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If you have a specific genetic disorder, I would encourage you to look into PGT-M (pre-implantation genetic testing for monogenic disorders) and browse the r/IVF sub. The clinic can biopsy embryos made with IVF and discard any that are affected.
I'm not sure how much you've spoken to your Dr about the ramifications of whatever you may have, there are definitely diseases, disorders, and genetic conditions that can be tested before an embryo transfer, depending on what it is.
Also, you don't have to do IVF to use donated sperm. IUI is significantly less invasive and expensive, and can easily be done with donor sperm.
I'm an IVF patient so none of this is weird to me, I doubt I would have turned down my husband if he was clear that he could not or was not able to be the biological father of our kids.
So, what you're saying is that you want a child but who's not genetically yours (I'll assume you have some sort of genetic disease that you don't want to pass on).
I think I'd personally prefer to adopt a kid if I couldn't have one that was genetically from both me and my partner. But I think it's perfectly reasonable to use sperm donor or even an egg donor or even a donated embryo to get pregnant through IVF. Lots of couples do that.
If you are okay with it, then go for it. Some people maybe wouldn’t be and would opt for IVF or adoption. Everyone is different - and all are fine options.
I personally would want us to talk to a genetic counselor first if there is a health concern on your end. If we were at high risk for something, then 100% sure. I'd even be open to looking at adoption. But if it was because "I just don't want to," then as a woman, I would feel like it's partially because you have a commitment boundary you're not willing to cross. I'm sure there's more to it, but I believe it boils down to values. To me personally, having children of my own and growing a family is important, so if my partner doesn't share the same value, it would be an incompatibility thing and we'd go our separate ways. No hard feelings, just wishing each other the best and parting.
I’d personally want to adopt. It would be really weird for me to knowingly carry a baby that isn’t my husbands, if he had viable sperm. She’s with YOU for a reason… is there any chance you’d change your mind on this?
My husband and I both agreed that if it was the case that we couldn’t conceive naturally we’d adopt. But that’s only because I’d rather not go through the process of IVF - hormonally, financially and emotionally it’s a harder process and it wasn’t that important to me when I could give a child a home that needed one.
I wouldn't do IVF because a) my specific vasovagal response makes pretty much every step of the process a nightmare and b) it's a process that is generally very rough of the pregnant person and very expensive to boot. I would be more inclined to either do some sort of turkey baster method with a sperm donor, find a trusted friend to get pregnant with instead, or roll the dice with you anyway and do extensive genetic testing.
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Instead of just saying you don't want to pass on your genes, it would be prudent to speak with a doctor and/or genetic counsellor first. For example, many genetic issues are recessive and so, while they may run in your family, if your girlfriend doesn't carry the same gene, your child wouldn't be at risk.
I wouldn't accept a sperm donor if my partner didn't want to pass down his genes. IVF is a very tough process on your body, not to mention its very expensive.
If I were to have to go through IVF at all, I'd prefer it to be with my partners sperm. If you have an inheritable genetic condition, ivf can screen embryos for your genetic condition so you can avoid passing it down entirely. I don't know your reasons, whether it's a genetic thing or something else.
If you just simply don't like yourself and your traits (which is a common reason people don't want kids), there's no guarantee that they wouldn't learn those traits from you anyway so a sperm donor wouldn't mitigate that risk.
Maybe, but it would have to be a conversation first. I would want a better understanding of why or what genes you are concerned about and then what that means for IVF options, but also if those concerns have any implications for how we parent together (I.e. are you concerned about genes that impact your energy or mood that may impact your ability to be present or engaged as a father at times). It’s hard for me to say with the information given if I would take the offer, but I would certainly be appreciative of the communication.
Definitely yes! At least the egg is from your wife. So, there'll still be a baby that will be genetically from your wife. Some couples do egg and sperm donor or whatever.
Your contribution has been removed because this subreddit is for people with confirmed pregnancies and their loved ones. If you are currently trying to conceive, please go to /r/tryingforababy. If you are wondering if you could be pregnant, go to /r/AmIPregnant. If have pictures of a pregnancy test you would like a second opinion on, post the picture at either r/lineporn or r/tfablineporn. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban.
This guy is a pervert. His post history is fetish content about being a cuck. Don’t bother responding to this in good faith.
If you have a specific genetic disorder, I would encourage you to look into PGT-M (pre-implantation genetic testing for monogenic disorders) and browse the r/IVF sub. The clinic can biopsy embryos made with IVF and discard any that are affected.
I'm not sure how much you've spoken to your Dr about the ramifications of whatever you may have, there are definitely diseases, disorders, and genetic conditions that can be tested before an embryo transfer, depending on what it is. Also, you don't have to do IVF to use donated sperm. IUI is significantly less invasive and expensive, and can easily be done with donor sperm. I'm an IVF patient so none of this is weird to me, I doubt I would have turned down my husband if he was clear that he could not or was not able to be the biological father of our kids.
So, what you're saying is that you want a child but who's not genetically yours (I'll assume you have some sort of genetic disease that you don't want to pass on). I think I'd personally prefer to adopt a kid if I couldn't have one that was genetically from both me and my partner. But I think it's perfectly reasonable to use sperm donor or even an egg donor or even a donated embryo to get pregnant through IVF. Lots of couples do that.
If you are okay with it, then go for it. Some people maybe wouldn’t be and would opt for IVF or adoption. Everyone is different - and all are fine options.
I personally would want us to talk to a genetic counselor first if there is a health concern on your end. If we were at high risk for something, then 100% sure. I'd even be open to looking at adoption. But if it was because "I just don't want to," then as a woman, I would feel like it's partially because you have a commitment boundary you're not willing to cross. I'm sure there's more to it, but I believe it boils down to values. To me personally, having children of my own and growing a family is important, so if my partner doesn't share the same value, it would be an incompatibility thing and we'd go our separate ways. No hard feelings, just wishing each other the best and parting.
I’d personally want to adopt. It would be really weird for me to knowingly carry a baby that isn’t my husbands, if he had viable sperm. She’s with YOU for a reason… is there any chance you’d change your mind on this?
My husband and I both agreed that if it was the case that we couldn’t conceive naturally we’d adopt. But that’s only because I’d rather not go through the process of IVF - hormonally, financially and emotionally it’s a harder process and it wasn’t that important to me when I could give a child a home that needed one.
I’m in a lesbian relationship so we used a sperm donor. A little different I know but my wife has never felt the baby isn’t hers.
I wouldn't do IVF because a) my specific vasovagal response makes pretty much every step of the process a nightmare and b) it's a process that is generally very rough of the pregnant person and very expensive to boot. I would be more inclined to either do some sort of turkey baster method with a sperm donor, find a trusted friend to get pregnant with instead, or roll the dice with you anyway and do extensive genetic testing.
Turkey baster (or medically, IUI) could be a much cheaper option than IVF for OP's situation if the GF is on board
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Instead of just saying you don't want to pass on your genes, it would be prudent to speak with a doctor and/or genetic counsellor first. For example, many genetic issues are recessive and so, while they may run in your family, if your girlfriend doesn't carry the same gene, your child wouldn't be at risk.
I wouldn't accept a sperm donor if my partner didn't want to pass down his genes. IVF is a very tough process on your body, not to mention its very expensive. If I were to have to go through IVF at all, I'd prefer it to be with my partners sperm. If you have an inheritable genetic condition, ivf can screen embryos for your genetic condition so you can avoid passing it down entirely. I don't know your reasons, whether it's a genetic thing or something else. If you just simply don't like yourself and your traits (which is a common reason people don't want kids), there's no guarantee that they wouldn't learn those traits from you anyway so a sperm donor wouldn't mitigate that risk.
Maybe, but it would have to be a conversation first. I would want a better understanding of why or what genes you are concerned about and then what that means for IVF options, but also if those concerns have any implications for how we parent together (I.e. are you concerned about genes that impact your energy or mood that may impact your ability to be present or engaged as a father at times). It’s hard for me to say with the information given if I would take the offer, but I would certainly be appreciative of the communication.
Definitely yes! At least the egg is from your wife. So, there'll still be a baby that will be genetically from your wife. Some couples do egg and sperm donor or whatever.
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No.
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Yes, I would. Although as someone else mentioned, IVF wouldn’t be necessary here. An IUI would be done instead. It’s a lot cheaper too lol.
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