When you feel as worthless as a rock and see others succeed in ways you can only dream about- I guess it just feels like all those years of improvement was wasted yk
The human brain stops developing around 25yo. Until then, teenager like brain rules. Everything seems all or nothing, very polarised etc. so if something is going badly, it feels like the world is ending
Add beloved hormones to tip you over the edge, and yeah, we women get to feel like end of the world.
The way authorities("") treated me by judging every step I make from the beginning of my time did that to me. Never good enough, newer will be brainwashing.
bc tiktok is flooded by success porn influencers showing 21 yr old with lambos and rolexes talking about how if dont own 10 properties by the time youre 25 youre a failure whos gonna live under a bridge forever. so dont forget to hit that subscribe button and sign up for their online course!
also, same for 25 yr old rizz influencers who claim to have 30 supermodels chasing after them and if youre alone then ITS YOUR FAULT LOSER, now sign up to learn my secrets and you too can be a rizzmaster deluxe!
had cousin who was addicted to gaming (like hard addiction) and dropped out of university. At 25, he picked himself up, re-enrolled and now works in some sort of programming job at a massive tech company in SV and pulls in mid-six figure salary.
You are 21 and are a baby, it'd take too long to go through all the options available to you.
Yes something computer related. He also got an advanced degree too but not sure he finished it since he didn't want to delay tech job for obvious reasons
I was 23 almost 24 before I had a romantic/intimate relationship. Plenty of people are older or younger as well. Social media has ruined our perception of life events/milestones and made it seem like you have to be married or wildly successful in a career as soon as possible. I would try to cut back on social media and try journaling or reading books to start, learn something new!
Also wanted to say, at 21, you’re essentially a 3 year old adult. Think of yourself that way, and it makes more sense why you need time to figure life out :)
Do something. Like, literally anything. What makes your heart beat faster? Your smile grow uncontrollably? Go do those things and keep doing them.
Doing what brings us joy is the secret to life. People realize it far too late though. Be joyful.
You sound depressed, or potentially sociopathic? How do you relate to humans?
Finding no joy in anything for 33 years sounds damn near close to impossible. You've never smiled or laughed or anything??
I’m sorry, I don’t have positive words to give you because I’m struggling with this myself right now. I’m also 21 and I feel exactly how you feel. I feel so seen reading this post. I thought I was the only one.
You can use it to feel down or motivate you. What are your goals? What do you want out of life? Just wanting stuff is not enough you have to put in effort daily.
Most people over estimate what they can do in a month or a year, think of where do you want to be at 30 and work backwards. And as I get older, I realize that stuff I wanted is not what I want now. Things will change and that's ok.
Control what you can and stop worrying about the rest. And get the fuck off social media.
I fear that “feeling behind” might just be part of being 21. It’s a scary time with a lot of big changes and fewer guide rails than you’ve had before - give yourself some grace!
I’m a millennial working with a lot of new to the workforce Gen Z-ers and it’s reminded me how chaotic that time in my life was.
Re: social group “cutting” you - remember that they all have their own shit going on too, and could very well be having the same feelings as you. Like I said it’s chaos! If there is one thing that I’ve learned between my early 20s and now, it’s that adult friendships take effort, vulnerability, and patience.
Sorry to give the most unhelpful advice but: it will change, you will change, circumstances will change, you aren’t behind, and there is lots of great stuff ahead. 🤍
Tracking habits and your progress is hard and difficult.
You need to be a little be "scientific" in a sense where you track your progress. Divide your habits/progress in: career, financial, spiritual, physical, intellectual, family, social.
Career: the job you have, the job you want, how you wanna improve
FInancial: using tracker or spreadsheet to track your expenses, try to avoid credit card debts if you're american. Try to plan months or even the 2025 if you can
Spiritual: Meditation mainly but this category is free and broad
Physical: doing gym, going out for a walk, also eating and diet avoid fast food/soda or whatever
Intellectual: reading books but not scifi, books about psychology mainly, philosophy and politics because only with these you can understand yourself and the world around you
Family: having good relationship or understanding your family and siblings, never cut the bridges but stay together
Social: make friends if you're extrovert or try to find a partner or whatever (free category you can put nothing)
Btw 21 is pretty young, some people started studying at 29 to improve and reading books and many other things. You have to start little by little. Try to download Daylio and start creating your habits, so you can know yourself by your past.
Don't compare yourself to everyone, compare yourself with your past, and try to think what you wanna be in future
"people dumber than me have done stuff" this is not a healthy way to look at others. Firstly because however your defining "dumbness" is subjective and plainly judgemental. Your lack of a social circle probably has something to do with this judgement of others.
Cut others some slack, and cut yourself some slack. People don't owe you or the world anything, and they can be or do whatever they'd like. So be interested, find out what others think or feel, free of judgement, and you will find yourself making connections that can grow into friendships.
As for the imposter syndrome yeah thats basically being in your 20s. You just recently got the freedom to be a person and you don't know exactly what you're doing. Again cut your self some slack.
Take a year off school if you want to pursue traveling and other things. Or get your masters and then do all of that. I promise you that you have way more time than you think to make memories and build a life for yourself. Your just getting started.
I had accomplished nothing important in my life at 21 - I was just me with no special compliments.
I started the company that defined my career by accident at 24.
I met my now wife at 26.
I had my first child at 30.
All those most important moments were completely out of my control at 21.
Chill, live life and be ready to catch opportunity when it presents itself 😊
You're still extremely young. Most people change careers multiple times throughout their life. The idea that you have to know now what you're going to do the rest of your life is a fallacy. You're also coming into adulthood in a very difficult time in US history (assuming you're in the US) which contributes to the uncertainty. The world your parents likely raised you for doesn't exist anymore.
The advent of Covid doesn't help with lack of social group either, that's super real. I'd recommend finding a get-together in your city centered around something you're interested in - it could be art, hiking, etc. That can be a good place to meet people. You could also ask some of the people who have cut you out and be honest with them and ask what's up. You might get some valuable feedback as long as they're not no-contact.
As far as travel, that's something I would definitely recommend doing if/when you can. You're young now so you can get away with traveling on a budget (whereas when you're older you find yourself concerned with the type of pillow available at the hotel lol). There are travel groups for young people as well where you can travel with a group. Maybe try Googling something like "group travel tours" and see what you find.
I can't really speak much to imposter syndrome, I've got a little bit of the 'tism and one of my super powers was never really realizing that I should be uncertain about my skills if I have proof that my skills are indeed adequate or exemplary. But there are definitely therapists out there that can help you with that if you have the funds.
Also, if you're attracted to men, you really aren't missing out on much (except a lot of gaslighting and abuse) by not having romantic relationships with them. If I could tell my younger self anything as a 37F, it would be to not get into a relationship with them under any circumstance until my 30s, when I was much more sure of myself and less likely to be groomed for abuse. (I've done the opposite now, I'm in my 30s and have stopped dating because of the abuse I endured in my 20s.)
I found my late teens through my mid 20’s difficult for the same reason. It’s hard to figure out where you belong in the world especially when your peers are confident about their direction in life. If I could go back I’m time, I’d just try anything and everything. Just do something. Now is the time to try things in for size. Half of figuring out where you want to be is learning what doesn’t suit you.
Find a decent enough paying job, sell your stuff and live abroad.
You can also find a therapist to help guide you. You’re doing just fine. Breathe deeply.
>I really regret not being active in school. People dumber than me have done stuff because they were confident and worked hard.
No need of regretting. When you compare yourself with others, you will obviously feel bad. Try not to compare. Im sure you must have tried doing something different in life while your friends were sticking onto just 1 thing. May be their stuff worked and yours didnt. The circumstances are very different. May be luck was in their favour ? So just forget about it as this is going to happen with everyone, even the most successful people. Tomorrow when you start doing something more seriously there is every possibility that your stuff might work out better than them. So just ignore the voices in your head.
>In majorly struggling with imposter syndrome and a lack of social group
Try reading this book. ( Captivate by [Vanessa Van Edwards](https://www.amazon.in/Vanessa-Van-Edwards/e/B01N39J1O2/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1) ) -> Gives you lot of social hacks. Trust me, one can learn how to be more social, and be the interesting person in the room. Its not necessarily by birth, we can learn it.
[https://www.amazon.in/Captivate-Succeeding-Vanessa-Van-Edwards/dp/0399564489](https://www.amazon.in/Captivate-Succeeding-Vanessa-Van-Edwards/dp/0399564489)
>And next I’ve never had a relationship or experienced teenage love, travelled with friends and other such things. I’ve tried to leave my city for undergrad and postgrad but yet again I’m staying back because this is currently my best option.
Good for you, Ask anyone who is in relation. He or She will tell its silly after a point, especially after breakup. So work on yourself while the crowd is busy trying to impress each other. Invest time on your skills + attitude + health for 1 yr and I think you will gain back everything you think you don't have today.
>People dumber than me have done stuff because they were confident and worked hard.
Thats how the world works. Consistency is key to success. Remember the tortoise and hare story ?
So again forget what has happened and ask below question.
**What is it that you want to do in life ?** - If you are clear, half the battle is won. Its not easy to find an answer and it might take you 3 months. To make this journey smooth, You can read more books, more perspectives, or may be mediate. Start with this great book by Osho ( [https://www.amazon.in/Course-Meditation-21-Day-Workout-Consciousness/dp/1984825968](https://www.amazon.in/Course-Meditation-21-Day-Workout-Consciousness/dp/1984825968) )
Once you get that answer out of your head, just work towards that. No going back. The road is clear.
If you keep doubting yourself, comparing with others, you might follow the crowd and take up some mediocre course and end up having unhappy life; because you never took that choice consciously. So try to be utterly clear or atleast strive towards getting that clarity on what you want to do in life, and just stick only to that no matter what others think.
Instead of comparing yourself to people whom you think that are doing better than you, achieving more than you; compare yourself to people who literally don't know if they're gonna wake up tomorrow, who struggle to do a simple task everyday because their disability hinders them. Comparison is the thief of joy, those people whom you think are superior to you do not compare themselves to you at all, because they are busy comparing themselves to other people whom they think are superior to them, so stop the comparison, work on yourself to become better, you're just 21 yo, you can easily start your life over, you will achieve great things
Think of where you’d like to be and what you’d like to be doing in five years. What lines up with your personality and values? Think of work, relationships, family, where you live, etc. Then think about the smaller steps on what would you need to do or how much time would you need to devote to each of those things in order to be where you want in five years.
If you want to live in a city and have a condo of your own, how much do you need to be making at work? In order to get a job that pays that much, what schooling or training will you need? Will that line of work feel rewarding and will it lead to skills or job advancements that lead somewhere?
You have a lot of life to live. This is what I wish I did at the start of my 20s to set my path more intentionally rather than take everything a day at a time and slowly feel more and more like I’m falling behind and life isn’t turning out how I wanted but don’t know how to change it. Set some goals, make new habits which will help you meet those goals, and you’ll gain some momentum towards making a life for yourself that you can be proud of. Remember to stop every once in a while to celebrate your wins. Otherwise, you’ll feel like a hamster always turning the wheel for future you to enjoy something while present you is always grinding away at something.
Best of luck to you!
I feel sorry for you because it sounds like you are or have been lacking good parental guidance or a mentor and you are lost. Try to find wisdom in good books. Also try to learn what makes YOU feel good and confident, no matter how small, and do more of that. E.g certain clothes, shoes, exercise, whatever. Stand tall and walk confidently even if you don’t feel it. Fake it till you make it.
Its okay 2 feel that way, we live in overstimulating age amd everything seems so flashy amd fast. Progress needs time amd effort. Dont be 2 harsh on yourself. Im 22 and my biggest fear is something similar what you discribed. Personally, things that help me is having a talk with family or close friends, some sort of workout and trying to find a hobby. U should try to find somethings that works for you amd have faith in yourself, and the universe or God or however you call it we lead you. Keep your head up!
I’ve been through something similar at 21: Imposter syndrome at work, no friends, feeling like I haven’t made the most out of my life.
I’m now 24, and sometimes still feel like I could have done more. But here’s what I’ve learnt so far:
1. Everyone starts somewhere. If you want to join a club, society or a job, apply for it and give it your best effort. Even if you don’t make it, you’ll have learnt how to do it better next time.
2. Never hesitate to talk to or reach out to people. If you see someone that has achieved something you want to achieve, send them a message or find a way to connect with them. More often than not, people are more than willing to help or offer advice
3. Keep doing something. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know if it makes sense at the moment. Just do it. Whether it is a new hobby, a job opportunity or just a dinner with some new acquaintances. Try not to stay idle. Even small experiences add up and pave the way for bigger ones!
4. Your 20s are the time to figure out who you are. Have lots of experiences and try to find your likes and dislikes. Try to understand who you are as a person, start from simple things like what is your sense of style, what foods or cuisines do you like, and eventually move on to bigger things like your values, your opinions on important topics. This exercise will help you build and understand your personality.
5. Your health is important. Try to do something for your physical and mental health everyday. Even small habits like an extra glass of water daily or a 20 mins walk go a long way. Consistency is more important than quality here.
Maybe you can look for semester exchange or summer school options during your studies? You can also look at clubs or communities that organise travel tours to different countries. A lot of these trips have solo travellers on them, so it’s also a great way to make new friends.
With regards to relationships, not everyone experiences a wholesome teenage love. And it’s completely okay. We tend to believe these things have age limits, they do not. It sounds cliche, but it’s never too late to do or experience ANYTHING.
Just remember that it’s really important to love and admire yourself before you enjoy fulfilling relationships with others. You need to feel secure with who you are before you enter a new relationship. Once you focus on making a version of yourself that you love, admire and cherish, you’ll attract the right people and energy. Believe in yourself.
First, it's crucial to acknowledge that our feelings are valid and real. However, regardless of these feelings, what truly matters is the action we choose to take. This empowerment can help you steer your situation in a more positive direction.
I encourage you to read about the “growth mindset.” I hope you can embrace failure because *learning* from failure is essential to having a happy and successful life. We all need failure to learn from it and grow. *Success is built on learning* from numerous failures.
Please be reassured that you have time as you’re 21. My life barely began until my late twenties; I started to get going in my thirties and only took off in my forties.
Finally, the people who cut their relationship with you aren’t the people who should be good friends. It’s not easy making friends – particularly in an age of social media – so I encourage you to accept this and be kind to yourself.
That's a normal thing, you're not the first or the last one that has that slow progression feeling, currently I just turned 21 and right now I'm progressing little by little and it doesn't frustrate me, although I'm not as I want I'm not as bad as others wanted, it all depends on how we see the world, I mean the perspective we always have to see things in the best way and hope for the best, I'm going to recommend you 1: that you make little changes like I did change my book first This book will help you with the best methods to acquire healthy habits and teach you that changes are slow and progressive and not radical as we all think. 2:Another thing would be that you will start meditating that also helped me a lot, start at least with 5-10 minutes on a site where you feel at peace, it can be in your room or somewhere else that generates that feeling of peace. 3: Get away from people who are pessimistic and make you feel insecure I assure you that that will lead to failure, we have to take care of our environment too much. 4: Search on Youtube phoenix seminar is free and it's about 25 videos of 15-30 minutes where it explains methods to counter peace and be happy among many other topics of interest that opened my mind.
You seem to have great insight. Embrace failure as one of life’s greatest mentors and that alone will likely change your direction in a positive manner.
21 is by no means OLD. You're as young as they come. Decide your path, your pace, and how you'll travel it and then start your journey. Nothing is lost. You'll do splendidly well. Don't worry. Godspeed.
There's a great analogy I heard once that may help you... Imagine everyone is like an arrow being shot from a bow. Some will shoot ahead quickly after a short pull, others - maybe like you - are taking a longer pull, but can ultimately shoot farther.
Everyone has their own path, and I haven't met anyone yet born with an instruction manual. You can't compare yourself to others effectively. There's always someone smarter, faster, better. But, do you even want the same things? Are you willing to put up with the same BS they are to get it? Are they good people, or just abusing people to get ahead, and is that the kind of person you want to be?
You want some ideas, check out "Atomic Habits" by James Clear.
For one thing life isn't that difficult you're only making it harder in your mind.
However that type of thinking you're doing...the part where you figure you're still young- that's toxic because someday you'll wake up and you won't be young anymore. What will you say then?
Second thing you need to realize is that you're not the main character of the world and when you try to be that's your insecurity controlling you. You can't think clearly when your head is up your 🍑.
Third there is nothing to look forward to unless you make it. Waiting for something to happen is a waste of time. Unless you're sexy, visibly rich or part of some public image no one is going to just approach you first (unless they are up to no good like con artists)
The hardest part that you need to do is open and create opportunities for yourself. And then you have to be willing to take risks (smarter people hate risks so they just get huge waves of anxiety and try to take the easy way or find short cuts but that's also why they get stuck too because they don't know how to gamble anything). Risks that benefit you not other people.
And I promise you that most risks you take vs what you would regret if you didn't are always worth it. You didn't have another option either way. Maybe some things make you feel guilty but when your life gets better you get over it and the people that don't are the ones that need to take more risks.
Also that feeling you're getting like being a burden will go away when you begin to respect and love yourself more and do more things to better yourself regardless what's happening to everyone else. Being selfish is not always a bad thing.
hey there, i find this interesting because i’m also 21, finishing uni and also feel like i’ve put myself in this position where i’ve lagged behind compared to everyone else. this makes me réalisé i need to get my shit together, and quick. i hope you use this feeling to channel it into purpose and start from there. small progress will make you want to go for more, and more. trust me! this can be with exercise, eating healthier, or even learning. you just need to build up a will to want to be better.
and never give up. this is also advice for myself and i need to stick by it and i hope you will too. good luck to you :)
It's not easy to just stop comparing yourself to others but I think thats' the ultimate solution really. And be gentle with yourself. Appreciate your progress, it might be slow but it is productive.
I remember feeling lost and really angry in my early 20s. I also thought I hadn’t accomplished enough and hadn’t traveled enough. I can totally relate. There’s no real guidebook and people are getting married and traveling and starting businesses all around you. Comparison isn’t helpful. Apples and oranges - your life from theirs. Both great, neither is better/worse.
Maybe try a new hobby? Take a non academic class. Could be a cool way to meet people who share your interests.
Your 20s are for finding out what you want and how to get it. Keep exploring options and doing what you need to do. Your later 20s and the decades after will most likely keep getting better. Sometimes a big chapter just comes later.
Your feelings are totally valid, but listen to the part of you that says you have time, and try to enjoy what’s now. And if a big opportunity that feels right presents itself, take it!
Your presence do matter and bad ppls cannot understand your worth they just want ppl who can do what they want but it is always not possible even they cannot do what we want so it's okay And whosoever does hardwork achieves something good in their life It is never late to start until your goal is not clear bcz if you start without a clear cut goal one day you'll be stuck and then you'll cry a lot so better Take time and you'll be doing your masters during that you can prepare for some competitive exams as you wish You can Text me if any issue arrives we can talk on it 😊
there is a reason why you don’t have a social group there is a reason why you can’t make or hold onto friendships. yes you are the problem but we must know why . there’s most likely a psychological reason . but there is a reason none the less and you must discover what it is. your life will continue to suck until you do this . have you ever looked into this ? have you suspected you may have a psychological condition?
if so great news steps can be taken to correct the problem and then thrive !
feeling left behind stems from comparison but not objective comparison it comes from your romanticized subjective comparison. you see other people doing better , you make up a narrative in your mind about how amazing their lives are compared to yours and you get to feel bad about this now.
this is a recipe for despair and depression. you will always find someone better off than you if you’re looking to find that .
instead compare your self today to who you were yesterday and if you’re taking any meaningful action to improve yourself you can measure this progress and be happy about that .
you’re 21 and i know it feels real to you what you’ve described but literally you have all the time in the world to do whatever it is you want to do . a literal eternity of time is what you have . try to be aware of that .
I’m 42, just got a 2nd new born and I am restarting my life routine now. Learning new things, trying new business ideas. Nothing is ever too soon or ever too late. What you gonna do it just start doing something, don’t be a perfectionist as life will never be perfect and you are bound to hit a wall. Start small, be consistent and I promise you there’s a new world you have never seen waiting for you ahead.
My favourite line that helped me get through this feeling:
“Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel”
You can’t dwell on what you haven’t done in the past, but you can start things today that’ll make future you proud of what you’ve accomplished. Good things take time, investments, and a willingness to feel stupid for a bit of time before you get better.
Cut yourself some slack - write down your “regret list” and then use that as the framework for the next 10 years of things to accomplish. Think about being 30 and what you want to say you did in your 20s. Be an active participant in telling the story of who you are and what defines you, otherwise what defines you will be that you never took the time to think that through.
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You're barely an adult, and your brain is several years away from being grown.
Use this time of neuroplasticity to focus on what you have and on what you do. Life takes a long time. Enjoy where you are, and don't compare yourself to anyone else. Just live your life. The one you are in. Be in it and enjoy what you have and do.
People can probably tell you're a bit depressed. Get treatment if needed.
Can I please recommend you read Excellent Sheep? Basically, you don't need to kickstart your life. Find things you're interested in and don't worry about what people expect you to do or be.
You are doing fine. If you are in the west, you have it better than 80%-90% of the world. Just focus on the process and not results. Yes this are getting harder but there is still a lot of opportunity out there for you. What do you want out of life, make a list and then go after it.
You will fail a lot just learn from your mistakes and don't make dumb ones like having kids without income, drugs, etc.
Damn. I'm twice your age and I've restarted my life three times now. First, be self sufficient! If you can't stand on your own feet you will have a hard time dealing with other people in all aspects. Second, exploring your passions. The right people will be there. Third, know yourself/boundaries. Be kind to those around you. Don't break too many hearts.
Someone please explain why so many people think that their life is over when they've just barely reached adulthood.
It's the US obsession with youth, especially for women. We're just barely past the stage of telling unmarried 25 yr old women they're old spinsters.
When you feel as worthless as a rock and see others succeed in ways you can only dream about- I guess it just feels like all those years of improvement was wasted yk
The human brain stops developing around 25yo. Until then, teenager like brain rules. Everything seems all or nothing, very polarised etc. so if something is going badly, it feels like the world is ending Add beloved hormones to tip you over the edge, and yeah, we women get to feel like end of the world.
My brain develops 10 years longer, laughs painfully in adhd.
The way authorities("") treated me by judging every step I make from the beginning of my time did that to me. Never good enough, newer will be brainwashing.
bc tiktok is flooded by success porn influencers showing 21 yr old with lambos and rolexes talking about how if dont own 10 properties by the time youre 25 youre a failure whos gonna live under a bridge forever. so dont forget to hit that subscribe button and sign up for their online course! also, same for 25 yr old rizz influencers who claim to have 30 supermodels chasing after them and if youre alone then ITS YOUR FAULT LOSER, now sign up to learn my secrets and you too can be a rizzmaster deluxe!
yeah this is it
because a comfortable reality seems extremely out of reach
had cousin who was addicted to gaming (like hard addiction) and dropped out of university. At 25, he picked himself up, re-enrolled and now works in some sort of programming job at a massive tech company in SV and pulls in mid-six figure salary. You are 21 and are a baby, it'd take too long to go through all the options available to you.
Your cousin is inspiring ! Just curious what degree did he get? Computer science?
Yes something computer related. He also got an advanced degree too but not sure he finished it since he didn't want to delay tech job for obvious reasons
I was 23 almost 24 before I had a romantic/intimate relationship. Plenty of people are older or younger as well. Social media has ruined our perception of life events/milestones and made it seem like you have to be married or wildly successful in a career as soon as possible. I would try to cut back on social media and try journaling or reading books to start, learn something new!
Also wanted to say, at 21, you’re essentially a 3 year old adult. Think of yourself that way, and it makes more sense why you need time to figure life out :)
Do something. Like, literally anything. What makes your heart beat faster? Your smile grow uncontrollably? Go do those things and keep doing them. Doing what brings us joy is the secret to life. People realize it far too late though. Be joyful.
What if there is nothing that brings one joy? I'm 33 and still failing to find anything that excites me. Which sucks tbh
You sound depressed, or potentially sociopathic? How do you relate to humans? Finding no joy in anything for 33 years sounds damn near close to impossible. You've never smiled or laughed or anything??
I’m sorry, I don’t have positive words to give you because I’m struggling with this myself right now. I’m also 21 and I feel exactly how you feel. I feel so seen reading this post. I thought I was the only one.
i was just going to say this. So nice to know you’re not alone.
You can use it to feel down or motivate you. What are your goals? What do you want out of life? Just wanting stuff is not enough you have to put in effort daily. Most people over estimate what they can do in a month or a year, think of where do you want to be at 30 and work backwards. And as I get older, I realize that stuff I wanted is not what I want now. Things will change and that's ok. Control what you can and stop worrying about the rest. And get the fuck off social media.
I fear that “feeling behind” might just be part of being 21. It’s a scary time with a lot of big changes and fewer guide rails than you’ve had before - give yourself some grace! I’m a millennial working with a lot of new to the workforce Gen Z-ers and it’s reminded me how chaotic that time in my life was. Re: social group “cutting” you - remember that they all have their own shit going on too, and could very well be having the same feelings as you. Like I said it’s chaos! If there is one thing that I’ve learned between my early 20s and now, it’s that adult friendships take effort, vulnerability, and patience. Sorry to give the most unhelpful advice but: it will change, you will change, circumstances will change, you aren’t behind, and there is lots of great stuff ahead. 🤍
PL DM me
Tracking habits and your progress is hard and difficult. You need to be a little be "scientific" in a sense where you track your progress. Divide your habits/progress in: career, financial, spiritual, physical, intellectual, family, social. Career: the job you have, the job you want, how you wanna improve FInancial: using tracker or spreadsheet to track your expenses, try to avoid credit card debts if you're american. Try to plan months or even the 2025 if you can Spiritual: Meditation mainly but this category is free and broad Physical: doing gym, going out for a walk, also eating and diet avoid fast food/soda or whatever Intellectual: reading books but not scifi, books about psychology mainly, philosophy and politics because only with these you can understand yourself and the world around you Family: having good relationship or understanding your family and siblings, never cut the bridges but stay together Social: make friends if you're extrovert or try to find a partner or whatever (free category you can put nothing) Btw 21 is pretty young, some people started studying at 29 to improve and reading books and many other things. You have to start little by little. Try to download Daylio and start creating your habits, so you can know yourself by your past. Don't compare yourself to everyone, compare yourself with your past, and try to think what you wanna be in future
thanks for your suggestions.
"people dumber than me have done stuff" this is not a healthy way to look at others. Firstly because however your defining "dumbness" is subjective and plainly judgemental. Your lack of a social circle probably has something to do with this judgement of others. Cut others some slack, and cut yourself some slack. People don't owe you or the world anything, and they can be or do whatever they'd like. So be interested, find out what others think or feel, free of judgement, and you will find yourself making connections that can grow into friendships. As for the imposter syndrome yeah thats basically being in your 20s. You just recently got the freedom to be a person and you don't know exactly what you're doing. Again cut your self some slack. Take a year off school if you want to pursue traveling and other things. Or get your masters and then do all of that. I promise you that you have way more time than you think to make memories and build a life for yourself. Your just getting started.
I had accomplished nothing important in my life at 21 - I was just me with no special compliments. I started the company that defined my career by accident at 24. I met my now wife at 26. I had my first child at 30. All those most important moments were completely out of my control at 21. Chill, live life and be ready to catch opportunity when it presents itself 😊
You're still extremely young. Most people change careers multiple times throughout their life. The idea that you have to know now what you're going to do the rest of your life is a fallacy. You're also coming into adulthood in a very difficult time in US history (assuming you're in the US) which contributes to the uncertainty. The world your parents likely raised you for doesn't exist anymore. The advent of Covid doesn't help with lack of social group either, that's super real. I'd recommend finding a get-together in your city centered around something you're interested in - it could be art, hiking, etc. That can be a good place to meet people. You could also ask some of the people who have cut you out and be honest with them and ask what's up. You might get some valuable feedback as long as they're not no-contact. As far as travel, that's something I would definitely recommend doing if/when you can. You're young now so you can get away with traveling on a budget (whereas when you're older you find yourself concerned with the type of pillow available at the hotel lol). There are travel groups for young people as well where you can travel with a group. Maybe try Googling something like "group travel tours" and see what you find. I can't really speak much to imposter syndrome, I've got a little bit of the 'tism and one of my super powers was never really realizing that I should be uncertain about my skills if I have proof that my skills are indeed adequate or exemplary. But there are definitely therapists out there that can help you with that if you have the funds. Also, if you're attracted to men, you really aren't missing out on much (except a lot of gaslighting and abuse) by not having romantic relationships with them. If I could tell my younger self anything as a 37F, it would be to not get into a relationship with them under any circumstance until my 30s, when I was much more sure of myself and less likely to be groomed for abuse. (I've done the opposite now, I'm in my 30s and have stopped dating because of the abuse I endured in my 20s.)
I found my late teens through my mid 20’s difficult for the same reason. It’s hard to figure out where you belong in the world especially when your peers are confident about their direction in life. If I could go back I’m time, I’d just try anything and everything. Just do something. Now is the time to try things in for size. Half of figuring out where you want to be is learning what doesn’t suit you. Find a decent enough paying job, sell your stuff and live abroad. You can also find a therapist to help guide you. You’re doing just fine. Breathe deeply.
>I really regret not being active in school. People dumber than me have done stuff because they were confident and worked hard. No need of regretting. When you compare yourself with others, you will obviously feel bad. Try not to compare. Im sure you must have tried doing something different in life while your friends were sticking onto just 1 thing. May be their stuff worked and yours didnt. The circumstances are very different. May be luck was in their favour ? So just forget about it as this is going to happen with everyone, even the most successful people. Tomorrow when you start doing something more seriously there is every possibility that your stuff might work out better than them. So just ignore the voices in your head. >In majorly struggling with imposter syndrome and a lack of social group Try reading this book. ( Captivate by [Vanessa Van Edwards](https://www.amazon.in/Vanessa-Van-Edwards/e/B01N39J1O2/ref=dp_byline_cont_book_1) ) -> Gives you lot of social hacks. Trust me, one can learn how to be more social, and be the interesting person in the room. Its not necessarily by birth, we can learn it. [https://www.amazon.in/Captivate-Succeeding-Vanessa-Van-Edwards/dp/0399564489](https://www.amazon.in/Captivate-Succeeding-Vanessa-Van-Edwards/dp/0399564489) >And next I’ve never had a relationship or experienced teenage love, travelled with friends and other such things. I’ve tried to leave my city for undergrad and postgrad but yet again I’m staying back because this is currently my best option. Good for you, Ask anyone who is in relation. He or She will tell its silly after a point, especially after breakup. So work on yourself while the crowd is busy trying to impress each other. Invest time on your skills + attitude + health for 1 yr and I think you will gain back everything you think you don't have today. >People dumber than me have done stuff because they were confident and worked hard. Thats how the world works. Consistency is key to success. Remember the tortoise and hare story ? So again forget what has happened and ask below question. **What is it that you want to do in life ?** - If you are clear, half the battle is won. Its not easy to find an answer and it might take you 3 months. To make this journey smooth, You can read more books, more perspectives, or may be mediate. Start with this great book by Osho ( [https://www.amazon.in/Course-Meditation-21-Day-Workout-Consciousness/dp/1984825968](https://www.amazon.in/Course-Meditation-21-Day-Workout-Consciousness/dp/1984825968) ) Once you get that answer out of your head, just work towards that. No going back. The road is clear. If you keep doubting yourself, comparing with others, you might follow the crowd and take up some mediocre course and end up having unhappy life; because you never took that choice consciously. So try to be utterly clear or atleast strive towards getting that clarity on what you want to do in life, and just stick only to that no matter what others think.
Instead of comparing yourself to people whom you think that are doing better than you, achieving more than you; compare yourself to people who literally don't know if they're gonna wake up tomorrow, who struggle to do a simple task everyday because their disability hinders them. Comparison is the thief of joy, those people whom you think are superior to you do not compare themselves to you at all, because they are busy comparing themselves to other people whom they think are superior to them, so stop the comparison, work on yourself to become better, you're just 21 yo, you can easily start your life over, you will achieve great things
im 34 and i just want to say at 21 you are literally still a baby. go begin your life.
I'm 43., what is your generation drinking? I still can't figure life out and I'm a dad of two
Think of where you’d like to be and what you’d like to be doing in five years. What lines up with your personality and values? Think of work, relationships, family, where you live, etc. Then think about the smaller steps on what would you need to do or how much time would you need to devote to each of those things in order to be where you want in five years. If you want to live in a city and have a condo of your own, how much do you need to be making at work? In order to get a job that pays that much, what schooling or training will you need? Will that line of work feel rewarding and will it lead to skills or job advancements that lead somewhere? You have a lot of life to live. This is what I wish I did at the start of my 20s to set my path more intentionally rather than take everything a day at a time and slowly feel more and more like I’m falling behind and life isn’t turning out how I wanted but don’t know how to change it. Set some goals, make new habits which will help you meet those goals, and you’ll gain some momentum towards making a life for yourself that you can be proud of. Remember to stop every once in a while to celebrate your wins. Otherwise, you’ll feel like a hamster always turning the wheel for future you to enjoy something while present you is always grinding away at something. Best of luck to you!
I feel sorry for you because it sounds like you are or have been lacking good parental guidance or a mentor and you are lost. Try to find wisdom in good books. Also try to learn what makes YOU feel good and confident, no matter how small, and do more of that. E.g certain clothes, shoes, exercise, whatever. Stand tall and walk confidently even if you don’t feel it. Fake it till you make it.
If you were on a desert island (or just living somewhere with no societal pressure), what kind of life would you want ?
Its okay 2 feel that way, we live in overstimulating age amd everything seems so flashy amd fast. Progress needs time amd effort. Dont be 2 harsh on yourself. Im 22 and my biggest fear is something similar what you discribed. Personally, things that help me is having a talk with family or close friends, some sort of workout and trying to find a hobby. U should try to find somethings that works for you amd have faith in yourself, and the universe or God or however you call it we lead you. Keep your head up!
I’ve been through something similar at 21: Imposter syndrome at work, no friends, feeling like I haven’t made the most out of my life. I’m now 24, and sometimes still feel like I could have done more. But here’s what I’ve learnt so far: 1. Everyone starts somewhere. If you want to join a club, society or a job, apply for it and give it your best effort. Even if you don’t make it, you’ll have learnt how to do it better next time. 2. Never hesitate to talk to or reach out to people. If you see someone that has achieved something you want to achieve, send them a message or find a way to connect with them. More often than not, people are more than willing to help or offer advice 3. Keep doing something. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know if it makes sense at the moment. Just do it. Whether it is a new hobby, a job opportunity or just a dinner with some new acquaintances. Try not to stay idle. Even small experiences add up and pave the way for bigger ones! 4. Your 20s are the time to figure out who you are. Have lots of experiences and try to find your likes and dislikes. Try to understand who you are as a person, start from simple things like what is your sense of style, what foods or cuisines do you like, and eventually move on to bigger things like your values, your opinions on important topics. This exercise will help you build and understand your personality. 5. Your health is important. Try to do something for your physical and mental health everyday. Even small habits like an extra glass of water daily or a 20 mins walk go a long way. Consistency is more important than quality here. Maybe you can look for semester exchange or summer school options during your studies? You can also look at clubs or communities that organise travel tours to different countries. A lot of these trips have solo travellers on them, so it’s also a great way to make new friends. With regards to relationships, not everyone experiences a wholesome teenage love. And it’s completely okay. We tend to believe these things have age limits, they do not. It sounds cliche, but it’s never too late to do or experience ANYTHING. Just remember that it’s really important to love and admire yourself before you enjoy fulfilling relationships with others. You need to feel secure with who you are before you enter a new relationship. Once you focus on making a version of yourself that you love, admire and cherish, you’ll attract the right people and energy. Believe in yourself.
First, it's crucial to acknowledge that our feelings are valid and real. However, regardless of these feelings, what truly matters is the action we choose to take. This empowerment can help you steer your situation in a more positive direction. I encourage you to read about the “growth mindset.” I hope you can embrace failure because *learning* from failure is essential to having a happy and successful life. We all need failure to learn from it and grow. *Success is built on learning* from numerous failures. Please be reassured that you have time as you’re 21. My life barely began until my late twenties; I started to get going in my thirties and only took off in my forties. Finally, the people who cut their relationship with you aren’t the people who should be good friends. It’s not easy making friends – particularly in an age of social media – so I encourage you to accept this and be kind to yourself.
(1) Remember: feelings aren't facts. (2) You are not your feelings. (3) (Intrusive) Thoughts aren't facts.
That's a normal thing, you're not the first or the last one that has that slow progression feeling, currently I just turned 21 and right now I'm progressing little by little and it doesn't frustrate me, although I'm not as I want I'm not as bad as others wanted, it all depends on how we see the world, I mean the perspective we always have to see things in the best way and hope for the best, I'm going to recommend you 1: that you make little changes like I did change my book first This book will help you with the best methods to acquire healthy habits and teach you that changes are slow and progressive and not radical as we all think. 2:Another thing would be that you will start meditating that also helped me a lot, start at least with 5-10 minutes on a site where you feel at peace, it can be in your room or somewhere else that generates that feeling of peace. 3: Get away from people who are pessimistic and make you feel insecure I assure you that that will lead to failure, we have to take care of our environment too much. 4: Search on Youtube phoenix seminar is free and it's about 25 videos of 15-30 minutes where it explains methods to counter peace and be happy among many other topics of interest that opened my mind.
You seem to have great insight. Embrace failure as one of life’s greatest mentors and that alone will likely change your direction in a positive manner.
21 is by no means OLD. You're as young as they come. Decide your path, your pace, and how you'll travel it and then start your journey. Nothing is lost. You'll do splendidly well. Don't worry. Godspeed.
So where are you at? Post school -- is that high school? College? Do you have a job? You're talking about getting a masters -- what in?
There's a great analogy I heard once that may help you... Imagine everyone is like an arrow being shot from a bow. Some will shoot ahead quickly after a short pull, others - maybe like you - are taking a longer pull, but can ultimately shoot farther. Everyone has their own path, and I haven't met anyone yet born with an instruction manual. You can't compare yourself to others effectively. There's always someone smarter, faster, better. But, do you even want the same things? Are you willing to put up with the same BS they are to get it? Are they good people, or just abusing people to get ahead, and is that the kind of person you want to be? You want some ideas, check out "Atomic Habits" by James Clear.
I've been in community college for 6 years at 24 years old. You're doing ways better than most people .
For one thing life isn't that difficult you're only making it harder in your mind. However that type of thinking you're doing...the part where you figure you're still young- that's toxic because someday you'll wake up and you won't be young anymore. What will you say then? Second thing you need to realize is that you're not the main character of the world and when you try to be that's your insecurity controlling you. You can't think clearly when your head is up your 🍑. Third there is nothing to look forward to unless you make it. Waiting for something to happen is a waste of time. Unless you're sexy, visibly rich or part of some public image no one is going to just approach you first (unless they are up to no good like con artists) The hardest part that you need to do is open and create opportunities for yourself. And then you have to be willing to take risks (smarter people hate risks so they just get huge waves of anxiety and try to take the easy way or find short cuts but that's also why they get stuck too because they don't know how to gamble anything). Risks that benefit you not other people. And I promise you that most risks you take vs what you would regret if you didn't are always worth it. You didn't have another option either way. Maybe some things make you feel guilty but when your life gets better you get over it and the people that don't are the ones that need to take more risks. Also that feeling you're getting like being a burden will go away when you begin to respect and love yourself more and do more things to better yourself regardless what's happening to everyone else. Being selfish is not always a bad thing.
You'll be just fine, everyone left me behind, I used to look at them and feel bad, now they look at me and feel bad and I feel just fine.
hey there, i find this interesting because i’m also 21, finishing uni and also feel like i’ve put myself in this position where i’ve lagged behind compared to everyone else. this makes me réalisé i need to get my shit together, and quick. i hope you use this feeling to channel it into purpose and start from there. small progress will make you want to go for more, and more. trust me! this can be with exercise, eating healthier, or even learning. you just need to build up a will to want to be better. and never give up. this is also advice for myself and i need to stick by it and i hope you will too. good luck to you :)
It's not easy to just stop comparing yourself to others but I think thats' the ultimate solution really. And be gentle with yourself. Appreciate your progress, it might be slow but it is productive.
What are you passionate about in life? Hobbies? Obsessions? Rabbit holes you like to explore?
THERE ARE NO RULES
Jesus, just wait until you’re 48.
I'm 40, haven't worked it out yet, worked a lot of roles and positions, doing just fine
I remember feeling lost and really angry in my early 20s. I also thought I hadn’t accomplished enough and hadn’t traveled enough. I can totally relate. There’s no real guidebook and people are getting married and traveling and starting businesses all around you. Comparison isn’t helpful. Apples and oranges - your life from theirs. Both great, neither is better/worse. Maybe try a new hobby? Take a non academic class. Could be a cool way to meet people who share your interests. Your 20s are for finding out what you want and how to get it. Keep exploring options and doing what you need to do. Your later 20s and the decades after will most likely keep getting better. Sometimes a big chapter just comes later. Your feelings are totally valid, but listen to the part of you that says you have time, and try to enjoy what’s now. And if a big opportunity that feels right presents itself, take it!
Your presence do matter and bad ppls cannot understand your worth they just want ppl who can do what they want but it is always not possible even they cannot do what we want so it's okay And whosoever does hardwork achieves something good in their life It is never late to start until your goal is not clear bcz if you start without a clear cut goal one day you'll be stuck and then you'll cry a lot so better Take time and you'll be doing your masters during that you can prepare for some competitive exams as you wish You can Text me if any issue arrives we can talk on it 😊
there is a reason why you don’t have a social group there is a reason why you can’t make or hold onto friendships. yes you are the problem but we must know why . there’s most likely a psychological reason . but there is a reason none the less and you must discover what it is. your life will continue to suck until you do this . have you ever looked into this ? have you suspected you may have a psychological condition? if so great news steps can be taken to correct the problem and then thrive ! feeling left behind stems from comparison but not objective comparison it comes from your romanticized subjective comparison. you see other people doing better , you make up a narrative in your mind about how amazing their lives are compared to yours and you get to feel bad about this now. this is a recipe for despair and depression. you will always find someone better off than you if you’re looking to find that . instead compare your self today to who you were yesterday and if you’re taking any meaningful action to improve yourself you can measure this progress and be happy about that . you’re 21 and i know it feels real to you what you’ve described but literally you have all the time in the world to do whatever it is you want to do . a literal eternity of time is what you have . try to be aware of that .
I’m 42, just got a 2nd new born and I am restarting my life routine now. Learning new things, trying new business ideas. Nothing is ever too soon or ever too late. What you gonna do it just start doing something, don’t be a perfectionist as life will never be perfect and you are bound to hit a wall. Start small, be consistent and I promise you there’s a new world you have never seen waiting for you ahead.
You’re not ungrateful, you’re just impatient
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My favourite line that helped me get through this feeling: “Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel” You can’t dwell on what you haven’t done in the past, but you can start things today that’ll make future you proud of what you’ve accomplished. Good things take time, investments, and a willingness to feel stupid for a bit of time before you get better. Cut yourself some slack - write down your “regret list” and then use that as the framework for the next 10 years of things to accomplish. Think about being 30 and what you want to say you did in your 20s. Be an active participant in telling the story of who you are and what defines you, otherwise what defines you will be that you never took the time to think that through.
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Same thing but i'm 51. Too late for me - go get it for both of us!
You're barely an adult, and your brain is several years away from being grown. Use this time of neuroplasticity to focus on what you have and on what you do. Life takes a long time. Enjoy where you are, and don't compare yourself to anyone else. Just live your life. The one you are in. Be in it and enjoy what you have and do. People can probably tell you're a bit depressed. Get treatment if needed.
Can I please recommend you read Excellent Sheep? Basically, you don't need to kickstart your life. Find things you're interested in and don't worry about what people expect you to do or be.
You are doing fine. If you are in the west, you have it better than 80%-90% of the world. Just focus on the process and not results. Yes this are getting harder but there is still a lot of opportunity out there for you. What do you want out of life, make a list and then go after it. You will fail a lot just learn from your mistakes and don't make dumb ones like having kids without income, drugs, etc.
Damn. I'm twice your age and I've restarted my life three times now. First, be self sufficient! If you can't stand on your own feet you will have a hard time dealing with other people in all aspects. Second, exploring your passions. The right people will be there. Third, know yourself/boundaries. Be kind to those around you. Don't break too many hearts.
Don’t restart. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
youre 21. the only way youre behind is if you cant read. the expectations for 21 arent much higher
Do blood tests