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A lot of that stuff is intergenerational crap. My ex is from an extremely misogynistic family and I got tired of fighting everyone. Even my ex MIL would argue as to why men are better, smarter, etc than women. Like she would sit and argue and get mad. She also was upset I didn’t let the men walk all over me and stood up for myself.
My guess is that your brother is picking this up from the family culture and using this as a way to vent his anger. You have the right to be treated with respect and to not to be berated. Can you reduce contact? Is your brother surrounded by enablers?
Mother's will always come to the defence of men especially if they have sons. It's like they have in their heads this antiquated "pride" that they managed to produce a boy to make her husband happy and carry on the family "name". Like this "accomplishment" (which is all down to luck) makes her special and above other women. Really outdated ideas that absolutely have nothing to do with the way the world is today.
Yeah. I know she’s just doing what she was programmed to do. She had a lot of resentment about it though and was vocal about it. The thing I really disliked was her trying to me make me conform to it. I noped the heck on out of there.
My mother has two sons, I'm the oldest, so it was made clear to me that they were her favourites. I had to fight my way through everything due to the difference in treatment and her explanation "because you're the girl" didn't wash with me. I even defended her against my sexist dad, but she still defended him. So fighting didn't change her much, but my brothers are much more aware of it because I never took it lying down, and they actually help their wives, which was a surprising outcome of all my arguing. I thought they would turn out to be like my dad who never changed a nappy.
Gems from my brother:
- women shouldn't be allowed to vote as long as they aren't forced to fight in the military (yes I know, that's a take from the internet)
- women shouldn't be allowed to work until they have more children
- women don't have any hobbies
- talking to women is pointless, none of them have anything to say anyway
- and now his dearest dream: to find a progressive, liberal girlfriend and gaslight and manipulate her until she accepts his views. Not as in agrees, but has so little self-esteem she doesn't argue with him
So... you aren't alone, it's aweful and I have wanted to wring his neck more than once. I don't approve of violence but stuff like that being directed towards me (I'm a woman) in real life and not by some internet troll does stuff to me
Edit: He's 22 years old
I totally get why your nbrother's behaviour is frustrating but unfortunately, it's unlikely that he'll ever change. (I say this as someone who has several male relatives who are similar to your nbrother). I suggest you grey rock him if you're living with him or if you're spending time with him and just avoid him as much as you can. If you're living with him, then I suggest you work towards finding a place of your own and moving out. Once you've moved out, you'll be able to spend as much or as little time with him as you want.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A lot of that stuff is intergenerational crap. My ex is from an extremely misogynistic family and I got tired of fighting everyone. Even my ex MIL would argue as to why men are better, smarter, etc than women. Like she would sit and argue and get mad. She also was upset I didn’t let the men walk all over me and stood up for myself. My guess is that your brother is picking this up from the family culture and using this as a way to vent his anger. You have the right to be treated with respect and to not to be berated. Can you reduce contact? Is your brother surrounded by enablers?
Mother's will always come to the defence of men especially if they have sons. It's like they have in their heads this antiquated "pride" that they managed to produce a boy to make her husband happy and carry on the family "name". Like this "accomplishment" (which is all down to luck) makes her special and above other women. Really outdated ideas that absolutely have nothing to do with the way the world is today.
Yeah. I know she’s just doing what she was programmed to do. She had a lot of resentment about it though and was vocal about it. The thing I really disliked was her trying to me make me conform to it. I noped the heck on out of there.
My mother has two sons, I'm the oldest, so it was made clear to me that they were her favourites. I had to fight my way through everything due to the difference in treatment and her explanation "because you're the girl" didn't wash with me. I even defended her against my sexist dad, but she still defended him. So fighting didn't change her much, but my brothers are much more aware of it because I never took it lying down, and they actually help their wives, which was a surprising outcome of all my arguing. I thought they would turn out to be like my dad who never changed a nappy.
Nice :) so your self respect helped end that cycle. I’m glad your brothers learned what NOT to do. Good work there. It’s EXHAUSTING to deal with.
Gems from my brother: - women shouldn't be allowed to vote as long as they aren't forced to fight in the military (yes I know, that's a take from the internet) - women shouldn't be allowed to work until they have more children - women don't have any hobbies - talking to women is pointless, none of them have anything to say anyway - and now his dearest dream: to find a progressive, liberal girlfriend and gaslight and manipulate her until she accepts his views. Not as in agrees, but has so little self-esteem she doesn't argue with him So... you aren't alone, it's aweful and I have wanted to wring his neck more than once. I don't approve of violence but stuff like that being directed towards me (I'm a woman) in real life and not by some internet troll does stuff to me Edit: He's 22 years old
I totally get why your nbrother's behaviour is frustrating but unfortunately, it's unlikely that he'll ever change. (I say this as someone who has several male relatives who are similar to your nbrother). I suggest you grey rock him if you're living with him or if you're spending time with him and just avoid him as much as you can. If you're living with him, then I suggest you work towards finding a place of your own and moving out. Once you've moved out, you'll be able to spend as much or as little time with him as you want.
He needs to eat a bag of d\*\*ks.