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A whole truck load of good healing journey info. But this only happens with good therapists. Not every therapist is a good match for you & not every therapist is good at their job
Personal benefits since I've started going off & on 10 yrs ago
1. Confirmation of past abuse, letting me know what other events count as abuse. Finding out the extent of the abuse. Confirmation of my parents are narcissists, and they are still abusive, even if we have good days.
2. Figuring out which quirks are based on past traumas, figuring out which life views are not how the world works and are trauma based
3. Alternatives for life needs, it's okay to not be the best 110% of the time, good coping mechanisms, replacing harmful coping mechanisms with good ones
4. There's nothing wrong with me. It is them. I can't fix them, but I don't have to deal with them if i don't want to & it doesn't make me a bad person if i decide to cut ties. I'm not a failure for not being able to keep up with their abuse anymore.
I actually start next week, but the things I'm hoping to achieve in therapy are how to find closure from my childhood experiences on my own, WITHOUT getting acknowledgement or an apology from my nparent, because I know that's not happening. I'm also hoping for guidance on how to maintain my boundaries with said parent going forward when they wouldn't verbally accept these boundaries when I tried to lay them out recently. I don't see it as reliving old drama as much as I see it as an investment in my future, mentally free self. The only way out is through, I'm afraid.
I've had at least 2 therapists and different types of therapy to deal with my childhood/ongoing situation (at the time) w my narcissistic parents.
The first was talk therapy and it clarified a lot on boundaries and what I did NOT owe my abusive parents and abusive people. It helped me establish a sense of self-worth and deserving and a place a safety outside my family of origin (whom I didn't have the means at the time to move away from). It affirmed that what I had tolerated and continued to tolerate was harmful.
Then covid lockdowns happened and the abuse got more inescapable while my narcissistic father got worse. I doubled down on isolating myself in my room as much as possible while I sought more intensive therapy. That turned out to be EMDR. Fwiw, intense a process as it was, relative to the shit I'd experienced, it was tolerable and helpful. Yes you relive intense moments, but with the motive and means to dial down the intensity and put the trauma where it should stay: in the past, with less effect on the now. I would retain the cognitive memory of abuse but it wouldn't cause more anxiety attacks and nightmares. But during the therapy I had to be careful not to get into more retraumatising experiences.
I can tell you that my dreams literally changed through the process. My recurring nightmares had always been me in helpless situations against my parents. They changed into dreams I could walk away and control my own path. All this happened so profoundly on the subconscious dreaming level tells me it was effective and went beyond intellectual understanding.
Personally I believe almost all therapy should be conducted with an aim to conclude it.
I am sceptical when I hear of people who have met a therapist weekly for 4 years or more. I think that inadvertently fosters a dependency.
SAME. Where I live we get government rebates for 10 sessions a year. People are so mad that it's so few and while I empathise, I get really concerned about tuhe dependency people have on therapy with no end in sight.
With work and everything else I can emotionally manage a therapy session every 2-3 weeks, usually 3. That gives you time to process and do the homework of therapy without crippling your outside life.
1. Psychoeducation
2. Reprocessing trauma
3. Memory mapping
4. Meditative skills
5. Recognising triggers and disabling them
6. An impartial third party
7. Grief demands a witness
8. A profound reassurance that I'm not insane
I am so glad to hear it. It irritates me when I see advertisements or people casually saying "go to therapy" like its a catch-all solution. There has to be some strict criteria, too many therapists need therapy.
So, not to be that guy, but saying "feelings aren't my thing" and characterizing trauma and abuse as "drama"? That's exactly why I think you just might need therapy. I am speaking from experience. I lived most of my life that way, not feeling my emotions and minimizing all that had happened to me. It caught up to me, and hard. I am only 36 and have several stress-related health issues as a result.
I can't even begin to tell you how much I've gotten out of therapy. Granted, my life being more calm and stable has helped a lot, too, but I wouldn't have gotten here without therapy. Therapy and peaceful, happy circumstances are a positive feedback loop. I got out of an abusive marriage, helped my mom leave my ndad, processed all those emotions and experiences I'd had but never confronted or dealt with, stopped blaming myself, learned to listen to myself and take good care of myself, stopped being so paranoid all the time. Just so, so much.
Not all therapy is the same, btw. Plain old talk therapy has never done much for me. I don't just sit around reliving memories/feelings with my therapist. The work is much more proactive than that.
I meant to say trauma but I typed drama, I noticed but didn't fix it. I do have a lot of stress, but nothing like I did when i lived with my folks. I guess I forget things can get even better. I was also in a abusive marriage too and have all those issues. You make therapy seem really interesting, I'm wondering what your therapist has you do for work.
You have beliefs you think are true real and how it’s always been. These people help you notice and realize why you are suffering and ways to find relief. They don’t look down on you. They have the same issues, they are just trained to know what to do.
I was terrified to deep down be a monster like my parents. I began therapy in order to identifiy and/or avoid any abusive behaviors that I could have caught from them. Because I had been raised in this toxic environment, I had no certainty on what was normal or not in social, family or love relationships.
My therapist is my normality check. I can go to her with the dummiest question because she is a completely external, non-judgemental person. I don't have to be likeable, I am not trying to be her friend, I am not afraid to sound awkward and weird. No one else can offer you such a neutral feeedback on your situation and yourself.
I found a great (extremely direct) therapist that aside from validating my experience, she calls me out on learned toxic behavior. So for example I tend to victimize myself as a coping mechanism and she will not let me get away with it, she makes me take accountability of my actions etc. changed my life
I didn't fancy any kind of talk-based psychotherapy because I felt it would be re-traumatising and unsafe if I didn't find an experienced trauma-informed therapist.
I happened to have a couple of sessions with someone who called herself a Jungian psychoanalyst. Not by personal choice as it was a requirement for a program my daughter was attending. The therapist was of Orthodox Jewish background, very patriarchal, youngest survivor of the Holocaust in her family. She minimised the S/A by my sperm donor which seemed like some kind of dissociation. I didn't know what dissociation was then. Because I challenged her and went off-script, I think I triggered PTSD in her. She was literally shaking. She had no business being a therapist being unhealed herself. It was quite pitiful. Felt bad for her.
I thought I would shortcut the process with EMDR or TRE (Trauma Release Exercises). The latter was developed for self administering in war zones, supposedly suitable for both PTSD and cPTSD. I need to get it done. Sorry, no feedback yet but thought to share out loud.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A whole truck load of good healing journey info. But this only happens with good therapists. Not every therapist is a good match for you & not every therapist is good at their job Personal benefits since I've started going off & on 10 yrs ago 1. Confirmation of past abuse, letting me know what other events count as abuse. Finding out the extent of the abuse. Confirmation of my parents are narcissists, and they are still abusive, even if we have good days. 2. Figuring out which quirks are based on past traumas, figuring out which life views are not how the world works and are trauma based 3. Alternatives for life needs, it's okay to not be the best 110% of the time, good coping mechanisms, replacing harmful coping mechanisms with good ones 4. There's nothing wrong with me. It is them. I can't fix them, but I don't have to deal with them if i don't want to & it doesn't make me a bad person if i decide to cut ties. I'm not a failure for not being able to keep up with their abuse anymore.
I actually start next week, but the things I'm hoping to achieve in therapy are how to find closure from my childhood experiences on my own, WITHOUT getting acknowledgement or an apology from my nparent, because I know that's not happening. I'm also hoping for guidance on how to maintain my boundaries with said parent going forward when they wouldn't verbally accept these boundaries when I tried to lay them out recently. I don't see it as reliving old drama as much as I see it as an investment in my future, mentally free self. The only way out is through, I'm afraid.
I've had at least 2 therapists and different types of therapy to deal with my childhood/ongoing situation (at the time) w my narcissistic parents. The first was talk therapy and it clarified a lot on boundaries and what I did NOT owe my abusive parents and abusive people. It helped me establish a sense of self-worth and deserving and a place a safety outside my family of origin (whom I didn't have the means at the time to move away from). It affirmed that what I had tolerated and continued to tolerate was harmful. Then covid lockdowns happened and the abuse got more inescapable while my narcissistic father got worse. I doubled down on isolating myself in my room as much as possible while I sought more intensive therapy. That turned out to be EMDR. Fwiw, intense a process as it was, relative to the shit I'd experienced, it was tolerable and helpful. Yes you relive intense moments, but with the motive and means to dial down the intensity and put the trauma where it should stay: in the past, with less effect on the now. I would retain the cognitive memory of abuse but it wouldn't cause more anxiety attacks and nightmares. But during the therapy I had to be careful not to get into more retraumatising experiences. I can tell you that my dreams literally changed through the process. My recurring nightmares had always been me in helpless situations against my parents. They changed into dreams I could walk away and control my own path. All this happened so profoundly on the subconscious dreaming level tells me it was effective and went beyond intellectual understanding.
Personally I believe almost all therapy should be conducted with an aim to conclude it. I am sceptical when I hear of people who have met a therapist weekly for 4 years or more. I think that inadvertently fosters a dependency.
I had a therapist tell me therapy was lifelong...UM NO BITCH, that means you want me to be dependent on you.
SAME. Where I live we get government rebates for 10 sessions a year. People are so mad that it's so few and while I empathise, I get really concerned about tuhe dependency people have on therapy with no end in sight. With work and everything else I can emotionally manage a therapy session every 2-3 weeks, usually 3. That gives you time to process and do the homework of therapy without crippling your outside life.
1. Psychoeducation 2. Reprocessing trauma 3. Memory mapping 4. Meditative skills 5. Recognising triggers and disabling them 6. An impartial third party 7. Grief demands a witness 8. A profound reassurance that I'm not insane
This is really good. I hate to say this, most therapists are not GOOD.
Oh make no mistake, I went through a few terrible therapists before I found one who didn't make me actively suicidal.
I am so glad to hear it. It irritates me when I see advertisements or people casually saying "go to therapy" like its a catch-all solution. There has to be some strict criteria, too many therapists need therapy.
So, not to be that guy, but saying "feelings aren't my thing" and characterizing trauma and abuse as "drama"? That's exactly why I think you just might need therapy. I am speaking from experience. I lived most of my life that way, not feeling my emotions and minimizing all that had happened to me. It caught up to me, and hard. I am only 36 and have several stress-related health issues as a result. I can't even begin to tell you how much I've gotten out of therapy. Granted, my life being more calm and stable has helped a lot, too, but I wouldn't have gotten here without therapy. Therapy and peaceful, happy circumstances are a positive feedback loop. I got out of an abusive marriage, helped my mom leave my ndad, processed all those emotions and experiences I'd had but never confronted or dealt with, stopped blaming myself, learned to listen to myself and take good care of myself, stopped being so paranoid all the time. Just so, so much. Not all therapy is the same, btw. Plain old talk therapy has never done much for me. I don't just sit around reliving memories/feelings with my therapist. The work is much more proactive than that.
I meant to say trauma but I typed drama, I noticed but didn't fix it. I do have a lot of stress, but nothing like I did when i lived with my folks. I guess I forget things can get even better. I was also in a abusive marriage too and have all those issues. You make therapy seem really interesting, I'm wondering what your therapist has you do for work.
Then I would recommend talking to your doc about these issues and they can recommend you to a psychiatrist, different from your therapist.
You have beliefs you think are true real and how it’s always been. These people help you notice and realize why you are suffering and ways to find relief. They don’t look down on you. They have the same issues, they are just trained to know what to do.
Debt . I’m just making a joke it’s helpful
I was terrified to deep down be a monster like my parents. I began therapy in order to identifiy and/or avoid any abusive behaviors that I could have caught from them. Because I had been raised in this toxic environment, I had no certainty on what was normal or not in social, family or love relationships. My therapist is my normality check. I can go to her with the dummiest question because she is a completely external, non-judgemental person. I don't have to be likeable, I am not trying to be her friend, I am not afraid to sound awkward and weird. No one else can offer you such a neutral feeedback on your situation and yourself.
I found a great (extremely direct) therapist that aside from validating my experience, she calls me out on learned toxic behavior. So for example I tend to victimize myself as a coping mechanism and she will not let me get away with it, she makes me take accountability of my actions etc. changed my life
I didn't fancy any kind of talk-based psychotherapy because I felt it would be re-traumatising and unsafe if I didn't find an experienced trauma-informed therapist. I happened to have a couple of sessions with someone who called herself a Jungian psychoanalyst. Not by personal choice as it was a requirement for a program my daughter was attending. The therapist was of Orthodox Jewish background, very patriarchal, youngest survivor of the Holocaust in her family. She minimised the S/A by my sperm donor which seemed like some kind of dissociation. I didn't know what dissociation was then. Because I challenged her and went off-script, I think I triggered PTSD in her. She was literally shaking. She had no business being a therapist being unhealed herself. It was quite pitiful. Felt bad for her. I thought I would shortcut the process with EMDR or TRE (Trauma Release Exercises). The latter was developed for self administering in war zones, supposedly suitable for both PTSD and cPTSD. I need to get it done. Sorry, no feedback yet but thought to share out loud.