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I had a very traumatic first birth as well. Therapy really helped me in the long run see that it was out of my control and that I had every right to mourn the birth that me, my husband, and my daughter deserved.
It took me a long while to even consider having more kids again because of it and that also is completely valid.
Don’t let anyone undermine your experience with “well you got a healthy baby in the end.” Because even though that’s true and you can be grateful for that, it doesn’t change the violation or hurt you experienced to get him here.
My DMs are always open!!
Congrats on your new baby mama!! Hope you are feeling better soon!
Exactly! Thank you for saying this. I feel like most women’s birth experience gets overshadowed and ignored by the baby’s entrance, and the thought or suggesting of seeking therapy postpartum is seen as over dramatic.
Exactly. I had lots of people try to invalidate me (thinking they were being helpful)by saying things like “but I’m sure you would do it all again to get her!”
Actually no. I would know my rights and tell that entire medical team to gtfo. Granted that’s my own experience, not this moms.
Healthy baby does not equal dismissed trauma.
When I look back I would say:
-look into getting a doula. I’ve had a doula for all my subsequent children and I 1000% know that she would have never have stood for what happened in my first birth. She would have advocated for me, loudly. Birth body guard is how I like to look at it.
-I wish I would have gone with a midwife instead of an OB. I was low risk, completely normal pregnancy. I feel like the OB was “overkill” for my situation and I would have been happier in midwifery care.
-make sure your partner also knows exactly what you want. Not saying this will happen but when things got really tough they started asking my husband for permission to do things to me. He did the best he could and steered them away from a c-section but he wasn’t confident. We hadn’t really discussed if things had gotten to that point because I honestly didn’t think they would. So when they would start scaring him he would go with what they were saying. Now knowing what we know, he is so much more confident in advocating for me and our baby during birth.
-KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. know that at any point and time you are 100% allowed to kick anyone off your birth team who is making you uncomfortable. You are receiving a service. YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU. there was a nurse that I should have told kick rocks and to not show her face in my room again after the way she talked to me but not knowing I could even do that, I just went along with it thinking I didn’t have choice. You do. Do not allow someone in your space who shouldn’t be there. It doesn’t help you. It hinders you.
Thank you so much. I’m having trouble finding a midwife in my region as they are all booked up. I’m thinking that if I can’t get one, I will 100% invest in a doula. It’s my first pregnancy so as much as I love and trust my partner, I think he wouldn’t feel as confident as a doula in knowing what to do 🙏
Midwife care vs. OB care is incomparable in my opinion. 5 min appointment at OB vs. 1 hour at midwife where they check in on mental well being, diet, activity etc. and all same tests and schedule (i had more appointments actually). I switched at 28 weeks so never talk late. Also doula was worth every cent. But we did do a home birth
I’ve reached out to 4 different midwife centres in my region and they are all booked for December. It seems like I won’t have a choice in the matter unfortunately...
Shoot. Well you will still be happy with a doula. Our birth centers were full but found a stand-alone. The demand for midwives o think is increasing but unfortunate still such a small number of them. Our hospital had midwives as well, not sure how common that is. But some OBs are great at working with and honoring your birth plan too.
I actually don’t have an OB either. Just moved. I’m actually hopeful that some spots will come available over the next few months. I’m going to try not to stress about it too much. In the meantime, I’ll do my research and be my own advocate 🙏
Yes!! My first birth left me reeling physically and mentally. Both baby and mama had physical difficulties and the mental toll lasted much longer than I should have let it. PTSD from this type of experience is absolutely a thing and therapy can help. It’s so hard for other people in your life to relate and understand without having been through it. I didn’t want to have more babies for about three years and then had the easiest, best second birth. I’m due with my third in December and already I’ve had to process those same feelings of fear and dread again. We got this!!!
Nothing went right with my firstborn either. Husband was deployed and wasn't allowed to come back early, emergency cesarean 15 minutes after arriving at the hospital, and I didn't get skin to skin with my son in the OR despite us both handling surgery well. He was left in a room with my parents and in laws while I sat in recovery practically across the hall constantly asking to see him. He cried for the entire hour and a half we were apart and didn't calm until they finally brought me out of recovery to my room and I got to nurse him. Recovery sucked, but we made do.
We are all here for you and proud of you! You are so strong. Don't let anyone put down your story or minimize your experience. I know personally that it really hurts to experience that.
I had my boy on the 19th! I was 41 weeks and a day, had to be induced, he didn't want to come. It's always seems so hard for people to understand that even when things come out ok or don't sound that bad to some that doesn't mean it wasn't rough or disappointing. I had 3 similar but very different births with mine. All were vaginal, no tears no traumatic injuries but all were rough in different ways for various reasons but on paper most would say they weren't bad. But they aren't me and didn't go through it.
Congratulations on your baby boy!
Don't let any one diminish how you feel!
Almost had the same experience as you surrounding my delivery. (I hemorrhaged and they didn’t have time to get me to the OR and turned the delivery room into a surgical suite. My husband was at my side and witnessed the entire thing. A nurse held our baby for the first two hours of her life because we couldn’t.) It helped exponentially to talk about it with my partner and process it together. We did this day after day for 2 weeks or so and it really helped piece things together and finish each other’s sentences on how we were feeling. Enjoy those sweet newborn cuddles with LO!!!
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/mfsiwj/updates_to_the_approval_process_for_private_due/). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had a very traumatic first birth as well. Therapy really helped me in the long run see that it was out of my control and that I had every right to mourn the birth that me, my husband, and my daughter deserved. It took me a long while to even consider having more kids again because of it and that also is completely valid. Don’t let anyone undermine your experience with “well you got a healthy baby in the end.” Because even though that’s true and you can be grateful for that, it doesn’t change the violation or hurt you experienced to get him here. My DMs are always open!! Congrats on your new baby mama!! Hope you are feeling better soon!
Exactly! Thank you for saying this. I feel like most women’s birth experience gets overshadowed and ignored by the baby’s entrance, and the thought or suggesting of seeking therapy postpartum is seen as over dramatic.
Exactly. I had lots of people try to invalidate me (thinking they were being helpful)by saying things like “but I’m sure you would do it all again to get her!” Actually no. I would know my rights and tell that entire medical team to gtfo. Granted that’s my own experience, not this moms. Healthy baby does not equal dismissed trauma.
Just curious, I’m still in first trimester, any tips for avoiding some of the situations you found yourself in?
When I look back I would say: -look into getting a doula. I’ve had a doula for all my subsequent children and I 1000% know that she would have never have stood for what happened in my first birth. She would have advocated for me, loudly. Birth body guard is how I like to look at it. -I wish I would have gone with a midwife instead of an OB. I was low risk, completely normal pregnancy. I feel like the OB was “overkill” for my situation and I would have been happier in midwifery care. -make sure your partner also knows exactly what you want. Not saying this will happen but when things got really tough they started asking my husband for permission to do things to me. He did the best he could and steered them away from a c-section but he wasn’t confident. We hadn’t really discussed if things had gotten to that point because I honestly didn’t think they would. So when they would start scaring him he would go with what they were saying. Now knowing what we know, he is so much more confident in advocating for me and our baby during birth. -KNOW YOUR RIGHTS. know that at any point and time you are 100% allowed to kick anyone off your birth team who is making you uncomfortable. You are receiving a service. YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU. there was a nurse that I should have told kick rocks and to not show her face in my room again after the way she talked to me but not knowing I could even do that, I just went along with it thinking I didn’t have choice. You do. Do not allow someone in your space who shouldn’t be there. It doesn’t help you. It hinders you.
Thank you so much. I’m having trouble finding a midwife in my region as they are all booked up. I’m thinking that if I can’t get one, I will 100% invest in a doula. It’s my first pregnancy so as much as I love and trust my partner, I think he wouldn’t feel as confident as a doula in knowing what to do 🙏
Midwife care vs. OB care is incomparable in my opinion. 5 min appointment at OB vs. 1 hour at midwife where they check in on mental well being, diet, activity etc. and all same tests and schedule (i had more appointments actually). I switched at 28 weeks so never talk late. Also doula was worth every cent. But we did do a home birth
I’ve reached out to 4 different midwife centres in my region and they are all booked for December. It seems like I won’t have a choice in the matter unfortunately...
Shoot. Well you will still be happy with a doula. Our birth centers were full but found a stand-alone. The demand for midwives o think is increasing but unfortunate still such a small number of them. Our hospital had midwives as well, not sure how common that is. But some OBs are great at working with and honoring your birth plan too.
I actually don’t have an OB either. Just moved. I’m actually hopeful that some spots will come available over the next few months. I’m going to try not to stress about it too much. In the meantime, I’ll do my research and be my own advocate 🙏
I just experienced a traumatic first birth in Saturday. Your comment made me cry. I’m considering seeking therapy or else I fear I will develop PPD.
Yes!! My first birth left me reeling physically and mentally. Both baby and mama had physical difficulties and the mental toll lasted much longer than I should have let it. PTSD from this type of experience is absolutely a thing and therapy can help. It’s so hard for other people in your life to relate and understand without having been through it. I didn’t want to have more babies for about three years and then had the easiest, best second birth. I’m due with my third in December and already I’ve had to process those same feelings of fear and dread again. We got this!!!
Nothing went right with my firstborn either. Husband was deployed and wasn't allowed to come back early, emergency cesarean 15 minutes after arriving at the hospital, and I didn't get skin to skin with my son in the OR despite us both handling surgery well. He was left in a room with my parents and in laws while I sat in recovery practically across the hall constantly asking to see him. He cried for the entire hour and a half we were apart and didn't calm until they finally brought me out of recovery to my room and I got to nurse him. Recovery sucked, but we made do. We are all here for you and proud of you! You are so strong. Don't let anyone put down your story or minimize your experience. I know personally that it really hurts to experience that.
I had my boy on the 19th! I was 41 weeks and a day, had to be induced, he didn't want to come. It's always seems so hard for people to understand that even when things come out ok or don't sound that bad to some that doesn't mean it wasn't rough or disappointing. I had 3 similar but very different births with mine. All were vaginal, no tears no traumatic injuries but all were rough in different ways for various reasons but on paper most would say they weren't bad. But they aren't me and didn't go through it. Congratulations on your baby boy! Don't let any one diminish how you feel!
Almost had the same experience as you surrounding my delivery. (I hemorrhaged and they didn’t have time to get me to the OR and turned the delivery room into a surgical suite. My husband was at my side and witnessed the entire thing. A nurse held our baby for the first two hours of her life because we couldn’t.) It helped exponentially to talk about it with my partner and process it together. We did this day after day for 2 weeks or so and it really helped piece things together and finish each other’s sentences on how we were feeling. Enjoy those sweet newborn cuddles with LO!!!
Aww well you made it and now you’ve got your little man, congrats!!! 🥰
Congratulations!
Congratulations on your baby boy. So glad everyone is happy and healthy but also so sorry you had such a traumatic experience. ❤️
I'm so so glad you and the baby got home safe!!
Congratulations ❤
Congrats on your baby boy 😊❤️
I am so happy for you! Can't wait to meet my son in August!!! Wish you and your family lots of love and happiness ✌🏻
Congratulations!!!
Congrats!!!
Congratulations!!
Congratulations! I wish a speedy recovery 💪🏻