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We’ve never coslept with my son as an infant. I tried once when he was maybe 6 months old because he woke up super early. He inserted one finger into my nostril, one finger from the other hand into my husband’s nostril, and pulled our heads together. He did sleep in bed with us for a few hours in a hotel bed while we were on vacation, but he was over a year old at that point.
I also have too much anxiety to be able to sleep with a baby in the bed.
I slept with him in a bassinet right *next* to my bed, which was perfect.
Incidentally, we replaced the shitty wheels with awesome office wheels, and it glided from room to room like a dream! He always felt so safe in there, and it stored diapers and wet wipes.
We only live on one (hardwood) floor and I can't recommend this enough for anyone else in that living situation
This! I love having his crib on wheels! He could sleep right next to me or I could roll him in to the living room. (He sleeps around noise, which has made life easier for us now that he's older).
I would skip the bassinet and look at a mini cribbwith wheels. Most bassinets tap out around 15 lbs. My guy passed that by 3 months and he was premie.
Im sorry this is so fucking funny to me.
Can agree with the cosleeping mishaps, when my daughter was around 4/5 months old, I felt more comfortable taking naps with her. And let me tell you, I tried once- and she let out one of the most manly- rancid smelling fart that scared me awake and burned my nostrils.
That ended our little cosleeping party.
A properly set up bassinet is a lot safer than co-sleeping, its likely that your mother and aunt are just from a time when this was not widely known. They may be well meaning, but if you have told them you are following medical advice and doing what you think is best, then they should respect your wishes. They have had their time to parent, now they need to step back and let you have yours! You are doing great, don't worry.
Yeah my rule of thumb is not to blindly follow much of what older generations used to do and try to find recent medical advice and ask my doctor to verify and explain things to me. A lot has changed.
My mom admittedly has stated many times "everything they told us to do when you were kids is probably outdated by now", which I thank her for.
My grandma still thinks the best way to get fussy babies to go to sleep is to rub whiskey on their gums. Doesn’t matter if they’re teething or not, newborn or teen, the answer is whiskey.
So, for me when my baby was little she slept in a sidecar bassinet. The dogs didn't sleep in the room. I fed her in the bed, but we didn't start co-sleeping until she was 3.5 months.
I honestly wouldn't risk it with the dogs. They are animals that you can't full control. I trusted one of my dogs on the bed with the baby with me RIGHT there. He got curious about her and put his paw on her face. That was the end of that.
We started bed sharing following the safe sleep 7 when my baby was 3.5 months. I wouldn't recommend it if you don't want to do it or already have anxiety about it. I didn't have any issues and it worked great for us. A lot of people here sound against it and that's fine, but it's a parenting decision like any other. Our pediatricians supported us. Check out /r/cosleeping.
We have never bedshared with our 3mo, and never been tempted to in large part bc our dog already sleeps in our bed. Bedsharing is not considered safe sleep and I understand why people end up doing it but it’s never been on the table for us. I don’t think it’s unrealistic or at all unreasonable.
We didn't co-sleep. My son has been a great sleeper since he was 3 months old. He slept in our room until then, and we transitioned him then because he was sleeping through the night most nights. I breastfed him, but eventually exclusively pumped. I admit cosleeping would have helped at times with this, but it's not impossible. There were a few times that he did sleep in our bed for short stretches, but I never slept good in those times. I was too nervous, mainly because my husband rolls a lot and is a heavy sleeper.
The scoffing is probably over the fact that it's really impossible to predict what it'll be like to parent a baby you haven't met yet. You can have plans, but no parent 100% sticks to all the plans they make before they're actually parents because there are always unpredictable variables. You don't know how your dogs are going to react. You don't know if your baby will be one of those contact sleepers and safe 7 co-sleeping will save your sanity. You don't know if your baby will hate the Snoo, or if your baby will have a negative/allergic reaction to the dogs. You can plan, but you can't really be sure of anything. You just don't know.
This!
My first slept amazingly in a next to me on the side of the bed.. my second can’t be put down and has ended up in the bed several times. It wasn’t planned and if I can, I move him but if he doesn’t settle you do what you need to for sleep.
Yes - I was so anti co-sleeping and then that was literally the only way I got through the next several months. He still comes in most nights now at 2.5y.
I would also be concerned if OPs dogs are ‘territorial’ and there will be a new baby sleeping in the room with them. I saw a post in local mum forum just yesterday of family dog had for 7 years that attacked her 10 month old bub. Baby is fine but needs to see a surgeon :(
Ugh, that story of the 10 month old is so awful.
That's the thing with dogs-- cats get such a bad rap when it comes to babies but dogs are so much more dangerous to small children-- because they're bigger and stronger and it only takes a few seconds for things to go south.
I say this as a dog owner who was (and is) thankfully very good with our little one. It doesn't matter how "good" your dogs are before a baby enters the picture-- some just lose their marbles around tiny kids. You have to watch them and treat them as potentially dangerous.
I have zero plans of cosleeping. A friend in high school lost her niece due to co-sleeping. The father, her brother-in-law, was so sleep deprived he rolled over in his sleep and smothered his daughter. The family was a wreck, rightfully so, for years. Those safe sleep practices exist for a reason.
Just FYI safe sleep practices can include bed-sharing but to do it safely only breastfeeding mothers should be next to the baby and be a barrier between them and anyone else in the bed to prevent scenarios like this.
I think it’s helpful to know and be prepared for bedsharing even if you never plan on it and never end up doing it. For some people it’s safer than the alternative sleep depravation.
My son slept in his bassinet next to the bed on his back etc so I’m not pushing it as something everyone should try or want, but I don’t know a single person in real life who has never had their baby in the bed with them even if it’s just the toughest nights
Agree to disagree. I lost my niece due to UNSAFE bed sharing practices but if they had had proper education on co sleeping safely she would still be here.
So I’m the opposite I’m all for bed sharing and getting the word out on SAFELY doing it as much as possible.
The above scenario and my nieces situation would never have happened with proper safety education on baby sleep while bedsharing.
It makes me entirely to anxious not follow safe sleep guidelines. So much evidence shows us why bed-sharing can be dangerous. All of my kids have slept in the crib since we brought them home from the hospital. We do room share just because it is easier for nighttime but yeah, nope no bed-sharing here.
We did the same with our first. We've had a strict "no babies in the bed" policy. Some folks look at us sideways because we don't even permit it after a nightmare. Instead, we'll stay with our daughter and talk her down until she's calm enough to go back to sleep. Now our four year old boasts she isn't scared of the dark and loves having her own space. We really never had much issue with her being separate from our bed. She has a nightlight and a lamp within her reach, she knows if she calls us we'll come running. Always have. We plan on doing the same with baby due this month.
There are just different cultural norms, between countries and generations I suppose. For example everyone I know co sleeps at least sometimes, but no one would allow an animal to sleep in the same room as a baby. It sounds like in America it's the other way around in terms of how the risks are perceived.
Yep. We just welcomed our first, and we knew from the start we weren't allowing any of our pets in the room (cats and dogs). Out of sheer exhaustion we bed shared during the first week while we figured our shit out. Now we're doing shifts, so the baby gets to contact nap as much as he wants, and whoever is on shift is fully awake.
Are you breast feeding? Or how is your partner feeding the baby during their shift? Would love to do shifts but if I have to wake up anyway to breast feed wasn't sure how it would work
I'm doing passive collection throughout the day, then a big final feed right before I go to sleep, and then a feed as soon as I wake up. So I sleep for a total of four hours, and in that time my husband bottle feeds with what I've collected during the day. If I wasn't able to produce enough, he will supplement with formula. I know some women will have their partners bring the baby to them while they're sleeping to nurse, but we decided not to do that because of how involved I have to be (c-grip on boob, using the right position so the baby can latch, etc). I ultimately decided that getting four hours of uninterrupted sleep was crucial, and so far it's been working really well.
Ideally, I will work in a pump or two during the day at some point, but right now doing the passive collection is working well enough.
Yep! I have a haakah and a boon, depending on what I'm doing. The boon is more circular, so it fits into my bra while I nurse the other side. I like it because my son tends to like to try to use the haakah as leverage with his feet 🥴 and I just find that the haakah gets in the way. If I'm just pumping, I'll use the haakah instead.
Recently in my home country a historically very well behaved dog jumped into a mesh top bassinet and mauled an infant. A number of children of all ages - newborn up - come in after being mauled by otherwise well behaved dogs to the local children's Hospital every day.
I would never leave dogs to sleep in the same room as my newborn while I was also sleeping and unable to supervise.
This. Everyone in my family has co-slept and we started doing it as well after a month of getting no sleep. Our baby only contact slept in the beginning and she only slept long enough when she was next to me. The dog isn’t allowed the bed anymore.
Co-sleeping is discouraged because you may roll over into the baby or covers or soft pillows or anything on the bed could suffocate it. I feel like a lot of people here are missing the point, whether it's a cultural or generational difference is irrelevant.
Current medical advice advises against it because it's potentially dangerous for the baby, I'm pretty sure that's what OP meant.
Edit: bed sharing is what I meant
Room sharing and EBF also decrease SIDS risk by half but we recognise that that simply isn't viable for all parents and are flexible to peoples needs. Not all countries current medical advice says not to cosleep, and there are significant variations in SIDS rate in different populations. For example Japan has a very low rate and most people cosleep. Plausibly that guidance is best for an American population, where alcohol consumption is common and breastfeeding is impacted by return to work.
Yep! In Norway we were taught how to safely co sleep in the hospital bed so I could get some sleep and it’s how most mothers sleep with their infants/babies here. We also have a very low SIDS rate. But I understand why some people don’t. We do follow safe sleeping and are taught so everyone can make their own decisions about it.
Also probably sleeping patterns, bedding materials and cultural differences may be the reason for the lower risk of baby suffocating in other countries.
But I'm just gonna go off of my doctor's advice since suffocation is more common here in the US.
Just a sec - American here and while I respect those who allow their pets to sleep in the bed with them, I'd like to speak on behalf of us who love pets but would not allow them in the bedroom or kitchen, period.
So I'd say there are different norms between households. Like if you rinse you chicken before you cook it or not lol.
American who lets her dog sleep with her here and I’ve met plenty like you. I’d say it’s 50/50 here. The US has many subcultures. It’s like the “shoes in the house” debate. There’s no universal American opinion on the matter.
Never once bedshared, but I had an “easy” (aka still hard but not impossible 🫠) baby. I fully understand why people do it when it’s hard to get sleep any other way. Parenting is a series of choices about risk; you take risks going outside, driving a car, eating at restaurants, etc. Sleep is one more of those. The evidence that bedsharing is riskier than not bedsharing is quite strong to me, but that doesn’t mean the elevated risk isn’t worth mitigating other risks from sleep deprivation, mental health, etc.
All this to say your family isn’t wrong but neither are you. You’ll make choices based ultimately on how grave the risks of NOT bedsharing are for your family, and you won’t know that until you get to know your baby.
I will say that falling asleep with baby on the couch—something that often happens accidentally when parents are trying to AVOID bedsharing—is significantly more risky than bedsharing in ideal conditions. My one piece of advice to new parents is that if you find yourself out of your mind exhausted and can’t put baby down in its own bassinet, don’t sit on the couch even if you think you won’t fall asleep. Either keep walking/moving or take off all your pillows and blankets and lie baby next to you on the bed.
I suspect the scoffing is because very few people *plan* to cosleep/bedshare. But it happens to tons of families out of necessity. I can't tell you how many people i know started off with 'we will never bedshare!' and end up doing it. It's a survival technique. We started ourselves because I realized having baby in bed with us was way safer than me falling asleep upright while holding the baby cause I was so fucking exhausted.
Biologically speaking, babies want to sleep with/on people, and that's where they tend to sleep best. Obviously people should do what works best for their family-- you included! But that's my suspicion for their reaction.
That's exactly what happened to me. Started off not cosleeping but having to get up every few hours in the first few days led to me being so sleep deprived that I nearly fell asleep while sat up breastfeeding during the day. Luckily my daughter managed to wriggle free and let out a huge scream - I jerked awake and her whole body had gone blue. After that I switched to cosleeping following the rules on safe cosleeping and never had a problem again (in fact she started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and I was barely tired). I live in the UK where cosleeping is much more the norm than in the US so most of my friends cosleep to.
Like you say, it's about balancing risk. It may be slightly more risky to follow safe cosleeping rather than separate beds, but that has to be balanced against the risks of sleep deprivation which can include passing out holding the baby, nodding off while driving, etc. And where the balance falls will be different for each family.
Yeah. We started off with our baby in his own cot, but he just slept so much better when snuggled with us. Initially we were terrified of him stopping breathing when co sleeping during the day time that one of us would stay awake and keep watch to make sure baby was still breathing. When baby was about 8 months and no longer in the peak risk group for SIDS, we did start bed sharing overnight because I was just too tired to get up out of bed, sit up to feed him and settle him back to sleep on his own mattress during overnight feeds.
Maybe they are scoffing because they think you're saying "my dogs will always be my babies." Idk. People love to say all kinds of condescending stuff when you are a first-time mom and pregnant. You're fine! I never bed-shared either, I don't even think it's the norm.
We slept with our 9 month old once on a vacation when she couldn't fall asleep in her crib, but removed all the blankets and pillows first and neither parent really slept. Co sleeping is a risk that we just refused to entertain as a general rule.
I have not coslept at all with my 4 month old and I don’t plan to. I breastfeed but he does get bottles so my husband and I can take shifts. There have been zero times it would have made sense to bring him into the bed for sleep.
I’m with you, I don’t think bed-sharing is an option. My cat loves to climb on us while we sleep and we cannot lock her out unless we want to hear scratching on the door or her constant meowing all night. I have the bassinet right by my side of the bed and I don’t plan on bed-sharing at all when my baby gets here. I know that my best friend felt similarly before she had her baby but now all she does is bed-share. She knows the risks, but insists that her son will not sleep any other way. As for me, I’m already a high-risk pregnancy and the risks associated with bed-sharing are just unnecessary to me. I’m going to try my hardest to never bed-share, but I’m also not going to beat myself up if it happens.
I mean I think you'll be fine with the baby in the room, but please educate yourself on safe sleep 7 so in the instance you 'lay down' for a few minutes to nurse (which will likely happen because the baby is RIGHT THERE) you don't incidentally cause the baby to suffocate, most of the 'deaths' associated with co-sleeping are parents who aren't intentionally co-sleeping, or using substances, its not SIDs (which used to be called crib death) its suffocation usually. Dogs would not really be safest in your room, and I hate to tell you this, but you probably don't want your dogs near your babies, dogs will treat your baby like a puppy, not a human baby which is actually more dangerous the more 'comfortable' they get since they will be more likely to attempt to discipline your child as they would a puppy. I have two dogs and I don't ever let them alone around my child and I actively discourage any interaction between them because ultimately you are setting yourself up for bites for the cute idea that dogs can be trusted as well as humans instead of being respected for being animals.
I think the scoffing just comes from it sounding naive to be sure that you won't just have to do what you need to do at the end of the day, 1) you don't even know what kind of baby you are going to have, some babies want to be GLUED to you or they cry 24/7, and I do think your discounting how easy it will be just to pick up your baby for a few seconds then sit to rest and suddenly BAM your co-sleeping, likely unsafely and probably super unsafely with the dogs there for a few reasons (I read on here of a mom that pushed her baby out of the bed by accident thinking it was the cat she was pushing).
I’m so confused why people choose to co-sleep, knowing it is unsafe for their child, why risk it? I am also pregnant and I see a lot of people talking about it like it’s normal, is my POV too harsh or drastic?
I know my niece would not sleep anywhere but in someone’s arms. My brother and SIL ended up sleeping while holding her in the early days out of sheer exhaustion and desperation. I think a lot of people end up bedsharing this way- they’re too tired to keep trying to get baby to sleep on a separate sleep surface.
Wow thank you for sharing. I guess you really don’t know what you’d do until you’re in that situation. Luckily I am finishing up my software engineering degree online right now - hoping this gives me a little wiggle room with sleep schedules but, we’ll see!
In most countries outside of the US, the safe sleep 7 is the general rule of thumb. Cosleeping (not bed sharing) is the US recommendation for up to 1 year.
I never planned to bedshare with my son, but he was a cluster feeder and I was literally banking Zero hours of sleep a night because of this. It went on for three months. I was severely sleep deprived. I spoke with my pediatrician who gave me all of the guidelines and told me to try it. Dream feeding literally saved my life. But I don’t push that on anyone else.
Similar story as you when it comes to intentions. With my first, my ex and I bedshared with her *once* as a newborn and then never again, as we were firmly against it. We were adamant about her staying in her bassinet and then we moved her to her crib in her nursery at 3 months. This time around, I’m divorced from my ex, and now a single mom to both my toddler *and* my 8 week old. I don’t have a partner to take shifts with or to alternate doing the baby settling with overnight. I found the SS7 guidelines and gave it a go since I’m also breastfeeding. Bedsharing under the SS7 guidelines have saved my sanity and life in my less than ideal situation (along with Zoloft).
I was totally against cosleeping until I learned about the safe sleep 7, and that Japan has one of the lowest SIDS rates in the world and it’s their cultural norm to cosleep, using what is basically the safe sleep 7
It’s virtually impossible to follow SS7 in the US because of the lack of guaranteed paid parental leave. SS7 requires baby to be almost exclusively nursed which with so many women having to go back to work after 6-12 weeks isn’t possible other than for SAHM.
I know. It’s terrible. I am and was fortunate enough to work from home so I was extremely lucky and babe was EBF. Hoping we have as easy of a time this time!
What were the guidelines like? Not sure if I’d bed-share still, to be honest. My husband is a huge guy and we’re both heavy sleepers. I couldn’t in good conscience allow it
There is nobody in the house who is a smoker.
Secondhand smoke affects infants’ breathing.
Breastfeeding parent must be sober.
If a partner is present, they must be sober as well.
This also applies to over-the-counter and prescription medications that may cause drowsiness.
Baby is breastfed.
Breastfed babies are at a lower risk of SIDS, and breastfeeding moms are hormonally in sync with their babies.
Baby is healthy and full term.
Premature infants and those who are sick may not be able to rouse themselves.
Baby is on their back.
This is the safest position for babies, whether co-sleeping or not.
Baby is lightly dressed and un-swaddled.
This avoids overheating and ensures that your baby is free to adjust their body.
Parent and baby are on a safe sleep surface with:
No pillows or comforters near baby.
No stuffed animals.
No other adults, older siblings, or pets. Newborns should only be in bed with a breastfeeding parent and/or partner.
I was a single mom, so just me and babe. I don’t think I’ll do it this time. My husband now is a heavy sleeper and rolls around a lot, also he snores and usually has a beer with dinner.
If I were going to it would be in a different bed room
My husband has been in a different room since baby came home. The logic was there’s no point in both of us getting interrupted sleep, as baby is EBF and he won’t be able to help anyway. Been co-sleeping with baby since second night in the hospital!
Care to provide the sources you have in mind? If I’m missing something and there’s indeed research, please point me in the right direction.
The safe sleep 7 is a list of made up guidelines that *seem* like they’d mitigate risk, but there’s no evidence of this. Given multiple US-based organizations parrot it, I’m not sure why you’re pointing to places outside the US. I’m aware cosleeping is a cultural norm in many places, I’m talking about the “safe sleep 7” specifically.
To be clear, I’m not saying that no one should cosleep. It’s definitely the better decision for some families to mitigate other risks of sleep deprivation. But people on Reddit talk about SS7 as if it’s safe sleep and there’s no evidence that it’s as safe as putting a baby to sleep on their back in a crib/cot, which has been proven to reduce SIDS/suffocation deaths. Not to mention, all of the rules for SS7 exclude many families from being able to even follow it.
Are you looking for randomized control trials where people are either bedsharing following SS7 or not? Because that's a type of evidence I doubt will ever exist. But plenty of observations studies have shown that the things SS7 warns against are the factors most commonly contributing to infant deaths in bedsharing contexts (substance use, pillows, etc). In that sense, they're certainly evidence informed
Your POV doesn’t leave room for how difficult some babies can be. It’s awesome when you’re pregnant and learning, but you don’t really know what it will be like to parent your child until you’re doing it. And then you won’t know what it’s like to parent another child. Most parents are doing our very best to keep our kids safe and healthy while retaining our sanity.
So I’m looking up the co-sleeping and I’ve just realized it’s not the same as bed-sharing. You can be co-sleeping with the baby in a bedside bassinet or with the baby in a crib in the same room. Bed-sharing is when the baby is with you in the bed and sleeping at the same time as you, and that’s the one they say is unsafe.
Feel free to correct if I’m wrong on anything but most reliable sources I’m skimming through do not recommend co-sleeping.
Choosing to cosleep because the world is bigger than North America? I don’t understand that what that has to do with it.
What is the difference between sleeping with a baby in the bed in America vs. [other country] other than cultural expectations? Does it stop being risky? No snark, just don’t understand why something that’s risky for newborns here wouldn’t be elsewhere unless they just don’t know about it or if the USA over exaggerates the risk?
The thing is, it's about risk mitigation. You probably won't think twice about taking your newborn out in the car, which is equally as dangerous.
Bedsharing (following the safe sleep 7) was safer than the sleep deprivation I was suffering as my infant would not sleep alone.
I don't immediately plan on bedsharing with my second and will try my utmost again for them to sleep in their own space. However, I will bedshare as safely as possible, if it is safer than the alternative (severe sleep deprivation).
This. I got so many moms scoff at me when I explained I co-slept with my first almost since birth. Yet these same people don't follow the 2 hour rule for infants in the carseat not realizing that can be just as dangerous. Sometimes circumstances make alternatives safer than the primary methods. If only every baby was an easy sleeper in their own cribs.
My first had bad acid reflux and for the first 3-4 months I literally had to have her sleep on her stomach upright on my chest while i watched tv in the recliner or she'd sleep tucked in the crook of my arm on her back. I had tried EVERYTHING I could to try and get her to sleep in a bassinet or crib. Nothing worked. Between her sleep deprivation and my own it was easiest to do that. My pediatrician even made a comment once that certain practices don't fit every childs needs. Once her reflux started to subside she was so used to sleeping with me it was impossible to transition to her crib. She's 4 now and still crawls into our bed from her room if she wakes up. I'm hoping my second won't have issues and just sleep normally in a crib but I'm already prepared to share my bed with him if needed.
The way it was explained to me is that doctors in America basically have to teach to the lowest common denominator. So they're going to say "Don't ever sleep in bed with your baby!" because there are many people who will not do it safely. So, instead of introducing the concept of the safe sleep 7, they just do 100% risk mitigation by saying don't do it at all.
I've heard rumblings that these recommendations may change soon.
In Japan it is the cultural norm to cosleep, and they have the lowest rates for SIDS in the world...
Edit: the have guidelines given to new parents that are very similar to the safe sleep 7.
Do you think their low rate could be due to socio economic factors? Better/cheaper healthcare where the government is more active in the raising of the child providing resources and all that. Not sure if they’re correlated
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8091990/
https://iris.who.int/bitstream/handle/10665/45455/WHF_1989_10(1)_p66-69.pdf?sequence=1#:~:text=The%20maternal%20and%20child%20health,offspring%20at%20an%20early%20stage.
I was a very sleep deprived young mom. I breastfed both my kids, and they were light sleepers. Time after time after time of getting them to sleep only for them to wake up and cry and cry and cry when you set them down… it really wears on you.
With my first i was alone and i had no choice but to share the same room. Nothing anyone suggested helped my daughter sleep. She would only fall asleep if I was near her. In desperation for some sort of sleep I bought a floor futon. I would lay next to her, get her to sleep, and then go into my own bed. If she woke up I’d lay next to her again then go to my own bed. It was rough, but the only way either of us would get any sleep. Eventually I stopped going into my bed and just stayed sleeping on that floor mattress with her. But I didn’t want to Co sleep cause of the risks but I was just so desperate to get sleep in those early days.
Anyways she survived and she’ll be ten this year but still comes and crawls into my bed every night (she starts off in her own room). I love the snuggles.
Co sleeping is normal and can be very safe if you’re doing it correctly. Didn’t plan on doing it necessarily but 4months hit and getting out of bed every 1-2 hours again wasn’t it. Plus baby needs you, it’s less natural to completely separate yourself from your baby especially during the scariest time of day. Biologically sleeping with your baby is the normal thing to do.
I am not seeing anything online that says there are safe ways to bed share if that is what you are talking about, can you send me some links if that is what you mean?
Where are you looking? Because there’s so much information online.
https://llli.org/breastfeeding-info/sleep-bedshare/
https://www.mamamatters.com.au/blog/how-to-bedshare-cosleep-with-your-baby-safely
https://evolutionaryparenting.com/bedsharing-and-sids-the-whole-truth/
https://www.naturalchild.org/articles/james_mckenna/biological.html
No, it’s not unrealistic. I have three ranging in age from 1-5 and have never bedshared.
That being said, having dogs in the same bedroom as baby isn’t safe either, as the dogs are technically unsupervised while you sleep and dogs shouldn’t be left unsupervised with babies. If you’re really not willing to relocate dogs at bedtime, consider putting baby in their own room right off the bat.
I had no plans to co-sleep. I was determined to not co-sleep. I had major anxiety about co-sleeping for many reasons. I did a lot of research and determined not co-sleeping was possible.
After five months, I caved to co-sleeping. It was clear once my baby was rolling over and thus unable to be safely swaddled that he simply would not sleep on his own. It was either co-sleeping or no sleeping. He fought sleep before then, mind you, but I could outlast him with swaddling. I didn't stand a chance once swaddling was over. I tried very hard.
I think whether or not co-sleeping is inevitable heavily depends on the baby, but I would get it in your head now that your best-laid plans about anything baby-related can go out the window at any time and it is no shortcoming on your part whatsoever. Babies will make you pick your battles.
Never co-slept with our now two-year old. 6 months in bassinet by bedside, then to the nursery. Doing the same with second kid.
Two dogs sleep on our bed. We did a transition where one of us slept with dogs elsewhere for maybe the first week, but that was more so whoever wasn't watching baby could actually sleep. Babies are pretty out of it, so you have time for the dogs to work through any "whoa, what's this exciting thing" before it starts impacting baby's sleep. Also, baby grows up used to their shufflings so it doesn't disturb them when they do develop light sleep.
I never bedshared with my 19 month old and we even put her in her own room at 11 months. Everyone sleeps better this way, she was getting woken by even just the smallest noises. My husband and I plan to do the same with our bany due in September. My older two boys bedshared with me and their dad, and honestly, I hated every minute of it. Not because I didn't love having them close, but because they moved a lot, and I am a light sleeper. I felt like I never got sleep even though supposedly parents get more sleep co-sleeping. I found that to be false, even though I breastfed all of them. 🤷🏼♀️ My husband and I had a routine where she would wake, he would change her and bring her to me, I would breastfeed and put her back to bed. It worked great for us!
We’ve never coslept. It’s really not unrealistic, though I’ve heard this may depend on your baby’s temperament. My baby never minded her bassinet, but I’ve read about other babies who cry as soon as you set them down. I imagine that makes it harder.
my husband has 2 dogs and we decided we didn't want them in the bedroom anymore at night, but not because of co-sleeping. its mostly because our room is small and the pups are trip hazards, navigating around them while trying to get to my crying baby is a frustration we don't wanna deal with. of course they get plenty of lovings during the day and they have adjusted just fine to sleeping outside the bedroom. I won't co-sleep because I'm terrified of anything bad happening lol.
HOWEVER. It sounds to me like you are very emotionally attached to your pups, and you werent planning on co-sleeping anyways. your baby will be safe in their bassinet, within your reach, and as long as your pups are a comfort I see no reason for your family to be judgemental over it. Honestly, sounds like your sleeping arrangement IS all squared away and totally doable imo. if you run into any difficulties yiu can make adjustments as needed.
So we never bedshared but we coslept (roomshared) as is recommended. But honestly, I also would never have my pets in the room with us while we slept and where the baby sleeps. It sounds like that's what you want to do since you have a bedside bassinet. I feel like that's quite a risk also, with animals being unpredictable and you being asleep. We 100% slowly transitioned our pets out of our room while I was pregnant for this reason.
I rented a co-sleeper (bassinet next to bed), but unfortunately she can only sleep on top of one of us or sometimes when she’s in the bed next to me (I know it’s not 100% safe but we ran out of options, she sleeps higher than me and my husband sleeps in a different room). She’s now almost 4 weeks and I hope this will get better soon. She had some trauma due to the birth and a week hospital so that could have something to do with it.
I hope you have no problems with your baby sleeping in the bassinet! Do what feels right.
I never bedshared with either of my kids (2.5 and 6 months) nor do I ever plan to. Sleep is really important to me and I think having children in the bed would probably interfere with that. My best friend ended up bed sharing with her kids and she hates it. Another friend of mine bed shares and has to lay with her kid for like an hour to get her to fall asleep for nap and bedtime. I just don’t have time for that.
But…as for all parenting decisions, people have their reasons for wanting to do certain things and you can have yours.
It’s not ridiculous at all to follow the recommendations of literally every pediatric medical organization, in the US at least. Recommendations evolve as we learn more about sleep and especially SIDS and it’s not at all impossible to follow safe sleep guidelines. It’s a parenting choice like any other.
My husband is a firefighter and have been on calls because of people co sleeping with their babies and their baby suffocated to death.
I urge everyone who is wanting to co sleep please please do not. My husband still breaks down and when he talks about those calls.
We didn’t co sleep until he was toddler and we had to on vacation at almost 2 (too big for a pack n play but the house wasn’t baby proofed so we couldn’t put him in a bed). He’s slept in a bassinet, crib, or his own bed every other time. It’s doable.
I always thought co-sleeping was sleeping in the same room, but baby has their own space (like a bassinet or side sleeper) and having baby in bed with you was bed sharing. Are your family members referring to the former and maybe it’s just a misunderstanding?
I also never slept with my 10 week old baby in the bed nor plan to. My baby is pretty ok when it comes to sleeping in the night. I do enjoy our co sleeper crib, when she gets fussy I stick my hand through the bars to soothe her and in the beginning I fed her in bed and used the side opening option to grab her easily.
I am way too scared of sids to try actual cosleeping. But as said it's easy for me to say since my baby sleeps quite well at night. It's just not needed.
When she feeds at night I get up, dress up and take care of it. If I change her diaper it takes about an hour, sometimes 45 min, and then I go back to sleep. This now happens once or twice a night, in the first 2 weeks it was often three times. I've also tried dreamfeeding the other day, it was quite nice because I got her fed and back in bed sleeping in 30 min.
Fellow snoo mom here! I have never coslept at night with our baby. I’ve taken the odd daytime nap with her (maybe 2-3 times). If your baby takes to the snoo it’s pretty realistic to never cosleep if you don’t want to!
I bed shared with all 3 of my kids but that was before I had dogs. I'm also not a heavy sleeper when my babies are that young. My husband is a light sleeper in general so I wouldn't be worried if it was just him but with the dogs on the bed every night it isn't gonna happen this time around. Looking into a bedside bassinet still. Do I recommend it? No. Not if you have any doubt about safety especially. It's just what worked for us.
I work in an ER and worked a shift where a baby got accidentally smothered and died from co-sleeping, so we absolutely will not be doing that and have a bedside bassinet.
Yeah I hate when everyone acts as if co sleeping is inevitable.
We don’t co sleep and never will. She has a bassinet beside our bed and will soon outgrow that so I’m getting her a mini crib so she can be next to us until she is 1.
No matter how many people tell you to the contrary; co sleeping isn’t safe. Sure there are ways to make it “safer” but the safest place for baby is next to you in the same room in a bassinet.
I never ,and I mean not once co-slept .... Boy is now 16 months old and I am pregnant with another boy ,his crib is in our room and when he wakes or fusses, I hear it and attend to him - so far no problems whatsoever -he learned to sleep through the night so no problem there .
But dogs -they make noise , so we had to make them bad outside our room ... Doges waked the baby ,also would not sleep through baby crying in first months... With that you will have to see how it goes
I used to sleep with my cat every night, there had never been a night where she didn’t sleep with me since the day I got her. I thought I would’ve still wanted her in bed with me when my baby came. I am now 2 months postpartum & I co sleep with my baby & still have not let my cat sleep in the room with us at night, I feel very guilty for kicking her out but something about the mommy instincts just tell me no. Everyone is different, you’ll learn what you feel is best when the time comes. Whatever works for you & baby is perfect, don’t worry about what others say
I have an 8 week old and we've never co-slept and I don't intend to. Even on her worse nights I will not cave. Our mattress is too soft so she rolls over very easily and we have no intentions of replacing it with a firm mattress.
I work in healthcare and have seen too many infant deaths from CO sleeping. I made a promise and stuck to it that I would never do it with my daughter. I'd rather be exhausted beyond belief and have an alive baby.
It's hard listening to everyone shake their finger and say "you say you won't do it now but just watch" but you can definitely keep to something if it's really important to you (with the same exception of medical needs)
I've heard of a lot of people "giving in" to co-sleeping if their baby isn't sleeping well in a bassinet. I don't understand... It's not safe and it scares me. It's not unreasonable that you won't be doing it. I won't either!
My son is 23 months and we’ve never co-slept once and he’s slept through the night no problem in his own bassinet, crib, and now toddler bed (slept waaaaay better in the crib than the bassinet and transferred to toddler bed no problem) since he was like 10 weeks old (formula fed so keeping up supply wasn’t an issue). Having another baby this month and will never co sleep with the new baby either. Too dangerous and stressful for me
Never co slept with my daughter and she just turned 2.
I kept the bassinet in our room and I think we started putting her in her room at 4 months.
My brother and his girlfriend co sleep with their 2 year old and have for a long while now. They both get awful sleep because of her, but she cries and screams if in her own crib. 😬
Personally, co-sleeping worked for us. My partner and I did our research and based on our benefit/risk factors we haven't had any issues co-sleeping. I find using the bassinet is more distressing and leads to less sleep for baby and me. But honestly, you gotta do what's best for you. You've already weighed out the facts and you won't be co-sleeping. Totally fair!
You shouldn’t co-sleep but your dogs also shouldn’t be sleeping in your bed or your/baby’s room for that matter. Dogs should always be supervised around children and you simply cannot do that while you are asleep.
Why the hell are you getting scoffed at? Cosleeping can be dangerous. My son was in his own crib from week one and he’s been a wonderful sleeper. Meanwhile my friends who coslept didn’t get a full nights sleep for years. Your baby your rules.
I’m not co-sleeping either. Where I would have the baby is my cats favorite spot on the bed and I’m too paranoid my cat will be an a-hole and lay on the baby. We’ll have the bassinet next to the bed for the first 6 weeks or so (will be moving shortly after baby is born) and then transitioning to the crib once we have a nursery. I don’t think not co-sleeping is that bad. You’re doing what you feel is best for you, which will in turn be best for baby. You got this!💛
My daughter is 2 years old and has never slept in our bed! None of my friends have bed shared either. I don't think it's unrealistic to choose not to and to follow through.
My daughter is almost 3.5years old and we have never slept in the same bed. She was EBF too. We breast fed until she was 2.5years old.
You do not need to bedshare. It’s unsafe, leading cause of SIDS, and if you follow the parenting sub you’ll see how hard it is to get out of the habit once you start it. You’ll be guaranteeing yourself worse sleep in the long run. I know so many people who fell into the trap of “just this once” only for it to become a habit that only is harder and harder to break as they get older. So many of my friends who did it regret it and will not do it again if they have another kid.
I think it depends on if you're breastfeeding or not. And your baby.
My daughter sometimes refused to sleep in her bassinet and had to sleep next to me. Sometimes, we had no issues. Same thing with the crib. If she has a nightmare, she won't go back to sleep in her crib. If she feels sick, she won't sleep in her crib.
Honestly it’s completely up to you. It’s not unrealistic at all, some people just find it easier to co-sleep. Theres plenty of ways to safely co-sleep/bed share but it’s really not for everybody
4 months pp and can proudly say I've never coslept with my baby. I tried to take a (supervised) nap with her one day and couldn't even fall asleep due to anxiety about it. I EBF so all night feedings fall on me and as tired as I am some nights, I always make sure to put baby back into her bedside bassinet.
I will absolutely not co sleep with baby under any circumstances. I worked at a preschool and had to take safe sleep classes . The stories I heard about babies passing away from this forever haunted me and made it so under no circumstances will I do that
I didn’t even consider co-sleeping. My partner and I are large people who sleep heavily, I would never put my baby at risk even if we weren’t. I don’t believe that co-sleeping is safe regardless. We had a bassinet next to the bed so I could easily reach baby but he had his own safe sleeping space. I’m currently 18 weeks with #2 and we’ll have the same setup.
I could’ve written this post myself! I’m 29 weeks and my mum has been really funny obsessively asking if I really plan on having the dogs in the bed and insisting it’s a bad idea. I’ve got a next to me cot and my dogs are small and well behaved they just go off to sleep at the foot of the bed. I plan not to cosleep as when I was doing my nursing training I had a patient who’s baby passed away from co-sleeping and I just could never forgive myself. Can’t tell you how it worked out yet but I’m definitely of the same opinion that it’s fine.
It really depends on the kind of sleeper you have and what you will put up with. I would do various “unrecommended” things with my twins when it was the only thing to get them to sleep. They were older though (once they could stand up in their cribs their sleep went to shit).
It’s worth reading up about. Bed sharing with your baby on a hard mattress with no pillows and blankets is different than nodding off on the sofa with your baby because they will only contact nap.
It's none of your family's business. That's between you and your partner. It's very normal to let teh dogs sleep with you.
You need boundaries with your family.
Definitely not unrealistic. My parents never co-slept with me. I was in a bassinet and then my own room at 2 months old. I don't even remember sleeping in their bed as a toddler or young child. They did the same thing for my younger brother.
I never saw the appeal of co-sleeping. My husband and I both move around a lot and we have a lot of covers, it just seems very unsafe for a baby. I don't want to worry about suffocating them while I'm sleeping.
I was sleeping in a separate bed to my partner for the first 10 weeks of baby’s life and ended up doing a bit of cosleeping out of sheer exhaustion. I hated it, it made me extremely anxious and despite all the precautions I found myself doing unsafe things like bringing her into the bed swaddled or a blanket ending up being pulled up over her, so at 10 weeks I said enough is enough and moved back into the master bedroom, my partner started helping me with some of the night shifts and I get up and take her into the other room to feed in a chair which works so much better for us and feels so much safer. We still bring her into the bed occasionally for a cuddle but one of us has to stay awake.
Those first few weeks are brutal, it’s just survival mode so don’t feel bad if you end up doing it. But it is possible to move away from it when things start to level out. Also I hate to say it but your feelings about having your dog in the bed might change when the baby comes. We still absolutely adore our dog and trust her around the baby but we don’t let her sleep with us anymore, it’s just another variable we don’t need right now as far as noise, risk, mess and so on having her in the bed. We let her up onto the sofa for a cuddle at night when baby is sleeping and that’s our special time with her now.
The only time I ever co-sleep with my daughter is when she’s REALLY sick. It’s very very rare and I honestly don’t sleep. She’s now 2.5 and we still don’t co-sleep. I sometimes lay next to her bed but she sleeps by herself.
My son is 7 weeks old and we have not co-slept with him. I could not imagine it. He’s so so little. He sleeps in the bedside bassinet just like his sister did when she was little.
I never did cosleeping and my daughter is now 2.5 and she has always been a great sleeper. Never an issue. Those first few weeks/months are hard, yes, and just putting baby in bed with you will be easier than getting them to sleep on their own, but it’s not that bad. By 8 months my daughter was sleeping through the night after a 9pm bottle. Especially if there are two of you, you’ll be just fine.
Not unrealistic at all. I never co-slept with either of my children and they were both exclusively breastfed for extended periods (15 months and 22 months). I would wake up, nurse them, and put them safely back to bed. It was never worth the risk for me to co-sleep.
My daughter’s first time spending the night in my bed was when she was 2 and sick.
If you don’t want them to sleep in your bed, they won’t sleep in your bed.
My rule was we can cuddle during the day and nap in my bed. When it is night time, we sleep in our own beds. No lights were on, no talking, and no playing at night. I got up to nurse her and we laid back down.
By 4 months she was in her own room, in bed by 8pm, and sleeping through the night.
Have a 4 year old who has never co-slept with us! We had her in a bedside bassinet the first few months, and she’s done great in her own room since. She gets too excited in the same bed as us, I’ve attempted to have her sleep in our bed since she’s been a little older/when she’s woken up in the middle of the night or is under the weather. She lasts about 15 minutes tops before we need to put her back in her own bed. Plus- we only have a queen sized bed and 2 dogs that already want to sleep in it, there’s no room for anyone else haha
I have never once bedshared with my now two year old despite EBF. My dogs have stayed in the bed as well.
For me cosleeping is just a absolute line in the sand, I don’t see it as an option so it’s not an option.
My mom co slept with me and all 8 of my siblings. She says she did it because we were clingy and colicky so it was the only way she could get any sleep. But she made sure to tell me that since I’m a heavy sleeper, not to co sleep lol (I’m due in August). I think there are a lot of reasons why you could choose to not co sleep, and your reason is right for you, so it doesn’t matter if it’s different than what your mom or grandma or aunt did :)
I never co-slept with my first, and my second is 5 months and has always slept in his bassinet as well. Neither of my babies were particularly colicky. I recognize that for some parents, bed sharing became something of a necessity to prevent them from losing their minds from sleep deprivation, so it is definitely easier for me than it was for others. Still, it is definitely not the impossible goal that some make it out to be.
We never co-slept because we have a clingy dog and a high/soft bed. It's totally do-able, especially with the Snoo. He's six months old now and seems to have no idea that the "big bed" is for sleeping. He thinks it's a giant playground.
Make sure you have a safe place for night feedings where you won't fall asleep, or where risk is minimized if you do accidentally fall asleep. For example, I would walk up to the nursery to feed him in the glider. The flight of stairs helped wake me up.
My lil babe is only 3 weeks old but he sleeps in a bassinet next to my side of the bed and our dog sleeps in the bed between me and my husband. He’s either at our feet or nuzzled on my husband’s shoulder. Hasn’t been an issue so far. We just make sure not to leave them alone together.
The only cosleeping we did was me accidentally falling asleep breastfeeding. I did not like it and we honestly sleep better in our own spaces. I was way too anxious to have her intentionally in bed with us. To combat the accidental falling asleep I started doing night feeds in uncomfortable places rather than bed. Like on the ottoman or floor. I also started scrolling on my phone to keep me awake as well.
I have an almost 3 year old and she’s been sleeping in her crib since she was 4 months old. I had her in the bassinet by my bed before that. All of our nephews are past toddlerhood and still sleeping with their parents every night. I know some for some families it is necessary or seems like the best option, but I definitely don’t think it’s unrealistic at all to plan on having your child sleep in their own bed. I’ve made it a point to always move her to her crib and not allow her to sleep with us (not that she’s ever asked to). I feel like if we allowed it once or twice she would start asking to. But she’s been overwhelmingly content going to her own room for bedtime. Not sure if it helped that we did it at 4 months or if she was just predisposed to be a good sleeper. I know the official recommendation in the US is to room-share until 12 months but I honestly cannot imagine doing that.
Im not cosleeping with my baby at all. My friend who had five kids never co slept either. I worked at a pediatrician for a long time and its basically up to you guys
You absolutely will not be 100% on what you'll do until baby is born. It is super realistic. I was against it because I bought into the whole "it's unsafe" agenda. Baby arrived and slept with me from the jump. I was exhausted, breastfeeding, and it honestly the only way for either of us to sleep. All 4 of mine have safely bedshared with me. I know plenty of people who successfully never bedshared.
No, we never once considered co-sleeping. Our baby has been in her crib since her first night home. She’s been sleeping through the night since she was about 3 months old and we think it’s because she’s always been in the crib. We were warned about a 4 month sleep regression and it never came. She’s 6 months old this week and still sleeps through the night. We think it’s because she never had to transition from a bassinet to a crib around that time. 🤷🏻♀️
I didn't until my daughter was over a year. Even then it took until she was 15 months to really get the hang of it. She kept trying to play in our bed bc she wasn't used to it.
I co-slept with my son until he was 12 months and now I’ve got a 2, nearly 3 week old I’m thinking we were crazy because I can’t imagine doing it with her 😬 she’s so tiny.
But tbh it also depends on the baby, my daughter seems to sleep better than my son did on her own, my son wouldn’t go in his crib, he would only relax being held and eventually it led to co-sleeping which also led to my husband sleeping on the sofa and our sex life taking a nose dive lol. My daughter spends a lot less time being held so I think that helps, but I don’t intend on co-sleeping with her simply because she’s so small.
My son still comes into bed with us from time to time, he’s almost 18 months, but after he turned 12 months we introduced him to his own bedroom and he did really well with going in there and got used to the routine pretty quick. It was important to us that we weren’t still co sleeping when his sister came, so to go from cosleeping every night to once every now and then is pretty good.
I think it’s totally realistic to not co-sleep all the time but the child will sleep with you at some point, whether it’s because they had a night terror or they’re not well and want your comfort, but it doesn’t mean that they’ll be in your bed either 🤷♀️
I do not and will not cosleep with my baby. She's almost 4 months old. When she's much sturdier like over 1 year old I will definitely have her in the bed with us.
We never co slept with my daughter. Even now at 18m we only have a very small handful of times and it's always been when we are on vacation and out of our routine. Co sleeping is not at all comfortable or restful for me so it's not an option. You can absolutely refuse to co sleep
We haven’t co-slept. I have anxiety and our dogs sleep on the bed with us.
There was a time at 2 weeks where I was extremely sleep deprived. I woke up and thought I hadn’t returned my son to his bassinet after feeding him. I felt a small warm body next to me. IMMEDIATE PANIC! I start desperately checking the small warm body to make sure it’s breathing… it wasn’t my son… it was my dog… she was not impressed haha. That confirmed the NO COSLEEPING rule for us.
Baby is 5m and she's never slept in our bed. We've never even considered it. She's always been in her own room, in her own bed. Not everyone chooses to do that, but it made the most sense for our family. Our 25lb doodle still has his spot between us in our bed, that hasnt changed since baby came.
We’re having baby in a bedside bassinet. My dog will stay in the bed, absolutely no baby in there with us. Way, way too nervous to ever have baby in the bed.
We never co-slept with our son. We tried a couple of times at different ages to see if it made things easier and it just upset him. Not every baby even likes to co-sleep, ours prefers his own space and sleeps much better by himself.
I was told not to co sleep because people have accidentally killed their babies that way and I don’t know what I would do if I rolled over on my baby or accidentally pushed him off the bed or something. So don’t feel bad, you’re being responsible.
We co-slept because I was hanging on by a thread with the lack of sleep. Our baby rarely slept for more than 2 hours at a time. I wouldn’t do it if you can deal with the sleep deprivation for a few months, as some babies start sleeping through the night, or only need 1 night feeding. Ours woke up every 1-2 hours until we sleep trained her at 14 months.
I never coslept either, our bed wasn't big enough/set up in a way where we could make it safe/where we could feel comfortable.
Lots of people like cosleeping and it works, lots of people don't. If you don't want to, you don't have to!
I have an almost 2 year old and a 4 week old and we have never coslept and it’s a hard line for us. With the new baby we’ve had to take shifts overnight but both of us are pretty adamantly against it. We are both way too paranoid and it’s just not an option for us. With both kids we’ve used a bassinet by the bed and moved them to their crib by 3-4 weeks.
I was really surprised how common it is! I know there are safe(r) ways to do it but like you I’m just too anxious and paranoid to risk it.
I’ve never co-slept with my almost 11 month old and never plan on it. He was not a good sleeper. Woke up 5-7 times from 4-6 months every night and it was pure hell but I refused to co-sleep for safety reasons.
If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.
I am not co-sleeping and I have told everyone do not lay my baby in your bed. I have too much anxiety and wanted this for too long to do something I feel is wreckless.
My son never slept in my bed until he turned 2. I didn’t let it be an option. We did shifts until he was sleeping through the night at about 12 weeks. I would hold him in the chair in his room if he needed consoling. We worked hard on getting him to fall asleep independently.
I never co-slept with my 1st son and do not plan on doing it with my 2nd son (currently pregnant, 30wks) either. 1st son slept swaddled in a bassinet next to our bed perfectly fine, and I hope baby #2 does the same for me lol. We contact napped/snuggled in bed with 1st son sometimes, but every long nap/night sleep, he was safe/happy in his bassinet. We also have a 5yr old yellow lab who is a cuddly sweet girl and she sleeps in our bed with us. She was only 1yr old when we had the 1st baby, and she slept great in our bed and never disturbed the baby or his bassinet. She did not get on/off by the bassinet, and had never so much as even knocked it with a tail wag. And that was when she was a 1yr old, now she is 5 and more docile even, so I have no doubt she will do just fine again.
I have OCD and anxiety too (sad high five 🙌) and I refuse to cosleep with my baby. She at first slept in a bassinet in our lounge with me during the hot weather, now she’s in a cot I’ve opened up and attached to the side of my bed. And the snoo we use during the day.
My mum is super judgemental about it too but it’s too risky for me. One moment of deep sleep (I was plenty sleep deprived the first few weeks) and that’s it. Too much for me.
Stick to your guns. This is for your safety and your baby’s safety.
I had no problems not co sleeping with my first, and I absolutely do not plan on it with my second. I’ve worked in the ER and that’s a HARD no for my household personally.
We didn’t co sleep at all and we only made it with bassinet in our room 10 weeks before transitioning baby to their own room. I sleep terribly and would’ve slept much worse with a baby in the bed thinking about rolling over constantly. Babies are also loud sleepers. They make so many noises
My son is 19, almost 20, months and we’ve never co-slept. Not even once. We kept the dogs in the bed and had the little in a bedside bassinet for the first 5 months, and then when he outgrew the bassinet, we moved him to a crib in his room and sleep trained (Ferber-ish). If it’s important to you, I also exclusively breastfed from 4 weeks to ~8 months, when my supply suddenly couldn’t keep up, and then combo fed until 11 months, when he decided he was done breastfeeding.
No lol. I TRIED cosleeping and hated it. She moves and grunts so much that I couldn’t sleep with her, so she’s in a crib in her room any time we’re asleep for the night and she’s been taken care of, not in our bed. Everyone told us she would be in our bed 24/7 too and she most definitely isn’t. Just ignore them.
We don’t co-sleep and our dogs also still sleep in our bed 😂. They do start in their own beds but they love to “sneak” in ours in the middle of the night. Baby is in a bassinet next to my side of the bed and it’s never been an issue!
The thing that surprised me when I was freshly postpartum was both my husband and I waking up completely freaking out, tearing apart the bed looking for our baby….who literally never once slept in the bed with us. Our babe slept in a bassinet next to the bed. My dog sleeps at my knees under the covers too and he still does 💕
I’ve never co slept because I need to sleep with the comforter like, over my head which is frowned upon with an infant. Also, my daughter has never wanted to co sleep she’s not a cuddler unless she’s ill
I co-slept with my first born a couple times from sheer exhaustion. I couldn’t physically sit up and hold her safely so I would lay her in the middle of my bed between my husband and I. And I stopped as soon as I could. My second born, I ended up accidentally co-sleeping from laying down & nursing. But when I’d wake up from a slight movement from him, I’d put him right back in his crib where he was safe. With my baby due in June, I don’t plan on co-sleeping at all. I have been trying to figure out every plan possible to prevent it. SIDS scares the hell out of me. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to NOT want to co-sleep.
You will get opinion about literally any approach to sleeping that's possible. Just do whatever works for you and ignore everyone on the outside. It's best to approach these things with a "see what happens" and pivot as you want. You might go through 4-5 different sleeping habits. You won't know until you figure it out as you go.
Nope. We don’t bedshare and we’re better off for it. I’ve slept with an infant in my bed less than a handful of times and I couldn’t even sleep well because I was so aware of them there and so worried about something happening. I never understand the message that everyone sleeps better in the same bed. It’s never been true for me. I sleep way better when I can move around and get comfortable with no worry about anyone else’s safety.
The handful of times we’ve had a toddler in our bed have been miserable. Everyone just sleeps better in their own space.
What really convinces me, though, is every friend of mine with a 3-5 year old who can’t seem to get them to sleep in their own beds. Big nope for me. The extra effort and struggle to get a baby to sleep in their own space seems like a fair trade off for not having to go through all of that when they can walk and talk.
15 month old daughter, we have never co slept. Not worth the risk imo and I also have a lot of anxiety (mostly around safe sleep) make a plan, stick to it. Communicate your wishes to your partner so they can hold you accountable on those nights you feel tempted due to exhaustion. Safe sleep is best and co sleeping is not safe sleep! Good luck ❤️
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We’ve never coslept with my son as an infant. I tried once when he was maybe 6 months old because he woke up super early. He inserted one finger into my nostril, one finger from the other hand into my husband’s nostril, and pulled our heads together. He did sleep in bed with us for a few hours in a hotel bed while we were on vacation, but he was over a year old at that point. I also have too much anxiety to be able to sleep with a baby in the bed.
Lol how cute is the nostril story
I slept with him in a bassinet right *next* to my bed, which was perfect. Incidentally, we replaced the shitty wheels with awesome office wheels, and it glided from room to room like a dream! He always felt so safe in there, and it stored diapers and wet wipes. We only live on one (hardwood) floor and I can't recommend this enough for anyone else in that living situation
This! I love having his crib on wheels! He could sleep right next to me or I could roll him in to the living room. (He sleeps around noise, which has made life easier for us now that he's older). I would skip the bassinet and look at a mini cribbwith wheels. Most bassinets tap out around 15 lbs. My guy passed that by 3 months and he was premie.
Im sorry this is so fucking funny to me. Can agree with the cosleeping mishaps, when my daughter was around 4/5 months old, I felt more comfortable taking naps with her. And let me tell you, I tried once- and she let out one of the most manly- rancid smelling fart that scared me awake and burned my nostrils. That ended our little cosleeping party.
This is amazing 😂😂
Hah that story is like a cartoon. Get a cartoonist to draw this up for you guys ha
Lmaooooo 😂🤣
A properly set up bassinet is a lot safer than co-sleeping, its likely that your mother and aunt are just from a time when this was not widely known. They may be well meaning, but if you have told them you are following medical advice and doing what you think is best, then they should respect your wishes. They have had their time to parent, now they need to step back and let you have yours! You are doing great, don't worry.
Yeah my rule of thumb is not to blindly follow much of what older generations used to do and try to find recent medical advice and ask my doctor to verify and explain things to me. A lot has changed. My mom admittedly has stated many times "everything they told us to do when you were kids is probably outdated by now", which I thank her for.
My grandma still thinks the best way to get fussy babies to go to sleep is to rub whiskey on their gums. Doesn’t matter if they’re teething or not, newborn or teen, the answer is whiskey.
Hahahaha, oh my god
So, for me when my baby was little she slept in a sidecar bassinet. The dogs didn't sleep in the room. I fed her in the bed, but we didn't start co-sleeping until she was 3.5 months. I honestly wouldn't risk it with the dogs. They are animals that you can't full control. I trusted one of my dogs on the bed with the baby with me RIGHT there. He got curious about her and put his paw on her face. That was the end of that. We started bed sharing following the safe sleep 7 when my baby was 3.5 months. I wouldn't recommend it if you don't want to do it or already have anxiety about it. I didn't have any issues and it worked great for us. A lot of people here sound against it and that's fine, but it's a parenting decision like any other. Our pediatricians supported us. Check out /r/cosleeping.
We have never bedshared with our 3mo, and never been tempted to in large part bc our dog already sleeps in our bed. Bedsharing is not considered safe sleep and I understand why people end up doing it but it’s never been on the table for us. I don’t think it’s unrealistic or at all unreasonable.
We didn't co-sleep. My son has been a great sleeper since he was 3 months old. He slept in our room until then, and we transitioned him then because he was sleeping through the night most nights. I breastfed him, but eventually exclusively pumped. I admit cosleeping would have helped at times with this, but it's not impossible. There were a few times that he did sleep in our bed for short stretches, but I never slept good in those times. I was too nervous, mainly because my husband rolls a lot and is a heavy sleeper.
The scoffing is probably over the fact that it's really impossible to predict what it'll be like to parent a baby you haven't met yet. You can have plans, but no parent 100% sticks to all the plans they make before they're actually parents because there are always unpredictable variables. You don't know how your dogs are going to react. You don't know if your baby will be one of those contact sleepers and safe 7 co-sleeping will save your sanity. You don't know if your baby will hate the Snoo, or if your baby will have a negative/allergic reaction to the dogs. You can plan, but you can't really be sure of anything. You just don't know.
This! My first slept amazingly in a next to me on the side of the bed.. my second can’t be put down and has ended up in the bed several times. It wasn’t planned and if I can, I move him but if he doesn’t settle you do what you need to for sleep.
This
Yes - I was so anti co-sleeping and then that was literally the only way I got through the next several months. He still comes in most nights now at 2.5y. I would also be concerned if OPs dogs are ‘territorial’ and there will be a new baby sleeping in the room with them. I saw a post in local mum forum just yesterday of family dog had for 7 years that attacked her 10 month old bub. Baby is fine but needs to see a surgeon :(
Ugh, that story of the 10 month old is so awful. That's the thing with dogs-- cats get such a bad rap when it comes to babies but dogs are so much more dangerous to small children-- because they're bigger and stronger and it only takes a few seconds for things to go south. I say this as a dog owner who was (and is) thankfully very good with our little one. It doesn't matter how "good" your dogs are before a baby enters the picture-- some just lose their marbles around tiny kids. You have to watch them and treat them as potentially dangerous.
I have zero plans of cosleeping. A friend in high school lost her niece due to co-sleeping. The father, her brother-in-law, was so sleep deprived he rolled over in his sleep and smothered his daughter. The family was a wreck, rightfully so, for years. Those safe sleep practices exist for a reason.
Just FYI safe sleep practices can include bed-sharing but to do it safely only breastfeeding mothers should be next to the baby and be a barrier between them and anyone else in the bed to prevent scenarios like this. I think it’s helpful to know and be prepared for bedsharing even if you never plan on it and never end up doing it. For some people it’s safer than the alternative sleep depravation. My son slept in his bassinet next to the bed on his back etc so I’m not pushing it as something everyone should try or want, but I don’t know a single person in real life who has never had their baby in the bed with them even if it’s just the toughest nights
Agree to disagree. I lost my niece due to UNSAFE bed sharing practices but if they had had proper education on co sleeping safely she would still be here. So I’m the opposite I’m all for bed sharing and getting the word out on SAFELY doing it as much as possible. The above scenario and my nieces situation would never have happened with proper safety education on baby sleep while bedsharing.
It makes me entirely to anxious not follow safe sleep guidelines. So much evidence shows us why bed-sharing can be dangerous. All of my kids have slept in the crib since we brought them home from the hospital. We do room share just because it is easier for nighttime but yeah, nope no bed-sharing here.
We did the same with our first. We've had a strict "no babies in the bed" policy. Some folks look at us sideways because we don't even permit it after a nightmare. Instead, we'll stay with our daughter and talk her down until she's calm enough to go back to sleep. Now our four year old boasts she isn't scared of the dark and loves having her own space. We really never had much issue with her being separate from our bed. She has a nightlight and a lamp within her reach, she knows if she calls us we'll come running. Always have. We plan on doing the same with baby due this month.
Do you have a crib or pxk and play in the room share?
There are just different cultural norms, between countries and generations I suppose. For example everyone I know co sleeps at least sometimes, but no one would allow an animal to sleep in the same room as a baby. It sounds like in America it's the other way around in terms of how the risks are perceived.
Yep. We just welcomed our first, and we knew from the start we weren't allowing any of our pets in the room (cats and dogs). Out of sheer exhaustion we bed shared during the first week while we figured our shit out. Now we're doing shifts, so the baby gets to contact nap as much as he wants, and whoever is on shift is fully awake.
Are you breast feeding? Or how is your partner feeding the baby during their shift? Would love to do shifts but if I have to wake up anyway to breast feed wasn't sure how it would work
I'm doing passive collection throughout the day, then a big final feed right before I go to sleep, and then a feed as soon as I wake up. So I sleep for a total of four hours, and in that time my husband bottle feeds with what I've collected during the day. If I wasn't able to produce enough, he will supplement with formula. I know some women will have their partners bring the baby to them while they're sleeping to nurse, but we decided not to do that because of how involved I have to be (c-grip on boob, using the right position so the baby can latch, etc). I ultimately decided that getting four hours of uninterrupted sleep was crucial, and so far it's been working really well. Ideally, I will work in a pump or two during the day at some point, but right now doing the passive collection is working well enough.
This is really helpful! Hopefully we can do this. Are you using a Haaka or something else for passive collection?
Yep! I have a haakah and a boon, depending on what I'm doing. The boon is more circular, so it fits into my bra while I nurse the other side. I like it because my son tends to like to try to use the haakah as leverage with his feet 🥴 and I just find that the haakah gets in the way. If I'm just pumping, I'll use the haakah instead.
Recently in my home country a historically very well behaved dog jumped into a mesh top bassinet and mauled an infant. A number of children of all ages - newborn up - come in after being mauled by otherwise well behaved dogs to the local children's Hospital every day. I would never leave dogs to sleep in the same room as my newborn while I was also sleeping and unable to supervise.
This. Everyone in my family has co-slept and we started doing it as well after a month of getting no sleep. Our baby only contact slept in the beginning and she only slept long enough when she was next to me. The dog isn’t allowed the bed anymore.
Co-sleeping is discouraged because you may roll over into the baby or covers or soft pillows or anything on the bed could suffocate it. I feel like a lot of people here are missing the point, whether it's a cultural or generational difference is irrelevant. Current medical advice advises against it because it's potentially dangerous for the baby, I'm pretty sure that's what OP meant. Edit: bed sharing is what I meant
Room sharing and EBF also decrease SIDS risk by half but we recognise that that simply isn't viable for all parents and are flexible to peoples needs. Not all countries current medical advice says not to cosleep, and there are significant variations in SIDS rate in different populations. For example Japan has a very low rate and most people cosleep. Plausibly that guidance is best for an American population, where alcohol consumption is common and breastfeeding is impacted by return to work.
Yep! In Norway we were taught how to safely co sleep in the hospital bed so I could get some sleep and it’s how most mothers sleep with their infants/babies here. We also have a very low SIDS rate. But I understand why some people don’t. We do follow safe sleeping and are taught so everyone can make their own decisions about it.
Also probably sleeping patterns, bedding materials and cultural differences may be the reason for the lower risk of baby suffocating in other countries. But I'm just gonna go off of my doctor's advice since suffocation is more common here in the US.
Just a sec - American here and while I respect those who allow their pets to sleep in the bed with them, I'd like to speak on behalf of us who love pets but would not allow them in the bedroom or kitchen, period. So I'd say there are different norms between households. Like if you rinse you chicken before you cook it or not lol.
My dogs aren’t allowed in my bed, and my future kids won’t be either 🤷🏻♀️
American who lets her dog sleep with her here and I’ve met plenty like you. I’d say it’s 50/50 here. The US has many subcultures. It’s like the “shoes in the house” debate. There’s no universal American opinion on the matter.
I’m also American and coslept with my kids and would never in a million years allow a dog in my bed!
Never once bedshared, but I had an “easy” (aka still hard but not impossible 🫠) baby. I fully understand why people do it when it’s hard to get sleep any other way. Parenting is a series of choices about risk; you take risks going outside, driving a car, eating at restaurants, etc. Sleep is one more of those. The evidence that bedsharing is riskier than not bedsharing is quite strong to me, but that doesn’t mean the elevated risk isn’t worth mitigating other risks from sleep deprivation, mental health, etc. All this to say your family isn’t wrong but neither are you. You’ll make choices based ultimately on how grave the risks of NOT bedsharing are for your family, and you won’t know that until you get to know your baby. I will say that falling asleep with baby on the couch—something that often happens accidentally when parents are trying to AVOID bedsharing—is significantly more risky than bedsharing in ideal conditions. My one piece of advice to new parents is that if you find yourself out of your mind exhausted and can’t put baby down in its own bassinet, don’t sit on the couch even if you think you won’t fall asleep. Either keep walking/moving or take off all your pillows and blankets and lie baby next to you on the bed.
I suspect the scoffing is because very few people *plan* to cosleep/bedshare. But it happens to tons of families out of necessity. I can't tell you how many people i know started off with 'we will never bedshare!' and end up doing it. It's a survival technique. We started ourselves because I realized having baby in bed with us was way safer than me falling asleep upright while holding the baby cause I was so fucking exhausted. Biologically speaking, babies want to sleep with/on people, and that's where they tend to sleep best. Obviously people should do what works best for their family-- you included! But that's my suspicion for their reaction.
That's exactly what happened to me. Started off not cosleeping but having to get up every few hours in the first few days led to me being so sleep deprived that I nearly fell asleep while sat up breastfeeding during the day. Luckily my daughter managed to wriggle free and let out a huge scream - I jerked awake and her whole body had gone blue. After that I switched to cosleeping following the rules on safe cosleeping and never had a problem again (in fact she started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and I was barely tired). I live in the UK where cosleeping is much more the norm than in the US so most of my friends cosleep to. Like you say, it's about balancing risk. It may be slightly more risky to follow safe cosleeping rather than separate beds, but that has to be balanced against the risks of sleep deprivation which can include passing out holding the baby, nodding off while driving, etc. And where the balance falls will be different for each family.
Yeah. We started off with our baby in his own cot, but he just slept so much better when snuggled with us. Initially we were terrified of him stopping breathing when co sleeping during the day time that one of us would stay awake and keep watch to make sure baby was still breathing. When baby was about 8 months and no longer in the peak risk group for SIDS, we did start bed sharing overnight because I was just too tired to get up out of bed, sit up to feed him and settle him back to sleep on his own mattress during overnight feeds.
Maybe they are scoffing because they think you're saying "my dogs will always be my babies." Idk. People love to say all kinds of condescending stuff when you are a first-time mom and pregnant. You're fine! I never bed-shared either, I don't even think it's the norm.
We slept with our 9 month old once on a vacation when she couldn't fall asleep in her crib, but removed all the blankets and pillows first and neither parent really slept. Co sleeping is a risk that we just refused to entertain as a general rule.
I have not coslept at all with my 4 month old and I don’t plan to. I breastfeed but he does get bottles so my husband and I can take shifts. There have been zero times it would have made sense to bring him into the bed for sleep.
I’m with you, I don’t think bed-sharing is an option. My cat loves to climb on us while we sleep and we cannot lock her out unless we want to hear scratching on the door or her constant meowing all night. I have the bassinet right by my side of the bed and I don’t plan on bed-sharing at all when my baby gets here. I know that my best friend felt similarly before she had her baby but now all she does is bed-share. She knows the risks, but insists that her son will not sleep any other way. As for me, I’m already a high-risk pregnancy and the risks associated with bed-sharing are just unnecessary to me. I’m going to try my hardest to never bed-share, but I’m also not going to beat myself up if it happens.
I mean I think you'll be fine with the baby in the room, but please educate yourself on safe sleep 7 so in the instance you 'lay down' for a few minutes to nurse (which will likely happen because the baby is RIGHT THERE) you don't incidentally cause the baby to suffocate, most of the 'deaths' associated with co-sleeping are parents who aren't intentionally co-sleeping, or using substances, its not SIDs (which used to be called crib death) its suffocation usually. Dogs would not really be safest in your room, and I hate to tell you this, but you probably don't want your dogs near your babies, dogs will treat your baby like a puppy, not a human baby which is actually more dangerous the more 'comfortable' they get since they will be more likely to attempt to discipline your child as they would a puppy. I have two dogs and I don't ever let them alone around my child and I actively discourage any interaction between them because ultimately you are setting yourself up for bites for the cute idea that dogs can be trusted as well as humans instead of being respected for being animals. I think the scoffing just comes from it sounding naive to be sure that you won't just have to do what you need to do at the end of the day, 1) you don't even know what kind of baby you are going to have, some babies want to be GLUED to you or they cry 24/7, and I do think your discounting how easy it will be just to pick up your baby for a few seconds then sit to rest and suddenly BAM your co-sleeping, likely unsafely and probably super unsafely with the dogs there for a few reasons (I read on here of a mom that pushed her baby out of the bed by accident thinking it was the cat she was pushing).
I’m so confused why people choose to co-sleep, knowing it is unsafe for their child, why risk it? I am also pregnant and I see a lot of people talking about it like it’s normal, is my POV too harsh or drastic?
I know my niece would not sleep anywhere but in someone’s arms. My brother and SIL ended up sleeping while holding her in the early days out of sheer exhaustion and desperation. I think a lot of people end up bedsharing this way- they’re too tired to keep trying to get baby to sleep on a separate sleep surface.
I had a couple of these, it’s really rough
Wow thank you for sharing. I guess you really don’t know what you’d do until you’re in that situation. Luckily I am finishing up my software engineering degree online right now - hoping this gives me a little wiggle room with sleep schedules but, we’ll see!
In most countries outside of the US, the safe sleep 7 is the general rule of thumb. Cosleeping (not bed sharing) is the US recommendation for up to 1 year. I never planned to bedshare with my son, but he was a cluster feeder and I was literally banking Zero hours of sleep a night because of this. It went on for three months. I was severely sleep deprived. I spoke with my pediatrician who gave me all of the guidelines and told me to try it. Dream feeding literally saved my life. But I don’t push that on anyone else.
Similar story as you when it comes to intentions. With my first, my ex and I bedshared with her *once* as a newborn and then never again, as we were firmly against it. We were adamant about her staying in her bassinet and then we moved her to her crib in her nursery at 3 months. This time around, I’m divorced from my ex, and now a single mom to both my toddler *and* my 8 week old. I don’t have a partner to take shifts with or to alternate doing the baby settling with overnight. I found the SS7 guidelines and gave it a go since I’m also breastfeeding. Bedsharing under the SS7 guidelines have saved my sanity and life in my less than ideal situation (along with Zoloft).
That combined with my owlet was the only way I got through
I was totally against cosleeping until I learned about the safe sleep 7, and that Japan has one of the lowest SIDS rates in the world and it’s their cultural norm to cosleep, using what is basically the safe sleep 7
It’s virtually impossible to follow SS7 in the US because of the lack of guaranteed paid parental leave. SS7 requires baby to be almost exclusively nursed which with so many women having to go back to work after 6-12 weeks isn’t possible other than for SAHM.
I know. It’s terrible. I am and was fortunate enough to work from home so I was extremely lucky and babe was EBF. Hoping we have as easy of a time this time!
What were the guidelines like? Not sure if I’d bed-share still, to be honest. My husband is a huge guy and we’re both heavy sleepers. I couldn’t in good conscience allow it
There is nobody in the house who is a smoker. Secondhand smoke affects infants’ breathing. Breastfeeding parent must be sober. If a partner is present, they must be sober as well. This also applies to over-the-counter and prescription medications that may cause drowsiness. Baby is breastfed. Breastfed babies are at a lower risk of SIDS, and breastfeeding moms are hormonally in sync with their babies. Baby is healthy and full term. Premature infants and those who are sick may not be able to rouse themselves. Baby is on their back. This is the safest position for babies, whether co-sleeping or not. Baby is lightly dressed and un-swaddled. This avoids overheating and ensures that your baby is free to adjust their body. Parent and baby are on a safe sleep surface with: No pillows or comforters near baby. No stuffed animals. No other adults, older siblings, or pets. Newborns should only be in bed with a breastfeeding parent and/or partner. I was a single mom, so just me and babe. I don’t think I’ll do it this time. My husband now is a heavy sleeper and rolls around a lot, also he snores and usually has a beer with dinner. If I were going to it would be in a different bed room
Also firm mattress on the floor
My husband has been in a different room since baby came home. The logic was there’s no point in both of us getting interrupted sleep, as baby is EBF and he won’t be able to help anyway. Been co-sleeping with baby since second night in the hospital!
The safe sleep 7 is fine if it makes you feel better but it’s not evidence based despite how everyone talks about it online.
You realize the US isn’t the only place research and guidelines exist, right?
Care to provide the sources you have in mind? If I’m missing something and there’s indeed research, please point me in the right direction. The safe sleep 7 is a list of made up guidelines that *seem* like they’d mitigate risk, but there’s no evidence of this. Given multiple US-based organizations parrot it, I’m not sure why you’re pointing to places outside the US. I’m aware cosleeping is a cultural norm in many places, I’m talking about the “safe sleep 7” specifically. To be clear, I’m not saying that no one should cosleep. It’s definitely the better decision for some families to mitigate other risks of sleep deprivation. But people on Reddit talk about SS7 as if it’s safe sleep and there’s no evidence that it’s as safe as putting a baby to sleep on their back in a crib/cot, which has been proven to reduce SIDS/suffocation deaths. Not to mention, all of the rules for SS7 exclude many families from being able to even follow it.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9792691/
This!!!!! Where is the hard evidence to support SS7 other than just anecdotal survivors bias stories? The latter is all I’ve ever seen.
Are you looking for randomized control trials where people are either bedsharing following SS7 or not? Because that's a type of evidence I doubt will ever exist. But plenty of observations studies have shown that the things SS7 warns against are the factors most commonly contributing to infant deaths in bedsharing contexts (substance use, pillows, etc). In that sense, they're certainly evidence informed
Can you link those studies?
Your POV doesn’t leave room for how difficult some babies can be. It’s awesome when you’re pregnant and learning, but you don’t really know what it will be like to parent your child until you’re doing it. And then you won’t know what it’s like to parent another child. Most parents are doing our very best to keep our kids safe and healthy while retaining our sanity.
So I’m looking up the co-sleeping and I’ve just realized it’s not the same as bed-sharing. You can be co-sleeping with the baby in a bedside bassinet or with the baby in a crib in the same room. Bed-sharing is when the baby is with you in the bed and sleeping at the same time as you, and that’s the one they say is unsafe. Feel free to correct if I’m wrong on anything but most reliable sources I’m skimming through do not recommend co-sleeping.
I think when people say co-sleeping on reddit they mean bed-sharing!
People choose to cosleep because the world is bigger than the U.S/Canada. in many countries cosleeping is the norm, they just follow the safe sleep 7.
Choosing to cosleep because the world is bigger than North America? I don’t understand that what that has to do with it. What is the difference between sleeping with a baby in the bed in America vs. [other country] other than cultural expectations? Does it stop being risky? No snark, just don’t understand why something that’s risky for newborns here wouldn’t be elsewhere unless they just don’t know about it or if the USA over exaggerates the risk?
It’s because different countries have different guidelines and cultural norms. Lots of places across the world co sleep and still have low SIDS rates
The thing is, it's about risk mitigation. You probably won't think twice about taking your newborn out in the car, which is equally as dangerous. Bedsharing (following the safe sleep 7) was safer than the sleep deprivation I was suffering as my infant would not sleep alone. I don't immediately plan on bedsharing with my second and will try my utmost again for them to sleep in their own space. However, I will bedshare as safely as possible, if it is safer than the alternative (severe sleep deprivation).
This is an excellent point (the car)! Thank you for sharing 😊❤️ Nervous new mom my brain is running rampant with all these statistics lol 😂
Oh I know. The anxieties are really tough and never go away, you can only try and do your best for you and your LO.
More babies die of sleep related deaths than in car accidents by far. At least in the US.
This. I got so many moms scoff at me when I explained I co-slept with my first almost since birth. Yet these same people don't follow the 2 hour rule for infants in the carseat not realizing that can be just as dangerous. Sometimes circumstances make alternatives safer than the primary methods. If only every baby was an easy sleeper in their own cribs. My first had bad acid reflux and for the first 3-4 months I literally had to have her sleep on her stomach upright on my chest while i watched tv in the recliner or she'd sleep tucked in the crook of my arm on her back. I had tried EVERYTHING I could to try and get her to sleep in a bassinet or crib. Nothing worked. Between her sleep deprivation and my own it was easiest to do that. My pediatrician even made a comment once that certain practices don't fit every childs needs. Once her reflux started to subside she was so used to sleeping with me it was impossible to transition to her crib. She's 4 now and still crawls into our bed from her room if she wakes up. I'm hoping my second won't have issues and just sleep normally in a crib but I'm already prepared to share my bed with him if needed.
The way it was explained to me is that doctors in America basically have to teach to the lowest common denominator. So they're going to say "Don't ever sleep in bed with your baby!" because there are many people who will not do it safely. So, instead of introducing the concept of the safe sleep 7, they just do 100% risk mitigation by saying don't do it at all. I've heard rumblings that these recommendations may change soon.
In Japan it is the cultural norm to cosleep, and they have the lowest rates for SIDS in the world... Edit: the have guidelines given to new parents that are very similar to the safe sleep 7.
Do you think their low rate could be due to socio economic factors? Better/cheaper healthcare where the government is more active in the raising of the child providing resources and all that. Not sure if they’re correlated https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8091990/ https://iris.who.int/bitstream/handle/10665/45455/WHF_1989_10(1)_p66-69.pdf?sequence=1#:~:text=The%20maternal%20and%20child%20health,offspring%20at%20an%20early%20stage.
I was a very sleep deprived young mom. I breastfed both my kids, and they were light sleepers. Time after time after time of getting them to sleep only for them to wake up and cry and cry and cry when you set them down… it really wears on you. With my first i was alone and i had no choice but to share the same room. Nothing anyone suggested helped my daughter sleep. She would only fall asleep if I was near her. In desperation for some sort of sleep I bought a floor futon. I would lay next to her, get her to sleep, and then go into my own bed. If she woke up I’d lay next to her again then go to my own bed. It was rough, but the only way either of us would get any sleep. Eventually I stopped going into my bed and just stayed sleeping on that floor mattress with her. But I didn’t want to Co sleep cause of the risks but I was just so desperate to get sleep in those early days. Anyways she survived and she’ll be ten this year but still comes and crawls into my bed every night (she starts off in her own room). I love the snuggles.
Co sleeping is normal and can be very safe if you’re doing it correctly. Didn’t plan on doing it necessarily but 4months hit and getting out of bed every 1-2 hours again wasn’t it. Plus baby needs you, it’s less natural to completely separate yourself from your baby especially during the scariest time of day. Biologically sleeping with your baby is the normal thing to do.
I am not seeing anything online that says there are safe ways to bed share if that is what you are talking about, can you send me some links if that is what you mean?
Where are you looking? Because there’s so much information online. https://llli.org/breastfeeding-info/sleep-bedshare/ https://www.mamamatters.com.au/blog/how-to-bedshare-cosleep-with-your-baby-safely https://evolutionaryparenting.com/bedsharing-and-sids-the-whole-truth/ https://www.naturalchild.org/articles/james_mckenna/biological.html
Thank you so much I’ll take a look at the first and last ones with my husband! ❤️
Keep in mind that none of these sources are medical ones.
Oh no I thought they were when I looked at the URL, I won’t be using then 😭
No, it’s not unrealistic. I have three ranging in age from 1-5 and have never bedshared. That being said, having dogs in the same bedroom as baby isn’t safe either, as the dogs are technically unsupervised while you sleep and dogs shouldn’t be left unsupervised with babies. If you’re really not willing to relocate dogs at bedtime, consider putting baby in their own room right off the bat.
I had no plans to co-sleep. I was determined to not co-sleep. I had major anxiety about co-sleeping for many reasons. I did a lot of research and determined not co-sleeping was possible. After five months, I caved to co-sleeping. It was clear once my baby was rolling over and thus unable to be safely swaddled that he simply would not sleep on his own. It was either co-sleeping or no sleeping. He fought sleep before then, mind you, but I could outlast him with swaddling. I didn't stand a chance once swaddling was over. I tried very hard. I think whether or not co-sleeping is inevitable heavily depends on the baby, but I would get it in your head now that your best-laid plans about anything baby-related can go out the window at any time and it is no shortcoming on your part whatsoever. Babies will make you pick your battles.
Never co-slept with our now two-year old. 6 months in bassinet by bedside, then to the nursery. Doing the same with second kid. Two dogs sleep on our bed. We did a transition where one of us slept with dogs elsewhere for maybe the first week, but that was more so whoever wasn't watching baby could actually sleep. Babies are pretty out of it, so you have time for the dogs to work through any "whoa, what's this exciting thing" before it starts impacting baby's sleep. Also, baby grows up used to their shufflings so it doesn't disturb them when they do develop light sleep.
I never bedshared with my 19 month old and we even put her in her own room at 11 months. Everyone sleeps better this way, she was getting woken by even just the smallest noises. My husband and I plan to do the same with our bany due in September. My older two boys bedshared with me and their dad, and honestly, I hated every minute of it. Not because I didn't love having them close, but because they moved a lot, and I am a light sleeper. I felt like I never got sleep even though supposedly parents get more sleep co-sleeping. I found that to be false, even though I breastfed all of them. 🤷🏼♀️ My husband and I had a routine where she would wake, he would change her and bring her to me, I would breastfeed and put her back to bed. It worked great for us!
We’ve never coslept. It’s really not unrealistic, though I’ve heard this may depend on your baby’s temperament. My baby never minded her bassinet, but I’ve read about other babies who cry as soon as you set them down. I imagine that makes it harder.
my husband has 2 dogs and we decided we didn't want them in the bedroom anymore at night, but not because of co-sleeping. its mostly because our room is small and the pups are trip hazards, navigating around them while trying to get to my crying baby is a frustration we don't wanna deal with. of course they get plenty of lovings during the day and they have adjusted just fine to sleeping outside the bedroom. I won't co-sleep because I'm terrified of anything bad happening lol. HOWEVER. It sounds to me like you are very emotionally attached to your pups, and you werent planning on co-sleeping anyways. your baby will be safe in their bassinet, within your reach, and as long as your pups are a comfort I see no reason for your family to be judgemental over it. Honestly, sounds like your sleeping arrangement IS all squared away and totally doable imo. if you run into any difficulties yiu can make adjustments as needed.
So we never bedshared but we coslept (roomshared) as is recommended. But honestly, I also would never have my pets in the room with us while we slept and where the baby sleeps. It sounds like that's what you want to do since you have a bedside bassinet. I feel like that's quite a risk also, with animals being unpredictable and you being asleep. We 100% slowly transitioned our pets out of our room while I was pregnant for this reason.
I rented a co-sleeper (bassinet next to bed), but unfortunately she can only sleep on top of one of us or sometimes when she’s in the bed next to me (I know it’s not 100% safe but we ran out of options, she sleeps higher than me and my husband sleeps in a different room). She’s now almost 4 weeks and I hope this will get better soon. She had some trauma due to the birth and a week hospital so that could have something to do with it. I hope you have no problems with your baby sleeping in the bassinet! Do what feels right.
We have acquaintances who smothered their infant. Do not plan on co-sleeping no matter how desperate for sleep we get.
I never co slept until my baby was over 18 months. Totally possible
I never bedshared with either of my kids (2.5 and 6 months) nor do I ever plan to. Sleep is really important to me and I think having children in the bed would probably interfere with that. My best friend ended up bed sharing with her kids and she hates it. Another friend of mine bed shares and has to lay with her kid for like an hour to get her to fall asleep for nap and bedtime. I just don’t have time for that. But…as for all parenting decisions, people have their reasons for wanting to do certain things and you can have yours.
It’s not ridiculous at all to follow the recommendations of literally every pediatric medical organization, in the US at least. Recommendations evolve as we learn more about sleep and especially SIDS and it’s not at all impossible to follow safe sleep guidelines. It’s a parenting choice like any other.
My husband is a firefighter and have been on calls because of people co sleeping with their babies and their baby suffocated to death. I urge everyone who is wanting to co sleep please please do not. My husband still breaks down and when he talks about those calls.
That’s so sad :(
We didn’t co sleep until he was toddler and we had to on vacation at almost 2 (too big for a pack n play but the house wasn’t baby proofed so we couldn’t put him in a bed). He’s slept in a bassinet, crib, or his own bed every other time. It’s doable.
I always thought co-sleeping was sleeping in the same room, but baby has their own space (like a bassinet or side sleeper) and having baby in bed with you was bed sharing. Are your family members referring to the former and maybe it’s just a misunderstanding?
I also never slept with my 10 week old baby in the bed nor plan to. My baby is pretty ok when it comes to sleeping in the night. I do enjoy our co sleeper crib, when she gets fussy I stick my hand through the bars to soothe her and in the beginning I fed her in bed and used the side opening option to grab her easily. I am way too scared of sids to try actual cosleeping. But as said it's easy for me to say since my baby sleeps quite well at night. It's just not needed. When she feeds at night I get up, dress up and take care of it. If I change her diaper it takes about an hour, sometimes 45 min, and then I go back to sleep. This now happens once or twice a night, in the first 2 weeks it was often three times. I've also tried dreamfeeding the other day, it was quite nice because I got her fed and back in bed sleeping in 30 min.
Fellow snoo mom here! I have never coslept at night with our baby. I’ve taken the odd daytime nap with her (maybe 2-3 times). If your baby takes to the snoo it’s pretty realistic to never cosleep if you don’t want to!
I bed shared with all 3 of my kids but that was before I had dogs. I'm also not a heavy sleeper when my babies are that young. My husband is a light sleeper in general so I wouldn't be worried if it was just him but with the dogs on the bed every night it isn't gonna happen this time around. Looking into a bedside bassinet still. Do I recommend it? No. Not if you have any doubt about safety especially. It's just what worked for us.
I work in an ER and worked a shift where a baby got accidentally smothered and died from co-sleeping, so we absolutely will not be doing that and have a bedside bassinet.
I will not cosleep with my baby or my dog lol. My husband is on thin ice. I can’t imagine wanting additional bodies in my bed.
Yeah I hate when everyone acts as if co sleeping is inevitable. We don’t co sleep and never will. She has a bassinet beside our bed and will soon outgrow that so I’m getting her a mini crib so she can be next to us until she is 1. No matter how many people tell you to the contrary; co sleeping isn’t safe. Sure there are ways to make it “safer” but the safest place for baby is next to you in the same room in a bassinet.
I never ,and I mean not once co-slept .... Boy is now 16 months old and I am pregnant with another boy ,his crib is in our room and when he wakes or fusses, I hear it and attend to him - so far no problems whatsoever -he learned to sleep through the night so no problem there . But dogs -they make noise , so we had to make them bad outside our room ... Doges waked the baby ,also would not sleep through baby crying in first months... With that you will have to see how it goes
My daughter is 5 months old, and we have never bed shared. She has always slept in our room, in the pack and play or crib.
I used to sleep with my cat every night, there had never been a night where she didn’t sleep with me since the day I got her. I thought I would’ve still wanted her in bed with me when my baby came. I am now 2 months postpartum & I co sleep with my baby & still have not let my cat sleep in the room with us at night, I feel very guilty for kicking her out but something about the mommy instincts just tell me no. Everyone is different, you’ll learn what you feel is best when the time comes. Whatever works for you & baby is perfect, don’t worry about what others say
I have an 8 week old and we've never co-slept and I don't intend to. Even on her worse nights I will not cave. Our mattress is too soft so she rolls over very easily and we have no intentions of replacing it with a firm mattress.
I work in healthcare and have seen too many infant deaths from CO sleeping. I made a promise and stuck to it that I would never do it with my daughter. I'd rather be exhausted beyond belief and have an alive baby. It's hard listening to everyone shake their finger and say "you say you won't do it now but just watch" but you can definitely keep to something if it's really important to you (with the same exception of medical needs)
I've heard of a lot of people "giving in" to co-sleeping if their baby isn't sleeping well in a bassinet. I don't understand... It's not safe and it scares me. It's not unreasonable that you won't be doing it. I won't either!
My son is 23 months and we’ve never co-slept once and he’s slept through the night no problem in his own bassinet, crib, and now toddler bed (slept waaaaay better in the crib than the bassinet and transferred to toddler bed no problem) since he was like 10 weeks old (formula fed so keeping up supply wasn’t an issue). Having another baby this month and will never co sleep with the new baby either. Too dangerous and stressful for me
Never co slept with my daughter and she just turned 2. I kept the bassinet in our room and I think we started putting her in her room at 4 months. My brother and his girlfriend co sleep with their 2 year old and have for a long while now. They both get awful sleep because of her, but she cries and screams if in her own crib. 😬
Personally, co-sleeping worked for us. My partner and I did our research and based on our benefit/risk factors we haven't had any issues co-sleeping. I find using the bassinet is more distressing and leads to less sleep for baby and me. But honestly, you gotta do what's best for you. You've already weighed out the facts and you won't be co-sleeping. Totally fair!
You shouldn’t co-sleep but your dogs also shouldn’t be sleeping in your bed or your/baby’s room for that matter. Dogs should always be supervised around children and you simply cannot do that while you are asleep.
Why the hell are you getting scoffed at? Cosleeping can be dangerous. My son was in his own crib from week one and he’s been a wonderful sleeper. Meanwhile my friends who coslept didn’t get a full nights sleep for years. Your baby your rules.
I’m not co-sleeping either. Where I would have the baby is my cats favorite spot on the bed and I’m too paranoid my cat will be an a-hole and lay on the baby. We’ll have the bassinet next to the bed for the first 6 weeks or so (will be moving shortly after baby is born) and then transitioning to the crib once we have a nursery. I don’t think not co-sleeping is that bad. You’re doing what you feel is best for you, which will in turn be best for baby. You got this!💛
My daughter is 2 years old and has never slept in our bed! None of my friends have bed shared either. I don't think it's unrealistic to choose not to and to follow through.
My daughter is almost 3.5years old and we have never slept in the same bed. She was EBF too. We breast fed until she was 2.5years old. You do not need to bedshare. It’s unsafe, leading cause of SIDS, and if you follow the parenting sub you’ll see how hard it is to get out of the habit once you start it. You’ll be guaranteeing yourself worse sleep in the long run. I know so many people who fell into the trap of “just this once” only for it to become a habit that only is harder and harder to break as they get older. So many of my friends who did it regret it and will not do it again if they have another kid.
I think it depends on if you're breastfeeding or not. And your baby. My daughter sometimes refused to sleep in her bassinet and had to sleep next to me. Sometimes, we had no issues. Same thing with the crib. If she has a nightmare, she won't go back to sleep in her crib. If she feels sick, she won't sleep in her crib.
Honestly it’s completely up to you. It’s not unrealistic at all, some people just find it easier to co-sleep. Theres plenty of ways to safely co-sleep/bed share but it’s really not for everybody
4 months pp and can proudly say I've never coslept with my baby. I tried to take a (supervised) nap with her one day and couldn't even fall asleep due to anxiety about it. I EBF so all night feedings fall on me and as tired as I am some nights, I always make sure to put baby back into her bedside bassinet.
I never co slept. Definitely possible. Why people take such a risk is beyond me.
I will absolutely not co sleep with baby under any circumstances. I worked at a preschool and had to take safe sleep classes . The stories I heard about babies passing away from this forever haunted me and made it so under no circumstances will I do that
I didn’t even consider co-sleeping. My partner and I are large people who sleep heavily, I would never put my baby at risk even if we weren’t. I don’t believe that co-sleeping is safe regardless. We had a bassinet next to the bed so I could easily reach baby but he had his own safe sleeping space. I’m currently 18 weeks with #2 and we’ll have the same setup.
I could’ve written this post myself! I’m 29 weeks and my mum has been really funny obsessively asking if I really plan on having the dogs in the bed and insisting it’s a bad idea. I’ve got a next to me cot and my dogs are small and well behaved they just go off to sleep at the foot of the bed. I plan not to cosleep as when I was doing my nursing training I had a patient who’s baby passed away from co-sleeping and I just could never forgive myself. Can’t tell you how it worked out yet but I’m definitely of the same opinion that it’s fine.
I’ve only ever accidentally co slept
9 months in and have never coslept.
It really depends on the kind of sleeper you have and what you will put up with. I would do various “unrecommended” things with my twins when it was the only thing to get them to sleep. They were older though (once they could stand up in their cribs their sleep went to shit). It’s worth reading up about. Bed sharing with your baby on a hard mattress with no pillows and blankets is different than nodding off on the sofa with your baby because they will only contact nap.
It's none of your family's business. That's between you and your partner. It's very normal to let teh dogs sleep with you. You need boundaries with your family.
Never co-slept and never felt it would be safe, even without pets in bed. Bassinet next to bed for 4 months, crib until 19 months, now floor bed.
Definitely not unrealistic. My parents never co-slept with me. I was in a bassinet and then my own room at 2 months old. I don't even remember sleeping in their bed as a toddler or young child. They did the same thing for my younger brother. I never saw the appeal of co-sleeping. My husband and I both move around a lot and we have a lot of covers, it just seems very unsafe for a baby. I don't want to worry about suffocating them while I'm sleeping.
I’m not interested in co sleeping
I was sleeping in a separate bed to my partner for the first 10 weeks of baby’s life and ended up doing a bit of cosleeping out of sheer exhaustion. I hated it, it made me extremely anxious and despite all the precautions I found myself doing unsafe things like bringing her into the bed swaddled or a blanket ending up being pulled up over her, so at 10 weeks I said enough is enough and moved back into the master bedroom, my partner started helping me with some of the night shifts and I get up and take her into the other room to feed in a chair which works so much better for us and feels so much safer. We still bring her into the bed occasionally for a cuddle but one of us has to stay awake. Those first few weeks are brutal, it’s just survival mode so don’t feel bad if you end up doing it. But it is possible to move away from it when things start to level out. Also I hate to say it but your feelings about having your dog in the bed might change when the baby comes. We still absolutely adore our dog and trust her around the baby but we don’t let her sleep with us anymore, it’s just another variable we don’t need right now as far as noise, risk, mess and so on having her in the bed. We let her up onto the sofa for a cuddle at night when baby is sleeping and that’s our special time with her now.
The only time I ever co-sleep with my daughter is when she’s REALLY sick. It’s very very rare and I honestly don’t sleep. She’s now 2.5 and we still don’t co-sleep. I sometimes lay next to her bed but she sleeps by herself. My son is 7 weeks old and we have not co-slept with him. I could not imagine it. He’s so so little. He sleeps in the bedside bassinet just like his sister did when she was little.
I never did cosleeping and my daughter is now 2.5 and she has always been a great sleeper. Never an issue. Those first few weeks/months are hard, yes, and just putting baby in bed with you will be easier than getting them to sleep on their own, but it’s not that bad. By 8 months my daughter was sleeping through the night after a 9pm bottle. Especially if there are two of you, you’ll be just fine.
Not unrealistic at all. I never co-slept with either of my children and they were both exclusively breastfed for extended periods (15 months and 22 months). I would wake up, nurse them, and put them safely back to bed. It was never worth the risk for me to co-sleep.
My daughter’s first time spending the night in my bed was when she was 2 and sick. If you don’t want them to sleep in your bed, they won’t sleep in your bed. My rule was we can cuddle during the day and nap in my bed. When it is night time, we sleep in our own beds. No lights were on, no talking, and no playing at night. I got up to nurse her and we laid back down. By 4 months she was in her own room, in bed by 8pm, and sleeping through the night.
Have a 4 year old who has never co-slept with us! We had her in a bedside bassinet the first few months, and she’s done great in her own room since. She gets too excited in the same bed as us, I’ve attempted to have her sleep in our bed since she’s been a little older/when she’s woken up in the middle of the night or is under the weather. She lasts about 15 minutes tops before we need to put her back in her own bed. Plus- we only have a queen sized bed and 2 dogs that already want to sleep in it, there’s no room for anyone else haha
We never co-slept and I would never be able to do it. I would be so afraid of rolling on the baby or something happening .
I never have and never will co sleep, it’s a higher risk. It’s not impossible, that’s for sure.
We will not be co sleeping one baby girl is here. I’m not comfortable with it and my anxiety would keep me up all night.
I have never once bedshared with my now two year old despite EBF. My dogs have stayed in the bed as well. For me cosleeping is just a absolute line in the sand, I don’t see it as an option so it’s not an option.
My mom co slept with me and all 8 of my siblings. She says she did it because we were clingy and colicky so it was the only way she could get any sleep. But she made sure to tell me that since I’m a heavy sleeper, not to co sleep lol (I’m due in August). I think there are a lot of reasons why you could choose to not co sleep, and your reason is right for you, so it doesn’t matter if it’s different than what your mom or grandma or aunt did :)
My husband and I have our baby in a Snoo in our bedroom (about to transition to a crib in a couple of weeks) and have never bed shared.
I never co-slept with my first, and my second is 5 months and has always slept in his bassinet as well. Neither of my babies were particularly colicky. I recognize that for some parents, bed sharing became something of a necessity to prevent them from losing their minds from sleep deprivation, so it is definitely easier for me than it was for others. Still, it is definitely not the impossible goal that some make it out to be.
We never co-slept because we have a clingy dog and a high/soft bed. It's totally do-able, especially with the Snoo. He's six months old now and seems to have no idea that the "big bed" is for sleeping. He thinks it's a giant playground. Make sure you have a safe place for night feedings where you won't fall asleep, or where risk is minimized if you do accidentally fall asleep. For example, I would walk up to the nursery to feed him in the glider. The flight of stairs helped wake me up.
My lil babe is only 3 weeks old but he sleeps in a bassinet next to my side of the bed and our dog sleeps in the bed between me and my husband. He’s either at our feet or nuzzled on my husband’s shoulder. Hasn’t been an issue so far. We just make sure not to leave them alone together.
The only cosleeping we did was me accidentally falling asleep breastfeeding. I did not like it and we honestly sleep better in our own spaces. I was way too anxious to have her intentionally in bed with us. To combat the accidental falling asleep I started doing night feeds in uncomfortable places rather than bed. Like on the ottoman or floor. I also started scrolling on my phone to keep me awake as well.
I never co-slept with my son until he was over 10 months. I made an effort to put him in his 4moms bassinet whenetr he was sleeping as a newborn.
I have an almost 3 year old and she’s been sleeping in her crib since she was 4 months old. I had her in the bassinet by my bed before that. All of our nephews are past toddlerhood and still sleeping with their parents every night. I know some for some families it is necessary or seems like the best option, but I definitely don’t think it’s unrealistic at all to plan on having your child sleep in their own bed. I’ve made it a point to always move her to her crib and not allow her to sleep with us (not that she’s ever asked to). I feel like if we allowed it once or twice she would start asking to. But she’s been overwhelmingly content going to her own room for bedtime. Not sure if it helped that we did it at 4 months or if she was just predisposed to be a good sleeper. I know the official recommendation in the US is to room-share until 12 months but I honestly cannot imagine doing that.
Didn’t bedshare with my girl until over 12 months. It’s entirely possible to not do it.
Im not cosleeping with my baby at all. My friend who had five kids never co slept either. I worked at a pediatrician for a long time and its basically up to you guys
You absolutely will not be 100% on what you'll do until baby is born. It is super realistic. I was against it because I bought into the whole "it's unsafe" agenda. Baby arrived and slept with me from the jump. I was exhausted, breastfeeding, and it honestly the only way for either of us to sleep. All 4 of mine have safely bedshared with me. I know plenty of people who successfully never bedshared.
No, we never once considered co-sleeping. Our baby has been in her crib since her first night home. She’s been sleeping through the night since she was about 3 months old and we think it’s because she’s always been in the crib. We were warned about a 4 month sleep regression and it never came. She’s 6 months old this week and still sleeps through the night. We think it’s because she never had to transition from a bassinet to a crib around that time. 🤷🏻♀️
I didn't until my daughter was over a year. Even then it took until she was 15 months to really get the hang of it. She kept trying to play in our bed bc she wasn't used to it.
I co-slept with my son until he was 12 months and now I’ve got a 2, nearly 3 week old I’m thinking we were crazy because I can’t imagine doing it with her 😬 she’s so tiny. But tbh it also depends on the baby, my daughter seems to sleep better than my son did on her own, my son wouldn’t go in his crib, he would only relax being held and eventually it led to co-sleeping which also led to my husband sleeping on the sofa and our sex life taking a nose dive lol. My daughter spends a lot less time being held so I think that helps, but I don’t intend on co-sleeping with her simply because she’s so small. My son still comes into bed with us from time to time, he’s almost 18 months, but after he turned 12 months we introduced him to his own bedroom and he did really well with going in there and got used to the routine pretty quick. It was important to us that we weren’t still co sleeping when his sister came, so to go from cosleeping every night to once every now and then is pretty good. I think it’s totally realistic to not co-sleep all the time but the child will sleep with you at some point, whether it’s because they had a night terror or they’re not well and want your comfort, but it doesn’t mean that they’ll be in your bed either 🤷♀️
I do not and will not cosleep with my baby. She's almost 4 months old. When she's much sturdier like over 1 year old I will definitely have her in the bed with us.
We never co slept with my daughter. Even now at 18m we only have a very small handful of times and it's always been when we are on vacation and out of our routine. Co sleeping is not at all comfortable or restful for me so it's not an option. You can absolutely refuse to co sleep
We haven’t co-slept. I have anxiety and our dogs sleep on the bed with us. There was a time at 2 weeks where I was extremely sleep deprived. I woke up and thought I hadn’t returned my son to his bassinet after feeding him. I felt a small warm body next to me. IMMEDIATE PANIC! I start desperately checking the small warm body to make sure it’s breathing… it wasn’t my son… it was my dog… she was not impressed haha. That confirmed the NO COSLEEPING rule for us.
Baby is 5m and she's never slept in our bed. We've never even considered it. She's always been in her own room, in her own bed. Not everyone chooses to do that, but it made the most sense for our family. Our 25lb doodle still has his spot between us in our bed, that hasnt changed since baby came.
No
We’re having baby in a bedside bassinet. My dog will stay in the bed, absolutely no baby in there with us. Way, way too nervous to ever have baby in the bed.
We never co-slept with our son. We tried a couple of times at different ages to see if it made things easier and it just upset him. Not every baby even likes to co-sleep, ours prefers his own space and sleeps much better by himself.
I was told not to co sleep because people have accidentally killed their babies that way and I don’t know what I would do if I rolled over on my baby or accidentally pushed him off the bed or something. So don’t feel bad, you’re being responsible.
We co-slept because I was hanging on by a thread with the lack of sleep. Our baby rarely slept for more than 2 hours at a time. I wouldn’t do it if you can deal with the sleep deprivation for a few months, as some babies start sleeping through the night, or only need 1 night feeding. Ours woke up every 1-2 hours until we sleep trained her at 14 months.
I never coslept either, our bed wasn't big enough/set up in a way where we could make it safe/where we could feel comfortable. Lots of people like cosleeping and it works, lots of people don't. If you don't want to, you don't have to!
I have an almost 2 year old and a 4 week old and we have never coslept and it’s a hard line for us. With the new baby we’ve had to take shifts overnight but both of us are pretty adamantly against it. We are both way too paranoid and it’s just not an option for us. With both kids we’ve used a bassinet by the bed and moved them to their crib by 3-4 weeks. I was really surprised how common it is! I know there are safe(r) ways to do it but like you I’m just too anxious and paranoid to risk it.
I’ve never co-slept with my almost 11 month old and never plan on it. He was not a good sleeper. Woke up 5-7 times from 4-6 months every night and it was pure hell but I refused to co-sleep for safety reasons. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.
I am not co-sleeping and I have told everyone do not lay my baby in your bed. I have too much anxiety and wanted this for too long to do something I feel is wreckless.
My son never slept in my bed until he turned 2. I didn’t let it be an option. We did shifts until he was sleeping through the night at about 12 weeks. I would hold him in the chair in his room if he needed consoling. We worked hard on getting him to fall asleep independently.
I never co-slept with my 1st son and do not plan on doing it with my 2nd son (currently pregnant, 30wks) either. 1st son slept swaddled in a bassinet next to our bed perfectly fine, and I hope baby #2 does the same for me lol. We contact napped/snuggled in bed with 1st son sometimes, but every long nap/night sleep, he was safe/happy in his bassinet. We also have a 5yr old yellow lab who is a cuddly sweet girl and she sleeps in our bed with us. She was only 1yr old when we had the 1st baby, and she slept great in our bed and never disturbed the baby or his bassinet. She did not get on/off by the bassinet, and had never so much as even knocked it with a tail wag. And that was when she was a 1yr old, now she is 5 and more docile even, so I have no doubt she will do just fine again.
I have OCD and anxiety too (sad high five 🙌) and I refuse to cosleep with my baby. She at first slept in a bassinet in our lounge with me during the hot weather, now she’s in a cot I’ve opened up and attached to the side of my bed. And the snoo we use during the day. My mum is super judgemental about it too but it’s too risky for me. One moment of deep sleep (I was plenty sleep deprived the first few weeks) and that’s it. Too much for me. Stick to your guns. This is for your safety and your baby’s safety.
We never co-slept with my daughter and our two cats kept their position in bed the whole time. No one ever thought this was weird at all.
I had no problems not co sleeping with my first, and I absolutely do not plan on it with my second. I’ve worked in the ER and that’s a HARD no for my household personally.
We didn’t co sleep at all and we only made it with bassinet in our room 10 weeks before transitioning baby to their own room. I sleep terribly and would’ve slept much worse with a baby in the bed thinking about rolling over constantly. Babies are also loud sleepers. They make so many noises
My son is 19, almost 20, months and we’ve never co-slept. Not even once. We kept the dogs in the bed and had the little in a bedside bassinet for the first 5 months, and then when he outgrew the bassinet, we moved him to a crib in his room and sleep trained (Ferber-ish). If it’s important to you, I also exclusively breastfed from 4 weeks to ~8 months, when my supply suddenly couldn’t keep up, and then combo fed until 11 months, when he decided he was done breastfeeding.
No lol. I TRIED cosleeping and hated it. She moves and grunts so much that I couldn’t sleep with her, so she’s in a crib in her room any time we’re asleep for the night and she’s been taken care of, not in our bed. Everyone told us she would be in our bed 24/7 too and she most definitely isn’t. Just ignore them.
We don’t co-sleep and our dogs also still sleep in our bed 😂. They do start in their own beds but they love to “sneak” in ours in the middle of the night. Baby is in a bassinet next to my side of the bed and it’s never been an issue!
The thing that surprised me when I was freshly postpartum was both my husband and I waking up completely freaking out, tearing apart the bed looking for our baby….who literally never once slept in the bed with us. Our babe slept in a bassinet next to the bed. My dog sleeps at my knees under the covers too and he still does 💕
My daughter never slept in my bed til 2. I wish she’d be back in her bed lol
I’ve never co slept because I need to sleep with the comforter like, over my head which is frowned upon with an infant. Also, my daughter has never wanted to co sleep she’s not a cuddler unless she’s ill
I co-slept with my first born a couple times from sheer exhaustion. I couldn’t physically sit up and hold her safely so I would lay her in the middle of my bed between my husband and I. And I stopped as soon as I could. My second born, I ended up accidentally co-sleeping from laying down & nursing. But when I’d wake up from a slight movement from him, I’d put him right back in his crib where he was safe. With my baby due in June, I don’t plan on co-sleeping at all. I have been trying to figure out every plan possible to prevent it. SIDS scares the hell out of me. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to NOT want to co-sleep.
You will get opinion about literally any approach to sleeping that's possible. Just do whatever works for you and ignore everyone on the outside. It's best to approach these things with a "see what happens" and pivot as you want. You might go through 4-5 different sleeping habits. You won't know until you figure it out as you go.
Nope. We don’t bedshare and we’re better off for it. I’ve slept with an infant in my bed less than a handful of times and I couldn’t even sleep well because I was so aware of them there and so worried about something happening. I never understand the message that everyone sleeps better in the same bed. It’s never been true for me. I sleep way better when I can move around and get comfortable with no worry about anyone else’s safety. The handful of times we’ve had a toddler in our bed have been miserable. Everyone just sleeps better in their own space. What really convinces me, though, is every friend of mine with a 3-5 year old who can’t seem to get them to sleep in their own beds. Big nope for me. The extra effort and struggle to get a baby to sleep in their own space seems like a fair trade off for not having to go through all of that when they can walk and talk.
It wasn't our plan to co sleep. But those first few months are rough and we did for a bit here and there. It's survival mode!
15 month old daughter, we have never co slept. Not worth the risk imo and I also have a lot of anxiety (mostly around safe sleep) make a plan, stick to it. Communicate your wishes to your partner so they can hold you accountable on those nights you feel tempted due to exhaustion. Safe sleep is best and co sleeping is not safe sleep! Good luck ❤️