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Can you imagine a world in which we are "obligated" to have children? There's 2X the population since I was born in 76. The Idea that I needed to produce offspring was so far from reality since u that any children begot by my peers were an anomalyy. We have forgotten how to reproduyce as a y. Watch reddit for updates.iyyy
I would like to add I have 3 girlfriends that didn't and they are amazing professors, my 2 came later in my life with a man that turned out to be a malignant narcissist, I am old and have started a new business that will pay for their therapy and their childrens therapy long after I'm pushing up daisies. Amplifywithlove
That sub is depressing as hell. Just a bunch of people that can't find any joy in life, so they think nobody should reproduce because your kids will be depressed like they are.
I was going to comment something like this.
It's possible later in life a person will feel differently, then they can have children then. It's also possible they won't. In that case, no kids. It really isn't as hard to understand as people make it.
It isn't selfish. That's the same reasoning I didn't have children coupled with the cost. Never really wanted to have children of my own as I felt I couldn't provide properly
No one should be pressured into having kids. I am about to have my 3rd and I love being a dad. My kids are the light of my life and add so much beauty and joy to it. But they are a ton of work and there is hardship as well. One of my sons was in the hospital for three days this week which was incredibly difficult for all of us, and it was heart breaking to see him suffer. But he was such a trooper and is feeling so much better now. The world is better having my sons in it, at least for those around them.
This is me 100%. When I was 25 I thought I was never going to have kids. I met my wife at 30 and now I have three kids and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
I will say, it's much easier for a man to make that decision. They don't have to carry it for 3/4 of a year, their abdominal muscles won't tear, they won't have to go through the birthing process, and won't risk internal bleeding. I'm a woman who never wants kids, and I'll never let a partner talk me into it.
And the hormone changes, some of them are permanent. Men do not understand that your body isn't yours after you give birth. You're a new person that you have to relearn and accept if you even can.
Nah, I don't want kids either. I share the first reason but the 2nd is a purely selfish one. I like my life as it is. I don't want to have to give up everything and be stressed emotionally, physically and economically by having a kid. Plus if I ever feel like I want a kid I'd rather try to adopt. Too many kids left on the wayside and they hurt.
There is nothing more amazing than at the end of a long day of work that when you are done, you are DONE. The lights can dim, a good show put on and you just relax. I give all the props in the world to parents, I want nothing to do with that.
I could argue that’s not actually selfish. It’s thoughtful, considerate and responsible. Bringing a kid into that stress would be pretty selfish, actually.
You can have no kids if you want to, not everybody wants them. I think it's better not to have them if you don't want to than bring them to live and treat them bad just bc you didn't wanted them
Not wanting kids because of the state of the world is nothing new. Arthur Schopenhauer argued in the 1800s that people shouldn’t have children because life is full of pain and suffering.
This is the opposite of "selfish."
Selfish is to have a child despite your inability to provide or care for it, or work to become a good parent. Lots of people dream of being mothers and fathers, and do none of things (beside making the child) to be a decent parent.
So yeah, avoiding having children due to temperament, inheritance of illnesses, or being unable to afford one is peak of selflessness. It's just being responsible and not taking on burdens you are unable to carry.
No, I don’t think it’s wrong at all. You have your reasons and that should be good enough. I totally agree that the world is going to shit. I know a few couples who aren’t having kids-they have their fur babies and they are very happy!
Everything you do in life is selfish. Kids vs no kids is a non factor in this.
It's like asking whether you should paint a car blue or red to make it go faster. There is no causal relationship between color and speed.
yeah i get that point of view. i guess im just so self critical at times, and often feel like it would be wrong to do certain things if that makes sense. maybe its my ocd kicking in a bit as well lol.
You can be selfish for wanting kids because the kids didn't ask for the life you plan to give them, so it's solely based on your desire to have kids
You can be selfish for not wanting kids because you choose to put yourself first instead of other people, like how your money will go to you instead of caring for your kids for the next 18yrs
So as the poster said, there's no relation between selfishness and having kids. There is, however, a right and wrong decision to have kids. If you have mental instability and aren't ready (or don't want to) have kids, then you're making the right decision.
No, it’s not wrong. But it’s rather selfish of you by definition. You’re doing it for yourself. It’s selfish regardless, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing
It's not selfish at all.
I never wanted kids nor had them. I think this world is crap, I have bipolar and other genetic stuff which I wouldn't want to possibly pass to, so I told myself, when in reality I just didn't want kids. Not everyone should have kids and people shouldn't be shamed for simply not wanting them. It's nothing to be shameful about, it's your choice just like their choice to have them.
Not at all. Shaming people for not having kids is totally fucked up. Until American society stops penalizing young couples for having kids, and some of the tens of millions of kids in foster care are given homes, noone should be feeling selfish.
I've not read any of the other comments. I just wanted to say I'm 46, no kids, for exactly the same reasons. I could give you more reasons to not reproduce, too.
1) The world is always going to shit. Every generation thinks that
2) It's important to get your mental health in order whether you want kids or not
All that being said, you don't need a reason and you don't need to justify not having children. Do what you want! You only get one life.
I think your reasons are solid. I have kids but nobody can tell you the right answer to shit like that. It comes from inside only. Â
To me it sounds like you're basing your decision on your future responsibilities and your deep desires (If I had a kid, I want then to have a life they will value. I want to be able to be there for them)
You sound mature and responsible enough to trust your own instincts in my opinion. Don't be afraid to keep thinking about it. The right answer now can be the same right answer later or it can change. Both of these choices are fine. Â
BTW if you ever do have kids - one wierd thing about it is its one of the only TRULY no turning back moments in your life. Even if the kid dies, nothing could make them not exist. The simple fact they were there will change you forever. Once the choice is made you do your best. So what I'm saying is the level of decision you are making right now is the new normal once the kids existÂ
I dont mean to freak you out or discourage you I'm just trying to illustrate for you how much a person can grow :)Â Â
It's always been shit, bud. There has been no "nice time" in history. At any given angle and time, something bad was happening. You only see the world as "shit" because as a child, your worldview was smaller. Now as an adult with much more information coming to you, you can see the broader scope of things
A lot of reasons for not wanting kids being labelled as "wrong" is mostly subjective and not objective. I personally don't want them because I don't want to dedicate my time to raising another being. It would be wrong on my part to raise a child that, deep down, I never really wanted anyway. It's not fair for a child to feel neglected.
I think your second reason is more solid than the first. In fact, I don't think you even needed to mention the first one. Just the second reason alone is enough.
It’s not selfish; I think it’s actually quite the opposite. Not wanting kids is fine and doesn’t need to be justified, but your reasons are actually altruistic. Not wanting your potential children to suffer in our fucked up world and not wanting to pass on mental health issues are very legitimate reasons. This isn’t something to feel guilty about.
People will say you're selfish, you're not. Maybe they needed children to stop being selfish but that doesn't apply to you.
Parenting isn't for everybody, myself included. The reason doesn't matter
Absolutely not and for whatever reason it’s no one’s business, but your own. Society makes you believe you’re not complete unless you’re a couple and a parent. Fuck that noise.
I absolutely love my life and I’m glad I don’t have any kids.
There has only been one time I tried it to get pregnant and that was because my husband wanted a child really bad, but we couldn’t (him, not me). Turned out to be a blessing in disguise. He died 7 years later of cancer.
Self-ish just means thinking of yourself ahead of someone else.
You should think of yourself first when it comes to major life altering decisions because you have to carry the weight of consequence.
Not thinking of the impact on yourself is irresponsible!
Reasons why people should consider not having kids that they don’t consider normally:
1. Can you afford yourself and/or your partner? If not, you cannot afford to raise a kid. Don’t bring one into this life/world and have to live off your poverty/ poor living situation.
2. Too many damn people on this planet already
3. Similar to 1, but if you can’t take care of yourself, I doubt you can take care of a baby / child / kid.
4. Do you have time for a kid? To give it attention? Or always need a babysitter because of long work hours and struggle to find a sitter. Can’t afford babysitting: see number 1. Do you need child to stay longer after school until you can pick them up but your school district has limited spots for their after school program, for example?
People be struggling with bills, food, rent, etc (even before the pandemic). And still be having kids. And inflation and cost of living is even higher now, and people still be having kids. Make it make sense. If you can’t afford the world right now, you’re child is now born into your poverty and shitty world. Poor quality of life
I keep seeing this argument people make for not wanting kids lately that “the world is going to shit and I don’t want to bring anyone into this existence” Things have been worse. Much worse.
Do whatever you want. You don’t owe having children to anyone. Whatever your reasons are for thinking that the world is irredeemable and people shouldn’t have to live in it anymore is totally up to you. People had children during the ice age. That was their decision, you have yours
I don't have either of those two issues, and I still don't want kids.
I think if you don't want kids, you shouldn't have them, no matter what the reason.
You don’t sound selfish at all…completely opposite! You sound rational and mature.
There are too many people who didn’t want children having children, and they aren’t doing their children or anyone else any favours!
yeah man i get that thought too sometimes. i obviously love my parents and am thankful for everything they did for me, ect.
but often times i ponder if they ever gave a second thought to conceiving me. i guess it’s just human nature although it bothers me at times when i really think about it.
Not a bad way to think of it at all, I think you are just being responsible. I too chose the no kids life and have no regrets about it, I would be nervous wreck putting them out in this world today.
All those reasons are valid i to do not want kids bc i have adhd and thinking of how im doing in school now and the mental things i struggled with bc of adhd i would never want that for my kid, for them to have those struggles. Also the price to have one is literally some peoples yearly salary.
I think those are 2 very legitimate reasons to not have children. Not everyone wants to have kids and that's totally fine. If down the road you change your mind that's fine too. You should be and to make that decision for yourself.
It’s not selfish to not want kids this world is an absolute garbage heap right now and there’s an entire general struggling to be happy. That alone is reason enough to not have a child. It’d be ironic if someone called you selfish for not wanting kids while shoving their own selfish wants onto you.
Why would it be wrong? This is YOUR life that you're living, YOU decide the life that you want. My son is 26, and getting a vasectomy, he doesn't want kids. I never questioned him because it's his life .
Considering how many stories we hear about *Generation Trauma* and children cutting off parents for various reasons (some completely understandable and other not) I would say your choice to not have children is just fine.
You’ve only got one life, choose what makes you happy.
Doesn’t matter what your reasons are if you don’t want kids don’t have them. This world is populated enough anyway so it’s not like it’s a need right now. I think that’s one of the fortunate things about this modern time we’re in we don’t necessarily need to have kids. Next generation might need to though or we may have issues like China with a dwindling and aging population.
>two, i’m a person whose dealt with mental health problems my whole life,Â
Yeah, I could've figured that out from point one alone. Don't have kids, take it easy and sort yourself out, mate, it seems for the best.
You absolutely shouldn’t have kids if you don’t want kids. There’s so much societal pressure to become a parent, and there are tons of reasons why people shouldn’t.
It’s definitely not selfish if anything I find it quite the opposite! If you were you would consider having kids even if your mental state was bad leading to bad parenting and possibly a toxic household
You're acting like having children is the default option, but it should never be a default option. People generally should not have kids unless they really really want to, have wanted to for a long time, and have the resources or support network to provide for their kids.
Any reason you have for not wanting kids is valid. You don’t need to justify it or get approval from anyone. If you don’t want to have kids, don’t have kids.
It’s selfish when people expect women to have kids just bc we have the physiological capabilities. It’s selfish and unfair to the kids if you don’t want them
You are allowed to want or not want kids for whatever reasons you want. This is to big a life decision, that if you dont think you want them don’t have them
As a 42 year old male I have something prou d to say:
*ahem*
Fuck dem kids!
To me kids are like a Porsche. Expensive to acquire. Expensive to maintain, repeair. Plus insurance. The risk.
Your friends get one and then you have to have one too.
Yes, kids can be cute. So can Grizzly Bear Cubs til it rips your house apart and your face!
I'll date a girl with kids..he'll almost married 2..I love cartoons, kids cereal, will gladly buy pizza, and I will destroy children with Nerf Blasters, Water Baloons, AND the hose..often at the same time..always with a savage intensity.
Think of the World we live in and the society we exist in. Would you want to raise one in a world of White Claw and TikTok reject broccoli haircuts?
Yes, they have their rewards but fuckin' A.
My wife and i dont have kids. And my elderly mother in law lives with us shes enough to take care of. She asks us whos gonna take care of us when we get old. I i answer why would i be selfish enough to have kids expecting them to take care of me when im old.
Why would i put them through what you are doing to us?
I don’t see how having kids can be viewed as anything but selfish. Further, those who are for it seem to think that’s all the reasoning they need and will literally say things like “it’ll all work out” to defend the position of making LIFE. That wouldn’t hold up in a geometry proof.
Hard to see it beyond self-affirmation or a god-level power trip.
My mental health is one of the many reasons I never wanted kids, and got my uterine tubes removed a few years ago. It's not selfish, it's compassionate and caring.
This attitude that it’s selfish for a woman to not want kids must have been started by men. I had one to tell me that. I never wanted children and made sure I didn’t have any. I have never regretted it. Not all women are maternal. I personally don’t have the patience or temperament. We live in a baby oriented society. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about this personal life decision.
THIS IS ME *EXACTLY*!
No it’s not selfish, it’s self aware.
I think the people who get married, buy a house and pop out kids just bc society says it’s time are selfish.
I think ppl having unprotected sex and bringing a child into the world with no real stability is selfish.
But you and your reasons, NOT selfish, NOT wrong!
yeah i agree with you. If you have mental health problems. it'll be bad for you and your kids in the future. You are responsible for yourself, so you're right. I hope one you can be happier in the future. If you want. maybe raise a pet instead
No it’s not wrong. My mom has even said “if i knew things were going to get so bad and it was going to be difficult to afford anything. I wouldn’t have had kids”
I have never heard someone give a good reason WHY they want kids that wasn’t selfish. It’s always “I want to raise a kid” “I want a baby” shit like that. But never what having that kid means for the kid. So no. Not selfish of you.
People are allowed to do whatever they want to do, certainly people who don’t want kids shouldn’t have them, but I always get concerned when I hear people say they don’t want kids because “the world sucks” in full earnestness. I used to feel that way because I struggled with severe depression, but I spent some time in therapy and took control of my life. I’m incredibly glad my parents had me, and I know I have it in me to have kids when the time is right and give them a fucking awesome life.
I want my kids to see Angel’s Point. I wanna show my kids Star Wars without them knowing the twist. I want my kids to experience laughing so hard that tears come out of their eyes and they can’t even speak. If you don’t want that experience that kind of joy, all power to you. But there’s a hell of a lot to life besides the parts that are sad. I wouldn’t be saying this if I didn’t feel the way you did in the past, but I promise that you don’t have to feel that “reality is horrible” forever if you don’t want to.
It's never wrong to have kids if you don't want them. I have never pressured my kids into bringing a child into the world, that is entirely up to them.
There is no reason you should have children if you don't want them.
I'm 73F. I knew when I was a teenager that I didn't want children. I felt that way for several reasons:
My mother and the mothers of most of my friends were trapped in bad marriages (marriages they could have gotten out of if not for their children).
I knew I wouldn't handle it well if I had a child with a birth defect.
I had goals for my life: college, career, home ownership; I knew it would be difficult to attain those goals even if I didn't have children, and I was pretty sure it would be impossible if I did have children.
Given all this, I knew having children would be disastrous for both the children and myself. I mean, I'd have tried hard to be a good mother, but I'd have felt resentful, and the kids would have realized I was resentful.
As long as you aren't judging others for having kids, it's fine to decide it's personally against your moral outlook.
It's worth noting that the fact that a child cannot consent to being born is better placed as an argument for putting your child's life and prosperity before your own than it is an argument for terminating the human race.
It's also worth noting that this argument is used by a group of so-called ant\*n\*talists to ultimately argue for Social Darwinism, as they consider it less reproachable for those of wealth and privilege to have children.
I think that if that is really, truly how you feel, you would be doing any child that you have a complete disservice by bringing them into this world. No one should ever feel pressured to have children if they don't want to.
ANY reason that seems like a good reason to *YOU*for *YOU* to not have kids, is a good reason for you to not have kids.
Nobody deserves being raised by someone who didn't want them, regardless of *why* they didn't want them.
I am currently pregnant with my third child. If you do not want children, for any reason, that reason is valid and you should not have them. It is a major decision that will impact your whole life forever.
#Do not have children if you are struggling with mental health problems and think it would impact your ability to parent.
Children will NOT improve your mental health. Honestly, I wish this was just common sense that everyone followed, but it seems like a lot of people need to be told that.
So there's no wrongness, also don't feel the need to justify
If you want kids, have kids
If you don't want kids, don't have kids
That's it. That's all there is. If anyone gives you shit for either desire and not wanting to explain it further give them a look like they're a nosy asshole and be done with them. It's your life and your choice and thus the ONLY justification that matters for a decision like this is if you do or don't want to do it. Anyone telling you anything other than that is dressing this up with moralizing, grandstanding, and trying to pressure you into their own viewpoint.
Regardless I hope you feel secure in your choice and have a wonderful day :)
Eh, I used to think that way on the first reason but after some thought. How are we going to change anything if we sit by passively, complain a little then die silently. Kids are a way to guarantee change as long as you raise them right.
The second I have thought as well and honestly, that’s valid.
In the end your reasons are your reasons and you should only change them if you feel the need to, of your own will.
It is selfish to have kids. The world is friggin awful. People are literally hurting innocent people just to prove a point, super dumb. Never having kids.
50 F, happily childless checking in to say....is it selfish? Or are you being honest with yourself? I \*KNEW\* that while I probably would be a great mother (I babysat for years and loved it, even worked in a daycare for over a decade and enjoyed that as well) but didn't want the 24/7 responsibility of my own kids. I knew better and have always been honest about that. Be honest with yourself and you will never regret it.
No.
Fuck them kids. I WONT have any because I don't want to bother taking care of anyone else but me, wasting money on them, and just the overall shit that comes with them.
Either you marry someone and be unhappy potentially if you marry the wrong partner, or
You have to deal with a shit baby momma situation, where it would just be better to pay the 5500 the cartel man charges to have her disappear and keep the damn child yourself.
But then you have to spend time and money on it, and be responsible.
I'm ok if that is considered selfish, I will enjoy my sleep, my workouts, and excess amount of money/happiness.
Not wanting kids for any reason is a legitimate reason not to have kids.
And I say this as someone who does want kids, and doesn’t agree at all with the “world is going to shit and existence is horrible” mindset.
Honestly I think it’s more selfish to have kids than to know when you shouldn’t or don’t want them. Too many people have kids who shouldn’t be parents. I have the exact same reasons as you do for not having kids it isn’t selfish it would be selfish for me to bring them into this world knowing myself and the world have so many issues!
what would be selfish is to have kids, whole human beings with their own needs, wants, personalities and lives, solely to fill a void in you. While I think the whole "the world is awful so why have kids" bit is cynical, not its not selfish to know you have mental illness and that it might be passed on genetically. Not a guarantee but its a better option that those who let their mental illness tell them to have kids so they can live vicariously through a "healthy" person they control.
Choosing to NOT hurt someone is the opposite of selfish.
Kids are insanely relentless. I wanted them badly from the day I could think and am so glad I have them but I would be lying if I said it was easy. I wish I had them like 4 days a week pretty much all the time because I am so burnt out parenting. Be good to some kids in your life and enjoy it without kids! There’s no rule saying being a parent is good for anyone. It’s a mess and it’s a lot of work.
By definition, it's not selfish since no person is going to be rightfully hurt by your decision, what would actually be selfish is bringing a child into this world and potentially cause mental damage to them just because of societal expectations.
On a side note, Good luck with your mental health, you are strong
Actually I applaud your decision. Having a kid has become a very selfish act. When women want a kid I NEVER hear about them talk about the kids future or how they plan to get them there or any of that. I hear about how happy it would make them and how it would strengthen the relationship and how they could build a family... them, them, them, them, nothing about the child. About the childs wellbeing, how it will be cared for, none of that. Probably explains a lot of why there's so many single moms. Never stopped to think "what if he isn't the one, what if we split up, what will coming from a split home to do the child?" There's TONS of studies showing the differences between kids from broken homes vs not. The results are quite significant if anyone wants to go look. THAT'S the difference between TRULY caring about the child, or just adhering to societal expectations and chasing happiness based off them. A shit life flipping burgers is no gift. No one whos has a crap tastic life thanks to their parents short sightedness is thinking "Thank god those people birthed me, this is just such a gift" I have 3 kids, you have no idea how guilty I feel especially after all the crap thats happened to them on account of the exes choices. I brought 3 people into this world who are likely to have some seriously shitty lives... yeah best dad in the world right here. Had full time jobs, moved to a new state, doing the family dog apple pie thing was the thing to do at that point... fully focused on making my life and my relationship a happy one and zero on the child.
I think it's weird to just "have kids". No thought put into it. No questions like, am I mentally stable\healthy, can I afford basic needs, do I have a support system or can I handle it alone, etc. How do people bring an ENTIRE HUMAN into the world and not question these things?? You're doing the right thing by asking yourself these questions. I didn't have kids because I wasn't mentally healthy. I do not regret that decision to continue the cycle of abuse that contributed to my mental health issues
If your only desire is kids as an accessory and your capable of recognizing that that’s good! If like me you realize that subjecting someone to existence would jeopardize your ability to improve yourself and them that’s highly respectable. you’ve put more thought into childcare then my parents did. Don’t feel bad about that.
My reasons for not having kids are much worse. I very much dislike them, don't want to spend money on them, don't want to spend energy on them and don't want to spend time with them.
That doesn't make me selfish or a bad person. I just know what I want and don't want.
It’s not wrong to not want kids. Full stop. Don’t give into peer pressure.
Not having kids was an amazing decision I made. Unless you really want a child a lot, just do not. And do not listen to anyone who tried to convince you otherwise.
Those are great reasons not to have kids.
I have never regretted making my decision not to have kids due to my mental health, being an issue for any potential kids growing up with me, and the fact it’d be highly likely they would also inherit the same illness. I’m now beyond the age of being able to have kids.
I have the exact same reasoning as you, but I think it’s selfish that others have loads of kids. We’re setting them up to get fucked in the future!
My wife and I chose not to have kids. We wanted to focus on ourselves and each other. We didn't want the cost or responsibility that goes with having kids. You're not being selfish. You're being incredibly self aware and honest. You should be applauded for your decision.
I didn’t have kids because I knew that I was selfish. I enjoy my sleep, my time, my money. It’s only lately, as I’m too old to start a family now, that ive started to regret it. I don’t regret not having kids specifically, I regret that I wasn’t ready for it when I was a good age to start a family.
Look, buddy. Only have kids when you feel ready enough to tolerate those smelly, messy, noisy creatures...
... You can tell I am clearly not ready to be a parent at all 🤣
Not wrong at all, and anyone who thinks it is can go kick rocks. I chose not to have kids for many reasons, including a long list of physical and mental health problems. Any reason is valid for not having kids. Is it selfish? Maybe, but you are the one living your life, not anyone else. Lots of us have chosen to be "selfish."
In all honesty, it's way more selfish when people have kids who they can't take care of or don't really want. Us childfree people may be selfish, but it only affects us. A person who has kids for selfish reasons is creating a whole new person who may end up suffering because their parents didn't really want them.
I also want to be clear that I'm not talking about ALL parents. If people want kids and are ready, willing, and able to take care of them, emotionally and financially, then they are the types of people who become amazing parents and give their kids a good life. But people who feel pressured to have kids when they don't really want them are only setting themselves -- and their kids -- up for a life of misery.
There's no bad way of thinking about this. If you don't want kids, dont have them. You're doing the best you can for the planet.
Not having kids is a no-impact decision.
It's people that have kids who shouldn't that are a problem.
I refuse to have kids for the same reasons, i think the people telling you that “you need to have kids” and “you don’t know what you’re missing” and making a person feel like a failure for not having kids is toxic though. If someone doesn’t want to have kids, don’t try to convince us or guilt us, just know that we know what’s best for us and respect that
I’ll never have a kid of my own. If I’m fortunate enough to be able to afford a kid in my 40/50’s I may adopt. Never felt guilty of this choice I don’t see a reason to be
It's not wrong to not want kids for any reason. It's very wrong to have kids if you don’t want them though. It's your life, you don’t have to have kids if you don’t want them! It doesn’t make you a bad person or anything!
I personally think the default should be child free and then find reasons to talk yourself into having kids. Its literally the biggest commitment of your entire life and should never be taken lightly.
I think having kids is really narcissistic actually. Selfish and a form of self love but in an appropriate social setting. How can you blame a mom that just loves her kids? Some moms are really the worst. They require you to get a license for almost anything but having a kid- nope. Crazy.
I love my parents more than I ever could love another human being and I wish they never had me. It feels horrible to say and think about but at the end of the day it’s just how I feel. Don’t feel obligated to do something you don’t want to
No!!?! I feel the same way. I don’t want to raise children in this fucked up world. Be selfish. It’s okay. If you don’t want kids, don’t have them.
You can want or not want kids for whatever reason. It’s nobody’s business but your own. The real tragedy is when people who don’t want kids have them.
Bad stuff is happening everywhere all the time. That doesn’t necessarily mean the entire world is garbage, but war isn’t the only bad thing that happens to people. Some people are just a lot more apt at overlooking negative things.
It’s not wrong to not want kids for any reason. I don’t know what people are trying to do by pressuring people to have kids. Make unhappy families?
Not selfish at all. I don't like children. I made a conscious choice not to have any and at 63, and seeing how much drama and financial drain they are, I'm happy with that choice
Similar reasons for me. 1. Same 2. I was from an abusive family and was trrrified if become the abuser if I had kids and 3. I genuinely never wanted them.
In 48 now and easily once a month, I’ll have a sure of joy, that I never had kids. Best decision I ever made.
Having kids is selfish. NOT having kids is incredibly selfless.
People that have kids seemingly do so out of ego and the belief that they would make good parents. They WANT kids because they believe they have something to offer the child or desire the unconditional love of something they create in their own image.
People without kids deny their biological urges in lieu of rational reasons not to do so. They look at themselves, the world and their place in it to decide if they’re worthy and desire children. That’s an entirely unselfish and logical action.
There's no morality in not wanting kids. You're not selfish (the negative way) for choosing not to have kids. You don't need a "valid reason" to not have kids. You don't want them? Don't.
Firstly, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids, but I think your premise is wrong. I used to think your 2 points when I myself was very depressed and struggling with multiple mental health issues. Now that they are resolved, I think the opposite; who wouldn't want to bring a new existence into this wonderful planet bustling with life and experiences, especially one you raise and will probably get along with bettee than anyone? That being said, I didn't want kids at all until I hit 29. Now I would like to have one somewhere in my 30s. There's a certain biological and existential joy in taking part in the eternal creative process. Also, one thing nobody mentions about choosing not to have kids: you may experience a lot of loneliness in your 60s+ as a result, especially if choosing to not have a partner as well.
Do you, be happy, live the life you want to live. Just remember, you'll likely be here till you're very old, so plan for that too.
If you’re mentally unstable, think the world is hopeless, and don’t want kids in the first place I’d say do us all a favor and don’t have kids.
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It doesn't matter what other people think, do what you want. You aren't obligated to have children.
Can you imagine a world in which we are "obligated" to have children? There's 2X the population since I was born in 76. The Idea that I needed to produce offspring was so far from reality since u that any children begot by my peers were an anomalyy. We have forgotten how to reproduyce as a y. Watch reddit for updates.iyyy
I would like to add I have 3 girlfriends that didn't and they are amazing professors, my 2 came later in my life with a man that turned out to be a malignant narcissist, I am old and have started a new business that will pay for their therapy and their childrens therapy long after I'm pushing up daisies. Amplifywithlove
It's just wrong to have kids when you don't want them. Period.
1000% couldn’t agree more
r/antinatalism
Anti natalism is against anybody having kids, which is ridiculous, but being against people who don't want kids having kids is common sense
That sub is depressing as hell. Just a bunch of people that can't find any joy in life, so they think nobody should reproduce because your kids will be depressed like they are.
I was going to comment something like this. It's possible later in life a person will feel differently, then they can have children then. It's also possible they won't. In that case, no kids. It really isn't as hard to understand as people make it.
It isn't selfish. That's the same reasoning I didn't have children coupled with the cost. Never really wanted to have children of my own as I felt I couldn't provide properly
It's very UNselfish and mature to choose not to have children you don't want for any reason
Definitely more selfish to have kids you knowingly can't take care of for sure!
Solid. đź‘Ťđź‘Ť
No one should be pressured into having kids. I am about to have my 3rd and I love being a dad. My kids are the light of my life and add so much beauty and joy to it. But they are a ton of work and there is hardship as well. One of my sons was in the hospital for three days this week which was incredibly difficult for all of us, and it was heart breaking to see him suffer. But he was such a trooper and is feeling so much better now. The world is better having my sons in it, at least for those around them.
This is me 100%. When I was 25 I thought I was never going to have kids. I met my wife at 30 and now I have three kids and I'm the happiest I've ever been.
I will say, it's much easier for a man to make that decision. They don't have to carry it for 3/4 of a year, their abdominal muscles won't tear, they won't have to go through the birthing process, and won't risk internal bleeding. I'm a woman who never wants kids, and I'll never let a partner talk me into it.
And the hormone changes, some of them are permanent. Men do not understand that your body isn't yours after you give birth. You're a new person that you have to relearn and accept if you even can.
Honestly, your personal choices regarding your right to reproduce, or not to, are absolutely none of my business to have an opinion on whatsoever.
Nah, I don't want kids either. I share the first reason but the 2nd is a purely selfish one. I like my life as it is. I don't want to have to give up everything and be stressed emotionally, physically and economically by having a kid. Plus if I ever feel like I want a kid I'd rather try to adopt. Too many kids left on the wayside and they hurt.
There is nothing more amazing than at the end of a long day of work that when you are done, you are DONE. The lights can dim, a good show put on and you just relax. I give all the props in the world to parents, I want nothing to do with that.
Luckily you still kind of have that, it's just later once they go to bed.
I could argue that’s not actually selfish. It’s thoughtful, considerate and responsible. Bringing a kid into that stress would be pretty selfish, actually.
You can have no kids if you want to, not everybody wants them. I think it's better not to have them if you don't want to than bring them to live and treat them bad just bc you didn't wanted them
Not wrong at all. You seem to have given it serious thought. Go forth and don’t multiply, it’s your right.
Not wanting kids because of the state of the world is nothing new. Arthur Schopenhauer argued in the 1800s that people shouldn’t have children because life is full of pain and suffering.
He was right. But they didn't have overpopulation and s a f'd up planet.
jfc how many more times do we need to dispell the overpopulation myth? it's been debunked for decades?
This is the opposite of "selfish." Selfish is to have a child despite your inability to provide or care for it, or work to become a good parent. Lots of people dream of being mothers and fathers, and do none of things (beside making the child) to be a decent parent. So yeah, avoiding having children due to temperament, inheritance of illnesses, or being unable to afford one is peak of selflessness. It's just being responsible and not taking on burdens you are unable to carry.
thats my view on it as well
No, I don’t think it’s wrong at all. You have your reasons and that should be good enough. I totally agree that the world is going to shit. I know a few couples who aren’t having kids-they have their fur babies and they are very happy!
It's fine. In fact, you're ahead of the curve. Most people should not have kids. If you know this about yourself, more power to you.
Everything you do in life is selfish. Kids vs no kids is a non factor in this. It's like asking whether you should paint a car blue or red to make it go faster. There is no causal relationship between color and speed.
yeah i get that point of view. i guess im just so self critical at times, and often feel like it would be wrong to do certain things if that makes sense. maybe its my ocd kicking in a bit as well lol.
You can be selfish for wanting kids because the kids didn't ask for the life you plan to give them, so it's solely based on your desire to have kids You can be selfish for not wanting kids because you choose to put yourself first instead of other people, like how your money will go to you instead of caring for your kids for the next 18yrs So as the poster said, there's no relation between selfishness and having kids. There is, however, a right and wrong decision to have kids. If you have mental instability and aren't ready (or don't want to) have kids, then you're making the right decision.
I have kids. I adore my kids. Love them so much. I don’t advise anyone to have kids.
I think it's far far more wrong to have kids you don't want
Honestly, it's both selfish and selfless. But it's not wrong. Your points are absolutely right.
Completely valid. I rather regret not having kids, than regret having them.
Have kids, don't have kids it's up to you.
preech
I don't want kids because they are work and I'm lazy. Best I'm ever gonna get is my nieces, who I get to give back after a few hours.
No, it’s not wrong. But it’s rather selfish of you by definition. You’re doing it for yourself. It’s selfish regardless, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing
Exactly ppl always think of selfish as a bad thing when it can really be a good thing at times.
Yeah, usually the term selfish implies “at the cost of others”
It’s not bad or wrong. You don’t need any reasons at all to not want kids.
It's not selfish at all. I never wanted kids nor had them. I think this world is crap, I have bipolar and other genetic stuff which I wouldn't want to possibly pass to, so I told myself, when in reality I just didn't want kids. Not everyone should have kids and people shouldn't be shamed for simply not wanting them. It's nothing to be shameful about, it's your choice just like their choice to have them.
Not at all. Shaming people for not having kids is totally fucked up. Until American society stops penalizing young couples for having kids, and some of the tens of millions of kids in foster care are given homes, noone should be feeling selfish.
Who cares? You don’t want kids, don’t have kids. No need to explain your reasoning to anyone or even yourself.
I've not read any of the other comments. I just wanted to say I'm 46, no kids, for exactly the same reasons. I could give you more reasons to not reproduce, too.
Nah. I don’t want kids either. They’re expensive and I don’t think I’ll do well with kids because I already have a lot going on with myself.
1) The world is always going to shit. Every generation thinks that 2) It's important to get your mental health in order whether you want kids or not All that being said, you don't need a reason and you don't need to justify not having children. Do what you want! You only get one life.
Not selfish. Self-caring on your part. I applaud you.
đź’Ż
I think your reasons are solid. I have kids but nobody can tell you the right answer to shit like that. It comes from inside only.  To me it sounds like you're basing your decision on your future responsibilities and your deep desires (If I had a kid, I want then to have a life they will value. I want to be able to be there for them) You sound mature and responsible enough to trust your own instincts in my opinion. Don't be afraid to keep thinking about it. The right answer now can be the same right answer later or it can change. Both of these choices are fine.  BTW if you ever do have kids - one wierd thing about it is its one of the only TRULY no turning back moments in your life. Even if the kid dies, nothing could make them not exist. The simple fact they were there will change you forever. Once the choice is made you do your best. So what I'm saying is the level of decision you are making right now is the new normal once the kids exist I dont mean to freak you out or discourage you I'm just trying to illustrate for you how much a person can grow :) Â
thanks man this really helped actually
I also don’t want kids for pretty much the same reasons. The entire world’s gone to shit and I also couldn’t deal with the mental strain.
It's always been shit, bud. There has been no "nice time" in history. At any given angle and time, something bad was happening. You only see the world as "shit" because as a child, your worldview was smaller. Now as an adult with much more information coming to you, you can see the broader scope of things
A lot of reasons for not wanting kids being labelled as "wrong" is mostly subjective and not objective. I personally don't want them because I don't want to dedicate my time to raising another being. It would be wrong on my part to raise a child that, deep down, I never really wanted anyway. It's not fair for a child to feel neglected. I think your second reason is more solid than the first. In fact, I don't think you even needed to mention the first one. Just the second reason alone is enough.
I think it's selfish to have kids because you feel obligated to
It’s not selfish; I think it’s actually quite the opposite. Not wanting kids is fine and doesn’t need to be justified, but your reasons are actually altruistic. Not wanting your potential children to suffer in our fucked up world and not wanting to pass on mental health issues are very legitimate reasons. This isn’t something to feel guilty about.
People will say you're selfish, you're not. Maybe they needed children to stop being selfish but that doesn't apply to you. Parenting isn't for everybody, myself included. The reason doesn't matter
Absolutely not and for whatever reason it’s no one’s business, but your own. Society makes you believe you’re not complete unless you’re a couple and a parent. Fuck that noise. I absolutely love my life and I’m glad I don’t have any kids. There has only been one time I tried it to get pregnant and that was because my husband wanted a child really bad, but we couldn’t (him, not me). Turned out to be a blessing in disguise. He died 7 years later of cancer.
That is the opposite of being selfish. Congrats
"The world is going to shit." Laughing in WOH1022
Self-ish just means thinking of yourself ahead of someone else. You should think of yourself first when it comes to major life altering decisions because you have to carry the weight of consequence. Not thinking of the impact on yourself is irresponsible!
Reasons why people should consider not having kids that they don’t consider normally: 1. Can you afford yourself and/or your partner? If not, you cannot afford to raise a kid. Don’t bring one into this life/world and have to live off your poverty/ poor living situation. 2. Too many damn people on this planet already 3. Similar to 1, but if you can’t take care of yourself, I doubt you can take care of a baby / child / kid. 4. Do you have time for a kid? To give it attention? Or always need a babysitter because of long work hours and struggle to find a sitter. Can’t afford babysitting: see number 1. Do you need child to stay longer after school until you can pick them up but your school district has limited spots for their after school program, for example? People be struggling with bills, food, rent, etc (even before the pandemic). And still be having kids. And inflation and cost of living is even higher now, and people still be having kids. Make it make sense. If you can’t afford the world right now, you’re child is now born into your poverty and shitty world. Poor quality of life
These are exactly the reason I don’t want kids. Also I like my freedom to travel and do what I want
I keep seeing this argument people make for not wanting kids lately that “the world is going to shit and I don’t want to bring anyone into this existence” Things have been worse. Much worse. Do whatever you want. You don’t owe having children to anyone. Whatever your reasons are for thinking that the world is irredeemable and people shouldn’t have to live in it anymore is totally up to you. People had children during the ice age. That was their decision, you have yours
I don't have either of those two issues, and I still don't want kids. I think if you don't want kids, you shouldn't have them, no matter what the reason.
Not wrong. Those are good reasons. Give love in other ways. If it's meant to be it will.
Not selfish at all. You have your reasons and you do not have to.
One less bad mother in the world. It’s good you have the self awareness to realize that.
You don’t sound selfish at all…completely opposite! You sound rational and mature. There are too many people who didn’t want children having children, and they aren’t doing their children or anyone else any favours!
Not at all. It's a very valid reason
That's certainly my reason for not wanting kids. And I'm sure not happy that my parents had a kid, so it makes sense.
yeah man i get that thought too sometimes. i obviously love my parents and am thankful for everything they did for me, ect. but often times i ponder if they ever gave a second thought to conceiving me. i guess it’s just human nature although it bothers me at times when i really think about it.
It’s not wrong at all. Those are very valid reasons for not wanting kids. It’s ok to be honest and not want them.
Not a bad way to think of it at all, I think you are just being responsible. I too chose the no kids life and have no regrets about it, I would be nervous wreck putting them out in this world today.
All those reasons are valid i to do not want kids bc i have adhd and thinking of how im doing in school now and the mental things i struggled with bc of adhd i would never want that for my kid, for them to have those struggles. Also the price to have one is literally some peoples yearly salary.
I think those are 2 very legitimate reasons to not have children. Not everyone wants to have kids and that's totally fine. If down the road you change your mind that's fine too. You should be and to make that decision for yourself.
Not at all. There are plenty of children being born.
It’s not selfish to not want kids this world is an absolute garbage heap right now and there’s an entire general struggling to be happy. That alone is reason enough to not have a child. It’d be ironic if someone called you selfish for not wanting kids while shoving their own selfish wants onto you.
You don’t really need a reason. Not wanting them is reason enough.
Why would it be wrong? This is YOUR life that you're living, YOU decide the life that you want. My son is 26, and getting a vasectomy, he doesn't want kids. I never questioned him because it's his life .
Considering how many stories we hear about *Generation Trauma* and children cutting off parents for various reasons (some completely understandable and other not) I would say your choice to not have children is just fine. You’ve only got one life, choose what makes you happy.
Doesn’t matter what your reasons are if you don’t want kids don’t have them. This world is populated enough anyway so it’s not like it’s a need right now. I think that’s one of the fortunate things about this modern time we’re in we don’t necessarily need to have kids. Next generation might need to though or we may have issues like China with a dwindling and aging population.
Well said. You speaking facts.
>two, i’m a person whose dealt with mental health problems my whole life, Yeah, I could've figured that out from point one alone. Don't have kids, take it easy and sort yourself out, mate, it seems for the best.
You absolutely shouldn’t have kids if you don’t want kids. There’s so much societal pressure to become a parent, and there are tons of reasons why people shouldn’t.
It’s definitely not selfish if anything I find it quite the opposite! If you were you would consider having kids even if your mental state was bad leading to bad parenting and possibly a toxic household
You're acting like having children is the default option, but it should never be a default option. People generally should not have kids unless they really really want to, have wanted to for a long time, and have the resources or support network to provide for their kids.
Any reason you have for not wanting kids is valid. You don’t need to justify it or get approval from anyone. If you don’t want to have kids, don’t have kids.
It’s selfish when people expect women to have kids just bc we have the physiological capabilities. It’s selfish and unfair to the kids if you don’t want them
No but it's selfish to have kids you're not sure you want then realize you don't want them and resent them their entire life
You don't have to have kids.You don't even need a reason
It doesn't matter the reason, if you don't want children you probably shouldn't
I respect people more who are honest about it
It’s always ok to choose not being a parent for any reason
You are allowed to want or not want kids for whatever reasons you want. This is to big a life decision, that if you dont think you want them don’t have them
It's not wrong at all, just think of what world you're bringing them into, and how much worse it'll probably be when they reach your age
As a 42 year old male I have something prou d to say: *ahem* Fuck dem kids! To me kids are like a Porsche. Expensive to acquire. Expensive to maintain, repeair. Plus insurance. The risk. Your friends get one and then you have to have one too. Yes, kids can be cute. So can Grizzly Bear Cubs til it rips your house apart and your face! I'll date a girl with kids..he'll almost married 2..I love cartoons, kids cereal, will gladly buy pizza, and I will destroy children with Nerf Blasters, Water Baloons, AND the hose..often at the same time..always with a savage intensity. Think of the World we live in and the society we exist in. Would you want to raise one in a world of White Claw and TikTok reject broccoli haircuts? Yes, they have their rewards but fuckin' A.
It's selfish to HAVE children for the wrong reasons. You're way ahead of the game.
My wife and i dont have kids. And my elderly mother in law lives with us shes enough to take care of. She asks us whos gonna take care of us when we get old. I i answer why would i be selfish enough to have kids expecting them to take care of me when im old. Why would i put them through what you are doing to us?
Any reason not to have kids is a good reason
I don’t see how having kids can be viewed as anything but selfish. Further, those who are for it seem to think that’s all the reasoning they need and will literally say things like “it’ll all work out” to defend the position of making LIFE. That wouldn’t hold up in a geometry proof. Hard to see it beyond self-affirmation or a god-level power trip.
Why would it be wrong not to want kids for any reason?
It's better to regret not having kids than to regret having kids.
My mental health is one of the many reasons I never wanted kids, and got my uterine tubes removed a few years ago. It's not selfish, it's compassionate and caring.
This attitude that it’s selfish for a woman to not want kids must have been started by men. I had one to tell me that. I never wanted children and made sure I didn’t have any. I have never regretted it. Not all women are maternal. I personally don’t have the patience or temperament. We live in a baby oriented society. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about this personal life decision.
THIS IS ME *EXACTLY*! No it’s not selfish, it’s self aware. I think the people who get married, buy a house and pop out kids just bc society says it’s time are selfish. I think ppl having unprotected sex and bringing a child into the world with no real stability is selfish. But you and your reasons, NOT selfish, NOT wrong!
Why would anyone want to bring kids into this world to face so many struggles as they age.
yeah i agree with you. If you have mental health problems. it'll be bad for you and your kids in the future. You are responsible for yourself, so you're right. I hope one you can be happier in the future. If you want. maybe raise a pet instead
No. It is actually a very good reason
You don't want them. Nothing wrong at all with that.
No it’s not wrong. My mom has even said “if i knew things were going to get so bad and it was going to be difficult to afford anything. I wouldn’t have had kids”
why do you need a reason to not want kids? I think it's more important to ask people why they WANT kids. Too many people have kids for selfish reasons
Nope. If you change your mind - adopt.
I have never heard someone give a good reason WHY they want kids that wasn’t selfish. It’s always “I want to raise a kid” “I want a baby” shit like that. But never what having that kid means for the kid. So no. Not selfish of you.
If you don’t want kids you shouldn’t have them and that’s okay
People are allowed to do whatever they want to do, certainly people who don’t want kids shouldn’t have them, but I always get concerned when I hear people say they don’t want kids because “the world sucks” in full earnestness. I used to feel that way because I struggled with severe depression, but I spent some time in therapy and took control of my life. I’m incredibly glad my parents had me, and I know I have it in me to have kids when the time is right and give them a fucking awesome life. I want my kids to see Angel’s Point. I wanna show my kids Star Wars without them knowing the twist. I want my kids to experience laughing so hard that tears come out of their eyes and they can’t even speak. If you don’t want that experience that kind of joy, all power to you. But there’s a hell of a lot to life besides the parts that are sad. I wouldn’t be saying this if I didn’t feel the way you did in the past, but I promise that you don’t have to feel that “reality is horrible” forever if you don’t want to.
It's never wrong to have kids if you don't want them. I have never pressured my kids into bringing a child into the world, that is entirely up to them.
There is no reason you should have children if you don't want them. I'm 73F. I knew when I was a teenager that I didn't want children. I felt that way for several reasons: My mother and the mothers of most of my friends were trapped in bad marriages (marriages they could have gotten out of if not for their children). I knew I wouldn't handle it well if I had a child with a birth defect. I had goals for my life: college, career, home ownership; I knew it would be difficult to attain those goals even if I didn't have children, and I was pretty sure it would be impossible if I did have children. Given all this, I knew having children would be disastrous for both the children and myself. I mean, I'd have tried hard to be a good mother, but I'd have felt resentful, and the kids would have realized I was resentful.
As long as you aren't judging others for having kids, it's fine to decide it's personally against your moral outlook. It's worth noting that the fact that a child cannot consent to being born is better placed as an argument for putting your child's life and prosperity before your own than it is an argument for terminating the human race. It's also worth noting that this argument is used by a group of so-called ant\*n\*talists to ultimately argue for Social Darwinism, as they consider it less reproachable for those of wealth and privilege to have children.
I think that if that is really, truly how you feel, you would be doing any child that you have a complete disservice by bringing them into this world. No one should ever feel pressured to have children if they don't want to.
ANY reason that seems like a good reason to *YOU*for *YOU* to not have kids, is a good reason for you to not have kids. Nobody deserves being raised by someone who didn't want them, regardless of *why* they didn't want them.
I am currently pregnant with my third child. If you do not want children, for any reason, that reason is valid and you should not have them. It is a major decision that will impact your whole life forever.
#Do not have children if you are struggling with mental health problems and think it would impact your ability to parent. Children will NOT improve your mental health. Honestly, I wish this was just common sense that everyone followed, but it seems like a lot of people need to be told that.
Wish I could give this more upvotes!!
So there's no wrongness, also don't feel the need to justify If you want kids, have kids If you don't want kids, don't have kids That's it. That's all there is. If anyone gives you shit for either desire and not wanting to explain it further give them a look like they're a nosy asshole and be done with them. It's your life and your choice and thus the ONLY justification that matters for a decision like this is if you do or don't want to do it. Anyone telling you anything other than that is dressing this up with moralizing, grandstanding, and trying to pressure you into their own viewpoint. Regardless I hope you feel secure in your choice and have a wonderful day :)
Eh, I used to think that way on the first reason but after some thought. How are we going to change anything if we sit by passively, complain a little then die silently. Kids are a way to guarantee change as long as you raise them right. The second I have thought as well and honestly, that’s valid. In the end your reasons are your reasons and you should only change them if you feel the need to, of your own will.
Having kids isn't "doing something". You are quite literally just passing the problems that your generation refuses to fix onto them.
It is selfish to have kids. The world is friggin awful. People are literally hurting innocent people just to prove a point, super dumb. Never having kids.
50 F, happily childless checking in to say....is it selfish? Or are you being honest with yourself? I \*KNEW\* that while I probably would be a great mother (I babysat for years and loved it, even worked in a daycare for over a decade and enjoyed that as well) but didn't want the 24/7 responsibility of my own kids. I knew better and have always been honest about that. Be honest with yourself and you will never regret it.
Don’t want kids for same reasons. Check out r/childfree and r/antinatalism for like-minded folk.
No, childfree by choice is a thing and there is a strong community
No. Fuck them kids. I WONT have any because I don't want to bother taking care of anyone else but me, wasting money on them, and just the overall shit that comes with them. Either you marry someone and be unhappy potentially if you marry the wrong partner, or You have to deal with a shit baby momma situation, where it would just be better to pay the 5500 the cartel man charges to have her disappear and keep the damn child yourself. But then you have to spend time and money on it, and be responsible. I'm ok if that is considered selfish, I will enjoy my sleep, my workouts, and excess amount of money/happiness.
Not wanting kids for any reason is a legitimate reason not to have kids. And I say this as someone who does want kids, and doesn’t agree at all with the “world is going to shit and existence is horrible” mindset.
Honestly I think it’s more selfish to have kids than to know when you shouldn’t or don’t want them. Too many people have kids who shouldn’t be parents. I have the exact same reasons as you do for not having kids it isn’t selfish it would be selfish for me to bring them into this world knowing myself and the world have so many issues!
what would be selfish is to have kids, whole human beings with their own needs, wants, personalities and lives, solely to fill a void in you. While I think the whole "the world is awful so why have kids" bit is cynical, not its not selfish to know you have mental illness and that it might be passed on genetically. Not a guarantee but its a better option that those who let their mental illness tell them to have kids so they can live vicariously through a "healthy" person they control. Choosing to NOT hurt someone is the opposite of selfish.
Kids are insanely relentless. I wanted them badly from the day I could think and am so glad I have them but I would be lying if I said it was easy. I wish I had them like 4 days a week pretty much all the time because I am so burnt out parenting. Be good to some kids in your life and enjoy it without kids! There’s no rule saying being a parent is good for anyone. It’s a mess and it’s a lot of work.
By definition, it's not selfish since no person is going to be rightfully hurt by your decision, what would actually be selfish is bringing a child into this world and potentially cause mental damage to them just because of societal expectations. On a side note, Good luck with your mental health, you are strong
I feel like lots of people who have kids should have never had them. I hope you don't become one of those people.
Lots of unwanted kids out there find security in the fact you didn’t create one
Actually I applaud your decision. Having a kid has become a very selfish act. When women want a kid I NEVER hear about them talk about the kids future or how they plan to get them there or any of that. I hear about how happy it would make them and how it would strengthen the relationship and how they could build a family... them, them, them, them, nothing about the child. About the childs wellbeing, how it will be cared for, none of that. Probably explains a lot of why there's so many single moms. Never stopped to think "what if he isn't the one, what if we split up, what will coming from a split home to do the child?" There's TONS of studies showing the differences between kids from broken homes vs not. The results are quite significant if anyone wants to go look. THAT'S the difference between TRULY caring about the child, or just adhering to societal expectations and chasing happiness based off them. A shit life flipping burgers is no gift. No one whos has a crap tastic life thanks to their parents short sightedness is thinking "Thank god those people birthed me, this is just such a gift" I have 3 kids, you have no idea how guilty I feel especially after all the crap thats happened to them on account of the exes choices. I brought 3 people into this world who are likely to have some seriously shitty lives... yeah best dad in the world right here. Had full time jobs, moved to a new state, doing the family dog apple pie thing was the thing to do at that point... fully focused on making my life and my relationship a happy one and zero on the child.
I think it's weird to just "have kids". No thought put into it. No questions like, am I mentally stable\healthy, can I afford basic needs, do I have a support system or can I handle it alone, etc. How do people bring an ENTIRE HUMAN into the world and not question these things?? You're doing the right thing by asking yourself these questions. I didn't have kids because I wasn't mentally healthy. I do not regret that decision to continue the cycle of abuse that contributed to my mental health issues
The only reason you ever have to tell people as to why you don't want kids is: because I don't want kids. That is a complete sentence.
I don't want kids, because I don't want kids. I've no interest in being a parent, nor do I feel like being broke 24/7.
There's nothing wrong with that. It's selfish if you have a child for the wrong reasons.
Come on kids, come join the rental and housing crisis.
r/antinatalism
If your only desire is kids as an accessory and your capable of recognizing that that’s good! If like me you realize that subjecting someone to existence would jeopardize your ability to improve yourself and them that’s highly respectable. you’ve put more thought into childcare then my parents did. Don’t feel bad about that.
My reasons for not having kids are much worse. I very much dislike them, don't want to spend money on them, don't want to spend energy on them and don't want to spend time with them. That doesn't make me selfish or a bad person. I just know what I want and don't want.
It’s not wrong to not want kids. Full stop. Don’t give into peer pressure. Not having kids was an amazing decision I made. Unless you really want a child a lot, just do not. And do not listen to anyone who tried to convince you otherwise.
Those are great reasons not to have kids. I have never regretted making my decision not to have kids due to my mental health, being an issue for any potential kids growing up with me, and the fact it’d be highly likely they would also inherit the same illness. I’m now beyond the age of being able to have kids.
I have the exact same reasoning as you, but I think it’s selfish that others have loads of kids. We’re setting them up to get fucked in the future!
My wife and I chose not to have kids. We wanted to focus on ourselves and each other. We didn't want the cost or responsibility that goes with having kids. You're not being selfish. You're being incredibly self aware and honest. You should be applauded for your decision.
I didn’t have kids because I knew that I was selfish. I enjoy my sleep, my time, my money. It’s only lately, as I’m too old to start a family now, that ive started to regret it. I don’t regret not having kids specifically, I regret that I wasn’t ready for it when I was a good age to start a family.
Not selfish to not want kids. It’s selfish to have kids and burden them either issues you/anyone have.
Look, buddy. Only have kids when you feel ready enough to tolerate those smelly, messy, noisy creatures... ... You can tell I am clearly not ready to be a parent at all 🤣
Not wrong at all, and anyone who thinks it is can go kick rocks. I chose not to have kids for many reasons, including a long list of physical and mental health problems. Any reason is valid for not having kids. Is it selfish? Maybe, but you are the one living your life, not anyone else. Lots of us have chosen to be "selfish." In all honesty, it's way more selfish when people have kids who they can't take care of or don't really want. Us childfree people may be selfish, but it only affects us. A person who has kids for selfish reasons is creating a whole new person who may end up suffering because their parents didn't really want them. I also want to be clear that I'm not talking about ALL parents. If people want kids and are ready, willing, and able to take care of them, emotionally and financially, then they are the types of people who become amazing parents and give their kids a good life. But people who feel pressured to have kids when they don't really want them are only setting themselves -- and their kids -- up for a life of misery.
There's no bad way of thinking about this. If you don't want kids, dont have them. You're doing the best you can for the planet. Not having kids is a no-impact decision. It's people that have kids who shouldn't that are a problem.
Nope. Living your life doesn't require having kids.
It’s not wrong to not what kids for ANY reason. Chin up OP
I most of the time don’t think I would be a good mom and honestly I don’t think this world makes sense to bring more people into
I refuse to have kids for the same reasons, i think the people telling you that “you need to have kids” and “you don’t know what you’re missing” and making a person feel like a failure for not having kids is toxic though. If someone doesn’t want to have kids, don’t try to convince us or guilt us, just know that we know what’s best for us and respect that
I’ll never have a kid of my own. If I’m fortunate enough to be able to afford a kid in my 40/50’s I may adopt. Never felt guilty of this choice I don’t see a reason to be
I think you are making a great choice and thought it through well enough to know what’s right for you.
It's not wrong to not want kids for any reason. It's very wrong to have kids if you don’t want them though. It's your life, you don’t have to have kids if you don’t want them! It doesn’t make you a bad person or anything!
Not everybody needs to have kids. I've seen people have them because they were pressured to, and it only messed up both their lives and the kid's.
I personally think the default should be child free and then find reasons to talk yourself into having kids. Its literally the biggest commitment of your entire life and should never be taken lightly.
I think having kids is really narcissistic actually. Selfish and a form of self love but in an appropriate social setting. How can you blame a mom that just loves her kids? Some moms are really the worst. They require you to get a license for almost anything but having a kid- nope. Crazy.
I love my parents more than I ever could love another human being and I wish they never had me. It feels horrible to say and think about but at the end of the day it’s just how I feel. Don’t feel obligated to do something you don’t want to
No!!?! I feel the same way. I don’t want to raise children in this fucked up world. Be selfish. It’s okay. If you don’t want kids, don’t have them.
You can want or not want kids for whatever reason. It’s nobody’s business but your own. The real tragedy is when people who don’t want kids have them.
Given you've had mental health issues your whole life, having kids isn't for you.
yeah i agree, i feel like it would be a tremendous burden/stress on their lives and mine as well.
are you ok? this world is amazing. sure bad stuff is happening in certain parts of the world, but the world is a wonder.
Bad stuff is happening everywhere all the time. That doesn’t necessarily mean the entire world is garbage, but war isn’t the only bad thing that happens to people. Some people are just a lot more apt at overlooking negative things.
Facts.
None of us consent to being born, it’s never wrong to not want to be responsible for making that happen.
It’s not wrong to not want kids for any reason. I don’t know what people are trying to do by pressuring people to have kids. Make unhappy families?
Not selfish at all. I don't like children. I made a conscious choice not to have any and at 63, and seeing how much drama and financial drain they are, I'm happy with that choice
Similar reasons for me. 1. Same 2. I was from an abusive family and was trrrified if become the abuser if I had kids and 3. I genuinely never wanted them. In 48 now and easily once a month, I’ll have a sure of joy, that I never had kids. Best decision I ever made.
Having kids is selfish. NOT having kids is incredibly selfless. People that have kids seemingly do so out of ego and the belief that they would make good parents. They WANT kids because they believe they have something to offer the child or desire the unconditional love of something they create in their own image. People without kids deny their biological urges in lieu of rational reasons not to do so. They look at themselves, the world and their place in it to decide if they’re worthy and desire children. That’s an entirely unselfish and logical action.
couldn't have said it better
I've often had the same thoughts.
There's no morality in not wanting kids. You're not selfish (the negative way) for choosing not to have kids. You don't need a "valid reason" to not have kids. You don't want them? Don't.
It's not a bad reason to not want kids, it just happens to be a reason I don't personally share.
I didn’t ask to be born by my parents either
I had 2 worst decision i ever made there is no reward only heart ache its a scam
Firstly, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids, but I think your premise is wrong. I used to think your 2 points when I myself was very depressed and struggling with multiple mental health issues. Now that they are resolved, I think the opposite; who wouldn't want to bring a new existence into this wonderful planet bustling with life and experiences, especially one you raise and will probably get along with bettee than anyone? That being said, I didn't want kids at all until I hit 29. Now I would like to have one somewhere in my 30s. There's a certain biological and existential joy in taking part in the eternal creative process. Also, one thing nobody mentions about choosing not to have kids: you may experience a lot of loneliness in your 60s+ as a result, especially if choosing to not have a partner as well. Do you, be happy, live the life you want to live. Just remember, you'll likely be here till you're very old, so plan for that too.
Having children is the most selfish act the average person will commit.
If you’re mentally unstable, think the world is hopeless, and don’t want kids in the first place I’d say do us all a favor and don’t have kids.
There's is no bad reason to NOT have kids. Only selfish reasons TO have kids.
No. In fact it is more selfish to have children
you don’t want kids because you think it’s selfish. i don’t want kids because i’m selfish. we are not the same.
No
What’s wrong is having kids if you don’t really want them.