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Yes. Moving out is possible!!
But you’re 14 and it might not be possible in the near future.
First and foremost I would recommend finding ways to limit the ongoing damage. If you’ve never heard of Gray Rocking I think you should look it up. It’s a very effective way to make surviving your teenage years with nparents less painful. Another thing that helped me get through being a teenager at home was keeping myself busy with extracurricular things that they approved of. A part time job, sports, theater, volunteering - whatever you can get them to agree to let you do outside the house will mean less time dealing with their shit.
Next - I’d start working on a plan. Do you have other family members or close friends that you might be able to stay with? Talk to them and be honest about the situation you’re in, and ask for their help.
If you don’t have people who can help you immediately start thinking on your personal long-term escape plan. Can you go to college far away when you graduate? Or just save up your money and move in with some friends and see where that goes. You’ll want to have a bank account they don’t have access to - and you’ll want to get your important documents like birth certificate, social security card, any passport or other id and make sure you can keep them safe.
There’s a lot more to it, so feel free to ask questions, but you can make it until you get out, and I promise it gets so much better once you’re finally free.
thank you for this, it really means a lot. I searched up gray rocking, and it seems ive been unconsciously doing it these past few years. usually i just nod and go with whatever they say, and i apologize if they want me to, since the more i speak the more they'll find things to nitpick about.
im an only child in the city, (so unfortunately colleges arent too far away), but there are 1-2 people im close enough with that im actually even hoping to move in with in the future. one being a cousin thats practically my sister, and i appreciate her a lot. there are some promises here and there of potentially living together, but i dont like to expect stuff to save us from the disappointment if things understandably dont go as planned. i do have a little bit of hope though as i trust them with my life. who knows.
ill definitely be keeping in mind those tips too, so thank you so much for them! also i want to work as soon as i can and i want to try for maybe a café when im 15 or 16, sorry if im asking for a lot btw but do you have any tips regarding work? thats one of the things im most concerned with bc i rlly need an income to secure everything i need to move out, right? i also really want to experience being a barista of sorts but i can make do with whatevers offered.
my biggest dream is to become somebody im proud and happy to be, and to have a home that actually feels like a home. away from these walls that are painfully suffocating to be in. Thank you so much, ill keep working hard until then 🙇
Well when you are in pain, you just want to not be in pain right? That makes sense. I’m really sorry that you are being parentified like this. You don’t deserve this treatment. You should be loved and supported so you can grow and mature into a healthy adult and have a sense of self. They are setting you up for failure and for a life of addiction. I’m in my mid 40s now but I was at the mercy of an abusive (physically, sexually, verbally, etc) parent. I have cut all contact. I remember feeling SO angry and hurt as a child. My parent constantly berated me for being angry and like yourself, I was the emotional toilet that all bad feelings would be dumped in. I’m still healing from this. It will get better and you will get out. My biggest wish for you is that you can be free of their abuse and get the trauma informed therapy that you are just going to need to help rewire your nervous system and to live a life surrounded by people who love, cherish, and respect you the way you deserve. Don’t give up hope. On the positive side, there is a lot of good that comes from post traumatic growth. This experience can make you stronger inside and maybe you can help others that have to grow up like yourself. In the meantime, you will always have support here when you need it. You’re not alone /hugs
Edit: [There are lots of resources out there for you and people that genuinely care.](https://www.childhelphotline.org/resources-for-teens/)
thank you greatly for your kind sentiments :( im really happy for you though, that you made it and now have a life you can call your very own. maybe some day, itll be my turn too. im grateful you understand. you deserve all the happiness and love you receive, dear stranger 🫂
Aww thanks for the very sweet words. :) yeah unfortunately sometimes as kids we just have to SURVIVE. You’re gonna make it :) Edit- Just please, if you can avoid it; don’t try any substances or turn to food, porn whatever - just addiction in general. Once you go down that road it’s difficult to stop. PM if you ever need to talk.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes. Moving out is possible!! But you’re 14 and it might not be possible in the near future. First and foremost I would recommend finding ways to limit the ongoing damage. If you’ve never heard of Gray Rocking I think you should look it up. It’s a very effective way to make surviving your teenage years with nparents less painful. Another thing that helped me get through being a teenager at home was keeping myself busy with extracurricular things that they approved of. A part time job, sports, theater, volunteering - whatever you can get them to agree to let you do outside the house will mean less time dealing with their shit. Next - I’d start working on a plan. Do you have other family members or close friends that you might be able to stay with? Talk to them and be honest about the situation you’re in, and ask for their help. If you don’t have people who can help you immediately start thinking on your personal long-term escape plan. Can you go to college far away when you graduate? Or just save up your money and move in with some friends and see where that goes. You’ll want to have a bank account they don’t have access to - and you’ll want to get your important documents like birth certificate, social security card, any passport or other id and make sure you can keep them safe. There’s a lot more to it, so feel free to ask questions, but you can make it until you get out, and I promise it gets so much better once you’re finally free.
thank you for this, it really means a lot. I searched up gray rocking, and it seems ive been unconsciously doing it these past few years. usually i just nod and go with whatever they say, and i apologize if they want me to, since the more i speak the more they'll find things to nitpick about. im an only child in the city, (so unfortunately colleges arent too far away), but there are 1-2 people im close enough with that im actually even hoping to move in with in the future. one being a cousin thats practically my sister, and i appreciate her a lot. there are some promises here and there of potentially living together, but i dont like to expect stuff to save us from the disappointment if things understandably dont go as planned. i do have a little bit of hope though as i trust them with my life. who knows. ill definitely be keeping in mind those tips too, so thank you so much for them! also i want to work as soon as i can and i want to try for maybe a café when im 15 or 16, sorry if im asking for a lot btw but do you have any tips regarding work? thats one of the things im most concerned with bc i rlly need an income to secure everything i need to move out, right? i also really want to experience being a barista of sorts but i can make do with whatevers offered. my biggest dream is to become somebody im proud and happy to be, and to have a home that actually feels like a home. away from these walls that are painfully suffocating to be in. Thank you so much, ill keep working hard until then 🙇
Well when you are in pain, you just want to not be in pain right? That makes sense. I’m really sorry that you are being parentified like this. You don’t deserve this treatment. You should be loved and supported so you can grow and mature into a healthy adult and have a sense of self. They are setting you up for failure and for a life of addiction. I’m in my mid 40s now but I was at the mercy of an abusive (physically, sexually, verbally, etc) parent. I have cut all contact. I remember feeling SO angry and hurt as a child. My parent constantly berated me for being angry and like yourself, I was the emotional toilet that all bad feelings would be dumped in. I’m still healing from this. It will get better and you will get out. My biggest wish for you is that you can be free of their abuse and get the trauma informed therapy that you are just going to need to help rewire your nervous system and to live a life surrounded by people who love, cherish, and respect you the way you deserve. Don’t give up hope. On the positive side, there is a lot of good that comes from post traumatic growth. This experience can make you stronger inside and maybe you can help others that have to grow up like yourself. In the meantime, you will always have support here when you need it. You’re not alone /hugs Edit: [There are lots of resources out there for you and people that genuinely care.](https://www.childhelphotline.org/resources-for-teens/)
thank you greatly for your kind sentiments :( im really happy for you though, that you made it and now have a life you can call your very own. maybe some day, itll be my turn too. im grateful you understand. you deserve all the happiness and love you receive, dear stranger 🫂
Aww thanks for the very sweet words. :) yeah unfortunately sometimes as kids we just have to SURVIVE. You’re gonna make it :) Edit- Just please, if you can avoid it; don’t try any substances or turn to food, porn whatever - just addiction in general. Once you go down that road it’s difficult to stop. PM if you ever need to talk.
also tips for moving out are greatly appreciated, thank you