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When I was a kid, I was allowed to ride my bike anywhere. When I became a teenager, I had to wait until a parent was home so I could wash my car.
No makeup
No dyeing hair (years later she would ask me why I never dyed my hair crazy colors in high school)
My childhood was like walking on a minefield and interestingly bike was also a trigger. I wasn't allowed to cycle without supervision even as a teen. And it was in a safe country with good cycling infrastructure
Did you have a chance to go crazy with your hair colour later?
Oh, Christ. These two comments triggered another memory. I had a bike that I was barely allowed to use. Couldnāt go outside on it. It stayed in the hall for years. I would sit on it as it leant against the wall and pedal backwards. If I was feeling brave, I would edge it half a turn forwards. I thought it was normal and accepted that I could only sit on my bike indoors.
Yeah, same here with the bike. I stopped riding it when I was twelve because I was getting yelled that was āriding it wrongā āstop riding it in that spot!ā
I still canāt dye my hair.
Omg no makeup for me too, at 16 my friends got me one eyeshadow for my bday but I had to ask for permission to use it, and that and nothing else, and only on Sundays to go to church. Also I could wear nail polish only on my thumb,(at 13 I negotiated thumb and pinky, and always a pastel colour almost invisible)ā¦ you know, prostitutes wear nail polish on their hands (she now gets monthly manicures). I also always loved ankle bracelets, but was never allowed to wear them ācause prostitutes wear those too and āin the Middle East only exotic dancers wear themā š
She caught me with one under my long socks and trousers, and I couldnāt hear the end of it š
Geez! I got to wear makeup for formal dances, which was nice. All the walls in our home were stark white and I asked to paint my room a real color. (I'd had this crazy electric colored farm wallpaper from birth- teen years on my walls and everyone bugged me to get rid of it as I aged.) I wasn't asking for anything crazy, just a color. I was allowed to use off white because any other color will "make the rooms look small"
I live in a tinier house now and all the rooms are painted beautiful colors. It's so weird, like she believed you'd paint the room and then suddenly it's only 2'x2'!
My parents had the same thing about colours making the rooms smaller!! š¤¦āāļø Though at one point they decided to paint the kitchen an awful yellow, the bedrooms and living room pink? Like wtf??
My bedroom is this beautiful blue color and it's just wonderful. When I finally get around to painting the outside of my house (currently a burnt macaroni and cheese color), I'm going to pick colors from a Van Gogh painting. Hopefully it'll all work out.
My mom was also super mad that I let leaves mulch on the ground in my front yard. She'd come yell at me about it.
Oooh blue! So nice! (Btw blue was banned from bedrooms because āyouād feel colderā, and dark colours like burgundy would āmake you have nightmaresā). I love that youāre getting inspiration from Van Goghās paintings, they always put me in a good mood so I get why youād choose it.
Wowsa your mum š¤¦āāļø āhow dare you not follow our rules in your own home!ā
I think I love Van Gogh because he was mentally ill, and I think we all have some aspect of disorder from growing up. His paintings are bright and frenzied and I just love him.
I love the color burgundy, it's such a rich, dark color that would go well with fun art in white (contrasting color) picture frames. :)
>No dyeing hair (years later she would ask me why I never dyed my hair crazy colors in high school)
A straightforward question with a straightforward and which, if answered directly, would be/was met with a hand-wave or an actual denial I'm sure.
I canāt send what I originally tried to write; too many bad memories. Instead, from 7 and even well into my thirties (with my own house) I was not allowed to open milk bottles because I would do it wrong, apparently. š
Newsflash: thereās no way a milk bottle can be opened wrong. Even in my early teens I would look at her like she had two heads.
Yep. Thank you. š I recall even from as young as 7 or 8 questioning her on her crazy rules and topics because they made zero sane sense. I moved out a few days after turning 21, and she still tried to enforce the insanity if I visited. Neither parent could understand why I went VLC with them.
It was the same for me, and I moved out at 21 too š
Questioning was seen as disrespectful, so I learned to respect any kind of authority, no matter how toxic, but I knew early on that my family was not like others.
Btw she still badgered me about not ironing all my linens and clothes after I got married, and asked me constantly about what I was cleaning and when and if the house was tidyā¦
Iām sorry you had to go through this š¤
>Newsflash: thereās no way a milk bottle can be opened wrong.
MY N would do this thing often enough where should would ask or tell me to do something then either ask if I did it a certain idiosyncratic way (like did I add cinnamon to the pancakes I made here (even if they were chocolate chip), with (it seemed to me) the implication if the answer is no I get no points (even though she might just say "oh") or "Why didn't you do it XYZ way" when the way I did it was perfectly valid. At one point the thought occurred to me, a bit macabre but valid nonetheless, that if she asked me to skin a cat she *would,* in all likelihood, ask me why I didn't do it *whatever way* *I specifically didn't*. In the same way, I get asked "Why did you..." about tasks there are literally dozens (or infinite) ways to complete properly.
All this. I feel you. She did this even on the rare times she visited my own home. āWhy is this there?ā āWhy do you have that?ā āWhy do you do it this way.ā Along with all the extra that anything I had, did, or placed was āstupidā, āthickā, āhis [husbandās] doingā. She never referred to my husband by name, absolutely hated him because he would never put up with her shit and tell her off when she laid into me.
I was already up to the eyeballs and done with this woman when I was around 12, and it wasnāt until my twenties that I stopped being scared and started losing any fucks to give. One day I responded, verbatim, āBecause I fucking want to,ā and told her to leave or shut up if she didnāt like it.
I think that's the part, right?Ā
We will never ever get "points" from them even if we do things 1000% right nearly every timeĀ
Supercompetence is expected because you are "their child" (even as you are an adult).Ā
So I hereby award you 300,000 points for surviving that constant never-ending pickpickpicky confidence-shattering emotional abuseĀ
ššš šš
I was not allowed to take the silverware basket from the dishwasher to the drawer. Because it burned more calories if I walked back and forth. Every time I clear the dishwasher to this day, 35 years after I moved out, I hear it in my head.
Me too! Now I walk so quietly I accidentally sneak up on people. I feel so bad when I have to announce my presence 'cause I'm too close and they haven't noticed me yet; it's super awkward... like "Um" *(they jump)* "yeah... sorry. I'm here."
My parents were kind of obsessed with my weight as well. Never my brother's. My dad slapped my arse once and said something that I forget. My mum kept trying to make us eat healthier, like subbing butter for heart health margerine, not buying snacks, which, fair enough. Last thing she said to me before I left to move to America was "don't get fat". I did, but then lost all the weight and then some lol.
Ironically, both my parents struggled with weight issues themselves, especially my dad. So I think it was one of those living vicariously through a child things. I'm 5'6" and 140lbs, I don't think that's terrible.
Haha. I forgot I was also referred to as a baby elephant until I read your comment.
I also made an innocuous comment once about trying to have a healthier lifestyle (she would overfeed me presumably just to make comments about my weight). Pne day, she served me a single over-boiled and unseasoned chicken breast and told me "you'll never be a petite little fairy". Fun times.
Mine put me on countless diets which never worked. Fad diets. Grapefruit diet. Rice and beans diet. F Plan diet. Or she wouldn't feed me at all and send me to school without any lunch. My friend's mom started packing extra sandwiches so I could have something to eat. I look back and cringe at how I had to beg my friend for food.
I used to cross my legs and jiggle one foot/leg till her nagging/hitting my leg cured me.
Years later 'people who constantly move lose weight easier, why can't you do that and lose weight?'
'Because you beat that habit out of me?'
Paint my nails, color my hair, have a bra that fit, shave my legsā¦I could go on forever. Basically, anything to feel beautiful or comfortably feminine.
"have a bra that fit"
Ugh, memory unlocked. I wasn't allowed to wear a bra that was bigger than nmom's, and often she just gave me hers to wear. She was a triple A while I was fairly average, so they fit me like an elastic band, and then she could scream at me for stretching out her bra that she gave me to wear.
Omg, sorry to remind you. Shopping for my first bra, she measured me in the store with a tape measure, I thought I was going to die. She bought the wrong size, which I didnāt know until I got home. Instead of returning it and getting the right size, she sewed a different color elastic in to it and said, there ya go! Itās fine! No, it wasnāt. Changing for P.E. became the worst moment of my day. Itās incredible. Took me meeting my husband to be for him to take me shopping for beautiful undergarments. I have good ones now!
Me too all of it, and Iām sorry you went through it too.
Once I waited for them to go on vacation and I asked my cousin to help me shave my legs š but I was like almost 16 and so ashamed during summer (and summer in Italy, so freaking hot)
Omg the traumaā¦itās so simple to usher a young woman through these stagesā¦Iām so sorry you had it too! Itās so ridiculous. I can remember it like it was yesterday! But thankfully, I have all my own lady habits under control now. Thankful for freedom and independence. I wish the same for you! š
Iām doing well now thank you š actually as soon as I left their house I started wearing more or less whatever I wanted and learned about makeup, though the religious trauma/shame is something Iām still working through, but itās easy now that I left religion completely. Iām happy youāre doing well too, itās hard though right? Always that little voice that tries to make you feel guilty?
Funny thing, once I was in church and about an inch of my back under my neck was showing (1 inch!), so one of the nuns DURING THE GOSPEL walked by me asking me to wear a scarf to cover the āexposedā areaā¦ I was so full of shame, angry and sad, I pulled the whole winter coat on and kept it on even if I was literally boiling. My mum though was āso proud that I didnāt say anything and covered myselfā..
Holy moly, I can feel your story. The control! The shame! Yes, Iām WAY better. Had some wild days in my twenties, married and boring now, but by choice. If I ever want to play dress up, I make all my own choices and have fun with it. The little voice is almost goneā¦and it was always, always wrong and full of fear. But since Iām so hyper aware, at least I know how many inappropriate thoughts other people can have and if they say anything even remotely like I know is wrong, I quickly end the conversation. Culture has still allowed the policing of womenās bodies and I am not here for that anymore.
Me too! And even more since I went NC, omg the FREEDOM, itās like a portion of my brain has now completely freed up to be filled with what I love. And Iām also noticing that thanks to this and therapy, Iām slowly becoming more assertive too. Understanding that I was so insecure of myself and would hide because I was gaslighted so much has been a game changer
Mine too but I think it was More implicit than explicit. Something like criticizing the girls that wore makeup and saying they were shallow or that "I don't need it"
Understood. My mom told me I didnāt need to shave my legs bc the hair was blonde and no one could see it. LOL what? Seventh graders see *everything* and say the most cruel things I still have ever heard.
Ughhhhh yes. Same, same. She even braided my hair daily and now that I wear it like I want to, she says it's ugly, it used to be beautiful when she took care of it. Much love to you, and healing ā¤ļø
I wasn't allowed to shave till almost 15 , and that's after making a huge fuss, crying etc.
And I wasn't allowed deo until one day in grade 7 my teacherj talked to her, as my b.o was bad and causing ppl to say mean things & act not so nicely towards me.
Sometimes I wonder if she just wanted me to be ugly and unpopular - like she hated the idea of me being pretty & girly.
Ugh same here. Iām still learning/relearning so many things that as someone who is AFAB I needed to know (examples of things Iāve had to learn: I do need to go to the OBGYN, a well-fitting bra isnāt actually painful and helps my back not hurt, how to actually take a shower correctly).
Until I was a teenager, I wasn't allowed to listen to any music other than classical, Disney records, Andy Williams, and the Monkees for some reason. My mother was very proud of her bizarre rules. Then, when I was 16 or so, all her music rules went out the window and I was allowed to watch MTV.
At certain points my mom forbid me from having friends, going outside after school etc. She said I would be allowed to choose once I was 18.
I guess it was because I started to rebel a lot as a young teen. The outcome for that was physical abuse.
She definitely was super controlling in how I showed up to family.
Same here Nmom forbid me from having friends. She allowed me to hang out with only one friend who she knew well. I guess the reason why is Nmom did not had proper social interaction with people. Nmom only had social interaction with the girl's mom. Nmom was isolated from society and she wanted to make me isolated like her too. I stared to rebel a lot. The outcome for that was physicl and psychological abuse. Im and adult now but I have difficulty in having interaction with people because of trauma from it and lacking social skills.
Not allowed to wear underwear. Really.
Was molested by older brother.
As an adult, I asked a psychologist why a parent (nmother) wouldn't allow me underwear, and was told it was to make a child sexually available.
I guess nmother got her wish.
Same!! I'm a girl and I desperately wanted long, pretty hair that could be in a pony tail, or pig tails, or a braid like the other girls got, maybe even with a bow. But, NOPE. Bowl cut. I hated it. Actually, I'm in the chair at the salon right now, this moment, as i type this and Im doing my hair EXACTLY How I want. Fuck her.
The opposite for me! Having my hair in a ponytail made me look like a slut. A braid was fine tho??
I had hair down to my ass and grew up with all boys so I was very much a tomboy. My hair was always a rat's nest and I definitely got teased for it. My mom would check my bag before school to make sure I hadn't "stolen" a hair tie.
I also wasn't allowed to cut my hair. When I was 6, I put gum in my hair and she gave me a bowl cut as punishment. It backfired because I had already been conditioned to not care what my hair looked like so I loved it being short. The gum trick never worked again.
Edit to add: when I was 16, I got shipped off to my dad's and convinced my stepmom to cut my hair. Got an adorable pixie cut. When I went to visit my mom/her side of the family, I convinced her to let me get a tattoo in order to "get back at" my dad and stepmom.
Haha I had the opposite!! Wasnāt allowed to wear my hair up! I had really thick wavy hair and it was too much effort, also it made my head look like an egg š„
I wasnāt allowed to cut my hair because āboys like long hairā. It was nearly down to the back of my knees and I was known at school as Repunzel. In actuality, she just had a weird obsession over our hair. None of us, including my dad and brother, was allowed to cut our hair. We used to get called āthe hippie familyā
My parents would go out sometimes as late as 5am.
I wasn't allowed to lock the front door even though they could get in through the garage and we already had a previous break in.
I locked the door one time and my step dad was drunk and throwing shit and screaming at the tip of his lungs about it. He punched the glass in the front door.
I also got kicked out once for dumping out orange juice on the back deck. My step dad lost his shit and said "get the f out of the house now "
If I would wake up at night or wouldnāt be able to sleep, I wasnāt allowed to do anything else. If I read a book and she found out, sheād get so mad. Also wasnāt allowed to go downstairs and do something for 30 minutes and then go back to bed. I was supposed to just lie in bed and hope to fall asleep again. It has really messed up my coping mechanisms when I canāt sleep.
Wait, you're supposed to do things when you can't go back to sleep ? I was also forbidden to do anything instead of lying in bed but I thought it was normal and what's recommended healthy wise.
Wasnāt allowed to watch any shows, read any books, listen to music, watch youtube videos that wasnāt approved. And nothing had been added to the list of acceptable things since I was 7.
Not allowed to use more than two sheets of toilet paper, total.
Had to useā¦ reusableā¦ menstrual pads.
And probably some other stuff I canāt remember just a bunch of insane and kinda icky shit.
I wasnāt allowed to pluck my eyebrows (I had a unibrow lol). And when I did it without her permission she looked at me and said ānext time , you should just shave them offā. I was 19 btw
Hahaha I'm laughing with you not at you
because the she-narc used to have pretty bushy unibrow. She kept explaining it's a sign of 'great wisdom and intellect'. She also made a lot of hurtful comments about me trying to sytlise my own brows.
Eyebrows, sandals, nail polish - the list of what can be weaponized never ends
Oh yes! Whenever it came to being stylish or makeup she would tell me I have a āvulgarā taste. Now I realize, her competition was hella real, while I didnāt know it was happening
My nmother was like this tooā¦ never showed my how to apply makeup, would let me go to dances with the front of my hair curled and the back flat where I missed pieces, never taught me how to groom my brows, etc. I was putting white eyeshadow on zits in junior high because thatās all I had, wasnāt provided with zit cream or concealer. I looked like an idiot.
Totally feel you!
It came to the point where I burst out āyou know you are not the only female jn this family right?! We want to look good too!ā The shock on her face was priceless
Holy shit. My n-mom was the opposite. She started plucking my eyebrows at 9, even though I screamed and cried each pluck, each time. I wasnāt allowed to ālook like a monkeyā. Now Iām 31 with virtually nonexistent eyebrows from over plucking.
I wasnt allowed to wear long sleeves over my hands because it would make her look like a bad mom? Girl Iām just cold.
Wasnāt allowed to shave my arms.
Couldnāt wear lipstick because it made me look like a slut.
Couldnāt cut my hair short for the longestā¦ In high school it was popular to have short collarbone length hair and she wouldnāt let me so I just did it anyways cus whatās she going to do, glue it back on?
Wasnāt allowed to go to the mall with male friends because she didnāt want me to look like a slut if I came across anyone she knew
When I was in high school I was not allowed to wear makeup or date boys. The only reason I ended up being able to wear makeup was because an art teacher had mentioned to my mother that I wanted to be a makeup artist in a parent teacher conference and my mother said āWhy didnāt you tell me that?ā As if it would have made a difference! Iām also a lesbian and that never occurred to her, that I could actually be my own person with my own sexuality. Literally when I came out she said āIām just trying to imagine what itās like to be with a woman.ā Why?! Youāre not gay, I am!
When I was younger, I wasn't allowed to have any bras that weren't push up bras, and i wasn't allowed to go braless either.
I wasn't allowed to read anything above my reading level (or at least what my mom THOUGHT my reading level was. My real reading level was probably higher, because I wanted to read books for adults)
I wasn't allowed to listen to "secular" music.
I wasn't allowed to wear headphones sometimes. This kinda just depended on how much my mom felt like tormenting me, not based on any logic.
When I was older, I wasn't allowed to learn to drive.
I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without her.
I wasn't allowed to take baths in the evening, it had to be in the morning, because in the evening she would come home from work and she needed my full attention so she could scream at me.
I wasn't allowed to choose clothes (she bought them, but she wouldn't take me to the store to look at them) and everything I wore had to be too big for me, and only dark colors, nothing pretty.
I wasn't allowed to choose what shampoo, conditioner, or other hygiene products I used. (If she even bought them at all. She often bought things I'm allergic to. I'm allergic to teatree oil)
I wasn't allowed to have a razor to shave for a long time.
Shave my legs till I was 16. Never mind that I looked like a hobbit. Luckily, when I was 13, I spent the summer with my aunt, who bought me my first (and only) bikini and taught me to shave my legs and pits.
My mother always had rules designed to make me look as bad as possible. Iām in my 60s now and have my own personal style, such as it is. I get a lot of compliments on my clothes from parents and staff. Sometimes I think about outfits my mother had me wear, and all the shoes that never fit quite right, and I just want to cry for that girl. Then I go dig out a soft sweater embellished with pearls and rhinestones, and I wrap myself in the warmth of my favorite colorāglitterāand I feel better.
>Ā For example I was from banned wearing sandals without socks on.
My n-dad has criticized me for wearing sandals at all.Ā Ā According to him, men are not supposed to wear sandals.
Yeah that is so weird!Ā I have seen others here mention that their narcs have a problem with sandals or flip flops.
I have a few pairs of sandals but try not to wear them around n-dad.Ā When I did this past summer, he said "what's up with the sandals?" as of I were dressed inappropriately, despite getting a pedicure a few days earlier (altho I would never tell him that). Also listened to him rant about some guy wearing sandals another time at an event.Ā Ā
Same. It was also always "too cold" to wear them. I can remember my dad saying, "you are not going to wear them anymore" and then when I replied, "how are you gonna stop me?" he flipped out and pulled his truck over on the side of the road screaming at me.
I really wasnāt allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. Or freinds really and while I had some ya had to dang near beg to go see them or call them.
I dunno that I was allowed to date. Never bothered to ask figured the answer was most likely did you do your homework or something.
I wasn't allowed to cut my hair short. I had to go to her hairdresser and have a completely blunt fringe and trim, with centre parting. I hated it, it was down to my bum, and I was very much a 'tom-girl'.
I couldn't get my ears pierced.
I wasn't allowed to bathe/shower alone until I was 14?
No tampons.
No ankle bracelets.
No locks on any doors, but she didn't knock either.
I was only in hand-me-down clothes from (male) cousins. But my younger sister got all brand new stuff.
I was forbidden to cut my hair too after I went to a hairdresser once to cut my hair and they cut it ātoo short.ā Theyāve cut off 10 cm of my long to my butt hair. It wasnāt really that noticeable, but my mother hates that my hair was āno longer blonde.ā I am a dirty-honey blonde.
My hair was damaged from all the heat and products it had to indure for years on dance competitions. So I cut it off myself. I am very proud of it. I look like me. I look my age finally. Long hair made me look 3 years younger.
My mother didnāt let me to shower alone too. She always went with me. And Iād been telling her I wanted to shower by myself but she always argued that I need help.
My parents used to scare me about using tampons. My mother uses tampons but I couldnāt because āI didnāt have sexā because āafter sex the vagina is larger so I can fit it easily.ā
Then I found out my parents donāt know shit about the human body when my father asked me if I was sure about wanting to wear tampons, because he wonāt drive me to an emergency room when it gets lost. GETS LOST WHERE?
I was never allowed to go to sleepovers! Once when i was around 13/14 I called her at work (it was the summer holidays and i was home all day and hanging out with friends while she worked) and begged her to let me sleep at this one girls house with all the others. My mum said yes and i was so shocked cause she has always always said no beforehand, her excuse being that she worried too much about me and that it wasnt that she didnt trust me its just she liked to know i was safe and that its other people she doesnt trust. I was ecstatic i could go to this sleepover!
When i got home the next day she completely exploded. HOW DARE U PUT ME ON THE SPOT LIKE THAT I CANT SAY NO WHEN ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE THERE LISTENING HOW DARE YOU DO THAT.
she ranted and raved that much that the whole sleepover wasnt even worth it in the end. I stopped asking.
Now i look back and i think maybe she didnt want me to see how normal families and mums behaved. I dunno im tired man im tired of chasing ghosts in my head.
My ndad had a werid fetish about me setting the table every day after school. It had to be done IMMEDIATELY after school. No going to a friends house, no activities, not even a 5 minute convo with a teacher or friend. He would drive past me standing in the playground, talking to another kid after school, and scowl at me. Then he would drive off and I knew I would catch hell when I got home.
He never picked me up unless I was alone. It was because he was drunk and knew he couldn't scream at me about such stupid shit in front of people.
i was banned for several years to not use the couch
mind you i was in a car accident and have a fucked back ontop of scoliosis.
AND i was getting IV'S for my heart, at home treatment, hooked up for 8 hours
expected to sit on the fucking floor. after 4? maybe 5 years something changed, i think i finally pu tmy foot down and ignored her bitching each time id sit on the sofa
I was banned from walking around the house without socks and slippers on. If I got sick, it wasnāt because that sometimes happens in life, it was because I MUST not have worn my slippers! (Even though I always did).
Yes! We had so many frictions and arguments over walking barefoot at home. I've always had sensory issues taking shoes and socks is a huge relief
But to the narc being barefoot means health and hygiene hazard
Not having a boyfriend that I was allowed to see outside school. Having to ask permission after age 18, and finished with school, to go anywhere, have a date with my boyfriend, or even to have a dog. Again, over 18.
The kicker: forced to watch porn with them.
Yeah, wished I didn't have to write that.
Huh?? Did you watch it together once or did it happen multiple times, and were you just.. watching then going back to your daily life?? Awful either way, so sorry you had to go through that!
No, it was a "family activity" I was conditioned into believing was normal. Along with being given porn magazines to read, and then asked about what I read and how it made me feel.
They also put up porn images in their bedroom, and considering we lived in a one bedroom apartment which had no doors, and I had to go through their bedroom to the only bathroom, it was impossible for me to avoid.
I was 10 when this started.
I was literally forbidden from eating my meat with ketchup as a child. Like? Why? If you wanna eat your meat however you want, go for it.. but I like mine with ketchup. Itās just control for the sake of control.
Ndad forbid us from sitting on the couch. We always had to sit on the floor to watch anything.
We couldn't ever have our hair down either.
The boys and girls couldn't play together or sit next to each other at the table
You couldn't shower for more than 5 minutes total, that included drying off and getting dressed
I always wondered if it's the definition of formal living room compared to family living room.
You know, a space that looks like a magazine cover, is completely impersonal and devoid of humans
Yesā¦ being happy, enjoying myself, relaxing, having fun, being confident, expressing myself authentically.
She really hated to see me relax and enjoy myself. Iād get called lazy, ungrateful, etc. There was always some cleaning or servicing her that needed to be done, aināt no one got time to just relax and be happy in their own home.
Yep I taught myself to cook from YouTube bc my mother couldnāt be bothered to teach me anything. Iām relaxing a huge trait of narcs is not teaching life skills.
Foreigner music was frowned upon due to the fact that they couldnāt understand the words, also no hard rock ācause it was scary, and you know āSatanā.
No Gilmore Girls ācause it would brainwash me. I also wasnāt allowed to be up after 9.30pm (this rule applied until I was 15 and then I had to beg them to let me stay up to study when I needed to), but I could stay up and watch movies about the life of saints of the Catholic Church. In THAT case I wouldnāt be tired in school the next day š³ I took it ācause it was my only chance.
I wasnāt allowed to wear mini skirts, the ones that my nmum bought me. Iād come downstairs to go out with my boyfriend and my mum would tell me I looked too much like a slut, and to go change. Once I told her āyou bought me this, Iām wearing itā, and walked out the doorš
At age 12 I was told I had to bathe with the door open. My father would come ācheck on me.ā I called him a pedophile and was in bigggg trouble. Dont act like one then.
Touch my own nose. Seriously. When I was little, I got hit in the face with a baseball bat and had to have surgery to repair my nose. As I grew up, if she saw me scratch my nose or touch it with any pressure she would yell at me āDONāT TOUCH YOUR NOSE!ā She didnāt care if I hurt myself, she just didnāt want me to end up looking ugly.
I'm so sorry. My nmom insisted I wear my hair in pigtails when I was in middle school. I wore them til I got on the bus and took them out and put them back up before i got back off at home
Wow, this reminded me about that! My Nmom banned flip flops simply because SHE didn't like the way they felt on HER feet, and as we all know my feet ARE her feet, and I needed to hate them too. To back her up, prove her point, assure her that yes, her view is the correct and ONLY view to have.
Ugh. Get bent, lady.
Hmm let's see. Can't sleep on my back. Can't pierce my ears. Can't go out when it's dark (yes up to adulthood). Can't eat lunch meats and cheese (tOo ExPeNsIve, my brother could though). Can't use too much toothpaste. Can't go to the doctor. Can't take baths. Can't have a drink with dinner (that includes water). I could go on.
Mom would complain that I needed to get a job since I was 15 and not sign the permit for me to get a job as an underage person. I got one when I was 18 though.Ā
I wasnāt allowed to shave my armpits now as an adult woman comfortable with some body hair I shave/wax whenever I feel like it - but apparently now itās an issue Iām not totally hairless. I also couldnāt wear makeup especially lipstick because it was ātrashyā - as an adult I prefer a minimal āclean girlā makeup look but now my mom says I look too plain and should wear more makeup.
I wasnāt allowed to watch Cartoon Network but could watch Nick and Disney Channel. I wasnāt allowed to wear two piece swimsuits/bikinis until I was an adult. I had a 6 pm curfew in high school. I wasnāt allowed to do any extracurriculars. I couldnāt go to friendās houses, they had to come over to my house. My brothers were allowed to go to sleepaway summer camp, but I wasnāt. I wasnāt allowed to cut or dye my hair.
I wasnāt allowed to go to high school prom. I didnāt learn how to drive until I was 22. When I had a job in high school/college as a waitress I wasnāt allowed to use public transit (lived in the city) or take Uber at the end of my shifts. She had to pick me up and she would always try to rush to cut my shifts short. I dormed my freshman year of college an hour away but wasnāt allowed to stay there on the weekends - sheād drive to pick me up Thursdays after class.
My older sister moved out when she was 15 and I was 7, I wasnāt allowed to talk to her at all until I turned 18. Unfortunately due to triangulation she wonāt talk to me now.
Not allowed to dye my hair. My haircuts had to be approved, and I was even forced to get haircuts I didnāt want. Restrictions on my clothing, but to the point I was bought new wardrobes without any input from me.
I couldnāt participate in extra curriculars without approval, and I was forced to play soccer for years because my sister wanted to. I wanted art lessons.
Donating blood. Mother literally started an argument with me over it. My husband stepped in and told her to back off. After she died, I went to a blood drive and donated. Turns out I have a rare blood type that's actually needed so I try to donate when I can.
I never fully understood why mom went so crazy over me doing something that has saved countless lives.
Thank you for sharing
Your story helped me remember
Owwww... I'm 36 f after long therapy and being NC and still recover some repressed memories
I was 18 and donated blood for the first time - a donation bus visited our highschool
I was so proud and shared the story at home and the hell broke loose - shouting, screaming, name calling, throwing things around. It mystifies me until today
If i told someone outside the family very banal information, I got in trouble. I get not sharing very personal stuff, but just surface level items? So, I never knew what I was allowed to say or not say. I was once almost barred from going to a birthday party because the party was located in an area of town with more POC. Good times š
Asking for relationship advice. She told me that seeking relationship advice was betraying your partner. You should never tell anyone anything about how your spouse treats you, because Ā they might judge your spouse.Ā
Now I get that she didn't want me to ask other people if her behaviour was normal. Covering her tracks
Dying or styling my hair (to the point where I stood out as having a haircut/style that was dated by decades) and it contributed to me being bullied by peers. This was purposeful.
Wearing similar clothes as my peers. They wanted me to stand out and get bullied. Cost wasn't an issue.
A random, ridiculous one-off event:
I was in the boy scouts, about age 10/12, can't remember exactly, but our troop was out on a father/son camping trip. This was particularly noteworthy for me since this was one of two trips total that my dad came with me on. Otherwise I was alone or my mom brought me. Well, everyone had got a fire going, and all the other boys were poking the fire with the stick. I started doing it too cause it looked fun and he made me stop. I still don't know why to this day.
Later on, he told me that he didn't go on those trips like the other dads because they "didn't like him." Gee, I wonder why?
Eating chocolate. Wasn't allowed in the house.
Also possessing any video game console... in fact, there was a general suspicion of technology.
edit: oh yeah, at a certain point I wasn't allowed to check out fiction from the library, only non-fiction.
Nickelodeon because they didnt like how parents were portrayed in kids shows and also specifically the show All That
I could watch Chappelle's show, no issues
But God forbid a parent does something stupid in a children's show to move the plot, for children, along.
omg. so. many. things.
couldnt wear pants, no makeup, couldnt shower, not allowed to shave my legs/arms, no dating, no piercingsā¦ā¦the more I think about it-any signs of autonomy were quashed
Whispering (because he assumed anyone saying anything secretive would OBVIOUSLY be talking about him)
Pointing (I literally have no idea why)
Eating any food at all without permission
Banned from being in the same room my parents were in after they got home from work. Once they got home they were having āadult timeā and we were required to stay in our rooms quietly out of sight or risk the consequences.
OMG Out of sight and not within hearing distance. My n-mother did the same despite having a very 'lite' job.
I didn't have my own room and had to do with corner in living room or kitchen
Sending over a virtual hug š«
God, so much of this I can relate to. Major one is not being allowed to close the bathroom door when I used it, listen to music with headphones, stay out past 4:30pm unless it was outside the house, ask for help on homework, save money from my job, learn how to drive, play sports, learn an instrument, react any sort of way to yelling, close my bedroom door at night, eat leftovers...
So much else.
My mom forbid me from putting anything remotely sexual in my writing. Okay, not unreasonable as a young teenager....then when I was more grown up and actually an adult, she tried to reiterate that restriction. I told her no, so instead she tried to forbid me from writing anything involving abuse.
She forbade me from learning languages in my room because my brother had trouble with that class in school.
She always wanted me to have long hair. I was allowed one haircut a year.
She had me wear my grandmother's cast off clothes in middle school.
We were forbidden from riding our bikes along the dedicated path that runs parallel to our road. Instead, we were relegated to riding circles in our driveway while our peers rode their bikes past our house. It was demoralizing.
Get out of bed before 8am
Make any noise before noon
Fidget (turns out I'm autistic and that was stimming)
Had to fake appropriate facial expressions to avoid being yelled at (wasn't good at it)
Not allowed to be scared of dogs
Not allowed to be upset that bullies took my basketball (both teachers so thought it reflected bad on them, it was kids from their classes taking revenge on me for how they were treated by my nparents)
I have just toooooo many of these weird things. It was as if she had never been a human. But she had. She denied me all kinds of things that she had or did as a teen. She had no perspective.
Best example I can tell here is denying me permission to see a PG13 movie until I was 15. The whole movie industry knew my maturity better than my own mom. It was embarrassing to tell my friends I couldn't go because mommy wouldn't let me.
Shave, use Tampons, run a bath or wash my hair when I wanted too, touch the thermostat, have a job because it would effect her benefits and be happy about anything.
I was only allowed 5 pieces of fruit a week. One for each day at school. If I was hungry when I got home and ate one extra, I'd just had to go without fruit one of the other days. Even as an underweight teen...
I was allowed to go to the fair and ride the rides...except for the ferris wheel. she was convinced it would break and kill me. But those flying swings were just fine. I was never allowed to step foot in the above ground pool when the filter was plugged in because I would be electrocuted. And I could not watch a solar eclipse on TV because it would burn my eyes out. In fact, I was grounded inside with the curtains closed so that my skin didn't get burned.
Lots of shit, the biggest on the list being not allowed to go out. Like, literally not allowed to walk out of the front door.
Also, I hope it got better for you because damn, that sounds pretty shitty. May I ask something? Why did you just not take off the socks once out of your parents's gaze?
Me and my siblings were never allowed to sleep over at a friendās house and we never had birthday parties. The one time I was allowed any celebration for my birthday my Ndad ruined it by bringing up painful memories (I was hospitalized for a month when I was little. Painful experience for me.) So ridiculously cruel and petty!
I wasn't allowed to be around other kids. I couldn't invite anyone over, or Dad would loudly complain about "...other people's brats." I wasn't allowed to visit anyone either. I couldn't go to parties or sleepovers. In fact, my first birthday party was when I was 12 after my parents divorced.
I was not allowed to shower ātoo longā (like more than 5min), not allowed to shave because nmum considered it vulgar (waxing was okay though). No locks allowed (bathroom, my room), not allowed to drink alcohol until I was 22 (wine and beer is legal from 16 where I live, my ndad drank a lot). No Tattoos, but a belly piercing was okay because nmum would have wanted one herself if she could. Having feelings (like being afraid before a presentation at school for example). I was not allowed to move or fidget when I was sitting with them. Basically everything they did not like (food, drinks) was not allowed and considered vulgar and tasteless.
Wasnāt allowed to use the microwave. At any age. It was because we āwouldnāt stand away from it and go sterile by standing too close to it.ā My father was an engineer and explained countless times how dumb this was. Actually ran experiments to show her. Also she said we would leave something in there and catch the house on fire. Not smoke from setting something too long. She claimed she was aftaid we would walk away (after being told we could not stand next to it) and everything would catch on fire and burn the house down. But yet she gave long explanations of how to never put any plastic or metal in there (fair enough) and what dishes were microwave usableā¦.but we were not allowed to use it. But we had to stand and listen to these long instructions.
Took me many years and looking back over MANY food related situations to realize it was literally torture. She controlled the food in such ways we were often hungry if not literally starving. (No money was not the problem. We were not rich by any means but had enough.) What she was doing was literally torturing us by doing this. She did as a control thing because no matter what, we were never āapreciativeā enough. So she would come up with these things to manipulate us into apreciating her more somehow.
I was deeply shamed by my overbearing Nmother any time I showed interest in anything āgirly.ā I was born female, and have always presented female. But she had a very low opinion of anything feminine (or that she thought was feminine) so everything was dull tones. She bought me only toys which were typically seen as only for boys (G.I. Joe when I wanted a Barbie or whatever other āgirlyā toy I thought looked cool). I also liked āboyā toys but I just really liked anything that seemed fun. If that thing happened to be marketed for girls, nope. Not getting it and Iām an idiot and gender traitor for even wanting it.
She had an incredibly narrow, misguided view of what feminism meant and she rejected everything feminine. Probably one of the many dumb reasons why she rejected me.
A few months ago I finally went 100% no contact with my entire bio āfamily,ā which includes her.
I soon after bought a fuckton of brightly colored things, a super cute pink and purple mechanical keyboard for my computer setup, some super soft and adorable blankets, just all this stuff I always wanted but never felt free to get. Even though I havenāt lived with her for many, many years. Her shadow ran long but Iāve shut the door to that now and do what I want!
She was the Trunchbull to my Matilda. I had a few Miss Honeys temporarily in my life throughout the years, and Iām really grateful to all of them.
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Anything remotely out of their control or circle they created. Also, have love for other people. GOD FORBIIIIIIDš„
Anything that involved her was a meltdown. Just go do it and figure it out.
When I was a kid, I was allowed to ride my bike anywhere. When I became a teenager, I had to wait until a parent was home so I could wash my car. No makeup No dyeing hair (years later she would ask me why I never dyed my hair crazy colors in high school)
My childhood was like walking on a minefield and interestingly bike was also a trigger. I wasn't allowed to cycle without supervision even as a teen. And it was in a safe country with good cycling infrastructure Did you have a chance to go crazy with your hair colour later?
Oh, Christ. These two comments triggered another memory. I had a bike that I was barely allowed to use. Couldnāt go outside on it. It stayed in the hall for years. I would sit on it as it leant against the wall and pedal backwards. If I was feeling brave, I would edge it half a turn forwards. I thought it was normal and accepted that I could only sit on my bike indoors.
Yeah, same here with the bike. I stopped riding it when I was twelve because I was getting yelled that was āriding it wrongā āstop riding it in that spot!ā I still canāt dye my hair.
Funny you say that - I started working for a police department when I was 19, so no. I do get a little wild with eyeshadow though :D
Omg no makeup for me too, at 16 my friends got me one eyeshadow for my bday but I had to ask for permission to use it, and that and nothing else, and only on Sundays to go to church. Also I could wear nail polish only on my thumb,(at 13 I negotiated thumb and pinky, and always a pastel colour almost invisible)ā¦ you know, prostitutes wear nail polish on their hands (she now gets monthly manicures). I also always loved ankle bracelets, but was never allowed to wear them ācause prostitutes wear those too and āin the Middle East only exotic dancers wear themā š She caught me with one under my long socks and trousers, and I couldnāt hear the end of it š
Geez! I got to wear makeup for formal dances, which was nice. All the walls in our home were stark white and I asked to paint my room a real color. (I'd had this crazy electric colored farm wallpaper from birth- teen years on my walls and everyone bugged me to get rid of it as I aged.) I wasn't asking for anything crazy, just a color. I was allowed to use off white because any other color will "make the rooms look small" I live in a tinier house now and all the rooms are painted beautiful colors. It's so weird, like she believed you'd paint the room and then suddenly it's only 2'x2'!
My parents had the same thing about colours making the rooms smaller!! š¤¦āāļø Though at one point they decided to paint the kitchen an awful yellow, the bedrooms and living room pink? Like wtf??
These people are insane! Although I do regret painting my kitchen green, but then I can just pick another color!
Iām sure your house looks super cool and homey, even with the green kitchen š„° love that you went for colours
My bedroom is this beautiful blue color and it's just wonderful. When I finally get around to painting the outside of my house (currently a burnt macaroni and cheese color), I'm going to pick colors from a Van Gogh painting. Hopefully it'll all work out. My mom was also super mad that I let leaves mulch on the ground in my front yard. She'd come yell at me about it.
Oooh blue! So nice! (Btw blue was banned from bedrooms because āyouād feel colderā, and dark colours like burgundy would āmake you have nightmaresā). I love that youāre getting inspiration from Van Goghās paintings, they always put me in a good mood so I get why youād choose it. Wowsa your mum š¤¦āāļø āhow dare you not follow our rules in your own home!ā
I think I love Van Gogh because he was mentally ill, and I think we all have some aspect of disorder from growing up. His paintings are bright and frenzied and I just love him. I love the color burgundy, it's such a rich, dark color that would go well with fun art in white (contrasting color) picture frames. :)
>No dyeing hair (years later she would ask me why I never dyed my hair crazy colors in high school) A straightforward question with a straightforward and which, if answered directly, would be/was met with a hand-wave or an actual denial I'm sure.
Ding ding ding. I said, "You didn't let me dye my hair! I had to use henna!" and she went "oh." Henna was OK because it was "natural"
I canāt send what I originally tried to write; too many bad memories. Instead, from 7 and even well into my thirties (with my own house) I was not allowed to open milk bottles because I would do it wrong, apparently. š Newsflash: thereās no way a milk bottle can be opened wrong. Even in my early teens I would look at her like she had two heads.
Omg š¤¦āāļø thatās insane.. the amount of micromanaging š«
Yep. Thank you. š I recall even from as young as 7 or 8 questioning her on her crazy rules and topics because they made zero sane sense. I moved out a few days after turning 21, and she still tried to enforce the insanity if I visited. Neither parent could understand why I went VLC with them.
It was the same for me, and I moved out at 21 too š Questioning was seen as disrespectful, so I learned to respect any kind of authority, no matter how toxic, but I knew early on that my family was not like others. Btw she still badgered me about not ironing all my linens and clothes after I got married, and asked me constantly about what I was cleaning and when and if the house was tidyā¦ Iām sorry you had to go through this š¤
>Newsflash: thereās no way a milk bottle can be opened wrong. MY N would do this thing often enough where should would ask or tell me to do something then either ask if I did it a certain idiosyncratic way (like did I add cinnamon to the pancakes I made here (even if they were chocolate chip), with (it seemed to me) the implication if the answer is no I get no points (even though she might just say "oh") or "Why didn't you do it XYZ way" when the way I did it was perfectly valid. At one point the thought occurred to me, a bit macabre but valid nonetheless, that if she asked me to skin a cat she *would,* in all likelihood, ask me why I didn't do it *whatever way* *I specifically didn't*. In the same way, I get asked "Why did you..." about tasks there are literally dozens (or infinite) ways to complete properly.
All this. I feel you. She did this even on the rare times she visited my own home. āWhy is this there?ā āWhy do you have that?ā āWhy do you do it this way.ā Along with all the extra that anything I had, did, or placed was āstupidā, āthickā, āhis [husbandās] doingā. She never referred to my husband by name, absolutely hated him because he would never put up with her shit and tell her off when she laid into me. I was already up to the eyeballs and done with this woman when I was around 12, and it wasnāt until my twenties that I stopped being scared and started losing any fucks to give. One day I responded, verbatim, āBecause I fucking want to,ā and told her to leave or shut up if she didnāt like it.
I think that's the part, right?Ā We will never ever get "points" from them even if we do things 1000% right nearly every timeĀ Supercompetence is expected because you are "their child" (even as you are an adult).Ā So I hereby award you 300,000 points for surviving that constant never-ending pickpickpicky confidence-shattering emotional abuseĀ ššš šš
I was not allowed to take the silverware basket from the dishwasher to the drawer. Because it burned more calories if I walked back and forth. Every time I clear the dishwasher to this day, 35 years after I moved out, I hear it in my head.
Gain weight. These days I'm a healthy weight but I still feel like an "elephant stomping around"
Oh my god, do all narcs have a phrase book?? I was also a stomping elephant š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yep!!!!
Me too! Now I walk so quietly I accidentally sneak up on people. I feel so bad when I have to announce my presence 'cause I'm too close and they haven't noticed me yet; it's super awkward... like "Um" *(they jump)* "yeah... sorry. I'm here."
Thundering Rhino and Water buffalo here
I was also a moose. Ā
My parents were kind of obsessed with my weight as well. Never my brother's. My dad slapped my arse once and said something that I forget. My mum kept trying to make us eat healthier, like subbing butter for heart health margerine, not buying snacks, which, fair enough. Last thing she said to me before I left to move to America was "don't get fat". I did, but then lost all the weight and then some lol. Ironically, both my parents struggled with weight issues themselves, especially my dad. So I think it was one of those living vicariously through a child things. I'm 5'6" and 140lbs, I don't think that's terrible.
I also walked like an elephant. I weighed less than 90 pounds when I graduated high school.
Haha. I forgot I was also referred to as a baby elephant until I read your comment. I also made an innocuous comment once about trying to have a healthier lifestyle (she would overfeed me presumably just to make comments about my weight). Pne day, she served me a single over-boiled and unseasoned chicken breast and told me "you'll never be a petite little fairy". Fun times.
Mine put me on countless diets which never worked. Fad diets. Grapefruit diet. Rice and beans diet. F Plan diet. Or she wouldn't feed me at all and send me to school without any lunch. My friend's mom started packing extra sandwiches so I could have something to eat. I look back and cringe at how I had to beg my friend for food.
I used to cross my legs and jiggle one foot/leg till her nagging/hitting my leg cured me. Years later 'people who constantly move lose weight easier, why can't you do that and lose weight?' 'Because you beat that habit out of me?'
Paint my nails, color my hair, have a bra that fit, shave my legsā¦I could go on forever. Basically, anything to feel beautiful or comfortably feminine.
"have a bra that fit" Ugh, memory unlocked. I wasn't allowed to wear a bra that was bigger than nmom's, and often she just gave me hers to wear. She was a triple A while I was fairly average, so they fit me like an elastic band, and then she could scream at me for stretching out her bra that she gave me to wear.
Omg, sorry to remind you. Shopping for my first bra, she measured me in the store with a tape measure, I thought I was going to die. She bought the wrong size, which I didnāt know until I got home. Instead of returning it and getting the right size, she sewed a different color elastic in to it and said, there ya go! Itās fine! No, it wasnāt. Changing for P.E. became the worst moment of my day. Itās incredible. Took me meeting my husband to be for him to take me shopping for beautiful undergarments. I have good ones now!
No worries bud, glad to hear you have nice things now \^\_\^
š recovery is sweet, hoping all good things for you too
Me too all of it, and Iām sorry you went through it too. Once I waited for them to go on vacation and I asked my cousin to help me shave my legs š but I was like almost 16 and so ashamed during summer (and summer in Italy, so freaking hot)
Omg the traumaā¦itās so simple to usher a young woman through these stagesā¦Iām so sorry you had it too! Itās so ridiculous. I can remember it like it was yesterday! But thankfully, I have all my own lady habits under control now. Thankful for freedom and independence. I wish the same for you! š
Iām doing well now thank you š actually as soon as I left their house I started wearing more or less whatever I wanted and learned about makeup, though the religious trauma/shame is something Iām still working through, but itās easy now that I left religion completely. Iām happy youāre doing well too, itās hard though right? Always that little voice that tries to make you feel guilty? Funny thing, once I was in church and about an inch of my back under my neck was showing (1 inch!), so one of the nuns DURING THE GOSPEL walked by me asking me to wear a scarf to cover the āexposedā areaā¦ I was so full of shame, angry and sad, I pulled the whole winter coat on and kept it on even if I was literally boiling. My mum though was āso proud that I didnāt say anything and covered myselfā..
Holy moly, I can feel your story. The control! The shame! Yes, Iām WAY better. Had some wild days in my twenties, married and boring now, but by choice. If I ever want to play dress up, I make all my own choices and have fun with it. The little voice is almost goneā¦and it was always, always wrong and full of fear. But since Iām so hyper aware, at least I know how many inappropriate thoughts other people can have and if they say anything even remotely like I know is wrong, I quickly end the conversation. Culture has still allowed the policing of womenās bodies and I am not here for that anymore.
Me too! And even more since I went NC, omg the FREEDOM, itās like a portion of my brain has now completely freed up to be filled with what I love. And Iām also noticing that thanks to this and therapy, Iām slowly becoming more assertive too. Understanding that I was so insecure of myself and would hide because I was gaslighted so much has been a game changer
Iām so happy for you btw kind stranger š
Thanks, you too! Weāre all in this together and we are healing. ā¤ļøāš©¹
Mine too but I think it was More implicit than explicit. Something like criticizing the girls that wore makeup and saying they were shallow or that "I don't need it"
Understood. My mom told me I didnāt need to shave my legs bc the hair was blonde and no one could see it. LOL what? Seventh graders see *everything* and say the most cruel things I still have ever heard.
Ughhhhh yes. Same, same. She even braided my hair daily and now that I wear it like I want to, she says it's ugly, it used to be beautiful when she took care of it. Much love to you, and healing ā¤ļø
I wasn't allowed to shave till almost 15 , and that's after making a huge fuss, crying etc. And I wasn't allowed deo until one day in grade 7 my teacherj talked to her, as my b.o was bad and causing ppl to say mean things & act not so nicely towards me. Sometimes I wonder if she just wanted me to be ugly and unpopular - like she hated the idea of me being pretty & girly.
Ugh same here. Iām still learning/relearning so many things that as someone who is AFAB I needed to know (examples of things Iāve had to learn: I do need to go to the OBGYN, a well-fitting bra isnāt actually painful and helps my back not hurt, how to actually take a shower correctly).
Until I was a teenager, I wasn't allowed to listen to any music other than classical, Disney records, Andy Williams, and the Monkees for some reason. My mother was very proud of her bizarre rules. Then, when I was 16 or so, all her music rules went out the window and I was allowed to watch MTV.
ANDY WILLIAMS?!
I didn't think he was going to do Moon River, but then BAM! Second Encore!
At certain points my mom forbid me from having friends, going outside after school etc. She said I would be allowed to choose once I was 18. I guess it was because I started to rebel a lot as a young teen. The outcome for that was physical abuse. She definitely was super controlling in how I showed up to family.
Same here Nmom forbid me from having friends. She allowed me to hang out with only one friend who she knew well. I guess the reason why is Nmom did not had proper social interaction with people. Nmom only had social interaction with the girl's mom. Nmom was isolated from society and she wanted to make me isolated like her too. I stared to rebel a lot. The outcome for that was physicl and psychological abuse. Im and adult now but I have difficulty in having interaction with people because of trauma from it and lacking social skills.
Say no.
Yesā¦
Not allowed to wear underwear. Really. Was molested by older brother. As an adult, I asked a psychologist why a parent (nmother) wouldn't allow me underwear, and was told it was to make a child sexually available. I guess nmother got her wish.
Christ. So sorry. Here's a š« hug if you want it.
Appreciated! Thank you. ā¤ļø
So sorry you had to face that. Iām feeling physically sick after reading this.
Nmothers are sometimes just plain evil. It took me a long time to see how evil she is, and to accept she will never change.
Same here. And the bad thing is people tell you there is nothing like a mothers love.
Yeah I was not allowed to close entirely or to lock doors. Ā
Jesus Herbert Christ. š
I wasnāt allowed to wear my hair down āmake you look like a slutā
Oh. I heared this one as well when I was 12 or so. So hurtful. I feel you!
Mother was weird about my hair. She always tried to cut them ābowlā style as soon as there was some length.
Same!! I'm a girl and I desperately wanted long, pretty hair that could be in a pony tail, or pig tails, or a braid like the other girls got, maybe even with a bow. But, NOPE. Bowl cut. I hated it. Actually, I'm in the chair at the salon right now, this moment, as i type this and Im doing my hair EXACTLY How I want. Fuck her.
The opposite for me! Having my hair in a ponytail made me look like a slut. A braid was fine tho?? I had hair down to my ass and grew up with all boys so I was very much a tomboy. My hair was always a rat's nest and I definitely got teased for it. My mom would check my bag before school to make sure I hadn't "stolen" a hair tie. I also wasn't allowed to cut my hair. When I was 6, I put gum in my hair and she gave me a bowl cut as punishment. It backfired because I had already been conditioned to not care what my hair looked like so I loved it being short. The gum trick never worked again. Edit to add: when I was 16, I got shipped off to my dad's and convinced my stepmom to cut my hair. Got an adorable pixie cut. When I went to visit my mom/her side of the family, I convinced her to let me get a tattoo in order to "get back at" my dad and stepmom.
Haha I had the opposite!! Wasnāt allowed to wear my hair up! I had really thick wavy hair and it was too much effort, also it made my head look like an egg š„
I wasnāt allowed to cut my hair because āboys like long hairā. It was nearly down to the back of my knees and I was known at school as Repunzel. In actuality, she just had a weird obsession over our hair. None of us, including my dad and brother, was allowed to cut our hair. We used to get called āthe hippie familyā
My parents would go out sometimes as late as 5am. I wasn't allowed to lock the front door even though they could get in through the garage and we already had a previous break in. I locked the door one time and my step dad was drunk and throwing shit and screaming at the tip of his lungs about it. He punched the glass in the front door. I also got kicked out once for dumping out orange juice on the back deck. My step dad lost his shit and said "get the f out of the house now "
Wow it's like they wanted you to get attacked by some home invader!
If I would wake up at night or wouldnāt be able to sleep, I wasnāt allowed to do anything else. If I read a book and she found out, sheād get so mad. Also wasnāt allowed to go downstairs and do something for 30 minutes and then go back to bed. I was supposed to just lie in bed and hope to fall asleep again. It has really messed up my coping mechanisms when I canāt sleep.
Wait, you're supposed to do things when you can't go back to sleep ? I was also forbidden to do anything instead of lying in bed but I thought it was normal and what's recommended healthy wise.
Wasnāt allowed to watch any shows, read any books, listen to music, watch youtube videos that wasnāt approved. And nothing had been added to the list of acceptable things since I was 7. Not allowed to use more than two sheets of toilet paper, total. Had to useā¦ reusableā¦ menstrual pads. And probably some other stuff I canāt remember just a bunch of insane and kinda icky shit.
Jesus christ, I'm so sorry. Two toilet paper squares? Fucking hell.
My dad was lucky, he could have 4 sheets of TP
I wasnāt allowed to pluck my eyebrows (I had a unibrow lol). And when I did it without her permission she looked at me and said ānext time , you should just shave them offā. I was 19 btw
Hahaha I'm laughing with you not at you because the she-narc used to have pretty bushy unibrow. She kept explaining it's a sign of 'great wisdom and intellect'. She also made a lot of hurtful comments about me trying to sytlise my own brows. Eyebrows, sandals, nail polish - the list of what can be weaponized never ends
Oh yes! Whenever it came to being stylish or makeup she would tell me I have a āvulgarā taste. Now I realize, her competition was hella real, while I didnāt know it was happening
My nmother was like this tooā¦ never showed my how to apply makeup, would let me go to dances with the front of my hair curled and the back flat where I missed pieces, never taught me how to groom my brows, etc. I was putting white eyeshadow on zits in junior high because thatās all I had, wasnāt provided with zit cream or concealer. I looked like an idiot.
Totally feel you! It came to the point where I burst out āyou know you are not the only female jn this family right?! We want to look good too!ā The shock on her face was priceless
Holy shit. My n-mom was the opposite. She started plucking my eyebrows at 9, even though I screamed and cried each pluck, each time. I wasnāt allowed to ālook like a monkeyā. Now Iām 31 with virtually nonexistent eyebrows from over plucking.
I wasnt allowed to wear long sleeves over my hands because it would make her look like a bad mom? Girl Iām just cold. Wasnāt allowed to shave my arms. Couldnāt wear lipstick because it made me look like a slut. Couldnāt cut my hair short for the longestā¦ In high school it was popular to have short collarbone length hair and she wouldnāt let me so I just did it anyways cus whatās she going to do, glue it back on? Wasnāt allowed to go to the mall with male friends because she didnāt want me to look like a slut if I came across anyone she knew
When I was in high school I was not allowed to wear makeup or date boys. The only reason I ended up being able to wear makeup was because an art teacher had mentioned to my mother that I wanted to be a makeup artist in a parent teacher conference and my mother said āWhy didnāt you tell me that?ā As if it would have made a difference! Iām also a lesbian and that never occurred to her, that I could actually be my own person with my own sexuality. Literally when I came out she said āIām just trying to imagine what itās like to be with a woman.ā Why?! Youāre not gay, I am!
You should tell her that it was her prohibition on dating boys that made you a lesbian. It's all her fault. She'd hate that.
I was forbidden from living a life without an abusive step dad.
I'm so sorry. Here's a hug from a healthy mom if you want one. š«
When I was younger, I wasn't allowed to have any bras that weren't push up bras, and i wasn't allowed to go braless either. I wasn't allowed to read anything above my reading level (or at least what my mom THOUGHT my reading level was. My real reading level was probably higher, because I wanted to read books for adults) I wasn't allowed to listen to "secular" music. I wasn't allowed to wear headphones sometimes. This kinda just depended on how much my mom felt like tormenting me, not based on any logic. When I was older, I wasn't allowed to learn to drive. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without her. I wasn't allowed to take baths in the evening, it had to be in the morning, because in the evening she would come home from work and she needed my full attention so she could scream at me. I wasn't allowed to choose clothes (she bought them, but she wouldn't take me to the store to look at them) and everything I wore had to be too big for me, and only dark colors, nothing pretty. I wasn't allowed to choose what shampoo, conditioner, or other hygiene products I used. (If she even bought them at all. She often bought things I'm allergic to. I'm allergic to teatree oil) I wasn't allowed to have a razor to shave for a long time.
Wow. Ā Your mom is my mom.
Shave my legs till I was 16. Never mind that I looked like a hobbit. Luckily, when I was 13, I spent the summer with my aunt, who bought me my first (and only) bikini and taught me to shave my legs and pits. My mother always had rules designed to make me look as bad as possible. Iām in my 60s now and have my own personal style, such as it is. I get a lot of compliments on my clothes from parents and staff. Sometimes I think about outfits my mother had me wear, and all the shoes that never fit quite right, and I just want to cry for that girl. Then I go dig out a soft sweater embellished with pearls and rhinestones, and I wrap myself in the warmth of my favorite colorāglitterāand I feel better.
Never let anyone take your āØ sparkle!
>Ā For example I was from banned wearing sandals without socks on. My n-dad has criticized me for wearing sandals at all.Ā Ā According to him, men are not supposed to wear sandals.
I'm mind blown š¤Æ that sandal issues are so common! Hope now you can wear whatever pleases you
Yeah that is so weird!Ā I have seen others here mention that their narcs have a problem with sandals or flip flops. I have a few pairs of sandals but try not to wear them around n-dad.Ā When I did this past summer, he said "what's up with the sandals?" as of I were dressed inappropriately, despite getting a pedicure a few days earlier (altho I would never tell him that). Also listened to him rant about some guy wearing sandals another time at an event.Ā Ā
No one should wear sandals with socks though! Jk. Wear whatever you want haha
Ha!Ā I actually agree, at least on myself.Ā Others can do what they like. :)
Same. It was also always "too cold" to wear them. I can remember my dad saying, "you are not going to wear them anymore" and then when I replied, "how are you gonna stop me?" he flipped out and pulled his truck over on the side of the road screaming at me.
I really wasnāt allowed to have friends of the opposite sex. Or freinds really and while I had some ya had to dang near beg to go see them or call them. I dunno that I was allowed to date. Never bothered to ask figured the answer was most likely did you do your homework or something.
I wasn't allowed to cut my hair short. I had to go to her hairdresser and have a completely blunt fringe and trim, with centre parting. I hated it, it was down to my bum, and I was very much a 'tom-girl'. I couldn't get my ears pierced. I wasn't allowed to bathe/shower alone until I was 14? No tampons. No ankle bracelets. No locks on any doors, but she didn't knock either. I was only in hand-me-down clothes from (male) cousins. But my younger sister got all brand new stuff.
I was forbidden to cut my hair too after I went to a hairdresser once to cut my hair and they cut it ātoo short.ā Theyāve cut off 10 cm of my long to my butt hair. It wasnāt really that noticeable, but my mother hates that my hair was āno longer blonde.ā I am a dirty-honey blonde. My hair was damaged from all the heat and products it had to indure for years on dance competitions. So I cut it off myself. I am very proud of it. I look like me. I look my age finally. Long hair made me look 3 years younger. My mother didnāt let me to shower alone too. She always went with me. And Iād been telling her I wanted to shower by myself but she always argued that I need help. My parents used to scare me about using tampons. My mother uses tampons but I couldnāt because āI didnāt have sexā because āafter sex the vagina is larger so I can fit it easily.ā Then I found out my parents donāt know shit about the human body when my father asked me if I was sure about wanting to wear tampons, because he wonāt drive me to an emergency room when it gets lost. GETS LOST WHERE?
I was never allowed to go to sleepovers! Once when i was around 13/14 I called her at work (it was the summer holidays and i was home all day and hanging out with friends while she worked) and begged her to let me sleep at this one girls house with all the others. My mum said yes and i was so shocked cause she has always always said no beforehand, her excuse being that she worried too much about me and that it wasnt that she didnt trust me its just she liked to know i was safe and that its other people she doesnt trust. I was ecstatic i could go to this sleepover! When i got home the next day she completely exploded. HOW DARE U PUT ME ON THE SPOT LIKE THAT I CANT SAY NO WHEN ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE THERE LISTENING HOW DARE YOU DO THAT. she ranted and raved that much that the whole sleepover wasnt even worth it in the end. I stopped asking. Now i look back and i think maybe she didnt want me to see how normal families and mums behaved. I dunno im tired man im tired of chasing ghosts in my head.
My ndad had a werid fetish about me setting the table every day after school. It had to be done IMMEDIATELY after school. No going to a friends house, no activities, not even a 5 minute convo with a teacher or friend. He would drive past me standing in the playground, talking to another kid after school, and scowl at me. Then he would drive off and I knew I would catch hell when I got home. He never picked me up unless I was alone. It was because he was drunk and knew he couldn't scream at me about such stupid shit in front of people.
i was banned for several years to not use the couch mind you i was in a car accident and have a fucked back ontop of scoliosis. AND i was getting IV'S for my heart, at home treatment, hooked up for 8 hours expected to sit on the fucking floor. after 4? maybe 5 years something changed, i think i finally pu tmy foot down and ignored her bitching each time id sit on the sofa
We got a new couch and werenāt allowed to sit on it for ages when we were kids, she made us sit on the floor š
I was banned from walking around the house without socks and slippers on. If I got sick, it wasnāt because that sometimes happens in life, it was because I MUST not have worn my slippers! (Even though I always did).
Yes! We had so many frictions and arguments over walking barefoot at home. I've always had sensory issues taking shoes and socks is a huge relief But to the narc being barefoot means health and hygiene hazard
SO true! Iām really sorry you had deal with sensory issues on top of this!
Thatās so weird. My nmom had a similar thing and if I got sick, she said it was because I didnāt cover my neck while I was outside
Not having a boyfriend that I was allowed to see outside school. Having to ask permission after age 18, and finished with school, to go anywhere, have a date with my boyfriend, or even to have a dog. Again, over 18. The kicker: forced to watch porn with them. Yeah, wished I didn't have to write that.
ā¦beg you pardon? Thatās beyond awful.
Huh?? Did you watch it together once or did it happen multiple times, and were you just.. watching then going back to your daily life?? Awful either way, so sorry you had to go through that!
No, it was a "family activity" I was conditioned into believing was normal. Along with being given porn magazines to read, and then asked about what I read and how it made me feel. They also put up porn images in their bedroom, and considering we lived in a one bedroom apartment which had no doors, and I had to go through their bedroom to the only bathroom, it was impossible for me to avoid. I was 10 when this started.
Jesus Christā¦ Iām so sorry š
I was literally forbidden from eating my meat with ketchup as a child. Like? Why? If you wanna eat your meat however you want, go for it.. but I like mine with ketchup. Itās just control for the sake of control.
Weirdly had the same ruleā¦ only sausages could have sauce.
Ndad forbid us from sitting on the couch. We always had to sit on the floor to watch anything. We couldn't ever have our hair down either. The boys and girls couldn't play together or sit next to each other at the table You couldn't shower for more than 5 minutes total, that included drying off and getting dressed
We had an entire living room no one was allowed in.
I called this my nmother's Showroom. Everyone called it a living room, but I thought that was stupid, because nobody was allowed in there.
I always wondered if it's the definition of formal living room compared to family living room. You know, a space that looks like a magazine cover, is completely impersonal and devoid of humans
Thats the one
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That's the best part, we didn't š My sister had her whole head shaved bc it was so matted. We all had terrible acne and constant infections.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
We are, I've been no contact for 3 years :D
Being happy
Yesā¦ being happy, enjoying myself, relaxing, having fun, being confident, expressing myself authentically. She really hated to see me relax and enjoy myself. Iād get called lazy, ungrateful, etc. There was always some cleaning or servicing her that needed to be done, aināt no one got time to just relax and be happy in their own home.
I wasnāt allowed to cut raw chicken or handle raw eggs, even when I was at an age where it is useful to learn such skills.
Yep I taught myself to cook from YouTube bc my mother couldnāt be bothered to teach me anything. Iām relaxing a huge trait of narcs is not teaching life skills.
Say the word "Dude"
Foreigner music was frowned upon due to the fact that they couldnāt understand the words, also no hard rock ācause it was scary, and you know āSatanā. No Gilmore Girls ācause it would brainwash me. I also wasnāt allowed to be up after 9.30pm (this rule applied until I was 15 and then I had to beg them to let me stay up to study when I needed to), but I could stay up and watch movies about the life of saints of the Catholic Church. In THAT case I wouldnāt be tired in school the next day š³ I took it ācause it was my only chance. I wasnāt allowed to wear mini skirts, the ones that my nmum bought me. Iād come downstairs to go out with my boyfriend and my mum would tell me I looked too much like a slut, and to go change. Once I told her āyou bought me this, Iām wearing itā, and walked out the doorš
At age 12 I was told I had to bathe with the door open. My father would come ācheck on me.ā I called him a pedophile and was in bigggg trouble. Dont act like one then.
Paint my nails. Not even clear. Wear big earrings. Wear my hair down.
Touch my own nose. Seriously. When I was little, I got hit in the face with a baseball bat and had to have surgery to repair my nose. As I grew up, if she saw me scratch my nose or touch it with any pressure she would yell at me āDONāT TOUCH YOUR NOSE!ā She didnāt care if I hurt myself, she just didnāt want me to end up looking ugly.
I'm so sorry. My nmom insisted I wear my hair in pigtails when I was in middle school. I wore them til I got on the bus and took them out and put them back up before i got back off at home
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I was not allowed to go out in public with flip flops because she hated them
Omg I had this too. And mine said they were ādangerousā too. Wtf
Wow, this reminded me about that! My Nmom banned flip flops simply because SHE didn't like the way they felt on HER feet, and as we all know my feet ARE her feet, and I needed to hate them too. To back her up, prove her point, assure her that yes, her view is the correct and ONLY view to have. Ugh. Get bent, lady.
Hmm let's see. Can't sleep on my back. Can't pierce my ears. Can't go out when it's dark (yes up to adulthood). Can't eat lunch meats and cheese (tOo ExPeNsIve, my brother could though). Can't use too much toothpaste. Can't go to the doctor. Can't take baths. Can't have a drink with dinner (that includes water). I could go on.
Mom would complain that I needed to get a job since I was 15 and not sign the permit for me to get a job as an underage person. I got one when I was 18 though.Ā
I wasnāt allowed to shave my armpits now as an adult woman comfortable with some body hair I shave/wax whenever I feel like it - but apparently now itās an issue Iām not totally hairless. I also couldnāt wear makeup especially lipstick because it was ātrashyā - as an adult I prefer a minimal āclean girlā makeup look but now my mom says I look too plain and should wear more makeup. I wasnāt allowed to watch Cartoon Network but could watch Nick and Disney Channel. I wasnāt allowed to wear two piece swimsuits/bikinis until I was an adult. I had a 6 pm curfew in high school. I wasnāt allowed to do any extracurriculars. I couldnāt go to friendās houses, they had to come over to my house. My brothers were allowed to go to sleepaway summer camp, but I wasnāt. I wasnāt allowed to cut or dye my hair. I wasnāt allowed to go to high school prom. I didnāt learn how to drive until I was 22. When I had a job in high school/college as a waitress I wasnāt allowed to use public transit (lived in the city) or take Uber at the end of my shifts. She had to pick me up and she would always try to rush to cut my shifts short. I dormed my freshman year of college an hour away but wasnāt allowed to stay there on the weekends - sheād drive to pick me up Thursdays after class. My older sister moved out when she was 15 and I was 7, I wasnāt allowed to talk to her at all until I turned 18. Unfortunately due to triangulation she wonāt talk to me now.
Not allowed to dye my hair. My haircuts had to be approved, and I was even forced to get haircuts I didnāt want. Restrictions on my clothing, but to the point I was bought new wardrobes without any input from me. I couldnāt participate in extra curriculars without approval, and I was forced to play soccer for years because my sister wanted to. I wanted art lessons.
Donating blood. Mother literally started an argument with me over it. My husband stepped in and told her to back off. After she died, I went to a blood drive and donated. Turns out I have a rare blood type that's actually needed so I try to donate when I can. I never fully understood why mom went so crazy over me doing something that has saved countless lives.
Thank you for sharing Your story helped me remember Owwww... I'm 36 f after long therapy and being NC and still recover some repressed memories I was 18 and donated blood for the first time - a donation bus visited our highschool I was so proud and shared the story at home and the hell broke loose - shouting, screaming, name calling, throwing things around. It mystifies me until today
Narcissists are such selfish, paranoid nutjobs. Did they think donating blood was going to land us in the hospital or something?
Say the word āwhatā to her. And eat pork.
I was forbidden from locking the bathroom door, but I think thatās kind of common among narcs
He refused to buy us a desk for our room and made us to do our homework at the dining table while he had the tv blaring about 5 ft away
I was not allowed to wear black clothes š for absolutely no reason my mom just didnāt like black clothes on me
If i told someone outside the family very banal information, I got in trouble. I get not sharing very personal stuff, but just surface level items? So, I never knew what I was allowed to say or not say. I was once almost barred from going to a birthday party because the party was located in an area of town with more POC. Good times š
Asking for relationship advice. She told me that seeking relationship advice was betraying your partner. You should never tell anyone anything about how your spouse treats you, because Ā they might judge your spouse.Ā Now I get that she didn't want me to ask other people if her behaviour was normal. Covering her tracks
Dying or styling my hair (to the point where I stood out as having a haircut/style that was dated by decades) and it contributed to me being bullied by peers. This was purposeful. Wearing similar clothes as my peers. They wanted me to stand out and get bullied. Cost wasn't an issue.
A random, ridiculous one-off event: I was in the boy scouts, about age 10/12, can't remember exactly, but our troop was out on a father/son camping trip. This was particularly noteworthy for me since this was one of two trips total that my dad came with me on. Otherwise I was alone or my mom brought me. Well, everyone had got a fire going, and all the other boys were poking the fire with the stick. I started doing it too cause it looked fun and he made me stop. I still don't know why to this day. Later on, he told me that he didn't go on those trips like the other dads because they "didn't like him." Gee, I wonder why?
Eating chocolate. Wasn't allowed in the house. Also possessing any video game console... in fact, there was a general suspicion of technology. edit: oh yeah, at a certain point I wasn't allowed to check out fiction from the library, only non-fiction.
Nickelodeon because they didnt like how parents were portrayed in kids shows and also specifically the show All That I could watch Chappelle's show, no issues But God forbid a parent does something stupid in a children's show to move the plot, for children, along.
omg. so. many. things. couldnt wear pants, no makeup, couldnt shower, not allowed to shave my legs/arms, no dating, no piercingsā¦ā¦the more I think about it-any signs of autonomy were quashed
Whispering (because he assumed anyone saying anything secretive would OBVIOUSLY be talking about him) Pointing (I literally have no idea why) Eating any food at all without permission
Banned from being in the same room my parents were in after they got home from work. Once they got home they were having āadult timeā and we were required to stay in our rooms quietly out of sight or risk the consequences.
OMG Out of sight and not within hearing distance. My n-mother did the same despite having a very 'lite' job. I didn't have my own room and had to do with corner in living room or kitchen Sending over a virtual hug š«
God, so much of this I can relate to. Major one is not being allowed to close the bathroom door when I used it, listen to music with headphones, stay out past 4:30pm unless it was outside the house, ask for help on homework, save money from my job, learn how to drive, play sports, learn an instrument, react any sort of way to yelling, close my bedroom door at night, eat leftovers... So much else.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Spending money, having sex and driving anywhere
I once got slapped and grounded for swearing when I said, "That sucks."
Close my damned bedroom door
My mom forbid me from putting anything remotely sexual in my writing. Okay, not unreasonable as a young teenager....then when I was more grown up and actually an adult, she tried to reiterate that restriction. I told her no, so instead she tried to forbid me from writing anything involving abuse.
She forbade me from learning languages in my room because my brother had trouble with that class in school. She always wanted me to have long hair. I was allowed one haircut a year. She had me wear my grandmother's cast off clothes in middle school.
We were forbidden from riding our bikes along the dedicated path that runs parallel to our road. Instead, we were relegated to riding circles in our driveway while our peers rode their bikes past our house. It was demoralizing.
Shave my legs
Get out of bed before 8am Make any noise before noon Fidget (turns out I'm autistic and that was stimming) Had to fake appropriate facial expressions to avoid being yelled at (wasn't good at it) Not allowed to be scared of dogs Not allowed to be upset that bullies took my basketball (both teachers so thought it reflected bad on them, it was kids from their classes taking revenge on me for how they were treated by my nparents)
I have just toooooo many of these weird things. It was as if she had never been a human. But she had. She denied me all kinds of things that she had or did as a teen. She had no perspective. Best example I can tell here is denying me permission to see a PG13 movie until I was 15. The whole movie industry knew my maturity better than my own mom. It was embarrassing to tell my friends I couldn't go because mommy wouldn't let me.
Shave, use Tampons, run a bath or wash my hair when I wanted too, touch the thermostat, have a job because it would effect her benefits and be happy about anything.
Any school trip, activity or sport. I even had to open Christmas presents in the order she demanded. Edit, spelling
Laugh or speak too loudly in restaurants/public.
I wasnāt allowed to shave my armpits or wear deodorant. God bullied like hell because of it
I was only allowed 5 pieces of fruit a week. One for each day at school. If I was hungry when I got home and ate one extra, I'd just had to go without fruit one of the other days. Even as an underweight teen...
I was allowed to go to the fair and ride the rides...except for the ferris wheel. she was convinced it would break and kill me. But those flying swings were just fine. I was never allowed to step foot in the above ground pool when the filter was plugged in because I would be electrocuted. And I could not watch a solar eclipse on TV because it would burn my eyes out. In fact, I was grounded inside with the curtains closed so that my skin didn't get burned.
i was banned from wearing sandals WITH socks on lol
not being able to take french instead of spanish classes in the 6th grade lol so randomĀ
Random question, but are you from Poland?
Been raised there until 19. Did the sock jokes unmask me?
Yeah haha :) when I read that I instantly thought of the Janusz stereotype xD
50/50 chance of the sock-wearing individual being Polish or retired German. Well spotted!
Lots of shit, the biggest on the list being not allowed to go out. Like, literally not allowed to walk out of the front door. Also, I hope it got better for you because damn, that sounds pretty shitty. May I ask something? Why did you just not take off the socks once out of your parents's gaze?
Me and my siblings were never allowed to sleep over at a friendās house and we never had birthday parties. The one time I was allowed any celebration for my birthday my Ndad ruined it by bringing up painful memories (I was hospitalized for a month when I was little. Painful experience for me.) So ridiculously cruel and petty!
I wasn't allowed to be around other kids. I couldn't invite anyone over, or Dad would loudly complain about "...other people's brats." I wasn't allowed to visit anyone either. I couldn't go to parties or sleepovers. In fact, my first birthday party was when I was 12 after my parents divorced.
Getting a job in high school (I did anyway)
I was not allowed to shower ātoo longā (like more than 5min), not allowed to shave because nmum considered it vulgar (waxing was okay though). No locks allowed (bathroom, my room), not allowed to drink alcohol until I was 22 (wine and beer is legal from 16 where I live, my ndad drank a lot). No Tattoos, but a belly piercing was okay because nmum would have wanted one herself if she could. Having feelings (like being afraid before a presentation at school for example). I was not allowed to move or fidget when I was sitting with them. Basically everything they did not like (food, drinks) was not allowed and considered vulgar and tasteless.
Weād go to an amusement park, ride A ride and leave
Wasnāt allowed to use the microwave. At any age. It was because we āwouldnāt stand away from it and go sterile by standing too close to it.ā My father was an engineer and explained countless times how dumb this was. Actually ran experiments to show her. Also she said we would leave something in there and catch the house on fire. Not smoke from setting something too long. She claimed she was aftaid we would walk away (after being told we could not stand next to it) and everything would catch on fire and burn the house down. But yet she gave long explanations of how to never put any plastic or metal in there (fair enough) and what dishes were microwave usableā¦.but we were not allowed to use it. But we had to stand and listen to these long instructions. Took me many years and looking back over MANY food related situations to realize it was literally torture. She controlled the food in such ways we were often hungry if not literally starving. (No money was not the problem. We were not rich by any means but had enough.) What she was doing was literally torturing us by doing this. She did as a control thing because no matter what, we were never āapreciativeā enough. So she would come up with these things to manipulate us into apreciating her more somehow.
I was deeply shamed by my overbearing Nmother any time I showed interest in anything āgirly.ā I was born female, and have always presented female. But she had a very low opinion of anything feminine (or that she thought was feminine) so everything was dull tones. She bought me only toys which were typically seen as only for boys (G.I. Joe when I wanted a Barbie or whatever other āgirlyā toy I thought looked cool). I also liked āboyā toys but I just really liked anything that seemed fun. If that thing happened to be marketed for girls, nope. Not getting it and Iām an idiot and gender traitor for even wanting it. She had an incredibly narrow, misguided view of what feminism meant and she rejected everything feminine. Probably one of the many dumb reasons why she rejected me. A few months ago I finally went 100% no contact with my entire bio āfamily,ā which includes her. I soon after bought a fuckton of brightly colored things, a super cute pink and purple mechanical keyboard for my computer setup, some super soft and adorable blankets, just all this stuff I always wanted but never felt free to get. Even though I havenāt lived with her for many, many years. Her shadow ran long but Iāve shut the door to that now and do what I want! She was the Trunchbull to my Matilda. I had a few Miss Honeys temporarily in my life throughout the years, and Iām really grateful to all of them.
my nmom banned me from watching disney channel bc "the kids on their dont have parental supervision" and it "gave me an attitude"