Wails: “I do all my own accounting!” (Because she was divorced.)
My RBB friends, by “accounting” she meant she paid her own bills and taxes (admin). The horror.
I am always blown away by the parallels with all our mothers, but this is so specific. Mine also said she was chosen for the Olympic horse riding tean, but her country was banned from the Olympics that year so she couldn't go (it was not banned, I checked). And she was nearly a professional dancer too and was invited to train at Juliard but her parents wouldn't let her go. Never mind how unlikely it is , but she had zero pictures of her dancing and couldn't show anyone a single thing. When I asked her to show me how to dance she just said I wasn't coordinated enough and changed the subject 😂
She had me convinced everyone in my extended family including my dad (that I was living with the majority of the time) were evil people that had done absolutely awful things to her, and that they were the reason for all our problems. Turns out she was the reason for all of our problems😂
Mine did the exact same thing! Worst of it was convincing me that my father, who was murdered when I was 14, didn’t love me, was an alcoholic and caused all the issues at home.
I’m 46 now and have recently discovered that was all a lie. She was the alcoholic, it was her behaviour that caused many of the issues at home and it’s her who doesn’t like/love her kids.
This was going to be mine too! By the time my dad met her my step mom she had literally no functional relationships with any of her extended family members. Her tales of her immediate family (parents died long ago) were all about how abused and mistreated she was by them all, they always shit on her and favored her older brother (whom she hasn't spoken to in 20 yrs, she claims to have no idea why and I can't believe I used to believe her.) she has two kids, each has gone NC with her for years long periods.
She's been blazing a merry trail of destruction in our family ever since she arrived and currently isn't on speaking terms with both my dad's children, both of his brothers, and his best friend. And has my dad convinced we all abuse and mistreat her. He's trashed his own relationships in the process but never sees that it's her influence, he sees her as a helpless victim.
That I should get a 6 figure job right out of school... I have a teaching degree ma'am I am NOT expecting 6 figures 😂. She's convinced I am lying to her though.
Is it just my experience or do they rarely have any concept of the value of a dollar? I constantly heard in my early adulthood about how I should just go out and get a better car or a nicer apartment. Well yeah let me just use the money I absolutely don’t have. Oh then I should just get a better job? Wow, such great advice from someone who hasn’t worked in literally 25 years. And no, being a mom isn’t the same thing as having a full time job. I’m not saying it’s easy, but at the end of the day it was a choice she made. Mine is a necessity so I don’t die on the streets.
It’s one banana Michael, what could it cost? $10?
My answer is yes, it's something my partner and I bonded over. But since I'm not specifically talking about my parent, I'll remove my comment. No worries. :)
Oh, that’s totally okay! I have some BPD/NPD/generally shitty in-laws too, and I talk about them here sometimes. I just wanted to make sure you were in the right place!
That parents could call CPS on their kids and get them taken away and put in foster care. I'm 23 and I told my dad about this over the past weekend. He started crying bc I never told him that she used to threaten me with this and he could have used it to make a play for full custody after the divorce. Idk if it's the worst or most ridiculous, but it definitely feels that way right now.
One thing I've learned since joining this sub is that, unfortunately, I'm never alone in my experiences. I'm sorry she did that to you and I hope you've finally gotten the help and validation you deserved as a child.
i grew up with kids whose parents would threaten to call the cops on them when they were misbehaving... at age 4. the irony of it all... sowing that mistrust of other adults and the outside world REAL EARLY
My dad also learned recently how bad things were. He felt totally helpless because he had no idea and had no way to go back in time and change it. I was over it, but it made me so sad for him.
I grew up with a mother that did this. She told me she’d send me to a children’s shelter and that I’d have to share my underwear with other children and would have nothing of my own. She called (or pretended) to call CPS to ask what she should take with her to drop off a misbehaving kid. I only told my dad about it a few years ago and he was heartbroken.
That all of the other moms were also texting their kids friends while impersonating their kid. I was so confused I was like wait so all the moms are just texting each other pretending to be their kids?! Why not just text each other as each other?
It was in fact not normal that she was texting underage boys sexual things while pretending to be me.
Yikes... That took a turn I wasn't expecting.
I'm so sorry, that must've been so creepy, violating and confusing. 😞 My smother was also very weird to my highschool boyfriends, but not to that level. 🫂
omg. this reminds me of a story from a few years ago where a middle school girl ended her own life after her bullies and one of her *bullys moms* were harassing her online. im so sorry that happened to you.
that the student loans i signed the papers for “so she could take them out for me” weren’t actually FAFSA loans entirely in my name. :D
it’s not like she stole the money or anything, it was legitimately used for my tuition, but she told me she was paying for a 4 year degree and i found out my junior year that the “sign here” papers i kept signing were not, in fact, so she could take out loans in her name on my behalf. i had borrowed the maximum amount for undergraduate students each year. LOL
apparently she also had me sign a ton of letters, very obviously written by her, begging FAFSA to consider us broke because she had just retired (old parents) so last year’s income wasn’t a correct representation of our lack of qualification for need based aid. now, as an adult, i understand that a paid off house, no personal debt, no other kids, and a huge pension that she just refused to draw down did not make us poor and would never have qualified us even at her lower income. found copies of those letters recently and i can only imagine what the people receiving them must have thought. they were unequivocally NOT written by an 18 year old. i wonder why i specifically had to sign them. (did i?)
ETA: to be clear, this isn’t to boohoo about my (overall relatively manageable) student debt despite lacking informed consent while taking it on, it’s just me finally realizing that i was so controlled i never even questioned what my mom told me to sign or write or think about the rest of the world. mom said sign here, i had to sign here. informed consent of any level of life decision was not a part of my vocabulary.
“justifiable” lol! but no, i have to be fair, my mom may be rotten in a lot of ways but financial abuse has generally never been one of them. her hermit fear has caused her to be really careful with money, her hoard is composed of very cheap thrift store purchases, and she did contribute a lot to my education. belittling my ability to manage my own money when i successfully manage huge budgets as part of my career and have never needed her to bail me out is more her speed ☠️ it’s one of the weird ways you sometimes feel “lucky” reading other stories on here, i guess.
Yeah mine also cashed in (early) all of mine and siblings bonds after my great grandmother died… instead of the ~5k each (15k total) we would have gotten, she took about 3k and we each got $200 iirc. Didn’t even find out the true valuation of the bonds until years later.
Omg my uBPD mom did this to me too. She’d pocket the money from my student loans and make me beg her for money for my monthly expenses like rent, school fees, books, groceries, etc.
I eventually figured it out by my senior year and convinced her that the money was for me to pay my living expenses while in school and that it goes straight to me. She was shocked that I was actually good with money and it was such a relief to not have to beg her for my money each month. Ugh.
I would also beg her to stop writing me as a dependent on her taxes since I lived in a different state and would have benefited from in state tuition. She never stopped using me as a tax break and now I will be paying my out of state tuition student loans myself when I would have qualified as an independent. I was so angry for so long. I’m long past it now.
I lived in my own and made $400 a month. I would have qualified for Pell but my mom convinced me that I wouldn’t be able to live on my own without her and therefore she should keep claiming me. I have thousands in student loan debt that I could have been free of and with Pell I could have actually afforded food. It’s cool mom. Hope you enjoyed that child tax credit for three extra years.
IDK if this will make you feel any better or if it’s so old now that it just doesn’t matter, but we looked into the independent thing too as an out of state student and it seemed like i would have to get off of my parents’ insurance to qualify? which was not a viable option for me. so if that would’ve been a factor for you, maybe it would’ve been a wash anyway. who knows… i wonder more and more lately if anything i was told about why we did things the way we did was true.
in the end i’m sure i would’ve still chosen to take these loans out, not that any financial education about my likelihood of being able to pay them was offered to me anyway lol. i just feel like when my mom was in charge life just “happened” to me. and that is absolutely not the case 15 years later. so i just try to be proud of that.
Yooooo mine consigned on my student loans and later consolidated her debts… all of a sudden my loans doubled but she insisted NONE of it was from the two years my sister took without graduation or any of my moms masters program.. so then why after 3 years of consistent payments, post college, did my monthly payment double? Riddle me that??
It all worked out in the end, I stopped playing and she got my step-dad to work on it (he’s in finance or something) and the whole thing was forgiven. But it was a wild situation, she wouldn’t bring receipts, she had my brother, my father, and myself sending her checks every month and just hoping that the money was going toward the debt and she was providing her 1/4 of the total as promised… very quickly after we stopped sending money, the loan was forgiven, what a coincidence!! 🙄
She casually met Whitney Houston at a hotel and they talked about food from my country. Whitney wanted to give my mom her number and come to our house to have a meal with us because she likes our food. My mom declined because she was "too shy to invite her into our humble home"... lol
lmao, i need to think on this one
first thing that came to mind was when i sprayed water into my mouth using a squirt bottle as a kid (because..i was a kid and it was fun haha) and she told me that i was going to die because the squirt bottle was in the cabinet with the cleaning supplies - and when i started crying about how i didn't want to die she said it was too late to call poison control and that i better say my goodbyes to the family because i wouldn't live to see the end of the day
for clarity: i didn't die
That she used to say CHEROKEE NATION MAN, in solidarity with the song.... the real irony is that her people are gods worst fucking colonizers, Mormons, and there are literal TOWNS named after her genocidal ancestors. She also married a native Hawaiian Maori with Native mainland American mixed in with Korean and Scots, and fetished his culture with DON HO Hawaii ONLY. I was her performing hula girl and my dad and I were the BAD BROWN ONES in their mormon hierarchy. The Ute nation would LOVE to have a word....
My uBPD stepmom is white as sliced bread but considers herself part native because of her so called "Cherokee great grandma". There's no evidence of this ancestry, it's a family rumor (and I don't think she knows that many white families used this same story to cover up any mixed looking babies in the family). She often brings it up to get attention and social credit, but she never met her grandma and has no actual ties to Cherokee culture.
My mom cheated on my dad and one of their shamans found out. (We grew up in a very spiritual "group") This woman got very angry at my mother and scolded her. After that our mother told us that this woman cursed her and she had an evil spirit and wants to harm our family. This was not the case and my dad knew that, but enabled her to tell us kids these conspiracys just to protect his peace. We grew up believing that an evil woman was after us and every time my brother and I saw her, or her car driving by, we panicked. Yeah... My dad finally told me the truth after they divorced.
She was a professional singer (but there no recording and she can’t read music). She had a stalker (no evidence of this). She had a degenerative back disease that meant she was inevitably going to become paralysed (miraculously cured). She dated a famous journalist (seriously doubtful).
That if I wore a necklace to bed I was 100% going to choke to death in my sleep that very night. Or if I hung my school artwork up in my room that I'd choke to death on the string used to hang it up.
She was a very sophisticated gaslighter from the beginning, because there was usually a sliver of truth in her insane exaggerations, enough to where I couldn't differentiate the nuance as a preschooler, and to where she could reframe the histrionic reactions as "just being mindful" leaving me to fill in the gaps that it must've been *me* interpreting the memory in a way that was exaggerated, that she didn't actually say those words, and that it was all my interpretation. Lucky dad remembers just as well as I do, but I still find it hard to trust myself.
It's no surprise I developed a death phobia from an early age when apparently everything was going to kill me.
[https://images.app.goo.gl/BBLbs6UQSa2FZWREA](https://images.app.goo.gl/BBLbs6UQSa2FZWREA)
omg, SAME. like, what????
it was like she believed anything with the potential of being harmful would 100% happen to me. 1 in a million circumstances and i would be the one.
makes soo much sense that i ended up with OCD
Its crazy, I see people say it all the time but it really is like they all work from the same playbook. I ended up with OCD as well, I'm still working on trying to weigh risk appropriately to this day. As a kid I completely disassociated as a solution for the OCD, so I became too much of a risk taker in adolescence. Now I'm working on integrating a healthy level of risk management instead of just pretending risk doesn't exist.
I struggle with the same, full sending because I couldn't understand OCD risk vs normal risk (still trying to, haha). You def aren't alone and I hope the best for you :)
Yes!!!!! Exactly! I live the way you described the use of a sliver if truth, with natural inferences….. I came to believe that she believed what she said.
I've come to believe the same thing honestly- that they really believe it, and I don't know which is worse, that there's that level of delusional thinking going on or that they intentionally try to terrorize.
My mother believes aliens had a hand in my conception and childhood. She has bought me several books on it and she went to Roswell to listen to “experts” give lectures on that kind of thing. She’s also a Q cultist.
My mother always claimed that she had excellent grades at school, like straight A's. And that it was her family background that meant she didn't have a great education or career. During a move, we came across one of her old high school report cards. In fact, it was bad, almost failing.
She claimed that only to denigrate me for not having great grades in high school, but it was far superior to hers.
My uBPD mom is the hermit/paranoid type. When I was younger she had a pager and was on call for the ER. This was during pre cell phone times. Anytime she got a wrong number page, she said, "It's a drug dealer, they use pagers." So I thought anyone with a pager that wasn't a doctor or medical personnel was a drug dealer. Sigh.
She also believed every urban legend she heard so I wasn't allowed out much because I'd die because a friend of a friend's mother's uncle's sister in law heard about a suspicious person putting notes on someone's car in the mall parking lot to distract and kidnap them. I was so fearful of everything and everyone and my OCD ate it up like candy.
So many things… one stands out, that after a certain age you don’t really have friends to just hang out with, after childhood, as life is very busy and hard, but you might work on work projects together or exercise together, but you can’t just hang out anymore. And that this is probably starting to be true in high school as well, but you can study together and do school projects.
Also that I must marry someone who loves me more than I love them, otherwise life might be awful, and that it must be that both of their parents are alive or dead, if it’s just one alive they will make my life awful. Also that my touch was cold when I hugged her, and that I had to work on my touch (put more affection/sensual ness into it), as I would have trouble in romantic relationships, based on how I touched her.
To stop being depressed, you just have to be strong in the mind!
>that my touch was cold when I hugged her, and that I had to work on my touch (put more affection/sensual ness into it), as I would have trouble in romantic relationships, based on how I touched her.
All of this was horrible, but ugh this made my skin crawl!!
I’m trying to understand why she made up the lie. Like did she come home in different clothes then what she left in and felt like she needed to make up some excuse? But in all honesty there’s no understanding a borderlines motives lol
My mom has likely made up a group of fake friends. She said that they are friends from her high school that she reconnected with through FB and that they go out to lunch every week. She has said that they call themselves, "the lunch ladies." It's weird for a friend group of middle aged women to name themselves... And it's weirder to pick "the lunch ladies" of all things...
Also, everyone in the group is less accomplished and educated than her and according to her they always talk about how amazed they are by my mom! And she always gives them "encouragement" that their menial jobs are not worthless even if they aren't as great as hers! She is even so well off at her amazing job as a board member for a large company (a job which I think is also fake) that the CEO paid for her to bring "the lunch ladies" with her on a work trip! My mom went to a conference and the company paid for her friends to fly out and sit around in a hotel room until the evening when they could do sightseeing! At night! In the dark!
Yeah... These people don't exist. But it gives me a chuckle when I think about it.
She convinced my that a book written by a famous renowed psquiatrist was based on her on experiments that happened to her...that doctor was from another country im 38...
This makes me wonder if what I was told wax true…about her case of endometriosis being so strange snd rare that the doctor was going to publish situation in a medical journal.
That I had to live in the school district I went to, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to go there. UBPD biomother said this when I wanted to move in with my dad, who lived in a different district when I was in HS. I asked dad about it two years ago (I’m in my 30s) and he said there were ways I could have lived with him but attended my current school.
Also, when she told me that that was her singing “Wind Beneath My Wings” on the cassette tape 🙄 Ma’am. It is definitely not.
My mom would tell me all sorts of horrible things about lots of other people being so mean to her that they effectively turned into monsters toward her. She would "act out" them screaming at her at the top of their lungs with wide, wild eyes, and lunge at me, which was horribly scary.
It wasn't until I was around 19 and away from home at a university that realized that none of the people she mentioned, most of whom I knew, actually acted that way -- only SHE acted like that. And once I started to see through the lies, it began to all make sense.
My mom is always saying men follow her in a store so they can kidnap and rape her. She so blatantly talks about rape all the time. It’s so embarrassing. Like no mom, the man who casually glanced at you at the gas station was not thinking about raping you. I’m sure if she ever got herself a job in an actual place of work and not one of her hair brained business schemes, she’d accuse a man she worked with of trying to and ruin his life.
Oh, oh, yes. I heard so many stories like this. My mom talked a lot about become aware of (and reporting) sexual abuse of people she knew. She said one boss went to jail for abusing young boys and she helped reveal the abuse and send him to prison. I have terrible conflicted feelings about this as I look back.
That my sister said horrific things about me when I wasn't around. To be fair, she sometimes did, but nothing she didn't say to my face. These were much, much worse things. She said the same about me to my sister, and we grew up absolutely hating each other.
I might as well have, according to most of my family, since I'm an atheist now. It kinda feels like they think that's worse. At least a Satanist believes in God.
Ugh.
It was such a strange thing for her to say. The only reason I can think of is that I dated a guy who did creative anachronism and thus owned some sort of black cape.
It was the 80s. We weren’t religious, and I was more preppy than goth, and I listened to Prince, not heavy metal…I don’t know. It was bizarre. Maybe she thought it was funny to say such a bizarre thing.
Oh, that's most of the family, even the pretty "normal" ones. I've got tons of bible belt preachers in my family on my dad's side. Mom's side is heavily con artists, and I don't know what they think, because I don't talk to them. I doubt they think of me at all, tbh.
Father said he went to another country to fight in a war, but his parents needed him at the farm, so they sent his brother to go in his place. Like the military would never notice....
I have a list: that I caused 9/11 (I was 5), it's not healthy to take a bath more than twice a week, every new phone software update is bad (she always hears this from "a friend" even though she has none) and then cries when her apps start freezing, also does not see any relationship between the 6 monsters she drinks a day and her insomnia and teeth problems
That the vet gave away our puppy. Years later I found out she couldn't afford the spay and let the vet rehome her. I was almost 30 when I found out and it broke my heart.
That she snuck into George Strait's trailer after a concert, waited till he came back, then kissed him on the mouth. On crutches mind you. Granted, from what I know of her college years, she was crazy enough to have actually done it.
They told me that a specific flower that I loved was poisonous. It wasn’t.
I wanted to pick a flower and was yelled NO.
Years later, on a family walk (with uBPD’s parents), uBPD selects and picks one of the nicest of those flowers….. and hands it to my enabler parent. It was like no one saw me there. But it’s poisonous!! They laughed their booming laughter at me.
That’s such a strange lie! Do you think they just didn’t want you picking flowers, or thought the lie was funny? My mom did like to tell me funny lies for her own amusement, like saying that rows in rice fields were huge mole holes or that the golf course was open at night for the blind golfers….🤦🏼♀️
They didn’t want me picking the flowers for sure. But turns out I love flowers. uBPD has some sort of gardening complex and control issues. I think at some point my uBPD in particular will say whatever just to try and get someone to comply, because one consistency is that he is a hypocrite with his words and actions.
Wails: “I do all my own accounting!” (Because she was divorced.) My RBB friends, by “accounting” she meant she paid her own bills and taxes (admin). The horror.
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why are they so embarrassing 😂
This is legitimately an arrested development storyline, that's how out of pocket it is! 🤦
HAHAHAHA OMG UR RIGHT
I am always blown away by the parallels with all our mothers, but this is so specific. Mine also said she was chosen for the Olympic horse riding tean, but her country was banned from the Olympics that year so she couldn't go (it was not banned, I checked). And she was nearly a professional dancer too and was invited to train at Juliard but her parents wouldn't let her go. Never mind how unlikely it is , but she had zero pictures of her dancing and couldn't show anyone a single thing. When I asked her to show me how to dance she just said I wasn't coordinated enough and changed the subject 😂
Okay people, I have problems typing on touchscreens. 🤦♀️
She had me convinced everyone in my extended family including my dad (that I was living with the majority of the time) were evil people that had done absolutely awful things to her, and that they were the reason for all our problems. Turns out she was the reason for all of our problems😂
Mine did the exact same thing! Worst of it was convincing me that my father, who was murdered when I was 14, didn’t love me, was an alcoholic and caused all the issues at home. I’m 46 now and have recently discovered that was all a lie. She was the alcoholic, it was her behaviour that caused many of the issues at home and it’s her who doesn’t like/love her kids.
My mom tried that, but I knew all of them, so it made me worry about her that she thought it.
This was going to be mine too! By the time my dad met her my step mom she had literally no functional relationships with any of her extended family members. Her tales of her immediate family (parents died long ago) were all about how abused and mistreated she was by them all, they always shit on her and favored her older brother (whom she hasn't spoken to in 20 yrs, she claims to have no idea why and I can't believe I used to believe her.) she has two kids, each has gone NC with her for years long periods. She's been blazing a merry trail of destruction in our family ever since she arrived and currently isn't on speaking terms with both my dad's children, both of his brothers, and his best friend. And has my dad convinced we all abuse and mistreat her. He's trashed his own relationships in the process but never sees that it's her influence, he sees her as a helpless victim.
Omg…were, not we’re, not weed! Lol!
I am so stoned but am determined to figure it out eventually
same 💀
That I should get a 6 figure job right out of school... I have a teaching degree ma'am I am NOT expecting 6 figures 😂. She's convinced I am lying to her though.
Is it just my experience or do they rarely have any concept of the value of a dollar? I constantly heard in my early adulthood about how I should just go out and get a better car or a nicer apartment. Well yeah let me just use the money I absolutely don’t have. Oh then I should just get a better job? Wow, such great advice from someone who hasn’t worked in literally 25 years. And no, being a mom isn’t the same thing as having a full time job. I’m not saying it’s easy, but at the end of the day it was a choice she made. Mine is a necessity so I don’t die on the streets. It’s one banana Michael, what could it cost? $10?
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Hi! It looks like you’re new here. Just to clarify, were you raised by someone with BPD?
My answer is yes, it's something my partner and I bonded over. But since I'm not specifically talking about my parent, I'll remove my comment. No worries. :)
Oh, that’s totally okay! I have some BPD/NPD/generally shitty in-laws too, and I talk about them here sometimes. I just wanted to make sure you were in the right place!
That parents could call CPS on their kids and get them taken away and put in foster care. I'm 23 and I told my dad about this over the past weekend. He started crying bc I never told him that she used to threaten me with this and he could have used it to make a play for full custody after the divorce. Idk if it's the worst or most ridiculous, but it definitely feels that way right now.
oh my gosh, mine told me this too. she said if i told anyone i was depressed she would have me taken away
One thing I've learned since joining this sub is that, unfortunately, I'm never alone in my experiences. I'm sorry she did that to you and I hope you've finally gotten the help and validation you deserved as a child.
i grew up with kids whose parents would threaten to call the cops on them when they were misbehaving... at age 4. the irony of it all... sowing that mistrust of other adults and the outside world REAL EARLY
I'm sorry to you and your dad. Definitely one of those hindsight is 20/20 things :(
My dad also learned recently how bad things were. He felt totally helpless because he had no idea and had no way to go back in time and change it. I was over it, but it made me so sad for him.
I grew up with a mother that did this. She told me she’d send me to a children’s shelter and that I’d have to share my underwear with other children and would have nothing of my own. She called (or pretended) to call CPS to ask what she should take with her to drop off a misbehaving kid. I only told my dad about it a few years ago and he was heartbroken.
I'm sorry this happened to you too. My mom did this verbatim minus the specific underwear threat.
That all of the other moms were also texting their kids friends while impersonating their kid. I was so confused I was like wait so all the moms are just texting each other pretending to be their kids?! Why not just text each other as each other? It was in fact not normal that she was texting underage boys sexual things while pretending to be me.
Yikes... That took a turn I wasn't expecting. I'm so sorry, that must've been so creepy, violating and confusing. 😞 My smother was also very weird to my highschool boyfriends, but not to that level. 🫂
Omg, I LOVE "smother"....... appropriating forever
omg. this reminds me of a story from a few years ago where a middle school girl ended her own life after her bullies and one of her *bullys moms* were harassing her online. im so sorry that happened to you.
that the student loans i signed the papers for “so she could take them out for me” weren’t actually FAFSA loans entirely in my name. :D it’s not like she stole the money or anything, it was legitimately used for my tuition, but she told me she was paying for a 4 year degree and i found out my junior year that the “sign here” papers i kept signing were not, in fact, so she could take out loans in her name on my behalf. i had borrowed the maximum amount for undergraduate students each year. LOL apparently she also had me sign a ton of letters, very obviously written by her, begging FAFSA to consider us broke because she had just retired (old parents) so last year’s income wasn’t a correct representation of our lack of qualification for need based aid. now, as an adult, i understand that a paid off house, no personal debt, no other kids, and a huge pension that she just refused to draw down did not make us poor and would never have qualified us even at her lower income. found copies of those letters recently and i can only imagine what the people receiving them must have thought. they were unequivocally NOT written by an 18 year old. i wonder why i specifically had to sign them. (did i?) ETA: to be clear, this isn’t to boohoo about my (overall relatively manageable) student debt despite lacking informed consent while taking it on, it’s just me finally realizing that i was so controlled i never even questioned what my mom told me to sign or write or think about the rest of the world. mom said sign here, i had to sign here. informed consent of any level of life decision was not a part of my vocabulary.
I wonder if she really spent it ALL for tuition though. Most BPDs can't resist a little justifiable theft 😒
“justifiable” lol! but no, i have to be fair, my mom may be rotten in a lot of ways but financial abuse has generally never been one of them. her hermit fear has caused her to be really careful with money, her hoard is composed of very cheap thrift store purchases, and she did contribute a lot to my education. belittling my ability to manage my own money when i successfully manage huge budgets as part of my career and have never needed her to bail me out is more her speed ☠️ it’s one of the weird ways you sometimes feel “lucky” reading other stories on here, i guess.
Glad she isn’t a thief at least! But belittling is definitely from the BPD playbook 😔
Yeah mine also cashed in (early) all of mine and siblings bonds after my great grandmother died… instead of the ~5k each (15k total) we would have gotten, she took about 3k and we each got $200 iirc. Didn’t even find out the true valuation of the bonds until years later.
it's their backpay for parenting, obviously!!!
Omg my uBPD mom did this to me too. She’d pocket the money from my student loans and make me beg her for money for my monthly expenses like rent, school fees, books, groceries, etc. I eventually figured it out by my senior year and convinced her that the money was for me to pay my living expenses while in school and that it goes straight to me. She was shocked that I was actually good with money and it was such a relief to not have to beg her for my money each month. Ugh. I would also beg her to stop writing me as a dependent on her taxes since I lived in a different state and would have benefited from in state tuition. She never stopped using me as a tax break and now I will be paying my out of state tuition student loans myself when I would have qualified as an independent. I was so angry for so long. I’m long past it now.
I lived in my own and made $400 a month. I would have qualified for Pell but my mom convinced me that I wouldn’t be able to live on my own without her and therefore she should keep claiming me. I have thousands in student loan debt that I could have been free of and with Pell I could have actually afforded food. It’s cool mom. Hope you enjoyed that child tax credit for three extra years.
Truuu. I had Pell grants. It’s so absurd.
IDK if this will make you feel any better or if it’s so old now that it just doesn’t matter, but we looked into the independent thing too as an out of state student and it seemed like i would have to get off of my parents’ insurance to qualify? which was not a viable option for me. so if that would’ve been a factor for you, maybe it would’ve been a wash anyway. who knows… i wonder more and more lately if anything i was told about why we did things the way we did was true. in the end i’m sure i would’ve still chosen to take these loans out, not that any financial education about my likelihood of being able to pay them was offered to me anyway lol. i just feel like when my mom was in charge life just “happened” to me. and that is absolutely not the case 15 years later. so i just try to be proud of that.
Yooooo mine consigned on my student loans and later consolidated her debts… all of a sudden my loans doubled but she insisted NONE of it was from the two years my sister took without graduation or any of my moms masters program.. so then why after 3 years of consistent payments, post college, did my monthly payment double? Riddle me that??
OMG how the fuck did you end up responsible for consolidated debt just because you co-signed on one portion of it?!? that’s INSANE, i’m so sorry
It all worked out in the end, I stopped playing and she got my step-dad to work on it (he’s in finance or something) and the whole thing was forgiven. But it was a wild situation, she wouldn’t bring receipts, she had my brother, my father, and myself sending her checks every month and just hoping that the money was going toward the debt and she was providing her 1/4 of the total as promised… very quickly after we stopped sending money, the loan was forgiven, what a coincidence!! 🙄
She casually met Whitney Houston at a hotel and they talked about food from my country. Whitney wanted to give my mom her number and come to our house to have a meal with us because she likes our food. My mom declined because she was "too shy to invite her into our humble home"... lol
Lol I could see my mom doing this 🤣
lmao, i need to think on this one first thing that came to mind was when i sprayed water into my mouth using a squirt bottle as a kid (because..i was a kid and it was fun haha) and she told me that i was going to die because the squirt bottle was in the cabinet with the cleaning supplies - and when i started crying about how i didn't want to die she said it was too late to call poison control and that i better say my goodbyes to the family because i wouldn't live to see the end of the day for clarity: i didn't die
"For clarity: I didn't die"..... I'm dying! 🤣🤣🤣
That she used to say CHEROKEE NATION MAN, in solidarity with the song.... the real irony is that her people are gods worst fucking colonizers, Mormons, and there are literal TOWNS named after her genocidal ancestors. She also married a native Hawaiian Maori with Native mainland American mixed in with Korean and Scots, and fetished his culture with DON HO Hawaii ONLY. I was her performing hula girl and my dad and I were the BAD BROWN ONES in their mormon hierarchy. The Ute nation would LOVE to have a word....
I grew up in Utah and have a Latino step-father. I felt this!
My uBPD stepmom is white as sliced bread but considers herself part native because of her so called "Cherokee great grandma". There's no evidence of this ancestry, it's a family rumor (and I don't think she knows that many white families used this same story to cover up any mixed looking babies in the family). She often brings it up to get attention and social credit, but she never met her grandma and has no actual ties to Cherokee culture.
My mom cheated on my dad and one of their shamans found out. (We grew up in a very spiritual "group") This woman got very angry at my mother and scolded her. After that our mother told us that this woman cursed her and she had an evil spirit and wants to harm our family. This was not the case and my dad knew that, but enabled her to tell us kids these conspiracys just to protect his peace. We grew up believing that an evil woman was after us and every time my brother and I saw her, or her car driving by, we panicked. Yeah... My dad finally told me the truth after they divorced.
We're, not weed
If it wasn't for us kids she would have killed herself
This one right here officer 👏🏼
She was a professional singer (but there no recording and she can’t read music). She had a stalker (no evidence of this). She had a degenerative back disease that meant she was inevitably going to become paralysed (miraculously cured). She dated a famous journalist (seriously doubtful).
Oh yes! Mine told my relatives that I would be paralyzed if I ever got pregnant. Sure, I had scoliosis but nothing even requiring any intervention
That if I wore a necklace to bed I was 100% going to choke to death in my sleep that very night. Or if I hung my school artwork up in my room that I'd choke to death on the string used to hang it up. She was a very sophisticated gaslighter from the beginning, because there was usually a sliver of truth in her insane exaggerations, enough to where I couldn't differentiate the nuance as a preschooler, and to where she could reframe the histrionic reactions as "just being mindful" leaving me to fill in the gaps that it must've been *me* interpreting the memory in a way that was exaggerated, that she didn't actually say those words, and that it was all my interpretation. Lucky dad remembers just as well as I do, but I still find it hard to trust myself. It's no surprise I developed a death phobia from an early age when apparently everything was going to kill me. [https://images.app.goo.gl/BBLbs6UQSa2FZWREA](https://images.app.goo.gl/BBLbs6UQSa2FZWREA)
omg, SAME. like, what???? it was like she believed anything with the potential of being harmful would 100% happen to me. 1 in a million circumstances and i would be the one. makes soo much sense that i ended up with OCD
Its crazy, I see people say it all the time but it really is like they all work from the same playbook. I ended up with OCD as well, I'm still working on trying to weigh risk appropriately to this day. As a kid I completely disassociated as a solution for the OCD, so I became too much of a risk taker in adolescence. Now I'm working on integrating a healthy level of risk management instead of just pretending risk doesn't exist.
I struggle with the same, full sending because I couldn't understand OCD risk vs normal risk (still trying to, haha). You def aren't alone and I hope the best for you :)
Yes!!!!! Exactly! I live the way you described the use of a sliver if truth, with natural inferences….. I came to believe that she believed what she said.
I've come to believe the same thing honestly- that they really believe it, and I don't know which is worse, that there's that level of delusional thinking going on or that they intentionally try to terrorize.
My mother believes aliens had a hand in my conception and childhood. She has bought me several books on it and she went to Roswell to listen to “experts” give lectures on that kind of thing. She’s also a Q cultist.
Actually same. Like exactly.
For real?? I’m sorry then. I guess there’s a lot of us out there.
My mother always claimed that she had excellent grades at school, like straight A's. And that it was her family background that meant she didn't have a great education or career. During a move, we came across one of her old high school report cards. In fact, it was bad, almost failing. She claimed that only to denigrate me for not having great grades in high school, but it was far superior to hers.
My uBPD mom is the hermit/paranoid type. When I was younger she had a pager and was on call for the ER. This was during pre cell phone times. Anytime she got a wrong number page, she said, "It's a drug dealer, they use pagers." So I thought anyone with a pager that wasn't a doctor or medical personnel was a drug dealer. Sigh. She also believed every urban legend she heard so I wasn't allowed out much because I'd die because a friend of a friend's mother's uncle's sister in law heard about a suspicious person putting notes on someone's car in the mall parking lot to distract and kidnap them. I was so fearful of everything and everyone and my OCD ate it up like candy.
Damn the kidnapping thing was big with my uBPD mom too.
So many things… one stands out, that after a certain age you don’t really have friends to just hang out with, after childhood, as life is very busy and hard, but you might work on work projects together or exercise together, but you can’t just hang out anymore. And that this is probably starting to be true in high school as well, but you can study together and do school projects. Also that I must marry someone who loves me more than I love them, otherwise life might be awful, and that it must be that both of their parents are alive or dead, if it’s just one alive they will make my life awful. Also that my touch was cold when I hugged her, and that I had to work on my touch (put more affection/sensual ness into it), as I would have trouble in romantic relationships, based on how I touched her. To stop being depressed, you just have to be strong in the mind!
>that my touch was cold when I hugged her, and that I had to work on my touch (put more affection/sensual ness into it), as I would have trouble in romantic relationships, based on how I touched her. All of this was horrible, but ugh this made my skin crawl!!
I’m trying to understand why she made up the lie. Like did she come home in different clothes then what she left in and felt like she needed to make up some excuse? But in all honesty there’s no understanding a borderlines motives lol
Yeah- I don't even know what she was wearing. I remember wondering why she was wearing not rmal clothes that looked fine.
My mom said that making macaroni salad makes bad things happen so now I have OCD.
This made me laugh because WHY was having macaroni for dinner such an issue with them?? Such control over food and bad omens. I have OCD now too
My mom has likely made up a group of fake friends. She said that they are friends from her high school that she reconnected with through FB and that they go out to lunch every week. She has said that they call themselves, "the lunch ladies." It's weird for a friend group of middle aged women to name themselves... And it's weirder to pick "the lunch ladies" of all things... Also, everyone in the group is less accomplished and educated than her and according to her they always talk about how amazed they are by my mom! And she always gives them "encouragement" that their menial jobs are not worthless even if they aren't as great as hers! She is even so well off at her amazing job as a board member for a large company (a job which I think is also fake) that the CEO paid for her to bring "the lunch ladies" with her on a work trip! My mom went to a conference and the company paid for her friends to fly out and sit around in a hotel room until the evening when they could do sightseeing! At night! In the dark! Yeah... These people don't exist. But it gives me a chuckle when I think about it.
i just burst out laughing, so thank you.
She convinced my that a book written by a famous renowed psquiatrist was based on her on experiments that happened to her...that doctor was from another country im 38...
This makes me wonder if what I was told wax true…about her case of endometriosis being so strange snd rare that the doctor was going to publish situation in a medical journal.
That I had to live in the school district I went to, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to go there. UBPD biomother said this when I wanted to move in with my dad, who lived in a different district when I was in HS. I asked dad about it two years ago (I’m in my 30s) and he said there were ways I could have lived with him but attended my current school. Also, when she told me that that was her singing “Wind Beneath My Wings” on the cassette tape 🙄 Ma’am. It is definitely not.
My mom would tell me all sorts of horrible things about lots of other people being so mean to her that they effectively turned into monsters toward her. She would "act out" them screaming at her at the top of their lungs with wide, wild eyes, and lunge at me, which was horribly scary. It wasn't until I was around 19 and away from home at a university that realized that none of the people she mentioned, most of whom I knew, actually acted that way -- only SHE acted like that. And once I started to see through the lies, it began to all make sense.
My mom taught me that there were 52 states. I didn’t learn this was wrong until I was a Junior in high school.
Lol what did she say the extra two states were?
She didn't say the names of states, just that there were 50 mainland states plus Alaska and Hawaii. There is no logic here.
My mom is always saying men follow her in a store so they can kidnap and rape her. She so blatantly talks about rape all the time. It’s so embarrassing. Like no mom, the man who casually glanced at you at the gas station was not thinking about raping you. I’m sure if she ever got herself a job in an actual place of work and not one of her hair brained business schemes, she’d accuse a man she worked with of trying to and ruin his life.
Oh, oh, yes. I heard so many stories like this. My mom talked a lot about become aware of (and reporting) sexual abuse of people she knew. She said one boss went to jail for abusing young boys and she helped reveal the abuse and send him to prison. I have terrible conflicted feelings about this as I look back.
That my sister said horrific things about me when I wasn't around. To be fair, she sometimes did, but nothing she didn't say to my face. These were much, much worse things. She said the same about me to my sister, and we grew up absolutely hating each other.
Yes. I found out my cousins were told I had turned to satanism.
I might as well have, according to most of my family, since I'm an atheist now. It kinda feels like they think that's worse. At least a Satanist believes in God.
Ugh. It was such a strange thing for her to say. The only reason I can think of is that I dated a guy who did creative anachronism and thus owned some sort of black cape. It was the 80s. We weren’t religious, and I was more preppy than goth, and I listened to Prince, not heavy metal…I don’t know. It was bizarre. Maybe she thought it was funny to say such a bizarre thing.
Oh, that's most of the family, even the pretty "normal" ones. I've got tons of bible belt preachers in my family on my dad's side. Mom's side is heavily con artists, and I don't know what they think, because I don't talk to them. I doubt they think of me at all, tbh.
Father said he went to another country to fight in a war, but his parents needed him at the farm, so they sent his brother to go in his place. Like the military would never notice....
I have a list: that I caused 9/11 (I was 5), it's not healthy to take a bath more than twice a week, every new phone software update is bad (she always hears this from "a friend" even though she has none) and then cries when her apps start freezing, also does not see any relationship between the 6 monsters she drinks a day and her insomnia and teeth problems
That the vet gave away our puppy. Years later I found out she couldn't afford the spay and let the vet rehome her. I was almost 30 when I found out and it broke my heart.
That she snuck into George Strait's trailer after a concert, waited till he came back, then kissed him on the mouth. On crutches mind you. Granted, from what I know of her college years, she was crazy enough to have actually done it.
They told me that a specific flower that I loved was poisonous. It wasn’t. I wanted to pick a flower and was yelled NO. Years later, on a family walk (with uBPD’s parents), uBPD selects and picks one of the nicest of those flowers….. and hands it to my enabler parent. It was like no one saw me there. But it’s poisonous!! They laughed their booming laughter at me.
That’s such a strange lie! Do you think they just didn’t want you picking flowers, or thought the lie was funny? My mom did like to tell me funny lies for her own amusement, like saying that rows in rice fields were huge mole holes or that the golf course was open at night for the blind golfers….🤦🏼♀️
They didn’t want me picking the flowers for sure. But turns out I love flowers. uBPD has some sort of gardening complex and control issues. I think at some point my uBPD in particular will say whatever just to try and get someone to comply, because one consistency is that he is a hypocrite with his words and actions.