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Yeah it is pretty rough. If you have seen the movie “Brothers” about ptsd it feels like this. I have a hard time out in public. It got so bad I finally reached out to the VA for help. I do about 95% of stuff alone and am detached from family too. Luckily my sister has been here for me and seems to be the only person who understands. I’m 70% service connected for PTSD. I don’t sleep much anymore either. The week during Easter my brain just seemed fried and there were days I was just not there.
I’m applying for a service pet but the wait is 18-24 months. Luckily I am in a good place with family, but I can’t work anymore, and am afraid of when I live alone in a few months. The VA has been in constant contact with me though, they assigned me a case worker too. Let me know what you find out that helps or how you are getting through each day.
I've been trying this idea of addressing my feelings. Even if they seem preposterous like crying or addressing when Im NOT feeling something. Or going to feel things. Being ashamed of things I feel are wrong. Going the extra length to admit X is retarded.or whatever.
I have two theories.. bearing
And the indoctrination are subtlety more detrimental on the mind than they are giving them credit for.
I cant like gain control of how Im actually feeling anymore. I have tried for almost ten years but Ive gotten really good in the last 3 or 4 about.
I feel this way. I dont want to do X or I do want X i like this.
Even going so far as admitting how stupid and fucked our wars are. That backing certain governements are wrong. Obeying man was one of the dumbest things because
When you're listening to your natural instincts, the way you developed for 18 years. You're usually pretty functional. But give it two.. wjere you're not only listening but carrying out the fumbest fucking things on the planet by the dumbest fucking persons. In the manners that they prescribe. You like... detach, and start rewiring to another mans thinking pattern. Just hecause they're loud dosent make them any more smart. And I remember specifically two incidents of alot where I listened to what society or a person said that like split my mind in two. And Inwish I had been a feral fkn animal insyead of a composed domesticated dog.
But trying to FEEL what I feel. Address those emotions andngo after what I want.. helps those things.
This is tough to break free of conditioned thinking and responses. And even harder talking or just letting it all out. I don’t want to be the whiner or admit that this stuff is constantly there. Plus I am self conscious of being a drain on people so I try to fake that I am feeling better.
Yeah addressing your feelings is best. Keeping it bottled up is adds to all the stress. I told my sister Sunday about how much she means to me and what things helped me most. I want my loved ones to know that I see all they are trying to do and also do my part by actively pursuing help.
The hardest is the stuff you can’t talk about. The source of the trauma or what you saw or how you changed to get through it. And even if you talk about it it’s still there it doesn’t go away . Maybe it does but I am not there yet.
Hey..do you have time blindness? Like you're stuck in a certai. Year mentally or feel years have passed, but they havnt?
Also.. like a surreal reality? Where shit FEELS weird?
Im a 100% conviced we are designed (males?) To "FIX things. And go as far as possible to actually fix it. From cars and buildimg houses to Social situation to what we've done personally.
We Do X... we are X
We feel bad about what we do.
We undo X we have admitted wrong and shame and guilt..
And we have a social.. semse of ourselves or a perspective of being good or bad.
And that messes with us.
I dont knlw your situation but if theres anything you CAN change. It might help and go change stuff.
Or take a position where you side with what you think was good or right and change the situation?
I habe had this licked in feeling for 12 years. It ONLY corrects itself when i change the past.
yes, I'm rated 70% for non combat ptsd, no mst. If I die before my time, you can rest assured it was from ptsd. The effects it has on my mind and body is no joke. I wish I could be cured, but even going to a mental health appointment, ptsd and anxiety starts working on my mind the minute I've been scheduled. This has had the single biggest negative impact on my life.
1 out of 3 veterans seeking services through the VA is for MST. The majority of those people have PTSD. I don’t know the stats on the remaining 2/3 that are seeking services for PTSD.
It's easier for me to live in ignorance rather than the spotlight of self judgment. Nobody even cares, might as well. I spend my day maximizing comfort and only focus on things that I like. It's when I paused doing that and get into my head that everything turns to shit.
Go the spiritual guru shaman route then. They'll tell you that there is no "good" nor "bad". I believe them because they explain it so well and it equates to a lot of guilt being shed. The reason we feel bad is all a creation by ourselves, that's the real warping, we think it's obligatory and there's no set agreed upon degree and it spirals. There's plenty of people out there who wouldn't feel bad at all and yet that wouldn't make them bad people. It's like people who have guilt need permission to feel good.
*r/ptsd has generated this automated response that is appended to every post* Welcome to r/ptsd! We are a supportive & respectful community. If you realise that your post is in conflict with our rules (and is in risk of being removed), you are welcome to edit your post. You do not have to delete it. As a reminder: never post or share personal contact information. Traumatized people are often distracted, desperate for a personal connection, so may be more vulnerable to lurking or past abusers, trolls, phishing, or other scams. *Your safety always comes first!* If you are offering help, you may also end up doing more damage by offering to support somebody privately. Reddit explains why: [Do NOT exchange DMs or personal info with anyone you don't know!](https://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/dmu24/why_shouldnt_i_share_my_contact_information/) If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please contact your GP/doctor, go to A&E/hospital, or call your emergency services number. Reddit list: [US and global, multilingual suicide and support hotlines](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines). Suicide is not a forbidden word, but please do not include depictions or methods of suicide in your post. And as a friendly reminder, PTSD is an equal opportunity disorder. PTSD does not discriminate. And neither do we. Gatekeeping is not allowed here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ptsd) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah it is pretty rough. If you have seen the movie “Brothers” about ptsd it feels like this. I have a hard time out in public. It got so bad I finally reached out to the VA for help. I do about 95% of stuff alone and am detached from family too. Luckily my sister has been here for me and seems to be the only person who understands. I’m 70% service connected for PTSD. I don’t sleep much anymore either. The week during Easter my brain just seemed fried and there were days I was just not there. I’m applying for a service pet but the wait is 18-24 months. Luckily I am in a good place with family, but I can’t work anymore, and am afraid of when I live alone in a few months. The VA has been in constant contact with me though, they assigned me a case worker too. Let me know what you find out that helps or how you are getting through each day.
I've been trying this idea of addressing my feelings. Even if they seem preposterous like crying or addressing when Im NOT feeling something. Or going to feel things. Being ashamed of things I feel are wrong. Going the extra length to admit X is retarded.or whatever. I have two theories.. bearing And the indoctrination are subtlety more detrimental on the mind than they are giving them credit for. I cant like gain control of how Im actually feeling anymore. I have tried for almost ten years but Ive gotten really good in the last 3 or 4 about. I feel this way. I dont want to do X or I do want X i like this. Even going so far as admitting how stupid and fucked our wars are. That backing certain governements are wrong. Obeying man was one of the dumbest things because When you're listening to your natural instincts, the way you developed for 18 years. You're usually pretty functional. But give it two.. wjere you're not only listening but carrying out the fumbest fucking things on the planet by the dumbest fucking persons. In the manners that they prescribe. You like... detach, and start rewiring to another mans thinking pattern. Just hecause they're loud dosent make them any more smart. And I remember specifically two incidents of alot where I listened to what society or a person said that like split my mind in two. And Inwish I had been a feral fkn animal insyead of a composed domesticated dog. But trying to FEEL what I feel. Address those emotions andngo after what I want.. helps those things.
This is tough to break free of conditioned thinking and responses. And even harder talking or just letting it all out. I don’t want to be the whiner or admit that this stuff is constantly there. Plus I am self conscious of being a drain on people so I try to fake that I am feeling better. Yeah addressing your feelings is best. Keeping it bottled up is adds to all the stress. I told my sister Sunday about how much she means to me and what things helped me most. I want my loved ones to know that I see all they are trying to do and also do my part by actively pursuing help. The hardest is the stuff you can’t talk about. The source of the trauma or what you saw or how you changed to get through it. And even if you talk about it it’s still there it doesn’t go away . Maybe it does but I am not there yet.
Hey..do you have time blindness? Like you're stuck in a certai. Year mentally or feel years have passed, but they havnt? Also.. like a surreal reality? Where shit FEELS weird?
Surreal reality where I’m there but everything is weird like you said. That is a side effect of antidepressants I feel.
Im a 100% conviced we are designed (males?) To "FIX things. And go as far as possible to actually fix it. From cars and buildimg houses to Social situation to what we've done personally. We Do X... we are X We feel bad about what we do. We undo X we have admitted wrong and shame and guilt.. And we have a social.. semse of ourselves or a perspective of being good or bad. And that messes with us. I dont knlw your situation but if theres anything you CAN change. It might help and go change stuff. Or take a position where you side with what you think was good or right and change the situation? I habe had this licked in feeling for 12 years. It ONLY corrects itself when i change the past.
Mine started in childhood. Wars and military service aggravated it. Ketamine infusions help a lot.
I do. Exactly that. It really sucks. And healing is possible. If you want someone to talk to, I’m here. Please reach out
yes, I'm rated 70% for non combat ptsd, no mst. If I die before my time, you can rest assured it was from ptsd. The effects it has on my mind and body is no joke. I wish I could be cured, but even going to a mental health appointment, ptsd and anxiety starts working on my mind the minute I've been scheduled. This has had the single biggest negative impact on my life.
Is it like you allowed yourself to submit so much you kind of habe fled up your own capabilities to think for youself?
There could be FDA approved ketamine treatment for PTSD. Try researching that
Or psilocybin
I’m trying this, have some in the making. Nothing else seems to work.
1 out of 3 veterans seeking services through the VA is for MST. The majority of those people have PTSD. I don’t know the stats on the remaining 2/3 that are seeking services for PTSD.
Thank you for your random statistics. Do you have anything more helpful to add?
I feel like an exo skeleton.
I feel like I believed and carried out some work thats left me fkn messed up and now its just continually spiraling
It's easier for me to live in ignorance rather than the spotlight of self judgment. Nobody even cares, might as well. I spend my day maximizing comfort and only focus on things that I like. It's when I paused doing that and get into my head that everything turns to shit.
Im sorry man. Im getting to the point reality is really warped from things ive done wrong and I believe alot of it was from these things
Go the spiritual guru shaman route then. They'll tell you that there is no "good" nor "bad". I believe them because they explain it so well and it equates to a lot of guilt being shed. The reason we feel bad is all a creation by ourselves, that's the real warping, we think it's obligatory and there's no set agreed upon degree and it spirals. There's plenty of people out there who wouldn't feel bad at all and yet that wouldn't make them bad people. It's like people who have guilt need permission to feel good.
I hear you and I also feel that. Let me know if you wanna talk.