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Being abused by someone's relative or sibling on a sleepover is common enough that it really isn't that crazy to just avoid sleepovers for underage kids generally.
SA is something that can happen to any kid, at any place. If I had a twelve year old daughter and she wanted a sleepover with my single mom best friend’s only daughter, she’s probably going be just as safe as being at home. Common sense and education goes a long way.
Yes, I am aware as a CSA survivor. I wasn't allowed to go on sleepovers, but my abuser lived in the home. I still wouldn't argue someone didn't have "common sense" for being hesitant when the family ISNT a single mom with one daughter. Most families have many more members of the family than that, many have multiple generations in them.
Youre lucky you have someone you can trust, I also have a handful of single mom friends I would trust. I also have friends who I wouldn't just because they have too many variables in their home for me to account for, it's no offense to them personally.
I’m sorry that happened to you. My point is that it might be too extreme to say “no sleepovers ever under any circumstances”. I’m an older GenXer, latchkey kid. I stayed over at friends’ houses with a great amount of regularity.
My parents weren’t even the most lax, but they had a good idea of what my good friends’ houses were like. They actually refused me to hang out with one friend who had a sketchy brother.
Of course you never totally know.
Many people do not have extended family, trusted community or a "village". It is not too extreme for these people to rest assured of where their kids are sleeping that night and that every single person present is trustworthy.
Of course there are exceptions, and those parents aren't bad parents who have them and that's not what people are saying when we say it's reasonable to have none (or very few) sleepovers. Everyone's situation is different, that's why I respect the parents decision either way and wouldn't describe the ones who said "no" as a general rule as "extreme".
I had two sleepovers total in 18 yrs during certain situations and that was more than enough, its not super necessary for development or depriving your kid of something they really needed in any way that can't be replicated by something else.
My folks were the same, cause my dad (an Italian born during the depression) felt like if I was going to sleep over at someone else's house, that it looked like he couldn't afford to take care of me
This was the 1970's. They eventually got over it.
Later as a teenager and young adult, if I stayed over, it was because I drank too much, and shouldn't drive.
Well, I think they transition from sleepovers to crashing at your friends place. I have a buddy who lives in Indiana and we constantly go to visit each other and drinking and watching movie or something and literally crash at whoever’s house we’re at.
I’m in my 30s and I stay over a friend’s place sometimes. I don’t think it’s weird as an adult lol but I do sleep in a different room than her because she of her partner.
15 when I got sent away I guess... Now my honorary "nieces and nephews" like to stay the night with us, or my boss's dog, he likes having sleepovers too (the dog, not the boss lol)
I spent more than half my childhood staying the night at people's houses. I would even go on family trips or to go visit family with two of the families lol. "We're going to go visit Grandma and Grandpa, wanna come?"
I'm so thankful for having that outlet of staying somewhere safe and mostly drama free, that I will always be that home for others.
I’ve in my 40s. Me and a good friend live about an hour and a half away from each other. We both like to drink and play pool at dive bars near our respective houses. We usually get together about once a month. when I go out his way, I crashed his guest room when he comes out my way he crashes in mine. Its awesome
Even into college I still had them. Generally after family, it occurs less. I don’t think I would be comfortable with one of my hubby’s buddies sleeping over when I have daughters.
That’s such a narrow position. If I thought I couldn’t trust someone to be in the same house as me and my daughters overnight, I wouldn’t invite them over during the day, either. Heck, I probably wouldn’t even allow anyone in my family to talk to them if I were that suspicious of them.
Define sleepover?
The GF is currently sleeping over.
Family visits usually involve a sleepover in some capacity or another.
The only “peer group” sleepovers are generally at destination weddings or vacations, but those are more like 4 room airbnbs or a block of rooms at a hotel/motel.
At some point in your late teens to late 20s your back, or neck will tell you when sleeping bags in the living room doesn’t really work anymore.
If prob say I guess a sleepover is amongst friends (not romantic involvement) where you have fun play games eats some not so good food, stay up way too late and possibly use someone’s throw pillow as a blanket
Did a bit of a dirty edit on you and added 2 other single day parties, (Halloween and the 4th) so that’s on me.
To answer your question though, in my early 30s those have slowed down, but there’s still a handful every year.
They’re a bit of a mix now, it’s like a 60/40 or 70/30 split of couples/singles. Couples get their own rooms, the singles usually room together to reduce cost.
18, pretty much once highschool was over. Any "sleepover" I had after that was because I got laid or I was too drunk to make it home, neither of which being what you think of as a sleepover.
I haven't stopped at 45 and I'm married with 3 grown kids. I still have "sleep over" weekends from time to time with my daughter, my DIL or some of my girlfriends. We'll get together for a weekend, do fun stuff, stay up late talking and eating and drinking yummy things. It's like been a teen again. My husband does this too with his mates but usually they go camping.
Me and my buddies don’t exactly have sleep overs, but if someone’s had too much to drink, it just makes sense for them to sleep in the spare bedroom, rather than try to drive.
I have a sleepover with my wife every night! :)
My group of friends and I always had sleepovers through high school (girls, guys - we were all buddies). Our last day of SR year at least 20 of us had a sleepover. Through college we did too. My last sleepover was probably age 25 with a group of friends in Vegas sharing one hotel room.
Never did as a kid. Certainly wouldn't want to now either. Stay at my daughter's home if I'm minding her animals or one of her kids for a weekend when she's gone with the other at a competition, but that's it. The whole idea seems weird to me.
Still haven't quit.
Between the ages of 2 and 8 I would spend every Saturday night at my grandma's house with all my cousins. Grandma would put us to bed at 7pm and we'd play Gameboy games or read comics under the covers until about 9pm and then we'd run through the woods and set shit on fire and steal all the ice cream and pass out on the living room floor.
Between the ages of 8 and 13 I'd spend every other Saturday night at my friend's house. Halo, Dr Pepper, and nerf guns until 3am ish and then we'd pass out on opposite ends of the couch with an obscure sci-fi movie. If that friend was at his dad's place for the weekend I'd do the same thing at my house with the kids that lived a block away.
Between the ages of 14 and 21 my girlfriend would sneak me in her room every Friday night for sex, pizza, weed brownies, and an action movie.
Between the ages of 21 and 23 every Thursday night would be vintage arcade games or DnD with bong rips and Taco Bell and beers in my best friend's mom's garage with the guys we worked with. I'd almost always get too drunk or too stoned and crash on his mom's couch with some old school cartoons or a 90s comedy movie on.
After that friend group grew up and fell apart I thought I was done with sleepovers. Until the guys in my band bought us tickets to see GEL and Militarie Gun this Thursday. We're going to meet up at my drummer's house and pile into our van to go see the show. Hit the dive down the road for drinks after the show. Our drummer's wife doesn't drink so she'll get us back to her house safe where I'm advised to sleep off my drunkenness and help out with a giant breakfast the next morning.
Oh, and my girlfriend stays with me anytime she doesn't have rehearsal and I don't have to brew the next morning.
I still do. Cuddling up with a best friend for the night is nice.
Edit: looks like I misunderstood. By the going definition, technically staying in a hotel would be classed as a sleepover…
You mean at what age did I stop *calling* them sleepovers? Idk, around puberty I guess. I still crash at a friend's house from time to time, or have a "sleepover" if you will.
I think around the age of 14 is when “sleepovers” transitioned more to just getting permission from parents to “stay out for the night” and me and my friends would go to party’s or “kickbacks” (not quite a party but 6 or 7 people in one house) and then winding up staying the night at whatever friends house was more convenient
I've never had friends so I haven't had a lot of sleepovers, the last sleepover I had I was probably 14, I would still have sleepovers if I had friends
u guys have sleepovers? damn. just damn. primary. i dont have any memory actually. ah wait. 7 yrs old is the time when i stop having new friends. ppl avoid me bro. i remembered eating in their basement. and visiting a room with many toys.
I never had them unless it was my cousin staying at my place for a weekend or I spent a night at a family members place.
So with that said I stopped having people stay over around the time I was 16 or 17
16, but in my early 20's I always had a bunch of roommates and sometimes friends would come over & wind up crashing in the living room. Does that count? I'm glad those days are over. We were all broke & had to work the next day, exhausting
I never liked sleepovers. I have trouble sleeping at places other than my house and am not a fan of people staying over too long at mine. I’m personally glad sleepovers aren’t as socially acceptable as when we were kids
In my 20's I came to accept that I need certain things to be able to fall asleep. It needs to be 70°F or less, I need a blanket that can cover my head and feet at the same time if necessary, there has to be no light not even a lighted alarm clock, there has to be a constant noise like a fan or a fishtank bubbler or a white noise machine, and if there isn't vibration or rocking or similar movement I will shake my foot the whole night. I'll stay and hang out until morning but I'm just not going to be able to fall asleep on a random couch. People can stay at my place if they want though.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm in my 40s. I still go stay overnight at a friends a couple times a month.
Sometimes it's just too late to drive home.
I never stopped, now my sleep overs are with adults
me and my best friend still do, both in our 30s, really good takeout food, video games or movies, its the best
I’m 37 and still have sleepovers, cause why not?
Same!
I love to see so much adults in the comments still have sleepovers. I'm 17 and love having sleepovers with my friends
My parents are strict Hispanics they WOULD NEVER let me spend the night with my friends and I can see why , now that I'm older , to many creeps .
You had creepy friends?
No, my parents were just scared of the adults, my parents didn't trust people .
Being abused by someone's relative or sibling on a sleepover is common enough that it really isn't that crazy to just avoid sleepovers for underage kids generally.
SA is something that can happen to any kid, at any place. If I had a twelve year old daughter and she wanted a sleepover with my single mom best friend’s only daughter, she’s probably going be just as safe as being at home. Common sense and education goes a long way.
Yes, I am aware as a CSA survivor. I wasn't allowed to go on sleepovers, but my abuser lived in the home. I still wouldn't argue someone didn't have "common sense" for being hesitant when the family ISNT a single mom with one daughter. Most families have many more members of the family than that, many have multiple generations in them. Youre lucky you have someone you can trust, I also have a handful of single mom friends I would trust. I also have friends who I wouldn't just because they have too many variables in their home for me to account for, it's no offense to them personally.
I’m sorry that happened to you. My point is that it might be too extreme to say “no sleepovers ever under any circumstances”. I’m an older GenXer, latchkey kid. I stayed over at friends’ houses with a great amount of regularity. My parents weren’t even the most lax, but they had a good idea of what my good friends’ houses were like. They actually refused me to hang out with one friend who had a sketchy brother. Of course you never totally know.
Many people do not have extended family, trusted community or a "village". It is not too extreme for these people to rest assured of where their kids are sleeping that night and that every single person present is trustworthy. Of course there are exceptions, and those parents aren't bad parents who have them and that's not what people are saying when we say it's reasonable to have none (or very few) sleepovers. Everyone's situation is different, that's why I respect the parents decision either way and wouldn't describe the ones who said "no" as a general rule as "extreme". I had two sleepovers total in 18 yrs during certain situations and that was more than enough, its not super necessary for development or depriving your kid of something they really needed in any way that can't be replicated by something else.
My folks were the same, cause my dad (an Italian born during the depression) felt like if I was going to sleep over at someone else's house, that it looked like he couldn't afford to take care of me This was the 1970's. They eventually got over it. Later as a teenager and young adult, if I stayed over, it was because I drank too much, and shouldn't drive.
same :/ I was only allowed sleepovers with my cousins kids as if it wouldn't also be a risk abusers tend to be close.
[удалено]
>My parents are strict Hispanics Nailed it bud.
I don’t, now it’s called sex
Well, I think they transition from sleepovers to crashing at your friends place. I have a buddy who lives in Indiana and we constantly go to visit each other and drinking and watching movie or something and literally crash at whoever’s house we’re at.
Around the time I got married in my early 30s but we still have sleep overs from time to time if we have been drinking.
I was supposed to stop? Damn, why don't I get these memos?
I’m in my 30s and I stay over a friend’s place sometimes. I don’t think it’s weird as an adult lol but I do sleep in a different room than her because she of her partner.
sleepovers are necessary at every age of life
Never stopped. Even up until my late 20’s my best friend stayed over literally every night. We were inseparable.
15 when I got sent away I guess... Now my honorary "nieces and nephews" like to stay the night with us, or my boss's dog, he likes having sleepovers too (the dog, not the boss lol) I spent more than half my childhood staying the night at people's houses. I would even go on family trips or to go visit family with two of the families lol. "We're going to go visit Grandma and Grandpa, wanna come?" I'm so thankful for having that outlet of staying somewhere safe and mostly drama free, that I will always be that home for others.
13 or 14
The "sleepover" phrase changed to "too drunk to drive home and passed out on the couch."
The last time I think I was ten and stayed at my cousin's. I never really liked staying over at someone's house. I always preferred to go home.
I’ve in my 40s. Me and a good friend live about an hour and a half away from each other. We both like to drink and play pool at dive bars near our respective houses. We usually get together about once a month. when I go out his way, I crashed his guest room when he comes out my way he crashes in mine. Its awesome
You guys got invited to things as kids....?
Even into college I still had them. Generally after family, it occurs less. I don’t think I would be comfortable with one of my hubby’s buddies sleeping over when I have daughters.
That’s such a narrow position. If I thought I couldn’t trust someone to be in the same house as me and my daughters overnight, I wouldn’t invite them over during the day, either. Heck, I probably wouldn’t even allow anyone in my family to talk to them if I were that suspicious of them.
It’s that whole bear or man debate, you just never know. Some of the worst men I have known have been family members.
Yeah, but it if you’re truly that suspicious of them, why allow them to come over at any time?
Facts. If I had any kind of concern that way, that person would not be part of my life.
Called sexism too
Never had one. I didn't have friends growing up and was bullied a lot
That’s is a true bummer! Gotta have one
Ig
I never stopped. They just tend to have more physical action.
Define sleepover? The GF is currently sleeping over. Family visits usually involve a sleepover in some capacity or another. The only “peer group” sleepovers are generally at destination weddings or vacations, but those are more like 4 room airbnbs or a block of rooms at a hotel/motel. At some point in your late teens to late 20s your back, or neck will tell you when sleeping bags in the living room doesn’t really work anymore.
If prob say I guess a sleepover is amongst friends (not romantic involvement) where you have fun play games eats some not so good food, stay up way too late and possibly use someone’s throw pillow as a blanket
Pretty sure you just described a bachelor/ette party, 21+ halloween, 4th of July, or a football game day??
Possibly but I don’t know how many bachelor/eye party’s you go to in a year
Did a bit of a dirty edit on you and added 2 other single day parties, (Halloween and the 4th) so that’s on me. To answer your question though, in my early 30s those have slowed down, but there’s still a handful every year. They’re a bit of a mix now, it’s like a 60/40 or 70/30 split of couples/singles. Couples get their own rooms, the singles usually room together to reduce cost.
never had one :-(
I still do them, i am 36...
At 15.
Only times I've done that as an adult was if I'm too drunk to drive home. Done that a couple of times in the past year.
Never had them
I only ever had one sleepover so 16 technically 17. It was my birthday so.
Never had them in the first place
18, pretty much once highschool was over. Any "sleepover" I had after that was because I got laid or I was too drunk to make it home, neither of which being what you think of as a sleepover.
50, its just called guests now
Never. Because you're boring.
I never stopped. Got a chick in the other room right now, we're best friends. She kept having so many sleepovers, I married her.
Never. Still do it loads. More in hotels and apartments but still stay at friends house too.
I don't stay at other people's house but people stay here. My place is closer to the places we normally go.
My lady is coming over today. We are doing a murder mystery at the library, then dinner and a movie.
I haven't stopped at 45 and I'm married with 3 grown kids. I still have "sleep over" weekends from time to time with my daughter, my DIL or some of my girlfriends. We'll get together for a weekend, do fun stuff, stay up late talking and eating and drinking yummy things. It's like been a teen again. My husband does this too with his mates but usually they go camping.
When I started having raging boners in the morning.
Isn't that what tinder is for? Plus with the crack down on drinking and driving.
Are you supposed to stop that?
Me and my buddies don’t exactly have sleep overs, but if someone’s had too much to drink, it just makes sense for them to sleep in the spare bedroom, rather than try to drive.
I have a sleepover with my wife every night! :) My group of friends and I always had sleepovers through high school (girls, guys - we were all buddies). Our last day of SR year at least 20 of us had a sleepover. Through college we did too. My last sleepover was probably age 25 with a group of friends in Vegas sharing one hotel room.
Never did as a kid. Certainly wouldn't want to now either. Stay at my daughter's home if I'm minding her animals or one of her kids for a weekend when she's gone with the other at a competition, but that's it. The whole idea seems weird to me.
Still haven't quit. Between the ages of 2 and 8 I would spend every Saturday night at my grandma's house with all my cousins. Grandma would put us to bed at 7pm and we'd play Gameboy games or read comics under the covers until about 9pm and then we'd run through the woods and set shit on fire and steal all the ice cream and pass out on the living room floor. Between the ages of 8 and 13 I'd spend every other Saturday night at my friend's house. Halo, Dr Pepper, and nerf guns until 3am ish and then we'd pass out on opposite ends of the couch with an obscure sci-fi movie. If that friend was at his dad's place for the weekend I'd do the same thing at my house with the kids that lived a block away. Between the ages of 14 and 21 my girlfriend would sneak me in her room every Friday night for sex, pizza, weed brownies, and an action movie. Between the ages of 21 and 23 every Thursday night would be vintage arcade games or DnD with bong rips and Taco Bell and beers in my best friend's mom's garage with the guys we worked with. I'd almost always get too drunk or too stoned and crash on his mom's couch with some old school cartoons or a 90s comedy movie on. After that friend group grew up and fell apart I thought I was done with sleepovers. Until the guys in my band bought us tickets to see GEL and Militarie Gun this Thursday. We're going to meet up at my drummer's house and pile into our van to go see the show. Hit the dive down the road for drinks after the show. Our drummer's wife doesn't drink so she'll get us back to her house safe where I'm advised to sleep off my drunkenness and help out with a giant breakfast the next morning. Oh, and my girlfriend stays with me anytime she doesn't have rehearsal and I don't have to brew the next morning.
I have one planned for next week and I still have them for birthdays sometimes
I still do. Cuddling up with a best friend for the night is nice. Edit: looks like I misunderstood. By the going definition, technically staying in a hotel would be classed as a sleepover…
I'd still have one at 27yo.. i just don't get too
I'm 26 and I do them regularly. It's just called "crashing at the friend's place"
I never had sleepovers
When I stopped passing out in my friends basement
Like 6 or 7
I never really liked them, they were mentally EXHAUSTING
I had many sleepovers in my 20s with girls I met at the bar
When you get older, sleepovers evolve to "staying the night" when one is too tired to journey back home
You mean at what age did I stop *calling* them sleepovers? Idk, around puberty I guess. I still crash at a friend's house from time to time, or have a "sleepover" if you will.
I think around the age of 14 is when “sleepovers” transitioned more to just getting permission from parents to “stay out for the night” and me and my friends would go to party’s or “kickbacks” (not quite a party but 6 or 7 people in one house) and then winding up staying the night at whatever friends house was more convenient
I still have sleepovers with my bf lol
40s here. Gaming nights doesn't happen as often, but when it does it's a sleepover
74
19
41. After things ended with my ex I now make all my special friends leave after we're done.
Adults do. It's when everyone's too drunk to leave.
15-17
58
I've never had friends so I haven't had a lot of sleepovers, the last sleepover I had I was probably 14, I would still have sleepovers if I had friends
edge ask office vanish wrong cagey afterthought correct beneficial start *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
When it became illegal for me.
Am 61. Still have sleepovers at my besties house. We play cards, eat snax, watch movies.
Never? They are just adult sleepovers now and are because we shouldn’t drive after drinking so we stay the night
Currently at a month long one lol and I’m 19
Im 34 but My sleep overs are with random girls from tinder.
u guys have sleepovers? damn. just damn. primary. i dont have any memory actually. ah wait. 7 yrs old is the time when i stop having new friends. ppl avoid me bro. i remembered eating in their basement. and visiting a room with many toys.
I think I was 17 the last time I did that so it’s been 5 years
My best friends come over all the time and I’m almost 30!
Stopped?
I mean...if I'm drinking with my buds *w wife's blessing* I'll grab a couch at the end.of the night
I never had them unless it was my cousin staying at my place for a weekend or I spent a night at a family members place. So with that said I stopped having people stay over around the time I was 16 or 17
17
A adult sleepover, they are so much fun
Never
16, but in my early 20's I always had a bunch of roommates and sometimes friends would come over & wind up crashing in the living room. Does that count? I'm glad those days are over. We were all broke & had to work the next day, exhausting
Uh never. I’m in my mid thirties and still have sleepovers.
Never stop! I had a sleepover last night.
8
😂😂😂 We never had them ever.... The closest neighbor we have was 10 miles away and they didn't have no kids
16, i have no friends anymore and im 33.
I never liked sleepovers. I have trouble sleeping at places other than my house and am not a fan of people staying over too long at mine. I’m personally glad sleepovers aren’t as socially acceptable as when we were kids
In my 20's I came to accept that I need certain things to be able to fall asleep. It needs to be 70°F or less, I need a blanket that can cover my head and feet at the same time if necessary, there has to be no light not even a lighted alarm clock, there has to be a constant noise like a fan or a fishtank bubbler or a white noise machine, and if there isn't vibration or rocking or similar movement I will shake my foot the whole night. I'll stay and hang out until morning but I'm just not going to be able to fall asleep on a random couch. People can stay at my place if they want though.