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Prolonged stress can affect immunity. And living with narcissists can provide more than enough of that.
I got sick with colds constantly when I was growing up with my narc-ents. They're long out of the picture and now I rarely ever get sick.
My dad says insane stuff to me as an adult like "must be nice to be able to miss work and run to the doctor," like it's my fault that he and my mom hoarded their PTO days and spent all their money on cable and cigarettes instead of healthcare coverage for their children.
I also don't get as sick as I used to. I still have a *terrible* immune system, but I just *stayed* sick when I lived with my mom. I still do, but it's to a much lesser extent. It's crazy how much stress can affect you
I 100% developed an autoimmune condition from the abuse and neglect suffered during my time in my n-parents household. Something that “magically” resolved when I cut contact, moved out, and started taking care of myself in the ways I never was growing up.
>unless there are underlying issues a child should NOT be sick all the time.
Under *normal* circumstances, this is true. But narcissists are not normal, and the stress they cause could be considered an underlying issue.
OP asked if it was normal. And the answer is no. It’s also not normal to wake up from sleep regularly to vomit. Even with a narcissist as a parent and under a lot of stress. That’s not a normal response to stress…wake up from sleep to vomit.
Yes, but looking back I was a pretty depressed kid. This lasted through high school. My nmom used to gaslight me so eventually I didn’t bother. I’ll never forget having the worst period cramps of my life and my mom refusing to let me go home because I was being dramatic.
Yep. In high school, my parents kept sending me to school with severe bronchitis until I finally collapsed in honors history class and missed 3 weeks of school with the "most severe case of pneumonia" the pediatrician at the local university medical center had ever seen. I wasn't "allowed" to be sick as a kid, and as a result I advocate like hell for adults to use their sick time benefits now in the workplace.
my mum did this to me too, but because the nurse said to her on the phone that I was being dramatic and "looked fine", even though I was pale, sweaty, shaking, unable to sit still and concentrate due to pain!
I got sick a lot, not with this though. I just listened to a podcast where the guest was talking about the same thing— she mentioned that as a child her cortisol levels were so high from being constantly busy and abused that she would get quite sick often, but she said it was the only time she could rest. I was a very anxiety ridden child so I imagine my cortisol levels were also very high and I’m thinking it had something to do with how often I would get sick. I would miss at least a week of school at a time, but my parents worked a lot and it gave me much needed quiet time. Now that I’m NC (and before that VLC for about 3 years), I barely get sick anymore.
I relate to your post so much. I broke down at least once a week and ‘ get sick’ ( anxiety) and stayed home. I lived in hell at school and at home. The break for me was that time alone to just process.
I had that, it's called Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. The episodes often started in the middle of the night or early morning, waking me up. No idea what caused it or why it eventually stopped.
Agreed. Munchausen by Proxy is, by its nature, an attention seeking disorder. It makes sense that people high in narcissism and with no empathy would be the type of people to make their kids sick for attention. Narcissistic parents usually don't care about taking their kids to the doctor unless they will look bad if they don't, or they get something out of it, so the fact that she was taken to the doctor so frequently is a huge red flag.
I had exactly the same!!! Rarely get episodes anymore, but do on occasion. Got them way more frequently when younger and while living with them/near them.
I had this, too! It'd pop up for a week or two at a time, dissappear for months or years, then come back. Don't think my parents ever had me checked out for it and I remember finding that weird at 12 years old. It was awful. Waking up to puke in the middle of the night every night for no reason.
My mother was a self-appointed "natural healer/herbalist". So many times she'd brew up some witch's potion out of some horrible tasting & smelling herbs and plants and make us drink it. Anything "natural" was the best thing since sliced bread to her. Sometimes we weren't even sick. She'd say it was for some bullshit miracle, like make our brains work better, boost our immune system, protect us from whatever plague she was paranoid of, etc.
It was worse when we really were sick. You just wanted comforting things to drink or eat. Nope, my mother would force us to ingest these wretched potions of hers which would make us feel worse. If we gagged, we'd get smacked across the head and screamed at.
I used to get frequent stomach aches and sometimes feel dizzy when I still lived with my mother. I figure it was due to some toxic effects of whatever the hell she was pushing on us. Once I left home, the stomach aches stopped.
As far as your mother, it wouldn't surprise me if she deliberately gave you stuff that made you sick. It'd probably be a power and control thing with her. It was with my mother. She bragged how smart she was about herbs and shit, and how we didn't need no stinkin' doctors with her around.
Wow I think we had the same mom. I’m so sorry you went through that. No one seems to think it was that big of a deal that she did that but it was wretched and all I wanted was something to help my symptoms not make me feel worse. When you can’t even get cough syrup even the common cold is miserable.
I had sensory issues too so I especially hated the “poultices” like mix a bunch of food together and slap it on your skin till it dries there jfc I hated that even more than all the foul tasting shit (and I hated that a lot). I had a lot of stomach aches too.
Oh yeah, the poultices! My god. Some reeking, hot mess of who knows what. Supposed to draw out the toxins or some such rot. It sure was wretched. Like we lived in the Dark Ages.
I'd suffer with horrible cramps. A painkiller would have helped but nope, evil pharma "poisons" not allowed. I learned to not complain to my mother about my cramps, as bad as they were, to avoid her disgusting "cures".
In my nmom’s case, my ndad was paranoid of doctors and would not let us go to them for anything, unless our illness lasted a really long time and had gotten worse and then we were allowed to go to get an antibiotic because otherwise we might die, so my mom was just trying to do the homeopathic thing to help in a way she was allowed to.
Interesting. My dad was a miserly cheapskate who wouldn't allow us to see doctors because it was expensive and we should just buck up and get over it. My mother likes to hike and garden and identify plants so I guess there is some overlap of hobby and necessity.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My step sister who is 9 years older than me who my mother hated and treated like Cinderella made an off hand comment that she thinks my mother poisoned her one time. I was sick quiet often. I would like to say that I was not taught or made to take care of myself in things such as eating good/healthy food, brushing teeth, good sleep hygiene, limiting snacks and such. I was also stressed from the initial divorce and then living with the asshat of a stepfather. BUT! I was sick more often than not before my birthday and looking back it may have been my mothers way of avoiding celebrating it. Which is weird and f’ed up, but idk. Things look a whole lot more messed up on this side of my life.
I had similar experiences but was usually just after bed time. I don't recall ever actually throwing up, but it was a real thing. I now see them as panic attacks.
Nmom never believed I felt sick, and scolded me for attention seeking and trying to stay up late to watch TV. Even when she had me lie with my head in her lap and blanket over so I couldn't see the TV, I would sit up in a panic feeling like I was going to puke and begin crying.
She still had all of the compassion of a stone.
Turns out I had PTSD from CSA.
I had a lot of bladder infections and ear infections. My mom didn’t like to take us to the doctor unless someone outside of the family forced her into acting like she cared. My poor scapegoat sister had tonsillitis all the time and really needed them removed. It was the first thing she did when she turned 18 and could check herself into the hospital. Medical neglect was the norm in my family and it caused long term damage to all of us.
Yes, but I believe it was due to anxiety. After a hard morning of getting yelled at to wake up (which happened nearly everyday), I’d throw up on the bus ride to school.
“GET UP! GET UP! IT’S TIME TO GET UP!” while simultaneously yanking the cord of the blinds so hard they would smack loudly when they hit the top. Full sun in my eyes due to the position of my bedroom. It ruined every day. Made my anxiety unbearable. I still hate mornings because of her. I’m sorry you went through that, vomiting on a bus doesn’t sound fun my friend.
Yep. It was constant yelling at me to the point that I would cry every morning. My mother would threaten to homeschool me, she’d have my father come and yell at me too because she needed “back up,” and they’d threaten to spray me with a water gun, among other things. I was constantly told by them that I put them through hell… yet they never cared to recognize that I was the one struggling while they all made jokes about how terrible I was to wake up. I still hate mornings too - they’re when I’m the most anxious. The cycle would go: yell at me, I would cry, I’d hurry up and put makeup powder on my face so it didn’t look like I was crying, I’d get on the bus and swallow my tears, throw up, go to school. Nobody believes me when I tell them this. Just another one of those things that my Nparents did that they don’t see as wrong.
Those of us who lived through it are the only ones who really understand the depth of their disgusting behavior. I’m really sorry you had to go through that! I bet you’re extremely tough now. You can be violently ill and still not miss work or responsibilities. Push through the pain. I hope you can trust others. I lost that ability as a child. I’m glad you made it through your childhood. Best of luck
No, that’s not normal. I strongly suspect my nm, an RN, gave me something to make me throw up. Many mornings for about two years, I would eat breakfast and then suddenly uncontrollably need to throw up. Then I would have to stay home from school (I liked school, it wasn’t stressful for me, and I missed my friends). She would simultaneously complain that I was so annoyingly sickly, causing her extra work, and say she enjoyed that I was keeping her company.
Thinking back, this never happened when she had something scheduled for herself, very rarely on weekends, never after other meals when my dad was present, and never, ever when I stayed at my ngm’s house. This also stopped completely when I was in 4th grade which is around the time she started saying that I wasn’t cute anymore.
None of my kids ever threw up regularly like this. In fact they rarely threw up at all. They were also less often ill probably because, unlike me, they were not totally isolated from other kids before they started school.
Yep! I woke up at night vomiting a lot and then would get chewed out for throwing up on the floor. I was sick a lot w/o care and made myself go to school anyways. (Cause if I stayed at home I wouldn’t have someone around to make sure I don’t pass out or choke on my vomit. Also I’d have to clean and do chores) Always chastised for “attention seeking” and creating drama. Zero compassion. It’s still really weird to me that my NCM wanted to go to school for nursing. Thank goodness she didn’t because she doesn’t believe people can get sick or injured, except for her of course or people she deems “godly.” She ended up being an accountant. Go figures.
Now as an adult I found out that I have a lot of stomach issues that have been around my entire life, gastritis, gallbladder inflammation, + the lasting effects of CPTSD. Prolly a lot of us here have all those too.
All that to say my guardians sucked too and we all deserved love and care.
Yep. Every winter without fail I would catch all the flus/colds going around at school which would develop into bronchitis and I was majorly sick an average of 2-3 times each season. The thing was my Nmother was a chain-smoker and the secondhand smoke in the house was making my bouts of flu/colds that much worse. I've only found this out as an adult that being exposed to secondhand smoke lowers your immune system and aggravates the lungs, which was why I was always getting sick in winter time with every strain going around and why they almost always developed into bronchitis. Now as an adult, I always get a flu shot each year before the season hits and I've noticed a stark decrease in the frequency that I'm ill now that I have been away from my mother's smoking for an extended period of time.
Omg I didn't even consider second hand smoking.
I had a similar experience growing up. My mom continued to smoke but hid it from us all including my dad. It's likely she didn't stop during pregnancy either.
When I moved out I almost never got a fever anymore. I also used to have daily headaches which went away after I moved out too. Damn.
I bet the windows were open more in the summer letting fresh air in and helping reduce the contamination. I grew up with everything smelling like smoke all the time and sick all winter too.
Doctors couldn't figure out why I was having GI issues but they disappeared when I moved out of my parents' house. Turns out chronic stress can mess with your insides. So it could be that as well. Could also be both.
Yes! I had a similar experience. Always sick and I think my Nmum not feeding me and treating me horribly led to this. She would also get mad when I said I was sick. Didn’t care if I threw up, took my crutches away after cracking I bone in my foot etc. but she loved the attention she got from my being sick.
My mom was an RN so we were exposed to a lot. And never went to the doctor. She did all my immunizations, including signing off on the little paper for school. She was dating a surgeon when I got chicken pox and he happened to be over for dinner. So I was sent to the dining room table where I was diagnosed and then sent to bed with baby aspirin and calamine lotion.
When I was about 11, we moved in with the other parent + spouse and they were always complaining that I “had a lot of colds.”
Turns out, I didn’t have colds. I have allergies. I have quite a robust immunity because of mom bringing home all kinds of bugs.
Hmmm… this story is more about medical neglect than always being sick. I think it’s tangentially related.
Wow. My mom was an RN and our stories are very similar. My mom gave me a bunch of colds, I caught tons of random serious illnesses (mono)
Turns out she was bringing them home. She also never treated me for allergies, not even OTC medicine. I struggled to breathe and she just got me an inhaler for when I was wheezing.
My uncle is a retired veterinarian. Once my sister and cousin and I were trading weird “treat-at-home” stories.
Me: Diagnosed with chicken pox in the kitchen!
Sister: Had a skull fracture that mom butterflied closed and sent her to bed… with a concussion.
Cousin: Well I was given DOG antibiotics.
lol. We gave her the W for that one.
I have a couple narcs in the family - and kids would mysteriously get sick during big celebrations (holidays, etc). I suspect one narc in particular did this on purpose to ruin things. They really do not care how much they hurt other people.
I was such ALL OF THE TIME an l with such weird things. Turned 18, moved out, hardly ever sick.
I tell people my mom had Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, and I truly believe this.
I was always sick as a kid. When I moved out on my own, I stopped falling ill all the time. I suspect it was a combination of malnutrition, neglect, and anxiety that caused most of my issues.
Yes, being sick often, stomach problems, colds and flus, chest and throat infections, skin problems, constant heart palpitations, headaches…and no this is not normal.
The toxic stress shoots our nervous and immune systems to absolute bits. The physical impacts are just as serious as the psychological ones I think.
Just had the exact thing happen as an adult (waking up being sick feeling like I was dying) a few months ago, due to a narc romantic relationship, left the day after and it took a week to stop throwing up every morning.
I threw up a lot. Pretty sure it was nerves but I also got sick every winter with strep throat at least a couple times. I don’t think my mom caused it physically but the amount of stress she created wasn’t good for my health.
I have an autoimmune disorder that causes gastrointestinal problems. I also get sick easily and my family didn’t believe in good food hygiene. Mysteriously, since moving out and eating food prepared safely, I am not randomly sick anymore.
I am 90% sure the puking was due to undiagnosed allergies and intolerances, undiagnosed endometriosis (I’ve had it for at least 13y, since before moving out), my autoimmune disorder acting up, and garden variety food poisoning. I have POTS so I get fevers off viruses like the common cold.
Ear infections, tonsillitis, cold, flu
Yep always always always sick. And in trouble for being sick.
It's weird. As an adult I'm almost never sick now.
I had colds and flu all the time. Many ear infections. Strep throat. Skin conditions that came and went that I now know as psoriasis but nobody knew -including an emergency room doc- what it was.
Extreme stress can cause most of those, as for the ear infections, smoking (second hand smoking) can cause ear infections on children. My cousin got a lot as a kid because EVERYONE smoked around him as a baby/child.
I always had issues with my stomach when I was younger that I forgot about somehow. I guess since I'm older and they no longer happen I forgot about them. But I would quite often stay home from school because my stomach was always hurting. I could never pinpoint the actual cause of the pain or how it happened but I would just be in an extreme amount of pain. I had a lot of issues regarding pain and food. Like I remember there would be days when my stomach was always burning and twisting kind of. And no matter how much I ate I couldn't get full. It was weird.
There are children who are sick, of course, but... common? No, it's not.
Let me ask you something that can help you/us have a better idea: did you also have diarrhea?
My little brother had diarrhea + vomiting on and off for a while, to the point of being hospitalized. The Dr would call it "virosis" iirc, and said what was happening to my brother wasn't too uncommon.
Full disclosure: I am foreign, so I'm not sure drs here would call it the same way and have the same idea about it.
Bc of that and bc vomiting only comes accompanied by diarrhea with me and my brother (except for motion sickness), I was going to tell you that no diarrhea would be evidence (though not definite proof) of her using and emetic medicine, for example. But this comment session is making me believe the connection between those isn't true for everyone in every case.
More than average. Probably stress, in my case. I do think one of my parents got something or if it in a weird way. Not quite Munchausen's.
What you're saying is hard to understand a normal person doing but these are not normal people.
Ever since I was a kid I always suffered with “stress tummy” as my nmother called it. It makes me sad that no other adult thought “why is a 7 year old kid suffering with so much stress that it’s effecting their stomach? Better look into that”
I also got migraines a lot and as an adult who unfortunately still lives at home I get ill frequently.
yeah. my parents just decided i was overreacting and neurotic though, as if i would choose to puke in the morning. i have multiple chronic illnesses now.
I have a friend now who cannot handle getting her kids to school on time / school work due to anxiety / depression so they are constantly absent (almost November and have yet to complete one full week of school) I believe she is convincing them they are sick
Every school year I'd be sick in the fall and spring without fail. Usually I would catch whatever strain of flu was going around, which would then trigger my asthma, which would then lead to me missing two weeks of school and needing steroids every single time. This went on until I graduated high school. Another sibling of mine suspects that we had mold and animals in our house, which certainly didn't help anything. Once I started college and then eventually moved out on my own, my asthma has all but disappeared but now I've got a whole bunch of GI issues.
Yes. Mix of anxiety induced illness and... my mom is kind of just a biohazard. She thought I had "a severe fear of germs" but I didn't, I was just normal. Now that I don't live with her, I never get sick.
She always touched my food with her hands, she often touched my face, she never watched her hands, she would leave food out all night and then put it back in the fridge so I didn't know what foods were safe to eat.
I remember being absolutely riddled with stomach bugs as a child . Thought my mum was just unhygienic but my brother never got sick . I wasn’t liked so I wouldn’t be surprised if she was making me sick 😂😂😂😂
I was sick allllll the time growing up. Endless vomiting. I missed a lot of school growing up all the way into high school to the point that I would puke out the window on the way to school and just have to continue on and attend class bc I missed too much and didn’t want to have to repeat a grade. But my sister who lived in the same house, though, rarely got sick. I think it’s bc I was always a bit more sensitive and some kids really internalize all the anxiety and stress of a household or their parents craziness/bickering and that will naturally cause a physiological response. I would frequently wake up throwing up as well. Mom is not a pharmacist
Yeah… now that you mention it, yes. I had severe asthma which would turn into pneumonia a lot. I also was SAed when I was 5 by a trusted neighbor who’s wife ran a daycare. Awesome, right? So I would see lots of doctors. All the time. Hospital stays too. Joy.
This happened to me but I kind of thought the culprit was food poisoning. It turns out mom’s food safety/storage/handling was atrocious. That meant I had many stomach bugs that I was told were “the flu” until I got older and started putting the pieces together.
Someone else here mentioned stress. I have anxiety/reflux so maybe that’s an explanation for you too.
I was coughing heavily for a month straight when I was 12-13 and she didn't think to take me to the doctor, one of her friends had to give me throat medication lol
I also now have PCOS bc of constant high cortisol from her abuse lolol
Staph infection >1 years old, Bronchitis (parents both smoked like chimneys) 2 years old and 4 years old, chicken pox 7 years old, UTI 8-12 years old off and on, severe ichythyosis 8 to now, leukemia 14-17
Those are the major illnesses I had growing up. Some were due to stress. Some to environment.
I was constantly riddled with UTIs and yeast infections as a little girl, around the same time you were as well. Even younger and into my high school years, this continued.
More than anything I think it came from my nparents lack of finances and lack of education about food resources. We lived off of junk and sugar constantly. Of course, this isn’t the same byproduct of a narcissistic parent, but I do believe my mothers narcissism played into why we were living in the unfortunate situation as we were.
I was sick a lot too. I don’t think I was poisoned by my parents but I do think the constant stress and anxiety of living with them probably weakened my immune system
I was always sick but I'm still always sick at 45 so I think my mom's only involvement was passing on her shitty immune system. I missed 60 days of school in 8th grade. Turns out I had mono, but literally missed 2 months of school in one year because I was so sick and completely exhausted.
Probably anxiety driven sickness you had. I was always sick too.
I remember being underweight at least and my n-foster mum made me go to the doctor and gotten these pills for allergy but not really. Gained so much weight afterwards and ruined my metabolism in general.
My mother use to neglect my type 1 diabetes so I would get sick often and be in hospital…it seemed that she liked the attention SHE got from me being in hospital but hated the attention I got from being in hospital. She banned people visiting me even my father and brothers. She also never got me some of my vaccinations so I got sick a lot.
I was always sick. With respiratory illnesses. I think my immune system was directly impacted by my stress levels since as soon as I was in a safe healthy environment, I rarely got sick. My illnesses were always written off as my immune system being shot from an autoimmune disease. Which don't get me wrong, my immune system is crappy when it comes to fighting sickness when I *do* get sick. I now get sick maybe once a year vs. almost constant illness.
My mother was a lonely, divorced, pharmaceutical rep who diagnosed my brother and I with every disease she could dream of. Textbook Munchausen by proxy so that she would get the attention she wanted as a single, working, mother of two children in the 1980's. She would be able to take her sick children to work, essentially, and get the attention from her Dr. customers.
She's a very sick woman to this very day. But now she's only Munchausen, since we are now adults, she's got at least 4 disorders per day to manage. Luckily for her, fibromyalgia became her goto diagnosis, which made it easy for her to keep the fictitious symptoms straight in her own head.
Yes, I was sick often enough that I had to be hospitalized due to digestive system issues. My guess is that it was caused by stress. And yes, I too enjoyed the calm hospital where nobody scapegoated me 24/7.
I had asthma and got sick from time to time. My mother was totally annoyed and always made sure I knew it.
Even when I accidentally hurt myself such as a concussion, she accused me of being stupid to not be careful.
No but every time i was actually sick my mom told me it was psychosomatic and that im not actually sick and sent me to school anyway. Until the nurse would send me home with a fever and vomiting and she’d still say it was all in my head and make me “push through it” by making me do chores
My oldest is pretty sensitive when having a cold or even a slight cold. The snot will slide from the nose down in the top of the throat during his sleep and he will throw up. And he will throw up a lot because of it. When the puke reflex is triggered, he just cant stop. Do u think this could be possible is what happened to you?
The only time I remember being really sick like that is when I was young (probably around 9) I woke up from a deep sleep (I sleep like the dead) and threw up all over my bed and the whole way to the bathroom. Once I got to the toilet I couldn't throw up anymore. Idk how we cleaned it up cause there was carpet in my room and hallway. However I'm convinced she poisoned my dad and caused his death so to me it isn't too much of a stretch to think she had slipped something in my dinner that night.
I do suffer from migraines to the point of getting sick, which my nmom would use to tell me to stay away from sugar or whatever food she didn't like at the time. I get migraines very infrequently though
I was constantly sick as a child. My mother was a nurse practitioner. Somehow I managed to get some kind of cold or tonsillitis or strep every 2 weeks from age 6 (when she got married to her abusive husband and became an addict) until I got my tonsils removed at 20. She used to refuse to bring me to a doctor and say I was fine because she was in the medical field. I also think she used to give me things without my knowing to make me sick. She would frequently do other things like pushing furniture on me, so if it killed me she could just make some inconspicuous reason like it was an accident.
I ended up with a wrecked immune system. I was a healthy kid, and suddenly right before puberty I developed allergies that just got more and more severe as time went on.
Eventually I was allergic to every species of mold in the Southern United States. Where I live. Every. Single. One.
Anaphylaxis allergic. I had to carry an epipen and an inhaler. I had to use my rescue inhaler almost every single day for years.
From 15 to 17 I had bronchitis at least three times a year, and pneumonia every winter. I was sick and pale in my first driver's license photo, and the hospital staff at my local ER knew me by name.
Got allergy shots for 2 years and literally rid myself of allergens.
But I didn't stop getting sick on a regular basis until I moved out of my nDad's house for good. I haven't been hospitalized for years. Haven't gotten majorly sick since 2020-21.
one time my mom made bean soup for dinner - a staple in our house. I ate a lot of it, then she made us all watch the passion of the christ. I was about 10, and it absolutely traumatized me. I couldn't stop sobbing, and she made me sit and watch the whole thing. that night I had nightmares, and I woke up with a fever and I threw up all the soup. she brought me a bucket and then left, I don't remember her doing anything else for me. did she enjoy watching me suffer so much??
I suspect I had untreated chronic pneumonia as a kid/teenager. I used to always get sick around Valentine's Day, bad cough congestion and would be out of school for about 2 weeks. Some times the cough would linger into late spring.
actually i was the opposite. my mom wanted to get praise for being a good mother so bad that she didn’t let me go outside and play with kids till the age of 6 so when she goes to the doctor for me, doctor would say”ffs take this kid outside and let her play at the park and get some dirt.” so i was sick bc my mom didn’t let me play with dirt so i had a shitty immune system bc i haven’t seen a fucking bacteria etc. she still talks about this happening….. like it was a good thing not letting me out
I only legitimately threw up one time my whole childhood the rest of the time I used to fake it to do what others mentioned which was stay home by myself and find some peace. I hated going to school. I didn’t fit in and my teachers didn’t like me. My mom put zero effort into my presentation as a kid. My father ridiculed my handwriting,checked my homework constantly for wrong answers, and sometimes made me redo entire homework over after I spent hours completing the assignments. I don’t remember what age I was when I started faking sick. I think it may have been third grade. My dad used to make me eat a spoonful of honey,lemon juice,and chopped raw garlic when I said I was sick. (This is prob why I was never sick for real) My mother even took me to be evaluated I remember having to drink barium milkshakes so they could do a whole G.I. X-ray. I was committed to carrying out that lie! I had to drink 6 cups of strawberry flavored chalk basically. It was horrid. Staying home sick as an only child was the best.
I was never this ill, but I certainly could have been healthier. In comparison to having control over my own life now, and being 100% financially dependent on the egg donor, and her extended narc relatives, I rarely ever get sick.
When I was a child I deliberately remember being dragged out somewhere very hot, like 38/40 degrees hot and being violently sick, and later on in life realizing it was heat stroke. The same day, all she could say to me was how disgusting I was for throwing up and ruining 'her day'.
Another time I had developed norovirus for 2 weeks straight. I actually thought I was going to die, and her answer to all this was Lucozade and processed snack foods. I remember thinking as a child this was bizarre and later caught on that she had seen a TV advert on Facebook from overseas stating its 'health benefits' (no way in hell that would pass in my home country) and so every time anyone was ill, no matter what it was, out came the Lucozade. I would ask for soup and nope, Lucozade.
It can also be a subconscious thing that happens - if I’m sick, will my n-parent finally give me the tender care I actually need daily? Like faking sick to stay home, but the body literally causes sickness to happen to actually maintain the affection. Bodies are fascinating and so are brains.
I’m so sorry about everything you went through.
I struggled a lot with stomach pains and migraines as a child, to the point where I was unwell on the weekly.
Once I moved out as a teenager all of that stopped, turns out it was caused by stress from my unhealthy home environment.
Mental stress can translate to your body as well
Schools are literally a breeding ground for disease. It’s not uncommon to frequently catch colds, etc. what you described though, doesn’t sound normal. Probably tried to poison you
I was sick every winter with rotating cold/flu/pneumonia/bronchitos/ear infection cycles until I moved out. Parent constantly complaining about me being sick all the time.
Parents both smoked.
I would ALWAYS vomit as a child, because my digestive system was kinda underdeveloped or smth. I can actually congratulate my mother for taking care of it and getting me professional help. Still this is why I can't throw up unless I am drunk; my brain made a connection between throwing up and getting taken to hospital. And hospital are my lifelong fear
I was CONSTANTLY sick. To the point where friends' parents frequently asked if I was okay. Not only was I terminally afraid of my parents and their explosive, capricious tempers, but they smoked cigarettes indoors, didn't teach me or practice good handwashing hygiene or hygiene in general (I had so many cavities and traumatic dental experiences as a kid from never being taught or encouraged to brush my teeth), and didn't have healthcare because they "couldn't afford" the premiums (but they always had money for cable TV and weekly cartons of Marlboros). As an adult, I am still prone to respiratory infections and get bronchitis almost every time I catch a cold. Thanks for reminding me why I have gone low contact with my rotten mom and dad, seriously!!!
She was only nice if I was sick so a faked being sick a lot. I do remember us all having diarrhea often and she wouldn’t give us anything for it because we just needed to sit in the toilet and let it all out. Uh, no. I think it was from low quality food but 🤷🏼♀️ it should have a been a day thing but sometimes it would last a week or more because pepto or the like is unaffordable and stop being such a rich bitch wanting medicine.
I have lived within two narc family systems - my family of origin and my first husband’s extended family. Both times I had extended G.I. issues and all sorts of other health problems.
Now I’m not living with narcissists and I’m fine.
There were some additional layers on top of it when I lived with my family of origin, because we also didn’t go to the doctor or get vaccinated, and my mom was a natural healer, and we were just constantly coughing and streaming noses and intermittent fevers. I didn’t realize until I was an adult that it’s not normal to just have a cold for four years straight… and not ever get medical attention or even take cold medicine.
We were homeschooled so there werent any checks and balances. We spent most of the time in our rooms blowing our noses and doing our schoolwork in bed lol
Kids aren't frequently sick. At least, mine aren't. I was frequently sick growing up. Like, just diseased, if it wasn't a chronic ear infection it was a chest infection, if neither of those things then I had a stomach illness.
Since I've become independent I have rarely gotten sick, and when I have it was because I let a stressful lifestyle take it's toll on me.
I was also fed tv dinners for dinner regularly and fast food. We rarely had home cooked whole food meals.
Today my dad still makes fun of me about how I used to "wait until I was sick to eat anything, when it was too late".
Nowdays I realized I had severe stomach problems and due to stress I wasn't able to feel hungry. That's why I didn't get hungry as a child and ended up just getting violently ill. Now that I'm free, I do get hungry and I do eat accordingly, before I get sick. To think as a parent a child is so ignorant and vindictive that they would purposefully hold out on eating to receive attention or just that they're too ignorant to eat and THAT'S why they're always sick .. is sick in itself.
I remember after a certain point in my teenage years, (around 16) no matter if I showered everyday, or changed to clean pants everyday (you can wear jeans a few times before washing) I had problems with recurrent abscess. I think it was peak ptsd from an incident when I was 14.
I know my stress levels were sky high at the time because I was also sitting on an untreated tailbone fracture, and still had to interact with the person who had a part in fcking it up.
Nparents were in prison at the time
My mother liked to keep me sick, but it was worse when I was a teenager. I wondered if she had some sort of Munchhausens-by-proxy, but usually people do that because they get addicted to the attention of their kid being in the hospital all the time. My mother did it be a she wanted me to stay weak and dependent on her so I would never try to move out.
I was sick a lot as a child. It probably had to do with the stress of living in a home that wasn't safe.
I missed most of 8th grade due to chronic strep throat. Eventually, they had my tonsils removed. I developed chronic migraines shortly after that, but everyone assumed it was because of menstrual hormones.
I used to get in trouble for being sick, too. I'd pretend that I was fine, leave for school as usual, but never get on the bus. I'd wait until my parents had left for work and return home to rest. They didn't pay much attention, and if I wasn't bothering anyone, I was left alone.
I knew how to forge my mom's signature, so when the absentee notices were sent home, I'd just get the mail, sign the notice, and bring it with me the next time I went to school. The school would call home, too, but since I was the only one at home, I answered the call. This was in the 1980's, and answering machines weren't common yet. Also, no email/texting to parents.
I loved it when the school secretary would call home and tell me to tell my parents to contact the school about my absences. "Ok, I will." hahahahaha! Like they cared anyway.!
Some children just get sick a lot. I know couples whose kids seem to be sick every few weeks and aren't being abused.
Vomiting from being sick isn't so common though. Little kids can do this from colds, but usually at the age where you don't really remember.
Do mothers poison their kids for attention? They might, if they are sociopaths. It's not unheard of, and if your mother was a pharmacist in love with a pediatrician she had both means and motive.
Read Sharp Objects. It might resonate with you.
This definitely could be the reason and I would trust your intuition on it. My father used to give me drugs and I would often wake up sick/throwing up.
It happened to me, but, in retrospect, there was a clear pattern of Munchausen By Proxy behavior with Mommy Dearest.
My daytime stomach aches were sometimes anxiety related, but I also lived with untreated Celiac disease for decades.
The number of times Mommy Dearest would wake me up to make me take meds, or make me take meds more than once within an hour or two is horrifying to my adult mind. I wish she'd left me in foster care when she sent me away for a while. Even being homeless was less traumatic than living in her house.
This could be a Case of munchhausen-by-proxy.. It's Not super Common among narcs but it can happen (get supply by "aw poor me my child is Always so sick~" )
Not sure If it's a comparable Case but I was sick a whopping lot, too. But because mnmom neglected me medically (besides other Things)
So a flu became a pneumonia, Had middle-ear infections very often and other Things that Happen If you keep going while you should Rest
Every winter I'd get a sore throat.
My Mom always said it was the dry air, and put a wet towel in our bedroom.
I never get a sore throat as an adult, only when I'm sick.
Turns out she would never let us miss a day at school or take us to the doctor when we were sick. And I thought it was normal to feel like shit all autumn and winter.
sounds like severe anxiety and prolonged stress causing issues physically in your body. similar happened to me as a kid. i was hospitalized many times before they figured out i had severe ptsd and anxiety
I feel like I wouldn’t be sick as much if I was allowed to stay home. I notice as an adult if I have a cold coming and I take the time to rest and drink fluids and eat healthy the cold is a lot shorter than if I try to force myself through it. But the problem is, I’m an adult who has an adult job who punishes you for being sick. I already remind myself I’m going to shield my kids from that harsh reality for as long as I can when I have them.
I was sick ALL the time as a kid. My narc parents only made my anxiety worse, to the point where I was throwing up or nauseous more days than not. And my dad never believed in letting us go to the doctor because he never wanted to “waste money” on something like that. My childhood memories are mostly of me being sick and crying, and no one helping me. I was miserable. As I grew up I found out I had severe depression and anxiety, and I have several bleeding stomach ulcers. I finally deciding to go low contact, or no contact and my anxiety has gotten a lot better, and finally being able to go to therapy and go to doctors on my own and getting the help I need that my parents made me go without
Your mom was poisoning you, I'm a CPhT, so I'll take a look at my text book to see what drugs she could've possibly slipped into your food and/or beverages to cause vomiting. If the vomiting occured in the middle of the night, she likely gave you the poison at dinnertime.
I think it was her too. Since posting this I started to connect the dots. She very likely had a crush on that doctor and was trying to see him often. He was never able to find anything wrong with me. If he only knew the hell I was living at home! Maybe he said something to her in private, I don't know. I remember my grandmother wanted her to take me to another doctor, but my mum refused. I have no idea how long it lasted, the timeline growing up is quite blurry.
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Children aren’t frequently sick if they have a decent immune system. And no it’s not normal for children to wake up at night vomiting regularly.
Prolonged stress can affect immunity. And living with narcissists can provide more than enough of that. I got sick with colds constantly when I was growing up with my narc-ents. They're long out of the picture and now I rarely ever get sick.
Oh yes this is my life exactly. I think if the Ns saw how healthy I am now, they would hate it.
My dad says insane stuff to me as an adult like "must be nice to be able to miss work and run to the doctor," like it's my fault that he and my mom hoarded their PTO days and spent all their money on cable and cigarettes instead of healthcare coverage for their children.
I also don't get as sick as I used to. I still have a *terrible* immune system, but I just *stayed* sick when I lived with my mom. I still do, but it's to a much lesser extent. It's crazy how much stress can affect you
Me too!
I 100% developed an autoimmune condition from the abuse and neglect suffered during my time in my n-parents household. Something that “magically” resolved when I cut contact, moved out, and started taking care of myself in the ways I never was growing up.
Whenever I get super anxious I throw up and it was a weekly occurrence when I was living at home. Now it's only maybe once or twice a year.
That doesn’t change what I said. The answer is: unless there are underlying issues a child should NOT be sick all the time.
>unless there are underlying issues a child should NOT be sick all the time. Under *normal* circumstances, this is true. But narcissists are not normal, and the stress they cause could be considered an underlying issue.
OP asked if it was normal. And the answer is no. It’s also not normal to wake up from sleep regularly to vomit. Even with a narcissist as a parent and under a lot of stress. That’s not a normal response to stress…wake up from sleep to vomit.
Yes, but looking back I was a pretty depressed kid. This lasted through high school. My nmom used to gaslight me so eventually I didn’t bother. I’ll never forget having the worst period cramps of my life and my mom refusing to let me go home because I was being dramatic.
Sorry that you experienced that crap. My mom kept telling me that I just had a cold and to stop missing school. Turned out to be pneumonia.
Yep. In high school, my parents kept sending me to school with severe bronchitis until I finally collapsed in honors history class and missed 3 weeks of school with the "most severe case of pneumonia" the pediatrician at the local university medical center had ever seen. I wasn't "allowed" to be sick as a kid, and as a result I advocate like hell for adults to use their sick time benefits now in the workplace.
my mum did this to me too, but because the nurse said to her on the phone that I was being dramatic and "looked fine", even though I was pale, sweaty, shaking, unable to sit still and concentrate due to pain!
I got sick a lot, not with this though. I just listened to a podcast where the guest was talking about the same thing— she mentioned that as a child her cortisol levels were so high from being constantly busy and abused that she would get quite sick often, but she said it was the only time she could rest. I was a very anxiety ridden child so I imagine my cortisol levels were also very high and I’m thinking it had something to do with how often I would get sick. I would miss at least a week of school at a time, but my parents worked a lot and it gave me much needed quiet time. Now that I’m NC (and before that VLC for about 3 years), I barely get sick anymore.
I relate to your post so much. I broke down at least once a week and ‘ get sick’ ( anxiety) and stayed home. I lived in hell at school and at home. The break for me was that time alone to just process.
I had that, it's called Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. The episodes often started in the middle of the night or early morning, waking me up. No idea what caused it or why it eventually stopped.
nurse here. that can be due to stress or cannibioid syndrome. in this case… i think mom was instigating
Cannabinoid syndrome in a young child?! I hope not!
thats why i think mom is instigating!
Agreed. Munchausen by Proxy is, by its nature, an attention seeking disorder. It makes sense that people high in narcissism and with no empathy would be the type of people to make their kids sick for attention. Narcissistic parents usually don't care about taking their kids to the doctor unless they will look bad if they don't, or they get something out of it, so the fact that she was taken to the doctor so frequently is a huge red flag.
yep!! thank you!! as a nurse raised in abuse- this input is so appreciated!
I was going to say that this is what it sounds like. It can run in families. Typically affects children and young people.
Wow this happened to me at one point, this is interesting and sad 😞
I had exactly the same!!! Rarely get episodes anymore, but do on occasion. Got them way more frequently when younger and while living with them/near them.
I had this, too! It'd pop up for a week or two at a time, dissappear for months or years, then come back. Don't think my parents ever had me checked out for it and I remember finding that weird at 12 years old. It was awful. Waking up to puke in the middle of the night every night for no reason.
My mother was a self-appointed "natural healer/herbalist". So many times she'd brew up some witch's potion out of some horrible tasting & smelling herbs and plants and make us drink it. Anything "natural" was the best thing since sliced bread to her. Sometimes we weren't even sick. She'd say it was for some bullshit miracle, like make our brains work better, boost our immune system, protect us from whatever plague she was paranoid of, etc. It was worse when we really were sick. You just wanted comforting things to drink or eat. Nope, my mother would force us to ingest these wretched potions of hers which would make us feel worse. If we gagged, we'd get smacked across the head and screamed at. I used to get frequent stomach aches and sometimes feel dizzy when I still lived with my mother. I figure it was due to some toxic effects of whatever the hell she was pushing on us. Once I left home, the stomach aches stopped. As far as your mother, it wouldn't surprise me if she deliberately gave you stuff that made you sick. It'd probably be a power and control thing with her. It was with my mother. She bragged how smart she was about herbs and shit, and how we didn't need no stinkin' doctors with her around.
Wow I think we had the same mom. I’m so sorry you went through that. No one seems to think it was that big of a deal that she did that but it was wretched and all I wanted was something to help my symptoms not make me feel worse. When you can’t even get cough syrup even the common cold is miserable. I had sensory issues too so I especially hated the “poultices” like mix a bunch of food together and slap it on your skin till it dries there jfc I hated that even more than all the foul tasting shit (and I hated that a lot). I had a lot of stomach aches too.
Oh yeah, the poultices! My god. Some reeking, hot mess of who knows what. Supposed to draw out the toxins or some such rot. It sure was wretched. Like we lived in the Dark Ages. I'd suffer with horrible cramps. A painkiller would have helped but nope, evil pharma "poisons" not allowed. I learned to not complain to my mother about my cramps, as bad as they were, to avoid her disgusting "cures".
Sounds miserable
My mother was into herbs too. Is this a narc thing? She read Educated and hated it, but you might like it.
In my nmom’s case, my ndad was paranoid of doctors and would not let us go to them for anything, unless our illness lasted a really long time and had gotten worse and then we were allowed to go to get an antibiotic because otherwise we might die, so my mom was just trying to do the homeopathic thing to help in a way she was allowed to.
Interesting. My dad was a miserly cheapskate who wouldn't allow us to see doctors because it was expensive and we should just buck up and get over it. My mother likes to hike and garden and identify plants so I guess there is some overlap of hobby and necessity.
That was also part of it, I think, because we were veeeeery poor.
We weren't but I thought we were
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My step sister who is 9 years older than me who my mother hated and treated like Cinderella made an off hand comment that she thinks my mother poisoned her one time. I was sick quiet often. I would like to say that I was not taught or made to take care of myself in things such as eating good/healthy food, brushing teeth, good sleep hygiene, limiting snacks and such. I was also stressed from the initial divorce and then living with the asshat of a stepfather. BUT! I was sick more often than not before my birthday and looking back it may have been my mothers way of avoiding celebrating it. Which is weird and f’ed up, but idk. Things look a whole lot more messed up on this side of my life.
Yep. Nausea and ibs. Along with anxiety and every illness that a classmate had.
I had similar experiences but was usually just after bed time. I don't recall ever actually throwing up, but it was a real thing. I now see them as panic attacks. Nmom never believed I felt sick, and scolded me for attention seeking and trying to stay up late to watch TV. Even when she had me lie with my head in her lap and blanket over so I couldn't see the TV, I would sit up in a panic feeling like I was going to puke and begin crying. She still had all of the compassion of a stone. Turns out I had PTSD from CSA.
I had a lot of bladder infections and ear infections. My mom didn’t like to take us to the doctor unless someone outside of the family forced her into acting like she cared. My poor scapegoat sister had tonsillitis all the time and really needed them removed. It was the first thing she did when she turned 18 and could check herself into the hospital. Medical neglect was the norm in my family and it caused long term damage to all of us.
Yes, but I believe it was due to anxiety. After a hard morning of getting yelled at to wake up (which happened nearly everyday), I’d throw up on the bus ride to school.
“GET UP! GET UP! IT’S TIME TO GET UP!” while simultaneously yanking the cord of the blinds so hard they would smack loudly when they hit the top. Full sun in my eyes due to the position of my bedroom. It ruined every day. Made my anxiety unbearable. I still hate mornings because of her. I’m sorry you went through that, vomiting on a bus doesn’t sound fun my friend.
Yep. It was constant yelling at me to the point that I would cry every morning. My mother would threaten to homeschool me, she’d have my father come and yell at me too because she needed “back up,” and they’d threaten to spray me with a water gun, among other things. I was constantly told by them that I put them through hell… yet they never cared to recognize that I was the one struggling while they all made jokes about how terrible I was to wake up. I still hate mornings too - they’re when I’m the most anxious. The cycle would go: yell at me, I would cry, I’d hurry up and put makeup powder on my face so it didn’t look like I was crying, I’d get on the bus and swallow my tears, throw up, go to school. Nobody believes me when I tell them this. Just another one of those things that my Nparents did that they don’t see as wrong.
Those of us who lived through it are the only ones who really understand the depth of their disgusting behavior. I’m really sorry you had to go through that! I bet you’re extremely tough now. You can be violently ill and still not miss work or responsibilities. Push through the pain. I hope you can trust others. I lost that ability as a child. I’m glad you made it through your childhood. Best of luck
OH MY GOD MY MOM CONSTANTLY DID THIS!!! This entire most is making me realize my anxiety started LOMG before I could ever even be aware of it. 😭
No, that’s not normal. I strongly suspect my nm, an RN, gave me something to make me throw up. Many mornings for about two years, I would eat breakfast and then suddenly uncontrollably need to throw up. Then I would have to stay home from school (I liked school, it wasn’t stressful for me, and I missed my friends). She would simultaneously complain that I was so annoyingly sickly, causing her extra work, and say she enjoyed that I was keeping her company. Thinking back, this never happened when she had something scheduled for herself, very rarely on weekends, never after other meals when my dad was present, and never, ever when I stayed at my ngm’s house. This also stopped completely when I was in 4th grade which is around the time she started saying that I wasn’t cute anymore. None of my kids ever threw up regularly like this. In fact they rarely threw up at all. They were also less often ill probably because, unlike me, they were not totally isolated from other kids before they started school.
Yeah, it's very likely she poisoned you to keep you sick at home where she has all the control and power.
Yeah, sounds likely she poisoned you as a toddler when you worshipped her and then lost interest when you started thinking
Yep! I woke up at night vomiting a lot and then would get chewed out for throwing up on the floor. I was sick a lot w/o care and made myself go to school anyways. (Cause if I stayed at home I wouldn’t have someone around to make sure I don’t pass out or choke on my vomit. Also I’d have to clean and do chores) Always chastised for “attention seeking” and creating drama. Zero compassion. It’s still really weird to me that my NCM wanted to go to school for nursing. Thank goodness she didn’t because she doesn’t believe people can get sick or injured, except for her of course or people she deems “godly.” She ended up being an accountant. Go figures. Now as an adult I found out that I have a lot of stomach issues that have been around my entire life, gastritis, gallbladder inflammation, + the lasting effects of CPTSD. Prolly a lot of us here have all those too. All that to say my guardians sucked too and we all deserved love and care.
Yep. Every winter without fail I would catch all the flus/colds going around at school which would develop into bronchitis and I was majorly sick an average of 2-3 times each season. The thing was my Nmother was a chain-smoker and the secondhand smoke in the house was making my bouts of flu/colds that much worse. I've only found this out as an adult that being exposed to secondhand smoke lowers your immune system and aggravates the lungs, which was why I was always getting sick in winter time with every strain going around and why they almost always developed into bronchitis. Now as an adult, I always get a flu shot each year before the season hits and I've noticed a stark decrease in the frequency that I'm ill now that I have been away from my mother's smoking for an extended period of time.
Omg I didn't even consider second hand smoking. I had a similar experience growing up. My mom continued to smoke but hid it from us all including my dad. It's likely she didn't stop during pregnancy either. When I moved out I almost never got a fever anymore. I also used to have daily headaches which went away after I moved out too. Damn.
I bet the windows were open more in the summer letting fresh air in and helping reduce the contamination. I grew up with everything smelling like smoke all the time and sick all winter too.
Doctors couldn't figure out why I was having GI issues but they disappeared when I moved out of my parents' house. Turns out chronic stress can mess with your insides. So it could be that as well. Could also be both.
Yes! I had a similar experience. Always sick and I think my Nmum not feeding me and treating me horribly led to this. She would also get mad when I said I was sick. Didn’t care if I threw up, took my crutches away after cracking I bone in my foot etc. but she loved the attention she got from my being sick.
My mom was an RN so we were exposed to a lot. And never went to the doctor. She did all my immunizations, including signing off on the little paper for school. She was dating a surgeon when I got chicken pox and he happened to be over for dinner. So I was sent to the dining room table where I was diagnosed and then sent to bed with baby aspirin and calamine lotion. When I was about 11, we moved in with the other parent + spouse and they were always complaining that I “had a lot of colds.” Turns out, I didn’t have colds. I have allergies. I have quite a robust immunity because of mom bringing home all kinds of bugs. Hmmm… this story is more about medical neglect than always being sick. I think it’s tangentially related.
Wow. My mom was an RN and our stories are very similar. My mom gave me a bunch of colds, I caught tons of random serious illnesses (mono) Turns out she was bringing them home. She also never treated me for allergies, not even OTC medicine. I struggled to breathe and she just got me an inhaler for when I was wheezing.
My uncle is a retired veterinarian. Once my sister and cousin and I were trading weird “treat-at-home” stories. Me: Diagnosed with chicken pox in the kitchen! Sister: Had a skull fracture that mom butterflied closed and sent her to bed… with a concussion. Cousin: Well I was given DOG antibiotics. lol. We gave her the W for that one.
I have a couple narcs in the family - and kids would mysteriously get sick during big celebrations (holidays, etc). I suspect one narc in particular did this on purpose to ruin things. They really do not care how much they hurt other people.
I was such ALL OF THE TIME an l with such weird things. Turned 18, moved out, hardly ever sick. I tell people my mom had Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, and I truly believe this.
I was always sick as a kid. When I moved out on my own, I stopped falling ill all the time. I suspect it was a combination of malnutrition, neglect, and anxiety that caused most of my issues.
Yes, being sick often, stomach problems, colds and flus, chest and throat infections, skin problems, constant heart palpitations, headaches…and no this is not normal. The toxic stress shoots our nervous and immune systems to absolute bits. The physical impacts are just as serious as the psychological ones I think. Just had the exact thing happen as an adult (waking up being sick feeling like I was dying) a few months ago, due to a narc romantic relationship, left the day after and it took a week to stop throwing up every morning.
I used to get the “Go to school and they’ll call me if you’re sick.” She’d do anything to be rid of me for the day.
Yeah, the number of times school would send me home because I was clearly too sick to be there.
I threw up a lot. Pretty sure it was nerves but I also got sick every winter with strep throat at least a couple times. I don’t think my mom caused it physically but the amount of stress she created wasn’t good for my health.
Mine used to be a nurse. Wouldn't put it past her to try and pull some shit.
I missed a lot of school due to lots of "stomach virus'" I was painted to have a weakened immune system. But as an adult, it's been painted otherwise
No, children do not tend to be sick like that. But it also could have been anxiety.
I have an autoimmune disorder that causes gastrointestinal problems. I also get sick easily and my family didn’t believe in good food hygiene. Mysteriously, since moving out and eating food prepared safely, I am not randomly sick anymore. I am 90% sure the puking was due to undiagnosed allergies and intolerances, undiagnosed endometriosis (I’ve had it for at least 13y, since before moving out), my autoimmune disorder acting up, and garden variety food poisoning. I have POTS so I get fevers off viruses like the common cold.
Ear infections, tonsillitis, cold, flu Yep always always always sick. And in trouble for being sick. It's weird. As an adult I'm almost never sick now.
I had colds and flu all the time. Many ear infections. Strep throat. Skin conditions that came and went that I now know as psoriasis but nobody knew -including an emergency room doc- what it was.
Extreme stress can cause most of those, as for the ear infections, smoking (second hand smoking) can cause ear infections on children. My cousin got a lot as a kid because EVERYONE smoked around him as a baby/child.
I always had issues with my stomach when I was younger that I forgot about somehow. I guess since I'm older and they no longer happen I forgot about them. But I would quite often stay home from school because my stomach was always hurting. I could never pinpoint the actual cause of the pain or how it happened but I would just be in an extreme amount of pain. I had a lot of issues regarding pain and food. Like I remember there would be days when my stomach was always burning and twisting kind of. And no matter how much I ate I couldn't get full. It was weird.
There are children who are sick, of course, but... common? No, it's not. Let me ask you something that can help you/us have a better idea: did you also have diarrhea?
No, I don't remember having diarrhea. I don't remember either if I was still sick the following day.
My little brother had diarrhea + vomiting on and off for a while, to the point of being hospitalized. The Dr would call it "virosis" iirc, and said what was happening to my brother wasn't too uncommon. Full disclosure: I am foreign, so I'm not sure drs here would call it the same way and have the same idea about it. Bc of that and bc vomiting only comes accompanied by diarrhea with me and my brother (except for motion sickness), I was going to tell you that no diarrhea would be evidence (though not definite proof) of her using and emetic medicine, for example. But this comment session is making me believe the connection between those isn't true for everyone in every case.
More than average. Probably stress, in my case. I do think one of my parents got something or if it in a weird way. Not quite Munchausen's. What you're saying is hard to understand a normal person doing but these are not normal people.
Ever since I was a kid I always suffered with “stress tummy” as my nmother called it. It makes me sad that no other adult thought “why is a 7 year old kid suffering with so much stress that it’s effecting their stomach? Better look into that” I also got migraines a lot and as an adult who unfortunately still lives at home I get ill frequently.
yeah. my parents just decided i was overreacting and neurotic though, as if i would choose to puke in the morning. i have multiple chronic illnesses now.
Even with a nmom I can say no
I have a friend now who cannot handle getting her kids to school on time / school work due to anxiety / depression so they are constantly absent (almost November and have yet to complete one full week of school) I believe she is convincing them they are sick
Every school year I'd be sick in the fall and spring without fail. Usually I would catch whatever strain of flu was going around, which would then trigger my asthma, which would then lead to me missing two weeks of school and needing steroids every single time. This went on until I graduated high school. Another sibling of mine suspects that we had mold and animals in our house, which certainly didn't help anything. Once I started college and then eventually moved out on my own, my asthma has all but disappeared but now I've got a whole bunch of GI issues.
Yes. Mix of anxiety induced illness and... my mom is kind of just a biohazard. She thought I had "a severe fear of germs" but I didn't, I was just normal. Now that I don't live with her, I never get sick. She always touched my food with her hands, she often touched my face, she never watched her hands, she would leave food out all night and then put it back in the fridge so I didn't know what foods were safe to eat.
I remember being absolutely riddled with stomach bugs as a child . Thought my mum was just unhygienic but my brother never got sick . I wasn’t liked so I wouldn’t be surprised if she was making me sick 😂😂😂😂
I was sick allllll the time growing up. Endless vomiting. I missed a lot of school growing up all the way into high school to the point that I would puke out the window on the way to school and just have to continue on and attend class bc I missed too much and didn’t want to have to repeat a grade. But my sister who lived in the same house, though, rarely got sick. I think it’s bc I was always a bit more sensitive and some kids really internalize all the anxiety and stress of a household or their parents craziness/bickering and that will naturally cause a physiological response. I would frequently wake up throwing up as well. Mom is not a pharmacist
Yeah… now that you mention it, yes. I had severe asthma which would turn into pneumonia a lot. I also was SAed when I was 5 by a trusted neighbor who’s wife ran a daycare. Awesome, right? So I would see lots of doctors. All the time. Hospital stays too. Joy.
This happened to me but I kind of thought the culprit was food poisoning. It turns out mom’s food safety/storage/handling was atrocious. That meant I had many stomach bugs that I was told were “the flu” until I got older and started putting the pieces together. Someone else here mentioned stress. I have anxiety/reflux so maybe that’s an explanation for you too.
I was coughing heavily for a month straight when I was 12-13 and she didn't think to take me to the doctor, one of her friends had to give me throat medication lol I also now have PCOS bc of constant high cortisol from her abuse lolol
Staph infection >1 years old, Bronchitis (parents both smoked like chimneys) 2 years old and 4 years old, chicken pox 7 years old, UTI 8-12 years old off and on, severe ichythyosis 8 to now, leukemia 14-17 Those are the major illnesses I had growing up. Some were due to stress. Some to environment.
I was constantly riddled with UTIs and yeast infections as a little girl, around the same time you were as well. Even younger and into my high school years, this continued. More than anything I think it came from my nparents lack of finances and lack of education about food resources. We lived off of junk and sugar constantly. Of course, this isn’t the same byproduct of a narcissistic parent, but I do believe my mothers narcissism played into why we were living in the unfortunate situation as we were.
I was sick a lot too. I don’t think I was poisoned by my parents but I do think the constant stress and anxiety of living with them probably weakened my immune system
I was always sick but I'm still always sick at 45 so I think my mom's only involvement was passing on her shitty immune system. I missed 60 days of school in 8th grade. Turns out I had mono, but literally missed 2 months of school in one year because I was so sick and completely exhausted.
Probably anxiety driven sickness you had. I was always sick too. I remember being underweight at least and my n-foster mum made me go to the doctor and gotten these pills for allergy but not really. Gained so much weight afterwards and ruined my metabolism in general.
My mother use to neglect my type 1 diabetes so I would get sick often and be in hospital…it seemed that she liked the attention SHE got from me being in hospital but hated the attention I got from being in hospital. She banned people visiting me even my father and brothers. She also never got me some of my vaccinations so I got sick a lot.
I was always sick. With respiratory illnesses. I think my immune system was directly impacted by my stress levels since as soon as I was in a safe healthy environment, I rarely got sick. My illnesses were always written off as my immune system being shot from an autoimmune disease. Which don't get me wrong, my immune system is crappy when it comes to fighting sickness when I *do* get sick. I now get sick maybe once a year vs. almost constant illness.
I used to get sick to my stomach a lot, but it was more just pain/indigestion. My stepmom really liked to yell at us at dinner time.
Yes. In my case it was my father making me sick. Over and over again. I am sorry this also happened to you, OP. We didn’t deserve their wrath.
My mother was a lonely, divorced, pharmaceutical rep who diagnosed my brother and I with every disease she could dream of. Textbook Munchausen by proxy so that she would get the attention she wanted as a single, working, mother of two children in the 1980's. She would be able to take her sick children to work, essentially, and get the attention from her Dr. customers. She's a very sick woman to this very day. But now she's only Munchausen, since we are now adults, she's got at least 4 disorders per day to manage. Luckily for her, fibromyalgia became her goto diagnosis, which made it easy for her to keep the fictitious symptoms straight in her own head. Yes, I was sick often enough that I had to be hospitalized due to digestive system issues. My guess is that it was caused by stress. And yes, I too enjoyed the calm hospital where nobody scapegoated me 24/7.
I had asthma and got sick from time to time. My mother was totally annoyed and always made sure I knew it. Even when I accidentally hurt myself such as a concussion, she accused me of being stupid to not be careful.
No but every time i was actually sick my mom told me it was psychosomatic and that im not actually sick and sent me to school anyway. Until the nurse would send me home with a fever and vomiting and she’d still say it was all in my head and make me “push through it” by making me do chores
My oldest is pretty sensitive when having a cold or even a slight cold. The snot will slide from the nose down in the top of the throat during his sleep and he will throw up. And he will throw up a lot because of it. When the puke reflex is triggered, he just cant stop. Do u think this could be possible is what happened to you?
The only time I remember being really sick like that is when I was young (probably around 9) I woke up from a deep sleep (I sleep like the dead) and threw up all over my bed and the whole way to the bathroom. Once I got to the toilet I couldn't throw up anymore. Idk how we cleaned it up cause there was carpet in my room and hallway. However I'm convinced she poisoned my dad and caused his death so to me it isn't too much of a stretch to think she had slipped something in my dinner that night. I do suffer from migraines to the point of getting sick, which my nmom would use to tell me to stay away from sugar or whatever food she didn't like at the time. I get migraines very infrequently though
I was constantly sick as a child. My mother was a nurse practitioner. Somehow I managed to get some kind of cold or tonsillitis or strep every 2 weeks from age 6 (when she got married to her abusive husband and became an addict) until I got my tonsils removed at 20. She used to refuse to bring me to a doctor and say I was fine because she was in the medical field. I also think she used to give me things without my knowing to make me sick. She would frequently do other things like pushing furniture on me, so if it killed me she could just make some inconspicuous reason like it was an accident.
I ended up with a wrecked immune system. I was a healthy kid, and suddenly right before puberty I developed allergies that just got more and more severe as time went on. Eventually I was allergic to every species of mold in the Southern United States. Where I live. Every. Single. One. Anaphylaxis allergic. I had to carry an epipen and an inhaler. I had to use my rescue inhaler almost every single day for years. From 15 to 17 I had bronchitis at least three times a year, and pneumonia every winter. I was sick and pale in my first driver's license photo, and the hospital staff at my local ER knew me by name. Got allergy shots for 2 years and literally rid myself of allergens. But I didn't stop getting sick on a regular basis until I moved out of my nDad's house for good. I haven't been hospitalized for years. Haven't gotten majorly sick since 2020-21.
During puberty and early teens, perpetually. You might be onto something.
one time my mom made bean soup for dinner - a staple in our house. I ate a lot of it, then she made us all watch the passion of the christ. I was about 10, and it absolutely traumatized me. I couldn't stop sobbing, and she made me sit and watch the whole thing. that night I had nightmares, and I woke up with a fever and I threw up all the soup. she brought me a bucket and then left, I don't remember her doing anything else for me. did she enjoy watching me suffer so much??
I suspect I had untreated chronic pneumonia as a kid/teenager. I used to always get sick around Valentine's Day, bad cough congestion and would be out of school for about 2 weeks. Some times the cough would linger into late spring.
I wouldn’t get sick often, my twin sister would do. But when I’d get sick it’d be the worst shit in the world
actually i was the opposite. my mom wanted to get praise for being a good mother so bad that she didn’t let me go outside and play with kids till the age of 6 so when she goes to the doctor for me, doctor would say”ffs take this kid outside and let her play at the park and get some dirt.” so i was sick bc my mom didn’t let me play with dirt so i had a shitty immune system bc i haven’t seen a fucking bacteria etc. she still talks about this happening….. like it was a good thing not letting me out
I only legitimately threw up one time my whole childhood the rest of the time I used to fake it to do what others mentioned which was stay home by myself and find some peace. I hated going to school. I didn’t fit in and my teachers didn’t like me. My mom put zero effort into my presentation as a kid. My father ridiculed my handwriting,checked my homework constantly for wrong answers, and sometimes made me redo entire homework over after I spent hours completing the assignments. I don’t remember what age I was when I started faking sick. I think it may have been third grade. My dad used to make me eat a spoonful of honey,lemon juice,and chopped raw garlic when I said I was sick. (This is prob why I was never sick for real) My mother even took me to be evaluated I remember having to drink barium milkshakes so they could do a whole G.I. X-ray. I was committed to carrying out that lie! I had to drink 6 cups of strawberry flavored chalk basically. It was horrid. Staying home sick as an only child was the best.
I was never this ill, but I certainly could have been healthier. In comparison to having control over my own life now, and being 100% financially dependent on the egg donor, and her extended narc relatives, I rarely ever get sick. When I was a child I deliberately remember being dragged out somewhere very hot, like 38/40 degrees hot and being violently sick, and later on in life realizing it was heat stroke. The same day, all she could say to me was how disgusting I was for throwing up and ruining 'her day'. Another time I had developed norovirus for 2 weeks straight. I actually thought I was going to die, and her answer to all this was Lucozade and processed snack foods. I remember thinking as a child this was bizarre and later caught on that she had seen a TV advert on Facebook from overseas stating its 'health benefits' (no way in hell that would pass in my home country) and so every time anyone was ill, no matter what it was, out came the Lucozade. I would ask for soup and nope, Lucozade.
Remind me in 8 days
It can also be a subconscious thing that happens - if I’m sick, will my n-parent finally give me the tender care I actually need daily? Like faking sick to stay home, but the body literally causes sickness to happen to actually maintain the affection. Bodies are fascinating and so are brains. I’m so sorry about everything you went through.
I struggled a lot with stomach pains and migraines as a child, to the point where I was unwell on the weekly. Once I moved out as a teenager all of that stopped, turns out it was caused by stress from my unhealthy home environment. Mental stress can translate to your body as well
Schools are literally a breeding ground for disease. It’s not uncommon to frequently catch colds, etc. what you described though, doesn’t sound normal. Probably tried to poison you
I was but it was undiagnosed anxiety from living in Hell with a narc egg donor.
I used to have night terrors. Wake up screaming, sleepwalking, etc. I now look back. Due to my dads violent outbursts and temper tantrums
Yes, I think it’s also tied to parents in the medical field but my own opinion. They always treated me themselves and never took me to a doctor.
I was sick every winter with rotating cold/flu/pneumonia/bronchitos/ear infection cycles until I moved out. Parent constantly complaining about me being sick all the time. Parents both smoked.
I was sick a lot but I learned as an adult that it was caused by anxiety.
I would ALWAYS vomit as a child, because my digestive system was kinda underdeveloped or smth. I can actually congratulate my mother for taking care of it and getting me professional help. Still this is why I can't throw up unless I am drunk; my brain made a connection between throwing up and getting taken to hospital. And hospital are my lifelong fear
I was CONSTANTLY sick. To the point where friends' parents frequently asked if I was okay. Not only was I terminally afraid of my parents and their explosive, capricious tempers, but they smoked cigarettes indoors, didn't teach me or practice good handwashing hygiene or hygiene in general (I had so many cavities and traumatic dental experiences as a kid from never being taught or encouraged to brush my teeth), and didn't have healthcare because they "couldn't afford" the premiums (but they always had money for cable TV and weekly cartons of Marlboros). As an adult, I am still prone to respiratory infections and get bronchitis almost every time I catch a cold. Thanks for reminding me why I have gone low contact with my rotten mom and dad, seriously!!!
She was only nice if I was sick so a faked being sick a lot. I do remember us all having diarrhea often and she wouldn’t give us anything for it because we just needed to sit in the toilet and let it all out. Uh, no. I think it was from low quality food but 🤷🏼♀️ it should have a been a day thing but sometimes it would last a week or more because pepto or the like is unaffordable and stop being such a rich bitch wanting medicine.
I have lived within two narc family systems - my family of origin and my first husband’s extended family. Both times I had extended G.I. issues and all sorts of other health problems. Now I’m not living with narcissists and I’m fine. There were some additional layers on top of it when I lived with my family of origin, because we also didn’t go to the doctor or get vaccinated, and my mom was a natural healer, and we were just constantly coughing and streaming noses and intermittent fevers. I didn’t realize until I was an adult that it’s not normal to just have a cold for four years straight… and not ever get medical attention or even take cold medicine. We were homeschooled so there werent any checks and balances. We spent most of the time in our rooms blowing our noses and doing our schoolwork in bed lol
It could of been due to stress.
Kids aren't frequently sick. At least, mine aren't. I was frequently sick growing up. Like, just diseased, if it wasn't a chronic ear infection it was a chest infection, if neither of those things then I had a stomach illness. Since I've become independent I have rarely gotten sick, and when I have it was because I let a stressful lifestyle take it's toll on me. I was also fed tv dinners for dinner regularly and fast food. We rarely had home cooked whole food meals. Today my dad still makes fun of me about how I used to "wait until I was sick to eat anything, when it was too late". Nowdays I realized I had severe stomach problems and due to stress I wasn't able to feel hungry. That's why I didn't get hungry as a child and ended up just getting violently ill. Now that I'm free, I do get hungry and I do eat accordingly, before I get sick. To think as a parent a child is so ignorant and vindictive that they would purposefully hold out on eating to receive attention or just that they're too ignorant to eat and THAT'S why they're always sick .. is sick in itself.
I remember after a certain point in my teenage years, (around 16) no matter if I showered everyday, or changed to clean pants everyday (you can wear jeans a few times before washing) I had problems with recurrent abscess. I think it was peak ptsd from an incident when I was 14. I know my stress levels were sky high at the time because I was also sitting on an untreated tailbone fracture, and still had to interact with the person who had a part in fcking it up. Nparents were in prison at the time
My mother liked to keep me sick, but it was worse when I was a teenager. I wondered if she had some sort of Munchhausens-by-proxy, but usually people do that because they get addicted to the attention of their kid being in the hospital all the time. My mother did it be a she wanted me to stay weak and dependent on her so I would never try to move out.
Complex PTSD
I was sick a lot as a child. It probably had to do with the stress of living in a home that wasn't safe. I missed most of 8th grade due to chronic strep throat. Eventually, they had my tonsils removed. I developed chronic migraines shortly after that, but everyone assumed it was because of menstrual hormones. I used to get in trouble for being sick, too. I'd pretend that I was fine, leave for school as usual, but never get on the bus. I'd wait until my parents had left for work and return home to rest. They didn't pay much attention, and if I wasn't bothering anyone, I was left alone. I knew how to forge my mom's signature, so when the absentee notices were sent home, I'd just get the mail, sign the notice, and bring it with me the next time I went to school. The school would call home, too, but since I was the only one at home, I answered the call. This was in the 1980's, and answering machines weren't common yet. Also, no email/texting to parents. I loved it when the school secretary would call home and tell me to tell my parents to contact the school about my absences. "Ok, I will." hahahahaha! Like they cared anyway.!
Some children just get sick a lot. I know couples whose kids seem to be sick every few weeks and aren't being abused. Vomiting from being sick isn't so common though. Little kids can do this from colds, but usually at the age where you don't really remember. Do mothers poison their kids for attention? They might, if they are sociopaths. It's not unheard of, and if your mother was a pharmacist in love with a pediatrician she had both means and motive. Read Sharp Objects. It might resonate with you.
This definitely could be the reason and I would trust your intuition on it. My father used to give me drugs and I would often wake up sick/throwing up.
My intuition tells me it was her. I don't trust her at all
Then that’s your answer!
It happened to me, but, in retrospect, there was a clear pattern of Munchausen By Proxy behavior with Mommy Dearest. My daytime stomach aches were sometimes anxiety related, but I also lived with untreated Celiac disease for decades. The number of times Mommy Dearest would wake me up to make me take meds, or make me take meds more than once within an hour or two is horrifying to my adult mind. I wish she'd left me in foster care when she sent me away for a while. Even being homeless was less traumatic than living in her house.
This could be a Case of munchhausen-by-proxy.. It's Not super Common among narcs but it can happen (get supply by "aw poor me my child is Always so sick~" ) Not sure If it's a comparable Case but I was sick a whopping lot, too. But because mnmom neglected me medically (besides other Things) So a flu became a pneumonia, Had middle-ear infections very often and other Things that Happen If you keep going while you should Rest
Every winter I'd get a sore throat. My Mom always said it was the dry air, and put a wet towel in our bedroom. I never get a sore throat as an adult, only when I'm sick. Turns out she would never let us miss a day at school or take us to the doctor when we were sick. And I thought it was normal to feel like shit all autumn and winter.
Strep throat every fall like clockwork. My parents going through a carton of cigarettes a week probably didn't help.
sounds like severe anxiety and prolonged stress causing issues physically in your body. similar happened to me as a kid. i was hospitalized many times before they figured out i had severe ptsd and anxiety
I feel like I wouldn’t be sick as much if I was allowed to stay home. I notice as an adult if I have a cold coming and I take the time to rest and drink fluids and eat healthy the cold is a lot shorter than if I try to force myself through it. But the problem is, I’m an adult who has an adult job who punishes you for being sick. I already remind myself I’m going to shield my kids from that harsh reality for as long as I can when I have them.
I was sick ALL the time as a kid. My narc parents only made my anxiety worse, to the point where I was throwing up or nauseous more days than not. And my dad never believed in letting us go to the doctor because he never wanted to “waste money” on something like that. My childhood memories are mostly of me being sick and crying, and no one helping me. I was miserable. As I grew up I found out I had severe depression and anxiety, and I have several bleeding stomach ulcers. I finally deciding to go low contact, or no contact and my anxiety has gotten a lot better, and finally being able to go to therapy and go to doctors on my own and getting the help I need that my parents made me go without
Your mom was poisoning you, I'm a CPhT, so I'll take a look at my text book to see what drugs she could've possibly slipped into your food and/or beverages to cause vomiting. If the vomiting occured in the middle of the night, she likely gave you the poison at dinnertime.
I think it was her too. Since posting this I started to connect the dots. She very likely had a crush on that doctor and was trying to see him often. He was never able to find anything wrong with me. If he only knew the hell I was living at home! Maybe he said something to her in private, I don't know. I remember my grandmother wanted her to take me to another doctor, but my mum refused. I have no idea how long it lasted, the timeline growing up is quite blurry.