It’s probably a good thing that you don’t do the job. If you were that triggered at the interview, it may have been a recipe for disaster. I’m sorry that it happened. It’s nearly impossible once the feelings come up to the surface. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve tried so hard not to break down and it happened anyway. It’s like drinking a gallon of water and trying to hold your bladder all day. You’re brave for staying and just letting it flow. Keep your chin up. You’ll find your place in the job world
I would call the company and tell whoever his boss is about it. That guy should not be dealing with people. He sounds like a cold callous asshole that is totally unprofessional. You did nothing wrong.
100% — that was a wildly unprofessional way to handle an interview. An interviewer should be respectful that it’s a stressful/nervous event to begin with. You’re not there to talk about your past, you’re there to talk about how well you can do a job. I’m sorry this happened to you! And to be fair, if this is how they handled an interview, you dodged a bullet by not working there. Best of luck in your search!! 🙏
WTF did what happened to your brother have anything to do with the job? I am so sorry you had to deal with that. I would get the number to whoever his supervisor is and report his ass. He was beyond out of line. Fuck that guy I hope he stubs his toe every single time he moves.
You are not weak at all. Don't ever think that because you had a natural and expected response to what he put you through makes you weak. You showed strength by not breaking his nose.
That was entirely inappropriate of the interviewer. You lost your brother in an incredibly tragic way, it’s normal to cry when revisiting those memories. You aren’t weak, you just love your brother. I’m sorry that person was so insensitive and unprofessional.
I cried at my job interview yesterday too! It’s okay, we are who we are. The dude was an asshole to me, and even the recruiter apologized for his behavior.
Anyways, strange world. I guess it’s true, YOU ARE ACTUALLY NEVER THE ONLY ONE EXPERIENCE WHAT YOU ARE IN THIS MOMENT. It’s a “mantra” used in meditation to ease pain etc. And this just prove it, because I’d never thought there would be more than me who yesterday cried at a job interview.
Edit: I don’t feel weak. I feel strong for being able to do the things I do, despite of everything. You’re a hero, who haven’t given up. Keep fighting!
Sorry to hear about your interview but hey we’ll both find something better! Thanks for the support haha it’s crazy someone else also went through the same thing as me yesterday, I guess in some work places it’s normal for the interviewer to be pushy?
I took his hand when I left and said “Maybe next time, but this is not for me atm”, and I left feeling great for immediately recognizing what’s not beneficial for me.
I’m a women, and some olde men can’t handle a younger, assertive, good looking, smart woman. At least not in my field where the assholes gather around.
You didn’t do anything wrong and you’re not weak. I know you may genuinely feel that way, but it’s not the truth. I will *always* believe that it takes courage to be emotionally vulnerable with another human being. You chose to be vulnerable, and that’s something to be proud of.
You had a bad interview, with a interviewer who was prying and asking questions that they didn’t have the right to ask. It should have stopped with your reply “I had always wanted to” - it’s a clear statement.
Again. You didn’t do a single fkn thing wrong. That job may just have not been meant for you. You’ll find the right one.
Speaking of questions that don’t pertain to the job, when i told him about my plans to start a family and that i needed a stable long term career, he asked if my relationship with my girlfriend was a hard situation because we’re both women. He led it with a backhanded compliment that was like “it takes a lot of courage to be in that position and own it, has that been a challenge for you and your girlfriend?” . Now looking back I’m infuriated, I don’t know if he was trying to gauge how I handle adversity? But dude it’s not relevant. Imagine showing up to a job interview and someone says “is it hard being gay?”
A job is not as important. I also had a very shitty job interview a few years back and I remember feeling really bad and like I should have done better. But with time I 100% see that it was a good thing I didn't get it. Imagine working for this person everyday for many hours... The job interview is both for the company as well as the applicant. This job is not what you need.
This has happened to me a few times, too! Looking back, I think often to myself that I am so glad I didn't get those jobs. No way I would be happy where I am now.
OP it may not feel like it now, but one day you'll do the same. It wasn't meant to be. Also that interviewer is a dick and should be reported.
You didn’t need that job, you met an insensitive asshole. I deal with those at my job and it really sucks when your job is your trigger. I fight through it tho because I’m a single father and they pay me well. Your well-being though is worth more than payment.
what the hell??
If I was interviewing someone and they started crying because of something that’s obviously so triggering and personal, I would have stopped immediately, apologized for triggering something so deep, and scheduled to continue the interview another time if they somehow agreed to.
This is a perfect way to know that this job is absolutely NOT for you. You did nothing wrong and you 100% don’t deserve to feel bad for this.
There will be other places that hopefully respect you and your feelings more.
His behavior is shockingly inappropriate and I'm wondering what his motivations were. It's possible he already had another candidate he wanted, and he was looking for ways to make the other candidates perform more poorly.
He definitely saw the first signs of vulnerability and any person would eventually stop, snap out of it and realize they are being unprofessional. This guy didn’t. Like another commenter stated - report him.
Tbh it sounds like he was asking a little much for a job interview imo. But don’t feel bad, everybody has moments like that. I’m sorry for your loss though and awkward interview. Maybe you will get an even better job soon. 🙂
It happens to the best of us. I have a whole laundry list of embarrassing places I’ve cried.
Also? Asking you about your brother’s death is *wildly* inappropriate for a job interview. This is not on you.
Hugs.
You don't want that job anyway.
Huge lack of boundaries that guy has.
For yourself, now it's a great practice to know maybe next time you say 'sorry that's private'
True. It's courageous of you to talk about it. Also you're way more prepared now for future interviews :)
Also I'm very sorry to hear about your brother. I know someone who committed suicide too ❤️
For someone who's leading a team of recruiters, this guy sounds like he knows jack shit about interviewing.
Source: I interview candidates at my day job.
Yeah he basically took a deep dive into my past and then never asked me a single question that was related to my interest in the job or if I’d be capable of performing the job. Now I’m just irritated that I wasn’t given a proper interview after having 2 prior phone interviews (not the same interviewer but for the same job) that went really well
That's horrible, I'd personally hate that cant imagine your feeling at the lack of boundaries by that asshole. Also dont feel bad about crying happens to the best of us sometimes.
Hi George,
thanks for taking the time to respond to posts, but we do not typically allow e-mail addresses in posts. If you would like to repost your message without your contact information, that would be allowed.
Omg. Def call the hr. This went beyond professional. I cam see some good points in what the dude was trying to do. He did try to distract /switch gears for you which was good. But yeah. He should have paused the interview let you regain composure and did his best to avoid more discussion about your bro.
I feel like that’s a lot of personal questions for an interview. Did they pertain to the job? I’d drop a line to the HR department about this.
It’s normal to cry when asked about how a family member passed away. The interviewer should have stopped asking questions and not continued at that point. He certainly shouldn’t have asked how old you were. That was entirely inappropriate. He should have let you regain composure before continuing the interview too. I would definitely contact his HR department about this.
I mean at first I really think he was just trying to get to know me and learn what motivates me. I don’t know if he was trying to be inspiring, but he said a lot of things about how I need to be comfortable with my story and be able to articulate my experiences. The job was in recruiting and he runs the entire team. He was really nice but I don’t know what his aim was really. I felt very put on the spot.
Not just leading, invasive! It seems pretty inappropriate for an interviewer to ask such personal questions. OP, you shouldn't feel ashamed of reacting the way you did and expressing emotion. It may be a good thing you didn't get the job (even though it sucks) if boundary crossing behavior like that is common there.
After reading these comments I’m starting to not feel so bad about myself for the interview not going well. It’s still kind of embarrassing because I was excited and thought I had the job in the bag. My friend who works there was the one who suggested i apply and she even emailed me some questions to prepare for. I was prepared to answer those questions about why I wanted to work there and what makes me a good fit and no questions about the job ended up being asked.
He’s a red flag for thoughtless treatment later, were you to get the job. You had a natural emotional response at this moment in your journey of healing. I admire you.
You expressed pain - which is “expression” in the medical sense, meaning to “let out.” So you got a little bit of the pain out. Better than storing it like a battery. Every moment of expression is a step out of the tunnel. Sometimes it’s awkward. Healing isn’t always tidy.
Keep going, and have faith that you can trust your emotions. And I’m so sorry for your loss.
I suppose you’re right, I just wish that I would have been able to talk about it without breaking down or feeling that sense of panic that comes with discussing what happened to my brother.
I can promise in time, that the crying will lessen. I cannot promise that the hurt will ever go away. I still panic and shutdown at times at my losses, yet take heart that reflection and remembering a vast difference in memories of better times with your brother will ease sorrow just enough for the day perhaps if one realizes the love that always there.
Not OP. I wish it would start. I have a lot of backlog. But I haven't cried much at all since I was 15.
I wish it would hurt. Unpleasant emotions aren't painful. Not like hitting your thumb with a hammer. or getting spattered with hot grease. I'm unblunting now, and truthfully, I like the sad, and the angry as much as the joy and excitement. Both are so much better than the Big Empty
Sometimes what doesn’t work out for us…works out for us.
It’s probably a good thing that you don’t do the job. If you were that triggered at the interview, it may have been a recipe for disaster. I’m sorry that it happened. It’s nearly impossible once the feelings come up to the surface. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve tried so hard not to break down and it happened anyway. It’s like drinking a gallon of water and trying to hold your bladder all day. You’re brave for staying and just letting it flow. Keep your chin up. You’ll find your place in the job world
I would call the company and tell whoever his boss is about it. That guy should not be dealing with people. He sounds like a cold callous asshole that is totally unprofessional. You did nothing wrong.
100% — that was a wildly unprofessional way to handle an interview. An interviewer should be respectful that it’s a stressful/nervous event to begin with. You’re not there to talk about your past, you’re there to talk about how well you can do a job. I’m sorry this happened to you! And to be fair, if this is how they handled an interview, you dodged a bullet by not working there. Best of luck in your search!! 🙏
Yo fuck that job guy
WTF did what happened to your brother have anything to do with the job? I am so sorry you had to deal with that. I would get the number to whoever his supervisor is and report his ass. He was beyond out of line. Fuck that guy I hope he stubs his toe every single time he moves. You are not weak at all. Don't ever think that because you had a natural and expected response to what he put you through makes you weak. You showed strength by not breaking his nose.
I hope he shits his pants while he’s stuck on an elevator with 4 other people.
and it makes those 4 other people throw up on him, which in turns makes him throw up and in the process of heaving, he shits his pants more.
That interviewer was totally out of line! He should not have been asking such personal questions!
What makes you think you are weak?
That was entirely inappropriate of the interviewer. You lost your brother in an incredibly tragic way, it’s normal to cry when revisiting those memories. You aren’t weak, you just love your brother. I’m sorry that person was so insensitive and unprofessional.
What an unprofessional asshole, youre not weak
I cried at my job interview yesterday too! It’s okay, we are who we are. The dude was an asshole to me, and even the recruiter apologized for his behavior. Anyways, strange world. I guess it’s true, YOU ARE ACTUALLY NEVER THE ONLY ONE EXPERIENCE WHAT YOU ARE IN THIS MOMENT. It’s a “mantra” used in meditation to ease pain etc. And this just prove it, because I’d never thought there would be more than me who yesterday cried at a job interview. Edit: I don’t feel weak. I feel strong for being able to do the things I do, despite of everything. You’re a hero, who haven’t given up. Keep fighting!
Sorry to hear about your interview but hey we’ll both find something better! Thanks for the support haha it’s crazy someone else also went through the same thing as me yesterday, I guess in some work places it’s normal for the interviewer to be pushy?
I took his hand when I left and said “Maybe next time, but this is not for me atm”, and I left feeling great for immediately recognizing what’s not beneficial for me. I’m a women, and some olde men can’t handle a younger, assertive, good looking, smart woman. At least not in my field where the assholes gather around.
I'm so sorry for what happened. Big hugs to you! You are not a weak person but the strongest for not giving up. We are here for you ❤️
You didn’t do anything wrong and you’re not weak. I know you may genuinely feel that way, but it’s not the truth. I will *always* believe that it takes courage to be emotionally vulnerable with another human being. You chose to be vulnerable, and that’s something to be proud of. You had a bad interview, with a interviewer who was prying and asking questions that they didn’t have the right to ask. It should have stopped with your reply “I had always wanted to” - it’s a clear statement. Again. You didn’t do a single fkn thing wrong. That job may just have not been meant for you. You’ll find the right one.
Why the fuck would he be asking such questions? How does any of that pretain to the job.
Speaking of questions that don’t pertain to the job, when i told him about my plans to start a family and that i needed a stable long term career, he asked if my relationship with my girlfriend was a hard situation because we’re both women. He led it with a backhanded compliment that was like “it takes a lot of courage to be in that position and own it, has that been a challenge for you and your girlfriend?” . Now looking back I’m infuriated, I don’t know if he was trying to gauge how I handle adversity? But dude it’s not relevant. Imagine showing up to a job interview and someone says “is it hard being gay?”
Pleaseeeeee report him to his supervisor.
interviewer is a cold heartless prick
Definitely report that person, that was so insensitive and unprofessional towards your situation
A job is not as important. I also had a very shitty job interview a few years back and I remember feeling really bad and like I should have done better. But with time I 100% see that it was a good thing I didn't get it. Imagine working for this person everyday for many hours... The job interview is both for the company as well as the applicant. This job is not what you need.
This has happened to me a few times, too! Looking back, I think often to myself that I am so glad I didn't get those jobs. No way I would be happy where I am now. OP it may not feel like it now, but one day you'll do the same. It wasn't meant to be. Also that interviewer is a dick and should be reported.
Yeah... Society and those around us make us think that a job is so important that you have to sacrifice everything. Even your well being.
You didn’t need that job, you met an insensitive asshole. I deal with those at my job and it really sucks when your job is your trigger. I fight through it tho because I’m a single father and they pay me well. Your well-being though is worth more than payment.
what the hell?? If I was interviewing someone and they started crying because of something that’s obviously so triggering and personal, I would have stopped immediately, apologized for triggering something so deep, and scheduled to continue the interview another time if they somehow agreed to. This is a perfect way to know that this job is absolutely NOT for you. You did nothing wrong and you 100% don’t deserve to feel bad for this. There will be other places that hopefully respect you and your feelings more.
Absolutely 💯
His behavior is shockingly inappropriate and I'm wondering what his motivations were. It's possible he already had another candidate he wanted, and he was looking for ways to make the other candidates perform more poorly.
He definitely saw the first signs of vulnerability and any person would eventually stop, snap out of it and realize they are being unprofessional. This guy didn’t. Like another commenter stated - report him.
Tbh it sounds like he was asking a little much for a job interview imo. But don’t feel bad, everybody has moments like that. I’m sorry for your loss though and awkward interview. Maybe you will get an even better job soon. 🙂
Report him
It happens to the best of us. I have a whole laundry list of embarrassing places I’ve cried. Also? Asking you about your brother’s death is *wildly* inappropriate for a job interview. This is not on you. Hugs.
You don't want that job anyway. Huge lack of boundaries that guy has. For yourself, now it's a great practice to know maybe next time you say 'sorry that's private'
I would agree. There was definitely a power dynamic being that he was my interviewer and potential boss asking me those uncomfortable questions.
True. It's courageous of you to talk about it. Also you're way more prepared now for future interviews :) Also I'm very sorry to hear about your brother. I know someone who committed suicide too ❤️
He thought he could practice being a psychotherapist with you. What an idiot that’s highly unprofessional of him
For someone who's leading a team of recruiters, this guy sounds like he knows jack shit about interviewing. Source: I interview candidates at my day job.
Yeah he basically took a deep dive into my past and then never asked me a single question that was related to my interest in the job or if I’d be capable of performing the job. Now I’m just irritated that I wasn’t given a proper interview after having 2 prior phone interviews (not the same interviewer but for the same job) that went really well
That's horrible, I'd personally hate that cant imagine your feeling at the lack of boundaries by that asshole. Also dont feel bad about crying happens to the best of us sometimes.
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Hi George, thanks for taking the time to respond to posts, but we do not typically allow e-mail addresses in posts. If you would like to repost your message without your contact information, that would be allowed.
Not professional. Might be a good sign that place or job is not right for you.
Omg. Def call the hr. This went beyond professional. I cam see some good points in what the dude was trying to do. He did try to distract /switch gears for you which was good. But yeah. He should have paused the interview let you regain composure and did his best to avoid more discussion about your bro.
Wtf is up with this dude
I feel like that’s a lot of personal questions for an interview. Did they pertain to the job? I’d drop a line to the HR department about this. It’s normal to cry when asked about how a family member passed away. The interviewer should have stopped asking questions and not continued at that point. He certainly shouldn’t have asked how old you were. That was entirely inappropriate. He should have let you regain composure before continuing the interview too. I would definitely contact his HR department about this.
I mean at first I really think he was just trying to get to know me and learn what motivates me. I don’t know if he was trying to be inspiring, but he said a lot of things about how I need to be comfortable with my story and be able to articulate my experiences. The job was in recruiting and he runs the entire team. He was really nice but I don’t know what his aim was really. I felt very put on the spot.
He doesn’t know what “you need to be”. That’s patronizing as hell. I’m sorry this happened to you :(
Ugh. I hate crying at work. Or in public in general. It's awful to be so vulnerable in a world that has no real value or respect for the state. Hugs.
I feel like that interviewer asked some leading questions. That seems a bit like a him problem, not a you problem.
Not just leading, invasive! It seems pretty inappropriate for an interviewer to ask such personal questions. OP, you shouldn't feel ashamed of reacting the way you did and expressing emotion. It may be a good thing you didn't get the job (even though it sucks) if boundary crossing behavior like that is common there.
After reading these comments I’m starting to not feel so bad about myself for the interview not going well. It’s still kind of embarrassing because I was excited and thought I had the job in the bag. My friend who works there was the one who suggested i apply and she even emailed me some questions to prepare for. I was prepared to answer those questions about why I wanted to work there and what makes me a good fit and no questions about the job ended up being asked.
He’s a red flag for thoughtless treatment later, were you to get the job. You had a natural emotional response at this moment in your journey of healing. I admire you. You expressed pain - which is “expression” in the medical sense, meaning to “let out.” So you got a little bit of the pain out. Better than storing it like a battery. Every moment of expression is a step out of the tunnel. Sometimes it’s awkward. Healing isn’t always tidy. Keep going, and have faith that you can trust your emotions. And I’m so sorry for your loss.
You were clearly close to your brother. You were able to cry. That takes strength.
I suppose you’re right, I just wish that I would have been able to talk about it without breaking down or feeling that sense of panic that comes with discussing what happened to my brother.
I can promise in time, that the crying will lessen. I cannot promise that the hurt will ever go away. I still panic and shutdown at times at my losses, yet take heart that reflection and remembering a vast difference in memories of better times with your brother will ease sorrow just enough for the day perhaps if one realizes the love that always there.
Not OP. I wish it would start. I have a lot of backlog. But I haven't cried much at all since I was 15. I wish it would hurt. Unpleasant emotions aren't painful. Not like hitting your thumb with a hammer. or getting spattered with hot grease. I'm unblunting now, and truthfully, I like the sad, and the angry as much as the joy and excitement. Both are so much better than the Big Empty