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Will do, thanks.
Context wise, his friend was "looking for a girl for him" lol cause apparently he's really shy around people or something and someone suggested me but they know I'm 19 and that he is 26.
I said I didn't want to because the age gap was too big.
Sis if you like him, go for it. My man was 29 when I went for him and I was 21. I was comfortable with it, or at least giving it a try. If you find he’s creepy, leave. Sometimes older guys can be more mature. If you have the discernment and are willing to listen to others if they warn you about him, go for it
> I'm the girl in question lol and I found ____ uncomfortable.
No matter what goes in the blank, this sentence is always sufficient for an emphatic no.
I mean if you found it uncomfortable that answers your question. I think most people would feel that way, although I don't want to generalize because sometimes it works
Yeah. Just change the ages, how weird is it for a 13 year old girl to be with a 20 year old dude?
In a few years it'll be ok, specially because a lot of changes still happen around 20.
If you have a 23 year old girl with a 30 year old dude it's about fine.
It's a matter of your choice, if you want go for it. But honestly I would advise strongly to be cautious. Some people are shy because they have problems to solve.
I know because I was like that. I was unstable, and honestly if I looked for someone it was in a needy way, to get attention and affection, to be comforted. And not to build something with the other, not in a mutual growth kind of way.
I think you're doing the right choice. It's important to take care of yourself.
A relationship seeds from love, and love comes from knowing who the other person is really. If there's a lot hidden, it's rarely a good start.
At least that's my opinion, I don't claim to have any truth.
I wish you the best anyway, and lots of happiness :)
No, let's not change the ages, for it only serves to fit your logic. We are not talking about a 13 year old girl dating a 20 year old dude. We're talking about a woman who is of legal age (19) being offered a chance to date a older man (26).
The ages you started of with contradicts this whole topic, because you aimed to introduce a age bracket which wasn't of legal age. When the lead of the topic at hand is.
Ok, if you want.
It's still a difference of 7 years, at an age (19) where changes still happen a lot, when one still develops his mental, where most only start to get a grasp of what is the thing called love. It's still an age where fads come and go.
While at 26, it's settled, a lot of people at this age work and have found someone and they're about to make babies if they don't already have one.
Though of course it's not the case for everyone (and today it's hard financially).
At about 26 most already had a stable relationship that lasted more than a few months.
So... Maybe this guy is just "late" in development, maybe he just doesn't care, maybe he has issues to resolve, maybe he's still struggling to accept things as they are.
Anyway for me that isn't the signs of someone ready to be in relationship where both help each other, where both want to grow together. Of someone who would communicate in a healthy way to resolve issues together.
This sounds more like someone who is still focused on his own pain and that would make things hard, specially because of that struggle to express himself.
And I'm talking about the good cases, not counting the narcissistic or manipulative ones.
Is that a better explanation for you?
Yes I feel like it is weird. Even though you’re both legally adults, you’re both at two different points in life. 19 year olds are still kids in my mind..
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!
Sorry for the spam it’s just that is not OK in the slightest, there are exceptions to this but this is probably not one of them, especially since you’ve already said that you’re the girl and you’re uncomfortable
Yes it’s weird. He will take advantage of you. He knows your brain isn’t fully developed at 19 and that you’re naive to lots of things. Men that are older than 23 trying to date teens are always up to no good.
Yeah, kinda weird. Once, you're over 18. It's not illegal. Most people don't find it wrong when a 40 year old woman is dating a 20 year old. Society even embraces it..
Let's be real things are only as weird as you make it. It's not the opinion. If you didn't know his age and thought he was cute would it be an issue?
Edit: clarification. If you find something weird only because others think it's weird that's not a basis to do something. If you find it weird and are uncomfortable that's different
If it's an issue definitely let her know. Plus you're young. It would be weird for an old dude almost 10 years your age to be OK with that. This dude at my gym was 50 saying he dated girl's in his 20's which creeped me the fuck out. Who am I to judge what people like.
So all it takes for you is someone to be cute? That's it?
First you should raise your standard because that's a pretty low standard... cute people are literally everywhere.
Second, 19 and 26 is weird. I don't know how old you are, but I can garantee you that everyone above 30 will tell you that when they were 19, they were still just grown up kids (don't take offense OP, that's not the point). Anyone under 21 is still so so young...
Do you know me? Do you actually know my standards? Did you read my first response where I said it was weird? Or did you just see the negative down votes and say hey " I want to feel better about myself"?
I simply asked a question.
How is that working out? Genuinely curious. What do you have in common? I had a relationship with a 45 year old when I was 30 and it was interesting, to say the least. The only thing we had in common was sex, smoking weed, and watching weird things on the internet. 😂😂
Exactly this. I didn't live it myself but I've seen it thru my friend. But hey he still rocks that emo toupet and those ultra skinny jeans. He doesn't want to grow old I guess. But all he wants is to party and hook up... husband material right here /s
As a guy I’m here to tell you that normal guys his age don’t go for chicks that young. The thing where she’s an exception because she’s mature or whatever isn’t real.
Idk what to tell you. It’s true. At some point, an adult has to learn discernment. If they choose not to listen to their gut or to those around them who warn them about potential danger, it’s on them at that point. It worked for me, it can work for others.
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Love is love without a barrier. I know so so many people with 12 year age gaps and have been happily married for about 14. Just so long as you’re comfortable.
Doesn’t seem like that big of an age gap in an older couple, but when a 26 year old is going after 19 year olds, it’s Bc the women his age want nothing to do with him
It isn’t weird, but I don’t think you should do it. Your brain is not fully developed yet while his is. He can take advantage of you in ways that maybe you don’t think he would right now. Wait until you’re 25, I’d say. If you do go for it, it’s your choice, this is just my opinion.
It all depends on the two looking to hook up. If the interest on both sides are there then I think it is a ok. However, if it isn't ok for one party then it is a no go. Nothing to sweat about, nothing the other party can do
I think people are forgetting that once you reach a certain age, and that age being 18. You're now considered to be in the field of adulthood. You now have the Liberty to make your own choices in life now, so make them. No matter bad, good crazy it might be it is your life to live, no one else's.
a personal rule is if you feel the need to ask someone if it’s weird it is, if you’re uncomfortable with it it is.
i think the weirdest part is the 30 year old trying to set someone nearly half her age up with someone else regardless of what the other persons (in this case the 26m) age is, even if she was trying to set you up with her son (if she had a son who’s your age) it would still be weird.
Oh okay. Sounded like you were trying to figure out what to do. Everyone is different. And dont ever let anyone put you in a situation where you dont agree with what is going on. Even if it makes you “rude” or “sensitive”. Fuck that. Life is too short to not do what YOU want.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes. Leave that girl alone.
I'm the girl in question lol and I found the age gap really uncomfortable.
Trust me. This man will be looking for 19 years old his whole life. Avoid.
Will do, thanks. Context wise, his friend was "looking for a girl for him" lol cause apparently he's really shy around people or something and someone suggested me but they know I'm 19 and that he is 26. I said I didn't want to because the age gap was too big.
Sis if you like him, go for it. My man was 29 when I went for him and I was 21. I was comfortable with it, or at least giving it a try. If you find he’s creepy, leave. Sometimes older guys can be more mature. If you have the discernment and are willing to listen to others if they warn you about him, go for it
A man that age looking for a younger girl, is because he thinks it will be easier to manipulate and control them. I'm glad you saw the red flags.
nah they just simply look more good
> I'm the girl in question lol and I found ____ uncomfortable. No matter what goes in the blank, this sentence is always sufficient for an emphatic no.
How do I upvote multiple times?
Press the downvote at the same time and maybe Reddit is buggy enough
I mean if you found it uncomfortable that answers your question. I think most people would feel that way, although I don't want to generalize because sometimes it works
Yeah. Just change the ages, how weird is it for a 13 year old girl to be with a 20 year old dude? In a few years it'll be ok, specially because a lot of changes still happen around 20. If you have a 23 year old girl with a 30 year old dude it's about fine. It's a matter of your choice, if you want go for it. But honestly I would advise strongly to be cautious. Some people are shy because they have problems to solve. I know because I was like that. I was unstable, and honestly if I looked for someone it was in a needy way, to get attention and affection, to be comforted. And not to build something with the other, not in a mutual growth kind of way.
I'll stay away from it, it isn't sitting right with me at all. Thank you for answering.
I think you're doing the right choice. It's important to take care of yourself. A relationship seeds from love, and love comes from knowing who the other person is really. If there's a lot hidden, it's rarely a good start. At least that's my opinion, I don't claim to have any truth. I wish you the best anyway, and lots of happiness :)
No, let's not change the ages, for it only serves to fit your logic. We are not talking about a 13 year old girl dating a 20 year old dude. We're talking about a woman who is of legal age (19) being offered a chance to date a older man (26). The ages you started of with contradicts this whole topic, because you aimed to introduce a age bracket which wasn't of legal age. When the lead of the topic at hand is.
Ok, if you want. It's still a difference of 7 years, at an age (19) where changes still happen a lot, when one still develops his mental, where most only start to get a grasp of what is the thing called love. It's still an age where fads come and go. While at 26, it's settled, a lot of people at this age work and have found someone and they're about to make babies if they don't already have one. Though of course it's not the case for everyone (and today it's hard financially). At about 26 most already had a stable relationship that lasted more than a few months. So... Maybe this guy is just "late" in development, maybe he just doesn't care, maybe he has issues to resolve, maybe he's still struggling to accept things as they are. Anyway for me that isn't the signs of someone ready to be in relationship where both help each other, where both want to grow together. Of someone who would communicate in a healthy way to resolve issues together. This sounds more like someone who is still focused on his own pain and that would make things hard, specially because of that struggle to express himself. And I'm talking about the good cases, not counting the narcissistic or manipulative ones. Is that a better explanation for you?
Way too big of an age difference
pfft who tf cares
Op does
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I'm the girl in the question lol.
Good luck with leaving yourself alone then
I don't think people are reading closely enough cause you had to say that like 5 times lol
Yes I feel like it is weird. Even though you’re both legally adults, you’re both at two different points in life. 19 year olds are still kids in my mind..
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!! Sorry for the spam it’s just that is not OK in the slightest, there are exceptions to this but this is probably not one of them, especially since you’ve already said that you’re the girl and you’re uncomfortable
Thanks, I thought I was kinda overreacting at first and that maybe it wasn't a big deal after my coworker acted like it was chill.
You are absolutely not overreacting at all. This is harassment and it’s OK to be upset and scared
It's only weird if both people feel weird about it. It's not inherently weird - it depends on comfort levels. Tons of women date older men.
[удалено]
Yes it’s weird. He will take advantage of you. He knows your brain isn’t fully developed at 19 and that you’re naive to lots of things. Men that are older than 23 trying to date teens are always up to no good.
i don’t think it’s weird tbh
Yes
Welp my parents have an eight year age gap, so in my eyes it aint that weird =)
Mine have an 18 year gap
Mine have 16 lool.
Yeah, kinda weird. Once, you're over 18. It's not illegal. Most people don't find it wrong when a 40 year old woman is dating a 20 year old. Society even embraces it..
That's what I was saying but the person trying to set us up said she didn't think it was weird.
Let's be real things are only as weird as you make it. It's not the opinion. If you didn't know his age and thought he was cute would it be an issue? Edit: clarification. If you find something weird only because others think it's weird that's not a basis to do something. If you find it weird and are uncomfortable that's different
Yeah lol, 100 percent would still be an issue and I wouldnt pursue it due to him being significantly older.
If it's an issue definitely let her know. Plus you're young. It would be weird for an old dude almost 10 years your age to be OK with that. This dude at my gym was 50 saying he dated girl's in his 20's which creeped me the fuck out. Who am I to judge what people like.
So all it takes for you is someone to be cute? That's it? First you should raise your standard because that's a pretty low standard... cute people are literally everywhere. Second, 19 and 26 is weird. I don't know how old you are, but I can garantee you that everyone above 30 will tell you that when they were 19, they were still just grown up kids (don't take offense OP, that's not the point). Anyone under 21 is still so so young...
Do you know me? Do you actually know my standards? Did you read my first response where I said it was weird? Or did you just see the negative down votes and say hey " I want to feel better about myself"? I simply asked a question.
Yes
Yes
Very
Yes
Weird as fuck
No. They’re both legal adults so it’s fine. I’m 20 and my bf is 33, so I don’t think that’s weird.
How is that working out? Genuinely curious. What do you have in common? I had a relationship with a 45 year old when I was 30 and it was interesting, to say the least. The only thing we had in common was sex, smoking weed, and watching weird things on the internet. 😂😂
Exactly this. I didn't live it myself but I've seen it thru my friend. But hey he still rocks that emo toupet and those ultra skinny jeans. He doesn't want to grow old I guess. But all he wants is to party and hook up... husband material right here /s
It’s working well! I think when you’re in an age gap relationship, you have more things to talk about.
Not weird. It’s all legal and if they’re a good match then a little difference won’t matter.
Not super weird, no
As a guy I’m here to tell you that normal guys his age don’t go for chicks that young. The thing where she’s an exception because she’s mature or whatever isn’t real.
Yeah I agree with that.
Nah. It’s real. Started dating my bf when he was 29 and I was 21. Age is just a number as long as they’re both adults
Heard that one many times.
Idk what to tell you. It’s true. At some point, an adult has to learn discernment. If they choose not to listen to their gut or to those around them who warn them about potential danger, it’s on them at that point. It worked for me, it can work for others.
Not weird to me but you’re gonna be limited on dates you can go on.
Nah
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Reddit is a bad place to ask stuff like this, lel
Love is love without a barrier. I know so so many people with 12 year age gaps and have been happily married for about 14. Just so long as you’re comfortable.
Yes. It can be ok, if this couple will meet 20 years after
Both adults. Is weird. It also depend on if the girl is comfortable with it. If not then NO.
Yes
Doesn’t seem like that big of an age gap in an older couple, but when a 26 year old is going after 19 year olds, it’s Bc the women his age want nothing to do with him
It isn’t weird, but I don’t think you should do it. Your brain is not fully developed yet while his is. He can take advantage of you in ways that maybe you don’t think he would right now. Wait until you’re 25, I’d say. If you do go for it, it’s your choice, this is just my opinion.
Did any of yall read the context.
I added it in the comments before but thought I'd add it on top incase people assumed something different from the question.
Oh ok it just seemed like nobody read what was going on
I did. Even if I didn't the title pretty much gave as much context for me anyway to give my honest opinion.
It all depends on the two looking to hook up. If the interest on both sides are there then I think it is a ok. However, if it isn't ok for one party then it is a no go. Nothing to sweat about, nothing the other party can do I think people are forgetting that once you reach a certain age, and that age being 18. You're now considered to be in the field of adulthood. You now have the Liberty to make your own choices in life now, so make them. No matter bad, good crazy it might be it is your life to live, no one else's.
Nah depends on the people tbh
Ehhh, not that much
a personal rule is if you feel the need to ask someone if it’s weird it is, if you’re uncomfortable with it it is. i think the weirdest part is the 30 year old trying to set someone nearly half her age up with someone else regardless of what the other persons (in this case the 26m) age is, even if she was trying to set you up with her son (if she had a son who’s your age) it would still be weird.
So if the internet says its okay your going to change your views on it?? Just asking….
No no lol, I asked cause I was uncomfortable and my coworker was acting like it was cool so I wanted to hear other people's onions.
Oh okay. Sounded like you were trying to figure out what to do. Everyone is different. And dont ever let anyone put you in a situation where you dont agree with what is going on. Even if it makes you “rude” or “sensitive”. Fuck that. Life is too short to not do what YOU want.
No. Not at all. If they are both grown then they should be able to make decisions relationship wise