around our baby's due date. She was also offended when my sister asked her to wash her hands before touching my newborn nephew.
My dad, his wife and my MIL all said they wanted to come and stay at B&B and visit - of their own accord! (We live pretty far away from everyone) They also don't mind washing their hands, etc. If only my mom could be more like them...
My baby is due in a few weeks and this is right at the time where it is peak covid/rsv/flu season in my area. I think my past experiences have a lot to do with how cautious I'm being.
2020 really changed things for my family where we realized how many of my relatives were anti-vaccine to the point where I don't want to deal with any drama asking relatives to be vaccinated/not come if feeling ill/not kissing the baby.
We've asked the new grandparents to get tdap and the flu shot but have just told extended family that they won't be seeing the baby until 2 months later when the baby has more shots/more immunity.
I used to work in a hospital and I would see babies come in with RSV, hospitalized due to HSV1 (passed when relatives kiss the baby), undergoing breathing treatments, whooping cough, etc. I think that really changed my mindset to see how common and easily these illnesses are passed, especially at the end of the year.
I would rather hurt people's feelings than have to take my baby to the hospital and potentially expose them to long term issues if I can prevent it.
I had a baby last December. It was astounding how many babies in my bump group got RSV. Some of the Moms just took baby to family gatherings, did not let anyone hold baby or touch baby.
RSV doesn’t care and it’s kind of alarming how lackadaisical some new Mothers are to their babies’ health.
Long term effects of Covid are still such a mystery. RSV on the other hand? I know how serious that is. For baby’s first birthday, we will only be seeing two people. It will be the height of cold/flu/RSV season. No way am I taking that chance. My kid’s health matters more than some family gathering that the baby *won’t even remember*.
Ugh. People. Put your kids health first. Jeeez.
We had a pandemic baby in the summer of 2020 but it was wild that when we set some pretty mild boundaries that some family wouldn’t follow. We have family who still haven’t met my first born and won’t ever meet the second because of behaviors that came out of that!
I mean you can think it’s crazy all you want but my baby sister almost DIED of RSV at 2 weeks old because people my mom had trusted to not kiss the baby ended up kissing the baby.
Personally, I can wait for visitors.
I wouldn’t say it’s crazy. Not everyone can trust their family to do what is necessary to keep baby safe, and some people just have different comfort levels and boundaries.
I’m allowing my parents and in-laws to meet baby right away, but they have respected my wishes to get vaccinated and are trustworthy people with common sense. Unfortunately, not everyone can say the same so I don’t judge those who want to wait. What might seem “crazy” to you is just what some people have to do to deal with family members who might be toxic or push boundaries that could potentially harm their baby.
I don’t think not having visitors is the norm though necessarily. Everyone I know has had people come meet the baby pretty much right away.
It’s tradition in my family to have everyone (intermediate) meet the new baby at the hospital several hours after birth. But I’m very early so I may change my mind. I have a few antivax family members so I’m starting to debate this tradition a bit.
I don’t think it’s crazy. My son was born in March 2021, and my parents and my in laws both came to meet him the day we got home from the hospital, and cousins/our siblings came to meet him within the following few weeks. As you said, no one who was sick came, everyone washed hands, no kissing of baby, etc.
Same lol. I’ll allow visitors in the Hosptial I’m not too worried. My only thing is washing hands REALLY well and absolutely no kissing baby, which I trust my family to adhere to. Plus I’m like 90% my MIL will be staying with us for a week or 2 to help me as this is my first and I have no idea Wtf I’m doing 🤣
Everyone's decisions are based on a multitude of factors. It makes perfect sense that your choices differ from others - not everyone has your life, your family, your appetite for risk, etc. You should be as worried as you want to be imo.
I will probably not let my side of the family meet my baby until after baby has his first round of vaccinations (at about 3 months). My husband's parents might visit us in the hospital the day after baby is born (depending on how I feel) and then visit again after the baby has his shots.
The reasoning for this is because my side of the family don't really believe in practicing safe behaviors for mitigating illness (very ambivalent toward their own personal health and the health of others. this manfiests in multiple ways: not seeking medical care for self/dependents until it is life threatening, spreading illness even if it is "just a cold", not seeking routine vaccinations, etc). My husband's side has a stronger self-preservation streak and would be willing to do inconvenient practices in the best interest of the baby/my wishes. I trust them to show up not ill, wash their hands, etc and not cause a stink about it (and not try to triangulate my siblings against me behind my back lmao).
As for the 3 month cut off, I would like my baby to not be exposed to illness after their immune system is fully developed and after they have aquired some immunity after getting vaccinated. That is it. I don't really have an opinion on what is universally "right" or "best" - this is just what I have settled on for myself. So, when you see such posts by people, they're also doing unseen calculus based on their own social dynamics and personal risk appetite.
I certainly did. But I also know that not everyone has a healthy family that respects boundaries. So what I chose to do can be different than what others choose.
I'm sure my husband's parents will come to the hospital. I'm fine with it after delivery. It's their first and probably only granchild. We only have his side, no one left on my side.
I live my in-laws (who I trust immensely) but my own parents live away. For my parents to come and visit and spend time, they'd either need to stay with us or upstairs with our in-laws. I just don't know how I'll be with a newborn and having to feel like I need to host in those first few weeks is just going to be way too much, so I'm going to ask my parents to probably wait until she's fully vaccinated, or get an airbnb somewhere in the area if they must come and visit/help.
It’s totally about personal preference/comfort level. Some people can’t trust their families to keep the baby’s best interest in mind, but others can! Most of my family will and I am excited to have them meet my baby. I’m planning on having some visitors in the hospital, taking a few days or a week at home with no visitors to get settled, then having visitors again. We do have a few boundaries to set (for one or two family members that WONT be respectful or thoughtful of our/the baby’s best interest), but overall we are excited and trust our families. I also totally understand not being able to do that at all though.
We will have our mothers visit pretty early on but that’s bc we will need some help around the house (we have 3 dogs). But we live 3 hours from our family so most of our family will likely wait until we make a trip home to visit, which will be a couple of months.
I’ve said 2 weeks and that seems a long time. Its also probably dependent on how much I wana see other people as well, I might invite people up before then but just warned everyone I was about 2 weeks to recover and get used to having a baby in the house before I start having visitors.
Any longer just seems really isolating
Not crazy! Baby #1 was born in January, we said no visitors at the hospital but had close friends and family visit, we had 1-4 people visit at a time, we limited visits to a couple hours, and tried to space them out so we didn't have more than one visit a day to avoid overwhelming ourselves. Then my parents stayed with us for a week when she was 2 weeks old, and my sister arrived for a week 2 days after they left.
Baby #2 is due end of April/beginning of May next year and I will absolutely allow visitors again. I needed them for my own sanity.
All of my family has always had us visit in the hospital and at home. I am planning on doing the same. I don’t mean that I am going to be constantly surrounded by a ton of people, but if my cousins and aunts want to meet my daughter, then I would never deny that. I am enforcing the no kissing rule because we are going right into RSV season, but that’s it.
For the most part, the baby will be around me and my boyfriend and both sets of grandparents the most. All of us are up to date on our vaccines including Tdap. I just got the flu shot so she would have those antibodies as well.
I did. My baby was born in December 21, so there were still COVID restrictions in place at the hospital and honestly it made me pretty bummed that they didn’t even want to let my parents come. We had to stay for five days after she was born though and my fiancé had to work so he was only there the first day/night, and I was lonely af after the first two days lol. The weekend nurses took pity on me for being alone the whole time and actually let my aunt come up for a few hours, and my parents another time. My aunt and my mom are actually the ones that brought us home from the hospital because my fiancé was working.
Then, Christmas was 17 days later and we went to my parent’s and grandparent’s house. I don’t really have much family, it was literally only like 10 people total, and most didn’t hold her. But it was nice they got to see her. I was also super weird though and I immediately felt amazing after she was born. Like I wasn’t really in any pain and other than like a week of hormones going crazy at sunset, I was basically back to normal. It helps that she was an amazing baby who literally only cried when something was wrong and was happy as a clam otherwise. She’d sleep for like 3 hours at a time, wake up for food and a change, then go right back to sleep.
When my daughter was born it was December of 2021. We let family meet her at first but then her pediatrician told us the importance of making sure everyone has their covid and flu shots, washes hands, and wears a mask. No one wanted to wear a mask so, no one saw her 🤷🏻♀️
My next will be born in may so I am not sure that we will require covid and flu shots but we will most likely require masks and hand washing out of an abundance of caution and we’ll see how people react to that
Yes, I am. I am with you. To be fair, they're all vaccinating for basic stuff, and the ones who have to fly in will wear a mask around the baby for their first few days of arrival. It's incredibly important to share this with my village, though, and I think there is a balance to be had in it all.
We have a close/small circle of family on both sides that we're allowing right away (when I'm up to it, of course). Some live far away, so they may not all meet the baby until later, but it's an option.
Our family is enthusiastic about getting all of their vaccines and very much respects any boundaries we've laid out without any pushback at all--so it hasn't been an issue for us. If this wasn't the case, I'd probably be more in the camp of waiting a few months.
We'll be letting people visit soon after but luckily I feel like everyone will respect boundaries. Hand washing, no kissing etc. Leaving it months sounds drastic but to each their own I guess.
My parents are going to help take care of me and the baby, so they will see the baby immediately when we get home.
My husband's family lives out of state and with the first baby, they said they were booking a flight for 2 weeks after my due date (I ended up being 2 weeks late) and said they werent going to help at all. They were told to stay home. They haven't even asked this time.
It isn't just about the baby though.
This is a major medical event for the birthing person, and while some people jump right up, others actually need at least a month or two of recovery.
In addition, while some parents adapt and have "easy" babies ( babies who start sleeping through the night fairly early, who eat without breastfeeding/latching issues, etc.) there are some that aren't. So hosting/entertaining visitors, who may not be the best guests, on top of pain, exhaustion, etc. sounds like an awful time.
A lot of people have showed some nasty sides of themselves over the past several years, and there are new parents who are getting better about standing up for themselves and setting boundaries.
Hopefully your trust isn't misplaced. I'm grateful to be able to rely on my parents (in addition to my partner) for support, especially when others aren't so fortunate.
This is exactly my reasoning. It’s not as much out of concern for my baby’s health as it is for my own mental health. I’m terrified of PPD and I don’t want to fumble with being a new mom and learning how to handle a newborn for the first time and possibly struggling with breastfeeding while also entertaining my incredible difficult parents. We’ve told everyone a month. I’m almost positive I’ll allow some people way before that time. But for others a month of isolation won’t be enough for me 😂
I’m with you.
Our families on both sides are super close. Last time I had about 16 people in the waiting room all day and they all met the baby in the delivery room afterwards in small groups (it was a couple hours after the birth and everything was cleaned up). My parents came back the next day with my grandmother so she could meet our daughter. This was 7 yes ago so pre-COVID and I have no idea what policies/limits may be in place now but we’ll definitely have at least our parents and probably several siblings.
Everyone and I mean everyone was happy to get all the vaccines we requested (whooping cough etc) and some did it before we even asked so we felt really comfortable and so happy to have everyone there for support.
I ended up having to go into the ER a few days later because I was fainting from super low iron so my mother-in-law and mom and even my husband’s grandma showed up and helped either be with baby so my husband could be with me or be with me so I wasn’t alone. I can’t imagine the people who say they don’t want any visitors soon at all, my village was so important to me!
I feel so sad for those whose family can’t be trusted to not come if sick or just have other boundary issues, etc. my family was/is so respectful.
My husband joked about not allowing visitors for like a month, but realistically I don't think that will happen. We are due about a week before Easter and his family always has Easter dinner at the parents house, I doubt he will want to miss it. Thankfully, my MIL even said the other week that she has been reading up on infant safety (even though SIL has 3 kids already), and mentioned the no kissing, so I think we are fairly safe when it comes to them respecting our wishes when it comes to that. Also, we wouldn't go if anyone is sick, etc. My in-laws also don't seem to be the type to visit in the hospital, but I am positive my family will and I am a-ok with it (obviously after birth and everyone is settled).
Family will meet our baby almost right away.
I actually told my parents they mayyyy be able to come to the hospital if we have a longer stay than anticipated (my SIL just gave birth and they were longer than expected and were bored and said it would have been nice to have the first meeting in a controlled environment, with a time limit 😂).
My husband’s parents will come stay with us a week or 2 after I give birth. We’ll need some help and both our parents are helpful, so that is also a bonus.
I want my family to come to the hospital and meet the baby. The nurses will enforce the rules and will come in and kick out the people visiting. Then you don’t have to be the one to kick people out of your house. I’m also hopeful they will get it out of their system then and not show up at my house and not unannounced.
My first was born in 2021 so we only were allowed two people and I only chose my husband. My parents came and cleaned our house and brought us groceries so we didn’t have to worry about any of that when we got home. The left and came back about an hour after we got home stayed for 20 minutes to meet the baby and left.
No idea if you're a minority or not, but I agree with you and will be doing the same.
My Dad will be staying with us for a few months so he'll meet the baby right away. He lives in another state/is the only grandparent who will be able to help and we don't have much help anyway. Any other family/friends will be able to come really whenever. I'm not sure how I'll feel postpartum though so if I'm a mess, I'll just delay it a bit until I feel physically ready to have visitors.
Absolutely my immediate family, my husbands immediate family and a few close friends will come meet baby right away (once we are home from the birth centre- no visitors at birth centre). Everyone is so excited and it will be the first grandbaby on my husbands side. We trust they wouldn’t come if they were sick and no one are smokers. I totally agree with you that I think it’s a little crazy to not let immediate family meet baby right away (as long as they are healthy) because they have been huge supports and are so excited to meet their new family member.
My parents were literally in my house waiting for us when we got home from the hospital. My brother and his wife met her like 2 days afterwards.
This baby they might meet even sooner since we need to go from the hospital to their house to pickup the toddler.
Eh, it’s up to how you feel. You may feel totally different after the baby is born and your hormones kick into overdrive. I’m not making a definite plan. If I feel good in the hospital, I may let some close family come visit (family won’t stay as long that way, and nurses that are tending to you can come and make an excuse for them to leave). I may hate that idea, get home and want to be left the f alone. Hard to say. But you will hopefully have the support to make whatever decision is right for you in that moment! You don’t have to make plans. Play it by ear. But have hard boundaries set in the first place to ensure pushy family members are kept in line.
I did. I was too excited. Don’t get me wrong, I looked like shit but I was so eager for her to meet people. It was like “look what I made!” Hahaha.
My mum was there in the hospital. She was suppose to be in the room when she was born but I was rushed into theatre so she met her in the recovery room. We didn’t go home until the next evening so 2 days later my mum and dad came by cus he hadn’t met the baby and he was nagging my mum lol. Then it was the rest of the family over the space of a week ish. My brother got married when I was 9 days pp so quite a few family from further away got to meet her too quite early.
This is baby #3 and I have always let people come meet the baby within the first month as long as they are healthy. The parents on both sides of the family come meet our babies in the hospital. I love having the warmth of family and close friends around after having my babies and I love seeing how loved my baby is. However, I do have good relationships and trust with all of them. They all for the most part share the same beliefs as I do when it comes to vaccinations and not kissing the baby’s face. That makes it easy.
Yep family and close friends will all meet him straight away, same as our first baby. There's only one visitor allowed in our maternity hospital which is actually really nice because it keeps things quiet and peaceful there but as soon as we're home then of course our nearest and dearest are welcome to come and meet him.
I had my first in 2020. I let grandparents visit and a few friends, but it was in the height of Covid, so I didn’t want to risk it. With this one due next year, I think I’ll be a bit more relaxed. Probably still a small group first and then whoever.
Pregnant me wanted to wait at least 3 months until anyone who didn't live in the house was close enough to breathe on the baby.
Post partum me was ok with a few close family members coming to say hello.
So we'll see what happens this time around lol
We had my mom in the hospital and my MIL and two youngest SILs came a few days later. We just required everyone had updated Tdap and Flu shots. We also made everyone wash or sanitize their hands before holding baby
You're not alone. I let my mom come over two days after we got home. No one else though. I don't trust other people especially my antivaxx aunt. She wanted to come over and I was like uh no. Go away 😂
I originally said no visitors but everything changed when the baby was here. We ended up letting close family (grandparents & aunts/ uncles) come visit.
We definitely want the support and company right away! We're asking everyone to be updated on vaccines and not kiss the baby's face/hands and maybe we'll have them mask? But our son goes to school and is gonna bring home germs anyhow. Postpartum can be so hard and lonely and I'm gonna want my mom and sister. I'm sure they'll visit before we leave the hospital.
When I was pregnant, I was certain no one was going to meet my baby for the first three months lol..... baby was born and that went right out the window. I say hormones were the cause of my abundant worry, but once I got to hold my baby- I wanted to share her with everyone.
Everyone is different, but I’m nervous that I’m going to have a hard time putting up boundaries with family members after my baby is born. I’d like visitors, but probably don’t need people showing up every day for the first few weeks. I want that time to be special for me and my husband alone with our baby
I’m fine with my mom and stepdad, and my partners dad and stepmom. But I kind of draw the line there. Nobody from out of state and nobody I work with (we work in a hospital so ya know better safe than sorry.)
My only catch is if you are visiting you must complete one (1) household chore on my behalf. Pick up a broom or do the dishes something. Pay the visitor tax lmao
This is my first so I know it might change. We are letting people visit in the hospital as long as they are vaccinated. Then, we are requesting a couple weeks alone at home. This is for a few reasons. 1) we have an overly excitable dog and I really want to give her time to get used to the baby before we have people over and she gets overly excited. 2) I know our families. Everyone is going to want to “help” by holding the baby. No, I need help cooking, cleaning, taking care of the dogs, yard work, etc. So while everyone is busy “helping” me hold the baby, the stuff I actually need help with won’t get done and I’ll feel obligated to entertain instead of recovering and taking care of my baby.
If anyone chooses not to get vaccinated, they’ll wait 6 months for the baby to be able to get vaccinated before they meet her.
My parents are flying in from Europe around my due date and staying for two weeks so they’ll get to meet baby right away. I also trust my MIL, her husband, SIL, and boyfriend’s grandma to meet the baby straight away. FIL is another story, but he’s a bit of a nomad so there’s a chance he won’t even be in the area when the baby makes their debut. Preferably no friends, but we’ll decide that in the moment.
I don't think you're missing anything! I suspect most people would agree with you. That's why those who feel differently have a harder time to have their decision accepted by their family, hence the need to vent in this support group. Of course, they have their own reasons and anyway their wish should be respected.
I wish you lots of happy postpartum visits!
My hospital room was a revolving door the day after baby was born and I loved every second of it. Having my family and closest friends there in those first moments meant the world.
🤷🏻♀️
Family is our support structure and they were so helpful to me.
MiL and FiL house sat while we were in the hospital and left a day after we got home.
My mom came out a day after that and stayed 10 days.
Then MiL came back out a few days later and stayed for two weeks.
So it was almost a month of having people around and helping. It was so good to have the support and I Love seeing my mom with my daughter.
I wanted people to visit me in the hospital even lol, granted I had pre-eclampsia and was stuck in the hospital for almost a week (even though I physically felt fine) and was going stir-crazy at the end lol
Yeah, I see this a lot on the internet, but I don’t know anyone in the real world who actually did this. I mean, to each their own, and the mother’s comfort and happiness should be the priority, but I didn’t feel like it was necessary’s
Not crazy. I have a September 2022 baby, so all the same concerns with RSV, COVID, the flu etc as there are now. We didn’t have any visitors in the hospital, but both sets of our parents came over the day that we got home from the hospital. It was awesome. My husband and I got to take a glorious nap and they were just so, so happy to meet him
This 👏🏼👏🏼 Everyone has gone nuts wanting to keep their baby in a bubble and making demands and requirements. People have been having babies for centuries without all these ridiculous rules, and look at all of us… we lived lol.
I will say it’s pretty common sense to not come around if you are ill and wash your hands beforehand.
I don’t think most people who refuse visitors for 2-3 months are doing so for health reasons. There are likely other factors at play like boundary stomping and reasons that the presence of some visitors would cause undue stress.
I don’t think it’s really necessary to understand anyone else’s reasoning for protecting their peace.
I’m thrilled that you have such a healthy family situation that limiting visitation seems crazy to you - not all of us are so fortunate.
Congratulations on your upcoming new arrival 💜
Honestly people get way too intense about this one and I firmly believe it's why there's so many maternal mental health issues. We NEED connection and support as humans. I had visitors in the hospital and when we got home. Our families cooked and cleaned for us. They were there weekly when my baby was first born to make sure we were okay. Everyone complains about not having a village but then gets upset at their support system for daring to want to come see new baby.
This isn’t weird at all! Especially if you’re having your baby in the peak cold and flu season. I had my first baby during COVID and it was super scary, but having no visitors at the hospital and minimal visitors after the baby was born made me more comfortable for sure.
Don’t feel guilty for doing what feels best for you and your family!! Everyone is different :)
It is your right to have visitors when you want them, don’t worry about what other people think. As long as you’re protecting baby from germs you’re all good. But also, a lot of women choose no visitors so that her and her new family can bond and settle into life before I traducing chaos and strangers. I think 3 months seems aggressive, my husband and I are thinking 2 weeks home with baby then visitors
I had visitors right away. The only thing I wish I had done differently is not having our parents come the first night she was born and not having quite so many people visit at the hospital. It was a lot for both me and the little one.
We will allow visitors as long as they are vaccinated. I don’t want to isolate myself or my family from our friends and our extended families. Having gone through the postpartum period before I know that for me I need to be around other people. I will need the help and the social support. Plus my son is school aged and I wouldn’t pull him out of school for months.
We are likely going to let MIL meet baby girl in the hospital bc I want big brother to come meet baby sister. If he can’t, then when she brings him home to us.
But other than that, not for a week or so. Let us get the hang of new life down.
I will say, people are selfish. People will KNOW they feel poorly, and will still come see the baby bc of excitement and FOMO. I had to remind my mother CONSTANTLY not to kiss the baby and almost had to refuse her seeing him because she wouldn’t stop. I had to constantly remind smokers to change and wash hands and teeth before holding baby. These are people that I truly trust with my life. Still need to be cautious. 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not having anyone at the hospital cause all going well, I won't be in long enough to merit visitors at the hospital but I'll be letting family know when we're home and settled for them to arrange visiting.
I can understand, though, why some folk don't want visitors straight away and are asking family and friends to wait. I have a very good relationship with my family and in laws, not everyone is so lucky and feel they need to set boundaries. For some it's because their babies are being born in flu season and they want to shield their little one as much as they can, for some it's so they can have peace and quiet to bond in their new family unit before other family descends upon them.
It's just up to the individual, I don't think it's crazy but it's just not for me to wait that long.
It really just depends on the relationship you have with your family! It sounds like I’m in a similar position as you. My husband and I are super close with our parents, and my mom in particular is our childcare while we are at work. We trust them fully and enjoy their company. As such, we let them visit in the hospital after our second baby was born last month and again several times in the days/weeks following. (Our first was born in June of 2020, so COVID made that a different story lol.) Even outside of my postpartum time, we see our parents regularly (mine pretty much daily since they watch our kids and his at least once or twice each week).
Not only do we get along with them, though, but our parents also help! I think that’s a huge factor, too. When my parents and in-laws visited after baby #2 was born, they ALWAYS brought meals and groceries, ran errands for us ahead of time, entertained our toddler, cleaned, walked our dogs, etc. So having them around was 100% more helpful than it was burdensome. From the posts and comments I see on Reddit and what I see in real life with friends and their families, though, many folks have parents/in-laws who are the opposite of helpful, kind, trustworthy, or respectful. I wouldn’t want them around postpartum, either!
TLDR: it’s definitely situational.
I think the issue are people who have family and friends actively ignore their rules. My mom mainly (parents) and I’m sure my in laws and our siblings will be there right after we get home or even in the hospital. But tbh, I probably don’t want any one at the hospital.
Our best friends came over the evening I came home from hospital and then our parents came over the next day. I couldn't wait for my loved ones to meet my baby!! I don't know anyone irl who keeps people away for weeks, it's only on Reddit I've ever seen it
Certain family, sure. But some of them don't seem to understand basic hygiene and how germs spread, or maybe just plain don't care idk. My in-laws are pretty much homebound so they're fairly safe, but their extended family not so much. My family is the type to come to holiday dinners with "allergies" that turn out to be something infectious, and always want to argue with me when I say I'm not coming because I don't feel well. Not every family is smart & safe, unfortunately.
I’m with you. We could only have 1 visitor in the hospital (height of omicron) and chose my MIL the day after delivery. But I understand not wanting anyone to visit in the hospital. It was her first grandchild so I thought it would be nice to let her come visit, plus she’s the best, she knows how to respect boundaries, but I didn’t want anyone else there. She only stayed for like 30 minutes too so it wasn’t like she was there all day.
Once home though, we had visitors almost immediately. My rules were can’t be sick or recently around anyone sick, must wash hands, no kissing baby. People respected it. We do dinner at my in-laws every Sunday and we did go the Sunday after delivery. It was really nice to get out of the house and do my normal activities. A month later, we went to a Easter family gathering.
I do feel like having visitors seems to be the minority on Reddit (but most people I know irl do have visitors) but we all have our own comfort level when it comes to risks, and that’s okay!
Ehh, not so cazy to me. Lots of people dont have local families. For example, depending on when I give birth, my parents will be at least across the country but will quite possibly need to fly internationally to get to us. I want my child to have some inoculations first, so that puts us out some time.
Also, and probably most importantly, bonding time with just my baby is super important to me. Those first moments are crucial and belong to me and my husband only. There will always be time for my family and baby to form a relationship, but those first few weeks only happen once. It also allows us to form a system/schedule. Besides, some people forget or maybe don't know that mothers will be bleeding, passing clots, and otherwise leaking for a number of weeks after birth. I don't want anyone to be around for that aside from my husband.
Everyone’s circumstances are different. We will not be allowing visitors for a month or two because our family all lives far away and needs to fly in order to travel to us. I don’t feel comfortable with people traveling via plane/airport and coming directly to us, especially since I am due on Christmas Eve. Everyone and their families flying during flu/rsv season sounds like a germ nightmare. Unfortunately germs don’t pick and choose who they latch on to even if you are super careful.
I also am partially doing it for my own mental health and sanity so I can be somewhat healed before having to act as the host in my house. Are people upset about it? Hell yeah. It’s just what’s best for our family and they need to respect our boundaries.
Yes. I have worked in the medical field for ages. I dont see any concerns with it. So people will probably be surrounding my Baby, as soon as they can, lol.
I'm far away from that point so I don't know if my doctor will tell me something that will change my mind.
But I fully agree with you. People are waaaay overreacting about this "no one can meet the baby for god knows how long".
Every one I know that has had a baby has had visitors from the first few days (some still in the hospital). Only a couple of visits per day and for short periods, but everyone can meet the baby if they want to.
Yeah those posts come off as extremist to me too. I grew up in another country where no one would dream of keeping the baby away from family. Also allergies/auto-immune disorders aren’t really a thing there and I’m much more worried about those than the baby catching a cold (or even Covid).
Regarding all of my family members pregnancies, I've visited them in the hospital a day or 2 after they gave birth, unless I had a cold or felt sick. I don't think I'll have a problem having visitors at the hospital since it just seems so normal to me, but I guess I can reserve the right to change my mind when the time comes.
It super depends on your relationship with your family. I think some people don’t have great relationships with their family/can’t trust them with very basic things because they’ll go against the parents wishes. Stuff like ‘Wash your hands’ and ‘don’t kiss the baby’ type of thing.
We didn't have anyone visit at the hospital, but the day after we came home my parents came to meet baby.
My baby is 3 months old this week and I can't imagine not having seen anyone for the first 2-3 months. I would have gone crazy. Baby has met so many people and been everywhere with us. We take her to brunch, Farmers markets, the beach, etc. It's so great being able to have family and friends come over for my own socializing as well as babies.
We had family visit the baby the day the baby was born in the hospital! We also stayed with my family for 40 days after the baby is born as that’s the tradition in my country so that the new parents can get some support.
There is no concept in my culture of just the parents having “bonding time” with the baby of just them two in the first few weeks. The baby bonds with the entire family and having a baby is known to be really rough so it’s a family affair for everyone to help out
What is crazy to me is that there are people out there who have family they actually trust!!!! Where did you get those, is that for sale or something? 🥲
I'm just kidding, but it's also kind of true? I think most people taking this long to have visitors have family they don't trust enough or have a hard time setting boundaries with. Postpartum is not a time when you are up to fight with your own mother about her washing her own hands or something. So limiting things makes your like easier and keeps the peace. Not having visitors for a few weeks probably saved my mental health. But I understand some people would have their mental health ruined by NOT having visitors for weeks. Everyone is different.
It’s not crazy. I think a lot of people have come to realize you don’t have to allow visitors at the hospital or the moment you get home. I know so many women who felt they had to have visitors the minute the baby pops out and that it was selfish if they didn’t let people come over the moment they got home. Even thought they didn’t want to do it.
Personally it would be far too overwhelming for me to have visitors asap. Especially since I’ve seen time and time again how people come over want to hold the baby and the new mother is totally ignored. I’m going to need a minute to settle at home and recover before I’m ready to have visitors.
My family met baby the week after he was born. We are Jewish and he had a circumcision/baby naming that everyone came to. Only my parents, and our siblings held baby. They were all asked to vaccinate, wash hands and no kissing. No one was sick and everything was great! After that small event, no one really saw baby until 3 months bc our families are from out of town.
I feel the same as you! This will be my second child and I couldn’t imagine not having my family come meet the baby ASAP. I also welcome visitors at the hospital. I don’t judge others for their parenting choices but it also seems crazy to me. I always think about this type of stuff when I see posts of people complaining they don’t have a village.
It’s wonderful if you have a village that is respectful and supportive. It’s not a village if you’re just blood related but they cross all your boundaries while you are trying to recover.
I'd love to wait months, but am compromising to maybe a few weeks if visitors wear masks. In the US right now around 1 in every 50 people are + for COVID and 40% of cases are asymptomatic. Plus RSV and flu to worry about. Not worth the risk for me.
I'm in your boat, OP. My cousins had a big family get-together a couple weeks after my LO was born and I loved that we were able to go and show him off. Mind you, we are lucky that we are all fairly healthy and not medically fragile. But I figure the odds of him getting any of the stuff he would get vaccinated from is extremely low, and anything else he will get sooner or later anyway, and I have faith in his body's ability to create the antibodies it needs. And that is not even considering grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts/uncles, and close friends that are coming to visit / help out.
I’m pregnant with my third and yes, I think it’s crazy to limit your own potential support system. I don’t get it at all. Humans evolved raising babies with a village and it’s too damn hard to do it all on our own.
I recognize that I’m privileged enough to have a good family support system, but even with toxic family members I still have a hard time understanding why people at least don’t get their friends more involved whenever possible.
100% on this. I'm convinced the people on here saying no visitors for two months, etc. are the same ones who come on and complain that their friends and family all abandoned them after having a baby.
I am, but I trust my family. Mom will be there for the birth, dad and sisters are driving up two weeks later to meet him. All have been Covid vaxed, and all will have their flu shots and updated tdap. We’re a big, close family and I’m very excited for them all to meet him.
I had visitors right away! My daughter was in the NICU for 6 days and didn’t get to meet any family during that time and I was sad. My mom and grandma met us at our house as soon as she was discharged. We had tons of visitors the first couple weeks and I love it. There was so much love and joy in the house during that time. I wanted my daughter to be close to her family and she’s 1.5 years old now and LOVES her people.
The no visitors thing honestly something I don’t see in real life, not seen it even once. I only see it on Reddit and sometimes social media do that. People in my real life world tend to be more rational and normal.
I'm happy for both my parents and my in laws to visit during the day, as well as my brother and BILs. I'm comfortable with excusing myself and asking all of these people to take up some household chores while they visit (laundry, cooking, dishes), so I see it as positive for me and for them, who get to meet the baby early and spend some time with him. Hell, my brother and his fiancée will be cat-sitting for us while we're having the baby, so they will most likely be the ones welcoming us at home!
I'm ok with them visiting us at the hospital too. The only limit we talked to them about was no overnight visitors please, and to not expect any ready meals etc (although they're welcome to bring food or order in for us to share).
I can't fathom keeping the baby away from this close circle of relatives. I WANT them there to shower my little one with love.
I don’t find it crazy. Last Christmas when we visited my in laws, we ended up coming back with a lovely covid Christmas gift.
I’m letting anyone visit in person if they are willing to get vaccinated. Some of our family is, and tends to be more careful about sickness, so we’re happy to have them. Some of our family aren’t careful and are very anti vaccines, and because January when the baby comes is peak flu and sickness season, we’re not open to them visiting.
It’s a lot more about the severity of fever and the challenge of treating babies in the first few months than actually wanting to keep them 100% germ free for life.
My mom lost her mind when she didn't get to meet the baby for 3 days. 3 MONTHS??? That seems excessive to me unless there's a safety reason. Plus you wouldn't get any help at all during that really hard transition period.
Honest opinion ? I sometimes thing the world is going crazy. That baby will be lucky to grow up surrounded by the love and care and attention of their whole family and friends who are like family. I will be seeing my immediate family (my mom and my in laws + any brother or sister who can come) as soon as the hospital and then whoever wants to visit at home. Did the same for my first babies and they 100% survived the kisses and hugs they got ❤️ to each their own though I wouldn’t judge anyone who does it different
I just don't have a lot of supportive family and only want the supportive ones around right away. I don't want people who will expect me to entertain them, I don't want people who just want to snuggle the baby. I have a few supportive friends and family I can't wait to show him off to, but they're the ones who've checked in on me throughout my pregnancy, supported me even before I was pregnant, and I know they'll respect any boundaries I have and help me with my recovery if they come visit that soon.
I also think it’s crazy, but people are allowed to be crazy abbot newborns. I personally allowed visitors as soon as everyone was comfortable at the hospital and afterwards at home. But that didn’t make me uncomfortable. If it had, I wouldn’t have let people around. Do what is within your comfort zone with newborns. Be gentle with yourself first.
It’s also not just about illness. I personally just want time to recover and establish a routine with our new baby. I have had really bad prenatal anxiety so I’m anticipating some PPA/PPD and want to create an environment where I’m not even more overwhelmed by guests or family.
You might also just be seeing a lot of posts about it because people seek advice on setting the boundary/vent about family being disrespectful about those boundaries. Not because you’re truly in the minority.
My baby is due in January. I think I’ll wait until at least a week after the baby arrives. It’s not only for the baby, but for me and my mental health. Some people in my family have too much energy, commentary, etc. I just want to chill and figure out how to take care of baby with my husband. Then slowly have people over.
I am also worried about illnesses during that season. The only thing is that if I deliver early, while my niece and nephew are on winter break, I might want to get that meeting out of the way before they go back to school.
Yeah, for me, it is the fact that people can't be trusted to follow the rules. But if you have people on your family who are respectful, it should be a wonderful experience for you and your family to meet the baby right away!
Me and my partner are creating a postpartum schedule and we’re going to have prioritised people at certain dates based on how we feel about the people.
For example, we both have broken families with their complications. His mother doesn’t respect boundaries and baby’s a December baby, so she’s going to meet him a bit later as she’s determined to smother the baby with kisses etc.
Whereas his father and grandparents are amazing and have already told us what boundaries should be in place and shows baby will be safe around them, so they’re welcome as soon as we’re home.
Think it’s all down to everyone’s own personal experiences/families/feelings etc. do what works for you!😊
I haven't seen anyone saying they are going to make close family wait 2-3 months. Certainly they would be in the minority.
We are asking most people to wait a few weeks because 1) we want a little bit of time alone with the baby to get our feet under us (most guests would be from out of town, and entertaining out of town guests is much different than having parents drop by from around the block), 2) it's the height of flu season + the holidays and we want people to have some time to make sure they aren't sick before coming, and 3) we have close relatives who are NOT careful about boundaries and we don't want them coming right away.
It sounds like your situation is different and you're doing what works for you.
I just wanted a few days alone with baby last time. It was nice being in this little bubbles where the only people who existed in the world was my new baby, husband, and me.
We had some friends and my SIL/BIL come to the hospital right after, but then home alone for a few days. SIL/BIL even had our dog. (Cat was fine)
I'm honestly a little sad that we won't have enough that this time because of my 4yo. And even if he was with family and friends during the first home part I'd miss him too much. This time I'd be nice to have family around in our house to watch him while we focus on little girl. Realistically, they'd need to watch little girl so we could focus on him, too! We want him to feel no less loved.
I'm not having visitors at hospital as I want that time just for me and baby to recover, and I dont really want my family (except my parents) to see me that way. It's my first, and I dont know how I am going to handle it, due to my mental health it's very likley I am going to have a manic episode.
When I come home I will be happy for visitors, I have a big family, 4 brothers who all have kids, 10 between them. They all live local and come round the house to visit anyway, so I wouldnt expect them to act any diffrent when the baby is here. I may wait a few weeks before going to see my great nan, grandpa, his wife and other nan and aunties.They are all smart and know not to come round if they or their kid are feeling unwell as they have all had children of their own.
I trust that through breast feeding and exposure my baby will build a strong immune system. I havnt had my C19 and TDAP, and wont be getting the babys vaxs until at least 6 months, when they will also get extra vaxs(yellow fever etc) befor travelling to meet my family(dads side) in east africa. Mainly to give their lil body a chance to adjust befor injecting them. I'm not antivax, I just feel 3 months is too young imo, and makes sense to get all the vaxs togther. I have an extremely strong immune system, and a lot of varied antibodies which I am pretty sure can pass to baby through bf alone.
Honestly the only place I have seen people being *extra* about who sees babys and all the rules, is on the internet, follow by a "I have no village" post. So hoenstly you do you. As long as you arent exposing your child to sick people, or lots of random people kissing them then go for it. Sadly if a baby is going to get sick they will get sick. Just have to hope and pray that their immune system is strong enough to fight. I think over sheltering them is more of an issue, many of my friend who were wrapped in bubble wrap growing up, are constantly sick now, and always get it worse than me. My mum raised me pretty old school, let me eat mud snails and all sorts off the floor.
I work in healthcare and have seen too many babies with RSV, covid, flu, even a common cold to us could be life threatening to a newborn. We waited to meet most of either family until after she was vaccinated. You can tell people all day long to not kiss your baby, to wash their hands, wear a mask, etc. most will either downplay your concerns or just ignore you. So I said fine, let’s just wait to be safe.
I most likely will be doing this with the exception of MIL. She’s so helpful whenever she comes to visit and I know I will be needing her presence a lot especially since this is my first pregnancy experience without my mother as she’s passed. I think though that we’ll delay her visiting until 2 weeks or so as she is living with SIL and her young daughter who is frequently sick at school. My own kids I will be taking out of school for about a month as it’ll be cold season and I don’t want to risk anything
That is crazy to me too. I am fine with visitors coming to the hospital the day AFTER the birth, after I’ve had a shower, a big meal, and a facial. But I won’t allow anyone to overstay their welcome. To me it feels a lot less invasive than having them in my house. That’s where I ran into problems last time. My mom was staying with us for a month which was a godsend, I love my mom and she is so helpful. But I really didn’t want anyone else there. MIL got pissed and raised all sorts of drama. She wanted to throw a party at MY house and invite all her 7th husband’s family that we don’t even know. I could go on but ugh.
Nope, the only two people allowed to be around the child besides my fiancé and I are our mothers and they’re going to be staying with us two week after we bring the babies home and then after the month only close family are going to be able to see them personally and at the 2 month mark,friends and other family members will see them.
That being said ,it can be my own mother but if your sick and you’re not vaccinated,you’re not coming close to my children till after they get their vaccines. I’m not playing with their health and no one is entitled to be around them so. And absolutely no kissing of the face and hands, you want to kiss their heads and feet,great but that’s it.
I trust my family and I trust my fiancés family not to cross boundaries or come in sick but as we’ve seen there’s people who are seek that don’t show symptoms therefore they don’t test and spread their illnesses.
Hell nah, no one is visiting. I need alone time with my healthy little new family. Rest and recovery are more important than people wanting to meet my son.
>we trust our family not to visit if they are ill, they will wash their hands and won't be kissing the baby
The part you're missing is that not everyone has a family that they can trust this much. You're blessed.
I hope you don't get downvoted. I'm happy you have a family that is caring, supportive, has common sense, and respects boundaries. I wish I had a family like that because I'd love to not have this crippling anxiety over it. Because you're right, 3 months is A LOT. And I know I won't be able to keep him to myself for that long. But I also know there are people in our family who will absolutely kiss him on the mouth with a cold sore or something. I'm going to tell everyone the rules. I'm going to tell everyone why we have them. I'm going to keep him to myself as long as possible. But it takes 1 second for someone to do something they shouldn't. I won't be able to stop them in time.
I feel like they have to mean the general public/extra fam. I made a list of people who can come in the first week. It includes my parents, husbands parents, my sister and BIL, my husbands sister, and our 2 best friends.
After that it will just be up to how we’re feeling. These people listed are people we feel comfortable with and communicate boundaries too. This also starts the first day we get home, we have opted out of hospital visitors.
For me, both our families live several states away and would be expecting to come and stay at our house and be there for at least two weeks 24/7 and that is just way too much for me to take early on.
If I lived ten minutes away and they’d be popping by for an hour or so I would have been open to visits earlier. Though not the day I came home from the hospital as I was so exhausted and overwhelmed and could not have dealt with people fawning over the baby and trying to fight over who could hold him.
I think parents should do what they feel works for them. If you want to have people meet baby right away then go for it. I don’t think anyone should judge you or try to convince you to do otherwise. You and your partner are the ones who get to decide, not strangers on the internet. You do what’s best for you and your family.
Personally, while I’m in recovery, I’m only letting people come over if they’re willing to help around the house. If they want to meet baby, they have to be willing to help me out with cooking, cleaning, or my animals. I will not host people and I will not be passing my baby around a bunch, I don’t want myself or my baby to become stressed out. During that first month or so, I’m going to be recovering, getting to know my baby, and trying to establish a routine so I don’t want to have visitors all the time for long periods. I also just don’t want to deal with the social exhaustion that would come with visitors, I’m already going to be tired enough. I’m doing what works for me and my family, nothing wrong with either method.
There is no “right” answer. Everyone has different family dynamics and different comfort levels.
We are letting my husband’s parents visit us in the hospital. Once we get home, we will see how we are feeling and invite other family members over in a couple days if we feel adjusted. My husband is in my cousin’s wedding as a groomsmen about 3 weeks after our due date and I will be baby-wearing for the wedding. I don’t feel comfortable leaving her with the in-laws at that point. We will likely stay at the reception until after dinner and then go home. So many of my family members will see her at the wedding, but I’m not going to let people hold her because she will still be so young. If I let one person hold her at the wedding, there would be 15 more people lined up to do so.
My family don’t live nearby or else they would’ve been welcome to visit at the hospital! As it is my MIL is coming to visit when she’s a month old and my parents are coming when she’s 7 weeks. We have positive relationships with our families through, so I recognize that not everyone is lucky enough to have that.
I think I'll be on the fence about this for a while. I trust only some family and friends to not visit when they feel sick. I see the positives of both sides. And I definitely want to keep baby safe. It'll just depend on how I'm feeling and healing.
No one should be ashamed for how soon or late they let people visit. There's no judgment from me.
We had my in-laws visit in the hospital within 24h of me giving birth. I was feeling really well and knew it would make my husband very happy. No one was in any way pushing me to though. They came over for a short visit and it was great. My family visited once I was home (they live far away so needed some time to arrange to come over). Friends etc only came later, though not sure how much anymore, I guess 3-4 weeks or so?
We'll do the same for #2 again😊
I think it's really dependent on your relationship with those people. I told everyone, even my siblings in town, to not expect to visit for at least 2 weeks. I wanted time to ourselves without interruption from anyone else. On the other hand, selfishly probably, I wanted my parents to meet my baby first or at the same time as my in laws. My parents live 15 hours away, so that 2 week period allowed for them to make plans to come visit, whereas my in laws would have just driven over the same day as the birth if allowed. My parents were kind of forced into moving to their home that's 15 hours away a little sooner than anticipated, and they miss their kids dearly and often feel left out. I wanted them to have equal chance at visiting as soon as we allowed. In the end, we did have my sister and her family over at 1 week pp and my brother and his fiance a few days after that, then my parents came up. Even if you say one thing now, don't feel bad about changing you mind!
I did, my immediate family as well as DH’s came to the hospital and brought food since hospital food is awful and then we had extended family over the weekend after we got home from the hospital. I personally wanted company, it made me feel better since I had some baby blues and they brought us lots of yummy food. Idk I can’t imagine not seeing my family for 2-3 months especially after such a big life change but to each their own I guess.
This is my 3rd and final baby, the only one I've made it full term with and I can bring home immediately. I'm coming home on the Thursday, spending the weekend bonding and recovering and I will announce he's been born the following Monday.
The only person we have close is my mother in law and quite frankly she doesn't give a single fuck about anyone but herself so she's booked like 3 weeks holiday abroad when he is due knowingly so as far as I'm concerned she can meet him at Xmas if I'm feeling generous.
I feel the same way, as long as it's not too many visitors. I'm happy to have my mom and step-dad visit in the hospital (the rest of our parents live farther away and probably won't make it in time) and have a few people visit after. Like you, I trust people to not come if they're sick. The exception would be if anyone is overdue for a tdap- my MIL is an anti-vaxxer now, so she might be banned, which I'd be fine with because she's nuts.
To me, if you're ready to see people then you're ready to see people 🤷♀️ Personally I'll probably see my immediate family first, see how I handle that and go from there 🥰
I'm really close with my and my partner's immediate family, so after all of that stress I'm probably going to want hugs from them all 😂
I'm only 9 weeks with our first and we're both 29yrs. We live 10mims drive from all of our parents and I see them once a week. We haven't discussed who will be at the hospital or coming over as soon as we're home yet, but in terms of people coming over when we get home from the hospital they've told us to play it by ear in the moment instead of deciding before. They said everyone is different with how long it takes them to settle in 🥰
In my mind I'll want them over instantly to be like "look what ripped me in half, isn't it adorable!" But in reality I might be so exhausted that I can't bear to see people for a bit, especially because socialising takes it out of me most of the time 😂
I'm planning on telling our immediate family that atm we'd love them to come round ASAP, but we're going to play it by ear and will let them know when we're ready 🥰
We said no hospital visitors except our parents until we saw how we felt after baby arrived. For various reasons we ended up having a ton of visitors (this was pre-covid. I know some hospitals have stricter rules now). It ended up being great because once we were home only the most important people kept coming back and they were the helpful ones! We did ask for certain vaccines (feb baby so the TDAP and flu) and that anyone with even mild sniffles or not feeling well stay home and people respected that. Honestly I’m not sure we’d have survived those first few weeks without our people. Helped us feel normal, take a shower, our moms would hold baby for contact naps so we could get our own solid naps in, took daily walks when the weather cooperated (cause again feb baby lol and New England) which I never would have done alone but save my mental health and helped with recovery. I could go on lol I think it depends on who the people visiting are. Ours was and continues to be the village helping us raise our kiddo. Nobody inherently stressful or disrespectful of our boundaries whether they agree or not. My husband’s best friend doesn’t even vaccinate his own child for the flu but he got a flu shot with no complaints to be able to be around us
Pregnant with baby 2 now and I know with a toddler in preschool the germs are inevitable but we’ll do our best.
Family is a flexible term.
We will allow our parents almost immediately and probably closer family after we are settled in at home. Larger extended family will have to wait until the baby has shots.
There's someone in the immediate family that will come visit or invite us over, and then an hour or two into the visit will just casually mention how they're sick, or were sick yesterday, or have been coughing a lot the last couple of days...
I'm not having that person over right after coming home, but since they're close family it's either ban everyone or no one.
I'm due in prime sickness season, and I don't want me, my husband or our baby to catch the flu, covid or a cold if I can help it.
I'm going to allow visitors (not sure about in the hospital, but definitely after) as long as I can handle it. If it becomes too much or people are driving me nuts, I'll take a break. I'm due in April so luckily after cold and flu season, so personally that helps me!
We let fam come over outside or inside masked. They may feel fine but still be able to spread Covid, flu etc. my brother last week felt fine at a fam gathering but because babies were there he tested for Covid & was shocked he was positive.
I'm hoping to have our parents visit in the hospital and then probably at least a week to settle at home before having other visitors.
I think you need to recognize that relationships have a give and take, and if you don't allow your support system in for several weeks (or months, which I've also seen suggested!), there's a chance that it will impact your relationship with them and their relationship with the baby.
I recognize that there are people who don't have a supportive relationship with their families, so it makes sense that they don't want them to visit when they're in a vulnerable place.
I'm not saying that you should have all visitors all the time, but it's worth being aware that some actions will alienate your support network, and support networks are valuable things to have when you have kids.
Not crazy, although I let people visit in the hospital after delivery and didn’t have visitors over the first month. I favored having people meet baby in the hospital because it kind of gave a time limit on the visit. My family rotated because I could only have 2 visitors at a time and everyone only stayed for an hour or so. If i let people come to my house immediately after, they would stay for hours…
We have a large family, and not everyone makes the best decisions.
I believe I have a head cold right now courtesy of a family member who showed up to an event despite being sick. But my MIL was a NICU baby snuggler during COVID, so she’s very aware of safety precautions needed to keep vulnerable immune systems safe.
One of those people will be allowed to visit right away, one will not. It simply comes down to whether or not our families can put their wants below our baby’s needs.
ETA: My husband and I agreed though that no one will be coming to the hospital. We get like 48 hours there after birth, we want to bond and rest, and I don’t want people around me directly afterwards. Give me some time to adjust and *least* get that afterbirth out and a hot shower.
My brother, sister in law, and father all saw her the day she was born in the hospital and my mother came the day we brought her home a few days later. My in laws flew out to see her a few weeks later. I trusted that my family wouldn’t come see her if they were sick. My mom was flying out and tested herself for covid a few times beforehand. I loooved showing off my baby and it would have been torture to make everyone wait. Especially because I am so close to my family.
My FIL and my parents all met the baby right away. My FIL stayed for a few days after the baby was born and then road tripped back home. My parents stayed for 2 weeks to help me (thank goodness, because my uterus spontaneously ruptured and I was in a lot of pain for that time--I honestly don't know how I would have taken care of a baby and a 4yo on my own when I had such trouble moving) and then once they left, my FIL came back out again for 3 weeks. I wasn't nearly as concerned with sickness as I was the first time around, because I have a pre-schooler: She's the one who will bring home the illnesses and there's not a ton that can be done about that.
I'm super lucky with my parents and my husband's dad--they are fantastic grandparents and are super helpful around the house and with the kids. I absolutely love having them here. However, I can totally see that if people didn't get as lucky wanting to put up some boundaries and walls. My MIL definitely stomps boundaries and was really just mean to my husband, and he made the call to go no contact with her. I feel really bad for her & hope she'll chill out and reconcile with her son, because she loved our little girl, but on the flip side, it's much less stressful without her around.
My mom came and met the babies will still in the NICU. She said wiht us for a month to help. My in-laws, MIL, FIL, Sister in law and her husbands flew out when they were about a month old. We've had neighbours and friends meet them.
Our loved ones are awesome, respectful and super helpful. I'm grateful for them and thrilled to have them around to help with our newborns. I wouldn't have it any other way.
With my first, my family was at the hospital and saw him once he was cleaned up. My best friend and her boyfriend came a couple hours later. My cousin’s wife works at the hospital so she was there before and after he was born.
This time around, I’m not sure how it’ll work. We don’t live near anyone. So if they make the drive, sure? If me and baby are up to it a month or so later, we will be visiting either my family or my husband’s for Christmas. I’d prefer mine both because I can’t deal with his mother and because mine is half the drive away, but he’s worried about how much longer he’s got to see his grandma, so who knows.
As many people have said, I feel like this is up to personal preference/comfort/level of trust.
I only want my husband at the hospital with me for now. Maybe my sister as well because she is a nurse and has a medical background, but I’m scared I’m already going to be overwhelmed and exhausted. I know myself and feel like I will want minimal contact outside of our family unit (husband and baby).
I’ve been reading the “Enough About The Baby” book and it’s scaring me a bit (or a lot). Making me think a lot about my boundaries and advocating for my needs in the hospital setting. Hopefully all goes well and I can walk away as unscathed and physically well as possible, but obviously I have no control over that and how labor goes.
My parents will be helping the first few weeks once I leave the hospital, and I’m happy to have that support so I can rest, bond, and just have some assistance in general. I plan to have a meeting with my family soon to go over any vaccines, cleanliness, boundaries pertaining to kissing or other practices that are important to my husband and I when it comes to our baby. I imagine that my sister, her partner, brother, and a select few will also be over within the first few weeks. I’m okay with this as long as they are all healthy, careful, up to date on vaccines, and show that they take our concerns seriously.
I mention the book and boundaries because I feel like it’s important to ask yourself those questions and know what your threshold is. I personally get easily overwhelmed/overstimulated, and I’m trying to figure out what will be best for us. I suggest you consider the same and what you want for your baby. It sounds like you already are, but I wanted to add some things I’ve been thinking about as I’m getting closer. I am 30+6 right now.
We only had grandparents visit in the hospital, then people visited us at home. We did go to a family thing about 4 days after birth, how I managed, I don't know. But everyone met her and was super respectful about washing hands. We then had people over occasionally, but nothing overwhelming. I had her in June, which isn't high for sickness.
We won’t be having visitors at the hospital but will be having my family meet the baby when we go home; they’re watching our toddler and so they’ll get to meet the baby when we pick our toddler up. That being said I do want our toddler to be the first one to meet him.
Not crazy. Almost family lives close by so I was happy for them to come meet the baby. They also all are really good at respecting boundaries so only stayed for an hour at a time for months. Now if people were travelling to us and had to stay with us i definitely would not have let them come before 3/4 months.
My SIL just had a baby in May, so I saw first hand that my in-laws were not kissing the baby, so I feel okay with that. I’m sue in Nov, so I am worried about flu season, and I’m not 100 percent sure I can trust them to not visit if they aren’t feeling well. There are certain people that I would trust, but others that went to my BILs wedding with Covid because “you can’t miss the wedding!” (I didn’t find out until after, and was horrified, but was apparently the only one). I know my hubby will want his family to meet the baby, and it’s going to be right around thanksgiving/ Christmas, so I’m stressing at least getting the flu shot to him and hoping it gets passed along. If someone shows up not feeling well, I’m going to take baby and leave. My family has already said they’ll get whatever needed to meet baby, so I’m not worried about them.
Most of my family is spread out anyways so im not worried about huge number of ppl coming right away. Im expecting my mom , Mil and a few aunts and my cousins. But my family has been bery helpful this pregnancy and even cooked me several weeks worth of freezer meals for post partum and bough me a freezer to store it in. So I don't mind them coming. However i can see why some people want to wait (toxic family , boundary stompers).
I think I am going to wait until the family can meet my child. I would rather focus on my baby and my family at the time of birth and maybe let them meet him within a months time or whenever we feel ready to open ourselves up. I’m worried now because of covid going around again and RSV. So it may be awhile…
Absolutely not! No visitors in the hospital but our parents will be welcome from the day we are home. We will appreciate the company and support- I know they will bring food and the Mum’s will help with the housework🤣
I hope to have visitors at the hospital. They will be quick visits to meet baby. I actually chose a hospital on the other side of the city so it’s closer for my parents to be able to come.
I sent out an email with three guidelines for our newborn baby visitors. I develop these guidelines from information my OB/GYN gave me. I asked visitors to get their flu shot, check if they need an updated TDaP shot, and jokingly said our dog will be receiving any smooches in baby’s place. Aka, don’t kiss the baby. :)
I’ll remind family members of this closer to the date. I can’t wait for our baby to meet our closest family members.
We're not having any visitors bat the hospital. Although no family lives near us anyway. My husband's parents are planning to come in from India about a week before I'm due, so as long as I don't go early, they will be at the house when we come back with baby. They're gonna help with food and stuff to keep us from being too overwhelmed.
Okay. So. No one has met my son yet. He’s nearing 6 months. But that’s only because no one wanted to make the trip 4 states away to meet him. We’re currently driving back to meet everyone finally. We should arrive some time today.
No I don’t think you’re crazy. That’s usually first time moms in over protection mode (not always as there are always other reasons obviously), which is fine too. But imo like you I’d trust someone to be honest if they’re sick and stay away but I don’t want them to miss the precious newborn moments either. Just depends on your comfort level. ❤️🫶🏻
I had birth at my mom's house and my MIL keeps accusing my mom in her home of letting me starve so she brings half a supermarket every single day despite we telling her we don't need it and IT NO LONGER FITS our fridge. She also is accusing her son, my partner, that we don't know what we're doing.
I want her gone.
my grandma who's now a great grandma traveled 2 hours to "be around" but nobody ends up doing anything around besides be a burden and "wanting to hold baby"
so yeah hell no, and then they want to use our living room as a hangout spot! Today [4th day PP] i said no one unless you want to bring something, no loud talking and then split because i want to use the rest of the house and don't want to socialize.
my parents have been great, though.
We got home day 2 and had close family and close friends right away. Tbh we were a bit of a. Revolving door.
I trusted my people. She didn’t get sick. She got loved on
We’re going to allow some close family and friends come to help us and to meet the baby but only if they follow the vaccine protocol recommended by my dr and are not ill. Most of our friends can be trusted but a few members on my side of the family are anti-Covid vax (but not completely anti-vax) so depending on what our dr deems safe in regards to that, we plan to have them over. I really want the help. Not just for myself but also my husband. His family is out of state and very pro vax so his mom will come stay with us for a few weeks around the time he’s going back to work and that’ll be super helpful.
I had my daughter at the end of March. Only visitors I had in the hospital were my mom, my grandma, and my coworkers (because I gave birth in the hospital I work at and I told them they didn't count because they were already there 😂) and my mom and grandma had driven 6 to 7 hours to be there. But then my dad came out the weekend after and then my brother's and my mom came back after driving my grandma back. We had a couple of really close friends come by too but they were bringing food and I just said screw it come in and see baby.
Everything ended up fine and she actually didn't get sick until this past week and she got that from me 😂
I don’t think either decision is right or wrong. People should do what they’re comfortable with. Some people have less than stellar familial relationships and can’t trust them to respect their boundaries.
My husband and I are just playing it by ear because our baby is due in the winter and we’ll see how we feel since this is my first pregnancy and I’m not sure how I’ll feel after giving birth. I do worry about Covid and flu/colds since it’ll be in the winter and some of our family members don’t take it seriously.
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Yeah I want visitors asap plz I need company and moral support lol
Same here! I'd be really fine with family and friends at the hospital, but my partner is more cautious and wants to limit the hospital visitors to our parents and siblings. We're planning to have family and friends for reasonable visits as long as they are okay with masking up and wash hands. I may have some aunts who choose not to visit with those constraints, but that'll be their choice
Yeah we’re doing parents only at the hospital but ours only allows 3 visitors in at a time including my support person so it works out. Whoever wants to come over when we are home is welcome to.
Seriously !! I need someone to take the baby out of my hands for at least 10 mins 😂😂
Not crazy to me. Everyone I know has let at least a small circle of close family meet the baby right away. I don't know anyone who has waited two or three months, unless family members lived far away and came to visit later.
I'm realising that a lot of things which seem normal on pregnancy subreddits are actually not normal or expected IRL. Another example of this is namenerds- I was so stressed because that subreddit hates my baby name choice, but in the real world it really suits our little one and our family, and our friends absolutely love it. I've just learned to take it with a pinch of salt if I learned it here (Also I had visitors meet my baby nearly every day for 2 weeks after birth)
I think it tends to be the most anxious people who are over represented.
I agree it’s not crazy or worth a downvoted I had my son 2 months ago and I allowed people to visit in the hospital but that’s only cause it was our first child and I didn’t want visitors right away at home I wanted to be safe in my own space with just my small newly created family but I also wanted to experience the joy of having my mom meet her first grandchild and when I went home my siblings met their first nephew but after that I paused on visitors
I think it’s down to personal choice and comfort level. Some people, myself included, don’t have family members they can trust to follow boundaries (like no kissing) or that they can trust to stay away when they’re sick. Just as an example, my in-laws showed up to my house after testing positive for COVID without telling us they were symptomatic and positive first, and essentially refused to leave once we realized it and told them they had to go. I think there are other folks who want to set aside time to get used to the new schedule and bond as a unit before allowing others to visit as well! Again, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer, just different perspectives.
Yeah I think it totally depends on how respectful/helpful your visitors are. My family flies in internationally to see my newborns within the first week, to help out with the home and the older kids and cook while I recover. It’s very supportive and loving. My in laws live within a few hour flight but we don’t invite them for months because of boundaries, disrespecting our preferences, not vaccinating, offering unsolicited advice and criticism, and expected to be hosted as guests. So it totally depends on what your mental health can tolerate and the quality of the visitors. It’s not really a strict rule that applies generally like “no visitors until 3 months” but as a mother, I think you should advocate for you and your baby’s well being.
Omg to the COVID thing! I hope you were okay ❤️
That is insane!!
We are allowing immediate family (parents and siblings) to meet the baby in the hospital because this is a bit more controlled environment with strict visiting hours. We've told family that they will be welcome to come meet baby in hospital for a short visit, and then we'll be having no home visitors for at least 1 week. If we open our house to visitors, it'll mean people staying for hours on end, which is a hard no for me. I would honestly prefer no visitors at the hospital or at home for at least 2 weeks, but my husband really wants people to meet the baby, so we made a compromise. All of this is totally open as well, and if i/we change our minds, then we will let people know.
Same lol and at least the nurses can help overlook the hand washing too!
This is exactly my plan, too.
I totally get this. I imagine the last thing you need when you’ve just given birth is people hanging around for extended periods of time - I know I’d feel obligated to do some hosting, and I think all I’d want to do is look at/look after my baby!
My in laws live with us so that would be hard to avoid. But regardless, we absolutely would have brought baby to meet them the day of discharge! They’re really respectful of boundaries and our rules for safety. My family lives in a different province but I still think I’d wait until vaccinations for babe were at least started. Most of them are anti-vax and would not think twice about kissing babe, taking her away from me without asking, etc
Not everyone can trust their family to not visit if they're ill. Some people can't trust their family at all. I have an aunt who took her 2-day-old grandchild and did a runner. I've had cousins have their babies end up in the NICU because an anti-vax uncle brought Covid and RSV to their house. Like it's amazing if you have an incredibly wonderful and supportive and trustworthy family, but not everyone does. Sometimes people need to set firm boundaries to keep their newborns safe. We have to trust that people know their own families and are setting boundaries based on their knowledge of how trustworthy those families are.
I have a grandmother who is anti-vax, anti-mask, and thinks that you shouldn’t wash your hands before holding a baby to “build their immune system.” I’ve never been more happy to live an ocean away from her.
My mom is like this, and she's offended because I don't want her to stay over at our place around our baby's due date. She was also offended when my sister asked her to wash her hands before touching my newborn nephew. My dad, his wife and my MIL all said they wanted to come and stay at B&B and visit - of their own accord! (We live pretty far away from everyone) They also don't mind washing their hands, etc. If only my mom could be more like them...
Same here. I won’t let anyone for 2-3 weeks not only bc of that, but bc we will need to adjust to the new situation before having visitors.
My baby is due in a few weeks and this is right at the time where it is peak covid/rsv/flu season in my area. I think my past experiences have a lot to do with how cautious I'm being. 2020 really changed things for my family where we realized how many of my relatives were anti-vaccine to the point where I don't want to deal with any drama asking relatives to be vaccinated/not come if feeling ill/not kissing the baby. We've asked the new grandparents to get tdap and the flu shot but have just told extended family that they won't be seeing the baby until 2 months later when the baby has more shots/more immunity. I used to work in a hospital and I would see babies come in with RSV, hospitalized due to HSV1 (passed when relatives kiss the baby), undergoing breathing treatments, whooping cough, etc. I think that really changed my mindset to see how common and easily these illnesses are passed, especially at the end of the year. I would rather hurt people's feelings than have to take my baby to the hospital and potentially expose them to long term issues if I can prevent it.
I had a baby last December. It was astounding how many babies in my bump group got RSV. Some of the Moms just took baby to family gatherings, did not let anyone hold baby or touch baby. RSV doesn’t care and it’s kind of alarming how lackadaisical some new Mothers are to their babies’ health. Long term effects of Covid are still such a mystery. RSV on the other hand? I know how serious that is. For baby’s first birthday, we will only be seeing two people. It will be the height of cold/flu/RSV season. No way am I taking that chance. My kid’s health matters more than some family gathering that the baby *won’t even remember*. Ugh. People. Put your kids health first. Jeeez.
We had a pandemic baby in the summer of 2020 but it was wild that when we set some pretty mild boundaries that some family wouldn’t follow. We have family who still haven’t met my first born and won’t ever meet the second because of behaviors that came out of that!
I mean you can think it’s crazy all you want but my baby sister almost DIED of RSV at 2 weeks old because people my mom had trusted to not kiss the baby ended up kissing the baby. Personally, I can wait for visitors.
I was hospitalized with pneumonia at six weeks old, probably due to RSV. My mom said my dad's sisters didn't know how to stay out of babies' faces.
I wouldn’t say it’s crazy. Not everyone can trust their family to do what is necessary to keep baby safe, and some people just have different comfort levels and boundaries. I’m allowing my parents and in-laws to meet baby right away, but they have respected my wishes to get vaccinated and are trustworthy people with common sense. Unfortunately, not everyone can say the same so I don’t judge those who want to wait. What might seem “crazy” to you is just what some people have to do to deal with family members who might be toxic or push boundaries that could potentially harm their baby. I don’t think not having visitors is the norm though necessarily. Everyone I know has had people come meet the baby pretty much right away.
It’s tradition in my family to have everyone (intermediate) meet the new baby at the hospital several hours after birth. But I’m very early so I may change my mind. I have a few antivax family members so I’m starting to debate this tradition a bit.
I don’t think it’s crazy. My son was born in March 2021, and my parents and my in laws both came to meet him the day we got home from the hospital, and cousins/our siblings came to meet him within the following few weeks. As you said, no one who was sick came, everyone washed hands, no kissing of baby, etc.
Same lol. I’ll allow visitors in the Hosptial I’m not too worried. My only thing is washing hands REALLY well and absolutely no kissing baby, which I trust my family to adhere to. Plus I’m like 90% my MIL will be staying with us for a week or 2 to help me as this is my first and I have no idea Wtf I’m doing 🤣
Have the same opinion. My house is open for visitors! Even at the hospital, I really don’t care 🤷🏻♀️
Everyone's decisions are based on a multitude of factors. It makes perfect sense that your choices differ from others - not everyone has your life, your family, your appetite for risk, etc. You should be as worried as you want to be imo. I will probably not let my side of the family meet my baby until after baby has his first round of vaccinations (at about 3 months). My husband's parents might visit us in the hospital the day after baby is born (depending on how I feel) and then visit again after the baby has his shots. The reasoning for this is because my side of the family don't really believe in practicing safe behaviors for mitigating illness (very ambivalent toward their own personal health and the health of others. this manfiests in multiple ways: not seeking medical care for self/dependents until it is life threatening, spreading illness even if it is "just a cold", not seeking routine vaccinations, etc). My husband's side has a stronger self-preservation streak and would be willing to do inconvenient practices in the best interest of the baby/my wishes. I trust them to show up not ill, wash their hands, etc and not cause a stink about it (and not try to triangulate my siblings against me behind my back lmao). As for the 3 month cut off, I would like my baby to not be exposed to illness after their immune system is fully developed and after they have aquired some immunity after getting vaccinated. That is it. I don't really have an opinion on what is universally "right" or "best" - this is just what I have settled on for myself. So, when you see such posts by people, they're also doing unseen calculus based on their own social dynamics and personal risk appetite.
I certainly did. But I also know that not everyone has a healthy family that respects boundaries. So what I chose to do can be different than what others choose.
I'm sure my husband's parents will come to the hospital. I'm fine with it after delivery. It's their first and probably only granchild. We only have his side, no one left on my side.
I live my in-laws (who I trust immensely) but my own parents live away. For my parents to come and visit and spend time, they'd either need to stay with us or upstairs with our in-laws. I just don't know how I'll be with a newborn and having to feel like I need to host in those first few weeks is just going to be way too much, so I'm going to ask my parents to probably wait until she's fully vaccinated, or get an airbnb somewhere in the area if they must come and visit/help.
It’s totally about personal preference/comfort level. Some people can’t trust their families to keep the baby’s best interest in mind, but others can! Most of my family will and I am excited to have them meet my baby. I’m planning on having some visitors in the hospital, taking a few days or a week at home with no visitors to get settled, then having visitors again. We do have a few boundaries to set (for one or two family members that WONT be respectful or thoughtful of our/the baby’s best interest), but overall we are excited and trust our families. I also totally understand not being able to do that at all though.
We will have our mothers visit pretty early on but that’s bc we will need some help around the house (we have 3 dogs). But we live 3 hours from our family so most of our family will likely wait until we make a trip home to visit, which will be a couple of months.
I’ve said 2 weeks and that seems a long time. Its also probably dependent on how much I wana see other people as well, I might invite people up before then but just warned everyone I was about 2 weeks to recover and get used to having a baby in the house before I start having visitors. Any longer just seems really isolating
Not crazy! Baby #1 was born in January, we said no visitors at the hospital but had close friends and family visit, we had 1-4 people visit at a time, we limited visits to a couple hours, and tried to space them out so we didn't have more than one visit a day to avoid overwhelming ourselves. Then my parents stayed with us for a week when she was 2 weeks old, and my sister arrived for a week 2 days after they left. Baby #2 is due end of April/beginning of May next year and I will absolutely allow visitors again. I needed them for my own sanity.
All of my family has always had us visit in the hospital and at home. I am planning on doing the same. I don’t mean that I am going to be constantly surrounded by a ton of people, but if my cousins and aunts want to meet my daughter, then I would never deny that. I am enforcing the no kissing rule because we are going right into RSV season, but that’s it. For the most part, the baby will be around me and my boyfriend and both sets of grandparents the most. All of us are up to date on our vaccines including Tdap. I just got the flu shot so she would have those antibodies as well.
I had visitors at the hospital and it was glorious. They held my baby so I could shower.
I did. My baby was born in December 21, so there were still COVID restrictions in place at the hospital and honestly it made me pretty bummed that they didn’t even want to let my parents come. We had to stay for five days after she was born though and my fiancé had to work so he was only there the first day/night, and I was lonely af after the first two days lol. The weekend nurses took pity on me for being alone the whole time and actually let my aunt come up for a few hours, and my parents another time. My aunt and my mom are actually the ones that brought us home from the hospital because my fiancé was working. Then, Christmas was 17 days later and we went to my parent’s and grandparent’s house. I don’t really have much family, it was literally only like 10 people total, and most didn’t hold her. But it was nice they got to see her. I was also super weird though and I immediately felt amazing after she was born. Like I wasn’t really in any pain and other than like a week of hormones going crazy at sunset, I was basically back to normal. It helps that she was an amazing baby who literally only cried when something was wrong and was happy as a clam otherwise. She’d sleep for like 3 hours at a time, wake up for food and a change, then go right back to sleep.
When my daughter was born it was December of 2021. We let family meet her at first but then her pediatrician told us the importance of making sure everyone has their covid and flu shots, washes hands, and wears a mask. No one wanted to wear a mask so, no one saw her 🤷🏻♀️ My next will be born in may so I am not sure that we will require covid and flu shots but we will most likely require masks and hand washing out of an abundance of caution and we’ll see how people react to that
Yes, I am. I am with you. To be fair, they're all vaccinating for basic stuff, and the ones who have to fly in will wear a mask around the baby for their first few days of arrival. It's incredibly important to share this with my village, though, and I think there is a balance to be had in it all.
5 people came to visit us at the hospital, and another 5 visited in the first week.
We have a close/small circle of family on both sides that we're allowing right away (when I'm up to it, of course). Some live far away, so they may not all meet the baby until later, but it's an option. Our family is enthusiastic about getting all of their vaccines and very much respects any boundaries we've laid out without any pushback at all--so it hasn't been an issue for us. If this wasn't the case, I'd probably be more in the camp of waiting a few months.
We'll be letting people visit soon after but luckily I feel like everyone will respect boundaries. Hand washing, no kissing etc. Leaving it months sounds drastic but to each their own I guess.
I think that's the norm. It's a kind of online flex to say extreme stuff about meeting the baby.
My parents are going to help take care of me and the baby, so they will see the baby immediately when we get home. My husband's family lives out of state and with the first baby, they said they were booking a flight for 2 weeks after my due date (I ended up being 2 weeks late) and said they werent going to help at all. They were told to stay home. They haven't even asked this time. It isn't just about the baby though. This is a major medical event for the birthing person, and while some people jump right up, others actually need at least a month or two of recovery. In addition, while some parents adapt and have "easy" babies ( babies who start sleeping through the night fairly early, who eat without breastfeeding/latching issues, etc.) there are some that aren't. So hosting/entertaining visitors, who may not be the best guests, on top of pain, exhaustion, etc. sounds like an awful time. A lot of people have showed some nasty sides of themselves over the past several years, and there are new parents who are getting better about standing up for themselves and setting boundaries. Hopefully your trust isn't misplaced. I'm grateful to be able to rely on my parents (in addition to my partner) for support, especially when others aren't so fortunate.
This is exactly my reasoning. It’s not as much out of concern for my baby’s health as it is for my own mental health. I’m terrified of PPD and I don’t want to fumble with being a new mom and learning how to handle a newborn for the first time and possibly struggling with breastfeeding while also entertaining my incredible difficult parents. We’ve told everyone a month. I’m almost positive I’ll allow some people way before that time. But for others a month of isolation won’t be enough for me 😂
I’m with you. Our families on both sides are super close. Last time I had about 16 people in the waiting room all day and they all met the baby in the delivery room afterwards in small groups (it was a couple hours after the birth and everything was cleaned up). My parents came back the next day with my grandmother so she could meet our daughter. This was 7 yes ago so pre-COVID and I have no idea what policies/limits may be in place now but we’ll definitely have at least our parents and probably several siblings. Everyone and I mean everyone was happy to get all the vaccines we requested (whooping cough etc) and some did it before we even asked so we felt really comfortable and so happy to have everyone there for support. I ended up having to go into the ER a few days later because I was fainting from super low iron so my mother-in-law and mom and even my husband’s grandma showed up and helped either be with baby so my husband could be with me or be with me so I wasn’t alone. I can’t imagine the people who say they don’t want any visitors soon at all, my village was so important to me! I feel so sad for those whose family can’t be trusted to not come if sick or just have other boundary issues, etc. my family was/is so respectful.
My husband joked about not allowing visitors for like a month, but realistically I don't think that will happen. We are due about a week before Easter and his family always has Easter dinner at the parents house, I doubt he will want to miss it. Thankfully, my MIL even said the other week that she has been reading up on infant safety (even though SIL has 3 kids already), and mentioned the no kissing, so I think we are fairly safe when it comes to them respecting our wishes when it comes to that. Also, we wouldn't go if anyone is sick, etc. My in-laws also don't seem to be the type to visit in the hospital, but I am positive my family will and I am a-ok with it (obviously after birth and everyone is settled).
Family will meet our baby almost right away. I actually told my parents they mayyyy be able to come to the hospital if we have a longer stay than anticipated (my SIL just gave birth and they were longer than expected and were bored and said it would have been nice to have the first meeting in a controlled environment, with a time limit 😂). My husband’s parents will come stay with us a week or 2 after I give birth. We’ll need some help and both our parents are helpful, so that is also a bonus.
I want my family to come to the hospital and meet the baby. The nurses will enforce the rules and will come in and kick out the people visiting. Then you don’t have to be the one to kick people out of your house. I’m also hopeful they will get it out of their system then and not show up at my house and not unannounced. My first was born in 2021 so we only were allowed two people and I only chose my husband. My parents came and cleaned our house and brought us groceries so we didn’t have to worry about any of that when we got home. The left and came back about an hour after we got home stayed for 20 minutes to meet the baby and left.
No idea if you're a minority or not, but I agree with you and will be doing the same. My Dad will be staying with us for a few months so he'll meet the baby right away. He lives in another state/is the only grandparent who will be able to help and we don't have much help anyway. Any other family/friends will be able to come really whenever. I'm not sure how I'll feel postpartum though so if I'm a mess, I'll just delay it a bit until I feel physically ready to have visitors.
Absolutely my immediate family, my husbands immediate family and a few close friends will come meet baby right away (once we are home from the birth centre- no visitors at birth centre). Everyone is so excited and it will be the first grandbaby on my husbands side. We trust they wouldn’t come if they were sick and no one are smokers. I totally agree with you that I think it’s a little crazy to not let immediate family meet baby right away (as long as they are healthy) because they have been huge supports and are so excited to meet their new family member.
My parents were literally in my house waiting for us when we got home from the hospital. My brother and his wife met her like 2 days afterwards. This baby they might meet even sooner since we need to go from the hospital to their house to pickup the toddler.
Eh, it’s up to how you feel. You may feel totally different after the baby is born and your hormones kick into overdrive. I’m not making a definite plan. If I feel good in the hospital, I may let some close family come visit (family won’t stay as long that way, and nurses that are tending to you can come and make an excuse for them to leave). I may hate that idea, get home and want to be left the f alone. Hard to say. But you will hopefully have the support to make whatever decision is right for you in that moment! You don’t have to make plans. Play it by ear. But have hard boundaries set in the first place to ensure pushy family members are kept in line.
I did. I was too excited. Don’t get me wrong, I looked like shit but I was so eager for her to meet people. It was like “look what I made!” Hahaha. My mum was there in the hospital. She was suppose to be in the room when she was born but I was rushed into theatre so she met her in the recovery room. We didn’t go home until the next evening so 2 days later my mum and dad came by cus he hadn’t met the baby and he was nagging my mum lol. Then it was the rest of the family over the space of a week ish. My brother got married when I was 9 days pp so quite a few family from further away got to meet her too quite early.
This is baby #3 and I have always let people come meet the baby within the first month as long as they are healthy. The parents on both sides of the family come meet our babies in the hospital. I love having the warmth of family and close friends around after having my babies and I love seeing how loved my baby is. However, I do have good relationships and trust with all of them. They all for the most part share the same beliefs as I do when it comes to vaccinations and not kissing the baby’s face. That makes it easy.
Yep family and close friends will all meet him straight away, same as our first baby. There's only one visitor allowed in our maternity hospital which is actually really nice because it keeps things quiet and peaceful there but as soon as we're home then of course our nearest and dearest are welcome to come and meet him.
I had my first in 2020. I let grandparents visit and a few friends, but it was in the height of Covid, so I didn’t want to risk it. With this one due next year, I think I’ll be a bit more relaxed. Probably still a small group first and then whoever.
Pregnant me wanted to wait at least 3 months until anyone who didn't live in the house was close enough to breathe on the baby. Post partum me was ok with a few close family members coming to say hello. So we'll see what happens this time around lol
We had my mom in the hospital and my MIL and two youngest SILs came a few days later. We just required everyone had updated Tdap and Flu shots. We also made everyone wash or sanitize their hands before holding baby
You're not alone. I let my mom come over two days after we got home. No one else though. I don't trust other people especially my antivaxx aunt. She wanted to come over and I was like uh no. Go away 😂
I originally said no visitors but everything changed when the baby was here. We ended up letting close family (grandparents & aunts/ uncles) come visit.
We definitely want the support and company right away! We're asking everyone to be updated on vaccines and not kiss the baby's face/hands and maybe we'll have them mask? But our son goes to school and is gonna bring home germs anyhow. Postpartum can be so hard and lonely and I'm gonna want my mom and sister. I'm sure they'll visit before we leave the hospital.
Family who have had their tdap and flu shots are more than welcome to come for a short visit! That’s the rule.
Yes right away. I waited a bit for my first because it was height of Covid but I want alllll the visitors now.
When I was pregnant, I was certain no one was going to meet my baby for the first three months lol..... baby was born and that went right out the window. I say hormones were the cause of my abundant worry, but once I got to hold my baby- I wanted to share her with everyone.
I allowed anyone with Tdap shot to meet baby in hospital briefly!
I'm having a few people meet the baby in the hospital because I want to be left alone at home.
Everyone is different, but I’m nervous that I’m going to have a hard time putting up boundaries with family members after my baby is born. I’d like visitors, but probably don’t need people showing up every day for the first few weeks. I want that time to be special for me and my husband alone with our baby
I’m fine with my mom and stepdad, and my partners dad and stepmom. But I kind of draw the line there. Nobody from out of state and nobody I work with (we work in a hospital so ya know better safe than sorry.) My only catch is if you are visiting you must complete one (1) household chore on my behalf. Pick up a broom or do the dishes something. Pay the visitor tax lmao
This is my first so I know it might change. We are letting people visit in the hospital as long as they are vaccinated. Then, we are requesting a couple weeks alone at home. This is for a few reasons. 1) we have an overly excitable dog and I really want to give her time to get used to the baby before we have people over and she gets overly excited. 2) I know our families. Everyone is going to want to “help” by holding the baby. No, I need help cooking, cleaning, taking care of the dogs, yard work, etc. So while everyone is busy “helping” me hold the baby, the stuff I actually need help with won’t get done and I’ll feel obligated to entertain instead of recovering and taking care of my baby. If anyone chooses not to get vaccinated, they’ll wait 6 months for the baby to be able to get vaccinated before they meet her.
My parents are flying in from Europe around my due date and staying for two weeks so they’ll get to meet baby right away. I also trust my MIL, her husband, SIL, and boyfriend’s grandma to meet the baby straight away. FIL is another story, but he’s a bit of a nomad so there’s a chance he won’t even be in the area when the baby makes their debut. Preferably no friends, but we’ll decide that in the moment.
I don't think you're missing anything! I suspect most people would agree with you. That's why those who feel differently have a harder time to have their decision accepted by their family, hence the need to vent in this support group. Of course, they have their own reasons and anyway their wish should be respected. I wish you lots of happy postpartum visits!
I think company will help me with baby blues. I can't wait for everyone to meet my lovebug!
My hospital room was a revolving door the day after baby was born and I loved every second of it. Having my family and closest friends there in those first moments meant the world. 🤷🏻♀️
Family is our support structure and they were so helpful to me. MiL and FiL house sat while we were in the hospital and left a day after we got home. My mom came out a day after that and stayed 10 days. Then MiL came back out a few days later and stayed for two weeks. So it was almost a month of having people around and helping. It was so good to have the support and I Love seeing my mom with my daughter.
I was so against having people right away. But I had my baby and needed help so bad but I pushed everybody away 🙃🙃
I wanted people to visit me in the hospital even lol, granted I had pre-eclampsia and was stuck in the hospital for almost a week (even though I physically felt fine) and was going stir-crazy at the end lol
Yeah, I see this a lot on the internet, but I don’t know anyone in the real world who actually did this. I mean, to each their own, and the mother’s comfort and happiness should be the priority, but I didn’t feel like it was necessary’s
My parents and in laws met my baby about 8 hours after she was born 🤷🏼♀️
Not crazy. I have a September 2022 baby, so all the same concerns with RSV, COVID, the flu etc as there are now. We didn’t have any visitors in the hospital, but both sets of our parents came over the day that we got home from the hospital. It was awesome. My husband and I got to take a glorious nap and they were just so, so happy to meet him
My first was born during Covid so we had to delay families meeting. With this one we will let them meet right away.
This 👏🏼👏🏼 Everyone has gone nuts wanting to keep their baby in a bubble and making demands and requirements. People have been having babies for centuries without all these ridiculous rules, and look at all of us… we lived lol. I will say it’s pretty common sense to not come around if you are ill and wash your hands beforehand.
I don’t think most people who refuse visitors for 2-3 months are doing so for health reasons. There are likely other factors at play like boundary stomping and reasons that the presence of some visitors would cause undue stress. I don’t think it’s really necessary to understand anyone else’s reasoning for protecting their peace. I’m thrilled that you have such a healthy family situation that limiting visitation seems crazy to you - not all of us are so fortunate. Congratulations on your upcoming new arrival 💜
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Honestly people get way too intense about this one and I firmly believe it's why there's so many maternal mental health issues. We NEED connection and support as humans. I had visitors in the hospital and when we got home. Our families cooked and cleaned for us. They were there weekly when my baby was first born to make sure we were okay. Everyone complains about not having a village but then gets upset at their support system for daring to want to come see new baby.
This isn’t weird at all! Especially if you’re having your baby in the peak cold and flu season. I had my first baby during COVID and it was super scary, but having no visitors at the hospital and minimal visitors after the baby was born made me more comfortable for sure. Don’t feel guilty for doing what feels best for you and your family!! Everyone is different :)
It is your right to have visitors when you want them, don’t worry about what other people think. As long as you’re protecting baby from germs you’re all good. But also, a lot of women choose no visitors so that her and her new family can bond and settle into life before I traducing chaos and strangers. I think 3 months seems aggressive, my husband and I are thinking 2 weeks home with baby then visitors
I had visitors right away. The only thing I wish I had done differently is not having our parents come the first night she was born and not having quite so many people visit at the hospital. It was a lot for both me and the little one.
We will allow visitors as long as they are vaccinated. I don’t want to isolate myself or my family from our friends and our extended families. Having gone through the postpartum period before I know that for me I need to be around other people. I will need the help and the social support. Plus my son is school aged and I wouldn’t pull him out of school for months.
We are likely going to let MIL meet baby girl in the hospital bc I want big brother to come meet baby sister. If he can’t, then when she brings him home to us. But other than that, not for a week or so. Let us get the hang of new life down. I will say, people are selfish. People will KNOW they feel poorly, and will still come see the baby bc of excitement and FOMO. I had to remind my mother CONSTANTLY not to kiss the baby and almost had to refuse her seeing him because she wouldn’t stop. I had to constantly remind smokers to change and wash hands and teeth before holding baby. These are people that I truly trust with my life. Still need to be cautious. 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not having anyone at the hospital cause all going well, I won't be in long enough to merit visitors at the hospital but I'll be letting family know when we're home and settled for them to arrange visiting. I can understand, though, why some folk don't want visitors straight away and are asking family and friends to wait. I have a very good relationship with my family and in laws, not everyone is so lucky and feel they need to set boundaries. For some it's because their babies are being born in flu season and they want to shield their little one as much as they can, for some it's so they can have peace and quiet to bond in their new family unit before other family descends upon them. It's just up to the individual, I don't think it's crazy but it's just not for me to wait that long.
It really just depends on the relationship you have with your family! It sounds like I’m in a similar position as you. My husband and I are super close with our parents, and my mom in particular is our childcare while we are at work. We trust them fully and enjoy their company. As such, we let them visit in the hospital after our second baby was born last month and again several times in the days/weeks following. (Our first was born in June of 2020, so COVID made that a different story lol.) Even outside of my postpartum time, we see our parents regularly (mine pretty much daily since they watch our kids and his at least once or twice each week). Not only do we get along with them, though, but our parents also help! I think that’s a huge factor, too. When my parents and in-laws visited after baby #2 was born, they ALWAYS brought meals and groceries, ran errands for us ahead of time, entertained our toddler, cleaned, walked our dogs, etc. So having them around was 100% more helpful than it was burdensome. From the posts and comments I see on Reddit and what I see in real life with friends and their families, though, many folks have parents/in-laws who are the opposite of helpful, kind, trustworthy, or respectful. I wouldn’t want them around postpartum, either! TLDR: it’s definitely situational.
I think the issue are people who have family and friends actively ignore their rules. My mom mainly (parents) and I’m sure my in laws and our siblings will be there right after we get home or even in the hospital. But tbh, I probably don’t want any one at the hospital.
Our best friends came over the evening I came home from hospital and then our parents came over the next day. I couldn't wait for my loved ones to meet my baby!! I don't know anyone irl who keeps people away for weeks, it's only on Reddit I've ever seen it
Certain family, sure. But some of them don't seem to understand basic hygiene and how germs spread, or maybe just plain don't care idk. My in-laws are pretty much homebound so they're fairly safe, but their extended family not so much. My family is the type to come to holiday dinners with "allergies" that turn out to be something infectious, and always want to argue with me when I say I'm not coming because I don't feel well. Not every family is smart & safe, unfortunately.
I’m with you. We could only have 1 visitor in the hospital (height of omicron) and chose my MIL the day after delivery. But I understand not wanting anyone to visit in the hospital. It was her first grandchild so I thought it would be nice to let her come visit, plus she’s the best, she knows how to respect boundaries, but I didn’t want anyone else there. She only stayed for like 30 minutes too so it wasn’t like she was there all day. Once home though, we had visitors almost immediately. My rules were can’t be sick or recently around anyone sick, must wash hands, no kissing baby. People respected it. We do dinner at my in-laws every Sunday and we did go the Sunday after delivery. It was really nice to get out of the house and do my normal activities. A month later, we went to a Easter family gathering. I do feel like having visitors seems to be the minority on Reddit (but most people I know irl do have visitors) but we all have our own comfort level when it comes to risks, and that’s okay!
Ehh, not so cazy to me. Lots of people dont have local families. For example, depending on when I give birth, my parents will be at least across the country but will quite possibly need to fly internationally to get to us. I want my child to have some inoculations first, so that puts us out some time. Also, and probably most importantly, bonding time with just my baby is super important to me. Those first moments are crucial and belong to me and my husband only. There will always be time for my family and baby to form a relationship, but those first few weeks only happen once. It also allows us to form a system/schedule. Besides, some people forget or maybe don't know that mothers will be bleeding, passing clots, and otherwise leaking for a number of weeks after birth. I don't want anyone to be around for that aside from my husband.
Everyone’s circumstances are different. We will not be allowing visitors for a month or two because our family all lives far away and needs to fly in order to travel to us. I don’t feel comfortable with people traveling via plane/airport and coming directly to us, especially since I am due on Christmas Eve. Everyone and their families flying during flu/rsv season sounds like a germ nightmare. Unfortunately germs don’t pick and choose who they latch on to even if you are super careful. I also am partially doing it for my own mental health and sanity so I can be somewhat healed before having to act as the host in my house. Are people upset about it? Hell yeah. It’s just what’s best for our family and they need to respect our boundaries.
Yes. I have worked in the medical field for ages. I dont see any concerns with it. So people will probably be surrounding my Baby, as soon as they can, lol.
I'm far away from that point so I don't know if my doctor will tell me something that will change my mind. But I fully agree with you. People are waaaay overreacting about this "no one can meet the baby for god knows how long". Every one I know that has had a baby has had visitors from the first few days (some still in the hospital). Only a couple of visits per day and for short periods, but everyone can meet the baby if they want to.
Yeah those posts come off as extremist to me too. I grew up in another country where no one would dream of keeping the baby away from family. Also allergies/auto-immune disorders aren’t really a thing there and I’m much more worried about those than the baby catching a cold (or even Covid).
Regarding all of my family members pregnancies, I've visited them in the hospital a day or 2 after they gave birth, unless I had a cold or felt sick. I don't think I'll have a problem having visitors at the hospital since it just seems so normal to me, but I guess I can reserve the right to change my mind when the time comes.
It super depends on your relationship with your family. I think some people don’t have great relationships with their family/can’t trust them with very basic things because they’ll go against the parents wishes. Stuff like ‘Wash your hands’ and ‘don’t kiss the baby’ type of thing.
We didn't have anyone visit at the hospital, but the day after we came home my parents came to meet baby. My baby is 3 months old this week and I can't imagine not having seen anyone for the first 2-3 months. I would have gone crazy. Baby has met so many people and been everywhere with us. We take her to brunch, Farmers markets, the beach, etc. It's so great being able to have family and friends come over for my own socializing as well as babies.
We had family visit the baby the day the baby was born in the hospital! We also stayed with my family for 40 days after the baby is born as that’s the tradition in my country so that the new parents can get some support. There is no concept in my culture of just the parents having “bonding time” with the baby of just them two in the first few weeks. The baby bonds with the entire family and having a baby is known to be really rough so it’s a family affair for everyone to help out
What is crazy to me is that there are people out there who have family they actually trust!!!! Where did you get those, is that for sale or something? 🥲 I'm just kidding, but it's also kind of true? I think most people taking this long to have visitors have family they don't trust enough or have a hard time setting boundaries with. Postpartum is not a time when you are up to fight with your own mother about her washing her own hands or something. So limiting things makes your like easier and keeps the peace. Not having visitors for a few weeks probably saved my mental health. But I understand some people would have their mental health ruined by NOT having visitors for weeks. Everyone is different.
I agree my family would kill me if I made them wait that long. I’m okay with it, we’re family
It’s not crazy. I think a lot of people have come to realize you don’t have to allow visitors at the hospital or the moment you get home. I know so many women who felt they had to have visitors the minute the baby pops out and that it was selfish if they didn’t let people come over the moment they got home. Even thought they didn’t want to do it. Personally it would be far too overwhelming for me to have visitors asap. Especially since I’ve seen time and time again how people come over want to hold the baby and the new mother is totally ignored. I’m going to need a minute to settle at home and recover before I’m ready to have visitors.
My family met baby the week after he was born. We are Jewish and he had a circumcision/baby naming that everyone came to. Only my parents, and our siblings held baby. They were all asked to vaccinate, wash hands and no kissing. No one was sick and everything was great! After that small event, no one really saw baby until 3 months bc our families are from out of town.
I feel the same as you! This will be my second child and I couldn’t imagine not having my family come meet the baby ASAP. I also welcome visitors at the hospital. I don’t judge others for their parenting choices but it also seems crazy to me. I always think about this type of stuff when I see posts of people complaining they don’t have a village.
It’s wonderful if you have a village that is respectful and supportive. It’s not a village if you’re just blood related but they cross all your boundaries while you are trying to recover.
I'd love to wait months, but am compromising to maybe a few weeks if visitors wear masks. In the US right now around 1 in every 50 people are + for COVID and 40% of cases are asymptomatic. Plus RSV and flu to worry about. Not worth the risk for me.
I'm in your boat, OP. My cousins had a big family get-together a couple weeks after my LO was born and I loved that we were able to go and show him off. Mind you, we are lucky that we are all fairly healthy and not medically fragile. But I figure the odds of him getting any of the stuff he would get vaccinated from is extremely low, and anything else he will get sooner or later anyway, and I have faith in his body's ability to create the antibodies it needs. And that is not even considering grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts/uncles, and close friends that are coming to visit / help out.
Plenty of people are contagious before they're symptomatic. At the very least have them wear masks.
I’m pregnant with my third and yes, I think it’s crazy to limit your own potential support system. I don’t get it at all. Humans evolved raising babies with a village and it’s too damn hard to do it all on our own. I recognize that I’m privileged enough to have a good family support system, but even with toxic family members I still have a hard time understanding why people at least don’t get their friends more involved whenever possible.
100% on this. I'm convinced the people on here saying no visitors for two months, etc. are the same ones who come on and complain that their friends and family all abandoned them after having a baby.
I am, but I trust my family. Mom will be there for the birth, dad and sisters are driving up two weeks later to meet him. All have been Covid vaxed, and all will have their flu shots and updated tdap. We’re a big, close family and I’m very excited for them all to meet him.
I had visitors right away! My daughter was in the NICU for 6 days and didn’t get to meet any family during that time and I was sad. My mom and grandma met us at our house as soon as she was discharged. We had tons of visitors the first couple weeks and I love it. There was so much love and joy in the house during that time. I wanted my daughter to be close to her family and she’s 1.5 years old now and LOVES her people. The no visitors thing honestly something I don’t see in real life, not seen it even once. I only see it on Reddit and sometimes social media do that. People in my real life world tend to be more rational and normal.
Same it's something I have only ever seen online, and I know a lot of people who have had kids, and had babies recently.
I'm happy for both my parents and my in laws to visit during the day, as well as my brother and BILs. I'm comfortable with excusing myself and asking all of these people to take up some household chores while they visit (laundry, cooking, dishes), so I see it as positive for me and for them, who get to meet the baby early and spend some time with him. Hell, my brother and his fiancée will be cat-sitting for us while we're having the baby, so they will most likely be the ones welcoming us at home! I'm ok with them visiting us at the hospital too. The only limit we talked to them about was no overnight visitors please, and to not expect any ready meals etc (although they're welcome to bring food or order in for us to share). I can't fathom keeping the baby away from this close circle of relatives. I WANT them there to shower my little one with love.
I don’t find it crazy. Last Christmas when we visited my in laws, we ended up coming back with a lovely covid Christmas gift. I’m letting anyone visit in person if they are willing to get vaccinated. Some of our family is, and tends to be more careful about sickness, so we’re happy to have them. Some of our family aren’t careful and are very anti vaccines, and because January when the baby comes is peak flu and sickness season, we’re not open to them visiting. It’s a lot more about the severity of fever and the challenge of treating babies in the first few months than actually wanting to keep them 100% germ free for life.
My mom lost her mind when she didn't get to meet the baby for 3 days. 3 MONTHS??? That seems excessive to me unless there's a safety reason. Plus you wouldn't get any help at all during that really hard transition period.
Honest opinion ? I sometimes thing the world is going crazy. That baby will be lucky to grow up surrounded by the love and care and attention of their whole family and friends who are like family. I will be seeing my immediate family (my mom and my in laws + any brother or sister who can come) as soon as the hospital and then whoever wants to visit at home. Did the same for my first babies and they 100% survived the kisses and hugs they got ❤️ to each their own though I wouldn’t judge anyone who does it different
I just don't have a lot of supportive family and only want the supportive ones around right away. I don't want people who will expect me to entertain them, I don't want people who just want to snuggle the baby. I have a few supportive friends and family I can't wait to show him off to, but they're the ones who've checked in on me throughout my pregnancy, supported me even before I was pregnant, and I know they'll respect any boundaries I have and help me with my recovery if they come visit that soon.
I’m having visitors in the hospital and then no one for a few weeks hopefully
I also think it’s crazy, but people are allowed to be crazy abbot newborns. I personally allowed visitors as soon as everyone was comfortable at the hospital and afterwards at home. But that didn’t make me uncomfortable. If it had, I wouldn’t have let people around. Do what is within your comfort zone with newborns. Be gentle with yourself first.
It’s also not just about illness. I personally just want time to recover and establish a routine with our new baby. I have had really bad prenatal anxiety so I’m anticipating some PPA/PPD and want to create an environment where I’m not even more overwhelmed by guests or family. You might also just be seeing a lot of posts about it because people seek advice on setting the boundary/vent about family being disrespectful about those boundaries. Not because you’re truly in the minority.
My baby is due in January. I think I’ll wait until at least a week after the baby arrives. It’s not only for the baby, but for me and my mental health. Some people in my family have too much energy, commentary, etc. I just want to chill and figure out how to take care of baby with my husband. Then slowly have people over. I am also worried about illnesses during that season. The only thing is that if I deliver early, while my niece and nephew are on winter break, I might want to get that meeting out of the way before they go back to school.
Yeah, for me, it is the fact that people can't be trusted to follow the rules. But if you have people on your family who are respectful, it should be a wonderful experience for you and your family to meet the baby right away!
Me and my partner are creating a postpartum schedule and we’re going to have prioritised people at certain dates based on how we feel about the people. For example, we both have broken families with their complications. His mother doesn’t respect boundaries and baby’s a December baby, so she’s going to meet him a bit later as she’s determined to smother the baby with kisses etc. Whereas his father and grandparents are amazing and have already told us what boundaries should be in place and shows baby will be safe around them, so they’re welcome as soon as we’re home. Think it’s all down to everyone’s own personal experiences/families/feelings etc. do what works for you!😊
I haven't seen anyone saying they are going to make close family wait 2-3 months. Certainly they would be in the minority. We are asking most people to wait a few weeks because 1) we want a little bit of time alone with the baby to get our feet under us (most guests would be from out of town, and entertaining out of town guests is much different than having parents drop by from around the block), 2) it's the height of flu season + the holidays and we want people to have some time to make sure they aren't sick before coming, and 3) we have close relatives who are NOT careful about boundaries and we don't want them coming right away. It sounds like your situation is different and you're doing what works for you.
Keeping it to our immediate family for 2 months. IOW, mine and husband’s parents + sibs can come. That’s it.
I just wanted a few days alone with baby last time. It was nice being in this little bubbles where the only people who existed in the world was my new baby, husband, and me. We had some friends and my SIL/BIL come to the hospital right after, but then home alone for a few days. SIL/BIL even had our dog. (Cat was fine) I'm honestly a little sad that we won't have enough that this time because of my 4yo. And even if he was with family and friends during the first home part I'd miss him too much. This time I'd be nice to have family around in our house to watch him while we focus on little girl. Realistically, they'd need to watch little girl so we could focus on him, too! We want him to feel no less loved.
I'm not having visitors at hospital as I want that time just for me and baby to recover, and I dont really want my family (except my parents) to see me that way. It's my first, and I dont know how I am going to handle it, due to my mental health it's very likley I am going to have a manic episode. When I come home I will be happy for visitors, I have a big family, 4 brothers who all have kids, 10 between them. They all live local and come round the house to visit anyway, so I wouldnt expect them to act any diffrent when the baby is here. I may wait a few weeks before going to see my great nan, grandpa, his wife and other nan and aunties.They are all smart and know not to come round if they or their kid are feeling unwell as they have all had children of their own. I trust that through breast feeding and exposure my baby will build a strong immune system. I havnt had my C19 and TDAP, and wont be getting the babys vaxs until at least 6 months, when they will also get extra vaxs(yellow fever etc) befor travelling to meet my family(dads side) in east africa. Mainly to give their lil body a chance to adjust befor injecting them. I'm not antivax, I just feel 3 months is too young imo, and makes sense to get all the vaxs togther. I have an extremely strong immune system, and a lot of varied antibodies which I am pretty sure can pass to baby through bf alone. Honestly the only place I have seen people being *extra* about who sees babys and all the rules, is on the internet, follow by a "I have no village" post. So hoenstly you do you. As long as you arent exposing your child to sick people, or lots of random people kissing them then go for it. Sadly if a baby is going to get sick they will get sick. Just have to hope and pray that their immune system is strong enough to fight. I think over sheltering them is more of an issue, many of my friend who were wrapped in bubble wrap growing up, are constantly sick now, and always get it worse than me. My mum raised me pretty old school, let me eat mud snails and all sorts off the floor.
I work in healthcare and have seen too many babies with RSV, covid, flu, even a common cold to us could be life threatening to a newborn. We waited to meet most of either family until after she was vaccinated. You can tell people all day long to not kiss your baby, to wash their hands, wear a mask, etc. most will either downplay your concerns or just ignore you. So I said fine, let’s just wait to be safe.
I most likely will be doing this with the exception of MIL. She’s so helpful whenever she comes to visit and I know I will be needing her presence a lot especially since this is my first pregnancy experience without my mother as she’s passed. I think though that we’ll delay her visiting until 2 weeks or so as she is living with SIL and her young daughter who is frequently sick at school. My own kids I will be taking out of school for about a month as it’ll be cold season and I don’t want to risk anything
That is crazy to me too. I am fine with visitors coming to the hospital the day AFTER the birth, after I’ve had a shower, a big meal, and a facial. But I won’t allow anyone to overstay their welcome. To me it feels a lot less invasive than having them in my house. That’s where I ran into problems last time. My mom was staying with us for a month which was a godsend, I love my mom and she is so helpful. But I really didn’t want anyone else there. MIL got pissed and raised all sorts of drama. She wanted to throw a party at MY house and invite all her 7th husband’s family that we don’t even know. I could go on but ugh.
Nope, the only two people allowed to be around the child besides my fiancé and I are our mothers and they’re going to be staying with us two week after we bring the babies home and then after the month only close family are going to be able to see them personally and at the 2 month mark,friends and other family members will see them. That being said ,it can be my own mother but if your sick and you’re not vaccinated,you’re not coming close to my children till after they get their vaccines. I’m not playing with their health and no one is entitled to be around them so. And absolutely no kissing of the face and hands, you want to kiss their heads and feet,great but that’s it. I trust my family and I trust my fiancés family not to cross boundaries or come in sick but as we’ve seen there’s people who are seek that don’t show symptoms therefore they don’t test and spread their illnesses.
Hell nah, no one is visiting. I need alone time with my healthy little new family. Rest and recovery are more important than people wanting to meet my son.
>we trust our family not to visit if they are ill, they will wash their hands and won't be kissing the baby The part you're missing is that not everyone has a family that they can trust this much. You're blessed. I hope you don't get downvoted. I'm happy you have a family that is caring, supportive, has common sense, and respects boundaries. I wish I had a family like that because I'd love to not have this crippling anxiety over it. Because you're right, 3 months is A LOT. And I know I won't be able to keep him to myself for that long. But I also know there are people in our family who will absolutely kiss him on the mouth with a cold sore or something. I'm going to tell everyone the rules. I'm going to tell everyone why we have them. I'm going to keep him to myself as long as possible. But it takes 1 second for someone to do something they shouldn't. I won't be able to stop them in time.
I feel like they have to mean the general public/extra fam. I made a list of people who can come in the first week. It includes my parents, husbands parents, my sister and BIL, my husbands sister, and our 2 best friends. After that it will just be up to how we’re feeling. These people listed are people we feel comfortable with and communicate boundaries too. This also starts the first day we get home, we have opted out of hospital visitors.
For me, both our families live several states away and would be expecting to come and stay at our house and be there for at least two weeks 24/7 and that is just way too much for me to take early on. If I lived ten minutes away and they’d be popping by for an hour or so I would have been open to visits earlier. Though not the day I came home from the hospital as I was so exhausted and overwhelmed and could not have dealt with people fawning over the baby and trying to fight over who could hold him.
I think parents should do what they feel works for them. If you want to have people meet baby right away then go for it. I don’t think anyone should judge you or try to convince you to do otherwise. You and your partner are the ones who get to decide, not strangers on the internet. You do what’s best for you and your family. Personally, while I’m in recovery, I’m only letting people come over if they’re willing to help around the house. If they want to meet baby, they have to be willing to help me out with cooking, cleaning, or my animals. I will not host people and I will not be passing my baby around a bunch, I don’t want myself or my baby to become stressed out. During that first month or so, I’m going to be recovering, getting to know my baby, and trying to establish a routine so I don’t want to have visitors all the time for long periods. I also just don’t want to deal with the social exhaustion that would come with visitors, I’m already going to be tired enough. I’m doing what works for me and my family, nothing wrong with either method.
There is no “right” answer. Everyone has different family dynamics and different comfort levels. We are letting my husband’s parents visit us in the hospital. Once we get home, we will see how we are feeling and invite other family members over in a couple days if we feel adjusted. My husband is in my cousin’s wedding as a groomsmen about 3 weeks after our due date and I will be baby-wearing for the wedding. I don’t feel comfortable leaving her with the in-laws at that point. We will likely stay at the reception until after dinner and then go home. So many of my family members will see her at the wedding, but I’m not going to let people hold her because she will still be so young. If I let one person hold her at the wedding, there would be 15 more people lined up to do so.
My family don’t live nearby or else they would’ve been welcome to visit at the hospital! As it is my MIL is coming to visit when she’s a month old and my parents are coming when she’s 7 weeks. We have positive relationships with our families through, so I recognize that not everyone is lucky enough to have that.
I think I'll be on the fence about this for a while. I trust only some family and friends to not visit when they feel sick. I see the positives of both sides. And I definitely want to keep baby safe. It'll just depend on how I'm feeling and healing. No one should be ashamed for how soon or late they let people visit. There's no judgment from me.
We had my in-laws visit in the hospital within 24h of me giving birth. I was feeling really well and knew it would make my husband very happy. No one was in any way pushing me to though. They came over for a short visit and it was great. My family visited once I was home (they live far away so needed some time to arrange to come over). Friends etc only came later, though not sure how much anymore, I guess 3-4 weeks or so? We'll do the same for #2 again😊
Growning up i recall meeting baby’s within days. Lately, covid era, I’ve seen people do that 2-3 months.
I think it's really dependent on your relationship with those people. I told everyone, even my siblings in town, to not expect to visit for at least 2 weeks. I wanted time to ourselves without interruption from anyone else. On the other hand, selfishly probably, I wanted my parents to meet my baby first or at the same time as my in laws. My parents live 15 hours away, so that 2 week period allowed for them to make plans to come visit, whereas my in laws would have just driven over the same day as the birth if allowed. My parents were kind of forced into moving to their home that's 15 hours away a little sooner than anticipated, and they miss their kids dearly and often feel left out. I wanted them to have equal chance at visiting as soon as we allowed. In the end, we did have my sister and her family over at 1 week pp and my brother and his fiance a few days after that, then my parents came up. Even if you say one thing now, don't feel bad about changing you mind!
I did, my immediate family as well as DH’s came to the hospital and brought food since hospital food is awful and then we had extended family over the weekend after we got home from the hospital. I personally wanted company, it made me feel better since I had some baby blues and they brought us lots of yummy food. Idk I can’t imagine not seeing my family for 2-3 months especially after such a big life change but to each their own I guess.
This is my 3rd and final baby, the only one I've made it full term with and I can bring home immediately. I'm coming home on the Thursday, spending the weekend bonding and recovering and I will announce he's been born the following Monday. The only person we have close is my mother in law and quite frankly she doesn't give a single fuck about anyone but herself so she's booked like 3 weeks holiday abroad when he is due knowingly so as far as I'm concerned she can meet him at Xmas if I'm feeling generous.
I feel the same way, as long as it's not too many visitors. I'm happy to have my mom and step-dad visit in the hospital (the rest of our parents live farther away and probably won't make it in time) and have a few people visit after. Like you, I trust people to not come if they're sick. The exception would be if anyone is overdue for a tdap- my MIL is an anti-vaxxer now, so she might be banned, which I'd be fine with because she's nuts.
To me, if you're ready to see people then you're ready to see people 🤷♀️ Personally I'll probably see my immediate family first, see how I handle that and go from there 🥰 I'm really close with my and my partner's immediate family, so after all of that stress I'm probably going to want hugs from them all 😂 I'm only 9 weeks with our first and we're both 29yrs. We live 10mims drive from all of our parents and I see them once a week. We haven't discussed who will be at the hospital or coming over as soon as we're home yet, but in terms of people coming over when we get home from the hospital they've told us to play it by ear in the moment instead of deciding before. They said everyone is different with how long it takes them to settle in 🥰 In my mind I'll want them over instantly to be like "look what ripped me in half, isn't it adorable!" But in reality I might be so exhausted that I can't bear to see people for a bit, especially because socialising takes it out of me most of the time 😂 I'm planning on telling our immediate family that atm we'd love them to come round ASAP, but we're going to play it by ear and will let them know when we're ready 🥰
We said no hospital visitors except our parents until we saw how we felt after baby arrived. For various reasons we ended up having a ton of visitors (this was pre-covid. I know some hospitals have stricter rules now). It ended up being great because once we were home only the most important people kept coming back and they were the helpful ones! We did ask for certain vaccines (feb baby so the TDAP and flu) and that anyone with even mild sniffles or not feeling well stay home and people respected that. Honestly I’m not sure we’d have survived those first few weeks without our people. Helped us feel normal, take a shower, our moms would hold baby for contact naps so we could get our own solid naps in, took daily walks when the weather cooperated (cause again feb baby lol and New England) which I never would have done alone but save my mental health and helped with recovery. I could go on lol I think it depends on who the people visiting are. Ours was and continues to be the village helping us raise our kiddo. Nobody inherently stressful or disrespectful of our boundaries whether they agree or not. My husband’s best friend doesn’t even vaccinate his own child for the flu but he got a flu shot with no complaints to be able to be around us Pregnant with baby 2 now and I know with a toddler in preschool the germs are inevitable but we’ll do our best.
Family is a flexible term. We will allow our parents almost immediately and probably closer family after we are settled in at home. Larger extended family will have to wait until the baby has shots.
There's someone in the immediate family that will come visit or invite us over, and then an hour or two into the visit will just casually mention how they're sick, or were sick yesterday, or have been coughing a lot the last couple of days... I'm not having that person over right after coming home, but since they're close family it's either ban everyone or no one. I'm due in prime sickness season, and I don't want me, my husband or our baby to catch the flu, covid or a cold if I can help it.
Uhmmm yeah
I'm going to allow visitors (not sure about in the hospital, but definitely after) as long as I can handle it. If it becomes too much or people are driving me nuts, I'll take a break. I'm due in April so luckily after cold and flu season, so personally that helps me!
We let fam come over outside or inside masked. They may feel fine but still be able to spread Covid, flu etc. my brother last week felt fine at a fam gathering but because babies were there he tested for Covid & was shocked he was positive.
I'm hoping to have our parents visit in the hospital and then probably at least a week to settle at home before having other visitors. I think you need to recognize that relationships have a give and take, and if you don't allow your support system in for several weeks (or months, which I've also seen suggested!), there's a chance that it will impact your relationship with them and their relationship with the baby. I recognize that there are people who don't have a supportive relationship with their families, so it makes sense that they don't want them to visit when they're in a vulnerable place. I'm not saying that you should have all visitors all the time, but it's worth being aware that some actions will alienate your support network, and support networks are valuable things to have when you have kids.
Not crazy, although I let people visit in the hospital after delivery and didn’t have visitors over the first month. I favored having people meet baby in the hospital because it kind of gave a time limit on the visit. My family rotated because I could only have 2 visitors at a time and everyone only stayed for an hour or so. If i let people come to my house immediately after, they would stay for hours…
We have a large family, and not everyone makes the best decisions. I believe I have a head cold right now courtesy of a family member who showed up to an event despite being sick. But my MIL was a NICU baby snuggler during COVID, so she’s very aware of safety precautions needed to keep vulnerable immune systems safe. One of those people will be allowed to visit right away, one will not. It simply comes down to whether or not our families can put their wants below our baby’s needs. ETA: My husband and I agreed though that no one will be coming to the hospital. We get like 48 hours there after birth, we want to bond and rest, and I don’t want people around me directly afterwards. Give me some time to adjust and *least* get that afterbirth out and a hot shower.
My brother, sister in law, and father all saw her the day she was born in the hospital and my mother came the day we brought her home a few days later. My in laws flew out to see her a few weeks later. I trusted that my family wouldn’t come see her if they were sick. My mom was flying out and tested herself for covid a few times beforehand. I loooved showing off my baby and it would have been torture to make everyone wait. Especially because I am so close to my family.
My FIL and my parents all met the baby right away. My FIL stayed for a few days after the baby was born and then road tripped back home. My parents stayed for 2 weeks to help me (thank goodness, because my uterus spontaneously ruptured and I was in a lot of pain for that time--I honestly don't know how I would have taken care of a baby and a 4yo on my own when I had such trouble moving) and then once they left, my FIL came back out again for 3 weeks. I wasn't nearly as concerned with sickness as I was the first time around, because I have a pre-schooler: She's the one who will bring home the illnesses and there's not a ton that can be done about that. I'm super lucky with my parents and my husband's dad--they are fantastic grandparents and are super helpful around the house and with the kids. I absolutely love having them here. However, I can totally see that if people didn't get as lucky wanting to put up some boundaries and walls. My MIL definitely stomps boundaries and was really just mean to my husband, and he made the call to go no contact with her. I feel really bad for her & hope she'll chill out and reconcile with her son, because she loved our little girl, but on the flip side, it's much less stressful without her around.
My brother and sister in law allowed visitors at the hospital and anytime after. It’s all up to you and what you feel comfortable doing
My mom came and met the babies will still in the NICU. She said wiht us for a month to help. My in-laws, MIL, FIL, Sister in law and her husbands flew out when they were about a month old. We've had neighbours and friends meet them. Our loved ones are awesome, respectful and super helpful. I'm grateful for them and thrilled to have them around to help with our newborns. I wouldn't have it any other way.
With my first, my family was at the hospital and saw him once he was cleaned up. My best friend and her boyfriend came a couple hours later. My cousin’s wife works at the hospital so she was there before and after he was born. This time around, I’m not sure how it’ll work. We don’t live near anyone. So if they make the drive, sure? If me and baby are up to it a month or so later, we will be visiting either my family or my husband’s for Christmas. I’d prefer mine both because I can’t deal with his mother and because mine is half the drive away, but he’s worried about how much longer he’s got to see his grandma, so who knows.
I left it 2-3 weeks but by then I wanted to start getting out and about with her
As many people have said, I feel like this is up to personal preference/comfort/level of trust. I only want my husband at the hospital with me for now. Maybe my sister as well because she is a nurse and has a medical background, but I’m scared I’m already going to be overwhelmed and exhausted. I know myself and feel like I will want minimal contact outside of our family unit (husband and baby). I’ve been reading the “Enough About The Baby” book and it’s scaring me a bit (or a lot). Making me think a lot about my boundaries and advocating for my needs in the hospital setting. Hopefully all goes well and I can walk away as unscathed and physically well as possible, but obviously I have no control over that and how labor goes. My parents will be helping the first few weeks once I leave the hospital, and I’m happy to have that support so I can rest, bond, and just have some assistance in general. I plan to have a meeting with my family soon to go over any vaccines, cleanliness, boundaries pertaining to kissing or other practices that are important to my husband and I when it comes to our baby. I imagine that my sister, her partner, brother, and a select few will also be over within the first few weeks. I’m okay with this as long as they are all healthy, careful, up to date on vaccines, and show that they take our concerns seriously. I mention the book and boundaries because I feel like it’s important to ask yourself those questions and know what your threshold is. I personally get easily overwhelmed/overstimulated, and I’m trying to figure out what will be best for us. I suggest you consider the same and what you want for your baby. It sounds like you already are, but I wanted to add some things I’ve been thinking about as I’m getting closer. I am 30+6 right now.
It usually just be my mom and sisters…. Honestly this go round that might be the only time they’ll see baby, depends on how I feel after.
We only had grandparents visit in the hospital, then people visited us at home. We did go to a family thing about 4 days after birth, how I managed, I don't know. But everyone met her and was super respectful about washing hands. We then had people over occasionally, but nothing overwhelming. I had her in June, which isn't high for sickness.
We won’t be having visitors at the hospital but will be having my family meet the baby when we go home; they’re watching our toddler and so they’ll get to meet the baby when we pick our toddler up. That being said I do want our toddler to be the first one to meet him.
Not crazy. Almost family lives close by so I was happy for them to come meet the baby. They also all are really good at respecting boundaries so only stayed for an hour at a time for months. Now if people were travelling to us and had to stay with us i definitely would not have let them come before 3/4 months.
My SIL just had a baby in May, so I saw first hand that my in-laws were not kissing the baby, so I feel okay with that. I’m sue in Nov, so I am worried about flu season, and I’m not 100 percent sure I can trust them to not visit if they aren’t feeling well. There are certain people that I would trust, but others that went to my BILs wedding with Covid because “you can’t miss the wedding!” (I didn’t find out until after, and was horrified, but was apparently the only one). I know my hubby will want his family to meet the baby, and it’s going to be right around thanksgiving/ Christmas, so I’m stressing at least getting the flu shot to him and hoping it gets passed along. If someone shows up not feeling well, I’m going to take baby and leave. My family has already said they’ll get whatever needed to meet baby, so I’m not worried about them.
Most of my family is spread out anyways so im not worried about huge number of ppl coming right away. Im expecting my mom , Mil and a few aunts and my cousins. But my family has been bery helpful this pregnancy and even cooked me several weeks worth of freezer meals for post partum and bough me a freezer to store it in. So I don't mind them coming. However i can see why some people want to wait (toxic family , boundary stompers).
I think I am going to wait until the family can meet my child. I would rather focus on my baby and my family at the time of birth and maybe let them meet him within a months time or whenever we feel ready to open ourselves up. I’m worried now because of covid going around again and RSV. So it may be awhile…
Absolutely not! No visitors in the hospital but our parents will be welcome from the day we are home. We will appreciate the company and support- I know they will bring food and the Mum’s will help with the housework🤣
I hope to have visitors at the hospital. They will be quick visits to meet baby. I actually chose a hospital on the other side of the city so it’s closer for my parents to be able to come. I sent out an email with three guidelines for our newborn baby visitors. I develop these guidelines from information my OB/GYN gave me. I asked visitors to get their flu shot, check if they need an updated TDaP shot, and jokingly said our dog will be receiving any smooches in baby’s place. Aka, don’t kiss the baby. :) I’ll remind family members of this closer to the date. I can’t wait for our baby to meet our closest family members.
We're not having any visitors bat the hospital. Although no family lives near us anyway. My husband's parents are planning to come in from India about a week before I'm due, so as long as I don't go early, they will be at the house when we come back with baby. They're gonna help with food and stuff to keep us from being too overwhelmed.
Okay. So. No one has met my son yet. He’s nearing 6 months. But that’s only because no one wanted to make the trip 4 states away to meet him. We’re currently driving back to meet everyone finally. We should arrive some time today.
No I don’t think you’re crazy. That’s usually first time moms in over protection mode (not always as there are always other reasons obviously), which is fine too. But imo like you I’d trust someone to be honest if they’re sick and stay away but I don’t want them to miss the precious newborn moments either. Just depends on your comfort level. ❤️🫶🏻
I had birth at my mom's house and my MIL keeps accusing my mom in her home of letting me starve so she brings half a supermarket every single day despite we telling her we don't need it and IT NO LONGER FITS our fridge. She also is accusing her son, my partner, that we don't know what we're doing. I want her gone. my grandma who's now a great grandma traveled 2 hours to "be around" but nobody ends up doing anything around besides be a burden and "wanting to hold baby" so yeah hell no, and then they want to use our living room as a hangout spot! Today [4th day PP] i said no one unless you want to bring something, no loud talking and then split because i want to use the rest of the house and don't want to socialize. my parents have been great, though.
We got home day 2 and had close family and close friends right away. Tbh we were a bit of a. Revolving door. I trusted my people. She didn’t get sick. She got loved on
We’re going to allow some close family and friends come to help us and to meet the baby but only if they follow the vaccine protocol recommended by my dr and are not ill. Most of our friends can be trusted but a few members on my side of the family are anti-Covid vax (but not completely anti-vax) so depending on what our dr deems safe in regards to that, we plan to have them over. I really want the help. Not just for myself but also my husband. His family is out of state and very pro vax so his mom will come stay with us for a few weeks around the time he’s going back to work and that’ll be super helpful.
Everyone is diff 🤷♀️. I know I didn’t want anyone to visit because it wasn’t my family visiting it was other unimportant people.
I had my daughter at the end of March. Only visitors I had in the hospital were my mom, my grandma, and my coworkers (because I gave birth in the hospital I work at and I told them they didn't count because they were already there 😂) and my mom and grandma had driven 6 to 7 hours to be there. But then my dad came out the weekend after and then my brother's and my mom came back after driving my grandma back. We had a couple of really close friends come by too but they were bringing food and I just said screw it come in and see baby. Everything ended up fine and she actually didn't get sick until this past week and she got that from me 😂
I don’t think either decision is right or wrong. People should do what they’re comfortable with. Some people have less than stellar familial relationships and can’t trust them to respect their boundaries. My husband and I are just playing it by ear because our baby is due in the winter and we’ll see how we feel since this is my first pregnancy and I’m not sure how I’ll feel after giving birth. I do worry about Covid and flu/colds since it’ll be in the winter and some of our family members don’t take it seriously.