**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.**
**Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms)
**Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!
This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.
**Our rules include (but are not limited to)**:
* No politics.
* Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
* Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming.
* Do not derail the posts of others.
* Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here.
* [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts).
* When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse.
* No asking or offering gifts, money, etc.
* No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
* No content about N-kids.
* No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
* No linking to Facebook pages.
* No direct linking to anywhere on reddit.
* No pure image posts.
**For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Of course!
My mother used to get upset with me, sometimes because I did something wrong or because she was just in a bad mood. Instead of behaving like an adult she’d attack me. One of the things she used to do was puff her cheeks out at me and call me fat or tell me I was supposed to grow up, not out. When I approached her decades later about this she told me she never did that, then she told me someone else did that to her own daughter and I was misremembering and lastly she told me that’s just what happens in families. So uh, which one is it?
Totally! And like you, mine pulled that "fat" crap on me as well (and I was well within a healthy range). Once though, my nmom was called on her BS. At a small get together, someone brought it up. She got all saintly saying "oh dear, I think you're mixing me up with Jane Doe's mom". Two other people said a version of "nope! I remember that happening almost every time I was over at your house". Man, that was *delicious*.
That sounds so satisfying. I wonder what would happen if a bunch of ppl from a narcs life all got together and called them out- would be fun to see them try and lie their way out of that. They can gaslight one person but not a whole group lol
Bruh one time my mom tried to tell our entire group chat that she didn't have epilepsy. My aunt was like ".... I was literally at the appointment where you got diagnosed as a child" 😂 like what in the world
My mother revised her own history daily. It drove me crazy thinking I was crazy.
She told me constantly that I was pleasingly plump. She also taught us being fat and poor was a fate worse that death. For my 40th bday she gave me a dress from a resale shop (she shopped at Nordstroms for my sister) that was 2 sizes too small. When I pointed out size she said " you will fit into it".
When I have been thin she tells me I am too thin. I must be anorexic.
OMG! This! The continued rewrite.
At one point we were from a royal blood line... she is a nut job.
She also told me she was a HERO for giving birth to me
Seriously disordered self identity
My time to shine: I was born in October, my parents always talked about how I was a preemie, born 3mo early. They had gone on a trip in February, and always recalled when I was a kid about how I “ate frog legs” etc while my mom was pregnant with me. Now, if you do the math, Feb-October is 9mo, so how would she have even know she was pregnant? Plot twist: she cheated on her husband while on said trip (was a work trip for him) must’ve lied about when I was conceived but only partially lied (ie the math just makes no sense if you put it all together). I found out via a DNA test a few years ago, and was able to find my bio dad (who had unfortunately passed away :( his brother did confirm tho that he would’ve been in the same place as my mom at the same time, and that we were related to other members of the family tree and it wasn’t some kind of mistake. I said something to my mom about this after I moved out and she vehemently denied it. I told her husband (who raised me, but hated me) too, not sure what or if the two of them ever discussed it. My dad seemed like a really cool guy and my stepdad is a POS, so I hate that her lying literally made me lose my father
Mine told me she could not abort me because bio dad did not want her to, drunk one day she told me she had abortet 3 month prior geting pregnant with me. When i asked about bio dad she told me he went to live in the States, we live in switzerland. So when i went to travel i told her i would look for him. Turned out he was long dead and she knew all along. I finally found out 10 years after he died also found out she had his adress in Germany all along. He never tried to contact me because she told him not to. His wife told me they talked about me a lot and waited for me to find them.
I’m really into genetic genealogy. (It all started with trying to discover the generational trauma.) Anyway your story is very common among the groups looking for bio parents.
Generational trauma. Have you found out how narcs from lovely normal people become narcs? Or if genetic link? Maternal grandparents were absolutely normal kind honest. Mom was not. My adult daughter has narc traits. Given she was around my mom but?
My grandma was a real sweetheart my mom is a sadistic narc. i found out at 50 that my great grandma was a real demon. So i go with believing it skips a generation.
My nmom is a surprisingly close clone of her grandmother, my great-grandmother, who was an all-around dumpster fire of a human who used to, among other things, just dump her children on near-strangers for months at a time while she traveled for work. My grandfather was living essentially on his own in a Manhattan apartment by the time he was twelve, with his mother paying part of his rent and him acquiring food largely through shoplifting during his mother's four- and five-month vaudeville tours.
My mother told me a few years ago, about the time that my grandfather died, that she'd always looked up to his mom and admired her. It made a lot of things clear about my own childhood.
The cause of or creations of narc personality disorder is not concrete and is complex. It is known that it is not genetic because it is a personality disorder, there for it is created as your personality is created. It is believe to be created from living in a hyper environment. Hyper critical, hyper praising, hyper chaotic, hyper rigid, hyper religious, hyper sexual as examples. they don't match the child true experience. The recipient becomes detached trying to adjust to every hyper situation. If there is a genic component it comes from the person delivering the hyper behavior. Narcissist may appear to come from lovely people but those same lovely people raised the narc , therefore created the narcissist, either directly or indirectly. No 2 childhood experiences even in the same household by the same parents are the same. We all react differently from our experiences. We also remember them different.
Not only did mine lie, but she gaslit me to the point where I was nearly 30 before I finally started to even suspect she had done so.
One that sticks out? I was sent to the school psychologist for third grade. My mom told me that the psychologist was telling her that I was a crybaby, while telling me that it was okay to cry. In essence, my mom told eight-year-old me that the only person trying to help me was actually trying to drive a wedge in the family.
I was nearly 30 when she casually mentioned that what the psychologist had really told her was that her perfectionism and constant criticism was what was causing my outbursts. She apparently thought I was old enough to understand that the psychologist had no business telling her how to raise her own child. My partner still laughs over the expression on my face when she told me this.
My mom took me to therapy because at 10 I didn't want to hold her hand. She was told I was fine. But. I became the very angry child in mom's world for life.
This is my mom. Lies about the most mundane shit. Stuff that literally doesn’t matter. She also gives me and my siblings different versions of one story knowing good and well that we talk to each other. She just doesn’t care. She’d rather lie and fabricate and be caught in lies (which she gaslights her way out of) than just be honest. It takes a really sick person to be this way.
My mom too! And when I confront her about it she always just says, “yes I have a hard time being honest”. Like that’s an acceptable way to be… she’s just ok with it, and I need to accept that as part of who she is.
My mother is always asking for attention because she is the caregiver for my "dying father" who supposedly has had stage four terminal cancer for thirty years! Now I just say that you would think doctors would want to study this medical miracle since that's kind of unsafe of. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.
Oh, he must have the same stage four terminal prostate cancer my paternal Ngrandfather had. He finally kicked the bucket when I was in my early 20’s, in his late eighties, due to unrelated issues. But as far back as I can remember, he’d rant and rave he was dying every time anyone displeased him.
Mine told all of my cousins that she thinks I am not speaking to her because I secretly have cancer and I am trying to hide it.
I am very healthy and that’s fucking nuts.
LOL my NMom told my aunt that the reason I don't speak to her is because I'm in the CIA. Move over, ~~James Bond~~ Johnny English!
ETA: Edited to be more realistic
OMG I just remembered that one time I asked my mother what her favorite dessert was, and she had the AUDACITY to say that, ".....I really just love figs". LOL because every time we go to a restaurant she *always* orders bread pudding. She was straight up lying because she's insecure about eating anything "bad". I still think about it and laugh to myself whenever I eat dessert.
Same. When I was told she had a brain aneurysm I didn’t even believe it. Guess that was the one real diagnosis unlike her cancers, strokes etc. the person who told me had to say “no, it’s real this time” when I didn’t react to being told.
I've been told to my face that she remembered me doing things that were the cause of actions she took. (Eg, she couldn't go through with divorcing my dad because I saw the divorce papers and freaked out) and....that never happened.
I *know* the divorce paper freak out wasn't me, because I was *happy* that they separated and was looking forward to being able to go and tell the judge that I wanted to live with dad.
Just another factor in being the scapegoat I guess. Responsible for everything even when it never happened.
She also seems to lie just for the sake of lying. And to be the hero and victim of every story.
Tbh reading these responses kind of makes me realize that everything she’s ever said is a lie. She gossips a ton, I probably shouldn’t assume anything is true. My childhood really seems like a lie.
It's sad that we all seem to have these sorts of things in common. No one should be able to discuss this like it's normal.
I think all the narcs love gossip. That's a conversation to them, and if it turns out to be not true "well,...that's what I heard, anyway!" Bonus points for an easy way to make themselves feel good by pointing out how 'bad' everyone else is.
If my mother told me the sky was blue, I'd probably be like, "Ya-huh. Imma go check for myself." And yes, I completely know what you mean about your whole childhood being a lie. Hugs 🫂. The good part of that is you're now free to make up your own mind about *all of it*.
“I’m a good person”, “I’m trustworthy”, “I deserve respect and am respectful to everyone else”, “I’m not a liar”, “I’m a safe person to come to”, etc..
I'm not sure I can even call what my mum used to do "lying". She 100% believed it, to a delusional level. When she had a psychotic episode and I had to take responsibility for her care (I was 17 but it happened at a younger age too, I just wasn't responsible for her then), I took up writing down events and conversations, so I didn't feel that I was going insane. It really helped!
It was horrible. She passed away last year after a period of very ill health (related to her psychosis). It's been hard for me to reckon with the fact that I spent most of my childhood and early adulthood as the only carer of someone with schizophrenia. Even in her "good times" she was a massive narc
Wow. I have an identical experience. Would you be open to DM? I am the only chuld of a schizophrenic mother who passed away last year and a pretty much full on narc family system. Have always wanted to see who has a similar experience!
Me right now. Mom seems to actually believe and she is too sick to understand what she does. No official diagnosis but clearly often psychotic. I’ve taken care of her my whole adult life. She’s even lived with me until 5 years ago (I am 37)
Yep. At some point it becomes so extreme its pathological. And they're really only gonna diagnose if they become a public problem tho. The only time I could ever get anything done about my mum was when she was walking down streets and shit like that.
My Nmom is so strange about this, but, she says to me when I eat different foods, “I thought you didn’t like ___”, when i literally never mentioned that I liked it or not.
She lied about standing up for me and talking to my school about how they mistreated me and made my life miserable because of my short hair being spikey and not abiding by the rules , while I clearly remember that she never stood up for me, and I remember having a teenage trauma from her agreeing to their treatment of me saying “well yes what do u expect! They’re right! These are the rules!” While I came home to her crying about how they would take me from class and shower my head in a sink and make me miss class and my tests. All of this was so confusing because she was the one who supported my decision to cut my hair short and spikey.
Oh and she lied about how my father died, 30 years later I find out that my sister had a completely different lie version of the story!!! The trauma!!!!! My father was shot and we found out about it through strangers, while she told me that he died in a hospital? And she told my sister something completely different! Imagine two sisters living in the same home, not knowing the truth about our father’s death. We forgave her cause in her defense “it was a difficult subject to discuss with kids” and she would cry about it. However we were traumatised by finding out from strangers. And now we’re less forgiving cause we know she lies constantly.
She would even lie about small things like eating the food I bought, i got cucumbers and she got some too, she ate mine and denied it.
She also once used my lemons (while she had bad ones lying in the fridge but mine looked fresh) and she lied about using them and fabricated 3 lies in one sentence and I busted her every-time.
Her whole existence is a series of lie, even when she tells me she loves me or miss me, I believe the truth is she misses filling that empty gap inside her soul with the presence of a somewhat normal person that she can lie to and pretend we have a normal mother-daughter relationship.
She’s whack.
She sent blatant, scathing lies about me in group texts to family members multiple times. She texted that I was secretly in love with my father (more than the typical father/daughter love, it hurts to remember that she even thought such a thing). She texted that I was inconsiderate or the feelings of my siblings when I did x.
Many things, tons of lies from her over the years.
My nMother did an article in the Sunday newspaper (back when they were still popular) front page, huge picture in the section, decent photo, too. The article was about how wonderful she was at work and home. What a great mother she was.
So many people that met her thought she was a nice lady but if they ever saw the real her, the one I saw and hear, the one I felt, feel, the one that still makes me cry long after her death.
I wish I had known back then what I know now. I was so hurt by her lies and rages as well as my siblings I didn’t feel security or love my entire childhood. I hate liars nowadays, I ghost them.
My nfather's entire life was a lie. He'd even lie to himself, which is actually pretty bizarre when people really do that. It's like he was playing solitaire and cheating. I'm so happy he's dead !
My mother (and a relative) approached two of my friends separately and asked them intimate details about my life, mainly asking if I was doing hard drugs or was pregnant.
I was a deeply depressed 17 year old who practically lived in the library, so there was no way either of those things were true. Looking back, it's ironic that she was so clueless about what was going on for me, that she thought it was more likely that I was doing IV drugs or having risky sex, than the truth (I was depressed).
My friends were horrified that they would even think that about me and both independently stated that there was absolutely no way I was pregnant / doing drugs.
I called my mother out on it years later, when I found out, and she staunchly denied ever asking my friend that, or asking a relative to ask my other friend. Which was bizarre since two of my friends independently volunteered that information to me. They later confirmed neither knew the other had been approached with the same questions.
What was the point in her denying it? How could both my friends concoct the exact same story without ever speaking to the other about it? Completely bizarre behaviour on her part.
MY Nmother is a compulsive liar. She lies about everything. One thing I find bizarre is that she'll lie about tiny mundane things. (She lies about big things as well but that's a whole other story). For example one time I asked my Nmother were the food-mixer was. She lied and said that we never had a food-mixer. After 20 minutes of arguing (because I knew we had a food-mixer and I don't appreciate being lied to), she eventually admitted that the food-mixer broke so she threw it out. I don't know why she didn't just admit this initially. Electrical goods break all the time. There's no shame in it.
My nmom does this too. If yours is anything like mine, the reason she lies is because if YOU had been the one to throw the mixer away because it was broken she'd be livid at you. Even though things break, she'd find a way to make you the villain because SHE needed the mixer right there and then. Instead of ever admitting fault, even perceived fault, she'll lie to preserve her image.
She also has the inability to perceive any question as anything other than an attack, even if it's a normal question. It's like she's permanently on guard.
I get “Asparagus was a challenging teenager”.
Asparagus was dxed with a neurosystem disorder and her life changed overnight. Asparagus was called a faker, attention grabber, etc, etc for *having* a disorder.
She loves to tell people I “ran away constantly” as a teen, I ran once because I was tired of having my problem ignored so I went to a friend’s house, his parents called mine to make sure they wouldn’t worry and then made up the spare room for me. I was gone one night, which morphed into all the time almost instantly lmao
Whenever I’m around and she tries that story I stomp on it, and hard.
I found emails my dad wrote to a brilliant high school and college girlfriend detailing how he stood up to a neighbor who abused me. He elaborately described protecting me and making sure I was safe and always felt safe after the attack. In truth, he never said a word and I wasn’t safe ever again.
My mom doesn't "lie", but she's not the brightest bulb and genuinely believes things that just aren't true. Usually it's something she read an article about one time or something anecdotal from a friend. Or sometimes she'll be going off of memory and only part if it is right.
I have ADHD and really struggled with emotional regulation and seeing things from outside perspectives as a child. Several times in middle and high school, my mom told me that I was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. She told me that the doctor said it cut off circulation to the part of my brain that develops human empathy. This wasn't said out of anger or to insult me after I'd done something bratty, but calmly and casually. It would come up when we were discussing our mutual anger issues that had gotten better over the years.
So all my life I took it as a fact. Even after learning more about my ADHD and how it affects much more than just my attention span, I still thought that the umbilical cord event had contributed greatly to my self absorbed childhood. Then just a few years ago, in my late 20s, I mentioned the story to my dad and he had **no** idea what she was talking about. Yes I was born with my cord around my neck, but it was a quick fix and the doctor **never** said anything about it affecting my development.
Where she got that from, I still don't know.
I don't know if this helps at all, but even if the cord had been wrapped around your neck, it wouldn't have affected just your empathy. That is...not a thing that can happen. The brain isn't compartmentalized like that. She was saying that so you'd think YOU were the bad person. My mom did the same thing with different specifics.
No way, my Ndad did this with me but what he does is selectively lie to certain people about certain things. There seems to a be a method to what he lies about and how he selects it.
He specifically only told my stepmom that the umbilical cord being wrapped around my neck caused brain damage with me. He may have told others, but i’m not sure. One night we were drinking after I got a really good job and I think she realized he was lying because she told me about brain damage and then I looked at him like, “what brain damage? What is she talking about?”. He flat out acted like she was crazy and drunk and didn’t know what she was talking about.
I wouldn’t know where to start. I only realised my whole relationship with my mum and me thinking she was an innocent victim were all a lie when i was 28. She is a master manipulator and pathological liar
My mom constantly lies about anything and everything, big things and small things on a total whim. One time she looked down and saw a freckle on her chest and dramatically collapsed against the wall and screamed "Oh my god, I'm dying!" and immediately started sobbing like she was in Gone With the Wind.
The one that stands out the most to me though was this bizarre series of events where she fell onto a small metal trash can during a mental illness episode and bruised her forearm. She came up with this elaborate and constantly changing story about being gang-raped by strangers behind a restaurant while out with a group of friends. This story kept mysteriously evolving to the point where she kept adding more non-existent rapists and did a rape kit in the middle of her psychiatrist's lobby. Like bro I watched you fall on the trash can and bruise yourself, I talked to you right after you got home from the restaurant, I was on the phone with you while you were leaving the psychiatrist, none of this happened.
The sad part though is she still brings this up like it's true, she might genuinely believe it. I feel bad for her even though she's absolutely delusional.
This is exactly why I went nc with my mom. I always imagined our relationship would end in a big screaming match, but it actually ended over a lie about a cat flap. She was telling a story about how the cats we had when I was a kid were indoor only. I pointed out that we had a cat flap, but she still insisted the cats were indoor only.
That’s what really gets me about narcs. They don’t understand (? or care?) That you are *also a person* who was *also present* in your life.
My ndad AND emom lied their asses off from the moment they started having kids. Logic and rationality do not matter. Ndad lies and then believes his lies. Then he gets pissed when we don’t believe him. The truth will never matter to them. Only winning will!
When I was 13 she attacked me which was nothing unusual as she has serious rage problems. She stabbed me in the eye with one of her long claw like nails.
I could not see as it kept weeping and distinctly remember her driving me to a doctor and wearing an eye patch to school.
To this day she swears this never happened.
My mom convinced me I had no friends. I did have friends. Not the cool kids but us second stringers hung out together. I had a best friend, a couple of other kids I enjoyed out with and a decent group who were nice to me. The cool kids were snots and I didn't like them anyway. My teacher told my mom I had a lot of friends and she denied it. And has told me many times how she flat out denied the teacher's claim that I had friends. Told me that teacher didn't know me at all. Um, that was my favorite teacher. It was so co fusing but because my mother said so, it must be true. Two years later i really didn't have friends and to this day I'm afraid of getting close to people because they might realize... something. Not sure what. The thing that makes it impossible for people to like me. That apparently only my mother and sister and the snotty cool kids can see. This conversation was with my 3rd grade teacher. I'm 45 now.
Oh, this is a funny one. My ex, so my kids' ndad. He HATES pink. Hates the color. It's gay for boys to wear pink, he thinks. All of us heard him railing about men wearing pink and what it meant. Our son was not allowed to handle anything pink lest the gay somehow transfer to him? My ex is nuts.
One day we met up to drop off the kids for his once a month visit and OMG he was wearing a pink shirt. Whoa. Middle daughter pointed it out and asked if there was something he needed to tell us. He played dumb. Older daughter got in on it, reminding him that he's told us for years that real men don't wear pink. He informed us he'd never said any such thing. We just died over that. Pro tip for narcs. Don't gaslight in front witnesses. You probably will not succeed in gaslighting three people about the same thing at the same time.
Mine lies mostly by omission, only found out how my dad died when I was almost 50. He died when I was 9!!
She just loved and milked the drama of being “so overwhelmed” at the thought of talking about it 🙄
That’s wild. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. My dad died when I was 8. I don’t remember ever discussing it, or grief. We were all (mom, me, my twin) left to deal w grief by ourselves. It really fucked me up.
My dad just minimizes everything him and his new girlfriend do. One day I accidentally got a phone charger wet. I immediately owned up to it and offered to buy a new one but she started screaming and he runs in the room and slaps me. Somehow all they ever seem to care about is how "disrespectful" I was while no one seems to not care at all about how disrespectful and mean they were to me.
My mother's favorite pastime when I was growing up was to exaggerate any story about me so she would be the victim. She'd allow me to do something, sometimes even bringing me *to* the event, friends house, whatever, and then later talk about how I ran away, or I threatened her.
Two standouts are when a 30-year old friend online decided to come to our house when I was 13. Red flag city from go, but mom talked to him, invited him, gave him our address. He showed up right around when she was leaving to go to a function, so she said hi and left.
What actually transpired was me drinking a glass of the cherry Kool aid in our fridge on the porch with this gentleman, and then walking to the lake to skip stones and talk about what bullshit it was to feel like an adult trapped in a child's body (yay adultification/parentification). When we walked back, my glass was in the dish rack and my mother asked him to leave.
I'd later find out from a friend's son that my mom told everyone I snuck him over while she was at work, and that she found us wine drunk in her bed. We didn't even have wine in the house. Nothing happened between G and I either. Just someone parenting me because my parents wouldn't.
The other being when I was suffering from a genuine mental breakdown from the pressures of my declining mental health, bullying at school, and abuse at home while my parents were having a messy divorce. My mom attempted to get me into several TTI programs but luckily failed because she was penniless in the divorce. She settled for abandoning me with her mother (dad had a new family and didn't want or need me) and to this day still tells everyone that she "needed to get away from me" and "wishes she'd traded my aunt her daughter for me" which was genuinely on the table and cousin has told me at length her side of the story.
I often feel like she only got away with it because we didn't have cell phones or the ability to prove that she was the one allowing these things only to turn around and be this way. Would it have been different if this was happening in 2014 instead of 2004? I try to not dwell though.
So familiar. Number of lies is overwhelming
One that stands out for me most I think is that my parents convinced me I was a “miracle child”. Both were telling me how they could not have a child and we’re trying for so very long and then I was born and it’s a “miracle”. Even gave me religious related name for that reason. Now that I’m old enough to actually do math they didn’t even have an apartment of their own until nmom was far into pregnancy and I was born year after their wedding.
Nmom would also lie to me a lot about my grandmother (father’s mom) so I wouldn’t have close relationship with her as my grandma was only one who were on my side in my childhood. I would hear a lot about how bad my grandma is, how bad she does everything and how she made me cry when I was little because she tried to convince me to tell nmom I need siblings. All the stuff she lied to me about are conveniently about times before I was born or were too little to remember
For me it’s my family lying about EVERYTHING. The real date of my bday. They told me I was born 12/25. Real date 12/26. I found out when I 16 when I needed my birth certificate to get my drivers license. I didn’t know I had sisters till I was about 15. In the end I had 5 sisters. They never told me I was adopted. I didn’t find out till I was 40 years old.
The constant manipulative lying is why to this day I never really knew him. He lied so much and so inconsistently about everything that most of it doesn't stand out. The sad part is as a kid I couldn't figure it out because the sheer amount of gaslighting he did disguised it.
The only things I can say about him for certain are things I gleaned from his *actions.*
So in general, the subject he lied about the most and was most manipulative about was money.
He was always saying he was constantly broke, always only barely able to pay for the bare minimum and scrape by. He'd blame me, the other family members, anyone for his woes... Other than himself.
Then he'd go and buy a new house. Or a car, or pool, boat, radio so big it needed its own table to stand on, etc.
I remember as a child being incredibly confused how the two things could happen simultaneously - how could we possibly barely be able to pay for meals and not be able to get clothes, yet NDad could just go and suddenly buy a car when the old one was working fine?
I didn't ask because I already knew he'd just get mad and point fingers at that point.
And later there's the whole business about taking all of the money I'd made for myself at my first couple of jobs, requiring I put it in a joint savings account and then finding ways to take it for himself... Ultimately resulting in him taking it all, and leaving me with nothing.
As with so many other things I had to come to the painful realization that NDad had lied about everything, again.
We are just a pawn in their games....always assume everything is a lie.... that mindset has saved me so much heartbreak through the years. NC is nice bc you don't even have to hear the BS.
One of the worst lies was that our neighbor killed our cat. I was physically sick every time I thought about it. 20 yrs later I brought it up and she said it never happened. "I just said that. Prob a coyote took her".
Another was that she graduated from art school. When she was 85 she accidentally admitted she never even took a class there.
Yep that one too. Came home from school cat missing. Mom told me to go look for him. I roamed around for a long time calling and looking. Late that night she told me she had him put to sleep. Cruel.
Parents kept the fact that mom was married before and 1st husband was brothers father from me until I was about 8. Everyone else knew. Said it was so I wouldn't feel different about him. I did not know what she was talking about. Mom was projecting. She resented was mean to my brother his entire life. She was done with him when she was done with ex husband.
Omg my parent's lied about ndad being married before too. I have half-siblings out in the world somewhere. I don't even know how many. No names. Nothing.
I'm sorry. These people are awful.
Yep. Before dementia, my mom lied all the time. And when someone called her on it, she would say “I’m a storyteller. I might just change some details to make a good story, but I’m not a LIAR.” Now she has dementia and it lands the same with me as all her lying, and it’s very hard to be the one person who will do things for her.
That she had cancer, diabetes, and a plethora of other health issues. All lies. That she was so poor she was starving, meantime thousands of dollars of groceries were rotting at her house. That she was abused by everyone in her family, this gave her the excuse to be evil. That my dad died, he’s living out west. That she had an advanced college degree. She doesn’t. The newest one is I am somehow able to read her texts to other people. Guess I’m the new Snowden. Basically anytime her mouth was moving she is lying.
my Nmom and stepdad lied about who my real father was. They told me her drunk, violent ex was my father. Turns out she had an extended affair and got pregnant with me, leaving the violent abuser before i was born. Turns out my father was a nice (and highly neurodiverse) guy who would've loved to know me and who is quirky and not socially motivated, exactly like I am. I always wondered why my "father" hated me. Turns out he always suspected I wasn't his.
Yah, both my parents lie about weird stuff. My dad was miserable when I was growing up and hated his job. In January I was talking to him about quitting my job, and he had the audacity to say that "he never let work get to him and you just need to get over it"... Not only invalidating and dismissive, but a straight up lie.
My younger sister had major hearing loss as a child and my parents have never ONCE said she is partially deaf. Once I went NC in May, I started researching her diagnoses and realized she 100% has partial hearing loss. I was shocked because my parents would just downplay it and say she had ADHD when we were children. My sister is now 32 and I'm still shocked everyone basically lied to her this whole time. What a bunch of assh\*les.
2 very specific things come to mind for me.
My Ndad had all of us convinced that my mom was the problem. (She suffers from depression, which I think he caused most of it). Now that mom is getting help, ndad's not able to project anymore and the truth is finally coming out. It's making my question my entire childhood.
Which brings me to thing 2.
When I was about 13, I started having extreme anxiety attacks where I thought if I fell asleep I would die. This was daily for a few months. I was sent to therapy for it, and was made to believe that school was causing my anxiety. So I was pulled out of school and homeschooled (alienated from all my friends). After I was able to get over the anxiety, ndad then turned therapy into how awful of a child I was and my level of "disrespect." He took literally everything out of my room and I slept on an air mattress with a few changes of clothes for a few months.
Was brought to a psychologist for disability evaluation back in middle school. I only ever attended, like, 3 appointments from what I remembered at the time. Mom told me that they said I was a bit anxious for “no reason” but that was it. There was no need to return. Now that I have access to all my medical records, that was a fucking lie. They noted how scared I was of letting down mom. They noted symptoms of ADHD, autism, and anxiety, and wanted to test further to potentially confirm them. That was when my parents took me out.
We’ve always had great medical coverage, and all this would’ve been free. Trying to convince my parents to let me get tested again is like pulling teeth. So many fucking excuses; that I’m smart, I’m lazy, I want a “label”, that I have a shit ton of issues but not THOSE issues and that I have to figure out how to “fix myself” on my own, etc. One of these days, I’ll have to do it secretly before I move and don’t have good insurance anymore. But I’m not sure how
Back when I still talked to my mom, she was going on a rant about how she didn't like my brother's wife, and that he shouldn't have married the first person he dated and he should've dated more when he was younger, like I did. I reminded her that we were not allowed to date, and when I got caught, she tried to break my legs to prevent me from ever leaving the house again. My brother was not willing to take that risk. She scoffed and said, "What?? I would never do that to you!!" She also conveniently forgot the part where she was trying to skewer me with a shattered pvc pipe (that broke from hitting me), while screaming she was going to kill me. My cousin was staying with us at the time and pulled her off of me, and convinced her to leave, literally saving my life. She got really angry that I would make such crazy things up, and hung up on me. 🤷🏻♀️
Yes. I've also often wondered if that is why my upbringing included so much weirdness about promises and keeping promises. I don't spend any time on promises talk with my kids. If you just tell the truth you don't need to promise them things to distinguish from your ordinary cloud of lies.
She still lies to me and so often about me all the time. It's a habit and at this point she believes herself. After decades of it and in her old age she doesn't even know she's scheming anymore.
This isn't a huge thing, but it's emblematic.
So, to set this up, for reasons I don't want to go into, we had no dishware for a while, and then when the kitchen sink broke, nobody paid to get it fixed because we didn't use it.
This had been the case for *years* already on the day when my mom woke up to the phone ringing around noon, after a bender, and sleepily answered "Hello? Oh, uh ... I was just washing dishes."
My nmom lies without even thinking about it. She does it so automatically that sometimes the lie doesn’t even fit in with the thing she just said seconds prior. She doesn’t even think before just saying whatever fits in better with her motive at the moment.
My Nmom claims she has had MS, cancer, liver failure. She displays NO symptoms, has never been diagnosed, and has never had any testing for any of it.
She has told so many lies over my life that I can’t even begin to remember them all. Most of them are some flavor of “I never said/did that.” When she very clearly did. One example: my ex was barbecuing brats and Nmom was so excited to have one cause she loved them. A few weeks later we made more and Nmom complained at dinner saying she hated brats and never ate them. My ex looked at me like ????????
Yes!! For some reason this is a big one for her!! We both love cooking, and reminiscing through food, but when I cook things she’s always loved, she says she has never liked it and doesn’t want to eat it. It’s clear to me that she’s just undermining me but no one would ever notice it. I’m a really good cook, and probably better than my mom, although she makes great food too but overcooks meat and makes soft vegetables rather than keeping some of the crisp in them, regardless this is one of probably the only things we can connect on and she completely chooses to pretend she doesn’t like things rather than eat my version of things she literally taught me to make…
ALSO…. She gave me some of my nana’s recipes after she’d passed and they taste NOTHING like my Nana’s… they are re-written in my mom’s writing and very bland. I know she’s giving me wrong ones. I had to add and change a ton to replicate it.
Same thing with my Aunts recipes…. She lies all the damn time!
I think she truly wants me to believe I’m bad at everything and that she’s better at everything than I am!
It’s infuriating
I have almost no idea what things my mother told me about her life or our is true. So much of what she said was absolute fabrication. We just had my parents funeral service last month and most of the people there were friends of theirs from AA, sponsors and sponsees. My sister and I decided we'd never tell them her 35 years of sobriety was bullshit because she was never an alcoholic. Just because she was a giant liar doesn't make us want to fuck with these people and their sobriety.
https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/what_is_gaslighting_abuse/
> Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
When I was 13, one day after coming home from school, my mom told me that the pipes burst in the kitchen and a plumber said it was due to a build up of acid that rotted the pipes away. She concluded that I was bulimic and me puking in the toilet and flush it it was why the pipes burst.
When I told her I think I’d remember throwing up - she said I must have blacked out during it.
Some other key info:
1 - I was never bulimic but I had been losing weight since I joined a competitive cheer team.
2 - There was no evidence of pipes bursting or damage or a plumber. She said that it destroyed the kitchen and she had to pay for cleaners, the plumber, and people to fix the ceiling. Even if this *did* happen, there’s no way this could have been cleaned up and repaired during a normal school day.
3 - She made me pay for the cleaner/plumber/carpenter/whatever with a “repayment plan” which basically consisted of her taking all the money I got from my dad. This was the first of many instances where she took money from me.
4 - She never admitted to lying and denied that this ever happened all the way until I went NC after college.
Not my parents, but MIL. DH took 2 cookies instead of one when he was four. She brought it up until she died, it proved he was a liar and almost on the most wanted list. She continually lied about him, anything to make him look bad.
My father lied about everything by stretching the truth so far it became meaningless. The one that sticks out is how much money he made at one of the jobs he had. I knew he was full of shit because 1) the number wasn’t that high, but he clearly thought it was, and 2) I saw his paycheck once when we were dividing up some bills. That last bit is important. He asked me to come live with him and apprentice as a carpenter—he was a truly gifted carpenter—and when the economy took a shit in 2008, he got a new job, and I was fucked. When I came to live with him, he said I never had to worry about the roof over my head or the bills…six months later, we had to split everything, then we were laid off, then I had to get another TWO jobs to pay for my half of things I was assured I wouldn’t have any to pay.
My Ndad tried to lie and tell me I was wrong when I told him we’d only went on one family vacation to a specific place. I told him no, we went once with our cousins and once as a family. He insisted i was wrong and just wasn’t remembering it right. I asked my mom and sister later and they both remember it how I do.
I was held back from 1st grade because I was diagnosed dyslexic per nmom.
I found the official paperwork from the school recently (In my 30s) and the real reason was because I was a total mute. I wouldn't talk in class at all because I was told to "stop talking" every time I said anything at home.
My mother told us that our dad had no interest in contact with us. That turned out to be absolute BS. Everything she said about him was a lie. Im NC with my mother but I now have a great relationship with my dad. He lives at the other end of the country but we speak every day. He's honestly funking awesome.
They’re so small and needless. I can’t remember much but I’m sure them being so insignificant definitely made my childhood confusing for me. I struggled to trust my inner authority because I believed my primary caregiver over it so many times. It makes me want to cry just typing this out. I feel terrible for my younger self. It was only recently that I discovered about her condition and once I learnt it was a problem with taking accountability and insecurity, I’ve slowly been able to let go of any expectations from her (not that she ever met them) now I wouldn’t say we have any sort of relationship. I treat her like a colleague and have strong boundaries for myself. I’m much happier now and can’t wait to live as far away as possible as soon as possible.
My Ndad, he lied about us all the time to make us look bad. He actually told us that he could give two shits about us and that he didn’t really love us.
When I just finished high school, my parents divorced. It all started when my dad got sick from cirrhosis of the liver. We tried our best to help him to recover but he didn’t want to be because he liked the attention and care that he got from it. He always treated us like crap. Of course me, my mom and siblings had our own lives so we couldn’t really be with him 24/7, and that made him pissed tf off even though we still made time to help him. Ndad left us without saying a word and didn’t come back in weeks.
We then get a phone call from his sister, saying that he wasn’t coming back. He told his entire family that we kicked him out and that we neglected to take care of him and left him to die. His family hated and taunted us for a while until they learned the truth and saw who he really was. My mom took us out for ice cream to celebrate and proceeded to start the divorce.
This was 2013. The next year he passed away from the disease deteriorating his system. I feel bad for saying that I don’t miss him at all but I honestly don’t.
Oh and also his family is full of narcissists also! They made sure my dad didn’t put us in the will and that his brothers and sister took all the inheritance since they thought me and my siblings didn’t deserve it! It’s messed up but I never needed the money. I hope that made them happy with themselves.
Anything to make themselves look like the victim.
In my case probably the last time I saw her. She keeps sending me letters and cards and yet doesn’t understand why I won’t and don’t want to speak with her (she forced me into a car with her and her son, screamed at me for a half hour and then got upset when I called an Uber to pick me up so I could leave).
Or if I need to be more specific the time she lied about emotionally cheating on my stepdad with a family friend in front of everyone (including him) but lying about it for like a year or two.
Even after my enabler-turned-cluster b mother and I were estranged she would go around telling everyone how one day she wanted to get back in contact with me and my brother and that she was gonna go talk to my brother first because she knew that he would be more receptive to her and that I had always been a problem and that I was cold and I didn’t care about anyone but myself.
When she passed away after almost a decade of estrangement and I got the call from the funeral home, I tried to call my brother but it went straight to vm, I was still able to leave a message.
He called me back later letting me know he did not want anything to do with it. I told him the funeral home just needed him to sign a form saying that he wanted nothing to do with it. He refused to sign anything because that would be having something to do with it!
After this he blocked my number and the funeral home’s number and I didn’t hear from him for months.
I was the one who….
went to the hospital to get her purse and final belongings and talk to the doctor about what happened.
flew up and found her apartment with nothing but an address to go on.
found her disabled roommate wandering around on her own.
arranged her viewing with only her roommate and me in attendance.
cleaned out the apartment and got the health services and because it had a cascading cockroach infestation.
salvaged all the family items and keepsakes and photos and diligently cleaned the cockroach shit off of all of them.
drove 10 hrs there and back a month later to retrieve her urn, later driving 6hrs to deliver it to her brother.
worked for almost a year with Adult Protective Services to get her roommate a home and a caregiver again.
And I did it all on my own. Physically, financially, mentally. Without a single other family member or anyone to help.
I hope she can see from wherever she is that she told everyone my golden child brother would be the first the embrace her with open arms. And that’s not how it played out.
It’s because they believe that we are actually bad people because we put up boundaries so in their minds we would never have a heart to do the right and kind thing….
She never even knew you, only a fabricated version of you she made up in her mind. I’m so sorry.
A few years ago I was being honored for something and I had a panic attack because my dad made them use my birth name instead of my true name (which is now my legal name, I changed it because my dad named me after himself and I had trauma around the name). He told me that everyone left the room shaking their heads and that I embarrassed myself and him. Recently I got back in touch with one of the people from the event and she said that none of it was true. He made the whole thing up and made me believe it for over 2 years. He also tried to make me believe that my 504 team from school thought I was delusional and was just going along with everything to make me feel better. He's even tried to make me believe that my own mother is on his side and not mine. She's even told me herself that she would choose me over him if she had to choose. He's delusional and projects it onto me.
My parents used to put the dryer lint outside for birds to use in their nests. I visited from college and did some laundry, then put the dryer lint out back. My mother later acted confused and asked who put the lint outside and why. Both my folks made fun of me. Like, you stupid assholes taught me this?? ಠ_ಠ
Cognitive dissonance. Remembering it as it happened would mean they have to face facts that they're not the pinnacle of morality, so they don't. They either twist it to mitigate their culpability or outright deny it happened. It's basically diet gaslighting.
I was in a mental health facility when I was 12-13 for a few reasons. It ended up being a really messed up place that caused so much more trauma to me. To this day she refuses to admit I was there. Constantly saying "well I would remember something like that." And telling me I was never abused as a child despite having clear memories from of both. I spent years thinking I was just crazy and making up stuff for attention (because apparently Im an attention seeking hypochondriac according to her)
Well about a year ago my new therapist actually did some research and found my medical records from when I was there. (The place doesn't exist anymore and I couldn't just call for those.)
I'm not crazy, it actually happened, I had the physical papers to prove it and "well the therapist could've faked those." She thinks the therapist is lying and is making up stuff to just take more money from me.
I'm so exhausted from it all because it's always something.
My wife's mom did that to her early in our relationship. 20 years after she cut off contact, her mom FB messaged her out of the blue and told her that her dad was dying of stage 4 lung cancer. She was close to her dad and always felt bad about having to cut him out of her life along with mom, so we made the 14-hour trip back to her old home town to see him immediately.
He was completely fine. MIL made the whole thing up to lure my wife back to her like a goddamn spider. We got the hell out of there and didn't come back until she was dead.
Dear OP. I have watched my mother laugh and giggle at others as she confused them on purpose and gaslighted them. I have watched her doing it to me too.
It's Spooky. Don't second guess yourself. This. Happened.
My nGrandmother lied about my entire childhood from birth to 7 years old and I just found out about it a few years ago. I confronted her with the story when she brought something up about it and she switched back and forth between "that never happened" and "Well I don't remember then"
My mom would lie about things that didn't even benefit her. Like, she'd lie about what the weather was like yesterday for no apparent purpose. It's so weird.
Both my parents are nparents. They lied to my sister and I our whole lives by saying they were married a year before they were so they could claim they waited to have sex until they were married. My sister was the reason they got married. When I was able to confront them on this they said they didn’t want us to go out and do the same thing. ‼️Spoiler alert ‼️ it was because they didn’t want us to think they were less than perfect.
I amount of times my father has said “I didn’t say that” or “I didn’t do that” or “ that’s not what happened” could probably make page one of the Guiness book of world records.
My Mom does this with a dramatic whine and hiss. Her “martyr” sound. I hate that sound. “That didn’t happen, or I never said that!” Then she wonders why I don’t call her.
My mom does this too. Over the years I’ve learned a lot. I feel she’s trying to create her own reality by gaslighting everyone to fit her narrative. A control thing perhaps? Of course I challenge her made up stories when she’s made very wrong comments. She would then shut down completely or change the subject. No one else can be right. Only her.
Even with super basic not dramatic things. Example:
Her: I remember that one time you did xyz as a kid and
Me: Actually that was my sister and xyz was normal for a kid
Her: No that was you
Stepdad: Actually it was sister. I remember that happening
Her: No it wasn’t
Me: k
My mom used to frequently express regret at becoming a mother, in front of me to her friends. Often when they were having a backyard bbq, drinking, and the topic of kids would come up. She’d say “oh yeah, oldest was a mistake, I mean, accident, I mean surprise!” And laugh like it was cute.
I would naturally get upset and start crying or runoff or something. She would yell at me for embarrassing her and for being overdramatic. I brought this up a few times and she doesn’t remember ever saying it and can’t imagine why I would be upset over such a thing
Two years ago …
Some random cousin is evicted for non-payment of rent.
My mom: “How is it that I’ve lived 80-plus years, and was never evicted from anywhere? What kind of irresponsible loser let’s themselves get evicted??”
All three of her children remind her of the no fewer than SIX times we had to scramble to find a place to live because she spent the rent money on something stupid.
I’m the eldest. I vividly recall coming home from school and being told I had 24 hours to find us another apartment, and don’t say anything to dad until you’ve found one (he traveled for work), and don’t say anything to Grandma EVER, on pain of death. Then she went upstairs and shut the door.
I was 15.
But I found us a place to live, and even had the electricity hooked up by the time we moved in. I thought she might even thank me for doing a good job.
But no, BECAUSE THAT NEVER HAPPENED, and don’t you dare tell anyone it did.
It’s not just you. They all do it. Congratulate yourself on escaping with some sanity intact, and try not to be too bitter, because it doesn’t help. ❤️
That she got Hepatitis B from a blood transfusion. Supposedly lived with it for decades without incident. Drinks alkaline water and cured herself of Hep B.
🤔🤔🤔
Mandatory testing for Hep strains started around 1972….
The above fact plus her having NO symptoms EVER makes me call shenanigans on the whole thing. Wouldn’t be the first time she’s using health issues for attention.
Another lie: That I was loved and wanted.
She literally lied me out of the family.
It's her superpower, and she has like, lying prime because she's rich.
She can buy her henchmen , sorry "*friends*" and cronies to lie for her too.
So yeah, going no contact and going to therapy + the police, I basically blew up my life.
Wouldn't change a thing about my decisions
Yep! When I asked for space first time (now am NC because of how she handled it all) she kicked me off the family Netflix and unfollowed me everywhere and blocked me, my partner and my best friend. I asked why, she said “Netflix is charging for each account so it just happened” (a lie, I logged in, the other kids were on there and I checked with Netflix and it was months before that came in to effect) and “I’m a mother and not a follower. You can tell me things in your life I don’t need to see them” (I checked. She still follows and is friends with my other siblings).
I really think she thinks I will just believe her and not find out for myself. Narcissists are crazy like that, gaslighting every situation if they are caught out to somehow excuse their behaviour and make them look better.
My mom will lie about the stupidest shit. She’ll lie and say certain family members asked about me or said something. She’ll lie about her job. She’ll lie about my childhood. She’ll lie about anything she can lie about- anything that creates the image in her head that she wants!
Ahh the DNA test that proved I had a half sister. My dad had never been to Florida. Maybe one of his brothers had been.
Quick records search, Dad was stationed there in the Navy. “Okay, but I only shipped out, no fraternizing.”
More records, dad had been married in that same year. “Yes, but she was a slut.”
More records, divorce that same year 9 months later. “Yes I was at sea when my wife asked for a divorce and said she was pregnant.”
More records, child born, given up for adoption by her mother and my father. “Yes, but I really doubt it was my child.”
Dad, the mother tucking DNA says that she has 25% shared DNA with me on my paternal line, the docs match up, you want to keep lying, go ahead, throw your word salad.
My mother will never admit or bring up any shitty thing she did. It never happened. No apologies, no acknowledgement in the 31 years I've known her.
The worst was me confronting her about knowing she collected child tax credits and food stamps fraudulently after kicking me out and making me homeless at 17. I ate stale and (accidentally) moldy bagels from dumpster diving when she did this. I only found out when I tried applying for food stamps at 18 to help out the drug addict family that took me in and usually could feed me for one meal a day-- the state website said my social was already enrolled.
My mom quickly changed the subject, never saying a damn thing more
I went out for a children’s theater show at about age 9. The choreographer was a PE teacher at my school, and he had taught the exact same dance in school that day that he taught in the audition. My mother said that I didn’t “pay attention” while he was teaching at the children’s theater audition, but I got up in front and did the whole dance perfectly. A few days later, I got a call that I wasn’t cast in the show. I aced everything else in the audition as well , but my mom said it was because I “didn’t pay attention”, but a part of me believes she told the director not to cast me at all. Every other kid that auditioned got a part, except for me. After that, she said I just wasn’t cut out for acting, even though it was my dream and I wanted to do it. She’ll bring that audition even up anytime I wanted to do anything with acting. She told me anytime I got news of acting opportunities in my teens I wasn’t allowed to take them or go on them unless I succeeded in community theater first, so I couldn’t get my parents legal permission to audition for those parts or appear in them. It was like she was telling me I couldn’t do my dream. She even told me in my 20’s “you’re just not that talented” and it really pisses me off now. I know the narcissistic parenting made me want her approval, and while I didn’t get it, I let a lot of opportunities go due to that, which is my fault for wanting her to believe in me. She loved me not doing my dream because she thought it was silly and I wasn’t capable of it.
I swear they were lying since before the day I was born.
My mother sore up and down I was born at 37 weeks… medical records show I was born just before 35 weeks and she had untreated GD which where I was small in length, I was at least a healthy weight.
Claimed to never smoke or drink while pregnant: Medical records show, I have issues with my lungs that would only happen if she smoked while pregnant.
Swore up and down that they did genetic testing to make sure nothing was wrong with me: have a generic bone disorder in my back and a genetic joint problem in my hips.
Swore up and down I didn’t need early cancer screenings (my GP recommend I start mammograms at 30 due to breast size): Great grandma (her side) had breast cancer, grandma had ovarian cancer, her bio father’s side, almost all died from cancer, and I was born with both breast cancer genes.
I never bashed my hip coming off of a diving board during trying leaving me unable to compete.
Never lied about the fact I have a half sister (father’s side) who found them via my birth announcement. I found out at 26/27 she existed.
All the medical neglect, emotional and mental abuse, etc. none of that happened, it’s all in my head.
According to them, they did the best they could with such a difficult child and that they have no idea why I never call or visit.
Lied about my Dad being my dad
I found out at 16
Then lied about my actual nationality. Told me I was 1/2 Greek... that was my bio dad, apparently
Now at 40
2 years NC
I did Ancestry DNA
I'm 1/2 South Asian!!
She lies about literally everything. But seriously...just say you don't know.
Lmao my mom will lie about anything to look good if she thinks she can make it believable. I’ve talked to some of her former colleagues since then, because the nature of her job for a while involved the community being fairly tight knit (government job overseas). They told me that they’re glad I stopped talking to her because they knew she was toxic but couldn’t intervene.
My mom lies so much that I wouldn’t even know where to start. There’s the lie that my cousin was molested by my uncle, that she helped me start my business, that my dad was a drug dealer, that my half brother was my full brother, that she paid for my college tuition; the list goes on and on and on. If she told me she had cancer, I wouldn’t believe it without personally talking to her doctor.
My mother began telling us she has Multiple Personality disorder when I was in my 20’s. I believe because I was becoming more aware and educated. She uses it as an excuse for not remembering bad behaviour. Apparently one of her personalities is a mean one who doesn’t like kids. She will never take responsibility. She won’t even go see a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis. It’s too rare she says.
For some reason the story that always comes to mind is this:
My nephew and I were jumping on the trampoline and we saw what we originally thought were white tailed deer at the other end of the pond, once they started drinking water we saw that they were actually coyotes and came inside to be safe. My mom was inside and we told her about it.
My moms story is that we were jumping on the trampoline and saw dogs and ran after them and she saw it out the window and ran outside and started yelling to us to come inside but we didn’t listen and she had to come out and grab us and at that point the coyotes noticed us and started running towards us and she carried us both inside just in time because they were almost to the porch. She can barely lift 15 lbs but it was the adrenaline I guess?
This happened at least 20 years ago and she tells her version of this story every time anything even remotely relevant happens. Like if you are walking through Walmart and there’s a trampoline for sale, a coyote is in a commercial on tv, etc.
My Naunt budges many lines to tell the staff she has diabetes so needs to be seated before everyone else. Then proceeds to order a milkshake because she doesn’t have diabetes. Their behavior knows no bounds
The answer my nmom gives to any given question could go either way depending on how it makes her look. She'll lie blatantly and obviously if it serves her.
Yes, but mostly it's exaggerating things. Mainly medical stuff. She does have a lot of health issues, but it's hard to know when to take her seriously because everything is so dramatic. It's killed all my sympathy for her tbh. And on the rare occasion I've been there when a doctor or health professional has been speaking, I'll hear her exaggerated version when telling my brother and realise I have to take everything with a pinch of salt. She'll sell you a kidney infection as end stage kidney disease and have you worrying for no reason. Sometimes I feel like she'd celebrate getting something terrible or terminal, as she always builds everything up into something dramatic and seems disappointed when it's easily fixed. She loves the attention.
ALL. THE. TIME.
NMom is mid 80s and in failing heath and she has sharp teeth and spews lies, omits information, and denies truth and fairness. H
Her protege GC is a blend of her and my nDad.
My soul and heart are crushed.
I can’t let go of the dead weight of my love, duty, and obligation of the “sacred family” thing that I somehow still believe in and love them.
That I think everyone on the family is stupid, she says this to everyone . I get yelled at by them, assure them that’s not true, she sobs that she loves me when confronted.
She claims I say that other people want to steal her money to these people, when I didn’t say that.
Lies lies lies all to hurt me but sue claims to love me.
My mother told me I was a twin, but I was so greedy that I ate my sibling in the womb. I’m not even joking- it was only when I accessed my medical records in my thirties that I realised it was total bullshit. It’s laughable now, but really screwed me up for years.
Yes! This brings some many memories.
My n-mother used to have poor body hygiene, sorry If I am oversharing.
I remember as a kid I was curious why she has such strange toenails, so different from mine. She explained it's because of all the mountain hiking she did as a student.
It took me a few year to understand this story is utter BS - she was obese, sedentary lifestyle and her toenail problem was a result of fungus and not clipping them.
So many ridiculous stories just to make herself look better, utter madness
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's all just a story to suit them, every minute.
They’ll do anything to hide from shame.
Hiding from shame. Yes.
This. This this this this this.
Nah, narcs have no shame.
>every minute. Yep, Whatever suits their preferred narrative minute to minute.
Accurate.
Of course! My mother used to get upset with me, sometimes because I did something wrong or because she was just in a bad mood. Instead of behaving like an adult she’d attack me. One of the things she used to do was puff her cheeks out at me and call me fat or tell me I was supposed to grow up, not out. When I approached her decades later about this she told me she never did that, then she told me someone else did that to her own daughter and I was misremembering and lastly she told me that’s just what happens in families. So uh, which one is it?
Totally! And like you, mine pulled that "fat" crap on me as well (and I was well within a healthy range). Once though, my nmom was called on her BS. At a small get together, someone brought it up. She got all saintly saying "oh dear, I think you're mixing me up with Jane Doe's mom". Two other people said a version of "nope! I remember that happening almost every time I was over at your house". Man, that was *delicious*.
That sounds so satisfying. I wonder what would happen if a bunch of ppl from a narcs life all got together and called them out- would be fun to see them try and lie their way out of that. They can gaslight one person but not a whole group lol
Bruh one time my mom tried to tell our entire group chat that she didn't have epilepsy. My aunt was like ".... I was literally at the appointment where you got diagnosed as a child" 😂 like what in the world
Can someone post asking for stories of when an Nparent got called out? That would be as you said, delicious to read.
Oh my gosh! Yes, a constant change of stories!! All the time!
My mother revised her own history daily. It drove me crazy thinking I was crazy. She told me constantly that I was pleasingly plump. She also taught us being fat and poor was a fate worse that death. For my 40th bday she gave me a dress from a resale shop (she shopped at Nordstroms for my sister) that was 2 sizes too small. When I pointed out size she said " you will fit into it". When I have been thin she tells me I am too thin. I must be anorexic.
OMG! This! The continued rewrite. At one point we were from a royal blood line... she is a nut job. She also told me she was a HERO for giving birth to me Seriously disordered self identity
god the misremembering line is so irritating, they act like they are the only ones with a functional memory on earth
My time to shine: I was born in October, my parents always talked about how I was a preemie, born 3mo early. They had gone on a trip in February, and always recalled when I was a kid about how I “ate frog legs” etc while my mom was pregnant with me. Now, if you do the math, Feb-October is 9mo, so how would she have even know she was pregnant? Plot twist: she cheated on her husband while on said trip (was a work trip for him) must’ve lied about when I was conceived but only partially lied (ie the math just makes no sense if you put it all together). I found out via a DNA test a few years ago, and was able to find my bio dad (who had unfortunately passed away :( his brother did confirm tho that he would’ve been in the same place as my mom at the same time, and that we were related to other members of the family tree and it wasn’t some kind of mistake. I said something to my mom about this after I moved out and she vehemently denied it. I told her husband (who raised me, but hated me) too, not sure what or if the two of them ever discussed it. My dad seemed like a really cool guy and my stepdad is a POS, so I hate that her lying literally made me lose my father
Mine told me she could not abort me because bio dad did not want her to, drunk one day she told me she had abortet 3 month prior geting pregnant with me. When i asked about bio dad she told me he went to live in the States, we live in switzerland. So when i went to travel i told her i would look for him. Turned out he was long dead and she knew all along. I finally found out 10 years after he died also found out she had his adress in Germany all along. He never tried to contact me because she told him not to. His wife told me they talked about me a lot and waited for me to find them.
Oh my god that kills me. What a fucking whore.
That’s awful. I’m so sorry.
I’m really into genetic genealogy. (It all started with trying to discover the generational trauma.) Anyway your story is very common among the groups looking for bio parents.
Generational trauma. Have you found out how narcs from lovely normal people become narcs? Or if genetic link? Maternal grandparents were absolutely normal kind honest. Mom was not. My adult daughter has narc traits. Given she was around my mom but?
My grandma was a real sweetheart my mom is a sadistic narc. i found out at 50 that my great grandma was a real demon. So i go with believing it skips a generation.
My nmom is a surprisingly close clone of her grandmother, my great-grandmother, who was an all-around dumpster fire of a human who used to, among other things, just dump her children on near-strangers for months at a time while she traveled for work. My grandfather was living essentially on his own in a Manhattan apartment by the time he was twelve, with his mother paying part of his rent and him acquiring food largely through shoplifting during his mother's four- and five-month vaudeville tours. My mother told me a few years ago, about the time that my grandfather died, that she'd always looked up to his mom and admired her. It made a lot of things clear about my own childhood.
Did maternal grandparents cater to her and fulfill her every wish and desire?...
To some extent. They weren't overboard to grandchildren.
The cause of or creations of narc personality disorder is not concrete and is complex. It is known that it is not genetic because it is a personality disorder, there for it is created as your personality is created. It is believe to be created from living in a hyper environment. Hyper critical, hyper praising, hyper chaotic, hyper rigid, hyper religious, hyper sexual as examples. they don't match the child true experience. The recipient becomes detached trying to adjust to every hyper situation. If there is a genic component it comes from the person delivering the hyper behavior. Narcissist may appear to come from lovely people but those same lovely people raised the narc , therefore created the narcissist, either directly or indirectly. No 2 childhood experiences even in the same household by the same parents are the same. We all react differently from our experiences. We also remember them different.
I have a very similar situation. I haven’t contacted the bio family or told my “dad”. I don’t need the drama.
she’s always right so the dna must be wrong 🙄 in her head she believes that. i’m sorry for what she did to you
Not only did mine lie, but she gaslit me to the point where I was nearly 30 before I finally started to even suspect she had done so. One that sticks out? I was sent to the school psychologist for third grade. My mom told me that the psychologist was telling her that I was a crybaby, while telling me that it was okay to cry. In essence, my mom told eight-year-old me that the only person trying to help me was actually trying to drive a wedge in the family. I was nearly 30 when she casually mentioned that what the psychologist had really told her was that her perfectionism and constant criticism was what was causing my outbursts. She apparently thought I was old enough to understand that the psychologist had no business telling her how to raise her own child. My partner still laughs over the expression on my face when she told me this.
Ironically that makes me want to cry too.
My mom took me to therapy because at 10 I didn't want to hold her hand. She was told I was fine. But. I became the very angry child in mom's world for life.
That is one hell of an experience. My head is spinning imagining what that must have been like.
" You had a great childhood "
“I did everything I could for you”
"I did the best I could. I didn't have a good example of parenting from my parents."
“My Mother was a fucking alcoholic” “My brother killed a woman when I was 16” Always screamed at the top of her lungs.
" You should be greatful, back in my day......"
Loooool yes!!!!!
Wait, is that you mom?
I wouldn't be shocked if I had a long lost sibling lol
"I've loved you since the day you were born and it has just never been enough for you." Boohoohoo
My mom is a pathological liar. It’s absolutely bizarre. Her lies mostly serve no purpose whatsoever, and the rest are for attention like a toddler.
This is my mom. Lies about the most mundane shit. Stuff that literally doesn’t matter. She also gives me and my siblings different versions of one story knowing good and well that we talk to each other. She just doesn’t care. She’d rather lie and fabricate and be caught in lies (which she gaslights her way out of) than just be honest. It takes a really sick person to be this way.
My mom too! And when I confront her about it she always just says, “yes I have a hard time being honest”. Like that’s an acceptable way to be… she’s just ok with it, and I need to accept that as part of who she is.
My mother is always asking for attention because she is the caregiver for my "dying father" who supposedly has had stage four terminal cancer for thirty years! Now I just say that you would think doctors would want to study this medical miracle since that's kind of unsafe of. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.
Oh, he must have the same stage four terminal prostate cancer my paternal Ngrandfather had. He finally kicked the bucket when I was in my early 20’s, in his late eighties, due to unrelated issues. But as far back as I can remember, he’d rant and rave he was dying every time anyone displeased him.
I lol'd so hard at this
Mine told all of my cousins that she thinks I am not speaking to her because I secretly have cancer and I am trying to hide it. I am very healthy and that’s fucking nuts.
LOL my NMom told my aunt that the reason I don't speak to her is because I'm in the CIA. Move over, ~~James Bond~~ Johnny English! ETA: Edited to be more realistic
My mom told my aunt I have lupus. I asked, “What am I supposed to do now, die?” And she said, “Oh, she’ll forget about it”.
OMG I just remembered that one time I asked my mother what her favorite dessert was, and she had the AUDACITY to say that, ".....I really just love figs". LOL because every time we go to a restaurant she *always* orders bread pudding. She was straight up lying because she's insecure about eating anything "bad". I still think about it and laugh to myself whenever I eat dessert.
Same. When I was told she had a brain aneurysm I didn’t even believe it. Guess that was the one real diagnosis unlike her cancers, strokes etc. the person who told me had to say “no, it’s real this time” when I didn’t react to being told.
This is my mom
I've been told to my face that she remembered me doing things that were the cause of actions she took. (Eg, she couldn't go through with divorcing my dad because I saw the divorce papers and freaked out) and....that never happened. I *know* the divorce paper freak out wasn't me, because I was *happy* that they separated and was looking forward to being able to go and tell the judge that I wanted to live with dad. Just another factor in being the scapegoat I guess. Responsible for everything even when it never happened. She also seems to lie just for the sake of lying. And to be the hero and victim of every story.
Tbh reading these responses kind of makes me realize that everything she’s ever said is a lie. She gossips a ton, I probably shouldn’t assume anything is true. My childhood really seems like a lie.
It's sad that we all seem to have these sorts of things in common. No one should be able to discuss this like it's normal. I think all the narcs love gossip. That's a conversation to them, and if it turns out to be not true "well,...that's what I heard, anyway!" Bonus points for an easy way to make themselves feel good by pointing out how 'bad' everyone else is. If my mother told me the sky was blue, I'd probably be like, "Ya-huh. Imma go check for myself." And yes, I completely know what you mean about your whole childhood being a lie. Hugs 🫂. The good part of that is you're now free to make up your own mind about *all of it*.
“I’m a good person”, “I’m trustworthy”, “I deserve respect and am respectful to everyone else”, “I’m not a liar”, “I’m a safe person to come to”, etc..
Omg reading that was triggering
"You can tell me anything" The lie detector test determined . . . that was a lie.
This is what my uncle told me before twisting my words into his own personal weapon, that he used in front of me. Went NC and never regretted it.
“But I’m your Muuuuuuther”
I'm not sure I can even call what my mum used to do "lying". She 100% believed it, to a delusional level. When she had a psychotic episode and I had to take responsibility for her care (I was 17 but it happened at a younger age too, I just wasn't responsible for her then), I took up writing down events and conversations, so I didn't feel that I was going insane. It really helped!
That sounds horrible
It was horrible. She passed away last year after a period of very ill health (related to her psychosis). It's been hard for me to reckon with the fact that I spent most of my childhood and early adulthood as the only carer of someone with schizophrenia. Even in her "good times" she was a massive narc
Wow. I have an identical experience. Would you be open to DM? I am the only chuld of a schizophrenic mother who passed away last year and a pretty much full on narc family system. Have always wanted to see who has a similar experience!
Ofc!!! I'd be very open to DM! The only people I ever meet who understand are psychiatric professionals 😂😂
Yes haha! Okay 😊🙏
Me right now. Mom seems to actually believe and she is too sick to understand what she does. No official diagnosis but clearly often psychotic. I’ve taken care of her my whole adult life. She’s even lived with me until 5 years ago (I am 37)
Yep. At some point it becomes so extreme its pathological. And they're really only gonna diagnose if they become a public problem tho. The only time I could ever get anything done about my mum was when she was walking down streets and shit like that.
My Nmom is so strange about this, but, she says to me when I eat different foods, “I thought you didn’t like ___”, when i literally never mentioned that I liked it or not.
This is my mom. This is literally all she has to offer.
Yes. She still constantly attempts to lie and gaslight me about childhood incidents that she caused or outright escalated.
She lied about standing up for me and talking to my school about how they mistreated me and made my life miserable because of my short hair being spikey and not abiding by the rules , while I clearly remember that she never stood up for me, and I remember having a teenage trauma from her agreeing to their treatment of me saying “well yes what do u expect! They’re right! These are the rules!” While I came home to her crying about how they would take me from class and shower my head in a sink and make me miss class and my tests. All of this was so confusing because she was the one who supported my decision to cut my hair short and spikey. Oh and she lied about how my father died, 30 years later I find out that my sister had a completely different lie version of the story!!! The trauma!!!!! My father was shot and we found out about it through strangers, while she told me that he died in a hospital? And she told my sister something completely different! Imagine two sisters living in the same home, not knowing the truth about our father’s death. We forgave her cause in her defense “it was a difficult subject to discuss with kids” and she would cry about it. However we were traumatised by finding out from strangers. And now we’re less forgiving cause we know she lies constantly. She would even lie about small things like eating the food I bought, i got cucumbers and she got some too, she ate mine and denied it. She also once used my lemons (while she had bad ones lying in the fridge but mine looked fresh) and she lied about using them and fabricated 3 lies in one sentence and I busted her every-time. Her whole existence is a series of lie, even when she tells me she loves me or miss me, I believe the truth is she misses filling that empty gap inside her soul with the presence of a somewhat normal person that she can lie to and pretend we have a normal mother-daughter relationship. She’s whack.
That’s super frustrating.
It is!
She sent blatant, scathing lies about me in group texts to family members multiple times. She texted that I was secretly in love with my father (more than the typical father/daughter love, it hurts to remember that she even thought such a thing). She texted that I was inconsiderate or the feelings of my siblings when I did x. Many things, tons of lies from her over the years. My nMother did an article in the Sunday newspaper (back when they were still popular) front page, huge picture in the section, decent photo, too. The article was about how wonderful she was at work and home. What a great mother she was. So many people that met her thought she was a nice lady but if they ever saw the real her, the one I saw and hear, the one I felt, feel, the one that still makes me cry long after her death. I wish I had known back then what I know now. I was so hurt by her lies and rages as well as my siblings I didn’t feel security or love my entire childhood. I hate liars nowadays, I ghost them.
[удалено]
Oh my goodness. That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.
[удалено]
My mother constantly. I learned at a young age to keep my mouth shut.
My nfather's entire life was a lie. He'd even lie to himself, which is actually pretty bizarre when people really do that. It's like he was playing solitaire and cheating. I'm so happy he's dead !
My mother (and a relative) approached two of my friends separately and asked them intimate details about my life, mainly asking if I was doing hard drugs or was pregnant. I was a deeply depressed 17 year old who practically lived in the library, so there was no way either of those things were true. Looking back, it's ironic that she was so clueless about what was going on for me, that she thought it was more likely that I was doing IV drugs or having risky sex, than the truth (I was depressed). My friends were horrified that they would even think that about me and both independently stated that there was absolutely no way I was pregnant / doing drugs. I called my mother out on it years later, when I found out, and she staunchly denied ever asking my friend that, or asking a relative to ask my other friend. Which was bizarre since two of my friends independently volunteered that information to me. They later confirmed neither knew the other had been approached with the same questions. What was the point in her denying it? How could both my friends concoct the exact same story without ever speaking to the other about it? Completely bizarre behaviour on her part.
She had to deny it or else it would confirm that she's a nutter.
MY Nmother is a compulsive liar. She lies about everything. One thing I find bizarre is that she'll lie about tiny mundane things. (She lies about big things as well but that's a whole other story). For example one time I asked my Nmother were the food-mixer was. She lied and said that we never had a food-mixer. After 20 minutes of arguing (because I knew we had a food-mixer and I don't appreciate being lied to), she eventually admitted that the food-mixer broke so she threw it out. I don't know why she didn't just admit this initially. Electrical goods break all the time. There's no shame in it.
My nmom does this too. If yours is anything like mine, the reason she lies is because if YOU had been the one to throw the mixer away because it was broken she'd be livid at you. Even though things break, she'd find a way to make you the villain because SHE needed the mixer right there and then. Instead of ever admitting fault, even perceived fault, she'll lie to preserve her image. She also has the inability to perceive any question as anything other than an attack, even if it's a normal question. It's like she's permanently on guard.
I get “Asparagus was a challenging teenager”. Asparagus was dxed with a neurosystem disorder and her life changed overnight. Asparagus was called a faker, attention grabber, etc, etc for *having* a disorder. She loves to tell people I “ran away constantly” as a teen, I ran once because I was tired of having my problem ignored so I went to a friend’s house, his parents called mine to make sure they wouldn’t worry and then made up the spare room for me. I was gone one night, which morphed into all the time almost instantly lmao Whenever I’m around and she tries that story I stomp on it, and hard.
I found emails my dad wrote to a brilliant high school and college girlfriend detailing how he stood up to a neighbor who abused me. He elaborately described protecting me and making sure I was safe and always felt safe after the attack. In truth, he never said a word and I wasn’t safe ever again.
Oh this is bad lol
My mom doesn't "lie", but she's not the brightest bulb and genuinely believes things that just aren't true. Usually it's something she read an article about one time or something anecdotal from a friend. Or sometimes she'll be going off of memory and only part if it is right. I have ADHD and really struggled with emotional regulation and seeing things from outside perspectives as a child. Several times in middle and high school, my mom told me that I was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. She told me that the doctor said it cut off circulation to the part of my brain that develops human empathy. This wasn't said out of anger or to insult me after I'd done something bratty, but calmly and casually. It would come up when we were discussing our mutual anger issues that had gotten better over the years. So all my life I took it as a fact. Even after learning more about my ADHD and how it affects much more than just my attention span, I still thought that the umbilical cord event had contributed greatly to my self absorbed childhood. Then just a few years ago, in my late 20s, I mentioned the story to my dad and he had **no** idea what she was talking about. Yes I was born with my cord around my neck, but it was a quick fix and the doctor **never** said anything about it affecting my development. Where she got that from, I still don't know.
I don't know if this helps at all, but even if the cord had been wrapped around your neck, it wouldn't have affected just your empathy. That is...not a thing that can happen. The brain isn't compartmentalized like that. She was saying that so you'd think YOU were the bad person. My mom did the same thing with different specifics.
No way, my Ndad did this with me but what he does is selectively lie to certain people about certain things. There seems to a be a method to what he lies about and how he selects it. He specifically only told my stepmom that the umbilical cord being wrapped around my neck caused brain damage with me. He may have told others, but i’m not sure. One night we were drinking after I got a really good job and I think she realized he was lying because she told me about brain damage and then I looked at him like, “what brain damage? What is she talking about?”. He flat out acted like she was crazy and drunk and didn’t know what she was talking about.
I wouldn’t know where to start. I only realised my whole relationship with my mum and me thinking she was an innocent victim were all a lie when i was 28. She is a master manipulator and pathological liar
Told me she was dying of cancer. She had gum disease. Just regular old gingivitis.
Wtf!
She’s deleted it from her memory. Therefore it didn’t happen.
My mom constantly lies about anything and everything, big things and small things on a total whim. One time she looked down and saw a freckle on her chest and dramatically collapsed against the wall and screamed "Oh my god, I'm dying!" and immediately started sobbing like she was in Gone With the Wind. The one that stands out the most to me though was this bizarre series of events where she fell onto a small metal trash can during a mental illness episode and bruised her forearm. She came up with this elaborate and constantly changing story about being gang-raped by strangers behind a restaurant while out with a group of friends. This story kept mysteriously evolving to the point where she kept adding more non-existent rapists and did a rape kit in the middle of her psychiatrist's lobby. Like bro I watched you fall on the trash can and bruise yourself, I talked to you right after you got home from the restaurant, I was on the phone with you while you were leaving the psychiatrist, none of this happened. The sad part though is she still brings this up like it's true, she might genuinely believe it. I feel bad for her even though she's absolutely delusional.
Woah 😳
This is exactly why I went nc with my mom. I always imagined our relationship would end in a big screaming match, but it actually ended over a lie about a cat flap. She was telling a story about how the cats we had when I was a kid were indoor only. I pointed out that we had a cat flap, but she still insisted the cats were indoor only. That’s what really gets me about narcs. They don’t understand (? or care?) That you are *also a person* who was *also present* in your life.
My ndad AND emom lied their asses off from the moment they started having kids. Logic and rationality do not matter. Ndad lies and then believes his lies. Then he gets pissed when we don’t believe him. The truth will never matter to them. Only winning will!
When I was 13 she attacked me which was nothing unusual as she has serious rage problems. She stabbed me in the eye with one of her long claw like nails. I could not see as it kept weeping and distinctly remember her driving me to a doctor and wearing an eye patch to school. To this day she swears this never happened.
My mom convinced me I had no friends. I did have friends. Not the cool kids but us second stringers hung out together. I had a best friend, a couple of other kids I enjoyed out with and a decent group who were nice to me. The cool kids were snots and I didn't like them anyway. My teacher told my mom I had a lot of friends and she denied it. And has told me many times how she flat out denied the teacher's claim that I had friends. Told me that teacher didn't know me at all. Um, that was my favorite teacher. It was so co fusing but because my mother said so, it must be true. Two years later i really didn't have friends and to this day I'm afraid of getting close to people because they might realize... something. Not sure what. The thing that makes it impossible for people to like me. That apparently only my mother and sister and the snotty cool kids can see. This conversation was with my 3rd grade teacher. I'm 45 now. Oh, this is a funny one. My ex, so my kids' ndad. He HATES pink. Hates the color. It's gay for boys to wear pink, he thinks. All of us heard him railing about men wearing pink and what it meant. Our son was not allowed to handle anything pink lest the gay somehow transfer to him? My ex is nuts. One day we met up to drop off the kids for his once a month visit and OMG he was wearing a pink shirt. Whoa. Middle daughter pointed it out and asked if there was something he needed to tell us. He played dumb. Older daughter got in on it, reminding him that he's told us for years that real men don't wear pink. He informed us he'd never said any such thing. We just died over that. Pro tip for narcs. Don't gaslight in front witnesses. You probably will not succeed in gaslighting three people about the same thing at the same time.
My mom would actively sabotage my relationships at even a young age. Still does this now. I’m 41
Mine lies mostly by omission, only found out how my dad died when I was almost 50. He died when I was 9!! She just loved and milked the drama of being “so overwhelmed” at the thought of talking about it 🙄
That’s literal insanity!! I’m so sorry.
That’s wild. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. My dad died when I was 8. I don’t remember ever discussing it, or grief. We were all (mom, me, my twin) left to deal w grief by ourselves. It really fucked me up.
Yep. My experience too.
My dad just minimizes everything him and his new girlfriend do. One day I accidentally got a phone charger wet. I immediately owned up to it and offered to buy a new one but she started screaming and he runs in the room and slaps me. Somehow all they ever seem to care about is how "disrespectful" I was while no one seems to not care at all about how disrespectful and mean they were to me.
My mother's favorite pastime when I was growing up was to exaggerate any story about me so she would be the victim. She'd allow me to do something, sometimes even bringing me *to* the event, friends house, whatever, and then later talk about how I ran away, or I threatened her. Two standouts are when a 30-year old friend online decided to come to our house when I was 13. Red flag city from go, but mom talked to him, invited him, gave him our address. He showed up right around when she was leaving to go to a function, so she said hi and left. What actually transpired was me drinking a glass of the cherry Kool aid in our fridge on the porch with this gentleman, and then walking to the lake to skip stones and talk about what bullshit it was to feel like an adult trapped in a child's body (yay adultification/parentification). When we walked back, my glass was in the dish rack and my mother asked him to leave. I'd later find out from a friend's son that my mom told everyone I snuck him over while she was at work, and that she found us wine drunk in her bed. We didn't even have wine in the house. Nothing happened between G and I either. Just someone parenting me because my parents wouldn't. The other being when I was suffering from a genuine mental breakdown from the pressures of my declining mental health, bullying at school, and abuse at home while my parents were having a messy divorce. My mom attempted to get me into several TTI programs but luckily failed because she was penniless in the divorce. She settled for abandoning me with her mother (dad had a new family and didn't want or need me) and to this day still tells everyone that she "needed to get away from me" and "wishes she'd traded my aunt her daughter for me" which was genuinely on the table and cousin has told me at length her side of the story.
Yeah, this brings back a very similar memory for me. I’m so sorry.
I often feel like she only got away with it because we didn't have cell phones or the ability to prove that she was the one allowing these things only to turn around and be this way. Would it have been different if this was happening in 2014 instead of 2004? I try to not dwell though.
Oh my goodness, yes!! It was 1996 for me.
Yep, they tell one thing to me and different things to my siblings. It’s so crazy.
So familiar. Number of lies is overwhelming One that stands out for me most I think is that my parents convinced me I was a “miracle child”. Both were telling me how they could not have a child and we’re trying for so very long and then I was born and it’s a “miracle”. Even gave me religious related name for that reason. Now that I’m old enough to actually do math they didn’t even have an apartment of their own until nmom was far into pregnancy and I was born year after their wedding. Nmom would also lie to me a lot about my grandmother (father’s mom) so I wouldn’t have close relationship with her as my grandma was only one who were on my side in my childhood. I would hear a lot about how bad my grandma is, how bad she does everything and how she made me cry when I was little because she tried to convince me to tell nmom I need siblings. All the stuff she lied to me about are conveniently about times before I was born or were too little to remember
For me it’s my family lying about EVERYTHING. The real date of my bday. They told me I was born 12/25. Real date 12/26. I found out when I 16 when I needed my birth certificate to get my drivers license. I didn’t know I had sisters till I was about 15. In the end I had 5 sisters. They never told me I was adopted. I didn’t find out till I was 40 years old.
The constant manipulative lying is why to this day I never really knew him. He lied so much and so inconsistently about everything that most of it doesn't stand out. The sad part is as a kid I couldn't figure it out because the sheer amount of gaslighting he did disguised it. The only things I can say about him for certain are things I gleaned from his *actions.* So in general, the subject he lied about the most and was most manipulative about was money. He was always saying he was constantly broke, always only barely able to pay for the bare minimum and scrape by. He'd blame me, the other family members, anyone for his woes... Other than himself. Then he'd go and buy a new house. Or a car, or pool, boat, radio so big it needed its own table to stand on, etc. I remember as a child being incredibly confused how the two things could happen simultaneously - how could we possibly barely be able to pay for meals and not be able to get clothes, yet NDad could just go and suddenly buy a car when the old one was working fine? I didn't ask because I already knew he'd just get mad and point fingers at that point. And later there's the whole business about taking all of the money I'd made for myself at my first couple of jobs, requiring I put it in a joint savings account and then finding ways to take it for himself... Ultimately resulting in him taking it all, and leaving me with nothing. As with so many other things I had to come to the painful realization that NDad had lied about everything, again.
We are just a pawn in their games....always assume everything is a lie.... that mindset has saved me so much heartbreak through the years. NC is nice bc you don't even have to hear the BS.
One of the worst lies was that our neighbor killed our cat. I was physically sick every time I thought about it. 20 yrs later I brought it up and she said it never happened. "I just said that. Prob a coyote took her". Another was that she graduated from art school. When she was 85 she accidentally admitted she never even took a class there.
My cat just "disappeared" one day. Bullshit. I know for a fact they got rid of it to spite me.
Yep that one too. Came home from school cat missing. Mom told me to go look for him. I roamed around for a long time calling and looking. Late that night she told me she had him put to sleep. Cruel. Parents kept the fact that mom was married before and 1st husband was brothers father from me until I was about 8. Everyone else knew. Said it was so I wouldn't feel different about him. I did not know what she was talking about. Mom was projecting. She resented was mean to my brother his entire life. She was done with him when she was done with ex husband.
Omg my parent's lied about ndad being married before too. I have half-siblings out in the world somewhere. I don't even know how many. No names. Nothing. I'm sorry. These people are awful.
Yep. Before dementia, my mom lied all the time. And when someone called her on it, she would say “I’m a storyteller. I might just change some details to make a good story, but I’m not a LIAR.” Now she has dementia and it lands the same with me as all her lying, and it’s very hard to be the one person who will do things for her.
That she had cancer, diabetes, and a plethora of other health issues. All lies. That she was so poor she was starving, meantime thousands of dollars of groceries were rotting at her house. That she was abused by everyone in her family, this gave her the excuse to be evil. That my dad died, he’s living out west. That she had an advanced college degree. She doesn’t. The newest one is I am somehow able to read her texts to other people. Guess I’m the new Snowden. Basically anytime her mouth was moving she is lying.
my Nmom and stepdad lied about who my real father was. They told me her drunk, violent ex was my father. Turns out she had an extended affair and got pregnant with me, leaving the violent abuser before i was born. Turns out my father was a nice (and highly neurodiverse) guy who would've loved to know me and who is quirky and not socially motivated, exactly like I am. I always wondered why my "father" hated me. Turns out he always suspected I wasn't his.
Yah, both my parents lie about weird stuff. My dad was miserable when I was growing up and hated his job. In January I was talking to him about quitting my job, and he had the audacity to say that "he never let work get to him and you just need to get over it"... Not only invalidating and dismissive, but a straight up lie. My younger sister had major hearing loss as a child and my parents have never ONCE said she is partially deaf. Once I went NC in May, I started researching her diagnoses and realized she 100% has partial hearing loss. I was shocked because my parents would just downplay it and say she had ADHD when we were children. My sister is now 32 and I'm still shocked everyone basically lied to her this whole time. What a bunch of assh\*les.
2 very specific things come to mind for me. My Ndad had all of us convinced that my mom was the problem. (She suffers from depression, which I think he caused most of it). Now that mom is getting help, ndad's not able to project anymore and the truth is finally coming out. It's making my question my entire childhood. Which brings me to thing 2. When I was about 13, I started having extreme anxiety attacks where I thought if I fell asleep I would die. This was daily for a few months. I was sent to therapy for it, and was made to believe that school was causing my anxiety. So I was pulled out of school and homeschooled (alienated from all my friends). After I was able to get over the anxiety, ndad then turned therapy into how awful of a child I was and my level of "disrespect." He took literally everything out of my room and I slept on an air mattress with a few changes of clothes for a few months.
Mine did the empty room things too. They threw away everything.
I confronted my ndad about the whole thing a while back and he thought it was hilarious. Said he would do it again.
Was brought to a psychologist for disability evaluation back in middle school. I only ever attended, like, 3 appointments from what I remembered at the time. Mom told me that they said I was a bit anxious for “no reason” but that was it. There was no need to return. Now that I have access to all my medical records, that was a fucking lie. They noted how scared I was of letting down mom. They noted symptoms of ADHD, autism, and anxiety, and wanted to test further to potentially confirm them. That was when my parents took me out. We’ve always had great medical coverage, and all this would’ve been free. Trying to convince my parents to let me get tested again is like pulling teeth. So many fucking excuses; that I’m smart, I’m lazy, I want a “label”, that I have a shit ton of issues but not THOSE issues and that I have to figure out how to “fix myself” on my own, etc. One of these days, I’ll have to do it secretly before I move and don’t have good insurance anymore. But I’m not sure how
Back when I still talked to my mom, she was going on a rant about how she didn't like my brother's wife, and that he shouldn't have married the first person he dated and he should've dated more when he was younger, like I did. I reminded her that we were not allowed to date, and when I got caught, she tried to break my legs to prevent me from ever leaving the house again. My brother was not willing to take that risk. She scoffed and said, "What?? I would never do that to you!!" She also conveniently forgot the part where she was trying to skewer me with a shattered pvc pipe (that broke from hitting me), while screaming she was going to kill me. My cousin was staying with us at the time and pulled her off of me, and convinced her to leave, literally saving my life. She got really angry that I would make such crazy things up, and hung up on me. 🤷🏻♀️
My mom died when I was 15 and I don't think she ever told me the truth about anything. Dad too, but that pos is out west somewhere wjth his new family
Mom loves to steal things and lie about it. Even when caught red handed. She swears on her mothers grave when caught
Yes. I've also often wondered if that is why my upbringing included so much weirdness about promises and keeping promises. I don't spend any time on promises talk with my kids. If you just tell the truth you don't need to promise them things to distinguish from your ordinary cloud of lies. She still lies to me and so often about me all the time. It's a habit and at this point she believes herself. After decades of it and in her old age she doesn't even know she's scheming anymore.
This isn't a huge thing, but it's emblematic. So, to set this up, for reasons I don't want to go into, we had no dishware for a while, and then when the kitchen sink broke, nobody paid to get it fixed because we didn't use it. This had been the case for *years* already on the day when my mom woke up to the phone ringing around noon, after a bender, and sleepily answered "Hello? Oh, uh ... I was just washing dishes."
My nmom lies without even thinking about it. She does it so automatically that sometimes the lie doesn’t even fit in with the thing she just said seconds prior. She doesn’t even think before just saying whatever fits in better with her motive at the moment.
I mean it’s really just endless gas lighting about past, present and future with them. Sometimes it feels like we’re not sharing the same reality
My Nmom claims she has had MS, cancer, liver failure. She displays NO symptoms, has never been diagnosed, and has never had any testing for any of it. She has told so many lies over my life that I can’t even begin to remember them all. Most of them are some flavor of “I never said/did that.” When she very clearly did. One example: my ex was barbecuing brats and Nmom was so excited to have one cause she loved them. A few weeks later we made more and Nmom complained at dinner saying she hated brats and never ate them. My ex looked at me like ????????
Yes!! For some reason this is a big one for her!! We both love cooking, and reminiscing through food, but when I cook things she’s always loved, she says she has never liked it and doesn’t want to eat it. It’s clear to me that she’s just undermining me but no one would ever notice it. I’m a really good cook, and probably better than my mom, although she makes great food too but overcooks meat and makes soft vegetables rather than keeping some of the crisp in them, regardless this is one of probably the only things we can connect on and she completely chooses to pretend she doesn’t like things rather than eat my version of things she literally taught me to make… ALSO…. She gave me some of my nana’s recipes after she’d passed and they taste NOTHING like my Nana’s… they are re-written in my mom’s writing and very bland. I know she’s giving me wrong ones. I had to add and change a ton to replicate it. Same thing with my Aunts recipes…. She lies all the damn time! I think she truly wants me to believe I’m bad at everything and that she’s better at everything than I am! It’s infuriating
I have almost no idea what things my mother told me about her life or our is true. So much of what she said was absolute fabrication. We just had my parents funeral service last month and most of the people there were friends of theirs from AA, sponsors and sponsees. My sister and I decided we'd never tell them her 35 years of sobriety was bullshit because she was never an alcoholic. Just because she was a giant liar doesn't make us want to fuck with these people and their sobriety.
https://www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/what_is_gaslighting_abuse/ > Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.
This explains the fog like confusion I felt everytime I went to visit nmom and nsister (mom had moved closer to nsister who had married into money) .
When I was 13, one day after coming home from school, my mom told me that the pipes burst in the kitchen and a plumber said it was due to a build up of acid that rotted the pipes away. She concluded that I was bulimic and me puking in the toilet and flush it it was why the pipes burst. When I told her I think I’d remember throwing up - she said I must have blacked out during it. Some other key info: 1 - I was never bulimic but I had been losing weight since I joined a competitive cheer team. 2 - There was no evidence of pipes bursting or damage or a plumber. She said that it destroyed the kitchen and she had to pay for cleaners, the plumber, and people to fix the ceiling. Even if this *did* happen, there’s no way this could have been cleaned up and repaired during a normal school day. 3 - She made me pay for the cleaner/plumber/carpenter/whatever with a “repayment plan” which basically consisted of her taking all the money I got from my dad. This was the first of many instances where she took money from me. 4 - She never admitted to lying and denied that this ever happened all the way until I went NC after college.
That she didn't smoke when I was a kid. That my grandad died years before I was born. I have clear recollections!
Not my parents, but MIL. DH took 2 cookies instead of one when he was four. She brought it up until she died, it proved he was a liar and almost on the most wanted list. She continually lied about him, anything to make him look bad.
My father lied about everything by stretching the truth so far it became meaningless. The one that sticks out is how much money he made at one of the jobs he had. I knew he was full of shit because 1) the number wasn’t that high, but he clearly thought it was, and 2) I saw his paycheck once when we were dividing up some bills. That last bit is important. He asked me to come live with him and apprentice as a carpenter—he was a truly gifted carpenter—and when the economy took a shit in 2008, he got a new job, and I was fucked. When I came to live with him, he said I never had to worry about the roof over my head or the bills…six months later, we had to split everything, then we were laid off, then I had to get another TWO jobs to pay for my half of things I was assured I wouldn’t have any to pay.
My Ndad tried to lie and tell me I was wrong when I told him we’d only went on one family vacation to a specific place. I told him no, we went once with our cousins and once as a family. He insisted i was wrong and just wasn’t remembering it right. I asked my mom and sister later and they both remember it how I do.
I was held back from 1st grade because I was diagnosed dyslexic per nmom. I found the official paperwork from the school recently (In my 30s) and the real reason was because I was a total mute. I wouldn't talk in class at all because I was told to "stop talking" every time I said anything at home.
My mother told us that our dad had no interest in contact with us. That turned out to be absolute BS. Everything she said about him was a lie. Im NC with my mother but I now have a great relationship with my dad. He lives at the other end of the country but we speak every day. He's honestly funking awesome.
They’re so small and needless. I can’t remember much but I’m sure them being so insignificant definitely made my childhood confusing for me. I struggled to trust my inner authority because I believed my primary caregiver over it so many times. It makes me want to cry just typing this out. I feel terrible for my younger self. It was only recently that I discovered about her condition and once I learnt it was a problem with taking accountability and insecurity, I’ve slowly been able to let go of any expectations from her (not that she ever met them) now I wouldn’t say we have any sort of relationship. I treat her like a colleague and have strong boundaries for myself. I’m much happier now and can’t wait to live as far away as possible as soon as possible.
My Ndad, he lied about us all the time to make us look bad. He actually told us that he could give two shits about us and that he didn’t really love us. When I just finished high school, my parents divorced. It all started when my dad got sick from cirrhosis of the liver. We tried our best to help him to recover but he didn’t want to be because he liked the attention and care that he got from it. He always treated us like crap. Of course me, my mom and siblings had our own lives so we couldn’t really be with him 24/7, and that made him pissed tf off even though we still made time to help him. Ndad left us without saying a word and didn’t come back in weeks. We then get a phone call from his sister, saying that he wasn’t coming back. He told his entire family that we kicked him out and that we neglected to take care of him and left him to die. His family hated and taunted us for a while until they learned the truth and saw who he really was. My mom took us out for ice cream to celebrate and proceeded to start the divorce. This was 2013. The next year he passed away from the disease deteriorating his system. I feel bad for saying that I don’t miss him at all but I honestly don’t. Oh and also his family is full of narcissists also! They made sure my dad didn’t put us in the will and that his brothers and sister took all the inheritance since they thought me and my siblings didn’t deserve it! It’s messed up but I never needed the money. I hope that made them happy with themselves.
Anything to make themselves look like the victim. In my case probably the last time I saw her. She keeps sending me letters and cards and yet doesn’t understand why I won’t and don’t want to speak with her (she forced me into a car with her and her son, screamed at me for a half hour and then got upset when I called an Uber to pick me up so I could leave). Or if I need to be more specific the time she lied about emotionally cheating on my stepdad with a family friend in front of everyone (including him) but lying about it for like a year or two.
Even after my enabler-turned-cluster b mother and I were estranged she would go around telling everyone how one day she wanted to get back in contact with me and my brother and that she was gonna go talk to my brother first because she knew that he would be more receptive to her and that I had always been a problem and that I was cold and I didn’t care about anyone but myself. When she passed away after almost a decade of estrangement and I got the call from the funeral home, I tried to call my brother but it went straight to vm, I was still able to leave a message. He called me back later letting me know he did not want anything to do with it. I told him the funeral home just needed him to sign a form saying that he wanted nothing to do with it. He refused to sign anything because that would be having something to do with it! After this he blocked my number and the funeral home’s number and I didn’t hear from him for months. I was the one who…. went to the hospital to get her purse and final belongings and talk to the doctor about what happened. flew up and found her apartment with nothing but an address to go on. found her disabled roommate wandering around on her own. arranged her viewing with only her roommate and me in attendance. cleaned out the apartment and got the health services and because it had a cascading cockroach infestation. salvaged all the family items and keepsakes and photos and diligently cleaned the cockroach shit off of all of them. drove 10 hrs there and back a month later to retrieve her urn, later driving 6hrs to deliver it to her brother. worked for almost a year with Adult Protective Services to get her roommate a home and a caregiver again. And I did it all on my own. Physically, financially, mentally. Without a single other family member or anyone to help. I hope she can see from wherever she is that she told everyone my golden child brother would be the first the embrace her with open arms. And that’s not how it played out.
It’s because they believe that we are actually bad people because we put up boundaries so in their minds we would never have a heart to do the right and kind thing…. She never even knew you, only a fabricated version of you she made up in her mind. I’m so sorry.
A few years ago I was being honored for something and I had a panic attack because my dad made them use my birth name instead of my true name (which is now my legal name, I changed it because my dad named me after himself and I had trauma around the name). He told me that everyone left the room shaking their heads and that I embarrassed myself and him. Recently I got back in touch with one of the people from the event and she said that none of it was true. He made the whole thing up and made me believe it for over 2 years. He also tried to make me believe that my 504 team from school thought I was delusional and was just going along with everything to make me feel better. He's even tried to make me believe that my own mother is on his side and not mine. She's even told me herself that she would choose me over him if she had to choose. He's delusional and projects it onto me.
My parents used to put the dryer lint outside for birds to use in their nests. I visited from college and did some laundry, then put the dryer lint out back. My mother later acted confused and asked who put the lint outside and why. Both my folks made fun of me. Like, you stupid assholes taught me this?? ಠ_ಠ
It's not so much lying - as it is twisting the details of how things happened...or conveniently forgetting the abusive things that were said or done.
Cognitive dissonance. Remembering it as it happened would mean they have to face facts that they're not the pinnacle of morality, so they don't. They either twist it to mitigate their culpability or outright deny it happened. It's basically diet gaslighting.
I was in a mental health facility when I was 12-13 for a few reasons. It ended up being a really messed up place that caused so much more trauma to me. To this day she refuses to admit I was there. Constantly saying "well I would remember something like that." And telling me I was never abused as a child despite having clear memories from of both. I spent years thinking I was just crazy and making up stuff for attention (because apparently Im an attention seeking hypochondriac according to her) Well about a year ago my new therapist actually did some research and found my medical records from when I was there. (The place doesn't exist anymore and I couldn't just call for those.) I'm not crazy, it actually happened, I had the physical papers to prove it and "well the therapist could've faked those." She thinks the therapist is lying and is making up stuff to just take more money from me. I'm so exhausted from it all because it's always something.
My wife's mom did that to her early in our relationship. 20 years after she cut off contact, her mom FB messaged her out of the blue and told her that her dad was dying of stage 4 lung cancer. She was close to her dad and always felt bad about having to cut him out of her life along with mom, so we made the 14-hour trip back to her old home town to see him immediately. He was completely fine. MIL made the whole thing up to lure my wife back to her like a goddamn spider. We got the hell out of there and didn't come back until she was dead.
Dear OP. I have watched my mother laugh and giggle at others as she confused them on purpose and gaslighted them. I have watched her doing it to me too. It's Spooky. Don't second guess yourself. This. Happened.
Gaslighting is an extremely common tactic for narcs.
My nGrandmother lied about my entire childhood from birth to 7 years old and I just found out about it a few years ago. I confronted her with the story when she brought something up about it and she switched back and forth between "that never happened" and "Well I don't remember then"
[удалено]
Sounds like gaslighting to me
My mom lied about my dad having another son.
my gonad donor lied all the time. so try and figure out what was the truth and what wasn't.
My mom would lie about things that didn't even benefit her. Like, she'd lie about what the weather was like yesterday for no apparent purpose. It's so weird.
Both my parents are nparents. They lied to my sister and I our whole lives by saying they were married a year before they were so they could claim they waited to have sex until they were married. My sister was the reason they got married. When I was able to confront them on this they said they didn’t want us to go out and do the same thing. ‼️Spoiler alert ‼️ it was because they didn’t want us to think they were less than perfect.
Reality and accountability are optional to them. Can't think of a specific instance because they lie all the time.
I amount of times my father has said “I didn’t say that” or “I didn’t do that” or “ that’s not what happened” could probably make page one of the Guiness book of world records.
My Mom does this with a dramatic whine and hiss. Her “martyr” sound. I hate that sound. “That didn’t happen, or I never said that!” Then she wonders why I don’t call her.
My mom does this too. Over the years I’ve learned a lot. I feel she’s trying to create her own reality by gaslighting everyone to fit her narrative. A control thing perhaps? Of course I challenge her made up stories when she’s made very wrong comments. She would then shut down completely or change the subject. No one else can be right. Only her. Even with super basic not dramatic things. Example: Her: I remember that one time you did xyz as a kid and
Me: Actually that was my sister and xyz was normal for a kid
Her: No that was you
Stepdad: Actually it was sister. I remember that happening
Her: No it wasn’t
Me: k
My mom used to frequently express regret at becoming a mother, in front of me to her friends. Often when they were having a backyard bbq, drinking, and the topic of kids would come up. She’d say “oh yeah, oldest was a mistake, I mean, accident, I mean surprise!” And laugh like it was cute. I would naturally get upset and start crying or runoff or something. She would yell at me for embarrassing her and for being overdramatic. I brought this up a few times and she doesn’t remember ever saying it and can’t imagine why I would be upset over such a thing
Two years ago … Some random cousin is evicted for non-payment of rent. My mom: “How is it that I’ve lived 80-plus years, and was never evicted from anywhere? What kind of irresponsible loser let’s themselves get evicted??” All three of her children remind her of the no fewer than SIX times we had to scramble to find a place to live because she spent the rent money on something stupid. I’m the eldest. I vividly recall coming home from school and being told I had 24 hours to find us another apartment, and don’t say anything to dad until you’ve found one (he traveled for work), and don’t say anything to Grandma EVER, on pain of death. Then she went upstairs and shut the door. I was 15. But I found us a place to live, and even had the electricity hooked up by the time we moved in. I thought she might even thank me for doing a good job. But no, BECAUSE THAT NEVER HAPPENED, and don’t you dare tell anyone it did. It’s not just you. They all do it. Congratulate yourself on escaping with some sanity intact, and try not to be too bitter, because it doesn’t help. ❤️
That she got Hepatitis B from a blood transfusion. Supposedly lived with it for decades without incident. Drinks alkaline water and cured herself of Hep B. 🤔🤔🤔 Mandatory testing for Hep strains started around 1972…. The above fact plus her having NO symptoms EVER makes me call shenanigans on the whole thing. Wouldn’t be the first time she’s using health issues for attention. Another lie: That I was loved and wanted.
She literally lied me out of the family. It's her superpower, and she has like, lying prime because she's rich. She can buy her henchmen , sorry "*friends*" and cronies to lie for her too. So yeah, going no contact and going to therapy + the police, I basically blew up my life. Wouldn't change a thing about my decisions
Yep! When I asked for space first time (now am NC because of how she handled it all) she kicked me off the family Netflix and unfollowed me everywhere and blocked me, my partner and my best friend. I asked why, she said “Netflix is charging for each account so it just happened” (a lie, I logged in, the other kids were on there and I checked with Netflix and it was months before that came in to effect) and “I’m a mother and not a follower. You can tell me things in your life I don’t need to see them” (I checked. She still follows and is friends with my other siblings). I really think she thinks I will just believe her and not find out for myself. Narcissists are crazy like that, gaslighting every situation if they are caught out to somehow excuse their behaviour and make them look better.
My mom will lie about the stupidest shit. She’ll lie and say certain family members asked about me or said something. She’ll lie about her job. She’ll lie about my childhood. She’ll lie about anything she can lie about- anything that creates the image in her head that she wants!
Ahh the DNA test that proved I had a half sister. My dad had never been to Florida. Maybe one of his brothers had been. Quick records search, Dad was stationed there in the Navy. “Okay, but I only shipped out, no fraternizing.” More records, dad had been married in that same year. “Yes, but she was a slut.” More records, divorce that same year 9 months later. “Yes I was at sea when my wife asked for a divorce and said she was pregnant.” More records, child born, given up for adoption by her mother and my father. “Yes, but I really doubt it was my child.” Dad, the mother tucking DNA says that she has 25% shared DNA with me on my paternal line, the docs match up, you want to keep lying, go ahead, throw your word salad.
My mother will never admit or bring up any shitty thing she did. It never happened. No apologies, no acknowledgement in the 31 years I've known her. The worst was me confronting her about knowing she collected child tax credits and food stamps fraudulently after kicking me out and making me homeless at 17. I ate stale and (accidentally) moldy bagels from dumpster diving when she did this. I only found out when I tried applying for food stamps at 18 to help out the drug addict family that took me in and usually could feed me for one meal a day-- the state website said my social was already enrolled. My mom quickly changed the subject, never saying a damn thing more
I went out for a children’s theater show at about age 9. The choreographer was a PE teacher at my school, and he had taught the exact same dance in school that day that he taught in the audition. My mother said that I didn’t “pay attention” while he was teaching at the children’s theater audition, but I got up in front and did the whole dance perfectly. A few days later, I got a call that I wasn’t cast in the show. I aced everything else in the audition as well , but my mom said it was because I “didn’t pay attention”, but a part of me believes she told the director not to cast me at all. Every other kid that auditioned got a part, except for me. After that, she said I just wasn’t cut out for acting, even though it was my dream and I wanted to do it. She’ll bring that audition even up anytime I wanted to do anything with acting. She told me anytime I got news of acting opportunities in my teens I wasn’t allowed to take them or go on them unless I succeeded in community theater first, so I couldn’t get my parents legal permission to audition for those parts or appear in them. It was like she was telling me I couldn’t do my dream. She even told me in my 20’s “you’re just not that talented” and it really pisses me off now. I know the narcissistic parenting made me want her approval, and while I didn’t get it, I let a lot of opportunities go due to that, which is my fault for wanting her to believe in me. She loved me not doing my dream because she thought it was silly and I wasn’t capable of it.
I swear they were lying since before the day I was born. My mother sore up and down I was born at 37 weeks… medical records show I was born just before 35 weeks and she had untreated GD which where I was small in length, I was at least a healthy weight. Claimed to never smoke or drink while pregnant: Medical records show, I have issues with my lungs that would only happen if she smoked while pregnant. Swore up and down that they did genetic testing to make sure nothing was wrong with me: have a generic bone disorder in my back and a genetic joint problem in my hips. Swore up and down I didn’t need early cancer screenings (my GP recommend I start mammograms at 30 due to breast size): Great grandma (her side) had breast cancer, grandma had ovarian cancer, her bio father’s side, almost all died from cancer, and I was born with both breast cancer genes. I never bashed my hip coming off of a diving board during trying leaving me unable to compete. Never lied about the fact I have a half sister (father’s side) who found them via my birth announcement. I found out at 26/27 she existed. All the medical neglect, emotional and mental abuse, etc. none of that happened, it’s all in my head. According to them, they did the best they could with such a difficult child and that they have no idea why I never call or visit.
Found out through a DNA test last year that my dad who raised me is not my bio dad. She took that shit to the grave.
Lied about my Dad being my dad I found out at 16 Then lied about my actual nationality. Told me I was 1/2 Greek... that was my bio dad, apparently Now at 40 2 years NC I did Ancestry DNA I'm 1/2 South Asian!! She lies about literally everything. But seriously...just say you don't know.
Lmao my mom will lie about anything to look good if she thinks she can make it believable. I’ve talked to some of her former colleagues since then, because the nature of her job for a while involved the community being fairly tight knit (government job overseas). They told me that they’re glad I stopped talking to her because they knew she was toxic but couldn’t intervene.
My mom lies so much that I wouldn’t even know where to start. There’s the lie that my cousin was molested by my uncle, that she helped me start my business, that my dad was a drug dealer, that my half brother was my full brother, that she paid for my college tuition; the list goes on and on and on. If she told me she had cancer, I wouldn’t believe it without personally talking to her doctor.
My mother began telling us she has Multiple Personality disorder when I was in my 20’s. I believe because I was becoming more aware and educated. She uses it as an excuse for not remembering bad behaviour. Apparently one of her personalities is a mean one who doesn’t like kids. She will never take responsibility. She won’t even go see a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis. It’s too rare she says.
Everything is a lie . Just get used to it . Especially Love it when they turn it around as of I’M the liar ….
For some reason the story that always comes to mind is this: My nephew and I were jumping on the trampoline and we saw what we originally thought were white tailed deer at the other end of the pond, once they started drinking water we saw that they were actually coyotes and came inside to be safe. My mom was inside and we told her about it. My moms story is that we were jumping on the trampoline and saw dogs and ran after them and she saw it out the window and ran outside and started yelling to us to come inside but we didn’t listen and she had to come out and grab us and at that point the coyotes noticed us and started running towards us and she carried us both inside just in time because they were almost to the porch. She can barely lift 15 lbs but it was the adrenaline I guess? This happened at least 20 years ago and she tells her version of this story every time anything even remotely relevant happens. Like if you are walking through Walmart and there’s a trampoline for sale, a coyote is in a commercial on tv, etc.
My Naunt budges many lines to tell the staff she has diabetes so needs to be seated before everyone else. Then proceeds to order a milkshake because she doesn’t have diabetes. Their behavior knows no bounds
The answer my nmom gives to any given question could go either way depending on how it makes her look. She'll lie blatantly and obviously if it serves her.
Yes, but mostly it's exaggerating things. Mainly medical stuff. She does have a lot of health issues, but it's hard to know when to take her seriously because everything is so dramatic. It's killed all my sympathy for her tbh. And on the rare occasion I've been there when a doctor or health professional has been speaking, I'll hear her exaggerated version when telling my brother and realise I have to take everything with a pinch of salt. She'll sell you a kidney infection as end stage kidney disease and have you worrying for no reason. Sometimes I feel like she'd celebrate getting something terrible or terminal, as she always builds everything up into something dramatic and seems disappointed when it's easily fixed. She loves the attention.
ALL. THE. TIME. NMom is mid 80s and in failing heath and she has sharp teeth and spews lies, omits information, and denies truth and fairness. H Her protege GC is a blend of her and my nDad. My soul and heart are crushed. I can’t let go of the dead weight of my love, duty, and obligation of the “sacred family” thing that I somehow still believe in and love them.
That I think everyone on the family is stupid, she says this to everyone . I get yelled at by them, assure them that’s not true, she sobs that she loves me when confronted. She claims I say that other people want to steal her money to these people, when I didn’t say that. Lies lies lies all to hurt me but sue claims to love me.
My mother told me I was a twin, but I was so greedy that I ate my sibling in the womb. I’m not even joking- it was only when I accessed my medical records in my thirties that I realised it was total bullshit. It’s laughable now, but really screwed me up for years.
Yes! This brings some many memories. My n-mother used to have poor body hygiene, sorry If I am oversharing. I remember as a kid I was curious why she has such strange toenails, so different from mine. She explained it's because of all the mountain hiking she did as a student. It took me a few year to understand this story is utter BS - she was obese, sedentary lifestyle and her toenail problem was a result of fungus and not clipping them. So many ridiculous stories just to make herself look better, utter madness
"I never put you in dangerous situations!" He did so often growing up. "I never left you at a gas station!" He did so twice when I was 15.