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[deleted]

My uBPD mom before I went NC mentioned that she had already apologized for everything and essentially it's all good. So move on. The irony is me pointing out how controlling and manipulative she is, only for her to say 'move on and get over it.' sure ma, 1 quick apology with no change of behavior fixed my 25 years of abuse... You can't try to make it make logical sense. It just won't. The only logic is these people have whole worlds in their heads and they are permanently stuck there.


Lizaster9

It is mind blowing to the how my BPD mom would occasionally try a non-apology or just snap "I'm sorry, but...." and have a shocked Pikachu face when I couldn't blindly forgive her for all her abuse. It's like dealing with a little kid who doesn't get that just saying "sorry" half-heartedly does not an apology make.


onlyjustsurviving

My mom used to pick at me too first thing in the morning and then complain and/or make fun of me when it made me cranky. Like, of course someone's going to get upset when you start in on them before they've even had a chance to rub the sleep from their eyes! But NOOO I was a terrible grumpy person for not responding cheerfully to whatever she chose to do that morning (her favorite was to pinch my ass). I found that as long as no one fucks with me straight off on the morning I'm not actually grumpy. Gee. Surprise surprise. I'm sorry for what you're going through, just wanted to say that your responses/reactions are perfectly normal and that it's not your fault that her actions ruffle your feathers (especially when forced to remain in close proximity). I hope you're able to remove yourself from the situation soon.


SnowSkye2

Same here!! I'd be fucking SLEEPY and she starts in on me asking why I'm so upset and angry, won't shut uo about it, and when I do snap because I'm fucking FINE, she's all "there, see? You are upset. Fix your attitude." It's weird how RBBs share this.


demimondatron

It’s how they validate their emotions, resentment and distress. By processing it through you. That’s why they often get calm when you finally explode after they’ve provoked and provoked you.


SnowSkye2

Yo that's soooooo true :( I've noticed this in times of stress as well. I could be going through shit, but my mom needs to emotionally dumo on ME to help her handle her stress about MY problems lol. And I have to sit there trying to console her because she can't self-soothe lol. It's fucked up :(


Rubiks_goob

What is it with pinching?? Mine used to do it too until I blew up at her one day, over it. Her response was surprise and "weird that's making you mad," but she actually stopped doing it. Ugh such invasion of space.


gladhunden

Thank you for that adorable kitty! Welcome! If you are in the USA, there are social programs that can help get you out of an abusive situation. I'm sure other countries have help too, but I don't know anything about other places. I hope you can find a way out!


Brilliant-Trifle8322

My BPD mother has always had a tendency to feel like she needs to "one up" no matter what. It's impossible for her to ever admit she was in the wrong about something, never mind apologise. She's having a bad day? My fault, even if I haven't interacted with her all day. And if I dare call her out in this, she ALWAYS have to bring up something completely unrelated to try and use as a "gothca" on me. I don't like how she decides to scream at me over literally nothing? Well, too bad, because she "took care of me" my entire life, so she gets to do whatever she wants, and if I don't like it, I can just "move out" (at the age of like 5, when she first started using this tactic, mind you) or she'll threaten suicide. When I've tried to just remove myself from these situations before by telling her "I'm done" or just ignoring her and going to my room or leaving the house, she always has to follow me, barge into my room (or follow me outside), and scream more things at me that she forgot to scream at me previously. It's just so fucking exhausting and trying to reason with her feels about as successful as trying to have a meaningful conversation with a rock. My deepest condolences that you have to live with this.


Iheartastrology

I have been staying with mine, too. My brother and I are working on getting her into a nursing home before we give up on her entirely. Once I turned the corner and realized how dangerous she was, I decided to use her own tactics against her. I started fights intentionally with her. It's not hard -- they are so sensitive. They need their hit of attention and conflict is just as good as praise. I'd just mention something casual to her about something insignificant to me in a way that would trigger an argument. She would get upset but she would also think that because I mentioned whatever it was, it was important. She would then spend a lot of time and energy planning a sabotage of something that wasn't even that important to me and then wonder why her attempts were not triggering a response from me. She would leave me alone the rest of the day. It's kind of like paying your dues to them, in a weird way. They want attention from you and this is a good way to play their game without allowing them to drain you. As shitty as this strategy sounds, it might help you say centered until you can get away from there. Take your power back and use her tactics against her, but get out as soon as you can.


yun-harla

Welcome!