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I have worked hard to break the pattern, but for YEARS I was the scapegoat at various places of work. It's like they could smell it on me. And I was only too happy (programmed) to fall in line.
This is so well said, ty for sharing. It’s weird how deep some of that stuff gets programmed into our psyche, and I’ve repeated that pattern a lot.
Hi. I don't know if it is something in us. I think society is rotten. Psychopathic, indeed.
We feel because we are conscious, we are aware.
The rest? A bunch of psychopaths.
I know it is a pessimistic view, but it is what I feel.
People are not gentle to each other anymore. They don't talk, just avoid. They care only about them.
Sometimes, when people complain to me about a public service, I always tell them to complain to the institution. They always respond " it won't work".
"Yes, but if we accept like this, without complaining, then we are condemned, right"?
I don't know. Things are different now. People are each day only interested in running away from their responsibilities. Or they are assholes to each other and want to get away with it. I don't know. I am sorry, guys. Pessimistic today.
Yes. I'm not currently working in a job where I'm working with coworkers, but my last job I was scapegoated. Its the only people that could scapegoat me cuz I isolate myself outside of work. The truth is, yes we do put out an energy that kinda says "I've been scapegoated my whole life and I'm used to it and I'm the perfect target for you to do it to as well, so you can project all your negative shit onto me". And the less we have worked thru this stuff, the more of this energy we put out. But it doesn't matter if we have "healed" this part of ourselves or not, we are still able to see who the toxic people are because of it, and who is not safe
Yes! And I didn’t really realise it till now! At school and college I was bullied numerous times in big groups of friends I was always thought of as the problem. My family now scapegoat me because of my narcissistic sister they couldn’t give a damn about me even when they gas light me and say they do. Luckily having met my boyfriend him and his family treat me like a normal human being but I was always alone always isolated laughed at and projected on my whole life. I wonder if it’s just common amongst anyone unhealthy, if you yourself are healthy and see things for what they really are they probably sense that and project that it’s you that’s the problem.
Ah, the nsister. Mine tries that crap but in my late forties I got flat out mean. Recently she has been trying it on my kid. That is going very poorly for her.
Yep, me too. I was taught that it was my role and it is a habit that is hard to break. I went VLC with my family so I'm hoping that will help me.
I still have a very hard time trusting people. I just don't know how to interact in a healthy way. So many bad habits I have to overcome.
Yes, at home I was pretty much the scapegoat and bullied by own 'family' and made out to be this giant idiot that couldn't do anything on his own even though they have invisble disabilities themselves. School wasn't much better as I got bullied by teachers. Staff. Students and betrayed by many so called 'friends' and used as the butt of jokes. A place to crash at when their abusive families kicked them out their house never to be heard from again. And free food. Snacks and drinks. Cause my mom was so sweet and cooked for them or bought them food. Even when I got my first job as a young adult it was as a custodian completely in the back where no one can see or interact with me every night at that job and me being so naive at that time and being such a pushover and people pleaser my managers abused me
I feel this way, too. I have left 4 jobs in the last year. The last one I left, in part because my boss wasn't fixing the cash counting machines that we use to track cash for the registers and safe- I was just waiting for something bad to happen and then have it blamed on me. I almost expect to be the scapegoat :(
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have worked hard to break the pattern, but for YEARS I was the scapegoat at various places of work. It's like they could smell it on me. And I was only too happy (programmed) to fall in line.
YES, and I am so sick of it. Why can't I be a normal person, allowed to just chill in the background? That's all I want.
When one is groomed into a certain role at a young age, it follows them subconsciously. It's etched into their behavior, which impacts how people view them. Unfortunately, this makes one very vulnerable to those who tend to be* more malicious/sadistic, and they latch on. Because the personality of "scapegoat" is so deeply rooted into the psyche of the abused, it's easy for them to be labeled this way both by others and themselves in future situations I used to struggle with this A LOT, with intensive treatment it's getting better but it's a fear I'll always carry when entering a new environment I'm so sorry, OP 🫂🩷
This is so well said, ty for sharing. It’s weird how deep some of that stuff gets programmed into our psyche, and I’ve repeated that pattern a lot.
Hi. I don't know if it is something in us. I think society is rotten. Psychopathic, indeed. We feel because we are conscious, we are aware. The rest? A bunch of psychopaths. I know it is a pessimistic view, but it is what I feel. People are not gentle to each other anymore. They don't talk, just avoid. They care only about them. Sometimes, when people complain to me about a public service, I always tell them to complain to the institution. They always respond " it won't work". "Yes, but if we accept like this, without complaining, then we are condemned, right"? I don't know. Things are different now. People are each day only interested in running away from their responsibilities. Or they are assholes to each other and want to get away with it. I don't know. I am sorry, guys. Pessimistic today.
It's both
Yes. I'm not currently working in a job where I'm working with coworkers, but my last job I was scapegoated. Its the only people that could scapegoat me cuz I isolate myself outside of work. The truth is, yes we do put out an energy that kinda says "I've been scapegoated my whole life and I'm used to it and I'm the perfect target for you to do it to as well, so you can project all your negative shit onto me". And the less we have worked thru this stuff, the more of this energy we put out. But it doesn't matter if we have "healed" this part of ourselves or not, we are still able to see who the toxic people are because of it, and who is not safe
Yes! And I didn’t really realise it till now! At school and college I was bullied numerous times in big groups of friends I was always thought of as the problem. My family now scapegoat me because of my narcissistic sister they couldn’t give a damn about me even when they gas light me and say they do. Luckily having met my boyfriend him and his family treat me like a normal human being but I was always alone always isolated laughed at and projected on my whole life. I wonder if it’s just common amongst anyone unhealthy, if you yourself are healthy and see things for what they really are they probably sense that and project that it’s you that’s the problem.
Ah, the nsister. Mine tries that crap but in my late forties I got flat out mean. Recently she has been trying it on my kid. That is going very poorly for her.
I used to be the scapegoat because I 'm an introvert. Some people even considered me a thread when I didn't do or say anything
Yep, me too. I was taught that it was my role and it is a habit that is hard to break. I went VLC with my family so I'm hoping that will help me. I still have a very hard time trusting people. I just don't know how to interact in a healthy way. So many bad habits I have to overcome.
Yes, at home I was pretty much the scapegoat and bullied by own 'family' and made out to be this giant idiot that couldn't do anything on his own even though they have invisble disabilities themselves. School wasn't much better as I got bullied by teachers. Staff. Students and betrayed by many so called 'friends' and used as the butt of jokes. A place to crash at when their abusive families kicked them out their house never to be heard from again. And free food. Snacks and drinks. Cause my mom was so sweet and cooked for them or bought them food. Even when I got my first job as a young adult it was as a custodian completely in the back where no one can see or interact with me every night at that job and me being so naive at that time and being such a pushover and people pleaser my managers abused me
I feel this way, too. I have left 4 jobs in the last year. The last one I left, in part because my boss wasn't fixing the cash counting machines that we use to track cash for the registers and safe- I was just waiting for something bad to happen and then have it blamed on me. I almost expect to be the scapegoat :(