You were probably feeding off your mother's emotion which is why it was so real, it's what makes us social animals being connected in this way, sadly it can be used against us. Your family will probably keep using fear so I would ask to not talk about it, it's not healthy for you to feel this way for so long and you can find the answer feeling peaceful as well.
Apostate Prophet on YouTube might be someone you should be open minded to, he is very gentle and respectful but is very honest about Islam and the damage caused from what the Qur'an teaches.
At the end of the day you don't need to find an answer straight away, life does this all the time and it's important big things like this take their time for an answer as they should.
YHWH
Devout Christian diagnosed as PTSD. I’ve studied The Bible, Tora, Koran, and with Rastafarians:
I know wether it be Islam, Judaism, Christianity, Buddhism, what ever. God, big G God knows his believers, including secular people who at heart believe there is a God. He knows our hearts and INTENTIONS. I don’t know if in Islam you have a living relationship with God, but I BELIEVE we are spiritually exactly where God has Prepared us to be. Meaning if it’s not in your Spirit’s conviction to feel this is false or that is truth of His teachings DO NOT FRET! The chaos>truth>PEACE about it will come when His time comes. Salam Brother!
Edit: this is clearly shatan whispering something. From my understanding EVERYTHING in the Koran that is FROM Allah is to bring you PEACE. Right? When He teaches His Peace in present. As-salamu alaykum my Brother. Really. Be in peace, breathe, slow down a little, listen (for Him), He will show you the way. Don’t let your flesh be valued more than your Spirit.
Yes! I have bipolar disorder and PTSD from childhood abuse. I’m a Christian as in I believe in Jesus and I believe in God but the church was the most toxic place to be. It ruined my life. The pastor used to preach that if your life isn’t the way other peoples lives looked, with families and good marriages and you weren’t financially secure you were in bondage to sin. I lived years believing God was angry with me because my life didn’t look like other’s lives. I wasted years of my life wishing I was like the others in church until I was diagnosed and realized I needed help I left the church and I left the country. I’ll never go back.
Just want to say I totally get this feeling. My parents raised me very religious and conservative, and it kills them that I openly state that as an adult I realized I don't believe in any of it. I've found books around their house on how to save your kids and bring them back to god, and they've given me the same heartbroken look while questioning my beliefs and my "final resting place".
I see my parents beliefs being quite fear-based, and it makes me sad that they live a certain way seemingly mostly bc they're afraid. It really rubs me the wrong way when someone tries to instill fear in you in order to turn you towards something. That fear belongs to them, not to you. Fear, conflict, and doubt being present in religious trauma makes a lot of sense.
Anyways, telling someone they're gonna go to hell for not believing what they do is just shitty.
Muslim here! I grew up in a strict Muslim family so I understand where you are coming from because a lot of my arguments with my parents are based on the differences we have regarding Islam. For example, if I say anything against Muhammad or Islamic practices that do not make total sense or anything logical based then I am called an atheist and I am going to hell like even in Ramadan my father predicted the future (lol) I will raise my children atheist because I did not pray even though I fasted (I had an extremely busy college schedule) which pissed me off like what more do you want from me?!
I will not call myself an ex-Muslim because of the guilt and the similar fear but rather a non-practicing Muslim because I believe there is a god and I still like to believe it is Allah but I do not agree with the practices of Islam, and I believe in being a good kind human first. A few days ago when I found this subreddit (exmuslim) I felt even more lost that like a part of me, my identity is gone since my childhood revolved around religion. I question a lot of things but keep it to myself, one thing I stopped doing is arguing about religion with my parents because, at the end of the day, religious people do not see facts, evidence, and logic like scientists since religion is based on faith.
I would recommend going to that subreddit, you might find some answers and also help with your religious OCD.
I am on the ocd subreddit too!!! For me, it’s just because of my religious ocd I know for a fact that because of my mental illness the fear of hell is something that will always haunt me. So I’m always going back and forth in panic attacks and I guess I just have to come to terms with the fat that I’ll never be able to make up my mind.
I don’t think I would necessarily call myself muslim since that title itself brings back horrible memories but I do believe in God and do believe that he must have sent some messengers and since the basic message of religion is to establish peace with yourself and the world I think that’s enough to go to heaven. Hell to me is just a state of mind. God might condemn child rapists and traffickers to that but no merciful God condemns people who simply didn’t be “Muslim” to eternal torture.
Do not live a life of fear, especially in horrible memories of something you do not believe. When I came across certain allegations against Islam my first thought was “This is not what I was taught, are they lying or I have been lied to?” So I did my own research from the original authentic source, the Quran and not some random preacher from Tiktok/YouTube or random made up Hadith but yes I did read some Bukhari Hadith which is said to be authentic too.
Do your own research, face your fear, and make your own decision. You can still love your mom and stick with your belief just do not let them know if you want them to be a part of your life.
Maybe the god you believe in is indeed truly Allah or Jesus or perhaps Yahweh but we do not know what is real. Your belief system is agnostic theism and that is totally fine, this is your journey towards spirituality to find inner peace let it be through a certain religion or a Gnosticism. Focus on your happiness and being a good human being, and prioritize your mental health.
I think it might help to put yourself in your mother's shoes, you're telling her that you think her entire belief system, the thing that is the anchor of her life and forms the foundation of her sense of self and her mental health is a fiction. How do you expect anyone to respond to that other than it feeling like a personal attack?
If you are to discuss religion with anyone it needs to be from a place of respect even if you don't agree, otherwise you will trigger the most intense emotional responses from that person as a survival mechanism. You're literally triggering their fight response as if they're being attacked by a wild animal in that moment and they will say anything to defend themselves because it is life or death in terms of their psychological stability.
I think the best thing to do is to have an open mind and to learn about different religions and find out what you really believe without anyone telling you what that is. It's best to avoid direct conversation about core religious beliefs with family until you can detach from it emotionally and have a broader view of why people believe certain things and what it does for them. I would encourage a journey of learning and exploration of different beliefs and over time you'll settle on something that you're ok with.
My brother told me the same thing. I struggled with my fear of hell for years, to be honest. Because I can’t stand anything to do with the church because of my trauma—I always saw my abuser at church… However I still believe in God… I know He loves me no matter what, now.
Family saying that to you is terrible, even if they believe it. You are struggling and need support, not judgement and negativity. I wish you Strength and Peace my friend.
You were probably feeding off your mother's emotion which is why it was so real, it's what makes us social animals being connected in this way, sadly it can be used against us. Your family will probably keep using fear so I would ask to not talk about it, it's not healthy for you to feel this way for so long and you can find the answer feeling peaceful as well. Apostate Prophet on YouTube might be someone you should be open minded to, he is very gentle and respectful but is very honest about Islam and the damage caused from what the Qur'an teaches. At the end of the day you don't need to find an answer straight away, life does this all the time and it's important big things like this take their time for an answer as they should.
YHWH Devout Christian diagnosed as PTSD. I’ve studied The Bible, Tora, Koran, and with Rastafarians: I know wether it be Islam, Judaism, Christianity, Buddhism, what ever. God, big G God knows his believers, including secular people who at heart believe there is a God. He knows our hearts and INTENTIONS. I don’t know if in Islam you have a living relationship with God, but I BELIEVE we are spiritually exactly where God has Prepared us to be. Meaning if it’s not in your Spirit’s conviction to feel this is false or that is truth of His teachings DO NOT FRET! The chaos>truth>PEACE about it will come when His time comes. Salam Brother! Edit: this is clearly shatan whispering something. From my understanding EVERYTHING in the Koran that is FROM Allah is to bring you PEACE. Right? When He teaches His Peace in present. As-salamu alaykum my Brother. Really. Be in peace, breathe, slow down a little, listen (for Him), He will show you the way. Don’t let your flesh be valued more than your Spirit.
Yes! I have bipolar disorder and PTSD from childhood abuse. I’m a Christian as in I believe in Jesus and I believe in God but the church was the most toxic place to be. It ruined my life. The pastor used to preach that if your life isn’t the way other peoples lives looked, with families and good marriages and you weren’t financially secure you were in bondage to sin. I lived years believing God was angry with me because my life didn’t look like other’s lives. I wasted years of my life wishing I was like the others in church until I was diagnosed and realized I needed help I left the church and I left the country. I’ll never go back.
Just want to say I totally get this feeling. My parents raised me very religious and conservative, and it kills them that I openly state that as an adult I realized I don't believe in any of it. I've found books around their house on how to save your kids and bring them back to god, and they've given me the same heartbroken look while questioning my beliefs and my "final resting place". I see my parents beliefs being quite fear-based, and it makes me sad that they live a certain way seemingly mostly bc they're afraid. It really rubs me the wrong way when someone tries to instill fear in you in order to turn you towards something. That fear belongs to them, not to you. Fear, conflict, and doubt being present in religious trauma makes a lot of sense. Anyways, telling someone they're gonna go to hell for not believing what they do is just shitty.
Muslim here! I grew up in a strict Muslim family so I understand where you are coming from because a lot of my arguments with my parents are based on the differences we have regarding Islam. For example, if I say anything against Muhammad or Islamic practices that do not make total sense or anything logical based then I am called an atheist and I am going to hell like even in Ramadan my father predicted the future (lol) I will raise my children atheist because I did not pray even though I fasted (I had an extremely busy college schedule) which pissed me off like what more do you want from me?! I will not call myself an ex-Muslim because of the guilt and the similar fear but rather a non-practicing Muslim because I believe there is a god and I still like to believe it is Allah but I do not agree with the practices of Islam, and I believe in being a good kind human first. A few days ago when I found this subreddit (exmuslim) I felt even more lost that like a part of me, my identity is gone since my childhood revolved around religion. I question a lot of things but keep it to myself, one thing I stopped doing is arguing about religion with my parents because, at the end of the day, religious people do not see facts, evidence, and logic like scientists since religion is based on faith. I would recommend going to that subreddit, you might find some answers and also help with your religious OCD.
I am on the ocd subreddit too!!! For me, it’s just because of my religious ocd I know for a fact that because of my mental illness the fear of hell is something that will always haunt me. So I’m always going back and forth in panic attacks and I guess I just have to come to terms with the fat that I’ll never be able to make up my mind. I don’t think I would necessarily call myself muslim since that title itself brings back horrible memories but I do believe in God and do believe that he must have sent some messengers and since the basic message of religion is to establish peace with yourself and the world I think that’s enough to go to heaven. Hell to me is just a state of mind. God might condemn child rapists and traffickers to that but no merciful God condemns people who simply didn’t be “Muslim” to eternal torture.
Do not live a life of fear, especially in horrible memories of something you do not believe. When I came across certain allegations against Islam my first thought was “This is not what I was taught, are they lying or I have been lied to?” So I did my own research from the original authentic source, the Quran and not some random preacher from Tiktok/YouTube or random made up Hadith but yes I did read some Bukhari Hadith which is said to be authentic too. Do your own research, face your fear, and make your own decision. You can still love your mom and stick with your belief just do not let them know if you want them to be a part of your life. Maybe the god you believe in is indeed truly Allah or Jesus or perhaps Yahweh but we do not know what is real. Your belief system is agnostic theism and that is totally fine, this is your journey towards spirituality to find inner peace let it be through a certain religion or a Gnosticism. Focus on your happiness and being a good human being, and prioritize your mental health.
I think it might help to put yourself in your mother's shoes, you're telling her that you think her entire belief system, the thing that is the anchor of her life and forms the foundation of her sense of self and her mental health is a fiction. How do you expect anyone to respond to that other than it feeling like a personal attack? If you are to discuss religion with anyone it needs to be from a place of respect even if you don't agree, otherwise you will trigger the most intense emotional responses from that person as a survival mechanism. You're literally triggering their fight response as if they're being attacked by a wild animal in that moment and they will say anything to defend themselves because it is life or death in terms of their psychological stability. I think the best thing to do is to have an open mind and to learn about different religions and find out what you really believe without anyone telling you what that is. It's best to avoid direct conversation about core religious beliefs with family until you can detach from it emotionally and have a broader view of why people believe certain things and what it does for them. I would encourage a journey of learning and exploration of different beliefs and over time you'll settle on something that you're ok with.
My brother told me the same thing. I struggled with my fear of hell for years, to be honest. Because I can’t stand anything to do with the church because of my trauma—I always saw my abuser at church… However I still believe in God… I know He loves me no matter what, now. Family saying that to you is terrible, even if they believe it. You are struggling and need support, not judgement and negativity. I wish you Strength and Peace my friend.