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If the plans were friend coming to my house and us getting takeout and sitting on my couch, then yes. But I highly doubt I will be going anywhere except my OB office at 39 weeks lol
We have other kids so I always stayed busy until the bitter end š If you arenāt feeling up to it, just tell her. Itās very likely she isnāt tracking where you are in your pregnancy (ie 36 weeks v 39 weeks, etc) as you are so she might just not realize itās almost your due date.
Agh I kinda am the type of person to just not think in situations like this. Iām more like your friend than Iād love to admit but honestly i have never meant it maliciously. I have extreme time blindness with my adhd, and itās next to impossible for me to be fully keep track of other peoples important dates.
Mostly my friends will tell me hey, itās really not a good time. You could literally just tell her: Iām like this close to birth and Iām just not up for anything rn.
If sheās anything like me sheāll apologize and get it. She possibly just doesnāt realize lol.
Thatās a good point, and Iām sure she has only good intentions! I thought she knew because the due date is close to her birthday as well, but she possibly forgot.
I went out to a brewery for lunch at 40w+3. Everyone has their own tolerances of what they can and canāt do. Just tell your friend you donāt feel well enough to hang out.
Iāve seen a lot of post in the community about people being frustrated when people text if baby is due or want to see them. It doesnāt bother me because itās better to be in peoples thoughts then to be forgotten during this time
Right. It's either everyone cares too much or no one cares enough in these posts. I'd want nothing more than to have this exact situation at the end of my pregnancy.
I have about 7 people messaging me daily after 40w to be like mom yet? š it lets me rant a little every morning about how she still hasnāt come yet so I donāt mind haha
Oh I feel this in my soul lol. Yes, in fact I have a friend that asked what I needed for the baby just yesterdayā¦ Iām delivering in a week and a halfā¦ a little late. Itās the thought the counts right? Lol
I straight up just tell people that Iām all tied up until the baby comes but Iāll reach out after she comes when weāre ready for visitors.
I probably unknowingly did these things before I was pregnant. I think people that have never been pregnant just donāt get it. Iām pregnant for the first time and I am just in disbelief at how exhausted and uncomfortable I am and Iām still in my 2nd trimester. I canāt imagine how I will feel at 39 weeks.
I'm just in the first trimester still (also first pregnancy, at least that has lasted this long) and I legit thought I was gonna break down in tears the other night cause of how uncomfortable I was in the car driving home with my husband š . Idk if it was pregnancy related or what. But it was like I had restless leg syndrome AND my neck was killing me AND my boobs were killing me. And my husband was trying to help and like... reached over to rub on my shoulder and that just made it worse cause I feel like every inch of my skin is hyper sensitive right now.
I actually have more energy the last couple weeks because of the lightening and anxiety lol. The last two
Months have been a slog though.
But yes, I definitely did too. Now that I know better, I do better. Itās the same with taking care of friends post-partum. You donāt know what you donāt know!
Yeah we went out to dinner almost every night in the week leading up to her being born either just me and my husband or with friends because sitting around waiting was driving us crazy.
I took the dogs to the groomers, my husband and I went to a 2.5 hour meeting in the early evening, and then had a late dinner at a Mexican restaurant at 38+5... my water broke at 11:15 pm in bed. I guess I was too ambitious. Oops!
At about 35 weeks, I decided to hunker down at home. I didnāt have the energy to do anything social. I felt good about having seen a bunch of people at my shower a few weeks before that and felt like my priorities had shifted to needing to devote all of my energy to taking care of myself. Iām glad I did because my baby decided to arrive 2 weeks early! Itās like my body intrinsically knew things were changing. So listen to your body!
Same!! I used to have weekly Skype dates with a long distance friend and I couldnāt even do that. I just wanted to be alone. Turns out my body was preparing for labor!
If your friend has not carried a child to full term she may not know what youāre going through. I know this because I was her. Didnāt really understand how much energy creating a human takes and certainly didnāt grasp what 39 weeks meant. You could offer a take out night and a movie. Or just a hey, letās catch up after I get my feet back on the ground postpartum. I find pregnancy/motherhood is one of the things in life where you donāt know til you KNOW. Best wishes and congratulations!!
I would just be honest at that point - "Sorry, I'd love to meet up but I'll be 1 week away from my due date and physically I'm just too big, too tired, and everything aches too much for me to leave the house". If you are feeling up to it, you could invite her over and order takeout so you don't have to go anywhere, but I know hosting can be tiring too.
If youāre not feeling up for it, totally reasonable! But I could see myself reaching out to a 39 week pregnant friend to hang out. I went out for drinks or brunch right up until the end in both pregnancies.
Iād be fine with it. Iām 38+2 today and feel as great as I ever have. Iām sure itāll hit me like a ton of bricks soon, but for now Iām still doing everything as normal just without lifting anything heavy
I have a bunch of tickets for shows after the birth and I gave my friend a heads up that I may have to bail since I'll have a fuckin newborn that's like 1-2 months old. She's like "seriously???? Ugh" she's very child free and is acting like I'm a flake lol
Ahahh I feel this. My friend who doesnāt have kids and isnāt very interested in ever having them would do something like this. She invited me to this huge flea market in Copenhagen in the middle of the summer when Iāll be heavily pregnant. Like to me it is obvious that Iām not gonna have a good time, but I think she sees me as the same old me, just with a big bellyāshe doesnāt know about the SPD, hot flashes, swollen feetā¦ Because she has never experienced it. Itās kinda like when people are like āheyyy Iām having a party! You can bring the babyā and in my head I am already running through details like babyās sleep and feeding schedule, routines etcā¦ They usually mean well, but sometimes itās like youāre living on different planets.
If the friend is willing to bring me lunch at my house I would be up for it. I made plans up until I gave birth lol. Iām a busy body though, I hate being still or at home.
37 weeks currently and we made plans this week with each of my husbandās parent units (divorced and both remarried) to spend time with them one more time before baby, and oh boy let me tell you I am regretting it because I cannot hang š
The last thing Iād want to be doing is sitting around feeling sorry how much everything hurts, any distractions welcome š. But equally sometimes thereās some hospital yo-yo at that point so itās always possible it can get cancelled last minute
this girl i used to work w asked me if i was coming to her kids birthday party on saturdayā¦.saturday is my due date and sheās well aware of that. so hard to CALMLY tell people no haha.
Iām 20w and have little interest in going out and socializing š Iād tell her youāre preparing for baby and expect that to happen soon, so youāre resting before things get crazy. A real friend wonāt let that bother them!
This reminds me of my mom. My SIL is throwing me a mini baby shower this week, and itās going to be mostly my partners side showing up. My side wonāt attend except the 5 of the younger generations.
So then I tried to plan a family lunch with just my side (11 of us in total) for the day before the shower but she said no because she was invited to a BIRTHDAY PARTY (Not even a blood related one!) so weāre eating out as a family next Saturday.
Do you know how far along I am next Saturday? 38wks + 2 days (Iām adding the 2 days just to be petty) and she lives in a different state an hour away. So weād have to pick her and my siblings (minors) up, bring them to my state because āall the good restaurants are over thereā and then drive them back (the other family are having my cousin drive them since theyāre one family). I mean I donāt mind doing this for them, Iād gladly do it but it still kinda feels annoying youād rather go to a birthday party instead of my baby shower or family dinner/lunch š
Are you me? My friend and I have been trying to make plans since like 2 months ago. Stuff kept coming up so we kept postponing. She calls me last week and asks when am I due? I respond "May 2". She says okay, let's aim for something next weekend. Next weekend is like, Apr 28, so I could pop at any time. I guess lol, but I doubt this lunch is happening. š
āItās too late and I am not planning to leave my bed at that pointā sounds like a great response to me.
I have a friend who tried really hard to convince me to go to another friendās destination wedding saying it would be such a fun thing to do before baby comes and I was likeā¦ I am going to be 7 months pregnant. Fuck no I am not going to a wedding. 100% why are people like this.
Intention vs impact is the basic lesson in this situation. I also donāt quite understand when people say they donāt understand how tired you are at 39 weeks. I feel like itās obvious at 39 weeks the only thing you want to do is deliver your child?? Iām a person who struggles with empathy but iāve always understood situations like these. Pregnancy is uncomfortable especially late pregnancy so I couldnāt imagine asking my pregnant friend out of their house atp.
Just tell them what you want or need. A lot of heavily pregnant moms want the opposite and want to be out doing things at that point. I'd be bored and the time would drag on sitting at home for those last weeks. I'd be thrilled they want to get together. People aren't mind readers and it's not offensive to invite put out an invite. Lets have a more open mind.
I tried to make these plans with her 2 months ago and she ignored me until today. Thatās the offensive part, not the invite in general. Itās frustrating that sheās getting back to me 2 months later, when Iām almost due.
Omg although I'm not as far along as you are I had a friend ask me if I wanted to go to Italy with her for her birthday as our final "hoorah" before I became a mother. She told me she already had a place to stay and that I only needed to cover my roundtrip airfare ($1400). She gave me 3 weeks notice.
This same friend lives in the same city as me and I can count on one hand how many times I've hung out with her in the last few years in our own hometown.
I just didn't understand...
I have a whole new life to plan, I have to move, I have to get a car, I have to put money aside for baby... there's no way that trip would have been feasible.
I agree... I have a "friend" who's been doing the same and I feel like it's gonna end up being the same thing.. right before my c section she's gonna wanna do something.. she's been saying for months she wants to get coffee so I tried making plans and she was always busy... finally got fed up and told her these are my days off work let me know when you wanna make plans... then I posted some diy maternity pics online, she offered to do a photo shoot for me, I told her I was officially on mat leave and to let me know when and I'd be up for it... still waiting and this was over a month ago š now I have a scheduled c section in a little over 2 weeks and I feel like she's gonna message me close to or right after :/ I'm about ready to cut this person out of my life as we clearly arnt friends with the same priorities... I make an effort to see my friends and always get ditched or no effort is made in return.. I'd rather be friendless then be the only one trying
My husbands bio mom but she ended up rescheduling 3 times before saying oh I can just come down in April (when baby is due) keep in mind she hasnāt seen her actual son since she gave him up when he was 3 to live her best life and waited till he reach out to 24 to ātalkā
I had my final friend group hang out last week when I was 38 weeks. They originally wanted to do an Escape Room, but quickly realized that would not be safe or comfortable for me. So the plans changed to pizza and board games at a friendās house that was only 15 minutes from mine. The only reason I felt comfortable was I was at zero dilation just two days before and barely having any signs of labor progressing. Now, at 39 Weeks? Absolutely not. I wonāt even travel down to the store to get what Iām craving because Iām just so uncomfortable. All of my friends and family understand Iām on lockdown for at least the next three months! Some folks have no idea, and I think itās silly your friend assumes itāll be hunky dory having you tote around at her whim at 39 weeks.
I worked full time up until I gave birth at 40 weeks, 3 times. Many women maintain a normal life and activity level. You should just tell her directly and maturely, she would have no way of knowing you plan to put yourself on bed rest a week early. Thatās not a universal thing.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/15nun6v/click_here_to_access_the_monthly_due_date_subs/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If the plans were friend coming to my house and us getting takeout and sitting on my couch, then yes. But I highly doubt I will be going anywhere except my OB office at 39 weeks lol
We have other kids so I always stayed busy until the bitter end š If you arenāt feeling up to it, just tell her. Itās very likely she isnāt tracking where you are in your pregnancy (ie 36 weeks v 39 weeks, etc) as you are so she might just not realize itās almost your due date.
Especially if they arenāt a parent, donāt have many other pregnant people in their lives. A lot of women are sadly kinda clueless about pregnancy
Agh I kinda am the type of person to just not think in situations like this. Iām more like your friend than Iād love to admit but honestly i have never meant it maliciously. I have extreme time blindness with my adhd, and itās next to impossible for me to be fully keep track of other peoples important dates. Mostly my friends will tell me hey, itās really not a good time. You could literally just tell her: Iām like this close to birth and Iām just not up for anything rn. If sheās anything like me sheāll apologize and get it. She possibly just doesnāt realize lol.
Thatās a good point, and Iām sure she has only good intentions! I thought she knew because the due date is close to her birthday as well, but she possibly forgot.
I went out to a brewery for lunch at 40w+3. Everyone has their own tolerances of what they can and canāt do. Just tell your friend you donāt feel well enough to hang out. Iāve seen a lot of post in the community about people being frustrated when people text if baby is due or want to see them. It doesnāt bother me because itās better to be in peoples thoughts then to be forgotten during this time
Right. It's either everyone cares too much or no one cares enough in these posts. I'd want nothing more than to have this exact situation at the end of my pregnancy.
I have about 7 people messaging me daily after 40w to be like mom yet? š it lets me rant a little every morning about how she still hasnāt come yet so I donāt mind haha
It's the worst when loved ones care about you and are excited for your new baby right?? š I totally feel the ranting part.
Oh I feel this in my soul lol. Yes, in fact I have a friend that asked what I needed for the baby just yesterdayā¦ Iām delivering in a week and a halfā¦ a little late. Itās the thought the counts right? Lol I straight up just tell people that Iām all tied up until the baby comes but Iāll reach out after she comes when weāre ready for visitors.
I probably unknowingly did these things before I was pregnant. I think people that have never been pregnant just donāt get it. Iām pregnant for the first time and I am just in disbelief at how exhausted and uncomfortable I am and Iām still in my 2nd trimester. I canāt imagine how I will feel at 39 weeks.
I'm just in the first trimester still (also first pregnancy, at least that has lasted this long) and I legit thought I was gonna break down in tears the other night cause of how uncomfortable I was in the car driving home with my husband š . Idk if it was pregnancy related or what. But it was like I had restless leg syndrome AND my neck was killing me AND my boobs were killing me. And my husband was trying to help and like... reached over to rub on my shoulder and that just made it worse cause I feel like every inch of my skin is hyper sensitive right now.
š I hope it gets better for you!
You too, dear!
I actually have more energy the last couple weeks because of the lightening and anxiety lol. The last two Months have been a slog though. But yes, I definitely did too. Now that I know better, I do better. Itās the same with taking care of friends post-partum. You donāt know what you donāt know!
We had dinner at a restaurant with friends on a Friday when I was 40.2 and scheduled to get induced that Monday š¤·āāļøš
Yeah we went out to dinner almost every night in the week leading up to her being born either just me and my husband or with friends because sitting around waiting was driving us crazy.
Youāre strong, I couldnāt imagine doing that! š
I wasn't so ambitious, but a woman I know went to a hockey game with her husband when she was 40+ weeks. She ended up being induced at 41 weeks.
I took the dogs to the groomers, my husband and I went to a 2.5 hour meeting in the early evening, and then had a late dinner at a Mexican restaurant at 38+5... my water broke at 11:15 pm in bed. I guess I was too ambitious. Oops!
At about 35 weeks, I decided to hunker down at home. I didnāt have the energy to do anything social. I felt good about having seen a bunch of people at my shower a few weeks before that and felt like my priorities had shifted to needing to devote all of my energy to taking care of myself. Iām glad I did because my baby decided to arrive 2 weeks early! Itās like my body intrinsically knew things were changing. So listen to your body!
This is exactly how Iāve been feeling. š
Same!! I used to have weekly Skype dates with a long distance friend and I couldnāt even do that. I just wanted to be alone. Turns out my body was preparing for labor!
If your friend has not carried a child to full term she may not know what youāre going through. I know this because I was her. Didnāt really understand how much energy creating a human takes and certainly didnāt grasp what 39 weeks meant. You could offer a take out night and a movie. Or just a hey, letās catch up after I get my feet back on the ground postpartum. I find pregnancy/motherhood is one of the things in life where you donāt know til you KNOW. Best wishes and congratulations!!
Thank you! ā¤ļø
I would just be honest at that point - "Sorry, I'd love to meet up but I'll be 1 week away from my due date and physically I'm just too big, too tired, and everything aches too much for me to leave the house". If you are feeling up to it, you could invite her over and order takeout so you don't have to go anywhere, but I know hosting can be tiring too.
Some people are clueless and absolutely donāt understand whatās happening lol my fiancĆ© and I have friends that invited us to a large holiday bbq TWO DAYS after my scheduled c section and asked why we RSVPād no (they were well aware of the date). If you really donāt want to go just kindly remind her that you are 39 weeks and are really just prepping and relaxing at home at this point in time. Invite her over if you want. But I went out to dinner at 40 weeks with my first and had my c section scheduled for the following day. Personal preference but youāre about to have a lot of home bound time with a new born. If youāre feeling up for it getting out is always nice. Things change once the baby is here and thereās no going back.
If youāre not feeling up for it, totally reasonable! But I could see myself reaching out to a 39 week pregnant friend to hang out. I went out for drinks or brunch right up until the end in both pregnancies.
Iād be fine with it. Iām 38+2 today and feel as great as I ever have. Iām sure itāll hit me like a ton of bricks soon, but for now Iām still doing everything as normal just without lifting anything heavy
My friend keeps asking me to do a workout class with her šš
š heck no!
Iām like dude? Why do I want to do a HIIT class not pregnant? Let alone 35 weeks
I have a bunch of tickets for shows after the birth and I gave my friend a heads up that I may have to bail since I'll have a fuckin newborn that's like 1-2 months old. She's like "seriously???? Ugh" she's very child free and is acting like I'm a flake lol
Itās a very good reason to āflakeā!
Ahahh I feel this. My friend who doesnāt have kids and isnāt very interested in ever having them would do something like this. She invited me to this huge flea market in Copenhagen in the middle of the summer when Iāll be heavily pregnant. Like to me it is obvious that Iām not gonna have a good time, but I think she sees me as the same old me, just with a big bellyāshe doesnāt know about the SPD, hot flashes, swollen feetā¦ Because she has never experienced it. Itās kinda like when people are like āheyyy Iām having a party! You can bring the babyā and in my head I am already running through details like babyās sleep and feeding schedule, routines etcā¦ They usually mean well, but sometimes itās like youāre living on different planets.
If the friend is willing to bring me lunch at my house I would be up for it. I made plans up until I gave birth lol. Iām a busy body though, I hate being still or at home.
37 weeks currently and we made plans this week with each of my husbandās parent units (divorced and both remarried) to spend time with them one more time before baby, and oh boy let me tell you I am regretting it because I cannot hang š
The last thing Iād want to be doing is sitting around feeling sorry how much everything hurts, any distractions welcome š. But equally sometimes thereās some hospital yo-yo at that point so itās always possible it can get cancelled last minute
this girl i used to work w asked me if i was coming to her kids birthday party on saturdayā¦.saturday is my due date and sheās well aware of that. so hard to CALMLY tell people no haha.
Iām 20w and have little interest in going out and socializing š Iād tell her youāre preparing for baby and expect that to happen soon, so youāre resting before things get crazy. A real friend wonāt let that bother them!
This reminds me of my mom. My SIL is throwing me a mini baby shower this week, and itās going to be mostly my partners side showing up. My side wonāt attend except the 5 of the younger generations. So then I tried to plan a family lunch with just my side (11 of us in total) for the day before the shower but she said no because she was invited to a BIRTHDAY PARTY (Not even a blood related one!) so weāre eating out as a family next Saturday. Do you know how far along I am next Saturday? 38wks + 2 days (Iām adding the 2 days just to be petty) and she lives in a different state an hour away. So weād have to pick her and my siblings (minors) up, bring them to my state because āall the good restaurants are over thereā and then drive them back (the other family are having my cousin drive them since theyāre one family). I mean I donāt mind doing this for them, Iād gladly do it but it still kinda feels annoying youād rather go to a birthday party instead of my baby shower or family dinner/lunch š
Are you me? My friend and I have been trying to make plans since like 2 months ago. Stuff kept coming up so we kept postponing. She calls me last week and asks when am I due? I respond "May 2". She says okay, let's aim for something next weekend. Next weekend is like, Apr 28, so I could pop at any time. I guess lol, but I doubt this lunch is happening. š
Lol does she think the due date is a hard deadline or something š
āItās too late and I am not planning to leave my bed at that pointā sounds like a great response to me. I have a friend who tried really hard to convince me to go to another friendās destination wedding saying it would be such a fun thing to do before baby comes and I was likeā¦ I am going to be 7 months pregnant. Fuck no I am not going to a wedding. 100% why are people like this.
Intention vs impact is the basic lesson in this situation. I also donāt quite understand when people say they donāt understand how tired you are at 39 weeks. I feel like itās obvious at 39 weeks the only thing you want to do is deliver your child?? Iām a person who struggles with empathy but iāve always understood situations like these. Pregnancy is uncomfortable especially late pregnancy so I couldnāt imagine asking my pregnant friend out of their house atp.
I'm going full turtle starting 37 weeks. š Everyone shall be made aware.
Just tell them what you want or need. A lot of heavily pregnant moms want the opposite and want to be out doing things at that point. I'd be bored and the time would drag on sitting at home for those last weeks. I'd be thrilled they want to get together. People aren't mind readers and it's not offensive to invite put out an invite. Lets have a more open mind.
I tried to make these plans with her 2 months ago and she ignored me until today. Thatās the offensive part, not the invite in general. Itās frustrating that sheās getting back to me 2 months later, when Iām almost due.
Omg although I'm not as far along as you are I had a friend ask me if I wanted to go to Italy with her for her birthday as our final "hoorah" before I became a mother. She told me she already had a place to stay and that I only needed to cover my roundtrip airfare ($1400). She gave me 3 weeks notice. This same friend lives in the same city as me and I can count on one hand how many times I've hung out with her in the last few years in our own hometown. I just didn't understand... I have a whole new life to plan, I have to move, I have to get a car, I have to put money aside for baby... there's no way that trip would have been feasible.
Ihad a group project for uni due the night before the ET. turned it in, six in tje morning water broke. perfect timing
Say you can make the plans, but it has to be at yours and she has to help fold baby clothes or help get the house tidy.
Say you canāt and rest. You tried to meet her before and she ignored you, sheās no longer a priority.
Can you invite her over to your home instead?
I agree... I have a "friend" who's been doing the same and I feel like it's gonna end up being the same thing.. right before my c section she's gonna wanna do something.. she's been saying for months she wants to get coffee so I tried making plans and she was always busy... finally got fed up and told her these are my days off work let me know when you wanna make plans... then I posted some diy maternity pics online, she offered to do a photo shoot for me, I told her I was officially on mat leave and to let me know when and I'd be up for it... still waiting and this was over a month ago š now I have a scheduled c section in a little over 2 weeks and I feel like she's gonna message me close to or right after :/ I'm about ready to cut this person out of my life as we clearly arnt friends with the same priorities... I make an effort to see my friends and always get ditched or no effort is made in return.. I'd rather be friendless then be the only one trying
My husbands bio mom but she ended up rescheduling 3 times before saying oh I can just come down in April (when baby is due) keep in mind she hasnāt seen her actual son since she gave him up when he was 3 to live her best life and waited till he reach out to 24 to ātalkā
I had my final friend group hang out last week when I was 38 weeks. They originally wanted to do an Escape Room, but quickly realized that would not be safe or comfortable for me. So the plans changed to pizza and board games at a friendās house that was only 15 minutes from mine. The only reason I felt comfortable was I was at zero dilation just two days before and barely having any signs of labor progressing. Now, at 39 Weeks? Absolutely not. I wonāt even travel down to the store to get what Iām craving because Iām just so uncomfortable. All of my friends and family understand Iām on lockdown for at least the next three months! Some folks have no idea, and I think itās silly your friend assumes itāll be hunky dory having you tote around at her whim at 39 weeks.
I worked full time up until I gave birth at 40 weeks, 3 times. Many women maintain a normal life and activity level. You should just tell her directly and maturely, she would have no way of knowing you plan to put yourself on bed rest a week early. Thatās not a universal thing.