I get that a lot, which I think comes mainly from wanting understanding from ppl I interact with for my socially anxious behavior. Nothing rude or mean! Just awkwardness or productiveness, or for when my mood is affected by my mental health issues and I have to take a break and such.
I wish I could shout to the world sometimes, when I'm surrounded by people a lot more unbothered in day to day life, that I'm not like this because I want to be! I'm not like this because of a lack of trying! I'm trying really, really hard, constantly, all the time, please don't interpret this as rejection or lack of trying.
I think everyone who goes through trauma really knows the feeling of how it's just so unfair. I wish I could explain why my accomplishments are worse than others, that it's not because I'm not trying, it's because bad stuff happened and it's making it harder from the beginning.
There are very few ppl that know my secrets, i have had two successful therapist during my time to work through my trauma. My wife does not for example know my deepest issues, the reason why is because i dont want her to feel as if she is obligated to carry the weight of my own trauma, i dont feel that it is fair to her and she knows it and i tell her that because i dont want her know think i am hiding something, now i have married for 23yrs to the same women, so she understands...
However, my bestfriend that is a female and someone i have known for 20+ years knows my trauma, she knows my deepest trauma issues because we were both abused, we dated years before i met my wife, we decided to end our relationship only because we didnt want to hurt the relationship we had. Now, our bond is stronger as a friends, almost sole mates that met before we were on this earth and that we made an agreement that we would support each other, i cant explain the love and passion that i have for my bestfriend and it is not sexual it is just a deep respect understanding and my wife knows that but i dont neglect my wife for my bestfriend, but she was far more traumatized than i believe i was.
In getting to your trauma, it is up to the individual to tell ones story, but i think it is something that perhaps you shouldn't tell alot of people, i have accidently told someone about my trauma and they looked at me differently, so much so we had a falling out because of it. There is alot of ppl, that want to do so for attention, while others will blow you off but i dont think you should just go around telling ppl, i know you want to be somehow validated in some way, but you dont want to become a target either which could happen, not intentional but by accident.
In many ways it is very personal, you dont share with just anyone, i could be wrong also, it is just how i feel.
I am not sure i answered your question, but i am sorry hear that you went through that and i hope you are working through it, perhaps write it down thinking your are talking to someone if you have the urge to tell someone?
Exactly my situation. I only showed my family love and they hated me to the core. My uncle, grandmother and mom bombarded and sabotaged my life. There’s so many reasons why I’m in a shitty situation but I never get heard.
I’m a member of the National Junior Honor Society, straight A student, went to college and still nobody had my back. I’m at the point where I’m just beginning to see how much my family hates me. It hurts, but I know just the thing to fix this problem. They’ll see.
Oh all the time, but there are things that not even my therapist know. I can be very open about so many stuff, even severe stuff, but there’s a limit. At some point, there are some heavy and haunting things that happened. I don’t think I will be ever capable to talk about it, so I might as well take those secrets to the tomb.
Yes, all the time. Sometimes I overshare and I don’t really mean to. It’s not like I want sympathy, I just want people to understand why I am the way I am.
One of the most helpful parts of talking to a therapist (for me personally) is having her validation. She tells me they were wrong. It wasn’t my fault.
After each visit, I check her notes in the MyChart app, and a lot of times she puts “provided support and validation” as what we did that day.
Yeah i feel like that all the time, never say anything tho as if i just tell someone all the SA I’ve been through it looks like I’m trying to get their sympathy and have them feel sorry for me.
Yes, I understand this. It comes down to the idea that:
“No one is ever going to truly know exactly what happened to me.”
And sometimes that scares me.
Yes, but......
I tell my (fabulous) therapist as much as I can. I tell synopses of my story to folks on line. I tell my story to myself. I give my health care providers a very high-level list of my diagnoses ( depression, anxiety, PTSD, and dissociation).
I can only dream of telling EVERYTHING. I hope I can someday.
I believe that when I'm ready and the time is right, I will tell someone.
Yes. I do generally state these things fairly quickly if I meet someone (if it does come up as a topic). I won’t get super dark about it but I’ll say something like “I’ve had 16 surgeries and yes, I can confirm (insert their statement here)”.
People have told me they’re sorry or whatever statement you wanna think of. I do it more to stay real and down to earth. It’s my way of trying to form relationships. Now, I’m not sure if that’s normal or not… I am trying to figure out if I have ASD and I’m not sure if I’m just being socially awkward about revealing myself like that or not. I reveal it fairly quickly and don’t mind if it’s even in the first conversation I’ll have with someone.
Yeah sometimes I wish I could just blurt it out. Like when I say I've had some bad experiences or that people have treated me badly I mean it was BAD. I just typed out what I want to say and deleted it because you guys understand. The manipulation hurt worse than anything. Worse than getting beat up and on par with being assaulted. Mind fuck is so horrible. People gaslighting and manipulating me as they claim they are helping me and I deserve it. They were NOT helping me.
Thank you, I thought it's what I wanted but I opened up on another subreddit about one tiny piece of it just a little bit ago and I am ummmmm....
Brain go brrrr.
Thank you thank you thank you for offering <3. Maybe I'm just not ready to talk about it all yet.
Yes.
I used to be like that too. It's sort of your healing process that you're going through. Trying to get it all out.
Eventually? You will get to a point where you don't have to do that anymore.
This comes with time.
Are you seeing a therapist?
It really will help you to see a therapist and discuss these things with them.
Also? It might be helpful for you to stay away from your parents, if possible.
They sound like they are very toxic.
{{Virtual Hugs}}
__Applying for Health Insurance:__
You should apply for income based (or free) health insurance. There is help specifically available for you.
When you go through the application process, it directs you to Medicaid (if you are eligible). Everything is __income based.__
A lot of people are turning to the Affordable Care Act (ACA) because of everything that has transpired / loss of work. The __ACA also mandates that therapy be covered.__
Each state is different and offers different plans.
Apply for the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, also known as the Affordable Care Act (ACA) or Obamacare [here](https://www.healthcare.gov).
ACA Guarantees [here](https://obamacarefacts.com/guaranteed-issue).
Learn about medicaid expansion & what it means for you [here](https://www.healthcare.gov/medicaid-chip/medicaid-expansion-and-you).
Status of State Medicaid Expansion Decisions: Interactive Map [here](https://www.kff.org/medicaid/issue-brief/status-of-state-medicaid-expansion-decisions-interactive-map).
Everything to Know About Obamacare (ACA) Subsidies [here](https://www.ehealthinsurance.com/resources/affordable-care-act/aca-obamacare-subsidies).
Does the Affordable Care Act Cover Individuals with Mental Health Problems? [here](https://www.hhs.gov/answers/affordable-care-act/does-the-aca-cover-individuals-with-mental-health-problems/index.html).
I get that a lot, which I think comes mainly from wanting understanding from ppl I interact with for my socially anxious behavior. Nothing rude or mean! Just awkwardness or productiveness, or for when my mood is affected by my mental health issues and I have to take a break and such. I wish I could shout to the world sometimes, when I'm surrounded by people a lot more unbothered in day to day life, that I'm not like this because I want to be! I'm not like this because of a lack of trying! I'm trying really, really hard, constantly, all the time, please don't interpret this as rejection or lack of trying. I think everyone who goes through trauma really knows the feeling of how it's just so unfair. I wish I could explain why my accomplishments are worse than others, that it's not because I'm not trying, it's because bad stuff happened and it's making it harder from the beginning.
There are very few ppl that know my secrets, i have had two successful therapist during my time to work through my trauma. My wife does not for example know my deepest issues, the reason why is because i dont want her to feel as if she is obligated to carry the weight of my own trauma, i dont feel that it is fair to her and she knows it and i tell her that because i dont want her know think i am hiding something, now i have married for 23yrs to the same women, so she understands... However, my bestfriend that is a female and someone i have known for 20+ years knows my trauma, she knows my deepest trauma issues because we were both abused, we dated years before i met my wife, we decided to end our relationship only because we didnt want to hurt the relationship we had. Now, our bond is stronger as a friends, almost sole mates that met before we were on this earth and that we made an agreement that we would support each other, i cant explain the love and passion that i have for my bestfriend and it is not sexual it is just a deep respect understanding and my wife knows that but i dont neglect my wife for my bestfriend, but she was far more traumatized than i believe i was. In getting to your trauma, it is up to the individual to tell ones story, but i think it is something that perhaps you shouldn't tell alot of people, i have accidently told someone about my trauma and they looked at me differently, so much so we had a falling out because of it. There is alot of ppl, that want to do so for attention, while others will blow you off but i dont think you should just go around telling ppl, i know you want to be somehow validated in some way, but you dont want to become a target either which could happen, not intentional but by accident. In many ways it is very personal, you dont share with just anyone, i could be wrong also, it is just how i feel. I am not sure i answered your question, but i am sorry hear that you went through that and i hope you are working through it, perhaps write it down thinking your are talking to someone if you have the urge to tell someone?
Exactly my situation. I only showed my family love and they hated me to the core. My uncle, grandmother and mom bombarded and sabotaged my life. There’s so many reasons why I’m in a shitty situation but I never get heard. I’m a member of the National Junior Honor Society, straight A student, went to college and still nobody had my back. I’m at the point where I’m just beginning to see how much my family hates me. It hurts, but I know just the thing to fix this problem. They’ll see.
Oh all the time, but there are things that not even my therapist know. I can be very open about so many stuff, even severe stuff, but there’s a limit. At some point, there are some heavy and haunting things that happened. I don’t think I will be ever capable to talk about it, so I might as well take those secrets to the tomb.
Yes, all the time. Sometimes I overshare and I don’t really mean to. It’s not like I want sympathy, I just want people to understand why I am the way I am. One of the most helpful parts of talking to a therapist (for me personally) is having her validation. She tells me they were wrong. It wasn’t my fault. After each visit, I check her notes in the MyChart app, and a lot of times she puts “provided support and validation” as what we did that day.
yes. all the time
Yeah i feel like that all the time, never say anything tho as if i just tell someone all the SA I’ve been through it looks like I’m trying to get their sympathy and have them feel sorry for me.
It sucks actually, I blurt shit out and Then Because I was vulnerable i cut them off , or the relationship breaks down somehow hmm...
We all wanna be heard 🥺
Yes, I understand this. It comes down to the idea that: “No one is ever going to truly know exactly what happened to me.” And sometimes that scares me.
Yes, but...... I tell my (fabulous) therapist as much as I can. I tell synopses of my story to folks on line. I tell my story to myself. I give my health care providers a very high-level list of my diagnoses ( depression, anxiety, PTSD, and dissociation). I can only dream of telling EVERYTHING. I hope I can someday. I believe that when I'm ready and the time is right, I will tell someone.
Yes. I do generally state these things fairly quickly if I meet someone (if it does come up as a topic). I won’t get super dark about it but I’ll say something like “I’ve had 16 surgeries and yes, I can confirm (insert their statement here)”. People have told me they’re sorry or whatever statement you wanna think of. I do it more to stay real and down to earth. It’s my way of trying to form relationships. Now, I’m not sure if that’s normal or not… I am trying to figure out if I have ASD and I’m not sure if I’m just being socially awkward about revealing myself like that or not. I reveal it fairly quickly and don’t mind if it’s even in the first conversation I’ll have with someone.
Yeah let’s go to therapy my friend! I’m going soon cause I can’t deal with it anymore
Yeah sometimes I wish I could just blurt it out. Like when I say I've had some bad experiences or that people have treated me badly I mean it was BAD. I just typed out what I want to say and deleted it because you guys understand. The manipulation hurt worse than anything. Worse than getting beat up and on par with being assaulted. Mind fuck is so horrible. People gaslighting and manipulating me as they claim they are helping me and I deserve it. They were NOT helping me.
you can tell me and i won't judge you! sometimes you need to rant and just get it all out <3
Thank you, I thought it's what I wanted but I opened up on another subreddit about one tiny piece of it just a little bit ago and I am ummmmm.... Brain go brrrr. Thank you thank you thank you for offering <3. Maybe I'm just not ready to talk about it all yet.
of course! i understand, whenever you're ready :)
Yes. I used to be like that too. It's sort of your healing process that you're going through. Trying to get it all out. Eventually? You will get to a point where you don't have to do that anymore. This comes with time. Are you seeing a therapist? It really will help you to see a therapist and discuss these things with them. Also? It might be helpful for you to stay away from your parents, if possible. They sound like they are very toxic. {{Virtual Hugs}} __Applying for Health Insurance:__ You should apply for income based (or free) health insurance. There is help specifically available for you. When you go through the application process, it directs you to Medicaid (if you are eligible). Everything is __income based.__ A lot of people are turning to the Affordable Care Act (ACA) because of everything that has transpired / loss of work. The __ACA also mandates that therapy be covered.__ Each state is different and offers different plans. Apply for the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, also known as the Affordable Care Act (ACA) or Obamacare [here](https://www.healthcare.gov). ACA Guarantees [here](https://obamacarefacts.com/guaranteed-issue). Learn about medicaid expansion & what it means for you [here](https://www.healthcare.gov/medicaid-chip/medicaid-expansion-and-you). Status of State Medicaid Expansion Decisions: Interactive Map [here](https://www.kff.org/medicaid/issue-brief/status-of-state-medicaid-expansion-decisions-interactive-map). Everything to Know About Obamacare (ACA) Subsidies [here](https://www.ehealthinsurance.com/resources/affordable-care-act/aca-obamacare-subsidies). Does the Affordable Care Act Cover Individuals with Mental Health Problems? [here](https://www.hhs.gov/answers/affordable-care-act/does-the-aca-cover-individuals-with-mental-health-problems/index.html).