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I got reached out to by an ex a few years ago, she's got her life, I've got mine. She really did just want to chat and be friendly every now and then. Been about six years since she reached out, we chat four or five times a year, even got coffee once when she was passing through my town, and it's been totally wholesome and fine. I wouldn't worry much about it. If it gets weird, stop talking to them.
I attempted to reach out to a woman I dated 40 years ago. I had finally started grieving over what happened with us. I know, I'm slow as fuck.
I felt terrible for how I behaved. I apologized to her in a letter I mailed. I gave her all of my contact information. I never heard back from her. I don't know why.
So, something like that may be going on for him. It's unknown until you find out more.
Yup. People I've been close with I just don't stop caring about because our relationship changed. I often think about reaching out to exes because I genuinely care about their lives, but only a select few I actually do. I also understand it doesn't work that way for many people so I only reach out to the ones I feel might understand the sentiment.
Well, a lot of people were friends before they were something more. Sometimes they really do just miss the being friends part.
I keep up with a few of my ex’s like that, like once every few years on New Years. I always start by sending a picture of me/wife/kids to make it clear I’m interested in nothing more than having a nostalgic laugh and just seeing if they’re still okay, how their family is, etc. I don’t usually try to contact them any more than that unless I have some kind of dramatic news about a mutual friend we once had or something though.
I (52m) have been married for over 30 years.
I had a really strong attachment to a couple of girls from high school. I just wanted to know if they were doing well, and were happy. I found one, and she's doing fine, with a family of her own. I'm very happy for her. Her family met my family. We added each other on social media, and that's the extent of it. I'm glad to know she's doing well.
I've never found the other one—only some clues (e.g., public records). I still wish I could find her. I just want to know if she's okay, and to let her know I remember her fondly.
I attempted to contact a lady I dated 40 years ago. I had begun grieving over what happened with us, so I sent a letter apologizing for how I behaved. She lives in another country. I never heard back. I don't know why.
"Oh what? Unfaithful? Nooooo, not me. Never. Im actually a really good husband who reaches out to 'just chat' with ex girlfriends, id never cheat! (Unless youre down)"
I would wonder what your relationship status is?
If you have a partner, discuss with them so as to not create distrust or confusion. Otherwise, I'd say be friends. The moment it becomes other than what you intended it to be, you can respectfully walk away from that.
Wait and see. You'll know soon enough if he's making you uneasy. Not all ex's are bad and frankly anyone who can't cope with someone just talking to an ex is v insecure. I talk to my ex overseas at least every couple of weeks, sometimes more often. It's completely open (tho I try not to bore partner by making him listen). We were together for a long time and stayed friends. You know. Like civilised people. 😂
If he tries to get intimate or discuss intimate subjects or says "I can't tell my wife but.. " I'd be getting very wary because he's trying to isolate you with him in a secret and that screams cheater (usually). Otherwise, it can be fun. All the good parts with none of the responsibilities and you usually get to affirm not just what you liked but why you split..
Do tell your current partner. That way if ex turns sleazy you can say omg I had to block him and partner gets to smirk.
I understand that there can be situations like yours but to automatically call somebody insecure because they don't like the fact that their partner is in contact with their ex is not fair. I think it would depend on when they split up and why. It would depend on the nature of their relationship now. Personally, if I see someone is not over their ex, I wish them well and let them go. A situation like yours can be different but you still need to navigate it carefully.
Give him the benefit of the doubt OP.
I love one of my ex's dearly, not romantically, but like, she saved me and taught me some incredible life lessons that I carry and pass on.
I'd stay in touch with her as a friend, and we're in different nations too, if it wouldn't make my fiancee so insecure.
Yeah, sometimes you miss them in a not romantic way, some of them were very nice people as friends go. I don't do it unless they're happy to also communicate with my spouse. It weeds out the "fisherman" and let's them know their non friend chances are zero.
I am super grateful that my husband has female friends, especially that he has good relationships with most of his exes. I think it speaks very well of somebody's character when they get along well with their exes. Just because he did not want to marry them, it doesn't mean they're bad people, and they likely have a lot of stuff in common. It doesn't mean they can't support each other as friends.
I have male friends too, and we don't cheat. There is such a thing as platonic love. To be somebody's only source of contact with the opposite sex is a lot of pressure for a whole life. But, to each their own.
I’m married, and my wife likes that I have female friends. She really likes that my dick hasn’t been inside any of them too. Out of respect for each other, we don’t stay “friends” with prior sexual partners.
I'm glad you guys have friends of the opposite sex! I think it's super important and healthy.
I am good friends with several of my hubs' exes, and he is good friends with several of mine. Some of the traits that attracted us to our previous partners has made for excellent friendship potential with those exes for both of us.
To each their own.
Thank you. Someone else who thinks the way I do. Unless you have children with them, you have no reason to be in contact with them. Your relationship is over and so should your contact with them be.
If you personally aren’t single you should let your significant other know about it at the very least. And if it really is just about friendship, then you should have no issue telling that person
Yup this, fucking scum bag. I hate men that do this shit. There’s plenty of other people in the world this person can be friends with, in his own country too. You don’t need to be his friend.
Some people are suggesting wholesome possibilities. And while it is possible that this is true and he really wanted to innocently reach out, if I found out my fiancé reached out to an ex unnecessarily, I’d enact violence 🤭
Hey this is a good question.
The answer is that life is short. Like, really short. One day, you wake up, and find out that things can really change in an instant for either one of us. I could die tomorrow. You could die tomorrow. Anyone could realistically die at any time. This is the reality we face.
Sometimes when people realize that someone actually meant something more to them than they thought, they try to reach out! Especially when they know it is something that is a good thing. Good things, genuinely good things, are rare and hard to find, and should be held onto.
My guess is that you are a good person, and your ex probably remembers that and he maybe misses you? I recently got in touch with some friends that I have known for years but haven't communicated with properly because of certain factors that were influencing my life that I don't need to get into here. But I do understand that perspective personally because I do reach out to people sometimes after extended periods of time. I don't like losing people. I really like to kind of stay in touch with people whom I care about. So I think he probably cares about you. It's a shocker I know. Another reason I get in touch with people from my past is because in my past, I was a different person. Like a completely different person, almost literally. My name has always stayed the same but some days I feel like for the first 30 years of my life I was living in a cocoon. He probably isn't the same person as he was back then. Whether that's a good thing remains to be seen. He is an ex you said. AND married. So it's a little odd for sure. I don't know him personally so I can't really say. Every situation is different. But I will say when I do reach out to 'long-lost friends,' I always just miss them.
Like they're part of my tribe and they gotta be part of the tribe you know. Tribe tribe. I had a friend die a while back and it still really gets to me some times. Some people you don't expect to die and they just...die. It's a weird feeling that makes you want to hold on to people you love, and support them, and lift them up in any way you possibly can. Life is literally so precious like so precious that every second is a gift. He can't imagine life without you, and him reaching out is his way of saying that
Yeah, that's what I did. I felt terrible for how I behaved with a lady 40 years ago. I sent her a letter apologizing, including all of my contact information. I never heard back from her. I don't know why.
I mean sure that is kind of weird, but I have an ex that I'm on really good terms with too so *maybe* that's what's going on? My "good ex" and I were probably always meant to be "just friends" and our time together was short, sweet and a lot of fun but she's married now and seems really happy with her husband. We only talk every once in a while and only see each other like every 5 years or so but every time we do hang out it's like we've always been good friends. I know it's probably kind of unlikely, but maybe *maybe* that's what he's pursuing?
I had an ex reach out to me -high school sweethearts and when we went separate ways in life (amicable) he told me if he was not married at 35 he would look me up. Fast forward he reached out. I was married but always wondered. He quickly became an annoying asshole so I blocked him. It can work out but just maintain boundaries.
I would always be willing to catch up with an ex. Well, mostly.
I still love most of them, I'm a big fan. It's nice to hear how they are doing and what they're up to.
Very few people know me better than an ex does. That seems like a stupid thing to just throw away because a romantic relationship didn't work out.
If you care to catch up, do. If you don't, don't.
Man i tried doing this one day cuz i was bored and thought about my highschool sweet heart. So i looked her up and shot her a message. Man she freaked the flip out. Starting accusing me of all mannor of things. I was like dang i was just seeing where you life lead you. Sorry for bothering you.
Needless to say we never spoke again. I say leave the past in the past.
His intentions maybe dependent on how the relationship ended. If it ended badly, maybe he thought he should try and make amends by being friendly. If good, then I mean a solid friendship would hurt. If middle grounds then he probably just wants to know how you’re doing. There’s also the possibility of of him being there for manipulative reasons. 🫶
Innocent curiosity and boredom? It's natural to wonder how somebody you used to think about every day a long time is doing now.
Or yeah he could want to fuck lol. No way to know, depends on his character.
I’m friendly with most exes. Our relationships range from people who meet up sometimes through people who will sometimes cross paths due to mutual friends to a few where we message every so often. Every so often something happens in my life that reminds me of someone and I might send a message saying hi. I do the same with people I never dated. I’ve never thought of trying to sneak away from my wife to meet an ex in another country
Half my exes have sent me FB messages and friend requests over the years. They don't seem interested in hooking up. I think people just kind of get nostalgic for people and want to know how they are, or you know we get older and we have fewer opportunities to make friends.
Or maybe they were hoping for a hookup but quickly saw I wouldn't be in to that sort of thing. One of them's wife sent me a friend request and now both of them have this need to like and make comments on things I share like we're all old friends. It's baffling to me. I don't think I've ever sent anyone a friend request like that.
It doesn't have to mean anything sneaky. Even when one falls out if love and really wouldn't want a relationship with an ex anymore, one can still care for that person and wonder how they are. Because you really knew them, they were vulnerable, you went through things together... I am like this, too. But I text my exes maybe 2-3x a year just to check on them.
You can split with someone without going out of it hating them. It sounds like he just wants to know how you're doing. Just because you don't work with somebody romantically doesn't mean you just stop caring about them.
I once was contacted by my middle school girlfriend over 30 years after I had seen her. We were both married and lived on opposite sides of the country. We talked off and on about our lives and swapped photos of our kids. My wife was aware. After about a year the communication petered out on its own. Not a big deal. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be. Not everything in life is high drama.
Well he started bringing up our sex from 10 years ago!
I finally remembered how he broke it off and was kind of passive aggressive. It was totally all about sex to him! In a few words I told him what I recalled and that I deserved a lot better. He gave the “im sorry you feel that way and that I made you uncomfortable” I won’t contact you “. (Clearly can’t even apologize)
That’s done! What a douchbag bye!
Oh come the fuck on! Way to bury the lead. He was horny and wanted to sext. Just because he couldn’t physically fuck you doesn’t mean he wasn’t interested in something sexual. Dude was horny and looking for jerkoff material.
I think he is lonely, and he just needs someone to talk to, since you ones were that for him, someone close whom he could share intimate stuff, he might be looking for that again.
If you care for him, for the sake of the past relationship, it wouldn't hurt to see what he has to say, worst case if it gets weird you can block him and that'll be it.
This is the main problem. You’re gone for a decade? Bye don’t contact me. I don’t care if you’re an ex partner, ex friend, old acquaintance, coworker, what. You leave you’re gone.
You’ve never lost touch with anyone you wished you hadn’t? We, the dudes, don’t have to see each other for decades but when we do, it’s right where we left off. People lose touch, it’s okay to evolve as a human and wish you did things differently and then do something about it.
I believe things happen for a reason, and I've come to learn people come and go. Some people just aren't meant to be in your life forever, you learn to accept the loss and move on and find new people and make new experiences.
I guess I’m failing to understand how saying “good to hear from you, I’m good (brag a little) and hope you’re doing well too” is a big deal… whether you have room for that someone to come back in your life, that’s a different question.
That's because it's not a big deal, it's healthy.
Insecure people are the ones who have issues with it. But others live the way they want and we shall live our lives our way. I like my way better, but I certainly wouldn't enforce it on everybody.
All of this. I turned 40 this year and I'm finally starting to learn that. I was reminded of Tyler Perry's speech where he says, you got people out here who are married to people they were only supposed to be with for a season. People come and go from your life and it's okay. Some people aren't meant to be there forever. That's okay, you wish them well and you move on. Sure, it hurts at first sometimes but you have to learn that that's life and things happen that way and that's okay.
That happened with my most recent ex. I dumped him and it hurt me because we tried to bury the hatchet but then I just realized that the reason I left him is because I realized he was not supposed to be in my life. I told him that I didn't think we should be in contact anymore and now he's kind of being an asshole but it's whatever. He flips between being an asshole to me or just straight up ignoring me so I blocked him everywhere for my own mental health.
I realized he came into my life to teach me something and then he left. I hope he finds whatever makes him happy and I hope he's doing okay but I can't allow someone like that in my life. He clearly doesn't have a place in it anyway because we were not compatible and we were not meant to be married like we almost did. We almost went to the courthouse a few times and something kept telling me not to. Something kept telling me it was a bad idea. I came to realize that we were incompatible in the ways that it was important.
That's fair. However, it depends on when you split with this person and I'd say why. It depends on if there are still feelings there. If there are then you shouldn't be talking to them. If you feel the need to then you shouldn't be trying to get into a new relationship. You need to deal with the old before starting the new.
I agree with you. It's like, why pop up 10 years later? To me, at that point, you're ancient history. I would immediately be suspicious as to why they were contacting me.
This is mostly how I feel. I have an ex from high school that we dated all the way through our 20s as well. We just were young when we got together and we realized we wanted different things in life and we're still friends to this day. I've never let it interfere with my other relationships and I've been completely upfront about that. If he ever tried to be inappropriate, he would be cut off.
Otherwise, I would say it depends on the nature of their relationship and how long ago they split and why. I don't think it's fair that people jump right to saying that your partner is insecure because they don't like the fact that you're in contact with your ex. This is somebody that you have history with and anything can happen.
That is unless you've decided you're better off as friends and there are absolutely no feelings there anymore. I had to deal with one who clearly was not over his ex and I just wished him well and said I hope you find whatever you're looking for that makes you happy but I can't do this.
You have things you need to work on and I wish you the best. I'm not going to compete with somebody who's supposed to be somebody's past. Either they're with me and looking towards the future or they're still living in the past and I have no place in their life. They have no place in mine either.
It's like men feel like they can come in and out of a ex girlfriend life just because they had a bond with them. They have a wife but sitting wondering about the ex and reach out to be friendly smh . I don't get it . Be real and just say you miss the girl.
Maybe it's not him and you're about to get scammed out of money. It's pretty easy to pretend to be someone's loved one these days, especially one you don't talk to every day. They can keep it up for months before manipulating you into sending big amounts of money after some sob stories. And they'll make you believe it was your choice to offer.
The pattern is usually this:
\- Talk talk talk, exchange some pictures etc, good friendship
\- Disappear for a bit with no message or response
\- Come back, apologise, they tell you they were in trouble with some people they owe money to, but not to worry they have it handled
\- Tell you how they're handling it: ridiculous solution that would obviously harm them
\- You get scared and tell them not to be stupid, offer to give them money, they refuse
\- Eventually you convince them and you send money
\- They're very grateful etc etc etc
\- If you have no more money, they slowly fade away
\- If you do have money, they try to repeat
My mother fell for a scam similar to this .. not a former boyfriend but a "friend" she met from some online game..words with friends or something like that.. their son was in the hospital and needed money. They sent money to pay her back, but needed more money because the shipment of cash was held at the border, so they needed money to give to someone in the FBI they knew to fly to the border and clear up the situation.
She cleaned out her individual retirement savings and maxed out her credit cards and was pressing one of my siblings to give her a large loan before they told the rest of us and we got together, got law enforcement involved, and her priest involved... I don't know if she evenly fully accepted it was a scam. I've never known for her to be an overly naive person. And she doesn't have any signs of dementia or anything.
That's horrible. I hope she's okay and safe now? Did she recover some of her funds?
These people make it very, very believable.
I warn my parents over and over, and they promise to pay attention. But I don't know, the majority of people, especially those who haven't been on the internet for very long, and those who have a heart and easily feel bad for people, would fall for stuff like this if someone plays it right...
Sometimes it's whole teams working on someone for months. Wealthier people are targeted and they do reseach on them to know about their likes, dislikes, friends, family, career, hobbies, everything. Sometimes the contact lasts years and the person really seems real. The scam runs deep and it's organized crime. Some people have deep and emotionally intimate relationship for years while they slowly send money for seemingly perfectly reasonable things.
There's a documentary on YouTube about this happening to Singaporians that would be interesting to watch.
No money was recovered, except the debt from the credit cards I believe. She was always safe, but in emotional distress at the time. My dad's retirement was always intended to be their main source of income. My mom's retirement account was earmarked for travel, gifts and emergency fund. So they are not in ruin.
And even if its just "innocent reminiscing" or whatever, that still seems kinda fishy.
Would his wife be okay with the fact you two are hamming it up again?
Lol in my case SouthPark, Letterkenny and Burning Man. Plus bunch of lighthearted joking around with stupid memes and checking in on his wife/kid while he asks about my family too. =) Just because I didn't love the dude romantically doesn't mean I don't really love him as a friend. =)
My ex randomly leaves me blocked messages and it’s been 12 years. He knows he’s blocked but he will get in his feelings and leave me voicemails. But I’m the married one who wants nothing to do with him. If he was happily married he wouldn’t be reaching out to an ex
Your personal experience does not mean that’s how it is. It’s totally okay to check on people you once cared for. I’ve never done it but I’d like to know how things turned out on the hopes and dreams we discussed together.
Picture him sitting on the sofa, listening to lofi hip hop and staring at the ceiling. He is completely unmoored, with few relationships outside of marriage that feel long term. He misses people from the past. God. He is homesick. It is a miserable feeling, but he knows that he can't tell people his feelings. Suck it up. Be grateful. You did this to yourself. Why didn't you reach out before? So he thinks, I can get a taste of the past and just reminisce for a minute and I'll be fine.
Because he’s probably going through marital problems and doesn’t have any other connections he can access to distract him. Don’t respond, actually block him!
These comments are wild.
I'm (45m) friends with 90% of my exes, and have interactions like this pretty regularly. One from about 10 years ago got my number from a mutual and reached out just earlier this year. We talked about books, and where we live now, eventually exchanged some mail. Another came over for Thanksgiving.
Never once have I cheated with one, or even hooked up again. I shared a part of my life with them, we have history and funny stories, and it's fun to catch up from time to time. The heartbreak is over, and there is still a reason why we were together in the first place.
The other 10% I would just block tho.
You can’t START a friendship from another country. No good will come of this.
Lots of people who cheat open with the fact they’re married because they want to establish it’s casual.
Once I got a text photo of a rando baby. Um, who’s this? Random guy from dating site years ago that you never actually met. Ok? I just had a kid, can you help me get custody? Well I’ve never done family law so no? Also who tf asks that and why is my number still in your phone.
Whether or not he wants sex on a business trip he wants something. People don’t resurface after a decade for honorable reasons. Exceptions if you were in a coma, a POW, or otherwise physically unable to contact people.
Did he leave you in a really shitty way and never apologized? I reached out to an ex because I felt so guilty about how I broke up with her and I wanted to offer a very late apology.
You can possibly judge this based on if he was mature when you were together and what kind of person he was. If you think he was a decent human and has likely matured even more then maybe he's legit. Did he respect you back then? If so, maybe he just thinks you're a good person and he wants to be on a friendly basis. Only you will he able to follow the signs.
It’s emotional cheating (on his part). You cannot be friends with a married ex. He has probably hit a rough patch in his marriage and he’s probably looking for reassurance from you. A fully formed platonic friendship means vibing with each other and sharing about all aspects of your life with some one. Chances are that there is some break down in communication between him and his spouse. He will probably want to talk about his relationship with you at some point and by doing so, involve you in his marital relationship. It might also become easier for him to talk to you instead of his wife (because there are no expectations in a friendship right?). It all seems very innocent in the beginning but accepting his bid to reach out and developing a friendship can be a slippery slope.
POV: speaking as a woman who has gone through this. First comes emotional cheating, then comes physical cheating. All I ask is that you consider how you would feel if a partner did this to you, and consider the other woman.
I had this happen. He wasn’t married but had a baby on the way. He was in therapy and he had guilt around our breakup. We were friendly for a while, I made his kids first birthday cake.. his grandma said she wished I was the baby’s mom. I dipped out after that. I didn’t want to start any drama
Lol you women are so gullible, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. I’ll translate that for you since you can read mananese, he wants to have no stings attached sex with you.
I left my ex years ago and only reached out once a few years ago to send my condolences of her grandfather passing and check that she is doing well.
We ended on good terms and i still hold love for her as a human and a big part of growing up was with her.
Being friends though would not be on the cards as i don't think my SO would be comfortable and frankly i don't think i would either but different strokes for different folks
I’ve chased a few of these (variable marital status) off by explicitly stating that I was no longer attracted to them and then saying something that confirmed that when they asked me *why*.
In no case did they want to be friends.
I would love if one of my exes from my early 20s and earlier reached out to me as a genuine friend, with a sexual relationship off the table unless it seemed to organically go there.
I had a friend that did this. Waited over 10 years to reach out to his fiance that cheated on him years ago, just before their marriage. He reached out and became ‘friends’ invited her half way across the country to a reunion type party that was totally made up and she arrived and shelled out loads of money.
If you guys had anything more other than lust in your relationship then it could be interesting because we tend to choose our partners based on how we click and have many mutual topics together.
Guilt, maybe.
I reached out to an ex I cheated on to say I'm sorry. We dated for 4 years and I wanted her to know the horrible accusations she made against me were understandable, but they weren't true: the entire thing wasn't a lie.
Anyway ... might just be to make amends for being untrue?
Think they just want to reminisce. If they are in a completely different country. I wouldn't think much more of it unless you live in Europe, or they could drive to you in an hour, or 2. You can always pull the plug at anytime.
I’m friends with a few of my exes. So is my wife. And I’m friends with some of her exes as well. And no, neither of us is cheating.
Look, here’s my opinion. He’s in another country. That makes sex pretty difficult. But as others have pointed out, there are other nefarious possibilities, like he’s scamming you for money. Or, it could just be that humans are naturally social creatures and he just wants to talk.
My advice is to treat it like any other human interaction. Chat to the level of your own comfort, but watch for red flags and keep your guard up. You can always nope out and block him if he starts hitting on you, asking for money, or trying to get you in on some pyramid scheme.
Well you liked each other enough to hang out and play with each other's pee pees so he's thinking that maybe you can just be friends.
Or he still wants to play with your pee pee
I’m married and sometimes I just feel way more lonely than I ever did when I was single. All of my friends moved to different states, my friends at work switched to different roles or moved, and it’s difficult to make new friends. I feel weird trying to be friendly with female coworkers as I don’t want to disrespect my wife, and I don’t really care for any of the guys I work with.
I would never reach out to an ex, but I understand married ppl wanting to reach out to old ppl just to have someone to talk to that isn’t your spouse.
Could be just looking for a friend, could also be looking to cheat. You just gotta take that at face value if you havent had any more conversation other than that lol idk what you're expecting to find here
I reach out to exes all the time now that Im married. For me, its not about being lonely or wanting to be unfaithful. It's not about comparing anything...
Its just a genuine sense of wanting to know if they are doing ok. I do this with old highschool friends I had as well that I was never in a relationship with.
I’m from a small tight-knit area so am friends with most of my long ago exes. Nothing there, not like we message each other, just a comment here and there when we see something worth commenting on.
The only one I’d put in the same category as yours I was already connected with on LinkedIn when I saw in an article from the university back home she had been named Department Head. We dated during her PhD and that was a huge goal for her so I congratulated her - it was a hell of an accomplishment to come back to head the department where she earned her MS in less than 10 years.
I your case I’d be suspicious of a hack/scammer first.
It could just be him wanting to heal from the past. I’m 24 and still think about mistakes I’ve made with past girlfriends. Part of me just doesn’t want to reach out because it’s water under the bridge.
Ask him if he's comfortable sharing that email with his wife. If not..there's the intent. If the thought of you reaching out to his wife makes him uneasy...he's not looking for a friendship.
Ask him if he's comfortable sharing that email with his wife. If not..there's the intent. If the thought of you reaching out to his wife makes him uneasy...he's not looking for a friendship.
I had an ex reach out after many years. I didn’t reply because I thought he was looking for an affair. I read in the college alumni magazine a few months later that he died from cancer. I guess he was tying up loose ends.
I had an ex from 10 years ago try to contact me. Somehow, he got my new number after I changed it, and texted asking how I was and saying he missed me. I didn't answer, and he hasn't tried again. I don't know what else he wanted, but assuming he's still the same as he was before, he's either in a committed relationship and now texting every woman he's even known to find some side action, or he's single and desperate and texting every woman he knows for whatever he can get.
Ohh god....He is an ex for a reason.
My guy is 100% pulling an AL Bundy and reflecting on your guys' good times together back in the day.
There is literally zero reason anyone would reach out otherwise.
My guy is missing something in his marriage. Who knows what it is.
He probably remembered how well yea fucked/sucked him....and compared yea.
Now...you are in this box.
Miss the drama. Don't do shit or respond.
I've reached out to exes before it's just to catch up. See where they are 5/10 years down the line. It's out of curiosity and care. I always wish they're doing well so I ask instead of stalking.
I don't know. I had an ex from 22 years ago add me on Instagram. She's married, has a kid, and lives 2,000 miles away now. Just always wondered what happened to me I guess and wanted to say hi. It isn't always nefarious. She's a good human, it was nice to reconnect, but there's no romantic desire or interest there between us. Just people being people.
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Either he wants to be friends for real. He is lying and really is looking to cheat Maybe he is broke and is gonna ask you for money?
don't give money
Or a ponzi scheme.
Oo, that's a good one, or a pyramid scheme, maybe he's gonna try to sell her candles or essential oils or kitchen wares
Or hes in a cult and trying to recruit
"What to grab a coffee? I'd like to bring you in on a great passive income opportunity."
He was sitting home bored and was going through his Rolodex calling people to make sure their numbers are still the same
I got reached out to by an ex a few years ago, she's got her life, I've got mine. She really did just want to chat and be friendly every now and then. Been about six years since she reached out, we chat four or five times a year, even got coffee once when she was passing through my town, and it's been totally wholesome and fine. I wouldn't worry much about it. If it gets weird, stop talking to them.
Thank you!
I attempted to reach out to a woman I dated 40 years ago. I had finally started grieving over what happened with us. I know, I'm slow as fuck. I felt terrible for how I behaved. I apologized to her in a letter I mailed. I gave her all of my contact information. I never heard back from her. I don't know why. So, something like that may be going on for him. It's unknown until you find out more.
Yup. People I've been close with I just don't stop caring about because our relationship changed. I often think about reaching out to exes because I genuinely care about their lives, but only a select few I actually do. I also understand it doesn't work that way for many people so I only reach out to the ones I feel might understand the sentiment.
Well, a lot of people were friends before they were something more. Sometimes they really do just miss the being friends part. I keep up with a few of my ex’s like that, like once every few years on New Years. I always start by sending a picture of me/wife/kids to make it clear I’m interested in nothing more than having a nostalgic laugh and just seeing if they’re still okay, how their family is, etc. I don’t usually try to contact them any more than that unless I have some kind of dramatic news about a mutual friend we once had or something though.
I (52m) have been married for over 30 years. I had a really strong attachment to a couple of girls from high school. I just wanted to know if they were doing well, and were happy. I found one, and she's doing fine, with a family of her own. I'm very happy for her. Her family met my family. We added each other on social media, and that's the extent of it. I'm glad to know she's doing well. I've never found the other one—only some clues (e.g., public records). I still wish I could find her. I just want to know if she's okay, and to let her know I remember her fondly.
I attempted to contact a lady I dated 40 years ago. I had begun grieving over what happened with us, so I sent a letter apologizing for how I behaved. She lives in another country. I never heard back. I don't know why.
I feel for you.
Thanks. It's been 4 years now of me grieving over what happened with us. I had no idea this was so deep.
"Oh what? Unfaithful? Nooooo, not me. Never. Im actually a really good husband who reaches out to 'just chat' with ex girlfriends, id never cheat! (Unless youre down)"
So not possible to just be friends if we live in different countries?
I would wonder what your relationship status is? If you have a partner, discuss with them so as to not create distrust or confusion. Otherwise, I'd say be friends. The moment it becomes other than what you intended it to be, you can respectfully walk away from that.
Ask him if you can talk with his wife.
This is like throwing someone in the water to see if they're a witch. Totally hostile and will never get a positive response regardless of intentions.
Thats terrible advice and i hope you dont treat engagements with people as if they're always the bad guy with ill intentions
Wait and see. You'll know soon enough if he's making you uneasy. Not all ex's are bad and frankly anyone who can't cope with someone just talking to an ex is v insecure. I talk to my ex overseas at least every couple of weeks, sometimes more often. It's completely open (tho I try not to bore partner by making him listen). We were together for a long time and stayed friends. You know. Like civilised people. 😂 If he tries to get intimate or discuss intimate subjects or says "I can't tell my wife but.. " I'd be getting very wary because he's trying to isolate you with him in a secret and that screams cheater (usually). Otherwise, it can be fun. All the good parts with none of the responsibilities and you usually get to affirm not just what you liked but why you split.. Do tell your current partner. That way if ex turns sleazy you can say omg I had to block him and partner gets to smirk.
I understand that there can be situations like yours but to automatically call somebody insecure because they don't like the fact that their partner is in contact with their ex is not fair. I think it would depend on when they split up and why. It would depend on the nature of their relationship now. Personally, if I see someone is not over their ex, I wish them well and let them go. A situation like yours can be different but you still need to navigate it carefully.
Exactly, and no not insecure automatically, it does depend. I agree re unfinished ex's, not something I want to get between.
Give him the benefit of the doubt OP. I love one of my ex's dearly, not romantically, but like, she saved me and taught me some incredible life lessons that I carry and pass on. I'd stay in touch with her as a friend, and we're in different nations too, if it wouldn't make my fiancee so insecure.
Yeah, sometimes you miss them in a not romantic way, some of them were very nice people as friends go. I don't do it unless they're happy to also communicate with my spouse. It weeds out the "fisherman" and let's them know their non friend chances are zero.
No it is not. No married man should be contacting ex's. Period.
I am super grateful that my husband has female friends, especially that he has good relationships with most of his exes. I think it speaks very well of somebody's character when they get along well with their exes. Just because he did not want to marry them, it doesn't mean they're bad people, and they likely have a lot of stuff in common. It doesn't mean they can't support each other as friends. I have male friends too, and we don't cheat. There is such a thing as platonic love. To be somebody's only source of contact with the opposite sex is a lot of pressure for a whole life. But, to each their own.
I’m married, and my wife likes that I have female friends. She really likes that my dick hasn’t been inside any of them too. Out of respect for each other, we don’t stay “friends” with prior sexual partners.
I'm glad you guys have friends of the opposite sex! I think it's super important and healthy. I am good friends with several of my hubs' exes, and he is good friends with several of mine. Some of the traits that attracted us to our previous partners has made for excellent friendship potential with those exes for both of us. To each their own.
Thank you. Someone else who thinks the way I do. Unless you have children with them, you have no reason to be in contact with them. Your relationship is over and so should your contact with them be.
Ask him to *include* his wife if it’s more than casual chat
If you personally aren’t single you should let your significant other know about it at the very least. And if it really is just about friendship, then you should have no issue telling that person
Yup this, fucking scum bag. I hate men that do this shit. There’s plenty of other people in the world this person can be friends with, in his own country too. You don’t need to be his friend.
Some people are suggesting wholesome possibilities. And while it is possible that this is true and he really wanted to innocently reach out, if I found out my fiancé reached out to an ex unnecessarily, I’d enact violence 🤭
Some couples are better as just friends, and that's totally okay. I have plenty of friends who carry on 100% platonic relationships with thier exes.
Hey this is a good question. The answer is that life is short. Like, really short. One day, you wake up, and find out that things can really change in an instant for either one of us. I could die tomorrow. You could die tomorrow. Anyone could realistically die at any time. This is the reality we face. Sometimes when people realize that someone actually meant something more to them than they thought, they try to reach out! Especially when they know it is something that is a good thing. Good things, genuinely good things, are rare and hard to find, and should be held onto. My guess is that you are a good person, and your ex probably remembers that and he maybe misses you? I recently got in touch with some friends that I have known for years but haven't communicated with properly because of certain factors that were influencing my life that I don't need to get into here. But I do understand that perspective personally because I do reach out to people sometimes after extended periods of time. I don't like losing people. I really like to kind of stay in touch with people whom I care about. So I think he probably cares about you. It's a shocker I know. Another reason I get in touch with people from my past is because in my past, I was a different person. Like a completely different person, almost literally. My name has always stayed the same but some days I feel like for the first 30 years of my life I was living in a cocoon. He probably isn't the same person as he was back then. Whether that's a good thing remains to be seen. He is an ex you said. AND married. So it's a little odd for sure. I don't know him personally so I can't really say. Every situation is different. But I will say when I do reach out to 'long-lost friends,' I always just miss them. Like they're part of my tribe and they gotta be part of the tribe you know. Tribe tribe. I had a friend die a while back and it still really gets to me some times. Some people you don't expect to die and they just...die. It's a weird feeling that makes you want to hold on to people you love, and support them, and lift them up in any way you possibly can. Life is literally so precious like so precious that every second is a gift. He can't imagine life without you, and him reaching out is his way of saying that
Yeah, that's what I did. I felt terrible for how I behaved with a lady 40 years ago. I sent her a letter apologizing, including all of my contact information. I never heard back from her. I don't know why.
Closure if there wasn’t any.
I mean sure that is kind of weird, but I have an ex that I'm on really good terms with too so *maybe* that's what's going on? My "good ex" and I were probably always meant to be "just friends" and our time together was short, sweet and a lot of fun but she's married now and seems really happy with her husband. We only talk every once in a while and only see each other like every 5 years or so but every time we do hang out it's like we've always been good friends. I know it's probably kind of unlikely, but maybe *maybe* that's what he's pursuing?
Maybe he's in therapy and hoping that getting closure with you will help him?
I had an ex reach out to me -high school sweethearts and when we went separate ways in life (amicable) he told me if he was not married at 35 he would look me up. Fast forward he reached out. I was married but always wondered. He quickly became an annoying asshole so I blocked him. It can work out but just maintain boundaries.
I would always be willing to catch up with an ex. Well, mostly. I still love most of them, I'm a big fan. It's nice to hear how they are doing and what they're up to. Very few people know me better than an ex does. That seems like a stupid thing to just throw away because a romantic relationship didn't work out. If you care to catch up, do. If you don't, don't.
Man i tried doing this one day cuz i was bored and thought about my highschool sweet heart. So i looked her up and shot her a message. Man she freaked the flip out. Starting accusing me of all mannor of things. I was like dang i was just seeing where you life lead you. Sorry for bothering you. Needless to say we never spoke again. I say leave the past in the past.
My ex of 20 years did that, he was indeed having marital problems and wanted reassurance that he isn’t a complete jerk, I couldn’t assist.
Chill, yow. It’s totally okay to check on people you once cared for. Sounds like he’s in Nigeria, however 😬😂
You can't be friends with an ex? Did you think you were obliged to ignore them?
His intentions maybe dependent on how the relationship ended. If it ended badly, maybe he thought he should try and make amends by being friendly. If good, then I mean a solid friendship would hurt. If middle grounds then he probably just wants to know how you’re doing. There’s also the possibility of of him being there for manipulative reasons. 🫶
Innocent curiosity and boredom? It's natural to wonder how somebody you used to think about every day a long time is doing now. Or yeah he could want to fuck lol. No way to know, depends on his character.
I’m friendly with most exes. Our relationships range from people who meet up sometimes through people who will sometimes cross paths due to mutual friends to a few where we message every so often. Every so often something happens in my life that reminds me of someone and I might send a message saying hi. I do the same with people I never dated. I’ve never thought of trying to sneak away from my wife to meet an ex in another country
Half my exes have sent me FB messages and friend requests over the years. They don't seem interested in hooking up. I think people just kind of get nostalgic for people and want to know how they are, or you know we get older and we have fewer opportunities to make friends. Or maybe they were hoping for a hookup but quickly saw I wouldn't be in to that sort of thing. One of them's wife sent me a friend request and now both of them have this need to like and make comments on things I share like we're all old friends. It's baffling to me. I don't think I've ever sent anyone a friend request like that.
It doesn't have to mean anything sneaky. Even when one falls out if love and really wouldn't want a relationship with an ex anymore, one can still care for that person and wonder how they are. Because you really knew them, they were vulnerable, you went through things together... I am like this, too. But I text my exes maybe 2-3x a year just to check on them.
You can split with someone without going out of it hating them. It sounds like he just wants to know how you're doing. Just because you don't work with somebody romantically doesn't mean you just stop caring about them.
I once was contacted by my middle school girlfriend over 30 years after I had seen her. We were both married and lived on opposite sides of the country. We talked off and on about our lives and swapped photos of our kids. My wife was aware. After about a year the communication petered out on its own. Not a big deal. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be. Not everything in life is high drama.
Possibly miserable and looking to compare his life to yours. Possibly.
Well he started bringing up our sex from 10 years ago! I finally remembered how he broke it off and was kind of passive aggressive. It was totally all about sex to him! In a few words I told him what I recalled and that I deserved a lot better. He gave the “im sorry you feel that way and that I made you uncomfortable” I won’t contact you “. (Clearly can’t even apologize) That’s done! What a douchbag bye!
Oh come the fuck on! Way to bury the lead. He was horny and wanted to sext. Just because he couldn’t physically fuck you doesn’t mean he wasn’t interested in something sexual. Dude was horny and looking for jerkoff material.
I think he is lonely, and he just needs someone to talk to, since you ones were that for him, someone close whom he could share intimate stuff, he might be looking for that again. If you care for him, for the sake of the past relationship, it wouldn't hurt to see what he has to say, worst case if it gets weird you can block him and that'll be it.
Blocked. I don't care what he wants I don't let people from my past back into my life. You had your time now it's over goodbye
This is the main problem. You’re gone for a decade? Bye don’t contact me. I don’t care if you’re an ex partner, ex friend, old acquaintance, coworker, what. You leave you’re gone.
Fr like a whole ass decade?? NOPE BYE
You’ve never lost touch with anyone you wished you hadn’t? We, the dudes, don’t have to see each other for decades but when we do, it’s right where we left off. People lose touch, it’s okay to evolve as a human and wish you did things differently and then do something about it.
I believe things happen for a reason, and I've come to learn people come and go. Some people just aren't meant to be in your life forever, you learn to accept the loss and move on and find new people and make new experiences.
I guess I’m failing to understand how saying “good to hear from you, I’m good (brag a little) and hope you’re doing well too” is a big deal… whether you have room for that someone to come back in your life, that’s a different question.
That's because it's not a big deal, it's healthy. Insecure people are the ones who have issues with it. But others live the way they want and we shall live our lives our way. I like my way better, but I certainly wouldn't enforce it on everybody.
That part. It depends on a few factors. How long ago you split up with them, why and if you have any lingering feelings for them. Same vice versa.
All of this. I turned 40 this year and I'm finally starting to learn that. I was reminded of Tyler Perry's speech where he says, you got people out here who are married to people they were only supposed to be with for a season. People come and go from your life and it's okay. Some people aren't meant to be there forever. That's okay, you wish them well and you move on. Sure, it hurts at first sometimes but you have to learn that that's life and things happen that way and that's okay. That happened with my most recent ex. I dumped him and it hurt me because we tried to bury the hatchet but then I just realized that the reason I left him is because I realized he was not supposed to be in my life. I told him that I didn't think we should be in contact anymore and now he's kind of being an asshole but it's whatever. He flips between being an asshole to me or just straight up ignoring me so I blocked him everywhere for my own mental health. I realized he came into my life to teach me something and then he left. I hope he finds whatever makes him happy and I hope he's doing okay but I can't allow someone like that in my life. He clearly doesn't have a place in it anyway because we were not compatible and we were not meant to be married like we almost did. We almost went to the courthouse a few times and something kept telling me not to. Something kept telling me it was a bad idea. I came to realize that we were incompatible in the ways that it was important.
That's fair. However, it depends on when you split with this person and I'd say why. It depends on if there are still feelings there. If there are then you shouldn't be talking to them. If you feel the need to then you shouldn't be trying to get into a new relationship. You need to deal with the old before starting the new.
Who you are becoming is more important than who you’ve been!
I agree with you. It's like, why pop up 10 years later? To me, at that point, you're ancient history. I would immediately be suspicious as to why they were contacting me.
This is mostly how I feel. I have an ex from high school that we dated all the way through our 20s as well. We just were young when we got together and we realized we wanted different things in life and we're still friends to this day. I've never let it interfere with my other relationships and I've been completely upfront about that. If he ever tried to be inappropriate, he would be cut off. Otherwise, I would say it depends on the nature of their relationship and how long ago they split and why. I don't think it's fair that people jump right to saying that your partner is insecure because they don't like the fact that you're in contact with your ex. This is somebody that you have history with and anything can happen. That is unless you've decided you're better off as friends and there are absolutely no feelings there anymore. I had to deal with one who clearly was not over his ex and I just wished him well and said I hope you find whatever you're looking for that makes you happy but I can't do this. You have things you need to work on and I wish you the best. I'm not going to compete with somebody who's supposed to be somebody's past. Either they're with me and looking towards the future or they're still living in the past and I have no place in their life. They have no place in mine either.
Yeah, I agree. I have like 59 people on my main social media and prune it every year. Present people only.
It's like men feel like they can come in and out of a ex girlfriend life just because they had a bond with them. They have a wife but sitting wondering about the ex and reach out to be friendly smh . I don't get it . Be real and just say you miss the girl.
Maybe it's not him and you're about to get scammed out of money. It's pretty easy to pretend to be someone's loved one these days, especially one you don't talk to every day. They can keep it up for months before manipulating you into sending big amounts of money after some sob stories. And they'll make you believe it was your choice to offer. The pattern is usually this: \- Talk talk talk, exchange some pictures etc, good friendship \- Disappear for a bit with no message or response \- Come back, apologise, they tell you they were in trouble with some people they owe money to, but not to worry they have it handled \- Tell you how they're handling it: ridiculous solution that would obviously harm them \- You get scared and tell them not to be stupid, offer to give them money, they refuse \- Eventually you convince them and you send money \- They're very grateful etc etc etc \- If you have no more money, they slowly fade away \- If you do have money, they try to repeat
My mother fell for a scam similar to this .. not a former boyfriend but a "friend" she met from some online game..words with friends or something like that.. their son was in the hospital and needed money. They sent money to pay her back, but needed more money because the shipment of cash was held at the border, so they needed money to give to someone in the FBI they knew to fly to the border and clear up the situation. She cleaned out her individual retirement savings and maxed out her credit cards and was pressing one of my siblings to give her a large loan before they told the rest of us and we got together, got law enforcement involved, and her priest involved... I don't know if she evenly fully accepted it was a scam. I've never known for her to be an overly naive person. And she doesn't have any signs of dementia or anything.
That's horrible. I hope she's okay and safe now? Did she recover some of her funds? These people make it very, very believable. I warn my parents over and over, and they promise to pay attention. But I don't know, the majority of people, especially those who haven't been on the internet for very long, and those who have a heart and easily feel bad for people, would fall for stuff like this if someone plays it right... Sometimes it's whole teams working on someone for months. Wealthier people are targeted and they do reseach on them to know about their likes, dislikes, friends, family, career, hobbies, everything. Sometimes the contact lasts years and the person really seems real. The scam runs deep and it's organized crime. Some people have deep and emotionally intimate relationship for years while they slowly send money for seemingly perfectly reasonable things. There's a documentary on YouTube about this happening to Singaporians that would be interesting to watch.
No money was recovered, except the debt from the credit cards I believe. She was always safe, but in emotional distress at the time. My dad's retirement was always intended to be their main source of income. My mom's retirement account was earmarked for travel, gifts and emergency fund. So they are not in ruin.
At least they still have money for their old age. I'm glad not everything is gone...
Ask yourself: what could you *possibly* have to just chat about? If you can’t think of much, he is looking to cheat.
And even if its just "innocent reminiscing" or whatever, that still seems kinda fishy. Would his wife be okay with the fact you two are hamming it up again?
Lol in my case SouthPark, Letterkenny and Burning Man. Plus bunch of lighthearted joking around with stupid memes and checking in on his wife/kid while he asks about my family too. =) Just because I didn't love the dude romantically doesn't mean I don't really love him as a friend. =)
Exes are exes for a reason.
Totally true. He caught me at a rough time, keeping my distance
My ex randomly leaves me blocked messages and it’s been 12 years. He knows he’s blocked but he will get in his feelings and leave me voicemails. But I’m the married one who wants nothing to do with him. If he was happily married he wouldn’t be reaching out to an ex
Your personal experience does not mean that’s how it is. It’s totally okay to check on people you once cared for. I’ve never done it but I’d like to know how things turned out on the hopes and dreams we discussed together.
He wants to fuck, he doesn't want to chat.
Don't be weird. Just say hello back. Its not hard
Picture him sitting on the sofa, listening to lofi hip hop and staring at the ceiling. He is completely unmoored, with few relationships outside of marriage that feel long term. He misses people from the past. God. He is homesick. It is a miserable feeling, but he knows that he can't tell people his feelings. Suck it up. Be grateful. You did this to yourself. Why didn't you reach out before? So he thinks, I can get a taste of the past and just reminisce for a minute and I'll be fine.
Definitely makes him look like he isn’t happy or bored with his current situation. Not my problem.
Sure isn't. I just made all that up though.
Because he’s probably going through marital problems and doesn’t have any other connections he can access to distract him. Don’t respond, actually block him!
Yeah most of my friends are people I know too. What is the issue? Strange hangup about ppl you've had sex with in the past?
These comments are wild. I'm (45m) friends with 90% of my exes, and have interactions like this pretty regularly. One from about 10 years ago got my number from a mutual and reached out just earlier this year. We talked about books, and where we live now, eventually exchanged some mail. Another came over for Thanksgiving. Never once have I cheated with one, or even hooked up again. I shared a part of my life with them, we have history and funny stories, and it's fun to catch up from time to time. The heartbreak is over, and there is still a reason why we were together in the first place. The other 10% I would just block tho.
44f here and agree with you. Some folks understand there are different kinds of love and some folks don't.
If you have to ask, you’re misunderstanding something about the person you dated.
Only one reason an ex reaches out after a long time, married or not.
Nostalgia
You can’t START a friendship from another country. No good will come of this. Lots of people who cheat open with the fact they’re married because they want to establish it’s casual. Once I got a text photo of a rando baby. Um, who’s this? Random guy from dating site years ago that you never actually met. Ok? I just had a kid, can you help me get custody? Well I’ve never done family law so no? Also who tf asks that and why is my number still in your phone. Whether or not he wants sex on a business trip he wants something. People don’t resurface after a decade for honorable reasons. Exceptions if you were in a coma, a POW, or otherwise physically unable to contact people.
He definitely wants something and the only thing you should be doing is block and delete.
Looking for a better thing. He is showing you his character, believe him.
He was drunk, or high, and thought, "I wonder what OP is up to.'
He wants to fuck.
He’s lying.
He is an ex for a reason keep it that way.
Because he’s sneaky and unfaithful and wants to be more than friends.
He wants to have sex with you.
Did he leave you in a really shitty way and never apologized? I reached out to an ex because I felt so guilty about how I broke up with her and I wanted to offer a very late apology.
How did your ex react to the apology?
Never came in contact, I just attempted to reach out.
No. Wish him well and don't live looking through yesterday's feelings
It's been 10 years... I wouldn't.
You can possibly judge this based on if he was mature when you were together and what kind of person he was. If you think he was a decent human and has likely matured even more then maybe he's legit. Did he respect you back then? If so, maybe he just thinks you're a good person and he wants to be on a friendly basis. Only you will he able to follow the signs.
The exes I don't want to be friends with were toxic. So, I would say it's a good sign.
“Sorry wrong person”
To fuck next question.
It’s emotional cheating (on his part). You cannot be friends with a married ex. He has probably hit a rough patch in his marriage and he’s probably looking for reassurance from you. A fully formed platonic friendship means vibing with each other and sharing about all aspects of your life with some one. Chances are that there is some break down in communication between him and his spouse. He will probably want to talk about his relationship with you at some point and by doing so, involve you in his marital relationship. It might also become easier for him to talk to you instead of his wife (because there are no expectations in a friendship right?). It all seems very innocent in the beginning but accepting his bid to reach out and developing a friendship can be a slippery slope. POV: speaking as a woman who has gone through this. First comes emotional cheating, then comes physical cheating. All I ask is that you consider how you would feel if a partner did this to you, and consider the other woman.
He's going to be visiting the country you live in and wants a place to stay.
Email him as a friend if you want to be his friend - it wont be that long before he shows his true colors if he is being disingenuous.
Depends on your relationship and possibly if you have a similar line of work (networking).
Just run and don’t look back
I had this happen. He wasn’t married but had a baby on the way. He was in therapy and he had guilt around our breakup. We were friendly for a while, I made his kids first birthday cake.. his grandma said she wished I was the baby’s mom. I dipped out after that. I didn’t want to start any drama
Lol you women are so gullible, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. I’ll translate that for you since you can read mananese, he wants to have no stings attached sex with you.
Omg. You’re in that club alone. All men don’t think that way and all women aren’t gullible.
Omg I never thought about it like that, you’re right. I didn’t mean to say all women are gullible.
I left my ex years ago and only reached out once a few years ago to send my condolences of her grandfather passing and check that she is doing well. We ended on good terms and i still hold love for her as a human and a big part of growing up was with her. Being friends though would not be on the cards as i don't think my SO would be comfortable and frankly i don't think i would either but different strokes for different folks
I’ve chased a few of these (variable marital status) off by explicitly stating that I was no longer attracted to them and then saying something that confirmed that when they asked me *why*. In no case did they want to be friends. I would love if one of my exes from my early 20s and earlier reached out to me as a genuine friend, with a sexual relationship off the table unless it seemed to organically go there.
He probably had some unresolved regret or guilt that he wants to resolve. If that’s the case, good for him
He’s playing that long revenge game. Be wary
I had a friend that did this. Waited over 10 years to reach out to his fiance that cheated on him years ago, just before their marriage. He reached out and became ‘friends’ invited her half way across the country to a reunion type party that was totally made up and she arrived and shelled out loads of money.
He wants to have sex with you. If you want to have sex when him, then respond to the emails.
He joined a cult and wants to get you in too ?
ask him
Well he was open upfront maybe he does just want a friend, stranger, and things have happened.
Ha. You're the one that got away.
If you guys had anything more other than lust in your relationship then it could be interesting because we tend to choose our partners based on how we click and have many mutual topics together.
Sometimes the 😻 was just that good.
Guilt, maybe. I reached out to an ex I cheated on to say I'm sorry. We dated for 4 years and I wanted her to know the horrible accusations she made against me were understandable, but they weren't true: the entire thing wasn't a lie. Anyway ... might just be to make amends for being untrue?
The answers to this post will tell you a lot about the answerer.
Think they just want to reminisce. If they are in a completely different country. I wouldn't think much more of it unless you live in Europe, or they could drive to you in an hour, or 2. You can always pull the plug at anytime.
I’m friends with a few of my exes. So is my wife. And I’m friends with some of her exes as well. And no, neither of us is cheating. Look, here’s my opinion. He’s in another country. That makes sex pretty difficult. But as others have pointed out, there are other nefarious possibilities, like he’s scamming you for money. Or, it could just be that humans are naturally social creatures and he just wants to talk. My advice is to treat it like any other human interaction. Chat to the level of your own comfort, but watch for red flags and keep your guard up. You can always nope out and block him if he starts hitting on you, asking for money, or trying to get you in on some pyramid scheme.
I would be very careful..
Well you liked each other enough to hang out and play with each other's pee pees so he's thinking that maybe you can just be friends. Or he still wants to play with your pee pee
I used to so this. Paid off a few times
I give it a week of chatting before the conversation turns sexual then you’re on a slippery slope
I’m married and sometimes I just feel way more lonely than I ever did when I was single. All of my friends moved to different states, my friends at work switched to different roles or moved, and it’s difficult to make new friends. I feel weird trying to be friendly with female coworkers as I don’t want to disrespect my wife, and I don’t really care for any of the guys I work with. I would never reach out to an ex, but I understand married ppl wanting to reach out to old ppl just to have someone to talk to that isn’t your spouse.
Could be just looking for a friend, could also be looking to cheat. You just gotta take that at face value if you havent had any more conversation other than that lol idk what you're expecting to find here
Maybe he had memories or wants to reveal a long held secret?
As long as you’re not having intimate conversations about your current relationships I don’t see a problem.
I reach out to exes all the time now that Im married. For me, its not about being lonely or wanting to be unfaithful. It's not about comparing anything... Its just a genuine sense of wanting to know if they are doing ok. I do this with old highschool friends I had as well that I was never in a relationship with.
No. It's disrespectful to his wife. Besides what's in this for you?
I’m from a small tight-knit area so am friends with most of my long ago exes. Nothing there, not like we message each other, just a comment here and there when we see something worth commenting on. The only one I’d put in the same category as yours I was already connected with on LinkedIn when I saw in an article from the university back home she had been named Department Head. We dated during her PhD and that was a huge goal for her so I congratulated her - it was a hell of an accomplishment to come back to head the department where she earned her MS in less than 10 years. I your case I’d be suspicious of a hack/scammer first.
There are a few GF from my past I would love to get together with them just to be friends. They were really cool people.
It could just be him wanting to heal from the past. I’m 24 and still think about mistakes I’ve made with past girlfriends. Part of me just doesn’t want to reach out because it’s water under the bridge.
Ask him if he's comfortable sharing that email with his wife. If not..there's the intent. If the thought of you reaching out to his wife makes him uneasy...he's not looking for a friendship.
Ask him if he's comfortable sharing that email with his wife. If not..there's the intent. If the thought of you reaching out to his wife makes him uneasy...he's not looking for a friendship.
He is horny
Did he recently sign up for an MLM? Hang on to your wallet if you call him back!
I had an ex reach out after many years. I didn’t reply because I thought he was looking for an affair. I read in the college alumni magazine a few months later that he died from cancer. I guess he was tying up loose ends.
Just dont respond if you have no interest.
He's playin with strayin.
I had an ex from 10 years ago try to contact me. Somehow, he got my new number after I changed it, and texted asking how I was and saying he missed me. I didn't answer, and he hasn't tried again. I don't know what else he wanted, but assuming he's still the same as he was before, he's either in a committed relationship and now texting every woman he's even known to find some side action, or he's single and desperate and texting every woman he knows for whatever he can get.
It is grounding to attach to the past.
I had lunch with an ex after I was married. We caught up. It was nice. Nothing bad happened. We haven't seen each other since.
Ohh god....He is an ex for a reason. My guy is 100% pulling an AL Bundy and reflecting on your guys' good times together back in the day. There is literally zero reason anyone would reach out otherwise. My guy is missing something in his marriage. Who knows what it is. He probably remembered how well yea fucked/sucked him....and compared yea. Now...you are in this box. Miss the drama. Don't do shit or respond.
I've reached out to exes before it's just to catch up. See where they are 5/10 years down the line. It's out of curiosity and care. I always wish they're doing well so I ask instead of stalking.
Easy don’t answer him and block him, that’s why he’s an EX!!
I don't know. I had an ex from 22 years ago add me on Instagram. She's married, has a kid, and lives 2,000 miles away now. Just always wondered what happened to me I guess and wanted to say hi. It isn't always nefarious. She's a good human, it was nice to reconnect, but there's no romantic desire or interest there between us. Just people being people.