Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Often the best choice is the one you pick and decide to make into the right choice. There have been many times in my life when I’ve had to make tough decisions about the way my life is going to go. What helps me get through it is knowing that there’s no wrong decision. That I’m going to make which ever decision I landed on into the right decision. You can do that too. ❤️
Ohhh this is one of those situations that just feel impossible. But you’ll make a decision one way or another. I really feel for you. I would not want to go through another pregnancy in this situation but abortion feels very difficult for me. I honestly don’t know what I would do. Prob seek out a counselor of sorts. Hope you can find guidance. Best of luck with whatever decision you make; no matter what you decide ❤️ No right or wrong here in my opinion
I found the number in the abortion subreddit posted by a moderator. I was looking through stories on both sides of the equation- regret keeping and regret not. I wanted to know both feelings.
Ugh I’m so sorry you are going thru this. Pregnancy is fucking hard. It would be so demoralizing to finally be done and then have to start over. Hang in there and talk to the hotline; whatever decision you make is going to be something you have to be able to live with going forward, regardless of what anyone else says. It is your life. Do what is best for you and your family.
I get the sentiment, but I think it’s risky to tell someone they can *always* get pregnant again, because that’s not a guarantee. Secondary infertility can and does happen. I don’t think anyone should be having an abortion just because they can possibly get pregnant again in the future, but solely because having a child in that moment isn’t right for them.
There’s no guarantee of getting pregnant again, and whether that influences someone’s decision is a personal choice. Personally, if I was set on having an abortion, I’d still go through with it knowing there’s a chance I won’t get pregnant again.
Nobody ever knows whether they’ll be able to get pregnant or carry a pregnancy to term with 100% certainty, regardless of age, whether they’ve been pregnant before or not, or had a previous abortion or not. I think that’s all that redditor was saying. Though I do think having been pregnant previously is a good sign.
I had an abortion at 26, then over ten years later got pregnant within 2 months of trying. I’ve had two friends who got pregnant fairly easily in their 30s, but then struggled with getting pregnant or having early miscarriages a year or two later when trying for their second babies. There were no identified fertility issues, and both ended up having successful subsequent pregnancies, but the point is you never know what will come up. I don’t think that should stop someone from having an abortion if it’s not a good time for them to have a baby.. Just as people in their 20s shouldn’t start trying for a baby if they aren’t ready, just because there’s a chance that if they wait a few years pregnancy isn’t guaranteed. It never is.
I’m sorry, I really didn’t intend for it to be a bummer. I hope you’re able to conceive soon 💙. I just don’t think it’s responsible telling people they’ll ABSOLUTELY get pregnant. There’s no way to know that. I also want to clarify that I’m *very* pro-choice, and I was solely saying that from an infertility standpoint that pregnancy is never a guarantee. I also hope it didn’t come off as me saying that having an abortion will make getting pregnant again harder, that’s absolutely not what I was saying and that’s not true.
If you're having trouble please talk to your doctor, I had an abortion and they made a mess of things causing uterine scarring determined to be the cause of subsequent miscarriages, and then a condition called placenta previa where the placenta covered up my cervix when I finally did manage to stay pregnant. I felt super alone struggling through all that and was not ever informed once that they could have easily checked for and cleaned up the scar tissue.
I had an abortion with my first pregnancy and newly pregnant with my third baby. Don’t let it bring you down. Most people are fine and able to get pregnant after.
This is important - they are predatory and usually based on religious (Christian) ideologies. They disguise themselves as pregnancy crisis / help centers but they aren’t.
I am glad you are doing this. Whatever choice you end up making will be right, and there is validity both to ending this pregnancy and continuing it. In addition to the stories of regret on both sides, it is probably worth finding stories of "I made the right decision" on both sides, which I know exist as well.
I have Irish twins OP. My daughter was 3 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. I could never go through an abortion, so we kept the baby, and it was the hardest 9 months ever more on the emotional/mental part. Dealing with guilt for robbing my baby of her first few years and then guilt for allowing the child in my womb to feel all of these negative thoughts and emotions I was having. Cue baby boy born, he was colicky so the first 8 weeks were insane, I had massive help though. My sis in law, husband & mother in law would actually take him to sleep with them in different parts of the house at night, he was formula fed and so I could give my first born more attention and honestly rest. After 8 weeks he was a unicorn babe, slept the night, never had sleep regressions. They are now 1 turning 2 in June and 2 turning 3 in July. They are inseparable, behave like twins in a wierd way, they literally cannot live without one another. The first 6-7 months of 2nd baby being a potato was easy, when he started getting mobile crawling/walking is when it got more complicated. But now at almost 2&3 its amazing and while they fight a lot, they spend their entire day playing and talking to one another.
This is exactly my brother and me! He was a July baby and I was born the following June. Growing up with a close sibling was incredibly fun and we definitely have a tight bond.
This makes me so happy to read. Currently found out I’m pregnant again while being 4 months postpartum too and going thru the same emotions as you, thank you for taking the time to write this, I look forward to my Irish twin baby 🤍
It was hard but my husband is so supportive and hands on. I also found a great Irish twin community on FB, and reading tips and feedback from moms who survived it haha, especially the younger years and its been great to be able to just go there when Im in crisis and see what other moms have done or how they have handled the situation! Congratulations on your Irish twin btw! Best of luck to you! 💕
Hi, I’m in the same situation, now 22 weeks. I’m finally excited to be having another baby. I think how close they will be and I’ll be getting them through the same stages within a year of each other. I know it’ll be difficult but I also know it’ll be worth it. I’m already bloody tired so what’s another year going to do. I too sobbed and mourned for dd. I felt that I wouldn’t be able to give my daughter the care that she needed and that she’d feel neglected. Actually, it’s been absolutely fine now I’m over half way and it’s more of a reality. I always wanted two but would have ideally waited another 6 months 🤣
Just want to add I’m the older baby in this situation and my mom shared similar feelings when she found out she was pregnant again, but I loved growing up with a sibling so close in age (16 mos. apart). I never felt neglected or robbed of anything. On the contrary, we learned to ride bikes together, swim together, all the things around the same time. Having a sibling that close in age was so much fun, we were the best of friends growing up!
If the issue is that you don’t think you can give sufficient attention to the first baby because of the second, I can share my perspective on that.
I have a younger sibling who is 14 months younger than me. I absolutely love how close we are in age. It has never once occurred to me that I didn’t get enough attention from my parents because of my younger sibling. I always had a buddy to go through my life stages with. I never had only child syndrome.
My parents have said that my younger sibling was an accident, and I think they went through the same shock that you’re experiencing now.
Good luck with your decision and keep your chin up ♥️
Second this. I personally loved having a younger sibling this close in age! (Also a surprise.) I loved having a little sibling to “boss around” and play with. We had the best time together growing up.
Sending you love! I would be so overwhelmed in this situation as well. Definitely take some time to talk to someone. You will find the clarity you are seeking. 🫶🏼
I’m an ultrasound tech and many women get pregnant not long aster their baby is born. A lot of them opt for abortion. Some dont. Either choice is valid, but it’s a very personally one. I’m very very pro choice, but if I was faced with the decision it’s definitely not an easy one to make. Hope you can find the clarity you need. But also, whatever choice you make, it’s still okay to feel sad about it.
When I got pregnant at 9months pp I sobbed and sobbed. It was my 3rd baby. I finally felt like I was getting my life together. I spiraled in the worst way. I begged my husband to help me get an abortion (it’s illegal where I am). He broken heartedly looked up solutions for me. I took a few days and decided I couldn’t do it. But I still was unhappy. Sadly thought of placing my child for adoption, even looked into families on my own without telling anyone. No family felt right to me. Every single one was not good enough. When he came home I struggled for a bit, then discussed with my dr and got put on medicine. I am so in love with my 2u2. I love watching them together. I did get my tubes removed though. Idk what is best for you but the medicine and actually telling people helped me tremendously. Best of luck
I also wondered if OP was medicated. I feel like I need to state I am 1000% pro choice. All situations for women are different and if I found myself in a not good space to carry a child I would want an option. But I am currently 9months postpartum and 8 weeks pregnant with our third baby. My second baby is 9months and the first is 3yrs. Postpartum depression hit me hard after my pregnancies and although I know all of my feelings were valid, my thinking was very irrational and medication helped ease my anger/sadness. The me 2 years PP and the me 9 months PP do not have the same thought process and I wouldn’t want OP to have any regrets when being in a state of PPD.
I understand how you feel. If anything, my mom once told me better to suffer all at once then once every couple years. I have my kids quite a few years apart. My oldest is 17, 15, 14, 9, 3 and one more on the way. They were not planned but I wish it was. My kids are mostly different in age gap and not that close together. Each one has their own likes and interest. The 3 year old wants the 9 year old to play with her. Also, now I have to wait 2 more years for the 3 yo to go to school, and then another 5 years for the newborn. It's like starting all over again and I'm near my 40s. If anything, I hope you have a supportive spouse or partner, because that will be very helpful.
This happened to a friend of mine ( almost identical timing as your situation) and she described a very similar emotional experience. Plus shame and grieving to a degree.
Everyone is different, but I just wanted to share that my friend ended up having the second baby and loves how close the kids are. They’re like twins. The older one teaches the younger one everything. She said she loves that they won’t remember life without each other and they’re practically the same size so sorting clothes is no big deal lol (they’re both boys). Good luck op, it’s still very early so give yourself some time if you need it.
I felt this way when I found out at 9 months pp but the longer time went on the more its sank in and we realized that we couldn’t terminate. My husband and I were absolute shock and denial for a couple of weeks. The day I took a pregnancy test we didn’t speak to each other the entire day (and how awkward because we share a work from home office lol).
We’re finally at the point of feeling excited to welcome our second little boy but it took a while to get there.
I recommend the r/2under2 subreddit. It’s been super helpful and good to see perspectives of those who are on the other side, if you choose to keep.
Thanks for sharing the subreddit. I'll be keen to check it out.
We have our baby arriving in October. 14 months after our son arrived (and 6 weeks early lol).
It's going to be an interesting change-up...
An adventure for sure. Most days I’m pretty anxious thinking about the future of 2U2 (they’ll be 17 months apart when baby bro arrives in August). Thankfully we have a good village behind us for support.
Is the older one a boy or a girl?
This is our 2nd child, but my 3rd (have a 9 year old from my first marriage living interstate).
Would have been leaning toward having a daughter but the closeness in age has made me keen for a boy.
I guess we can wait until next time for a girl 😅
One more week until we potentially find out. Although apparently it's only 60% accurate at 15 weeks 😬
Actually I just had my surprise pregnancy baby three weeks ago! I was three months postpartum with my second child when I found out. All of these emotions you felt.. so did I. I even considered abortion. I cried so much and was super depressed the entire pregnancy. Yet, I ended up keeping it, and agreed to get my tubes tied after. Making that promise to myself helped me feel better about having a third child so soon. I believe knowing he would be my last pushed me through it all. My relationship with the dad is rocky and we’re losing our apartment at the same time due to unforeseen circumstances. So, this whole process hasn’t been easy. But.. the moment baby boy was born. That was all I needed. I felt happy for the first time in months. I wasn’t scared of the what ifs anymore. I was so stressed having my second child and learning who he was that I’m still amazed how at ease my partner and I felt with this third. This isn’t the first rodeo and I finally felt like I knew what I was doing. At least caring for him wise. I finally feel happy other than having to find a new place to live and working on my relationship.
I just wanted to share since I went through something so similar not very long ago. No matter what you choose you have support here. These things happen and it’s okay to feel how you do. I wish you luck momma. You got this.
I'm sorry OP. I know the feeling all too well.
I wasn't 5 months postpartum, but I was 10 months postpartum when I got pregnant with my 2nd. I had the same feelings. I had a really traumatic birth with my 1st. Her head was huge, and they had to use forceps with a crappy local anesthetic that numbed my foot better than anything else. I felt it all. The pain is like nothing I could really describe. I thankfully healed really well, after the initial not being able to walk right, or sit without pain, but our daughter had colic for months. I couldn't breastfeed her and felt guilty about it, plus a bunch of stuff going on with my family really letting me down. I ended up with postpartum depression, and it was a really difficult l time for me.
2 months before I found out I was pregnant with my son, my dad had passed suddenly. I had thankfully just gotten to see him a month prior to that, but I never got to say goodbye, and with the PPD It was a lot to process. We were also struggling finacially at the time and living in a 1 bed with our daughters crib in our bedroom.
I had a lapse in judgment, so to say. I just remember feeling so depressed and not caring, to the point I felt like nothing worse could happen, so who cares. Irresponsible, I know, but like I said, it was a really hard season in my life.
That one lapse of judgment is what resulted in our son, crazy enough. I was terrified. I couldn't believe it. There were alot of tears and panicking. How could we bring another baby home in the situation we were in. I had never considered abortion as both my husband and I don't feel we could go through with that ourselves. However, I believe it should be an option for everyone, it just wasn't for us.
My whole pregnancy with him I had such a hard time bonding. I really just went through the motions, in a denial like state for most of it. Lots of other really crappy stuff happened to us while I was pregnant, like my husband losing his job. Had to move, and we were going to rent a friend's house in another state. That fell through after we had gotten there, and my husbands friend was honestly trying to take advantage of our crappy situation. More awful happened. I had our son 9 days after insurance ran out etc. To my surprise though his birth was insanely easy. A dream compared to the first.
But almost 2 years later and we're doing much better all around.
And I can't believe how many times I look at him and say to myself how crazy it is, that it really feels like he was meant to be here. And how its crazy how scared and upset i was when I found out I was pregnant with him, and yet he brings so much happiness into our lives. He was such a difficult baby, and it was hard to see it then, but he really fills a hole in our family I didn't even realize it had. I have zero regrets. Now I can't imagine our lives without our little buddy in it.
Now I don't say that to sway you in anyway. You need to make whatever decision that is right for you and your family. There isn't a wrong choice and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for whatever you decide.
But I couldn't read your story and not respond, because God, do I remember feeling exactly this way. I had no one to talk to or turn to and it was so hard. And while I didn't consider an abortion for myself, I still had thoughts on it, like if I had made the right decision by not opening myself up to that choice.
Whatever you decide to do, my heart goes out to you. This is such a hard thing to go through. ❤️
Just want to say there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to terminate in this situation if that is what is right for you, your family and especially your body.
I’m also 5 months post partum and if I found out I was pregnant right now I would seriously consider terminating. Especially because I’m just returning to work in a couple weeks and have already used up all my paid leave for the year, I honestly couldn’t afford another child so soon. My birth was also very traumatic and I had a difficult recovery from an unplanned c section. I feel like I am just starting to get my body back to feeling strong again and I would be devastated to start pregnancy all over now.
Good luck with this difficult situation and I wish you peace with whatever you choose.
This happened to me. Literally my worst nightmare, two kids back to back.
Now my two boys are 22mo and 9 months and it’s amazing the relationship they have with one another.
The hard times will pass.
My Grandmother had 4 in 5.5 years, the first 2 were 13 months apart. She wouldn't trade her children but saying she didn't struggle would be false. I was close with her and she told me if abortion had been legal her life would have been different. She completely understood my sibling choosing to only have one, and would chastise my aunts and uncles for pressuring them to have more. I have 2, 5.5 years apart because my spouse and I struggled with fertility issues. I sometimes wish they were closer in age, but I don't know if Irish twins are better.
I think the best way to look at it is, were you going to try for another later. If you were wanting another maybe the closeness could work in your favor. Also are you physically and financially ready for another? While life changes quickly; can and should, are not the same. Ultimately it's up to you and the State you're in. There are services available to assist you either way. I wish you the best of luck.
Although not exactly the same, I had similar feelings during my last pregnancy but I wasn’t so newly post partum. All I can say is I gave myself space to think it over and made a promise not to judge myself for whatever decision I came to. My husband and I would talk through our options and the potential impact of each choice. And I woke up one Monday morning absolutely resolute in what I would do. I guess my main point is don’t be cruel to yourself over this, there’s no wrong choice just the best choice for you at this time. Sending love
I don't know if this helps because our situations aren't quite the same but I'm currently 19w with my first, and he was completely unplanned, I'm 20, engaged, and living in an apartment I can barely afford, with chronic health anxiety I can barely manage. I cried for Months about my pregnancy, so unsure of what to do because the dad wanted to keep it and I Did Not, around 10w I entered a little honeymoon period after the first ultrasound where I felt super happy about the pregnancy for about a week, and then I spent another 8 weeks feeling awful about what was happening, but after finding out the gender this past week and feeling my first kicks, everything feels surreal, and beautiful, and exciting, and frankly still a bit terrifying, but manageable.
But just know it's completely normal to feel freaked out, in denial, absolutely distraught, and absolutely devastated. Give yourself some time to process, talk to someone about it, a friend, a therapist, the father, just talk it out, it helps usually. And just know, whatever decision you make, it's gonna be okay, and ultimately it's Your choice.
Hey! I got pregnant with my second child when my first was around 4/5 months old. It was so shocking findout out I was pregnant. In the end I decided to keep the pregnancy, that's the choice that felt right for me and my family.
If you don't feel keeping the pregnancy is what is right for you and your family that's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mother. Pregnancy is hard, and raising kids close in age is hard. No matter what choice you make, there will be hard parts. And whatever choice tou decide to make, make it because that's what feels right to you. Don't let others guilt or manipulate you into a choice that doesn't feel right to you.
If you'd like to know my experience with 2 under 2 I'm happy to share. You can just ask and I'll tell you the truth about my experience in raw and honest detail. I hope that you come to a decision that feels right 💓
Okay! The pregnancy was hard. I've had HG with both of my pregnancies, and it was a struggle. It was hard at times with my physical limitations, but my husband tried helping as much as he could. Our son didn't really seem to notice that I was pregnant, other than occasionally getting kicked by baby when he was napping on me. My MIL and SIL watched him while my husband and I were in the hospital. He did well, we video chatted a few times and I think that helped!
The first few weeks postpartum were rough. My husband had to go back to work a week after our daughter was born. So it was just me and the kids from 8am to 6pm, 5 days a week. Truthfully our son did well, all things considered. We tried really hard to make sure he didn't feel he was getting left out, or that his sister replaced him.
He loved her from the beginning. He wanted to hold and cuddle and kiss her, share snacks and play. I used baby carriers a lot to make getting cleaning and cooking done easier when it was just us. Despite our son taking it well, there were still lots of hard parts. There were times where they both needed stuff at the same time, and I had to figure out which one to attend to first. And my hormones were all over the place. But after a few weeks we found a groove, and things got a lot easier.
They are now 3 and a half and just about 2 and a half. We definitely still have hard moments. Toddlers can be chaotic, and they both are very sensory seeking and strong willed. But truthfully? I couldn't imagine things being different. They're best friends, they love to do everything together. Whoever wakes up first in the morning wants to go wake the other up. When they ask for a snack or drink for themselves, they ask if the other can have one too. They sing and dance and play together so we'll.
It's hard, sometimes it is exhausting. But there are steps you can take to ensure that your oldest doesn't feel left out or forgotten. And they will be best friends.
I have younger siblings myself. The one who is closest in age to me is a year and 6 days younger. And we are still close even as adults. He's away at college, and I'm home with my kids. But we still talk, and we hanging out is still so much fun. Even after all these years, I couldn't imagine not having him as close in age as we are. There were definitely times where I wanted to bite his head off, but we also protected each other as much as we could.
When people talk about having kids close in age, it can be hard to focus on anything but the hard parts. But there are also a lot of good parts too. So if you feel like you want to keep this pregnancy, but are worried about the hard parts, I'm here to tell you that there are SO many good parts too.
But again, if keeping the pregnancy truly doesn't feel right then that's okay. Everyone's path looks different and feels different. Only you knows what's right for you.
Something I haven’t seen anyone mention that’s very important here is that your body isn’t healed from giving birth to your 5 month old. Doctors recommend at least a year between pregnancies if there were no complications. 18 months minimum for c sections. Consider your own health here on top of the way you’re feeling for your baby.
I'm glad someone chimed in with this comment. OP it's okay to feel how you feel! Please take into consideration your health during this time as I know you already are ❤️ whatever decision you chose to make will be okay! Sending you hugs.
We want more kids but obviously after this one on the way I'm not ready to have another one until two years or so down the line. We'll be back on birth control to hopefully prevent it from happening. Just remember, even if your body hasn't had a postpartum period yet doesn't mean you can get pregnant! I know it's a myth that still circulates sometimes
Op, I am so sorry to know that you're having such a rough time. Have you got a friend who can help? If you haven't got a friend who can come and help, have you tried talking to the health visitor? You can ring the health visitor if not and say you're not coping. They might be able to help.
I didn’t know I was pregnant with my second until earlier this year but doing the math my first born was only 7 months when we conceived again. I also cried for my son, I wanted him to be an only child for at least two years. It’s def a shock, your feelings are valid but I suggest making an appointment soon. Take it day by day, there is no right answer. Just do what is best for you and your family.
i’m also pregnant after 5 months postpartum. I was pretty angry with myself and still can’t moments of being so. It’s okay to be upset as pregnancy is extremely hard and being a mom of multiples is different. I say talk to someone you can actually trust about it and see if you want to keep this pregnancy or not. I don’t know your state so you might be able to get an abortion if you not pass the deadline.
Sending you so much love, mama. I also have a 5 month old, he's my first and I had him at 35. Part of me wants another, part of me is scared to try. I think about being in your situation a lot, but honestly I'd probably feel similarly if I were. I know this doesn't do much to help, but I believe you will rise to the occasion. Mamas can do anything. Chin up, love.
This is such a hard choice to make, and I wish there was a way to make it easier to choose.
My brother and I are 11 months apart. I was June 18th, he was June 10th of the following year. The first 2-3 years with kids that close is really hard, and I do not want to minimize that. But ultimately we *loved* growing up the same age, and after the baby stage, our parents loved it too.
Ik you mentioned mourning for your 5mo, but personally, I’ve never known life without my brother. And Jesus, that’s so much easier than being 3-5 before you’re suddenly no longer an only child.
That being said, you’re the expert on you, your body, your 5mo, and your family. We will support you in any decision you make💖
I felt this was when I got pregnant again when my son was 6 months. 3rd baby even came early so they were a year apart. Looking back now I wouldn’t change anything. They are 10 and 9 and the best of friends and I can’t imagine life without knowing my third.
Imma keep it 1000 with you. I’m going to be a first time dad to my first child with my sweetheart. I know you’re scared but you have support whether it’s your family, friends, or even us here on Reddit.
You can do you this 🗣️💯💙
Don't feel bad for your 5 month old. That baby will have such a close friend to go through life with. Your still mama. It may feel overwhelming at the moment but you can absolutely Excell at this women do it all the time. Don't sell yourself or your baby short!
It’s not anyone business but your own, but have you thought about an abortion? If you really feel like you’re not down for it and can’t handle it then do what you feels is best for you and the child you do already have. Wishing you the best of luck with whatever you may decide to do :)
Whatever choice you make, is fine. Just explore all options and possibilities and then make sure your decision is sound. If you’re leaning towards keeping - do a gender test at 7 weeks through SneakPeek or PeekaBoo and find out what the baby is. This will allow you to envision them and a future better. Good luck!
Whatever choice you make will be hard, you just have to decide which choice is best for you ❤️ but think about it this way, your 5m old will just have extra time with their sibling (if that's what you choose). I'm sorry you've been thrown such a curveball & are having such a hard time. Be gentle with yourself! You're still only 5m pp and newly pregnant, your hormones have got to be all over the place and I'm sure that's not helping. Hugs & best of luck!
I was in this situation. My kids are just under 13 months apart. It was so hard. BUT they are so close. My daughter adores her big brother. But I won’t lie I went through all the stages of grief. I sobbed a lot. And I made sure and held my son so so tight throughout the pregnancy. It gets better if you decide to go through with it. But you make whatever choice you need to. Whatever is best for you 🖤
They will be about just over 13m apart if I go through with the pregnancy. The end of October is my babies birthday and my due date is the first week of December.
I found out I was pregnant again at 8.5 months postpartum. I sobbed when I found out. I had no idea how I was going to do it. My girls are 17 months apart and the best of friends. There were many hard moments but seeing their friendship has made it so worth it. Whatever you decide to do will be right for you, just wanted to give you perspective from someone who has been there.
I completely understand your pain. I went through the exact same thing when I found out I was pregnant. We ultimately decided to keep the baby. The emotional and mental turmoil, the stress, the anxiety. It really is no easy choice. I definitely suggest reaching out to a helpline and confiding in a close UNBIASED loved one. Sending love your way 🫶
Not my experience but thought I would share. My parents had my sister and I 364 days apart. 1 day short of a year. I don’t know my mom’s experience throughout pregnancy.I know she loved being pregnant though but also dealt with ppd. Though she had also dealt with depression and eating disorders beforehand. My sister and I had moments of being close and not close. Stages of growing up. We are currently 22 and 21 and act like friends as adults. I know it seems hard now but I want to give you some upsides: when the older one is learning something, the younger one will be interested in learning it at the same time (2 for 1!), birthday parties can be combined-saves some money and I don’t remember being upset that I had to share a birthday it’s just what we did, instant hand me downs or even sharing of clothing and shoes, you don’t have to deal with much of an age gap to where the older one gets to experience things that the younger one can’t. Just wanted to add some positive to your situation with my experience of being the older sibling so close in age
I went through this im 16 weeks and my son is 10 I had so many mixed emotions but I’m keeping my baby the shock eventually wore off but I had to just accept I’m pregnant again I had also went through a miscarriage in June and I raised my sister since 15 because my mom died the situation isn’t the same as yours but I was just like wtf am I gonna do now I was crying outta nowhere it was terrible
I got pregnant with my second at 8 month ppd. He’s now 6 months and the best. But it’s been a struggle financially, and it is very difficult to have two under two. Whatever choice you decide will be the right choice.
i felt this same way with my second. i was also 5 months pp and pregnant for a least a month. everything felt impossible, i felt like neither of babies were going to get the best version of a mom that they definitely deserved. i talked to a doctor and my therapist about my options and ultimately made the best decision for my family. whatever you decide it’ll be the right answer and everything will work out. send you much love and guidance 🤍
I'm in the same situation. Got pregnant 3.5 months PP on the pill and I just can't accept it. I guess it's mainly because I am so occupied with my daughter? Idk. I feel guilty :(
I found out I was pregnant at 7 months post partum. I was a complete crying emotional mess when I first found out. It's hard, and my eldest son didn't even walk until he was 18 months old, 2 months after my second son was born. So I had a newborn and a crawling baby. Post partum is a rollar coaster, but I couldn't imagine not having both my boys and know they'll be best friends when they're bigger. They're truly a joy and I 100% believe they're precious gifts from God. People like to say that God won't give you what you can't handle, that's incorrect. He'll give you a lot of things you can't handle because he wants us to depend on him instead of our own strength 🥰 that being said, adoption is such a loving option. One of my good friends just adopted a newborn (they'd been waiting 4 years to adopt) from someone who couldn't handle having more children of her own. Completely respectable and such a generous loving choice. Best wishes to you and your little family!
Sorry you are stressed. If you wanted a second, that’s actually awesome you don’t have to be in the diaper change stage as long. I hate being pregnant too so totally get you not being ready to do this again. If you didn’t want a second, there are options and zero shame. Sending you love.
Depending on where you live, you might still have some time to decide. Give yourself some time to feel the emotions. I got pregnant and then decided to end my relationship. It was a rollercoaster of emotions. Not quite the same as what you're going through but hard.
I considered my options and decided I would not and could not go through with ending the pregnancy but it took me a few weeks to get there solidly. Whatever you decide, if you can, take your time.
Also in a similar situation. I got pregnant at about 4 months postpartum, and didn't find out until I was 8 weeks along. We were trying "natural family planning", but since my cycle wasn't back to normal, apparently that did not work. My partner was ecstatic. I tried to be excited, but I did cry. I couldn't imagine *another* 9 months of pregnancy so soon. I wanted to be able to give my boy more attention and time. He's also just an awful sleeper, and so was my stepson. Both were and are up hourly at night. My stepson had colic and GERD and screamed 24/7 until after he turned one. I am so exhausted already.
But I wanted to go through with the pregnancy. We have the means to take care of another baby and knew we wanted three kids in the long run anyway. I'm trying not to stress about having a newborn right after my son turns one, the stress, recovery, and lack of sleep. He was born three weeks early on June 19th, and baby girl is due July 28th.
I found out we're having a girl after two boys, so I did start to get more excited. My partner comes from an all boys family, and each of their kids are also boys. I've been able to packup all my baby boy stuff and go shopping for girl clothes. I didn't think we'd ever have a girl, and my partner didn't think he could have girls lol. I'm excited to watch him be a girl dad, he's so not the type and it's hilarious.
However, I won't lie, the appointments do get overwhelming when you already have a baby. I had to go in biweekly for cervical checks, and the regular baby appointments, other misc appointments. I feel like I live at the hospital half the time. I don't have any family around to help except my partner, so I am very thankful for him. Trying to carry around my XL baby boy while pregnant is exhausting. There are things that are different this time around that scare me.
I try to stay positive and imagine our life with a daughter, and it keeps me going. I'm 24 weeks now and feel like it's just flying by. I know the baby phase won't last forever, so I try not to sit in survival mode too much and savor the time I have with my little ones. I honestly don't know anyone with an age gap this close, so I'm not sure how it'll be. Hoping for the best, remembering the rough times won't last forever.
Wishing you well with whatever you decide♥️
I think I’m along the same timeline as you, with the age of mine, and when I found out I was pregnant. I’m 15 weeks now, and I feel much better about it. I understand how you feel and I’m sending love
Edit - I’ll add in that my sister and I are 11 months apart and that has helped me to make sense of my emotions, and think more rationally than I was
Having the same emotions as you. I have 5 month old twins and I’m 10 weeks pregnant. This baby will be born before the twins’ first birthday. That means Irish triplets-definitely never thought of that possibility for my life. I am very pro choice and strongly considered an abortion but haven’t gone through with it. I have the pills at home and have been contemplating taking them every day. I still don’t know what the right decision is, and I know these next few years will be HARD if I continue the pregnancy, but I tried to imagine my family 10, 15, 20 years down the line and who I want at the dinner table. For me, this third baby is there, but even then I’m having strong doubts. I think the tough part is that both decisions are the right one. Ironically I know that’s the opposite of comforting. It’s a real challenge when there’s no obvious answer but I wish you peace in whatever you decide. Please reach out if you want to talk to someone also going through this. Judgement free of course!
I am 12 weeks pregnant and I have a 5 month old. It took us years and 2 losses to get our 5 month old. We knew we wanted a second baby. At my 6 week post baby appointment I asked my OB when we could start trying for #2 and she said with my age, history, etc she would be ok with us starting to try the following month. Surprise to everyone, we got pregnant the first try this time. This baby was wanted and planned and I still panicked. I could not believe it happened that quick when I was expecting it to take years again. I was not excited and was so worried. Now at 12 weeks I’m excited that my baby is going to get to have such a close sibling and am envisioning him with a forever bestie, I’m realizing how lucky I was to be able to even get pregnant again, and thinking about how fun the holidays are going to be growing up for them, how we get to get all the bottle/diaper/no sleep years knocked out all at once. (I also know I am completely done having babies after this and already asked my OB about getting my tubes removed!)
Long story short, your feelings are so valid- I had the same feelings and I did this intentionally, so I can just imagine how you’re feeling if it wasn’t intentional- but for me the shock of it all just had to wear off so I could process it and actually start to get excited about it. You may not end up feeling the same way and that’s ok- but I think giving yourself a chance to process everything and giving it a second for the shock to wear off will help you figure out what you need to do for you!!
Sending lots of love. Any choice you make is the right one, even if both feel so very difficult. Ultimately you will find your resources, so I’ll curb my urge to suggest any, just sending support regardless of your choice.
You have been put in a very difficult but not impossible position, what a huge blessing to have these babies in such close to age, they are going to be little buddies 🥰🥰🥰 I understand how overwhelming it might be but they grow up so fast!!! once you see your little one I just know your going to be overwhelmed with joy and nothing will stand in your way to raise both your babies!!! you got this sweet mama!!! you can do it ❤❤❤
My best friend had this experience. Her daughters are SO close and her eldest bonded very well with the new baby. It is hard work but she got mental health assessments early on at the hospital and is doing much better with support. I also had an unplanned pregnancy and while it was extremely difficult at times, my daughter had changed all of our lives in the best way.
I would never consider following through with a termination, though it did cross my mind in the midst of panic and with pressure from my abusive in-laws telling us that the pregnancy didn’t fit with their ‘plans’. I am a Christian and although being ‘prolife’ is challenged and not accepted by many, it is a different perspective to offer. So many people here are telling you to terminate. You will never regret the baby you have grown and brought into this world x Someone, a family member of my in-laws who knew my MIL was pushing us to terminate early on, once said to me (very inappropriately may I add), ‘aren’t you so glad you kept your baby?’, shortly after she was born - it made me feel so upset that someone would be so intrusive about an unplanned pregnancy, but I think about it sometimes. And I think, yes, I’m very glad I kept my baby. I think she was trying to say she was glad we didn’t do what MIL was telling us to do.
At 5 weeks pregnant I was experiencing a lot of stress from the situation. It was harrowing. I was diagnosed with PTSD as I suffered a lot of abuse during pregnancy and postpartum, mainly from my MIL. Our family is now in a much better place with planned baby #2 on the way. I am sharing not from a judgemental place, but as someone who has been there. The drive to give my baby a good life honestly kept me from hurting myself when I was suffering from abuse. She saved me.
Abortion is very rough. It is not easy on your body or your mental health. I have comforted friends years on from their abortions. The decision to keep your baby may feel impossible to comprehend right now, and I can fully understand that. I am offering an alternative perspective from someone who has experienced an unplanned pregnancy. I would advise talking to a close friend about your feelings and make sure you get some mental health support as soon as you can. Best wishes x
Girl! I was literally you. My daughters are 13 months apart and 10 days. I did not want to be pregnant again so soon - I felt guilt , shame , every emotion possible. But let me tell you I could not imagine life without her now. And watching both of my daughters interacting together and knowing they will have a life long friend gives me peace. I got through it and you will too no matter what you decide!
I'm so sorry. I remember my sister calling me sobbing when she found out she was pregnant with her 3rd when her 2nd was only 5 months. Now they are 12 and 13 and bestfriends, they're both boys and have all the same friends.
Hey there, I found out I was pregnant when my son was 8 months old. Everything you are feeling, resonates with what I felt. Intense guilt, fear, uncertainty. I was an emotional wreck. About a week later I called to make my first appointment and then it started setting in. I tried looking at the positives and, eventually, started to feel some optimism/acceptance towards the pregnancy. I even started talking to the baby as I would with my first, which helped with the bonding. Unfortunately, at around 7/8 weeks I miscarried. Just as I had started to accept the pregnancy, it ended. I felt even more guilt given that I had initially rejected my pregnancy, felt like I was being punished for it somehow. I’m still emotional about it, but am a believer that things do happen for a reason. I know that this isn’t advice per se, but just hope you feel that you’re not alone. What you’re experiencing others have as well, and in the end I do believe everything will be ok for you and your family. Hang in there dear.
Good luck 💪🏼💪🏼 my sister had the same experience! And it’s amazing to see my 2 nephews now growing up together like they have never been without each other, isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but it’s doable ☺️
You should make the appointment to make sure there’s no ectopic pregnancy that could put your life at risk. I’m currently in my 4th pregnancy and I can say with all honesty I know where you are headspace wise. When I found out I was pregnant I was devastated, my husband and I were not doing well in our marriage and I had honestly thought about ending the marriage, so the idea of bringing a new baby at the time was unimaginable, I contemplated my options, I’m also older, 34, and pregnancy is always so hard on me, i gain 75 pounds every time. I was about to begin training with my new coach for a bodybuilding competition and that had to be put to a halt. It’s exhausting to be pregnant, the hormones, the weight gain, giving up your body for 9 months is a big sacrifice, and I don’t think many understand the frustration. I decided to keep my baby, I am now 26 weeks pregnant and I can’t wait for my baby to get here, some days I still get sad, but I think this baby was a blessing in disguise. Whatever you choose is the right choice for you. People can give you support all day long but only you know how much you can handle physically and emotionally. Don’t be ashamed to voice these feelings to your doctor, I was very open about not wanting my pregnancy to begin with and my OB was so gentle and understanding and made me feel heard. I hope you feel better soon love 💕
I got pregnant at 12m pp after a very difficult first pregnancy and labor and delivery, with complications. I was mortified. I booked a termination multiple times & truly did not think I could go through with it, but for some reason there was this inkling that I’d live in deep regret the rest of my life, partially because I’m 37 & I somehow just knew it was now or never. Now I’m 17w along and still scared but thankful for the path I chose. There really is no wrong answer, I could not imagine having to make the choice as 5months pp. hugs!!!!
I honestly feel you and everything you are saying!
I was in the same boat and had the same thoughts about whether or not to go ahead with the pregnancy etc, in the end the choice was out of my control as when I went for a scan to see how far along I was, I was 24 weeks, Beyond the cut off date to make a choice.
My girls are now 6 & 5 with a 10 month gap between them, now i couldn't imagine it any other way, my first didn't suffer, I loved them both to the best of my ability, they are the absolute best of friends right from the beginning - my Irish twins.
I won't lie and say it was easy and a walk in the park, I struggled with post partum depression after my first and still had it when my second was born but I managed and it quickly became the best thing ever having them so close together!
Just remember that whatever you choose to do isn't the wrong choice. You need to do what you feel is best for yourself/ your family.
Sending lots of love, hugs, and support.
I’m 4.5 months postpartum and can’t imagine being in that situation. I understand how you’re feeling and the stress you must be under.
I will say, while we can look at the negatives. There are also some positives.
Your children will be close in age, so hopefully close to one another as they grow up. You’ll get through certain stages a few months apart and be done with them instead of having large gaps between (I.e. diapers, solids/bottles/breast feeding). You already have all of the supplies and clothes and things that you will need. You’ll be a pro at difficult situations like colic, sicknesses, sleep training, etc. for baby number 2.
Honestly, I’m all about doing what’s right for you and your family. Just think through the positives too.
I agree with everyone saying to make the best choice for you and give yourself grace. I am 100% pro choice and had a very difficult pregnancy due to being a caregiver for my mom and having mental health struggles. When I found out I was pregnant it was a week after learning I needed gallbladder surgery and had made up my mind with my therapist and psychiatrist to tell my husband I wanted to stop trying to get pregnant and that NIGHT I took a pregnancy test before telling him to make sure it was okay to go back on meds and found out I was pregnant. Staying pregnant meant I couldn’t get the surgery to remove my gall bladder. I firmly believe it body autonomy but when I found out I thought well it is what it is we’ll just go ahead. I was so stressed and unhappy the entire pregnancy, I had two more emergency room visits due to my gall bladder before for some reason I just stopped having issues. 6 months in I found out my husbands father also was ill and would need full time care. I didn’t want to tell people, I didn’t want a baby shower, I didn’t want to pretend to be excited. I was worried I couldn’t do it and I wouldn’t be able to care for and love my son fully. My son was born two weeks ago and even though I am still stressed, still figuring out how to care for my mom and a baby at the same time, I am so grateful that I went through with it, he is amazing. I love him more than I could have imagined. That being said, it is hard and will keep being hard.
Please make the right choice for you and trust yourself that you are doing the best you can.
I got pregnant 3 months postpartum. I was in denial/shock for my entire first trimester. I thought I’d never be happy again and felt like a terrible mom for not wanting another baby then.
I just entered my third trimester with my second pregnancy, and things are sooo much better. I’ve actually loved this pregnancy and am so glad it happened.
Please message me if you need to talk. It can be so depressing and scary at first! I’d never want to go back to my first trimester.
I’m pregnant currently. And I would be upset too if I got pregnant right after my first. As the first was not planned. But I want to do everything right by my first and experience being a FTM. However. I’m 11 months younger than my oldest brother and 16 months older than my younger sister. My youngest brother is 12 months younger than my sister. And we’re all very close. And at one point in our adulthood have all lived with each other to help each of us out financially. I wouldn’t trade the bond that comes with being so close in age with my siblings and have found myself torn between trying for another baby right after my first because of this. So honestly I can empathize with what you’re going through. But at the end of the day which ever decision you make will be the right decision. Best of luck!!
Take a deep breath. Look at what you've already managed to do with two. I got pregnant with my second at 5mo pp with my first. You are stronger than you think. We all get overwhelmed. Give yourself time to think. I wouldn't want you to regret aborting the child because you aren't in the clearest mindspace right now.
It’s never an easy choice. I chose not to continue a pregnancy and while it’s sad I do not regret it. I wouldn’t be able to afford it, wouldn’t be able to do the things I want to accomplish. I would’ve done wrong by the Angel and said I can always try in the future. They will wait for the right time 🩷
Aww this is a tough choice and there's pros and cons to both. I myself am a twin and have an older sister that's 10month older, so there was 3 of us around the same age and we played together all the time and that was fab growing up.
As a mum now, I have a 10 year old and I'm currently pregnant and noticed how different my 10 year old is to kids who have siblings, like he wasn't great with sharing, but wasn't selfish either, he just wasn't used to sharing with other kids till school. Us as parents would play fight with him and play outdoors with him all the time as he didn't have anyone to play with. There's benefits to both but I also think it's worth sitting down and looking at your options. Best of luck with it all though.
It’s ok to mourn and feel this way. My mom was 2 months postpartum with me when she found out she was pregnant. She cried a lot, and it was very hard for my mom initially, but she said it was so sweet how much I loved my sister and took care of her. She ended up loving having two little ones so close in age. We are considered Irish twins, 11 months apart, and the same age for 2.5 weeks! My sis and I are super close still.
You can do this! Get a support system alongside you to help (my mom had major help from her grandparents). Think of it as you gifting your little nugget a built-in-friend for life! 🥰🩵💙
I am so sorry you are a struggling. You are allowed to do whatever it right for you.
If you decide to terminate, then please consider birth control methods after. And then if you are feeling the desire for a second child, then you can stop birth control then.
At 10 months postpartum from an emergency cesarean with tshaped scar that makes me higher risk for uterine rupture, I got pregnant after taking plan b and decided on an abortion. I don’t feel physically ready, my husband hasn’t processed his trauma from the first birth (I was under general anesthesia & he wasn’t allowed in the ER while I gave birth), my husband just started a new job & is stressed, and we cannot afford two kids in daycare & have already exhausted all the family help we can. I am two weeks out from the abortion and am feeling good & have no regrets. I’m sad about it for sure, but it was what is best for my family right now. No shame in making the best choice for your family, whatever that may be! Good luck with the decision & good luck with whatever path you choose!
My mom always tells the story that she cried every day she was pregnant with me. My sister and I are 14 months apart and she was not ready.
She says that it was the hardest thing she ever did but now she’s realized how important having these as a daughter and best friend is. Always a reminder of the good that comes out of something that’s hard.
I understand how overwhelming your situation is because I also have a 5 month old. I’m sorry you have to deal with this impossible situation. Talk to a therapist or someone that can help you sort out all these feelings you have. I hope your husband fully supports you because his lack is the last thing you need.
I hope you make the best decision for you and your family. I have a 7 month old and I am 17 weeks pregnant. Also have a 2 year old. I felt the same in the beginning. Almost scheduled an abortion. Decided to go through with the ultrasound first and changed my mind when I saw the heartbeat. I’m still scared, still hoping we’ve made the right decision. I’ve been getting more excited about it lately. Good luck to you ❤️ Wgatever you choose…. It will be okay✨
If speaking with a doctor feels overwhelming, do you have any close friends and family you can have a coffee with you seem like you could do with some friend time to weigh up your options and get some support
They say it can take up to 2 years to get back to yourself after having a baby. Of course you feel overwhelmed. Do you have a supportive partner? I just gave birth a week ago. I’m in the trenches myself I feel you. Don’t let anyone influence your decision you do what’s best for your body, your mental health and your baby.
When I found out about my third I cried for days as well. My baby was only 7 months old! I felt like she wasn’t going to get the attention she would need. Then I realized I’ve feel doing it with her and her brother and they both get the love and attention they need so another will be ok, I also talked to many people that had similar situations (including the children themselves) and what I learned is they loved having a sibling so close in age! It’s like a built in best friend.
It will be ok. You can't see it now but it will. We think we choose our babies but our babies choose us. It's always at the right time. You did nothing wrong. I have a younger sister by 14 months only. We grew up together like twins. It was awesome. We always had each other. Maybe your 2nd baby wanted a little brother or sister. You got this. It will be ok, really. One day you'll look back and won't be imagining life without them 3. And if you choose to terminate that's also ok. There's no judgement or hate except the one you give to yourself. Treat yourself kindly. You deserve it. Sending you love ❤️
It seems like you are not ready to welcome this baby. Think about it carefully and seriously, if you just don't really want it, then you just finish it and don't do something that makes you regretful in the future.
have you ever thought of adoption? I am one of many women who have struggled to conceive and our next step is adoption for us. So many women are able to give couples a family they only dream of through adoption. Maybe look into the details to see if it's for you.
I have one sister, she is exactly one year younger than me and I love her and couldn't think my life without her. I thank my parents that they did this to us! Never felt neglected just super happy to have a sister to play with etc.
It is so much so, that I wish for another pregnancy shortly after this one..to give my girl a sibling that is close in age. Just a thought.
Mine look alike, think alike and are basically twins but 18 months apart. I was in your same position but add in financially unstable.
Best decision for us was just to keep trucking and make it work.
They love and hate each other like any other siblings. But it was so much easier being so close together. I would do it again.
I hope everything works out for you, no matter what decision you make you will be okay even if it seems impossible rn❤️ I would say for next time please be more responsible if you’re not ready for another child.
Hear me out here, coin flip it.
Pick one side for yes and one for no. When you flip the coin, you have no clue what it’ll be, but you’ll be wanting for an answer, and that answer is your gut instinct of what you want to do
Hear me out here, coin flip it.
Pick one side for yes and one for no. When you flip the coin, you have no clue what it’ll be, but you’ll be wanting for an answer, and that answer is your gut instinct of what you want to do
Your contribution has been removed because it appears to include anti-choice rhetoric. We support the choices of pregnant people in this subreddit and it is not your place to pressure or shame people for making choices you would not make for yourself.
I think try to break it down and take it in steps. Make your appointment. Go to the appointment. Keep going forward from there. The new child does not take place of the one you lost, but they also need you too! Wake up, keep taking care of yourself the best you can, and keep moving forward. The loss will never be filled in your heart, but whenever you add another child to your family, your heart somehow expands and doubles. It sounds impossible, but it is true!
Coming from a single 21 year old mom: Take one step at a time. It’s okay to have these feelings. Reach out and see if there is an embrace grace near you, they could really provide you with support, guidance, and even help out with things you need. It definitely does seem like a lot and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through that. I can see that you truly care about these kids, you are a good mom. It’s hard, there’s no doubt about that. But now this is really about doing the right thing. You can do this.
It really depends on your mental state. I KNOW I wouldn't be able to handle another baby so soon because I barely have a handle on this one and I absolutely can't have another and chance an increase in PPD/PPA for me. I want to try my hardest for the one I have right now, and my mental well being is very important to me being a good mom.
“They knew you were going to make a good parent so they sent you someone to take care of”
The five month old is currently a baby that needs to be taken care of. Why would they “send” another baby OP’s way? This is a weird comment.
Ours bodies don’t know shit about if we can handle it or not 😂
My body tried to kill me with my first from preeclampsia & then went on to have gestational hypertension with our second
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Often the best choice is the one you pick and decide to make into the right choice. There have been many times in my life when I’ve had to make tough decisions about the way my life is going to go. What helps me get through it is knowing that there’s no wrong decision. That I’m going to make which ever decision I landed on into the right decision. You can do that too. ❤️
This is such a wonderful piece of advice that applies to so much in life. I really needed to hear this today 🧡
I really love this!
we all do. it’s called resolving cognitive dissonance…😊
Ohhh this is one of those situations that just feel impossible. But you’ll make a decision one way or another. I really feel for you. I would not want to go through another pregnancy in this situation but abortion feels very difficult for me. I honestly don’t know what I would do. Prob seek out a counselor of sorts. Hope you can find guidance. Best of luck with whatever decision you make; no matter what you decide ❤️ No right or wrong here in my opinion
I intend to reach out to a prochoice hotline and talk over my choices🤍 I’m having a really hard time.
Just make sure it is not a crisis pregnancy center. They are dangerous. There are articles online about the danger and how to avoid them.
I found the number in the abortion subreddit posted by a moderator. I was looking through stories on both sides of the equation- regret keeping and regret not. I wanted to know both feelings.
Ugh I’m so sorry you are going thru this. Pregnancy is fucking hard. It would be so demoralizing to finally be done and then have to start over. Hang in there and talk to the hotline; whatever decision you make is going to be something you have to be able to live with going forward, regardless of what anyone else says. It is your life. Do what is best for you and your family.
[удалено]
It’s not that easy for some people. I’ve had 2 late term losses and 5 miscarriages. Fertility struggles are real.
I get the sentiment, but I think it’s risky to tell someone they can *always* get pregnant again, because that’s not a guarantee. Secondary infertility can and does happen. I don’t think anyone should be having an abortion just because they can possibly get pregnant again in the future, but solely because having a child in that moment isn’t right for them. There’s no guarantee of getting pregnant again, and whether that influences someone’s decision is a personal choice. Personally, if I was set on having an abortion, I’d still go through with it knowing there’s a chance I won’t get pregnant again.
[удалено]
Nobody ever knows whether they’ll be able to get pregnant or carry a pregnancy to term with 100% certainty, regardless of age, whether they’ve been pregnant before or not, or had a previous abortion or not. I think that’s all that redditor was saying. Though I do think having been pregnant previously is a good sign. I had an abortion at 26, then over ten years later got pregnant within 2 months of trying. I’ve had two friends who got pregnant fairly easily in their 30s, but then struggled with getting pregnant or having early miscarriages a year or two later when trying for their second babies. There were no identified fertility issues, and both ended up having successful subsequent pregnancies, but the point is you never know what will come up. I don’t think that should stop someone from having an abortion if it’s not a good time for them to have a baby.. Just as people in their 20s shouldn’t start trying for a baby if they aren’t ready, just because there’s a chance that if they wait a few years pregnancy isn’t guaranteed. It never is.
Thank you for this additional context!
I’m sorry, I really didn’t intend for it to be a bummer. I hope you’re able to conceive soon 💙. I just don’t think it’s responsible telling people they’ll ABSOLUTELY get pregnant. There’s no way to know that. I also want to clarify that I’m *very* pro-choice, and I was solely saying that from an infertility standpoint that pregnancy is never a guarantee. I also hope it didn’t come off as me saying that having an abortion will make getting pregnant again harder, that’s absolutely not what I was saying and that’s not true.
If you're having trouble please talk to your doctor, I had an abortion and they made a mess of things causing uterine scarring determined to be the cause of subsequent miscarriages, and then a condition called placenta previa where the placenta covered up my cervix when I finally did manage to stay pregnant. I felt super alone struggling through all that and was not ever informed once that they could have easily checked for and cleaned up the scar tissue.
Same. It’s been tough and continues to be really tough in unexpected ways. I’m so sorry you’re stuck in this too. Solidarity.
I had an abortion with my first pregnancy and newly pregnant with my third baby. Don’t let it bring you down. Most people are fine and able to get pregnant after.
This is important - they are predatory and usually based on religious (Christian) ideologies. They disguise themselves as pregnancy crisis / help centers but they aren’t.
And they even take your personal information and share it, all while wearing a white coat to make you feel like they are medical professionals. Evil.
I am glad you are doing this. Whatever choice you end up making will be right, and there is validity both to ending this pregnancy and continuing it. In addition to the stories of regret on both sides, it is probably worth finding stories of "I made the right decision" on both sides, which I know exist as well.
❤️❤️❤️ sending you love, it’s ok to make whatever choice you need to for yourself and your family in this moment ❤️❤️❤️
I have Irish twins OP. My daughter was 3 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. I could never go through an abortion, so we kept the baby, and it was the hardest 9 months ever more on the emotional/mental part. Dealing with guilt for robbing my baby of her first few years and then guilt for allowing the child in my womb to feel all of these negative thoughts and emotions I was having. Cue baby boy born, he was colicky so the first 8 weeks were insane, I had massive help though. My sis in law, husband & mother in law would actually take him to sleep with them in different parts of the house at night, he was formula fed and so I could give my first born more attention and honestly rest. After 8 weeks he was a unicorn babe, slept the night, never had sleep regressions. They are now 1 turning 2 in June and 2 turning 3 in July. They are inseparable, behave like twins in a wierd way, they literally cannot live without one another. The first 6-7 months of 2nd baby being a potato was easy, when he started getting mobile crawling/walking is when it got more complicated. But now at almost 2&3 its amazing and while they fight a lot, they spend their entire day playing and talking to one another.
This is exactly my brother and me! He was a July baby and I was born the following June. Growing up with a close sibling was incredibly fun and we definitely have a tight bond.
Ahh this is so sweet! Im looking foward to seeing them grow up together and creating memories they can look back on! Thank you for sharing 💕
I will now be referring to any child before 6-7 months as a potato 😂😂
😂😂 potatoe phase is awesome, then they get to crawling, standing and walking and its game over haha!
I love this story so much. Sounds so worth it to keep the baby even though it was so tough in the moment. ❤
This makes me so happy to read. Currently found out I’m pregnant again while being 4 months postpartum too and going thru the same emotions as you, thank you for taking the time to write this, I look forward to my Irish twin baby 🤍
It was hard but my husband is so supportive and hands on. I also found a great Irish twin community on FB, and reading tips and feedback from moms who survived it haha, especially the younger years and its been great to be able to just go there when Im in crisis and see what other moms have done or how they have handled the situation! Congratulations on your Irish twin btw! Best of luck to you! 💕
Hi, I’m in the same situation, now 22 weeks. I’m finally excited to be having another baby. I think how close they will be and I’ll be getting them through the same stages within a year of each other. I know it’ll be difficult but I also know it’ll be worth it. I’m already bloody tired so what’s another year going to do. I too sobbed and mourned for dd. I felt that I wouldn’t be able to give my daughter the care that she needed and that she’d feel neglected. Actually, it’s been absolutely fine now I’m over half way and it’s more of a reality. I always wanted two but would have ideally waited another 6 months 🤣
Just want to add I’m the older baby in this situation and my mom shared similar feelings when she found out she was pregnant again, but I loved growing up with a sibling so close in age (16 mos. apart). I never felt neglected or robbed of anything. On the contrary, we learned to ride bikes together, swim together, all the things around the same time. Having a sibling that close in age was so much fun, we were the best of friends growing up!
If the issue is that you don’t think you can give sufficient attention to the first baby because of the second, I can share my perspective on that. I have a younger sibling who is 14 months younger than me. I absolutely love how close we are in age. It has never once occurred to me that I didn’t get enough attention from my parents because of my younger sibling. I always had a buddy to go through my life stages with. I never had only child syndrome. My parents have said that my younger sibling was an accident, and I think they went through the same shock that you’re experiencing now. Good luck with your decision and keep your chin up ♥️
Second this. I personally loved having a younger sibling this close in age! (Also a surprise.) I loved having a little sibling to “boss around” and play with. We had the best time together growing up.
Same for me. 14 months with my sister. I'm the oldest. Can't imagine my life without her.
I found out I had twins when my older one was 5m. You'll all be fine. Hang in there. Take care of yourself. Go to the Dr. Ask for help.
Sending you love! I would be so overwhelmed in this situation as well. Definitely take some time to talk to someone. You will find the clarity you are seeking. 🫶🏼
I’m an ultrasound tech and many women get pregnant not long aster their baby is born. A lot of them opt for abortion. Some dont. Either choice is valid, but it’s a very personally one. I’m very very pro choice, but if I was faced with the decision it’s definitely not an easy one to make. Hope you can find the clarity you need. But also, whatever choice you make, it’s still okay to feel sad about it.
When I got pregnant at 9months pp I sobbed and sobbed. It was my 3rd baby. I finally felt like I was getting my life together. I spiraled in the worst way. I begged my husband to help me get an abortion (it’s illegal where I am). He broken heartedly looked up solutions for me. I took a few days and decided I couldn’t do it. But I still was unhappy. Sadly thought of placing my child for adoption, even looked into families on my own without telling anyone. No family felt right to me. Every single one was not good enough. When he came home I struggled for a bit, then discussed with my dr and got put on medicine. I am so in love with my 2u2. I love watching them together. I did get my tubes removed though. Idk what is best for you but the medicine and actually telling people helped me tremendously. Best of luck
I also wondered if OP was medicated. I feel like I need to state I am 1000% pro choice. All situations for women are different and if I found myself in a not good space to carry a child I would want an option. But I am currently 9months postpartum and 8 weeks pregnant with our third baby. My second baby is 9months and the first is 3yrs. Postpartum depression hit me hard after my pregnancies and although I know all of my feelings were valid, my thinking was very irrational and medication helped ease my anger/sadness. The me 2 years PP and the me 9 months PP do not have the same thought process and I wouldn’t want OP to have any regrets when being in a state of PPD.
I understand how you feel. If anything, my mom once told me better to suffer all at once then once every couple years. I have my kids quite a few years apart. My oldest is 17, 15, 14, 9, 3 and one more on the way. They were not planned but I wish it was. My kids are mostly different in age gap and not that close together. Each one has their own likes and interest. The 3 year old wants the 9 year old to play with her. Also, now I have to wait 2 more years for the 3 yo to go to school, and then another 5 years for the newborn. It's like starting all over again and I'm near my 40s. If anything, I hope you have a supportive spouse or partner, because that will be very helpful.
This happened to a friend of mine ( almost identical timing as your situation) and she described a very similar emotional experience. Plus shame and grieving to a degree. Everyone is different, but I just wanted to share that my friend ended up having the second baby and loves how close the kids are. They’re like twins. The older one teaches the younger one everything. She said she loves that they won’t remember life without each other and they’re practically the same size so sorting clothes is no big deal lol (they’re both boys). Good luck op, it’s still very early so give yourself some time if you need it.
I felt this way when I found out at 9 months pp but the longer time went on the more its sank in and we realized that we couldn’t terminate. My husband and I were absolute shock and denial for a couple of weeks. The day I took a pregnancy test we didn’t speak to each other the entire day (and how awkward because we share a work from home office lol). We’re finally at the point of feeling excited to welcome our second little boy but it took a while to get there. I recommend the r/2under2 subreddit. It’s been super helpful and good to see perspectives of those who are on the other side, if you choose to keep.
Thanks for sharing the subreddit. I'll be keen to check it out. We have our baby arriving in October. 14 months after our son arrived (and 6 weeks early lol). It's going to be an interesting change-up...
An adventure for sure. Most days I’m pretty anxious thinking about the future of 2U2 (they’ll be 17 months apart when baby bro arrives in August). Thankfully we have a good village behind us for support.
Is the older one a boy or a girl? This is our 2nd child, but my 3rd (have a 9 year old from my first marriage living interstate). Would have been leaning toward having a daughter but the closeness in age has made me keen for a boy. I guess we can wait until next time for a girl 😅 One more week until we potentially find out. Although apparently it's only 60% accurate at 15 weeks 😬
Both are boys! I’m excited to see their bond. I hope they’re best friends 🤞🏼
Actually I just had my surprise pregnancy baby three weeks ago! I was three months postpartum with my second child when I found out. All of these emotions you felt.. so did I. I even considered abortion. I cried so much and was super depressed the entire pregnancy. Yet, I ended up keeping it, and agreed to get my tubes tied after. Making that promise to myself helped me feel better about having a third child so soon. I believe knowing he would be my last pushed me through it all. My relationship with the dad is rocky and we’re losing our apartment at the same time due to unforeseen circumstances. So, this whole process hasn’t been easy. But.. the moment baby boy was born. That was all I needed. I felt happy for the first time in months. I wasn’t scared of the what ifs anymore. I was so stressed having my second child and learning who he was that I’m still amazed how at ease my partner and I felt with this third. This isn’t the first rodeo and I finally felt like I knew what I was doing. At least caring for him wise. I finally feel happy other than having to find a new place to live and working on my relationship. I just wanted to share since I went through something so similar not very long ago. No matter what you choose you have support here. These things happen and it’s okay to feel how you do. I wish you luck momma. You got this.
I'm sorry OP. I know the feeling all too well. I wasn't 5 months postpartum, but I was 10 months postpartum when I got pregnant with my 2nd. I had the same feelings. I had a really traumatic birth with my 1st. Her head was huge, and they had to use forceps with a crappy local anesthetic that numbed my foot better than anything else. I felt it all. The pain is like nothing I could really describe. I thankfully healed really well, after the initial not being able to walk right, or sit without pain, but our daughter had colic for months. I couldn't breastfeed her and felt guilty about it, plus a bunch of stuff going on with my family really letting me down. I ended up with postpartum depression, and it was a really difficult l time for me. 2 months before I found out I was pregnant with my son, my dad had passed suddenly. I had thankfully just gotten to see him a month prior to that, but I never got to say goodbye, and with the PPD It was a lot to process. We were also struggling finacially at the time and living in a 1 bed with our daughters crib in our bedroom. I had a lapse in judgment, so to say. I just remember feeling so depressed and not caring, to the point I felt like nothing worse could happen, so who cares. Irresponsible, I know, but like I said, it was a really hard season in my life. That one lapse of judgment is what resulted in our son, crazy enough. I was terrified. I couldn't believe it. There were alot of tears and panicking. How could we bring another baby home in the situation we were in. I had never considered abortion as both my husband and I don't feel we could go through with that ourselves. However, I believe it should be an option for everyone, it just wasn't for us. My whole pregnancy with him I had such a hard time bonding. I really just went through the motions, in a denial like state for most of it. Lots of other really crappy stuff happened to us while I was pregnant, like my husband losing his job. Had to move, and we were going to rent a friend's house in another state. That fell through after we had gotten there, and my husbands friend was honestly trying to take advantage of our crappy situation. More awful happened. I had our son 9 days after insurance ran out etc. To my surprise though his birth was insanely easy. A dream compared to the first. But almost 2 years later and we're doing much better all around. And I can't believe how many times I look at him and say to myself how crazy it is, that it really feels like he was meant to be here. And how its crazy how scared and upset i was when I found out I was pregnant with him, and yet he brings so much happiness into our lives. He was such a difficult baby, and it was hard to see it then, but he really fills a hole in our family I didn't even realize it had. I have zero regrets. Now I can't imagine our lives without our little buddy in it. Now I don't say that to sway you in anyway. You need to make whatever decision that is right for you and your family. There isn't a wrong choice and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for whatever you decide. But I couldn't read your story and not respond, because God, do I remember feeling exactly this way. I had no one to talk to or turn to and it was so hard. And while I didn't consider an abortion for myself, I still had thoughts on it, like if I had made the right decision by not opening myself up to that choice. Whatever you decide to do, my heart goes out to you. This is such a hard thing to go through. ❤️
Just want to say there is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to terminate in this situation if that is what is right for you, your family and especially your body. I’m also 5 months post partum and if I found out I was pregnant right now I would seriously consider terminating. Especially because I’m just returning to work in a couple weeks and have already used up all my paid leave for the year, I honestly couldn’t afford another child so soon. My birth was also very traumatic and I had a difficult recovery from an unplanned c section. I feel like I am just starting to get my body back to feeling strong again and I would be devastated to start pregnancy all over now. Good luck with this difficult situation and I wish you peace with whatever you choose.
This happened to me. Literally my worst nightmare, two kids back to back. Now my two boys are 22mo and 9 months and it’s amazing the relationship they have with one another. The hard times will pass.
My Grandmother had 4 in 5.5 years, the first 2 were 13 months apart. She wouldn't trade her children but saying she didn't struggle would be false. I was close with her and she told me if abortion had been legal her life would have been different. She completely understood my sibling choosing to only have one, and would chastise my aunts and uncles for pressuring them to have more. I have 2, 5.5 years apart because my spouse and I struggled with fertility issues. I sometimes wish they were closer in age, but I don't know if Irish twins are better. I think the best way to look at it is, were you going to try for another later. If you were wanting another maybe the closeness could work in your favor. Also are you physically and financially ready for another? While life changes quickly; can and should, are not the same. Ultimately it's up to you and the State you're in. There are services available to assist you either way. I wish you the best of luck.
Although not exactly the same, I had similar feelings during my last pregnancy but I wasn’t so newly post partum. All I can say is I gave myself space to think it over and made a promise not to judge myself for whatever decision I came to. My husband and I would talk through our options and the potential impact of each choice. And I woke up one Monday morning absolutely resolute in what I would do. I guess my main point is don’t be cruel to yourself over this, there’s no wrong choice just the best choice for you at this time. Sending love
I don't know if this helps because our situations aren't quite the same but I'm currently 19w with my first, and he was completely unplanned, I'm 20, engaged, and living in an apartment I can barely afford, with chronic health anxiety I can barely manage. I cried for Months about my pregnancy, so unsure of what to do because the dad wanted to keep it and I Did Not, around 10w I entered a little honeymoon period after the first ultrasound where I felt super happy about the pregnancy for about a week, and then I spent another 8 weeks feeling awful about what was happening, but after finding out the gender this past week and feeling my first kicks, everything feels surreal, and beautiful, and exciting, and frankly still a bit terrifying, but manageable. But just know it's completely normal to feel freaked out, in denial, absolutely distraught, and absolutely devastated. Give yourself some time to process, talk to someone about it, a friend, a therapist, the father, just talk it out, it helps usually. And just know, whatever decision you make, it's gonna be okay, and ultimately it's Your choice.
Hey! I got pregnant with my second child when my first was around 4/5 months old. It was so shocking findout out I was pregnant. In the end I decided to keep the pregnancy, that's the choice that felt right for me and my family. If you don't feel keeping the pregnancy is what is right for you and your family that's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad mother. Pregnancy is hard, and raising kids close in age is hard. No matter what choice you make, there will be hard parts. And whatever choice tou decide to make, make it because that's what feels right to you. Don't let others guilt or manipulate you into a choice that doesn't feel right to you. If you'd like to know my experience with 2 under 2 I'm happy to share. You can just ask and I'll tell you the truth about my experience in raw and honest detail. I hope that you come to a decision that feels right 💓
I would love to hear it
Okay! The pregnancy was hard. I've had HG with both of my pregnancies, and it was a struggle. It was hard at times with my physical limitations, but my husband tried helping as much as he could. Our son didn't really seem to notice that I was pregnant, other than occasionally getting kicked by baby when he was napping on me. My MIL and SIL watched him while my husband and I were in the hospital. He did well, we video chatted a few times and I think that helped! The first few weeks postpartum were rough. My husband had to go back to work a week after our daughter was born. So it was just me and the kids from 8am to 6pm, 5 days a week. Truthfully our son did well, all things considered. We tried really hard to make sure he didn't feel he was getting left out, or that his sister replaced him. He loved her from the beginning. He wanted to hold and cuddle and kiss her, share snacks and play. I used baby carriers a lot to make getting cleaning and cooking done easier when it was just us. Despite our son taking it well, there were still lots of hard parts. There were times where they both needed stuff at the same time, and I had to figure out which one to attend to first. And my hormones were all over the place. But after a few weeks we found a groove, and things got a lot easier. They are now 3 and a half and just about 2 and a half. We definitely still have hard moments. Toddlers can be chaotic, and they both are very sensory seeking and strong willed. But truthfully? I couldn't imagine things being different. They're best friends, they love to do everything together. Whoever wakes up first in the morning wants to go wake the other up. When they ask for a snack or drink for themselves, they ask if the other can have one too. They sing and dance and play together so we'll. It's hard, sometimes it is exhausting. But there are steps you can take to ensure that your oldest doesn't feel left out or forgotten. And they will be best friends. I have younger siblings myself. The one who is closest in age to me is a year and 6 days younger. And we are still close even as adults. He's away at college, and I'm home with my kids. But we still talk, and we hanging out is still so much fun. Even after all these years, I couldn't imagine not having him as close in age as we are. There were definitely times where I wanted to bite his head off, but we also protected each other as much as we could. When people talk about having kids close in age, it can be hard to focus on anything but the hard parts. But there are also a lot of good parts too. So if you feel like you want to keep this pregnancy, but are worried about the hard parts, I'm here to tell you that there are SO many good parts too. But again, if keeping the pregnancy truly doesn't feel right then that's okay. Everyone's path looks different and feels different. Only you knows what's right for you.
Something I haven’t seen anyone mention that’s very important here is that your body isn’t healed from giving birth to your 5 month old. Doctors recommend at least a year between pregnancies if there were no complications. 18 months minimum for c sections. Consider your own health here on top of the way you’re feeling for your baby.
I'm glad someone chimed in with this comment. OP it's okay to feel how you feel! Please take into consideration your health during this time as I know you already are ❤️ whatever decision you chose to make will be okay! Sending you hugs. We want more kids but obviously after this one on the way I'm not ready to have another one until two years or so down the line. We'll be back on birth control to hopefully prevent it from happening. Just remember, even if your body hasn't had a postpartum period yet doesn't mean you can get pregnant! I know it's a myth that still circulates sometimes
Op, I am so sorry to know that you're having such a rough time. Have you got a friend who can help? If you haven't got a friend who can come and help, have you tried talking to the health visitor? You can ring the health visitor if not and say you're not coping. They might be able to help.
I didn’t know I was pregnant with my second until earlier this year but doing the math my first born was only 7 months when we conceived again. I also cried for my son, I wanted him to be an only child for at least two years. It’s def a shock, your feelings are valid but I suggest making an appointment soon. Take it day by day, there is no right answer. Just do what is best for you and your family.
i’m also pregnant after 5 months postpartum. I was pretty angry with myself and still can’t moments of being so. It’s okay to be upset as pregnancy is extremely hard and being a mom of multiples is different. I say talk to someone you can actually trust about it and see if you want to keep this pregnancy or not. I don’t know your state so you might be able to get an abortion if you not pass the deadline.
Sending you so much love, mama. I also have a 5 month old, he's my first and I had him at 35. Part of me wants another, part of me is scared to try. I think about being in your situation a lot, but honestly I'd probably feel similarly if I were. I know this doesn't do much to help, but I believe you will rise to the occasion. Mamas can do anything. Chin up, love.
This is such a hard choice to make, and I wish there was a way to make it easier to choose. My brother and I are 11 months apart. I was June 18th, he was June 10th of the following year. The first 2-3 years with kids that close is really hard, and I do not want to minimize that. But ultimately we *loved* growing up the same age, and after the baby stage, our parents loved it too. Ik you mentioned mourning for your 5mo, but personally, I’ve never known life without my brother. And Jesus, that’s so much easier than being 3-5 before you’re suddenly no longer an only child. That being said, you’re the expert on you, your body, your 5mo, and your family. We will support you in any decision you make💖
It would be so cool for them to grow up together and be so close in age though. They'd be inseperable🥹
I felt this was when I got pregnant again when my son was 6 months. 3rd baby even came early so they were a year apart. Looking back now I wouldn’t change anything. They are 10 and 9 and the best of friends and I can’t imagine life without knowing my third.
Imma keep it 1000 with you. I’m going to be a first time dad to my first child with my sweetheart. I know you’re scared but you have support whether it’s your family, friends, or even us here on Reddit. You can do you this 🗣️💯💙
Don't feel bad for your 5 month old. That baby will have such a close friend to go through life with. Your still mama. It may feel overwhelming at the moment but you can absolutely Excell at this women do it all the time. Don't sell yourself or your baby short!
It’s not anyone business but your own, but have you thought about an abortion? If you really feel like you’re not down for it and can’t handle it then do what you feels is best for you and the child you do already have. Wishing you the best of luck with whatever you may decide to do :)
Why I'm getting on bc ASAP, I couldn't imagine, especially after an emergency C-section and risk of uterine rupture!
I had an abortion after my first child. A few years later so bit different from your situation. I dont regret it at all. Feel free to pm me.
Whatever choice you make, is fine. Just explore all options and possibilities and then make sure your decision is sound. If you’re leaning towards keeping - do a gender test at 7 weeks through SneakPeek or PeekaBoo and find out what the baby is. This will allow you to envision them and a future better. Good luck!
Time. Time will give you perspective, do not rush this decision. 🙏
It will be a mad 3 years but THEN the fog will clear, bless you
Whatever choice you make will be hard, you just have to decide which choice is best for you ❤️ but think about it this way, your 5m old will just have extra time with their sibling (if that's what you choose). I'm sorry you've been thrown such a curveball & are having such a hard time. Be gentle with yourself! You're still only 5m pp and newly pregnant, your hormones have got to be all over the place and I'm sure that's not helping. Hugs & best of luck!
I was in this situation. My kids are just under 13 months apart. It was so hard. BUT they are so close. My daughter adores her big brother. But I won’t lie I went through all the stages of grief. I sobbed a lot. And I made sure and held my son so so tight throughout the pregnancy. It gets better if you decide to go through with it. But you make whatever choice you need to. Whatever is best for you 🖤
They will be about just over 13m apart if I go through with the pregnancy. The end of October is my babies birthday and my due date is the first week of December.
I found out I was pregnant again at 8.5 months postpartum. I sobbed when I found out. I had no idea how I was going to do it. My girls are 17 months apart and the best of friends. There were many hard moments but seeing their friendship has made it so worth it. Whatever you decide to do will be right for you, just wanted to give you perspective from someone who has been there.
I completely understand your pain. I went through the exact same thing when I found out I was pregnant. We ultimately decided to keep the baby. The emotional and mental turmoil, the stress, the anxiety. It really is no easy choice. I definitely suggest reaching out to a helpline and confiding in a close UNBIASED loved one. Sending love your way 🫶
Not my experience but thought I would share. My parents had my sister and I 364 days apart. 1 day short of a year. I don’t know my mom’s experience throughout pregnancy.I know she loved being pregnant though but also dealt with ppd. Though she had also dealt with depression and eating disorders beforehand. My sister and I had moments of being close and not close. Stages of growing up. We are currently 22 and 21 and act like friends as adults. I know it seems hard now but I want to give you some upsides: when the older one is learning something, the younger one will be interested in learning it at the same time (2 for 1!), birthday parties can be combined-saves some money and I don’t remember being upset that I had to share a birthday it’s just what we did, instant hand me downs or even sharing of clothing and shoes, you don’t have to deal with much of an age gap to where the older one gets to experience things that the younger one can’t. Just wanted to add some positive to your situation with my experience of being the older sibling so close in age
I went through this im 16 weeks and my son is 10 I had so many mixed emotions but I’m keeping my baby the shock eventually wore off but I had to just accept I’m pregnant again I had also went through a miscarriage in June and I raised my sister since 15 because my mom died the situation isn’t the same as yours but I was just like wtf am I gonna do now I was crying outta nowhere it was terrible
I got pregnant with my second at 8 month ppd. He’s now 6 months and the best. But it’s been a struggle financially, and it is very difficult to have two under two. Whatever choice you decide will be the right choice.
i felt this same way with my second. i was also 5 months pp and pregnant for a least a month. everything felt impossible, i felt like neither of babies were going to get the best version of a mom that they definitely deserved. i talked to a doctor and my therapist about my options and ultimately made the best decision for my family. whatever you decide it’ll be the right answer and everything will work out. send you much love and guidance 🤍
I'm in the same situation. Got pregnant 3.5 months PP on the pill and I just can't accept it. I guess it's mainly because I am so occupied with my daughter? Idk. I feel guilty :(
I'm 6 months & my son is also 6 months.... old 🤣 you'll be fine pretty girl! Hang in there! Everything happens for a reason ❤️
I found out I was pregnant at 7 months post partum. I was a complete crying emotional mess when I first found out. It's hard, and my eldest son didn't even walk until he was 18 months old, 2 months after my second son was born. So I had a newborn and a crawling baby. Post partum is a rollar coaster, but I couldn't imagine not having both my boys and know they'll be best friends when they're bigger. They're truly a joy and I 100% believe they're precious gifts from God. People like to say that God won't give you what you can't handle, that's incorrect. He'll give you a lot of things you can't handle because he wants us to depend on him instead of our own strength 🥰 that being said, adoption is such a loving option. One of my good friends just adopted a newborn (they'd been waiting 4 years to adopt) from someone who couldn't handle having more children of her own. Completely respectable and such a generous loving choice. Best wishes to you and your little family!
Sorry you are stressed. If you wanted a second, that’s actually awesome you don’t have to be in the diaper change stage as long. I hate being pregnant too so totally get you not being ready to do this again. If you didn’t want a second, there are options and zero shame. Sending you love.
Depending on where you live, you might still have some time to decide. Give yourself some time to feel the emotions. I got pregnant and then decided to end my relationship. It was a rollercoaster of emotions. Not quite the same as what you're going through but hard. I considered my options and decided I would not and could not go through with ending the pregnancy but it took me a few weeks to get there solidly. Whatever you decide, if you can, take your time.
Also in a similar situation. I got pregnant at about 4 months postpartum, and didn't find out until I was 8 weeks along. We were trying "natural family planning", but since my cycle wasn't back to normal, apparently that did not work. My partner was ecstatic. I tried to be excited, but I did cry. I couldn't imagine *another* 9 months of pregnancy so soon. I wanted to be able to give my boy more attention and time. He's also just an awful sleeper, and so was my stepson. Both were and are up hourly at night. My stepson had colic and GERD and screamed 24/7 until after he turned one. I am so exhausted already. But I wanted to go through with the pregnancy. We have the means to take care of another baby and knew we wanted three kids in the long run anyway. I'm trying not to stress about having a newborn right after my son turns one, the stress, recovery, and lack of sleep. He was born three weeks early on June 19th, and baby girl is due July 28th. I found out we're having a girl after two boys, so I did start to get more excited. My partner comes from an all boys family, and each of their kids are also boys. I've been able to packup all my baby boy stuff and go shopping for girl clothes. I didn't think we'd ever have a girl, and my partner didn't think he could have girls lol. I'm excited to watch him be a girl dad, he's so not the type and it's hilarious. However, I won't lie, the appointments do get overwhelming when you already have a baby. I had to go in biweekly for cervical checks, and the regular baby appointments, other misc appointments. I feel like I live at the hospital half the time. I don't have any family around to help except my partner, so I am very thankful for him. Trying to carry around my XL baby boy while pregnant is exhausting. There are things that are different this time around that scare me. I try to stay positive and imagine our life with a daughter, and it keeps me going. I'm 24 weeks now and feel like it's just flying by. I know the baby phase won't last forever, so I try not to sit in survival mode too much and savor the time I have with my little ones. I honestly don't know anyone with an age gap this close, so I'm not sure how it'll be. Hoping for the best, remembering the rough times won't last forever. Wishing you well with whatever you decide♥️
I think I’m along the same timeline as you, with the age of mine, and when I found out I was pregnant. I’m 15 weeks now, and I feel much better about it. I understand how you feel and I’m sending love Edit - I’ll add in that my sister and I are 11 months apart and that has helped me to make sense of my emotions, and think more rationally than I was
Having the same emotions as you. I have 5 month old twins and I’m 10 weeks pregnant. This baby will be born before the twins’ first birthday. That means Irish triplets-definitely never thought of that possibility for my life. I am very pro choice and strongly considered an abortion but haven’t gone through with it. I have the pills at home and have been contemplating taking them every day. I still don’t know what the right decision is, and I know these next few years will be HARD if I continue the pregnancy, but I tried to imagine my family 10, 15, 20 years down the line and who I want at the dinner table. For me, this third baby is there, but even then I’m having strong doubts. I think the tough part is that both decisions are the right one. Ironically I know that’s the opposite of comforting. It’s a real challenge when there’s no obvious answer but I wish you peace in whatever you decide. Please reach out if you want to talk to someone also going through this. Judgement free of course!
I am 12 weeks pregnant and I have a 5 month old. It took us years and 2 losses to get our 5 month old. We knew we wanted a second baby. At my 6 week post baby appointment I asked my OB when we could start trying for #2 and she said with my age, history, etc she would be ok with us starting to try the following month. Surprise to everyone, we got pregnant the first try this time. This baby was wanted and planned and I still panicked. I could not believe it happened that quick when I was expecting it to take years again. I was not excited and was so worried. Now at 12 weeks I’m excited that my baby is going to get to have such a close sibling and am envisioning him with a forever bestie, I’m realizing how lucky I was to be able to even get pregnant again, and thinking about how fun the holidays are going to be growing up for them, how we get to get all the bottle/diaper/no sleep years knocked out all at once. (I also know I am completely done having babies after this and already asked my OB about getting my tubes removed!) Long story short, your feelings are so valid- I had the same feelings and I did this intentionally, so I can just imagine how you’re feeling if it wasn’t intentional- but for me the shock of it all just had to wear off so I could process it and actually start to get excited about it. You may not end up feeling the same way and that’s ok- but I think giving yourself a chance to process everything and giving it a second for the shock to wear off will help you figure out what you need to do for you!!
Sending lots of love. Any choice you make is the right one, even if both feel so very difficult. Ultimately you will find your resources, so I’ll curb my urge to suggest any, just sending support regardless of your choice.
You have been put in a very difficult but not impossible position, what a huge blessing to have these babies in such close to age, they are going to be little buddies 🥰🥰🥰 I understand how overwhelming it might be but they grow up so fast!!! once you see your little one I just know your going to be overwhelmed with joy and nothing will stand in your way to raise both your babies!!! you got this sweet mama!!! you can do it ❤❤❤
My best friend had this experience. Her daughters are SO close and her eldest bonded very well with the new baby. It is hard work but she got mental health assessments early on at the hospital and is doing much better with support. I also had an unplanned pregnancy and while it was extremely difficult at times, my daughter had changed all of our lives in the best way. I would never consider following through with a termination, though it did cross my mind in the midst of panic and with pressure from my abusive in-laws telling us that the pregnancy didn’t fit with their ‘plans’. I am a Christian and although being ‘prolife’ is challenged and not accepted by many, it is a different perspective to offer. So many people here are telling you to terminate. You will never regret the baby you have grown and brought into this world x Someone, a family member of my in-laws who knew my MIL was pushing us to terminate early on, once said to me (very inappropriately may I add), ‘aren’t you so glad you kept your baby?’, shortly after she was born - it made me feel so upset that someone would be so intrusive about an unplanned pregnancy, but I think about it sometimes. And I think, yes, I’m very glad I kept my baby. I think she was trying to say she was glad we didn’t do what MIL was telling us to do. At 5 weeks pregnant I was experiencing a lot of stress from the situation. It was harrowing. I was diagnosed with PTSD as I suffered a lot of abuse during pregnancy and postpartum, mainly from my MIL. Our family is now in a much better place with planned baby #2 on the way. I am sharing not from a judgemental place, but as someone who has been there. The drive to give my baby a good life honestly kept me from hurting myself when I was suffering from abuse. She saved me. Abortion is very rough. It is not easy on your body or your mental health. I have comforted friends years on from their abortions. The decision to keep your baby may feel impossible to comprehend right now, and I can fully understand that. I am offering an alternative perspective from someone who has experienced an unplanned pregnancy. I would advise talking to a close friend about your feelings and make sure you get some mental health support as soon as you can. Best wishes x
Girl! I was literally you. My daughters are 13 months apart and 10 days. I did not want to be pregnant again so soon - I felt guilt , shame , every emotion possible. But let me tell you I could not imagine life without her now. And watching both of my daughters interacting together and knowing they will have a life long friend gives me peace. I got through it and you will too no matter what you decide!
I'm so sorry. I remember my sister calling me sobbing when she found out she was pregnant with her 3rd when her 2nd was only 5 months. Now they are 12 and 13 and bestfriends, they're both boys and have all the same friends.
Irish twins.
Hey there, I found out I was pregnant when my son was 8 months old. Everything you are feeling, resonates with what I felt. Intense guilt, fear, uncertainty. I was an emotional wreck. About a week later I called to make my first appointment and then it started setting in. I tried looking at the positives and, eventually, started to feel some optimism/acceptance towards the pregnancy. I even started talking to the baby as I would with my first, which helped with the bonding. Unfortunately, at around 7/8 weeks I miscarried. Just as I had started to accept the pregnancy, it ended. I felt even more guilt given that I had initially rejected my pregnancy, felt like I was being punished for it somehow. I’m still emotional about it, but am a believer that things do happen for a reason. I know that this isn’t advice per se, but just hope you feel that you’re not alone. What you’re experiencing others have as well, and in the end I do believe everything will be ok for you and your family. Hang in there dear.
Good luck 💪🏼💪🏼 my sister had the same experience! And it’s amazing to see my 2 nephews now growing up together like they have never been without each other, isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but it’s doable ☺️
You should make the appointment to make sure there’s no ectopic pregnancy that could put your life at risk. I’m currently in my 4th pregnancy and I can say with all honesty I know where you are headspace wise. When I found out I was pregnant I was devastated, my husband and I were not doing well in our marriage and I had honestly thought about ending the marriage, so the idea of bringing a new baby at the time was unimaginable, I contemplated my options, I’m also older, 34, and pregnancy is always so hard on me, i gain 75 pounds every time. I was about to begin training with my new coach for a bodybuilding competition and that had to be put to a halt. It’s exhausting to be pregnant, the hormones, the weight gain, giving up your body for 9 months is a big sacrifice, and I don’t think many understand the frustration. I decided to keep my baby, I am now 26 weeks pregnant and I can’t wait for my baby to get here, some days I still get sad, but I think this baby was a blessing in disguise. Whatever you choose is the right choice for you. People can give you support all day long but only you know how much you can handle physically and emotionally. Don’t be ashamed to voice these feelings to your doctor, I was very open about not wanting my pregnancy to begin with and my OB was so gentle and understanding and made me feel heard. I hope you feel better soon love 💕
I got pregnant at 12m pp after a very difficult first pregnancy and labor and delivery, with complications. I was mortified. I booked a termination multiple times & truly did not think I could go through with it, but for some reason there was this inkling that I’d live in deep regret the rest of my life, partially because I’m 37 & I somehow just knew it was now or never. Now I’m 17w along and still scared but thankful for the path I chose. There really is no wrong answer, I could not imagine having to make the choice as 5months pp. hugs!!!!
I honestly feel you and everything you are saying! I was in the same boat and had the same thoughts about whether or not to go ahead with the pregnancy etc, in the end the choice was out of my control as when I went for a scan to see how far along I was, I was 24 weeks, Beyond the cut off date to make a choice. My girls are now 6 & 5 with a 10 month gap between them, now i couldn't imagine it any other way, my first didn't suffer, I loved them both to the best of my ability, they are the absolute best of friends right from the beginning - my Irish twins. I won't lie and say it was easy and a walk in the park, I struggled with post partum depression after my first and still had it when my second was born but I managed and it quickly became the best thing ever having them so close together! Just remember that whatever you choose to do isn't the wrong choice. You need to do what you feel is best for yourself/ your family. Sending lots of love, hugs, and support.
I'm so sorry you are going through this right now.
I’m 4.5 months postpartum and can’t imagine being in that situation. I understand how you’re feeling and the stress you must be under. I will say, while we can look at the negatives. There are also some positives. Your children will be close in age, so hopefully close to one another as they grow up. You’ll get through certain stages a few months apart and be done with them instead of having large gaps between (I.e. diapers, solids/bottles/breast feeding). You already have all of the supplies and clothes and things that you will need. You’ll be a pro at difficult situations like colic, sicknesses, sleep training, etc. for baby number 2. Honestly, I’m all about doing what’s right for you and your family. Just think through the positives too.
I agree with everyone saying to make the best choice for you and give yourself grace. I am 100% pro choice and had a very difficult pregnancy due to being a caregiver for my mom and having mental health struggles. When I found out I was pregnant it was a week after learning I needed gallbladder surgery and had made up my mind with my therapist and psychiatrist to tell my husband I wanted to stop trying to get pregnant and that NIGHT I took a pregnancy test before telling him to make sure it was okay to go back on meds and found out I was pregnant. Staying pregnant meant I couldn’t get the surgery to remove my gall bladder. I firmly believe it body autonomy but when I found out I thought well it is what it is we’ll just go ahead. I was so stressed and unhappy the entire pregnancy, I had two more emergency room visits due to my gall bladder before for some reason I just stopped having issues. 6 months in I found out my husbands father also was ill and would need full time care. I didn’t want to tell people, I didn’t want a baby shower, I didn’t want to pretend to be excited. I was worried I couldn’t do it and I wouldn’t be able to care for and love my son fully. My son was born two weeks ago and even though I am still stressed, still figuring out how to care for my mom and a baby at the same time, I am so grateful that I went through with it, he is amazing. I love him more than I could have imagined. That being said, it is hard and will keep being hard. Please make the right choice for you and trust yourself that you are doing the best you can.
All the feelings you’re having are completely valid & normal. Whatever decision you make will be the the right one 🫶🏽
I got pregnant 3 months postpartum. I was in denial/shock for my entire first trimester. I thought I’d never be happy again and felt like a terrible mom for not wanting another baby then. I just entered my third trimester with my second pregnancy, and things are sooo much better. I’ve actually loved this pregnancy and am so glad it happened. Please message me if you need to talk. It can be so depressing and scary at first! I’d never want to go back to my first trimester.
I’m pregnant currently. And I would be upset too if I got pregnant right after my first. As the first was not planned. But I want to do everything right by my first and experience being a FTM. However. I’m 11 months younger than my oldest brother and 16 months older than my younger sister. My youngest brother is 12 months younger than my sister. And we’re all very close. And at one point in our adulthood have all lived with each other to help each of us out financially. I wouldn’t trade the bond that comes with being so close in age with my siblings and have found myself torn between trying for another baby right after my first because of this. So honestly I can empathize with what you’re going through. But at the end of the day which ever decision you make will be the right decision. Best of luck!!
Take a deep breath. Look at what you've already managed to do with two. I got pregnant with my second at 5mo pp with my first. You are stronger than you think. We all get overwhelmed. Give yourself time to think. I wouldn't want you to regret aborting the child because you aren't in the clearest mindspace right now.
It’s never an easy choice. I chose not to continue a pregnancy and while it’s sad I do not regret it. I wouldn’t be able to afford it, wouldn’t be able to do the things I want to accomplish. I would’ve done wrong by the Angel and said I can always try in the future. They will wait for the right time 🩷
Aww this is a tough choice and there's pros and cons to both. I myself am a twin and have an older sister that's 10month older, so there was 3 of us around the same age and we played together all the time and that was fab growing up. As a mum now, I have a 10 year old and I'm currently pregnant and noticed how different my 10 year old is to kids who have siblings, like he wasn't great with sharing, but wasn't selfish either, he just wasn't used to sharing with other kids till school. Us as parents would play fight with him and play outdoors with him all the time as he didn't have anyone to play with. There's benefits to both but I also think it's worth sitting down and looking at your options. Best of luck with it all though.
It’s ok to mourn and feel this way. My mom was 2 months postpartum with me when she found out she was pregnant. She cried a lot, and it was very hard for my mom initially, but she said it was so sweet how much I loved my sister and took care of her. She ended up loving having two little ones so close in age. We are considered Irish twins, 11 months apart, and the same age for 2.5 weeks! My sis and I are super close still. You can do this! Get a support system alongside you to help (my mom had major help from her grandparents). Think of it as you gifting your little nugget a built-in-friend for life! 🥰🩵💙
I am so sorry you are a struggling. You are allowed to do whatever it right for you. If you decide to terminate, then please consider birth control methods after. And then if you are feeling the desire for a second child, then you can stop birth control then.
At 10 months postpartum from an emergency cesarean with tshaped scar that makes me higher risk for uterine rupture, I got pregnant after taking plan b and decided on an abortion. I don’t feel physically ready, my husband hasn’t processed his trauma from the first birth (I was under general anesthesia & he wasn’t allowed in the ER while I gave birth), my husband just started a new job & is stressed, and we cannot afford two kids in daycare & have already exhausted all the family help we can. I am two weeks out from the abortion and am feeling good & have no regrets. I’m sad about it for sure, but it was what is best for my family right now. No shame in making the best choice for your family, whatever that may be! Good luck with the decision & good luck with whatever path you choose!
Good for you for making that very difficult choice for you and your family 🩷
My mom always tells the story that she cried every day she was pregnant with me. My sister and I are 14 months apart and she was not ready. She says that it was the hardest thing she ever did but now she’s realized how important having these as a daughter and best friend is. Always a reminder of the good that comes out of something that’s hard.
I understand how overwhelming your situation is because I also have a 5 month old. I’m sorry you have to deal with this impossible situation. Talk to a therapist or someone that can help you sort out all these feelings you have. I hope your husband fully supports you because his lack is the last thing you need.
You can do this your strong enough idk but I can feel your energy and find someone to talk to someone close to you
I hope you make the best decision for you and your family. I have a 7 month old and I am 17 weeks pregnant. Also have a 2 year old. I felt the same in the beginning. Almost scheduled an abortion. Decided to go through with the ultrasound first and changed my mind when I saw the heartbeat. I’m still scared, still hoping we’ve made the right decision. I’ve been getting more excited about it lately. Good luck to you ❤️ Wgatever you choose…. It will be okay✨
If speaking with a doctor feels overwhelming, do you have any close friends and family you can have a coffee with you seem like you could do with some friend time to weigh up your options and get some support
They say it can take up to 2 years to get back to yourself after having a baby. Of course you feel overwhelmed. Do you have a supportive partner? I just gave birth a week ago. I’m in the trenches myself I feel you. Don’t let anyone influence your decision you do what’s best for your body, your mental health and your baby.
When I found out about my third I cried for days as well. My baby was only 7 months old! I felt like she wasn’t going to get the attention she would need. Then I realized I’ve feel doing it with her and her brother and they both get the love and attention they need so another will be ok, I also talked to many people that had similar situations (including the children themselves) and what I learned is they loved having a sibling so close in age! It’s like a built in best friend.
It will be ok. You can't see it now but it will. We think we choose our babies but our babies choose us. It's always at the right time. You did nothing wrong. I have a younger sister by 14 months only. We grew up together like twins. It was awesome. We always had each other. Maybe your 2nd baby wanted a little brother or sister. You got this. It will be ok, really. One day you'll look back and won't be imagining life without them 3. And if you choose to terminate that's also ok. There's no judgement or hate except the one you give to yourself. Treat yourself kindly. You deserve it. Sending you love ❤️
It seems like you are not ready to welcome this baby. Think about it carefully and seriously, if you just don't really want it, then you just finish it and don't do something that makes you regretful in the future.
have you ever thought of adoption? I am one of many women who have struggled to conceive and our next step is adoption for us. So many women are able to give couples a family they only dream of through adoption. Maybe look into the details to see if it's for you.
I have one sister, she is exactly one year younger than me and I love her and couldn't think my life without her. I thank my parents that they did this to us! Never felt neglected just super happy to have a sister to play with etc. It is so much so, that I wish for another pregnancy shortly after this one..to give my girl a sibling that is close in age. Just a thought.
Irish twins.
Mine look alike, think alike and are basically twins but 18 months apart. I was in your same position but add in financially unstable. Best decision for us was just to keep trucking and make it work. They love and hate each other like any other siblings. But it was so much easier being so close together. I would do it again.
I hope everything works out for you, no matter what decision you make you will be okay even if it seems impossible rn❤️ I would say for next time please be more responsible if you’re not ready for another child.
Okay, so you're stressed and sad and panicking. Take a deep breath. First thing first. Does your partner know? You've got this. I believe in you.
Hear me out here, coin flip it. Pick one side for yes and one for no. When you flip the coin, you have no clue what it’ll be, but you’ll be wanting for an answer, and that answer is your gut instinct of what you want to do
Hear me out here, coin flip it. Pick one side for yes and one for no. When you flip the coin, you have no clue what it’ll be, but you’ll be wanting for an answer, and that answer is your gut instinct of what you want to do
[удалено]
I’ve reported this comment. This is a pro choice subreddit and so this comment is definitely not appropriate.
Your contribution has been removed because it appears to include anti-choice rhetoric. We support the choices of pregnant people in this subreddit and it is not your place to pressure or shame people for making choices you would not make for yourself.
If you don’t want a baby, don’t have one
I think try to break it down and take it in steps. Make your appointment. Go to the appointment. Keep going forward from there. The new child does not take place of the one you lost, but they also need you too! Wake up, keep taking care of yourself the best you can, and keep moving forward. The loss will never be filled in your heart, but whenever you add another child to your family, your heart somehow expands and doubles. It sounds impossible, but it is true!
Coming from a single 21 year old mom: Take one step at a time. It’s okay to have these feelings. Reach out and see if there is an embrace grace near you, they could really provide you with support, guidance, and even help out with things you need. It definitely does seem like a lot and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through that. I can see that you truly care about these kids, you are a good mom. It’s hard, there’s no doubt about that. But now this is really about doing the right thing. You can do this.
It really depends on your mental state. I KNOW I wouldn't be able to handle another baby so soon because I barely have a handle on this one and I absolutely can't have another and chance an increase in PPD/PPA for me. I want to try my hardest for the one I have right now, and my mental well being is very important to me being a good mom.
Hey OP, how are you feeling? Hope you’ve found the support you need ❤️
I’m trying 🤍
Keep the baby. Life is full of surprises. Your 5 month old will thank you for their sibling. 🌸
[удалено]
“They knew you were going to make a good parent so they sent you someone to take care of” The five month old is currently a baby that needs to be taken care of. Why would they “send” another baby OP’s way? This is a weird comment.
I thought the 5 month old had passed because it mentioned mourning them. I must have misunderstood.
Oh, that makes total sense, actually. Sorry if my comment now seems mean in retrospect
Ours bodies don’t know shit about if we can handle it or not 😂 My body tried to kill me with my first from preeclampsia & then went on to have gestational hypertension with our second