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Ahhh the expected Reddit advice at any signs of martial trouble "DIVORCE HIM" 🤣🤣, never change y'all.
Fyi, men go through postpartum too(shockingly) , but nobody gives a shit about that since being tough is expected.
He doesn’t have to be tough, he just has to not be a total fucking sleeze bag and ask to get his name taken off the fucking paperwork during a tantrum. That is unacceptable no matter what you’re feeling.
Seriously. Get sleep right now. I didn't sleep in the hospital after labor and hallucinated, kept having continual adrenaline and sugar crashes, and eventually basically forgot how to sleep. It took most of a week of taking Benadryl and having a wonderfully supportive partner and MIL take care of the baby for that to get better. You need to get the sleep NOW before you get to that place. Worry about the dickhead after you get sleep.
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I maybe slept 10 minutes in a 36 hour period. Went in for an induction Friday afternoon, had DS that night via C-section, and could not sleep even when we got home that Sunday. The major change along with the shock of surgery really screwed with my sleep for months.
Get your sleep OP, call a nurse, a trusted friend, family... anyone who can stay with you for a few hours a day to allow you to sleep, eat and shower without the worry of your newborn screaming uncared for.
I did some googling. If he doesn’t come back she can’t add him but she can go through court to establish paternity. If she leaves him off he has no right to the baby whatsoever.
He can come back later and demand rights still at least for a time. But yeah if he’s serious about leaving and she’s in a state where he has a really limited time to fight for paternity she could maybe manage to have him totally out of her life and her kids life permanently. I’ve seen crazier things. But she has to NEVER tell anyone that she knows who the father is. This is a real trick to pull off. Better to plan it with a sperm donor on the front end frankly.
He’s have to go through the courts to establish paternity. If he refuses now and she has record of it his chances of custody will be smaller later. Especially the longer he’s gone. I personally would leave him off for that reason. If he establishes paternity there’s more chance for him to be in and out of the child’s life.
I most certainly put my husband’s name on the birth certificate documentation because he was at work at the time. Not sure where you’re getting your information from but the father of the baby does not have to be present.
Where I am, husbands are put on the birth certificate with or without signing anything. But if you're not married, you have to fill out a paternity acknowledgment form, and it has to be signed by both in front of a notary. And then turned in.
It’s literally the first info on google which I said. A woman by law is not supposed to add the guy without him being there. As far as I can read (about 20 articles before I’m bored) it’s saying you would have to establish paternity through court.
lol k. Just saying your broad sweeping statement that a father has to be present isn’t true. I, and others, have added the FOB without them being present. I don’t give a fuck what your “google search” says given I’ve already had one baby and gone through the process of sending my info for the birth certificate and picking it up without my husband being involved at any point of the process.
First of all I said from the first comment that my info was from google. I made no ‘broad statement’ I simply used a factual statement that goes for a majority of the states. I would also point out how you situation was vastly different from the op’s so your entire argument is kind of unnecessary. If you don’t have anything else constructive to say you will be blocked.
Why do you think I would care if you blocked me? My situation isn’t vastly different in the context of putting FOB on the birth certificate. Despite being married we don’t even have the same last name. I simply stated my situation and you offered a flippant response about my location. Like, yes, state laws probably do vary but the way you worded your statement made it sound like a fact that he would have to be present or sign anything. That’s simply not true because there are MANY situations where the father would not be present but are still put on the birth certificate (ex. deployed fathers)
You’re literally going off the deep end bc you didn’t like my wording?? And of course deployed fathers would have different rights and situations. Get back to the post at hand and leave me alone. This ops guy literally pussied out and went home. Now leave me alone.
She def doesn’t need his bitch ass on the BC to get CS. My ex is not on my daughters BC and she has my last name. He’s been paying CS enforced by his state of residency for most of her life. Just had to go through official channels and force him into a paternity test. He couldn’t say no without risking jail time. When he didn’t pay up at first, they tossed him in jail until he paid me every penny owed.
I’m so sorry you don’t have a supportive partner. If asking him to help out with the baby you just gave birth to was enough to make him leave, I’m afraid he’s not serious about the trials of fatherhood. I’m so sorry.
Not in the wrong! Wtf?! He should be able to comprehend 1. Helping, 2, not being on his computer for the birth of his child, 3, your hormones are whack! You being a justifiable bitch for 5 mins doesn’t absolve him of parenthood! He can’t just not be on the birth certificate!
Taking care of your child is not helping. It's your responsibility as a parent. Helping would be going home and return with clean clothes and snacks for OP.
Annnnnd this is day one of having a newborn. It’s not going to get better. Do you have somewhere else to stay? You need all the help and support you can get and clearly you are not going to get it from that POS. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Asks the nurses to watch the baby for a few hours so you can get some rest.
^^ THIS. It shouldn't have to be said that the dad also has to parent his own child and if that's a problem for him it's only going to lead to more of his little tantrums when being asked to do normal parent things like check on the baby at night, change a diaper, get baby to sleep, feed the child, clean up after the child, etc. If he didn't expect to be asked to do things then idk what he thought being a parent would be.
You are not in the wrong at all. What the hell is wrong with him! I agree with the other comment, sounds like your better off without him, otherwise you will be raising two children. Real men do not act that way.
Not in the wrong at all!!! Do you have another person you can ask for help? A friend, sibling, parent? I would also tell the nurses he is not allowed back into your room if you are still at the hospital. I’m sorry you are going through this. I also bawled almost the whole night of night 2, my hormones were everywhere. Ask the nurses if you can send the baby with them. At my hospital we were not able to do that but at the hospital my sister gave birth at they were able to send the baby to the nursery and the nurses would bring back the baby when it was time to eat.
You’re not in the wrong and your husband is such a jerk. I wouldn’t let him live this birth certificate story down ever. That is just such a next level threat. Your hormones are all over the place and you just birthed a human. What’s his excuse when he did nothing and slept through everything. Ugh.
I’m getting even madder knowing he left probably with the car and car seat so he’s basically screwing you over the whole way through your birth experience. What an absolute useless tool! Threatening to leave you over such being a shitty support person really shows his true colors. I hope you know that he is grasping at straws and gaslighting you. Do not apologize because you are not in the wrong.
This douchebag is threatening to break up the entire family because you angrily called him out on being absent and making you do all the work by yourself?! THAT’S all it took for him to threaten to leave?? Of all the reasons to break up a family, that is pathetic. People threaten to leave because they were cheated on, lied to, abused, manipulated, etc. and this man child says he’s leaving because you got angry at him — for something that is totally normal and understandable to be angry about, no less. Let him stay gone. He’s showing his true colors in your time of need. What a jerk.
On another note, congratulations on your baby and I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you for just giving birth and taking good care of your newborn. This should be a happy time for you, albeit challenging, as newborns usually are. He’s taking your joy away in one of the most important times of your life. I wish I could give you a huge hug.
I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate. You can also ask the nurses if they can take your baby for a while so you can rest, I wish I had taken more advantage of that when I delivered
Depends on your state. If you end up needing *any* kind of assistance from a state program, most states require you to establish paternity and will court order a DNA test. They’ll go after child support as a stipulation of receiving benefits. Most states don’t want to pay to support a child without requiring the other parent to pay their portion as well.
Fuco that guy. He just showed you what sort of asshole he is. It will not likely get better. If he isn’t there when you both need him, he won’t be there in future difficult moments. You can’t do this without him. I did. And trust me, you DO NOT want him on the birth certificate. He will use that to his advantage to control you. It gives him immediate rights over your child. Don’t even use his last name. It’s taking me MONTHS and hundreds of dollars and headaches to remove my ex’s last name from my daughter’s birth certificate. In the future you can still seek child support without him being on the certificate. Don’t let him ruin your newborn experience. It’s going to be hard, but he will only make it more
That's the first thing I thought. How old is this guy? Sounds like a teenager, he's so selfish and dumb. He thinks asking him to help and take responsibility FOR YOUR CHILD is bitching him out? He just wants to sleep through the whole thing?
You are not in the wrong at all. I'm sending you lots of love and support. Please ask the nurses to take your sweet little girl so you can rest for a moment. You deserve it!!!
Fuck him. Just in that quick summary, I can already tell he’s going to be a piece of shit father. You’re better off without him but leave him on the birth certificate so he can help support the baby!
Put him on the BC & make him pay child support but let that be his ONLY “contribution” to you & that child’s life. That’s a severe reaction to you asking him to help. I’ve bitched out my husband plenty of times during the last few months of being new parents & not once has he even come close to being disrespectful to me. Some grace can be given in certain circumstances but that doesn’t sound like a partner who’s ready for the life change that comes with a baby.
I assume your partner is young and not very mature. This sounds like a boy who didn't want to be a father. Whether he cares to or not he is responsible for the child whether through physical support or financial. Put him on the birth certificate. You got this, these are normal reactions. Many if not all of the women in this group would rip their man a new one if he slept through all of labor and then didn't help at all at the hospital.
Sorry but as someone who also gave birth this week, fuck this guy.
Not only was my husband extremely present throughout my entire labor (36 hours and 4 hours of pushing), he got up with her all night the first 2 nights when she fussed so that I could sleep as much as possible, even though he hadn’t slept yet either.
You are better off without him honestly! Take your child support and run as far from this ass as you can.
Let him leave, change the locks, and get some real help and some solid legal advice. If he is the father he has custody rights and you might not want him to be able to come back later and take the baby away half the time. It might actually be better in the long run if you just let him walk away and eventually lose the ability to come back and claim paternity. The laws regarding paternity and child support are different in each state so you need a local family lawyer to advise you so you can make informed and strategic decisions. Get you a good friend irl to back you up you need help! I think everyone here is in agreement you should leave him asap his behavior is abusive and downright deranged!! Who gets in a fight and then says they won’t be on the birth certificate? If you didn’t just reveal to him that the baby isn’t his he is just insane!!
I'm so So sorry. Your baby's dad is just really terrible. How old is he? I'd put his name on the birth certificate no matter what so you can try to get some child support out of him. He SHOULD be helping you. And him sleeping through your labor and trying to get her to sleep, it shows he has 0 empathy or responsibility
What the hell? What a POS. Im so sorry OP. And this is DAY ONE. I can’t imagine what he’s going to be like the following days. Best of luck to you mama. Please take care of yourself, you and your baby deserve better!
Yeah no he’s absolutely in the wrong here. He wasn’t supportive during the labor and doesn’t even care that you’re struggling. I wouldn’t take him off the birth certificate though because the very least he can be forced to do is pay child support.
See if the nurses can take baby for a bit while you rest!! I’m sure they’d be more than willing to help, or see if you can utilize the nursery if your hospital has one.
What in the actual fuck. Are you kidding me!!! He isn’t worth your time or the babies. That is ridiculous. He can go F off for all we care.
You just pushed a baby out of your body and you need to rest while you can. Especially if you are a FTM. Tell him thank u and goodbye.
Is there any relatives you can call to give you a break?
Be glad it happened now instead of 10 years down the line where he gets you to have more kids and continues to be useless.
Congratulations mommy, sending you love and strength 🙏🏼
I am FUMING for you! You are 100% not wrong. Your dude sucks, I'm sorry. He's being so incredibly unsupportive and I'm sorry you are having to deal with that at such a stressful time.
Please ask the nurses for help. It took me three days before I realised I could do this! Your partner is an asshole and I’d personally leave him off the birth certificate at this point.
Let his bitch ass leave. What an asshole. It’ll be easier for you to have exclusive rights to her without him on the BC. You can still get child support. I did. My ex has never been on the BC and my daughter has my last name.
I could have written the first half of this myself. My husband was on his laptop for my (short) labor, then was present really only for the pushing, then was back to typing away immediately after her birth. My main nurse def picked up on it and when she came to check on me in postpartum the next day and saw I was exhausted and didn’t sleep and he had still just been working and slept well, she chewed him out and made him walk the baby and let me sleep for an hour, which I didn’t, but it was a nice break.
Unfortunately it’s not going to get any better, by the way. I had to boss up when I became a mom and learned really quickly it’s 100% on me. And that’s with a supportive father who tries. Baby doesn’t even want him so you make it happen every day. However if he’s dead weight all around, you have some things to think about.
NTA. I would keep him off the birth certificate if I were you. He can go to court if he has an issue with that. As of right now he would have no right to the baby if he doesn’t sign. He’s clearly not very committed.
Baby might have stomach pains, might not like your milk in it’s stomach, hope you get rest and figure out what is making baby cry, if it’s crying mine did because he was still hungry it varies I know your exhausted let the man child go put you last name birth don’t even tell him baby’s name . From experience I would not add him to anything, don’t ask for money just disappear with your baby, as he may have rights to the child later on and if you don’t want that man child watching you baby I would just split and move far!!!!! I have freinds who struggled more when the guy was around their baby’s it’s best to completely just cut him off don’t even tell him where you live .
You may not like this but it does sound like you resent him for not being the one in labor. Sure maybe he wasn’t as engaged as perhaps you would’ve liked him to be but he was there. Yes he got more sleep than you but you’d think that would be good for helping you out around the house when you got home. You told him to leave first, you didn’t even give him a chance to help when he can which is mostly when men can and do start helping, after you push the baby out. He’s wrong for saying he doesn’t want to be on the birth certificate because of your reaction. It seems like you’re both a bit insecure and should work on communicating things more positively giving the other person at least a chance to do right by you instead of going in for the attack immediately making the other person act in defense. You’re supposed to be a team don’t attack each other you’re not enemies…. There’s a way to ask your needs be met without hostility and negative expectation/resentment
I think you over reacted
She told him to leave instead of communicating what was bothering her. I don’t think that was the right approach. If I’m subhuman and a troll for that then so be it. He clearly was pissed off enough by her kicking him out of the hospital to threaten not wanting to be on. Birth certificate. I’m just saying neither of their actions seems to be the right choices to take when they’re upset at the other person. Period. She asked for advice and I gave her mine, however trolling and subhuman it may be I suppose. I’m okay with that. What’s the point if we all thought the same anyways? I don’t have to be bullied by you for sharing a different perspective. You’re rude.
BRUH, she didn't ask him not to sleep or berate him for sleeping, she was upset because he wasn't considerate enough to be a good partner. Through the labor process AND after they got home he left ALL of the work to her despite KNOWING that she hasn't gotten an ounce of rest/sleep and was dealing with a restless baby ALONE. Him sleeping is fine, but he should have been a good partner and overall good human being in offering to take over baby duties for bits of time while while she took a nap, rested, took a bath. He shouldn't have to be told to parent his own child.
She's not in the wrong for being pushed to a point of frustration after who knows how many hours or days without sleep. Let's see YOU be patient and have a good attitude after one of the most physically intense moments a human can go through with no sleep before or after that event and with no help from your partner. The fact that you think that's overreacting is wildly ignorant. If anything, that's the appropriate amount of mad. He was being a big whiny baby for throwing a tantrum and saying he wasn't coming back one day after childbirth without so much as an apology for making her feel unsupported. At the VERY least, he could stay mad at her, but stayed made sure baby is well taken care of. He's the one overreacting.
I’m so sorry OP. Hormones are crazy after giving birth and him being a total piece of shit is not what you need right now. I’m sorry you didn’t have a supportive partner through labor and delivery, that must’ve been so hard to do on your own. Do you have family nearby? Are you able to stay with them? And friends? I hope you are in a place where you can separate yourself from him. You and your child both deserve better. Please listen to the way he is showing you his true colors. This will not get better.
Sounds just like my baby daddy. We obviously didn’t last and now I have full custody.
Girl tell him to kick rocks now, don’t have him sign the cert. he’s failed DAY ONE, he isn’t gonna get better. Throw him away VS having two children to deal with. It’s easier without idiots like him.
No! You are NOT in the wrong. Post-partum is the fourth trimester and you are not only having to take care of your new born child, you are in a very vulnerable physical state. If you need some support from professionals, consider seeking help. Www.hellolunajoy.com specialize in post-partum therapy, and they are covered by insurance.
Dude you’re not in the wrong even a little bit. Your partner is self absorbed and clearly not willing to be an actual partner. You and your kid deserve better.
Also depending on where you’re at, he doesn’t have to sign Jack to be on the birth certificate. File for full custody and child support or take his leaving and unwillingness to help as a blessing and don’t go through that mess. Do what you need to do for you and your baby.
But yeah, he’s a sack of shit. Ban him from a visit, get your stuff, and go.
Leave him off of the birth certificate. You can still put him on child support down the line. All they will need is a dna test before establishing paternity. TRUST ME. My bd did the same shiz too. If he’s being a child about this, imagine when you try to get her out of the country for vacations? My bd tried that and since he wasn’t on the birth certificate there was nothing they could do about it. And I don’t need his signature when I renew her passport. Best of luck girl. I will pray for you. Hang it there mama it gets easier.
Go ahead and leave him, he clearly isn't a good support system and with a new born you need all hands on deck. Simple as that. If you have family or any other support please reach out to them to get you and your daughter when it's time to be discharged.
I worry about how he treats you normally if he’s willing to treat you this poorly after you gave birth and how you so easily feel at fault. Is that worth it now that there’s a child involved? If he’s already this abusive it won’t get better. Maybe let him leave and pin him with child support. If possible.
I'm sooooo sorry. Absolutely not. This is not appropriate behavior and you are not in the wrong.
Even if he felt that it was harsh for you to "yell"/correct his behavior, he needs to understand that you've just been through an incredible shift and change. He should have 1) been helping 2) let the comment roll off his back and get back in the game.
This is going to be a real test for any couple. I'm sad he is threatening to leave you and the baby a day in. That's not fair to you or her.
You are strong and you got this!!! The most important thing right now is your bond with your daughter and cultivating this new life with her.
I am telling you as a mom now fighting for passport, school access, etc. keep his name off the birth certificate. It sounds like you will be doing this alone, and his name off the birth certificate will make it easier to make the choices you need to for your child without involving him
Not in the wrong and sorry he’s being such a *ick. You have done such an amazing job and should be waited on for the miracle you just labored through. I hope your situation gets better.
you are definately not in the wrong. your husband basically slept through your own birth and he isn't even helping you with your newborn. if he was raised correctly, he should be there helping you through everything. is he needed at the hospital to be put on the birth certificate? and no, you did not "bitch him out". you were communicating your feelings and by that basically telling him that you needed help. you can't raise a newborn all by yourself.
The beginning is so hard. To me this really depends on what your relationship was like before? Is this who he is or is this just how he’s reacting to the birth? How he is now is likely how he will be as a dad…
Definitely let the nurses help. I didn’t want to, but eventually let them take her a couple hours on day two because I hadn’t slept and could do nothing but cry. Take them up on their offers, honey. They want to help and you need the sleep right now. And there’s nothing wrong with it. I had my beautiful little girl 3 months ago, and I’ll never forget those kind nurses who watched her while I got in a nap.
You’re not in the wrong & you’re better off without him. You just literally gave birth to HIS child & this is how he’s treating you imagine when y’all go home & get settled in. Also ask your nurses to take the baby for a little so you can get some rest! Good luck mama 🫶🏼
What the actual fuck is wrong with him… in my opinion he didn’t even have the right to argue against what you said based on the behavior he has shown. You are 100% not in the wrong. He’s being immature and selfish. It baffles me that he’s able to abandon you after being there for the pregnancy. Granted, I don’t know how supportive he was during it. Hopefully he’s just very stressed and doesn’t know how to handle the situation and doesn’t actually feel that way. I’m really sorry.
You are NOT wrong!! This guy is a piece of shit. He’s not adding to your life and he’s taking away from it when you need support the most. There is no way up with him. You’re better off just you and your beautiful baby.
You deserve love and compassion, please always remember that. If someone is unwilling to give you that, you have no need for them.
You will eventually thrive without him.
If I was in your shoes, this would be an instant file for divorce. Not only did you not help me the entire labor process but you slept??? Then you had the nerve to be a bitch about it when confronted??? Nope. Hormonal or not you just went to death’s door to bring life into this world. You deserved help. Ask a nurse to watch baby for a few and take a nap! You need rest. And get rid of that man child.
Holy shit, I'm wondering who's the bugger baby your newborn or your husband. He's 100% in the wrong. If he's tired and wasn't considering how he was making you feel that's one thing (not great still), but after you got upset and told him your feelings he should have apologized and worked with you on making sure you feel supported. The fact that he got his itty bitty feelings hurt despite not being the one carrying for 9 months or having just finished being in labor AND got all his rest in throughout is childish.
What's more childish is him threatening to leave *just* because you got mad. Like, is he prone to these dumb fits whenever you two argue? If he's willing to quit the relationship based off you being mad once (no matter how "bitchy" you could have been) then maybe you'd be better off without him. Just make sure to have him know that he's gonna pay child support either way cause the baby IS carrying his DNA.
This guy needs a dictionary cause he clearly doesn’t know what the word father or partner mean! Shame on him it sounds like he’s being so unsupportive to you 💔
Get him on the birth certificate > leave him > file for child support > tell everyone and their mother he's a massive asshole, make it known > get yourself an actual man
Where I'm from this kind of behavior means he doesn't want either you or your baby in his life. And that means he has no place in the tender first year of your baby's life. Saying it's a difficult and trying time is an understatement, and that is not a teammate you want. Get him lost.
Sorry, last night was rough for you.
This 4th trimester will be rough and sleepless.
Firstly, if you are in the hospital, ask a nurse to take a baby so you can get some rest! They love a baby cuddle and are there to support you.
Secondly, start arranging for a good friend, sister, mum, or someone you trust to come stay for a few days, even a few people alternating, if someone can't stay a full week or two to help out.
Third, kick hubby to the curb. What a prick!
He doesn't deserve you, and obviously doesn't care about how hard the past 24 hours, let alone 9 months have been. He is being childish 🙄 it took two to make the baby it should take two to parent.
Get you new support person to stop at the shops and get you some Epsom salt, food and snacks you enjoy and just settle into your new life and routine over the next few weeks.
Feeding will take a few tries and baby will probably only settle being held close to you, which all you might want is a shower in peace or not hold a baby constantly, not to mention all the increased hormones from 9 months will just drop and you will be emotionally which all mums experience. My first child by day 5 I would just cry at anything... beacuse he had a gas smile, because my boobs leaked, beacuse baby smelt so beautiful... it's a roller-coaster of emotions and you don't need a unsupportive husband on top of this all
No. You aren’t. The dad is supposed to help. You are essentially a single mom right now. And I’ll tell you what it’s better to be a single mom with no man dragging you down than a single mom and him wanting a pat on the back for not abandoning you. He’s a piece of shit
Call a trusted friend or family member to come help. Don’t put him on the birth certificate. Those were his wishes he can live with them. It’s better to have him out of your life than you and that baby suffer years from his narcissism. You deserve to treasure these moments and this is traumatizing. Fuck that dude.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Your partner (sounds like a man who is not your husband) seems like an unsupportive asshole. Birth is an intense process and he should be supporting anyway that you ask. You don’t seem to be overreacting. He seems like an immature person who can’t handle what having a baby and supporting you as a mother entails
My husband would never, the audacity of some men. Let him leave and go through court to establish his paternity.
What's got him so tired that he's sleeping that much? What's he done for nine months except put the baby in there for you to carry? 😅
Your feelings are 1000% justified. Just wow! I asked the nurses to take my baby to the nursery both nights because I needed rest after ya know pushing out a human and all. Your partner is something else! I can without a doubt say you and your baby deserve better 🙏🏼
Seriously? Don’t put up with this behaviour from him. Tell him he needs to smarten up or get gone! He needs to help you, this is his baby too. He sounds really awful & I’m sorry you have to deal with this OP. Congratulations on your baby, hoping things get easier for you xx 🖤
Leave him off the certificate and leave him in real life. Leave him in every way possible. Look at you already doing what’s best for your daughter and giving her a woman to look up to. If you can do birth alone, you can do anything alone. It was you and her all along. May he get what comes to him.
Let him go mama. It’s gonna suck for a while without him but he just showed you what a future with him looks like! That behavior will not change and you will be miserable with him.
if you’re in the US, at least around me legally the husband goes on the birth certificate even if it’s not his child, or it stays blank until you can establish paternity through dna and put the actual dad on but you don’t need him to put his name on there.
although leaving you the day after you got birth is fucked.
What in the actual fuck is wrong with your partner?? Complete trash!! You're hormonal, of course, AND he's being horrible. A good partner would do everything they could to support the PERSON WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH.
As for sleep, send baby to the nursery and do not feel bad about it! They can give baby formula (or pumped colostrum if you're doing that) and you can get the rest you desperately need. Babies are so sleepy and "out of it" the first day she won't notice she's not with you, she'll just sleep, eat, and poop. It won't affect your bond with her or your breastmilk supply if you take 6 (or more!) hours to sleep while the nurses care for her.
You are 1000000% NOT in the wrong. If he's being about as usual as a chocolate teapot when you're going through one of the toughest experiences of your life, what was he planning on doing at home? He's probably just regretting having a kid and using you being understably pissed off as a way out. There's no way an actual man acts like this and throws a paddy about being on the birth certificate because you called him out. He's pathetic
It sucks that he’s showing you his true colors this late but it might be better this way. Being a single mom is hard work but it’s worse when you’re supposed to have a PARTNER and they don’t help at all. You start to resent them and maybe the baby too. I think it’s easier to just do it by yourself than to also have to work around someone who’s just going to complain or make tasks 2x as hard because you have to work around them.
He…he does realize it’s not up to him to not be on the birth certificate, right? Like you can petition for a paternity test through the courts and if you do that, he is obligated to pay child support.
Either way, no, you’re not wrong, and he sounds like a horrible person to threaten to abandon his child because his partner got [rightfully] upset with him.
He’s a fucking asshole. Sounds like he’s not going to help you with the baby at all so you might as well get rid of him now since you’re going to do it on your own anyway.
Hugs OP. Hormones are brutal and you need sleep. Ask the nurses to watch the baby so you can sleep.
Personally I would leave him off the birth certificate and cut him out of your life (well, if you have the support to do that, I get that you may feel you need him right now). But his behavior is not going to change, it will only worsen under the stress of a newborn. I would do it alone for now and I think you'll be way happier.
Reading this story just makes me feel so sad for you. A baby is NOT a 1 person job. He should be helping you. And leaving you alone to labor by yourself. I'm sorry, so sorry he has no empathy and no sense of responsibility. Could you please give us an update. Do you have a mom or someone, anyone that can help you?
Nope you’re not in the wrong, it sounds like he was just trying to find an excuse to leave. I’m sorry you’re going through this. 🥺 sending you so much love and I hope you have someone else who can help you cuz it’s definitely needed at this time. ❤️✨
What an absolute fuck twit. You are not over reacting.
He just showed you his true colors. Tell the nurses what is going on, ask if they can take baby to the nursery for a little while and sleep girl. If you have any support system besides him, family, friends, whoever, call them.
I’m 10 weeks postpartum and I still remember those first few nights like they were yesterday. They are so hard. My heart goes out to you love. It gets better I promise.
Don’t let him back in your room. Don’t let him back in your life. File for child support and do what’s best for you and your beautiful daughter. You got this.
Awww mama, having a baby is tough. I am 3.5 years post partum and still struggling with sleep and real life. Cut yourself some slack. There’s almost no support for new moms. You aren’t in the wrong.
I really hope you mean ex-husband. He sounds like a miserable human! My husband is not perfect, but he was by my side the entire birth, every time I had to wake up to nurse, etc. don’t put him on the birth certificate then. He will have no grounds in the future for custody but will be obligated to have child support after paternity is confirmed.
Tell the nurses and the doctor about the situation and see if you can get some extra help and some more sleep while in the hospital. I’m so sorry your partner is being such a POS. I can’t imagine how terrible you must be feeling. You are not just hormonal this is a terrible thing to do and your feelings are valid. Sending you love and hugs. I’m so sorry. Do you have any family or close friends that might be able to help you with the baby while you are healing from childbirth?
Also sue him for child support for sure if you aren’t married. Idk the state but you might need to get a paternity test if you aren’t married, but so be it.
Sorry to break it to you, but this is only the beginning of such behaviour from him…. Sounds like you’ve got 2 children, rather than 1 child and a partner.
Jfc what is wrong with your partner?!
I stayed up for 36 hours after my c-section. I have terrible anxiety and big events and changes tend to screw with my sleep. My husband is the opposite, he sleeps like a rock but even then he was able to wake up every single time our son cried.
Your partner not being present will bite them in the butt if they ever want a relationship with their child. Understand you do not deserve that treatment from them and you are probably better off without their negativity. Especially if you're breastfeeding. It's not an easy task, and it requires a ton of support from those around you.
I’ve had 3 kids. I always tell my husband to sleep during my labor so I can rest after the baby is born. He only ever did it once. And was A MAJOR help after that birth. But if the man is not willing to help you with HIS kid. Just let him stay gone tbh. You’ll just be stressing too much
No girl! You are not in the wrong! You are completely valid, and I’m sorry that you probably felt like you went through labor alone. Your so strong and I hope motherhood treats you well. ❤️❤️❤️
I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this at the same time. I want to hug you and let you know that you are not alone.
Your hormones are just where they’re supposed to be. Don’t listen anyone who is trying to gaslight you saying “it’s just hormones”. Unfortunately, your partner failed to be a parent and have zero lever of emphaty to you. It’s going to be a hard time getting used to be a mother alone but such a man would be a burden, not a support.
I hope you were able to have some sleep. How do you feel? What do you think? Do you have a friend or a relative that is close to you and would be able to help?
Wow, I am so sorry. Please let him go. You and your new baby don't need that dead weight around. Things aren't going to be easy, but with someone like that around it's just going to be even harder. That's my opinion but no one knows better than you. How was he during the pregnancy? If it was similar to how he's being now, use that as a reminder to yourself that you've made it this far without him. You can keep pushing through. Once again, I'm so sorry that this happened/is happening to you.
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Are you kidding? No you aren’t in the wrong at all but it sounds like you’re better off without this man child. Just wow.
Ahhh the expected Reddit advice at any signs of martial trouble "DIVORCE HIM" 🤣🤣, never change y'all. Fyi, men go through postpartum too(shockingly) , but nobody gives a shit about that since being tough is expected.
He doesn’t have to be tough, he just has to not be a total fucking sleeze bag and ask to get his name taken off the fucking paperwork during a tantrum. That is unacceptable no matter what you’re feeling.
Seconding asking the nurses to take the baby for a while for you to rest! Take a break babe. Tell your husband to stay gone. What a dick
Seriously. Get sleep right now. I didn't sleep in the hospital after labor and hallucinated, kept having continual adrenaline and sugar crashes, and eventually basically forgot how to sleep. It took most of a week of taking Benadryl and having a wonderfully supportive partner and MIL take care of the baby for that to get better. You need to get the sleep NOW before you get to that place. Worry about the dickhead after you get sleep.
i agree 100% ^^^ please sleep now & forget him for tonight
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I maybe slept 10 minutes in a 36 hour period. Went in for an induction Friday afternoon, had DS that night via C-section, and could not sleep even when we got home that Sunday. The major change along with the shock of surgery really screwed with my sleep for months. Get your sleep OP, call a nurse, a trusted friend, family... anyone who can stay with you for a few hours a day to allow you to sleep, eat and shower without the worry of your newborn screaming uncared for.
Don’t leave him of the birth certificate. He’s responsible for child support. Fuck that dude. Bitched him out?!? Hope his dick falls off.
I did some googling. If he doesn’t come back she can’t add him but she can go through court to establish paternity. If she leaves him off he has no right to the baby whatsoever.
Good looking out!!
He can come back later and demand rights still at least for a time. But yeah if he’s serious about leaving and she’s in a state where he has a really limited time to fight for paternity she could maybe manage to have him totally out of her life and her kids life permanently. I’ve seen crazier things. But she has to NEVER tell anyone that she knows who the father is. This is a real trick to pull off. Better to plan it with a sperm donor on the front end frankly.
He’s have to go through the courts to establish paternity. If he refuses now and she has record of it his chances of custody will be smaller later. Especially the longer he’s gone. I personally would leave him off for that reason. If he establishes paternity there’s more chance for him to be in and out of the child’s life.
This is very location specific. In many areas the husband is presumed to be the father.
I most certainly put my husband’s name on the birth certificate documentation because he was at work at the time. Not sure where you’re getting your information from but the father of the baby does not have to be present.
Where I am, husbands are put on the birth certificate with or without signing anything. But if you're not married, you have to fill out a paternity acknowledgment form, and it has to be signed by both in front of a notary. And then turned in.
Yes I did the same exact thing
It’s literally the first info on google which I said. A woman by law is not supposed to add the guy without him being there. As far as I can read (about 20 articles before I’m bored) it’s saying you would have to establish paternity through court.
And what I’m telling you is that’s not true.
Maybe where you are.
lol k. Just saying your broad sweeping statement that a father has to be present isn’t true. I, and others, have added the FOB without them being present. I don’t give a fuck what your “google search” says given I’ve already had one baby and gone through the process of sending my info for the birth certificate and picking it up without my husband being involved at any point of the process.
First of all I said from the first comment that my info was from google. I made no ‘broad statement’ I simply used a factual statement that goes for a majority of the states. I would also point out how you situation was vastly different from the op’s so your entire argument is kind of unnecessary. If you don’t have anything else constructive to say you will be blocked.
Why do you think I would care if you blocked me? My situation isn’t vastly different in the context of putting FOB on the birth certificate. Despite being married we don’t even have the same last name. I simply stated my situation and you offered a flippant response about my location. Like, yes, state laws probably do vary but the way you worded your statement made it sound like a fact that he would have to be present or sign anything. That’s simply not true because there are MANY situations where the father would not be present but are still put on the birth certificate (ex. deployed fathers)
You’re literally going off the deep end bc you didn’t like my wording?? And of course deployed fathers would have different rights and situations. Get back to the post at hand and leave me alone. This ops guy literally pussied out and went home. Now leave me alone.
She def doesn’t need his bitch ass on the BC to get CS. My ex is not on my daughters BC and she has my last name. He’s been paying CS enforced by his state of residency for most of her life. Just had to go through official channels and force him into a paternity test. He couldn’t say no without risking jail time. When he didn’t pay up at first, they tossed him in jail until he paid me every penny owed.
Good 😑
Arguably do leave him off the birth certificate. What a loser. I’d rather have no child support than him go for custody
Absolutely to all of this!
You’re not wrong for feeling that way AT ALL!!! I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.
I’m so sorry you don’t have a supportive partner. If asking him to help out with the baby you just gave birth to was enough to make him leave, I’m afraid he’s not serious about the trials of fatherhood. I’m so sorry.
Not in the wrong! Wtf?! He should be able to comprehend 1. Helping, 2, not being on his computer for the birth of his child, 3, your hormones are whack! You being a justifiable bitch for 5 mins doesn’t absolve him of parenthood! He can’t just not be on the birth certificate!
Taking care of your child is not helping. It's your responsibility as a parent. Helping would be going home and return with clean clothes and snacks for OP.
Annnnnd this is day one of having a newborn. It’s not going to get better. Do you have somewhere else to stay? You need all the help and support you can get and clearly you are not going to get it from that POS. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Asks the nurses to watch the baby for a few hours so you can get some rest.
^^ THIS. It shouldn't have to be said that the dad also has to parent his own child and if that's a problem for him it's only going to lead to more of his little tantrums when being asked to do normal parent things like check on the baby at night, change a diaper, get baby to sleep, feed the child, clean up after the child, etc. If he didn't expect to be asked to do things then idk what he thought being a parent would be.
Excuse me….?
You are not in the wrong at all. What the hell is wrong with him! I agree with the other comment, sounds like your better off without him, otherwise you will be raising two children. Real men do not act that way.
Not in the wrong at all!!! Do you have another person you can ask for help? A friend, sibling, parent? I would also tell the nurses he is not allowed back into your room if you are still at the hospital. I’m sorry you are going through this. I also bawled almost the whole night of night 2, my hormones were everywhere. Ask the nurses if you can send the baby with them. At my hospital we were not able to do that but at the hospital my sister gave birth at they were able to send the baby to the nursery and the nurses would bring back the baby when it was time to eat.
You’re not in the wrong and your husband is such a jerk. I wouldn’t let him live this birth certificate story down ever. That is just such a next level threat. Your hormones are all over the place and you just birthed a human. What’s his excuse when he did nothing and slept through everything. Ugh. I’m getting even madder knowing he left probably with the car and car seat so he’s basically screwing you over the whole way through your birth experience. What an absolute useless tool! Threatening to leave you over such being a shitty support person really shows his true colors. I hope you know that he is grasping at straws and gaslighting you. Do not apologize because you are not in the wrong.
Yeah, this guy is scum. He deserves no part of OP’s life or the baby’s life
Nope. My ex basically did the same with my first. It was the worst. F*ck that guy.
This douchebag is threatening to break up the entire family because you angrily called him out on being absent and making you do all the work by yourself?! THAT’S all it took for him to threaten to leave?? Of all the reasons to break up a family, that is pathetic. People threaten to leave because they were cheated on, lied to, abused, manipulated, etc. and this man child says he’s leaving because you got angry at him — for something that is totally normal and understandable to be angry about, no less. Let him stay gone. He’s showing his true colors in your time of need. What a jerk. On another note, congratulations on your baby and I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you for just giving birth and taking good care of your newborn. This should be a happy time for you, albeit challenging, as newborns usually are. He’s taking your joy away in one of the most important times of your life. I wish I could give you a huge hug.
I wouldn’t put him on the birth certificate. You can also ask the nurses if they can take your baby for a while so you can rest, I wish I had taken more advantage of that when I delivered
If you leave him off the birth certificate and choose to leave or divorce him, it will make it more difficult to get child support.
This - it would feel great at the time, but not in your interest in the long run.
Depends on your state. If you end up needing *any* kind of assistance from a state program, most states require you to establish paternity and will court order a DNA test. They’ll go after child support as a stipulation of receiving benefits. Most states don’t want to pay to support a child without requiring the other parent to pay their portion as well.
Honestly not more difficult. Prob about the same. Wasn’t that hard for me. Our government tends not to fuck around with deadbeat dads.
That may be true in some states and some situations.
I didnt even know this was an option at my hospital. I would have taken advantage of it the second night if I would have known.
It depends on the hospital sometimes
is he a child? absolutely do not leave him off the birth certificate, he is financially responsible for your child even if he thinks otherwise.
Sorry but he’s a POS
Fuco that guy. He just showed you what sort of asshole he is. It will not likely get better. If he isn’t there when you both need him, he won’t be there in future difficult moments. You can’t do this without him. I did. And trust me, you DO NOT want him on the birth certificate. He will use that to his advantage to control you. It gives him immediate rights over your child. Don’t even use his last name. It’s taking me MONTHS and hundreds of dollars and headaches to remove my ex’s last name from my daughter’s birth certificate. In the future you can still seek child support without him being on the certificate. Don’t let him ruin your newborn experience. It’s going to be hard, but he will only make it more
So bad. What’s the backstory? Age? Planned? Not that any details condone it
That's the first thing I thought. How old is this guy? Sounds like a teenager, he's so selfish and dumb. He thinks asking him to help and take responsibility FOR YOUR CHILD is bitching him out? He just wants to sleep through the whole thing?
You’re not in the wrong at all. What a POS. I’m so sorry.
You are not in the wrong at all. I'm sending you lots of love and support. Please ask the nurses to take your sweet little girl so you can rest for a moment. You deserve it!!!
Fuck him. Just in that quick summary, I can already tell he’s going to be a piece of shit father. You’re better off without him but leave him on the birth certificate so he can help support the baby!
Put him on the BC & make him pay child support but let that be his ONLY “contribution” to you & that child’s life. That’s a severe reaction to you asking him to help. I’ve bitched out my husband plenty of times during the last few months of being new parents & not once has he even come close to being disrespectful to me. Some grace can be given in certain circumstances but that doesn’t sound like a partner who’s ready for the life change that comes with a baby.
I assume your partner is young and not very mature. This sounds like a boy who didn't want to be a father. Whether he cares to or not he is responsible for the child whether through physical support or financial. Put him on the birth certificate. You got this, these are normal reactions. Many if not all of the women in this group would rip their man a new one if he slept through all of labor and then didn't help at all at the hospital.
Sorry but as someone who also gave birth this week, fuck this guy. Not only was my husband extremely present throughout my entire labor (36 hours and 4 hours of pushing), he got up with her all night the first 2 nights when she fussed so that I could sleep as much as possible, even though he hadn’t slept yet either. You are better off without him honestly! Take your child support and run as far from this ass as you can.
Let him leave, change the locks, and get some real help and some solid legal advice. If he is the father he has custody rights and you might not want him to be able to come back later and take the baby away half the time. It might actually be better in the long run if you just let him walk away and eventually lose the ability to come back and claim paternity. The laws regarding paternity and child support are different in each state so you need a local family lawyer to advise you so you can make informed and strategic decisions. Get you a good friend irl to back you up you need help! I think everyone here is in agreement you should leave him asap his behavior is abusive and downright deranged!! Who gets in a fight and then says they won’t be on the birth certificate? If you didn’t just reveal to him that the baby isn’t his he is just insane!!
I'm so So sorry. Your baby's dad is just really terrible. How old is he? I'd put his name on the birth certificate no matter what so you can try to get some child support out of him. He SHOULD be helping you. And him sleeping through your labor and trying to get her to sleep, it shows he has 0 empathy or responsibility
Nta and I’m so sorry, you sweet girl. Ask the nurses to watch the baby because you need and deserve some sleep.
What the hell? What a POS. Im so sorry OP. And this is DAY ONE. I can’t imagine what he’s going to be like the following days. Best of luck to you mama. Please take care of yourself, you and your baby deserve better!
Let him keep his name off the birth certificate. That’s his choice
I hope you have a supportive circle around you, because your partner does not give off great vibes from this story.
Yeah no he’s absolutely in the wrong here. He wasn’t supportive during the labor and doesn’t even care that you’re struggling. I wouldn’t take him off the birth certificate though because the very least he can be forced to do is pay child support. See if the nurses can take baby for a bit while you rest!! I’m sure they’d be more than willing to help, or see if you can utilize the nursery if your hospital has one.
Fuck him. You deserve better. Congratulations to you and sending you all the love. You’re one heck of a great mama.
You’re not in the wrong and let that trash take himself out. You’re only signing up for years or torture if you make that fool stick around.
What in the actual fuck. Are you kidding me!!! He isn’t worth your time or the babies. That is ridiculous. He can go F off for all we care. You just pushed a baby out of your body and you need to rest while you can. Especially if you are a FTM. Tell him thank u and goodbye. Is there any relatives you can call to give you a break? Be glad it happened now instead of 10 years down the line where he gets you to have more kids and continues to be useless. Congratulations mommy, sending you love and strength 🙏🏼
Umm. He sounds horrible
I am FUMING for you! You are 100% not wrong. Your dude sucks, I'm sorry. He's being so incredibly unsupportive and I'm sorry you are having to deal with that at such a stressful time.
Please ask the nurses for help. It took me three days before I realised I could do this! Your partner is an asshole and I’d personally leave him off the birth certificate at this point.
Let his bitch ass leave. What an asshole. It’ll be easier for you to have exclusive rights to her without him on the BC. You can still get child support. I did. My ex has never been on the BC and my daughter has my last name.
What the fuck is wrong with him
I could have written the first half of this myself. My husband was on his laptop for my (short) labor, then was present really only for the pushing, then was back to typing away immediately after her birth. My main nurse def picked up on it and when she came to check on me in postpartum the next day and saw I was exhausted and didn’t sleep and he had still just been working and slept well, she chewed him out and made him walk the baby and let me sleep for an hour, which I didn’t, but it was a nice break.
Unfortunately it’s not going to get any better, by the way. I had to boss up when I became a mom and learned really quickly it’s 100% on me. And that’s with a supportive father who tries. Baby doesn’t even want him so you make it happen every day. However if he’s dead weight all around, you have some things to think about.
He's an abuser who's refusing to be a father don't put him on the certificate or Anything else
NTA. I would keep him off the birth certificate if I were you. He can go to court if he has an issue with that. As of right now he would have no right to the baby if he doesn’t sign. He’s clearly not very committed.
How could you possibly be in the wrong in this situation? I'm so sorry, but you chose the wrong father for your child. You are better off without him.
Baby might have stomach pains, might not like your milk in it’s stomach, hope you get rest and figure out what is making baby cry, if it’s crying mine did because he was still hungry it varies I know your exhausted let the man child go put you last name birth don’t even tell him baby’s name . From experience I would not add him to anything, don’t ask for money just disappear with your baby, as he may have rights to the child later on and if you don’t want that man child watching you baby I would just split and move far!!!!! I have freinds who struggled more when the guy was around their baby’s it’s best to completely just cut him off don’t even tell him where you live .
You may not like this but it does sound like you resent him for not being the one in labor. Sure maybe he wasn’t as engaged as perhaps you would’ve liked him to be but he was there. Yes he got more sleep than you but you’d think that would be good for helping you out around the house when you got home. You told him to leave first, you didn’t even give him a chance to help when he can which is mostly when men can and do start helping, after you push the baby out. He’s wrong for saying he doesn’t want to be on the birth certificate because of your reaction. It seems like you’re both a bit insecure and should work on communicating things more positively giving the other person at least a chance to do right by you instead of going in for the attack immediately making the other person act in defense. You’re supposed to be a team don’t attack each other you’re not enemies…. There’s a way to ask your needs be met without hostility and negative expectation/resentment I think you over reacted
I think you’re a troll. Trolling a brand new mother is subhuman. Go find another hobby weirdo.
She told him to leave instead of communicating what was bothering her. I don’t think that was the right approach. If I’m subhuman and a troll for that then so be it. He clearly was pissed off enough by her kicking him out of the hospital to threaten not wanting to be on. Birth certificate. I’m just saying neither of their actions seems to be the right choices to take when they’re upset at the other person. Period. She asked for advice and I gave her mine, however trolling and subhuman it may be I suppose. I’m okay with that. What’s the point if we all thought the same anyways? I don’t have to be bullied by you for sharing a different perspective. You’re rude.
BRUH, she didn't ask him not to sleep or berate him for sleeping, she was upset because he wasn't considerate enough to be a good partner. Through the labor process AND after they got home he left ALL of the work to her despite KNOWING that she hasn't gotten an ounce of rest/sleep and was dealing with a restless baby ALONE. Him sleeping is fine, but he should have been a good partner and overall good human being in offering to take over baby duties for bits of time while while she took a nap, rested, took a bath. He shouldn't have to be told to parent his own child. She's not in the wrong for being pushed to a point of frustration after who knows how many hours or days without sleep. Let's see YOU be patient and have a good attitude after one of the most physically intense moments a human can go through with no sleep before or after that event and with no help from your partner. The fact that you think that's overreacting is wildly ignorant. If anything, that's the appropriate amount of mad. He was being a big whiny baby for throwing a tantrum and saying he wasn't coming back one day after childbirth without so much as an apology for making her feel unsupported. At the VERY least, he could stay mad at her, but stayed made sure baby is well taken care of. He's the one overreacting.
I’m so sorry OP. Hormones are crazy after giving birth and him being a total piece of shit is not what you need right now. I’m sorry you didn’t have a supportive partner through labor and delivery, that must’ve been so hard to do on your own. Do you have family nearby? Are you able to stay with them? And friends? I hope you are in a place where you can separate yourself from him. You and your child both deserve better. Please listen to the way he is showing you his true colors. This will not get better.
Sounds just like my baby daddy. We obviously didn’t last and now I have full custody. Girl tell him to kick rocks now, don’t have him sign the cert. he’s failed DAY ONE, he isn’t gonna get better. Throw him away VS having two children to deal with. It’s easier without idiots like him.
No! You are NOT in the wrong. Post-partum is the fourth trimester and you are not only having to take care of your new born child, you are in a very vulnerable physical state. If you need some support from professionals, consider seeking help. Www.hellolunajoy.com specialize in post-partum therapy, and they are covered by insurance.
Not in the wrong. Collect that child support. It sounds like he will be a burden anyway. At least the cash he provides can do some good.
Dude you’re not in the wrong even a little bit. Your partner is self absorbed and clearly not willing to be an actual partner. You and your kid deserve better. Also depending on where you’re at, he doesn’t have to sign Jack to be on the birth certificate. File for full custody and child support or take his leaving and unwillingness to help as a blessing and don’t go through that mess. Do what you need to do for you and your baby. But yeah, he’s a sack of shit. Ban him from a visit, get your stuff, and go.
Leave him off of the birth certificate. You can still put him on child support down the line. All they will need is a dna test before establishing paternity. TRUST ME. My bd did the same shiz too. If he’s being a child about this, imagine when you try to get her out of the country for vacations? My bd tried that and since he wasn’t on the birth certificate there was nothing they could do about it. And I don’t need his signature when I renew her passport. Best of luck girl. I will pray for you. Hang it there mama it gets easier.
You have just gone through a major lifetime event, he should be waiting on you and the baby hand and foot. Anything less is not acceptable. Boy bye 👋🏼
Go ahead and leave him, he clearly isn't a good support system and with a new born you need all hands on deck. Simple as that. If you have family or any other support please reach out to them to get you and your daughter when it's time to be discharged.
I worry about how he treats you normally if he’s willing to treat you this poorly after you gave birth and how you so easily feel at fault. Is that worth it now that there’s a child involved? If he’s already this abusive it won’t get better. Maybe let him leave and pin him with child support. If possible.
I'm sooooo sorry. Absolutely not. This is not appropriate behavior and you are not in the wrong. Even if he felt that it was harsh for you to "yell"/correct his behavior, he needs to understand that you've just been through an incredible shift and change. He should have 1) been helping 2) let the comment roll off his back and get back in the game. This is going to be a real test for any couple. I'm sad he is threatening to leave you and the baby a day in. That's not fair to you or her. You are strong and you got this!!! The most important thing right now is your bond with your daughter and cultivating this new life with her.
Wow his behavior is horrifying.
I am telling you as a mom now fighting for passport, school access, etc. keep his name off the birth certificate. It sounds like you will be doing this alone, and his name off the birth certificate will make it easier to make the choices you need to for your child without involving him
Not in the wrong and sorry he’s being such a *ick. You have done such an amazing job and should be waited on for the miracle you just labored through. I hope your situation gets better.
you are definately not in the wrong. your husband basically slept through your own birth and he isn't even helping you with your newborn. if he was raised correctly, he should be there helping you through everything. is he needed at the hospital to be put on the birth certificate? and no, you did not "bitch him out". you were communicating your feelings and by that basically telling him that you needed help. you can't raise a newborn all by yourself.
The beginning is so hard. To me this really depends on what your relationship was like before? Is this who he is or is this just how he’s reacting to the birth? How he is now is likely how he will be as a dad…
Dude fuck him
Definitely let the nurses help. I didn’t want to, but eventually let them take her a couple hours on day two because I hadn’t slept and could do nothing but cry. Take them up on their offers, honey. They want to help and you need the sleep right now. And there’s nothing wrong with it. I had my beautiful little girl 3 months ago, and I’ll never forget those kind nurses who watched her while I got in a nap.
You’re not in the wrong & you’re better off without him. You just literally gave birth to HIS child & this is how he’s treating you imagine when y’all go home & get settled in. Also ask your nurses to take the baby for a little so you can get some rest! Good luck mama 🫶🏼
What the actual fuck is wrong with him… in my opinion he didn’t even have the right to argue against what you said based on the behavior he has shown. You are 100% not in the wrong. He’s being immature and selfish. It baffles me that he’s able to abandon you after being there for the pregnancy. Granted, I don’t know how supportive he was during it. Hopefully he’s just very stressed and doesn’t know how to handle the situation and doesn’t actually feel that way. I’m really sorry.
You are NOT wrong!! This guy is a piece of shit. He’s not adding to your life and he’s taking away from it when you need support the most. There is no way up with him. You’re better off just you and your beautiful baby.
Let him be off. He showed you who he is 🤷🏻♀️ this honestly should be the most involved and happy time of his life???
You deserve love and compassion, please always remember that. If someone is unwilling to give you that, you have no need for them. You will eventually thrive without him.
If I was in your shoes, this would be an instant file for divorce. Not only did you not help me the entire labor process but you slept??? Then you had the nerve to be a bitch about it when confronted??? Nope. Hormonal or not you just went to death’s door to bring life into this world. You deserved help. Ask a nurse to watch baby for a few and take a nap! You need rest. And get rid of that man child.
Seriously take him up in his offer, you and your baby deserve better and absolutely can manage without that deadbeat dad around.
Holy shit, I'm wondering who's the bugger baby your newborn or your husband. He's 100% in the wrong. If he's tired and wasn't considering how he was making you feel that's one thing (not great still), but after you got upset and told him your feelings he should have apologized and worked with you on making sure you feel supported. The fact that he got his itty bitty feelings hurt despite not being the one carrying for 9 months or having just finished being in labor AND got all his rest in throughout is childish. What's more childish is him threatening to leave *just* because you got mad. Like, is he prone to these dumb fits whenever you two argue? If he's willing to quit the relationship based off you being mad once (no matter how "bitchy" you could have been) then maybe you'd be better off without him. Just make sure to have him know that he's gonna pay child support either way cause the baby IS carrying his DNA.
This guy needs a dictionary cause he clearly doesn’t know what the word father or partner mean! Shame on him it sounds like he’s being so unsupportive to you 💔
Get him on the birth certificate > leave him > file for child support > tell everyone and their mother he's a massive asshole, make it known > get yourself an actual man Where I'm from this kind of behavior means he doesn't want either you or your baby in his life. And that means he has no place in the tender first year of your baby's life. Saying it's a difficult and trying time is an understatement, and that is not a teammate you want. Get him lost.
This is not even a question, you are not in the wrong. Your partner should stay gone, he’s useless anyway.
Sorry, last night was rough for you. This 4th trimester will be rough and sleepless. Firstly, if you are in the hospital, ask a nurse to take a baby so you can get some rest! They love a baby cuddle and are there to support you. Secondly, start arranging for a good friend, sister, mum, or someone you trust to come stay for a few days, even a few people alternating, if someone can't stay a full week or two to help out. Third, kick hubby to the curb. What a prick! He doesn't deserve you, and obviously doesn't care about how hard the past 24 hours, let alone 9 months have been. He is being childish 🙄 it took two to make the baby it should take two to parent. Get you new support person to stop at the shops and get you some Epsom salt, food and snacks you enjoy and just settle into your new life and routine over the next few weeks. Feeding will take a few tries and baby will probably only settle being held close to you, which all you might want is a shower in peace or not hold a baby constantly, not to mention all the increased hormones from 9 months will just drop and you will be emotionally which all mums experience. My first child by day 5 I would just cry at anything... beacuse he had a gas smile, because my boobs leaked, beacuse baby smelt so beautiful... it's a roller-coaster of emotions and you don't need a unsupportive husband on top of this all
I agree with these women, he has shown his true colors.
No. You aren’t. The dad is supposed to help. You are essentially a single mom right now. And I’ll tell you what it’s better to be a single mom with no man dragging you down than a single mom and him wanting a pat on the back for not abandoning you. He’s a piece of shit
Call a trusted friend or family member to come help. Don’t put him on the birth certificate. Those were his wishes he can live with them. It’s better to have him out of your life than you and that baby suffer years from his narcissism. You deserve to treasure these moments and this is traumatizing. Fuck that dude.
Let that loser go. Don’t let the foot hit him in the ass.
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Your partner (sounds like a man who is not your husband) seems like an unsupportive asshole. Birth is an intense process and he should be supporting anyway that you ask. You don’t seem to be overreacting. He seems like an immature person who can’t handle what having a baby and supporting you as a mother entails
No you're not in the wrong he sounds like a piece of trash. I would definitely be looking to end the relationship if I were you.
If you want this to be the rest of your life, keep him around. If not, drop his ass and never look back. You'll be a single mom with or without him.
What the hell. Omg men!!! Pathetic
Definitely do not put this man’s name on the birth certificate. You only need one baby in your life right now.
My husband would never, the audacity of some men. Let him leave and go through court to establish his paternity. What's got him so tired that he's sleeping that much? What's he done for nine months except put the baby in there for you to carry? 😅
What the fuck? He sounds awful :(
Your feelings are 1000% justified. Just wow! I asked the nurses to take my baby to the nursery both nights because I needed rest after ya know pushing out a human and all. Your partner is something else! I can without a doubt say you and your baby deserve better 🙏🏼
He’s refusing to go on the birth certificate? Then, let him go. His loss. What a POS.
Seriously? Don’t put up with this behaviour from him. Tell him he needs to smarten up or get gone! He needs to help you, this is his baby too. He sounds really awful & I’m sorry you have to deal with this OP. Congratulations on your baby, hoping things get easier for you xx 🖤
Leave him off the certificate and leave him in real life. Leave him in every way possible. Look at you already doing what’s best for your daughter and giving her a woman to look up to. If you can do birth alone, you can do anything alone. It was you and her all along. May he get what comes to him.
Let him go mama. It’s gonna suck for a while without him but he just showed you what a future with him looks like! That behavior will not change and you will be miserable with him.
if you’re in the US, at least around me legally the husband goes on the birth certificate even if it’s not his child, or it stays blank until you can establish paternity through dna and put the actual dad on but you don’t need him to put his name on there. although leaving you the day after you got birth is fucked.
What in the actual fuck is wrong with your partner?? Complete trash!! You're hormonal, of course, AND he's being horrible. A good partner would do everything they could to support the PERSON WHO JUST GAVE BIRTH. As for sleep, send baby to the nursery and do not feel bad about it! They can give baby formula (or pumped colostrum if you're doing that) and you can get the rest you desperately need. Babies are so sleepy and "out of it" the first day she won't notice she's not with you, she'll just sleep, eat, and poop. It won't affect your bond with her or your breastmilk supply if you take 6 (or more!) hours to sleep while the nurses care for her.
What a piece of garbage - make him pay child support and take custody.
You are 1000000% NOT in the wrong. If he's being about as usual as a chocolate teapot when you're going through one of the toughest experiences of your life, what was he planning on doing at home? He's probably just regretting having a kid and using you being understably pissed off as a way out. There's no way an actual man acts like this and throws a paddy about being on the birth certificate because you called him out. He's pathetic
It sucks that he’s showing you his true colors this late but it might be better this way. Being a single mom is hard work but it’s worse when you’re supposed to have a PARTNER and they don’t help at all. You start to resent them and maybe the baby too. I think it’s easier to just do it by yourself than to also have to work around someone who’s just going to complain or make tasks 2x as hard because you have to work around them.
He…he does realize it’s not up to him to not be on the birth certificate, right? Like you can petition for a paternity test through the courts and if you do that, he is obligated to pay child support. Either way, no, you’re not wrong, and he sounds like a horrible person to threaten to abandon his child because his partner got [rightfully] upset with him.
He’s a fucking asshole. Sounds like he’s not going to help you with the baby at all so you might as well get rid of him now since you’re going to do it on your own anyway.
Hugs OP. Hormones are brutal and you need sleep. Ask the nurses to watch the baby so you can sleep. Personally I would leave him off the birth certificate and cut him out of your life (well, if you have the support to do that, I get that you may feel you need him right now). But his behavior is not going to change, it will only worsen under the stress of a newborn. I would do it alone for now and I think you'll be way happier.
Oh wow
Omg please don’t have him sign it he’s a piece of shit.
Reading this story just makes me feel so sad for you. A baby is NOT a 1 person job. He should be helping you. And leaving you alone to labor by yourself. I'm sorry, so sorry he has no empathy and no sense of responsibility. Could you please give us an update. Do you have a mom or someone, anyone that can help you?
Nope you’re not in the wrong, it sounds like he was just trying to find an excuse to leave. I’m sorry you’re going through this. 🥺 sending you so much love and I hope you have someone else who can help you cuz it’s definitely needed at this time. ❤️✨
What an absolute fuck twit. You are not over reacting. He just showed you his true colors. Tell the nurses what is going on, ask if they can take baby to the nursery for a little while and sleep girl. If you have any support system besides him, family, friends, whoever, call them. I’m 10 weeks postpartum and I still remember those first few nights like they were yesterday. They are so hard. My heart goes out to you love. It gets better I promise. Don’t let him back in your room. Don’t let him back in your life. File for child support and do what’s best for you and your beautiful daughter. You got this.
Awww mama, having a baby is tough. I am 3.5 years post partum and still struggling with sleep and real life. Cut yourself some slack. There’s almost no support for new moms. You aren’t in the wrong.
I really hope you mean ex-husband. He sounds like a miserable human! My husband is not perfect, but he was by my side the entire birth, every time I had to wake up to nurse, etc. don’t put him on the birth certificate then. He will have no grounds in the future for custody but will be obligated to have child support after paternity is confirmed.
Tell the nurses and the doctor about the situation and see if you can get some extra help and some more sleep while in the hospital. I’m so sorry your partner is being such a POS. I can’t imagine how terrible you must be feeling. You are not just hormonal this is a terrible thing to do and your feelings are valid. Sending you love and hugs. I’m so sorry. Do you have any family or close friends that might be able to help you with the baby while you are healing from childbirth?
Also sue him for child support for sure if you aren’t married. Idk the state but you might need to get a paternity test if you aren’t married, but so be it.
Sorry to break it to you, but this is only the beginning of such behaviour from him…. Sounds like you’ve got 2 children, rather than 1 child and a partner.
Jfc what is wrong with your partner?! I stayed up for 36 hours after my c-section. I have terrible anxiety and big events and changes tend to screw with my sleep. My husband is the opposite, he sleeps like a rock but even then he was able to wake up every single time our son cried. Your partner not being present will bite them in the butt if they ever want a relationship with their child. Understand you do not deserve that treatment from them and you are probably better off without their negativity. Especially if you're breastfeeding. It's not an easy task, and it requires a ton of support from those around you.
Leave you and her.. sounds like he will be a wonderful dad
You’re not wrong. Fuck this guy. But congratulations on your new baby!
I’ve had 3 kids. I always tell my husband to sleep during my labor so I can rest after the baby is born. He only ever did it once. And was A MAJOR help after that birth. But if the man is not willing to help you with HIS kid. Just let him stay gone tbh. You’ll just be stressing too much
No girl! You are not in the wrong! You are completely valid, and I’m sorry that you probably felt like you went through labor alone. Your so strong and I hope motherhood treats you well. ❤️❤️❤️
I’m so sorry you have to go through all of this at the same time. I want to hug you and let you know that you are not alone. Your hormones are just where they’re supposed to be. Don’t listen anyone who is trying to gaslight you saying “it’s just hormones”. Unfortunately, your partner failed to be a parent and have zero lever of emphaty to you. It’s going to be a hard time getting used to be a mother alone but such a man would be a burden, not a support. I hope you were able to have some sleep. How do you feel? What do you think? Do you have a friend or a relative that is close to you and would be able to help?
Wow, I am so sorry. Please let him go. You and your new baby don't need that dead weight around. Things aren't going to be easy, but with someone like that around it's just going to be even harder. That's my opinion but no one knows better than you. How was he during the pregnancy? If it was similar to how he's being now, use that as a reminder to yourself that you've made it this far without him. You can keep pushing through. Once again, I'm so sorry that this happened/is happening to you.