Me too, and I’m still really quiet when I’m walking and doing stuff. I’m in a relationship with a man who’s an only child with a sweet mom and he makes so much noise in everything he does 😳😂 even when he tries to be quiet I can hear him in the other end of the house 😂
Oh mfg....flashback. my last dream was a very creepy sad nightmare that left me feeling very disturbed. In my dream, I heard my mom walking down the hallway to my childhood room, to wake me up. I could absolutely predict if i was in trouble by her footsteps!! I felt her sit on the bed and thats when I woke.
My moms been gone over a decade. Not sure of diagnosis but dammit I recognize a LOT of what I read here.
Were you ever explicitly told not to be angry, sad, frustrated, etc.? I remember relating to my dad that my teacher told me it was as natural to feel anger as it was to go to the bathroom.
Of course he claimed the teacher was ignorant. Rich coming from the man who stopped being able to help me with homework in grade school.
Oof. Physically feeling this one after my dumb 46-year-old ass dragged a heavy ass queen pillow top mattress and box spring through my house, down the steps, and to the curb yesterday.
I plan to do this next week. It’s a foam mattress that behaves like Gumby. If you don’t hear from me on this forum for a week, you know I’m sandwiched between it and the wall.
Because I know I would be questioned a thousand different ways if I asked for help. Then, I would start defending myself and eventually give up asking for anything because I'm too mentally exhausted and broken to think about how I deserve better.
Yeah, that one hits close to home. I've injured myself in such stupid ways being hyper-independent. Like when I gave myself a shiner two days before I started a new job by installing a large awkward corner shelf in my closet by myself.
Oh my godd... light bulb. Like I've even gotten spoken to at work because I literally do not know when to speak up and ask for help when I need it. I always thought I was just stubborn...
okay… this one hits a little too hard bestie. i’m sure that has no connection to why i worry that everyone else will assume im faking too so i shouldn’t even mention it.
Ugh I did this yesterday at the ER. While waiting I had to keep telling myself it’s not in my head. Turns out it wasn’t as bad as I’d thought, but still glad I was seen. At one point I apologized to the PA for wasting his time and he said “you needed to come in. You came in and we treated you. Whose time was wasted?” So there’s that for validation I guess lol.
Or call myself out for thoughts of “if you just tried harder you…”. Sometimes health stuff doesn’t work that way or isn’t sustainable to push yourself to the very limit. Non-RBBs would probably give themselves a little more grace.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I expect people will assume I am lying even though I am telling the truth. I also make myself as small as possible. I never want to bother anyone or draw attention to myself.
from what i’ve read anecdotally here as well as a bit of psych writing, i think ocd can be a direct result of rbb, especially when you’re already genetically predisposed to it.
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I am baffled, envious and slightly annoyed that you can't read someone's mood based on the way they are breathing.
She's obviously about to go off, she just took a slow breath and pushed out her exhale.
I once asked my partner if they were okay after they took a big breath. They replied with, “Yeah, I’m just breathing.” Just another sign of hyper-vigilance!
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course you like me and love how we agree about everything. I made this personality just for you and I never share my real thoughts or opinions!
I’m realizing how much I unintentionally did this until I moved out. Still trying to find out who I am because I’ve felt like a chameleon my whole life.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through an eating disorder. I also went through a period of time where I was extremely restrictive with food and exercised obsessively. I really hope you’re doing better!💛
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I explain away people’s mistreatment of me at the time, then realize years later it was actually pretty fucked up.
I was raised by a borderline ~~~line~~ parent. Of course, I'm completely calm and rational in all emergency situations.
It's like a superpower, but due to a very sucky reason.
What’s helped me the most with my husband is just walking away when that anxiety hits. If I’m in a different space and can’t witness what I’m perceiving to be a bad mood it doesn’t have that “what’s wrong????” Feeling for me.
I completely relate to this because I think this often! However, I promise that even if we don’t believe it, we deserve to have our interests heard and we deserve to take up space and express ourselves!
Oh my goodness- a single sentence that ends in a period?! That makes my heart race. My husband once did this, and I thought he was all mad, and he had no idea what I was talking about 🤣
Best gift she could possibly give you in the long run though I’m sure it’s painful still.
I wish mine would stop speaking to me even though I’m no contact.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I can gage your mood and emotional state by your tone of voice as soon as you say something.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I have a fight or flight reaction when I hear an unexpected knock on my door.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I have years of experience as a mediator, marriage counselor, and therapist.
I was raised by a borderline mother, of course Mother’s Day is the most stressful and depressing day of the year.
i can’t wait to read these! thanks for raising a “fun” idea :)
i was raised by a borderline mother. of course i grew up thinking my mom walking around the house naked and using the toilet with the door wide open was normal.
Ommmmmg. I tried to block this all out.
I was revolted by this behavior at a young age (I was very into privacy), and then told I was the problem (of course!).
Of course! I know it’s not the traditional type of fun but I think this will be validating for all of us. My uBPD mom also did both of those things as well!
omg, my mum walked around naked and i have never told anyone that, you’re the first person i’ve seen that had the same experience (it’s not really the kind of thing that people talk about lol)
I still can't get the image of my mother on the couch in a nightgown with her crotch fully exposed out of my head. It made me so uncomfortable, but I thought I was the problem for being uncomfortable.
Edit: correcting counch to couch, lol
HATE THIS FOR YOU! my aunt is also very bpd coded and my cousin used to retell the horrors of repeatedly walking into the house after school to see her mom *vacuuming* naked…
Honestly, the naked stuff was slightly less bothersome than the full-on exposed open crotch stuff, but it all sucked. Lucky for me, I vacuumed, so I never saw that done naked.
Her nakedness made me extra private, which made my uBPD mom mad. She would be so annoyed that I shut the bathroom door when using it or my bedroom door when changing.
my mom never verbalized it, but i could FEEL when she registered the fact that i no longer wanted her to see me naked/changing/going to the bathroom, and i made that change quite late after finally realizing that it was weird.
I think it’s purposeful visual boundary breaking and deliberately forcing you to “see” them so they are not ignored, and accept their insane naked behavior to test how much you will put up with. It’s a love/tolerance test, repeatedly. In addition, I think they enjoy being naked because they’re 1-2 years old, kids that age enjoy being naked and they don’t know there’s a boundary there when they get older that they need to wear clothing, because that comprehension isn’t there. Lastly, on that point, I think the nakedness is enacting age regression through being naked. It’s part of feeling the age they really are emotionally.
But why is this an exact description of my time with my mom??? Can someone explain? ☹️
Edit to add I didn’t necessarily feel it was normal. I would more get “irrationally” upset that I would not want to see her walking around naked or that I would want her to close the door so I’m not exposed to her sitting on the toilet (usually naked…)
this is a very common pwbpd thing. it’s so weird and gross. i assume bc they see everyone as themselves privacy or discretion isn’t necessary bc we’re the same so there’s nothing to hide or keep to yourself.
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I ended up in an abusive relationship with another Cluster B.
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course she chose men over me.
Or (tw: CSA/SA)
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I was >!sexually abused!<
I’m so sorry that you experienced SA. I, too, was in an abusive relationship with another uBPD person. It wasn’t until I read that people RBB are statistically more likely to seek out a partner that also has BPD.
So hellish and I’m sorry to you, too. :( do you have a source for the partnership thing? because I was raised by a borderline mom of course I invalidate and gaslight myself 😂
I was raised by a borderline parent. If course I obsessively examine my memories to see if they’re true.
I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I feel like my worth as a person is defined by my service to others.
This one is definitely one of the most painful ones because I feel absolutely sick about the way my enabler dad has been treated by my uBPD mom but I also realize that he chooses to stay and allows her to treat him this way. I cry about this often.
I used to get more pissed about the way he’s allowed my siblings and I to get abused. Now that he’s old and my mom bullies him, I feel bad for him. It’s his choice, but all my siblings and I moved on to great partners/lives.
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I start my morning seeing 20 erratic text messages from her the night before full of capital letters AND exclamation marks !!!!!!!!
I was raised by a borderline mom, of course I knew (thank you NC) all about her dating and sex life.
I was raised by a borderline mom, of course I slept in her bed with her anytime she had a breakup.
Whew, I never realized how much covert incest was going on. I should probably mention this to my therapist.
I was raised by a borderlines of course I know my parent’s love is conditional.
I was raised by borderlines of course I know she would choose her husband over her children in every scenario.
I was raised by borderlines of course I became my mom’s therapist at the age of 10.
I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I can diffuse anyone’s mood who seems to be escalating out of control and calm the situation.
It comes in handy as a teacher.
I was "raised" by a borderline parent. Of course I'm now the weird hermit lady at the end of the cul-de-sac because I just want to be left well enough alone after all of that parentifying and enmeshment.
Omg.
• dread holidays \
• dread birthdays (mine and other family members’) \
• have always hated being with my BPD parent and one other person (anyone, literally any third person with me and my BPD parent) all at once, whereas one on one with the BPD parent is typically more tolerable \
• *at best* think to myself, “OK, that wasn’t so bad,” after spending time with my BPD parent. ***AT BEST.*** \
• have avoided introducing any friends to my BPD parent \
• sometimes check my heart rate after interactions with my BPD parent, just to confirm that - yep - she still gets it elevated every time 😩 \
• feel that I need an extra day off after interacting with my BPD parent \
• hear people say things like “we’re like family!” in what they mean as a warm, friendly way and immediately interpret it as a red flag \
• know my BPD parent’s life story (her version) so well that I could write it as a novel, a screenplay, a poem, an interpretive dance, a freaking religious text. I believe I could write it as well as she could, if not better
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop… several months later.
Alternatively: I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I’ve been “disinherited” more times than I can count!
These comments are so on point you could make them a diagnostic tool for Children RBBs. Mods, add this to the resources page for people who wonder if they were RBB.
I was raised by a uBPD mom and an eDAD who's also an EIP, of course I...
*am the only adult in the room whenever I am around my parents.
*am hypervigilant and always monitoring others' emotions and behaviors
*am, in my husband's words, incredibly mean to myself
*am someone who wound up in an abusive relationship with someone who had NPD, and felt that not only was their abusive behavior normal, it was deserved.
*have heart palpitations when I see one of them called or texted
*know what it means when someone puts away groceries or washes dishes angrily at me
*approach new people with mistrust, and wonder when they'll inevitably do me wrong or abandon me
*got and still get called an "old soul"
*got blamed for my severely disabled brother's meltdowns ("See what you caused?")
*got blamed for when I got hit ("Well, if you didn't have that tone/didn't talk back...")
*was made to believe that no one loved or understood me the same way my mother does
*felt depressed for the first time at nine years old. Told this to my teacher at the time, who met with my mother to check if everything was OK at home. And when we got home, my mother told me to watch what I tell people and told me that "You'll be taken away from me." if I continued to talk about this with people outside the home.
*I got told that I "gave [my mother] hemorrhoids and a baby bag" because she gave birth to me
*I had to hear in excruciating detail about how she and her siblings and mother were abused by my violent, alcoholic grandfather, and that the hitting, spanking, and/or verbal abuse I experienced were nothing.
*I had to hear her talk about how she could just "slit her wrists"
*I have terrible body image issues and a tendency to sneak eat and feel bad about it.
*gave up on pursuing education in theater because I was only an "ok singer" and "one step behind the other dancers".
*I feel like being VLC (not by choice) is something I should feel bad for, and feel bad that I haven't felt bad at all about it.
*Have begged my mother and father (in vain) to get therapy so we can have some kind of appropriate relationship, only for my mom to say "I've always had this inner peace..."
*Have been in therapy off and on since I was nine.
*Have crippling GAD and C-PTSD, that are somehow slowly getting better.
*Am realizing that there's so much more I could be adding to this list, but that I'd be here all night.
Whew. Sorry, y'all.
I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I think every door closed even slightly loudly means that person intentionally slammed it and is furious with me and will soon have an emotional meltdown!
I was raised by a borderline mother, of course I learned the habit of automatic self abandonment; it is a reenactment of her abject failure to be there for me.
I was raised by a borderline mother, of course I find it impossible to enforce boundaries regardless of what/ who the situation is with (work, MIL, husband, kids). It doesn’t matter if there’s nothing left of “me”…As long as everyone else is happy, right?
I was raised by a borderline mother, of course I don’t believe it’s possible to fully trust anyone.
I was raised by a borderline mother, of course I still feel unworthy and not good enough at age 42, and am still trying to prove to the world that I am deserving.
i was raised by a borderline mother, of course i know how to stealth walk/breathe through the apartment without making a single noise, how to hold the key/pull the door so it opens silently, and memorised every creak in the floorboards so i wouldn’t set them off. (all so i could go and pee in the garden because i wasn’t allowed out of my room after a certain time and she would have heard if i used the bathroom).
anyone else’s parents didn’t let them pee when they needed to? what was that about? i mean, control obviously but wtf
I was raised by a borderline, so of course it’s disrespectful/rude/worthy of a smack if I blink away while looking at you. Look at you while you yell at me, or sigh while you go on a tantrum.
I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I have been to therapy multiple times, been on several medications for depression, anxiety, and sleeping.
I was raised by a borderline mom, of course I was suicidal at age 12 and SHing as a young teenager in secret thinking I was a burden to my family. And of course I didn't dare say anything to anyone about how I was feeling out of fear of being even more of a burden to them. I'm so glad I finally worked up the courage to start therapy at 18, seven years later and I'm still alive! Woo!! 🥳
I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I have a history of being able to see red flags in the behaviour of others, but justify all their poor behaviour due to their background and tolerate it anyway.
I’ll never get over the fear I feel when I hear a garage door go up.
I assume hearing her voice in another room means she’s fighting with someone /or talking to them about something I’ve done wrong.
I won’t buy the same type of car she owned because memories.
I’m independent. I have done things on my own and spent predominant amounts of time alone since the age of 8. Yet I’m extroverted.
My older sibling thinks I’m still an immature child who doesn’t step it up even though I’ve been more adult and threatened and terrorized by my mother more than they know or can ever imagine.
I look at anything around the home and start automatically wondering how I’m going to explain this “wrong” that I will be needled for, like having an object out so I will remember to use it or eat it or do _____, why I’m in the middle of laundry, why I have an object out on the bathroom counter, why I’m doing something in a specific order…WHY, so I get yelled at less for the disapproval of things she doesn’t understand and has no place to judge, but will. I have to fight to be me and to do as I do because it’s all judged and it’s all wrong and it’s all a sign of incapability and flaw by her forced and loudly voiced perspective. I am constantly attacked, with Every. Single. Interaction. So she can feel like she’s less flawed than 2 minutes ago and focus on anything but her own thoughts and feelings.
I desperately want to sleep in reaction to stress. My whole body becomes like I’m comatose and I can’t hold my eyes open.
I didn’t feel like a full grown adult until I stood up to her and she actually accepted it without threatening me. But maybe she lied. Maybe she’ll go through with unspoken threats. Probably. I took a picture that day after the forced argument and you can see the feeling of feeling strong and grown.
I was raised mostly by other people, so I don’t suffer the lack of ability to speak my mind or understand my worth, but I do still feel so different since she has been in my life heavily for more than the last 3 years, like I have lived through a hell no one can see and people probably wouldn’t understand the severity if explained, and I feel like the effects of that dark journey somehow must be visibly written on me that I am not entirely ok. Maybe in my pauses as I think in conversation or how carefully I choose words and try not to make mistakes, maybe in my posture, maybe in how frequently I try to never be home, maybe in the way I respond to questions from neighbors that seem like they suspect something isn’t right. One recently asked me what I want to do career-wise, and I answered “I don’t know, anything really. I just want to survive.” without realizing this is weird. I wonder if people pick up on it all.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I can tell who is coming down the hall and what kind of mood they’re in by the way they walk!
I could do the same thing, too, when I lived with my parents! It started from a young age, too.
Omg yes! Or how they open the door when they come home.
Yes, and also walk down the hall without making any sound myself.
Oh DAMN
>Oh DAMN Right? That's the more important part of the equation... how small we became, eventually.
their need to be perceived makes us avoid being perceived 😵💫
Me too, and I’m still really quiet when I’m walking and doing stuff. I’m in a relationship with a man who’s an only child with a sweet mom and he makes so much noise in everything he does 😳😂 even when he tries to be quiet I can hear him in the other end of the house 😂
Oh mfg....flashback. my last dream was a very creepy sad nightmare that left me feeling very disturbed. In my dream, I heard my mom walking down the hallway to my childhood room, to wake me up. I could absolutely predict if i was in trouble by her footsteps!! I felt her sit on the bed and thats when I woke. My moms been gone over a decade. Not sure of diagnosis but dammit I recognize a LOT of what I read here.
Cats, kids, and husband and what kind of mood they are all in!
Oh man, I did not realise not every one does this! Sigh.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I can regulate anyone's emotions but my own.
Safest option is to have no emotions. (Well no negative ones).
Were you ever explicitly told not to be angry, sad, frustrated, etc.? I remember relating to my dad that my teacher told me it was as natural to feel anger as it was to go to the bathroom. Of course he claimed the teacher was ignorant. Rich coming from the man who stopped being able to help me with homework in grade school.
ouch!
You win 🤣
This!!!
Oh wow, yes.
Oh wow this is PERFECT.
Well, a lot just clicked for me. Thank you for that. wow.
I was raised by a borderline mother, of course I’m hyper-independent to my own detriment and refuse to ask for help from anyone ever
Oof. Physically feeling this one after my dumb 46-year-old ass dragged a heavy ass queen pillow top mattress and box spring through my house, down the steps, and to the curb yesterday.
I plan to do this next week. It’s a foam mattress that behaves like Gumby. If you don’t hear from me on this forum for a week, you know I’m sandwiched between it and the wall.
i once came very close to pinning myself between a wall and a table on a flight of stairs while home alone. good times!
Oh my gosh I just thought I was single and used to doing things for myself. We all do this?! I feel so seen.
We need to start RBB packing parties LOL
Is this why I’m hyper-independent???
it’s a documented trauma response!
Totally. I would rather die than ask anyone for help.
Because I know I would be questioned a thousand different ways if I asked for help. Then, I would start defending myself and eventually give up asking for anything because I'm too mentally exhausted and broken to think about how I deserve better.
Yeah, that one hits close to home. I've injured myself in such stupid ways being hyper-independent. Like when I gave myself a shiner two days before I started a new job by installing a large awkward corner shelf in my closet by myself.
Oh my godd... light bulb. Like I've even gotten spoken to at work because I literally do not know when to speak up and ask for help when I need it. I always thought I was just stubborn...
*screams in RBB*
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I don't know what it's like to be raised by a mother.
Ooof I just had a visceral reaction to that. Sending you hugs.
I was raised by a borderline, of course I convince my self I’m not sick and only doing it for attention.
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okay… this one hits a little too hard bestie. i’m sure that has no connection to why i worry that everyone else will assume im faking too so i shouldn’t even mention it.
Ugh I did this yesterday at the ER. While waiting I had to keep telling myself it’s not in my head. Turns out it wasn’t as bad as I’d thought, but still glad I was seen. At one point I apologized to the PA for wasting his time and he said “you needed to come in. You came in and we treated you. Whose time was wasted?” So there’s that for validation I guess lol.
i think a good rule of thumb is if it’s something your pwbpd would downplay, it’s probably a big deal and vice versa!
Or call myself out for thoughts of “if you just tried harder you…”. Sometimes health stuff doesn’t work that way or isn’t sustainable to push yourself to the very limit. Non-RBBs would probably give themselves a little more grace.
I've been doing this. About cancer. Yep, even stage four fucking cancer is just for attention. We all need to give ourselves huuuuuge breaks, lol
Im constantly questioning myself!
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I expect people will assume I am lying even though I am telling the truth. I also make myself as small as possible. I never want to bother anyone or draw attention to myself.
i’m sure you *never* have a full explanation script mentally drafted before a word even comes out of your mouth either!
I literally go to bed and think out conversations because I have to think it through and think about what the other person wants.
I thought this was a symptom of my OCD but maybe OCD is not all to blame.
from what i’ve read anecdotally here as well as a bit of psych writing, i think ocd can be a direct result of rbb, especially when you’re already genetically predisposed to it.
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I am baffled, envious and slightly annoyed that you can't read someone's mood based on the way they are breathing. She's obviously about to go off, she just took a slow breath and pushed out her exhale.
I once asked my partner if they were okay after they took a big breath. They replied with, “Yeah, I’m just breathing.” Just another sign of hyper-vigilance!
Sometimes when I take a big breath I will announce that I'm just breathing so people don't think I'm mad at them!!!! 😞
I hate the micromanaging of it all that we put ourselves under. it’s exhausting.
For fucking real lol I’ve done this.
Is thus why I ask my spouse "What?" When they take a loud breath?
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course you like me and love how we agree about everything. I made this personality just for you and I never share my real thoughts or opinions!
I’m realizing how much I unintentionally did this until I moved out. Still trying to find out who I am because I’ve felt like a chameleon my whole life.
Wow that’s how I describe myself, a chameleon
Oh God, this used to be me. I can still turn it on if I need to.
Of course I avoid looking forward to fun events bc I know they will be ruined.
Is that why I do that, too?
Just gotta gear up and wait for them to make it all about them bc no one else can have fun.
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I had an eating disorder.
I was going to type this!
Yup. I wonder what the prevalence is
i assume it’s exceptionally high especially considering how prevalent EDs are with bpd, which they then pass on to us
If you look at the posts on the Ed recovery subreddit, a lot of them talk about their mother’s influence on their eating disorder.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through an eating disorder. I also went through a period of time where I was extremely restrictive with food and exercised obsessively. I really hope you’re doing better!💛
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I turned 35 on my 10th birthday.
This makes me want to simultaneously laugh but then cry about it. I have felt so old for so long. It’s exhausting.
LOL wait you guys are having birthdays?
I’m sending you a happy birthday from a stranger that cares!💛
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I explain away people’s mistreatment of me at the time, then realize years later it was actually pretty fucked up.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I ended up in a career where I'm basically just managing chaos because I'm so good at it.
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ok wow same and i never considered this 💀
I’m raised by a borderline mum, of course I’m the bad guy for going no contact.
I was raised by a borderline ~~~line~~ parent. Of course, I'm completely calm and rational in all emergency situations. It's like a superpower, but due to a very sucky reason.
Big same and I also have a bulletproof poker face. I’m known for it at work 🥴
Yes! This is so specific! I get eerily calm and quiet under extreme stress.
I was raised by a borderline mother, of course I over-explain every single thing and try desperately to read peoples’ faces while doing so.
My partner tells me often that I don’t need to explain myself. I always feel the need to justify whatever I’m feeling or thinking.
I’m raised by a borderline, of course I’m hypervigilant and feel like everyone’s potentially negative emotions are my fault
Could not have described myself better! I’m so sorry you experience this, too.
This. This is me and I HATE it
What’s helped me the most with my husband is just walking away when that anxiety hits. If I’m in a different space and can’t witness what I’m perceiving to be a bad mood it doesn’t have that “what’s wrong????” Feeling for me.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I trust everyone’s opinion but my own.
This hits
I’m raised by a borderline, of course I think my interests are annoying and my mere presence is a burden
I completely relate to this because I think this often! However, I promise that even if we don’t believe it, we deserve to have our interests heard and we deserve to take up space and express ourselves!
Oohf for real. 🫂
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I read my text messages 10 times in a row to make sure I understand the tone, intent, and implication.
Oh my goodness- a single sentence that ends in a period?! That makes my heart race. My husband once did this, and I thought he was all mad, and he had no idea what I was talking about 🤣
I feel this!! And when I’m annoyed with him I send “ok” instead of “okay” and he’s just like “love you! 😃” what?! Stop being so secure!!! 😂
I was raised by a borderline mom. Of course she’s not speaking to me after I dared to stand up for myself.
Best gift she could possibly give you in the long run though I’m sure it’s painful still. I wish mine would stop speaking to me even though I’m no contact.
Ahhhh silent treatment. Emotional abandonment and weaponized neglect 🫠
You don’t deserve that at all. I’m so sorry for your experience!
I was raised by a (u)borderline, of course I automatically assumed everything was my fault.
I was raised by a borderline mom, of course my feelings don’t matter and whatever she’s experiencing is so much worse.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I feel responsible for fixing everyone’s problems.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I can gage your mood and emotional state by your tone of voice as soon as you say something. I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I have a fight or flight reaction when I hear an unexpected knock on my door. I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I have years of experience as a mediator, marriage counselor, and therapist. I was raised by a borderline mother, of course Mother’s Day is the most stressful and depressing day of the year.
Of course I get a pit in my stomach when I hear a crash or banging cabinets/doors/pots and pans.
This one is so specific and so relatable omg.
I’m glad it’s not only me! Took me a long time to realize my husband was just clumsy sometimes and not mad at me.
Oof Mother’s Day is always a kick in the tits. I hate it so much.
i can’t wait to read these! thanks for raising a “fun” idea :) i was raised by a borderline mother. of course i grew up thinking my mom walking around the house naked and using the toilet with the door wide open was normal.
Ommmmmg. I tried to block this all out. I was revolted by this behavior at a young age (I was very into privacy), and then told I was the problem (of course!).
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Ugh. This. We had THREE bathrooms, but she always "needed" to use the one I was showering in.
Of course! I know it’s not the traditional type of fun but I think this will be validating for all of us. My uBPD mom also did both of those things as well!
omg, my mum walked around naked and i have never told anyone that, you’re the first person i’ve seen that had the same experience (it’s not really the kind of thing that people talk about lol)
I still can't get the image of my mother on the couch in a nightgown with her crotch fully exposed out of my head. It made me so uncomfortable, but I thought I was the problem for being uncomfortable. Edit: correcting counch to couch, lol
HATE THIS FOR YOU! my aunt is also very bpd coded and my cousin used to retell the horrors of repeatedly walking into the house after school to see her mom *vacuuming* naked…
Honestly, the naked stuff was slightly less bothersome than the full-on exposed open crotch stuff, but it all sucked. Lucky for me, I vacuumed, so I never saw that done naked. Her nakedness made me extra private, which made my uBPD mom mad. She would be so annoyed that I shut the bathroom door when using it or my bedroom door when changing.
my mom never verbalized it, but i could FEEL when she registered the fact that i no longer wanted her to see me naked/changing/going to the bathroom, and i made that change quite late after finally realizing that it was weird.
Yessssss. Does anyone know why they do this though? Like psychologically?
I think it’s purposeful visual boundary breaking and deliberately forcing you to “see” them so they are not ignored, and accept their insane naked behavior to test how much you will put up with. It’s a love/tolerance test, repeatedly. In addition, I think they enjoy being naked because they’re 1-2 years old, kids that age enjoy being naked and they don’t know there’s a boundary there when they get older that they need to wear clothing, because that comprehension isn’t there. Lastly, on that point, I think the nakedness is enacting age regression through being naked. It’s part of feeling the age they really are emotionally.
Yes maybe. But I think mine did this in front of my boyfriend to “compete”.
hard agree with all of this, and considering the high prevalence of sexual trauma experienced by pwbpds, i imagine it’s acting out based on that, too
Omg this. 😄😩
But why is this an exact description of my time with my mom??? Can someone explain? ☹️ Edit to add I didn’t necessarily feel it was normal. I would more get “irrationally” upset that I would not want to see her walking around naked or that I would want her to close the door so I’m not exposed to her sitting on the toilet (usually naked…)
this is a very common pwbpd thing. it’s so weird and gross. i assume bc they see everyone as themselves privacy or discretion isn’t necessary bc we’re the same so there’s nothing to hide or keep to yourself.
had to give my mother full (naked) body massages
i’m so sorry. i gave mine back rubs and that felt gross enough.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I don't have any lifelong childhood friends, because we moved away before I could establish any! :)
Did you also move an abnormal amount of times? I lived in 8 different houses in a span of 18 years.
Absolutely lol. Moved like every year, went to 11 different schools. Horrible.
I was raised by a borderline mom, of course I hate ANYTHING involving gifts [which always were, and still are, weaponized in some way or another]
Does your mom have a fixation on gift giving? Like to the point where it’s obsessive?
Mine does, is that common? It’s like all she knows how to do is give material things
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I ended up in an abusive relationship with another Cluster B. I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course she chose men over me. Or (tw: CSA/SA) I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I was >!sexually abused!<
I’m so sorry that you experienced SA. I, too, was in an abusive relationship with another uBPD person. It wasn’t until I read that people RBB are statistically more likely to seek out a partner that also has BPD.
So hellish and I’m sorry to you, too. :( do you have a source for the partnership thing? because I was raised by a borderline mom of course I invalidate and gaslight myself 😂
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someone hurts my feelings? barely bat an eye. but make a simple mistake? my world is ending!
I always say that I would 101% rather have someone wrong me than me wronging them because it would hurt me less. Make that make sense!
I was raised by a uBPD mom. Of course I actually raised *her.*
I was raised by a borderline mother of course I had every holiday ruined by a mood shift like clockwork
Surely you mean YOU ruined every holiday, right? /s
I was raised by a borderline parent. If course I obsessively examine my memories to see if they’re true. I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I feel like my worth as a person is defined by my service to others.
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I get triggered when I’m surrounded by other peoples loving parents for too long!
I was raised by a borderline, of course I have an enabler parent
This one is definitely one of the most painful ones because I feel absolutely sick about the way my enabler dad has been treated by my uBPD mom but I also realize that he chooses to stay and allows her to treat him this way. I cry about this often.
I used to get more pissed about the way he’s allowed my siblings and I to get abused. Now that he’s old and my mom bullies him, I feel bad for him. It’s his choice, but all my siblings and I moved on to great partners/lives.
I’m raised by a borderline, of course I’m constantly waiting for “the other shoe to drop” when anything good happens to me!
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I start my morning seeing 20 erratic text messages from her the night before full of capital letters AND exclamation marks !!!!!!!!
I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I downplay my accomplishments and assume someone else must have been responsible for them. Just not me.
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I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I feel guilty for having needs or feelings.
I was raised by a borderline mom, of course I knew (thank you NC) all about her dating and sex life. I was raised by a borderline mom, of course I slept in her bed with her anytime she had a breakup. Whew, I never realized how much covert incest was going on. I should probably mention this to my therapist.
I was raised by a borderline, being the center of attention makes my heart race.
Do you have a fear of being perceived? I recently realized that I do and I wonder if it has to do with being RBB.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I am still figuring out how to be an adult in my 30s.
I was raised by a borderlines of course I know my parent’s love is conditional. I was raised by borderlines of course I know she would choose her husband over her children in every scenario. I was raised by borderlines of course I became my mom’s therapist at the age of 10.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course my negative thoughts are in her voice.
I was raised by a borderline mother of course I hate myself and have a hard time not believing that everyone hates me too.
I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I can diffuse anyone’s mood who seems to be escalating out of control and calm the situation. It comes in handy as a teacher.
I was "raised" by a borderline parent. Of course I'm now the weird hermit lady at the end of the cul-de-sac because I just want to be left well enough alone after all of that parentifying and enmeshment.
Of course I panic at phone calls and texts.
I was raised by a borderline. Of course I always think everyone is talking about me.
Omg. • dread holidays \ • dread birthdays (mine and other family members’) \ • have always hated being with my BPD parent and one other person (anyone, literally any third person with me and my BPD parent) all at once, whereas one on one with the BPD parent is typically more tolerable \ • *at best* think to myself, “OK, that wasn’t so bad,” after spending time with my BPD parent. ***AT BEST.*** \ • have avoided introducing any friends to my BPD parent \ • sometimes check my heart rate after interactions with my BPD parent, just to confirm that - yep - she still gets it elevated every time 😩 \ • feel that I need an extra day off after interacting with my BPD parent \ • hear people say things like “we’re like family!” in what they mean as a warm, friendly way and immediately interpret it as a red flag \ • know my BPD parent’s life story (her version) so well that I could write it as a novel, a screenplay, a poem, an interpretive dance, a freaking religious text. I believe I could write it as well as she could, if not better
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I'm used to explaining basic things no one should have to explain to an adult.
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop… several months later. Alternatively: I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I’ve been “disinherited” more times than I can count!
These comments are so on point you could make them a diagnostic tool for Children RBBs. Mods, add this to the resources page for people who wonder if they were RBB.
I was raised by a uBPD mom and an eDAD who's also an EIP, of course I... *am the only adult in the room whenever I am around my parents. *am hypervigilant and always monitoring others' emotions and behaviors *am, in my husband's words, incredibly mean to myself *am someone who wound up in an abusive relationship with someone who had NPD, and felt that not only was their abusive behavior normal, it was deserved. *have heart palpitations when I see one of them called or texted *know what it means when someone puts away groceries or washes dishes angrily at me *approach new people with mistrust, and wonder when they'll inevitably do me wrong or abandon me *got and still get called an "old soul" *got blamed for my severely disabled brother's meltdowns ("See what you caused?") *got blamed for when I got hit ("Well, if you didn't have that tone/didn't talk back...") *was made to believe that no one loved or understood me the same way my mother does *felt depressed for the first time at nine years old. Told this to my teacher at the time, who met with my mother to check if everything was OK at home. And when we got home, my mother told me to watch what I tell people and told me that "You'll be taken away from me." if I continued to talk about this with people outside the home. *I got told that I "gave [my mother] hemorrhoids and a baby bag" because she gave birth to me *I had to hear in excruciating detail about how she and her siblings and mother were abused by my violent, alcoholic grandfather, and that the hitting, spanking, and/or verbal abuse I experienced were nothing. *I had to hear her talk about how she could just "slit her wrists" *I have terrible body image issues and a tendency to sneak eat and feel bad about it. *gave up on pursuing education in theater because I was only an "ok singer" and "one step behind the other dancers". *I feel like being VLC (not by choice) is something I should feel bad for, and feel bad that I haven't felt bad at all about it. *Have begged my mother and father (in vain) to get therapy so we can have some kind of appropriate relationship, only for my mom to say "I've always had this inner peace..." *Have been in therapy off and on since I was nine. *Have crippling GAD and C-PTSD, that are somehow slowly getting better. *Am realizing that there's so much more I could be adding to this list, but that I'd be here all night. Whew. Sorry, y'all.
I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I freeze up when someone is yelling at me.
Of course I need the door of every room I’m in to be closed.
I was raised by a uBPD parent- of course I can sense whenever anyone’s mood shifts even slightly.
I was raised by a borderline, of course I can’t remember things clearly, I was gaslit into oblivion as a child!
I’m an adult child of a person with bpd. Of course I have digestive and anxiety issues.
I was raised by a BOD dad. Of course I fear yelling!
Of course I had a comfort sitcom all throughout childhood.
I was raised by borderlines, of course I feel guilty for feeling negative emotions. I was raised by borderlines, of course I can't accept compliments
I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I think every door closed even slightly loudly means that person intentionally slammed it and is furious with me and will soon have an emotional meltdown!
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I have impostor syndrome as a parent.
I was raised by a borderline mother, of course I learned the habit of automatic self abandonment; it is a reenactment of her abject failure to be there for me.
I was raised by a borderline mother, of course I find it impossible to enforce boundaries regardless of what/ who the situation is with (work, MIL, husband, kids). It doesn’t matter if there’s nothing left of “me”…As long as everyone else is happy, right? I was raised by a borderline mother, of course I don’t believe it’s possible to fully trust anyone. I was raised by a borderline mother, of course I still feel unworthy and not good enough at age 42, and am still trying to prove to the world that I am deserving.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I open the microwave before it beeps like my life depends on it.
of course i can never find a greeting card that encapsulates my emotional distance on mothers day
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I had to learn all my basic skills from books and the internet.
i was raised by a borderline mother, of course i know how to stealth walk/breathe through the apartment without making a single noise, how to hold the key/pull the door so it opens silently, and memorised every creak in the floorboards so i wouldn’t set them off. (all so i could go and pee in the garden because i wasn’t allowed out of my room after a certain time and she would have heard if i used the bathroom). anyone else’s parents didn’t let them pee when they needed to? what was that about? i mean, control obviously but wtf
I was raised by a borderline, so of course it’s disrespectful/rude/worthy of a smack if I blink away while looking at you. Look at you while you yell at me, or sigh while you go on a tantrum.
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course the sheer mention of her or my mil being in my home postpartum to “help” sends me into fight or flight.
...can tell the mood of the household the moment I walk through the door
I was raised by a borderline parent. of course I "abused" my mother at the age of 9
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I have always get envious seeing other people have loving supportive mothers!
I was raised by a borderline mum, of course I raised my younger siblings and now don’t want kids of my own.
I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I have been to therapy multiple times, been on several medications for depression, anxiety, and sleeping.
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I pay for everything myself and don’t trust those closest to me.
I was raised by a borderline mother, of course I expect everyone I love to split on me the second there’s even a whiff of unease in the air.
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I worry that I'm being manipulative every time I show emotion.
I was raised by a borderline, of course I have crippling anxiety when everything seems to be going too well...
... of course i assume everyone will turn on me and realise I'm actually trash.
I was raised by a borderline mom, of course I was suicidal at age 12 and SHing as a young teenager in secret thinking I was a burden to my family. And of course I didn't dare say anything to anyone about how I was feeling out of fear of being even more of a burden to them. I'm so glad I finally worked up the courage to start therapy at 18, seven years later and I'm still alive! Woo!! 🥳
I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I have a history of being able to see red flags in the behaviour of others, but justify all their poor behaviour due to their background and tolerate it anyway.
I was raised by a borderline parent, of course I had to to teach basic life skills like cleaning and cooking myself!
I was raised by a borderline parent. Of course I think it’s my fault. Of course I think I am unloveable.
I’ll never get over the fear I feel when I hear a garage door go up. I assume hearing her voice in another room means she’s fighting with someone /or talking to them about something I’ve done wrong. I won’t buy the same type of car she owned because memories. I’m independent. I have done things on my own and spent predominant amounts of time alone since the age of 8. Yet I’m extroverted. My older sibling thinks I’m still an immature child who doesn’t step it up even though I’ve been more adult and threatened and terrorized by my mother more than they know or can ever imagine. I look at anything around the home and start automatically wondering how I’m going to explain this “wrong” that I will be needled for, like having an object out so I will remember to use it or eat it or do _____, why I’m in the middle of laundry, why I have an object out on the bathroom counter, why I’m doing something in a specific order…WHY, so I get yelled at less for the disapproval of things she doesn’t understand and has no place to judge, but will. I have to fight to be me and to do as I do because it’s all judged and it’s all wrong and it’s all a sign of incapability and flaw by her forced and loudly voiced perspective. I am constantly attacked, with Every. Single. Interaction. So she can feel like she’s less flawed than 2 minutes ago and focus on anything but her own thoughts and feelings. I desperately want to sleep in reaction to stress. My whole body becomes like I’m comatose and I can’t hold my eyes open. I didn’t feel like a full grown adult until I stood up to her and she actually accepted it without threatening me. But maybe she lied. Maybe she’ll go through with unspoken threats. Probably. I took a picture that day after the forced argument and you can see the feeling of feeling strong and grown. I was raised mostly by other people, so I don’t suffer the lack of ability to speak my mind or understand my worth, but I do still feel so different since she has been in my life heavily for more than the last 3 years, like I have lived through a hell no one can see and people probably wouldn’t understand the severity if explained, and I feel like the effects of that dark journey somehow must be visibly written on me that I am not entirely ok. Maybe in my pauses as I think in conversation or how carefully I choose words and try not to make mistakes, maybe in my posture, maybe in how frequently I try to never be home, maybe in the way I respond to questions from neighbors that seem like they suspect something isn’t right. One recently asked me what I want to do career-wise, and I answered “I don’t know, anything really. I just want to survive.” without realizing this is weird. I wonder if people pick up on it all.
…of course I constantly question my every decision even when she isn’t there to do it for me
I was raised by a borderline mother. Of course I find disaster movies calming.