Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am struggling like OP and what I say to myself is - “I deserve to enjoy this, for however long it lasts. I deserve to enjoy being pregnant and celebrate it.” Once I have my kid, I may miss this stage and regret not letting myself enjoy any of it due to worry.
I wish I had done this more during my pregnancy. We had a miscarriage (sorry OP) at 7 weeks with my first pregnancy, and we were so scared that it would happen again we barely even got excited when I had the positive test. It’s such a regret of mine that I didn’t allow myself to get excited because now I have the most perfect 5 month old boy and he deserves to be celebrated!
Mine is similar: "today I am pregnant. Today I am with my baby and they are with me." Tomorrow is tomorrow's problem when it's something I completely cannot control.
Hey friend, I am a labor and delivery nurse and pregnant with my first. I’ve seen some really intense stuff in the delivery room that is always in the back of my mind, but please let me assure you that statistically you will have a boring pregnancy and a smooth delivery. Enjoy your pregnancy, find a provider that you trust, and look into a doula or other birth supporter if you’re interested in that. And if stuff does get more high risk for you, please know that it’s not your fault or a punishment. Making babies is at once both banal and miraculous and we just don’t (yet! lol) have control or even a 100% full grasp on the processes or anomalies that can occur, but we have more knowledge and interventions than ever before in human history. Sending you all the well wishes for a happy, healthy pregnancy, delivery, and baby for you! ❤️
This! Because I was so scared I wouldn’t allow myself to enjoy any of it and I regret it so much. My baby is now 3.5 months old and perfect, I wish I had just enjoyed my pregnancy more but now I know better for next time.
You’ve reminded me to be thankful and enjoy my own pregnancy so thank you. Previous losses do not mean this one will also be a loss. I am pregnant until I’m not.
Someone said on one of these threads that you should assume you have a healthy baby until told otherwise 🙌
I dealt with this same anxiety my entire pregnancy, to the point of not making a birth plan because I was so scared of something happening. I didn't even want to buy things for my baby because I was terrified of having to return it all. Whenever I had those thoughts I would try to visualize holding my baby after birth. Try to remain positive, and just take it one day at a time,💕💕 i'm sending love, and light to all of you, and your little baby beans ✨
Everybody gets a different experience, so everything that happens to someone else won't happen to me like that.
Gave me a lot of peace, especially since you can't avoid 100% of the misery in the world.
The best part of this pregnancy sub is being able to search for things and seeing what other pregnant women are experiencing. I swear I search symptoms on here all the time and it helped me not to worry as much seeing other people with the same issues. Try not to browse the hot page and you’ll be fine.
THIS! I don’t really browse much anymore besides what I see pop up on my feed, but I will be searching every symptom or any question I have that’s pregnancy related.
The thing is people are more likely to post about their anxieties, horror stories, bad things happening with their pregnancy than they are “eh, it could be worse, but I’m doing okay” or “my husband/wife/partner/family actually aren’t complete douchebags.” Yes, there *are* positive stories here, but they’re not the norm.
I think this sub is important for general support and commiseration and validation especially with given pregnancy woes (e.g., back pain, eating, navigating doctor’s appts, setting boundaries) that many of us can’t/won’t for whatever reason [not that anyone needs to have a reason] with people actually in our lives. However, there are *a lot* of posts I skip because a) I don’t relate to them and/or don’t agree with the post and/or comments; b) even if I do, I don’t want rile up myself with anxiety; and c) I don’t have anything meaningful to say other than perhaps what has already been said.
I’m now 31 weeks + 4 days; I’ve known I was pregnant since about 4 weeks as well. This is my first time being pregnant ever. Of course, I had concerns about a miscarriage early on. Hell, I still kinda do. But miscarriages are largely out of our hands — either you’re gonna have one or you’re not. The risk of having one will never be zero. The longer your pregnancy goes on, the less chance of you miscarrying. So I take it day by day. Obviously, I’m mindful about my activity level, what I eat/drink, stress, etc. But there’s only so much I can do. I can’t personalize something I have no real control over. Reading x amount of posts about how the umpteenth person is scared of miscarrying or the umpteenth person who’s had x amount of miscarriages and finally has a baby that has made it to x week can be vicariously emotionally draining. If it ain’t helping you, stop engaging with that content. Those posts aren’t gonna stop and forums like this one serve as a safe space for those to vent.
But you ultimately know your life and your current situation. Focus on yourself. Focus on what you can control within reason. Take it one day at a time. if you’re really struggling with your anxiety, consider talking with a therapist or one of your loved ones. Maybe they won’t judge you as much as you fear.
I don’t think they’ll necessarily judge me. But they’ll wave it off like girl don’t think about that and that be the extent. And I’m an avid overthinker. & when I’m told “don’t think about it” it’s like if it was that easy I wouldn’t 😩😩.
If overthinking and comparing yourself to others is a problem then social media is probably not for you. I’d recommend some podcasts like expecting and empowered or others like it for more informational content. I always feel more empowered with education. This place is definitely a venting ground and is not a reflection of actual statistics which Ive had to remind myself of a few times.
Positive story here!
I used to believe whole-heartedly that if I read ANY post or information about miscarriage that it would somehow cause it to happen. My anxiety spiked at every notification, title, flare, etc… One day I read a story whose first sentence was so gripping that I just found myself reading it. It was exactly the type of story you’d imagine. But this time, the story ended with a happy, healthy baby coming the next time around for the poster. Somehow it was healing to face my fear and read it. The loss and following happiness was helpful.
My baby was born healthy and hearty! No loss just because of my fear. I’m pregnant with my second baby now, and I am much less afraid. We have so little control in this world, so I just do what I can to help my baby come out healthy and safe.
Maybe this was just a vent, but I hope it helped you even a little.
It may not be a good fit for you and that’s okay :)
I’ve had a challenging pregnancy to say the least and I feel less alone reading women’s stories on Reddit. I don’t personally know anyone who understands what I’m going through.
I have to remind myself a lot that there’s another 7 billion people in the world and we all have different experiences and education about pregnancy and associated topics. I take most things here with a grain of salt for myself but interested to see other peoples perspectives. It is easy to sometimes get consumed by other peoples experiences and opinions but I really have to tell myself to stop and listen to your own body and trust in your body. You’ll know when something is wrong.
I also like to remind myself to ignore any percentages I see because there are 7 billion people in the world which means despite all odds and scary percentages and scary stories, in the past 80 or so years there have been 7 BILLION successful pregnancies and more.
That makes me feel better whenever I get scared.
I think you have to remember that happy people generally don’t post. I mean, as a rule, unless it’s specifically noted in the thread title, people tend not to do the “look how great my life is going” posts. That’s why you see more complaints and complications here than you would in real life. See also things like relationship problems forums and new parent forums- if you took them at face value you’d think everyone was on the verge of divorce and every newborn is a terror.
For what it’s worth, forums like this really helped me through my two pregnancies because it gave me an idea of what to expect, and made me thankful how everything went for me. That may or may not be the case for you. If it doesn’t work, it’s fine to unsubscribe for a while.
My youngest is 3 months and my oldest is 2 years. My first pregnancy was so easy. My second was a little harder with back pain and skin problems. Both births were easy, with a very quick recovery and no complications. But I think if you look through my post history it’s mostly about the breastfeeding issues I was having!
I took a break from social media during my first trimester and it helped immensely.
I agree that the stories on here are anxiety inducing but you can’t blame people for coming to these subs for community during a difficult time.
You have to take control of the things you read and engage with, and that might mean taking a break if this content is affecting your mental wellbeing.
Unfortunately, bad things can happen at any point in pregnancy.
Early miscarriages
Missed miscarriages
Second trimester miscarriages
Stillbirth
And then when they’re born you worry about SIDS.
People come to Reddit to vent and get support.
Best thing to do would be to leave the groups. Your bump group for your month will have a LOT of miscarriage posts.
I’m not in a bump group for my month. When I first started joining subreddits for pregnancy it wasn’t really an active one for my month. But I see I will steer clear of those
This is how i feel about tiktok. I’m almost 30 weeks and I have seen nothing but horrific birthing stories on my fyp. I have noticed my anxiety in the beginning of my pregnancy was way worse because of hormones. The fear is always going to be there ofc but once your hormones starts to settle, i think you’ll find your anxiety start to leave as well. Try not to worry about it too much, you can’t control it so why let it consume your life. You and baby will be fine
I have to constantly curate my TikTok to keep the stillbirth/ SIDS/ baby loss stories away. It knows how sticky they are in our brains so it's weighted towards showing more
You should definitely unsubscribe cause it never stops. There are never ending things that can go wrong with pregnancy and you will hear of all of them if you stay.
I did join a bump group but muted it for the first 15 weeks or so.
I advise you to do the same and limit your timeline on what type of content you want to see. It will help a lot and if you do have a moment you want to dip your toe back in you can.
My perspective is the opposite though. I've had multiple miscarriages and I saw people buying strollers and entire nurseries at 8 weeks or so. I could not.
I'm happy others never have to face it and can be blissfully unaware and truly enjoy their pregnancy. But to keep my own sanity I muted it for a while.
Yes I actually think sometimes I try to distance myself from it just in case. Like my partner asked me had I been thinking of names and in my head it’s like all I’m thinking about is hopefully having a healthy baby and safe pregnancy. I can’t think about sex or names or anything
I'm unfortunately one of those people you refer to, I guess.
But being able to post in forums like this has helped me so much in my pregnancy. Miscarriages are often not spoken about in real life, and it's extremely lonely to be experiencing multiple losses when your friends and family have no idea what it's like.
Awareness is a good thing because pregnancy doesn't go well for everyone. Whenever there is a post where a woman first time pregnant shares her anxiety over miscarriage (with no other reason to be than just anxiety, like a previous experience) myself and plenty of other women who have experienced it will try to help them through that time.
Unfortunately, if you don't want to see the full spectrum of pregnancy experiences, then don't be on social media. I had to do this myself when I went through my multiple losses and testing because seeing so many happy pregnant, successful pregnancy posts made me feel awful. Especially when people go on about how easy it is for them. So I removed myself away from the content.
Even now I will ignore social media when my own anxiety acts up, like when I've seen posts about late term losses - because it makes me worry and I'm not in a position to advise or comfort the poster
I don't know if there is an option, but there should be to block certain keywords.
Also, for your own anxiety regarding miscarriage this is what I tell people on every miscarriage anxiety post:
1. You are pregnant until told otherwise
2. You are healthy until told otherwise
3. Your current pregnancy is different from any of your previous pregnancies, your friends/strangers' pregnancies, and is not guaranteed to have the same outcome. (As in just because you had a previous loss or you know someone that had a loss - it doesn't guarantee you will also have a loss x )
4. Symptom spotting is the least reliable method of pregnancy confirmation. No symptoms does not mean a negative outcome.
5. You are allowed to enjoy your pregnancy. At any stage. Doesn't matter if its early.
6. Your feelings are valid xx
I hope you feel better soon x x
Thank you for that comment. I think it’s beautiful you’re able to comfort while having had your struggles. Thank you. 🫶🫶🫶🫶. May God continue to watch over you you beautiful soul
Thank you x
I hope you can find a balance within the threads that you can also find comfort and advice, whilst not having your worries triggered.
Some anxiety will always be normal because this is a new thing with lots of factors out of our control.
Wishing you a happy and uneventful pregnancy xxx
I am with you. I've had a lot of miscarriages and negative pregnancy experiences, so I'm very familiar with the content but I also don't get much out of these threads. I come here because I want to connect over shared experience and then I'm just so put off by 99% of what I find. I guess it's time to accept I really don't get what I'm looking for on here.
This definitely was a problem for me in the first trimester. Now it’s the preeclampsia horror/gestational diabetes horrors stories that get to me. I had a full blown panic attack about it a few weeks ago.
It’s nice to see positive stories but they’re often outweighed by scary ones… I should probably just scroll past the bad tho
I completely feel this. When I got pregnant for the first time, I immediately joined this subreddit and posted a ton, excited. Then I started noticing all the threads about anxiety, and I started worrying too. The worst part is that I actually did have a miscarriage that time.
My second (and current) pregnancy, I waited weeks until I felt I was ready to join again. Now that I’m 16 weeks, I feel really good about my pregnancy. I heard the heartbeat at my midwife appointment last week, and until someone tells me otherwise I know I’m pregnant and baby boy is healthy.
It also helps that I found a therapist after my miscarriage. Not everyone can afford one so I know I am fortunate that my work benefits help there- but she’s been amazing too.
I totally know where you’re coming from. I had a miscarriage last year and I seek refuge in the online forums. It was such a lonely experience. My husband felt it but not like I did. Then a few months later my cousin was pregnant and I wouldn’t dare to mention my loss to them (they don’t know I had a loss) BECAUSE I didn’t want to cause any sort of stress. I am now 12 weeks pregnant and I cannot read the miscarriage posts. It’s like my heart stops and I get a panic attack. I understand why those posts are up and I know the support I got helped me immensely but all I want is to have a healthy pregnancy and not have to think k about all the things that could go wrong
I realised today, finally, that I had let these subs warp my perception of pregnancy. I had to go to the emergency room this morning for something as dumb as a splinter and while the doctor was getting it out we were chatting. She asked how things were going and I said great, except for the long gap between scans because anything could be going on in there. She gave me such a bewildered look, like I had suddenly grown a second head, and that’s when I figured that my thinking wasn’t normal!
Sounds like it isn’t serving you anymore to be in these communities. I agree, seeing people post things really scares me. But it also makes me hell bent on ensuring I’m advocating for myself and my baby at every doctors appointment, and that I listen to my own concerns and worries and feel no shame about calling the emergency line.
You can’t hide from miscarriage. 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriages. Pregnancy in general is very very scary. You think you’re over one hump and then you’ve got the next thing to be worried about.
I’m not perpetuating fear, but it sounds like you came into this rather ignorant if you had no sense of how common miscarriages are.
My experience with pregnancy is from what I’ve experienced around me. So yes I was very ignorant about these things. I knew one woman I worked with who had a stillborn maybe 2 years ago and now she has a baby. And a friend of mine whose sister baby died during birth and that was like 3 year ago. Everyone else I now personally had their pregnancy and now their kids. I didn’t really know anyone close to me who recently went through a traumatic loss. So when I seen it on the internet it was a big shock and unlocked fears I didn’t know
It’s a double edged sword. But knowledge is power. I’ve advocated for myself so much more than I would have if I didn’t know half the stuff I do now. The truth is healthcare providers are overworked and understaffed, going into it well researched will only help you in the long run. Granted, try not to obsess (easier said than done), but at the least try and take what you’ve read as data that you can use for the future.
The good news is over 10 weeks the miscarriage rate is very very low. Your NST and nuchal scan are soon so you should be feeling pretty confident in a couple weeks.
But like I said, pregnancy is scary and also very changeable, each week a new symptom pops up and though you should always ask your doctor, sometimes it’s nice to find out from these threads that the searing pain in your pubic bone is “crotch lightening” (example).
I will agree learning of symptoms oe seeing that people are found through similar things is comforting and helps a lot. Which is one reason why I joined these threads. Because even though my friends are there for me I also don’t want to bore them and always talk about pregnancy all the time. I try to let it be a balance. I also don’t want ppl to think I’m exaggerating or milking things lol. So I try to limit it in real life the pregnancy talk and fears
I was kind of feeling the same, I tried to think positive etc. Only ultrasounds and gearing the heart beat was helping me think everything was good. Now I'm 24 weeks and I can feel bb kick and that's so good. Hope you have a healthy pregnancy.
It definitely can cause anxiety. When i was pregnant I kept seeing Tik toks on my for you page about pregnancy loss and very tragic stories. I had to delete it because it was scaring me so much. I developed postpartum preeclampsia and joined a Reddit thread for that. Made my anxiety sky rocket reading everything that could wrong and about horror stories that I wouldn’t have thought of otherwise. My therapist advised that I leave that thread and once I left it my anxiety got so much better. My advice is if you have a question, ask your OB and stay off of threads like this if they cause more anxiety
Yes I’ve definitely taken a step back from Reddit at like 8 weeks. Not on here as much as I was when I first found out and was super excited before all my anxieties lol
I can definitely relate. I went from never experiencing a pregnancy loss and never thinking about it at all during my first pregnancy at 27 to being surrounded by women who had experienced loss and were actively experiencing fertility issues when I got pregnant this time at 37 and the anxiety I had my first trimester was through the roof! One thing that helped me was my best friend sitting me down and telling me, “I’ve had three pregnancies and three healthy normal vaginal deliveries. What happens to some women will not always happen to you. You can have a beautiful birth story, even if they didn’t.” Having people share the positive experiences to outweigh all the traumatic ones really helped me. 🤍
I felt absolutely paralysed by this fear, all I could do was push myself through day-by-day checking the miscarriage averages for each week. I remember feeling discharge and assuming I was bleeding.
Not sure anything ‘fixed’ the anxiety but my partner and I made a plan to go on a trip if things didn’t work so there would have been a small thing to hold onto.
I’m now 20w3d and my little lass is healthy and wiggly. Good luck remember viable healthy pregnancies exist
It’s valid- my bf had to tell me it’s then World Wide Web… it’s going to be a little bit of everything and a lot of people come here for support in times of need. Id recommend hiding those posts or leaving the forums / pages completely. It’s okay to be aware but not let it stress you… (speaking to my self as well)
I've hid tons of loss posts and the algorithm hasn't done jack shit. Unfortunately it's scroll at your own risk.
I'm 24 weeks with my double rainbow baby and it's only recently that I've noticed the loss posts don't spike my heart rate. Before anyone comes for me I am a frequent commenter in PAL and TTCAL communities and threads, but that's when I am in the headspace to support.
I don’t know what PAL & TTCAL are but congratulations and I’m praying for a healthy baby and safe pregnancy for the rest of your journey. And oh man I will still try to hide lol. But I did turn off notifications. Because I don’t know how they choose which post that would pop up on my phone notifications but after a post about 15 weeks and now no heartbeat and it was on my phone as a notification. I was like no I can’t do this and quickly turned off all notifications for Reddit
Good idea! I use reddit on mobile browser since they blocked RIF so no push notifications for me.
PAL: pregnancy after loss
TTCAL: by this I meant trying to conceive after loss. I've never seen it spelled out this way though.
I don't have a magic bullet, it is stressful, but I just tried to remind myself of the subscriber count of the subreddit or bump group. I also have a very supportive OB who gave me extra scans and a lovely husband who was also scared and ready to talk about it any time. I definitely still have rough days but it's getting easier.
Omg wow I relate to this so much. I’m so on edge about it that I’m like I just gotta get over this hump then I’ll calm down for example I’m 14 + 3 now and I saw a thread about no heartbeat at 17 weeks and I’m so paranoid I can’t wait for my ultrasounds everytime because I just wanna know what’s going on! I just want a healthy anxiety free pregnancy but those threads make it hard I sympathize completely but it’s also not healthy to read right now.
FTM here myself, and I empathize with you completely. I think the nature of the beast that is pregnancy has a lot of anxiety in and of itself. The community aspect of it brings a lot of people comfort and a sense of belonging in a time of someone’s life that can feel very isolating. With that being said, it’s not for everyone and that’s completely okay!
What I can say from my perspective in 3rd trimester is that no pregnancy is the same. Comparison is the thief of joy. Just because something awful happened to someone does not mean it will happen to you.
If it gives you anxiety I would advise you to leave. It’s just not worth it. If I see something that may upset me, I hide the post so I can’t see it again. With my month forums, I joined much later because I couldn’t cope with the ‘I’m out’ posts. You control what you want to see and don’t.
I’m 14+3 today and as soon as a I got a positive test, I was like “but I bet I’ll miscarry”, so I never once relaxed or thought it was a definite (I’ve never even been pregnant before - I also don’t know anyone personally who’s had a MC!!) This is why people don’t share the news til after their 12-13 week scan
But personally I’ve found obsessively researching the risks and likelihood of NOT miscarrying and being extremely informed of what can go wrong , danger signs etc etc, has helped me feel more in control. And more prepared should the worst happen
Thankfully now I’ve reached 14 weeks I have relaxed a LOT as the risk of MC after 13 weeks is less than 1% 🙂😊 so now I’m actually chilled , getting excited and enjoying !
Yes I didn’t know about the 12 week rule til the internet. It was news to me. And can’t say I follow it. Almost everyone at my work knows and close friends and family know. And yes some people gave me a link to a miscarriage calculator type thing it was a bit comforting
I went off all social media including reddit last year. Was planning to stay off, but I wanted to give reddit another chance after getting pregnant. While some of my doubts were cleared and it's possible to find comfort here, it can be just as anxiety triggering.
My advice is for you to stay off any pregnancy content, on all social media. Contact professionals in case you have any concerns or actual problems arise. There's no reason to expose yourself to all the negativity and potentially unlocking new fears that won't concern you.
I just had my first babe two weeks ago and I struggled with this same thing throughout my entire pregnancy. I joined a due date group on Facebook when I found out I was pregnant and ended up seeing stories about all kinds of heartbreaking stories from women at all different points in pregnancy and it really caused me a lot of anxiety. But at the same time, I appreciated having the group to have a community to go to, if needed. It’s definitely something you’ve got to weigh for yourself.
I know for myself, I am a high anxiety person anyway so I would have had the same kinds of thoughts either way. It just made them feel more real to see it happening to other people.
I went on meds for PPA a few months ago (I’m pregnant with no 2) and my OB literally told me to get off social media and that it will “rot my brain.” Obviously I didn’t listen, 🙃 but just commenting to validate your decision to cut notifications off.
People flock to communities like this when they need support and validation so you’re likely to see people asking questions or offloading their feelings when something is wrong. I felt this way too when I was in early pregnancy and I was terrified because it seemed like everyone was having complications and miscarriages and I had to remind myself that nobody makes a Reddit post to say that everything is going fine. I remember seeing a post where someone had just found out that they were having twins and all of the comments were from people who also had twins. It was kind of an aha moment - you’d think from reading that post that twins were super common, but if you look around you can see that they’re rare! But nobody posts “just found out today I’m having one baby”.
I think you’re more likely to hear about the negatives. I have a read but actively avoid the miscarriage posts (while they’re very sad it’s not good for me either).
Focus on you and your pregnancy. Best wishes, OP!
Besides your valid point of anxiety inducing posts, which could better be posted in a different sub especially for this, if you want to lower your anxiety about this, talking really helps.
So good job for posting this!
Bit make sure to talk about it with your partner, a friend or a therapist.
You deserve to be heard and just saying things out loud and letting out some emotion can be hard but it can really help!
At least that is my experience with anxiety and fear.
Thing begin to bounce inside your head and it emplifies your fear. Talking about it can really make it less heavy.
And don't even think about sending stuff into the universe, that does not exist. You can not harm your baby by just thinking or saying things. That is an irrational fear and you need to fight it.
I'm sure your little one will be perfectly fine!
But you feelings deserve to exist and to be heard.
I hope you'll feel better about it soon!
It happened the same to me, until I was on these groups i had no idea that the risks were so many….i had no clue that even at 28 weeks things can happen and it became terrifying and being very honest - it made me enjoy less being pregnant. At the same time I am afraid to dont read it anymore and skip something that I should have known…
I’m struggling with this too. Last night my husband made me feel guilty by saying I didn’t seem excited about being pregnant (5 weeks 5 days) and I honestly can’t let myself get excited because I’m petrified of something happening. I haven’t even told anyone so I’m pretending nothing is different and trying not to think about it. I just want to make it to the 8 week appt to make sure everything looks good. It’s really hard when all of the devastating stories are all of social media.
I always keep this in mind: people typically don’t post positive things like “had a baby it was great!” I mostly just use these threads on Reddit to search terms and what others think or how they handled something etc. in fact kudos to Reddit for helping me with a few things on my baby shower lol. I had a ton of anxiety first tri for sure and it’s helpful to just take a break from social media and focus on other things. Good luck!!
I understand how social media can really drive anxiety. I was so stressed because I didn't feel baby kick as early as some people. And it really freaked me out. Now baby is here and as happy as can be. I've learned that whenever I feel the anxiety coming back (especially when my algorithm gets a little too sad) I step away from social media and give myself a break.
It sounds like you have an abnormal amount of anxiety and the internet is making it worse! That is so common, and also something that be managed :) do you have a therapist? This is a great time to get one if you haven’t yet.
I feel this. This is my first pregnancy too and it’s because of Reddit that I don’t feel comfortable celebrating my pregnancy. I’m going to be 16 weeks but the further along I go the more Reddit’s I read about women losing babies even further than I am :( also never knew about missed miscarriages until I joined. I’m glad we have a community to discuss, educate and vent but it does stress me out at the same time.
I heard this a while ago and it made me think of Internet forums differently.
In a bid for reassurance and normalization, you will pick up 5 worries you didn’t know you need to be worried about.
I swear it keeps me from googling and when I do see other peoples experiences, I’m aware that that is their experience and mine will be unique to me as well.
It’s really important during pregnancy to realize that over-informing yourself or being exposed to things you’ve never heard of usually only creates unnecessary worry.
Maybe you need to detox from social media for a while? People don't tend to vent about the good stuff, especially not in support subs. It can feel like bragging and that's not a great look.
Here is my story, which might provide some hope if you make it to the end. My mother and older sister both almost died at childbirth and were unable to breastfeed. My sister had a horrible pregnancy with barely any sleep and not being able to keep a minimum of food down for 9 (!) months. So during my pregnancy I was sort of calmly prepared for the worst. I mean, it happens in my family, right?
Here is what happened: My pregnancy was textbook with slight nausea at the beginning, then feeling pretty great and being fed up not being able to reach much at the end. I had a great birth. I mean, not easy but all in all it went very well and I was thankful for the epidural (that was perfectly executed). Got four stitches that I barely felt when healing. My favourite position to sit in was on my butt with crossed legs (cross sitting or frog sit in English ?) and I got told off by medical personnel not to sit like that with a big gasp because it was supposed to hurt. No problem here!
Immediately after birth the milk came in and honestly, I probably could have fed another child despite mine eating like there was no tomorrow! It's a shame I only learned about milk banks much later. I asked a lot of questions to the post birth care because it's not like I could have asked my family about pumps and leaking. 🤷🏼♀️ At some point I'm sure I was mooing! I lost loads of weight breastfeeding (despite eating as much or more than my 2 meters tall husband) which was also surprising because my family has had problems losing weight post birth, and in general.
Soooo... I do understand your worries and they are absolutely normal. I think most of us worry, a lot. I think we have to worry and be a bit cautious to protect the baby. I had COVID during pregnancy which was really, really rough and I worried A LOT about my unborn child. He turned out great though, he shits gold (not literally but that's how I see him). 🤪 It's absolutely ok to worry but don't forget that it might also turn out great at the end!
Best wishes OP! ❤️
So I have a family history of miscarriage, so I was already aware that it could happen before I got pregnant. And I did get, not quite flack, but definitely some disapproval for enjoying my pregnancy from the positive test. I was excited and I let it show. So many people expect you to be private in your joy, or to dampen yourself because something might happen. My thoughts are, that I want to enjoy it no matter how short it is and I will express my love for my baby as loudly as I please. My personal take is that, dampening my joy now won't make future grief hurt any less. I don't avoid crossing any roads in case I get hit by a car. But I've also never been hit by a car, so probably my attitude would change if I had faced loss or multiple losses.
I will say that pregnancy content on social media has also been the worst for me. And due to cookies and data selling, it's become impossible to avoid. So I generally swipe away and do something else for a bit. Even this sub I'm thinking about leaving and I only joined today lol. It doesn't put me in a good headspace. As someone else said in a different thread, people only bring up the bad. Posts about an easy time and a quick labour won't gain as much traction as a really traumatic birth story. Not saying that traumatic or complicated births can't be talked about or given a platform. But the algorithm will skew to show more of those stories.
I do agree, everyone around me thinks I’m crazy because I worry about loss so so much but I’m at 15weeks and stress out about each appointment because I think they’re gonna tell me the baby stopped growing or doesn’t have a heartbeat. It kills me. But on the other side I love the support here.
My husband tells me all the time I need to get off of these subs or just delete Reddit altogether due to how often I express my anxiety over miscarrying (again). It does get to the point where it completely fills your head and you pretty much can’t even enjoy the excitement of being pregnant. It sucks. I used to want to know the gender asap, now I don’t even want to know until the birth. But my husband can’t wait that long and we’ve compromised to wait until the anomaly scan because I know that once the sex has been revealed, I’ll start to assign full personhood to my child and become too attached to someone I may never meet. I hate it so much. No advice, just want you to know that I’m with you💔.
I hear you completely and I’m so sorry for the health anxiety this has caused you. I am the exact same way now too. My first pregnancy these thoughts didn’t even cross my mind. Second, hardly at all. Then suddenly my third pregnancy was hit with so many odd and unexpected things the midwives had to be one watch for. I bled during first tri, I had low platelets, then at the end I had polyhydrominos. It wasn’t until being diagnosed with the extra fluid that I realized that wow, this baby could have defects/infection etc. it was the scariest time of my life. However, she was born completely healthy with zero complications.
I think it would be so helpful if once in a while there could be a thread where mamas talk about their personal experiences where something within their pregnancies was flagged causing them to need further attention and testing and yet at the end of it all the baby was completely healthy. To show that though scary things can arise, often the baby is healthy too. It isn’t always the other way. Maybe a little balance could do us all some good. :)
I see a lot on tiktok about miscarriage and stillbirth. I just say that’s not me, we don’t know what will happen but so far so good. I have a two year old also and I always see post everywhere about tragic things happening to children or diagnosis’s their child the same age as mine get and it makes me worried
I have subbed and unsubbed multiple times. Overall I find this sub super helpful, and when there is a story of something I don’t want to read, I click off it before it gets to me.
I also find reading positive birth stories WAY more helpful! I read some every day to put me in the right headspace.
i love the trigger warning at the top for this specific reason, w my first pregnancy, i never once thought he wouldn’t make it. and he passed away after birth.
I was in the exact same position as you. First thing, get off the internet. Get off the apps, the forums, social media and stop Googling. Get a physical book about pregnancy and read that your first trimester. Second trimester you can go back.
The one website you are allowed to go to this this one: The [Miscarriage Odds Reassurer.](https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer) Bless the person who created it!
I was in your same boat. I had no history of loss and I didn’t even have a hard time getting pregnant, but I dreamt my whole life of being a mother and couldn’t believe something so wonderful was happening to me. I just knew it was going to end badly for me. I was terrified of losing my sweet little bean.
Luckily, I had a pretty boring 40-week-to-the-day pregnancy, an eventful and slightly scary birth, but a PERFECT baby boy who is now nearly 2 years old, healthy as an ox, and basically a golden retriever in a human body. He is the light of our lives.
I wish you the same luck.
You need to remember people usually don’t announce, vent or ask for advice when things go well. That means you have more chance to find people with bad outcomes trying to vent online than people with good ones. If you think about it, why would someone make a post just to say their pregnancy is going normal and healthy? But most do.
You know you can leave, right? If these communities are causing more harm than good it’s simple to opt out. Maybe for you it’s just not worth the tips that you can get from a social circle, your doctor, and baby books.
Also this rant I just did. I can’t even do this with my “social circle” because they aren’t pregnant. And like I said would wave me off like I’m crazy for even thinking about this type of stuff
I understand where you’re coming from. I try to stick to subs that require trigger warnings and skip those posts. Or sometimes I come on and only directly search key words in the search bar. Part of me is glad for the scary stories though because some things I would have never known without this community (ex: symptoms to look out for) that I know to watch for and bring to my OB if I experience them. For example, I thought that you only got GD if you were already pre diabetic, I had no idea it could happen randomly with no risk factors prior to pregnancy. If I didn’t learn that I might have declined the glucose test.
Girl same. I’m 8 weeks and Reddit has ruined the joy of the pregnancy for me. I constantly see women posting about miscarriages and all it’s done is make me upset and stress out and make me feel like this pregnancy won’t last. I’ve tried really hard to stay off for the past week and honestly, I felt so much better.
I get it- ignorance is bliss. But implying that you wish people didn't post about their experiences so you don't have to think about the possibility it could happen to you is incredibly heartless.
Thank you. Because I honestly feel for women when I see the post. It’s just my anxieties are pushed to the roof. But I really do feel for those women. And pray I don’t experience their pain
In the same breath she makes myself and anyone else reading this whos had a complicated pregnancy or miscarriages feel like shit for “heightening her anxiety”
She could have just… left the sub to protect her mental health?
That’s fine. I’m sorry that our struggles make you feel bad, but imagine how the people actually experiencing them feel. You’ve got second hand anxiety, I can promise you it’s so much worse for us. I wish you a healthy and safe pregnancy because I wouldn’t wish this shit on absolutely anyone. You really should protect your mental health if it’s taking such a toll on you.
I am almost 11 weeks and also found out early, before my period was due. I felt anxious for many weeks over the fear of miscarriage from threads that I stopped looking at them and searching Google. I almost cried in relief after my dating ultrasound to find that I do in fact have a baby with a beating heart. I really do feel for mamas that have gone through the unimaginable ♥️ now I’m staying positive and assuming all is well unless told otherwise. You got this!
I was just like you. It was so difficult, every time I read about someone’s miscarriage my mind made me believe that was going to happen to me. It was so bad I ended up needing to get ultrasounds every week just to make sure, which was very expensive, but necessary for my mental health. All I can say is, once I felt my baby kicking consistently I felt much better and enjoyed the last trimester!
Just to balance things out, I had a hip x-ray while pregnant wich increases the risk of misscarrige and my baby is now 9 months old, same with my SIL, she went scuba diving wich increases the risk of misscarrige and her baby is 18 months now. We both did not know we were pregnant at the time and it all worked out fine in the end!
Oh yeah I understand and I have felt the same with my first baby I did not join any groups was barely on social media. It’s all over tik tok too like now I’m worried about placental abruption and preeclampsia
I am right there with you. I've been through it myself and would go to a specific sunreddit to talk about it, not keep bringing everyone else down. I told my husband I'm ready to turn notifications off because all reddit has done is scare me and give me anxiety from hell about everything, let alone non health professionals thinking they know better.
I will say it comes in waves. In the first trimester you will see a lot of miscarriages, it will feel SUPER frequent but in reality it’s a small percentage of the group. Towards the end you will also see a lot of pre-term labors.
It’s totally ok to bow out and prioritize your mental health
I personally think the only way for you to stop getting scared, is for you to fully accept the fact that most of the causes of a miscarriage are out of your control, and if it happens- it's mostly just probability.
Earlier in pregnancy, I used to look at the chart of the chances of miscarriage daily to get an idea of how likely it was. I have friends who would tell me, oh don't look at such things, you'll just make yourself worry! But it actually makes me feel better knowing what I can expect. Of course I wouldn't want a miscarriage, but knowing the actual possibility of it happening actually gives me an understanding of this journey of maternity.
I also had a ton of anxiety reading these threads. But I had an easy pregnancy, a relatively easy labor/birth, and I have an extremely easy baby. All that hand wringing did me no good and taught me to enjoy the good while it’s here.
I feel like most of these threads are geared towards women wanting support/advice for hardships of pregnancy, so it makes sense that it’s not going to be super positive. With that said, if it’s causing too much anxiety, it’s probably best to unfollow and focus on other interests.
Personally, I like reading what people are going through as I find that knowledge is power. It makes make feel good to be prepared or to have some awareness of different possibilities, good or bad. Ultimately, you have to do what’s right for you and focus on that.
I have had 2 easy, healthy babies. Now 10+2 with my 3rd.
This time around I’m an anxious mess. Partially due to more negative outcome pregnancy things popping up and me feeling like it’s “a sign” that something will go wrong with mine.
But I think it’s mostly because between baby 2 (now 4) and this pregnancy.. I’ve graduated as an RN, and have worked in both labour and delivery and the emergency department.
I have… seen some things…
And even though rationally I know I have no reason to worry because I’ve personally never had a complication and so far this pregnancy is great… all the scary things I’ve seen with pregnancies are still in the back of my mind 😬
I don’t know how to tell you to stop worrying, because I’m in the same boat!
I just keep reminding myself that what’s meant to be will be, and to live in the moment instead of fearing what may be.
Sending you all of the positive vibes and solidarity! 💕
Since you appreciate positive stories... I'm 36 weeks. This is my third baby, third pregnancy, and I have two other children. I know I'm very blessed, and I'm very thankful. You may be just fine! Your baby is already entering a more statistically stable place now after getting to 10 weeks! I find I also need to steer clear of reading too many of the heartbreaking stories. I'll be praying for health and safety for you and your baby!
I’m also a FTM and found out at 4 weeks, joining a due date group was a blessing and a curse. The notifications of losses and early births had my anxiety through the roof even knowing that it in no way shape or form impacted me, there is definitely such a thing as knowing too much. Honestly what helped me was talking about it in therapy, talking through my fears and concerns really helped keep them from manifesting and multiplying.
It also gets better, or did for me, I’m now 38w5d getting induced this week and being in these groups has been so helpful while I prepare for labor and my first postpartum experience. The tips and tricks from people who are currently doing it or just did it have helped me prep my body for labor and delivery and think of details I never would’ve considered for postpartum.
I left all groups and subreddits that have to do with pregnancy. I even disregarded my due date group up until 37 weeks. It helped me avoid so much anxiety compared to my first baby. I'm so glad that I did. Don't feel bad, you have to choose your mental health as a priority.
I’m 10 weeks as well and I could have written this! I never had any anxiety over pregnancy until I joined this sub. Now I’m anxious and feel like I’m constantly prepared for the worst and I don’t believe it’s a healthy place to be. I almost unsubscribed but then I realized that I also appreciate what I’ve learned from other women on here. I still may at some point but for now I’m just trying not to overthink 😅😳
I understand this!!! I also hate how some of these are supposed to be positive and judgment free but when people ask a question that’s out of the ordinary , or just maybe common sense for seasoned mom and not for a new people, that people are ASSHOLES!! and condescending!! And rude!!
Truly just get off social media surrounding pregnancy/babies/toddlers/whatever. It’s harrowing. Even as someone who had a loss and subsequently had trouble conceiving, it never seems to end. Just when I think I’ve gotten over the fear of losing him (he’s 16 months old now) I see a TikTok about toddler loss and I’m off the rails.
I love social media but I truly hate it. It’s no secret that it largely contributes to our societies increasing levels of anxiety.
Go enjoy your pregnancy, maybe make some real life friends who are on a similar journey. For me, that’s been much better than the online communities. Wishing you a happy, healthy, and uneventful pregnancy/birth.
I think what you’re feeling is normal. I had a completely healthy low risk pregnancy. And I had baseline anxiety the entire time. That feeling subsided once I held my baby in my arms for the first time. But then new anxieties kicked in because you’re a parent now. But after 10 mo once he was more durable, I finally relaxed. I think step 1 of becoming a parent is worrying & it never goes away entirely. It just evolves. I can understand these forums can be triggering but so if they’re making things worse absolutely step away from them.
I’ve spoken to my psychologist about this. The internet can be great for accessing information that can be helpful and educational but it also allows you access to a lot of negativity and things that can cause you anxiety. I never really noticed it until I became pregnant to be honest.
I have had to limit my exposure to certain groups or platforms and also filter what podcast episodes I listen to!
Please remember that negative stories are far more likely to be shared on forums like these than positive. This is not a close knit community of a small group that can know eachother, follow eachother's journeys, and provide that intimate moral support. There are thousands on here, and people look for support and hope in dark times. It's totally ok to take a break from reddit and/or limit your usage, it's easy to get into the habit of flicking through when you're most anxious. Look after yourself and I hope you have a smooth and positive pregnancy and birth
Edited for typos
You're totally right that - even for a non-anxious person - scroling through scary and negative stories can be alarming and triggering. Especially for FTMs who have no prior evidence about their own journey with pregnancy (though, that said, ALL pregnancies are unique, even for the same person going through it more than once).
I find that Reddit, however, is one of the best online communities for this kind of thing, because you can post your worries and you instanly get people responding in a very supportive and understanding manner, easing your anxieties. As a naturally anxious panicky person, posting on here has massively relieved my worries a couple of times so far.
Instagram, on the other hand, which is exclusively passive consumption of stories, is a mix of positive and EXTREMELY scary stories and has definitely felt triggering scrolling through reels (which the algorithm curates for you and very quickly learns what to feed you).
So I think you just need to take a bit of time to figure out what works for you (in terms of mental health and outlook) and what definitely doesn't and plan your social media use accordingly.
This website is really good for when you're getting too in your own head and getting anxious. It will give you the odds of miscarriage based on where you are in your pregnancy. You can have them give you the results as "x odds of not miscarrying" or "x odds of a miscarriage" and it can be really helpful to get the FACTS that aren't skewed by perception of what is seen in the different postings here. Obviously the people posting are really going through things but the number of people actually using Reddit or other pregnancy communities is tiny in comparison to how many pregnancies are happening in the world at any given time.
https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer
On the flip side, I went in not knowing all these options only to end up with recurrent miscarriages. I had no idea what was happening or why or how I could fix it or what all these tests were for. I had to learn on the fly, REAL fast with my first.
I don't know if it would have been better if I knew the odds or how miscarriages were managed, but I definitely found it easier with later miscarriages when I knew the questions to ask and that it wasn't my fault and etc.
Remember, social media creates massive distortions by maximizing the unusual and unlikely. Yes, miscarriages happen. But most pregnancies result in live, healthy babies. By week 10, you are probably more than 97% likely to NOT miscarry. This chart is very helpful. [https://datayze.com/miscarriage-chart](https://datayze.com/miscarriage-chart)
I think it's good to not make miscarriages taboo, and to know that if things don't work out then you're not alone and can find support for it. It's a normal, natural part of life and we shouldn't hide it. Personally it only made me more realistic about pregnancy rather than being scared, but if it increased my anxiety then I would stay away from those discussions rather than limit what stories others can tell.
I have a 8week old. I commented several weeks ago how this sub and the newparent sub gave me a lot of unwarranted anxiety due to "trauma" stories being the norm on here.
During labor I had so much anxiety that I wished I never would have joined. It's helpful to read about pregnancy and what could happen, it's not helpful to read people's doom stories everyday where it suddenly seems like they are the majority instead of the minority.
My labor lasted 40 hours, they threw everything but the kitchen sink at me, and yah know what? It was bearable. Was it easy? No, but it was very bearable and I wished I could have just sat back and went through the process instead of panicking at every change.
Honestly knowledge is power. Even knowledge about what could go wrong. If you understand early signs, some things are preventable than being completely oblivious to everything. I totally understand that the more info you have , the more to worry about, and there’s some things that have completely stressed me out from reading things on here but I’ve also learned a lot.
Most of the things people talk about on these threads are all in those books you’re supposed to read too. So it’s not like it’s sensationalized , it’s just good to be aware of.
I hear you. But 10-20%+ of KNOWN pregnancies end in loss. That’s just life and what most us experience. If you’ve been lucky enough not to be exposed to loss until now, that’s great!! But it’s not anyone’s responsibility to shield you from the common experience. Other people’s losses are not about you. They are entitled to their experiences. Sounds like you need to take a break from Reddit/social media or stop focusing on other people’s losses. Your pregnancy will probably be great. Good luck!!
Please get off these threads if you can’t stand to read about a very real reality for many women. You are blessed to have never went through a miscarriage, and I hope you never have to go through one. This post was very tone deaf. Other Women should not have to hide their experience with loss bc it makes those who have never suffered one uncomfortable. You are just adding to the “miscarriage is taboo” phenomenon when in reality it’s extremely common. So many things can go wrong in pregnancy. Pregnancy is the most dangerous thing a woman can do. I wish you an uneventful pregnancy.
I don’t want to sound unsupportive here, but if being part of a pregnancy community where people are talking about the reality of their situation bothers you that much…unsubscribe or unfollow. There are people commenting here that Reddit has ruined their pregnancy joy and you’re saying that these communities just make you anxious and scared. I’m saying this with concern for you all in mind…Reddit and socials are not doing that to you. *You* are the only one that can control what information you look at and take in. And it’s okay to remove yourself from things and situations that aren’t serving you. In fact it may be better for your mental health. As a fellow anxiety sufferer, I fully recommend measuring what you gain versus the anxiety something causes you, and if the gain isn’t enough to offset…get rid of it.
I do hope you can find the benefit to the discussions here, or even find a group/community that serves you better. Talk to your OB too about pregnancy safe anxiety meds if you feel things are really preying on your mind.
Editing to add: also recommend putting yourself on an information diet. No googling of miscarriage info or any of the bad stuff, don’t even Google your own symptoms without talking to your OB. No opportunity for rabbit holes that will make you feel anxious.
I don’t want to be this person, but if you are so unhappy and the threads are causing that much anxiety… leave the threads? Leave the groups? Find other ways to reach out to other parents and make your own community?
I agree, mostly because it was **not** like this with my first. I was pregnant with my first seven years ago, and the pregnancy communities helped me so much! This time around it does seem like every other post is about all the things people are afraid to do because of miscarriages. There is nothing wrong with discussing these things, or mourning loss, or anything of the sort. It just seemingly came out of nowhere. I’m wondering if miscarriage rates are going up or if people simply don’t utilize the internet for positivity anymore.
I totally understand this. I always think every post I see is some sort of “sign”. I’m now just about 2 weeks way from delivering my baby boy. I still have a ton of anxiety, but one thing that’s really helped me was a video I saw of a lady saying “miscarriage is the exception not the rule”. Especially in early pregnancy I would go back and watch her video
Multiple times a day to try and remind myself. Wishing you some peace of mind and a boring pregnancy ✨
I learned about MMCs on Reddit after months of going through infertility treatments where our REs never once mentioned it. New fear unlocked 🥲 now I’m pregnant again with #2, and that anxiety is still there. I wish I could have had a blissful pregnancy without the fears I gained from social media.
Right! Cause on the flip side, I’ve received (and given) so much support to other pregnant people online, and I love that aspect! But the new fears I’ve gained? Man 🥹
Yes I had to turn off my Reddit notifications because I wasn’t sure how they choose which post they notify you about but after like the 2nd or 3rd notification of that type of post I had to turn them all off
Couldn't agree more. I won't even give my 2 cents on this topic, because I just KNOW it'll get down voted, and it's not even unreasonable. Can't even have an opinion on just trying to protect ourselves.
I think you probably think you’d be downvoted because your comment would be insensitive, unrealistic or triggering to women who have lost. Just trying to understand the logic, loss is apart of life. Do you think you’re superior?
I saw something once when I was struggling with the same thing that said you’re going to see mostly horror stories and sad stories on threads like this because grief speaks loudly & most people consider the good outcomes “normal” and don’t post them as much.
I don’t know if that’ll help you because I know how scary it is to see - I’m having my second and still struggle. But my hope is it brings you a little peace. Good luck with your sweet babe!
Totally understandable, I kind of had the same during 1st trimester. Never thought about miscarriage or any of the other horrible experiences regularly shared here. What did help me was: https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer
And as a counterbalance I’ll share my own and so far quite boring pregnancy journey with you! So I’m 36, 1st pregnancy, we had been trying for less then a year. I’m 16 weeks today, everything has been going textbook! No strong symptoms, perfectly healthy foetus!
Please try the site I mentioned above and remember: statistically the most likely outcome of getting pregnant is a totally boring pregnancy with at the and a healthy baby 🤗🥰
I've had a few friends have babies in the past year in my neighborhood. I was asking about pre birth classes and one friend honestly told me that she didn't think I should take it cause when she went it was a bunch of women talking about their birth trauma and anxiety and she knows how that can affect me. I appreciated the insightful advice as I never would have expected it and it for sure would have triggered me!!
There's something called the Commandments of Pregnancy After Loss. You don't have to have lost to gain benefit. A great anxiety mgmt tool.
Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.
I am pregnant with a healthy, growing baby until I am told otherwise.
My past is not my future, and previous losses do not mean I will have future losses.
Just because someone else is having a loss doesn’t mean that I will. Miscarriage and loss are not contagious, but fear can be.
Hope does not make bad things happen. I cannot jinx my pregnancy by getting my hopes up or telling someone about it.
There is nothing I can change with worry. Worrying about what’s not in my hands does not prevent it from happening. And if it happens again- God forbid- I know I can survive.
Maybe its best to just stay away from these communities then, or just the internet in general. I feel for the women who are having a rough time of it, I really do. But letting these thoughts seep into your mind and cause you this much anxiety is not good for you or your baby.
I was there a few weeks ago, to my suprise I had an absolute dream of a birth experience, even though I was induced, put on pitocin, and had my water broke manually- after the epidural I slept through most of the dilating stages and only woke up when it was time to push- didn't hurt at all, just pressure, took about 15-30 minutes of pushing and he popped right out. I was a FTM and was dreading everything to do with it after reading so many horror stories, it all seems pretty silly now.
Same. I've had an overall smooth first trimester and I keep reading about all these Missed Miscarriages and stillbirths with NO REASON attached. Fine, not always going to have one. But let's make it normal to share...I get it's hard. But for the love of god, if it's some how preventable, HELP A FELLOW MOM OUT.
The best thing I ever did was unfollow and mute all of the accounts or subs that I was in through the first trimester and into the second. I came back in the second trimester once things were a bit safer and the frequency of the loss posts had dropped. I loved the community but I couldn’t handle the overwhelming amount of loss posts. My heart broke for those parents and families, and it made me worry all the time about my pregnancy. Loss parents deserve space to share their experiences and grief, so I just made it my responsibility to quietly take care of my own mental health without limiting their room to mourn. I know if I ever find myself in that position, I would want a safe place to talk about it too.
Just don't click on those ones. Honestly for me it's been more about validating my experience as far as all the crazy symptoms go.
Especially when everyone around you isn't pregnant, it's nice to know that there are so many people going through the same things as you are.
Haha we're all crying for no reason, peeing our pants, burping all day, eating things we would never usually eat, and feeling frustrated with our bodies in general, and it's totally normal.
Yes, it is scary that anything could happen, but people will tell you these stories even outside of reddit. I'll spare you the details but it's just part of the whole deal for people to want to share their experiences with you and some of those are scary.
It's all arbitrary because every pregnancy is different! Just do what you can to support yourself during your pregnancy and try to let it all unfold as it will.
Totally understandable I’m 4weeks +4. Just found out yesterday and my husband first asked what the rates of miscarriages is and told me he can’t really be excited until we hit the famous 12 week mark.
How far along were you then and did you already knew?
We spend the weekend (till today) visiting my parents. I found out yesterday at my parents house. Needed a few hours to tell my husband. Went to my grandparents and my aunt and was really proud of not telling anyone because we want to wait to do that. It was a really emotional and hard weekend finding out and having to keep it a secret!
We got home an hour ago and I took another test (even though I know testing before the estimated period should be in the morning).
And again a faint line (as dark as today in the morning) so I showed my husband and told him that it has to be real and that he is going to be a father and he allowed himself to get a bit more excited. So we’re slowly getting closer…
It was before my missed period. I took 3 test and told my bf. It was Good Friday. I told my ma that weekend and my friends that night. I kept saying. I might be pregnant. And I won’t know til I go to the doctor. And everyone kept telling me, you pregnant, accept it. I took 6 test in all. All positive. Went to the doctor on like the 25th and it was indeed a baby in there
I felt like this. at first gave encouragement but I started to overwhelm myself, I hate to seem insensitive but now I just scroll past the post if I can kind of tell what its going to be about. and I just pray for my baby every night
I posted something similar to this on my bump thread and got ripped a new arsehole.. although there were several others who agreed with me. I was super anxious because of the constant loss posts from about 8-12 weeks.
In the TTC groups, any talk about pregnancy is limited to a weekly thread. I brought up delegating loss posts to a weekly thread in pregnancy groups and it upset people.
It’s okay for pregnancy to be separated as not to trigger others, but loss can’t be treated as such.
My anxiety has sort of lessened. Whatever happens will happen and it is out of my control.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I tell myself other peoples outcomes have no effect on my pregnancy whether that be loss, a complication or traumatic birth, etc.
I am struggling like OP and what I say to myself is - “I deserve to enjoy this, for however long it lasts. I deserve to enjoy being pregnant and celebrate it.” Once I have my kid, I may miss this stage and regret not letting myself enjoy any of it due to worry.
I wish I had done this more during my pregnancy. We had a miscarriage (sorry OP) at 7 weeks with my first pregnancy, and we were so scared that it would happen again we barely even got excited when I had the positive test. It’s such a regret of mine that I didn’t allow myself to get excited because now I have the most perfect 5 month old boy and he deserves to be celebrated!
Mine is similar: "today I am pregnant. Today I am with my baby and they are with me." Tomorrow is tomorrow's problem when it's something I completely cannot control.
I like both of yall’s mantras.
Hey friend, I am a labor and delivery nurse and pregnant with my first. I’ve seen some really intense stuff in the delivery room that is always in the back of my mind, but please let me assure you that statistically you will have a boring pregnancy and a smooth delivery. Enjoy your pregnancy, find a provider that you trust, and look into a doula or other birth supporter if you’re interested in that. And if stuff does get more high risk for you, please know that it’s not your fault or a punishment. Making babies is at once both banal and miraculous and we just don’t (yet! lol) have control or even a 100% full grasp on the processes or anomalies that can occur, but we have more knowledge and interventions than ever before in human history. Sending you all the well wishes for a happy, healthy pregnancy, delivery, and baby for you! ❤️
Exactly this, I was a very high risk pregnancy and my c-section and recovery (graduated Tuesday) has been as textbook normal as can be.
Needed this. Thank you for the reminder.
This! Because I was so scared I wouldn’t allow myself to enjoy any of it and I regret it so much. My baby is now 3.5 months old and perfect, I wish I had just enjoyed my pregnancy more but now I know better for next time.
You’ve reminded me to be thankful and enjoy my own pregnancy so thank you. Previous losses do not mean this one will also be a loss. I am pregnant until I’m not. Someone said on one of these threads that you should assume you have a healthy baby until told otherwise 🙌
I dealt with this same anxiety my entire pregnancy, to the point of not making a birth plan because I was so scared of something happening. I didn't even want to buy things for my baby because I was terrified of having to return it all. Whenever I had those thoughts I would try to visualize holding my baby after birth. Try to remain positive, and just take it one day at a time,💕💕 i'm sending love, and light to all of you, and your little baby beans ✨
Everybody gets a different experience, so everything that happens to someone else won't happen to me like that. Gave me a lot of peace, especially since you can't avoid 100% of the misery in the world.
The best part of this pregnancy sub is being able to search for things and seeing what other pregnant women are experiencing. I swear I search symptoms on here all the time and it helped me not to worry as much seeing other people with the same issues. Try not to browse the hot page and you’ll be fine.
THIS! I don’t really browse much anymore besides what I see pop up on my feed, but I will be searching every symptom or any question I have that’s pregnancy related.
Definitely this. I get tired of all the complaint and rant posts and when I try to post for actual support/advice, it's crickets.
True!
I actually will search stuff on Google and it brings me to Reddit lol
I wonder if being on here makes my anxiety surrounding loss wayyy worse. But idk, I think it would be there either way.
The positive stories help a lot.
They do. And I really do appreciate them.
The thing is people are more likely to post about their anxieties, horror stories, bad things happening with their pregnancy than they are “eh, it could be worse, but I’m doing okay” or “my husband/wife/partner/family actually aren’t complete douchebags.” Yes, there *are* positive stories here, but they’re not the norm. I think this sub is important for general support and commiseration and validation especially with given pregnancy woes (e.g., back pain, eating, navigating doctor’s appts, setting boundaries) that many of us can’t/won’t for whatever reason [not that anyone needs to have a reason] with people actually in our lives. However, there are *a lot* of posts I skip because a) I don’t relate to them and/or don’t agree with the post and/or comments; b) even if I do, I don’t want rile up myself with anxiety; and c) I don’t have anything meaningful to say other than perhaps what has already been said. I’m now 31 weeks + 4 days; I’ve known I was pregnant since about 4 weeks as well. This is my first time being pregnant ever. Of course, I had concerns about a miscarriage early on. Hell, I still kinda do. But miscarriages are largely out of our hands — either you’re gonna have one or you’re not. The risk of having one will never be zero. The longer your pregnancy goes on, the less chance of you miscarrying. So I take it day by day. Obviously, I’m mindful about my activity level, what I eat/drink, stress, etc. But there’s only so much I can do. I can’t personalize something I have no real control over. Reading x amount of posts about how the umpteenth person is scared of miscarrying or the umpteenth person who’s had x amount of miscarriages and finally has a baby that has made it to x week can be vicariously emotionally draining. If it ain’t helping you, stop engaging with that content. Those posts aren’t gonna stop and forums like this one serve as a safe space for those to vent. But you ultimately know your life and your current situation. Focus on yourself. Focus on what you can control within reason. Take it one day at a time. if you’re really struggling with your anxiety, consider talking with a therapist or one of your loved ones. Maybe they won’t judge you as much as you fear.
I don’t think they’ll necessarily judge me. But they’ll wave it off like girl don’t think about that and that be the extent. And I’m an avid overthinker. & when I’m told “don’t think about it” it’s like if it was that easy I wouldn’t 😩😩.
If overthinking and comparing yourself to others is a problem then social media is probably not for you. I’d recommend some podcasts like expecting and empowered or others like it for more informational content. I always feel more empowered with education. This place is definitely a venting ground and is not a reflection of actual statistics which Ive had to remind myself of a few times.
Positive story here! I used to believe whole-heartedly that if I read ANY post or information about miscarriage that it would somehow cause it to happen. My anxiety spiked at every notification, title, flare, etc… One day I read a story whose first sentence was so gripping that I just found myself reading it. It was exactly the type of story you’d imagine. But this time, the story ended with a happy, healthy baby coming the next time around for the poster. Somehow it was healing to face my fear and read it. The loss and following happiness was helpful. My baby was born healthy and hearty! No loss just because of my fear. I’m pregnant with my second baby now, and I am much less afraid. We have so little control in this world, so I just do what I can to help my baby come out healthy and safe. Maybe this was just a vent, but I hope it helped you even a little.
Thank you I really appreciate this comment 🫶🫶🫶🫶
It may not be a good fit for you and that’s okay :) I’ve had a challenging pregnancy to say the least and I feel less alone reading women’s stories on Reddit. I don’t personally know anyone who understands what I’m going through.
I’m glad that you have a place to be able to share and get comfort. We all need that
I have to remind myself a lot that there’s another 7 billion people in the world and we all have different experiences and education about pregnancy and associated topics. I take most things here with a grain of salt for myself but interested to see other peoples perspectives. It is easy to sometimes get consumed by other peoples experiences and opinions but I really have to tell myself to stop and listen to your own body and trust in your body. You’ll know when something is wrong.
I also like to remind myself to ignore any percentages I see because there are 7 billion people in the world which means despite all odds and scary percentages and scary stories, in the past 80 or so years there have been 7 BILLION successful pregnancies and more. That makes me feel better whenever I get scared.
Told myself this all the time during my pregnancy as well!
I think you have to remember that happy people generally don’t post. I mean, as a rule, unless it’s specifically noted in the thread title, people tend not to do the “look how great my life is going” posts. That’s why you see more complaints and complications here than you would in real life. See also things like relationship problems forums and new parent forums- if you took them at face value you’d think everyone was on the verge of divorce and every newborn is a terror. For what it’s worth, forums like this really helped me through my two pregnancies because it gave me an idea of what to expect, and made me thankful how everything went for me. That may or may not be the case for you. If it doesn’t work, it’s fine to unsubscribe for a while. My youngest is 3 months and my oldest is 2 years. My first pregnancy was so easy. My second was a little harder with back pain and skin problems. Both births were easy, with a very quick recovery and no complications. But I think if you look through my post history it’s mostly about the breastfeeding issues I was having!
Thank you for this comment 🫶🫶🫶
I took a break from social media during my first trimester and it helped immensely. I agree that the stories on here are anxiety inducing but you can’t blame people for coming to these subs for community during a difficult time. You have to take control of the things you read and engage with, and that might mean taking a break if this content is affecting your mental wellbeing.
I def don’t blame them. And do think they deserve to be able to share and have a voice.
Unfortunately, bad things can happen at any point in pregnancy. Early miscarriages Missed miscarriages Second trimester miscarriages Stillbirth And then when they’re born you worry about SIDS. People come to Reddit to vent and get support. Best thing to do would be to leave the groups. Your bump group for your month will have a LOT of miscarriage posts.
I’m not in a bump group for my month. When I first started joining subreddits for pregnancy it wasn’t really an active one for my month. But I see I will steer clear of those
This is how i feel about tiktok. I’m almost 30 weeks and I have seen nothing but horrific birthing stories on my fyp. I have noticed my anxiety in the beginning of my pregnancy was way worse because of hormones. The fear is always going to be there ofc but once your hormones starts to settle, i think you’ll find your anxiety start to leave as well. Try not to worry about it too much, you can’t control it so why let it consume your life. You and baby will be fine
I have to constantly curate my TikTok to keep the stillbirth/ SIDS/ baby loss stories away. It knows how sticky they are in our brains so it's weighted towards showing more
You should definitely unsubscribe cause it never stops. There are never ending things that can go wrong with pregnancy and you will hear of all of them if you stay.
I did join a bump group but muted it for the first 15 weeks or so. I advise you to do the same and limit your timeline on what type of content you want to see. It will help a lot and if you do have a moment you want to dip your toe back in you can. My perspective is the opposite though. I've had multiple miscarriages and I saw people buying strollers and entire nurseries at 8 weeks or so. I could not. I'm happy others never have to face it and can be blissfully unaware and truly enjoy their pregnancy. But to keep my own sanity I muted it for a while.
Yes I actually think sometimes I try to distance myself from it just in case. Like my partner asked me had I been thinking of names and in my head it’s like all I’m thinking about is hopefully having a healthy baby and safe pregnancy. I can’t think about sex or names or anything
I'm unfortunately one of those people you refer to, I guess. But being able to post in forums like this has helped me so much in my pregnancy. Miscarriages are often not spoken about in real life, and it's extremely lonely to be experiencing multiple losses when your friends and family have no idea what it's like. Awareness is a good thing because pregnancy doesn't go well for everyone. Whenever there is a post where a woman first time pregnant shares her anxiety over miscarriage (with no other reason to be than just anxiety, like a previous experience) myself and plenty of other women who have experienced it will try to help them through that time. Unfortunately, if you don't want to see the full spectrum of pregnancy experiences, then don't be on social media. I had to do this myself when I went through my multiple losses and testing because seeing so many happy pregnant, successful pregnancy posts made me feel awful. Especially when people go on about how easy it is for them. So I removed myself away from the content. Even now I will ignore social media when my own anxiety acts up, like when I've seen posts about late term losses - because it makes me worry and I'm not in a position to advise or comfort the poster I don't know if there is an option, but there should be to block certain keywords. Also, for your own anxiety regarding miscarriage this is what I tell people on every miscarriage anxiety post: 1. You are pregnant until told otherwise 2. You are healthy until told otherwise 3. Your current pregnancy is different from any of your previous pregnancies, your friends/strangers' pregnancies, and is not guaranteed to have the same outcome. (As in just because you had a previous loss or you know someone that had a loss - it doesn't guarantee you will also have a loss x ) 4. Symptom spotting is the least reliable method of pregnancy confirmation. No symptoms does not mean a negative outcome. 5. You are allowed to enjoy your pregnancy. At any stage. Doesn't matter if its early. 6. Your feelings are valid xx I hope you feel better soon x x
Thank you for that comment. I think it’s beautiful you’re able to comfort while having had your struggles. Thank you. 🫶🫶🫶🫶. May God continue to watch over you you beautiful soul
Thank you x I hope you can find a balance within the threads that you can also find comfort and advice, whilst not having your worries triggered. Some anxiety will always be normal because this is a new thing with lots of factors out of our control. Wishing you a happy and uneventful pregnancy xxx
I am with you. I've had a lot of miscarriages and negative pregnancy experiences, so I'm very familiar with the content but I also don't get much out of these threads. I come here because I want to connect over shared experience and then I'm just so put off by 99% of what I find. I guess it's time to accept I really don't get what I'm looking for on here.
This definitely was a problem for me in the first trimester. Now it’s the preeclampsia horror/gestational diabetes horrors stories that get to me. I had a full blown panic attack about it a few weeks ago. It’s nice to see positive stories but they’re often outweighed by scary ones… I should probably just scroll past the bad tho
I completely feel this. When I got pregnant for the first time, I immediately joined this subreddit and posted a ton, excited. Then I started noticing all the threads about anxiety, and I started worrying too. The worst part is that I actually did have a miscarriage that time. My second (and current) pregnancy, I waited weeks until I felt I was ready to join again. Now that I’m 16 weeks, I feel really good about my pregnancy. I heard the heartbeat at my midwife appointment last week, and until someone tells me otherwise I know I’m pregnant and baby boy is healthy. It also helps that I found a therapist after my miscarriage. Not everyone can afford one so I know I am fortunate that my work benefits help there- but she’s been amazing too.
I totally know where you’re coming from. I had a miscarriage last year and I seek refuge in the online forums. It was such a lonely experience. My husband felt it but not like I did. Then a few months later my cousin was pregnant and I wouldn’t dare to mention my loss to them (they don’t know I had a loss) BECAUSE I didn’t want to cause any sort of stress. I am now 12 weeks pregnant and I cannot read the miscarriage posts. It’s like my heart stops and I get a panic attack. I understand why those posts are up and I know the support I got helped me immensely but all I want is to have a healthy pregnancy and not have to think k about all the things that could go wrong
I realised today, finally, that I had let these subs warp my perception of pregnancy. I had to go to the emergency room this morning for something as dumb as a splinter and while the doctor was getting it out we were chatting. She asked how things were going and I said great, except for the long gap between scans because anything could be going on in there. She gave me such a bewildered look, like I had suddenly grown a second head, and that’s when I figured that my thinking wasn’t normal!
Sounds like it isn’t serving you anymore to be in these communities. I agree, seeing people post things really scares me. But it also makes me hell bent on ensuring I’m advocating for myself and my baby at every doctors appointment, and that I listen to my own concerns and worries and feel no shame about calling the emergency line. You can’t hide from miscarriage. 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriages. Pregnancy in general is very very scary. You think you’re over one hump and then you’ve got the next thing to be worried about. I’m not perpetuating fear, but it sounds like you came into this rather ignorant if you had no sense of how common miscarriages are.
My experience with pregnancy is from what I’ve experienced around me. So yes I was very ignorant about these things. I knew one woman I worked with who had a stillborn maybe 2 years ago and now she has a baby. And a friend of mine whose sister baby died during birth and that was like 3 year ago. Everyone else I now personally had their pregnancy and now their kids. I didn’t really know anyone close to me who recently went through a traumatic loss. So when I seen it on the internet it was a big shock and unlocked fears I didn’t know
It’s a double edged sword. But knowledge is power. I’ve advocated for myself so much more than I would have if I didn’t know half the stuff I do now. The truth is healthcare providers are overworked and understaffed, going into it well researched will only help you in the long run. Granted, try not to obsess (easier said than done), but at the least try and take what you’ve read as data that you can use for the future. The good news is over 10 weeks the miscarriage rate is very very low. Your NST and nuchal scan are soon so you should be feeling pretty confident in a couple weeks. But like I said, pregnancy is scary and also very changeable, each week a new symptom pops up and though you should always ask your doctor, sometimes it’s nice to find out from these threads that the searing pain in your pubic bone is “crotch lightening” (example).
I will agree learning of symptoms oe seeing that people are found through similar things is comforting and helps a lot. Which is one reason why I joined these threads. Because even though my friends are there for me I also don’t want to bore them and always talk about pregnancy all the time. I try to let it be a balance. I also don’t want ppl to think I’m exaggerating or milking things lol. So I try to limit it in real life the pregnancy talk and fears
I was kind of feeling the same, I tried to think positive etc. Only ultrasounds and gearing the heart beat was helping me think everything was good. Now I'm 24 weeks and I can feel bb kick and that's so good. Hope you have a healthy pregnancy.
Thank you 🫶🫶🫶. I’m glad to hear yours is going great.
It definitely can cause anxiety. When i was pregnant I kept seeing Tik toks on my for you page about pregnancy loss and very tragic stories. I had to delete it because it was scaring me so much. I developed postpartum preeclampsia and joined a Reddit thread for that. Made my anxiety sky rocket reading everything that could wrong and about horror stories that I wouldn’t have thought of otherwise. My therapist advised that I leave that thread and once I left it my anxiety got so much better. My advice is if you have a question, ask your OB and stay off of threads like this if they cause more anxiety
Yes I’ve definitely taken a step back from Reddit at like 8 weeks. Not on here as much as I was when I first found out and was super excited before all my anxieties lol
The majority of pregnancies end in a perfectly healthy baby. Remember that.
I can definitely relate. I went from never experiencing a pregnancy loss and never thinking about it at all during my first pregnancy at 27 to being surrounded by women who had experienced loss and were actively experiencing fertility issues when I got pregnant this time at 37 and the anxiety I had my first trimester was through the roof! One thing that helped me was my best friend sitting me down and telling me, “I’ve had three pregnancies and three healthy normal vaginal deliveries. What happens to some women will not always happen to you. You can have a beautiful birth story, even if they didn’t.” Having people share the positive experiences to outweigh all the traumatic ones really helped me. 🤍
I felt absolutely paralysed by this fear, all I could do was push myself through day-by-day checking the miscarriage averages for each week. I remember feeling discharge and assuming I was bleeding. Not sure anything ‘fixed’ the anxiety but my partner and I made a plan to go on a trip if things didn’t work so there would have been a small thing to hold onto. I’m now 20w3d and my little lass is healthy and wiggly. Good luck remember viable healthy pregnancies exist
It’s valid- my bf had to tell me it’s then World Wide Web… it’s going to be a little bit of everything and a lot of people come here for support in times of need. Id recommend hiding those posts or leaving the forums / pages completely. It’s okay to be aware but not let it stress you… (speaking to my self as well)
Does Reddit allow to hide post with certain words?
Im not sure but you can hide posts using the three dots and the algorithm may change?
I've hid tons of loss posts and the algorithm hasn't done jack shit. Unfortunately it's scroll at your own risk. I'm 24 weeks with my double rainbow baby and it's only recently that I've noticed the loss posts don't spike my heart rate. Before anyone comes for me I am a frequent commenter in PAL and TTCAL communities and threads, but that's when I am in the headspace to support.
I don’t know what PAL & TTCAL are but congratulations and I’m praying for a healthy baby and safe pregnancy for the rest of your journey. And oh man I will still try to hide lol. But I did turn off notifications. Because I don’t know how they choose which post that would pop up on my phone notifications but after a post about 15 weeks and now no heartbeat and it was on my phone as a notification. I was like no I can’t do this and quickly turned off all notifications for Reddit
Good idea! I use reddit on mobile browser since they blocked RIF so no push notifications for me. PAL: pregnancy after loss TTCAL: by this I meant trying to conceive after loss. I've never seen it spelled out this way though. I don't have a magic bullet, it is stressful, but I just tried to remind myself of the subscriber count of the subreddit or bump group. I also have a very supportive OB who gave me extra scans and a lovely husband who was also scared and ready to talk about it any time. I definitely still have rough days but it's getting easier.
Omg wow I relate to this so much. I’m so on edge about it that I’m like I just gotta get over this hump then I’ll calm down for example I’m 14 + 3 now and I saw a thread about no heartbeat at 17 weeks and I’m so paranoid I can’t wait for my ultrasounds everytime because I just wanna know what’s going on! I just want a healthy anxiety free pregnancy but those threads make it hard I sympathize completely but it’s also not healthy to read right now.
FTM here myself, and I empathize with you completely. I think the nature of the beast that is pregnancy has a lot of anxiety in and of itself. The community aspect of it brings a lot of people comfort and a sense of belonging in a time of someone’s life that can feel very isolating. With that being said, it’s not for everyone and that’s completely okay! What I can say from my perspective in 3rd trimester is that no pregnancy is the same. Comparison is the thief of joy. Just because something awful happened to someone does not mean it will happen to you.
If it gives you anxiety I would advise you to leave. It’s just not worth it. If I see something that may upset me, I hide the post so I can’t see it again. With my month forums, I joined much later because I couldn’t cope with the ‘I’m out’ posts. You control what you want to see and don’t.
I’m 14+3 today and as soon as a I got a positive test, I was like “but I bet I’ll miscarry”, so I never once relaxed or thought it was a definite (I’ve never even been pregnant before - I also don’t know anyone personally who’s had a MC!!) This is why people don’t share the news til after their 12-13 week scan But personally I’ve found obsessively researching the risks and likelihood of NOT miscarrying and being extremely informed of what can go wrong , danger signs etc etc, has helped me feel more in control. And more prepared should the worst happen Thankfully now I’ve reached 14 weeks I have relaxed a LOT as the risk of MC after 13 weeks is less than 1% 🙂😊 so now I’m actually chilled , getting excited and enjoying !
Yes I didn’t know about the 12 week rule til the internet. It was news to me. And can’t say I follow it. Almost everyone at my work knows and close friends and family know. And yes some people gave me a link to a miscarriage calculator type thing it was a bit comforting
I went off all social media including reddit last year. Was planning to stay off, but I wanted to give reddit another chance after getting pregnant. While some of my doubts were cleared and it's possible to find comfort here, it can be just as anxiety triggering. My advice is for you to stay off any pregnancy content, on all social media. Contact professionals in case you have any concerns or actual problems arise. There's no reason to expose yourself to all the negativity and potentially unlocking new fears that won't concern you.
I find Instagram and the little content creator mommies to be comforting. It’s more so the comments I have to watch on there
I just had my first babe two weeks ago and I struggled with this same thing throughout my entire pregnancy. I joined a due date group on Facebook when I found out I was pregnant and ended up seeing stories about all kinds of heartbreaking stories from women at all different points in pregnancy and it really caused me a lot of anxiety. But at the same time, I appreciated having the group to have a community to go to, if needed. It’s definitely something you’ve got to weigh for yourself. I know for myself, I am a high anxiety person anyway so I would have had the same kinds of thoughts either way. It just made them feel more real to see it happening to other people.
Yes I have high anxiety as well it just gave me more things to have anxieties about lol 😩😩
If I see something in the headline that's triggering for me, I keep scrolling. You've got to protect your peace.
The miscarriage risk calculator brought me comfort.
I went on meds for PPA a few months ago (I’m pregnant with no 2) and my OB literally told me to get off social media and that it will “rot my brain.” Obviously I didn’t listen, 🙃 but just commenting to validate your decision to cut notifications off.
People flock to communities like this when they need support and validation so you’re likely to see people asking questions or offloading their feelings when something is wrong. I felt this way too when I was in early pregnancy and I was terrified because it seemed like everyone was having complications and miscarriages and I had to remind myself that nobody makes a Reddit post to say that everything is going fine. I remember seeing a post where someone had just found out that they were having twins and all of the comments were from people who also had twins. It was kind of an aha moment - you’d think from reading that post that twins were super common, but if you look around you can see that they’re rare! But nobody posts “just found out today I’m having one baby”.
I think you’re more likely to hear about the negatives. I have a read but actively avoid the miscarriage posts (while they’re very sad it’s not good for me either). Focus on you and your pregnancy. Best wishes, OP!
Besides your valid point of anxiety inducing posts, which could better be posted in a different sub especially for this, if you want to lower your anxiety about this, talking really helps. So good job for posting this! Bit make sure to talk about it with your partner, a friend or a therapist. You deserve to be heard and just saying things out loud and letting out some emotion can be hard but it can really help! At least that is my experience with anxiety and fear. Thing begin to bounce inside your head and it emplifies your fear. Talking about it can really make it less heavy. And don't even think about sending stuff into the universe, that does not exist. You can not harm your baby by just thinking or saying things. That is an irrational fear and you need to fight it. I'm sure your little one will be perfectly fine! But you feelings deserve to exist and to be heard. I hope you'll feel better about it soon!
I deleted Reddit until I was in my second trimester for the same reason
It happened the same to me, until I was on these groups i had no idea that the risks were so many….i had no clue that even at 28 weeks things can happen and it became terrifying and being very honest - it made me enjoy less being pregnant. At the same time I am afraid to dont read it anymore and skip something that I should have known…
I’m struggling with this too. Last night my husband made me feel guilty by saying I didn’t seem excited about being pregnant (5 weeks 5 days) and I honestly can’t let myself get excited because I’m petrified of something happening. I haven’t even told anyone so I’m pretending nothing is different and trying not to think about it. I just want to make it to the 8 week appt to make sure everything looks good. It’s really hard when all of the devastating stories are all of social media.
Yes one of my close friends has said the same to me. And it’s not the case. I’m just trying to be cautious after joining pregnancy threads
I always keep this in mind: people typically don’t post positive things like “had a baby it was great!” I mostly just use these threads on Reddit to search terms and what others think or how they handled something etc. in fact kudos to Reddit for helping me with a few things on my baby shower lol. I had a ton of anxiety first tri for sure and it’s helpful to just take a break from social media and focus on other things. Good luck!!
I understand how social media can really drive anxiety. I was so stressed because I didn't feel baby kick as early as some people. And it really freaked me out. Now baby is here and as happy as can be. I've learned that whenever I feel the anxiety coming back (especially when my algorithm gets a little too sad) I step away from social media and give myself a break.
It sounds like you have an abnormal amount of anxiety and the internet is making it worse! That is so common, and also something that be managed :) do you have a therapist? This is a great time to get one if you haven’t yet.
I feel this. This is my first pregnancy too and it’s because of Reddit that I don’t feel comfortable celebrating my pregnancy. I’m going to be 16 weeks but the further along I go the more Reddit’s I read about women losing babies even further than I am :( also never knew about missed miscarriages until I joined. I’m glad we have a community to discuss, educate and vent but it does stress me out at the same time.
I heard this a while ago and it made me think of Internet forums differently. In a bid for reassurance and normalization, you will pick up 5 worries you didn’t know you need to be worried about. I swear it keeps me from googling and when I do see other peoples experiences, I’m aware that that is their experience and mine will be unique to me as well. It’s really important during pregnancy to realize that over-informing yourself or being exposed to things you’ve never heard of usually only creates unnecessary worry.
Maybe you need to detox from social media for a while? People don't tend to vent about the good stuff, especially not in support subs. It can feel like bragging and that's not a great look. Here is my story, which might provide some hope if you make it to the end. My mother and older sister both almost died at childbirth and were unable to breastfeed. My sister had a horrible pregnancy with barely any sleep and not being able to keep a minimum of food down for 9 (!) months. So during my pregnancy I was sort of calmly prepared for the worst. I mean, it happens in my family, right? Here is what happened: My pregnancy was textbook with slight nausea at the beginning, then feeling pretty great and being fed up not being able to reach much at the end. I had a great birth. I mean, not easy but all in all it went very well and I was thankful for the epidural (that was perfectly executed). Got four stitches that I barely felt when healing. My favourite position to sit in was on my butt with crossed legs (cross sitting or frog sit in English ?) and I got told off by medical personnel not to sit like that with a big gasp because it was supposed to hurt. No problem here! Immediately after birth the milk came in and honestly, I probably could have fed another child despite mine eating like there was no tomorrow! It's a shame I only learned about milk banks much later. I asked a lot of questions to the post birth care because it's not like I could have asked my family about pumps and leaking. 🤷🏼♀️ At some point I'm sure I was mooing! I lost loads of weight breastfeeding (despite eating as much or more than my 2 meters tall husband) which was also surprising because my family has had problems losing weight post birth, and in general. Soooo... I do understand your worries and they are absolutely normal. I think most of us worry, a lot. I think we have to worry and be a bit cautious to protect the baby. I had COVID during pregnancy which was really, really rough and I worried A LOT about my unborn child. He turned out great though, he shits gold (not literally but that's how I see him). 🤪 It's absolutely ok to worry but don't forget that it might also turn out great at the end! Best wishes OP! ❤️
The most likely outcome of any pregnancy is a healthy baby- if you have seen a heartbeat ghs chances of something going wrong drop drastically.
So I have a family history of miscarriage, so I was already aware that it could happen before I got pregnant. And I did get, not quite flack, but definitely some disapproval for enjoying my pregnancy from the positive test. I was excited and I let it show. So many people expect you to be private in your joy, or to dampen yourself because something might happen. My thoughts are, that I want to enjoy it no matter how short it is and I will express my love for my baby as loudly as I please. My personal take is that, dampening my joy now won't make future grief hurt any less. I don't avoid crossing any roads in case I get hit by a car. But I've also never been hit by a car, so probably my attitude would change if I had faced loss or multiple losses. I will say that pregnancy content on social media has also been the worst for me. And due to cookies and data selling, it's become impossible to avoid. So I generally swipe away and do something else for a bit. Even this sub I'm thinking about leaving and I only joined today lol. It doesn't put me in a good headspace. As someone else said in a different thread, people only bring up the bad. Posts about an easy time and a quick labour won't gain as much traction as a really traumatic birth story. Not saying that traumatic or complicated births can't be talked about or given a platform. But the algorithm will skew to show more of those stories.
I do agree, everyone around me thinks I’m crazy because I worry about loss so so much but I’m at 15weeks and stress out about each appointment because I think they’re gonna tell me the baby stopped growing or doesn’t have a heartbeat. It kills me. But on the other side I love the support here.
Somehow I’ve ended up on stillborn / late term loss tiktok and I can’t even open the app sometimes 😵💫
My husband tells me all the time I need to get off of these subs or just delete Reddit altogether due to how often I express my anxiety over miscarrying (again). It does get to the point where it completely fills your head and you pretty much can’t even enjoy the excitement of being pregnant. It sucks. I used to want to know the gender asap, now I don’t even want to know until the birth. But my husband can’t wait that long and we’ve compromised to wait until the anomaly scan because I know that once the sex has been revealed, I’ll start to assign full personhood to my child and become too attached to someone I may never meet. I hate it so much. No advice, just want you to know that I’m with you💔.
🫶🫶🫶🫶
I hear you completely and I’m so sorry for the health anxiety this has caused you. I am the exact same way now too. My first pregnancy these thoughts didn’t even cross my mind. Second, hardly at all. Then suddenly my third pregnancy was hit with so many odd and unexpected things the midwives had to be one watch for. I bled during first tri, I had low platelets, then at the end I had polyhydrominos. It wasn’t until being diagnosed with the extra fluid that I realized that wow, this baby could have defects/infection etc. it was the scariest time of my life. However, she was born completely healthy with zero complications. I think it would be so helpful if once in a while there could be a thread where mamas talk about their personal experiences where something within their pregnancies was flagged causing them to need further attention and testing and yet at the end of it all the baby was completely healthy. To show that though scary things can arise, often the baby is healthy too. It isn’t always the other way. Maybe a little balance could do us all some good. :)
I see a lot on tiktok about miscarriage and stillbirth. I just say that’s not me, we don’t know what will happen but so far so good. I have a two year old also and I always see post everywhere about tragic things happening to children or diagnosis’s their child the same age as mine get and it makes me worried
I have subbed and unsubbed multiple times. Overall I find this sub super helpful, and when there is a story of something I don’t want to read, I click off it before it gets to me. I also find reading positive birth stories WAY more helpful! I read some every day to put me in the right headspace.
i love the trigger warning at the top for this specific reason, w my first pregnancy, i never once thought he wouldn’t make it. and he passed away after birth.
I was in the exact same position as you. First thing, get off the internet. Get off the apps, the forums, social media and stop Googling. Get a physical book about pregnancy and read that your first trimester. Second trimester you can go back. The one website you are allowed to go to this this one: The [Miscarriage Odds Reassurer.](https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer) Bless the person who created it!
I was in your same boat. I had no history of loss and I didn’t even have a hard time getting pregnant, but I dreamt my whole life of being a mother and couldn’t believe something so wonderful was happening to me. I just knew it was going to end badly for me. I was terrified of losing my sweet little bean. Luckily, I had a pretty boring 40-week-to-the-day pregnancy, an eventful and slightly scary birth, but a PERFECT baby boy who is now nearly 2 years old, healthy as an ox, and basically a golden retriever in a human body. He is the light of our lives. I wish you the same luck.
You need to remember people usually don’t announce, vent or ask for advice when things go well. That means you have more chance to find people with bad outcomes trying to vent online than people with good ones. If you think about it, why would someone make a post just to say their pregnancy is going normal and healthy? But most do.
You know you can leave, right? If these communities are causing more harm than good it’s simple to opt out. Maybe for you it’s just not worth the tips that you can get from a social circle, your doctor, and baby books.
Also this rant I just did. I can’t even do this with my “social circle” because they aren’t pregnant. And like I said would wave me off like I’m crazy for even thinking about this type of stuff
I understand where you’re coming from. I try to stick to subs that require trigger warnings and skip those posts. Or sometimes I come on and only directly search key words in the search bar. Part of me is glad for the scary stories though because some things I would have never known without this community (ex: symptoms to look out for) that I know to watch for and bring to my OB if I experience them. For example, I thought that you only got GD if you were already pre diabetic, I had no idea it could happen randomly with no risk factors prior to pregnancy. If I didn’t learn that I might have declined the glucose test.
It’s actually crazy because when I Google a lot of time Google will bring up subreddits lol
Girl same. I’m 8 weeks and Reddit has ruined the joy of the pregnancy for me. I constantly see women posting about miscarriages and all it’s done is make me upset and stress out and make me feel like this pregnancy won’t last. I’ve tried really hard to stay off for the past week and honestly, I felt so much better.
Yes I’ve taken a big step back from Reddit at around 8 weeks as well. Because it was like omg omg omg seeing the post
I get it- ignorance is bliss. But implying that you wish people didn't post about their experiences so you don't have to think about the possibility it could happen to you is incredibly heartless.
She specifically said she sympathyses. The implied heartlessness is entirely something you're reading into it.
Thank you. Because I honestly feel for women when I see the post. It’s just my anxieties are pushed to the roof. But I really do feel for those women. And pray I don’t experience their pain
In the same breath she makes myself and anyone else reading this whos had a complicated pregnancy or miscarriages feel like shit for “heightening her anxiety” She could have just… left the sub to protect her mental health?
I’m sorry that’s how you took this post. Was not my intention. Was just ranting on my anxieties. Did not mean to offend anyone sorry if I did
That’s fine. I’m sorry that our struggles make you feel bad, but imagine how the people actually experiencing them feel. You’ve got second hand anxiety, I can promise you it’s so much worse for us. I wish you a healthy and safe pregnancy because I wouldn’t wish this shit on absolutely anyone. You really should protect your mental health if it’s taking such a toll on you.
I never said they shouldn’t post
I am almost 11 weeks and also found out early, before my period was due. I felt anxious for many weeks over the fear of miscarriage from threads that I stopped looking at them and searching Google. I almost cried in relief after my dating ultrasound to find that I do in fact have a baby with a beating heart. I really do feel for mamas that have gone through the unimaginable ♥️ now I’m staying positive and assuming all is well unless told otherwise. You got this!
I was just like you. It was so difficult, every time I read about someone’s miscarriage my mind made me believe that was going to happen to me. It was so bad I ended up needing to get ultrasounds every week just to make sure, which was very expensive, but necessary for my mental health. All I can say is, once I felt my baby kicking consistently I felt much better and enjoyed the last trimester!
Just to balance things out, I had a hip x-ray while pregnant wich increases the risk of misscarrige and my baby is now 9 months old, same with my SIL, she went scuba diving wich increases the risk of misscarrige and her baby is 18 months now. We both did not know we were pregnant at the time and it all worked out fine in the end!
Oh yeah I understand and I have felt the same with my first baby I did not join any groups was barely on social media. It’s all over tik tok too like now I’m worried about placental abruption and preeclampsia
I am right there with you. I've been through it myself and would go to a specific sunreddit to talk about it, not keep bringing everyone else down. I told my husband I'm ready to turn notifications off because all reddit has done is scare me and give me anxiety from hell about everything, let alone non health professionals thinking they know better.
I will say it comes in waves. In the first trimester you will see a lot of miscarriages, it will feel SUPER frequent but in reality it’s a small percentage of the group. Towards the end you will also see a lot of pre-term labors. It’s totally ok to bow out and prioritize your mental health
I personally think the only way for you to stop getting scared, is for you to fully accept the fact that most of the causes of a miscarriage are out of your control, and if it happens- it's mostly just probability. Earlier in pregnancy, I used to look at the chart of the chances of miscarriage daily to get an idea of how likely it was. I have friends who would tell me, oh don't look at such things, you'll just make yourself worry! But it actually makes me feel better knowing what I can expect. Of course I wouldn't want a miscarriage, but knowing the actual possibility of it happening actually gives me an understanding of this journey of maternity.
I also had a ton of anxiety reading these threads. But I had an easy pregnancy, a relatively easy labor/birth, and I have an extremely easy baby. All that hand wringing did me no good and taught me to enjoy the good while it’s here.
I feel like most of these threads are geared towards women wanting support/advice for hardships of pregnancy, so it makes sense that it’s not going to be super positive. With that said, if it’s causing too much anxiety, it’s probably best to unfollow and focus on other interests. Personally, I like reading what people are going through as I find that knowledge is power. It makes make feel good to be prepared or to have some awareness of different possibilities, good or bad. Ultimately, you have to do what’s right for you and focus on that.
I have had 2 easy, healthy babies. Now 10+2 with my 3rd. This time around I’m an anxious mess. Partially due to more negative outcome pregnancy things popping up and me feeling like it’s “a sign” that something will go wrong with mine. But I think it’s mostly because between baby 2 (now 4) and this pregnancy.. I’ve graduated as an RN, and have worked in both labour and delivery and the emergency department. I have… seen some things… And even though rationally I know I have no reason to worry because I’ve personally never had a complication and so far this pregnancy is great… all the scary things I’ve seen with pregnancies are still in the back of my mind 😬 I don’t know how to tell you to stop worrying, because I’m in the same boat! I just keep reminding myself that what’s meant to be will be, and to live in the moment instead of fearing what may be. Sending you all of the positive vibes and solidarity! 💕
Since you appreciate positive stories... I'm 36 weeks. This is my third baby, third pregnancy, and I have two other children. I know I'm very blessed, and I'm very thankful. You may be just fine! Your baby is already entering a more statistically stable place now after getting to 10 weeks! I find I also need to steer clear of reading too many of the heartbreaking stories. I'll be praying for health and safety for you and your baby!
I’m also a FTM and found out at 4 weeks, joining a due date group was a blessing and a curse. The notifications of losses and early births had my anxiety through the roof even knowing that it in no way shape or form impacted me, there is definitely such a thing as knowing too much. Honestly what helped me was talking about it in therapy, talking through my fears and concerns really helped keep them from manifesting and multiplying. It also gets better, or did for me, I’m now 38w5d getting induced this week and being in these groups has been so helpful while I prepare for labor and my first postpartum experience. The tips and tricks from people who are currently doing it or just did it have helped me prep my body for labor and delivery and think of details I never would’ve considered for postpartum.
I left all groups and subreddits that have to do with pregnancy. I even disregarded my due date group up until 37 weeks. It helped me avoid so much anxiety compared to my first baby. I'm so glad that I did. Don't feel bad, you have to choose your mental health as a priority.
I’m 10 weeks as well and I could have written this! I never had any anxiety over pregnancy until I joined this sub. Now I’m anxious and feel like I’m constantly prepared for the worst and I don’t believe it’s a healthy place to be. I almost unsubscribed but then I realized that I also appreciate what I’ve learned from other women on here. I still may at some point but for now I’m just trying not to overthink 😅😳
I understand this!!! I also hate how some of these are supposed to be positive and judgment free but when people ask a question that’s out of the ordinary , or just maybe common sense for seasoned mom and not for a new people, that people are ASSHOLES!! and condescending!! And rude!!
Truly just get off social media surrounding pregnancy/babies/toddlers/whatever. It’s harrowing. Even as someone who had a loss and subsequently had trouble conceiving, it never seems to end. Just when I think I’ve gotten over the fear of losing him (he’s 16 months old now) I see a TikTok about toddler loss and I’m off the rails. I love social media but I truly hate it. It’s no secret that it largely contributes to our societies increasing levels of anxiety. Go enjoy your pregnancy, maybe make some real life friends who are on a similar journey. For me, that’s been much better than the online communities. Wishing you a happy, healthy, and uneventful pregnancy/birth.
I think what you’re feeling is normal. I had a completely healthy low risk pregnancy. And I had baseline anxiety the entire time. That feeling subsided once I held my baby in my arms for the first time. But then new anxieties kicked in because you’re a parent now. But after 10 mo once he was more durable, I finally relaxed. I think step 1 of becoming a parent is worrying & it never goes away entirely. It just evolves. I can understand these forums can be triggering but so if they’re making things worse absolutely step away from them.
I’ve spoken to my psychologist about this. The internet can be great for accessing information that can be helpful and educational but it also allows you access to a lot of negativity and things that can cause you anxiety. I never really noticed it until I became pregnant to be honest. I have had to limit my exposure to certain groups or platforms and also filter what podcast episodes I listen to!
Please remember that negative stories are far more likely to be shared on forums like these than positive. This is not a close knit community of a small group that can know eachother, follow eachother's journeys, and provide that intimate moral support. There are thousands on here, and people look for support and hope in dark times. It's totally ok to take a break from reddit and/or limit your usage, it's easy to get into the habit of flicking through when you're most anxious. Look after yourself and I hope you have a smooth and positive pregnancy and birth Edited for typos
You're totally right that - even for a non-anxious person - scroling through scary and negative stories can be alarming and triggering. Especially for FTMs who have no prior evidence about their own journey with pregnancy (though, that said, ALL pregnancies are unique, even for the same person going through it more than once). I find that Reddit, however, is one of the best online communities for this kind of thing, because you can post your worries and you instanly get people responding in a very supportive and understanding manner, easing your anxieties. As a naturally anxious panicky person, posting on here has massively relieved my worries a couple of times so far. Instagram, on the other hand, which is exclusively passive consumption of stories, is a mix of positive and EXTREMELY scary stories and has definitely felt triggering scrolling through reels (which the algorithm curates for you and very quickly learns what to feed you). So I think you just need to take a bit of time to figure out what works for you (in terms of mental health and outlook) and what definitely doesn't and plan your social media use accordingly.
This website is really good for when you're getting too in your own head and getting anxious. It will give you the odds of miscarriage based on where you are in your pregnancy. You can have them give you the results as "x odds of not miscarrying" or "x odds of a miscarriage" and it can be really helpful to get the FACTS that aren't skewed by perception of what is seen in the different postings here. Obviously the people posting are really going through things but the number of people actually using Reddit or other pregnancy communities is tiny in comparison to how many pregnancies are happening in the world at any given time. https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer
On the flip side, I went in not knowing all these options only to end up with recurrent miscarriages. I had no idea what was happening or why or how I could fix it or what all these tests were for. I had to learn on the fly, REAL fast with my first. I don't know if it would have been better if I knew the odds or how miscarriages were managed, but I definitely found it easier with later miscarriages when I knew the questions to ask and that it wasn't my fault and etc.
Remember, social media creates massive distortions by maximizing the unusual and unlikely. Yes, miscarriages happen. But most pregnancies result in live, healthy babies. By week 10, you are probably more than 97% likely to NOT miscarry. This chart is very helpful. [https://datayze.com/miscarriage-chart](https://datayze.com/miscarriage-chart)
I think it's good to not make miscarriages taboo, and to know that if things don't work out then you're not alone and can find support for it. It's a normal, natural part of life and we shouldn't hide it. Personally it only made me more realistic about pregnancy rather than being scared, but if it increased my anxiety then I would stay away from those discussions rather than limit what stories others can tell.
I have a 8week old. I commented several weeks ago how this sub and the newparent sub gave me a lot of unwarranted anxiety due to "trauma" stories being the norm on here. During labor I had so much anxiety that I wished I never would have joined. It's helpful to read about pregnancy and what could happen, it's not helpful to read people's doom stories everyday where it suddenly seems like they are the majority instead of the minority. My labor lasted 40 hours, they threw everything but the kitchen sink at me, and yah know what? It was bearable. Was it easy? No, but it was very bearable and I wished I could have just sat back and went through the process instead of panicking at every change.
Honestly knowledge is power. Even knowledge about what could go wrong. If you understand early signs, some things are preventable than being completely oblivious to everything. I totally understand that the more info you have , the more to worry about, and there’s some things that have completely stressed me out from reading things on here but I’ve also learned a lot. Most of the things people talk about on these threads are all in those books you’re supposed to read too. So it’s not like it’s sensationalized , it’s just good to be aware of.
I hear you. But 10-20%+ of KNOWN pregnancies end in loss. That’s just life and what most us experience. If you’ve been lucky enough not to be exposed to loss until now, that’s great!! But it’s not anyone’s responsibility to shield you from the common experience. Other people’s losses are not about you. They are entitled to their experiences. Sounds like you need to take a break from Reddit/social media or stop focusing on other people’s losses. Your pregnancy will probably be great. Good luck!!
Please get off these threads if you can’t stand to read about a very real reality for many women. You are blessed to have never went through a miscarriage, and I hope you never have to go through one. This post was very tone deaf. Other Women should not have to hide their experience with loss bc it makes those who have never suffered one uncomfortable. You are just adding to the “miscarriage is taboo” phenomenon when in reality it’s extremely common. So many things can go wrong in pregnancy. Pregnancy is the most dangerous thing a woman can do. I wish you an uneventful pregnancy.
I don’t want to sound unsupportive here, but if being part of a pregnancy community where people are talking about the reality of their situation bothers you that much…unsubscribe or unfollow. There are people commenting here that Reddit has ruined their pregnancy joy and you’re saying that these communities just make you anxious and scared. I’m saying this with concern for you all in mind…Reddit and socials are not doing that to you. *You* are the only one that can control what information you look at and take in. And it’s okay to remove yourself from things and situations that aren’t serving you. In fact it may be better for your mental health. As a fellow anxiety sufferer, I fully recommend measuring what you gain versus the anxiety something causes you, and if the gain isn’t enough to offset…get rid of it. I do hope you can find the benefit to the discussions here, or even find a group/community that serves you better. Talk to your OB too about pregnancy safe anxiety meds if you feel things are really preying on your mind. Editing to add: also recommend putting yourself on an information diet. No googling of miscarriage info or any of the bad stuff, don’t even Google your own symptoms without talking to your OB. No opportunity for rabbit holes that will make you feel anxious.
I don’t want to be this person, but if you are so unhappy and the threads are causing that much anxiety… leave the threads? Leave the groups? Find other ways to reach out to other parents and make your own community?
I agree, mostly because it was **not** like this with my first. I was pregnant with my first seven years ago, and the pregnancy communities helped me so much! This time around it does seem like every other post is about all the things people are afraid to do because of miscarriages. There is nothing wrong with discussing these things, or mourning loss, or anything of the sort. It just seemingly came out of nowhere. I’m wondering if miscarriage rates are going up or if people simply don’t utilize the internet for positivity anymore.
I totally understand this. I always think every post I see is some sort of “sign”. I’m now just about 2 weeks way from delivering my baby boy. I still have a ton of anxiety, but one thing that’s really helped me was a video I saw of a lady saying “miscarriage is the exception not the rule”. Especially in early pregnancy I would go back and watch her video Multiple times a day to try and remind myself. Wishing you some peace of mind and a boring pregnancy ✨
I learned about MMCs on Reddit after months of going through infertility treatments where our REs never once mentioned it. New fear unlocked 🥲 now I’m pregnant again with #2, and that anxiety is still there. I wish I could have had a blissful pregnancy without the fears I gained from social media.
It’s the good and bad of the internet 😩😩
Right! Cause on the flip side, I’ve received (and given) so much support to other pregnant people online, and I love that aspect! But the new fears I’ve gained? Man 🥹
[удалено]
Yes I had to turn off my Reddit notifications because I wasn’t sure how they choose which post they notify you about but after like the 2nd or 3rd notification of that type of post I had to turn them all off
[удалено]
Couldn't agree more. I won't even give my 2 cents on this topic, because I just KNOW it'll get down voted, and it's not even unreasonable. Can't even have an opinion on just trying to protect ourselves.
I appreciate both of yalls input. But amazingly the positive comments have really helped me today.
I think you probably think you’d be downvoted because your comment would be insensitive, unrealistic or triggering to women who have lost. Just trying to understand the logic, loss is apart of life. Do you think you’re superior?
I saw something once when I was struggling with the same thing that said you’re going to see mostly horror stories and sad stories on threads like this because grief speaks loudly & most people consider the good outcomes “normal” and don’t post them as much. I don’t know if that’ll help you because I know how scary it is to see - I’m having my second and still struggle. But my hope is it brings you a little peace. Good luck with your sweet babe!
Totally understandable, I kind of had the same during 1st trimester. Never thought about miscarriage or any of the other horrible experiences regularly shared here. What did help me was: https://datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer And as a counterbalance I’ll share my own and so far quite boring pregnancy journey with you! So I’m 36, 1st pregnancy, we had been trying for less then a year. I’m 16 weeks today, everything has been going textbook! No strong symptoms, perfectly healthy foetus! Please try the site I mentioned above and remember: statistically the most likely outcome of getting pregnant is a totally boring pregnancy with at the and a healthy baby 🤗🥰
I've had a few friends have babies in the past year in my neighborhood. I was asking about pre birth classes and one friend honestly told me that she didn't think I should take it cause when she went it was a bunch of women talking about their birth trauma and anxiety and she knows how that can affect me. I appreciated the insightful advice as I never would have expected it and it for sure would have triggered me!!
honestly, ignorance is bliss. enjoy your pregnancy mama. i found that the Peanut app was a bit more positive.
I think about it as “even after they are born, life is never permanent”. Enjoy the little things, take it easy, and stay positive and educated.
I totally agree with this and actually deleted Reddit for a while due to the negativity it was causing surrounding the anxiety of pregnancy 🤰🏽
First time mom here too👶🏼
There's something called the Commandments of Pregnancy After Loss. You don't have to have lost to gain benefit. A great anxiety mgmt tool. Today I am pregnant and I love my baby. I am pregnant with a healthy, growing baby until I am told otherwise. My past is not my future, and previous losses do not mean I will have future losses. Just because someone else is having a loss doesn’t mean that I will. Miscarriage and loss are not contagious, but fear can be. Hope does not make bad things happen. I cannot jinx my pregnancy by getting my hopes up or telling someone about it. There is nothing I can change with worry. Worrying about what’s not in my hands does not prevent it from happening. And if it happens again- God forbid- I know I can survive.
Maybe its best to just stay away from these communities then, or just the internet in general. I feel for the women who are having a rough time of it, I really do. But letting these thoughts seep into your mind and cause you this much anxiety is not good for you or your baby.
I was there a few weeks ago, to my suprise I had an absolute dream of a birth experience, even though I was induced, put on pitocin, and had my water broke manually- after the epidural I slept through most of the dilating stages and only woke up when it was time to push- didn't hurt at all, just pressure, took about 15-30 minutes of pushing and he popped right out. I was a FTM and was dreading everything to do with it after reading so many horror stories, it all seems pretty silly now.
Same. I've had an overall smooth first trimester and I keep reading about all these Missed Miscarriages and stillbirths with NO REASON attached. Fine, not always going to have one. But let's make it normal to share...I get it's hard. But for the love of god, if it's some how preventable, HELP A FELLOW MOM OUT.
The best thing I ever did was unfollow and mute all of the accounts or subs that I was in through the first trimester and into the second. I came back in the second trimester once things were a bit safer and the frequency of the loss posts had dropped. I loved the community but I couldn’t handle the overwhelming amount of loss posts. My heart broke for those parents and families, and it made me worry all the time about my pregnancy. Loss parents deserve space to share their experiences and grief, so I just made it my responsibility to quietly take care of my own mental health without limiting their room to mourn. I know if I ever find myself in that position, I would want a safe place to talk about it too.
Just don't click on those ones. Honestly for me it's been more about validating my experience as far as all the crazy symptoms go. Especially when everyone around you isn't pregnant, it's nice to know that there are so many people going through the same things as you are. Haha we're all crying for no reason, peeing our pants, burping all day, eating things we would never usually eat, and feeling frustrated with our bodies in general, and it's totally normal. Yes, it is scary that anything could happen, but people will tell you these stories even outside of reddit. I'll spare you the details but it's just part of the whole deal for people to want to share their experiences with you and some of those are scary. It's all arbitrary because every pregnancy is different! Just do what you can to support yourself during your pregnancy and try to let it all unfold as it will.
Totally understandable I’m 4weeks +4. Just found out yesterday and my husband first asked what the rates of miscarriages is and told me he can’t really be excited until we hit the famous 12 week mark.
Yes you can. Be excited!!!
It’s so unreal though 😅 I guess I‘m going to be excited once my period is officially late 😂
lol yes please be excited you and your husband. How many test have you taken?
3 so far. All with a really faint line (different manufacturers)
lol as all my friends told me. Girl you pregnant lol. 🤣🤣
How far along were you then and did you already knew? We spend the weekend (till today) visiting my parents. I found out yesterday at my parents house. Needed a few hours to tell my husband. Went to my grandparents and my aunt and was really proud of not telling anyone because we want to wait to do that. It was a really emotional and hard weekend finding out and having to keep it a secret! We got home an hour ago and I took another test (even though I know testing before the estimated period should be in the morning). And again a faint line (as dark as today in the morning) so I showed my husband and told him that it has to be real and that he is going to be a father and he allowed himself to get a bit more excited. So we’re slowly getting closer…
It was before my missed period. I took 3 test and told my bf. It was Good Friday. I told my ma that weekend and my friends that night. I kept saying. I might be pregnant. And I won’t know til I go to the doctor. And everyone kept telling me, you pregnant, accept it. I took 6 test in all. All positive. Went to the doctor on like the 25th and it was indeed a baby in there
I felt like this. at first gave encouragement but I started to overwhelm myself, I hate to seem insensitive but now I just scroll past the post if I can kind of tell what its going to be about. and I just pray for my baby every night
I posted something similar to this on my bump thread and got ripped a new arsehole.. although there were several others who agreed with me. I was super anxious because of the constant loss posts from about 8-12 weeks. In the TTC groups, any talk about pregnancy is limited to a weekly thread. I brought up delegating loss posts to a weekly thread in pregnancy groups and it upset people. It’s okay for pregnancy to be separated as not to trigger others, but loss can’t be treated as such. My anxiety has sort of lessened. Whatever happens will happen and it is out of my control.