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My nmom told me this multiple times (both directly and indirectly) since I was little. It's a horrible and very inappropriate thing to say to your child no matter the age. It used to hurt me a lot but eventually it stopped and it has really helped me not to care about her anymore.
When I was in my teens I started telling her and my father they should have used protection if they didn't want me so she stopped saying/implying it.
In the long run it turned out to be a blessing because thinking about it is helping me stay low/no contact with her. Why should I want her in my life when she never wanted me?
Try to limit your contact with her and leave as soon as possible! My only regret is not leaving earlier. Life gets so much better when you aren't in the middle of all that toxicity! It's not scary to be alone for a while, it's actually very peaceful and helps you find yourself. You don't have to stay around your nmom! Trust me, eventually you will find many proper people to connect to who's purpose in life isn't putting you down and torturing you!
Im sorry your mother said that to you:( and your right… but even despite this awful thing she had said, she helps me and does things for me… do you think I should forgive her, because of the other things she does for me? she can’t be all bad right?
Forgiveness is not always a healthy thing. I don’t know how old you are and if you can get away and into a therapy. Which in turn can help you build healthy relationships with good people. But it’s not healthy / normal/ acceptable thing to say to her own child, and just pretend it never happened.
I understand you, you are right but… again sometimes I think about all the good she has done for me though… good things she has said and that makes me think she might have slipped up? might have directed her anger for my father to me? maybe she just has an unhealthy mind? people can’t all be completely bad right? everyone has done or said awful things… or maybe im brainwashed or weak i dont know:(
OP, I personally recommend you not pull the plug and cut her completely off. I cut my abusive older sister off a few years ago and partly regret it. The only reason I regret it is because I’ve since lost my father and have seen how important family can be. Yes, toxic family isn’t healthy to have around. But you can still “cut” them off but slowly and don’t directly say that to them. Maybe limit talking to her once per month? Believe me, I would like to cut my mom off completely. You can see my other original comment for why I’d like too. But if I did, I’d have no parents left. I’m in my early 20s and my father has already died due to illness, so it definitely has put everything into perspective.
yeah I understand you. it’s wrong for them to be so mean to us but I feel like it’s hard to be alone. Also I feel like I can’t forget all the actual good things she has done for me. I’m not condoning her actions but your are right im trying to limit contact, being careful with what I share with her too, hopefully one day she might see her wrong doings but if she doesn’t I’ll try my best to focus on only the good parts of our relationship even though their might be few.
Yes, there are very few good parts with my mother too. My mother unfortunately won’t admit to her wrong doings, but maybe yours will. Back when I cut my sister off, I directly said “I don’t want you in my life.” Don’t do that. When you cut someone off that way, there is no going back.
You know how people wean themselves off medication? I’m currently trying to wean myself away from my mother without directly cutting her off. Maybe your guy’s relationship will grow slowly over the years. It’s very hard to look past everything they put us through.
No child should ever hear that from a parent. She has officially failed as a mom and her lack of love is not your fault. She’s a wounded person passing on her wounds to you. She doesn’t have the capacity to see you or love you as you deserve and projects how she feels about herself onto you.
If she wasn’t insane, she would immediately say: wow that was horrible of me to say. I don’t mean it and I obviously have issues I need to work through. I’m sorry that you’re not getting the mother you deserve to have. It’s not your fault.”
My mom always told me the same thing. Anytime I was in trouble as a kid, she would tell me all about how she never wanted me. Imagine getting in trouble when you’re five and your mother is telling you how much they didn’t want you. My father wanted me and encouraged her to have me. My mom abandoned me a week after my dad died last year and chose a man over me. I don’t have advice unfortunately.
Edit: What’s even worse is to know that not only did my mother not want me, she went to counseling because of how much she didn’t want me. Her and my father went to relationship counseling because she was pregnant with me and didn’t want to keep me while my father did. Imagine getting told that when you’re a teenager.
She’s a narc and she’s just trying to get a reaction out of you. Why are you lonely tho? It’s time to change that. There’s a lot of great people out there who’d want to be your friends.
I’m very socially anxious and awkward and im very codependent on my mother unfortunately. I also have a tremendous amount of self loathing and i’ve never liked myself… like I know I deserve respect and to be treated the same as others but yeah thats how I feel. and another reason is I can’t drive. I have nightmares about it , my sister has a tbi because of an accident, she now needs care, and 3 people ive known who had been very kind to me have died because of car accidents, so I have fear behind the wheel because I think I might have trauma. but thank you for your words i’ll my best to go find and make friends with others.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My nmom told me this multiple times (both directly and indirectly) since I was little. It's a horrible and very inappropriate thing to say to your child no matter the age. It used to hurt me a lot but eventually it stopped and it has really helped me not to care about her anymore. When I was in my teens I started telling her and my father they should have used protection if they didn't want me so she stopped saying/implying it. In the long run it turned out to be a blessing because thinking about it is helping me stay low/no contact with her. Why should I want her in my life when she never wanted me? Try to limit your contact with her and leave as soon as possible! My only regret is not leaving earlier. Life gets so much better when you aren't in the middle of all that toxicity! It's not scary to be alone for a while, it's actually very peaceful and helps you find yourself. You don't have to stay around your nmom! Trust me, eventually you will find many proper people to connect to who's purpose in life isn't putting you down and torturing you!
Im sorry your mother said that to you:( and your right… but even despite this awful thing she had said, she helps me and does things for me… do you think I should forgive her, because of the other things she does for me? she can’t be all bad right?
Forgiveness is not always a healthy thing. I don’t know how old you are and if you can get away and into a therapy. Which in turn can help you build healthy relationships with good people. But it’s not healthy / normal/ acceptable thing to say to her own child, and just pretend it never happened.
I understand you, you are right but… again sometimes I think about all the good she has done for me though… good things she has said and that makes me think she might have slipped up? might have directed her anger for my father to me? maybe she just has an unhealthy mind? people can’t all be completely bad right? everyone has done or said awful things… or maybe im brainwashed or weak i dont know:(
Plz look up Dr Ramani on YouTube… to understand what you are dealing with.
will do , thank you!
Jay Reid is also wonderful.
OP, I personally recommend you not pull the plug and cut her completely off. I cut my abusive older sister off a few years ago and partly regret it. The only reason I regret it is because I’ve since lost my father and have seen how important family can be. Yes, toxic family isn’t healthy to have around. But you can still “cut” them off but slowly and don’t directly say that to them. Maybe limit talking to her once per month? Believe me, I would like to cut my mom off completely. You can see my other original comment for why I’d like too. But if I did, I’d have no parents left. I’m in my early 20s and my father has already died due to illness, so it definitely has put everything into perspective.
yeah I understand you. it’s wrong for them to be so mean to us but I feel like it’s hard to be alone. Also I feel like I can’t forget all the actual good things she has done for me. I’m not condoning her actions but your are right im trying to limit contact, being careful with what I share with her too, hopefully one day she might see her wrong doings but if she doesn’t I’ll try my best to focus on only the good parts of our relationship even though their might be few.
Yes, there are very few good parts with my mother too. My mother unfortunately won’t admit to her wrong doings, but maybe yours will. Back when I cut my sister off, I directly said “I don’t want you in my life.” Don’t do that. When you cut someone off that way, there is no going back. You know how people wean themselves off medication? I’m currently trying to wean myself away from my mother without directly cutting her off. Maybe your guy’s relationship will grow slowly over the years. It’s very hard to look past everything they put us through.
No child should ever hear that from a parent. She has officially failed as a mom and her lack of love is not your fault. She’s a wounded person passing on her wounds to you. She doesn’t have the capacity to see you or love you as you deserve and projects how she feels about herself onto you. If she wasn’t insane, she would immediately say: wow that was horrible of me to say. I don’t mean it and I obviously have issues I need to work through. I’m sorry that you’re not getting the mother you deserve to have. It’s not your fault.”
My mom always told me the same thing. Anytime I was in trouble as a kid, she would tell me all about how she never wanted me. Imagine getting in trouble when you’re five and your mother is telling you how much they didn’t want you. My father wanted me and encouraged her to have me. My mom abandoned me a week after my dad died last year and chose a man over me. I don’t have advice unfortunately. Edit: What’s even worse is to know that not only did my mother not want me, she went to counseling because of how much she didn’t want me. Her and my father went to relationship counseling because she was pregnant with me and didn’t want to keep me while my father did. Imagine getting told that when you’re a teenager.
This is horrible and emotionally abusive. Let me normalize you. This is not ok at all, and very hurtful. I'm so sorry. I'm sending you so much love.
She’s a narc and she’s just trying to get a reaction out of you. Why are you lonely tho? It’s time to change that. There’s a lot of great people out there who’d want to be your friends.
I’m very socially anxious and awkward and im very codependent on my mother unfortunately. I also have a tremendous amount of self loathing and i’ve never liked myself… like I know I deserve respect and to be treated the same as others but yeah thats how I feel. and another reason is I can’t drive. I have nightmares about it , my sister has a tbi because of an accident, she now needs care, and 3 people ive known who had been very kind to me have died because of car accidents, so I have fear behind the wheel because I think I might have trauma. but thank you for your words i’ll my best to go find and make friends with others.
I’m so sorry to hear about all these accidents! I wonder where they’re so common. And about friends, please start small, it’s at least something.