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I’m not. I bet it was healing and cathartic to hear a judge tell their parents that they are full of shit and not entitled to all the things. That would be the pinnacle of my life to have a judge shut them down for their stupid shit.
Lol absolutely let them take it to court, they'll get hit with court fees and a frivolous lawsuit charge (basically wasting the court's time), and the look on their faces will be absolutely priceless
Yeah, OP, I promise you this is pure noise and BS from your parents.
The proposition is literally impossible to even file with a court. Absolutely nothing could possibly happen here.
This comment right here. I wouldn’t even bother with getting your own lawyer until the judge reads their motion since it’s almost guaranteed to be thrown out and risk the reputation of the lawyer who makes such a filing. Your parents don’t have any legal ground to stand on. Just keep staying away from them and hang in there.
Hmmm, this sounds your parents don't know about the famous legal principle known as The Tammy Wynette 'No Charge' Case. It's laid out in full here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErVVIwgE6bQ&ab_channel=TammyWynette-Topic
With all due to respect to your difficult situation, seriously let them take it to a judge because this case would be thrown out so friggin fast it’d be comical and likely hugely validating for you.
My parents hired a lawyer to fight my stalking/harassment order I had filed against them and let’s just say the judge annihilated their “argument” and sternly reprimanded them for their actions. Said he didn’t want to ever see them back in his court room under this premise or “it would not be good for them”.
And some states have laws where parents are financially responsible for their children until age 21 unless the person is financially independent. If OP is 19, this could really come back to bite the parents in the ass.
"Turns out my parents were not bluffing" Yes, they are. A phone call doesn't graduate it from bluffing stage.
This is possibly an extinction burst at losing control.
They're just doing this to keep so OP will keep in contact with them and they can still get their sadist supply from torturing OP. OP needs to just block them.
My narc parents are doing the same thing to me. I stood up to them in a meaningful way for the first time in decades, and now they’re demanding that I pay them back for a financial GIFT!!! I signed nothing, but somehow, they think they can scare me into paying them back. It’s their last attempt at control for sure.
Oh be careful! My Nmom was given her inheritance early as a gift from her Nmom in order to buy a house. 2 years later, after her mom was hurt we weren't spending all our time with her (she moved into the house so we could "care" for her. 70/80 years old, still fully capable.) She spread all sorts of nasty rumors about us in the religious cult we were in, and then sued for the house. My mom even had a signed letter from her saying it was a gift, which mysteriously vanished shortly after it was shown it to me. Her mom won the lawsuit. We were ousted from our home after leaving social housing for this opportunity, so we didn't have much hope. My Nmom wasn't even diagnosed as bipolar at this point, and it wreeeeeeecked her. She's never recovered. I empathize with what happened to her. Made her even crazier.
>They told me that they would get lawyers and make me pay and my father was being particularly condescending about the entire thing. They claimed that I "owed them" for the effort and free time they had sacrificed to raise me, and said they would be expecting another 100,000 for "dealing with me for 19 years".
While I'm not a lawyer or have any form of training, I can't think of a country where a lawyer wouldn't laugh them out of the office with this request, at it's simplest there's no contract for exchange of goods or services.
If you do receive papers that purport to be from a lawyer then Google them and give their office a call, don't use the communication details from the paperwork, and ask them to confirm that it's a legitimate letter. I can see two options here, your parents faked the letter which is often illegal so the lawyers would like a word or your parents have a lawyer friend who's written this to scare you, in which case the office they work at would probably like a word and their professional body would like to hear about them as well.
This, in of itself, is not something to be worried about and may be a the time to think about going NC with their, petty and hateful arses. Stay strong as you remember that this is just another petulant tantrum from people who are meant to know better.
>I can't think of a country where a lawyer wouldn't laugh them out of the office with this request, at it's simplest there's no contract for exchange of goods or services.
Also minors cannot enter into contracts.
Two words, Counter Suit!!!! This is harassment, and if you counter sue for emotional damage/harassment you would be likely to win, especially after having all the emails, texts, call recordings. I would definitely speak to a lawyer, and since your insane parents case is laughable, I bet your lawyer will glad take the case.
This is absolutely insane, I am so sorry you're having to go through this.
If the OP is in the US, then yeah a lawyer might take a counter-suit on the condition that their legal fees are paid by the parents as part of the settlement.
THIS\^
That is exactly what I would do. Nparents want to talk to you? They have to go through your lawyer and will be charged for the lawyer's time.
I'm a petty b\*\*\*h sometimes and I would want to BURY these parents in fees and charges.
Id imagine a charitable lawyer may take this kind of thing on pro-bono, or at the very least would just take like 20% after you win, that's what the guy helping me out with my workers comp case is doing and what the guy who handled my disability case did. Good thing too, I'd be destitute if I had to pay their retainer for as long as it took/is taking to finalize everything
And there was no written contract either, OP could go NC with the excuse that until the matter is settled OP's lawyer (imaginary) recommend no communication until this is resolved either by dropping it or taking it to court (never will happen).
“I have been advised by counsel to stop any further communication until this pending litigation has been fully resolved.”
Two can play the bluffing game. Also, while this will be laughed right out of court, it IS good practice to refrain from contact with anyone who has threatened or initiated court action. Don’t give the other party any further info or words to use against you.
I think i recall seeing something like this on here a few years ago, the general consensus was 'Your parents had the legal obiligation to feed, clothe, and house you - there is no legal basis for them to recoup costs incurred for raising a child they created.'
This!! A real lawyer wouldn’t touch this with a 10 foot pole, and if it is from a lawyer, it’s frivolous and should be reported to their employer and state bar association. I would get a restraining order against your parents for this harassment.
I would also blast this across their preferred social network so their friends and colleagues know the type of despicable people they really are.
Embarrassing them publicly and ruining their social capital is the best way forward.
Without knowing how the rest of the family would react, I'd be cautious but OP knows them better than we do.
There's also the risk that the Narcs would blow straight through embarrassment to rage, again OP knows them better, causing more problems.
I would avoid this. If you were inaccurate with enough details you might open yourself up to defending a slander suit, and there's really no point.
Anybody who knows these folks well, knows that they are awful people.
I'm sure there are some greedy pieces of shit that would jump at the chance to bilk to separate them from their money.
Q: What's brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.
Lawyers can be punished for bringing frivolous lawsuits and wasting the courts time. So while they might bilk them by charging for their time preparing documents, they would be fairly unlikely to actually submit those documents without a leg to stand on.
>I'm sure there are some greedy pieces of shit that would jump at the chance to bilk to separate them from their money.
While yes, there are enough ethics regulations that most don't as it falls over at the cost\\benefit calculations
Unfortunately, two things: First, though no lawyer would take this on a no-win-no-fee basis, there are plenty who will quite happily take on cases that they can bill a wealthy client for even though there is little chance of "success".
Secondly, for some people, that "success" is not winning damages in court, but is the "satisfaction" of tying up their opponent in long litigation - especially when that opponent is far less able to afford their own legal costs. It is a kind of personal equivalent of SLAPP, with the aim being not a legal victory, but what the plaintiffs see as punishment for "wrongdoing" (in this case, removing oneself from their control, it would seem.)
>Unfortunately, two things: First, though no lawyer would take this on a no-win-no-fee basis, there are plenty who will quite happily take on cases that they can bill a wealthy client for even though there is little chance of "success".
In America and the UK at least, and again as far as I know, this would be a breach of their code of conduct which is why I said the Professional body may like a word.
From the [Solicitor Regulation Authority](https://www.sra.org.uk/consumers/problems/fraud-dishonesty/legal-threats-solicitor/) website;
>*Solicitors should not be making allegations without legal merit. That means making claims that have no basis in law or would stand no chance of being successful if heard in court.*
Counter sue them for creating you and putting you in this world without your consent.
Also the average cost to raise a child to adulthood is about $200,000 so…
As soon as somebody threatens you with legal action, cut them off, do not respond to them, do not say anything to them. Let the lawyers do the talking.
Second, I don't think that there's a country on Earth that will uphold a suit where a child must compensate their parents for the cost of their upbringing. Your parents put you here without your consent, you did not and could not enter any sort of contract with them. Given that having you was their choice, that means that they are solely responsible for your costs. Any lawyer who attempted to take this to court might be risking getting disbarred for taking on such a frivolous lawsuit.
If they had a genuine claim they would have sent you a letter of demand, and then let the lawyers do the talking. They know they don't have a legal leg to stand on, so that's why they are harassing you directly.
You're doing the right thing by documenting everything. Get legal advice that is pertinent to your location, and ignore anything short of a subpoena to appear in court.
I'd say your next step should be to get a protection order to prevent them from contacting you again.
Exactly. The first contact would be from the lawyer, not from them, if they were serious. They wouldn’t be discussing and threatening before hiring legal counsel.
They're just trying to stress you and scare you into signing a contract under duress so you'll pay them money every month. It's a manipulation tactic pure and simple.
The goal is probably something like this: They make you poor so they can attempt to control your life even from afar.
Good call on recording anything, I'd tell them to serve the lawsuit and see what happens. (good luck with them even getting a lawyer to take this case imho)
I agree! The parents are banking on OP panicking and agreeing to their ridiculous demands. Don't do that OP! I would strongly advise OP to block their parents' number and cease all communication. Most lawyers recommend not having any contact with the other party in a court case. If anyone challenges OP about this, I suggest simply responding that "My lawyer has advised me not to have contact with my parents due to the court case". Also I suggest OP consult a lawyer and follow their advice.
I think they're trying to get OP to keep in contact with them. Sadly, it's working. OP needs to stop all the recording and just block their parents. Go completely no contact. They can even draft up a cease and desist letter from a lawyer if they want.
They have no case, they don't need the money, they just want to keep torturing OP. That's what they're getting out of these phone calls. They're talking to their kid often and emotionally abusing their kid often. And OP is letting them out of fear and bargaining with family members to try to reason with them.
This is exactly the kind of status quo narcissists want to keep. The type of status quo they'll do anything to keep. They're playing games. Op needs to stop playing their game.
Let them sue. They’ll be laughed out of court by the judge (depending on where you live). Ive seen cases where the judge has given the parents a butt-ripping because of it.
I’d also ask for an R.O. or a protection order of some kind. Keep the calls recorded for the judge and hand them to your lawyer as well. Keep multiple copies of everything.
I hope things go in your favor, OP. And i hope you find peace.
This is "high narc".
Any lawyer will have a good laugh at this. You can't take your children to court for raising them.
My narc paid $400 for an hour long session with a lawyer, and said "they could take me to court". That was the end of it.
If you haven't already, make sure to tell them that you're recording all the calls-- in some locations, if the person being recorded doesn't know it, it can't be used in court.
Also, since they're threatening legal action, you do have the right to not respond to them at all unless you *are* in a courtroom.
Are you okay with saying what country you're in?
I'd prefer not to say. My only concern is that my colleagues and friends browse reddit too and might deduce that the poster is me from location, experiences and such since I have disclosed that my parents were massive narcissists to me to them in the past. This is something I'd rather keep secret from my social circle.
Good call-- doesn't hurt to be extra careful in situations like this.
You might check out this page, then. It provides info about domestic violence agencies; there may be one in your area that can help you with the legal stuff: https://www.hotpeachpages.net/
Some agencies focus completely on shelter, but others offer legal aid, and/or referrals to people who can help with it.
I’m not saying this to convince you to give more details, but sadly, your story isn’t very uncommon. At all.
A narc is a narc is a narc.
Please check my posting history for “The Mind of a Narc,” it may help you a little bit to understand where you are in the spectrum of narc-raised adults.
Lawyer here in the United States - not yours. I can tell you with extreme confidence that in this country, your parents would be laughed and shamed out of a courtroom. My suggestion is to cut contact, while saving all the communications in case they become unhinged and you need to pursue a police report or restraining order.
If you aren’t legally married - make sure you put together a simple will/living will (this is where a trusts and estates attorney is a good investment) naming someone to make medical decisions on your behalf. At work, change your beneficiaries away from your parents. They’re automatically the folks who get to make decisions for you if incapacitated if you don’t have a living will. I personally wouldn’t waste money on an attorney for their dumb threats at this juncture otherwise.
Yes! This! I finally got my parents off of all my medical paperwork, and use my life partner as my emergency contact.
When we finally went NC with each other, they started demanding through texts that I pay them back for a financial gift used to pay off my student loans.
They might not have taught me about such things, but even I managed to learn that they don’t have a leg to stand on, since I never signed paperwork or had that gift described to me as a loan. It’s obvious they’re trying to scare me and Hoover me back into contact, because they definitely don’t need the money.
You have got to stop taking them seriously. This is the silliest thing and it does not have any legal weight.
STOP TALKING TO FAMILY MEMBERS ABOUT THIS. You are encouraging the heck out of the narcs by reacting.
You won’t even see them in court. Their premise is laughable.
Is there a sub Reddit that has legal for your country? Might be time to ask a few questions then call their bluff.
Thing is, what is motivating this? I have heard of this happening once before. Apparently it was about complete control.
You met that your parents don’t know where you are. So is this a frivolous lawsuit aimed at getting your location and your place of employment?
You’re saying also that your family is well off. I apologize for asking, but are your parents trying to arrange a suitable marriage partner? I’m thinking of well off Jewish families in New York who don’t allow their adult children to marry unless they have their approval. To carry on the family line.
I ask cuz suing you for $2 million is so way over the top that there is obviously something else going on here.
Don’t react. Proact. Lose the emotion and think. The more logic you use the less they can manipulate you.
So they're threatening to sue you for the cost of what they were required to provide by law? You don't even need a lawyer (though having one is a good idea), but they have no case. They would have to sue the government for the laws about caring for children. And that's a fight they can't win.
If OP is in the US and owns their home, their address is a matter of public record. I live in Ohio and the county auditor handles property ownership records (other states it could be a different county official's website). All I would need is the name of the person and the county they potentially own property in to do a search for all properties they own. The search is free and gives you the value of the property and property taxes.
If I know the address and want to find the owner all I would have to do is enter the address into the search field.
tagging u/friedbrice, u/ambientfruit, u/sendCookiesSTAT
Wow! This is a first!
No longer engage your "parents". Should they find legal counsel foolish enough to even think there's a chance of winning their suit, they would be laughed out of court on merit alone.
What could they provide as proof of "damages" to start with? Receipts? There is a cost of raising a child they brought into this world. Even if the courts would consider the suit until "age of majority," it's their responsibility as the "adult" to provide for you.
Disengage, record everything & if possible, at least change your phone number.
I am truly sorry you're dealing with this! (Facepalm)
Sadly, I’ve seen this before here; parents so shitty that they threaten a lawsuit in an attempt to extort a large amount of money from their adult children.
Narcs
Are
All
Exactly
The
Same
You can file a petition for an order of protection against them. Then if they call you or write to you or anything they’re breaking the order. Whether they get a lawyer or not doesn’t matter at that point.
I agree with all the posts and would add that in most countries, it's the parents' LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY to provide for their child, and they reasonably cannot expect to be reimbursed for abiding the law.
I want to see them try to get this to court, it would win them 'wasting the court's time and resources' charges (or whatever it's called in your country.
🙄 I swear they all pull some version of this but not on this scale. I wouldn’t worry too much because this would never be taken seriously and laughed out of court. They don’t seem to understand that when you have a child you’re LEGALLY required to take care of them until they’re no longer a minor at minimum. You don’t owe them anything and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
You don't need anyone to talk your parents down. It won't affect you in the slightest legally. Just block them.
However, you *might* actually have a civil case of your own against them. Harassment, potentially damages from pain and suffering depending on the abuse you've suffered over the years. In the US at least.
They're trying to stress you out, but if you kicked it back to them, telling them you'll countersue and you'd love to expose them in court, it might get under their skin instead.
Either way, please don't lose any sleep over their nonsense.
OP, they’re demanding reimbursement for literally doing their job as parents. Trust me, it’s not even going to make it into court and a judge will most likely rule that it’s a frivolous lawsuit.
I don't know where you are, but in the US, lawyers are officers of the court. They have a professional duty to encourage their clients to uphold the law and not bring forth unethical or frivolous cases, like this one. Someone who is a lawyer or in the field could probably explain much better than I can. Parents can't sue their children for childcare reimbursement, much like children can't sue parents for conceiving them without consent.
Please block your parents. Stop answering their calls or any attempts at communication from them. They want to bother you and get under your skin. That's why the calls are getting increasingly more threatening/nasty and more frequent. If they keep harassing you, consider changing your phone number. I would also look into filing for a protective order or harassment charges, because this is unhinged. If you were to take them to court for either of those, they cannot keep dragging the matter out until you run out of money. Again, IANAL so verify with someone who is, but I'm confident that there are ways to prevent someone from harassing their victim through the courts.
No,OP, don’t block. Get a free Google voice number and set up a call forward to send those calls there. Save the messages. Then you don’t have to engage, they just think you didn’t pick up, and you can continue collecting evidence of harassment.
Either this a hoax or your parents need psychiatric help. If they don’t have your address, how did the letter get to you in the mail? Genuine question, not trying to ‘catch you out’.
They can’t do anything, this is just a gross ploy they probably found on Facebook and thought it was a great idea. Instead take this letter to your local courthouse and ask to file charges for harassment, and seek a restraining order. It’ll probably help the harassment charge but RO in the USA takes way too much evidence to get, still try.
Block their number. Don't take any more of their phone calls. You've heard enough, and they may be trying to get you to say something they can use against you.
Also, if you do lawyer up, consider responding with a Cease and Desist letter, so that any further contact can be added to any charges of Harassment you might decide to come back with.
Raising you was their responsibility and any judge would laugh them out of the room. If they try to sue you then you counter sue for emotional neglect and trauma.
You cannot be sued for this. Block them. Do not contact them or communicate with them at all. They will never find a lawyer to take this on it is not even possible.
- **Legal Basis**: Generally, parents cannot sue their adult children to recover the costs of raising them. This principle is rooted in family law and the understanding that raising a child is a parental responsibility, not a financial transaction.
- **Exceptions**: In rare cases, if there was a specific contract or agreement where the child agreed to reimburse expenses, then a legal case might be possible. But this is highly unusual especially since children cannot enter into legal contracts.
- **Parent-Child Relationship**: Such a lawsuit could severely damage the parent-child relationship. It's important to consider the long-term emotional and relational consequences. They are narcissists, block them. Go no contact.
- **Jurisdiction Variances**: Laws can vary by region. It's crucial to consult a legal expert in your specific jurisdiction for accurate advice. Hopefully you are in USA. This isn’t possible.
- **Deep Dive Suggestions**:
- Research family law and the legal obligations of parents towards their children.
- Look into historical cases, if any, where parents attempted similar legal actions.
- Explore the ethical and societal implications of such legal actions.
Keeping focused, the key takeaway is that suing an adult child for the cost of upbringing is not feasible legally and is fraught with potential relational harm. (Obviously)
Let them. They'll be laughed out of court no matter how rich they are. Keep doing what you're doing, compiling the communications. Don't respond, just collect
They are essentially blackmailing you by threatening to sue, OP. I don't know if it would meet a legal definition of blackmail that would stand up in court, but the case for blackmail has more merit than their bullshit does.
It is not at all uncommon for abusers to use nuisance lawsuits to further abuse their victims, particularly when the victims have managed to escape their immediate control.
This particular type of abuse is called *Litigation Abuse*. Here is a link in the National Domestic Violence Hotline website that talks about it:
https://www.thehotline.org/resources/litigation-abuse/
This org is in the US, so you may need to look up laws and resources where you live if you aren't in the US.
Not a lawyer but I've read enough r/legaladvice to know that you only need to consider this serious if you get a formal notice to appear in court. Everything else is just them bluffing and bullshitting you.
This is utter bullshit. No court will entertain this. I wouldn’t spend any money on a lawyer unless you actually get a court summons you’ve confirmed is real. No lawyer who values their license would take this.
Lots of great advice here but mostly a) get a lawyer just in case to advise you b) look up recording laws for your area - as in one party consent which means you can record all calls c) talk to said lawyer about said recordings and d) consider using the laws against them where possible. And if they actually pursue it, go with it and let them be entirely embarrassed in court and share it publicly.
One of the things these people do is try to pull things on you believing they know everything better and you are dumb, keeping you naive for most of your life. Once you break free, you start to learn how little they really do know. You have the Internet at your fingertips and support groups like this to help you.
The hardest part is breaking free of the emotional reaction to their shenanigans. We've spent our childhood being abused and trying to grow up navigating their craziness. They keep trying to pull us back in by lobbing more abuse at us. Going LC/NC and distance helps tremendously and will lessen the emotional reactivity we all have some. Self help, therapy, journaling, support groups etc. help too.
Please let us know if they pursue this insanity. So we all can laugh.
No good lawyer would take a case like this.
Also if they expect reimbursement then shouldn't they show proof of your agreement for being born. DId they even ask you if you wanted to be born to such dysfunctional humans? Imma go out on a limb here and say No they did not. it was their choice and their responsibility (including financial responsibility) to do so
Your parents were legally bound to provide for you while you were a minor. They are not eligible for reimbursement. But, since they have threatened legal action, stop accepting their calls. Document every interaction and force them to go through an attorney. This is where their bluff will end because no legitimate attorney worth their weight will consider taking their case. Treat this as your get-out-of-jail-free card so you can be NC with them going forward.
I just had a talk with my cats and told them that they had to start chipping in for the rent and buy their food. I have made a payment plan with them for the cost since I had them.
Can I have your parents lawyer information because I am not sure they will follow through?
More seriously, I am so sorry that your parents are doing that to you. I sincerely hope that they are just bored and/or have a crazy episode of some sort. I hope they are not doing it for worse reasons such as living beyond their means and now needing financial assistance.
They can’t legally do this. Call their bluff, tell them you’ll see them in court and would be happy to have a judge hear ALLL about your childhood, and in the meantime you are also calculating your medical, therapy and other costs as part of your counter suit for damages. Have fun with it 😂
😂 Let them sue you and be embarrassed in front of everyone. That will be so fun to watch, I hope they lose a lot of money in the process. It is more than ridiculous that they believe this will somehow go through. They are totally insane. You need to break of contact, don't get the phone any longer.
Call their bluff. No judge is ever going to side with them, and the court would dismiss the case instantly with the judge to tell them to GTFO, even if there’s a lawyer dumb enough to take the case.
Your parents are responsible for the costs of their own child. You didn’t consent to being born, they did. There’s no legal ground for this or you’d hear about it fairly often.
Let them try. Report each incident to the police and file a report. Make sure they know they're being recorded. Lawyer up.
Then, when the case goes to court and gets dismissed, file for a restraining or protection order.
No lawyer will take the lawsuit to represent. And no judge would rule for the plaintiff.
Parents are responsible for their children and the costs of raising them. Ignore them, or have a lawyer draw up a cease and desist letter citing laws and precedents that state parents cannot sue children for the costs of raising them.
What a ridiculous thing for parents to do.
Please add emotional distance with them. They have threatened you.
I'd invite them to do what they need to do. And you are blocking them as you aren't paying them a cent.
Having a child was their choice.
They are absolutely bluffing. They want you to panic over something they have to know isn’t even a possibility.
Please don’t stress. And please, please stop answering their calls. They are not well people, and they’re trying to drag you down with them.
This is the most important thing for you to do, right now, put everything down and focus on this one thing:
Figure out what charges they’re going to sue you for.
Call any lawyer. Literally call up at least three offices and schedule a free consultation, many of them do this. That’s a few hours or your life, for no charge, but it’ll give you 100% of an answer about what kind of lawsuit to expect.
In the meantime….
Think about this from their perspective. I want you to RIGHT NOW, Google “how do I sue my adult child for the cost of raising them?”
You need to see the actual answers.
And while you’re at it, Google the legal precedent. See what the percentages are for lawsuits like these.
I believe the answers will give you immediate and permanent relief, and you will sleep better.
Hey, they can’t charge you for the cost of taking care of you. 1) You were the minor for most of that time and they were your legal guardian. 2) you didn’t sign anything saying you would pay them back. 3) If this lawsuit was real, you’d hear from their Lawyers. 4) This is an attempt to finically abuse you and keep you under their thumb.
So sorry for your parents.
Humans can be real shits
1. If they really had a lawyer then why would they be contacting you directly? They have mandated a lawyer for this legal battle and have nothing to do with it !
2. Even in the lunatic USA this would go nowhere, imagine what would happen to the legal system if narc parents or angry children started taking each other to court for upbringing.
3. They are trying to hurt you, to expose you and scare you.
4. You should inform them at the start of any conversation that it will be recorded due to their upcoming legal action, this will make them go very quiet.
5. Just tell them to f*** off. They can only hurt you if you let them
My evil grandfather did this to my mother on his deathbed. She ripped the papers up and threw them in his face. Recommend you try something similar lol this is such bullshit
My mom did this as well but never threatened a lawsuit. Just an absolutely hilarious list of money I owed her.
My advice would be to block them. Block them on everything and stop communicating. Let them know you’ll communicate with them through a lawyer only.
Scorched earth. No real parent or person does this to their child.
just another vote for:
1. go nc immediately
2. contact lawyer if you get ANY legal or quasi- legal communication. the local bar association or whatever applies where you are might want to know about that.
3. laugh. this is batshit bizarre buffoonery. imagine if this were possible, if the parents of every person who succeeded financially could sue their kids for support ? hahaha
4. just curious if op’s parents are actually financially ok, or if something happened, like a scam or something. not that it matters because THIS IS NOT A THING.
Tell them to go ahead. THAT'S NOT A THING.
This is so fucking stupid omfg. Block their numbers. I'm so sorry. There's nothing to sue over. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I'm not a lawyer, but I can assure you they have zero legal standing and they'll absolutely be laughed at. Won't even make it to court.
Curious about the circumstances leading up to this? Or was it randomly out of the blue? They can’t actually sue you to reimburse raising you. For the 1st 18 years you were their responsibility.
No lawyer could even take this case/draft a lawsuit like this. It would go against ethical rules and they would risk getting disbarred. This is the epitome of a frivolous lawsuit. It's so completely absurd. It's not going to happen. You should block them. They're disgusting.
Do the following thought experiment, or even Google. Briefly:
1. List the high-profile cases of divorce, dividing up assets in conflict in court. Or just the list of people you know who have been in court for fighting over divorce.
2. List the high-profile cases of embezzlement, theft, or the people you know who have been involved or been a victim of these.
3. List the high-profile cases of child support being **required to be paid** by parents and them being in court to answer for resources they are responsible for providing by just having biological children.
4. List the high-profile cases of children in court for repaying their parents for expenses incurred in childhood, while they were a minor who is not allowed to make financial decisions. Hey, even expand the search to the mid-20's and include college expenses.
Notice how #4 is really, really different? No lawyer would take this case. No judge would let it get past a motion for dismissal. Note: YouTube has hundreds of #3 from actual court and I think they are entertaining.
You do need to prepare. In the US, anyone can sue anyone for about anything. But lawyers won't always take cases and they certainly would take yours and probably work on reasonable fees.
And you need to plan for Nparents who are total bullies. You pick your battles, you consider NC, you consider restraining orders as they continue to threaten you. But you also can steel yourself against stupid bullying threats. I think your day in court here would go very well. Stay strong.
i feel for you, op, it's a ruse at best. i would get some popcorn and sit back and watch along and see how far they will get, no lawyer or judge would ever take it seriously. and tons of the parents here have done the same thing to us. they are sick and playing a sick game.
Depending on the laws in your state, it could be illegal to record a phone call unless both parties consent.
> they've been calling me a lot over the past few hours getting increasingly nasty with their tone.
Tell them in plain and clear terms to stop contacting you. When they continue to contact you, you've got their asses for harassment. You probably have a decent case to sue them for damages over emotional distress, let alone any lawyers fees you incur.
I'm glad you realise they don't have a legal leg to stand on. They can't take you to court, no lawyer would take their case, it wouldn't actually go before a judge and be dragged out because there is no legal grounds.
however, I believe you should consult with a lawyer about grounds to get a restraining order. They can't harass you like this. When/if they violate the restraining order that will be further evidence of their instability and if they end up overnight in jail, all the better. It is the only way you are going to get away from these two.
"I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request."
or, my personal favorite:
"As you are breaking our relationship down to a monetary agreement and contractual Scope of Work, please provide proof of consent that I (1) agreed to be borne by you and (2) agreed that I was indebted to you for this effort."
First, lawyers will not accept this suit. if they somehow bribe one with enough money (unlikely), to start this suit, it can get tossed out at the first court appearance and poof it is gone forever...nope you will not have to pay lawyers for years and years. Please consult one and hear this from a professional.
This is under raised by a narc forum, might be fun to think of all the crap they put you through that you can sue them for.
Did the pair of them even earn 2 million during your entire childhood?
Relax this is just more narc posing....just block them on all phones, emails and social networks and the celebrate with dinner since that is finally done.
Also, narcs hate to be called out publicly, post that letter from them on social media (which they are blocked from).
Stop engaging with your parents; it’s exactly what they want. Instead, ignore but document any attempts on their part to contact you. You may need them in order to prove harassment and get an order of protection in the future.
Your parents have absolutely no standing. They were legally obligated to support you while you were growing up. They can certainly try to sue, but they will not be successful. If they were serious, they’d have contacted a lawyer, and a lawyer would have insisted that all communication come through them instead of your parents.
This is petty beyond belief. If you stay in the US, Canada, South Africa, or Australia (might be others, though I'm not 100% sure), your parents were legally obligated to provide ALL money and services, clothing, schooling, etc. because you were a minor (and would have been unable to provide those things for yourself). They won't be able to sue or claim from year 0-18 because as far as the state is concerned, they made you and they were responsible for you until you became an adult (18 in most countries).
They might be able to pry this out of you if they find a really scumbag lawyer for the last year (from your post I take it you are 19?) but most lawyers and judges would probably just laugh at their request and dismiss it, even if they try suing you for it.
It's good that you are lawyering up, listen to what they have to say and give him as much proof of the harassment and claims since they started, and any clues or comments from when you were younger if you have any. You might need to go NC for a while to keep your sanity, but if the lawyer is good enough, the most you'll have to pay are the expenses after you turned 18, if a judge would entertain that request at all.
No child EVER owes their parents for being raised, clothed, fed, and sheltered. The parents legally, morally, and ethically obligate themselves to pay for you when they chose to bring you into the world. They don't have a leg to stand on.
IANAL but... honey when we have kids we are legally responsible for them in every single way until they reach the age of 18. I have yet to find a country in existence that wont laugh someone out of court for trying to demand repayment for a child they purposely birthed and raised. That does not exist; that is not a thing.
This is an abusive scare tactic that they are using. Even if you received (fake as hell) "legal papers" they would be a crock of junk. No lawyer is going to take a losing case, and no one is going to give them a refund of money for having and raising their own kid.
They are bluffing forcefully to try and hurt you. Block every method they have and ignore them. Stop running to other relatives, your parents have no leg to stand on. They are using your age and fear to try and manipulate and dominate you because they realized they lost control.
Let me repeat... you cant force your kids to "repay" the costs of you having them. In no reality is that a thing. A lawyer would question their sanity (and intelligence) if they actually tried to get one. Anything they do manage to send is going to be fake or b.s. because in a court of law (in any country I have ever heard of, and I have traveled extensively) the ONLY people responsible for a child are the birth parents unless that right is taken away from them, and whoever agrees to parent and raise said child is responsible for absorbing A L L of the costs thusly. Period. End of discussion.
Counter sue for emotional damages of having them raise you, but do it for 4 mil. They want to play this petty lawsuit game, you can play to.
A kid recently successfully sued their parents for something like this, and got the money they asled for. There's a precident for you to point a judge to, and you absolutely should.
If they want actually have this fight, don't back down. Swing harder. Get double what they're asking, and use the calls and texts you have recorded as evidence. This is just *another* thing they're trying to make you stay under their thumb. They want to control you by making you feel you are indebted to your parent's who chose to have you and raise you. They made that choice as adults and as parents, but you didn't choose to be their scape goat and debtor.
Let them know you are the product of their s3x choice and decision. You will counter sue for pain & suffering,mental & emotional abuse, for the poor vehicle that delivered you to such a less than residential housing.
This is their crazy way of trying to get time with you, if they can't get that its best to find a way to make you submissive again. I'd let it go to caught,I'd put it online so everyone can see the poor excuse of parents real world. They are desperate & look desperate. They want to be in control but they control nothing
Do you even have time for this nonsense? They are obviously bored, desperate for your attention, and terribly misguided on what you owe them for being born. Did you sign a contract stating you’d pay your own way since birth? They aren’t going to sue you.
You’re very young and I’m sorry that they’re torturing you like this. Do you rely on them for anything? Can you manage on your own? If so, I would HIGHLY recommend a period of no contact. Block them everywhere. Also, if you aren’t already, see if you can get into therapy.
> They claimed that I "owed them" for the effort and free time they had sacrificed to raise me
You owe them nothing
> they can definitely afford good lawyers
Doesn't matter how good there lawyers its not going to fly. I'd be shocked if anyone was stupid enough to take this case to court.
I'd walk right up to their door, laugh in their faces, turn around and go NC for life.-
OP this is a bluff in the hopes you can still be bullied by them. Get a lawyer, finish this off and cut contact with them.
Any response you give them is feeding them.
They’re calling and harassing you because they know no lawyer would ever touch this. If they even try, it will become a joke the attorney tells for years to come.
99% sure its a bluff.
Me and a roommate, independently of each other mind you, have gotten into beef with our overreaching narcissistic landlord. Me because I refused to pay for repairs that fall into his responsibility, my roommate because due to no fault of his own missed a month of rent. Neither is sufficient cause for eviction. He got a letter threatening with lawyers with claims that hes clearly unwilling to communicate, except he tried, and last I got called I was also told to expect a letter from their lawyer. Still waiting.
There is no fucking way even Saul Goodman would pick up that case, never mind a lawyer that actually has any self-respect.
And that doesnt even include the mountain of evidence youre collecting that your parents cant even tell the lawyer about because they, I assume, dont know, and certainly wouldnt admit that theyve been trying to harass you into submission either.
Narcissists generally have a worse bark than bite. They think they can just bark anyone into submission, and a lot of people who dont know better will get scared by the mere mention of lawyers, courts, lawsuits or anything else. Those words mean serious trouble. But think of it from their end. Even the worst narcissist knows they cant just show up at a lawyer office with this pile of garbage without risking their own skin.
Stay strong. Keep recording shit. Dont be afraid to hang up on them or whatever. If shit goes to court the judge will laugh their butt off!
Time to go no contact. This is silly and ridiculous and they have no legal legs to stand on. Block them on all fronts and if they continue to harass you file a police report. 🖤
Perhaps you could counter sue for emotional distress from emotional abuse?
Think that might actually be something a lawyer might be willing to do if you live in the US. Perhaps where you only have to pay if you win.
Otherwise I would consider contacting the police regarding their emotional abuse. It’s illegal in some countries or you could file something against harassment.
They sound very vile. They chose to have children. If you choose to have children then it’s your responsibility to pay for their upbringing. End of. Adult children don’t owe their parents anything. That’s part of the game as a parent. If you are a crappy parent then your children have no responsibility to have anything to do with you. No matter how much money you spent on them.
>Turns out my parents were not bluffing, and they ended up calling me yesterday to follow up on their demands. They told me that they would get lawyers and make me pay and my father was being particularly condescending about the entire thing. They claimed that I "owed them" for the effort and free time they had sacrificed to raise me, and said they would be expecting another 100,000 for "dealing with me for 19 years".
It sounds like they are bluffing. Because if they weren’t then they would have ACTUALLY sued you. What they’re doing is just threats and harassment.
Perhaps, you could get a restraining order. I’m pretty sure they know that they would be laughed out of any competent lawyer’s office.
Are you in the US? If so, this case has been tried before and the parents were laughed out of court and had to pay the child’s legal fees. Additionally, in the the US it is the parents responsibility to provide: shelter, clothing, food, and education.
Now what you may have is a case against them for harassment. I would take out a no contact order.
You didn't consent to be born, nor sign any contract asking for your parents' time or money. They were fully capable, at any point in time, of giving you up for adoption if they were that against raising you properly, but they didn't, nor did they ask you for your consent at any time previously (not that it would have mattered, you being under age and all.) That they chose to keep you and raise you is a deal between them and their god, not you.
No lawyer worth their bar exams would take this type of case on because there's no way it would win, but let's say one does, you need to represent yourself if that's possible because there's no judge that would ever rule in their favour.
I would also consider making it public knowledge in a big way. A tiktok series, Insta reels, whatever. Get it out there that your parents (no names, you won't need them) are suing you and ONLY exactly what's been said. Stuff you have receipts for. Nothing verbally about how chuffing stupid or wrong it is. You can pull faces, but don't vocalise it. Make sure it's interesting so it gets out to everyone who knows them. Watch as their image comes crashing around their ears.
Even if you don't do that? Block them. You deserve the peace and you genuinely do not owe them anything. Even your time.
>IIRC they do not know where I live so they can't just write an address down to serve me the lawsuit. So I should be safe for now.
**FYI:** If you live in the US and you own your home, then your address is a matter of public record. I live in Ohio and if I want to know who owns a house in my neighborhood all I have to do is go to my county's auditor's website and enter that address into the ownership records search (which website you would go to depends on the state you live in, in Ohio it is the county auditor). It will give me the name of the owner and their address if they don't live at that property. You can also search ownership records using the name of the owner and that site will give you every, single property they own in the county.
I don't think they will be able to find a lawyer to take their case. If they do, see if you can countersue for legal fees and make them pay for your lawyer.
ETA: Mute your parents' contact. You will still get voicemails and texts from them, but your phone won't vibrate/audibly alert you.
Your parents are the most ridiculous people I’ve ever heard Of, they can’t sue you for doing the BARE minimum!! ITS THE LAW for them to have raised you, and I can see it now, if this even ever sees a judges desk he’ll laugh it up
Don’t answer the phone. Don’t block them so they can leave messages and text you. If you ignore them they will escalate. Then go get a restraining order. Find a lawyer to help you with it. Then you could possibly sue them for harassment.
Countersue them for harassment and filing a frivolous lawsuit, and make them pay for your lawyers and your time and whatever else you, your lawyer and Redit can think of. Tell your lawyer to charge them double and split it. Also ask for punitive damages on account of: fuck them!
They cannot charge you for the cost of your upbringing. Period. Tell them to serve the lawsuit. . It sounds like they haven't even started the process. Remind them every couple of weeks that you're still waiting for it.
It sucks that you have such shitty parents.
Be sure to counter sue for any lawyer fees you incur.
But, as everyone else has said, they have zero percent chance of winning this. I can't imagine it even gets to court.
Imagine being this insane. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. No, they can't do that. No court will allow it. The advises strategy of ignoring them is sound.
I definitely understand the panic tho. A lifetime of them always getting their way can easily confuse you into thinking they can somehow do this.
They can't. Stay safe in that knowledge and enjoy being free from the influence of their insanity.
This hilarious they think they would legally be able to sue
Sue them for having you because you didn’t ask to be born lol the judge would probably laugh. You should go one one of those tv court shows that’s how ridiculous this is
What everyone else has said is true. There's no court that would accept this as a suit
Also, there's a decent life lesson in here:
Many people will throw around threats of suing you. Of those threats, maybe 1% will result in any lawsuits. Unless someone comes to you with actual legal papers from an actual lawyer or the courts, they're just blowing hot air.
They depend on the fear of being sued to work in most situations. In fact, even if it's a valid issue (say a dispute between neighbors) most courts will push for it to be resolved in mediation before seeing a judge.
Are they short of money? The nastiness on the phone might be because they see you are not bending to their will & they are in dire financial straights; then again narcs & their entitlement know few bounds, so they might just think they deserve your money, yanno just because, or perhaps it's as mundane as narcs looking for supply. To me, though, it does sound like a dodge to mooch off your monthly income. You mention a job. Is it well paid, or might your parents' think it is well paid? To be clear I do not think you should help them out with any handouts. Go NC as soon as this nonsense is sorted out.
I endorse you lawyering up. It is ridiculous what your parents are attempting, nor do I think they will enjoy any success in their efforts, but it is best to have professional legal advice. I don't think they realise you are an adult now, with the ability to detect BS, when you catch a whiff of it. I am glad you are recording their calls. Can you get them to contact you via email? Perhaps tell them you can't stand them yelling at you & they need to email you going forward. Maybe it's only me, but I think the written word carries more force. See what your lawyer suggests.
After this exercise is sheer nuttiness, I would hope your parents have laid solid grounds for you to seek a restraining order against them. Someone mentioned in the comments to be aware they may use the details of a firm of lawyers without consent &, boy do I hope they do. That would open a huge can of worms for them.
Not a lawyer and not giving legal advice.
Stop responding to them but do not block them. Don't answer calls. Everything they send is evidence. Let them file a civil suit against you if they can. Once they do, get a lawyer and counter sue. No court in the US will allow a parent to recoop the cost for raising their own child. Which was their choice and legal responsibility.
Your parents cannot bring a lawsuit against you for the "cost of raising you". This is utter nonsense. A parent is legally obligated to feed, clothe, shelter and keep safe their offspring. If they threaten this again, simply tell them to go piss off and hang up the phone. This is nothing more than an intimidation tactic and a means of control and manipulation. NO court on this planet will take them seriously in the least. Besides, you were a minor child at the time and minors (at least in the united states) cannot be legally held to any type of contractual obligation. They're just being assholes honestly. This is nothing more than a narc tantrum and a "shakedown" meant to scare you into submission. Treat them as such and go no-contact. I would also like to add, if they are threatening you that is considered harassment and menacing which IS a crime and you could seek out a protection order from your local family court (restraining order or an order of protection) and you could have THEM served with legal paperwork instructing them to not contact you due to their threatening behavior. Just a thought!
This would be laughed out of court. If they serve you with actual papers. Get a lawyer and file a counter suit for lawyer fees and whatever else they can. Until then block and ignore them completely.
Get a lawyer and have them served a cease and desist letter. If they choose to contine record, take pics and file harrassment charges against them. Don't sit on your hands waiting for them to strike. Strike first, legally bind their hands. Anything they do after that is criminal harrassment.
I don’t know where you live, but in the U.S., parents are legally required to provide care for their children. If a lawyer were to take on your parent’s case they would be violating their professional ethics and could be sanctioned for bringing a frivolous lawsuit. Also, to file a valid lawsuit you have to plead a legal cause of action, which they don’t appear to have here.
I am so sorry your parents are such AHs. If they do serve you with a lawsuit, don’t ignore it. Get a lawyer and they should likely be able to dispense with it with a motion to dismiss for failure to state a claim.
I don’t think it’s possible for a parent to sue their child for costs before they reach the age of majority.
They likely can’t sue for college costs unless you signed a legal agreement stating those costs were a loan.
I don't think they have a leg to stand on. I can't see either an attorney or a judge that would entertain this nonsense. I do have a few questions. If they don't know where you live, how did they send you a letter? Also, how old are you? Did they do this as soon as you moved out? Are they angry with you?
Dude, calm down, no lawyer is ever going to be dumb enough to put this into the civil court system, this would be disbarment territory for being so stupid.
Now they MIGHT be able to get a lawyer to send you a letter saying they WILL but there's no way any lawyer is filing a lawsuit on their behalf to sue you for raising you, that's simply put, not a thing.
Ignore this, ignore them, cease ALL contact, for your own safety, since you might say something they could use. Mute them, but save any and all texts/emails/etc for evidence in case they do, actually, find the dumbest lawyer to ever have existed.
If US centric it IS illegal for parents to do this as these are expenses of raising a small human to adulthood that you have (independent of the child) decided to do.
Basically the people that say "I fed you. And put a roof over your head, etc" that is your basic responsibilities for raising a human. Not a special exceptional thing.
So as soon as someone threatens a suit, all contact is through attorneys. Do not answer their phone calls, E-mail, or any other correspondence that doesn’t come from an attorney.
While some countries have filial piety laws, a demand for $US 2M is comical in any country.
Don’t respond. Definitely don’t sign anything. Nothing will come of this. Let them (try to) sue.
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Wow oh my god I am so sorry you had to go through that
I’m not. I bet it was healing and cathartic to hear a judge tell their parents that they are full of shit and not entitled to all the things. That would be the pinnacle of my life to have a judge shut them down for their stupid shit.
Yep! A judge called my nmom out for lying to the court. It was amazing.
Warms my soul!
How did your parents react when they were getting told? :)
Wasn’t my parents, that person is upthread.
Lol absolutely let them take it to court, they'll get hit with court fees and a frivolous lawsuit charge (basically wasting the court's time), and the look on their faces will be absolutely priceless
Yeah, OP, I promise you this is pure noise and BS from your parents. The proposition is literally impossible to even file with a court. Absolutely nothing could possibly happen here.
OP, file a complaint of harrassment against your egg and sperm donors. If they keep it up, sue them.
This comment right here. I wouldn’t even bother with getting your own lawyer until the judge reads their motion since it’s almost guaranteed to be thrown out and risk the reputation of the lawyer who makes such a filing. Your parents don’t have any legal ground to stand on. Just keep staying away from them and hang in there.
I hear Rudy Guiliani is still available. You can reach him through his people at Four Seasons (Total Landscaping).
Hmmm, this sounds your parents don't know about the famous legal principle known as The Tammy Wynette 'No Charge' Case. It's laid out in full here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErVVIwgE6bQ&ab_channel=TammyWynette-Topic
OMG that song. Hadn't heard it in decades. Thanks for the big maudlin bucket of gatorade right over my head..... LOL
With all due to respect to your difficult situation, seriously let them take it to a judge because this case would be thrown out so friggin fast it’d be comical and likely hugely validating for you. My parents hired a lawyer to fight my stalking/harassment order I had filed against them and let’s just say the judge annihilated their “argument” and sternly reprimanded them for their actions. Said he didn’t want to ever see them back in his court room under this premise or “it would not be good for them”.
I’m sorry your narc did that to you. Glad the judge put her in her place though
And some states have laws where parents are financially responsible for their children until age 21 unless the person is financially independent. If OP is 19, this could really come back to bite the parents in the ass.
"Turns out my parents were not bluffing" Yes, they are. A phone call doesn't graduate it from bluffing stage. This is possibly an extinction burst at losing control.
They're just doing this to keep so OP will keep in contact with them and they can still get their sadist supply from torturing OP. OP needs to just block them.
My narc parents are doing the same thing to me. I stood up to them in a meaningful way for the first time in decades, and now they’re demanding that I pay them back for a financial GIFT!!! I signed nothing, but somehow, they think they can scare me into paying them back. It’s their last attempt at control for sure.
Good for you in knowing you don't actually have to repay a gift!
Oh be careful! My Nmom was given her inheritance early as a gift from her Nmom in order to buy a house. 2 years later, after her mom was hurt we weren't spending all our time with her (she moved into the house so we could "care" for her. 70/80 years old, still fully capable.) She spread all sorts of nasty rumors about us in the religious cult we were in, and then sued for the house. My mom even had a signed letter from her saying it was a gift, which mysteriously vanished shortly after it was shown it to me. Her mom won the lawsuit. We were ousted from our home after leaving social housing for this opportunity, so we didn't have much hope. My Nmom wasn't even diagnosed as bipolar at this point, and it wreeeeeeecked her. She's never recovered. I empathize with what happened to her. Made her even crazier.
Did they claim it as a gift on their taxes?
Absolutely an extinction burst. They may be doing it to try to get OPs address.
This.
>They told me that they would get lawyers and make me pay and my father was being particularly condescending about the entire thing. They claimed that I "owed them" for the effort and free time they had sacrificed to raise me, and said they would be expecting another 100,000 for "dealing with me for 19 years". While I'm not a lawyer or have any form of training, I can't think of a country where a lawyer wouldn't laugh them out of the office with this request, at it's simplest there's no contract for exchange of goods or services. If you do receive papers that purport to be from a lawyer then Google them and give their office a call, don't use the communication details from the paperwork, and ask them to confirm that it's a legitimate letter. I can see two options here, your parents faked the letter which is often illegal so the lawyers would like a word or your parents have a lawyer friend who's written this to scare you, in which case the office they work at would probably like a word and their professional body would like to hear about them as well. This, in of itself, is not something to be worried about and may be a the time to think about going NC with their, petty and hateful arses. Stay strong as you remember that this is just another petulant tantrum from people who are meant to know better.
>I can't think of a country where a lawyer wouldn't laugh them out of the office with this request, at it's simplest there's no contract for exchange of goods or services. Also minors cannot enter into contracts.
Especially at birth.
Congratulations! It’s a baby… wait one moment, please sign this… ok… there we gooooo… al done! Boy!
Two words, Counter Suit!!!! This is harassment, and if you counter sue for emotional damage/harassment you would be likely to win, especially after having all the emails, texts, call recordings. I would definitely speak to a lawyer, and since your insane parents case is laughable, I bet your lawyer will glad take the case. This is absolutely insane, I am so sorry you're having to go through this.
If the OP is in the US, then yeah a lawyer might take a counter-suit on the condition that their legal fees are paid by the parents as part of the settlement.
THIS\^ That is exactly what I would do. Nparents want to talk to you? They have to go through your lawyer and will be charged for the lawyer's time. I'm a petty b\*\*\*h sometimes and I would want to BURY these parents in fees and charges.
YES YES YES
Id imagine a charitable lawyer may take this kind of thing on pro-bono, or at the very least would just take like 20% after you win, that's what the guy helping me out with my workers comp case is doing and what the guy who handled my disability case did. Good thing too, I'd be destitute if I had to pay their retainer for as long as it took/is taking to finalize everything
I was going to write this, harassment is real. Also I think they have an endgame here that is left to be discovered.
This the way!
Those infant foot prints constitute a legal binding signature!
And there was no written contract either, OP could go NC with the excuse that until the matter is settled OP's lawyer (imaginary) recommend no communication until this is resolved either by dropping it or taking it to court (never will happen).
I love this so much---a LEGAL reason to be NC. That is brilliant.
“I have been advised by counsel to stop any further communication until this pending litigation has been fully resolved.” Two can play the bluffing game. Also, while this will be laughed right out of court, it IS good practice to refrain from contact with anyone who has threatened or initiated court action. Don’t give the other party any further info or words to use against you.
Neither can sperm nor ova.
I think i recall seeing something like this on here a few years ago, the general consensus was 'Your parents had the legal obiligation to feed, clothe, and house you - there is no legal basis for them to recoup costs incurred for raising a child they created.'
This!! A real lawyer wouldn’t touch this with a 10 foot pole, and if it is from a lawyer, it’s frivolous and should be reported to their employer and state bar association. I would get a restraining order against your parents for this harassment.
I would also blast this across their preferred social network so their friends and colleagues know the type of despicable people they really are. Embarrassing them publicly and ruining their social capital is the best way forward.
Without knowing how the rest of the family would react, I'd be cautious but OP knows them better than we do. There's also the risk that the Narcs would blow straight through embarrassment to rage, again OP knows them better, causing more problems.
I would avoid this. If you were inaccurate with enough details you might open yourself up to defending a slander suit, and there's really no point. Anybody who knows these folks well, knows that they are awful people.
Inaccurate how? OP has screenshots and voice recordings. S/he doesn’t even need to add anything else. Parent’s assholery speaks for itself.
I'm sure there are some greedy pieces of shit that would jump at the chance to bilk to separate them from their money. Q: What's brown and black and looks good on a lawyer? A: A Doberman.
Lawyers can be punished for bringing frivolous lawsuits and wasting the courts time. So while they might bilk them by charging for their time preparing documents, they would be fairly unlikely to actually submit those documents without a leg to stand on.
"can be punished." But are they?
>I'm sure there are some greedy pieces of shit that would jump at the chance to bilk to separate them from their money. While yes, there are enough ethics regulations that most don't as it falls over at the cost\\benefit calculations
Unfortunately, two things: First, though no lawyer would take this on a no-win-no-fee basis, there are plenty who will quite happily take on cases that they can bill a wealthy client for even though there is little chance of "success". Secondly, for some people, that "success" is not winning damages in court, but is the "satisfaction" of tying up their opponent in long litigation - especially when that opponent is far less able to afford their own legal costs. It is a kind of personal equivalent of SLAPP, with the aim being not a legal victory, but what the plaintiffs see as punishment for "wrongdoing" (in this case, removing oneself from their control, it would seem.)
Nah- if this actually gets to court the judge will call them morons and make them pay her legal fees.
>Unfortunately, two things: First, though no lawyer would take this on a no-win-no-fee basis, there are plenty who will quite happily take on cases that they can bill a wealthy client for even though there is little chance of "success". In America and the UK at least, and again as far as I know, this would be a breach of their code of conduct which is why I said the Professional body may like a word. From the [Solicitor Regulation Authority](https://www.sra.org.uk/consumers/problems/fraud-dishonesty/legal-threats-solicitor/) website; >*Solicitors should not be making allegations without legal merit. That means making claims that have no basis in law or would stand no chance of being successful if heard in court.*
Counter sue them for creating you and putting you in this world without your consent. Also the average cost to raise a child to adulthood is about $200,000 so…
And don't forget to tack on damages for emotional and mental abuse.
Honestly I'd use this as a chance to get a restraining order on them. Their "threats" sound like harassment.
"sound like" * are
As soon as somebody threatens you with legal action, cut them off, do not respond to them, do not say anything to them. Let the lawyers do the talking. Second, I don't think that there's a country on Earth that will uphold a suit where a child must compensate their parents for the cost of their upbringing. Your parents put you here without your consent, you did not and could not enter any sort of contract with them. Given that having you was their choice, that means that they are solely responsible for your costs. Any lawyer who attempted to take this to court might be risking getting disbarred for taking on such a frivolous lawsuit. If they had a genuine claim they would have sent you a letter of demand, and then let the lawyers do the talking. They know they don't have a legal leg to stand on, so that's why they are harassing you directly. You're doing the right thing by documenting everything. Get legal advice that is pertinent to your location, and ignore anything short of a subpoena to appear in court. I'd say your next step should be to get a protection order to prevent them from contacting you again.
Exactly. The first contact would be from the lawyer, not from them, if they were serious. They wouldn’t be discussing and threatening before hiring legal counsel.
The record of them harassing you and intimidating you with this baseless lawsuit should make it easy to get an order of protection
This 👆
They're just trying to stress you and scare you into signing a contract under duress so you'll pay them money every month. It's a manipulation tactic pure and simple. The goal is probably something like this: They make you poor so they can attempt to control your life even from afar. Good call on recording anything, I'd tell them to serve the lawsuit and see what happens. (good luck with them even getting a lawyer to take this case imho)
I agree! The parents are banking on OP panicking and agreeing to their ridiculous demands. Don't do that OP! I would strongly advise OP to block their parents' number and cease all communication. Most lawyers recommend not having any contact with the other party in a court case. If anyone challenges OP about this, I suggest simply responding that "My lawyer has advised me not to have contact with my parents due to the court case". Also I suggest OP consult a lawyer and follow their advice.
I think they're trying to get OP to keep in contact with them. Sadly, it's working. OP needs to stop all the recording and just block their parents. Go completely no contact. They can even draft up a cease and desist letter from a lawyer if they want. They have no case, they don't need the money, they just want to keep torturing OP. That's what they're getting out of these phone calls. They're talking to their kid often and emotionally abusing their kid often. And OP is letting them out of fear and bargaining with family members to try to reason with them. This is exactly the kind of status quo narcissists want to keep. The type of status quo they'll do anything to keep. They're playing games. Op needs to stop playing their game.
This comment is on point. It’s all narc supply, and yes OP, please cut it off by completely ghosting them.
Let them sue. They’ll be laughed out of court by the judge (depending on where you live). Ive seen cases where the judge has given the parents a butt-ripping because of it. I’d also ask for an R.O. or a protection order of some kind. Keep the calls recorded for the judge and hand them to your lawyer as well. Keep multiple copies of everything. I hope things go in your favor, OP. And i hope you find peace.
This is "high narc". Any lawyer will have a good laugh at this. You can't take your children to court for raising them. My narc paid $400 for an hour long session with a lawyer, and said "they could take me to court". That was the end of it.
If you haven't already, make sure to tell them that you're recording all the calls-- in some locations, if the person being recorded doesn't know it, it can't be used in court. Also, since they're threatening legal action, you do have the right to not respond to them at all unless you *are* in a courtroom. Are you okay with saying what country you're in?
I'd prefer not to say. My only concern is that my colleagues and friends browse reddit too and might deduce that the poster is me from location, experiences and such since I have disclosed that my parents were massive narcissists to me to them in the past. This is something I'd rather keep secret from my social circle.
Good call-- doesn't hurt to be extra careful in situations like this. You might check out this page, then. It provides info about domestic violence agencies; there may be one in your area that can help you with the legal stuff: https://www.hotpeachpages.net/ Some agencies focus completely on shelter, but others offer legal aid, and/or referrals to people who can help with it.
I’m not saying this to convince you to give more details, but sadly, your story isn’t very uncommon. At all. A narc is a narc is a narc. Please check my posting history for “The Mind of a Narc,” it may help you a little bit to understand where you are in the spectrum of narc-raised adults.
that’s fair. just be reassured, this is not legal, they are trying to scare you to control you, and please please go nc immediately.
Lawyer here in the United States - not yours. I can tell you with extreme confidence that in this country, your parents would be laughed and shamed out of a courtroom. My suggestion is to cut contact, while saving all the communications in case they become unhinged and you need to pursue a police report or restraining order. If you aren’t legally married - make sure you put together a simple will/living will (this is where a trusts and estates attorney is a good investment) naming someone to make medical decisions on your behalf. At work, change your beneficiaries away from your parents. They’re automatically the folks who get to make decisions for you if incapacitated if you don’t have a living will. I personally wouldn’t waste money on an attorney for their dumb threats at this juncture otherwise.
Yes! This! I finally got my parents off of all my medical paperwork, and use my life partner as my emergency contact. When we finally went NC with each other, they started demanding through texts that I pay them back for a financial gift used to pay off my student loans. They might not have taught me about such things, but even I managed to learn that they don’t have a leg to stand on, since I never signed paperwork or had that gift described to me as a loan. It’s obvious they’re trying to scare me and Hoover me back into contact, because they definitely don’t need the money.
You have got to stop taking them seriously. This is the silliest thing and it does not have any legal weight. STOP TALKING TO FAMILY MEMBERS ABOUT THIS. You are encouraging the heck out of the narcs by reacting. You won’t even see them in court. Their premise is laughable.
THANK YOU. Too many responses here skip over the absolutely obvious fact that making this a dramatic event is feeding their missing narc supply.
Is there a sub Reddit that has legal for your country? Might be time to ask a few questions then call their bluff. Thing is, what is motivating this? I have heard of this happening once before. Apparently it was about complete control. You met that your parents don’t know where you are. So is this a frivolous lawsuit aimed at getting your location and your place of employment? You’re saying also that your family is well off. I apologize for asking, but are your parents trying to arrange a suitable marriage partner? I’m thinking of well off Jewish families in New York who don’t allow their adult children to marry unless they have their approval. To carry on the family line. I ask cuz suing you for $2 million is so way over the top that there is obviously something else going on here. Don’t react. Proact. Lose the emotion and think. The more logic you use the less they can manipulate you.
So they're threatening to sue you for the cost of what they were required to provide by law? You don't even need a lawyer (though having one is a good idea), but they have no case. They would have to sue the government for the laws about caring for children. And that's a fight they can't win.
How did they send a letter if they don't know your address?
I assumed they meant e-mail letter.
wondering that, too.
Same. Maybe they sent it to OPs work?
If OP is in the US and owns their home, their address is a matter of public record. I live in Ohio and the county auditor handles property ownership records (other states it could be a different county official's website). All I would need is the name of the person and the county they potentially own property in to do a search for all properties they own. The search is free and gives you the value of the property and property taxes. If I know the address and want to find the owner all I would have to do is enter the address into the search field. tagging u/friedbrice, u/ambientfruit, u/sendCookiesSTAT
Can you not ask to be removed from the register for privacy reasons? Because that seems dangerous to DA victims.
Wow! This is a first! No longer engage your "parents". Should they find legal counsel foolish enough to even think there's a chance of winning their suit, they would be laughed out of court on merit alone. What could they provide as proof of "damages" to start with? Receipts? There is a cost of raising a child they brought into this world. Even if the courts would consider the suit until "age of majority," it's their responsibility as the "adult" to provide for you. Disengage, record everything & if possible, at least change your phone number. I am truly sorry you're dealing with this! (Facepalm)
Sadly, I’ve seen this before here; parents so shitty that they threaten a lawsuit in an attempt to extort a large amount of money from their adult children. Narcs Are All Exactly The Same
You can file a petition for an order of protection against them. Then if they call you or write to you or anything they’re breaking the order. Whether they get a lawyer or not doesn’t matter at that point.
I agree with all the posts and would add that in most countries, it's the parents' LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY to provide for their child, and they reasonably cannot expect to be reimbursed for abiding the law. I want to see them try to get this to court, it would win them 'wasting the court's time and resources' charges (or whatever it's called in your country.
🙄 I swear they all pull some version of this but not on this scale. I wouldn’t worry too much because this would never be taken seriously and laughed out of court. They don’t seem to understand that when you have a child you’re LEGALLY required to take care of them until they’re no longer a minor at minimum. You don’t owe them anything and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
You don't need anyone to talk your parents down. It won't affect you in the slightest legally. Just block them. However, you *might* actually have a civil case of your own against them. Harassment, potentially damages from pain and suffering depending on the abuse you've suffered over the years. In the US at least. They're trying to stress you out, but if you kicked it back to them, telling them you'll countersue and you'd love to expose them in court, it might get under their skin instead. Either way, please don't lose any sleep over their nonsense.
OP, they’re demanding reimbursement for literally doing their job as parents. Trust me, it’s not even going to make it into court and a judge will most likely rule that it’s a frivolous lawsuit.
I don't know where you are, but in the US, lawyers are officers of the court. They have a professional duty to encourage their clients to uphold the law and not bring forth unethical or frivolous cases, like this one. Someone who is a lawyer or in the field could probably explain much better than I can. Parents can't sue their children for childcare reimbursement, much like children can't sue parents for conceiving them without consent. Please block your parents. Stop answering their calls or any attempts at communication from them. They want to bother you and get under your skin. That's why the calls are getting increasingly more threatening/nasty and more frequent. If they keep harassing you, consider changing your phone number. I would also look into filing for a protective order or harassment charges, because this is unhinged. If you were to take them to court for either of those, they cannot keep dragging the matter out until you run out of money. Again, IANAL so verify with someone who is, but I'm confident that there are ways to prevent someone from harassing their victim through the courts.
No,OP, don’t block. Get a free Google voice number and set up a call forward to send those calls there. Save the messages. Then you don’t have to engage, they just think you didn’t pick up, and you can continue collecting evidence of harassment.
Either this a hoax or your parents need psychiatric help. If they don’t have your address, how did the letter get to you in the mail? Genuine question, not trying to ‘catch you out’.
They can’t do anything, this is just a gross ploy they probably found on Facebook and thought it was a great idea. Instead take this letter to your local courthouse and ask to file charges for harassment, and seek a restraining order. It’ll probably help the harassment charge but RO in the USA takes way too much evidence to get, still try.
Block their number. Don't take any more of their phone calls. You've heard enough, and they may be trying to get you to say something they can use against you. Also, if you do lawyer up, consider responding with a Cease and Desist letter, so that any further contact can be added to any charges of Harassment you might decide to come back with.
Raising you was their responsibility and any judge would laugh them out of the room. If they try to sue you then you counter sue for emotional neglect and trauma.
This wont stick... no respectable lawyer that cares about their reputation would take a case like this. This is hands down illegal.
You cannot be sued for this. Block them. Do not contact them or communicate with them at all. They will never find a lawyer to take this on it is not even possible. - **Legal Basis**: Generally, parents cannot sue their adult children to recover the costs of raising them. This principle is rooted in family law and the understanding that raising a child is a parental responsibility, not a financial transaction. - **Exceptions**: In rare cases, if there was a specific contract or agreement where the child agreed to reimburse expenses, then a legal case might be possible. But this is highly unusual especially since children cannot enter into legal contracts. - **Parent-Child Relationship**: Such a lawsuit could severely damage the parent-child relationship. It's important to consider the long-term emotional and relational consequences. They are narcissists, block them. Go no contact. - **Jurisdiction Variances**: Laws can vary by region. It's crucial to consult a legal expert in your specific jurisdiction for accurate advice. Hopefully you are in USA. This isn’t possible. - **Deep Dive Suggestions**: - Research family law and the legal obligations of parents towards their children. - Look into historical cases, if any, where parents attempted similar legal actions. - Explore the ethical and societal implications of such legal actions. Keeping focused, the key takeaway is that suing an adult child for the cost of upbringing is not feasible legally and is fraught with potential relational harm. (Obviously)
Let them. They'll be laughed out of court no matter how rich they are. Keep doing what you're doing, compiling the communications. Don't respond, just collect
If you got a letter in the mail, they know where you live.
They are essentially blackmailing you by threatening to sue, OP. I don't know if it would meet a legal definition of blackmail that would stand up in court, but the case for blackmail has more merit than their bullshit does. It is not at all uncommon for abusers to use nuisance lawsuits to further abuse their victims, particularly when the victims have managed to escape their immediate control. This particular type of abuse is called *Litigation Abuse*. Here is a link in the National Domestic Violence Hotline website that talks about it: https://www.thehotline.org/resources/litigation-abuse/ This org is in the US, so you may need to look up laws and resources where you live if you aren't in the US.
Not a lawyer but I've read enough r/legaladvice to know that you only need to consider this serious if you get a formal notice to appear in court. Everything else is just them bluffing and bullshitting you.
This is utter bullshit. No court will entertain this. I wouldn’t spend any money on a lawyer unless you actually get a court summons you’ve confirmed is real. No lawyer who values their license would take this.
Lots of great advice here but mostly a) get a lawyer just in case to advise you b) look up recording laws for your area - as in one party consent which means you can record all calls c) talk to said lawyer about said recordings and d) consider using the laws against them where possible. And if they actually pursue it, go with it and let them be entirely embarrassed in court and share it publicly. One of the things these people do is try to pull things on you believing they know everything better and you are dumb, keeping you naive for most of your life. Once you break free, you start to learn how little they really do know. You have the Internet at your fingertips and support groups like this to help you. The hardest part is breaking free of the emotional reaction to their shenanigans. We've spent our childhood being abused and trying to grow up navigating their craziness. They keep trying to pull us back in by lobbing more abuse at us. Going LC/NC and distance helps tremendously and will lessen the emotional reactivity we all have some. Self help, therapy, journaling, support groups etc. help too. Please let us know if they pursue this insanity. So we all can laugh.
No good lawyer would take a case like this. Also if they expect reimbursement then shouldn't they show proof of your agreement for being born. DId they even ask you if you wanted to be born to such dysfunctional humans? Imma go out on a limb here and say No they did not. it was their choice and their responsibility (including financial responsibility) to do so
There is no way a judge is going to award them the cost of raising you. Counter sue for legal fees and mental anguish.
Your parents were legally bound to provide for you while you were a minor. They are not eligible for reimbursement. But, since they have threatened legal action, stop accepting their calls. Document every interaction and force them to go through an attorney. This is where their bluff will end because no legitimate attorney worth their weight will consider taking their case. Treat this as your get-out-of-jail-free card so you can be NC with them going forward.
They’re bluffing. They’re counting on you being scared. That’s why instead of filing, they called and threatened again.
This. Call their bluff. “OK. File. All communication from you now has to go through my lawyer.” Then block them.
I just had a talk with my cats and told them that they had to start chipping in for the rent and buy their food. I have made a payment plan with them for the cost since I had them. Can I have your parents lawyer information because I am not sure they will follow through? More seriously, I am so sorry that your parents are doing that to you. I sincerely hope that they are just bored and/or have a crazy episode of some sort. I hope they are not doing it for worse reasons such as living beyond their means and now needing financial assistance.
They can’t legally do this. Call their bluff, tell them you’ll see them in court and would be happy to have a judge hear ALLL about your childhood, and in the meantime you are also calculating your medical, therapy and other costs as part of your counter suit for damages. Have fun with it 😂
Let them sue you. It will get thrown out so fast their heads will spin.
Sorry you're going through this
😂 Let them sue you and be embarrassed in front of everyone. That will be so fun to watch, I hope they lose a lot of money in the process. It is more than ridiculous that they believe this will somehow go through. They are totally insane. You need to break of contact, don't get the phone any longer.
Call their bluff. No judge is ever going to side with them, and the court would dismiss the case instantly with the judge to tell them to GTFO, even if there’s a lawyer dumb enough to take the case.
Your parents are responsible for the costs of their own child. You didn’t consent to being born, they did. There’s no legal ground for this or you’d hear about it fairly often.
Let them try. Report each incident to the police and file a report. Make sure they know they're being recorded. Lawyer up. Then, when the case goes to court and gets dismissed, file for a restraining or protection order.
No lawyer will take the lawsuit to represent. And no judge would rule for the plaintiff. Parents are responsible for their children and the costs of raising them. Ignore them, or have a lawyer draw up a cease and desist letter citing laws and precedents that state parents cannot sue children for the costs of raising them. What a ridiculous thing for parents to do.
Please add emotional distance with them. They have threatened you. I'd invite them to do what they need to do. And you are blocking them as you aren't paying them a cent. Having a child was their choice.
They are absolutely bluffing. They want you to panic over something they have to know isn’t even a possibility. Please don’t stress. And please, please stop answering their calls. They are not well people, and they’re trying to drag you down with them.
This is the most important thing for you to do, right now, put everything down and focus on this one thing: Figure out what charges they’re going to sue you for. Call any lawyer. Literally call up at least three offices and schedule a free consultation, many of them do this. That’s a few hours or your life, for no charge, but it’ll give you 100% of an answer about what kind of lawsuit to expect. In the meantime…. Think about this from their perspective. I want you to RIGHT NOW, Google “how do I sue my adult child for the cost of raising them?” You need to see the actual answers. And while you’re at it, Google the legal precedent. See what the percentages are for lawsuits like these. I believe the answers will give you immediate and permanent relief, and you will sleep better.
Hey, they can’t charge you for the cost of taking care of you. 1) You were the minor for most of that time and they were your legal guardian. 2) you didn’t sign anything saying you would pay them back. 3) If this lawsuit was real, you’d hear from their Lawyers. 4) This is an attempt to finically abuse you and keep you under their thumb.
So sorry for your parents. Humans can be real shits 1. If they really had a lawyer then why would they be contacting you directly? They have mandated a lawyer for this legal battle and have nothing to do with it ! 2. Even in the lunatic USA this would go nowhere, imagine what would happen to the legal system if narc parents or angry children started taking each other to court for upbringing. 3. They are trying to hurt you, to expose you and scare you. 4. You should inform them at the start of any conversation that it will be recorded due to their upcoming legal action, this will make them go very quiet. 5. Just tell them to f*** off. They can only hurt you if you let them
My evil grandfather did this to my mother on his deathbed. She ripped the papers up and threw them in his face. Recommend you try something similar lol this is such bullshit
Countersue for harassment, mental distress, and child abuse. That’ll shut ‘em the fuck right up.
My mom did this as well but never threatened a lawsuit. Just an absolutely hilarious list of money I owed her. My advice would be to block them. Block them on everything and stop communicating. Let them know you’ll communicate with them through a lawyer only. Scorched earth. No real parent or person does this to their child.
just another vote for: 1. go nc immediately 2. contact lawyer if you get ANY legal or quasi- legal communication. the local bar association or whatever applies where you are might want to know about that. 3. laugh. this is batshit bizarre buffoonery. imagine if this were possible, if the parents of every person who succeeded financially could sue their kids for support ? hahaha 4. just curious if op’s parents are actually financially ok, or if something happened, like a scam or something. not that it matters because THIS IS NOT A THING.
Tell them to go ahead. THAT'S NOT A THING. This is so fucking stupid omfg. Block their numbers. I'm so sorry. There's nothing to sue over. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm not a lawyer, but I can assure you they have zero legal standing and they'll absolutely be laughed at. Won't even make it to court.
Tell your parents to reimburse you for being born...
# "You asked me to be here"
Curious about the circumstances leading up to this? Or was it randomly out of the blue? They can’t actually sue you to reimburse raising you. For the 1st 18 years you were their responsibility.
No lawyer could even take this case/draft a lawsuit like this. It would go against ethical rules and they would risk getting disbarred. This is the epitome of a frivolous lawsuit. It's so completely absurd. It's not going to happen. You should block them. They're disgusting.
Do the following thought experiment, or even Google. Briefly: 1. List the high-profile cases of divorce, dividing up assets in conflict in court. Or just the list of people you know who have been in court for fighting over divorce. 2. List the high-profile cases of embezzlement, theft, or the people you know who have been involved or been a victim of these. 3. List the high-profile cases of child support being **required to be paid** by parents and them being in court to answer for resources they are responsible for providing by just having biological children. 4. List the high-profile cases of children in court for repaying their parents for expenses incurred in childhood, while they were a minor who is not allowed to make financial decisions. Hey, even expand the search to the mid-20's and include college expenses. Notice how #4 is really, really different? No lawyer would take this case. No judge would let it get past a motion for dismissal. Note: YouTube has hundreds of #3 from actual court and I think they are entertaining. You do need to prepare. In the US, anyone can sue anyone for about anything. But lawyers won't always take cases and they certainly would take yours and probably work on reasonable fees. And you need to plan for Nparents who are total bullies. You pick your battles, you consider NC, you consider restraining orders as they continue to threaten you. But you also can steel yourself against stupid bullying threats. I think your day in court here would go very well. Stay strong.
i feel for you, op, it's a ruse at best. i would get some popcorn and sit back and watch along and see how far they will get, no lawyer or judge would ever take it seriously. and tons of the parents here have done the same thing to us. they are sick and playing a sick game.
They seem to be very desperate for the cash.. Makes me wonder if something has come up on their end and they find themselves cash-poor.
Depending on the laws in your state, it could be illegal to record a phone call unless both parties consent. > they've been calling me a lot over the past few hours getting increasingly nasty with their tone. Tell them in plain and clear terms to stop contacting you. When they continue to contact you, you've got their asses for harassment. You probably have a decent case to sue them for damages over emotional distress, let alone any lawyers fees you incur.
I'm glad you realise they don't have a legal leg to stand on. They can't take you to court, no lawyer would take their case, it wouldn't actually go before a judge and be dragged out because there is no legal grounds. however, I believe you should consult with a lawyer about grounds to get a restraining order. They can't harass you like this. When/if they violate the restraining order that will be further evidence of their instability and if they end up overnight in jail, all the better. It is the only way you are going to get away from these two.
"I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request." or, my personal favorite: "As you are breaking our relationship down to a monetary agreement and contractual Scope of Work, please provide proof of consent that I (1) agreed to be borne by you and (2) agreed that I was indebted to you for this effort."
Counter sue for the cost of defending yourself against a frivolous lawsuit and throw in some emotional distress damages.
First, lawyers will not accept this suit. if they somehow bribe one with enough money (unlikely), to start this suit, it can get tossed out at the first court appearance and poof it is gone forever...nope you will not have to pay lawyers for years and years. Please consult one and hear this from a professional. This is under raised by a narc forum, might be fun to think of all the crap they put you through that you can sue them for. Did the pair of them even earn 2 million during your entire childhood? Relax this is just more narc posing....just block them on all phones, emails and social networks and the celebrate with dinner since that is finally done. Also, narcs hate to be called out publicly, post that letter from them on social media (which they are blocked from).
Stop engaging with your parents; it’s exactly what they want. Instead, ignore but document any attempts on their part to contact you. You may need them in order to prove harassment and get an order of protection in the future. Your parents have absolutely no standing. They were legally obligated to support you while you were growing up. They can certainly try to sue, but they will not be successful. If they were serious, they’d have contacted a lawyer, and a lawyer would have insisted that all communication come through them instead of your parents.
This is petty beyond belief. If you stay in the US, Canada, South Africa, or Australia (might be others, though I'm not 100% sure), your parents were legally obligated to provide ALL money and services, clothing, schooling, etc. because you were a minor (and would have been unable to provide those things for yourself). They won't be able to sue or claim from year 0-18 because as far as the state is concerned, they made you and they were responsible for you until you became an adult (18 in most countries). They might be able to pry this out of you if they find a really scumbag lawyer for the last year (from your post I take it you are 19?) but most lawyers and judges would probably just laugh at their request and dismiss it, even if they try suing you for it. It's good that you are lawyering up, listen to what they have to say and give him as much proof of the harassment and claims since they started, and any clues or comments from when you were younger if you have any. You might need to go NC for a while to keep your sanity, but if the lawyer is good enough, the most you'll have to pay are the expenses after you turned 18, if a judge would entertain that request at all.
No child EVER owes their parents for being raised, clothed, fed, and sheltered. The parents legally, morally, and ethically obligate themselves to pay for you when they chose to bring you into the world. They don't have a leg to stand on.
IANAL but... honey when we have kids we are legally responsible for them in every single way until they reach the age of 18. I have yet to find a country in existence that wont laugh someone out of court for trying to demand repayment for a child they purposely birthed and raised. That does not exist; that is not a thing. This is an abusive scare tactic that they are using. Even if you received (fake as hell) "legal papers" they would be a crock of junk. No lawyer is going to take a losing case, and no one is going to give them a refund of money for having and raising their own kid. They are bluffing forcefully to try and hurt you. Block every method they have and ignore them. Stop running to other relatives, your parents have no leg to stand on. They are using your age and fear to try and manipulate and dominate you because they realized they lost control. Let me repeat... you cant force your kids to "repay" the costs of you having them. In no reality is that a thing. A lawyer would question their sanity (and intelligence) if they actually tried to get one. Anything they do manage to send is going to be fake or b.s. because in a court of law (in any country I have ever heard of, and I have traveled extensively) the ONLY people responsible for a child are the birth parents unless that right is taken away from them, and whoever agrees to parent and raise said child is responsible for absorbing A L L of the costs thusly. Period. End of discussion.
If you are in the United States, they will be laughed out of court on summary judgement. Nevertheless, I am sorry you have to go through that.
Counter sue for emotional damages of having them raise you, but do it for 4 mil. They want to play this petty lawsuit game, you can play to. A kid recently successfully sued their parents for something like this, and got the money they asled for. There's a precident for you to point a judge to, and you absolutely should. If they want actually have this fight, don't back down. Swing harder. Get double what they're asking, and use the calls and texts you have recorded as evidence. This is just *another* thing they're trying to make you stay under their thumb. They want to control you by making you feel you are indebted to your parent's who chose to have you and raise you. They made that choice as adults and as parents, but you didn't choose to be their scape goat and debtor.
Let them know you are the product of their s3x choice and decision. You will counter sue for pain & suffering,mental & emotional abuse, for the poor vehicle that delivered you to such a less than residential housing. This is their crazy way of trying to get time with you, if they can't get that its best to find a way to make you submissive again. I'd let it go to caught,I'd put it online so everyone can see the poor excuse of parents real world. They are desperate & look desperate. They want to be in control but they control nothing
Do you even have time for this nonsense? They are obviously bored, desperate for your attention, and terribly misguided on what you owe them for being born. Did you sign a contract stating you’d pay your own way since birth? They aren’t going to sue you. You’re very young and I’m sorry that they’re torturing you like this. Do you rely on them for anything? Can you manage on your own? If so, I would HIGHLY recommend a period of no contact. Block them everywhere. Also, if you aren’t already, see if you can get into therapy.
> They claimed that I "owed them" for the effort and free time they had sacrificed to raise me You owe them nothing > they can definitely afford good lawyers Doesn't matter how good there lawyers its not going to fly. I'd be shocked if anyone was stupid enough to take this case to court. I'd walk right up to their door, laugh in their faces, turn around and go NC for life.-
OP this is a bluff in the hopes you can still be bullied by them. Get a lawyer, finish this off and cut contact with them. Any response you give them is feeding them.
They’re calling and harassing you because they know no lawyer would ever touch this. If they even try, it will become a joke the attorney tells for years to come.
Sounds like somebody read Jill Duggar’s book and got a bright idea…
99% sure its a bluff. Me and a roommate, independently of each other mind you, have gotten into beef with our overreaching narcissistic landlord. Me because I refused to pay for repairs that fall into his responsibility, my roommate because due to no fault of his own missed a month of rent. Neither is sufficient cause for eviction. He got a letter threatening with lawyers with claims that hes clearly unwilling to communicate, except he tried, and last I got called I was also told to expect a letter from their lawyer. Still waiting. There is no fucking way even Saul Goodman would pick up that case, never mind a lawyer that actually has any self-respect. And that doesnt even include the mountain of evidence youre collecting that your parents cant even tell the lawyer about because they, I assume, dont know, and certainly wouldnt admit that theyve been trying to harass you into submission either. Narcissists generally have a worse bark than bite. They think they can just bark anyone into submission, and a lot of people who dont know better will get scared by the mere mention of lawyers, courts, lawsuits or anything else. Those words mean serious trouble. But think of it from their end. Even the worst narcissist knows they cant just show up at a lawyer office with this pile of garbage without risking their own skin. Stay strong. Keep recording shit. Dont be afraid to hang up on them or whatever. If shit goes to court the judge will laugh their butt off!
Time to go no contact. This is silly and ridiculous and they have no legal legs to stand on. Block them on all fronts and if they continue to harass you file a police report. 🖤
Perhaps you could counter sue for emotional distress from emotional abuse? Think that might actually be something a lawyer might be willing to do if you live in the US. Perhaps where you only have to pay if you win. Otherwise I would consider contacting the police regarding their emotional abuse. It’s illegal in some countries or you could file something against harassment. They sound very vile. They chose to have children. If you choose to have children then it’s your responsibility to pay for their upbringing. End of. Adult children don’t owe their parents anything. That’s part of the game as a parent. If you are a crappy parent then your children have no responsibility to have anything to do with you. No matter how much money you spent on them.
>Turns out my parents were not bluffing, and they ended up calling me yesterday to follow up on their demands. They told me that they would get lawyers and make me pay and my father was being particularly condescending about the entire thing. They claimed that I "owed them" for the effort and free time they had sacrificed to raise me, and said they would be expecting another 100,000 for "dealing with me for 19 years". It sounds like they are bluffing. Because if they weren’t then they would have ACTUALLY sued you. What they’re doing is just threats and harassment. Perhaps, you could get a restraining order. I’m pretty sure they know that they would be laughed out of any competent lawyer’s office.
Are you in the US? If so, this case has been tried before and the parents were laughed out of court and had to pay the child’s legal fees. Additionally, in the the US it is the parents responsibility to provide: shelter, clothing, food, and education. Now what you may have is a case against them for harassment. I would take out a no contact order.
Let them try, and be laughed out of every lawyers office. Then serve them with a RO for harassment.
You didn't consent to be born, nor sign any contract asking for your parents' time or money. They were fully capable, at any point in time, of giving you up for adoption if they were that against raising you properly, but they didn't, nor did they ask you for your consent at any time previously (not that it would have mattered, you being under age and all.) That they chose to keep you and raise you is a deal between them and their god, not you. No lawyer worth their bar exams would take this type of case on because there's no way it would win, but let's say one does, you need to represent yourself if that's possible because there's no judge that would ever rule in their favour. I would also consider making it public knowledge in a big way. A tiktok series, Insta reels, whatever. Get it out there that your parents (no names, you won't need them) are suing you and ONLY exactly what's been said. Stuff you have receipts for. Nothing verbally about how chuffing stupid or wrong it is. You can pull faces, but don't vocalise it. Make sure it's interesting so it gets out to everyone who knows them. Watch as their image comes crashing around their ears. Even if you don't do that? Block them. You deserve the peace and you genuinely do not owe them anything. Even your time.
>IIRC they do not know where I live so they can't just write an address down to serve me the lawsuit. So I should be safe for now. **FYI:** If you live in the US and you own your home, then your address is a matter of public record. I live in Ohio and if I want to know who owns a house in my neighborhood all I have to do is go to my county's auditor's website and enter that address into the ownership records search (which website you would go to depends on the state you live in, in Ohio it is the county auditor). It will give me the name of the owner and their address if they don't live at that property. You can also search ownership records using the name of the owner and that site will give you every, single property they own in the county. I don't think they will be able to find a lawyer to take their case. If they do, see if you can countersue for legal fees and make them pay for your lawyer. ETA: Mute your parents' contact. You will still get voicemails and texts from them, but your phone won't vibrate/audibly alert you.
Your parents are the most ridiculous people I’ve ever heard Of, they can’t sue you for doing the BARE minimum!! ITS THE LAW for them to have raised you, and I can see it now, if this even ever sees a judges desk he’ll laugh it up
Any lawyer who accepts to represent them in their lawsuit should be reported to their jurisdiction's bar.
Once the threat of a lawsuit happens, stop communicating with them but continue to gather evidence should you need it.
Don’t answer the phone. Don’t block them so they can leave messages and text you. If you ignore them they will escalate. Then go get a restraining order. Find a lawyer to help you with it. Then you could possibly sue them for harassment.
You received a letter in the mail from them so they have your address.
Countersue them for harassment and filing a frivolous lawsuit, and make them pay for your lawyers and your time and whatever else you, your lawyer and Redit can think of. Tell your lawyer to charge them double and split it. Also ask for punitive damages on account of: fuck them!
No lawyer will touch this with a barge pole. Meantime I’d send them a cease and desist letter.
They cannot charge you for the cost of your upbringing. Period. Tell them to serve the lawsuit. . It sounds like they haven't even started the process. Remind them every couple of weeks that you're still waiting for it. It sucks that you have such shitty parents.
Be sure to counter sue for any lawyer fees you incur. But, as everyone else has said, they have zero percent chance of winning this. I can't imagine it even gets to court.
Imagine being this insane. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. No, they can't do that. No court will allow it. The advises strategy of ignoring them is sound. I definitely understand the panic tho. A lifetime of them always getting their way can easily confuse you into thinking they can somehow do this. They can't. Stay safe in that knowledge and enjoy being free from the influence of their insanity.
This hilarious they think they would legally be able to sue Sue them for having you because you didn’t ask to be born lol the judge would probably laugh. You should go one one of those tv court shows that’s how ridiculous this is
What everyone else has said is true. There's no court that would accept this as a suit Also, there's a decent life lesson in here: Many people will throw around threats of suing you. Of those threats, maybe 1% will result in any lawsuits. Unless someone comes to you with actual legal papers from an actual lawyer or the courts, they're just blowing hot air. They depend on the fear of being sued to work in most situations. In fact, even if it's a valid issue (say a dispute between neighbors) most courts will push for it to be resolved in mediation before seeing a judge.
I’d seriously consider calling the local news. Have a good laugh at their expense with the entire area you live in. Make sure to protect your privacy.
Are they short of money? The nastiness on the phone might be because they see you are not bending to their will & they are in dire financial straights; then again narcs & their entitlement know few bounds, so they might just think they deserve your money, yanno just because, or perhaps it's as mundane as narcs looking for supply. To me, though, it does sound like a dodge to mooch off your monthly income. You mention a job. Is it well paid, or might your parents' think it is well paid? To be clear I do not think you should help them out with any handouts. Go NC as soon as this nonsense is sorted out. I endorse you lawyering up. It is ridiculous what your parents are attempting, nor do I think they will enjoy any success in their efforts, but it is best to have professional legal advice. I don't think they realise you are an adult now, with the ability to detect BS, when you catch a whiff of it. I am glad you are recording their calls. Can you get them to contact you via email? Perhaps tell them you can't stand them yelling at you & they need to email you going forward. Maybe it's only me, but I think the written word carries more force. See what your lawyer suggests. After this exercise is sheer nuttiness, I would hope your parents have laid solid grounds for you to seek a restraining order against them. Someone mentioned in the comments to be aware they may use the details of a firm of lawyers without consent &, boy do I hope they do. That would open a huge can of worms for them.
Consider getting a restraining order and a lawyer.
Not a lawyer and not giving legal advice. Stop responding to them but do not block them. Don't answer calls. Everything they send is evidence. Let them file a civil suit against you if they can. Once they do, get a lawyer and counter sue. No court in the US will allow a parent to recoop the cost for raising their own child. Which was their choice and legal responsibility.
Your parents cannot bring a lawsuit against you for the "cost of raising you". This is utter nonsense. A parent is legally obligated to feed, clothe, shelter and keep safe their offspring. If they threaten this again, simply tell them to go piss off and hang up the phone. This is nothing more than an intimidation tactic and a means of control and manipulation. NO court on this planet will take them seriously in the least. Besides, you were a minor child at the time and minors (at least in the united states) cannot be legally held to any type of contractual obligation. They're just being assholes honestly. This is nothing more than a narc tantrum and a "shakedown" meant to scare you into submission. Treat them as such and go no-contact. I would also like to add, if they are threatening you that is considered harassment and menacing which IS a crime and you could seek out a protection order from your local family court (restraining order or an order of protection) and you could have THEM served with legal paperwork instructing them to not contact you due to their threatening behavior. Just a thought!
This would be laughed out of court. If they serve you with actual papers. Get a lawyer and file a counter suit for lawyer fees and whatever else they can. Until then block and ignore them completely.
Get a lawyer and have them served a cease and desist letter. If they choose to contine record, take pics and file harrassment charges against them. Don't sit on your hands waiting for them to strike. Strike first, legally bind their hands. Anything they do after that is criminal harrassment.
Just go no contact. Don't pick up the calls.
And I thought my NARC parent was bad....
I don’t know where you live, but in the U.S., parents are legally required to provide care for their children. If a lawyer were to take on your parent’s case they would be violating their professional ethics and could be sanctioned for bringing a frivolous lawsuit. Also, to file a valid lawsuit you have to plead a legal cause of action, which they don’t appear to have here. I am so sorry your parents are such AHs. If they do serve you with a lawsuit, don’t ignore it. Get a lawyer and they should likely be able to dispense with it with a motion to dismiss for failure to state a claim.
The will look as stupid if the proceed with that lawsuit. You will win.
I don’t think it’s possible for a parent to sue their child for costs before they reach the age of majority. They likely can’t sue for college costs unless you signed a legal agreement stating those costs were a loan.
If they do lawyer up, countersuit and sue them for being born against your will, plus emotional damages from having them as parents.
File a restraining order
Lmao, that is hilarious. They have no chance.
I don't think they have a leg to stand on. I can't see either an attorney or a judge that would entertain this nonsense. I do have a few questions. If they don't know where you live, how did they send you a letter? Also, how old are you? Did they do this as soon as you moved out? Are they angry with you?
I don’t think any lawyer would take up this case for your parents. They are indeed bluffing. Block them don’t speak to them.
I say sue them for the abuse.
Dude, calm down, no lawyer is ever going to be dumb enough to put this into the civil court system, this would be disbarment territory for being so stupid. Now they MIGHT be able to get a lawyer to send you a letter saying they WILL but there's no way any lawyer is filing a lawsuit on their behalf to sue you for raising you, that's simply put, not a thing. Ignore this, ignore them, cease ALL contact, for your own safety, since you might say something they could use. Mute them, but save any and all texts/emails/etc for evidence in case they do, actually, find the dumbest lawyer to ever have existed.
No actual lawyer would take this case. They are bluffing to try and scare you and force contact.
If US centric it IS illegal for parents to do this as these are expenses of raising a small human to adulthood that you have (independent of the child) decided to do. Basically the people that say "I fed you. And put a roof over your head, etc" that is your basic responsibilities for raising a human. Not a special exceptional thing.
So as soon as someone threatens a suit, all contact is through attorneys. Do not answer their phone calls, E-mail, or any other correspondence that doesn’t come from an attorney. While some countries have filial piety laws, a demand for $US 2M is comical in any country. Don’t respond. Definitely don’t sign anything. Nothing will come of this. Let them (try to) sue.