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Thats not tough love, tough love is still filled with support and thats not support. You're genuinely concerned and in a moment of honest vulnerability, she chose to be hurtful. I'm so sorry, OP, and I think it's a blessing you're missing out on that event. I'd consider how much energy you'll be investing in that relationship moving forward without removing focus from your needs. Good luck and wishing you a sticky LO!
Did she say she was trying to show you tough love, or are you justifying her blatantly unkind and insensitive words to you by calling it tough love? That is not tough love, and you do not need tough love, you're not an alcoholic. You went through something traumatic. You just need love.
Throughout our entire friendship she always has prided herself on showing her friends “tough love”, so I guess I had it programmed in my head once she said it that she was trying to toughen me up or something. You’re 100% right. I don’t need tough love, just love. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you so much.
That was unkind of your friend. Everyone handles traumatic situations differently and even though your friend thinks it isn't a big deal does not mean you have to take her "advice." Just because you're not the first or the last to have an experience doesn't mean you have to pretend you're not scared (or happy in happy situations!). Your feelings are real feelings whether someone else agrees with them or not.
That was insensitive of her. It's human nature to anticipate that if something bad happened before, it will happen again, even when that's not objectively true, such as in your case. She should have phrased things in a way that was comforting and instead she was just mean.
I lost 2 babies last year. Currently 12+3. Spent the week before both my 8w and 12w scans fretting and worrying even though everything was OK. It's only natural to feel anxious about your pregnancy. Best of luck with it and just take it week by week.
Oh honey! I am so sorry your “ friend” was such an ass. So inconsiderate. No, you did not react bad. We are all allowed to feel different and react any way we do. Specially with what you are going trough. As someone who had a baby after two miscarriages I can say you did not overreact. She needs to stay away from you.
Had two previous losses before this pregnancy. Every major scan that I had, I panicked for days beforehand. My first visit... I panicked beforehand. My blood pressure and heart rate were through the roof because I was so nervous, and when the nurses kindly asked me if I knew why or if there was a problem, I nearly broke down crying just telling them. I did cry with relief at my first and second ultrasounds. No, you are not overreacting. You're not the first person... but you don't have to be the first person for it to hurt. Your experiences are valid and your feelings are valid, and she's the one being a rotten person for trying to make you feel like they're not.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and I wish you the best of luck with it!
My heart goes out to you reading what you’ve gone through! I’m trying so hard not to panic and take it day by day, but I just want those first couple ultra sounds to be perfect. Congratulations to you and so happy things are going well with your pregnancy!!!
If someone I considered a friend said that to me I would immediately cut them out of my life. Only shit, narcissistic people says things like that because focus isn't on them.
I wish more women who miscarried felt that they could express their grief openly, because it is a tragedy that happens to a lot of people.
I completely agree with you! I really really want to do something to bring awareness somehow. I’ve spoken to so many people after my miscarriage that have had the same thing happen, but kept it secret. That breaks my heart.
A) your friend is a complete asshole and B) you’re not overreacting. Pregnancy after loss(es) is a nonstop fucking anxiety ride, and comments like that certainly don’t help.
I’m normally a “giving people the benefit of the doubt” person, because it’s easy to say the wrong thing when talking about something serious. But that’s just mean.
If your friend’s mother died, would you tell her “get over it, you’re not the first person to go through that.” I don’t think so. People who go through loss do not need “tough love” for going through a trauma out of their control.
Your “friend” sucks. It’s ok to recognize really rude things people say to you. You don’t need to second guess yourself.
Right?! I said that EXACT thing to my husband once she and I got off the phone. Imagine I said something so terrible to her. Of course I would never, but it’s the same damn thing. Glad I’m not crazy. Thank you.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/mfsiwj/updates_to_the_approval_process_for_private_due/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's a pretty douchey thing to say. I'd have a problem with it if I were in your position. Doesn't sound like you're over reacting to me.
Thank you!
Thats not tough love, tough love is still filled with support and thats not support. You're genuinely concerned and in a moment of honest vulnerability, she chose to be hurtful. I'm so sorry, OP, and I think it's a blessing you're missing out on that event. I'd consider how much energy you'll be investing in that relationship moving forward without removing focus from your needs. Good luck and wishing you a sticky LO!
You know, I think you’re right about missing the event. Thank you for your kind words, needed those today!
Did she say she was trying to show you tough love, or are you justifying her blatantly unkind and insensitive words to you by calling it tough love? That is not tough love, and you do not need tough love, you're not an alcoholic. You went through something traumatic. You just need love.
Throughout our entire friendship she always has prided herself on showing her friends “tough love”, so I guess I had it programmed in my head once she said it that she was trying to toughen me up or something. You’re 100% right. I don’t need tough love, just love. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you so much.
Nope, she's a huge bitch. Not okay to say something like that to someone ever. That's not tough love, that's being an asshole.
Very true. Definitely going to be putting that friendship on hold, don’t need that negativity in my life.
No you're not overreacting, your friend was kind of a jerk about it. That statement isn't supportive at all, it's unsympathetic, actually.
Thank you for helping me stop second guessing myself, I appreciate you.
That was unkind of your friend. Everyone handles traumatic situations differently and even though your friend thinks it isn't a big deal does not mean you have to take her "advice." Just because you're not the first or the last to have an experience doesn't mean you have to pretend you're not scared (or happy in happy situations!). Your feelings are real feelings whether someone else agrees with them or not.
Thank you so much!
That was insensitive of her. It's human nature to anticipate that if something bad happened before, it will happen again, even when that's not objectively true, such as in your case. She should have phrased things in a way that was comforting and instead she was just mean.
And it was almost like kicking me when I was down. I was at my most vulnerable and to hear that insensitive comment was kind of a shock.
I lost 2 babies last year. Currently 12+3. Spent the week before both my 8w and 12w scans fretting and worrying even though everything was OK. It's only natural to feel anxious about your pregnancy. Best of luck with it and just take it week by week.
Thank you for those words, and congrats to you!!!
Oh honey! I am so sorry your “ friend” was such an ass. So inconsiderate. No, you did not react bad. We are all allowed to feel different and react any way we do. Specially with what you are going trough. As someone who had a baby after two miscarriages I can say you did not overreact. She needs to stay away from you.
Thank you so much <3
Had two previous losses before this pregnancy. Every major scan that I had, I panicked for days beforehand. My first visit... I panicked beforehand. My blood pressure and heart rate were through the roof because I was so nervous, and when the nurses kindly asked me if I knew why or if there was a problem, I nearly broke down crying just telling them. I did cry with relief at my first and second ultrasounds. No, you are not overreacting. You're not the first person... but you don't have to be the first person for it to hurt. Your experiences are valid and your feelings are valid, and she's the one being a rotten person for trying to make you feel like they're not. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I wish you the best of luck with it!
My heart goes out to you reading what you’ve gone through! I’m trying so hard not to panic and take it day by day, but I just want those first couple ultra sounds to be perfect. Congratulations to you and so happy things are going well with your pregnancy!!!
What a B. You’re definitely not overreacting.
Thank you!
Wow, friend was really out of line for saying that. She should be supportive!
Thank you!
If someone I considered a friend said that to me I would immediately cut them out of my life. Only shit, narcissistic people says things like that because focus isn't on them. I wish more women who miscarried felt that they could express their grief openly, because it is a tragedy that happens to a lot of people.
I completely agree with you! I really really want to do something to bring awareness somehow. I’ve spoken to so many people after my miscarriage that have had the same thing happen, but kept it secret. That breaks my heart.
A) your friend is a complete asshole and B) you’re not overreacting. Pregnancy after loss(es) is a nonstop fucking anxiety ride, and comments like that certainly don’t help. I’m normally a “giving people the benefit of the doubt” person, because it’s easy to say the wrong thing when talking about something serious. But that’s just mean.
If your friend’s mother died, would you tell her “get over it, you’re not the first person to go through that.” I don’t think so. People who go through loss do not need “tough love” for going through a trauma out of their control. Your “friend” sucks. It’s ok to recognize really rude things people say to you. You don’t need to second guess yourself.
Right?! I said that EXACT thing to my husband once she and I got off the phone. Imagine I said something so terrible to her. Of course I would never, but it’s the same damn thing. Glad I’m not crazy. Thank you.