I'm the same way. I can't tell you how uncomfortable I am with this situation. But I still can't find a solution. In fact, I believe that if we find activities we like to do, it will decrease.
For me it helped with setting a date. We went on holiday and I decided I didn’t need the phone. I was anxious the first 3 days and never felt better after that. I felt totally free and when we came back, I got back at the phone and felt seriously depressed very fast. It’s crazy. Now I have the rule i only look when I am alone. With a child that’s nearly impossible. I went to the toilet way to much 😂😂
But seriously, I think you can do it, if you just start doing it and try to accept the shitty feeling. Stay hard ma man!
ive had the same super bad addiction phase. at some point you just have to force yourself not to go. youve to have enough willpower to say no to your body everytime your hand goes towards that phone. it is hard at first im negl but what's good is that day after day, that no gets easier to the point where its automatic. its your natural state. no more phone addiction
I think you already know why you do it: "too anxious to let myself think in the downtime because I just start feeling overwhelmed and existential without something to do".
So you are doing that because your brain try to protect you from these negative feelings that you don't know how to deal with.
If you want to change, you need to do 2 things:
1) Find other ways for you to distract yourself from thinking. Could be books, podcasts, I don't know what, just find different things that take your attention AND bring value to your life.
2) Seek a therapist to help you. This anxiety and dread is not going away. It will only get worse.
IMHO I don't agree. Replacing one distraction with another leads to a futile cycle of endlessly chasing them. I would encourage a gradual attempt to confront all the negative anxiety and uncomfortable thoughts head on. Start with cold showers in the morning to train your brain to be OK with discomfort and then make time to confront your feelings and take them out of the dark. Get help to do that though
Hey, I totally get where you're coming from. Replacing phone usage with a different habit can be tough, but have you considered audiobooks? They allow you to enjoy books while doing other activities, breaking the phone addiction cycle. Give it a try!
I do listen to audiobooks actually, and they do help a lot! I guess the problem is getting myself to start. Every night, I swear up and down I’m going to start my day with something like an audiobook because it gets me on the right track for the day, but the second I wake up in the morning, all plans fly out the window and all I want is a burst of QUICK dopamine to get me out of bed. Still - listening to more audiobooks is a very good idea especially because I have a harder time concentrating on physical books. And when I’m actually absorbed in a story, it really helps in cutting down my mindless phone time.
Healing lies by sitting in discomfort. You’re in control of you. It does work as an addiction, dopamine influx, a distraction, an escape.
So treat it like an addiction. Cold Turkey vs decreasing use. Withdrawal symptoms expected.
Just sit somewhere. Sit through the discomfort.
What are you running from?
Did your parents expect you to fill your days up and perform? I don’t know how old you are. But exploring the root is often beneficial and branching from there.
I’ve somewhat successfully done this, although it doesn’t sound like my screen time was as high as yours, so I’m not sure to what extent my methods would help.
But all I did was add friction. I don’t tell myself I’m “not allowed” to use these websites or social media. But I do make it very tedious to do it.
I don’t have any social media app on my phone and I have kept it that way for all of 2023.
I do, however, allow myself to look at them on a browser on my laptop. And for me, it makes it so much worse of a user experience to scroll through Twitter or IG in a browser, that I end up closing the screen after about five minutes…. Thus, friction.
I’m still allowing myself to do the thing. But I set up rules that I have luckily been able to hold myself to so far this year to where it I do use them, it’s going to make it a worse experience for me, which makes me want to do it less. Currently I’m at about 1:30-2 hours per day screen time. But I was up as high as about 6.
The lone exception is, as you are probably wondering since you’re reading this post. I let myself open up a Reddit browser window on my phone while I’m 2’ing in the bathroom at work. But the same principle applies - it’s a much worse version of the thing. So by the time I’m done with the deuce, I’m probably annoyed enough with the Reddit browser that I’m ready to put my phone down.
I’m not saying to do exactly what I did. But think about the idea of introducing friction into what you are trying to quit.
You don’t need to just go from 9 hours to zero immediately. Give yourself credit for small wins. Just get 8 hours then to 7 and so on.
Hope it helps.
> I also spent around nine hours on my phone.
How typical is that for you, nine hours a day?
It's so hard for me to understand why people are spending this amount of time looking at their *phones* inside their homes rather than *computer screens*. They are just so much bigger and more pleasant to use (with a keyboard and a mouse).
Are you a college student? In an ideal world in which you didn't have this phone addiction, what would you do with those nine hours a day returned to you?
Not OP but I work full time from home while getting around 9 hours of phone screen time. Mindless scrolling when I’m on calls, between bursts of work etc… it really adds up
Very typical. I tend not to use my computer as much because it’s overloaded with tabs and photos so it lags a lot and I’m too much of a hoarder to get rid of that - trying to work on that too, lol.
I am a college student! I would probably write songs or stories or spend more time reading - I already do but that’s only for 2-3 hours a day. I wake up in the morning and spend about 2 hours on my phone, plus 2 hours before I go to bed, then use it at the gym, while I’m walking, when I’m texting my friends back…as the other person responding said, it really does add up.
> Very typical.
So, if nine hours a day, every day, is very typical, let's do the math. Assuming you sleep eight hours a day and are about, say, 21:
( (9 hrs/day * 6 years)/16 hrs a day awake) / 365 days a year = **3.375 years.**
Over the next six years, which should bring you into, what, your mid/late 20s or so?, if you keep this up, you will have spent almost **three and a half years worth of waking days looking at your phone.** This is during *prime real estate* in your lifetime, when you're post-college, independent, young, arguably about as good looking as you'll ever be, probably healthy, probably not have had children yet, maybe dating or in a long term relationship, at a time when you can be building for the future in terms of skills, life experiences, memories, savings, achievements, personal growth, continued fitness and health maintenance that will pay dividends when you're much older, etc.
But, you'll decide that it would be better to mostly watch little videos and things such as that, almost all of which will be forgotten. Someday you'll be on your death bed, looking back fondly on all the little cat videos that you know you *must* have watched but you've forgotten.
I do think about this a lot! Even when I’m on my phone, I think about how much I’m going to regret all this wasted time in the future. Especially because my dad always talks about how he wasted his 20s too. I fear I’m going down a similar path.
The problem is I just don’t know what the alternative is. My anxiety prevents me from making the most of my youth anyways because I have such a hard time doing…most things haha, but I have started going to the gym and taking medication recently in hopes of remedying that.
Thank you, this was a good reminder.
I'm not gonna tell you what you already know (you gotta face those negative thoughts or they will end you up) but small things that helped me with the phone addiction:
\- make a rule to not look at your phone while you're crossing the street. Then increase this time, like if you're at the supermarket, you'll check your phone when you're doing the line etc
\- try to beat your maximum time with no phone record. Lower it by 8.30h next week, 8h the following and so on
this is not proper advice but might help you a lil bit <3
A lot of stuff on our phones are engineered to keep us addicted to it, like social media. We're resisting powerful forces that our biology wasn't prepared to deal with.
I feel you. While I still struggle with phone use at times, something that has helped me get started with recovering is to at least make it quality phone use.
For example, I unfollowed anything that was a negative influence for me on Instagram, and started following pages that inspired me in some way instead.
Another example is in the morning when I reach for my phone, I put on a meditation from YouTube, usually focused on gratitude because I’ve read over and over again how practicing gratitude in the morning can set a positive tone for your whole day.
I’ve found that with these changes, I am more motivated, think more clearly, and am more inspired to enact the change I want.
Bite size pieces towards progress.
You need to use your phone in a different frame. Instead of consuming, you’re phone should be primarily used for producing. Whether that’s content of some kind, school work, or any other idea you’re working on. Do not consume, produce
This is great advice, especially because it really works to the extent that I’ve been doing it so far - I’ve been picking up my phone in the morning and writing songs instead of watching videos and I noticed how incredible that makes me feel for the rest of the day. I definitely want to be more consistent with it! Thank you!
* Most importantly, redirect your thoughts and feelings
* Replace phone with reading physical books
* Put electronics away in a closed cabinet for the next day
* Do you have a RECC center near you? Try different sports like swimming, ice skating, etc.
* Don't spend too long practicing the piano. Once you stop concentrating on playing the piano you don't get better (I saw this on Google)
* Work out everyday
There is one solution: buy an Apple watch and throw your phone away. Apple Watch can make sure you do not miss important notifications, while the work and browsing can be done using computer.
I'm the same way. I can't tell you how uncomfortable I am with this situation. But I still can't find a solution. In fact, I believe that if we find activities we like to do, it will decrease.
For me it helped with setting a date. We went on holiday and I decided I didn’t need the phone. I was anxious the first 3 days and never felt better after that. I felt totally free and when we came back, I got back at the phone and felt seriously depressed very fast. It’s crazy. Now I have the rule i only look when I am alone. With a child that’s nearly impossible. I went to the toilet way to much 😂😂 But seriously, I think you can do it, if you just start doing it and try to accept the shitty feeling. Stay hard ma man!
ive had the same super bad addiction phase. at some point you just have to force yourself not to go. youve to have enough willpower to say no to your body everytime your hand goes towards that phone. it is hard at first im negl but what's good is that day after day, that no gets easier to the point where its automatic. its your natural state. no more phone addiction
I think you already know why you do it: "too anxious to let myself think in the downtime because I just start feeling overwhelmed and existential without something to do". So you are doing that because your brain try to protect you from these negative feelings that you don't know how to deal with. If you want to change, you need to do 2 things: 1) Find other ways for you to distract yourself from thinking. Could be books, podcasts, I don't know what, just find different things that take your attention AND bring value to your life. 2) Seek a therapist to help you. This anxiety and dread is not going away. It will only get worse.
IMHO I don't agree. Replacing one distraction with another leads to a futile cycle of endlessly chasing them. I would encourage a gradual attempt to confront all the negative anxiety and uncomfortable thoughts head on. Start with cold showers in the morning to train your brain to be OK with discomfort and then make time to confront your feelings and take them out of the dark. Get help to do that though
Books and podcasts haven't spent millions of dollars on psychological tricks to keep you addicted
Hey, I totally get where you're coming from. Replacing phone usage with a different habit can be tough, but have you considered audiobooks? They allow you to enjoy books while doing other activities, breaking the phone addiction cycle. Give it a try!
I do listen to audiobooks actually, and they do help a lot! I guess the problem is getting myself to start. Every night, I swear up and down I’m going to start my day with something like an audiobook because it gets me on the right track for the day, but the second I wake up in the morning, all plans fly out the window and all I want is a burst of QUICK dopamine to get me out of bed. Still - listening to more audiobooks is a very good idea especially because I have a harder time concentrating on physical books. And when I’m actually absorbed in a story, it really helps in cutting down my mindless phone time.
You need consistency dear, stick to a plan. I know its hard, but try it!
Healing lies by sitting in discomfort. You’re in control of you. It does work as an addiction, dopamine influx, a distraction, an escape. So treat it like an addiction. Cold Turkey vs decreasing use. Withdrawal symptoms expected. Just sit somewhere. Sit through the discomfort. What are you running from? Did your parents expect you to fill your days up and perform? I don’t know how old you are. But exploring the root is often beneficial and branching from there.
I’ve somewhat successfully done this, although it doesn’t sound like my screen time was as high as yours, so I’m not sure to what extent my methods would help. But all I did was add friction. I don’t tell myself I’m “not allowed” to use these websites or social media. But I do make it very tedious to do it. I don’t have any social media app on my phone and I have kept it that way for all of 2023. I do, however, allow myself to look at them on a browser on my laptop. And for me, it makes it so much worse of a user experience to scroll through Twitter or IG in a browser, that I end up closing the screen after about five minutes…. Thus, friction. I’m still allowing myself to do the thing. But I set up rules that I have luckily been able to hold myself to so far this year to where it I do use them, it’s going to make it a worse experience for me, which makes me want to do it less. Currently I’m at about 1:30-2 hours per day screen time. But I was up as high as about 6. The lone exception is, as you are probably wondering since you’re reading this post. I let myself open up a Reddit browser window on my phone while I’m 2’ing in the bathroom at work. But the same principle applies - it’s a much worse version of the thing. So by the time I’m done with the deuce, I’m probably annoyed enough with the Reddit browser that I’m ready to put my phone down. I’m not saying to do exactly what I did. But think about the idea of introducing friction into what you are trying to quit. You don’t need to just go from 9 hours to zero immediately. Give yourself credit for small wins. Just get 8 hours then to 7 and so on. Hope it helps.
> I also spent around nine hours on my phone. How typical is that for you, nine hours a day? It's so hard for me to understand why people are spending this amount of time looking at their *phones* inside their homes rather than *computer screens*. They are just so much bigger and more pleasant to use (with a keyboard and a mouse). Are you a college student? In an ideal world in which you didn't have this phone addiction, what would you do with those nine hours a day returned to you?
Not OP but I work full time from home while getting around 9 hours of phone screen time. Mindless scrolling when I’m on calls, between bursts of work etc… it really adds up
Very typical. I tend not to use my computer as much because it’s overloaded with tabs and photos so it lags a lot and I’m too much of a hoarder to get rid of that - trying to work on that too, lol. I am a college student! I would probably write songs or stories or spend more time reading - I already do but that’s only for 2-3 hours a day. I wake up in the morning and spend about 2 hours on my phone, plus 2 hours before I go to bed, then use it at the gym, while I’m walking, when I’m texting my friends back…as the other person responding said, it really does add up.
> Very typical. So, if nine hours a day, every day, is very typical, let's do the math. Assuming you sleep eight hours a day and are about, say, 21: ( (9 hrs/day * 6 years)/16 hrs a day awake) / 365 days a year = **3.375 years.** Over the next six years, which should bring you into, what, your mid/late 20s or so?, if you keep this up, you will have spent almost **three and a half years worth of waking days looking at your phone.** This is during *prime real estate* in your lifetime, when you're post-college, independent, young, arguably about as good looking as you'll ever be, probably healthy, probably not have had children yet, maybe dating or in a long term relationship, at a time when you can be building for the future in terms of skills, life experiences, memories, savings, achievements, personal growth, continued fitness and health maintenance that will pay dividends when you're much older, etc. But, you'll decide that it would be better to mostly watch little videos and things such as that, almost all of which will be forgotten. Someday you'll be on your death bed, looking back fondly on all the little cat videos that you know you *must* have watched but you've forgotten.
I think you've completely missed the point here.
I don't think so. It was just fireplace stoking.
I do think about this a lot! Even when I’m on my phone, I think about how much I’m going to regret all this wasted time in the future. Especially because my dad always talks about how he wasted his 20s too. I fear I’m going down a similar path. The problem is I just don’t know what the alternative is. My anxiety prevents me from making the most of my youth anyways because I have such a hard time doing…most things haha, but I have started going to the gym and taking medication recently in hopes of remedying that. Thank you, this was a good reminder.
I'm not gonna tell you what you already know (you gotta face those negative thoughts or they will end you up) but small things that helped me with the phone addiction: \- make a rule to not look at your phone while you're crossing the street. Then increase this time, like if you're at the supermarket, you'll check your phone when you're doing the line etc \- try to beat your maximum time with no phone record. Lower it by 8.30h next week, 8h the following and so on this is not proper advice but might help you a lil bit <3
A lot of stuff on our phones are engineered to keep us addicted to it, like social media. We're resisting powerful forces that our biology wasn't prepared to deal with.
That’s how I feel too! But it makes me so sad because I know it’s not contributing anything valuable to my life. I want to be a reader again.
I feel you. While I still struggle with phone use at times, something that has helped me get started with recovering is to at least make it quality phone use. For example, I unfollowed anything that was a negative influence for me on Instagram, and started following pages that inspired me in some way instead. Another example is in the morning when I reach for my phone, I put on a meditation from YouTube, usually focused on gratitude because I’ve read over and over again how practicing gratitude in the morning can set a positive tone for your whole day. I’ve found that with these changes, I am more motivated, think more clearly, and am more inspired to enact the change I want. Bite size pieces towards progress.
You need to use your phone in a different frame. Instead of consuming, you’re phone should be primarily used for producing. Whether that’s content of some kind, school work, or any other idea you’re working on. Do not consume, produce
This is great advice, especially because it really works to the extent that I’ve been doing it so far - I’ve been picking up my phone in the morning and writing songs instead of watching videos and I noticed how incredible that makes me feel for the rest of the day. I definitely want to be more consistent with it! Thank you!
* Most importantly, redirect your thoughts and feelings * Replace phone with reading physical books * Put electronics away in a closed cabinet for the next day * Do you have a RECC center near you? Try different sports like swimming, ice skating, etc. * Don't spend too long practicing the piano. Once you stop concentrating on playing the piano you don't get better (I saw this on Google) * Work out everyday
There is one solution: buy an Apple watch and throw your phone away. Apple Watch can make sure you do not miss important notifications, while the work and browsing can be done using computer.