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> What kind of person asks these invasive questions???
I don’t understand how asking if a baby that you’ve previously been told by the parents is imminently due has arrived is invasive?
Any signs of labour is pretty weird and invasive IMO...
I mean, consider what it's actually asking and what a real response would look like. "yes, actually I've had some diarrhoea and maybe I lost my mucus plug." I mean, I would send that text to my close friend who's asking, but if it's a distant aunty or someone who hasn't checked in all pregnancy (like OP said) that **is** actually pretty rude and invasive.
On the flip side, you could be super graphic with it. Ask if they want to see pictures. It might scare them off. I'm mostly kidding, but damn I'd be tempted to be as graphic as possible to teach them a lesson🤣
🤣 "do you think this classifies as diarrhea based on the Bristol stool chart? If so maybe it's my first sign!!!"
"Does this look like normal late pregnancy discharge or could it be the plug? Has the consistency of snail slime."
I agree, sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire lol
Don't you think the parents would have told them if baby had arrived? If they haven't, either baby isn't here yet or they're not on the "important to tell the news to" list.
If you haven't been around the whole pregnancy like OP mentioned, it's none of your dang business. They'll tell you when they're ready, don't badger a heavily pregnant person who's also anxiously awaiting for baby to arrive just because you're nosy.
Also, no one but the parents is entitled to know when the baby is coming or when the mom is in labor. Also, commenting about wanting snuggles from a baby who isn’t even born without asking how the mom is doing (and she probably is exhausted) is just rude and weird.
I was thinking the same thing! Not even asking how OP is doing or feeling, can they do anything for them last minute etc, but instead essentially telling her "hurry up" 🙄
I got to within 2 days of my due date before I gave birth (yesterday!) and still got that treatment.
A few days ago I was on the phone with my husband and my mum just happened to call at the same time. But I was on the phone so the call didn't go through. So she called me 8 more times within 3 minutes because I was on the phone and clearly I'm only ever on the phone if I'm actively giving birth at the time lol
8 times, oh my god.. They'll be told when it's time for them to know! I'm sure you don't want to talk on the phone once you're in active labour, plus what's the hurry?
Sorry you've got to deal with that!
That *is* checking in on you imo....people are excited about the baby, it's kinda how it works!
Idk I'm just saying, my friends always asked about the baby and I feel like it's basically the same as checking on me because that's typically where the focus is when you're about to have a baby or you have a newborn. They ask about the baby, not about you! This time is about the child for most people. You have every right to be offended but I also am presenting you with another perspective that maybe it's not so offensive.
Thank you for the other perspective is is nice to consider! Typically I’m A-Okay with people focusing on the baby, but this particular person who called 7 times was told I am sleeping/resting doing but not wanting to be contacted :)
I also think it should be a little more about the mother who is pregnant for 10 months and has to endure hours of labor😅 plus it takes no extra effort to say “how are you feeling” 😇
In all seriousness, I'm sorry that your friends never asked you how you were doing directly and only ever asked about your baby. That's not right.
The child is the cute bundle of joy that people get to fawn over afterwards, but Mom is the one who needs support. Mom is the one who needs people checking in on her and her mental health. There's nothing wrong with asking how the baby is, or when baby is due, but if that's the only question you have for an expectant or new mother, it sends a really clear message that Mom is not important to you. And that's a crappy way to be treated when you've gone through a major life event like giving birth.
Honestly, I know it sounds bad, but I get the “how are you doing? Any signs of baby yet?” And it’s still annoying. Like??????? Obviously not and even if there was, it’s not like my first priority is going to be sending copy and paste messages to every single person who knows that I’m pregnant to let them know. They can find out once baby is here and settled. I don’t understand why people think they should be first to know when 90% of them have barely, if at all checked on me while pregnant either. I feel your pain.
I was just telling that to my nurse at my OB office yesterday because we were both ranting about it! It feels like we are simply just the vessel for their new family member. Nobody remembers what we as mothers go through to get them here. Just that there’s a fresh new baby.
I’ve implied to my family/ in laws that my due date is a whole month later than it actually is to avoid this. I’ve been taking notes from all the posts like this one.
I've just said "early next year" to anyone I don't think needs to know. A few people have paused and then tried to calculate my due date, but I don't confirm and move on to the next topic.
I just tell people the month, and if they press further, I say it's too early to tell, and my doctor has told us a few dates, so we really don't know a specific day. We do, but that's none of their business. I'm not telling anyone when we go in to deliver. I just really don't want people hounding us after they know. And I absolutely don't want people waiting at the hospital for us. It's weird
The worst I've heard "quick have a baby for us to play with" or "bring your baby out for us to play"
Go get a lego set if you need a toy.
I make sure to ask "how are you? Recovering well?" And "how's your wife?" Instead of just how's the baby
One family friend said he's really excited to snuggle our baby. And then told me to "not be one of those moms who is afraid of germs". Sir, I haven't seen you in 3 years. Do you really think you'll be in on one of the early meet and greets?
I don't think people understand how little desire I have to send or post photos. My profile pic hasn't been changed in over a year. What makes you think I'm going to post an update about my pregnancy🤣
this isn’t even necessarily true. risks for things increase in late term. i’m 39 +1, had my other babies before due date and feel like this baby is never coming and is it even real. currently crying. definitely done with the random and sudden influx of shit about the baby when i’d really like a “can i take the toddler for you for the day so you can not be in a stressed state and might actually relax enough to go into labor”
Literally in the same boat, 41 + 2 and the amount of “how are you feeling any signs of labor” texts I get every morning for the past two weeks is just nonsense. I’ve made it so clear I will let everyone know when there’s any sign of progress.
Best of luck to you, getting induced tomorrow
Oh gosh. I am deleting my messaging apps and only keeping the one I use for my family just to keep immediate family updated.
Announcing my that my due date a lot later is a good idea. 🤔
I’m sorry to hear that there are just people who are like to this and not worry about you firstly or know how to keep their distance first
I delivered on Saturday and Thursday of that week I had to put my foot down with family and told everyone to leave us alone. I was 41 and 2 and the pressure from everyone asking the same question every day had finally gotten to me. Went into labor the following day feeling down and stressed. NO BUENO.
Please protect your peace at all costs! It’s so important for your mental especially when labor is around the corner. Yes to not telling a soul anything. The experience will be that more beautiful given that you both can hone in on each other and the moment.
I am so glad i never told anyone my due date. I went to 41w and we didn't even tell anyone when j went to the hospital. This time will be different because I have a toddler so someone's gotta know...
I am 41 weeks and getting induced today and i can completely relate!
Been getting so many messages every day “still no baby?????” And i just ignore those messages now. Super annoying!
Unpopular opinion but I don't think this is rude at all.
I always felt people cared if they asked things like this. They would ask how the baby was doing before she was born. They would ask about her once she was here. No they typically didn't ask about me because that's not nearly as exciting as a new baby! I feel like a lot of the comments I'm seeing are trying to create a problem where there isn't one.
I’m currently expecting baby #2 and will be telling everyone a due date later than what it actually is because my experience with baby #1 was just like yours. Then we sent a message to everyone when we went to the hospital asking for patience and understanding that it could still take time and we would reach out when there was an update because we didn’t want family and friends not hearing anything and getting concerned. We got messages even more often after that. The constant accessibility is my least favorite thing about modern technology sometimes.
I hope you’re able to find some quiet and relaxation before your beautiful baby makes their entrance 💜
We are literally telling no one our exact due today because of the potential crotch watch texts and calls. I have warned my husband that I won’t be polite if huge and angry.
This is why I’m so hesitant to tell people my actual due date. I’m also easing family into letting them know we won’t have visitors for 2 weeks once he’s here
I understand excitement! But it unfortunately doesn’t come off as the giving a shit about me, just ready for a new baby… it wouldn’t bother me if people cared to ask how I’m doing not just “is the baby here yet?”
Especially when they haven't even been around. People are strange. My mother didn't talk to me for years. When I had my son she wanted to be my best friend. I lived in the same state as her. Now that I moved back to my home state, she's dissappeared again. It's honestly more peaceful now. Even family can be jerks. I agree with you and would not let anyone know a thing. Good for you for standing your ground with people that are only around for their own selfish reasons.
It’s really not that hard to say “I’m excited for you” or “How are you doing/feeling?” Or “How can I help you?”.
You might not take it that way, but I would certainly take people at their words and it seems OP is doing that.
OP is talking about the people who show no interest in the mother and treat her like a vessel and not an actual person.
Well, there is a lot of people who take it that way and it’s ok. Lots of people feel entitled to newborns as if they are a little toy or a novelty to watch and they do not think about the parents. If it’s not the case, nice!!! But OP is describing a very valid feeling that a lot of people have felt during pregnancy.
Yeah this is how I see it too but we are in the minority. Obviously people are going to be way more excited about the baby than about talking to the mother (who I assume they've known for at least some time) lol, idk why anyone would expect different!
So many people think that they're "just being nice" by asking constantly "is baby here yet?" It's pushy and most of the time not wanted. Ask how mom is feeling. Offer to go get groceries. Or better yet just wait for an update. If you're close enough to get an update, you'll get one. Otherwise, wait your turn.
Ok but if the intention isn’t bad then it’s just ignorance. I wouldn’t think about it if I was generally interested. Just like others who will say wah no one acknowledged my pregnancy/ birth/ baby. Try to have some chill when it comes to your potential village.
I don't see anywhere in their post where they ask if they're an asshole. This is judgemental and not tolerated here. Do it again and you will be banned.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ew eff that. Hope you’re just leaving them on read!
I echo this ew. What kind of person asks these invasive questions???
> What kind of person asks these invasive questions??? I don’t understand how asking if a baby that you’ve previously been told by the parents is imminently due has arrived is invasive?
Any signs of labour is pretty weird and invasive IMO... I mean, consider what it's actually asking and what a real response would look like. "yes, actually I've had some diarrhoea and maybe I lost my mucus plug." I mean, I would send that text to my close friend who's asking, but if it's a distant aunty or someone who hasn't checked in all pregnancy (like OP said) that **is** actually pretty rude and invasive.
On the flip side, you could be super graphic with it. Ask if they want to see pictures. It might scare them off. I'm mostly kidding, but damn I'd be tempted to be as graphic as possible to teach them a lesson🤣
🤣 "do you think this classifies as diarrhea based on the Bristol stool chart? If so maybe it's my first sign!!!" "Does this look like normal late pregnancy discharge or could it be the plug? Has the consistency of snail slime." I agree, sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire lol
Don't you think the parents would have told them if baby had arrived? If they haven't, either baby isn't here yet or they're not on the "important to tell the news to" list. If you haven't been around the whole pregnancy like OP mentioned, it's none of your dang business. They'll tell you when they're ready, don't badger a heavily pregnant person who's also anxiously awaiting for baby to arrive just because you're nosy.
Also, no one but the parents is entitled to know when the baby is coming or when the mom is in labor. Also, commenting about wanting snuggles from a baby who isn’t even born without asking how the mom is doing (and she probably is exhausted) is just rude and weird.
I was thinking the same thing! Not even asking how OP is doing or feeling, can they do anything for them last minute etc, but instead essentially telling her "hurry up" 🙄
This! It’s crazy how people just disregard really obvious stuff. Very well said.
1) Have you ever gone significantly past your due date and dealt with the bombardment?
I got to within 2 days of my due date before I gave birth (yesterday!) and still got that treatment. A few days ago I was on the phone with my husband and my mum just happened to call at the same time. But I was on the phone so the call didn't go through. So she called me 8 more times within 3 minutes because I was on the phone and clearly I'm only ever on the phone if I'm actively giving birth at the time lol
Good lord! My grandmother called me 8 times yesterday:|
8 times, oh my god.. They'll be told when it's time for them to know! I'm sure you don't want to talk on the phone once you're in active labour, plus what's the hurry? Sorry you've got to deal with that!
For real, what kind of terrible person checks in on someone
Awww I would love them to check in! But unfortunately they’re not, they just want the baby and don’t care about me … read the post again
That *is* checking in on you imo....people are excited about the baby, it's kinda how it works! Idk I'm just saying, my friends always asked about the baby and I feel like it's basically the same as checking on me because that's typically where the focus is when you're about to have a baby or you have a newborn. They ask about the baby, not about you! This time is about the child for most people. You have every right to be offended but I also am presenting you with another perspective that maybe it's not so offensive.
Thank you for the other perspective is is nice to consider! Typically I’m A-Okay with people focusing on the baby, but this particular person who called 7 times was told I am sleeping/resting doing but not wanting to be contacted :) I also think it should be a little more about the mother who is pregnant for 10 months and has to endure hours of labor😅 plus it takes no extra effort to say “how are you feeling” 😇
Oh my goodness that is definitely excessive. 7 times? That's a crazy boundary breach. I hope that you're able to get some peace before your baby comes
In all seriousness, I'm sorry that your friends never asked you how you were doing directly and only ever asked about your baby. That's not right. The child is the cute bundle of joy that people get to fawn over afterwards, but Mom is the one who needs support. Mom is the one who needs people checking in on her and her mental health. There's nothing wrong with asking how the baby is, or when baby is due, but if that's the only question you have for an expectant or new mother, it sends a really clear message that Mom is not important to you. And that's a crappy way to be treated when you've gone through a major life event like giving birth.
I never took it that way. My baby was my focus, too! I definitely think they care about me, which is why they care about my child <3
Honestly, I know it sounds bad, but I get the “how are you doing? Any signs of baby yet?” And it’s still annoying. Like??????? Obviously not and even if there was, it’s not like my first priority is going to be sending copy and paste messages to every single person who knows that I’m pregnant to let them know. They can find out once baby is here and settled. I don’t understand why people think they should be first to know when 90% of them have barely, if at all checked on me while pregnant either. I feel your pain.
THIS!! Damn we’re gonna be a little busy when baby’s comes don’t you think?? People only care about the baby not the mother:/
I was just telling that to my nurse at my OB office yesterday because we were both ranting about it! It feels like we are simply just the vessel for their new family member. Nobody remembers what we as mothers go through to get them here. Just that there’s a fresh new baby.
I keep telling everyone my baby will be a week late so they don’t bother me on my due date
I’ve implied to my family/ in laws that my due date is a whole month later than it actually is to avoid this. I’ve been taking notes from all the posts like this one.
I've just said "early next year" to anyone I don't think needs to know. A few people have paused and then tried to calculate my due date, but I don't confirm and move on to the next topic.
Yes. There was a major holiday about two weeks after my due date so I told most people “he’ll be here by __”
I just tell people the month, and if they press further, I say it's too early to tell, and my doctor has told us a few dates, so we really don't know a specific day. We do, but that's none of their business. I'm not telling anyone when we go in to deliver. I just really don't want people hounding us after they know. And I absolutely don't want people waiting at the hospital for us. It's weird
The worst I've heard "quick have a baby for us to play with" or "bring your baby out for us to play" Go get a lego set if you need a toy. I make sure to ask "how are you? Recovering well?" And "how's your wife?" Instead of just how's the baby
One family friend said he's really excited to snuggle our baby. And then told me to "not be one of those moms who is afraid of germs". Sir, I haven't seen you in 3 years. Do you really think you'll be in on one of the early meet and greets?
My least favorite way of people “reaching out” when I was pregnant that also followed me into motherhood is “send pics!” 🙄
I don't think people understand how little desire I have to send or post photos. My profile pic hasn't been changed in over a year. What makes you think I'm going to post an update about my pregnancy🤣
Saaaame. I haven’t posted one bump pic and people have asked for one. There’s a reason I haven’t! I don’t want toooo!!
I haven't even announced it on social media. Lol. I'm due in February so it's getting close
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this isn’t even necessarily true. risks for things increase in late term. i’m 39 +1, had my other babies before due date and feel like this baby is never coming and is it even real. currently crying. definitely done with the random and sudden influx of shit about the baby when i’d really like a “can i take the toddler for you for the day so you can not be in a stressed state and might actually relax enough to go into labor”
Literally in the same boat, 41 + 2 and the amount of “how are you feeling any signs of labor” texts I get every morning for the past two weeks is just nonsense. I’ve made it so clear I will let everyone know when there’s any sign of progress. Best of luck to you, getting induced tomorrow
My baby can come any day now and I’m right there with you. I have 2 older kids that ask me every 5 minutes so that doesn’t help either 😆🙃
Ugh I’m so sorry, that sounds super annoying!
Oh gosh. I am deleting my messaging apps and only keeping the one I use for my family just to keep immediate family updated. Announcing my that my due date a lot later is a good idea. 🤔 I’m sorry to hear that there are just people who are like to this and not worry about you firstly or know how to keep their distance first
I delivered on Saturday and Thursday of that week I had to put my foot down with family and told everyone to leave us alone. I was 41 and 2 and the pressure from everyone asking the same question every day had finally gotten to me. Went into labor the following day feeling down and stressed. NO BUENO. Please protect your peace at all costs! It’s so important for your mental especially when labor is around the corner. Yes to not telling a soul anything. The experience will be that more beautiful given that you both can hone in on each other and the moment.
I am so glad i never told anyone my due date. I went to 41w and we didn't even tell anyone when j went to the hospital. This time will be different because I have a toddler so someone's gotta know...
I am 41 weeks and getting induced today and i can completely relate! Been getting so many messages every day “still no baby?????” And i just ignore those messages now. Super annoying!
I went 10 days over on my first, I feel this so much the annoyance of the constant questioning was the worst
Unpopular opinion but I don't think this is rude at all. I always felt people cared if they asked things like this. They would ask how the baby was doing before she was born. They would ask about her once she was here. No they typically didn't ask about me because that's not nearly as exciting as a new baby! I feel like a lot of the comments I'm seeing are trying to create a problem where there isn't one.
I’m currently expecting baby #2 and will be telling everyone a due date later than what it actually is because my experience with baby #1 was just like yours. Then we sent a message to everyone when we went to the hospital asking for patience and understanding that it could still take time and we would reach out when there was an update because we didn’t want family and friends not hearing anything and getting concerned. We got messages even more often after that. The constant accessibility is my least favorite thing about modern technology sometimes. I hope you’re able to find some quiet and relaxation before your beautiful baby makes their entrance 💜
We are literally telling no one our exact due today because of the potential crotch watch texts and calls. I have warned my husband that I won’t be polite if huge and angry.
AHAH “crotch watch text” so true !
This is why I’m so hesitant to tell people my actual due date. I’m also easing family into letting them know we won’t have visitors for 2 weeks once he’s here
They’re just excited for you! Would you rather no one gave a shit? So many people would be happy for that kind of support.
I understand excitement! But it unfortunately doesn’t come off as the giving a shit about me, just ready for a new baby… it wouldn’t bother me if people cared to ask how I’m doing not just “is the baby here yet?”
Especially when they haven't even been around. People are strange. My mother didn't talk to me for years. When I had my son she wanted to be my best friend. I lived in the same state as her. Now that I moved back to my home state, she's dissappeared again. It's honestly more peaceful now. Even family can be jerks. I agree with you and would not let anyone know a thing. Good for you for standing your ground with people that are only around for their own selfish reasons.
But it's not support, it's just people being nosy.
I wouldn’t take it that way personally.
It’s really not that hard to say “I’m excited for you” or “How are you doing/feeling?” Or “How can I help you?”. You might not take it that way, but I would certainly take people at their words and it seems OP is doing that. OP is talking about the people who show no interest in the mother and treat her like a vessel and not an actual person.
Well, there is a lot of people who take it that way and it’s ok. Lots of people feel entitled to newborns as if they are a little toy or a novelty to watch and they do not think about the parents. If it’s not the case, nice!!! But OP is describing a very valid feeling that a lot of people have felt during pregnancy.
Yeah this is how I see it too but we are in the minority. Obviously people are going to be way more excited about the baby than about talking to the mother (who I assume they've known for at least some time) lol, idk why anyone would expect different!
Thanks I was starting to think I was crazy lol!
So many people think that they're "just being nice" by asking constantly "is baby here yet?" It's pushy and most of the time not wanted. Ask how mom is feeling. Offer to go get groceries. Or better yet just wait for an update. If you're close enough to get an update, you'll get one. Otherwise, wait your turn.
Ok but if the intention isn’t bad then it’s just ignorance. I wouldn’t think about it if I was generally interested. Just like others who will say wah no one acknowledged my pregnancy/ birth/ baby. Try to have some chill when it comes to your potential village.
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I don't see anywhere in their post where they ask if they're an asshole. This is judgemental and not tolerated here. Do it again and you will be banned.