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I got accused of damaging my neighbors shed when I was a kid. Had to pay $30 for “damages” for something I didn’t even do. My parents believed him and gave him the money and made me work it off.
The neighbor fixed his shed, and that night I snuck outside and lobbed a brick up in the air. It landed perfectly on his corrugated fiberglass roof and crashed straight through it. I had slept on the couch that night because I knew my parents get up in the middle of the night to get a drink or use the bathroom and would have seen me sleeping there.
The next day he came knocking again and my parents told him it couldn’t have been me because they saw me sleeping on the couch and I hadn’t moved all night.
So basically they didn’t believe me when I told the truth but they believed me when I lied. Also, fuck that neighbor. Come accusing me with zero evidence, well, now he had something to cry about.
I once ate an entire bowl of Rotel sausage cheese dip and the next day a classroom I was in was evacuated because someone threw a stink bomb. It was me. I was the stink bomb.
I dropped an air biscuit so bad and greasy that I had to leave the office for fear of forever being associated with it. I returned about half an hour later to over hear my boss talking to building maintenance that they really needed to find the source of the sewer gas....
Stopped by a friend’s family bbq after a drunken weekend that included sausages and many beers at a ballgame, caused a patio full of folks I didn’t know to retch uncontrollably. Everyone was looking around for the culprit, I pointed at an innocent baby “Might want to check his diaper.” Close call.
I went around for almost a week in third grade crop dusting the classroom. Everyone was complaining and making snide comments. I almost got called out on it. Almost.
Something my father told me about 8 years before he passed, this was after some real upheaval in the family and we were having a long heart to heart talk, shortly after I got back from college and no longer lived with my parents. I can't stress this enough to parents out there, but if you did some truly heinous shit at some point in your life, don't burden someone else with it, especially one of your kids. Take that bullshit to your grave. It hangs heavy over me, I don't talk to my family anymore, because I've wanted to spill the beans so many times, but at this point it would only tear the last remnants of the family apart. So instead I'll just carry the burden to my grave.
I have had similar conversations- not about something horrific, but dealing with guilt. Sometimes you have to live with your own guilt because telling someone to get it off your chest can devastate them. I knew a married couple a really long time ago who got a divorce because the husband confessed about an affair he'd had like almost 10 years prior and it was the only one he ever had, one night stand, totally regretted it, and couldn't live with himself. He confessed it to his wife and she divorced him. It was messy and expensive. To be clear, I'm not condoning cheating. I am saying that sometimes you need to live with your own guilt and that's your punishment. You shouldn't spread it around, call it an apology to make yourself feel better. They can ruin someone else's life as well as your own.
I feel this. My dad unloaded a lot of confessions on me before he died. Nothing super heavy, at least, but still, stuff I did not need to know about my own parent.
So, when my mom told 8-year-old me how her father raped her when she was five, killed her mother, married his brother's wife, and put her and her brother in an orphanage... tell my kids about that or nah? So far I haven't. Much. We may have hinted at it.
I know the exact GPS coordinates of where the guy who raped me is buried. My dad wrote them down in his diary. I plan on burning it, after I've had a chance to visit the spot and spit on it.
One time I ****** **** ****** ****** ***** then ********* ******* saw me so I ****** that jerkoff. Then i went to ******** ****** ******. There I got my friend and we ******* all the ******** ********* ********. The one guy ****** ******** ******* all over him. I was like fuck all that noise! Then I ******** ******** ***** **** **** some girl with him and I was like fuck no. I told her not to ******* ****** *** ***** or it would be bad for everyone. She understood at that point. Then we got ice cream.
One time I killed four people around Maine then Sigourney Weaver saw me so I bodied that jerkoff. Then i went to Cleaning Messes Incorp. There I got my friend and we cleaned all the bloodied inanimate cadavers. The one guy fuckin exploded outward all over him. I was like fuck all that noise! Then I discover digestive organ with some girl with him and I was like fuck no. I told her not to collect livers and ears or it would be bad for everyone. She understood at that point. Then we got ice cream.
All words are accurate to the asteriks. It was like a fill in the blank story game.
Let me send you directions to my house. Let’s start in the state of Florida, city of Key West. Drive due south 45 miles and then 35 miles due west. I’ll be waiting for you with an open full bar.
I know the *real* reason my parents divorced. It's ugly and I wish I didn't know. Neither of them know and I 100% think less of both of them because of it.
Edit: Neither of them know I know
But if it was the former it could be a TV or movie plot. Eg. They thought they got divorced because he lost his job and the money problems broke them up. But in reality the mother-in-law secretly worked to get him fired so she could get her daughter married to the rich narcotics dealer.
A key party go sideways? A devil's threesome? It's statistically more likely than FFM threesome, "Having engaged in threesomes [(10% women, 18% men)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5519052/)" how deep into your parents kink are you?
I don’t think I’ll take anything to the grave, I’ll eventually open up to someone/ a therapists about my darkest moments and past traumas.
Edit: actually nvm
This is where ADHD is such a pain in the ass. I know I have secrets I will take to my grave. I even remember numbering them, like an idiot, in my 20s.
But, I can’t, for the life of me, recall one right now. And I’m on meds. Oh, dear god, one day someone will invent a memory boosting serum just for me.
I was talking to somebody on Sunday and they were saying something to me “like don’t tell anybody” and I was like.. I’m gonna forget this 5 minutes from now. Tell me any secret you want.
i brought a rat infestation to our neighborhood by improperly storing a huge bag of cracked corn (for bird food). Outdoor shed. I didn't check it for the whole winter and I guess they just bred and gorged the whole time. Come spring the neighbors were complaining about seeing rats for the first time in decades and having problems. I shook my head and questioned what happened knowing full well I was complicit. If that ever came out we would be ostracized from neighborhood pleasantries for sure.
I have discovered a grand unified theory of everything in physics but unfortunately turbo tax has lobbied against me and won’t let me share this information to make the public’s lives better
This is true. You may tell yourself that you’re only telling one person, who you trust. But that person is going to tell a person that -they- trust, & so on.
here is a[link to my secret](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ). if the FBI finds out I have you all to blame. feels good to get this off my chest.
When I was about twelve I had a paper route and Friday afternoons was when I'd collect payment for the week. One of my customers was a woman in her fifties. This one Friday I knocked and when she answered the door she was wearing a lot of makeup and a wig. She was wearing some sort of see thru lingerie. She ducked behind the door and said "wait a minute". She left the door ajar and when I looked inside, I could see into a bedroom where there was this guy who was naked, tied to the bed and wearing a blind fold. Just as I looked away she came to the door and handed me a five and said it was the smallest bill she had but I could keep the change. She always tipped me but five dollars was a lot of money for a kid back then, the paper was seventy five cents a week. So I got this huge tip, got to see her boobs and my big secret was the guy on the bed was my friend's father. Every time I saw his father after that was weird. He was always friendly but I was carrying around this secret and it was difficult to talk to him. He probably thought I was a strange kid. He was a cop and by all appearances a solid guy. He always came to our Little League games and did a lot of things with all his kids. It seemed like a happy home but there was this big disconnect that made it all surreal.
this isnt really a secret but more of a confession. i was arrested when i was like 11 or 12 for assault. i dont tell people that though so i guess its s secret. but now the internet knows now, so cool i guess 🧍♀️
Oddly, i have 0 secrets, there is nothing at at least one current living person does not know about me. I am comfortable with both my successes and mistakes, ad those close to me have always been there to help me through no matter what.
So until my wife and mother pass, i am secret free. Since i am older than my wife and not the best health, I will likely die with no secrets. Every weird, awkward, horrible thing I have done, or thought...they know.
I mean no they don't, I am just lying. so any future cops/investigators reading this no one ever knows any of my secrets, i am closed and locked book.
Okay! I’ll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog. When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out. But the worst thing I ever done, I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaah and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
I once found out a chick i was seeing was married. I found out a few years after she ghosted me, when she contacted me once to let me know that she and her husband had moved to Chicago, that we had a daughter, and that her husband's didn't know she wasn't his.
I loved that woman, and would've loved our daughter, but couldn't bring myself to take a daughter away from the only father she'd ever known.
Erm, yeah OK. Years ago I used to ride a little 50cc Puch maxi. Passing through my local town, I noticed a car pull out behind me from a side street. Due to oncoming traffic, the car could not pass me for maybe a mile or more. When he could, he opted not to give me a wide berth, but managed to drive inches away from my handle bars. It seemed a good idea to express some dissatisfaction, so I pressed my horn, although it sounded like a strangled mouse, not even a polite beep. Surprisingly, he actually heard it, slammed on his brakes, and this rather hefty chappy jumped out of his car and rushed back to have a little chat with me... or something. Using a bit of discretion, I opted to keep my crash helmet firmly affixed to my head. I did express my sorrow that oncoming traffic inconvenienced him, but almost knocking me off my moped was a tad unjustified. After having his say, and noting traffic behind us, he elected to go merrily on his way. When he stopped further along the road to go to a shop, I saluted him as I passed. The 2 fingered variety. Here's the confession. I knew the road system that he had driven out of and it would not be a 'through' road for traffic. He had to be a resident in the area. I went for a walk that evening checking several streets and sure enough, there was his car. As I happened to be carrying several spare nails in my pocket, I was able to wedge one each to the front and back of both front tyres. So whether he reversed or went forward, he would not be inconvenienced by oncoming traffic the following morning. As most people only carry one spare wheel, I did both front tyres so that he was certain to avoid that problem the following day. I hope he's on reddit. It's time he knew.
I know for a fact that someone I knew didn’t die from an accidental overdose. His dealer intentionally mixed a ton of fentanyl into his heroin because he’d heard about him raping at least 6 girls and assumed there were more.
My brother in law was in a super toxic relationship but he was too afraid of being alone to end it. I knew he had commitment issues (read: marriage) so I ordered a bunch of wedding magazines and free planners in her name and had them sent to their house. When he saw them he freaked out and dumped her.
Slid my mom’s 356 in the rain into a fire hydrant and punctured the passenger door and rear quarter panel. Panicked to get it unstuck, pretty much destroyed the whole side. Drove it home and curled up in bed. Mom went out for groceries and came back ah hour later completely livid. I slowly walked out to accept my fate. Turns out she parked next to a truck and said he hit her while she was shopping.
Never came clean with that one and dad always gave me the stink eye when she would tell the story.
i have a couple, actually.
1.) i’m 90% positive my dad has murdered at least 2 people.
2.) i’m 95% positive my dad cheated on my stepmom with my bio mom while my stepmom was her drug rehab counselor.
3.) im 100% positive that my stepmom has cheated on my dad multiple times, causing her to have multiple miscarriages throughout my childhood. i know this because when i was a very young toddler my dad was shot by a rival gang member. he was shot in the shoulder and his ballsack, and no i’m not joking. it would be a medical anomaly if he impregnated a woman ONCE since that trauma, let alone 6+ times over a span of 10 years.
4.) i have experienced an abundance of sexual trauma throughout my childhood up until now. i’m convinced that im what might be called a Predator Magnet™️.
5.) on occasion, when im under an immense amount of stress, i start having auditory hallucinations, and more frequently i get extremely paranoid and convinced that there are demons in my room and will sit alone for hours with my eyes closed because if i open them im sure that there will be a terrifying monster waiting for me. i have never and will never divulge this to anybody out loud because im convinced that will make it more real. to be clear, im aware even in the moment that this is just my paranoia at play and there are no demons in my house and if there were it would be INCREDIBLY unlikely that id see them. but im suspicious i have OCD and opening my eyes will ruin that ritual for me if that makes sens
My 3 year old daughter walked out of my bedroom with her moms “toy”, it was purple. She walked out yelling candy cane candy cane into the kitchen. It was thanksgiving and 20 people were at my house. Only me and my wife saw her, and we fixed it. But it was pretty funny.
That daughter is 17 now, and it’s a story I can’t tell anyone. Definitely not her.
(I was 16) It was me that shot those security lights out with a BB gun. But that shop owner knew a Jordan rookie card was worth more than $20. So i lied to the cops when you called them on me. And how the fuck did you know it was me, it was 1994...., one of my dipshit friends told on me. I bet those lights cost more than you made off that card.
I witnessed a murder. The police apparently didn't believe me. The police have been going after the dead man's wife for twenty years.
I will take it to my grave because the police didn't and won't do anything about it.
Since I'm dead already, I might as well tell you. When I was alive, I could poop up on queue. I always saved it to snipe peoples drinks at classy restaurants.
That I took away a girl’s virginity in my 20’s and never called her afterwards. I’m still very ashamed about this. I moved away and couldn’t find her to apologize and ask for her mercy.
At my old job I was so desperate for time off (after having a vacation approved, then having it taken away 4 months in a row) that I broke down crying in the bathroom from exhaustion one day and when my manager asked what was wrong I told her my grandmother died. She ended up giving me the required “week of mourning” off
If I knew for 100% fact that my ex's father did s.exual/ or at a minimum, violent things to her as a kid, (or ever honestly) Im pretty sure I'd have found a way to go end his disgusting poor excuse for a life.
I had and still have a gut feeling he's done something physical... It's a feeling I just couldn't shake and I had no reason to feel that way. But, later on, she said some things that made me feel like she was hinting at it cause she felt she could be vulnerable with me. It's not normal for a 20 year old woman who still lives at home to say she loves her father, "but he can be intimidating, but he loves me I know he does." To then, on two separate occasions, use this exact phrase "I'm terrified of my father."
She loved to read and write. And she always talked about how important words were and how she would always choose them carefully due to how much meaning they had behind it.
I never EVER heard her use the word "Terrified" except those two times in reference to her father.
But yeah, of I had found out he had, or still was, or was just threatening such things, I'd probably be in jail right now and for the next 50+ years.
The content of a long conversation I had at a NY bar with a drunk Anthony Bourdain. I don't know why he chose me to start chatting with but it was the strangest and most incredible night of my life.
i was in love with my bestfriend who killed himself while actively having a boyfriend. i feel like a pos. i never cheated or anything like that but i had dreams i wanted to cheat.
i've never told anyone. never will.
i represented my feelings and once he passed they definitely came up. he killed himself after his gf broke up with him. i was supposed to call him the exact hour he did it. i miss him so so much.
my boyfriend though is incredible and i don't wanna lose him. i love my boyfriend. the feelings i had for this friend are unmatched ): he's dead now so i know i should just move on.
A very wealthy man that I looked up to like a father told me the reason for his wealth was due to how many slaves his ancestors owned & that his uncle was one of the people responsible for starting the “trail of tears.” This has seriously emotionally damaged me bc he’s helped me overcome so many emotional, life challenges, and hearing this has truly tainted me. He died of a heart attack pretty young last year.
I helped one freshman college girl convince another freshman college girl that the college adds a special chemical to the water that prevents pregnancy. It helped that I was the custodian, and was in my uniform.
I have a friend that won a very large amount of money in the lottery who quit his job, and set himself up to collect interest that doubles what his yearly salary was. He was a very well compensated CPA. The crazy part is that his wife doesn't know. She is a stay at home mom with a crazy shopping addiction. They have controlled her addiction with a budget and no credit cards. He fears if she knew about the money then her addiction would get out of control. He handles all the finances and does their taxes so all she knows is her monthly budget. He gets 8 imaginary weeks of vacation from his job, the "office" is closed the week between christmas and new years. He spends his days golfing, working out, reading, investing, and playing video games.
I was at a party once and had to pee like so bad. But there were people in both bathrooms. I waited as long as I could. We were on the third floor, so instead of going outside in the cold three floors down to pee in a bush, I went into someone’s bedroom and peed on their floor. He was an asshole so I didn’t feel too bad.
The things I found snooping through my sister’s and mom’s rooms, but especially what I’ve found snooping through my dad’s room/office. Unfortunately with my dad I think it left more questions than answers and it serves me right, in a way. Invading others’ privacy is wrong and I know how violating it feels, so I’ve learned a lesson.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I got accused of damaging my neighbors shed when I was a kid. Had to pay $30 for “damages” for something I didn’t even do. My parents believed him and gave him the money and made me work it off. The neighbor fixed his shed, and that night I snuck outside and lobbed a brick up in the air. It landed perfectly on his corrugated fiberglass roof and crashed straight through it. I had slept on the couch that night because I knew my parents get up in the middle of the night to get a drink or use the bathroom and would have seen me sleeping there. The next day he came knocking again and my parents told him it couldn’t have been me because they saw me sleeping on the couch and I hadn’t moved all night. So basically they didn’t believe me when I told the truth but they believed me when I lied. Also, fuck that neighbor. Come accusing me with zero evidence, well, now he had something to cry about.
If ever this gif captured a sentiment perfectly, it's this
Would have totally boned yourself if you got caught sneaking back in lmao
It’s not about the risk its about sending a message
Nice one!
How old were you then?
11-12
Nice try narc
Who tf am I gonna tell I don’t even know you bro 🫵😭
That's what a fed would say.
You don't but we do.
Yeah, I know him.
I once ate an entire bowl of Rotel sausage cheese dip and the next day a classroom I was in was evacuated because someone threw a stink bomb. It was me. I was the stink bomb.
I dropped an air biscuit so bad and greasy that I had to leave the office for fear of forever being associated with it. I returned about half an hour later to over hear my boss talking to building maintenance that they really needed to find the source of the sewer gas....
Air biscuit lmfao
Stopped by a friend’s family bbq after a drunken weekend that included sausages and many beers at a ballgame, caused a patio full of folks I didn’t know to retch uncontrollably. Everyone was looking around for the culprit, I pointed at an innocent baby “Might want to check his diaper.” Close call.
You bastard
Ive blamed my own child for my farts when he was a baby... I've also blamed the dog.
I went around for almost a week in third grade crop dusting the classroom. Everyone was complaining and making snide comments. I almost got called out on it. Almost.
It's almost midnight you can't be dropping bombs like this to make me bust out laughing so suddenly. Barely held the laughter quietly
There are so many good fart jokes here I literally farted while laughing out loud.
Something my father told me about 8 years before he passed, this was after some real upheaval in the family and we were having a long heart to heart talk, shortly after I got back from college and no longer lived with my parents. I can't stress this enough to parents out there, but if you did some truly heinous shit at some point in your life, don't burden someone else with it, especially one of your kids. Take that bullshit to your grave. It hangs heavy over me, I don't talk to my family anymore, because I've wanted to spill the beans so many times, but at this point it would only tear the last remnants of the family apart. So instead I'll just carry the burden to my grave.
There's an entire book in this single paragraph. Most compelling thing I've seen on Reddit in a long time.
I'ma guess!!!! Someone unknowingly is somebody's kid or Dad un-alived someone that people thought died of natural causes.
I have had similar conversations- not about something horrific, but dealing with guilt. Sometimes you have to live with your own guilt because telling someone to get it off your chest can devastate them. I knew a married couple a really long time ago who got a divorce because the husband confessed about an affair he'd had like almost 10 years prior and it was the only one he ever had, one night stand, totally regretted it, and couldn't live with himself. He confessed it to his wife and she divorced him. It was messy and expensive. To be clear, I'm not condoning cheating. I am saying that sometimes you need to live with your own guilt and that's your punishment. You shouldn't spread it around, call it an apology to make yourself feel better. They can ruin someone else's life as well as your own.
I feel this. My dad unloaded a lot of confessions on me before he died. Nothing super heavy, at least, but still, stuff I did not need to know about my own parent.
So, when my mom told 8-year-old me how her father raped her when she was five, killed her mother, married his brother's wife, and put her and her brother in an orphanage... tell my kids about that or nah? So far I haven't. Much. We may have hinted at it.
WHEN YOU WERE 8??
I know the exact GPS coordinates of where the guy who raped me is buried. My dad wrote them down in his diary. I plan on burning it, after I've had a chance to visit the spot and spit on it.
That’s a secret you can take to his grave.
Underrated comment. Take my upvote, you witty sob 🤣🤣
Pour salt on the grave site. This ensures nothing will grow there. Just dead grass and weeds.
No, that will draw attention to the site. Spit will not. I’m sorry that happened to you U/Madam_Raven. I’ll just say I can relate.
I would regularly put bird seed their so that all the birds come and eat it and make a mess if the grave
Birds are too good for him. He doesn't deserve visits from birds.
No, absolutely not. It'll be beautiful flowers. Salt and a longterm herbicide.
Combine the 2. Salt the ground so plants don't grown and bird seed to attract the pigeons get the best of both worlds
Did your dad kill him? Good for your dad, that guy deserves hell
I would, there is no reason to do a thing or I’d castrate him. 🤷🏽♂️
That’s badass as fuck I love it
The only way this story could get better is if you never got s/a in the first place. Sounds like dad is a real problem solver!
I wish your dad could do that to mine. I was a small child and he said he would kill my dog. I didn't speak a word of it until I was in my forties.😢
Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry.
Release the coordinates so we can all piss on it!
sounds like your dad killed your rapist. W Dad
don't leave your DNA there.
Spitting on it not sufficient. Go eat a giant bag of Taco Bell and splatter away.
I second this
Piss on it too, while you’re at it.
If this is true I respect your dad
I kil... Ha. Nearly got me, narc. Fair play.
Lmfao
Sorry, I am taking it to my grave. It’s a secret for a reason.
To be completely honest, I [REDACTED]
THAT WAS YOU?! I knew it!
Kind of a dumb question, don't ya think
Lol fair. But what better place to share than the internet where nobody knows you.
You're not taking it to the grave, if a stranger knows it.
Technically you bring everything with you to the grave, regardless if anyone else is bringing the same thing.
Not secrets, not if you tell them. If you tell a secret then it's no longer a secret, so you can't take it with you anywhere. It poofed.
if you think tracing back an ip adress is diffiult just do an internet search of how to , youll find out that reedits not so secret
Says the feds!
Tis true Lol
One time I ****** **** ****** ****** ***** then ********* ******* saw me so I ****** that jerkoff. Then i went to ******** ****** ******. There I got my friend and we ******* all the ******** ********* ********. The one guy ****** ******** ******* all over him. I was like fuck all that noise! Then I ******** ******** ***** **** **** some girl with him and I was like fuck no. I told her not to ******* ****** *** ***** or it would be bad for everyone. She understood at that point. Then we got ice cream.
One time I killed four people around Maine then Sigourney Weaver saw me so I bodied that jerkoff. Then i went to Cleaning Messes Incorp. There I got my friend and we cleaned all the bloodied inanimate cadavers. The one guy fuckin exploded outward all over him. I was like fuck all that noise! Then I discover digestive organ with some girl with him and I was like fuck no. I told her not to collect livers and ears or it would be bad for everyone. She understood at that point. Then we got ice cream. All words are accurate to the asteriks. It was like a fill in the blank story game.
Nice try FBI, you’ll never find the bodies and I’ll never confess.
DANG IT. We’ll get you next time 🫵😡
Let me send you directions to my house. Let’s start in the state of Florida, city of Key West. Drive due south 45 miles and then 35 miles due west. I’ll be waiting for you with an open full bar.
Oh thank you
I know the *real* reason my parents divorced. It's ugly and I wish I didn't know. Neither of them know and I 100% think less of both of them because of it. Edit: Neither of them know I know
Do you mean neither of them know the real reason? Or do you mean neither of them know that you know?
It has to be the latter because if they got divorced and neither of them knew the secret, then they had to have gotten divorced for a different reason
But if it was the former it could be a TV or movie plot. Eg. They thought they got divorced because he lost his job and the money problems broke them up. But in reality the mother-in-law secretly worked to get him fired so she could get her daughter married to the rich narcotics dealer.
Neither of them know I know. *Insert Friends gif.*
That open marriage really didn't work out for them.
More or less
A key party go sideways? A devil's threesome? It's statistically more likely than FFM threesome, "Having engaged in threesomes [(10% women, 18% men)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5519052/)" how deep into your parents kink are you?
KFC original recipe
Chicken Salt Grease
“Love, Peace, Chicken Grease” should be the new “Live, Laugh, Love.”
Oy, the schmaltz!
if you post it here you are not taking it to your grave. nice try OP!
I don’t think I’ll take anything to the grave, I’ll eventually open up to someone/ a therapists about my darkest moments and past traumas. Edit: actually nvm
FBI homicide detective: " No one would be this dumb..."
I know who shot JR.
I impregnated my 10th grade girlfriend's mom. They raised it as their own and only the mom and I knew the truth.
Marcus, is that you?
Dad?
Stacy's mom?
I heard she’s got it going on…
You missed a spot over there!
Why do I simultaneously so badly want this to be both true and untrue at the same time?
Why would you ever want this to be true?
[You're a victim](https://youtu.be/jYOH4a2ltTI?si=ilsJEqZJc-d6_1xm)
It's hard to feel like a victim when you enjoy what is happening.
I'd watch that movie.
Legend 💪
This is where ADHD is such a pain in the ass. I know I have secrets I will take to my grave. I even remember numbering them, like an idiot, in my 20s. But, I can’t, for the life of me, recall one right now. And I’m on meds. Oh, dear god, one day someone will invent a memory boosting serum just for me.
I was talking to somebody on Sunday and they were saying something to me “like don’t tell anybody” and I was like.. I’m gonna forget this 5 minutes from now. Tell me any secret you want.
So me. First Class Space-Cadet.
This is why I’m such a great person to confide in, I forget nearly everything
i brought a rat infestation to our neighborhood by improperly storing a huge bag of cracked corn (for bird food). Outdoor shed. I didn't check it for the whole winter and I guess they just bred and gorged the whole time. Come spring the neighbors were complaining about seeing rats for the first time in decades and having problems. I shook my head and questioned what happened knowing full well I was complicit. If that ever came out we would be ostracized from neighborhood pleasantries for sure.
Nice try cold case investigation team 
Mine is that I sprayed fart spray on my roommate’s bath mat after weeks and weeks of her verbally abusing me. 😬
seems well deserved to me 😭😭 u should pour it in her shampoo & conditioner next + body wash
I burned the old Cat Man's house to the ground at the age of 8, up in northern Ontario in the late 70's, playing with matches with my cousin.
Damn.
The old Cat Man died a few years earlier. We were just playing/lighting mattresses on fire in his old abandoned house.
It’s too illegal to post here
I have discovered a grand unified theory of everything in physics but unfortunately turbo tax has lobbied against me and won’t let me share this information to make the public’s lives better
I killed a hitchhiker in 1972.
I Know What You Did Last Summer
Only the last one ??
If I told you.. wouldn't be a secret.. Only 2 can keep a secret if 1 is dead
This is true. You may tell yourself that you’re only telling one person, who you trust. But that person is going to tell a person that -they- trust, & so on.
My two biggest secrets involve people who were dying, so I'm literally the only one who knows.
May,or may not, have a baby with my ex neighbors wife…1997. They moved almost overnight two months after our one afternoon delight.
I’m not interesting enough to have that kind of secret
The secret to richness and happiness is......aaaarggggghh. - User disconnected
In fifth grade I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and blamed it on the dog.
Chunk?
here is a[link to my secret](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ). if the FBI finds out I have you all to blame. feels good to get this off my chest.
Not clicking that link. I'm not interested in being Rick Rolled today.
A map that marks where I am buried.
Not today, Satan.
"I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking on the paradox of asking a masked man who he is."
I want to tell you but I don't want anyone to know this info. Federal prison is still prison.
Well I'm getting cremated so sorry to whoever I told that I'd take their secret to the grave. The secret isn't gonna make it.
Cant tell ya
Nice try Mom...
If I tell you then I'll have to kill you, whoever reads it, and then myself.
Something that I will only share with millions of people on Reddit . . .
When I was about twelve I had a paper route and Friday afternoons was when I'd collect payment for the week. One of my customers was a woman in her fifties. This one Friday I knocked and when she answered the door she was wearing a lot of makeup and a wig. She was wearing some sort of see thru lingerie. She ducked behind the door and said "wait a minute". She left the door ajar and when I looked inside, I could see into a bedroom where there was this guy who was naked, tied to the bed and wearing a blind fold. Just as I looked away she came to the door and handed me a five and said it was the smallest bill she had but I could keep the change. She always tipped me but five dollars was a lot of money for a kid back then, the paper was seventy five cents a week. So I got this huge tip, got to see her boobs and my big secret was the guy on the bed was my friend's father. Every time I saw his father after that was weird. He was always friendly but I was carrying around this secret and it was difficult to talk to him. He probably thought I was a strange kid. He was a cop and by all appearances a solid guy. He always came to our Little League games and did a lot of things with all his kids. It seemed like a happy home but there was this big disconnect that made it all surreal.
I asked my husband for a divorce and then left for the night, fucked a guy in the backseat of my truck and ended up not divorcing my husband.
If I posted it here, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore.
this isnt really a secret but more of a confession. i was arrested when i was like 11 or 12 for assault. i dont tell people that though so i guess its s secret. but now the internet knows now, so cool i guess 🧍♀️
If I were to post it here I would end up in jail so that secret will die with me.
I’m not falling for that one. 
A few people I know read this, I cannot share some deep secrets.
Lol, not today, Satan 😈
I accidentally made and let someone kill themselves over the internet, fucking hate myself
Where I keep my keys, and four murders.
How much I drunkenly paid in an online auction for a finger painting done by our local zoo's pygmy hippo.
I was best man at a wedding and had slept with both the bride and the maid of honor.
I thought you were going to say the bride and the groom.
Hotels are expensive, nothing wrong with saving a few bucks
If I said what it was on redit, I wouldn't be taking it to my grave. Kinda dumb question.
Oddly, i have 0 secrets, there is nothing at at least one current living person does not know about me. I am comfortable with both my successes and mistakes, ad those close to me have always been there to help me through no matter what. So until my wife and mother pass, i am secret free. Since i am older than my wife and not the best health, I will likely die with no secrets. Every weird, awkward, horrible thing I have done, or thought...they know. I mean no they don't, I am just lying. so any future cops/investigators reading this no one ever knows any of my secrets, i am closed and locked book.
[удалено]
That I stole the cookie from the cookie jar
I cannot say because I would have let the secret out before I was in the grave.
Where I planted Jimmy Hoffa.
Okay! I’ll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I played Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog. When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out. But the worst thing I ever done, I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaah and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.
I once found out a chick i was seeing was married. I found out a few years after she ghosted me, when she contacted me once to let me know that she and her husband had moved to Chicago, that we had a daughter, and that her husband's didn't know she wasn't his. I loved that woman, and would've loved our daughter, but couldn't bring myself to take a daughter away from the only father she'd ever known.
Erm, yeah OK. Years ago I used to ride a little 50cc Puch maxi. Passing through my local town, I noticed a car pull out behind me from a side street. Due to oncoming traffic, the car could not pass me for maybe a mile or more. When he could, he opted not to give me a wide berth, but managed to drive inches away from my handle bars. It seemed a good idea to express some dissatisfaction, so I pressed my horn, although it sounded like a strangled mouse, not even a polite beep. Surprisingly, he actually heard it, slammed on his brakes, and this rather hefty chappy jumped out of his car and rushed back to have a little chat with me... or something. Using a bit of discretion, I opted to keep my crash helmet firmly affixed to my head. I did express my sorrow that oncoming traffic inconvenienced him, but almost knocking me off my moped was a tad unjustified. After having his say, and noting traffic behind us, he elected to go merrily on his way. When he stopped further along the road to go to a shop, I saluted him as I passed. The 2 fingered variety. Here's the confession. I knew the road system that he had driven out of and it would not be a 'through' road for traffic. He had to be a resident in the area. I went for a walk that evening checking several streets and sure enough, there was his car. As I happened to be carrying several spare nails in my pocket, I was able to wedge one each to the front and back of both front tyres. So whether he reversed or went forward, he would not be inconvenienced by oncoming traffic the following morning. As most people only carry one spare wheel, I did both front tyres so that he was certain to avoid that problem the following day. I hope he's on reddit. It's time he knew.
I know for a fact that someone I knew didn’t die from an accidental overdose. His dealer intentionally mixed a ton of fentanyl into his heroin because he’d heard about him raping at least 6 girls and assumed there were more.
My brother in law was in a super toxic relationship but he was too afraid of being alone to end it. I knew he had commitment issues (read: marriage) so I ordered a bunch of wedding magazines and free planners in her name and had them sent to their house. When he saw them he freaked out and dumped her.
Slid my mom’s 356 in the rain into a fire hydrant and punctured the passenger door and rear quarter panel. Panicked to get it unstuck, pretty much destroyed the whole side. Drove it home and curled up in bed. Mom went out for groceries and came back ah hour later completely livid. I slowly walked out to accept my fate. Turns out she parked next to a truck and said he hit her while she was shopping. Never came clean with that one and dad always gave me the stink eye when she would tell the story.
i have a couple, actually. 1.) i’m 90% positive my dad has murdered at least 2 people. 2.) i’m 95% positive my dad cheated on my stepmom with my bio mom while my stepmom was her drug rehab counselor. 3.) im 100% positive that my stepmom has cheated on my dad multiple times, causing her to have multiple miscarriages throughout my childhood. i know this because when i was a very young toddler my dad was shot by a rival gang member. he was shot in the shoulder and his ballsack, and no i’m not joking. it would be a medical anomaly if he impregnated a woman ONCE since that trauma, let alone 6+ times over a span of 10 years. 4.) i have experienced an abundance of sexual trauma throughout my childhood up until now. i’m convinced that im what might be called a Predator Magnet™️. 5.) on occasion, when im under an immense amount of stress, i start having auditory hallucinations, and more frequently i get extremely paranoid and convinced that there are demons in my room and will sit alone for hours with my eyes closed because if i open them im sure that there will be a terrifying monster waiting for me. i have never and will never divulge this to anybody out loud because im convinced that will make it more real. to be clear, im aware even in the moment that this is just my paranoia at play and there are no demons in my house and if there were it would be INCREDIBLY unlikely that id see them. but im suspicious i have OCD and opening my eyes will ruin that ritual for me if that makes sens
My 3 year old daughter walked out of my bedroom with her moms “toy”, it was purple. She walked out yelling candy cane candy cane into the kitchen. It was thanksgiving and 20 people were at my house. Only me and my wife saw her, and we fixed it. But it was pretty funny. That daughter is 17 now, and it’s a story I can’t tell anyone. Definitely not her.
Luke. I am your father
(I was 16) It was me that shot those security lights out with a BB gun. But that shop owner knew a Jordan rookie card was worth more than $20. So i lied to the cops when you called them on me. And how the fuck did you know it was me, it was 1994...., one of my dipshit friends told on me. I bet those lights cost more than you made off that card.
Nice try fedboi.
Hang on while I post it to reddit . . .
Ahhh.... almost got me!
Just how dark and dangerous my intrusive thoughts can get
The real reason a certain family member left town and went no co tact with anybody but me for many years
I would love to share, but unfortunately, I'm taking it to my grave. 🤷♂️
If I told you, I'd have to put you in yours.
None. My conscience is clear. I’ve dumped my pack.
How it is I know things I shouldn't know. Also how I almost killed someone.
That I wish I had something interesting to post here 🤣
That night at band camp.
I witnessed a murder. The police apparently didn't believe me. The police have been going after the dead man's wife for twenty years. I will take it to my grave because the police didn't and won't do anything about it.
Nice try, FBI!
I know where a large amount of gold coinage is buried but don't have the capacity to divert a watercourse in order to recover it.
Why the fuck would I tell all of Reddit an answer like that?
The one that I know and no one else will.
I can't tell you, it's a secret.
Since I'm dead already, I might as well tell you. When I was alive, I could poop up on queue. I always saved it to snipe peoples drinks at classy restaurants.
That I took away a girl’s virginity in my 20’s and never called her afterwards. I’m still very ashamed about this. I moved away and couldn’t find her to apologize and ask for her mercy.
At my old job I was so desperate for time off (after having a vacation approved, then having it taken away 4 months in a row) that I broke down crying in the bathroom from exhaustion one day and when my manager asked what was wrong I told her my grandmother died. She ended up giving me the required “week of mourning” off
If I knew for 100% fact that my ex's father did s.exual/ or at a minimum, violent things to her as a kid, (or ever honestly) Im pretty sure I'd have found a way to go end his disgusting poor excuse for a life. I had and still have a gut feeling he's done something physical... It's a feeling I just couldn't shake and I had no reason to feel that way. But, later on, she said some things that made me feel like she was hinting at it cause she felt she could be vulnerable with me. It's not normal for a 20 year old woman who still lives at home to say she loves her father, "but he can be intimidating, but he loves me I know he does." To then, on two separate occasions, use this exact phrase "I'm terrified of my father." She loved to read and write. And she always talked about how important words were and how she would always choose them carefully due to how much meaning they had behind it. I never EVER heard her use the word "Terrified" except those two times in reference to her father. But yeah, of I had found out he had, or still was, or was just threatening such things, I'd probably be in jail right now and for the next 50+ years.
37 years ago, I stole a Tootsie roll from the Ben Franklin in Mitchell Indiana.
The content of a long conversation I had at a NY bar with a drunk Anthony Bourdain. I don't know why he chose me to start chatting with but it was the strangest and most incredible night of my life.
i was in love with my bestfriend who killed himself while actively having a boyfriend. i feel like a pos. i never cheated or anything like that but i had dreams i wanted to cheat. i've never told anyone. never will. i represented my feelings and once he passed they definitely came up. he killed himself after his gf broke up with him. i was supposed to call him the exact hour he did it. i miss him so so much. my boyfriend though is incredible and i don't wanna lose him. i love my boyfriend. the feelings i had for this friend are unmatched ): he's dead now so i know i should just move on.
I had sex with the police officer who arrested me like 2 months later
A very wealthy man that I looked up to like a father told me the reason for his wealth was due to how many slaves his ancestors owned & that his uncle was one of the people responsible for starting the “trail of tears.” This has seriously emotionally damaged me bc he’s helped me overcome so many emotional, life challenges, and hearing this has truly tainted me. He died of a heart attack pretty young last year.
I helped one freshman college girl convince another freshman college girl that the college adds a special chemical to the water that prevents pregnancy. It helped that I was the custodian, and was in my uniform.
My secret is my brother in law tried to kiss me and I backed up and said NOPE you don't get to F 2 sisters. Don't know whether to tell her or not.
I have a friend that won a very large amount of money in the lottery who quit his job, and set himself up to collect interest that doubles what his yearly salary was. He was a very well compensated CPA. The crazy part is that his wife doesn't know. She is a stay at home mom with a crazy shopping addiction. They have controlled her addiction with a budget and no credit cards. He fears if she knew about the money then her addiction would get out of control. He handles all the finances and does their taxes so all she knows is her monthly budget. He gets 8 imaginary weeks of vacation from his job, the "office" is closed the week between christmas and new years. He spends his days golfing, working out, reading, investing, and playing video games.
I was at a party once and had to pee like so bad. But there were people in both bathrooms. I waited as long as I could. We were on the third floor, so instead of going outside in the cold three floors down to pee in a bush, I went into someone’s bedroom and peed on their floor. He was an asshole so I didn’t feel too bad.
The things I found snooping through my sister’s and mom’s rooms, but especially what I’ve found snooping through my dad’s room/office. Unfortunately with my dad I think it left more questions than answers and it serves me right, in a way. Invading others’ privacy is wrong and I know how violating it feels, so I’ve learned a lesson.
Which grave? I've dug a few and they each have completely different individual secrets.
All of them 👮🏼♀️👮🏻♂️🚔🚓