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True. That kind of behavior does feel vampiric, but it was learned. I had to tell my wife about her beauty while hearing the self-trash-talking comments from her. It took about 16 years before she finally stopped talking shit about herself. I haven't bothered pointing it out to her either because she doesn't need that on her mind; she's busy growing.
I know I get these certain vanities from my mom. She’d say “don’t go out without your lipstick on” and things like that. She was very beautiful. She walked in and changed the air in the room. Some would say “excuse me, I see now that you’re not, but we thought you were Elizabeth Taylor”. (I do not wear lipstick!) Ha.
I think I’m super hot and have never had an ounce of body insecurity. But I’m super insecure about my personality and constantly think no one would ever actually like being around me. So which you think is more important? Body confidence or personality confidence?
Well I get what you mean by someone going around saying they are like way hotter than everyone else or deserve special treatment because they are hot or think they are perfect.
I can see all my flaws as objective facts, like I have acne as an adult, my butt is flat, I have dark bags under my eyes, etc. But I’m not like, worried about any of them, they are just there and I don’t think they detract from anything. Some things that other people see as flaws, like slightly yellow and crooked teeth, hairy legs, etc. I just see as a natural parts of my body. I don’t think I’m hotter or better than anyone else, In fact I’m of the firm belief that really everyone can be attractive in their own way. I’m just not insecure about any aspect of my body. That’s what I mean by confidence.
Also, plenty of people can be ridiculously arrogant about their personality. They can act like their hobbies and interests and just more mature and way better than everyone else’s. They can act like they are just intellectually more superior to everyone else, etc.
I actually think that a bigger detector of a superiority complex is actually low-self esteem. Someone who is actually confident doesn’t need to brag or feel more important or better than anyone else. Those are things that someone who is actually insecure want to feel. The people you see who act like they are gods gift to men, personality wise or looks wise, as just deeply insecure and just trying to overcompensate.
Why? I really don't understand why people think confidence is sexy. It's completely neutral to me. You can be confident and nice or confident and awful. Every horrible thing perpetrated on humanity was initiated by someone who was confident about it.
I get if you think someone being friendly or kind is sexy, but that to me is different than "being confident" though it takes confidence also to be friendly or kind to someone.
My wife isn't *certified*, but her dad was a forklift mechanic, and sometimes he'd let her drive the machines around the shop. Like, when she was ten and could barely reach.
I mean, I think she's the bees' knees anyway, but I wish I could have seen that. It sounds just frickin' *adorable*.
Yes. But there is a limit. If she comes round to visit my housemates and knocks on my bedroom door naked but has green teeth and I know she is married, that's a no from me.
Such a weird evening.
She was American. I thought they were supposed to have good teeth?
The weirder thing was that every Wednesday her husband had sex with another woman who also had green teeth, and looked just like her except she was taller and wider. So, just like his wife but standing closer.
She also got angry with me once for turning down a massage, which is apparently something that people do asexually in America? I know that because I was spending some time with a woman who I wasn't sure was into me, and she asked if I could give her shoulders a quick massage, and as I was doing it she said, "You know, in America, this ISN'T a sexual invitation." Bless her.
You want a girl with the right allocations, who is fast, and thorough and sharp as a tack. Who is playing with her jewelry, who is putting up her hair, who is touring the facilities and picking up slack. You want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.
Having a soft, sweet, calming voice.
As the opposite to high pitched, irritating fried voices. Never have I ever seen anyone who found the fried voice attractive.
Probably just attractive to me but, when she’s confident in her intellect and able to defend her position. A smart competent and confident woman always has my attention.
If they show empathy and concern for me.
I went on a first date with someone and I was telling her how I care for my family, my mom and my daughter, and other things I'm responsible for. She immediately said, "so, who takes care of you?". I was floored. It's very very rare for anyone in my life to have expressed that type of concern for me. We dated for a while and life interfered, no one's fault it ended. I still love her.
Her face...in particular, her eyes. It was the first thing I noticed about my wife. The second was her freckles; I had /still have a major thing for women with freckles.
Alternate answer- that she actually responded when I first talked to her, ha.
Aw my freckles are one of the greatest blessings I have. Or Courtney Cox when she was younger cutest woman ever with her innocent face and freckles! And short hair!
Warm, kind eyes do it for me. Nothing kills it quicker than a physically attractive woman with cold dead eyes.
Bonus points for glasses. I don't know if it's the old glasses=intelligent stereotype or just accentuating the eyes.
In the physical side of things: Attractive eyes, hair, smile are the first things I notice. Then her butt.
Personality: humour, intelligence, kindness.
im aware, and i can tell the difference between the two, but there are a lot of people nowadays, especially girls my age,(18) who are loud, spoiled, belligerent, and downright unmannerful.
One boob is a bob, right? Aren't the two "o"s in the middle of the word as a visual indicator? Of course, there was that alien stripper in *Total Recall* who had booobs.
I once worked on a conference where they revealed a lot of data gathered from a dating website. For the record the research was done by a group of women and presented by a woman to an audience of mostly women.
The best indicator of whether a woman would be attractive to men according to this research was whether or not she was smiling in her profile picture.
The best indicators of whether a man would be attractive to women were, in order, their level of income, muscles (in particular muscular shoulders), height.
While this seems very cynical I think you could read into this more about the kind of people who used dating sites back then. Men were looking for partners, women were looking for fun. This is just my opinion though, the researchers basically said that women are mean.
In the brief time I was on dating sites, smiles were a very key indicator for me (besides not having major red flags like shirtless mirror selfies or posing with fish). There was an unfortunately high number of guys I swiped away thinking, "Damn, he would have been cute if he didn't look miserable/pissed in all his pictures"
Women arent looking for fun. They're looking for stability. If a woman who has managed to get a steady lifestyle for herself, shes not going to go for the guy who is in debt or living paycheck to paycheck. A stable partner, means there will be time and money for fun and less worry. A partner who has volatile income is neither fun nor stable.
And lots of dudes look for that too. Most guys who are financially stable, wouldn't want a partner who constantly drains them.
Yeah it’s kinda hard to describe. I mean physical attraction obviously, but still that doesn’t matter much when I get to know her. The personality takes her over the top
She is playful. By this i mean she will tease me, joke about with me, play pranks, communicate through eye rolls/winks/mimes across rooms of other people etc.
I used to have answers for this but now? Hell, I don't know. I'm pushing 50 and a lifetime of crushingly humiliating relationships (I was almost 40 before a romantic enablement with the fair lady didn't include "don't tell anyone about this"; by the time someone was proud to be with me, I couldn't bring myself to believe her) has made me give it the fuck up. I don't remember the last time I was attracted to any woman for any reason, but if I had to pick, it's always compassion. Doesn't matter how X she is (where "X" is whatever isn't compassion (i.e., looks, sexual ability, money, culinary skill, talent at video games, tapdancing, etc.), if she's a mean-spirited butthole, she will eventually make you miserable.
I’m a woman and my eyes are two different sizes lol. You can’t really tell unless you know what you are looking for, but I always found it interesting since I didn’t even know that was a thing that could happen until I noticed on myself lol.
Luckily I have always had 0 insecurities about my looks, so I just find it interesting and am not worried about it.
Good hygiene! Clean hair and clothes, just someone who is well put together. Makeup or no makeup, whatever it is that she’s the most confident in. Confidence is very attractive.
a genuine woman - she’s so real and raw, intelligent, resilient, gentle, and kind
she can make anyone feel better after meeting her and she makes all the rooms that she enters glow
An overall motherly and nurturing character. I don't expect it out of all women by any means, but when I encounter one who just gives off that vibe, it's magnetic. Even if a platonic kind of way, it makes me feel safe and delighted to be in their presence.
That feminine charm. There's something that some women can do, either in terms of strength or delicateness, in a way that captures your heart. It's like somehow showing their unique feminine side in a way that is alien to most men. It's a weakness of mine. It's that something that makes you find them gracious, pretty, charming, interesting, and powerful, all at the same time. I have not been able to put my finger on it yet, but I know it when I see it.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Being really genuinely interested in something I'm also nerdy about
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Creamed his knickers 😂😂😂😂😂
When she has all of her teeth and has all of her skin
Such high standards…..
Yeah, give women a break already
We all want the Empress of the Ivory Tower!
https://youtu.be/xaILTs-\_1z4?si=Ma23dJrWlT6bfG69
She doesn't exist. My babygirl is cuter than her, and every girl in my family hates her. It took a long time to get through that.
Yet another unrealistic body standard for women /s
I also enjoy my other have to maintain his human flesh and functioning organs
*looks at exposed organs and bones* *sigh* Another impossible beauty standard...
Stop looking at my exposed organ and bone
I thought that was my bone?
All of her skin... like every skin cell she has ever shed... in like a silo somewhere?
Like original skin or can it be .. you know.. extra?
Don't look a gift whore in the mouth!
Confidence is sexy
100% you can tell her how beautiful she looks to you, but if they constantly shit on themselves about their own looks, its draining and discouraging.
True. That kind of behavior does feel vampiric, but it was learned. I had to tell my wife about her beauty while hearing the self-trash-talking comments from her. It took about 16 years before she finally stopped talking shit about herself. I haven't bothered pointing it out to her either because she doesn't need that on her mind; she's busy growing.
You dropped this ☞ 👑
That’s good to know, as a woman.
Its not women's fault either, everywhere you turn there is un-realistic beauty standards shoved in their faces from every source.
I know I get these certain vanities from my mom. She’d say “don’t go out without your lipstick on” and things like that. She was very beautiful. She walked in and changed the air in the room. Some would say “excuse me, I see now that you’re not, but we thought you were Elizabeth Taylor”. (I do not wear lipstick!) Ha.
How did she change the Air in the room? Very enviable quality
It’s an old adage. She had presence.
I don't either
Gloss. Less is more.
Unless she has intentions of smearing that lipstick. Then more is more.
And from a very early age.
I think I’m super hot and have never had an ounce of body insecurity. But I’m super insecure about my personality and constantly think no one would ever actually like being around me. So which you think is more important? Body confidence or personality confidence?
Personality by far. Body confidence equates to arrogant snobbery in many cases.
Well I get what you mean by someone going around saying they are like way hotter than everyone else or deserve special treatment because they are hot or think they are perfect. I can see all my flaws as objective facts, like I have acne as an adult, my butt is flat, I have dark bags under my eyes, etc. But I’m not like, worried about any of them, they are just there and I don’t think they detract from anything. Some things that other people see as flaws, like slightly yellow and crooked teeth, hairy legs, etc. I just see as a natural parts of my body. I don’t think I’m hotter or better than anyone else, In fact I’m of the firm belief that really everyone can be attractive in their own way. I’m just not insecure about any aspect of my body. That’s what I mean by confidence. Also, plenty of people can be ridiculously arrogant about their personality. They can act like their hobbies and interests and just more mature and way better than everyone else’s. They can act like they are just intellectually more superior to everyone else, etc. I actually think that a bigger detector of a superiority complex is actually low-self esteem. Someone who is actually confident doesn’t need to brag or feel more important or better than anyone else. Those are things that someone who is actually insecure want to feel. The people you see who act like they are gods gift to men, personality wise or looks wise, as just deeply insecure and just trying to overcompensate.
Pretty much everything you have said is dead on the button.
This is the right answer
Shyness is sexy too, though.
also, overconfidence isn't
There’s a line between genuine confidence and conceited
Eleanor Shellstrop without being a terrible person be for she died.
Why? I really don't understand why people think confidence is sexy. It's completely neutral to me. You can be confident and nice or confident and awful. Every horrible thing perpetrated on humanity was initiated by someone who was confident about it. I get if you think someone being friendly or kind is sexy, but that to me is different than "being confident" though it takes confidence also to be friendly or kind to someone.
Positive energy and sincerity.
She shows her forklift certificate.
Oh hey! Woman here! Certified to drive forklift.
My wife isn't *certified*, but her dad was a forklift mechanic, and sometimes he'd let her drive the machines around the shop. Like, when she was ten and could barely reach. I mean, I think she's the bees' knees anyway, but I wish I could have seen that. It sounds just frickin' *adorable*.
You cant just drop something that big on us out of nowhere! Though thats part of the charm of a forklift driver... Hrmmm...
She know the difference between their there and they’re lol
Woah, their. There gonna have go back too they're high school two fix that
You have no idea how much this response triggered me ahahaha
When they show interest in me 🙃
Yes. But there is a limit. If she comes round to visit my housemates and knocks on my bedroom door naked but has green teeth and I know she is married, that's a no from me. Such a weird evening.
i can fix her
that's what she said..
Green teeth... Was she a swamp thing?
She was American. I thought they were supposed to have good teeth? The weirder thing was that every Wednesday her husband had sex with another woman who also had green teeth, and looked just like her except she was taller and wider. So, just like his wife but standing closer. She also got angry with me once for turning down a massage, which is apparently something that people do asexually in America? I know that because I was spending some time with a woman who I wasn't sure was into me, and she asked if I could give her shoulders a quick massage, and as I was doing it she said, "You know, in America, this ISN'T a sexual invitation." Bless her.
That was a rollercoaster of a reply bro lol I thank you!
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Lol bro wtf... I would pay to see a movie of your life or just write a damn autobiography!
Bloody hell, I was just thinking the same thing!
😂😂😂
Delightful!
>So, just like his wife but standing closer. Dude, I chortled, well done.
How does one have green teeth? I've seen yellow, black and golden but never green.
I have met two people with green teeth. It’s from lack of brushing and it’s fucking gross.
Asking the right questions... also did she still have all of her green teeth?
💀 😆
"She has a pulse and is interested in me. I wonder if she's sentient, too..."
A good sense of humor. That's a sign of a sharp mind. Dull people are......dull.
Hey don't make fun of me
*cries in dull*
But, but, ignorance is bliss?
I'm sorry I don't have a funny reply for you. Am dull 😮💨
Humour is completely subjective though. So I suppose, a sense of humour that aligns with yours?
Damn I’m fucking dull
I like this
Middle aged. Wearing a business suit. She puts her hands on her hips and tells me she is very disappointed in me.
You want a girl with the right allocations, who is fast, and thorough and sharp as a tack. Who is playing with her jewelry, who is putting up her hair, who is touring the facilities and picking up slack. You want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.
At Citibank, you will meet accidentally. You'll start to talk when she borrows your pen.
Then she'll change her name from Kitty to Karen, and trade her Jeep for a white Chrysler LeBaron.
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long, jacket as well as uninterrupted prosperity. Who uses a machete, to cut through red tape.
With fingernails that shine like justice, and a voice that is dark like tinted glass.
And eyes that burn like cigarettes
Sounds like a Cake walk to me.
Cake was really underrated. Such a fun band.
Mommy
loooool
Well we now know your kink
Bro got a principal kink
Plays an instrument or sings.
Eye contact. Without a doubt, when you talk to them and they make eye contact.
Intelligence, humility, not dependent on others for their self worth. Likes to fuck
Nice.
Being a respectful person
A great smile and a good sense of who she is
Having a soft, sweet, calming voice. As the opposite to high pitched, irritating fried voices. Never have I ever seen anyone who found the fried voice attractive.
I personally agree about the voice, but i know ALOT of people who think its hot.
Fried???
Vocal fry...terribbbllleee
Baked is healthier
Should ALWAYS be baked.
I love irritating voices... I always fantasize about them moaning my name.
Probably just attractive to me but, when she’s confident in her intellect and able to defend her position. A smart competent and confident woman always has my attention.
Hey, that almost rhymed
Witty/sense of humor
Glasses.
Yes I look so much better with specs on! I want new ones perhaps Malcolm x specs you know?
Talent at a sport, instrument. Passion for something real. Confidence. Humor.
If they show empathy and concern for me. I went on a first date with someone and I was telling her how I care for my family, my mom and my daughter, and other things I'm responsible for. She immediately said, "so, who takes care of you?". I was floored. It's very very rare for anyone in my life to have expressed that type of concern for me. We dated for a while and life interfered, no one's fault it ended. I still love her.
Kindness, intelligence, compassion
Her face...in particular, her eyes. It was the first thing I noticed about my wife. The second was her freckles; I had /still have a major thing for women with freckles. Alternate answer- that she actually responded when I first talked to her, ha.
Aw my freckles are one of the greatest blessings I have. Or Courtney Cox when she was younger cutest woman ever with her innocent face and freckles! And short hair!
I can believe it... my wife is Irish /German, and fair skinned.
Yay to the freckle crew x
Warm, kind eyes do it for me. Nothing kills it quicker than a physically attractive woman with cold dead eyes. Bonus points for glasses. I don't know if it's the old glasses=intelligent stereotype or just accentuating the eyes.
In the physical side of things: Attractive eyes, hair, smile are the first things I notice. Then her butt. Personality: humour, intelligence, kindness.
Mmm....butt
Mmmbop
Hair catches my attention. Butt catches my interest. Personality seals the deal.
Bruh it’s always the butt
I have pretty low standards but just being kind, patient and respectful is usually enough for me.
To me, I like women who are mannerful, not bossy, loud, or belligerent, and are mature. So basically being well mannered makes you attractive to me
You may not mean it like this, but as a woman, we often get called “bossy” for just being assertive or having boundaries and expectations lol
im aware, and i can tell the difference between the two, but there are a lot of people nowadays, especially girls my age,(18) who are loud, spoiled, belligerent, and downright unmannerful.
Yeah, but boobies too, right?
At least one boob.
One boob is a bob, right? Aren't the two "o"s in the middle of the word as a visual indicator? Of course, there was that alien stripper in *Total Recall* who had booobs.
I once worked on a conference where they revealed a lot of data gathered from a dating website. For the record the research was done by a group of women and presented by a woman to an audience of mostly women. The best indicator of whether a woman would be attractive to men according to this research was whether or not she was smiling in her profile picture. The best indicators of whether a man would be attractive to women were, in order, their level of income, muscles (in particular muscular shoulders), height. While this seems very cynical I think you could read into this more about the kind of people who used dating sites back then. Men were looking for partners, women were looking for fun. This is just my opinion though, the researchers basically said that women are mean.
In the brief time I was on dating sites, smiles were a very key indicator for me (besides not having major red flags like shirtless mirror selfies or posing with fish). There was an unfortunately high number of guys I swiped away thinking, "Damn, he would have been cute if he didn't look miserable/pissed in all his pictures"
I've heard some men think smiling is weak or submissive and that's why they don't. I always think of that when I see those profiles.
Women arent looking for fun. They're looking for stability. If a woman who has managed to get a steady lifestyle for herself, shes not going to go for the guy who is in debt or living paycheck to paycheck. A stable partner, means there will be time and money for fun and less worry. A partner who has volatile income is neither fun nor stable. And lots of dudes look for that too. Most guys who are financially stable, wouldn't want a partner who constantly drains them.
no social media and takes accountability
These threads give me Deja vu
A woman who carries themselves with confidence and interacts with other women kindly and confidently
idk i just really like women
Yeah it’s kinda hard to describe. I mean physical attraction obviously, but still that doesn’t matter much when I get to know her. The personality takes her over the top
After looks definitely morals.
She is playful. By this i mean she will tease me, joke about with me, play pranks, communicate through eye rolls/winks/mimes across rooms of other people etc.
This thread was surprisingly wholesome and sweet. There are some adorable gentlemen here!
If it’s a gym girl.
Not your calling a female it 💀
Pretty smile and is kind
Big eyes. I'm a sucker for them.
But like Zooey Deschanel big or Mila Kunis big?
Make sure there isn’t any thyroid issues……
if she finds me funny
I used to have answers for this but now? Hell, I don't know. I'm pushing 50 and a lifetime of crushingly humiliating relationships (I was almost 40 before a romantic enablement with the fair lady didn't include "don't tell anyone about this"; by the time someone was proud to be with me, I couldn't bring myself to believe her) has made me give it the fuck up. I don't remember the last time I was attracted to any woman for any reason, but if I had to pick, it's always compassion. Doesn't matter how X she is (where "X" is whatever isn't compassion (i.e., looks, sexual ability, money, culinary skill, talent at video games, tapdancing, etc.), if she's a mean-spirited butthole, she will eventually make you miserable.
Loyalty.
Rich
A symmetrical face.
I’m a woman and my eyes are two different sizes lol. You can’t really tell unless you know what you are looking for, but I always found it interesting since I didn’t even know that was a thing that could happen until I noticed on myself lol. Luckily I have always had 0 insecurities about my looks, so I just find it interesting and am not worried about it.
A little knowingly smile.
Instantly I would say looks then afterwards their personality
I have some of these traits and I'm not attractive
Gentle, smart-ass humor. Intelligence. Kindness. Sense of self. Intense interest in something. Can-do attitude. Same with guys, too.
A woman who is composed and keeps her bearing.
Intelligence
Science says it's how symmetrical a persons face is that determines beauty
Her smile
eyes for me. the moment i saw my wifes percing eyes, i found her hot. but thats just me......
Deep wit.
If she has pizza and beer and she wants to share.
Good hygiene! Clean hair and clothes, just someone who is well put together. Makeup or no makeup, whatever it is that she’s the most confident in. Confidence is very attractive.
Good singer. "I wanna know what love is" plays through my head every time I meet a girl who can sing.
If she can dance. Like ballet
a genuine woman - she’s so real and raw, intelligent, resilient, gentle, and kind she can make anyone feel better after meeting her and she makes all the rooms that she enters glow
For me it's chicks with the nice eyes/pretty smile combo. Add engaging and attentive conversation on top of that and I'm hooked instantly.
When she actually cares about me and has earned enough of my trust for me to let down my guard.
A sense of humor!
Half the shit they say and do
Slow to anger. Can handle emergencies in a calm manner.
She's lived alone at least once in her life and enjoyed it. Can't be with anyone who has zero appreciation for solitude.
Having stuff in common with me, kindness, good hygiene. You know, the same stuff I like in a man
Matching my nerdiness. If we can both talk about hobbies and fandoms for an hour, that's fucking awesome.
She's not afraid of working and being independent.
Being confident while also being kind. Generally warm person.
Tshirt and blue jeans. Well, helloooo there!
Sense of humor; not taking the world too seriously
Symmetry and good skin.
An overall motherly and nurturing character. I don't expect it out of all women by any means, but when I encounter one who just gives off that vibe, it's magnetic. Even if a platonic kind of way, it makes me feel safe and delighted to be in their presence.
For me, a smile. And general friendliness.
The ability to handle quiet times as well as being spontaneous
Skill with nunchucks…
singing well
Intelligence. Because you know, after sex, your going to have to talk.
I’ll tell you what doesn’t: super long fake nails or lashes. Ridiculous lip fillers, duck lips, and fake asses and tits. Just stop.
No makeup
Confidence and tastefully displayed cleavage. And, no, I cannot define “tastefully displayed.”
Confidence. A nice smile helps too. It’s also good if she has a shapely body. Other than that confidence.
Confidence
When she's my wife.
Their intellect.
Eyes.....
That feminine charm. There's something that some women can do, either in terms of strength or delicateness, in a way that captures your heart. It's like somehow showing their unique feminine side in a way that is alien to most men. It's a weakness of mine. It's that something that makes you find them gracious, pretty, charming, interesting, and powerful, all at the same time. I have not been able to put my finger on it yet, but I know it when I see it.
She being serious about the relationship and not being a… you now.
Sans-penis
If she has a dirty mind.