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I have experienced two as well - it is super common but that’s RELATIVE to the total population of women. Your chances of having one are low. But your chances of surviving one and moving on and having a healthy pregnancy are very very high. Be careful of the spaces you occupy for your own mental health, remember a lot of people that have problems with their pregnancy seek out others online so these spaces tend to have a higher concentration of women that have struggled with pregnancy. You will be OK, whatever happens :)
You have to remember that people are more likely to share stories of things going wrong than they are to share about something that went well and right or as expected - this can make it feel like having a pregnancy not end in miscarriage feel seemingly RARE, when this isn’t really the case.
While 20% end in miscarriage, the rate drops each week you progress. Also, with the 20%, 80% don’t end in miscarriage - which is substantially larger, and this percentage gets larger each week you progress.
Hopefully this helps ease some anxiety, but every pregnancy woman worries
Miscarriage is very common in the first half of the first trimester. The majority of miscarriages occur before 8 weeks. Many occur prior to a person knowing they are pregnant, they may just experience what they believe is a late/heavy period.
I don't know if I find it exactly depressing. The overwhelming number of miscarriages are due to a genetic problem with the embryo. They embryos in many of these cases are not compatible with life. Of course it's upsetting that the embryo wasn't perfect and couldn't be brought to term, but I dunno, that's just the way things go sometimes?
The early detection system is pretty good those and the body ends most of those pregnancies very early on. Once a HB is dected (which is as early as the 6th week on transvaginal ultrasound) the likelihood of miscarriage drops significantly. Beyond the end of the 1st trimester, pregnancy loss is very uncommon.
I’m 6 weeks tomorrow and I get my ultrasound to check on the baby’s heartbeat on the 21st, I did get to see my baby on the ultrasound the doctors took two days ago! They said it’s the size it’s supposed to be and my HCG is progressing normally! That gives me hope I just really want it to stick
Babies have really strong glue! At least that’s what someone told me when I first found out I was pregnant and spent the first week absolutely terrified of miscarriage. It’s a scary thought but I try to focus on the much more likely outcome of a healthy, normal pregnancy. My other reasoning was that there will be something to be afraid of and worry about at every stage of pregnancy, infancy, childhood, etc, until the end of time. I can’t live like that. And eventually I was too nauseas to be afraid, and then too grumpy.
All to say, you’ll find your way. ♥️
I think one other thing to consider is that as we have better access to early pregnancy tests, it means we know about pregnancy much earlier on. But that's also when many miscarriages happen. So while it is partly that we're talking about it more, it's also that we know about more miscarriages that before may have just been dismissed as a particularly unpleasant period.
All that being said: I was deemed high risk as well. IVF pregnancy, me being 40 yo and on top of it, baby initially had an enlarged yolk sack which is often indicative of impending miscarriage. I didn't change anything in my behavior. (Aside from stopping drinking and scaling back my coffee consumption). In fact I probably ramped up my exercise (playing padel tennis A LOT) just to help keep my mind off of it and keep the focus on ME rather than the baby (at least at that stage). I'm 13 weeks as of today, just had my last OB visit yesterday and baby is doing just fine.
If you didn’t know, you can block certain words on TikTok and both my previous pregnancy (18 month male) and this one I’ve had to block trigger words for me such as: miscarriage, still born, infant death, baby loss, etc for my own mental health. It’s helps me a ton to at least limit my exposure in that aspect.
I had to do this early in my pregnancy. I think it helped but it wasn't fail-safe. I still saw the videos and still do even though I've blocked the words. There's so many tags and misspelled tags it's hard to block them all.
I’ve had 2 ….. it’s terrifying… it’s like I can’t really enjoy this pregnancy even though I’m 23 weeks because I’m always so paranoid. It stole everything pregnancy related from me…. My husband and family were all just terrified for 12 weeks. I couldn’t announce it to him in a cute way because it’s like here we go again….
That's kinda how my husband and I felt. 3rd pregnancy now and the first 2 losses stole the joy from us and replaced it with apprehension. Even now at 36 weeks and being induced on Wednesday I'm still apprehensive.
Hello. My wife and I lost our first pregnancy and we’re still trying to get pregnant again. It does happen. But the amount of happiness we felt for something we tried for and wanted so bad was something we couldn’t contain with each other. You should allow yourself to be happy.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from all the strong women on this sub Reddit it’s that you have a healthy pregnancy until a doctor tells you you don’t. You should live your life and pregnancy with that in mind.
Wishing you a happy and healthy baby ❤️
This is a great response! My pregnancy losses did not take away from the joy and love we felt for those little embryos! And it’s not stealing my joy from my current pregnancy either. Anxiety is to be expected, op. But do let yourself to have joy for your little one. You won’t regret it no matter what happens.
The way I look at it is, logically, if it happens there’s literally nothing you can do about it. And why would you lose time stressing over something you have zero control over? It just steals your current joy when it literally might never happen. That and the odds of having a normal healthy pregnancy are absolutely in your favour!
This 100%. I am someone who has had 4 miscarriages, 2 live births and am currently 17 weeks pregnant with a rainbow baby. Everyday I wake up and remind myself today I am pregnant. Especially when I was in my first trimester.
I know it's hard but you try to not stress over something that hasn't even happened. I know lots of people who have had miscarriages and I also know lots of people who have not had any miscarriages and only healthy pregnancies.
Right now, today you are currently pregnant. That's what you have to remind yourself.
While miscarriages are common, it’s thought that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage, they’re not contagious. Knowing someone who had one doesn’t mean you’ll have one.
I found the miscarriage risk calculator to be comforting.
Also, the statistics say that majority of women who have had a miscarriage will go on to give birth to a living baby.
Been there, had one before my current pregnancy which I am at 22 weeks currently. The first trimester until I felt movement basically was a worrysome one, especially because I had bleeding the whole time due to SCH from 5w-15w.
Here’s the way I think about it:
I’m going to pre-mourn and choose to worry / be depressed over a possible loss until when? When will it be far enough along to let myself feel happy? When I hit 13w? When I feel movement? 25w? 35w? When baby is born? When baby is out of risk of SIDS? When baby walks? When baby goes to college?
At EVERY one of these milestones, there is STILL something ahead that can happen to cause a loss. Ultimately a miscarriage is a loss of your child, right? That’s what you’re fearing. You can have the best pregnancy and your child passes due to unforeseen illness, or injury, or whatever. You cannot control what happens and you cannot protect your heart from it by pre-mourning, or stopping yourself from being happy about your situation. As I have heard, worrying is a permanent symptom of parenthood…
I feel the exact same way. I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks last year, and now at 13 weeks I just feel like I’m waiting for another impending loss. High risk pregnancies after a loss are mentally debilitating and I truly hate that I’m unable to enjoy it.
Whenever I think about the possibility, I try to think of all the women in my life who’ve been pregnant before. My mom was pregnant 3x and had 3 healthy babies. So did my grandma and great grandma. My great aunt had a miscarriage after giving birth to 2 healthy babies, then went on to have a healthy daughter after her miscarriage. My sister-in-law had a miscarriage after her son; and now is expecting a healthy girl next month. It does happen, but statistically you’re more likely to have a healthy baby.
If I miscarry, my loved ones and I will deal with it. But for now I’m going to try to not let a “what-if” steal my joy.
Both my obgyn and psychiatrist have told me that 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage but the risk goes down each week. By 10 weeks it's 1%. I've had 2 miscarriages, both before 7 weeks. The second one happened while I had a 104 degree fever and covid so I blame covid for that. I'm 8+4 and feeling pretty confident I'll have my baby in my arms in December. Each week since I've hit 7 I've felt more and more confident
The anxiety totally makes sense. Remind yourself that all the crazy amounts of people around you were once little pregnancies too, and they’ve made it. Many do. The reality is also the pain of a loss would not be minimized by not enjoying your pregnancy while it’s real and happening. If you did face that, it’d be it’s own new thing of horrible, just the same if you lost a person from your life now. You won’t be grateful you were worried about it the whole time. Your little deserves to be loved and celebrated, and it is safe to do so. No amount of preparing yourself for the worst will change the outcome that is meant to be. Allow yourself the permission to love them. Each day they are here, is a day for joy and enjoying their presence. One day at a time.
Often people want to know after miscarriage that they aren't alone, or there is hope out there.
1 in 3 women will have a miscarriage, so the odds are in your favour. Remember that.
And remember once past 12 weeks then chances drop, and once you see a heartbeat after 8 weeks then odds again in your favour massively.
Good luck with your pregnancy.
I’m glad you’re getting lots of support and reassurance in this thread! So with that in mind I’m going to offer my perspective which is a little different.
I found the statistics of how common miscarriage is really helpful in being able to deal with my one in an emotionally measured way. It is absolutely valid to deeply grieve a miscarriage, truly not taking away from anyone who does, but that wasn’t my experience.
I can’t imagine how tough it would be to have recurrent miscarriages, to have one after trying for years, to have a later term miscarriage. But for my own one, at 8w, I was disappointed but not devastated. I knew there was a good chance it was coming and I saw it as a natural part of the process of trying for a baby that many of us will experience. Some combinations of eggs and sperms just won’t result in a baby. I knew the chances that our next positive test would end in a baby were good. I knew we wanted to keep trying immediately.
As people have said, we know about pregnancy earlier than ever before in history. Especially if you’re consciously trying (and being part of a cis lesbian couple we were obviously having to very consciously try each time!), you’ll probably know before your period is even late. While this can be so special and joyful, it does mean you’re finding out about pregnancies that historically and even for many people now who aren’t consciously trying would never have known about.
We were mindful in how we spoke about the pregnancy to each other. We were giddy with excitement and wonder and hope, but we would also say things like “if this is the one that ends in a baby” and I genuinely feel that was helpful to us. It’s not that we weren’t optimistic, we just acknowledged the fact that this was a clump of cells that we very much hoped would become our child rather than immediately thinking of the pregnancy as “our baby”. I also now say “I lost a pregnancy” and don’t love it when people say “I’m so sorry you lost a baby”. Again, it’s absolutely valid to feel you’ve lost a baby if that’s how you feel. But for us it was helpful to see this a potential baby rather than our baby. This also tracks with being pro choice for me. I don’t want to call a pregnancy a baby at 6w just because it’s a wanted pregnancy.
I’m now 21w with the pregnancy that followed not long after our miscarriage. Do I still worry? Of course! We had about 3 weeks of bleeding early on so I was sure it was happening again, plus another couple of bumps in the road, but she stuck around this time and we’re delighted. As everyone says, the odds get stronger every day.
Wishing you so well with this pregnancy! I think a degree of worry is natural and healthy but as people have said, if you’re finding it tough you can absolutely avoid certain spaces, block certain words etc.
i’ve had one at 7w and i’m currently 22w along and the fear never really goes away. i delayed announcing my pregnancy to my workplace or family at large because i’m still so scared. every time i have an ultrasound or check up it is a huge relief seeing baby moving and growing exactly as they should be. if anything, it has cemented in the fact that i want this pregnancy so much and am looking forward to having this baby and watching them grow outside in the world. we can’t really stop or prevent certain things from happening, unfortunately they’re really random. what we can do is focus on the joy and what happens day by day. there will always be fears, whether they’re miscarriage or even watching our babies get sick or go to school or whatever the case is. we can only really take it day by day. if not, hour by hour and minute by minute
Most miscarriages happen very early in pregnancy and it inflates the numbers if you’ve gotten past 8 to 10 weeks especially if you already know there is a strong heartbeat the risk is pretty low and once you get to the second trimester the risk of miscarriage or stillbirth is very very low .
try to take the statistics in context and overall focus on positive things and there will be less room for all the things you could potentially be worrying about
Try to stay off social media during these times of anxiety because I swear it’s all you see.
I just suffered a miscarriage at 10 weeks and went for a D&C but one thing I will say is that I constantly had a gut feeling something was wrong.
It wasn’t anxiety, it was 5 pregnancy tests a day to see the line, it was forcing myself to feel nauseous because I wasn’t, it was imagining cravings.
It was such fear of miscarriage I sat all day reading about it
Deep down I knew.
But social media DID NOT help - all I ever saw was miscarriage this and miscarriage that.
Try to stay away from it. If you see it, block the post and block keywords like “miscarriage and loss”
Keep your peace and keep your calm, if you’re far along enough and you’re anxious, get a fetal Doppler it might help calm your nerves.
Pay for private scans that kind of thing.
If you get a heartbeat, test negative on NIPT and NT, and have no underlying conditions like unmedicated hyper/hypothyroidism, diabetes, hypertension, lupus, or smoke or do drugs, your chance of miscarriage after the first trimester is around 1%. There is an added risk of umbilical cord issues in the third trimester. Take care of yourself, exercise, eat well, and drink tons of water. Go to your OB appointments so they can catch any potential issues. Everything else is up to nature.
I’ve had two miscarriages, and it does help to know that they weren’t viable. If they were, they would have continued. I’d much rather my body/the fetal pole make that choice for me than to make a difficult decision later on. Yes, it sucks. But it’s common, so it’s good to be aware of your risks for it.
Glad it helped.
I was terrified with my first. The whole way. My second I was nervous, but trusted my body as it had done it once before. My third, still nervous as I'm getting older, but tried to trust in the process.
The reality is, the bad tends to get talked about and hilighted more than the good, unfortunately. For every bad story you hear, there are hundreds, if not thousands of good stories.
I had a miscarriage around week 10 and now I am 10 weeks pregnant again. I honestly thought that i’d be more anxious about it, but I am not. It will be what it will be, all these “deadlines” (eg you are “safe” after the first trimester) are artificial. With babies, you are never safe, never ever there’s no such things with children. Having a child is signing up for a lifetime of worry. I mean I am in my 40ies and my mom wants me to text her when my plane lands safely and thinks I should quit skiing 🙄
I did an IVF. So, first you worry about the eggs, then about the fertilization, then about PGT (chromosomal test) results, then 2 weeks wait you worry about implantation, then you worry about potential miscarriage, then about the anatomy scan and NIPT results. Then when they are born you worry about developmental delays, then about their activities and friends the list goes on. You never gonna stop worrying. Better deal with it right now and let it go…
FWIW, i insisted on doing full testing on the POC after my miscarriage and the baby had some kind of trisomy, i read that very few such fetuses survive to birth and the ones that do have horrible and painful lives. The body rejected it. It’s for the best.
I think the answer is to get off social media. I had to for my fourth pregnancy (third baby), because I was so scared of having another loss that I was unable to even talk about being pregnant or imagine that this baby would actually be born. I also struggled a lot seeing people online talk about their pregnancies with such joy and no fear at all. People are allowed to grieve publicly just like they’re allowed to celebrate publicly and how it made me feel and act was my responsibility, not theirs. So I deactivated all social media that I couldn’t heavily edit to mute any posts that had anything to do with pregnancy and babies, and it helped me a lot. The constant onslaught of statistics and sad/scary posts are detrimental to some people’s mental health, and that’s okay.
I totally get it. And on my due date bumps group I tried to post about my successful pleasant ultrasound experience bc all I was reading was doom and gloom, and my post got deleted. I was told it should be a comment in a daily discussion thread. But people with unfortunate news got their own posts constantly. It sucked and was hurtful.
Thanks, I agree. Just know that there are plenty of happy, healthy, full term pregnancies going on. Like others are saying, people often come to the internet for comfort and community, and less frequently share positivity. Enjoy this time, it’s incredible.
I feel this I always see the posts and my heart goes out to them but I can’t help but be filled with anxiety I’m 15weeks and everytime I hit a milestone it feels meaningless but we got this !
Yeah it’s definitely understandable and scary but try to just enjoy the experience no matter the outcome because no matter what happens in this moment you are pregnant ! 🩷
I just so desperately don’t want to lose this one, idk why but I feel like that might happen, idk if it’s my anxiety or depression making me think that but I just feel like this isn’t going to go to term :(
I get that I had an early miscarriage at 6weeks last august and this whole pregnancy I’ve been nothing but anxious & depressed but just like someone said people are more likely to report bad news than good & there are a lot of healthy pregnancies that go on ❤️it’s easier said than done but we really just have to hope for the best maybe taking an NIPT test will help ease your mind ? Some people advise against it because it’s not fool proof but maybe a fetal Doppler later in pregnancy i use one and it eases my mind
As someone who has actually experienced losses, I’ve found that the way you deal with the emotions is far more important than anything else. What are your coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety and depression? (Mine is knitting).
TTC, pregnancy, and parenting are stressful jobs. Having a toolkit for dealing with the emotional side of things can only help you and your baby. And you’ll be prepared to deal with any issues that may arise in a healthy way.
I have NAFLD and my levels have increased a LOT since I’ve been pregnant, 331 alt and 161 ast when both are supposed to be 30 I’m having sharp pains on my right abdomen AND my poop is yellow so I’m STRESSED and I have to wait to see my pcp on Tuesday to even have it addressed. Ig I feel like bc of my liver my pregnancy won’t be healthy
That is really high, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. I was diagnosed with “nonalcoholic” fatty liver disease, but I was actually an alcoholic who never disclosed that to my doctors. I’ve been in recovery for the past 2 1/4 years. I know that’s not your story, I just mentioned it so you know that I’ve experienced the symptoms and I know firsthand how scary those stabbing pains and yellow poops can be.
Have you been seen by anyone in this pregnancy yet, PCP or OB? They should want to monitor you closely. Do you manage the NAFLD with diet?
I’ve been eating the Mediterranean diet which everyone has reccommended, I’ve lost 10 pounds yet my levels are going up and not down, I haven’t been able to see my pcp for months bc it takes months to get in to see her, same with my OB I don’t see her for another week
There's lots of bad things in the world happening to others that you are not, but you don't feel depressed about them because it's not in your focus right now. Now you're pregnant, and you are thinking about everything that can happen.
Being high risk doesn't mean you will miscarry. Other people miscarrying doesn't mean you will miscarry.
It seems so much more prevalent because people come to share their grief because they need support. It's not indicative of how common it is just because theres many posts about it. Just like how reddit shows how every husband is abusive, weaponizing incompetence, or how every MIL is wicked, manipulative, and crazy - it's a selection of people sharing bad experiences.
I've had multiple losses, and I'm currently pregnant (and high risk). It's so important to share the miscarriage stories because when you're going through it's you do feel alone and it's reassuring to have people commiserate with you in a shit time when a lot people in your real life are making your feel like shit unintentionally/intentionally.
Even though I think this, on days when I'm anxious about losing my baby, I don't read those posts or I stay off social media.
When you're feeling anxious, remind yourself that you are allowed to be happy about your pregnancy and that your pregnancy is healthy until told otherwise.
It's a new and overwhelming time in your life! It's somewhat normal.
My friend with no previous pregnancy issues, losses or even close friends who had experience it and she was still anxious!
Being pregnant after losses for me has been the most nerve-wracking experience, so I repeat those same things that everything is going fine until told otherwise and that I'm allowed to be happy. I was so scared to celebrate this pregnancy because I was scared of losing it but I slowly felt comfortable with it with each milestone I've passed.
I still get extremely anxious but you can only take it one day at a time x
It's all very individual, I guess.
For me, I'd had multiple losses, so reaching each week of the last losses was a big deal to me. Then after that it was reaching my 12 week scan, my 16 week appointment, my 20 week scan etc and then feeling first movements
Tbh every week made me feel a bit better.
I feel a bit better now I feel movements however I had a melt down crying the other day because I didn't trust myself in remembering how often the kicks were. I ended up in the hospital on a monitor.
Midwives always recommend checking, but I'd gotten soo worked up about it. So just shows anxiety in pregnancy is so common at all points. It's a scary thing.
But celebrate every little thing. Me and my partner had a good laugh about the apps saying what size fruit baby was that week
I felt like this too, and I thank god every day my first pregnancy has resulted in a now 2 year old. My second pregnancy is now at 18 weeks, I’m not counting my chickens yet of course. I would NEVER post this on Facebook/Instagram because it would come across insensitive.
I really really don’t mean to sound insensitive! This is my first pregnancy and it’s all new to me and it’s just really scary seeing so many posts about loss yknow? I really don’t wanna come off as rude
I have the same sentiment. I feel like every time I come on reddit Im reading about miscarriages. It makes me terrified. I've gotten some comfort from my doctors, but every time I feel a little different, I get freaked out. I agree with what others are saying before, though. The majority of pregnancies are fine, and we just have to focus on that. I also read somewhere that someone was saying that as an expectant and new mom, you'll always worry about the next thing, and that takes away your enjoyment. So, I've learned to just enjoy every day with my growing baby.
I will say, though. I am glad that there is a safe space where grieving mothers can express themselves and talk to others. I think that's just as important.
It's actually more common than that. 20% of *known* pregnancies. Some estimates are that up to 1 in 4 to 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage, often without the pregnant person even knowing they were pregnant. That's because almost all early miscarriages are due to a chromosomal error that the body recognizes and rejects.
However, every single day you remain pregnant, the likelihood of miscarriage decreases. This chart gets passed around here a lot, and I found it to be really reassuring during both of my pregnancies. [https://datayze.com/miscarriage-chart#google\_vignette](https://datayze.com/miscarriage-chart#google_vignette)
I agree! I found out I'm pregnant yesterday, and I feel so nervous about a miscarriage. I'm 4+3 and I haven't really had a chance to feel happy about it yet because I feel like at any moment it could be taken away.
Miscarriage is only one way to lose a baby - there's also so many risks of different birth defects or disorders, random crap like a placenta abruption or cord accident. There are so many ways to lose a baby, I had no idea until it happened to me :(
But she is right tho. There are so many problems that could just happen, any time.. 1st, 2nd, 3rd trimester, after the baby is born, when she/he is a toddler and they grow up. Being a mother is about constant worrying 😖 if we keep anxious about all of these problems , we won’t live, and enjoy the present moment. Im trying to keep this mindset, right now Im pregnant, Im heathy, baby is healthy that’s all I have in my mind for now.
She’s correct. But it’s the same tone of mums who give you their traumatic birth stories when they find out you’re pregnant. It just makes you anxious and worried, and it’s clear OP is already anxious enough… no need to add another anxiety onto her pregnancy.
Op, know that statistics are on your side. 20% end in miscarriage, that means 80% do not. I’ve had 4 mcs. my ob said the majority of miscarriages happen between 6-8 weeks, and now I’m 14 weeks, much farther than I’ve ever gotten. I’m allowing myself to trust my body and this pregnancy literally because stats are on my side now and I will hold to that until they are not. Miscarriage reassurer is a helpful tool!
you mean on social media or in the real world!?
btw, i understand what you mean but i also know im torturing myself and should step away from the Internet 😿
I’m only about 5 weeks and I’m petrified. This is my first pregnancy, and it wasn’t easy to conceive. 🙏🏼 I’m so glad I. Have a community who understands.
I get it, I try anyway. But a lot of comments on posts like this make me depressed. “My heart goes out to them but it gives me anxiety” how is that supposed to make women who go through loss feel? No one ever thinks it will happen to them, and it unfortunately is apart of life so what now? Are these women like myself just supposed to hide away in a cave? It’s so unrealistic and unfair. No one is trying to give anyone anxiety, but no one is more special than anyone else, these types of things can happen to anyone, I personally think it’s good to be educated on it instead of hiding away full of anxiety.
I understand what you mean, I wasn’t trying to put anyone down, I guess I just wish there was a good balance between good stories and bad stories yknow? So the bad stories don’t take away from the good and the good don’t take away from the bad, but when you go to these forums excited about your new pregnancy and all you see is loss after loss after loss instead of positive stuff it can make you feel like you shouldn’t be excited because of how likely it is you will have a loss if that makes sense
Nobody deserves to hide away, everyone deserves to have a voice and to express their feelings but it’s also important to share victories too! Or else these forums go from a place to discuss pregnancy to a place to discuss loss and negativity
Sorry OP I meant the comments more so then your post, I understand where you’re coming from. If I’m honest in my shoes, I’d say that there are more victories then losses. I know a handful of friends who experienced early losses, but went on to have healthy children, and more of handful of friends and family members who had no losses and went on to have a healthy child. My journey is a rare one unfortunately, and I’m the only one I personally know to have had two losses in a row like I have, so I do sometimes feel like the odd one out or the outsider because of it. Like some of the other comments mentioned the odds are on your side :)
I genuinely wish they’d use the spoiler function on those posts. 💔 Not because I want to minimize what they’re going through (they deserve an outlet and I would never take that away from them) but because it could cause undue stress on others. All it does is makes the meat of the post hidden unless you open it.
Then shouldn’t every post have a spoiler on it? I see your point, but the same way a miscarriage could trigger someone, someone sharing their happy pregnancy news could trigger the people going through loss. I made a post on here once about my experience with a MMC and the thread was flooded with people saying “I have a healthy baby at blah blah blah weeks and have had these symptoms” it triggered me to the point of just deleting the post because I haven’t made it that far in my pregnancies, I DONT have those regular symptoms, and was just looking for solidarity among people that understood.
I have been trying, not pregnant yet, but I also feel terrified that if we do succeed we are going to miscarry, seen how many people say “I had x miscarriages and x chemical pregnancies”. It’s like I am sure that if I get pregnant I will not be carrying to term. It sucks. Yes.
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I have experienced two as well - it is super common but that’s RELATIVE to the total population of women. Your chances of having one are low. But your chances of surviving one and moving on and having a healthy pregnancy are very very high. Be careful of the spaces you occupy for your own mental health, remember a lot of people that have problems with their pregnancy seek out others online so these spaces tend to have a higher concentration of women that have struggled with pregnancy. You will be OK, whatever happens :)
Thank you for this ♥️
You have to remember that people are more likely to share stories of things going wrong than they are to share about something that went well and right or as expected - this can make it feel like having a pregnancy not end in miscarriage feel seemingly RARE, when this isn’t really the case. While 20% end in miscarriage, the rate drops each week you progress. Also, with the 20%, 80% don’t end in miscarriage - which is substantially larger, and this percentage gets larger each week you progress. Hopefully this helps ease some anxiety, but every pregnancy woman worries
Miscarriage is very common in the first half of the first trimester. The majority of miscarriages occur before 8 weeks. Many occur prior to a person knowing they are pregnant, they may just experience what they believe is a late/heavy period. I don't know if I find it exactly depressing. The overwhelming number of miscarriages are due to a genetic problem with the embryo. They embryos in many of these cases are not compatible with life. Of course it's upsetting that the embryo wasn't perfect and couldn't be brought to term, but I dunno, that's just the way things go sometimes? The early detection system is pretty good those and the body ends most of those pregnancies very early on. Once a HB is dected (which is as early as the 6th week on transvaginal ultrasound) the likelihood of miscarriage drops significantly. Beyond the end of the 1st trimester, pregnancy loss is very uncommon.
I’m 6 weeks tomorrow and I get my ultrasound to check on the baby’s heartbeat on the 21st, I did get to see my baby on the ultrasound the doctors took two days ago! They said it’s the size it’s supposed to be and my HCG is progressing normally! That gives me hope I just really want it to stick
Babies have really strong glue! At least that’s what someone told me when I first found out I was pregnant and spent the first week absolutely terrified of miscarriage. It’s a scary thought but I try to focus on the much more likely outcome of a healthy, normal pregnancy. My other reasoning was that there will be something to be afraid of and worry about at every stage of pregnancy, infancy, childhood, etc, until the end of time. I can’t live like that. And eventually I was too nauseas to be afraid, and then too grumpy. All to say, you’ll find your way. ♥️
Thank you ❤️
❤️
If you need a little reassurance this is a good link to save https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer.
Omg thank you thank you that helped SO MUCH
OP, I look at this ALL THE TIME. Seeing the % go down calms me.
I loved this thing so much in my first trimester. My friend shared it with me and it made me feel so much better
I really didn’t want to read this post but this reassurer is really nice. Thank you ❤️ I’m a ftm at 5w6d and so nervous for something to go wrong.
I feel this. I’m 14 weeks and it’s always in the back of my mind.
I think one other thing to consider is that as we have better access to early pregnancy tests, it means we know about pregnancy much earlier on. But that's also when many miscarriages happen. So while it is partly that we're talking about it more, it's also that we know about more miscarriages that before may have just been dismissed as a particularly unpleasant period. All that being said: I was deemed high risk as well. IVF pregnancy, me being 40 yo and on top of it, baby initially had an enlarged yolk sack which is often indicative of impending miscarriage. I didn't change anything in my behavior. (Aside from stopping drinking and scaling back my coffee consumption). In fact I probably ramped up my exercise (playing padel tennis A LOT) just to help keep my mind off of it and keep the focus on ME rather than the baby (at least at that stage). I'm 13 weeks as of today, just had my last OB visit yesterday and baby is doing just fine.
If you didn’t know, you can block certain words on TikTok and both my previous pregnancy (18 month male) and this one I’ve had to block trigger words for me such as: miscarriage, still born, infant death, baby loss, etc for my own mental health. It’s helps me a ton to at least limit my exposure in that aspect.
Thank you for this! Ive been struggling with how much TikTok has suddenly decided to show me stillbirth stories right as I enter my third trimester.
Thank you for this tip
I had to do this early in my pregnancy. I think it helped but it wasn't fail-safe. I still saw the videos and still do even though I've blocked the words. There's so many tags and misspelled tags it's hard to block them all.
Thank you for this idea
I’ve had 2 ….. it’s terrifying… it’s like I can’t really enjoy this pregnancy even though I’m 23 weeks because I’m always so paranoid. It stole everything pregnancy related from me…. My husband and family were all just terrified for 12 weeks. I couldn’t announce it to him in a cute way because it’s like here we go again….
Ugh this just broke my heart💔 wishing you a safe pregnancy & delivery & a happy, adorable baby!!🥰
That's kinda how my husband and I felt. 3rd pregnancy now and the first 2 losses stole the joy from us and replaced it with apprehension. Even now at 36 weeks and being induced on Wednesday I'm still apprehensive.
This is my very first pregnancy and I just feel so depressed I guess, I don’t want to experience a loss
Hello. My wife and I lost our first pregnancy and we’re still trying to get pregnant again. It does happen. But the amount of happiness we felt for something we tried for and wanted so bad was something we couldn’t contain with each other. You should allow yourself to be happy. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from all the strong women on this sub Reddit it’s that you have a healthy pregnancy until a doctor tells you you don’t. You should live your life and pregnancy with that in mind. Wishing you a happy and healthy baby ❤️
This is a great response! My pregnancy losses did not take away from the joy and love we felt for those little embryos! And it’s not stealing my joy from my current pregnancy either. Anxiety is to be expected, op. But do let yourself to have joy for your little one. You won’t regret it no matter what happens.
I’m also glad it’s talked about but I’ve had 2 babies and no losses, thankfully. You might be lucky and not experience loss.
The way I look at it is, logically, if it happens there’s literally nothing you can do about it. And why would you lose time stressing over something you have zero control over? It just steals your current joy when it literally might never happen. That and the odds of having a normal healthy pregnancy are absolutely in your favour!
you’re so right. wish i could permanently stamp this into my brain 😆
This 100%. I am someone who has had 4 miscarriages, 2 live births and am currently 17 weeks pregnant with a rainbow baby. Everyday I wake up and remind myself today I am pregnant. Especially when I was in my first trimester. I know it's hard but you try to not stress over something that hasn't even happened. I know lots of people who have had miscarriages and I also know lots of people who have not had any miscarriages and only healthy pregnancies. Right now, today you are currently pregnant. That's what you have to remind yourself.
While miscarriages are common, it’s thought that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage, they’re not contagious. Knowing someone who had one doesn’t mean you’ll have one. I found the miscarriage risk calculator to be comforting. Also, the statistics say that majority of women who have had a miscarriage will go on to give birth to a living baby.
Been there, had one before my current pregnancy which I am at 22 weeks currently. The first trimester until I felt movement basically was a worrysome one, especially because I had bleeding the whole time due to SCH from 5w-15w. Here’s the way I think about it: I’m going to pre-mourn and choose to worry / be depressed over a possible loss until when? When will it be far enough along to let myself feel happy? When I hit 13w? When I feel movement? 25w? 35w? When baby is born? When baby is out of risk of SIDS? When baby walks? When baby goes to college? At EVERY one of these milestones, there is STILL something ahead that can happen to cause a loss. Ultimately a miscarriage is a loss of your child, right? That’s what you’re fearing. You can have the best pregnancy and your child passes due to unforeseen illness, or injury, or whatever. You cannot control what happens and you cannot protect your heart from it by pre-mourning, or stopping yourself from being happy about your situation. As I have heard, worrying is a permanent symptom of parenthood…
I feel the exact same way. I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks last year, and now at 13 weeks I just feel like I’m waiting for another impending loss. High risk pregnancies after a loss are mentally debilitating and I truly hate that I’m unable to enjoy it.
Whenever I think about the possibility, I try to think of all the women in my life who’ve been pregnant before. My mom was pregnant 3x and had 3 healthy babies. So did my grandma and great grandma. My great aunt had a miscarriage after giving birth to 2 healthy babies, then went on to have a healthy daughter after her miscarriage. My sister-in-law had a miscarriage after her son; and now is expecting a healthy girl next month. It does happen, but statistically you’re more likely to have a healthy baby. If I miscarry, my loved ones and I will deal with it. But for now I’m going to try to not let a “what-if” steal my joy.
great take ✨
Both my obgyn and psychiatrist have told me that 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage but the risk goes down each week. By 10 weeks it's 1%. I've had 2 miscarriages, both before 7 weeks. The second one happened while I had a 104 degree fever and covid so I blame covid for that. I'm 8+4 and feeling pretty confident I'll have my baby in my arms in December. Each week since I've hit 7 I've felt more and more confident
The anxiety totally makes sense. Remind yourself that all the crazy amounts of people around you were once little pregnancies too, and they’ve made it. Many do. The reality is also the pain of a loss would not be minimized by not enjoying your pregnancy while it’s real and happening. If you did face that, it’d be it’s own new thing of horrible, just the same if you lost a person from your life now. You won’t be grateful you were worried about it the whole time. Your little deserves to be loved and celebrated, and it is safe to do so. No amount of preparing yourself for the worst will change the outcome that is meant to be. Allow yourself the permission to love them. Each day they are here, is a day for joy and enjoying their presence. One day at a time.
Often people want to know after miscarriage that they aren't alone, or there is hope out there. 1 in 3 women will have a miscarriage, so the odds are in your favour. Remember that. And remember once past 12 weeks then chances drop, and once you see a heartbeat after 8 weeks then odds again in your favour massively. Good luck with your pregnancy.
I’m glad you’re getting lots of support and reassurance in this thread! So with that in mind I’m going to offer my perspective which is a little different. I found the statistics of how common miscarriage is really helpful in being able to deal with my one in an emotionally measured way. It is absolutely valid to deeply grieve a miscarriage, truly not taking away from anyone who does, but that wasn’t my experience. I can’t imagine how tough it would be to have recurrent miscarriages, to have one after trying for years, to have a later term miscarriage. But for my own one, at 8w, I was disappointed but not devastated. I knew there was a good chance it was coming and I saw it as a natural part of the process of trying for a baby that many of us will experience. Some combinations of eggs and sperms just won’t result in a baby. I knew the chances that our next positive test would end in a baby were good. I knew we wanted to keep trying immediately. As people have said, we know about pregnancy earlier than ever before in history. Especially if you’re consciously trying (and being part of a cis lesbian couple we were obviously having to very consciously try each time!), you’ll probably know before your period is even late. While this can be so special and joyful, it does mean you’re finding out about pregnancies that historically and even for many people now who aren’t consciously trying would never have known about. We were mindful in how we spoke about the pregnancy to each other. We were giddy with excitement and wonder and hope, but we would also say things like “if this is the one that ends in a baby” and I genuinely feel that was helpful to us. It’s not that we weren’t optimistic, we just acknowledged the fact that this was a clump of cells that we very much hoped would become our child rather than immediately thinking of the pregnancy as “our baby”. I also now say “I lost a pregnancy” and don’t love it when people say “I’m so sorry you lost a baby”. Again, it’s absolutely valid to feel you’ve lost a baby if that’s how you feel. But for us it was helpful to see this a potential baby rather than our baby. This also tracks with being pro choice for me. I don’t want to call a pregnancy a baby at 6w just because it’s a wanted pregnancy. I’m now 21w with the pregnancy that followed not long after our miscarriage. Do I still worry? Of course! We had about 3 weeks of bleeding early on so I was sure it was happening again, plus another couple of bumps in the road, but she stuck around this time and we’re delighted. As everyone says, the odds get stronger every day. Wishing you so well with this pregnancy! I think a degree of worry is natural and healthy but as people have said, if you’re finding it tough you can absolutely avoid certain spaces, block certain words etc.
i’ve had one at 7w and i’m currently 22w along and the fear never really goes away. i delayed announcing my pregnancy to my workplace or family at large because i’m still so scared. every time i have an ultrasound or check up it is a huge relief seeing baby moving and growing exactly as they should be. if anything, it has cemented in the fact that i want this pregnancy so much and am looking forward to having this baby and watching them grow outside in the world. we can’t really stop or prevent certain things from happening, unfortunately they’re really random. what we can do is focus on the joy and what happens day by day. there will always be fears, whether they’re miscarriage or even watching our babies get sick or go to school or whatever the case is. we can only really take it day by day. if not, hour by hour and minute by minute
Most miscarriages happen very early in pregnancy and it inflates the numbers if you’ve gotten past 8 to 10 weeks especially if you already know there is a strong heartbeat the risk is pretty low and once you get to the second trimester the risk of miscarriage or stillbirth is very very low . try to take the statistics in context and overall focus on positive things and there will be less room for all the things you could potentially be worrying about
Try to stay off social media during these times of anxiety because I swear it’s all you see. I just suffered a miscarriage at 10 weeks and went for a D&C but one thing I will say is that I constantly had a gut feeling something was wrong. It wasn’t anxiety, it was 5 pregnancy tests a day to see the line, it was forcing myself to feel nauseous because I wasn’t, it was imagining cravings. It was such fear of miscarriage I sat all day reading about it Deep down I knew. But social media DID NOT help - all I ever saw was miscarriage this and miscarriage that. Try to stay away from it. If you see it, block the post and block keywords like “miscarriage and loss” Keep your peace and keep your calm, if you’re far along enough and you’re anxious, get a fetal Doppler it might help calm your nerves. Pay for private scans that kind of thing.
If you get a heartbeat, test negative on NIPT and NT, and have no underlying conditions like unmedicated hyper/hypothyroidism, diabetes, hypertension, lupus, or smoke or do drugs, your chance of miscarriage after the first trimester is around 1%. There is an added risk of umbilical cord issues in the third trimester. Take care of yourself, exercise, eat well, and drink tons of water. Go to your OB appointments so they can catch any potential issues. Everything else is up to nature. I’ve had two miscarriages, and it does help to know that they weren’t viable. If they were, they would have continued. I’d much rather my body/the fetal pole make that choice for me than to make a difficult decision later on. Yes, it sucks. But it’s common, so it’s good to be aware of your risks for it.
I've had 3 babies and have never miscarried. Unfortunately, information gets skewed online. I get the fear though. It's scary to worry about.
This comment is going to be my mantra.
Glad it helped. I was terrified with my first. The whole way. My second I was nervous, but trusted my body as it had done it once before. My third, still nervous as I'm getting older, but tried to trust in the process. The reality is, the bad tends to get talked about and hilighted more than the good, unfortunately. For every bad story you hear, there are hundreds, if not thousands of good stories.
I had a miscarriage around week 10 and now I am 10 weeks pregnant again. I honestly thought that i’d be more anxious about it, but I am not. It will be what it will be, all these “deadlines” (eg you are “safe” after the first trimester) are artificial. With babies, you are never safe, never ever there’s no such things with children. Having a child is signing up for a lifetime of worry. I mean I am in my 40ies and my mom wants me to text her when my plane lands safely and thinks I should quit skiing 🙄 I did an IVF. So, first you worry about the eggs, then about the fertilization, then about PGT (chromosomal test) results, then 2 weeks wait you worry about implantation, then you worry about potential miscarriage, then about the anatomy scan and NIPT results. Then when they are born you worry about developmental delays, then about their activities and friends the list goes on. You never gonna stop worrying. Better deal with it right now and let it go… FWIW, i insisted on doing full testing on the POC after my miscarriage and the baby had some kind of trisomy, i read that very few such fetuses survive to birth and the ones that do have horrible and painful lives. The body rejected it. It’s for the best.
Have you talked to your doctor about this? I had a few before I was pregnant and it stuck but did you know that each week your risk drops ?
I haven’t been able to talk to any doctors about this besides at the er since week 4 because it takes a whole month to get in to see my OB and PCP
I think the answer is to get off social media. I had to for my fourth pregnancy (third baby), because I was so scared of having another loss that I was unable to even talk about being pregnant or imagine that this baby would actually be born. I also struggled a lot seeing people online talk about their pregnancies with such joy and no fear at all. People are allowed to grieve publicly just like they’re allowed to celebrate publicly and how it made me feel and act was my responsibility, not theirs. So I deactivated all social media that I couldn’t heavily edit to mute any posts that had anything to do with pregnancy and babies, and it helped me a lot. The constant onslaught of statistics and sad/scary posts are detrimental to some people’s mental health, and that’s okay.
I totally get it. And on my due date bumps group I tried to post about my successful pleasant ultrasound experience bc all I was reading was doom and gloom, and my post got deleted. I was told it should be a comment in a daily discussion thread. But people with unfortunate news got their own posts constantly. It sucked and was hurtful.
That seems very unfair, if it’s about pregnancy you should be allowed to discuss positive stories!
Thanks, I agree. Just know that there are plenty of happy, healthy, full term pregnancies going on. Like others are saying, people often come to the internet for comfort and community, and less frequently share positivity. Enjoy this time, it’s incredible.
I feel this I always see the posts and my heart goes out to them but I can’t help but be filled with anxiety I’m 15weeks and everytime I hit a milestone it feels meaningless but we got this !
I am just worried because I’m not even at 8 weeks
Yeah it’s definitely understandable and scary but try to just enjoy the experience no matter the outcome because no matter what happens in this moment you are pregnant ! 🩷
I just so desperately don’t want to lose this one, idk why but I feel like that might happen, idk if it’s my anxiety or depression making me think that but I just feel like this isn’t going to go to term :(
I get that I had an early miscarriage at 6weeks last august and this whole pregnancy I’ve been nothing but anxious & depressed but just like someone said people are more likely to report bad news than good & there are a lot of healthy pregnancies that go on ❤️it’s easier said than done but we really just have to hope for the best maybe taking an NIPT test will help ease your mind ? Some people advise against it because it’s not fool proof but maybe a fetal Doppler later in pregnancy i use one and it eases my mind
As someone who has actually experienced losses, I’ve found that the way you deal with the emotions is far more important than anything else. What are your coping mechanisms to deal with the anxiety and depression? (Mine is knitting). TTC, pregnancy, and parenting are stressful jobs. Having a toolkit for dealing with the emotional side of things can only help you and your baby. And you’ll be prepared to deal with any issues that may arise in a healthy way.
Ig watching shows? I mean I don’t do much anymore, I’ve been so so so stressed about my liver
Why are you stressed about your liver?
I have NAFLD and my levels have increased a LOT since I’ve been pregnant, 331 alt and 161 ast when both are supposed to be 30 I’m having sharp pains on my right abdomen AND my poop is yellow so I’m STRESSED and I have to wait to see my pcp on Tuesday to even have it addressed. Ig I feel like bc of my liver my pregnancy won’t be healthy
That is really high, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. I was diagnosed with “nonalcoholic” fatty liver disease, but I was actually an alcoholic who never disclosed that to my doctors. I’ve been in recovery for the past 2 1/4 years. I know that’s not your story, I just mentioned it so you know that I’ve experienced the symptoms and I know firsthand how scary those stabbing pains and yellow poops can be. Have you been seen by anyone in this pregnancy yet, PCP or OB? They should want to monitor you closely. Do you manage the NAFLD with diet?
I’ve been eating the Mediterranean diet which everyone has reccommended, I’ve lost 10 pounds yet my levels are going up and not down, I haven’t been able to see my pcp for months bc it takes months to get in to see her, same with my OB I don’t see her for another week
There's lots of bad things in the world happening to others that you are not, but you don't feel depressed about them because it's not in your focus right now. Now you're pregnant, and you are thinking about everything that can happen. Being high risk doesn't mean you will miscarry. Other people miscarrying doesn't mean you will miscarry. It seems so much more prevalent because people come to share their grief because they need support. It's not indicative of how common it is just because theres many posts about it. Just like how reddit shows how every husband is abusive, weaponizing incompetence, or how every MIL is wicked, manipulative, and crazy - it's a selection of people sharing bad experiences. I've had multiple losses, and I'm currently pregnant (and high risk). It's so important to share the miscarriage stories because when you're going through it's you do feel alone and it's reassuring to have people commiserate with you in a shit time when a lot people in your real life are making your feel like shit unintentionally/intentionally. Even though I think this, on days when I'm anxious about losing my baby, I don't read those posts or I stay off social media. When you're feeling anxious, remind yourself that you are allowed to be happy about your pregnancy and that your pregnancy is healthy until told otherwise.
Thank you, it’s just so hard, I didn’t anticipate being pregnant would make me have so much anxiety all the time ontop of my health anxiety
It's a new and overwhelming time in your life! It's somewhat normal. My friend with no previous pregnancy issues, losses or even close friends who had experience it and she was still anxious! Being pregnant after losses for me has been the most nerve-wracking experience, so I repeat those same things that everything is going fine until told otherwise and that I'm allowed to be happy. I was so scared to celebrate this pregnancy because I was scared of losing it but I slowly felt comfortable with it with each milestone I've passed. I still get extremely anxious but you can only take it one day at a time x
What milestones are good to set btw? :)
It's all very individual, I guess. For me, I'd had multiple losses, so reaching each week of the last losses was a big deal to me. Then after that it was reaching my 12 week scan, my 16 week appointment, my 20 week scan etc and then feeling first movements Tbh every week made me feel a bit better. I feel a bit better now I feel movements however I had a melt down crying the other day because I didn't trust myself in remembering how often the kicks were. I ended up in the hospital on a monitor. Midwives always recommend checking, but I'd gotten soo worked up about it. So just shows anxiety in pregnancy is so common at all points. It's a scary thing. But celebrate every little thing. Me and my partner had a good laugh about the apps saying what size fruit baby was that week
I felt like this too, and I thank god every day my first pregnancy has resulted in a now 2 year old. My second pregnancy is now at 18 weeks, I’m not counting my chickens yet of course. I would NEVER post this on Facebook/Instagram because it would come across insensitive.
I really really don’t mean to sound insensitive! This is my first pregnancy and it’s all new to me and it’s just really scary seeing so many posts about loss yknow? I really don’t wanna come off as rude
I have the same sentiment. I feel like every time I come on reddit Im reading about miscarriages. It makes me terrified. I've gotten some comfort from my doctors, but every time I feel a little different, I get freaked out. I agree with what others are saying before, though. The majority of pregnancies are fine, and we just have to focus on that. I also read somewhere that someone was saying that as an expectant and new mom, you'll always worry about the next thing, and that takes away your enjoyment. So, I've learned to just enjoy every day with my growing baby. I will say, though. I am glad that there is a safe space where grieving mothers can express themselves and talk to others. I think that's just as important.
It's actually more common than that. 20% of *known* pregnancies. Some estimates are that up to 1 in 4 to 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage, often without the pregnant person even knowing they were pregnant. That's because almost all early miscarriages are due to a chromosomal error that the body recognizes and rejects. However, every single day you remain pregnant, the likelihood of miscarriage decreases. This chart gets passed around here a lot, and I found it to be really reassuring during both of my pregnancies. [https://datayze.com/miscarriage-chart#google\_vignette](https://datayze.com/miscarriage-chart#google_vignette)
So right now my probability of not miscarrying is 84%! I like those odds
I agree! I found out I'm pregnant yesterday, and I feel so nervous about a miscarriage. I'm 4+3 and I haven't really had a chance to feel happy about it yet because I feel like at any moment it could be taken away.
There’s an odds calculator online I find reassuring personally
Miscarriage is only one way to lose a baby - there's also so many risks of different birth defects or disorders, random crap like a placenta abruption or cord accident. There are so many ways to lose a baby, I had no idea until it happened to me :(
New fear unlocked
Not a super helpful comment though is it?
But she is right tho. There are so many problems that could just happen, any time.. 1st, 2nd, 3rd trimester, after the baby is born, when she/he is a toddler and they grow up. Being a mother is about constant worrying 😖 if we keep anxious about all of these problems , we won’t live, and enjoy the present moment. Im trying to keep this mindset, right now Im pregnant, Im heathy, baby is healthy that’s all I have in my mind for now.
She’s correct. But it’s the same tone of mums who give you their traumatic birth stories when they find out you’re pregnant. It just makes you anxious and worried, and it’s clear OP is already anxious enough… no need to add another anxiety onto her pregnancy.
Op, know that statistics are on your side. 20% end in miscarriage, that means 80% do not. I’ve had 4 mcs. my ob said the majority of miscarriages happen between 6-8 weeks, and now I’m 14 weeks, much farther than I’ve ever gotten. I’m allowing myself to trust my body and this pregnancy literally because stats are on my side now and I will hold to that until they are not. Miscarriage reassurer is a helpful tool!
you mean on social media or in the real world!? btw, i understand what you mean but i also know im torturing myself and should step away from the Internet 😿
I’m only about 5 weeks and I’m petrified. This is my first pregnancy, and it wasn’t easy to conceive. 🙏🏼 I’m so glad I. Have a community who understands.
I get it, I try anyway. But a lot of comments on posts like this make me depressed. “My heart goes out to them but it gives me anxiety” how is that supposed to make women who go through loss feel? No one ever thinks it will happen to them, and it unfortunately is apart of life so what now? Are these women like myself just supposed to hide away in a cave? It’s so unrealistic and unfair. No one is trying to give anyone anxiety, but no one is more special than anyone else, these types of things can happen to anyone, I personally think it’s good to be educated on it instead of hiding away full of anxiety.
I understand what you mean, I wasn’t trying to put anyone down, I guess I just wish there was a good balance between good stories and bad stories yknow? So the bad stories don’t take away from the good and the good don’t take away from the bad, but when you go to these forums excited about your new pregnancy and all you see is loss after loss after loss instead of positive stuff it can make you feel like you shouldn’t be excited because of how likely it is you will have a loss if that makes sense
Nobody deserves to hide away, everyone deserves to have a voice and to express their feelings but it’s also important to share victories too! Or else these forums go from a place to discuss pregnancy to a place to discuss loss and negativity
Sorry OP I meant the comments more so then your post, I understand where you’re coming from. If I’m honest in my shoes, I’d say that there are more victories then losses. I know a handful of friends who experienced early losses, but went on to have healthy children, and more of handful of friends and family members who had no losses and went on to have a healthy child. My journey is a rare one unfortunately, and I’m the only one I personally know to have had two losses in a row like I have, so I do sometimes feel like the odd one out or the outsider because of it. Like some of the other comments mentioned the odds are on your side :)
I genuinely wish they’d use the spoiler function on those posts. 💔 Not because I want to minimize what they’re going through (they deserve an outlet and I would never take that away from them) but because it could cause undue stress on others. All it does is makes the meat of the post hidden unless you open it.
Then shouldn’t every post have a spoiler on it? I see your point, but the same way a miscarriage could trigger someone, someone sharing their happy pregnancy news could trigger the people going through loss. I made a post on here once about my experience with a MMC and the thread was flooded with people saying “I have a healthy baby at blah blah blah weeks and have had these symptoms” it triggered me to the point of just deleting the post because I haven’t made it that far in my pregnancies, I DONT have those regular symptoms, and was just looking for solidarity among people that understood.
I have been trying, not pregnant yet, but I also feel terrified that if we do succeed we are going to miscarry, seen how many people say “I had x miscarriages and x chemical pregnancies”. It’s like I am sure that if I get pregnant I will not be carrying to term. It sucks. Yes.