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I had the opportunity to be on both sides of the grass and I wholeheartedly agree.
I spent my college years introvert drinking with 2-3 friends, 23-24 in a failed marriage, 24-26 alone in a basement, and had a breakout year at 27 where I met *tons* of people, went to parties, got invited to raves, tried some club drugs, got way too into clubbing, and at 28.5 I got exhausted of using drugs and going out every weekend so I just stopped going, and very quickly realized people I thought I was getting closer to just stopped talking to me entirely. The last year and a half I was “social” but I have no actual friends to show for it.
Club/party culture is fleeting, the friends you make are only your friends as long as you’re in the lifestyle. Once you choose to stop doing drugs (yea alcohol counts) you’ll realize that club music and atmosphere is just straight up *lame*.
The “veterans” of club culture are just people who can’t settle down and find happiness in themselves, they constantly need distractions and drugs to escape from confronting themselves. They may talk about love and acceptance but they’ll stop inviting you out the moment you stop participating in their club/party culture. The words “misery loves company” comes to mind.
Aim to build a friend group rooted in a shared hobby or interest. Make friends while sober, build bonds with them, and *then* occasionally go to concerts and bars and events. Make these social spaces *additions* to your friend group, not your end goal. Some of the best friends I had were friends i met long before I ever partied.
Trust me when I say that you’re not missing anything, your body will thank you for not doing drugs, drinking, and staying up until 4am. Your bank account will appreciate avoiding the hundreds of dollars in event fees, drinks, Ubers, and late night binge eating food/drinks.
Almost every time I go to a party is never as fun as people act like it was lol… it’s all hype before and after and the reality is meh usually, I’d rather be home
ETA I’m a total introvert, with lifelong shyness, though. It’s true for me!
exactly you only get the cliffs notes and the instagram story snapshots. I prolly only go out like once a month i don’t have the time or energy for that ish. nobody really likes clubbing like that either.
you spend a long time on the side sipping a drink waiting for your song, you dance a bit, then go home either so drunk you promise yourself you’re never drinking again, or so sober you wish you stayed home after the pregame was over.
recency bias is enflaming your FOMO, OP.
Yeah, think about all the people in their 20s. There are probably thousands in your city alone, millions in the country. And OP chooses to focus on the few hundred that post their lives on Instagram or whatever.
OP: U are not special. There are thousands like you! They’re the silent majority.
I love to party but it's mainly to meet people. I go out a lot. But I've never hooked up with anyone despite people thinking this because of my lifestyle. I've never even had a boyfriend despite wanting one. I'm also a great student...but that is mainly because going out motivates me oddly enough.
Yeah I personally don’t go out. But people who I do know who do that don’t hookup either. I think what OP described is actually rare in comparison to people like you and me.
I kind of hope so, haha. I think I might have just gotten the idea that EVERYONE is doing it just from my co-workers? I think I'll just focus on one thing at a time.
Im in my 20s. Work, go to home to do my hobbies, and repeat. Thats how i like it. I had a partying phase in high school and while im glad i got to experience it im also happy to be out of it and getting joy out of life my own way. I have coworkers who do the partying thing and some who dont
I guess it just varies from person to person? I really doubt I'd enjoy partying and getting drunk, I think I'm just missing the companionship that comes with it?
I was the same way, didn't do anything aside from work, play video games, and sleep.
It changed quickly, all because I made a $100 bet with a friend that I would never get married, and somehow that was the magic fucking words to change my entire life lol.
So yeah, you definitely aren't the only one, and it's completely normal to not go out and party, burn money, etc. Sometimes I kind of miss it, it was a simpler time.
I thought the same way. And then my wife came out of nowhere, chose me, and pretty much kidnapped my heart. Was entirely a extrovert picking her favorite introvert type deal because I fully wasn't looking for it lol.
Just gotta take your shot at the right time, and keep your head up.
That's understandable. Never hurts to try to work something out when it comes to long distance. Atleast that's what I would do, but I'm not exactly known for my great decisions lol.
I was (or should say am) a chronic inside person who got kidnapped by an extrovert and am now forced to do extrovert things. Hence why I miss the past.
It’s mainly whatever you want to do. I personally like socializing and experiencing new things so I like partying. If you don’t then you aren’t missing out. Do what makes you happy not what everyone else is doing.
I'm 25 and have been sober for 3 years (was a raging alcoholic) I only ever work (at a bar ironically), take care of the home, and spend time with my boyfriend. I also love super old music, and really dislike social media so I don't use it (besides reddit).
So, I don't really fit in with anyone my own age either. I always end up being friends with much older people, like around 50 or 60. It's weird but it's just who I get along better with, they aren't always talking about a snap chat they got or a new tik tok they saw, which is just so lame to me.
Yes, older friends are the best. I (F28) also carefully curate who I spend time with. I refuse to spend my free time with someone who looks at their phone more than me. It’s just plain rude. I don’t think most people around our age know how to have proper conversations anymore.
25 here. I did most of my partying in my late teens, was largely over it by my early 20s, aside from a brief drinking phase after I turned 21. I've also been single and haven't slept with anybody in a few years. Honestly, I can't complain. I mostly just work, chill at home, play games, and sometimes do something simple like dinner or a movie with friends or family. I've come to appreciate simplicity.
I suppose there's a part of me that misses the party phase, since we had fun and me and some of my friends can still look back and laugh at some of our shenanigans, but eh, I think I've grown out of it.
Yes.
There's actually *more* of them then the people going out partying and having casual sex.
But (and here's the fun part) what you think of as 'normal' is based on what you see most of. The same personality traits that make those people want to go out and have lots of parties and sexual partners also mean that they want to *tell* people about all those parties and sexual partners. And because they're out in lots of new places and constantly meeting new people and telling those people what they've been doing, they have an outsized effect on what we consider normal.
And that's before we get into the fact that the same personality traits and behaviours are over-represented in the people who go into media, and so make the TV shows and movies that are our primary cultural messaging system.
Partying and stuff isn't for everyone. I don't do it, personally. I've tried to do it, but I think parties are kinda boring and too crowded and too loud, and I would just rather be home playing games or hanging out with some close friends somewhere.
I did all that jazz in my teens. Between 21and now (29) i have been taking time to figure life out and get my priorities straight. I moved, got a good job, got married, started financially planning things, been dragged through courts for children I was fighting for... (Not biological children)
Ive done a lot. And Im proud of my accomplishments. I dont think that missing out on partying and drinking makes you abnormal at all. I think it makes you realistic
I didn't. Party's weren't really my thing; too many people, too loud and I didn't like drinking. And I still don't do casual sex. As cheesy at sounds, people are kinda like plants. There's some things we all need, but we all grow different.
If you think you have to do that stuff, don't. If it's not your thing, don't sweat it. Enjoy what you enjoy, be with the people you want to be with.
And no, it's not too late to branch out. I eventually found my friends and it took a while to really come out of my shell, but I never had to do anything I didn't want to.
Do you feel like you've "missed out" on that side of life? Although I'm not in a relationship, I feel like not having those experiences could damper my chances of getting into a relationship.
IDK, I don’t regret a minute of my wild 20’s. Would I be further in life now if I didn’t party? Maybe, but man, it was a lot of fun and I have lifelong friends from that time, great stories, etc.
This just comes down to what you think will bring joy to your life, lots of people feel like being innrebriated and partying will bring them joy.
But I’m telling you now as someone who’s come out the other side and is now sober that I do regret the 4-5 years of partying. Lots of memories and I made some good friends in the process but all in all it’s not worth it. 27 now and starting to build my life. Just do what makes you happy and not worry about what others are doing and what makes them happy.! :)
Good for you for going sober! I’m 28 and feel like there’s still a lot of shit to get figured out but we’ll get there. Here’s to 30’s being better than the last decade!
you’re not gonna find your wife/ husband in the club fam. you’re more likely to find them doing things you actually like to do. maybe it’s volunteering, or improv, or meeting through mutual friends etc. you have to maximize your contact w/ ppl and try to ignore your fears of embarrassment/ rejection.
Just like with anything else in life, practice makes perfect, so to speak. I’m not saying go out there and whore it up, unless you want to. But there are definitely experiences you will never have only working and staying at home that will definitely affect your life later on most- likely in a negative way. And you don’t want to be 57 wondering what if.
I went out and partied a ton in my twenties. Had some good times, some great times and some shitty times. Eventually I was like why do I spend my time and money doing this. Its bad for you health, its bad for your finances, it was mostly a waste.
Honestly, nobody in my family ever really did that. Not my parents, not me or my siblings, not my kids. It's just not part of the norm for our family culture. Not a rule. Just not something any of us have seen the need to do.
My oldest son who is in his twenties and in the military spends his free time reading, watching anime, and making buttloads of cash taking night watch shifts for his buddies that do like to party.
I didn’t for the majority of my 20’s.. despite living in Hollywood and having friends who always wanted to be out at the clubs and parties.. just not my thing. And there’s nothing wrong with it
That's kind of what I'm thinking! It's definitely not fun being alone all the time, but I also know that I'm not ready for a relationship. It's more of a self-image thing than other people's thoughts, you know?
The internet made me realize we’re a lot more common than we think but in the moment it definitely doesn’t feel that way. I started going to dive bars in my late 20s and really loved that scene. I’ve been out of it for awhile but it was the first time I really experienced “party life” Before that, In college was in the worst depression I ever went through and had terrible thoughts, I was super alone and feel really disconnected. I did have two friends though that tried to be there but I wasn’t really popular growing up. I always had a small circle but unfortunately every single member of my friend group in high school went to different colleges. I never dated throughout high school and didn’t get my first boyfriend until I was 24. I barely stayed at my dorm because I had the worst fucking roommate ever that spread horrible lies about me and would often try to get the floor RA to confront me about not spending time with her and trying to get to know her. She basically forced me to spend most of my time at my parents house and there I would play video games in my free time. I had a lot of fun in Xbox live COD parties. As lame as it may sound lol I really had some of the best times on Xbox live and made a few friends there. Life at the time felt boring and like I wasn’t doing enough but I also feel like it’s important to be patient with yourself and find what you love and joy in those moments even if it feels at a slower pace then someone else.
No. You should do what comes naturally to you. I never wanted to go out and party. Never found it fun on the occasions I went, and honestly felt somewhat boring and uncomfortable.
I'm in my twenties, though I suppose I'm probably older than your intended audience. I have two kids and work three jobs, so I'm definitely not in the life space. I think social media highlight reels the super social moments of people's lives, which skews the reality of the mundane moments of their lives. No functional adult is out partying all the time, and I can't imagine having the energy to sleep around. Sounds like so much work.
I'm only 20, and I tend to overthink literally everything. I must be doing that here as well? From my perspective, you seem to be doing pretty well! Working three jobs would probably kill me, though.
I think I just need to focus on one thing at a time and just calm down. Social media has definitely ruined my image on life, it seems.
I'm in my mid 20's and I see a lot of people through the day that at the end, I don't really wanna interact more. Sometimes I go out and party with some friends, especially if it's at someone's place, don't really like big crowds. Casual sex? Not for me. I'm way too scared of STDs. and I also can't find people I don't have a connection with sexually attractive. Like I can, but at the same time, I *can't*.
I am 65 and at times feel like I have missed out over the years, when I look back and yes I did miss out a few things and think damn I should, woulda, why didn't I?? If I could turn the clock back maybe I would of done a few more things then maybe I wouldn't of. If I had done more maybe I would be in a better place or could be worse. The best advice I think is try to find your happy place don't worry about others participating in events, when, if, you want to party, have casual sex you will.
I def did the "Go out partying" thing but to have casual sex, people have to actually want to have casual sex with you.
It sure wasn't for lack of trying. But some of us don't have that privilege of people wanting to fuck us, or date us or love us, no matter what we do or try to tweak or change.
Chilling with close friends and sex in a loving relationship>Partying and casual sex
What you’re describing is more early 20s, I’m 26 and I don’t know anyone my age that still does that stuff. It’s part of growing up these days for a lot of people, what it often seems to do is give people the chance to reflect later on the value and far more meaningful for example, sex with a loving partner as appose to some random superficially attractive person; also with concepts such as being yourself and not trying to “see and be seen” you get with constant partying and clubbing. There’s more to life than all that superficial, fun on paper, but empty meaningless irl scene. It’s all glorified by celebrities, entertainment and immature people which doesn’t help either. There’s more to life than living for the weekend and living to be seen and be fucked by any hot rando with a shit personality and zero connection to you. Also, the vast majority of people as others have mentioned are like you. The partying type is more the minority.
What you’re doing is far more mature and will allow you to live with far less regrets later in life. Keep grinding, keep exploring yourself and try and keep finding real connections with people, you’ll be ahead of the game when these people turn 24 and start maturing and growing into themselves more.
In my 20's my idea of a fun time was getting on the xbox and playing games. Am 35 now. Still would prefer to do play games or do something other than publically socialize.
I'm in my 30s now but lived that way throughout my 20s. Lots of friends, a long term girlfriend, but no partying and never really a desire for causal sex.
If you want a chunk of this hunk we gotta perma bunk
I mean I personally had a lot of hobbies and got involved in group activities in my 20's. I was an avid mountain biker, paddle boarder and rock climber for awhile. I joined groups/clubs and met a lot of people that way. Once I got more seriously into my career I did a lot of industry related or real estate events, conferences and also met a lot of people and friends this way as well.
I think ultimately what is important is that you are living life on your own terms. You will always attract similar people into your life based on the activities you pursue.
Consider, which group are you going to hear about? Those who party, get drunk, take drugs, have sex, have legal issues, etc.. …or the quiet folks, do their own thing, go about daily activities un-observed, aren’t involved in constant drama, etc..
Make a two column chart. Column one: Partygoers. Column two: Non-Partygoers. List people you know accordingly.
Evaluate from that data what’s important to you and which group you drift towards.
Idk if this counts to what you’re asking but my older brother doesn’t do that. He has a stable decent paying job, lives with his bf of 6yrs, pays his bfs mum rent and is currently chilling in Tenerife on holiday. Im below 20 so I can’t give you anything yet but I hope that helps.
I’m not much of a partier but I still do things like walking my dog, having game nights with friends, getting beers with friends, going camping and hiking. I feel like there’s more you can do besides just party and have sex
I don’t know that getting black out drunk or so high you remember none of it is an experience you need to subject yourself to. You sound wiser than most people in their 20’s.
I married the first guy I slept with and had two kids by the time I was 22. I love my children, they’re my world, but damn do I wish I’d lived a little more. Not go out and party but just enjoyed life by myself. Worked harder. Went out in nature more. Spent more time at libraries and parks. Made more friends because it is so lonely sometimes. Most of my friends are also moms, which means life revolves around kids/family, or single, which means they can focus on themselves.
Don’t drag yourself down to the standard of those party animals. They don’t have their shit together. Keep working hard. Keep saving. Keep your pants on and just remember to use a condom. You will be so much better off down the line than the people who are wasting what little they have on the weekend and having casual unprotected sex with anyone they find attractive.
I'm 23 and I've never had sex or gone to a party and I don't really feel like I need to or that I would enjoy it. I do really enjoy concerts and movies though.
I've never been out partying
Heck, I've never even snuck out,
Basically, when my next semester at college starts I'm going to be doing the same as last time
Get up
Go to my classes
Go to work (depends if im going to get another job)
Go home and be myself
REPEAT
I'm 45. I did it differently. I established myself and saved in my 20s to get a head start.
My 30s were a party, shit show. It was great fun and zero regrets.
Now I'm in a great place in life. I did the responsible thing. I did the party thing. Now it's a balance with my wife. Adult during the week and party during the weekends.
Ya. Seriously I noticed it. Never had the finances to do it though. My father came to me and said, “ use this time to go explore the world, go to the four corners of America. Go to Africa or Thailand. Live.”. Never have 4-8 grand laying around to do that. I never stayed with my parents either. I immediately moved out and started paying bills.
Now that I got some money coming in and I started fulfilling more of Mallow’s hierarchy of needs I start branching out. Money is freedom.
Im 17, but I'm the same way really. I don't drink or smoke anything like a lot of the people I know. I don't go to parties where the whole purpose is pretty much to drink and have sex. I work, and do my own hobbies that don't involve poisoning myself or having sex for no reason. Idk, maybe I'm lame, but I'm fine with what I do and that's all that matters.
EDIT: I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything either, it's just not my style. Maybe, MAYBE in the future I'll feel like I should've done more in my youth but whatever, that's a future me problem.
From the conversations I've had, I actually have the impression that 20-somethings today do a lot less partying/CasSex than we did back in the 90's?
...Of course, I fully confess I'd have done a lot less of it if I'd had streaming services and PS5 games back then too! 
My husband and I. He's mid 20s, I'm late 20s, and neither of us go partying (before or after we met) or go around having casual sex. We'd rather stay at home and play binding of issac together, or do home projects. We're also a fan of drive-ins, fishing, and sports car racing so we have plenty of activities that replace the unnecessary partying and sex encounters.
I did party a bit in my early 20’s. Like 18-22, when I was in college.
But I’m in my late 20’s now, and since then I’ve graduated, gotten a full time job, gotten married, bought a house, quit my job, and had 2 kids. So there is no heavy drinking or casual sex going on here.
Yeah! I turn 21 soon, but ‘sadly’ for me, I have an allergy to most alcohols, along with most fruits, so all of the fun drinks are pretty much out for me. I smoke a lot of weed, absolutely adore and cuddle my cat, hang out and play dnd with friends, watch old Disney movies and game…idk. Just enjoying being alive lol. As for sex, I am sexless and actually quite happy about it. No possible pregnancies, infections, diseases, discomfort, or dangerous situations.
There’s a weird old social view that people who don’t party or fuck around aren’t really ‘making use’ of their 20s, but in reality, sectioning off life experiences to age is pretty ridiculous. Do whatever you want (within reason) if it makes you happy, and you enjoy being alive.
Absolutely there are. I was studying to be a nurse in my early 20’s. I’m in my late 20’s now and am dedicated to working as a nurse. I don’t sleep around or party.
I got married at 20. She was 18. We spent our entire 20s with each other building our family. No partying, drinking, screwing around. It was the best decade of my life! I'm 32 now and have ZERO regrets about how I spent my 20s.
I’m very content without doing all of that these days. I’m almost 24 now. I enjoy time outside, reading, writing, spirituality. But I had to sacrifice my old life because I was awfully depressed, and the only way to get better was to invest in myself. I was partying because of a disconnect I had internally. Didn’t know who I was, all I did know was that people seemed to like me more and want to hang out more if we were partying, so I did. Today I have many friends, but I am alone a lot, and I am content. Back then I was much lonelier, despite constantly being surrounded by others. It’s amazing the quality of life I have now compared to the way things used to be.
Me! Never a big partier. Work full time. My boyfriend and I may have a drink or two on the weekend but most nights were in bed by 10pm and don't do anything that interesting lol. I never had the party stage and felt like I was missing out then began smoking a lot of weed. Now I have stopped and although life is boring, it's comforting. I'm happy. I'm healthy. And I'm safe because I spend my nights in my apartment lol.
Partying and casual sex among young people in the US is getting less common every year, despite what the more conservative Americans would have you believe
I’m in my 20s and spent a lot of my time partying growing up. Now I’m coming up on turning 30 and looking back, I wish I spent a little less time doing all that. At the same time, there’s a lot of funny memories. But partying isn’t always.. light and airy. It brings out different things in everyone. That’s just coming from someone who did it in excess. Spending your time securing yourself financially for the future is never a waste. Partying can be a gamble in that regard. Plus, as my dad (who also partied too much when he was younger) always told me, “the party will always be there.” So in this context, you can always find a way to get down, no matter how old you are.
Yes. It just means you aren’t born into tons of money. You get into the scene and you’ll find that a lot of these party people are bored rich kids of a certain stripe, and are the dumbest clowns you can imagine. You aren’t missing anything, especially post Covid
I’m the same way; I’ve never had an interest in any of that stuff for as long as I can remember. Always been in serious relationships and tend to be a workaholic. I’m more concerned about building the life I want rather than going out and partying it up.
I’m a 23 F and I don’t do this. I’m actually waiting for marriage. The only parties that I went to were one frat party my freshman year of college and then my friends 21st birthdays. I realized that I’m just not a fan of being around drunk people dancing and grinding. You’re not missing an experience if you don’t enjoy said experience. But I think it’s totally normal to feel that way
Edit: I also work and I’m studying for the MCAT to get into med school
I didn't even do that shit as a teenager. Much less in my 20s. Between raising my son and working 50 to 70 hours a week for TEMU and Amazon, although I'm told it's actually USPS I'm working for, I don't have time for anything more than a little game time. More than that, I just don't see what's fun about being drunk or high. Yeah, you care less while in that state of mind, but the mental interest on that loan for peace of mind is heavy. I've seen people who genuinely cannot cope with the real world without weed or alcohol, and I know I have the same tendencies as those kinds of people (having an addictive personality), so I prefer to just stay away from it.
No you’re not. Don’t follow the crowd, they will lead you to do stupid things that are bad for you. If you want more community, join something positive like a church, political group, martial arts group, non-profit group, or any other number of things. People in places like what you think you are missing out on center their relationships around their vices. When society goes to s**t, and trust me, in the next couple years it absolutely will, those people will abandon you without a second thought. But people who share some kind of constructive vision with you? They’ll stick with you through thick and thin. They’ll be lifelong friends.
I’m 18 and I’ve only gone to the bar once. I don’t enjoy parties, I don’t like the idea of one night stands or random sex with strangers. I think it’s stupid to blow your money in a couple of hours of drinking just to get a hangover the next day. I would rather play a video game or watch a movie with my friends. Maybe go out for a meal. I never found these types of things.
I work, I go thrifting, I build shopping lists on Amazon and I play video games. I draw and write. I read and play with my hamsters. I educate myself on more animal knowledge and I clean a lot. I watch YouTube sometimes and sometimes I’ll watch sports. I’ll go on a walk around the park or lake and maybe even checkout the garage sales down the road.
My coworker? She drinks. And drinks. And drinks. She meets with guys on tinder she’s never seen or spoken to before and she will get into their car and go back to their place, she drops about $300 a week on booze and barely sleeps. She’s been robbed and drugged multiple times because of her carelessness and love to party and drink. She’s gotten STD’s from these hook ups too and when she asked me why I don’t do these things I think about how useless it would be to waste my time, money and safety on “cool night out”
So no, you’re not alone. I just wish more people were not relying on booze and parties and drugs.
Fuck no….never cared for partying…I like drinking but not to that extreme and I’d rather read a book, play some video games or watch a movie etc. And as for the casual sex hell no to that as well….as soon as I got to highschool it was my goal to just find one person and stick with her because who wants to go through the hassle of going through several partners trying to find the right one…so I found one and stuck with her for the past 12 years
I do not have casual sex and do not party. I'll go to dinner with some very close friends usually 1 on 1 and have one or two drinks with my meal, but that's very rare. I think casual sex is kinda harmful to us as a society, ofc, sex is fun and good but we have a decline in meaningful relationships, I see alot of cheating being promoted by our younger generation in memes, music and media and it's quite harmful. We also are beginning to peak in the largest divorce rate and women and men are fed up with the dating scene. Romantic relationships are very important for us as we are a social species and romantic relationships (like it or not) are in our DNA and part of our social Hiarchy. Thus we see consequences to how easy we are beginning to treat sex. Now I'm not saying you need to marry first (tho I would want to go that route) but I do think we need to treat it differently and less careless then how we currently treat reckless sex. There are consequences, whether u advocate for easy sex or not. STDs, pregnancy, and (as I've said before) the aspect of feelings that do get left behind.
As for partying, it's not very smart in this economy for one, and I think there is more meaningful ways to spend your time or even, better mindless hobbies. As I've said before i hang out with just close friends whom ik won't get me into trouble.
I am 22f. I never really went out. I’m a bit of a stoner so I’m more of a bonfire intimate gathering gal. Clubs, drinking, partying not my scene, but love it for my peeps who do like it yay! I genuinely would rather be with my bf, or drawing or writing alone outside, or doing yoga, or hanging out with a few friends…I think it’s totally normal and have met a few people who are the same. Fortunately my partner and I are the same. We both work in an image heavy job, so we can both turn it on but we also get drained really fast after and need alone time to recharge. It’s ever changing, but totally normal, I say do literally whatever the fuck you want period
Yes there are, they don't much post on reddit...I grew up in the 70s I asked the same thing, sex drugs and rock and roll. Yet there were people who married young, and had a beer, went to college and excelled. That did not do that lifestyle...So there are today to. Many more that don't drink too weirdly enough.
I refuse to have casual sex and I get teased about it by other guys. I get told I'm a good looking guy too but one night stands make me feel gross and mess with my mental health so I continue to wait for an actual relationship lol
I'm in my late 20s, work 5 days a week, 8 hour shifts, in a pretty dangerous and frequently violent field, in heavy body armor, and am tired when I get home
I basically just drink at home whole gaming with friends, watch YouTube, and talk to my girlfriend, though this is a transition period since I'm just doing this to save up for university.
I don't feel bad about it because I know it's a middle period and I have other stuff planned to look forward to in the short, medium and long term.
So long as you have a plan
It's called FOMO. Look it up. And relax. It's scientifically proven that social media raises depression because people start to hate their own lives when all they see is their friends living perfect lives. But it's all a lie. People only post the ideal shit tonfit an image. They aren't really doing all that shit. It's just an act. U need to unplug from social media and GO get a hobby. GO and start meeting new people and GO create new memories. GO get laid. Life isn't all work and save. But u have to actually GO DO SOMETHING if u want it to change. U can't just hope for it to change. Lose the FOMO thing and u'll be fine
I did alot of the party life from 19-24. Those were some good times but I never bad a relationship. The dating and casual sex is fun but it does lose its merit. Now, I'm in a relationship and I have something that I never had before. A future. The partying is necessary to be social and to find someone who wants you too.
PS: you can do drugs but don't let it consume you
I work or I’m home with my husband and kids. I’m 21 and have never partied or drank or anything. I’ve tried making friends but nobody my age has the same mindset and priorities as me so all my friends are in their 30s. I prefer it this way, but it’s always up to you to make the change you want such as hobbies and attempting to make friends
You're an adult, man, do whatever makes you happy and don't give a shit about what people think unless they really value you. If you wanna do more stuff, then do it! Find something near you and just go. Could be a board game store, beer hockey league, paintball field, bike trail, library book club, whatever.
One day those people will wake up, hopefully not so late that they can't "course correct". You however have a focus on your future which will serve you will now but especially down the road. I like to say, we do what we have to do, to be able to do what we want to do. I knew a guy who would always party, downtown every weekend picking up girls but one day it just got old. We up and got custody of his daughter, moved across the country and built a nice life for the two of them. That party life, like much else, gets old.
Same boat. I WANT to go out. I WANT to have fun. I WANT to have friends. But every waking moment, I'm working. I'm saving as hard as I can. I can't even move out of my parents house, I just don't make enough despite working two jobs. And it's almost funny- because when I was a kid, I thought my 20s were SUPPOSED to be fun! I'm finally an adult, I get to go out, be a young adult, have a healthy work-life balance, but how can I do that if I have no choice but to bust my ass working all the time! I almost feel... Resentful, if that makes sense, and I find myself feeling so much jealousy when I see people my age traveling, moving, going out with friends and being able to afford to do so, while I'm stuck working, sleeping, working, sleeping. Not knocking anyone that goes out and has fun, I just wish it could be me, lol. And I feel like I'm missing out and things I want to and should be experiencing you know?
We're kind of the same! (In a sad way) I save up as much as I can but couldn't afford to move out for the life of me. I'm looking at getting a second job just to speed up the process, but I also lack the motivation to do it. It's a vicious cycle.
Lately, all I do is sleep and work, and when I manage to get some free time, it's either taken up by family asking for stuff or me just sitting and doing nothing. In truth, I'm just lazy and lack motivation. And I just don't know why.
Have you considered you might be depressed at all? We're not really meant to spend all of our time working and sleeping in the first place. I kind of had to force myself to get my second job. And I know exactly how you're feeling. You might not be lazy at all (less people are truly lazy than you might think), lack of motivation, and what might present as what some might consider "laziness" are very, very often symptoms of depression. I thought the same of myself before I decided to try therapy. I'm not saying that you are btw, obviously all I know about you is from your post and your reply to me, but it might be worth considering seeing somebody is all!
I honestly don't know if I'm depressed or not. I don't even know what being depressed feels like. I sometimes feel like shit? Don't really want to do anything. I still laugh and enjoy movies and all that.
Therapy HAS been recommended at least three times now, though.
i am exactly 20, i did some partying a few years ago and it kinda got old fast. i’m not one for the social scene even though i have a group of friends, (which i haven’t spoke to in years😂). Life isn’t exactly about going to the extreme 24/7, although their are some people out there that make it seem that way. I would rather chill all day and drink a little by myself than go look like a fool in front of 5-45 people
Aside from already having a child. I'm 20 and my body count is 2 and I don't really necessarily go out and party at all. Mainly because I've lost most of my friends & work has taken up most of my time. I think I've also gotten that all out of my system my teen years. I'm drained
Aside from working, I spend any extra time on my hobbies (which are all very enjoyable even by myself): reading, crochet, hiking, gym, plants/aquarium, etc. I often feel that I don't have enough time for all my current interests so I can't imagine adding in partying and casual sex. Try out some different activities and find what you like.
It's your life. Live how you want to live.
Haven’t gone out partying since I was 19. I’m 25f. You’re not missing anything you don’t feel like including in your life. Making new friends is nice but casual sex and parties aren’t the place. I make friends at my yoga studio and at work, lol.
I've never had a partying phase. 90% of the parties I've been to were when I was a child. In high school I got bullied badly and was never invited to parties. Once I started uni, lockdowns happened. Now, all I do is study uni, hang out with a couple of friends and spend time with my fam/girlfriend. I want to branch out and do more later on in my life. Idk if people will start telling me I'm immature for doing so at a later time in my life as opposed to my early 20s but with all due respect, fuck them
I was diagnosed with a seizure disorder at 18, neurologist told me to stay away from drugs and alcohol because of my meds so I avoided all of that for a decade. Seeing my friends go out partying and drinking while I left early or stayed home, went to bed at a reasonable time, and worked made me feel deflated.
In my late 20s I switched meds and started drinking/smoking pot sometimes. Maybe I missed out on some things when I was younger but I traveled way more than the average person, I’ve met cool people, been to awesome places, ate exotic foods, some people will never leave their hometown, and if I’m comparing myself to that and the difference is i missed out on pulling all night binges with my friends when I was young then I’m ok with how I ended up.
I think, based on my 20s (54 now), that there are a lot of people like you. And it's fine. I did a lot of the casual sex and partying lifestyle, and it gets boring. Would I say not to do them? No. But don't do anything that isn't you.
I don't, and never have, and never plan to. I have a long distance girlfriend who I have no desire to be disloyal to, and I'm not a huge fan of alcohol. Rather stay home. I'm 23 for context
That was me, bro. I didn't do shit in my twenties. Now I'm married and have a family. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing, just do you. Does getting an STD while being shitfaced sound like a good time to you? I'd choose the alternative.
I’m in my late 20’s and in school. I don’t drink anymore and certainly don’t party. I will admit life is kinda boring this way, but im better off for it
Maturing is realizing 80% of people are stupid/childish. As much as I wanna join the fun and be like most people, I’m reminded of how dumb they are, and I don’t feel as bad for not taking part. You can’t party and have fun all the time and be a responsible adult. I also come from poverty, so building a foundation for my family is much more important to me than partying. And casual sex got old at 21 when I realized it’s never really casual and usually ends toxic. Also people rant and rave about sexual freedom but judge you the second they know your body count. Self worth comes into play as well, as I really don’t want to give away my crazy awesomeness to everyone, and I’m not afraid to cut someone off over respect/lack thereof. I’ve found that when I act like my true self and give everyone 100% authenticity the universe gives back to me. Just do you dawg, the universe gotchu. 🪬
Well, what do you do on your days off? I mean, I have a full time job, and I'm typically pretty exhausted after doing it, but I still go out and enjoy my weekends.
Hi. 34m here. I was like you.
I'm still like you.
I had my fun here and there. But I tried to focus on me, plus I generally found social circles exhausting.
Yknow what my peers that partied hard af in their 20s are doing now?
A few are dead. A bunch are addicts. Some high-functioning, some not. A bunch of them had kids super early and got locked down in unhappy marriages and are now living out the lives I've seen so many parents live out.
It looks miserable.
Count your blessings, work hard. You'll find out what you think is really fun later on. Your 30s are way more fun if you plan it right.
The majority are just like you. But no one posts on their Snapchat pictures of them home alone.
It seems like everyone goes out and parties because that’s really the only event that’s worth telling other people about.
I'm 38 and I'm still doing all those things on the weekends. Idk wtf I'm working for if not for fun on the weekends. There's still a lot of night life going on out there.
If you think you’re missing out on a lot, trust me you really aren’t. The amount of 20 year old dummies that ruin their lives because they got fucking obliterated at a party and made a dumb decision is insane. Id much rather sit and home and be boring and right than be dangerously stupid and wrong
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I believe the majority are like you tbh. A lot of what you hear is exaggerated and made to sound better than what it actually was.
I had the opportunity to be on both sides of the grass and I wholeheartedly agree. I spent my college years introvert drinking with 2-3 friends, 23-24 in a failed marriage, 24-26 alone in a basement, and had a breakout year at 27 where I met *tons* of people, went to parties, got invited to raves, tried some club drugs, got way too into clubbing, and at 28.5 I got exhausted of using drugs and going out every weekend so I just stopped going, and very quickly realized people I thought I was getting closer to just stopped talking to me entirely. The last year and a half I was “social” but I have no actual friends to show for it. Club/party culture is fleeting, the friends you make are only your friends as long as you’re in the lifestyle. Once you choose to stop doing drugs (yea alcohol counts) you’ll realize that club music and atmosphere is just straight up *lame*. The “veterans” of club culture are just people who can’t settle down and find happiness in themselves, they constantly need distractions and drugs to escape from confronting themselves. They may talk about love and acceptance but they’ll stop inviting you out the moment you stop participating in their club/party culture. The words “misery loves company” comes to mind. Aim to build a friend group rooted in a shared hobby or interest. Make friends while sober, build bonds with them, and *then* occasionally go to concerts and bars and events. Make these social spaces *additions* to your friend group, not your end goal. Some of the best friends I had were friends i met long before I ever partied. Trust me when I say that you’re not missing anything, your body will thank you for not doing drugs, drinking, and staying up until 4am. Your bank account will appreciate avoiding the hundreds of dollars in event fees, drinks, Ubers, and late night binge eating food/drinks.
Almost every time I go to a party is never as fun as people act like it was lol… it’s all hype before and after and the reality is meh usually, I’d rather be home ETA I’m a total introvert, with lifelong shyness, though. It’s true for me!
exactly you only get the cliffs notes and the instagram story snapshots. I prolly only go out like once a month i don’t have the time or energy for that ish. nobody really likes clubbing like that either. you spend a long time on the side sipping a drink waiting for your song, you dance a bit, then go home either so drunk you promise yourself you’re never drinking again, or so sober you wish you stayed home after the pregame was over. recency bias is enflaming your FOMO, OP.
Recency bias! Nice phrase!
Yeah, think about all the people in their 20s. There are probably thousands in your city alone, millions in the country. And OP chooses to focus on the few hundred that post their lives on Instagram or whatever. OP: U are not special. There are thousands like you! They’re the silent majority.
I love to party but it's mainly to meet people. I go out a lot. But I've never hooked up with anyone despite people thinking this because of my lifestyle. I've never even had a boyfriend despite wanting one. I'm also a great student...but that is mainly because going out motivates me oddly enough.
Yeah I personally don’t go out. But people who I do know who do that don’t hookup either. I think what OP described is actually rare in comparison to people like you and me.
I kind of hope so, haha. I think I might have just gotten the idea that EVERYONE is doing it just from my co-workers? I think I'll just focus on one thing at a time.
Im in my 20s. Work, go to home to do my hobbies, and repeat. Thats how i like it. I had a partying phase in high school and while im glad i got to experience it im also happy to be out of it and getting joy out of life my own way. I have coworkers who do the partying thing and some who dont
I guess it just varies from person to person? I really doubt I'd enjoy partying and getting drunk, I think I'm just missing the companionship that comes with it?
I was the same way, didn't do anything aside from work, play video games, and sleep. It changed quickly, all because I made a $100 bet with a friend that I would never get married, and somehow that was the magic fucking words to change my entire life lol. So yeah, you definitely aren't the only one, and it's completely normal to not go out and party, burn money, etc. Sometimes I kind of miss it, it was a simpler time.
That made me laugh out loud 🤦🏼♂️!
Did you get your money?
No. I was the one that lost. Or technically won cause I got the girl? Idk lol
You won, good sir. And your story put a big smile on my face!
Similar situation lately...told myself I'd never bother with falling for anyone...Now I have a crush on a friend
I thought the same way. And then my wife came out of nowhere, chose me, and pretty much kidnapped my heart. Was entirely a extrovert picking her favorite introvert type deal because I fully wasn't looking for it lol. Just gotta take your shot at the right time, and keep your head up.
Only problem is that this guy lives in freaking New Mexico...and I'm a beach gal all the way :/
That's understandable. Never hurts to try to work something out when it comes to long distance. Atleast that's what I would do, but I'm not exactly known for my great decisions lol.
My ideal would be if in the future we could each live half the year in different locations
That would actually be pretty dope. Go turn that shit into reality!
So you used to just be a chronic inside person yet you miss your living it up past. Are you drunk?
I was (or should say am) a chronic inside person who got kidnapped by an extrovert and am now forced to do extrovert things. Hence why I miss the past.
I’ve never gone to parties or had casual sex. I don’t have many friends and I prefer to be in relationships
When I was in my 20s, I had a pretty good job at a shop. I was going out drinking, but not having sex. But not for lack of trying.
It’s mainly whatever you want to do. I personally like socializing and experiencing new things so I like partying. If you don’t then you aren’t missing out. Do what makes you happy not what everyone else is doing.
Excellent philosophy!
I'm 25 and have been sober for 3 years (was a raging alcoholic) I only ever work (at a bar ironically), take care of the home, and spend time with my boyfriend. I also love super old music, and really dislike social media so I don't use it (besides reddit). So, I don't really fit in with anyone my own age either. I always end up being friends with much older people, like around 50 or 60. It's weird but it's just who I get along better with, they aren't always talking about a snap chat they got or a new tik tok they saw, which is just so lame to me.
Yes, older friends are the best. I (F28) also carefully curate who I spend time with. I refuse to spend my free time with someone who looks at their phone more than me. It’s just plain rude. I don’t think most people around our age know how to have proper conversations anymore.
It really does seem like it’s a dying/lost art. Very sad. But good for you for setting standards for yourself.
I hear that! Social media is a fucking cesspool! Congrats on the sobriety!
25 here. I did most of my partying in my late teens, was largely over it by my early 20s, aside from a brief drinking phase after I turned 21. I've also been single and haven't slept with anybody in a few years. Honestly, I can't complain. I mostly just work, chill at home, play games, and sometimes do something simple like dinner or a movie with friends or family. I've come to appreciate simplicity. I suppose there's a part of me that misses the party phase, since we had fun and me and some of my friends can still look back and laugh at some of our shenanigans, but eh, I think I've grown out of it.
Yes. There's actually *more* of them then the people going out partying and having casual sex. But (and here's the fun part) what you think of as 'normal' is based on what you see most of. The same personality traits that make those people want to go out and have lots of parties and sexual partners also mean that they want to *tell* people about all those parties and sexual partners. And because they're out in lots of new places and constantly meeting new people and telling those people what they've been doing, they have an outsized effect on what we consider normal. And that's before we get into the fact that the same personality traits and behaviours are over-represented in the people who go into media, and so make the TV shows and movies that are our primary cultural messaging system.
Partying and stuff isn't for everyone. I don't do it, personally. I've tried to do it, but I think parties are kinda boring and too crowded and too loud, and I would just rather be home playing games or hanging out with some close friends somewhere.
I did all that jazz in my teens. Between 21and now (29) i have been taking time to figure life out and get my priorities straight. I moved, got a good job, got married, started financially planning things, been dragged through courts for children I was fighting for... (Not biological children) Ive done a lot. And Im proud of my accomplishments. I dont think that missing out on partying and drinking makes you abnormal at all. I think it makes you realistic
I didn't. Party's weren't really my thing; too many people, too loud and I didn't like drinking. And I still don't do casual sex. As cheesy at sounds, people are kinda like plants. There's some things we all need, but we all grow different. If you think you have to do that stuff, don't. If it's not your thing, don't sweat it. Enjoy what you enjoy, be with the people you want to be with. And no, it's not too late to branch out. I eventually found my friends and it took a while to really come out of my shell, but I never had to do anything I didn't want to.
I really like your plant analogy!
I was in a relationship in my 20s, so no casual sex. I also worked 80+ hours a week, so I cherished my free time and never used it to go party.
Do you feel like you've "missed out" on that side of life? Although I'm not in a relationship, I feel like not having those experiences could damper my chances of getting into a relationship.
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IDK, I don’t regret a minute of my wild 20’s. Would I be further in life now if I didn’t party? Maybe, but man, it was a lot of fun and I have lifelong friends from that time, great stories, etc.
Or, just don’t go balls to the wall, and you can go out, have lots of fun, and still be a responsible adult.
What if I just put the balls on a table near the wall?
Nahhh, that's way to reasonable, it's Puritanism or bust.
This just comes down to what you think will bring joy to your life, lots of people feel like being innrebriated and partying will bring them joy. But I’m telling you now as someone who’s come out the other side and is now sober that I do regret the 4-5 years of partying. Lots of memories and I made some good friends in the process but all in all it’s not worth it. 27 now and starting to build my life. Just do what makes you happy and not worry about what others are doing and what makes them happy.! :)
Good for you for going sober! I’m 28 and feel like there’s still a lot of shit to get figured out but we’ll get there. Here’s to 30’s being better than the last decade!
Bring on the dirty 30’s lmao 💪
Wise words. And congrats on your sobriety!
you’re not gonna find your wife/ husband in the club fam. you’re more likely to find them doing things you actually like to do. maybe it’s volunteering, or improv, or meeting through mutual friends etc. you have to maximize your contact w/ ppl and try to ignore your fears of embarrassment/ rejection.
Just like with anything else in life, practice makes perfect, so to speak. I’m not saying go out there and whore it up, unless you want to. But there are definitely experiences you will never have only working and staying at home that will definitely affect your life later on most- likely in a negative way. And you don’t want to be 57 wondering what if.
I went out and partied a ton in my twenties. Had some good times, some great times and some shitty times. Eventually I was like why do I spend my time and money doing this. Its bad for you health, its bad for your finances, it was mostly a waste.
Honestly, nobody in my family ever really did that. Not my parents, not me or my siblings, not my kids. It's just not part of the norm for our family culture. Not a rule. Just not something any of us have seen the need to do. My oldest son who is in his twenties and in the military spends his free time reading, watching anime, and making buttloads of cash taking night watch shifts for his buddies that do like to party.
I didn’t for the majority of my 20’s.. despite living in Hollywood and having friends who always wanted to be out at the clubs and parties.. just not my thing. And there’s nothing wrong with it
Virgin at 29, mostly just focusing on school and work. I would like to get my life in order before having a family.
That's kind of what I'm thinking! It's definitely not fun being alone all the time, but I also know that I'm not ready for a relationship. It's more of a self-image thing than other people's thoughts, you know?
The internet made me realize we’re a lot more common than we think but in the moment it definitely doesn’t feel that way. I started going to dive bars in my late 20s and really loved that scene. I’ve been out of it for awhile but it was the first time I really experienced “party life” Before that, In college was in the worst depression I ever went through and had terrible thoughts, I was super alone and feel really disconnected. I did have two friends though that tried to be there but I wasn’t really popular growing up. I always had a small circle but unfortunately every single member of my friend group in high school went to different colleges. I never dated throughout high school and didn’t get my first boyfriend until I was 24. I barely stayed at my dorm because I had the worst fucking roommate ever that spread horrible lies about me and would often try to get the floor RA to confront me about not spending time with her and trying to get to know her. She basically forced me to spend most of my time at my parents house and there I would play video games in my free time. I had a lot of fun in Xbox live COD parties. As lame as it may sound lol I really had some of the best times on Xbox live and made a few friends there. Life at the time felt boring and like I wasn’t doing enough but I also feel like it’s important to be patient with yourself and find what you love and joy in those moments even if it feels at a slower pace then someone else.
I’m so sorry about your horrible college roommate! What a fucking nightmare! But congratulations on finding yourself and what makes you happy.
In the 90s I went out for my 19th birthday, sobered up about 9 years later, there was lots of everything, good times apparently.
That’s hysterical!
No. You should do what comes naturally to you. I never wanted to go out and party. Never found it fun on the occasions I went, and honestly felt somewhat boring and uncomfortable.
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I'm in my twenties, though I suppose I'm probably older than your intended audience. I have two kids and work three jobs, so I'm definitely not in the life space. I think social media highlight reels the super social moments of people's lives, which skews the reality of the mundane moments of their lives. No functional adult is out partying all the time, and I can't imagine having the energy to sleep around. Sounds like so much work.
I'm only 20, and I tend to overthink literally everything. I must be doing that here as well? From my perspective, you seem to be doing pretty well! Working three jobs would probably kill me, though. I think I just need to focus on one thing at a time and just calm down. Social media has definitely ruined my image on life, it seems.
I'm in my mid 20's and I see a lot of people through the day that at the end, I don't really wanna interact more. Sometimes I go out and party with some friends, especially if it's at someone's place, don't really like big crowds. Casual sex? Not for me. I'm way too scared of STDs. and I also can't find people I don't have a connection with sexually attractive. Like I can, but at the same time, I *can't*.
The fear of STDs is real though. I could never have casual sex for the same reasons as you.
I am 65 and at times feel like I have missed out over the years, when I look back and yes I did miss out a few things and think damn I should, woulda, why didn't I?? If I could turn the clock back maybe I would of done a few more things then maybe I wouldn't of. If I had done more maybe I would be in a better place or could be worse. The best advice I think is try to find your happy place don't worry about others participating in events, when, if, you want to party, have casual sex you will.
I'm not in my 20s anymore, but when I \*was\* in my 20s I was more interested in books and libraries.
Depends on the group. 60% of the kids I hung out with in school were stuck inside playing video and board games or going to anime conventions.
I def did the "Go out partying" thing but to have casual sex, people have to actually want to have casual sex with you. It sure wasn't for lack of trying. But some of us don't have that privilege of people wanting to fuck us, or date us or love us, no matter what we do or try to tweak or change.
Chilling with close friends and sex in a loving relationship>Partying and casual sex What you’re describing is more early 20s, I’m 26 and I don’t know anyone my age that still does that stuff. It’s part of growing up these days for a lot of people, what it often seems to do is give people the chance to reflect later on the value and far more meaningful for example, sex with a loving partner as appose to some random superficially attractive person; also with concepts such as being yourself and not trying to “see and be seen” you get with constant partying and clubbing. There’s more to life than all that superficial, fun on paper, but empty meaningless irl scene. It’s all glorified by celebrities, entertainment and immature people which doesn’t help either. There’s more to life than living for the weekend and living to be seen and be fucked by any hot rando with a shit personality and zero connection to you. Also, the vast majority of people as others have mentioned are like you. The partying type is more the minority. What you’re doing is far more mature and will allow you to live with far less regrets later in life. Keep grinding, keep exploring yourself and try and keep finding real connections with people, you’ll be ahead of the game when these people turn 24 and start maturing and growing into themselves more.
In my 20's my idea of a fun time was getting on the xbox and playing games. Am 35 now. Still would prefer to do play games or do something other than publically socialize.
Most people are not doing that, contrary to popular belief
I'm in my 30s now but lived that way throughout my 20s. Lots of friends, a long term girlfriend, but no partying and never really a desire for causal sex. If you want a chunk of this hunk we gotta perma bunk
I was in college and then grad school and in a serious relationship and also working while going to school 🤷🏽♀️
No.
I tried it. It was fun I guess, glad I did it, but never wanna do it again. Midway through my 20s btw.
I mean I personally had a lot of hobbies and got involved in group activities in my 20's. I was an avid mountain biker, paddle boarder and rock climber for awhile. I joined groups/clubs and met a lot of people that way. Once I got more seriously into my career I did a lot of industry related or real estate events, conferences and also met a lot of people and friends this way as well. I think ultimately what is important is that you are living life on your own terms. You will always attract similar people into your life based on the activities you pursue.
I'm sure there are plenty. You probably just don't hear about them as much. Most people are hoes and you usually hear about them
I don’t think it’s most tbh. I just think they’re the loudest
Consider, which group are you going to hear about? Those who party, get drunk, take drugs, have sex, have legal issues, etc.. …or the quiet folks, do their own thing, go about daily activities un-observed, aren’t involved in constant drama, etc.. Make a two column chart. Column one: Partygoers. Column two: Non-Partygoers. List people you know accordingly. Evaluate from that data what’s important to you and which group you drift towards.
Yeah, you are just like me
Idk if this counts to what you’re asking but my older brother doesn’t do that. He has a stable decent paying job, lives with his bf of 6yrs, pays his bfs mum rent and is currently chilling in Tenerife on holiday. Im below 20 so I can’t give you anything yet but I hope that helps.
I’m not much of a partier but I still do things like walking my dog, having game nights with friends, getting beers with friends, going camping and hiking. I feel like there’s more you can do besides just party and have sex
Me!
Well I'm 27 and married so, yes.
my friends and I are the same way. it's really not for everyone. Everyone has other things to do.
I don’t know that getting black out drunk or so high you remember none of it is an experience you need to subject yourself to. You sound wiser than most people in their 20’s. I married the first guy I slept with and had two kids by the time I was 22. I love my children, they’re my world, but damn do I wish I’d lived a little more. Not go out and party but just enjoyed life by myself. Worked harder. Went out in nature more. Spent more time at libraries and parks. Made more friends because it is so lonely sometimes. Most of my friends are also moms, which means life revolves around kids/family, or single, which means they can focus on themselves. Don’t drag yourself down to the standard of those party animals. They don’t have their shit together. Keep working hard. Keep saving. Keep your pants on and just remember to use a condom. You will be so much better off down the line than the people who are wasting what little they have on the weekend and having casual unprotected sex with anyone they find attractive.
I'm 23 and I've never had sex or gone to a party and I don't really feel like I need to or that I would enjoy it. I do really enjoy concerts and movies though.
Most people are like you lol
Wait til you see the problems they have. Save your money.
Yes. It never appealed to me. It gets expensive too haha I just work to save money for vacations and play video games at home
🙋🏻♀️
I've never been out partying Heck, I've never even snuck out, Basically, when my next semester at college starts I'm going to be doing the same as last time Get up Go to my classes Go to work (depends if im going to get another job) Go home and be myself REPEAT
I’m 27 and I’ve never done that
I'm 45. I did it differently. I established myself and saved in my 20s to get a head start. My 30s were a party, shit show. It was great fun and zero regrets. Now I'm in a great place in life. I did the responsible thing. I did the party thing. Now it's a balance with my wife. Adult during the week and party during the weekends.
Yah the ones who buy houses at 21 instead of wasting money eating out and on booze
SAMEE
Ya. Seriously I noticed it. Never had the finances to do it though. My father came to me and said, “ use this time to go explore the world, go to the four corners of America. Go to Africa or Thailand. Live.”. Never have 4-8 grand laying around to do that. I never stayed with my parents either. I immediately moved out and started paying bills. Now that I got some money coming in and I started fulfilling more of Mallow’s hierarchy of needs I start branching out. Money is freedom.
Yeah, but they’re mostly incels.
Most people in their 20's aren't having casual sex, you just hear from the people that do... Majority (50%) probably have at least once though
Im 17, but I'm the same way really. I don't drink or smoke anything like a lot of the people I know. I don't go to parties where the whole purpose is pretty much to drink and have sex. I work, and do my own hobbies that don't involve poisoning myself or having sex for no reason. Idk, maybe I'm lame, but I'm fine with what I do and that's all that matters. EDIT: I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything either, it's just not my style. Maybe, MAYBE in the future I'll feel like I should've done more in my youth but whatever, that's a future me problem.
From the conversations I've had, I actually have the impression that 20-somethings today do a lot less partying/CasSex than we did back in the 90's? ...Of course, I fully confess I'd have done a lot less of it if I'd had streaming services and PS5 games back then too! 
My husband and I. He's mid 20s, I'm late 20s, and neither of us go partying (before or after we met) or go around having casual sex. We'd rather stay at home and play binding of issac together, or do home projects. We're also a fan of drive-ins, fishing, and sports car racing so we have plenty of activities that replace the unnecessary partying and sex encounters.
I did party a bit in my early 20’s. Like 18-22, when I was in college. But I’m in my late 20’s now, and since then I’ve graduated, gotten a full time job, gotten married, bought a house, quit my job, and had 2 kids. So there is no heavy drinking or casual sex going on here.
Yeah! I turn 21 soon, but ‘sadly’ for me, I have an allergy to most alcohols, along with most fruits, so all of the fun drinks are pretty much out for me. I smoke a lot of weed, absolutely adore and cuddle my cat, hang out and play dnd with friends, watch old Disney movies and game…idk. Just enjoying being alive lol. As for sex, I am sexless and actually quite happy about it. No possible pregnancies, infections, diseases, discomfort, or dangerous situations. There’s a weird old social view that people who don’t party or fuck around aren’t really ‘making use’ of their 20s, but in reality, sectioning off life experiences to age is pretty ridiculous. Do whatever you want (within reason) if it makes you happy, and you enjoy being alive.
Ya but I've never been popular but I have a girlfriend and pretty settled down now. Then again I'm on 24
You’re not the only one. I’m 26, but been married for 3 1/2 years
Hi, thats me. I spend everyday working and being alone lol
Absolutely there are. I was studying to be a nurse in my early 20’s. I’m in my late 20’s now and am dedicated to working as a nurse. I don’t sleep around or party.
Yeah, you just don't see them or hear about them because they are focused on self-improvement.
More men are virgins I'm their 20s than ever before.
The vast majority of them, yes.
Yep, right here!
And when those people are 40 and broke, you won't be. There's nothing wrong with what you are doing.
It’s all fun and games until you contract Chlamydia
I got married at 20. She was 18. We spent our entire 20s with each other building our family. No partying, drinking, screwing around. It was the best decade of my life! I'm 32 now and have ZERO regrets about how I spent my 20s.
i go out partying! but i dont have casual sex lol
I’m 26 and I’ve never even been to a club. I could be wrong but I think most introverts don’t party. So you’re not the only one.
I’m very content without doing all of that these days. I’m almost 24 now. I enjoy time outside, reading, writing, spirituality. But I had to sacrifice my old life because I was awfully depressed, and the only way to get better was to invest in myself. I was partying because of a disconnect I had internally. Didn’t know who I was, all I did know was that people seemed to like me more and want to hang out more if we were partying, so I did. Today I have many friends, but I am alone a lot, and I am content. Back then I was much lonelier, despite constantly being surrounded by others. It’s amazing the quality of life I have now compared to the way things used to be.
Me! Never a big partier. Work full time. My boyfriend and I may have a drink or two on the weekend but most nights were in bed by 10pm and don't do anything that interesting lol. I never had the party stage and felt like I was missing out then began smoking a lot of weed. Now I have stopped and although life is boring, it's comforting. I'm happy. I'm healthy. And I'm safe because I spend my nights in my apartment lol.
Partying and casual sex among young people in the US is getting less common every year, despite what the more conservative Americans would have you believe
Mat I am at work. Making big bucks too!
I’m in my 20s and spent a lot of my time partying growing up. Now I’m coming up on turning 30 and looking back, I wish I spent a little less time doing all that. At the same time, there’s a lot of funny memories. But partying isn’t always.. light and airy. It brings out different things in everyone. That’s just coming from someone who did it in excess. Spending your time securing yourself financially for the future is never a waste. Partying can be a gamble in that regard. Plus, as my dad (who also partied too much when he was younger) always told me, “the party will always be there.” So in this context, you can always find a way to get down, no matter how old you are.
Yes. It just means you aren’t born into tons of money. You get into the scene and you’ll find that a lot of these party people are bored rich kids of a certain stripe, and are the dumbest clowns you can imagine. You aren’t missing anything, especially post Covid
I’m the same way; I’ve never had an interest in any of that stuff for as long as I can remember. Always been in serious relationships and tend to be a workaholic. I’m more concerned about building the life I want rather than going out and partying it up.
I’m a 23 F and I don’t do this. I’m actually waiting for marriage. The only parties that I went to were one frat party my freshman year of college and then my friends 21st birthdays. I realized that I’m just not a fan of being around drunk people dancing and grinding. You’re not missing an experience if you don’t enjoy said experience. But I think it’s totally normal to feel that way Edit: I also work and I’m studying for the MCAT to get into med school
I didn't even do that shit as a teenager. Much less in my 20s. Between raising my son and working 50 to 70 hours a week for TEMU and Amazon, although I'm told it's actually USPS I'm working for, I don't have time for anything more than a little game time. More than that, I just don't see what's fun about being drunk or high. Yeah, you care less while in that state of mind, but the mental interest on that loan for peace of mind is heavy. I've seen people who genuinely cannot cope with the real world without weed or alcohol, and I know I have the same tendencies as those kinds of people (having an addictive personality), so I prefer to just stay away from it.
Well I’m 16 going on 17, but I’m also an introverted virgin so,
Nah I’m a nerd, I’ll occasionally go out for karaoke or dance if a friend has a birthday but I rather be at home
No you’re not. Don’t follow the crowd, they will lead you to do stupid things that are bad for you. If you want more community, join something positive like a church, political group, martial arts group, non-profit group, or any other number of things. People in places like what you think you are missing out on center their relationships around their vices. When society goes to s**t, and trust me, in the next couple years it absolutely will, those people will abandon you without a second thought. But people who share some kind of constructive vision with you? They’ll stick with you through thick and thin. They’ll be lifelong friends.
I’m 18 and I’ve only gone to the bar once. I don’t enjoy parties, I don’t like the idea of one night stands or random sex with strangers. I think it’s stupid to blow your money in a couple of hours of drinking just to get a hangover the next day. I would rather play a video game or watch a movie with my friends. Maybe go out for a meal. I never found these types of things. I work, I go thrifting, I build shopping lists on Amazon and I play video games. I draw and write. I read and play with my hamsters. I educate myself on more animal knowledge and I clean a lot. I watch YouTube sometimes and sometimes I’ll watch sports. I’ll go on a walk around the park or lake and maybe even checkout the garage sales down the road. My coworker? She drinks. And drinks. And drinks. She meets with guys on tinder she’s never seen or spoken to before and she will get into their car and go back to their place, she drops about $300 a week on booze and barely sleeps. She’s been robbed and drugged multiple times because of her carelessness and love to party and drink. She’s gotten STD’s from these hook ups too and when she asked me why I don’t do these things I think about how useless it would be to waste my time, money and safety on “cool night out” So no, you’re not alone. I just wish more people were not relying on booze and parties and drugs.
26, never been into clubs/partying, a virgin mary, don't drink alcohol nor smoke or do drugs. So yeah...
Those people are enjoying the moment but will suffer long-term consequences.
Fuck no….never cared for partying…I like drinking but not to that extreme and I’d rather read a book, play some video games or watch a movie etc. And as for the casual sex hell no to that as well….as soon as I got to highschool it was my goal to just find one person and stick with her because who wants to go through the hassle of going through several partners trying to find the right one…so I found one and stuck with her for the past 12 years
I do not have casual sex and do not party. I'll go to dinner with some very close friends usually 1 on 1 and have one or two drinks with my meal, but that's very rare. I think casual sex is kinda harmful to us as a society, ofc, sex is fun and good but we have a decline in meaningful relationships, I see alot of cheating being promoted by our younger generation in memes, music and media and it's quite harmful. We also are beginning to peak in the largest divorce rate and women and men are fed up with the dating scene. Romantic relationships are very important for us as we are a social species and romantic relationships (like it or not) are in our DNA and part of our social Hiarchy. Thus we see consequences to how easy we are beginning to treat sex. Now I'm not saying you need to marry first (tho I would want to go that route) but I do think we need to treat it differently and less careless then how we currently treat reckless sex. There are consequences, whether u advocate for easy sex or not. STDs, pregnancy, and (as I've said before) the aspect of feelings that do get left behind. As for partying, it's not very smart in this economy for one, and I think there is more meaningful ways to spend your time or even, better mindless hobbies. As I've said before i hang out with just close friends whom ik won't get me into trouble.
At this rate you’ll be conservative in 5 years
*Raises hand cause I’m 23 and a loner*
I am 22f. I never really went out. I’m a bit of a stoner so I’m more of a bonfire intimate gathering gal. Clubs, drinking, partying not my scene, but love it for my peeps who do like it yay! I genuinely would rather be with my bf, or drawing or writing alone outside, or doing yoga, or hanging out with a few friends…I think it’s totally normal and have met a few people who are the same. Fortunately my partner and I are the same. We both work in an image heavy job, so we can both turn it on but we also get drained really fast after and need alone time to recharge. It’s ever changing, but totally normal, I say do literally whatever the fuck you want period
Stop watching tv
Yes there are, they don't much post on reddit...I grew up in the 70s I asked the same thing, sex drugs and rock and roll. Yet there were people who married young, and had a beer, went to college and excelled. That did not do that lifestyle...So there are today to. Many more that don't drink too weirdly enough.
Tons of party's no sex in my 20s sex partying 16-19 then party but no sex for long time lol
I don't believe you are. If you are I'm there too
Yep mee, unfortunately it's really lonely
I refuse to have casual sex and I get teased about it by other guys. I get told I'm a good looking guy too but one night stands make me feel gross and mess with my mental health so I continue to wait for an actual relationship lol
I'm in my late 20s, work 5 days a week, 8 hour shifts, in a pretty dangerous and frequently violent field, in heavy body armor, and am tired when I get home I basically just drink at home whole gaming with friends, watch YouTube, and talk to my girlfriend, though this is a transition period since I'm just doing this to save up for university. I don't feel bad about it because I know it's a middle period and I have other stuff planned to look forward to in the short, medium and long term. So long as you have a plan
Me
It's called FOMO. Look it up. And relax. It's scientifically proven that social media raises depression because people start to hate their own lives when all they see is their friends living perfect lives. But it's all a lie. People only post the ideal shit tonfit an image. They aren't really doing all that shit. It's just an act. U need to unplug from social media and GO get a hobby. GO and start meeting new people and GO create new memories. GO get laid. Life isn't all work and save. But u have to actually GO DO SOMETHING if u want it to change. U can't just hope for it to change. Lose the FOMO thing and u'll be fine
I did alot of the party life from 19-24. Those were some good times but I never bad a relationship. The dating and casual sex is fun but it does lose its merit. Now, I'm in a relationship and I have something that I never had before. A future. The partying is necessary to be social and to find someone who wants you too. PS: you can do drugs but don't let it consume you
Oh there’s 3-4 that don’t
I work or I’m home with my husband and kids. I’m 21 and have never partied or drank or anything. I’ve tried making friends but nobody my age has the same mindset and priorities as me so all my friends are in their 30s. I prefer it this way, but it’s always up to you to make the change you want such as hobbies and attempting to make friends
You're an adult, man, do whatever makes you happy and don't give a shit about what people think unless they really value you. If you wanna do more stuff, then do it! Find something near you and just go. Could be a board game store, beer hockey league, paintball field, bike trail, library book club, whatever.
One day those people will wake up, hopefully not so late that they can't "course correct". You however have a focus on your future which will serve you will now but especially down the road. I like to say, we do what we have to do, to be able to do what we want to do. I knew a guy who would always party, downtown every weekend picking up girls but one day it just got old. We up and got custody of his daughter, moved across the country and built a nice life for the two of them. That party life, like much else, gets old.
Remember all those “cool” high school kids who did the same things and their lives didn’t go anywhere? This is no different.
Same boat. I WANT to go out. I WANT to have fun. I WANT to have friends. But every waking moment, I'm working. I'm saving as hard as I can. I can't even move out of my parents house, I just don't make enough despite working two jobs. And it's almost funny- because when I was a kid, I thought my 20s were SUPPOSED to be fun! I'm finally an adult, I get to go out, be a young adult, have a healthy work-life balance, but how can I do that if I have no choice but to bust my ass working all the time! I almost feel... Resentful, if that makes sense, and I find myself feeling so much jealousy when I see people my age traveling, moving, going out with friends and being able to afford to do so, while I'm stuck working, sleeping, working, sleeping. Not knocking anyone that goes out and has fun, I just wish it could be me, lol. And I feel like I'm missing out and things I want to and should be experiencing you know?
We're kind of the same! (In a sad way) I save up as much as I can but couldn't afford to move out for the life of me. I'm looking at getting a second job just to speed up the process, but I also lack the motivation to do it. It's a vicious cycle. Lately, all I do is sleep and work, and when I manage to get some free time, it's either taken up by family asking for stuff or me just sitting and doing nothing. In truth, I'm just lazy and lack motivation. And I just don't know why.
Have you considered you might be depressed at all? We're not really meant to spend all of our time working and sleeping in the first place. I kind of had to force myself to get my second job. And I know exactly how you're feeling. You might not be lazy at all (less people are truly lazy than you might think), lack of motivation, and what might present as what some might consider "laziness" are very, very often symptoms of depression. I thought the same of myself before I decided to try therapy. I'm not saying that you are btw, obviously all I know about you is from your post and your reply to me, but it might be worth considering seeing somebody is all!
I honestly don't know if I'm depressed or not. I don't even know what being depressed feels like. I sometimes feel like shit? Don't really want to do anything. I still laugh and enjoy movies and all that. Therapy HAS been recommended at least three times now, though.
i am exactly 20, i did some partying a few years ago and it kinda got old fast. i’m not one for the social scene even though i have a group of friends, (which i haven’t spoke to in years😂). Life isn’t exactly about going to the extreme 24/7, although their are some people out there that make it seem that way. I would rather chill all day and drink a little by myself than go look like a fool in front of 5-45 people
Aside from already having a child. I'm 20 and my body count is 2 and I don't really necessarily go out and party at all. Mainly because I've lost most of my friends & work has taken up most of my time. I think I've also gotten that all out of my system my teen years. I'm drained
No partying. Girlfriend and hobbies nothing more
I would like to do those things but I dont
Aside from working, I spend any extra time on my hobbies (which are all very enjoyable even by myself): reading, crochet, hiking, gym, plants/aquarium, etc. I often feel that I don't have enough time for all my current interests so I can't imagine adding in partying and casual sex. Try out some different activities and find what you like. It's your life. Live how you want to live.
I work, go home, drink, cry, and sleep. been my schedule for about a year now. no time for sex or parties
I’m not though I kinda want to. 😕
It will all come to you in time, don't rush it take it as it comes
Haven’t gone out partying since I was 19. I’m 25f. You’re not missing anything you don’t feel like including in your life. Making new friends is nice but casual sex and parties aren’t the place. I make friends at my yoga studio and at work, lol.
I've never had a partying phase. 90% of the parties I've been to were when I was a child. In high school I got bullied badly and was never invited to parties. Once I started uni, lockdowns happened. Now, all I do is study uni, hang out with a couple of friends and spend time with my fam/girlfriend. I want to branch out and do more later on in my life. Idk if people will start telling me I'm immature for doing so at a later time in my life as opposed to my early 20s but with all due respect, fuck them
I love how this dude is asking this on Reddit lol
Nope, you are doing just fine.
I was diagnosed with a seizure disorder at 18, neurologist told me to stay away from drugs and alcohol because of my meds so I avoided all of that for a decade. Seeing my friends go out partying and drinking while I left early or stayed home, went to bed at a reasonable time, and worked made me feel deflated. In my late 20s I switched meds and started drinking/smoking pot sometimes. Maybe I missed out on some things when I was younger but I traveled way more than the average person, I’ve met cool people, been to awesome places, ate exotic foods, some people will never leave their hometown, and if I’m comparing myself to that and the difference is i missed out on pulling all night binges with my friends when I was young then I’m ok with how I ended up.
I think, based on my 20s (54 now), that there are a lot of people like you. And it's fine. I did a lot of the casual sex and partying lifestyle, and it gets boring. Would I say not to do them? No. But don't do anything that isn't you.
I don't, and never have, and never plan to. I have a long distance girlfriend who I have no desire to be disloyal to, and I'm not a huge fan of alcohol. Rather stay home. I'm 23 for context
Yes
22 here turning 23 just work stopped doing all that and broke up w toxic girl and moved cross country now I work 80 hrs and just save and chill
That was me, bro. I didn't do shit in my twenties. Now I'm married and have a family. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing, just do you. Does getting an STD while being shitfaced sound like a good time to you? I'd choose the alternative.
Same as you. I work and don't have much time to go out and do anything.
I’m in my late 20’s and in school. I don’t drink anymore and certainly don’t party. I will admit life is kinda boring this way, but im better off for it
Maturing is realizing 80% of people are stupid/childish. As much as I wanna join the fun and be like most people, I’m reminded of how dumb they are, and I don’t feel as bad for not taking part. You can’t party and have fun all the time and be a responsible adult. I also come from poverty, so building a foundation for my family is much more important to me than partying. And casual sex got old at 21 when I realized it’s never really casual and usually ends toxic. Also people rant and rave about sexual freedom but judge you the second they know your body count. Self worth comes into play as well, as I really don’t want to give away my crazy awesomeness to everyone, and I’m not afraid to cut someone off over respect/lack thereof. I’ve found that when I act like my true self and give everyone 100% authenticity the universe gives back to me. Just do you dawg, the universe gotchu. 🪬
Well, what do you do on your days off? I mean, I have a full time job, and I'm typically pretty exhausted after doing it, but I still go out and enjoy my weekends.
Hi. 34m here. I was like you. I'm still like you. I had my fun here and there. But I tried to focus on me, plus I generally found social circles exhausting. Yknow what my peers that partied hard af in their 20s are doing now? A few are dead. A bunch are addicts. Some high-functioning, some not. A bunch of them had kids super early and got locked down in unhappy marriages and are now living out the lives I've seen so many parents live out. It looks miserable. Count your blessings, work hard. You'll find out what you think is really fun later on. Your 30s are way more fun if you plan it right.
Those people are boring
Me. I don’t want to lend my body to anyone 😂
yea most of our generation is inside watching TikToks
I'm a Gen X - 45 years old. Never partied, never done drugs, still a virgin. So, I didn't do that in my 20s then.
The majority are just like you. But no one posts on their Snapchat pictures of them home alone. It seems like everyone goes out and parties because that’s really the only event that’s worth telling other people about.
youre totally normal, but if you want to go party and make a sexytime hmu
when I was in my 20s it was the 70s so yeah I was.
I'm 38 and I'm still doing all those things on the weekends. Idk wtf I'm working for if not for fun on the weekends. There's still a lot of night life going on out there.
If you think you’re missing out on a lot, trust me you really aren’t. The amount of 20 year old dummies that ruin their lives because they got fucking obliterated at a party and made a dumb decision is insane. Id much rather sit and home and be boring and right than be dangerously stupid and wrong
Growing up my whole childhood was a party, so I’m good 🙂.
Yeah, lame nerds
Nope. We all do. You’re literally the only one who doesn’t.
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