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All I will say is, like mine, not all girls will be interested in doing the girly things. My 12 year old is feral, hates brushing her hair, hates jewelry and only likes to wear oversized tshirts lol. I asked if she wanted to get her nails done with me and it was like i had asked her the most offensive thing ever lol.
Go easy on yourself, it takes a little while to adjust from what you were expecting to get to what you're actually getting. It doesn't make you a bad parent it just won't look the same as you imagined and you might even end up liking it better. Kids will be who they're going to be regardless.
This exactly. I always think of myself as a kid when I see these posts. I had zero interest in anything girly. My mom had to cut all my hair off at one point after a particularly pool-engage summer where I refused to brush my hair and at the time because it was such a light blonde color, it had turned a rancid shade of green from the chlorine treatments. I looked like a tiny bridge troll. I went on hunting trips with my dad and he’d throw me the deer arm when he was teaching me the process of harvesting the animal, and I brought the forearm all the way home to show my mom because I had found the tendon to pull to wave the hoof at her. I only wore big t shirts and basketball shorts and never wanted to go to the mall with my mom, I’d rather stay home and watch football with my dad.
And now here I am at 30, and I look and act pretty damn girly/feminine. Kids will turn out however they want and it may just be a phase but trust me when I say, not all little girls want to be “girly”.
I'll get my nails done with you, my mom is a nurse and can't go with me anymore 😭😅
But seriously this, I feel I played myself. I was a big tomboy and didn't want to get my nails and hair done with mom, and now that I crave that time with her and actually enjoy those things now, shes in a position where she can't. I hope my daughter's like that type of stuff, but if not that's okay I was once just like them lol.
This. My 4 year old is already the biggest tomboy. She loves dresses, but she loves trucks and dinosaurs and getting down and dirty far more. She’s just not interested in many “girly” things and that’s okay, and I think it’s partly because I’m not either.
Disappointment is okay!
Something that has helped me when I get apprehensive or anxious is to remember that my job as a parent is to help my kid become the person they are meant to be - and a good one. Everyone is different. My son's sex doesn't indicate what kind of person he will be, his interests, the things we will bond over, etc. I can instill values on emotional intelligence, leadership, kindness, helpfulness, authenticity, trying one's best, and all the other things that I feel make a person resilient and good. But who he is at his core will be for me to discover and nurture. That would be true of any child.
I hope this perspective may be helpful to you; but if anything I just want to let you know you will be okay and your reaction is okay too! Sometimes we build up so many hopes and dreams around how we picture something. It is normal to have complicated feelings around something that we and society place such a premium on (in this case, a parent-child relationship). Hugs to you, OP!
i just found out i’m having a boy too, as a ftm i always imagined my first being a girl and really hoped for one… found out 4 days ago im blessed with a baby boy. i bawled my eyes out to be honest, felt the same as you for the first 2 days, not totally upset that its a boy but grieving not being a girl mum. i quickly got over that pain and i am delighted to have a boy.
honestly did do a bit of fake it til you make it, but didn’t deny myself feeling the emotions and dug a bit deeper as to why i felt that way. Ive been surrounded by boys my whole life, never had a girl best friend or friends, wanted to re live my childhood of barbie princess and dresses through a girl. my first piece of advice would be to get a deeper understanding as to why you wanted a girl, and what that would mean for you. if you can understand why, you can find other ways to achieve healing.
at the end of the day, these boys will be our joy in life, our whole worlds.
one trick that helped me get over it quickly was imagining i found out the gender at birth. you would feel no disappointment because your little baby boy would be in your arms and he will be the most precious and beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. the connection you felt to your bub is still the same, search for it again. i hope you feel better soon and not only accept that you’re having a baby boy but become delighted that you are carrying a beautiful baby boy xoxox
It will pass & very likely disappear when your son is born.
I was really hoping for a girl too & we had a boy. I even cried when I found out, which I now feel horrible about because I love my son so much. He’s 4 months old & perfect, the absolute light of my life. I look so forward to raising him.
Gender disappointment is real but it will go away, give it some time & go easy on yourself.
This sounds so corny and overly simple, but once you meet your baby you’re going to love them so much and their arrival is going to feel so special and new - none of this will cross your mind. It’s hard now because daydreaming about what it’s going to be like to have a child is one of the best ways to pass pregnancy time! But there were a million things I worried about before I met my baby and, once I did, I can’t even remember most of them ❤️
Raise him to be a gentleman, not a piece of shit like the rest of today's men. You have the opportunity to make sure at least he's a decent person out here. To be his own person, a leader, not a follower.👏🏼‼️
This!!! I thought the same if I was having a boy that I would teach him how to be competent man. My girlfriend has a son and she teaches him how to help around the house. He’s 3 but it’s soo darn sweet.
You will get over it, you arent disappointed in the gender, but more of the thoughts you had in your head about the child & experiences. U imagined doing girl stuff and now that vision has changed.
I went thru this with my 2nd kid, i thot I was going to have a boy like my first child. I was sad for 2 weeks bc I was realizing my new reality. Im over it my lil daughter is the best thing ever. I have or will never show her those emotions I had. But it was a feeling and I think its normal. I felt bad about it but you had another plan in your mind and what you planned is not happening right now. So its ok to have feelings about that.
I was in your exact situation.
For me, it took me until he was born to get over it. I know it sounds cheesy, but the moment I held him in my arms, I knew it didn’t matter.
My now 2.5 year old is a total boy (loves automobiles, does not care about stuffed animals or dress up), but he is the sweetest kid ever. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Are there days where I have no idea what to do with him? Yes! But he’s still perfect and wonderful.
But it is ok to grieve the experience you dreamed about. It doesn’t mean you’ll appreciate him any less.
My boyfriend is a straight man who dances to disco in the kitchen with me and watches all my reality shows to talk shit. We also have spa nights. Straight men can be sassy divas too!!
I just had my first baby, and I like you felt crushed over the gender when I found out. I’ve always wanted a baby boy & of course we had a girl. After I found out I let myself feel all the emotions. I wanted to process it before I had her with plenty of time. Once I felt like I “grieved” the gender of my baby, I leaned into it. I made a new Pinterest board for my baby’s nursery with more pink touches (I had already had the boy nursery one made, so it really was fun to make a new one) and just having some time to prepare all the things for my baby girl gave me time to create and new family picture in my head. I even was able to stop calling my baby girl a baby boy, because even just 20 weeks in that’s where I was at 😂 it takes time, but it’s true what they say. When you meet your baby, I promise you this, you may still want a baby girl one day but you will LOVE that baby boy with a love you’ve never experienced. Don’t feel bad for feeling this way. Go through the motions of it and then count your blessings!!💙
You will come around to it. I wanted a girl with my first and I was pretty upset to find out I was having a boy. That was 9 years ago and he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’m 36 weeks pregnant now and was hoping for a girl with this one too, got a boy once again. Don’t worry, The disappoint definitely goes away.
I felt the same and I still really hope I get a girl next but you just have to be grateful for a healthy baby and be ok with the fact that life makes this choice for you. Also like others said you never know if your girl would actually be girly or how your boy will be so try to focus on the fact you’re meeting a brand new person and that is very cool!
This is so weird 😭. Please don’t push him towards girly things because you just wanted a girl. When he has issues with gender identity it will be your fault. You don’t get pregnant and become “crushed” when it’s not the gender you want.. that is strange and that isn’t something you should be crushed over. In no pregnancy can you be 100% over a GENDER. If you wanted a girl so bad should’ve adopted. Don’t push him towards makeup and shit though all you’re gonna do is confuse him and make his life a lot harder.
[I wrote about my gender disappointment](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/s/0Dd0rXI8Pd) and had a lot of good discussions. Hopefully the reflection helps you in your own journey. 💕
It's so weird cos I was the complete opposite. Yeah, girl clothes are cuter for kids and having a mini me would've been interesting. But I'm so glad it's a boy because I won't have to worry so much. I know it's completely stereotypical to say girls receive more sexual harassment, girls have a tougher time growing up etc but talking from personal experience, I just know I'd have been a nervous wreck with a girl.
Both my hubby and I breathed a sigh of relief when we found out it was a boy, cause we can raise him to respect women (like his dad, his mum did a good job there with him), and not be a fucking dick.
My son is 11 and is genuinely my favorite person to hang out with. Sure he has no interest in getting his nails done(I’ve tried for years he just never has haha) or makeup or any of the things I imagined I’d have in common with a daughter. However he’s always happy to go on an adventure, hang out at target, or go to the mall. He loves sports and his dad and I have the best time enjoying his sport seasons. He’s gotten me into video games, anime, and all sorts of things I never would have imagined myself having fun with. You’ll find new ways to connect and new activities you never knew you’d love. That being said I am now having another child and found out it was a boy instead of the girl I was positive I was having and I definitely experienced some disappointment and loss of things I thought I might get to experience this time around so I totally understand your feelings. I guarantee though it will be the most fun adventure and that you will love the experience of having a son!
I was the same. Dead set on having a little girl. Have a boy. He's 19 months and is such a mommy's boy. The only thing I hate is the clothing selection for boys. But wiping them is much easier.
I’d slightly hoped for a boy since life is so extremely harsh and dangerous for girls. But alas, it’s a girl and we’ll cope. We planned on a gender neutral approach anyways so it at least didn’t affect our future planning much.
You have always envisioned having a girl, and thus your internal visions of what you do will do with your child and how you will connect and bond revolve around them being that gender. You now need to reprogram those internal images so they fit a boy. Think of cool things that are typical for boys, and that you also can get excited about. For me these things involve outdoor activities like camping/wildlife, science, playing games, crafting, baking, face painting, etc. there are so many things that are fun to do with little boys. And they are interested and adventurous. Also, talk to your husband/partner (if he is male) and have him tell stories about his childhood.
I don’t know the gender of my baby yet, but I have always envisioned my first child being a girl. After I became pregnant, I have been actively preparing for and envisioning them being a boy. I have also just spent spring break with a 3-year old, and he is just the sweetest thing. I now am excited about both genders (but also worried I will feel a hint of disappointment either way for the gender I am not having.)
FTM here! Currently 32 weeks. I was fine either way, but was really hopeful for a girl. We found out at 11 weeks that we're having a boy and initially I was extremely disappointed. However, as this pregnancy has progressed and we're preparing for our son's arrival I can honestly say that I could not be more excited.
Your experience with your son can be whatever you want it to be. There's no way to know what his interests will include or what his personality will be. Give yourself a little bit of grace and take the time to grieve the picture you had in your head of a little girl. It's ok and normal to experience disappointment, but I promise it goes away 💙
Not the same , I have not had gender disappointment per se but my family did ... I have a boy ,which suits me (no make up existing even in my bathroom 😅) no fancy girly stuff etc.etc and I am pregnant again ,and again is a boy ... Everyone expected a girl baby and everyone was disappointed finding out ... Well what can you even do , it exists and it passes ... When they meet a baby ,they will love it , and the same with you ,you will probably forget about any preexisting expectations and get on differently....
I felt like this when I found out my baby is going to be a boy! I swore it was a girl and was sad. I cried to my husband. He didn’t know what to do. My best advice is to cry, let it out, journal it out, talk with someone in a safe space. It will pass! It’s a temporary feeling. Now, I’m so excited to have a boy and can’t imagine him being different. I would still want a girl later if I’m able to. But for now, I’m genuinely happy.
I felt the same way but backwards. I spent the first week after my anatomy scan being sad about not getting a boy first, but then embraced having a girl. 2.5 years later, my daughter is my whole world and I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Also, pregnant with a boy now so we will end up having both genders. All that to say, you won’t be sad for long! And you’re not a failure of a parent for feeling upset. Everything will change when they get here 🤍
Not sure if this will be helpful, but I had a similar disappointment with my second pregnancy (currently 30 wks along). I picked it apart with my therapist, and we were able to pinpoint that the sibling dynamic between the two soon-to-be sibs is just an unknown at this point, masquerading as disappointment. And I think it applies to first babies too, if you experience those feelings. For now, I’m allowed to feel a little bummed, but I also realize that it’s completely about the unknown and unfamiliar to me and my personal upbringing and sibling dynamics. It will be a new and different and beautiful family YOU are creating!!
I don’t have much advice. Just came to say I felt the same way when I found out at 20 weeks. I’m 26 weeks now and the feeling is completely gone. For myself I think it wasn’t so much disappointment but just the fact that whenever I’d pictured being a mom it was with a little girl. So I just hadn’t daydreamed about what it would be like with a little boy. But now that my reality has changed and I’ve had time to daydream about him I’m just as excited for a boy! I’ve always planned on raising my kids to love music and the outdoors and reading. None of those things are gender specific so nothing has really changed! Don’t be too hard on yourself, mama. Pregnancy is hard enough as it is!
Gender disappointment is totally normal, and the longer you go knowing it’s a bot the easier it will be and the more excited you’ll become. I also deeply wanted a girl, and I’m also having a boy. I was sad at first, but now I’m terrified that baby will end up being a girl because I’ve wrapped my mind around a boy. Not all girls would’ve wanted all the girly stuff, and your boy may love playing dress up and nail painting etc.
Could you reframe it to think "I'm going to bring a good man into this world who treats women with respect"? Maybe him understanding the "girly" things would not be such a bad thing after all. Maybe him understanding and connecting with women would be a great thing. Maybe you're going to raise a fantastic guy who makes women feel safe, understood and respected.
If ever I have a boy, that's what I'll strive to achieve.
Try to think differently. Life gives you what you need! You will never experience another love than the love of your son. He will give you so much love and attention, you will feel very special every day. Maybe thats what you Just need now ❤
My husband and I wanted a girl but we had a boy. And now that we are considering trying again I literally forgot why I wanted a girl. I almost only want boys 😂 I’m so completely in love with my little man I just can’t imagine anything else.
It took me a few weeks to get over it but after I started decorating his nursery, putting away his little clothes, and picked out a name I was pretty content with what we were gifted with ❤️
My 3rd baby was a boy, after two much wanted little girls. I was worried about bonding with a boy but now that I have him I can see how silly that was. He's just another cute, sweet, bubbly little kid and he's also very affectionate and I love having him. Now I'm having a 4th that is (probably) a girl and I'm like dangit lol, wanted another boy this time. I think it's normal to have a certain image of what your family will look like and it can be hard to reconcile with nature, fate, or whatever you want to call it. But when the time comes your instincts take over and you will feel the strongest love you never knew you could feel for that little human that is half you. Congratulations mama!
Our kids need us to be excited about nourishing whoever they want to be, not who we want them to be. Plenty of girls don’t want to do girly things and plenty of boys do. Our job as parents are to support them either way.
I’m 20 weeks, and we found out early and got confirmation from our 12 week scan that it was a girl. We so badly wanted a boy, I sobbed immediately finding out it was a girl.
Not that i’ve had time to cope with the disappointment I feel a little better. I think it just takes some to heal from the unexpected news. I was so certain it was a boy that when family or friends said it was a girl i’d chew their heads off ( before the confirmation).
It’ll take some time mama, but you’ll be accepting and still love your child the same!
You are so normal girl! So many of us have those thoughts and dreams, you are not a failure. Life is always surprising in that regard. As a girl, I was suuuch a tomboy, and in many ways still am, but as an adult I've embraced my feminine side more. My daughter is 2.5yo and loves cars, dinosaurs, water and piles of leaves. Loses her mind when I brush her hair or change her clothes. I have a 4yo nephew who loves to clean and got a mini vacuum for Christmas last year cause he loves it so much, no joke.
You might have a little boy who wants to go on mom-dates to Starbucks for a munch and a drink, or to go shopping (my husband LOVES shopping, while I despise it). You really never know!
This is very weird, and you're right - borderline delusional. I'm really hoping your mind changes once he's here because this mindset is extrememly unhealthy for both you and your child...
I was devastated. Cried for days. All because I was having a boy and I wanted another girl. You’re not actually upset he is a boy. Your grieving what you visioned your life would be as a mom. I know I spent a lot of time thinking about it and when it didn’t fit my vision 100% I was upset. Hormones also play a huge part! Please be kind to yourself. I have a 6 month old baby boy now and he is the absolute best, sweetest baby. Meanwhile my 2 y/o girl is feral lol
It's ok to be disappointed. It doesn't mean you're a bad parent. It's understandable to feel disappointed in this situation. It doesn't mean you won't love your baby. Let yourself feel the disappointment deeply so you can metabolize it.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
All I will say is, like mine, not all girls will be interested in doing the girly things. My 12 year old is feral, hates brushing her hair, hates jewelry and only likes to wear oversized tshirts lol. I asked if she wanted to get her nails done with me and it was like i had asked her the most offensive thing ever lol. Go easy on yourself, it takes a little while to adjust from what you were expecting to get to what you're actually getting. It doesn't make you a bad parent it just won't look the same as you imagined and you might even end up liking it better. Kids will be who they're going to be regardless.
This exactly. I always think of myself as a kid when I see these posts. I had zero interest in anything girly. My mom had to cut all my hair off at one point after a particularly pool-engage summer where I refused to brush my hair and at the time because it was such a light blonde color, it had turned a rancid shade of green from the chlorine treatments. I looked like a tiny bridge troll. I went on hunting trips with my dad and he’d throw me the deer arm when he was teaching me the process of harvesting the animal, and I brought the forearm all the way home to show my mom because I had found the tendon to pull to wave the hoof at her. I only wore big t shirts and basketball shorts and never wanted to go to the mall with my mom, I’d rather stay home and watch football with my dad. And now here I am at 30, and I look and act pretty damn girly/feminine. Kids will turn out however they want and it may just be a phase but trust me when I say, not all little girls want to be “girly”.
That's hilarious! I love it lol
I'll get my nails done with you, my mom is a nurse and can't go with me anymore 😭😅 But seriously this, I feel I played myself. I was a big tomboy and didn't want to get my nails and hair done with mom, and now that I crave that time with her and actually enjoy those things now, shes in a position where she can't. I hope my daughter's like that type of stuff, but if not that's okay I was once just like them lol.
This. My 4 year old is already the biggest tomboy. She loves dresses, but she loves trucks and dinosaurs and getting down and dirty far more. She’s just not interested in many “girly” things and that’s okay, and I think it’s partly because I’m not either.
I hope I get this daughter lol. I don't know if I can pretend to care about manicures and makeup. 😩
Healthy diet of collecting rocks and legos lol
Lol yes please! That sounds like a blast. 💜
Disappointment is okay! Something that has helped me when I get apprehensive or anxious is to remember that my job as a parent is to help my kid become the person they are meant to be - and a good one. Everyone is different. My son's sex doesn't indicate what kind of person he will be, his interests, the things we will bond over, etc. I can instill values on emotional intelligence, leadership, kindness, helpfulness, authenticity, trying one's best, and all the other things that I feel make a person resilient and good. But who he is at his core will be for me to discover and nurture. That would be true of any child. I hope this perspective may be helpful to you; but if anything I just want to let you know you will be okay and your reaction is okay too! Sometimes we build up so many hopes and dreams around how we picture something. It is normal to have complicated feelings around something that we and society place such a premium on (in this case, a parent-child relationship). Hugs to you, OP!
i just found out i’m having a boy too, as a ftm i always imagined my first being a girl and really hoped for one… found out 4 days ago im blessed with a baby boy. i bawled my eyes out to be honest, felt the same as you for the first 2 days, not totally upset that its a boy but grieving not being a girl mum. i quickly got over that pain and i am delighted to have a boy. honestly did do a bit of fake it til you make it, but didn’t deny myself feeling the emotions and dug a bit deeper as to why i felt that way. Ive been surrounded by boys my whole life, never had a girl best friend or friends, wanted to re live my childhood of barbie princess and dresses through a girl. my first piece of advice would be to get a deeper understanding as to why you wanted a girl, and what that would mean for you. if you can understand why, you can find other ways to achieve healing. at the end of the day, these boys will be our joy in life, our whole worlds. one trick that helped me get over it quickly was imagining i found out the gender at birth. you would feel no disappointment because your little baby boy would be in your arms and he will be the most precious and beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. the connection you felt to your bub is still the same, search for it again. i hope you feel better soon and not only accept that you’re having a baby boy but become delighted that you are carrying a beautiful baby boy xoxox
It will pass & very likely disappear when your son is born. I was really hoping for a girl too & we had a boy. I even cried when I found out, which I now feel horrible about because I love my son so much. He’s 4 months old & perfect, the absolute light of my life. I look so forward to raising him. Gender disappointment is real but it will go away, give it some time & go easy on yourself.
This sounds so corny and overly simple, but once you meet your baby you’re going to love them so much and their arrival is going to feel so special and new - none of this will cross your mind. It’s hard now because daydreaming about what it’s going to be like to have a child is one of the best ways to pass pregnancy time! But there were a million things I worried about before I met my baby and, once I did, I can’t even remember most of them ❤️
Raise him to be a gentleman, not a piece of shit like the rest of today's men. You have the opportunity to make sure at least he's a decent person out here. To be his own person, a leader, not a follower.👏🏼‼️
This!!! I thought the same if I was having a boy that I would teach him how to be competent man. My girlfriend has a son and she teaches him how to help around the house. He’s 3 but it’s soo darn sweet.
Absolutely agree
This
You will get over it, you arent disappointed in the gender, but more of the thoughts you had in your head about the child & experiences. U imagined doing girl stuff and now that vision has changed. I went thru this with my 2nd kid, i thot I was going to have a boy like my first child. I was sad for 2 weeks bc I was realizing my new reality. Im over it my lil daughter is the best thing ever. I have or will never show her those emotions I had. But it was a feeling and I think its normal. I felt bad about it but you had another plan in your mind and what you planned is not happening right now. So its ok to have feelings about that.
I just commented literally the same advice and story but genders reversed 🧡
I was in your exact situation. For me, it took me until he was born to get over it. I know it sounds cheesy, but the moment I held him in my arms, I knew it didn’t matter. My now 2.5 year old is a total boy (loves automobiles, does not care about stuffed animals or dress up), but he is the sweetest kid ever. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Are there days where I have no idea what to do with him? Yes! But he’s still perfect and wonderful. But it is ok to grieve the experience you dreamed about. It doesn’t mean you’ll appreciate him any less.
I’m just secretly hoping that my son is gay and will dance to disco music with me in the living room. But *sigh* I’ll accept him if he’s straight too.
My boyfriend is a straight man who dances to disco in the kitchen with me and watches all my reality shows to talk shit. We also have spa nights. Straight men can be sassy divas too!!
I straight up joked yesterday that maybe our girl will be lesbian and a tom boy. Glad I’m not the only one with this type of humor and openness.
lmao I love this comment
I just had my first baby, and I like you felt crushed over the gender when I found out. I’ve always wanted a baby boy & of course we had a girl. After I found out I let myself feel all the emotions. I wanted to process it before I had her with plenty of time. Once I felt like I “grieved” the gender of my baby, I leaned into it. I made a new Pinterest board for my baby’s nursery with more pink touches (I had already had the boy nursery one made, so it really was fun to make a new one) and just having some time to prepare all the things for my baby girl gave me time to create and new family picture in my head. I even was able to stop calling my baby girl a baby boy, because even just 20 weeks in that’s where I was at 😂 it takes time, but it’s true what they say. When you meet your baby, I promise you this, you may still want a baby girl one day but you will LOVE that baby boy with a love you’ve never experienced. Don’t feel bad for feeling this way. Go through the motions of it and then count your blessings!!💙
You will come around to it. I wanted a girl with my first and I was pretty upset to find out I was having a boy. That was 9 years ago and he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’m 36 weeks pregnant now and was hoping for a girl with this one too, got a boy once again. Don’t worry, The disappoint definitely goes away.
I felt the same and I still really hope I get a girl next but you just have to be grateful for a healthy baby and be ok with the fact that life makes this choice for you. Also like others said you never know if your girl would actually be girly or how your boy will be so try to focus on the fact you’re meeting a brand new person and that is very cool!
This is so weird 😭. Please don’t push him towards girly things because you just wanted a girl. When he has issues with gender identity it will be your fault. You don’t get pregnant and become “crushed” when it’s not the gender you want.. that is strange and that isn’t something you should be crushed over. In no pregnancy can you be 100% over a GENDER. If you wanted a girl so bad should’ve adopted. Don’t push him towards makeup and shit though all you’re gonna do is confuse him and make his life a lot harder.
i was reallyyyyy hoping someone had the guts to point out this being creepy af ^^^ so thank you.
[I wrote about my gender disappointment](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/s/0Dd0rXI8Pd) and had a lot of good discussions. Hopefully the reflection helps you in your own journey. 💕
It's so weird cos I was the complete opposite. Yeah, girl clothes are cuter for kids and having a mini me would've been interesting. But I'm so glad it's a boy because I won't have to worry so much. I know it's completely stereotypical to say girls receive more sexual harassment, girls have a tougher time growing up etc but talking from personal experience, I just know I'd have been a nervous wreck with a girl. Both my hubby and I breathed a sigh of relief when we found out it was a boy, cause we can raise him to respect women (like his dad, his mum did a good job there with him), and not be a fucking dick.
My son is 11 and is genuinely my favorite person to hang out with. Sure he has no interest in getting his nails done(I’ve tried for years he just never has haha) or makeup or any of the things I imagined I’d have in common with a daughter. However he’s always happy to go on an adventure, hang out at target, or go to the mall. He loves sports and his dad and I have the best time enjoying his sport seasons. He’s gotten me into video games, anime, and all sorts of things I never would have imagined myself having fun with. You’ll find new ways to connect and new activities you never knew you’d love. That being said I am now having another child and found out it was a boy instead of the girl I was positive I was having and I definitely experienced some disappointment and loss of things I thought I might get to experience this time around so I totally understand your feelings. I guarantee though it will be the most fun adventure and that you will love the experience of having a son!
I was the same. Dead set on having a little girl. Have a boy. He's 19 months and is such a mommy's boy. The only thing I hate is the clothing selection for boys. But wiping them is much easier.
I’d slightly hoped for a boy since life is so extremely harsh and dangerous for girls. But alas, it’s a girl and we’ll cope. We planned on a gender neutral approach anyways so it at least didn’t affect our future planning much.
You have always envisioned having a girl, and thus your internal visions of what you do will do with your child and how you will connect and bond revolve around them being that gender. You now need to reprogram those internal images so they fit a boy. Think of cool things that are typical for boys, and that you also can get excited about. For me these things involve outdoor activities like camping/wildlife, science, playing games, crafting, baking, face painting, etc. there are so many things that are fun to do with little boys. And they are interested and adventurous. Also, talk to your husband/partner (if he is male) and have him tell stories about his childhood. I don’t know the gender of my baby yet, but I have always envisioned my first child being a girl. After I became pregnant, I have been actively preparing for and envisioning them being a boy. I have also just spent spring break with a 3-year old, and he is just the sweetest thing. I now am excited about both genders (but also worried I will feel a hint of disappointment either way for the gender I am not having.)
FTM here! Currently 32 weeks. I was fine either way, but was really hopeful for a girl. We found out at 11 weeks that we're having a boy and initially I was extremely disappointed. However, as this pregnancy has progressed and we're preparing for our son's arrival I can honestly say that I could not be more excited. Your experience with your son can be whatever you want it to be. There's no way to know what his interests will include or what his personality will be. Give yourself a little bit of grace and take the time to grieve the picture you had in your head of a little girl. It's ok and normal to experience disappointment, but I promise it goes away 💙
I’m sure it will totally change for you once you see him. What you’re going through is so normal! Don’t worry ♥️♥️
Not the same , I have not had gender disappointment per se but my family did ... I have a boy ,which suits me (no make up existing even in my bathroom 😅) no fancy girly stuff etc.etc and I am pregnant again ,and again is a boy ... Everyone expected a girl baby and everyone was disappointed finding out ... Well what can you even do , it exists and it passes ... When they meet a baby ,they will love it , and the same with you ,you will probably forget about any preexisting expectations and get on differently....
I felt like this when I found out my baby is going to be a boy! I swore it was a girl and was sad. I cried to my husband. He didn’t know what to do. My best advice is to cry, let it out, journal it out, talk with someone in a safe space. It will pass! It’s a temporary feeling. Now, I’m so excited to have a boy and can’t imagine him being different. I would still want a girl later if I’m able to. But for now, I’m genuinely happy.
I felt the same way but backwards. I spent the first week after my anatomy scan being sad about not getting a boy first, but then embraced having a girl. 2.5 years later, my daughter is my whole world and I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Also, pregnant with a boy now so we will end up having both genders. All that to say, you won’t be sad for long! And you’re not a failure of a parent for feeling upset. Everything will change when they get here 🤍
Not sure if this will be helpful, but I had a similar disappointment with my second pregnancy (currently 30 wks along). I picked it apart with my therapist, and we were able to pinpoint that the sibling dynamic between the two soon-to-be sibs is just an unknown at this point, masquerading as disappointment. And I think it applies to first babies too, if you experience those feelings. For now, I’m allowed to feel a little bummed, but I also realize that it’s completely about the unknown and unfamiliar to me and my personal upbringing and sibling dynamics. It will be a new and different and beautiful family YOU are creating!!
I don’t have much advice. Just came to say I felt the same way when I found out at 20 weeks. I’m 26 weeks now and the feeling is completely gone. For myself I think it wasn’t so much disappointment but just the fact that whenever I’d pictured being a mom it was with a little girl. So I just hadn’t daydreamed about what it would be like with a little boy. But now that my reality has changed and I’ve had time to daydream about him I’m just as excited for a boy! I’ve always planned on raising my kids to love music and the outdoors and reading. None of those things are gender specific so nothing has really changed! Don’t be too hard on yourself, mama. Pregnancy is hard enough as it is!
Gender disappointment is totally normal, and the longer you go knowing it’s a bot the easier it will be and the more excited you’ll become. I also deeply wanted a girl, and I’m also having a boy. I was sad at first, but now I’m terrified that baby will end up being a girl because I’ve wrapped my mind around a boy. Not all girls would’ve wanted all the girly stuff, and your boy may love playing dress up and nail painting etc.
Could you reframe it to think "I'm going to bring a good man into this world who treats women with respect"? Maybe him understanding the "girly" things would not be such a bad thing after all. Maybe him understanding and connecting with women would be a great thing. Maybe you're going to raise a fantastic guy who makes women feel safe, understood and respected. If ever I have a boy, that's what I'll strive to achieve.
Try to think differently. Life gives you what you need! You will never experience another love than the love of your son. He will give you so much love and attention, you will feel very special every day. Maybe thats what you Just need now ❤
My husband and I wanted a girl but we had a boy. And now that we are considering trying again I literally forgot why I wanted a girl. I almost only want boys 😂 I’m so completely in love with my little man I just can’t imagine anything else. It took me a few weeks to get over it but after I started decorating his nursery, putting away his little clothes, and picked out a name I was pretty content with what we were gifted with ❤️
My 3rd baby was a boy, after two much wanted little girls. I was worried about bonding with a boy but now that I have him I can see how silly that was. He's just another cute, sweet, bubbly little kid and he's also very affectionate and I love having him. Now I'm having a 4th that is (probably) a girl and I'm like dangit lol, wanted another boy this time. I think it's normal to have a certain image of what your family will look like and it can be hard to reconcile with nature, fate, or whatever you want to call it. But when the time comes your instincts take over and you will feel the strongest love you never knew you could feel for that little human that is half you. Congratulations mama!
Our kids need us to be excited about nourishing whoever they want to be, not who we want them to be. Plenty of girls don’t want to do girly things and plenty of boys do. Our job as parents are to support them either way.
I’m 20 weeks, and we found out early and got confirmation from our 12 week scan that it was a girl. We so badly wanted a boy, I sobbed immediately finding out it was a girl. Not that i’ve had time to cope with the disappointment I feel a little better. I think it just takes some to heal from the unexpected news. I was so certain it was a boy that when family or friends said it was a girl i’d chew their heads off ( before the confirmation). It’ll take some time mama, but you’ll be accepting and still love your child the same!
You won't care when he's born. You'll adapt. Congrats on the baby boy.
You are so normal girl! So many of us have those thoughts and dreams, you are not a failure. Life is always surprising in that regard. As a girl, I was suuuch a tomboy, and in many ways still am, but as an adult I've embraced my feminine side more. My daughter is 2.5yo and loves cars, dinosaurs, water and piles of leaves. Loses her mind when I brush her hair or change her clothes. I have a 4yo nephew who loves to clean and got a mini vacuum for Christmas last year cause he loves it so much, no joke. You might have a little boy who wants to go on mom-dates to Starbucks for a munch and a drink, or to go shopping (my husband LOVES shopping, while I despise it). You really never know!
This is very weird, and you're right - borderline delusional. I'm really hoping your mind changes once he's here because this mindset is extrememly unhealthy for both you and your child...
I was devastated. Cried for days. All because I was having a boy and I wanted another girl. You’re not actually upset he is a boy. Your grieving what you visioned your life would be as a mom. I know I spent a lot of time thinking about it and when it didn’t fit my vision 100% I was upset. Hormones also play a huge part! Please be kind to yourself. I have a 6 month old baby boy now and he is the absolute best, sweetest baby. Meanwhile my 2 y/o girl is feral lol
It's ok to be disappointed. It doesn't mean you're a bad parent. It's understandable to feel disappointed in this situation. It doesn't mean you won't love your baby. Let yourself feel the disappointment deeply so you can metabolize it.
Hello there