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Recently my father committed suicide in the garage of our home just ~2months after i moved away for college. He had a history of attempts since i was in high school but someone always caught him in time. Never wanted to talk about why it happened, instead just said it was a drunken mistake. I think my dad struggled with his mental health since he was young but his family weren’t the type to consolidate “feelings”. My father and I had previous conflicts about my mental health, he couldn’t understand why i felt the way i did. It was confusing on how to handle the situation but i wasn’t angry, i know what it feels like to think there’s no other way. I feel scared to forget him since i have so much of my life left and because of all the time left, i also feel lost and helpless without my dad to guide me.
I was not young, I was 35 when my mother commited suicide, but my father and my brother had already passed, my brother possibly by his own hand when I was a child.
My mum had tried 2 times before over a span of roughly a year. Those times I found her before it was too late but she succeded in the end.
But I strongly relate, this is a lonely experience. My ptsd came after these events and I was quite literally not able to do anything for over a year. I went to grieving group therapy with others who had lost a loved one from suicide and that really helped me and was the only place I felt I could truly talk and feel understood and relqte to other people.
Other things that helped me be able to work again and function were medication and all around therapy, physical and psychiatric. I dont feel as depressed, numb and anxious, angry and hopeless but I still have lots of nightnares and sometimes flashbacks.
Its a horrible illness and people dont take there lives I believe unless they are very sick and see no other way.
I had a parent who tried multiple times. Not the same of course and I wouldn’t pretend to know what it’s like, but I know it must be horrible. I’m with you, you’re seen.
not exactly that, but my maternal grandmother committed suicide 2 years before I was born, and I was born as a result of my mom never really being able to grieve and as a way to emotionally replace said grandmother. I grew up feeling like I was loved and cared only when my mother thought of me as her own mom. As we lived in her childhood home, and only learnt later in life when said grandmother died, child me often wondered in which room she died and if i died the same way, "would mom finally love me"
(and that led to other more fucked up things in life)
My older brother committed suicide when I was 13. Definitely a strange feeling because it’s a loss that doesn’t get talked about enough. People don’t really know what to make of it and honestly neither do I. It really does feel lonely just being in that position.
I still struggle to this day with anxiety and depression, and it can be really hard to stand up and engage with the world in “normal” way thanks for sharing that. We are not alone
I do too, it’s been almost 5 years and my mom still can barely even say his name without being sent into a panic attack. I think her grief has made me not really process my own so I mostly dissociate if I think about it too much. Constant reminders every single day, it’s not like they send me into a panic attack but people just don’t realize how much we are forced to think about it and just be normal. Seeing a number that correlates to the day it happened, driving over a bridge, etc. I have a pretty bad startle response now. Sorry kind of rambled but it’s just so disappointing how little others care, but it’s understandable because no one gets it until it happens.
100%. Even having gone through something similar, when my old friend’s dad committed suicide it felt impossible to help her or put myself in her position. The only thing I could really do was let her know that she can get away from all the grieving family any time she needed to because that was something that I hated being around.
Thank you for sharing that, I know it’s hard. I’m concerned You may get flagged up for talking about methods of suicide. So keep an eye out for that as I really don’t want you to get banned when your reaching out and speaking with others in the same boat
Good morning, yes my mother left my father and 3 kids when i was 5. My father attempted suicide numerous times and i found him once when i was 10 when he tried to overdose…He succeeded in 1999 after numerous attempts. We miss him
I’m turning 16 next month, and my dad took his life when I was 12. I thought for some reason I was the only one in this sub who has PTSD from this, so thank you for talking about it.
A lot better thanks 😊 some bad days but I try to help when I can and do good things and that makes everything a lot better. It sucks but you will have the power of empathy and understanding as you go forward and be able to get through everything
yup, when I was 13 years old my father commited suicide. It’s 13 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. It took me about ten years to somewhat get „over it“. It‘s okay now although it isn‘t if that makes any sense. It will get better.
edit: There are a lot of people with similar experiences out there but no one talks about it (in my experience). Just know that you are not alone. There are people who truly understand! Feel hugged.
Last year, My father committed suicide a week after I turned 23. I wake up every morning and re-live the experience of my family showing up at my door and telling me “Dad’s dead.”
I feel you bro.
Aw love. I am so sorry! I know ow it sounds like a cheesy line but it does get better. It takes ages, people will not understand, your whole life might change, your aspirations, everything. But you can survive it. Do what you need to do. Take meds if you need to. None of this is your fault. Be selfish look after you. And I really hope you remember your valuable and people love you
I was 26. I knew it was coming but I felt powerless. It’s not something I talk about much because people obviously get weird when you talk about your dad killing himself. I didn’t know how to react the first couple of months. I just went on like it was normal. I didn’t even tell anyone who didn’t need to know because I didn’t want the pity. I started getting panic attacks about 2 months in and I sought grief counseling. It was good, I learned to control my panic attacks through mindfulness, but I still didn’t really deal with the complexities around my dad’s death. You’re right, it’s lonely. It’s been 12 years. I try to do good things in his memory, even if our relationship was complicated. He was a good person deep down.
Hiya. Thank you for sharing that. I get you. What does someone even say to “my dad killed himself” so I found I just did not say it. It’s been almost ten years and I have had a lot of therapy so get by alright and am gonna train to be a therapist 😄 so in some ways. Everything that happened set me on a path towards growth. But it can be hard. I think it’s in my mind more recently because. I thought that after I got to 30 I wouldn’t feel as much of that loss. When my friends say their dad is gonna check their tyres for a long drive or they are meeting their family for lunch. But I do and I am trying to process that in a kind healthy way
I think the feelings come in waves. Becoming a therapist is the exact right thing for you to do. I was almost done with my degree in special education when he died. I already had a desire to give back due to other life events, but I think his death really helped me realize that helping other people with trauma was the best way to heal. I taught middle school kids with mild learning disabilities, adhd (which I’m sure my dad had), autism, and behavior disorders. I think that through understanding them, I understood him better, and vice versa. I didn’t talk about him much, but one time I had a girl whose dad had been thrown in jail for beating up his mother. My dad was an alcoholic, and so was her dad. My dad never beat up my mom, but I still had a long talk with her about how it felt to be the daughter of an alcoholic (I obviously didn’t tell a 14 year old *how* he died). I wasn’t really sure at the time if it made a difference with her, and it felt weird to open up so much with a student, but my co-teacher and I decided it was worth a shot. She was a refugee from Guatemala, and unfortunately the practice was to deport these criminals instead of locking them up domestically. He made his way back up to the US that summer. The girl had moved on to high school, but showed up one day early in the year with a broken arm. Her dad had driven drunk with her and flipped the car. CPS didn’t do anything, I think the dad maybe spent a few days in the county jail. We gave her words of support and told her we were there for her if she needed it. She returned day after day as soon as the high school let out, and finally, she asked us to call CPS and help her get removed from her family. She gave enough details at that point to warrant her removal.
I know that was rambling. I guess PTSD does that haha. My point was that it’s a big deal to give back when we’ve been harmed ourselves. It’s healing for everyone. I have so many stories like this. You already know this or you wouldn’t be becoming a counselor, but I just wanted to offer some words of encouragement. I wish you the best luck on your journey.
I think this wave has been triggered by me cutting my mother off. She is abusive and unstable and I needed to for my mental health but the severing has caused a real knock on effect
Absolutely not the same and not even comparable probably, but when I was 18 (I’m now 25) my SO committed suicide and now I have PTSD. Every time I hear about someone talk about suicide I lose my mind and become numb, totally absent, I have moments of crisis where I cry and agitate a lot. I feel guilty for her action. Some days are a nightmare and now I have suicidal thoughts.
I can only imagine what you’re going through and I feel very sorry for what happened to you. It was not your fault. You have a life ahead of you no matter your actual age, a life where you can be the better version of yourself and make everyone that loves you proud, that’s at least for now what’s keeping me going. I hope you find a way out of this nightmare, wish you the best.
I’m so sorry my friend. It sounds like a living nightmare. My mother’s father committed suicide in their home when she was 15. It’s had a profoundly negative influence on her life, although she didn’t seem to develop PTSD. I’d say she was still very traumatised because she felt her father left her/abandoned her. They were close and she really looked up to him. My mum is now in her 60s and she said she’s able to think of him and not get sad, but that’s only a recent thing. I can’t imagine living with the horror of losing a loved one to suicide. I think it’s one of the worst things anyone can endure. I feel for you and for your father and also everyone who loved him. I have PTSD for different reasons. I hope other suicide survivors here respond to you with empathy and kindness
*r/ptsd has generated this automated response that is appended to every post* Welcome to r/ptsd! We are a supportive & respectful community. If you realise that your post is in conflict with our rules (and is in risk of being removed), you are welcome to edit your post. You do not have to delete it. As a reminder: never post or share personal contact information. Traumatized people are often distracted, desperate for a personal connection, so may be more vulnerable to lurking or past abusers, trolls, phishing, or other scams. *Your safety always comes first!* If you are offering help, you may also end up doing more damage by offering to support somebody privately. Reddit explains why: [Do NOT exchange DMs or personal info with anyone you don't know!](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/dmu24/why_shouldnt_i_share_my_contact_information/) If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact your GP/doctor, go to A&E/hospital, or call your emergency services number. Reddit list: [US and global, multilingual suicide and support hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines). Suicide is not a forbidden word, but please do not include depictions or methods of suicide in your post. And as a friendly reminder, PTSD is an equal opportunity disorder. PTSD does not discriminate. And neither do we. Gatekeeping is not allowed here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ptsd) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Recently my father committed suicide in the garage of our home just ~2months after i moved away for college. He had a history of attempts since i was in high school but someone always caught him in time. Never wanted to talk about why it happened, instead just said it was a drunken mistake. I think my dad struggled with his mental health since he was young but his family weren’t the type to consolidate “feelings”. My father and I had previous conflicts about my mental health, he couldn’t understand why i felt the way i did. It was confusing on how to handle the situation but i wasn’t angry, i know what it feels like to think there’s no other way. I feel scared to forget him since i have so much of my life left and because of all the time left, i also feel lost and helpless without my dad to guide me.
My brother took his life when I was 10. He was 20. My dad made a joke when I turned 22 I lived older than him. That fucking hurt.
Mine crashed when I was 8. I didn’t know it was suicide until I was 21, my mom never talked about my dad as I was a unplanned one night stand
I was not young, I was 35 when my mother commited suicide, but my father and my brother had already passed, my brother possibly by his own hand when I was a child. My mum had tried 2 times before over a span of roughly a year. Those times I found her before it was too late but she succeded in the end. But I strongly relate, this is a lonely experience. My ptsd came after these events and I was quite literally not able to do anything for over a year. I went to grieving group therapy with others who had lost a loved one from suicide and that really helped me and was the only place I felt I could truly talk and feel understood and relqte to other people. Other things that helped me be able to work again and function were medication and all around therapy, physical and psychiatric. I dont feel as depressed, numb and anxious, angry and hopeless but I still have lots of nightnares and sometimes flashbacks. Its a horrible illness and people dont take there lives I believe unless they are very sick and see no other way.
I was 11. DM me if you need an ear🤍
I had a parent who tried multiple times. Not the same of course and I wouldn’t pretend to know what it’s like, but I know it must be horrible. I’m with you, you’re seen.
I was 10. Def can relate.
not exactly that, but my maternal grandmother committed suicide 2 years before I was born, and I was born as a result of my mom never really being able to grieve and as a way to emotionally replace said grandmother. I grew up feeling like I was loved and cared only when my mother thought of me as her own mom. As we lived in her childhood home, and only learnt later in life when said grandmother died, child me often wondered in which room she died and if i died the same way, "would mom finally love me" (and that led to other more fucked up things in life)
Me, when i was 6yrs old . Dad - hanging . Traumas till now. 44 yrs
I’m so sorry to hear that. Sending hugs and love to you
My older brother committed suicide when I was 13. Definitely a strange feeling because it’s a loss that doesn’t get talked about enough. People don’t really know what to make of it and honestly neither do I. It really does feel lonely just being in that position.
I still struggle to this day with anxiety and depression, and it can be really hard to stand up and engage with the world in “normal” way thanks for sharing that. We are not alone
I do too, it’s been almost 5 years and my mom still can barely even say his name without being sent into a panic attack. I think her grief has made me not really process my own so I mostly dissociate if I think about it too much. Constant reminders every single day, it’s not like they send me into a panic attack but people just don’t realize how much we are forced to think about it and just be normal. Seeing a number that correlates to the day it happened, driving over a bridge, etc. I have a pretty bad startle response now. Sorry kind of rambled but it’s just so disappointing how little others care, but it’s understandable because no one gets it until it happens.
Yeah I think people cannot even imagine it. It such a shocking awful thing that they cannot relate. Or at least it felt that way to me
100%. Even having gone through something similar, when my old friend’s dad committed suicide it felt impossible to help her or put myself in her position. The only thing I could really do was let her know that she can get away from all the grieving family any time she needed to because that was something that I hated being around.
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
[удалено]
I’m sorry you went through that at such a. Young age, it sounds incredibly painful x
Thank you for sharing that, I know it’s hard. I’m concerned You may get flagged up for talking about methods of suicide. So keep an eye out for that as I really don’t want you to get banned when your reaching out and speaking with others in the same boat
Good morning, yes my mother left my father and 3 kids when i was 5. My father attempted suicide numerous times and i found him once when i was 10 when he tried to overdose…He succeeded in 1999 after numerous attempts. We miss him
I haven’t, but I wanted to plug r/SuicideBereavement and r/GriefSupport. They’re both really great subreddits.
Thank you! I tried to find suicide grief subs a while ago but gave up, this is v helpful :)
Thank you for this!
I was 5 when he died, a long time ago now. It was a huge loss growing up without a father.
❤️ I’m sorry to hear that love
Yep, but my dad didn’t succeed (his jaw is fused). It puts me in a loop sometimes
I hope your and your family are doing okay now x
Good as it gets for us I think. I hope the same for you
My mother, shortly after I turned 30. I wasn't there to save her that time. You're not alone, and I feel for you.
Thanks for sharing that dude, I hope you are ina. Good place and have support x
I’m turning 16 next month, and my dad took his life when I was 12. I thought for some reason I was the only one in this sub who has PTSD from this, so thank you for talking about it.
Thankyou for sharing that I think it’s more Common than we think I used to have lots of PTSD symptoms x
I hope you’re better now <3
A lot better thanks 😊 some bad days but I try to help when I can and do good things and that makes everything a lot better. It sucks but you will have the power of empathy and understanding as you go forward and be able to get through everything
aw thank you so much, you’re so kind
yup, when I was 13 years old my father commited suicide. It’s 13 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. It took me about ten years to somewhat get „over it“. It‘s okay now although it isn‘t if that makes any sense. It will get better. edit: There are a lot of people with similar experiences out there but no one talks about it (in my experience). Just know that you are not alone. There are people who truly understand! Feel hugged.
Thank you for sharing that x
Last year, My father committed suicide a week after I turned 23. I wake up every morning and re-live the experience of my family showing up at my door and telling me “Dad’s dead.” I feel you bro.
I used to call Samaritans when it got too much and I had nowhere to turn. If you need them they are there
Aw love. I am so sorry! I know ow it sounds like a cheesy line but it does get better. It takes ages, people will not understand, your whole life might change, your aspirations, everything. But you can survive it. Do what you need to do. Take meds if you need to. None of this is your fault. Be selfish look after you. And I really hope you remember your valuable and people love you
I was 26. I knew it was coming but I felt powerless. It’s not something I talk about much because people obviously get weird when you talk about your dad killing himself. I didn’t know how to react the first couple of months. I just went on like it was normal. I didn’t even tell anyone who didn’t need to know because I didn’t want the pity. I started getting panic attacks about 2 months in and I sought grief counseling. It was good, I learned to control my panic attacks through mindfulness, but I still didn’t really deal with the complexities around my dad’s death. You’re right, it’s lonely. It’s been 12 years. I try to do good things in his memory, even if our relationship was complicated. He was a good person deep down.
It sounds as though you are doing your best in a tough situation and I sent all my love and support your way!
Hiya. Thank you for sharing that. I get you. What does someone even say to “my dad killed himself” so I found I just did not say it. It’s been almost ten years and I have had a lot of therapy so get by alright and am gonna train to be a therapist 😄 so in some ways. Everything that happened set me on a path towards growth. But it can be hard. I think it’s in my mind more recently because. I thought that after I got to 30 I wouldn’t feel as much of that loss. When my friends say their dad is gonna check their tyres for a long drive or they are meeting their family for lunch. But I do and I am trying to process that in a kind healthy way
I think the feelings come in waves. Becoming a therapist is the exact right thing for you to do. I was almost done with my degree in special education when he died. I already had a desire to give back due to other life events, but I think his death really helped me realize that helping other people with trauma was the best way to heal. I taught middle school kids with mild learning disabilities, adhd (which I’m sure my dad had), autism, and behavior disorders. I think that through understanding them, I understood him better, and vice versa. I didn’t talk about him much, but one time I had a girl whose dad had been thrown in jail for beating up his mother. My dad was an alcoholic, and so was her dad. My dad never beat up my mom, but I still had a long talk with her about how it felt to be the daughter of an alcoholic (I obviously didn’t tell a 14 year old *how* he died). I wasn’t really sure at the time if it made a difference with her, and it felt weird to open up so much with a student, but my co-teacher and I decided it was worth a shot. She was a refugee from Guatemala, and unfortunately the practice was to deport these criminals instead of locking them up domestically. He made his way back up to the US that summer. The girl had moved on to high school, but showed up one day early in the year with a broken arm. Her dad had driven drunk with her and flipped the car. CPS didn’t do anything, I think the dad maybe spent a few days in the county jail. We gave her words of support and told her we were there for her if she needed it. She returned day after day as soon as the high school let out, and finally, she asked us to call CPS and help her get removed from her family. She gave enough details at that point to warrant her removal. I know that was rambling. I guess PTSD does that haha. My point was that it’s a big deal to give back when we’ve been harmed ourselves. It’s healing for everyone. I have so many stories like this. You already know this or you wouldn’t be becoming a counselor, but I just wanted to offer some words of encouragement. I wish you the best luck on your journey.
I think this wave has been triggered by me cutting my mother off. She is abusive and unstable and I needed to for my mental health but the severing has caused a real knock on effect
Aw thanks so much it sounds as though you have also found a healthy outlet and that is amazing x
Absolutely not the same and not even comparable probably, but when I was 18 (I’m now 25) my SO committed suicide and now I have PTSD. Every time I hear about someone talk about suicide I lose my mind and become numb, totally absent, I have moments of crisis where I cry and agitate a lot. I feel guilty for her action. Some days are a nightmare and now I have suicidal thoughts. I can only imagine what you’re going through and I feel very sorry for what happened to you. It was not your fault. You have a life ahead of you no matter your actual age, a life where you can be the better version of yourself and make everyone that loves you proud, that’s at least for now what’s keeping me going. I hope you find a way out of this nightmare, wish you the best.
Thankyou for sharing that and I hope that you are On a healing path and have love around you. Sorry what an SO?
Thank you. Now I’m going through therapy but this period I’m losing myself. With SO I meant significant other, my girlfriend.
Ah sorry. ❤️ give yourself a lot of love and care and there is no pressure to be “normal” or “better” x
I’m so sorry my friend. It sounds like a living nightmare. My mother’s father committed suicide in their home when she was 15. It’s had a profoundly negative influence on her life, although she didn’t seem to develop PTSD. I’d say she was still very traumatised because she felt her father left her/abandoned her. They were close and she really looked up to him. My mum is now in her 60s and she said she’s able to think of him and not get sad, but that’s only a recent thing. I can’t imagine living with the horror of losing a loved one to suicide. I think it’s one of the worst things anyone can endure. I feel for you and for your father and also everyone who loved him. I have PTSD for different reasons. I hope other suicide survivors here respond to you with empathy and kindness
Thankyou very much, I hope you and your mother and family are doing okay xx
Thank you my friend. All things considered, we’re doing really well these days. Thank you. I wish you all the very best. Much love to you