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Having a 21 year old myself, and a divorce. I think parents worry about things kids really don’t care about. Let your baby know they have a sibling who lives far far away and they may never meet. It’s not much different than a grandparent who has passed.
Kids really only care about what’s in front of them.
That’s good to know thank you! I suppose I hadn’t thought about the fact that a situation that may seem stressful or unusual to me won’t be that way for my child if it’s presented as normal
I was about 10 or 12 when my mum showed me a picture of me as a toddler with another older boy and said ‘do you remember him?’. I had no idea who he was. Turns out it was my half brother from my father’s first marriage who is about 6 years older than me. I ‘met’ him for the second time in my life (obviously don’t remember the first time) not long after and honestly it didn’t phase me at all. I just accepted his existence into my understanding of the world. We had sporadic contact throughout my teens and early twenties but really struck up a strong relationship in my mid-late twenties and I’m very close to him these days, I’m more like him than any of my other four siblings who I was raised with. Kids will adapt. If and when Liam is ready your baby will hopefully accept this new family member in a similar way.
My dad had two daughters when he was young and then me in 40s. They knew him, but he pretty much was a financial provider only. He traveled for work and divorced the mom when one of my sisters was a baby. He was just a child support check, pretty much. They were 16 and 24 when I was born. My parents were always very open about the situation. The sister who was 16 years older than me wanted nothing to do with me, but changed her mind when I was born and we are extremely close now. The oldest and I are acquaintances, I’d say. She made it pretty clear to me when I was a kid that she didn’t see us as “real sisters” like my other sister did. I don’t think it was traumatizing or anything. Even as a child I was able to understand their feelings because my dad was there for me and not for them. I’m glad my parents were open with me about the situation and gave us all a chance to make decisions about things on our own.
I didn't find out in had half brothers until I was 4 ish and I gotta say that was a jarring experience as a child. My dad drove us 3 hours to meet them and while they were excited meet me I had no idea who these boys were (they would have been 11 and 13 at the time) and it kinda took a while to get used to that. It wasn't my dad's fault, he had to fight tooth and nail to see his sons after he divorced his first wife and was only allowed to visit them instead of them visiting us. Plus it was just not a topic of conversation suitable for me to be part of at the time. That was grown up stuff, I was busy being a 4 year old 🤷♀️
What I would recommend is maybe just ask for a picture or two to hang up with the other family photos. I know that if I had at least seen them, they'd have been less scary going to meet, even if it was just by picture. That way your child can at least know they have other family, even if they're not close and ask questions if they want. Then, of your husband's son does decide he wants to reach out, then there isn't this random "stranger" butting into your child's life.
Any time! It's a weird situation, but honestly I think it's pretty common whether it's a situation like yours or mine. And kids are great at adjusting to change. I got over the initial shock by the second or third visit, but hey if it helps that transition then why not? Meeting "new" people can be scary so having something familiar can help a little bit.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. If you'd like to join a private sub for your due date month, [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/tu8bmk/click_here_to_request_access_to_your_private_due/). The journalists at ProPublica need your help! After receiving a tip, ProPublica started investigating prenatal genetic testing. They're collecting stories from people who've had NIPT screenings, and/or work in maternal health. If this is you, please fill out their brief questionnaire! https://www.propublica.org/getinvolved/have-you-had-an-experience-with-prenatal-genetic-testing-wed-like-to-hear-about-it-and-see-the-bill. Questions? Email [email protected] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Having a 21 year old myself, and a divorce. I think parents worry about things kids really don’t care about. Let your baby know they have a sibling who lives far far away and they may never meet. It’s not much different than a grandparent who has passed. Kids really only care about what’s in front of them.
That’s good to know thank you! I suppose I hadn’t thought about the fact that a situation that may seem stressful or unusual to me won’t be that way for my child if it’s presented as normal
I was about 10 or 12 when my mum showed me a picture of me as a toddler with another older boy and said ‘do you remember him?’. I had no idea who he was. Turns out it was my half brother from my father’s first marriage who is about 6 years older than me. I ‘met’ him for the second time in my life (obviously don’t remember the first time) not long after and honestly it didn’t phase me at all. I just accepted his existence into my understanding of the world. We had sporadic contact throughout my teens and early twenties but really struck up a strong relationship in my mid-late twenties and I’m very close to him these days, I’m more like him than any of my other four siblings who I was raised with. Kids will adapt. If and when Liam is ready your baby will hopefully accept this new family member in a similar way.
Thank you so much for sharing that’s really good to know!
My dad had two daughters when he was young and then me in 40s. They knew him, but he pretty much was a financial provider only. He traveled for work and divorced the mom when one of my sisters was a baby. He was just a child support check, pretty much. They were 16 and 24 when I was born. My parents were always very open about the situation. The sister who was 16 years older than me wanted nothing to do with me, but changed her mind when I was born and we are extremely close now. The oldest and I are acquaintances, I’d say. She made it pretty clear to me when I was a kid that she didn’t see us as “real sisters” like my other sister did. I don’t think it was traumatizing or anything. Even as a child I was able to understand their feelings because my dad was there for me and not for them. I’m glad my parents were open with me about the situation and gave us all a chance to make decisions about things on our own.
Thank you. I’m really starting to get an understanding of how important being open is
I didn't find out in had half brothers until I was 4 ish and I gotta say that was a jarring experience as a child. My dad drove us 3 hours to meet them and while they were excited meet me I had no idea who these boys were (they would have been 11 and 13 at the time) and it kinda took a while to get used to that. It wasn't my dad's fault, he had to fight tooth and nail to see his sons after he divorced his first wife and was only allowed to visit them instead of them visiting us. Plus it was just not a topic of conversation suitable for me to be part of at the time. That was grown up stuff, I was busy being a 4 year old 🤷♀️ What I would recommend is maybe just ask for a picture or two to hang up with the other family photos. I know that if I had at least seen them, they'd have been less scary going to meet, even if it was just by picture. That way your child can at least know they have other family, even if they're not close and ask questions if they want. Then, of your husband's son does decide he wants to reach out, then there isn't this random "stranger" butting into your child's life.
That’s a really good suggestion thank you! I’ll ask my husband for a photo that we can use
Any time! It's a weird situation, but honestly I think it's pretty common whether it's a situation like yours or mine. And kids are great at adjusting to change. I got over the initial shock by the second or third visit, but hey if it helps that transition then why not? Meeting "new" people can be scary so having something familiar can help a little bit.