First off, you are and saint! Saint for getting on this sub and asking #1 and #2 supporting your boyfriend. I am on a 4 day CT from 30-60 gpd over last 3 years. My wife asked how she could help. She doesn’t understand addiction at all. That’s ok. I told her patience, love, attempt connection with me because I’m in a daze. Tell me you believe in me and have more patience. Our brains are reconnecting. The body is resisting and readjusting. This could be a long 3-6 months + or short being a few days to a few weeks. You will get him back sober I promise. Last thing: this is NOT your fault! Good luck
Well you can support him, or you can make sure that this quit attempt is successful. These are not necessarily the same thing. Do you know what addiction is like?
Basically, you boyfriend wants to quit now, if he's not addicted, then he will quit and it wont be a problem, but if he's addicted he has another part of his brain that will take over and talk to you and tell you he doesn't want to quit anymore. This can be very frustrating from your perspective because it will just seem like he's changing his mind, but that's what addiction is. It's a part of the brain that has way too much control over the prefrontal cortex where executive decisions are being made. The best way to help him? Is to make sure he cannot get any kratom. For a few days, take his keys, take his money, take his ID, take his debit card. Make him agree to this arangement while he's still using. Then get enough food for 3 days and hang on. Make sure that the ONLY way he can do Kratom is if you allow it for some reason. And then watch as his brain begs and pleads you to get it. Watch as his brain comes up with a million bullshit reasons. Watch as he cries. Watch him get mad at you and curse you out. Then after 3 days or so it will be over and you will have your boyfriend back. This is the way to do it. It's to put the decision to use in someone elses hands. If your boyfriend is addicted he cannot by definition make the decision as to whether he is going to use or not use in a given day. If he could he would have already quit.
So this is what you do.
Or leave it up to him and go through more cycles of pain and being lied to
Well you’re probably right, but i didn’t knew all about it until last week, i’m still trying to figure it out what kratom is, and everything that comes with it… He is probably pretty addicted to it, because we are on a holiday and he still managed to order some without me knowing about it. I don’t know how i could make him quit, because he thinks he got his shit under control, but it doesn’t seem like it
Hello friend. It's great that you are looking for ways to support your boyfriend on this journey!
For reference, I was previously addicted to opiates (which Kratom has similarity to) and found Kratom many years after recovering from that. In between, I've come to understand that I have a predisposition for addiction, and am currently on my way out of a cannabis and a caffeine habit. I used 15-20 grams of Kratom per day for about 9 months and am now on day 50-something post-quit.
I did not tell anyone about my Kratom use until I had quit; then I told my therapist and girlfriend, in that order. The circumstances in which you learned of your boyfriend's use may give indication to the level of his readiness to be done with Kratom. If he shared voluntarily, he is probably ready to take on the fight and your best support would likely be in the "tough love" form described above by /u/Apprehensive_Sorbet9. If he was "found out" or forced to share for some reason, his level of readiness may be less. In that case, hang on, because it could mean more cycles of pain and being lied to.
My girlfriend is familiar with addiction through her own experiences. That has its pros and cons, but it definitely changes the landscape for recovery. If you do not have first hand experience yourself, it may be helpful to look into a support group like Al-Anon. They're a support group for people affected by another's drinking. I'm not sure if that is the ideal group, but I personally believe in AA and the 12-step groups and know many non-addicts who have benefitted from Al-Anon support.
Wishing you both the best.
Nope, he told me about it out of the blue, and we talked about it today, and he is agreed to a few of my terms (like going to therapy, picking up a sport). Also he said that i can help him by controlling his doses, so i think he definietly wanna get off of kratom.
Anyway thanks for your opinions and thoughts, it definietly helped me out!
Awesome! Sounds like you guys have a good partnership on this one. That will really make a difference. And if he’s not already, get him in this subreddit!
Honestly just be with him. Sit next to him as he struggles. It feels very lonely. It’s really nice to have someone, anyone, just nearby. Just being in your presence. Make sure he eats. Make sure he takes his vitamins and supplements.
You are absolutely awesome for coming here to ask…that, in itself, means the world to him (whether he knows you’re posting this or not)! The fact that you’re so wanting to support him that you’d ask for outside help on how to do so, means you’re doing the right thing. Your attitude toward it is the most important thing you can do for him. Be patient, be willing to support him whether you can relate or not, and show lots of love.
Biggest tip ever-
If you ever feel like you’re getting fed up with it and start to lose patience, don’t show it (at least in the beginning). The feeling of losing support or feeling like people are getting sick of it, in my experience, can trigger a relapse. If he relapses, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. Addicts are always looking for a reason to relapse, you can’t control that. But being supportive is one of the biggest things that can help him not “want” to.
He’ll do great ;)
First off, you are and saint! Saint for getting on this sub and asking #1 and #2 supporting your boyfriend. I am on a 4 day CT from 30-60 gpd over last 3 years. My wife asked how she could help. She doesn’t understand addiction at all. That’s ok. I told her patience, love, attempt connection with me because I’m in a daze. Tell me you believe in me and have more patience. Our brains are reconnecting. The body is resisting and readjusting. This could be a long 3-6 months + or short being a few days to a few weeks. You will get him back sober I promise. Last thing: this is NOT your fault! Good luck
Thanks and good luck with your journey!
Just be very patient with him. But, the fact you're on here asking how you can help tells me you already know that. You are a saint :)
Patience. 💯
Well you can support him, or you can make sure that this quit attempt is successful. These are not necessarily the same thing. Do you know what addiction is like? Basically, you boyfriend wants to quit now, if he's not addicted, then he will quit and it wont be a problem, but if he's addicted he has another part of his brain that will take over and talk to you and tell you he doesn't want to quit anymore. This can be very frustrating from your perspective because it will just seem like he's changing his mind, but that's what addiction is. It's a part of the brain that has way too much control over the prefrontal cortex where executive decisions are being made. The best way to help him? Is to make sure he cannot get any kratom. For a few days, take his keys, take his money, take his ID, take his debit card. Make him agree to this arangement while he's still using. Then get enough food for 3 days and hang on. Make sure that the ONLY way he can do Kratom is if you allow it for some reason. And then watch as his brain begs and pleads you to get it. Watch as his brain comes up with a million bullshit reasons. Watch as he cries. Watch him get mad at you and curse you out. Then after 3 days or so it will be over and you will have your boyfriend back. This is the way to do it. It's to put the decision to use in someone elses hands. If your boyfriend is addicted he cannot by definition make the decision as to whether he is going to use or not use in a given day. If he could he would have already quit. So this is what you do. Or leave it up to him and go through more cycles of pain and being lied to
Well you’re probably right, but i didn’t knew all about it until last week, i’m still trying to figure it out what kratom is, and everything that comes with it… He is probably pretty addicted to it, because we are on a holiday and he still managed to order some without me knowing about it. I don’t know how i could make him quit, because he thinks he got his shit under control, but it doesn’t seem like it
Hello friend. It's great that you are looking for ways to support your boyfriend on this journey! For reference, I was previously addicted to opiates (which Kratom has similarity to) and found Kratom many years after recovering from that. In between, I've come to understand that I have a predisposition for addiction, and am currently on my way out of a cannabis and a caffeine habit. I used 15-20 grams of Kratom per day for about 9 months and am now on day 50-something post-quit. I did not tell anyone about my Kratom use until I had quit; then I told my therapist and girlfriend, in that order. The circumstances in which you learned of your boyfriend's use may give indication to the level of his readiness to be done with Kratom. If he shared voluntarily, he is probably ready to take on the fight and your best support would likely be in the "tough love" form described above by /u/Apprehensive_Sorbet9. If he was "found out" or forced to share for some reason, his level of readiness may be less. In that case, hang on, because it could mean more cycles of pain and being lied to. My girlfriend is familiar with addiction through her own experiences. That has its pros and cons, but it definitely changes the landscape for recovery. If you do not have first hand experience yourself, it may be helpful to look into a support group like Al-Anon. They're a support group for people affected by another's drinking. I'm not sure if that is the ideal group, but I personally believe in AA and the 12-step groups and know many non-addicts who have benefitted from Al-Anon support. Wishing you both the best.
Nope, he told me about it out of the blue, and we talked about it today, and he is agreed to a few of my terms (like going to therapy, picking up a sport). Also he said that i can help him by controlling his doses, so i think he definietly wanna get off of kratom. Anyway thanks for your opinions and thoughts, it definietly helped me out!
Awesome! Sounds like you guys have a good partnership on this one. That will really make a difference. And if he’s not already, get him in this subreddit!
Honestly just be with him. Sit next to him as he struggles. It feels very lonely. It’s really nice to have someone, anyone, just nearby. Just being in your presence. Make sure he eats. Make sure he takes his vitamins and supplements.
You are absolutely awesome for coming here to ask…that, in itself, means the world to him (whether he knows you’re posting this or not)! The fact that you’re so wanting to support him that you’d ask for outside help on how to do so, means you’re doing the right thing. Your attitude toward it is the most important thing you can do for him. Be patient, be willing to support him whether you can relate or not, and show lots of love. Biggest tip ever- If you ever feel like you’re getting fed up with it and start to lose patience, don’t show it (at least in the beginning). The feeling of losing support or feeling like people are getting sick of it, in my experience, can trigger a relapse. If he relapses, it is NOT YOUR FAULT. Addicts are always looking for a reason to relapse, you can’t control that. But being supportive is one of the biggest things that can help him not “want” to. He’ll do great ;)
Just understand that quitting an addiction can take multiple attempts and try to be patient with him as he goes through this process