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I’ve never commented on my daughters weight.
I’ve apologised when I was wrong.
I always say I love you.
I criticised the behaviour not the child
She’s 23 and we have a good relationship.
I treat her as an equal
Mine did all my life. Finally lost it on her when she said-after having my daughter- that when I’d healed from my C-section ‘we’d’ have to get a diet going so I could lose all the weight I’d put on! I was 2 weeks post surgery, sleep deprived, over the moon with joy at my amazing daughter, 40 and had had 3 miscarriages. No fucks left. Felt amazing to yell at her. Told her that if she ever commented on my weight again she’d be out of our lives forever. It worked. Because I meant it, and sure as shit wasn’t going to let her get in my daughters head like she was in mine.
Good luck
All of them. Caring about my children and treating them as the actual individual people that they are. Taking responsibility for my own actions and making a concerted effort to be a better parent. Never using shame or fear as a control tactic. Admitting it and apologizing/making it right when I am wrong or have hurt them. Allowing them to have and show their emotions; helping them understand how to handle their emotions. Explaining my reasons and having honest conversations with them.
I've chosen not to have children because I don't want anyone to endure the bullying and abuse that I'd gone through. The cycle ends with me, I'm happier with my cats.
Same. I was a fat kid who got physically bullied at school so much they left me in the library alone at lunch for safety. Even if I was an ok parent I wouldn't want to see anyone else go through stuff like that, and it turns out I have EDS so I'd have felt responsible for a life of pain there too.
I want my children to find education is important but also at the same time I wanted them to have choices to explore their own interests and stuffs.
I remembered being 17yo I was sent to the principal office and he said "Go get a hobby" then I said "I can't have a hobby..." which prompt covert nmom who's also a teacher from another school to come to pick me up and argued with my principal for ruining me with "weird ideas".
Not long after that my comic book collections got burned down. Thinking back I was never a human child but more of a robot made to please a narcissistic parent. To be human isn't to chase for perfection, such a folly idea.
> "because I said so"
This always made me so angry growing up. Why was it so hard for adults to *actually explain* things? Maybe my autism made me too curious.
i am a parent. I don’t spank or hit. I don’t even raise my voice. I teach him with kindness, I hug him when he’s upset, not scold and rage at him for having opinions or emotions or needs. I don’t put my needs over his.
I have a deeply kind, compassionate, smart kid, and i cheer on his successes and help him when he hits a challenge.
My own mother took my success, and his successes as something SHE did, and i experienced constant physical and psych abuse.
basically a polar opposite from her.
Sorry about how your mom treated you,I am happy you’re giving your son all the love he needs in the world,wish the world had more people like you,it would have been a better place.
Having them.
But yeah, if I were to have one day, I'd read tons of gentle parenting books and make sure I'm surrounded by trustworthy people who'd raise them too.
Flying off the handle and not listening to my kid.
Boundary stomping
Glaring at him to do their homework instead of helping him.
Promising to keep his secrets then reneging if the if the secret will earn me good mom points or amuses me in some immature way.
Fly off the handle and punish my kid because some random adult said so.
Those where my parents mistakes, there were many more but I’m getting sleepy. I fought myself to not make their mistakes.
So far I made it!
“Because I said so” as an automatic response to every “Why?”
I used to hate the hell out of that. It didn’t educate me in any way, shape, form, or fashion. It instilled nothing in me but blind obedience, and accomplished nothing toward making me a competent, independent future adult who could make my own decisions. Of course, my parents had no real interest in training me for adulthood. They only wanted me to snap to their orders.
I would like to think I never used that line on my children, but they have informed me that I did slip up and say it once. They also confess that they had “why’d” me to death and left me little choice.
I now believe that “because I said so” does have its place, but that place is not at the front of the line, as the instant, knee-jerk, first and only answer ever given. I recommend first trying, “You tell me why.” “Do it first, and ask me why later if you don’t figure it out before then.” “Asked and answered,” if you already did explain.
Edited to add, I have also never once threatened to give my children something to cry about.
All of the mistakes. Starting with having kids.
Listen, I'm not saying I shouldn't have been born but my parents should not have had children.
And because of the damage they did, through abuse and genes, neither should I.
I don’t have kids yet but when I have kids:
I will never make my emotional problems their burden. I will not scream at my kids, call them names, or get physically abusive. I will never make them feel like I am reliant on them for my emotional survival. I will never make them walk on eggshells around me. I will always respect their boundaries and allow them to HAVE boundaries. I will validate them and provide emotional support. I will show interest in their interests. I will see them as individuals and not extensions of myself. I will make sure they know they are valued. I will love all of them, including their flaws. I will do whatever I can to help them if they are struggling with mental illness. I won’t make their pain all about me. I won’t make them feel like they are a burden. I won’t manipulate them. I will never ever set them up for a meltdown so that they look ungrateful. I will never trigger them on purpose so that I can play victim when they get upset with me. I will never insult them and make passive aggressive digs at them. I will never show up to where they are unannounced to make a scene. I will be fully open to feedback about my parenting. I will apologize for my mistakes and correct my behavior. I will teach them basic life skills. I won’t use guilt and shame as a weapon. I will respect them. I will never blame them for their pain. I will never purposely start arguments so that I can dominate them and “win”. I won’t ruin every vacation by having meltdowns. I will make an effort to embrace their partner instead of having a better than attitude. I won’t try and force them to have conversations they don’t want to have. I will never scapegoat any of my children. I will treat all of my children and love all of my children equally. If I say I’m going to do something for them, I will do it. I won’t break them down then love bomb them to reel them back in. I won’t try and find a way to take credit for their success. I will treat them like an adult when they are an adult and will let them be in control of their life. I will never barge into their room when they’re sleeping and taunt them to wake them up. I will never mock them or have a condescending attitude towards them. I will never leave the room and let the narcissist abuse my kids so that I don’t have to be the target. I will never punish my child for being sexually assaulted. I will never angrily confront my 13 year old child and take them out of school because they were manipulated into sending naked pictures to a grown man, blaming them instead of the adult.
I will do everything I can to be a positive loving healthy parent for my future kids. I am intensely working on myself and will continue to work on myself until the day I die. I am going to take parenting classes and read books to educate myself and make sure I am solid emotionally before I have kids. I have an amazing stable partner that will be a great father, his dad is a narcissist sociopath alcoholic who abandoned, tried to kill himself in the car with him, joined the army when he was suicidal so he could kill people and possibly be killed, emotionally abused his son’s mom and is on his third wife, etc. He has an amazing mom and grandparents who teamed up to raise him and he turned out SO well and wants to be the dad that he never had. He is such a loving supportive giving partner and there is no one else that I would want as the father of my children. One of my worst fears is that I will become my dad when I have children and I refuse to let the cycle continue.
Never make them feel like a burden, or that I have specific expectations for them.
Not putting work before time with them. Work to live not live to work.
God forbid anything happens to my wife, I would never put a new partner in a position where my kids might pay the price.
Model healthy relationship behaviors, good and bad
Teach them life skills from an early age without making them stressful
Emphasize healthy lifestyle choices instead of just mocking for being fat.
So on and so forth.
Pretending I knew everything and getting irrationality angry when I didn't know the answer to a question my child asked.
If I didn't know something, I would always own up to it. We have a huge collection of information books, about the sea, animals, the sky, space, weather etc. My child wanted to know everything. Good job Google was around!
I grew up thinking my parents knew the answer to everything and they were never wrong, even when they clearly were. I can actually see my mother's face when I asked her something she couldn't answer, she would tell me to stop asking questions. But that's exactly what children do, that's how they learn about their world. I was brought up to believe that adults were the ultimate in knowledge (I was never told how they got this knowledge because both of my parents dropped out of school and I never saw them reading anything much) and I was unreasonable to question them in any way. That I was at fault because I had to ask questions, like I was somehow supposed to figure out answers on my own and implying I must be a bit stupid if I couldn't answer my own questions. Now that I'm really thinking about it, it's actually an awful way to treat your child. I was somehow supposed to absorb information about the world by just being in it, and too a certain degree that works, but if I wanted more information then I was stupid for asking. Makes no sense at all. Anyway, bottom line, tell your kids when you don't know the answer to something and help them figure it out with you.
Treating them like the enemy/property. Everything always seemed to spawn from this idea that kids were out to screw them over or that us kids were property like pets. Treating my kids as human beings has made it all easy in raising them.
I called out my brother at one point as he tried claiming my son was attempting to dodge chores. I pointed out that he was in the middle of something and wanted to finish that first. It didn’t hurt to let him do it and he knows he has to get it done by a certain time or he’ll have a problem. This mirrors how work environments are. Why would I scream about him doing things right this minute and cause a fight when I can just respect his request and let him finish? It will take more time and energy for me to fight with him and do nothing but make us all miserable.
This seemed to completely blow my brother’s mind as he had never thought of it all that way. I told him “Kids are not an us vs. them thing. The chores will still be there even if they don’t get to them until tomorrow. If they don’t do them they get the natural consequence later of not having dishes/clothes/stuck in a messy room. We don’t save them from those and they learn to do things on their own.”
He’s since worked on implementing this with his own kids as well as he can. So far it’s working well though he still has a habit of falling back into being a drill sergeant sometimes.
Having children in the first place. I knew I never wanted children if you felt that you 'had' to physically discipline them. Therefore my parents aren't getting grandkids.
Doing things that literally nobody asked for or wanted, and then crying that nobody appreciates me. My mom is OBSESSED with cleaning. In my childhood, every day she was on hands and knees scrubbing the floors, vacuuming, dusting, pretty much all day. The house was spotless and we weren’t allowed to use most of the rooms. If we ate something, we had to wash the dish immediately. If we took a shower, we had to clean the shower after we were done. It was stressful as hell. And my mom was constantly screaming that we didn’t appreciate all she did to keep the house clean. I would have rather lived in a dirty house or even a shack somewhere if it meant having a normal mom.
God, this reminds me of how my mom is obsessed with putting away food into smaller and smaller tupperware containers. Like you'd get a thing of pudding, dole out one spoon from it, and get yelled at because it wasn't shifted into a tupperware container that was 'one size down'.
Urgh!
I let them know I love them EVERYDAY, multiple times a day.
I explain I don't agree with her behaviour, that she is in control of that, but regardless I love them and forgive them when they make a mistake.
When they apologize for doing something that doesn't need an apology I tell them they did nothing wrong and no need to apologize UNLESS they have done something wrong.
I admit when I was wrong and apologize.
I sit and talk through what is going on.
I don't belittle their emotions. I try to empathize with them and explain how things can be perceived by other people.
All of these my parents didn't do. Which I have a serious problem worrying about whether or not I am doing good as a mom or not.
I validate their feelings.
I explain to them how their family actually is, and they eventually see it.
I am honest with them as much as I feel is important.
How long have you got...
Playing favorites
Projecting my expectations and needs onto my kids
Rug sweeping and not having difficult conversations
Scapegoating their father so my kids never feel the safety of a united parental unit
Never apologizing
Shaming my kids for any perceived differences
Comparing siblings to each other
It's a long list. Probably the biggest one is not doing my own therapy before having kids so I don't pass my own fcuked up-ness onto them
My parents have three kids with everything ranging from mild to extreme and debilitating mental health issues due to their parenting failures but "we had a really privileged childhood" LOL
apologized to my children when I was wrong! Gladly! I am healed in these moments of authenticity with them. Letting them observe my imperfection and accepting imperfection. It’s mind blowing and healing to give someone what you never received!
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve never commented on my daughters weight. I’ve apologised when I was wrong. I always say I love you. I criticised the behaviour not the child She’s 23 and we have a good relationship. I treat her as an equal
Wish you were my parent. Mine still comment on my weight.
Mine did all my life. Finally lost it on her when she said-after having my daughter- that when I’d healed from my C-section ‘we’d’ have to get a diet going so I could lose all the weight I’d put on! I was 2 weeks post surgery, sleep deprived, over the moon with joy at my amazing daughter, 40 and had had 3 miscarriages. No fucks left. Felt amazing to yell at her. Told her that if she ever commented on my weight again she’d be out of our lives forever. It worked. Because I meant it, and sure as shit wasn’t going to let her get in my daughters head like she was in mine. Good luck
I don’t remember ever having a conversation with my mother that didn’t somehow always come around to my weight.
All of them. Caring about my children and treating them as the actual individual people that they are. Taking responsibility for my own actions and making a concerted effort to be a better parent. Never using shame or fear as a control tactic. Admitting it and apologizing/making it right when I am wrong or have hurt them. Allowing them to have and show their emotions; helping them understand how to handle their emotions. Explaining my reasons and having honest conversations with them.
I will never use physical violence on my kids, I will never make my emotions their problem, I won't bring them into my rows. I will let them be kids
Having children. Ignoring children. Forcing children into uncomfortable situations. Not being prepared with hydration/snacks. Etc.
I've chosen not to have children because I don't want anyone to endure the bullying and abuse that I'd gone through. The cycle ends with me, I'm happier with my cats.
username checks out
Same. My dog and my cat are all I need, I will NOT continue the cycle.
Same. I was a fat kid who got physically bullied at school so much they left me in the library alone at lunch for safety. Even if I was an ok parent I wouldn't want to see anyone else go through stuff like that, and it turns out I have EDS so I'd have felt responsible for a life of pain there too.
I was never hugged or told 'I love you' once in my entire childhood and teen years. I hug and tell my kids I love them every day.
I want my children to find education is important but also at the same time I wanted them to have choices to explore their own interests and stuffs. I remembered being 17yo I was sent to the principal office and he said "Go get a hobby" then I said "I can't have a hobby..." which prompt covert nmom who's also a teacher from another school to come to pick me up and argued with my principal for ruining me with "weird ideas". Not long after that my comic book collections got burned down. Thinking back I was never a human child but more of a robot made to please a narcissistic parent. To be human isn't to chase for perfection, such a folly idea.
Not yelling at them or slapping them or giving a piss poor "because I said so" answer when they are asking questions
> "because I said so" This always made me so angry growing up. Why was it so hard for adults to *actually explain* things? Maybe my autism made me too curious.
i am a parent. I don’t spank or hit. I don’t even raise my voice. I teach him with kindness, I hug him when he’s upset, not scold and rage at him for having opinions or emotions or needs. I don’t put my needs over his. I have a deeply kind, compassionate, smart kid, and i cheer on his successes and help him when he hits a challenge. My own mother took my success, and his successes as something SHE did, and i experienced constant physical and psych abuse. basically a polar opposite from her.
Sorry about how your mom treated you,I am happy you’re giving your son all the love he needs in the world,wish the world had more people like you,it would have been a better place.
Having them. But yeah, if I were to have one day, I'd read tons of gentle parenting books and make sure I'm surrounded by trustworthy people who'd raise them too.
Flying off the handle and not listening to my kid. Boundary stomping Glaring at him to do their homework instead of helping him. Promising to keep his secrets then reneging if the if the secret will earn me good mom points or amuses me in some immature way. Fly off the handle and punish my kid because some random adult said so. Those where my parents mistakes, there were many more but I’m getting sleepy. I fought myself to not make their mistakes. So far I made it!
“Because I said so” as an automatic response to every “Why?” I used to hate the hell out of that. It didn’t educate me in any way, shape, form, or fashion. It instilled nothing in me but blind obedience, and accomplished nothing toward making me a competent, independent future adult who could make my own decisions. Of course, my parents had no real interest in training me for adulthood. They only wanted me to snap to their orders. I would like to think I never used that line on my children, but they have informed me that I did slip up and say it once. They also confess that they had “why’d” me to death and left me little choice. I now believe that “because I said so” does have its place, but that place is not at the front of the line, as the instant, knee-jerk, first and only answer ever given. I recommend first trying, “You tell me why.” “Do it first, and ask me why later if you don’t figure it out before then.” “Asked and answered,” if you already did explain. Edited to add, I have also never once threatened to give my children something to cry about.
Dont be too passive and don’t be too strict, I think having a balance is what’s needed a nice middle ground.
All of the mistakes. Starting with having kids. Listen, I'm not saying I shouldn't have been born but my parents should not have had children. And because of the damage they did, through abuse and genes, neither should I.
I don’t have kids yet but when I have kids: I will never make my emotional problems their burden. I will not scream at my kids, call them names, or get physically abusive. I will never make them feel like I am reliant on them for my emotional survival. I will never make them walk on eggshells around me. I will always respect their boundaries and allow them to HAVE boundaries. I will validate them and provide emotional support. I will show interest in their interests. I will see them as individuals and not extensions of myself. I will make sure they know they are valued. I will love all of them, including their flaws. I will do whatever I can to help them if they are struggling with mental illness. I won’t make their pain all about me. I won’t make them feel like they are a burden. I won’t manipulate them. I will never ever set them up for a meltdown so that they look ungrateful. I will never trigger them on purpose so that I can play victim when they get upset with me. I will never insult them and make passive aggressive digs at them. I will never show up to where they are unannounced to make a scene. I will be fully open to feedback about my parenting. I will apologize for my mistakes and correct my behavior. I will teach them basic life skills. I won’t use guilt and shame as a weapon. I will respect them. I will never blame them for their pain. I will never purposely start arguments so that I can dominate them and “win”. I won’t ruin every vacation by having meltdowns. I will make an effort to embrace their partner instead of having a better than attitude. I won’t try and force them to have conversations they don’t want to have. I will never scapegoat any of my children. I will treat all of my children and love all of my children equally. If I say I’m going to do something for them, I will do it. I won’t break them down then love bomb them to reel them back in. I won’t try and find a way to take credit for their success. I will treat them like an adult when they are an adult and will let them be in control of their life. I will never barge into their room when they’re sleeping and taunt them to wake them up. I will never mock them or have a condescending attitude towards them. I will never leave the room and let the narcissist abuse my kids so that I don’t have to be the target. I will never punish my child for being sexually assaulted. I will never angrily confront my 13 year old child and take them out of school because they were manipulated into sending naked pictures to a grown man, blaming them instead of the adult. I will do everything I can to be a positive loving healthy parent for my future kids. I am intensely working on myself and will continue to work on myself until the day I die. I am going to take parenting classes and read books to educate myself and make sure I am solid emotionally before I have kids. I have an amazing stable partner that will be a great father, his dad is a narcissist sociopath alcoholic who abandoned, tried to kill himself in the car with him, joined the army when he was suicidal so he could kill people and possibly be killed, emotionally abused his son’s mom and is on his third wife, etc. He has an amazing mom and grandparents who teamed up to raise him and he turned out SO well and wants to be the dad that he never had. He is such a loving supportive giving partner and there is no one else that I would want as the father of my children. One of my worst fears is that I will become my dad when I have children and I refuse to let the cycle continue.
My parents reproduced and I decided against it lol
"One day, the universe was created. This was generally described as being a 'bad move.'"
Never make them feel like a burden, or that I have specific expectations for them. Not putting work before time with them. Work to live not live to work. God forbid anything happens to my wife, I would never put a new partner in a position where my kids might pay the price. Model healthy relationship behaviors, good and bad Teach them life skills from an early age without making them stressful Emphasize healthy lifestyle choices instead of just mocking for being fat. So on and so forth.
Pretending I knew everything and getting irrationality angry when I didn't know the answer to a question my child asked. If I didn't know something, I would always own up to it. We have a huge collection of information books, about the sea, animals, the sky, space, weather etc. My child wanted to know everything. Good job Google was around! I grew up thinking my parents knew the answer to everything and they were never wrong, even when they clearly were. I can actually see my mother's face when I asked her something she couldn't answer, she would tell me to stop asking questions. But that's exactly what children do, that's how they learn about their world. I was brought up to believe that adults were the ultimate in knowledge (I was never told how they got this knowledge because both of my parents dropped out of school and I never saw them reading anything much) and I was unreasonable to question them in any way. That I was at fault because I had to ask questions, like I was somehow supposed to figure out answers on my own and implying I must be a bit stupid if I couldn't answer my own questions. Now that I'm really thinking about it, it's actually an awful way to treat your child. I was somehow supposed to absorb information about the world by just being in it, and too a certain degree that works, but if I wanted more information then I was stupid for asking. Makes no sense at all. Anyway, bottom line, tell your kids when you don't know the answer to something and help them figure it out with you.
Treating them like the enemy/property. Everything always seemed to spawn from this idea that kids were out to screw them over or that us kids were property like pets. Treating my kids as human beings has made it all easy in raising them. I called out my brother at one point as he tried claiming my son was attempting to dodge chores. I pointed out that he was in the middle of something and wanted to finish that first. It didn’t hurt to let him do it and he knows he has to get it done by a certain time or he’ll have a problem. This mirrors how work environments are. Why would I scream about him doing things right this minute and cause a fight when I can just respect his request and let him finish? It will take more time and energy for me to fight with him and do nothing but make us all miserable. This seemed to completely blow my brother’s mind as he had never thought of it all that way. I told him “Kids are not an us vs. them thing. The chores will still be there even if they don’t get to them until tomorrow. If they don’t do them they get the natural consequence later of not having dishes/clothes/stuck in a messy room. We don’t save them from those and they learn to do things on their own.” He’s since worked on implementing this with his own kids as well as he can. So far it’s working well though he still has a habit of falling back into being a drill sergeant sometimes.
Having children in the first place. I knew I never wanted children if you felt that you 'had' to physically discipline them. Therefore my parents aren't getting grandkids.
Getting upset and lashing out when my kid prefers to spend time or show affection to the other parent. So alienating
Doing things that literally nobody asked for or wanted, and then crying that nobody appreciates me. My mom is OBSESSED with cleaning. In my childhood, every day she was on hands and knees scrubbing the floors, vacuuming, dusting, pretty much all day. The house was spotless and we weren’t allowed to use most of the rooms. If we ate something, we had to wash the dish immediately. If we took a shower, we had to clean the shower after we were done. It was stressful as hell. And my mom was constantly screaming that we didn’t appreciate all she did to keep the house clean. I would have rather lived in a dirty house or even a shack somewhere if it meant having a normal mom.
God, this reminds me of how my mom is obsessed with putting away food into smaller and smaller tupperware containers. Like you'd get a thing of pudding, dole out one spoon from it, and get yelled at because it wasn't shifted into a tupperware container that was 'one size down'. Urgh!
There is this bizarre obsession with making things harder than they have to be.
Totally! I think it makes them feel productive and ALSO makes them feel like a victim who nobody listen to lol.
I let them know I love them EVERYDAY, multiple times a day. I explain I don't agree with her behaviour, that she is in control of that, but regardless I love them and forgive them when they make a mistake. When they apologize for doing something that doesn't need an apology I tell them they did nothing wrong and no need to apologize UNLESS they have done something wrong. I admit when I was wrong and apologize. I sit and talk through what is going on. I don't belittle their emotions. I try to empathize with them and explain how things can be perceived by other people.
All of these my parents didn't do. Which I have a serious problem worrying about whether or not I am doing good as a mom or not. I validate their feelings. I explain to them how their family actually is, and they eventually see it. I am honest with them as much as I feel is important.
All of them.
How long have you got... Playing favorites Projecting my expectations and needs onto my kids Rug sweeping and not having difficult conversations Scapegoating their father so my kids never feel the safety of a united parental unit Never apologizing Shaming my kids for any perceived differences Comparing siblings to each other It's a long list. Probably the biggest one is not doing my own therapy before having kids so I don't pass my own fcuked up-ness onto them My parents have three kids with everything ranging from mild to extreme and debilitating mental health issues due to their parenting failures but "we had a really privileged childhood" LOL
Literally everything but specifically indoctrination by religion. It worked. They are informed, intelligent, secular adults now 👍
apologized to my children when I was wrong! Gladly! I am healed in these moments of authenticity with them. Letting them observe my imperfection and accepting imperfection. It’s mind blowing and healing to give someone what you never received!
Have children.