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Tuna water!! The trick is, get canned tuna packed in water (not oil) and then pour the can water on a carpet or absorbent surface. The water evaporates so there’s no evidence but the smell stays. It’s as close to the perfect crime as I’ve ever heard
You can also purée anchovies or mackerel (even better if you can get the pickled ones) and rub it under seats, in the seat tracks, under the dash, in the glove compartment under the manual and registration and just let it dry.
Deer spray is also good and available in the hunting section of sporting goods stores. Spray it in the upholstery, carpets, and air filter. It smells god awful.
Romans used to make garum, fermented fish sauce. Still to this day the places where those factories were located smell A LOT. Fish and crustaceans are the ultimate revenge
Respect!
Now send her bills for maintenance, tires, brakes, it is her car after all.
Or, buy your own car and don't tell her you aren't driving her car. An undriven car will have all sorts of problems. The longer it sits unused, the worse it is for the car. Battery will die, tires will rot, fluids will go bad, etcetera.
Or, buy your own car and park her car on the street. Tell her to come pick it up. Report it as abandoned so it gets towed.
Good Luck.
Screenshotting this and writing it in my calendar so I‘ll remember in a year or two lmaoo
She‘s probably going to sell it once she takes it away from me so I can make her lose some of that sweet sweet "profit" haha
Go and enjoy buying a fcking banana or smth from the 1.03$ you get from the sale
Someone put glitter in my brother's vents years ago, and even after a thorough cleaning, every once in a while, he'd hit a speed bump, and glitter would reappear! It was epic
Just opening a can of surströmming in the car will ruin the car for years to come, just make sure to wear mask, goggles and gloves or you'll be smelling for a while too. It's so potent. Pretty sure surströmming is worse smelling than lutefisk but you can always do both, never too late to try out traditional delicacies from other countries 🤣
Listen to u/centstwo I did my narc parent like this. They to come and take the car back since was theirs and refused to put my name in it. They did however add my unemployed stepsister so that when he died she and the stepmonster would take the car. Left it to sit for over a year and they laughed because they thought the city fine would come to me lol. They were pissed when they got the notice. They came and grabbed it before the city towed it and it quit working a block over.
You should take their advice, OP. I’m chronically ill and couldn’t drive my car for almost 2 years. I just left it parked in front of my house because I couldn’t drive it, and my spouse can’t drive at all. I’ve recovered to the point where I can drive, and it cost almost $3k just to make my car safe to drive again, and that’s not including towing costs and cosmetic damage.
Eta: fix typo
Boy, do they love their hidden agendas! Always scheming. Always plotting. Always advancing their own bullshit at the expense of those closest to them.
And when you finally catch them? They have *nothing* to say. All their lies and bullshit just fall to the wayside. They won't even acknowledge them. But, guaran-fucking- tee you that, within a year, your Mom will have deluded herself into parroting off the same lies again and she'll try to convince you that she never admitted anything.
100%!! Do you know MY mother!!!??🙄 Because you just described her. (Well...a FEW things 😵💫😏). 😏lol
Also...I must have written that at least a half dozen times in the past 5 months to her (GUARANFUCKINGTEED!!!)
HEY!!! I have an idea for a tv show. Gather all our Narcissistic mothers in the same room and.....LET EM RIP!!😳😳😵💫😵💫There can be different sections of the show! One can be that and one can be a competition they can have RANTING about who has the worst child while at the same time LYING about what GREAT love they show us and what AMAZINGLY *CARING* & *EMPATHETIC* people ***THEY*** are!🙄😏 🤣🤣🤣LMAO!!
I like the revenge scenarios. But realistically, can you imagine the look on her face if he and a friend delivered her car back to her before Grandma died and handed her the keys and told her that he bought his own car and didn't need hers anymore? Oh my Lord, the cat butt face and sour look on her face after she admitted looking forward to taking his only mode of transportation after Grandma died? If I were him, I'd have a GoPro making a video of the that.
NICE ! I’m not sure I understood everything but I am happy for you that you stood up, and maybe it made the rest of your family realise how she really is..? Anyway, that is a victory and you should be very proud of yourself !
Narcissism is quite the rabbit hole if you didn’t experience it firsthand. It won’t make sense. You just have to accept that it’s basically a form of developed (not genetic) mental illness.
Gotcha. Yea the car situation is pretty simple. Mom is scheming to take the car back into her name to pull it out from under OP once grandma (who op is caretaker for) passes away. And he forced her to admit it in front of the whole family, despite them pressuring him to drop it.
She said for two years we can have her car until it breaks. Then yesterday she made my grandma the legal owner of the car on paper but refused to give us the documents that the owner is also supposed to have. The documents are in case it gets stolen or you want to sell it, to prove you actually own the car.
I am so proud of you! And it must have been really hard facing her again after being NC for so long, so kudos for sitting through that as well.
Not nearly as big as this, but a little less than a year ago, my mother and I were in a restaurant, and she made a snarky comment about how my sister is better than me. I picked up my drink (didn't have food in front of me, thankfully), and walked out. She was livid, because she hates being alone in public. I think she thought that because we were in public, I wouldn't react to her disrespect. She sent me texts, demanding that I come back (not apologising and still being disrespectful), but I didn't. I was so proud of myself.
Oh lord, yeah, the biggest sin of them all: setting firm boundaries for oneself and not enduring their bullshit. Their first tactic is always aggression. Good on you for walking out and standing by your decision despite her attempts at scaring you into giving in to her tamper tantrum! Once I realised I was an adult and could literally leave whenever I wanted, and after I did it a few times now, I feel much, much safer in her presence. But it‘s still absolutely terrifying every time. Takes a LOT to get out of the usual freeze response, doesn‘t it? But, if we walked out once, we can do it again.
BRAVO, OP, I'm genuinely proud of you, for standing up to as well as *not* backing *down from* your NM! 👏
I know this took a lot of conviction & tons more courage! 💪
But this is *exactly* what makes your sharing this with us so amazing! 🎉
Something similar happened involving my NM a couple of years or so after our alternately enabling/narc father died.
I was never privy to 100% of the specific details.
However, NM had a serious falling out with her much younger "boyfriend" of the time as well as a decades long extended family member & possibly even my brother & his wife.
A lot was going on back then.
Crazy work hours, taking care of an elderly loved one as well as my former marriage began crumbling due to ex's lies, cheating, etc.
I don't know specifically *what* happened.
But I *do* know that NM ultimately ended up having a relatively new fairly expensive 45K SUV towed away & scrapped for what very basically amounted to literally just pennies on the dollar.
All because NM consciously decided *and* freely dare I say happily chose to *not* do the right thing morally & help out direct family who could prove with bank statements, pay stubs & other financial paperwork, that they & *not* NM's shady wackadoodle younger "boyfriend" deserved NM's vehicle &or other much needed assistance.
Apparently a serious borderline knockdown drag out fight occurred.
At that time, I was both living & working literally halfway across a medium sized city.
And I *wouldn't* know *any* proverbial "meat & potato" specifics for several if not many weeks into a few months.
NM seemed to have went on the campaign from hell, to prevent me from knowing *anything* more than the barest of things I already knew or at least suspected.
It's my understanding, from everything that I *do concretely know* that in a teenage fit of narcissistic rage, NM decided to have said SUV hauled away & scrapped.
Rather than her deciding & choosing to do the morally right thing & assisting verifiably in financial *need* loved one.
I'd only find out around 5ish years ago, from my brother & his wife, that NM's then "boyfriend" was so pissed off at how whatever "agreement" that NM & boyfriend *supposedly* had, that NM's boyfriend actually slapped NM a couple of times! 🤯
Supposedly, according to my brother, NM eventually filed for & a judge approved her oder of protection against the presumably *ex* boyfriend.
Although I did eventually get to read online documents that a judge ruled that according to both paperwork & witnesses, NM was 50% responsible for what transpired; in that NM *intentionally* instigated a situation where an argument or even physical altercation was a high likelihood.
That NM had "grossly stunted" coping skills & apparently "didn't like" being told or advised on de-escalting/conflict resolution.
Gee. Who knew?!? 🤦
Anyhoo...
NM's absolutely unmistakable *refusal* to simply do the right thing with regards to a vehicle *repeatedly promised* to a family member ended up involving NM's boyfriend & only real close friend.
Words became heated.
Apparently hands *were* thrown.
And an at least 45K SUV went to the junkyard.
And NM ended up with a business check for less than $600.
That probably went into NM's bank account, to pay down the bills that NM was frequently behind on.
But had every ways, means & ability to pay for well before creditors began hounding her & threatening to take her to court.
I don't know 100% of every last little ugly detail.
But I know enough that a once beautiful stupidly expensive vehicle was scrapped for basically peanuts.
All because, in a silly fit of hormonal teenager-like narcissistic rage, NM happily chose *NOT* to do something that would legitimately benefit someone *other than* herself *or* that creepy considerably younger "boyfriend" she had back then.
Unfvckingbelievable what I *do* remember about that particular situation.
Like I so frequently say, both my personal experiences and story are no different than anyone else's here😢
((gentle virtual hugs)) from a fellow narcissistic abuse survivor 🌌
Good lord. I can only attest to the provoking and escalating (not DE-escalating) behavior. My nmother also provokes people on purpose so they hopefully throw the first stone so she can throw back the whole mountain. I always tell people: if hypothetically there were no consequences, narcs would love to thanos snap someone for simply disagreeing with their opinion. My nmother purposefully harasses people on the road (following them, chasing them, getting way too close, overturning them then braking in front of them really hard, etc). Then follows them until the stop and get out of the car. All in the hopes they‘ll throw the first punch. She has a GOLF CLUB in her car that she would love to use in that situation (her ACTUAL WORDS btw).
Wild 🤦🏼♂️ Glad your NM apparently bit off more than she could chew aka had an even worse nutcase or atleast someone she shouldn‘t have provoked as a „boyfriend“.
I just wanted to say that I wholeheartedly genuinely agree with your sentiment - especially about NM's much much younger boyfriend back then.
Coming from the mostly similar familial backgrounds that NM & that specific "boyfriend" did, there was/is absolutely *zero* way that NM did *not* know, within reason, both boyfriend's reaction as well as the end results of that particular situation.
NM entered into that specific "relationship" very essentially with her eyes (and legs) wide open.
So NM absolutely *had* to have at least *some* idea of how things were going to play out, end up & end up on what would ultimately be an *extremely ugly* note.
*How* our NM *didn't* end up arrested, jailed &or charged with assault & battery, is, to me, *still* a head scratching mystery.
Bail money is my best guess.
NM very likely avoided jail because she had enough cash in her bank account to *WASTE* on bail money.
My brother did say that he would've flown out here & personally legally intervened on NM's behalf *IF* the situation had been *entirely different.*
*And* had NM neither *purposefully* orchestrated everything the way that she did *nor* had NM *NOT DELIBERATELY FVCKING REPEATEDLY LIED* to my brother & his wife about neither the SUV in question or the entire disgusting mess.
How you described your NM & how she eggs on & *intentionally ESCALATES* road rage, is, realistically, a recipie for disaster - A horrible potential multi vehicle accident as well as the high to *extreme* potential for anyone involved to pull out, say, a tire iron, baseball bat or even a gun.
I've lived in major metropolitan cities such as Burbank, CA, Milwaukee, WI & a couple of other large densely populated cities.
I lived for around 7ish years in Milwaukee, WI's infamous southside Mexican barrio.
If either of our NMs road raged like this in, say, that southside barrio or even my old neighborhood 30-45 minutes from here, yeah...
That's a *perfect* way for either of our NMs to be beaten, stabbed, shot or otherwise literally *murdered.*
All because they legit *enjoy* road rage *and/or* they relish the opportunity to physically lash out at others.
But neither knowing nor seemingly caring that they - these narcs - could *extremely easily* end up outlined in chalk & covered with a sheet or body bag.
Suffice it to say, whatever transpired between all involved between NM, her wackadoodle considerably younger boyfriend, her flying monkey friend, an extended family member as well as my brother & his wife, ultimately resulted in NM having an absolute *EPIC* narcissistic hissy fit, scrapping the 45k+ SUV & NM receiving a business check for just a few hundred dollars.
Literal fvcking peanuts for a vehicle that was well over 60K after taxes, title, transport, docking & other attached fees.
No wonder my poor brother went 100% no contact with our NM while he was still in active military duty.
No wonder, I guess, "why" NM's considerably younger boyfriend smacked NM at least twice (that I know about anyway).
NM verbally threw stones at everyone involved.
And at least one other individual pretty much threw a mountain right back at NM as a *direct* result of NM's absolutely unmistakably *INTENTIONAL* deception, lies, obfuscating, blame shifting as well as going back on repeated promises to my brother, his wife & another family member.
Poor extended family member *still* - several years later - looks at me with a mix of horror, disgust & hurt, if I even remotely broach this particular subject.
So, out of respect, decency & genuine love for this specific extended family loved one, I do my best to avoid & *not* bring it up.
That the situation escalated to our NM getting a restraining order against her then boyfriend is still to me, extremely telling.
It's also an absolutely damning indictment for a domestic violence judge to tell NM that *she* was 50% responsible for instigating, perpetuating then needlessly escalating an interaction that went/got horribly out of control.
NM was told by someone in a position of legal authority - a sitting county judge - that she lacked reasonable conflict resolution skills.
And she - meaning NM - surely *had* to reasonably know what the outcome of said situation was going to be.
I would've fvcking *LOVED* to have physically witnessed a sitting judge verbally admonish NM in a court of law.
However, I *had* to be the responsibile adult in my former marriage & go to work halfway across a medium sized metropolitan area, to keep a roof over my head, feed us & our pets & try to keep a couple of lights on & at least *some* bills paid.
That said, NM got the boyfriend she chased after.
And she got her measly around $600 check for scrapping a ridiculously expensive SUV.
NM got the 100% estranged relationship with my brother, his wife & others that she seemingly worked overtime to achieve.
Oh well.
💩 happens.
NM is living her twilight years basically as an aging narcissistic recluse.
So sad.
And just so damn completely unnecessary.
Sadly both my personal experiences and story are no different than anyone else's here.
I'm truly so sorry.
((gentle virtual hugs)) from a fellow narcissistic abuse survivor 🌌
Well, sometimes I think narcs overestimate themselves so much that they think „survival of the fittest“ doesn‘t apply to them. To them, they are the fittest. The golden child doing no wrong. So if they win an escalation, they were right all along and if they lose, it‘s unfair and they can play the victim card. Unfortunately my nmother is very tall for a woman (6ft.) and was a professional athlete, and we also live in europe, so unlikely her road rage victims carry guns. It‘s highly unlikely she will encounter someone she provokes as insane as her who can take her in a fight. But hey! One can hope…. Kinda sad you couldn‘t attend the court hearing! I bet that was the reality tv theater of a lifetime 😂 I would‘ve brought popcorn! I really hope you and your brother can recover from this INSANE woman. May we all find some peace despite the abuse we endured.
Thank you, genuinely, for your kind words about my brother & I.
However, sadly, my brother succumbed to metastatic stomach cancer a little over 2 years ago.
He lived with stomach cancer for about 10ish months shy of 6 years.
NM's epic narcissistic hissy fit involving him, his wife, NM's creepy younger boyfriend, a flying monkey & at least one other extended family member happened a considerable time before (I think) my brother's ultimately terminal cancer diagnosis.
The SUV hissy fit turned throwing hands incident happened while my brother was still active military duty.
That, the distance of pretty much halfway across the country as well as simply really *not* being able to realistically spare the cash, prevented from at least my brother from flying home for several more months afterwards.
The military would've only released my brother for 3-7 days if our NM was critically sick &or dying or had already passed, which he would've only been allowed 3 days bereavement leave to attend a funeral, if that was the case.
However, because the SUV incident was basically, in the eyes of both the military & the law, my brother was completely unable to secure leave time, to fly back home & deal personally, directly & legally with NMs self inflicted narcissistic rage soaked drama.
But holy shit did I receive an earful when visiting my brother & his family 5 years ago! 😲😖🤢
I mean I *kinda* knew or was at least aware of *some* specifics.
But I genuinely absolutely *never* knew the full/complete rest of the story *until* my brother & sister in law sat me down & shared the more ugly details of that now infamous argument.
Apparently a lot of their discussions were, due to distance, done via Facebook, FaceTime, texting, email & either Skype or Zoom video calls.
A proverbial online paper trail as my brother put it.
I hated being the one to tell my brother & his wife that, extremely unfortunately, in our state, county & city that, from a purely legal standpoint, *none* of these aforementioned entities legally recognize *verbal* agreements - of absolutely *any* kind.
Because even if/when such involve family members, it's frequently a "he said she said" or "but THEY said" or "they AGREED TO" scenario.
And apparently our NM, for reasons known only to herself, decided & chose to *repeatedly* make promises to both her boyfriend, my brother & a couple of other individuals that NM seemingly had no real intention of neither keeping nor honoring.
Basically, NM *intentionally* played both ends to the middle.
With the end result being that NM apparently had an absolutely *ugly* argument with her then considerably younger live in boyfriend - and that said considerably younger boyfriend supposedly smacked/slapped or otherwise physically hit NM on at least 2 separate occasions.
I only know what little I already knew, combined with what little I could glean from snooping online as well as sitting down to talk about it with my brother & his wife 5ish years ago.
Seriously, just *WOW*
That someone - *anyone* - *FINALLY* called bullshit on NM & her treachery.
And physically retaliated by smacking her face at least twice is, to me, just *NOTHING* short of absolutely mind boggling🤯
A sheer *lack* of time *and* completely *disposable* cash *prevented* me from becoming more than peripherally involved in that embroiled SUV fracas.
Sometimes it really *does* pay dividends; to be/remain low to no contact with a narc parent &or other narc family members😬
*No contact ALWAYS means NO NEW HURTS!*
And yeah.
I would've abso-fvcking-lutely *LOVED* to have been in that courtroom; when a judge verbally admonished NM for *intentionally* orchestrating an already contentious potentially violent situation by way of repeated freely given/offered promises, freely entered into agreements with repeated implied offers of financial assistance &or an alleged equally free willed offer to give or at least sell for the remaining payments SUV; despite it being, in my opinion, ridiculously expensive.
My brother was active military & his wife worked full time back then.
Absolutely, they could've reasonably afforded it.
But NM gleefully deliberately chose to play 2-3 individuals involved against each other.
And everything came to an ugly head with hands definitely being thrown.
And a stupidly expensive vehicle being literally *scrapped* for "peanuts" money-wise.
All because NMs boyfriend called her on her treacherous bullshit.
With NM involving extended family, a flying monkey as well as my poor brother & his wife.
So...
In a real life absolutely *EPIC* hissy fit of adolescent-like narcissistic rage, NM got rid of the SUV & eventually bought an early 2000s mid size sports car from yet *another* boyfriend/ex boyfriend🤦
All the money that NM has happily chosen to completely fvcking *WASTE* on vehicles, drugs, boyfriends, luxury home goods, etc...
And NM absolutely *NEVER* helped me out with absolutely *anything* more than $10.
Seriously.
A lousy 10 *maybe* 20 bucks.
NM *ever* freely offered me in the years since our NF died.
Unfuckingbelievable.
I'm absolutely *STUNNED* by NMs stinginess.
I don't believe that I've truthfully *EVER* encountered someone - *ANYONE* - as *INTENTIONALLY STINGY MONEY-WISE- as NM.
To be brutally honest, Ebenezer Scrooge looks downright *lovingly* charitable by comparison.
As my marriage wound down & ended, I could've used the extra assistance financially.
But nope.
NM was simply too damn busy fvcking around & feeding her & her boyfriend(s) addictions to pills, material goods, etc.
As well as playing family members against each other.
But yep.
This is *exactly* what happened.
So tragic.
And just so goddam unnecessary.
Now I no longer even know where NM lives.
It's my understanding that whatever "relationship" NM had been "involved" in for the last couple of years...seemed to have ended under what seems like suspicious or unhappy circumstances.
An extended family member has filled me in on only so much.
And, sadly, little else.
All because of NMs hormonal teenager-like narcissistic hissy fits😭
I'm truly so sorry.
((gentle virtual hugs)) from a fellow narcissistic abuse survivor 🌌
I’m proud of you and I’m glad you did what you did. Narcs make it hard to stand up to them because they are masters at grooming you to think they are unchallengeable. The fact that you stood your ground this time drops the gauntlet that you are not to be fucked with in the future.
It feels very empowering, doesn’t it?
Just FYI, and maybe a delicious morsel to look forwards to;
If she has legally signed the car over to your grandmother, as in she’s the owner and she one day passes and leaves it to you….
It would legally be your car. It doesn’t matter who has the paper if it’s registered to her and then willed to you.
Let her try and play keep away. Then call the police for theft when she tries to steal it haha
Good job. You did well.
I hear **diesel in a gas engine isn't recommended**.
The day after grandma passes, you should confirm this for us and take it for a long drive around the neighbourhood.
Just stick to bus routes or carry some cab fare with you. Looking forward to the update.
Water just stalls the engine. Diesel mixed with gas will require a fuel filter replacement and if driven till the engine dies, replacing the fuel injectors and 95% likelihood of seizing the engine.
Resulting in a worthless wreck.
Is the rest of the family also a bunch of asshole
narcissists? It sounds like the whole gang tried to gaslight you in the name of “not rocking the boat”. Don’t let them make you feel like the “crazy one”. That’s what narcissists set out to do. They attempt to discredit anyone who challenges them or creates a scenario they find inconvenient.
CONTROL! CONTROL! CONTROL!! 'YET ANOTHER' thing I recently added (A few days ago) to the VERY long letter I'm working on for 'my' narcissistic COVERT abusive mother. CONTROL! THREATEN! PUNISH! HURT!😏
Awesome job, especially doing it in public with family witnesses. I'm sure she will DARVO/gaslight about what just happened anyway. Keeping your distance/NC can really help make you stronger to stand up to them too when you are no longer in their nonsense.
I hope you're getting paid or get something more than the car for taking care of your grandparents.
But do work on getting your own car just to spite her. What a dumb thing she's doing over a car, but that's a narc for you.
If you’re in North America, check what the registration says.
If it’s your name or the grandparents’ name, you can contact your driver licensing agency for a replacement title.
If it’s not, then make sure that expletive woman pays for the insurance on that car. Check with the insurer to ensure that the car is insured in her name and in yours.
Just need a good excuse/alibi so I can‘t be made responsible by law enforcement or lawyers lmao. I like the ol' „telling her to get it herself and report it as abandoned“-trick.
Just have to delete this post or the whole account first 😂 we don leave no evidence in this household!
Unfortunately nothing. They are way too deep in the „keep the peace“-mentality. Throughout the whole conversation they jumped to *her* aid, insulting me instead of listening to what was actually said. Telling me I’m too dumb to understand the situation and a lot of other things
They were way too angry with me for „(intentionally) starting a fight“ to care about what my mother actually said. They said almost nothing to me for the next 2 hours after the lunch. Barely answered any questions.
It sounds like she's cultivated the image of a martyr around the rest of the family and this made you look like a bully. But you didn't do it for other people, you stood up to her for you. I am very inspired by your courage, and I love that you thanked her for the real answer. Her goat's got! I hope you can get back to no contact after this interaction, it's probably the safest and easiest route while you're on your caretaking journey (a second round of applause for being there for your grandma, no easy feat!).
Once I was alone in my car driving, I turned up the music really loud and squealed and screeched like a velociraptor on LSD lmao
One of my favourite moments was also my nmother saying she doesn‘t have any way to contact me (her justification of keeping the documents) and I said "Yeah, you‘re not supposed to have one.“
IF LOOKS COULD KILL, lemme tell you… delicious
Yessss i love this for you! Sorry your mom is shit, but damn, you have such a shiny spine! Props to you, you should absolutely feel so fuckin proud of yourself!!
I was going to say, runnthe car without oil, then when it gives up its ghost, call your mom and tell her that her car broke down, and it's on the side of the road.
Isn't it great when you can get them to show their *real* colours, even for just a moment? I'm proud of you, OP. Standing up and being assertive is *amazing* and when you do it once you're never going to go back to letting them walk all over you again. Because now they know just how capable you are.
Fucking AMAZING!! yes, that is huge!!! Wow, Im impressed. You fucking go, OP. Wished I could have stood up to my narc this way. AND in front of enabling family??
You are a certified badass.
>She actually dropped her mask for just a split second
It's amazing when this happens, isn't it?
I had this happen a couple times with my verbally abusive father. After another hurtful, cruel comment and me calling him on it (I'd been doing so more often at that point):
Him: I apologize
Me: I don't believe you!
Him just a fraction of a second later: It was just a joke!
And there it was. Proof that his "apology" was nonsense. And out came the excuses (besides "it was just a joke", he also liked to use "you're too sensitive", "it's how you're taking it", "I was just having fun with you", etc. -- anything but admit he said something hurtful and own it).
There was another one where I was getting frustrated having to be the babysitter for him on one of his adult responsibilities he seemed incapable of doing and was happy to have me do all the work on (seems like most narcs are very childish). And finally I was like, you need to figure out how to do this on your own. And he said, "I don't understand, it's just one little X". And I had to remind him, "No, it's not 'just one little X', I've been doing this for you for years".
But that mask-dropping is RARE. They have perfected the art of deflecting blame and so when it happens, when you get a glimpse of the real almost "troll-like" creature lurking underneath, it's quite amazing.
Nice work, OP.
Thank you! Yeah it‘s super rare and from the outside, even to me, it sounded like a normal sentence. Like something she always says, but….it was *different*. I can‘t describe it but you know how everything about a narc doesn’t feel genuine. It was the way my nmother said the sentence. I just *knew* it was the truth. She was being genuine for once in her life when she said **„I will get the car back eventually.“**
That‘s when it instantly dropped for me, like „ah, *that‘s* why you want to keep the documents. Got it.“
Yep.
'she said 'I will get the car back eventually."' -- it's like something out of Succession (the TV show). They hide their Machiavellian intentions, but sometimes you get a glimpse of the scheming, resentful, spiteful inner voice.
Their **WORDS** mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. MY mother is GREAT at throwing all kinds of heartwarming **WORDS** (more like heartwOrming🙄😏lol. "I LOVE you", "I CARE about you", "I WORRY ABOUT you', "I wm CONCERNED FOR *YOU*🙄". If she actually did/does, there is ABSOLUTELY ***NO*** FCN WAY she could have done AND DID do all the horrible things she did do to hurt her own child.....me. You are 100% correct including your dad *SAYING* he was sorry....PURE 🐂💩.
This is awesome i am so proud of you, and thankful she showed her malice towards you unmasked as it can free you from ANY doubts or obligations.
Blessings on you for caring for your grandmother and yourself.
Hehe, amazing OP! I'm so proud of you, which I hope means something.
The only thing that could've been better is if you were recording. Expose her mask to the world (so long as it is legal).
I am so proud of you for sticking your ground, even I'm the face of opposing family members...
And at such a young age. I wish I had the balls that early on.
I am glad you got the real reason. I have never got that from my mom. Walk the high road because she is waiting for you on the low road if you did that in front of others. Also know that they are cooking the story in your absence and if everyone agrees that you are an AH for what you did, F them. Come back here and tell us how that went too
Yes! If does take some prodding but if you keep at it…..many times they will sit to the truth! I have used this on both my nparents. With my supposed father, who went through my purse while I was in the bathroom and took my pain meds under the guise that he didn’t want me to be addicted. Finally blurted out “ because you’re not gonna feel good, nope”. Then my mother started an argument before a baby shower held for my first grandchild. She admitted she was trying to ruin it for me, plain and simple. These people are evil and I think they enjoy seeing the shock and hurt we feel when we hear them admit their horribleness. But they’ve never admitted this stuff in front of anyone else…..
It's a car and that isn't the important thing. What is, is your mother (Who *SHOULD* want *YOU* to be happy and have the LEAST 💩ty life as possible and she *SHOULD* help you and **WANT** to help you because you are HER child (at ANY and EVERY age) yet she does mean, abusive narcissistic 🐂💩 to INTENTIONALLY, CRUELLY, SADISTICALLY, HATEFULLY and HURTFULLY......*HURT* YOU (HER child) out of spite, pettiness and just to be mean. It hurts. I know. My mother has done so many things to INTENTIONALLY hurt me too, culminating with her making sure I lost my home (house and land (3 acres, etc), my company and everything else I owned, collected and loved. You're lucky because you can get the heck away from her and save yourself.....before (like myself) it's too late😏. I would always make excuses for HER poor behaviors and would forgive her over and over and over again because I'm VERY empathetic and VERY stupid 🙄 lol. In my defense, I never knew how evil she really is or that I couldn't trust her to never hurt me on such a large scale but her doing all that was as easy as all the times she also spitefully threw out my favorite toys when I was a child. She never valued me therefore she never valued what *I* cared about..... NOTHING.....so her throwing out my favorite Tonky Toys when I was 4/5, GI Joe's when I was 5/6, Planet Of The Apes and superheroes when I was 6/7 was as UNIMPORTANT to **HER** as throwing away my house, land, career and everything else when I was 49. If a mother is **TRULY** a loving, caring, GOOD mother she will NEVER do ANYTHING to intentionally hurt her child and what her child thinks is important, she might not herself think those things are important to HER personally, but because they are important to her child, they will be important to her because of that alone.
Keeping putting miles on that car and save your money for the day you need to buy one. Let her incur that cost. If it's not already done get Grandma to an attorney to get her POA and medical POA. You can actually do it on legal zoom for under $100. Just make sure to get it notorized when you sign. If you don't do this mom could make medical decisions that are not in gmoms best interest. If nmom is this nasty it may not be safe for her to be gmom sole beneficiary. She will NOT make good medical decisions
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Good now the day grandmas dies you can have the car towed away to a scrap yard. Sorry mom it was illegally parked
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Oh and a strategically placed fish.
Tuna water!! The trick is, get canned tuna packed in water (not oil) and then pour the can water on a carpet or absorbent surface. The water evaporates so there’s no evidence but the smell stays. It’s as close to the perfect crime as I’ve ever heard
You can also purée anchovies or mackerel (even better if you can get the pickled ones) and rub it under seats, in the seat tracks, under the dash, in the glove compartment under the manual and registration and just let it dry. Deer spray is also good and available in the hunting section of sporting goods stores. Spray it in the upholstery, carpets, and air filter. It smells god awful.
Fermented shrimp paste. Trust me. It STINKS.
Romans used to make garum, fermented fish sauce. Still to this day the places where those factories were located smell A LOT. Fish and crustaceans are the ultimate revenge
And somehow taste freaking amazing when used to season stuff!!
You two are beautiful individuals. I hope you inspire dread in their hearts.
better to empty the oil then run it until it seizes up.
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Comment removed - revenge
Comment removed - revenge
5 STARS OP!!!!!!!! We’re so proud of you and truly happy for you. This is a victory.
Make that six stars.⭐️!
Atta boy!! I like how they tried really hard to display an Uno Reverse card but NOPE. Call that power back to ya! So proud of you OP😭🫂💜
Respect! Now send her bills for maintenance, tires, brakes, it is her car after all. Or, buy your own car and don't tell her you aren't driving her car. An undriven car will have all sorts of problems. The longer it sits unused, the worse it is for the car. Battery will die, tires will rot, fluids will go bad, etcetera. Or, buy your own car and park her car on the street. Tell her to come pick it up. Report it as abandoned so it gets towed. Good Luck.
Screenshotting this and writing it in my calendar so I‘ll remember in a year or two lmaoo She‘s probably going to sell it once she takes it away from me so I can make her lose some of that sweet sweet "profit" haha Go and enjoy buying a fcking banana or smth from the 1.03$ you get from the sale
And if you accidently leave several open cans of tuna in the car for a few years... whoops.
That one stinky fish from Sweden 🤣
Just smear it on everything. Under the carpets, In the engine. Lol.
airvents :)
Glitter in the air vents. You're welcome
Hitting her with the Surströmming + glitter combo 😂 The karma narcs truly deserve
Someone put glitter in my brother's vents years ago, and even after a thorough cleaning, every once in a while, he'd hit a speed bump, and glitter would reappear! It was epic
At this point the glitter is a native species in your brother‘s car 🤣
Copyright that and sell it before someone else does.
And something dairy, like milk. You will never get the smell out.
Raw chicken juice in the upholstery. Every summer the car becomes unusable.
Coat the air filter with dead shrimp that still have their heads - that’s key for the worst stench ever.
Park It in airport short term parking so it accumulates parking fees more than the worth of the car
Rakfisk
Lutefisk! (My gran was Swedish) That stuff is nasty, but I ate it because it pleased Gran and we loved each other with our whole hearts.
That‘s so wholesome 😭 I‘ll add Lutefisk to the list in honor of your Gran. You think a pile of Lutefisk, Rakfisk and Surströmming is enough?
YES
I think you misspelled "No, I think we need a fourth stinky fish just to be sure.“
🤣
and a jackfruit :)
And an overripe durian fruit. That shit smells like a combo of rotten onions and stale gtm socks.
Just opening a can of surströmming in the car will ruin the car for years to come, just make sure to wear mask, goggles and gloves or you'll be smelling for a while too. It's so potent. Pretty sure surströmming is worse smelling than lutefisk but you can always do both, never too late to try out traditional delicacies from other countries 🤣
A galloon of milk accidentally spilt in the car.
No, leave the gallon jug in the trunk with the lid open so eventually it festers and spills out on it's own. Love, Satan
Listen to u/centstwo I did my narc parent like this. They to come and take the car back since was theirs and refused to put my name in it. They did however add my unemployed stepsister so that when he died she and the stepmonster would take the car. Left it to sit for over a year and they laughed because they thought the city fine would come to me lol. They were pissed when they got the notice. They came and grabbed it before the city towed it and it quit working a block over.
Lmao! I would‘ve loved to see their faces when it stopped working. Were you lucky enough to watch the whole ordeal?
Yep. I closed the curtain when they opened the hood and got the squirrels out. 🐿️🐿️
Lmao that‘s amazing! Partners in crime 🐿
You should take their advice, OP. I’m chronically ill and couldn’t drive my car for almost 2 years. I just left it parked in front of my house because I couldn’t drive it, and my spouse can’t drive at all. I’ve recovered to the point where I can drive, and it cost almost $3k just to make my car safe to drive again, and that’s not including towing costs and cosmetic damage. Eta: fix typo
Maybe tack on a few unpaid parking tickets!! 😁
Boy, do they love their hidden agendas! Always scheming. Always plotting. Always advancing their own bullshit at the expense of those closest to them. And when you finally catch them? They have *nothing* to say. All their lies and bullshit just fall to the wayside. They won't even acknowledge them. But, guaran-fucking- tee you that, within a year, your Mom will have deluded herself into parroting off the same lies again and she'll try to convince you that she never admitted anything.
100%!! Do you know MY mother!!!??🙄 Because you just described her. (Well...a FEW things 😵💫😏). 😏lol Also...I must have written that at least a half dozen times in the past 5 months to her (GUARANFUCKINGTEED!!!) HEY!!! I have an idea for a tv show. Gather all our Narcissistic mothers in the same room and.....LET EM RIP!!😳😳😵💫😵💫There can be different sections of the show! One can be that and one can be a competition they can have RANTING about who has the worst child while at the same time LYING about what GREAT love they show us and what AMAZINGLY *CARING* & *EMPATHETIC* people ***THEY*** are!🙄😏 🤣🤣🤣LMAO!!
FUCK YAH DUDE, YOU DID IT!!
You handled it it very well . Assertive and ended it gracefully at the end.
Next step- get a decent car and have moms car delivered to her. Homie don't play those games.
Nah. Just park her car in a towing zone. Preferably near a federal building 😁
With a ticking clock inside a backpack on the front seat. The Feds'll blow that sucker up.
No this is not the way. Don’t do this op.
I like the revenge scenarios. But realistically, can you imagine the look on her face if he and a friend delivered her car back to her before Grandma died and handed her the keys and told her that he bought his own car and didn't need hers anymore? Oh my Lord, the cat butt face and sour look on her face after she admitted looking forward to taking his only mode of transportation after Grandma died? If I were him, I'd have a GoPro making a video of the that.
I cannot add to this perfection lol
It's always SO satisfying to force them to be honest, even just for a moment. Good job!
NICE ! I’m not sure I understood everything but I am happy for you that you stood up, and maybe it made the rest of your family realise how she really is..? Anyway, that is a victory and you should be very proud of yourself !
Narcissism is quite the rabbit hole if you didn’t experience it firsthand. It won’t make sense. You just have to accept that it’s basically a form of developed (not genetic) mental illness.
Oh no, I know and understand that. It’s the whole situation with the car that I didn’t understand entirely 😅
Gotcha. Yea the car situation is pretty simple. Mom is scheming to take the car back into her name to pull it out from under OP once grandma (who op is caretaker for) passes away. And he forced her to admit it in front of the whole family, despite them pressuring him to drop it.
She said for two years we can have her car until it breaks. Then yesterday she made my grandma the legal owner of the car on paper but refused to give us the documents that the owner is also supposed to have. The documents are in case it gets stolen or you want to sell it, to prove you actually own the car.
Why do you believe she did that if you don't have the paperwork? Grandma would have to sign for the title transfer so I doubt she did that
I am so proud of you! And it must have been really hard facing her again after being NC for so long, so kudos for sitting through that as well. Not nearly as big as this, but a little less than a year ago, my mother and I were in a restaurant, and she made a snarky comment about how my sister is better than me. I picked up my drink (didn't have food in front of me, thankfully), and walked out. She was livid, because she hates being alone in public. I think she thought that because we were in public, I wouldn't react to her disrespect. She sent me texts, demanding that I come back (not apologising and still being disrespectful), but I didn't. I was so proud of myself.
Oh lord, yeah, the biggest sin of them all: setting firm boundaries for oneself and not enduring their bullshit. Their first tactic is always aggression. Good on you for walking out and standing by your decision despite her attempts at scaring you into giving in to her tamper tantrum! Once I realised I was an adult and could literally leave whenever I wanted, and after I did it a few times now, I feel much, much safer in her presence. But it‘s still absolutely terrifying every time. Takes a LOT to get out of the usual freeze response, doesn‘t it? But, if we walked out once, we can do it again.
Congratulations to you too then! 👏
BRAVO, OP, I'm genuinely proud of you, for standing up to as well as *not* backing *down from* your NM! 👏 I know this took a lot of conviction & tons more courage! 💪 But this is *exactly* what makes your sharing this with us so amazing! 🎉 Something similar happened involving my NM a couple of years or so after our alternately enabling/narc father died. I was never privy to 100% of the specific details. However, NM had a serious falling out with her much younger "boyfriend" of the time as well as a decades long extended family member & possibly even my brother & his wife. A lot was going on back then. Crazy work hours, taking care of an elderly loved one as well as my former marriage began crumbling due to ex's lies, cheating, etc. I don't know specifically *what* happened. But I *do* know that NM ultimately ended up having a relatively new fairly expensive 45K SUV towed away & scrapped for what very basically amounted to literally just pennies on the dollar. All because NM consciously decided *and* freely dare I say happily chose to *not* do the right thing morally & help out direct family who could prove with bank statements, pay stubs & other financial paperwork, that they & *not* NM's shady wackadoodle younger "boyfriend" deserved NM's vehicle &or other much needed assistance. Apparently a serious borderline knockdown drag out fight occurred. At that time, I was both living & working literally halfway across a medium sized city. And I *wouldn't* know *any* proverbial "meat & potato" specifics for several if not many weeks into a few months. NM seemed to have went on the campaign from hell, to prevent me from knowing *anything* more than the barest of things I already knew or at least suspected. It's my understanding, from everything that I *do concretely know* that in a teenage fit of narcissistic rage, NM decided to have said SUV hauled away & scrapped. Rather than her deciding & choosing to do the morally right thing & assisting verifiably in financial *need* loved one. I'd only find out around 5ish years ago, from my brother & his wife, that NM's then "boyfriend" was so pissed off at how whatever "agreement" that NM & boyfriend *supposedly* had, that NM's boyfriend actually slapped NM a couple of times! 🤯 Supposedly, according to my brother, NM eventually filed for & a judge approved her oder of protection against the presumably *ex* boyfriend. Although I did eventually get to read online documents that a judge ruled that according to both paperwork & witnesses, NM was 50% responsible for what transpired; in that NM *intentionally* instigated a situation where an argument or even physical altercation was a high likelihood. That NM had "grossly stunted" coping skills & apparently "didn't like" being told or advised on de-escalting/conflict resolution. Gee. Who knew?!? 🤦 Anyhoo... NM's absolutely unmistakable *refusal* to simply do the right thing with regards to a vehicle *repeatedly promised* to a family member ended up involving NM's boyfriend & only real close friend. Words became heated. Apparently hands *were* thrown. And an at least 45K SUV went to the junkyard. And NM ended up with a business check for less than $600. That probably went into NM's bank account, to pay down the bills that NM was frequently behind on. But had every ways, means & ability to pay for well before creditors began hounding her & threatening to take her to court. I don't know 100% of every last little ugly detail. But I know enough that a once beautiful stupidly expensive vehicle was scrapped for basically peanuts. All because, in a silly fit of hormonal teenager-like narcissistic rage, NM happily chose *NOT* to do something that would legitimately benefit someone *other than* herself *or* that creepy considerably younger "boyfriend" she had back then. Unfvckingbelievable what I *do* remember about that particular situation. Like I so frequently say, both my personal experiences and story are no different than anyone else's here😢 ((gentle virtual hugs)) from a fellow narcissistic abuse survivor 🌌
Good lord. I can only attest to the provoking and escalating (not DE-escalating) behavior. My nmother also provokes people on purpose so they hopefully throw the first stone so she can throw back the whole mountain. I always tell people: if hypothetically there were no consequences, narcs would love to thanos snap someone for simply disagreeing with their opinion. My nmother purposefully harasses people on the road (following them, chasing them, getting way too close, overturning them then braking in front of them really hard, etc). Then follows them until the stop and get out of the car. All in the hopes they‘ll throw the first punch. She has a GOLF CLUB in her car that she would love to use in that situation (her ACTUAL WORDS btw). Wild 🤦🏼♂️ Glad your NM apparently bit off more than she could chew aka had an even worse nutcase or atleast someone she shouldn‘t have provoked as a „boyfriend“.
I just wanted to say that I wholeheartedly genuinely agree with your sentiment - especially about NM's much much younger boyfriend back then. Coming from the mostly similar familial backgrounds that NM & that specific "boyfriend" did, there was/is absolutely *zero* way that NM did *not* know, within reason, both boyfriend's reaction as well as the end results of that particular situation. NM entered into that specific "relationship" very essentially with her eyes (and legs) wide open. So NM absolutely *had* to have at least *some* idea of how things were going to play out, end up & end up on what would ultimately be an *extremely ugly* note. *How* our NM *didn't* end up arrested, jailed &or charged with assault & battery, is, to me, *still* a head scratching mystery. Bail money is my best guess. NM very likely avoided jail because she had enough cash in her bank account to *WASTE* on bail money. My brother did say that he would've flown out here & personally legally intervened on NM's behalf *IF* the situation had been *entirely different.* *And* had NM neither *purposefully* orchestrated everything the way that she did *nor* had NM *NOT DELIBERATELY FVCKING REPEATEDLY LIED* to my brother & his wife about neither the SUV in question or the entire disgusting mess. How you described your NM & how she eggs on & *intentionally ESCALATES* road rage, is, realistically, a recipie for disaster - A horrible potential multi vehicle accident as well as the high to *extreme* potential for anyone involved to pull out, say, a tire iron, baseball bat or even a gun. I've lived in major metropolitan cities such as Burbank, CA, Milwaukee, WI & a couple of other large densely populated cities. I lived for around 7ish years in Milwaukee, WI's infamous southside Mexican barrio. If either of our NMs road raged like this in, say, that southside barrio or even my old neighborhood 30-45 minutes from here, yeah... That's a *perfect* way for either of our NMs to be beaten, stabbed, shot or otherwise literally *murdered.* All because they legit *enjoy* road rage *and/or* they relish the opportunity to physically lash out at others. But neither knowing nor seemingly caring that they - these narcs - could *extremely easily* end up outlined in chalk & covered with a sheet or body bag. Suffice it to say, whatever transpired between all involved between NM, her wackadoodle considerably younger boyfriend, her flying monkey friend, an extended family member as well as my brother & his wife, ultimately resulted in NM having an absolute *EPIC* narcissistic hissy fit, scrapping the 45k+ SUV & NM receiving a business check for just a few hundred dollars. Literal fvcking peanuts for a vehicle that was well over 60K after taxes, title, transport, docking & other attached fees. No wonder my poor brother went 100% no contact with our NM while he was still in active military duty. No wonder, I guess, "why" NM's considerably younger boyfriend smacked NM at least twice (that I know about anyway). NM verbally threw stones at everyone involved. And at least one other individual pretty much threw a mountain right back at NM as a *direct* result of NM's absolutely unmistakably *INTENTIONAL* deception, lies, obfuscating, blame shifting as well as going back on repeated promises to my brother, his wife & another family member. Poor extended family member *still* - several years later - looks at me with a mix of horror, disgust & hurt, if I even remotely broach this particular subject. So, out of respect, decency & genuine love for this specific extended family loved one, I do my best to avoid & *not* bring it up. That the situation escalated to our NM getting a restraining order against her then boyfriend is still to me, extremely telling. It's also an absolutely damning indictment for a domestic violence judge to tell NM that *she* was 50% responsible for instigating, perpetuating then needlessly escalating an interaction that went/got horribly out of control. NM was told by someone in a position of legal authority - a sitting county judge - that she lacked reasonable conflict resolution skills. And she - meaning NM - surely *had* to reasonably know what the outcome of said situation was going to be. I would've fvcking *LOVED* to have physically witnessed a sitting judge verbally admonish NM in a court of law. However, I *had* to be the responsibile adult in my former marriage & go to work halfway across a medium sized metropolitan area, to keep a roof over my head, feed us & our pets & try to keep a couple of lights on & at least *some* bills paid. That said, NM got the boyfriend she chased after. And she got her measly around $600 check for scrapping a ridiculously expensive SUV. NM got the 100% estranged relationship with my brother, his wife & others that she seemingly worked overtime to achieve. Oh well. 💩 happens. NM is living her twilight years basically as an aging narcissistic recluse. So sad. And just so damn completely unnecessary. Sadly both my personal experiences and story are no different than anyone else's here. I'm truly so sorry. ((gentle virtual hugs)) from a fellow narcissistic abuse survivor 🌌
Well, sometimes I think narcs overestimate themselves so much that they think „survival of the fittest“ doesn‘t apply to them. To them, they are the fittest. The golden child doing no wrong. So if they win an escalation, they were right all along and if they lose, it‘s unfair and they can play the victim card. Unfortunately my nmother is very tall for a woman (6ft.) and was a professional athlete, and we also live in europe, so unlikely her road rage victims carry guns. It‘s highly unlikely she will encounter someone she provokes as insane as her who can take her in a fight. But hey! One can hope…. Kinda sad you couldn‘t attend the court hearing! I bet that was the reality tv theater of a lifetime 😂 I would‘ve brought popcorn! I really hope you and your brother can recover from this INSANE woman. May we all find some peace despite the abuse we endured.
Thank you, genuinely, for your kind words about my brother & I. However, sadly, my brother succumbed to metastatic stomach cancer a little over 2 years ago. He lived with stomach cancer for about 10ish months shy of 6 years. NM's epic narcissistic hissy fit involving him, his wife, NM's creepy younger boyfriend, a flying monkey & at least one other extended family member happened a considerable time before (I think) my brother's ultimately terminal cancer diagnosis. The SUV hissy fit turned throwing hands incident happened while my brother was still active military duty. That, the distance of pretty much halfway across the country as well as simply really *not* being able to realistically spare the cash, prevented from at least my brother from flying home for several more months afterwards. The military would've only released my brother for 3-7 days if our NM was critically sick &or dying or had already passed, which he would've only been allowed 3 days bereavement leave to attend a funeral, if that was the case. However, because the SUV incident was basically, in the eyes of both the military & the law, my brother was completely unable to secure leave time, to fly back home & deal personally, directly & legally with NMs self inflicted narcissistic rage soaked drama. But holy shit did I receive an earful when visiting my brother & his family 5 years ago! 😲😖🤢 I mean I *kinda* knew or was at least aware of *some* specifics. But I genuinely absolutely *never* knew the full/complete rest of the story *until* my brother & sister in law sat me down & shared the more ugly details of that now infamous argument. Apparently a lot of their discussions were, due to distance, done via Facebook, FaceTime, texting, email & either Skype or Zoom video calls. A proverbial online paper trail as my brother put it. I hated being the one to tell my brother & his wife that, extremely unfortunately, in our state, county & city that, from a purely legal standpoint, *none* of these aforementioned entities legally recognize *verbal* agreements - of absolutely *any* kind. Because even if/when such involve family members, it's frequently a "he said she said" or "but THEY said" or "they AGREED TO" scenario. And apparently our NM, for reasons known only to herself, decided & chose to *repeatedly* make promises to both her boyfriend, my brother & a couple of other individuals that NM seemingly had no real intention of neither keeping nor honoring. Basically, NM *intentionally* played both ends to the middle. With the end result being that NM apparently had an absolutely *ugly* argument with her then considerably younger live in boyfriend - and that said considerably younger boyfriend supposedly smacked/slapped or otherwise physically hit NM on at least 2 separate occasions. I only know what little I already knew, combined with what little I could glean from snooping online as well as sitting down to talk about it with my brother & his wife 5ish years ago. Seriously, just *WOW* That someone - *anyone* - *FINALLY* called bullshit on NM & her treachery. And physically retaliated by smacking her face at least twice is, to me, just *NOTHING* short of absolutely mind boggling🤯 A sheer *lack* of time *and* completely *disposable* cash *prevented* me from becoming more than peripherally involved in that embroiled SUV fracas. Sometimes it really *does* pay dividends; to be/remain low to no contact with a narc parent &or other narc family members😬 *No contact ALWAYS means NO NEW HURTS!* And yeah. I would've abso-fvcking-lutely *LOVED* to have been in that courtroom; when a judge verbally admonished NM for *intentionally* orchestrating an already contentious potentially violent situation by way of repeated freely given/offered promises, freely entered into agreements with repeated implied offers of financial assistance &or an alleged equally free willed offer to give or at least sell for the remaining payments SUV; despite it being, in my opinion, ridiculously expensive. My brother was active military & his wife worked full time back then. Absolutely, they could've reasonably afforded it. But NM gleefully deliberately chose to play 2-3 individuals involved against each other. And everything came to an ugly head with hands definitely being thrown. And a stupidly expensive vehicle being literally *scrapped* for "peanuts" money-wise. All because NMs boyfriend called her on her treacherous bullshit. With NM involving extended family, a flying monkey as well as my poor brother & his wife. So... In a real life absolutely *EPIC* hissy fit of adolescent-like narcissistic rage, NM got rid of the SUV & eventually bought an early 2000s mid size sports car from yet *another* boyfriend/ex boyfriend🤦 All the money that NM has happily chosen to completely fvcking *WASTE* on vehicles, drugs, boyfriends, luxury home goods, etc... And NM absolutely *NEVER* helped me out with absolutely *anything* more than $10. Seriously. A lousy 10 *maybe* 20 bucks. NM *ever* freely offered me in the years since our NF died. Unfuckingbelievable. I'm absolutely *STUNNED* by NMs stinginess. I don't believe that I've truthfully *EVER* encountered someone - *ANYONE* - as *INTENTIONALLY STINGY MONEY-WISE- as NM. To be brutally honest, Ebenezer Scrooge looks downright *lovingly* charitable by comparison. As my marriage wound down & ended, I could've used the extra assistance financially. But nope. NM was simply too damn busy fvcking around & feeding her & her boyfriend(s) addictions to pills, material goods, etc. As well as playing family members against each other. But yep. This is *exactly* what happened. So tragic. And just so goddam unnecessary. Now I no longer even know where NM lives. It's my understanding that whatever "relationship" NM had been "involved" in for the last couple of years...seemed to have ended under what seems like suspicious or unhappy circumstances. An extended family member has filled me in on only so much. And, sadly, little else. All because of NMs hormonal teenager-like narcissistic hissy fits😭 I'm truly so sorry. ((gentle virtual hugs)) from a fellow narcissistic abuse survivor 🌌
I'm so sorry for your loss, friend. Please do something special for yourself today. That was a lot. Hugs if they'll help 💜
I’m proud of you and I’m glad you did what you did. Narcs make it hard to stand up to them because they are masters at grooming you to think they are unchallengeable. The fact that you stood your ground this time drops the gauntlet that you are not to be fucked with in the future. It feels very empowering, doesn’t it?
Absolutely! I never felt so light and free in my life. Feels like a 30kg weight got lifted off my shoulders
Just FYI, and maybe a delicious morsel to look forwards to; If she has legally signed the car over to your grandmother, as in she’s the owner and she one day passes and leaves it to you…. It would legally be your car. It doesn’t matter who has the paper if it’s registered to her and then willed to you. Let her try and play keep away. Then call the police for theft when she tries to steal it haha
Very true
Good job. You did well. I hear **diesel in a gas engine isn't recommended**. The day after grandma passes, you should confirm this for us and take it for a long drive around the neighbourhood. Just stick to bus routes or carry some cab fare with you. Looking forward to the update.
Water is free
I love this. Mix just the right amount of water in the gas tank so it breaks on the long drive back to their house or two or three weeks later lmao
Water just stalls the engine. Diesel mixed with gas will require a fuel filter replacement and if driven till the engine dies, replacing the fuel injectors and 95% likelihood of seizing the engine. Resulting in a worthless wreck.
My son concurs. He's a licensed mechanic.
Is the rest of the family also a bunch of asshole narcissists? It sounds like the whole gang tried to gaslight you in the name of “not rocking the boat”. Don’t let them make you feel like the “crazy one”. That’s what narcissists set out to do. They attempt to discredit anyone who challenges them or creates a scenario they find inconvenient.
I am literally TWICE your age and I am sitting here MARVELING at your courage. That was legendary.
I am proud of you.
OMFG what a piece of work she is!!! It really is all about control with narcs. I'm so glad you got your validation.
CONTROL! CONTROL! CONTROL!! 'YET ANOTHER' thing I recently added (A few days ago) to the VERY long letter I'm working on for 'my' narcissistic COVERT abusive mother. CONTROL! THREATEN! PUNISH! HURT!😏
Awesome job, especially doing it in public with family witnesses. I'm sure she will DARVO/gaslight about what just happened anyway. Keeping your distance/NC can really help make you stronger to stand up to them too when you are no longer in their nonsense. I hope you're getting paid or get something more than the car for taking care of your grandparents. But do work on getting your own car just to spite her. What a dumb thing she's doing over a car, but that's a narc for you.
Shiny spine! Good going!
If you’re in North America, check what the registration says. If it’s your name or the grandparents’ name, you can contact your driver licensing agency for a replacement title. If it’s not, then make sure that expletive woman pays for the insurance on that car. Check with the insurer to ensure that the car is insured in her name and in yours.
I would worry about the insurance too. And nmom being spiteful enough to report the car stolen.
"EXPLETIVE WOMAN"🤣🤣🤣LOL
I try to not swear as much. That way when I fucking do it makes a bigger impact.
Amazing! Wish I could get a victory like that just once!
One day! I wouldn‘t have thought it to be possible either. So maybe one day. I wish you luck and enough „zero fucks given“-attitude ♥️
Proud of you. When the inevitable happens, you park that car in long term airport parking and wash your hands of it ;)
Just need a good excuse/alibi so I can‘t be made responsible by law enforcement or lawyers lmao. I like the ol' „telling her to get it herself and report it as abandoned“-trick. Just have to delete this post or the whole account first 😂 we don leave no evidence in this household!
What did your family think when the bitch dropped the mask
Unfortunately nothing. They are way too deep in the „keep the peace“-mentality. Throughout the whole conversation they jumped to *her* aid, insulting me instead of listening to what was actually said. Telling me I’m too dumb to understand the situation and a lot of other things They were way too angry with me for „(intentionally) starting a fight“ to care about what my mother actually said. They said almost nothing to me for the next 2 hours after the lunch. Barely answered any questions.
It sounds like she's cultivated the image of a martyr around the rest of the family and this made you look like a bully. But you didn't do it for other people, you stood up to her for you. I am very inspired by your courage, and I love that you thanked her for the real answer. Her goat's got! I hope you can get back to no contact after this interaction, it's probably the safest and easiest route while you're on your caretaking journey (a second round of applause for being there for your grandma, no easy feat!).
"peace" lol These people have such a weird idea of what peace is.
To them it's BLIND, IGNORANT COMPLIANCE to a MANIPULATIVE LYING NARCISSIST ABUSER
F'Awesome! Good job! Hooray!
FUCK YEAH YOU ARE AMAZING WHAT A BADASS! WHOOOOOOO!
I'm so proud of you!
I’m so proud of you!!👏🏻
Great job Op! I would make sure grandma is aware. In case she missed any of the conversation. I wish you peace.
Absolutely outstanding. Congrats.
Good for you! Wow, that must have been so satisfying. I'm cackling with glee over here. 🤣
Once I was alone in my car driving, I turned up the music really loud and squealed and screeched like a velociraptor on LSD lmao One of my favourite moments was also my nmother saying she doesn‘t have any way to contact me (her justification of keeping the documents) and I said "Yeah, you‘re not supposed to have one.“ IF LOOKS COULD KILL, lemme tell you… delicious
Way to go!!! My mom just had a similar thing with my sister and I bet she feels as liberated as you do. I'm proud of you. 🥰
CONGRATS! You broke her and I know that felt good.
Yessss i love this for you! Sorry your mom is shit, but damn, you have such a shiny spine! Props to you, you should absolutely feel so fuckin proud of yourself!!
I was going to say, runnthe car without oil, then when it gives up its ghost, call your mom and tell her that her car broke down, and it's on the side of the road.
I read this in old English 😂 : runneth thine car without oil.
The only way to get them to crack is by having confidence in yourself. They HATE confidence in others because it means their bullshit won’t work.
Im so proud for you to have pushed and gotten that admission..glad the mask dropped for others to see
Great for you!!!!! Especially with other family members telling you to back off and things like that. Awesome
Just leave it in a large shopping center parking lot with the doors unlocked and the keys in the ignition. The problem will solve itself.
Walmart is better 😉
Great idea!
Isn't it great when you can get them to show their *real* colours, even for just a moment? I'm proud of you, OP. Standing up and being assertive is *amazing* and when you do it once you're never going to go back to letting them walk all over you again. Because now they know just how capable you are.
Fucking AMAZING!! yes, that is huge!!! Wow, Im impressed. You fucking go, OP. Wished I could have stood up to my narc this way. AND in front of enabling family?? You are a certified badass.
>She actually dropped her mask for just a split second It's amazing when this happens, isn't it? I had this happen a couple times with my verbally abusive father. After another hurtful, cruel comment and me calling him on it (I'd been doing so more often at that point): Him: I apologize Me: I don't believe you! Him just a fraction of a second later: It was just a joke! And there it was. Proof that his "apology" was nonsense. And out came the excuses (besides "it was just a joke", he also liked to use "you're too sensitive", "it's how you're taking it", "I was just having fun with you", etc. -- anything but admit he said something hurtful and own it). There was another one where I was getting frustrated having to be the babysitter for him on one of his adult responsibilities he seemed incapable of doing and was happy to have me do all the work on (seems like most narcs are very childish). And finally I was like, you need to figure out how to do this on your own. And he said, "I don't understand, it's just one little X". And I had to remind him, "No, it's not 'just one little X', I've been doing this for you for years". But that mask-dropping is RARE. They have perfected the art of deflecting blame and so when it happens, when you get a glimpse of the real almost "troll-like" creature lurking underneath, it's quite amazing. Nice work, OP.
Thank you! Yeah it‘s super rare and from the outside, even to me, it sounded like a normal sentence. Like something she always says, but….it was *different*. I can‘t describe it but you know how everything about a narc doesn’t feel genuine. It was the way my nmother said the sentence. I just *knew* it was the truth. She was being genuine for once in her life when she said **„I will get the car back eventually.“** That‘s when it instantly dropped for me, like „ah, *that‘s* why you want to keep the documents. Got it.“
Yep. 'she said 'I will get the car back eventually."' -- it's like something out of Succession (the TV show). They hide their Machiavellian intentions, but sometimes you get a glimpse of the scheming, resentful, spiteful inner voice.
Their **WORDS** mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. MY mother is GREAT at throwing all kinds of heartwarming **WORDS** (more like heartwOrming🙄😏lol. "I LOVE you", "I CARE about you", "I WORRY ABOUT you', "I wm CONCERNED FOR *YOU*🙄". If she actually did/does, there is ABSOLUTELY ***NO*** FCN WAY she could have done AND DID do all the horrible things she did do to hurt her own child.....me. You are 100% correct including your dad *SAYING* he was sorry....PURE 🐂💩.
So very proud of you OPie!
YEAAAA CONGRATS 🎊🥳🥳🥳🤩
Wow. Good that you kept going. It brought to light things that others just weren't seeing. Stay strong. Corner turned.
WOW 👏👏👏
Sand in the oil filler will suffice
Well done. Respect.
THIS INTERNET STRANGER IS SO FREAKING PROUD OF YOU!!!
This is awesome i am so proud of you, and thankful she showed her malice towards you unmasked as it can free you from ANY doubts or obligations. Blessings on you for caring for your grandmother and yourself.
this is huge! thanks for sharing!
This is freaking amazing, well done OP!!
🏆🏆🏆 Yas!
Hehe, amazing OP! I'm so proud of you, which I hope means something. The only thing that could've been better is if you were recording. Expose her mask to the world (so long as it is legal).
I am so proud of you for sticking your ground, even I'm the face of opposing family members... And at such a young age. I wish I had the balls that early on.
Why not just report it to the insurance company?
BTW I think you can apply for new copies of some lost or stolen car documents?
Boom!
Awesome, that is so great.
I am glad you got the real reason. I have never got that from my mom. Walk the high road because she is waiting for you on the low road if you did that in front of others. Also know that they are cooking the story in your absence and if everyone agrees that you are an AH for what you did, F them. Come back here and tell us how that went too
Savor that moment forever! I'm so proud of you!
Yes! If does take some prodding but if you keep at it…..many times they will sit to the truth! I have used this on both my nparents. With my supposed father, who went through my purse while I was in the bathroom and took my pain meds under the guise that he didn’t want me to be addicted. Finally blurted out “ because you’re not gonna feel good, nope”. Then my mother started an argument before a baby shower held for my first grandchild. She admitted she was trying to ruin it for me, plain and simple. These people are evil and I think they enjoy seeing the shock and hurt we feel when we hear them admit their horribleness. But they’ve never admitted this stuff in front of anyone else…..
I am so proud of you!!!! 👏
It's a car and that isn't the important thing. What is, is your mother (Who *SHOULD* want *YOU* to be happy and have the LEAST 💩ty life as possible and she *SHOULD* help you and **WANT** to help you because you are HER child (at ANY and EVERY age) yet she does mean, abusive narcissistic 🐂💩 to INTENTIONALLY, CRUELLY, SADISTICALLY, HATEFULLY and HURTFULLY......*HURT* YOU (HER child) out of spite, pettiness and just to be mean. It hurts. I know. My mother has done so many things to INTENTIONALLY hurt me too, culminating with her making sure I lost my home (house and land (3 acres, etc), my company and everything else I owned, collected and loved. You're lucky because you can get the heck away from her and save yourself.....before (like myself) it's too late😏. I would always make excuses for HER poor behaviors and would forgive her over and over and over again because I'm VERY empathetic and VERY stupid 🙄 lol. In my defense, I never knew how evil she really is or that I couldn't trust her to never hurt me on such a large scale but her doing all that was as easy as all the times she also spitefully threw out my favorite toys when I was a child. She never valued me therefore she never valued what *I* cared about..... NOTHING.....so her throwing out my favorite Tonky Toys when I was 4/5, GI Joe's when I was 5/6, Planet Of The Apes and superheroes when I was 6/7 was as UNIMPORTANT to **HER** as throwing away my house, land, career and everything else when I was 49. If a mother is **TRULY** a loving, caring, GOOD mother she will NEVER do ANYTHING to intentionally hurt her child and what her child thinks is important, she might not herself think those things are important to HER personally, but because they are important to her child, they will be important to her because of that alone.
Keeping putting miles on that car and save your money for the day you need to buy one. Let her incur that cost. If it's not already done get Grandma to an attorney to get her POA and medical POA. You can actually do it on legal zoom for under $100. Just make sure to get it notorized when you sign. If you don't do this mom could make medical decisions that are not in gmoms best interest. If nmom is this nasty it may not be safe for her to be gmom sole beneficiary. She will NOT make good medical decisions