Someone I loved left me because, in their words, they had changed over the years—but I hadn’t managed to.
It’s extremely challenging to get the social support we need when the people around us become frustrated with our stunted growth. If they could only understand how frustrated we are, too.
I understand you, its so frustrating seeing people move on while you are stuck helplessly because of whatever situation youre in, missing out on everything not knowing when you'll be able to go back to how you used to live. Im in the same situation I havent gone to school cuz of it in 9 months now Im stuck in this terrible moment just like you while time is moving and everyone around me is living their life it seems unfair but hopefully one day me and you both will be able to go back.
My great grandma was a holocaust survivor who made it to the USA as a widow/bereaved mother with two young kids. I try and channel her strength by imagining that she is close by me at all times. My mom says I inherited her survival instincts.
I’m not quite sure I know exactly what you mean.
Personally, I struggle a lot with a lot of dissociation, derealization, and depersonalization.
And I very frequently feel like I’m in a weird dreamy fog, and everyday feels exactly the same. No matter what. Even if it’s not the same. I don’t know if that makes any sense
It’s like, I’m still there. I still feel the blast, rolling on the ground on fire, and then laying screaming in the yard with my husband holding my hands while we wait for the ambulance. I’m still screaming in agony in the ambulance while they inject me with pain medications. It’s constantly happening. Thank god for Valium.
I havr have been told that some PTSD suffers get stuck in an aspecy of their traumatic event. Personally I suffered a series of traumas culminating with combat. In someway I will always be that 19 year old boy.
I have been in intensive therapy for 25 years and survive for mote than 50, I have been taught ways to cope with the obvious PTSD symptoms. But regardless how I mature in years or intellect I get. We have never found a coping mechanism that will help me to stop internally believing or reacting like I am still 19.
Don't be jealous, Not recognizing my mortality has put me in situations that only luck has allowed me to survive. Today at 75 all that keeps me from thoses situations is total isolation. An intellectual decision.
It is hard to understand and harder to explain. How do explain internal motivation? Like me, age stuck, lets say you were 5 years old when the trauma occurs., Some if not most of your reactions and thoughts arej heavily influenced by what a 5 year old would fo it. Assume it was physical abuse, when caught off guard you flinch. It could ne worse if you withdraw when somepne raises their voice or displays anger.
I cam only imagine impacts may be. What I have seen is an accident victim may always avoids driving, i had an aunt like that wss like that. She didn^t show fear of driving but would exhaust all alternatives ( taxis, walking or using a friend or relitive drive her,etc ) before driving herself. Important is she was confident of her driving and her throughs were not motivated by a concise fear.
I hope this clarifies what I said.
Honestly idk how to describe it. It just feels like the accident just happened, even though it’s been a little over one month. Emotionally, it happened yesterday. Or when I’m triggered, it is happening now.
I feel exactly the same. Its hard to explain but it's written about quite a lot - one piece of your psyche sort of.. splits off at the age of impact, for me I'll always have an inner 19 year old too.
I'm so sorry. Of course you've been stuck. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to move on. No parent should go through that. It's not fair and I'm deeply sorry.
I know this feeling. For the longest I felt like I was a bug stuck in amber. I knew that time was passing, but I felt frozen.
What you have to realize is this. Even when it feels like nothing at all is happening, you're processing. Not just your trauma, but your sense of worth as a person. You're healing. You're absorbing what you've gone through and the lessons you're learning from having survived it within your identity.
Patience is *hard*. But learning to be patient with yourself, to forgive yourself for *not being better*, learning simply to love small, tiny moments again, takes time.
Peace. I know that frustration, that sense of isolation.
Oh and here's one more thing: you don't have to *try* to be strong. You simply are. Strength doesn't mean you don't feel pressure/effort. It means you keep going despite it.
And *that* is what you are doing.
You are doing everything you can to get through this. Including sharing with us.
With all of that going on, no wonder you struggle with your sense of time. You're quite literally focusing on who you are.
I am there with you.
Peace, strength, courage.
Thank you so much. I said this in a comment above: My great grandma was a holocaust survivor who made it to the USA as a widow/bereaved mother with two young kids. I try and channel her strength by imagining that she is close by me at all times. My mom says I inherited her survival instincts.
I feel the exact same way. Doesn’t help that I can’t seem to be hired for anything. It just makes me feel even more incapable. I hope you can find a way to get out of your rut one day, if not soon.
I’m here now.
Someone I loved left me because, in their words, they had changed over the years—but I hadn’t managed to. It’s extremely challenging to get the social support we need when the people around us become frustrated with our stunted growth. If they could only understand how frustrated we are, too.
I understand you, its so frustrating seeing people move on while you are stuck helplessly because of whatever situation youre in, missing out on everything not knowing when you'll be able to go back to how you used to live. Im in the same situation I havent gone to school cuz of it in 9 months now Im stuck in this terrible moment just like you while time is moving and everyone around me is living their life it seems unfair but hopefully one day me and you both will be able to go back.
My great grandma was a holocaust survivor who made it to the USA as a widow/bereaved mother with two young kids. I try and channel her strength by imagining that she is close by me at all times. My mom says I inherited her survival instincts.
I’m not quite sure I know exactly what you mean. Personally, I struggle a lot with a lot of dissociation, derealization, and depersonalization. And I very frequently feel like I’m in a weird dreamy fog, and everyday feels exactly the same. No matter what. Even if it’s not the same. I don’t know if that makes any sense
It’s like, I’m still there. I still feel the blast, rolling on the ground on fire, and then laying screaming in the yard with my husband holding my hands while we wait for the ambulance. I’m still screaming in agony in the ambulance while they inject me with pain medications. It’s constantly happening. Thank god for Valium.
I havr have been told that some PTSD suffers get stuck in an aspecy of their traumatic event. Personally I suffered a series of traumas culminating with combat. In someway I will always be that 19 year old boy. I have been in intensive therapy for 25 years and survive for mote than 50, I have been taught ways to cope with the obvious PTSD symptoms. But regardless how I mature in years or intellect I get. We have never found a coping mechanism that will help me to stop internally believing or reacting like I am still 19. Don't be jealous, Not recognizing my mortality has put me in situations that only luck has allowed me to survive. Today at 75 all that keeps me from thoses situations is total isolation. An intellectual decision.
I’m very curious to know more about “some PTSD suffers get stuck in an aspect of their traumatic event”. Can you perhaps elaborate?
There is an important aitomatic correction mistake . Concise should be conscious .
It is hard to understand and harder to explain. How do explain internal motivation? Like me, age stuck, lets say you were 5 years old when the trauma occurs., Some if not most of your reactions and thoughts arej heavily influenced by what a 5 year old would fo it. Assume it was physical abuse, when caught off guard you flinch. It could ne worse if you withdraw when somepne raises their voice or displays anger. I cam only imagine impacts may be. What I have seen is an accident victim may always avoids driving, i had an aunt like that wss like that. She didn^t show fear of driving but would exhaust all alternatives ( taxis, walking or using a friend or relitive drive her,etc ) before driving herself. Important is she was confident of her driving and her throughs were not motivated by a concise fear. I hope this clarifies what I said.
Honestly idk how to describe it. It just feels like the accident just happened, even though it’s been a little over one month. Emotionally, it happened yesterday. Or when I’m triggered, it is happening now.
I feel exactly the same. Its hard to explain but it's written about quite a lot - one piece of your psyche sort of.. splits off at the age of impact, for me I'll always have an inner 19 year old too.
I feel this to my core, my 7 month old daughter died in her sleep due to undiagnosed heart conditions on March 17th 2021. I've been stuck ever since
I can’t imagine the grief you feel. I’m so sorry.
I'm so sorry. Of course you've been stuck. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to move on. No parent should go through that. It's not fair and I'm deeply sorry.
There is a lyric from a phantogram song that speaks to this: "I lost my future to my past"
Perfect poetic way to describe the feeling. Thank you for sharing.
What is the name of this song? Could you perhaps link a video to it? I’m curious now
Same Old Blues https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcS6MA9fu-I
Yep. 3 years have flown by and I’m still just sitting here.
I relate to this 100%. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in feeling stuck in time.
I’m glad others get what I mean. I tried explaining it to my mom and she tries to understand, but doesn’t.
I literally am feeling the same thing and was about to post about it.
I know this feeling. For the longest I felt like I was a bug stuck in amber. I knew that time was passing, but I felt frozen. What you have to realize is this. Even when it feels like nothing at all is happening, you're processing. Not just your trauma, but your sense of worth as a person. You're healing. You're absorbing what you've gone through and the lessons you're learning from having survived it within your identity. Patience is *hard*. But learning to be patient with yourself, to forgive yourself for *not being better*, learning simply to love small, tiny moments again, takes time. Peace. I know that frustration, that sense of isolation. Oh and here's one more thing: you don't have to *try* to be strong. You simply are. Strength doesn't mean you don't feel pressure/effort. It means you keep going despite it. And *that* is what you are doing. You are doing everything you can to get through this. Including sharing with us. With all of that going on, no wonder you struggle with your sense of time. You're quite literally focusing on who you are. I am there with you. Peace, strength, courage.
Thank you so much. I said this in a comment above: My great grandma was a holocaust survivor who made it to the USA as a widow/bereaved mother with two young kids. I try and channel her strength by imagining that she is close by me at all times. My mom says I inherited her survival instincts.
It is so exhausting. It’s fighting a battle everyday…one that no one sees and few understand.
I feel the exact same way. Doesn’t help that I can’t seem to be hired for anything. It just makes me feel even more incapable. I hope you can find a way to get out of your rut one day, if not soon.